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| Sun December 03, 2017 |
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Residents fleeing Colorado after legalization of weed
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Woman from New York starts petition to get a 1938 Balthus painting removed because it depicts the 'sexualization of a child'. Let us hope she never sees the movie Laura with Dawn Dunlap
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911 Caller: Hello Police, I think my husband is trying to harm himself. Police: We'll be right over to make sure he gets harmed
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Maryland is apparently sicker than we thought
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Why is it college-age men think a woman's prior consent means she will always consent in the future?
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Unlike lemmings who just jump off of cliffs for the hell of it, this base jumper actually jumped off a cliff to save a stricken friend who was a lemming that crashed below
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Dude, have you bogarted too many joints and still want to enlist in the U.S. Army? They are now turning a blind eye to your wasted youthful indiscretions. In other words, they're desperate
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Photoshop this schooner
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Jacksonville residents concerned over lack of streetlights, possible UFOs
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Police find bag of meth in parking lot; post that owner can come claim the lost property, and, in the spirit of Christmas, they'll provide free lodging and meals for a period TBD
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| (Gram's grams) |
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Photoshop this scaly woman
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There's a reason us mere mortals hold redheads to a higher standard, they have genetic superpowers. Here's the ginger science
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Chickens strut their stuff at 45th National Championship Poultry show
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People who eat forty grams of cheese a day are less likely to have a heart attack
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Film a cop falling off his bike while illegally riding an ATV? Yep, that's an arrestin'
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If you do a YouTube dare called the Fire Challenge where you're supposed to set yourself on fire, don't act all surprised when you end up in the hospital
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| (The Student Loan Report) |
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Study shows 34% of students in default with their loans never made a single payment. Going out on a limb here, but maybe 34% of students had no business going to college
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John McCain Terminal
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Awwwwww, break out the tiny violins: a Belgian prince says his human rights are being violated because the government wants to cut his £264,000 allowance. The indignation
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You could spend the day sitting in a boring Christian church. Or you could spend it worshiping in a vibrant sanctuary like the Church of the SubGenius, the Church of Euthanasia, or the Temple of the True Inner Light
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Latest North Korean intercontinental ballistic missile launch did not survive re-entry, bombed space instead of water
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Boy born without arms or legs walks for first time, no longer answers to "Matt" (w/video)
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Men's Fitness presents the year's best whiskey, tequila, liqueur, cognac, and gin. Hey Santa, I've updated my list
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2-year-old boy can only survive on peaches. Man, those superhero origin stories are getting weirder and weirder
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Worst. Zoo. Evar
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this nightmare fuel
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| (Some Guy) |
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CSB Sunday Morning: Holiday parties
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The Super Moon rises tonight. But don't worry if you miss it. You'll have two more chances next month
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Back in my day kids read Tiger Beat magazine, played Simon, and watched TVs that were mounted in wooden boxes
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Pentagon to evaluate the missile defense of the West Coast for places for THAAD. "Christmas at Ground Zero" by Weird Al was supposed to be satire, not a guideline, folks
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Majestic, 20-point buck spared by hunter so others can admire such a magnificent specimen of nature. Just kidding, he shot it
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Today's episode of "Play Stupid Games; Win Stupid Prizes" is a sideshow gone wrong
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A word of advice for anyone who wants to tattoo their eyeball: Don't
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Detectives may be able to obtain DNA sample of Zodiac killer. Strictly coincidence that Ted Cruz' upcoming vacation only includes stops in non-extradition nations
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Men's careers are ending, or in serious jeopardy, because of heightened awareness of sexual misconduct. Brock Turner's attorney decides now would be the perfect time to appeal Turner's ridiculously light sentence because reasons
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Blind squirrel & broken clock rules also apply to car chase suspects with paper license plates & tri-athlete, Hide n' Go Seek skills
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| Sat December 02, 2017 |
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Stage 3: Bargaining
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Pizza delivery driver delivers hot lead to robber during shoot-out in 10 minutes or less
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Oh dear Christ, Israel may be kicking off a war with Iran by bombing a Syrian military base. It's like "End of the World Global Bingo"
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TV station follows up on neighbors' complaints, discovers local prisoner work crew unsupervised, hanging out in parks, smoking stuff, not working
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Artist creates painting depicting white men, woman carrying black kids away from sex trafficking, flanked by abolitionists like Frederick Douglass, modern figures like Glenn Beck. "I would call it the epitome of the white savior complex" You decide
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Florida man, the notorious career criminal who has spent 20 of his 59 years in prison, gets arrested for the second time in as many days
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Photoshop this model and the latest in computer technology. (For 1957 that is)
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Man runs out of woods, tries to abduct 2-year-old boy in front yard while his dad is standing next to him
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Man arranges with mom to have sex with young teen daughters, using religion as justification. Hey, if it works for Roy Moore, sounds like a plan
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Like to do circles in your jet-ski? It takes a bit more skill to do it in a 1000-foot-long freighter. With time-lapse video
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In the end, it may be Twitter that ends the Trump presidency
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In Florida, even the opossums party hard
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We all joke that everything is bigger in Texas, but sometimes Texans take that a bit too literally... as in, does anyone really need a 900-foot tall Ferris Wheel?
