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| Sun November 26, 2017 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Israel on track for its first female tank crews
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It's just another Mueller Monday / Kushner wishes it was Sunday / That's his fun day / His I don't have to run day
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Detroit residents who cannot get ISPs to provide internet service are building their own network infrastructure, house by house, building by building
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Taxi driver, just about caught red-handed, gets off on rape charge because judge doesn't think that passed out drunk passenger ever said no
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Judge postpones sentencing fashion model, who smashed glass into woman's face when denied entry to nightclub's VIP area, because... she's a rich white girl who absolutely must keep her holiday vacation plans (possible nsfw content on page)
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Not news: Drinking alone leads to divorce. Fark: In rodents
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Indonesia about to blow its top as authorities evacuate 10 km around volcano. Pray to Krakatoa
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Photoshop this legendary tough guy in history
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Arkansas county employee sentenced after stealing $366,000 for personal use, including buying a tuxedo for her dog. Apparently when you have $366,000 in your wallet, you can't just keep taking your dog out for casual dining
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Arkansas parents name their baby after their favorite restaurant. Bonus: not Ronald, Jack, Carl, Wendy, Bubba, or even Cracker
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Man claims his uncle saw Amelia Earhart in 1937 running a Japanese 'resort' on the island of Saipan
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Commuters are shocked, SHOCKED that there would be hours long traffic delays around an outlet center on Black Friday
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Arizona grandmother who accidentally invited young man to Thanksgiving via text last year asks him back for seconds this year, and he even remembers the pumpkin pie this time
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This mess of an article is brought to you by the fine writers at the Lowell Sun and a drunk woman who was trying to pick up her niece from cheerleading practice
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Dogs and cats traveling together
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| (Found it on Google) |
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Photoshop this cigar aficionado
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The homeless veteran who gave his last $20 to a woman pumping gas says of the $360,000 he received in GoFundMe donations started by the woman, "I have to return the favor and help others"
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NicolasCageyoudontsay.jpg
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Let's spin the "Wheel 'O Hacking" and see who it lands on today ... (spin, clickclickclick, clickclick, cliiiiick, click) ... and we have a winner: Imgur
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Either these two cashiers are narcoleptics or they're on opioids
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Umm... booze, hookers, and bath towels?
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Airline passengers share terrifying images of in-flight meals they've been served, each one more disgusting than the last. And people wonder why no one likes to fly
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Vodak is your new first-aid kit essential
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Squatting is the new standing
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Earthquakes triggered by Best Korea's latest nuclear test collapse farms, homes, and a school, killing dozens of people and injuring hundreds more. To express his deep concern, Kim orders farmers back to work (possible nsfw content on page)
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Horse stops off for a quick pint before checking into Ottawa hotel
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Disabled man's Black Friday is ruined after Walmart puts their electric carts up for safety reasons. "There was a TV I wanted to get and I wasn't able to get that and some other items"
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If your cock needs a wheelchair there's a lady in Australia that can help
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Either this was the worst ever attempt at insurance fraud or this lady really hated her new SUV
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What happens when Florida Man comes across a presidential motorcade? Just remember that these are the same drivers who cut off funeral processions and lane block ambulances for sport
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Photoshop this trick cyclist
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CSB Sunday Morning: Adventures in shopping
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Homeless man spends a night locked in Walmart. Then things get weird
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"Save $500 on bread this year--click here" (Thread)
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I don't have time to play golf. But watch me make this hole in one
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NASA: Better Call Sau...Chuck McGill
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Trump delivers on his promise to open up new jobs for unemployed coal miners
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Japan has no clue what to do with the million tons of radioactive water it's stuck with
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9,000 bottles of Vodka stolen from a distillery, in other news the next LA fark party halfway to its goal
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Shoulderblade charged in deadly beating. Humerus finds nothing funny about this
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It's raining cats and uh... cows (possible nsfw content on page)
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Widow of CBS engineer who died accidentally during auto-erotic act in PA hotel closet sues network, which denied her life insurance claim due to auto-eroticism exception. CSI team to investigate, and Tony Romo predicted this would happen
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| Sat November 25, 2017 |
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CNN shoots back
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Japanese woman decides to eat 10,000 calories worth of McDonald's which is surprisingly more than just a Big Mac and fries and a large coke
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Hunter mistakes pickup truck for deer and shoots it, days after a woman was shot to death by a hunter who had mistaken her for a deer in the same New York county
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Actresses in Russia say they'll do what they have to do to get work including have sex with the boss. Harvey Weinstein just bought tickets to Moscow
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So it seems hipster racism is a thing now
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Chalk this up to experience
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Michigan judge throws out marijuana butter case. Well, that's just great. Now where are people supposed to store their marijuana butter?