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Teen girl is stronger than you, has someplace to be in 26 minutes
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Fed-up commuter decides he doesn't want to be stuck in traffic anymore, thinks up genius idea to paint his own road signs ...except he didn't think his cunning plan all the way through
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Photoshop this festive White House winter hallway
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Don't you just hate when someone drives off with your house?
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New York City Council orders halt to construction of the Ed Jones Tower
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Canada very politely begins experiment with universal basic income
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Man goes completely overboard with Christmas display, feels "religiously persecuted" when the HOA tells him to knock it off so he takes them to court
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Guy spends 30 years preparing for zombies and other end-of-the-world scenarios by building remote cabins and burying doomsday supplies. Recent wildfire uncovered his plotting and his planning
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European Union targets one of the biggest threats to public safety: Street vendors selling kebabs (possible nsfw content on page)
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You know times are tough when burglars have to find creative ways to break in to houses
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Millennials aren't killing breakfast cereal because it's too inconvenient to make. They are killing it because it's too sugary for their peculiarly woke palates and "[we] are a bit too earnest and sensible to really enjoy it"
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Photoshop this Krampus...or ELSE
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Naval aviators receive their punishment for infamous "sky penis," thankful the Navy didn't respond to one dick move with another
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Actual article headline: "Training your kitten is just as important as training your puppy." Oh wait, they're serious? Let me laugh even harder on Caturday
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What's New Yorker for "Hey, ya'll, hold my beer"?
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People are starting to get plastic surgery for arm-vagina, which reminds me of this English cocknee guy
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Yes, it's that time of year: The weather turns cold, the holidays are on us, and a hunter is shot by his dog
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Party of fiscal responsibility votes for $1.4 trillion more in debt
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Epstein trial delayed until March because the judge is seriously grossed out
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As if 2017 wasn't scary enough: eye eating parasites
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Rest easy, America. CBP has kept us safe from the 227 lbs of bologna trying to enter the US
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You're an aspiring rapper out on bond for illegal possession of a handgun, so might as well pose in front of a cop car with an assault rifle
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| Fri December 01, 2017 |
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Man cooks his own breakfast after Waffle House rolls our their new self-service business model
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If you've been putting anti-vaccination propaganda in Babies-R-Us products, the rest of us would really like you to stop
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Cleric in the Episcopal Church urges people to pray that Prince George will be gay
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Florida woman wants book about book-burning burned
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Bears fans run into Aaron Rodgers in Chicago, somehow didn't break his collarbone
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A horse is a horse, of course, of course. That is, of course, unless that horse has a DNA test that reveals that it is not quite a horse. Go right to the source and ask the fossil horse. He'll give you the answer that Darwin endorsed
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Man is arrested after eating lunch at Captain D's. Surprisingly it wasn't for his poor choice of restaurants
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The worst terrorists, I mean the absolute meanest scariest worst, are those Texan 6-year-old Muslims with Down Syndrome
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Photoshop this golfer
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"The delivery company supervisor came out in his personal car and was not prepared for cleanup. He was in shock when he saw the size of 'it.' He ended up scooping it up with a plastic bag, but didn't want to take it with him (it smelled really bad)"
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In a lifetime of boneheaded moves, Trump is about to make his most moronic decision: To declare Jerusalem the capital of Israel. This would be a historic mistake
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Photoshop this Arizona desert
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The Pope finally says the word 'Rohingya'. Now all he has to say is the word 'Farker' and the world will be at peace
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Group looking for perfect Christmas tree in woods finds partially naked kidnap victim. Good luck getting that person to stay in the tree stand all season long now
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Idiots vow to #BoycottSanFrancisco on Twitter while simultaneously breaking said boycott by failing to look up where Twitter HQ is located
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Russia is building an army of inflatable tanks and missile launchers. Inflatable bouncy castles across Europe in danger
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You may very soon be able to hunt frogs with a spear all year round in Michigan. Kermit looking into Kevlar
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T. Boone Pickens is selling his enormous Texas ranch complete with an airport for a mere $250 million. Come on, Farkers, let's all chip in a buy this so we can have a Fark Ranch
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The Feds want Martin Shkreli's $2 million Wu-Tang Clan album
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In this uncertain age, it's good to know that solid citizens will stand up to do drug-fueled battle with the lizard people on President Trump's command
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Soon, you too will be able to buy your own personal radiation shield, for a mere 2,849 Nuka Cola caps
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And this is why you don't go forging swords in your back yard on a windy day
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If you're thinking that Matt Lauer should EABOD, he's one step ahead of you
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4.1 earthquake hits the DelMarVa peninsula, reeking havoc on lawn chairs everywhere
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Drunken parrots spewing foul language at you from a fermented parrot tree during a holiday party? It's more likely than you think
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"'Delivering white supremacy': Pizzeria apologizes for delivery driver's giant Confederate flag"
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| (That's not a family cat) |
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Photoshop the family cat getting into the Christmas presents
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Man visits 157 bars to write guidebook about Detroit's bars. Is clearly not a Farker as the article claims his liver is still intact
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All right, what can I ruin next?
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The White House is infested with vermin. It also has a mice problem
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If you're having trouble thinking of a tasteless yet timely Christmas gift to give your employees, the Kushners are here to help
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Brace yourself, religious fundamentalists: proof of Jesus showing his brother "the forbidden Greek teachings". But I'm sure it was only an experimental phase
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Look, we're gonna have guns and so of course there'll be mass shootings it's the price we gotta pay so the only remaining problem is the whiners. That's why we gotta go after the victims. They're screwing this shiat up
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Attention: Do not name your wi-fi network "Bomb on Board", "Osama da Bomba", or "Discount Shoe Bomber" while traveling on an airplane
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This year's annual "Must-Have Christmas Toy Being Sold for Exorbitant Prices on the Web" article brought to you by...finger puppets? Really?
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The Green Berets are revolting, and the army wants to know why
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If you're going to hit and run, don't run with the victim on your hood
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It took a complaint for Wally World to realize a t-shirt that said "Rope. Tree. Journalist" wasn't all that funny
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Matt Lauer evidently isn't finished showing people his balls; Is said to be asking for $30M in severance
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| Thu November 30, 2017 |
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A homeless man will remain in San Francisco
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The Fort Worth Police Department has come out with a third Star Wars themed recruiting video
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Remember when there was only one breed of subway rat?
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10 amazing reasons why big tech should subsidize real journalism. You won't believe what happens next
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Better sit down for this: NBC might-- Actually, put your head between your knees. NBC-- Better breathe into this bag. Ready? NBC might have quashed its own story about Weinstein because they were afraid it would eventually expose Matt Lauer
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Deputies investigate suspicious death of man in truck near Sweet Home. Officials suspect victim may have taken it off a Sweet Jump
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SoCalGas finds origin of strong smell in West Los Angeles: It was West Los Angeles
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164 Pomeranians found in Vegas truck, and most asking to make collect calls for some reason
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Remember the Navy pilot that drew a penis, that's right a PENIS, in the sky with his jet? Well here's the Christmas ornament we've all been waiting for. Penis. SKY PENIS. CHRISTMAS NAVY SKY PENIS
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Argonne National Laboratory uses particle accelerator to peer inside ancient mummy of little girl, then run for Senate in Alabama
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Photoshop this hard-working tree-chucker
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How to do away with Beijing's never-ending terrible smog problem? Have 15 million people with handheld fans blow it away. BRILLIANT
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Goodwill employee sorts through a donation box, finds ugly sweater, bell bottom jeans, hand grenade, ugly coffee mug..... wait, what?