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If you're going to call your dog poop removal service "Call of Doodee," Activision just might have a problem with it
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Photoshop this lunch break
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If you're a pawn shop owner you can look forward to people bringing you in gold fillings, Nazi pocket watches, and horses with both male and female genitalia
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Atheist choir sings songs of meaninglessness to the empty void of nothingness
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They mad? Oh, they mad
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Wondering how long can you keep Thanksgiving leftovers? Follow the chart to avoid sickness
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Why pay for a Swiss trip when you can get paid to move there?
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The numbers are in: What to eat and what to avoid at the mall food court
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Drunks can at least take pleasure knowing there are four addictive substances in the world worse than their precious alcohol. If that's any consolation
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Vegans get their feathers Ruffled
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Student suspended for three days for saying he had a bomb in his backpack. Fark: his father complained that the sentence was too harsh. Ultrafark: the student was five years old
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Photoshop theme: The most pointless thing ever made
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How much does it cost to reimburse a probation officer for $60 pants?
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In a show of solidarity, 20 cat owners in Central Java will donate the blood of their pets to help save the life of another feline who was the victim of animal abuse that cost her a leg. All of these wonderful people are welcome on Caturday
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Who tries to sell a used coffin on Facebook? Honestly
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Note to Richard Branson: When recreating the motorboat scene from Wedding Crashers, it's better to not actually do it in the woman's cleavage, especially when you don't have consent
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Putin to his defense contractors: Time to gear up for war
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No matter how talented you are, you can't have that much ambition in life if you've been a sign spinner for the last six years
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University removes 170,000 books from its library as it prepares to move into the digital age. Don't worry though. They will still charge you the going rate for a luxury SUV for your required text books printed on paper
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"I'm not usually scared," says Louisiana exterminator about his 45-minute battle with NOPE
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The sexual harassment crisis was started by the broken justice system
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In America you bear arms. In Russia you arm bears
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| Fri November 24, 2017 |
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"Fall is the annual middle finger this country gives Native Americans"
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It's Mighty Morphin' Porno Making Teacher show. Today, we learn that if you put a kiddie face in a porno image it becomes kiddie porn. Fark: Done by Teacher of the Year 2015
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Broke and living in a shack, man sees a blanket on "Antiques Roadshow" appraised for half a million dollars. Then the story gets even better
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Cleveland cop arrested twice in one night for drunk driving. Gee, I wonder why they let him go after the first time
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A woman's dogs help her survive until rescue after a bad fall in the Canadian wilderness. Your move, cat owners
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Photoshop this spy
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What are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
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8 point buck vs hunter. See who wins (with video)
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How does the President reply to a charge that he's racist? MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN
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Florida man falls for the old break into a car with deputies hiding inside prank. That joke never gets old
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Caption this parade moment
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Ah, Paris. City of light. Wonderful museums, impressive monuments, roaming apex predators, elegant cuisine... hold, on
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God will no longer have any sex in Sweden, which is a shame given the attractiveness of the average Swede
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World Leader demands all nations welcome migrants. Awkward: Only 30 women have actual citizenship where he lives
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Photoshop this moss gazer
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Drunk, naked and horny is no way to drive through life, son
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NIMaliBuY
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Vineyard sues pot growers claiming cross contamination and Pinot Noir doesn't pair well with Hot Pockets
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Indian politician puts $1.5 million dollar bounty on Bollywood actress' head for having sex in a movie scene, proving not all male conservative misogynists are white or Bible-thumpers
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Reset London's clock. UPDATE: No trace of any suspects, nor any evidence of shots fired or casualties
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The most shocking thing about Black Friday? These people queuing nicely at Tesco
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| (newyorkupstate) |
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And our annual onslaught of deer season illegal hunting farkuppery stories is underway
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Longtime Farker and Photoshopper grampy has shuffled off this mortal coil after a long battle with cancer. In his honor, a Photoshop contest dedicated to cliches (link goes to Grampy's Cliche City). Also, fark cancer
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More than 200 killed in attack on Egyptian mosque
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More young Americans are trading office jobs for farming jobs
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Terminally ill Australian woman being transported to hospice by paramedics says she wishes she could just be at the beach-so they take her there. The beach turns into a very dusty place
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Photoshop this facial fiasco
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That time Russian hackers used their servers in the UK to attack the German government
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8-0-4, 8-0-4, 8-0-4 ... this means something
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Uma Thurman to Weinstein: "You don't deserve a bullet, but you will feel my sword when I am ready"
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Boatload of North Korean sailors washes up in Japan. You saw a tentacle porn that started like this
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What to do when drunk, in a random house alone? Set a fire, tell arriving firefighters your wife and dog are in the house and then steal the fire chief's car. YAHTZEE, with mugshot goodness
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Saudi Arabian Prince calls Iran's president "New Hitler" (possible nsfw content on page)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Had enough Alice's Restaurant? Come hang out on the jazz side of town. TFer hosts two hours of live jazz starting at 10:00 Pacific / 1:00am Eastern. Link to goes to my radio station, or stop by the thread to tell me how little I know about jazz
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| Thu November 23, 2017 |
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Active shooter reported near Hempstead, Texas. Happy Thanksgiving
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Just in time for...well, no, it's a little late, but still close to... Veteran's Day
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Herpes researcher at Southern Illinois University accused of illegally experimenting on U.S. citizens
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Photoshop theme: A new Thanksgiving tradition
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Sure, your Christmas decorations may be cool, but are they "Millennium Falcon on the roof" cool?