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North Korea's new missile is scarier than we thought, it might even be able to take out something on land and not just water
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Applebee's betting on $1 Long Island Ice Teas all December long to help shareholders, drunkards forget rough 2017
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Porsche reported stolen in 1991 found at base of steep cliff
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Pro-tip: If you steal a $300,000 Ferrari, don't ask for gas money as that might give you away
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Officers called to a suspicious incident in the 600 block of Steamboat Boulevard. A five gallon bucket was propped against the door and the water ran out
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: The chill is in the air but we're still Farkers. So.. help us stay warm and cozy while holding back none of the booze as you share to the right the best cold-weather drinks
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Charges dropped against mom who put recorder in daughter's backpack to catch bullies
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Two charged with theft of car, ATM. Eww. You never go ATM
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Photoshop this floating boy
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Hey, who's down for a one-year anniversary celebration of the Charlottesville protests? Difficulty: The guy throwing it is the neo-Nazi who organized the first one. Anyone? Anyone? Hey, is this thing on?
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Tony Hovater is upset that he was called the Nazi sympathizer next door. He wants everyone to know that he Tony Hovater is not a Nazi sympathizer next door and would the please stop call him, Tony Hovater the Nazi sympathizer next door
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Man who confronted police with sex toy is told to buzz off
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Londoners before : "We can not let Terrorism change how we do things." Londoners now: "IT'S SNOWING IN LONDON. STOCKPILE TEA CITY IS HYSTERIC PANIC PANIC BUY HUSKIES PANIC BUY SLEDS NUCLEAR WINTER ITS ALL DOOMED DOOMED" (possible nsfw content on page)
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Google reveals the top "why do" searches in every state -- and some of them are pretty special
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Garsh, Jim Nabors has died
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So, uh, who wants to play some naked tag? And to really ramp up the fun, let's do it in the NAZI gas chambers of Stutthof. And film it (possibly NSFW)
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Actual NY Times editorial: "Is North Korea's Nuclear Test a Sign of Hope?"
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Oklahoma town on its fourth police chief of 2017 after the previous three were fired for misconduct, including one who ran a skinhead KKK organization. So the most recent chief decided to take a photo of himself flipping the bird with two teens
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Another reason to tear it down: Robert E. Lee monument in Richmond may have buried treasure inside. Fark: A rare photograph of Lincoln in his coffin
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Very long article and video interview with the man who shut down Trump's twitter account. TL;DR Some user reported the account, he processed the request to deactivate it
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Mayor who also dressed up as the town Santa Claus busted for hiring a prostitute through Craigslist. Ho Ho Ho
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Tennyson: "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." South African philosopher Benatar: "Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming Into Existence." Gotta wonder what happened to make him so jaded. Love is a battlefield
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| (not Mitch McConnell) |
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Photoshop this turtle event
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Nobody knows what or who is causing a loud banging noise in a New Jersey town
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Jim Beam is selling a smart decanter that pours whiskey on command. Shut up and take my money
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Matt Lauer releases statement on his termination from NBC. Here are his complete comments
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Reza Zarrab testified yesterday. About moving money around, bribing Turkish officials, violating US sanctions, how 2 Trump administration officials tried the political route to get him off. Mike Flynn was watching
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Don't you hate it when you leave a dead bird and a flaming box of poop on the wrong porch?
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Who is smarter, dogs or cats? We know because science
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Far right trolls, white supremacists, assholes support Trump sharing a snuff film
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GLORIOUS Red Party Tax plan would lead to grad students being taxed on free tuition as if it was income, giving them an income tax head start of $40,000 or $50,000 a year on a lifetime of unbearable debt even if living in mom's attic, eating garbage
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So that's why he was freaking out today
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"The officer then took out a tube of K-Y Jelly, a personal lubricant, and said: 'You are going to need a lot of this'"
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 656: "Dream a Little Dream". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 29, 2017 |
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The Geraldo doth protest too much, methinks
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"I don't think that in everyday course of business, we poop our pants or go around defecating ourselves." Point taken, counselor
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I'm not saying it was Heisenberg, but it was probably Heisenberg
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Candidate for Landlord of the Year tries to evict 100-year-old woman from rent-controlled apartment
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Bosnian Croat Commander: *taps temple* You can't sentence me for war crimes when I'm already dead *drinks poison*
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"What I am getting is stronger by refusing to blame myself and speaking the truth out loud". Survivor of attack by Moore speaks truth to power
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Photoshop this little sleeper
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Sheep rescued in Eskifjörður after vanishing during bad weather. What they were doing in my Eskifjörður, I'll never tell
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Variety is out with all the dildo-buying, penis-waving details on Matt Lauer
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Like a john trying to skip out without paying the prostitute, Russia eyes the door as soon as Syria starts wanting money
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Restoration team finds note hidden in Jesus' butt
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Photoshop this dramatic reenactment of an Alfred Hitchcock movie
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Reporter tries to eat thrown out food for a week and lives to write about it
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Scientists test 9 "yeti" DNA samples and discover they are actually from bears. Loch Ness monster tests still ongoing
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A friend helps you move. A true friend helps you move a dead body. A friendly coworker helps you by holding the gun you've used in your serial killings without telling the police. Huh, I guess this coworker wasn't friendly
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Matt Lauer was fired so abruptly because the NYT and Variety were preparing to publish stories about his sexual misconduct
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Well, that's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are harassing the women, and all the children are above average
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Meet Mr Fluffy the dinosaur
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Woman arrested for stealing a mounted zebra head. Now takeoff zebra, baby
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Anthony Senerchia, the man behind the ALS "Ice Bucket Challenge," passes away at 46
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Photoshop theme: Surprising tattoos. Difficulty: No politicians
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Check out this horny dog just in time for Woofday, Wetnose, Wednesday
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Note to self: Do not do 'butt selfies' at temples in Thailand
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Cat's life saved after surviving a week with head stuck in mayonnaise jar. Your dog wants mustard
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NBC fires Matt Lauer for sexual misconduct; wearing miniskirts during every Halloween special
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Stores are selling $1,000 upside down Christmas trees. You'll need to burn your tree to heat your house this winter
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"Hey, baby, you up for some plowing?"
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CDC: If you've consumed raw milk in the last 6 months, see your doctor immediately. Brucellosis can kill you. Worse yet, it can leave you with "inflamed, severely painful and swollen testicles"
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The US Federal Reserve is considering starting a digital currency. That's the joke
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Australian electrician sacked for using potato chip bag as Faraday cage to skip work for two years without employer noticing
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Firefighters know they rescued a rodent, they just don't know what kind of rodent it is
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Mueller is investigating Flynn's time as Defense Intelligence Agency director before he was fired. Thanks, Obama
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Yahoo hacker pleads guilty, admits helping Russia target specific Americans. Yeehaw
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Gateway Pundit reporter caught acting like Gateway Pundit reporter at "It's OK to be White" speech. Woman he assaulted caught watching his arrest
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Study finds white men with small members feel stricter gun laws are attacks on their masculinity
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The family of that POTUS who can't bring himself to condemn Nazis hid their German heritage for years
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Navajo Code Talker unfazed by Trump's staging of ceremony in front of Andrew Jackson portrait; "The Marines made us yell 'Geronimo' when we jumped out of planes and that didn't offend me either"
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Silvio Berlusconi is turning into Johnny Cab
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| Tue November 28, 2017 |
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Cops make 1 gram cocaine = 26 kilograms, and then the appellate court makes a fifteen year sentence stick. Texas tag yet?
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LA city attorneys think it would be super to make the slumlord a tenant in his own hellhole. Amusing tag subbing for poetic justice
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Who could POSSIBLY have an issue with a 'gaytivity' scene featuring two Josephs dressed in pink watching over baby Jesus? Oh, right
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Meghan Markle is unsuitable as Prince Harry's wife due to being divorced. If only there were a church the crown could go to to accommodate divorce
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I know Thanksgiving can be stressful, but yelling "take your farking son" while throwing your month old baby at his father and breaking his skull is a bit much
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Cracks in Oroville Dam's brand new spillway are "expected and pose no danger" say Calif State Officials who evacuated 200,000 people last spring
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High school morans decide a cancer awareness rally is the perfect place for a rape joke
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Viagra can be sold over the counter. Fark: In the United Kingdom
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Problem: Taliban insurgents are hiding in the hills and mountain caves where we can't get at them. Solution: Literally bomb the hills and mountains flat with B-52 carpet bombing raids. Talk about changing the geopolitical landscape, eh?
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Dear Leader, please work on your PR skills. Signed, Best Korea
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Cheese, just because you didn't bag a deer you don't need to cry so much
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Bali volcano's eruption could cool the entire planet
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New, revolutionary condom about to hit the market that will explain to you why she won't return your calls
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| (From Politics tab thread) |
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Photoshop this game of catch gone wrong
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Attempted mass shooter suffers a severe case of Acute Failure of the Victim Selection Process
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| (All Things Nuclear) |
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The good news is that nearly every Trump property is now in range of North Korean ICBMs. Perhaps now he will do something about this
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When stealing Teslas, get your stories straight, and don't drive past the cops in your stolen cars
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"There must be something about Indianapolis Waffle Houses'
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Hero mom comes to the aid of a police officer who was trying to control two unruly passengers at the scene of a car crash. Florida: Two unruly toddlers
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| (People can barley hear you in space) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Help Budweiser make their Mars Mission Patch even better
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More Sonic Attacks reported, even though Sega killed the franchise awhile ago
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Another day, another unsafe intercept over the Black Sea. It's almost like a nation of upjumped peasants and fishermen with high technology isn't likely to be responsible with it
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New tests at the site of "Jesus' tomb" in Jerusalem confirm traditional beliefs that it was built in the 4th century by Romans
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In other news, North Korea has fired another ballistic missile as its war on the ocean continues
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Sorry Yanks, but Meghan Markle's going to become a British citizen (but don't worry, we'll give you Piers Morgan in exchange)
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Florida's favorite grocer now offers booze delivery. Florida headline futures skyrocket
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In 1939 St. Louis was as polluted as Delhi or Beijing is today. Then the city cracked down on back alley coal peddlers
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And today's Darwin award goes to this man who accidentally killed himself after taking the pin out of a grenade and then posing to take a photo with it (graphic image warning)
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If you lost your boa constrictor near your Seattle bathroom, the Pacific Northwest Herpetological Society has it
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Man accused of robbing gas station while armed with hand lotion
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Lawyer busted for DUI goes full Gene Simmons in mugshot
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Photoshop this pointy person
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"Do not tell your children that we are going to arrest them if they don't behave. Don't. Do. That. We are not going to arrest them if they are not behaving. We are not going to scare them for you. We just don't do that"
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The Museum of Failure will hopefully open on December 2nd, unless something goes wrong
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Teacher does drugs in front of students in her classroom. "She's in the corner, hiding with a chair and a book and what appears to be cocaine, putting it into lines"
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The weapons amnesty in Guernsey has been going well with the public handing in knives, hand guns, swords, a bat'leth, rifles...wait, what?
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We regret to inform you that your son committed suicide. It was the only thing he could do after he was raped and murdered
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Police pull over the Griswolds' car
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USS Fitzgerald sustains damage from another ship...again
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You've come a lung way, baby
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Conservative group files frivolous lawsuit to disqualify Mueller, alleging "Mueller is not a man of integrity" like Trump is
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Man takes his love of heavy metal to extreme
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Now that California has legalized recreational marijuana, one man is pushing for the state to become the first to decriminalize magic mushrooms
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Kim Jong Nam had two brown eyes contracted, third brown eye wide open
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It appears that ISIS has lost both their senior leadership AND the best minds in their propaganda department
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Honk if you love steak
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Fark-ready headline: Florida man accidentally shoots himself during road rage incident
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People driving while playing 'Pokémon Go' may have caused billions in damages in the U.S, tenfold increase in Darwin award recipients
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Four people have 144 more charges added to their string of break-ins. Gross
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Here's a tip: Avoid 'sex games' that involve blindfolds and pruning shears
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Looks like Marshal Dillon will have to leave his six-shooter back at the condo when he goes clubbing on Miami Beach
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Fark NotNewsletter: Google Redux - One Year Later
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If you're in Lakeland, Florida, that smell of brimstone and ash isn't heralding the arrival of the prince of darkness. This time anyhow
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Grandma got run over by a reindeer / Grandpa swore his vengeance through his tears / When he took that job with Norway's railroad / In retrospect, it was a bad idea
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Photoshop this flying flamethrower
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Premature discharge leads to evacuation of NY mall
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Tonight's Paul's Memory Bank (8PM EST) is 3 shows in one. Part 1 - I played with Shazam at a restaurant and made a playlist. Part 2 - a short tribute to recently passed entertainers. Part 3 - Rock & Roll HoF 2018 nominees in order of fan voting
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If you lost your 10-day-old elephant it's been found and wrapped in blankets
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In today's "Weird or Cool from Japan", Tokyo seems to be catering to Fark Admins lately
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Woman unleashes profanity laced rant at mall Santa. For being fake. Because he doesn't have a sleigh
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Dressed only in a leather thong, he takes me by the hand and leads me to his dungeon. I feel a thrill of excitement mingled with dismay. 'Is this the same old stale Cyber Monday joke?' I wonder to myself
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One dead in surfing accident. Difficulty: Oklahoma
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Beer company shows us how it's done when local complains about being kept awake by the light from a new billboard
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Flat-earther postpones again the launch of Darwin 1
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Hallucination machine can replicate the effects of shrooming, but unplugging it hasn't made the glowing cube stop yodeling for six farking days
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Son, you've got underwear on your head
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Photoshop this cunning catch
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Florida couple's attempt at driving their SUV along the bottom of a canal named Alligator Alley ends predictably
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Being followed by a white guy - okay if you're opening for Eminem. Not okay if you're shopping at the grocery store
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Apparently, BBC cannot say the word sex. Also, Youtube has a problem with their autocomplete algorithm
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News anchor challenges Ethiopian co-host to spicy food challenge on-air, hilarity ensues
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"Hold my beer" said the newest entrant into the Alabama Senate race, apparently unaware of the punchline's actual meaning
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Florida Man arrested after corpse and sword found. With epic forehead tattoo that is either the Air Jordan logo or a weird alien butthole
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Angry people die sooner. Just not soon enough
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Nazi banned from University of Florida but allowed to remain a student, possibly in hopes that he'll become a student of history
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Massage Envy hit with 180 accusations of rape, lawsuit
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Meghan Markle will join an elite club of American women who have become royalty. Others include Rita Hayworth and Grace Kelly
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Sorta news: 10-year-old steals truck and crashes into house. Holy Fark: Tells police "I did it to kill people"
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-11-19 to Sat 2017-11-25
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"Complicit" named word of the year. Wonder why that was picked? Hold up, Bob's knocking on my door
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This year's national Christmas tree, a 79-footer from Montana, is arriving today in Washington and only one foot shorter than Obama's last tree
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Photoshop this computer assembler
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Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announce engagement. Donations to the Human Fund will be accepted in lieu of gifts
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City opens first free homeless vending machine. Limit three homeless per customer
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Great news - a friend's breast lump biopsy came back: it's non-cancerous. Can you help a Farker out by designing a tasteless celebratory card? LGTE
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Robert Mueller was a bumbling prosecutor, mishandled 9/11 as FBI director, completely botched the anthrax investigations and got snookered by the Russians on the Snowden deal, but failing upwards is what government is all about
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The hottest selling item on Black Friday was: A) TVs, B) Laptops, or C) Guns
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Physicists just put a single proton in a box and ogled it
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The Fail Boat soon will be making another run. The Fail Boat promises failure for everyone. Set a course for a-drifting, your mind on a new damned boat
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Girl Scouts say you don't owe anyone a hug
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Cop shops pull out all the stops for missing cop tot. Tot found at home after search of block and tot's cop pop is found cocked. Top cop says investigation won't be blocked
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Scientists warn Chronic Wasting Disease--a horrifying malady that only affects deer as of now--will eventually spread to humans
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Neon sign fails, FTW (possible nsfw content on page)
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