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Canada is number one... in terms of household debt. Take that, America
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Belgian waffle factory fire sprouts over Brussels
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Not news: kids play ding dong ditch. News: over 80 times on the same house. Fark: homeowner chases them through the backyard in his Jeep
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Name something you could say during both sex and Thanksgiving dinner
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Are you having the most delicious dish of green bean casserole this Thanksgiving? Thank this New Jersey woman for inventing it
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Photoshop this reason to eventually get in the car
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On the positive side, sound detected from missing Argentine submarine may help it be found. Unfortunately, submarines don't react well to explosions
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| (Patreon) |
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The financial realities of going viral (don't quit your day job)
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Florida: Where iguanas are one of many things that can crawl up out of your toilet
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Having naked drunk driving sex while your infant child is in the back seat is no way to go through life, son
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Science may have finally cured baldness, so good news to those of you who are genetically inferior
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Breaking the news to someone that their partner has been killed in an accident is an issue that should be handled with the utmost care and delicacy. Or leave a voicemail. Whatever
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You can get anything you want (excepting Alice) at Alice's Restaurant. The Thanksgiving noontime tradition continues
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Warnings for LA beaches: Low tides, high temperatures and also watch out for the thousands of stingrays hidden in the sand. CRIKEY
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Pistol-packing granny would have gotten away with the bank robbery if she only put some wheels on her get-away walker
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Want to save the environment? Eat deep-fried food
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Mother attempts to ban story about woman who falls in love with man who kisses her because she never consented. Facepalm: "Sleeping Beauty" (possible nsfw content on page)
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Navy sends group of warships to the Gulf of Mexico. Fark: The Iranian Navy
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Don't care, had cookie dough
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Photoshop this mystic man
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Woman tricked into buying potatoes she thought was an iPhone. Available on Spudify. She found it on Mashable. Check it out on YouTuber. iPhone? More like an EyePhone. I think I'm done
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Punchable white nationalist banned from 26 western European countries. It's a start
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Woman who allegedly sent explosive devices to Pres. Obama and Texas Governor Greg Abbott was arrested after her cat's hair was found on the devices. It's as yet unclear what her or the cat's motive was
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"Manus Island: PNG police move into detention centre and tell refugees to leave." No worries, they'll be done in a GIF
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Homeless veteran pays it forward by giving woman his last $20 after she ran out of gas, she pays it backward by raising $100,000 for him. The cycle of giving just in time for Thanksgiving
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Baltimore cop murdered 1 day before he was to testify against other officers in federal case
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Pegging is NOT gay, so say 7 'straight' guys (not safe for work)
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Now ICE wants to monitor the social media accounts of C) Visa-holders
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Virginia mom faces felony charges of parenting while black
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 655: "Autumn 5". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 22, 2017 |
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Teacher deregistered after screening a TED talk on orgasms. "I didn't see it coming", says one schoolboy
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Eel-Jet hybrid wins Japanese mascot contest, immediate Rule 34 following
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JFK's back brace may have prevented him from ducking 54 years ago today
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Kushner: "Do you think they'll get the president?"
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Drone footage provides eerie look at abandoned NYC hospital, once America's largest tuberculosis sanatorium
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Science experiment at all-girls Catholic school causes multiple students to burst into flames, suspiciously just like witches. Why, yes, alcohol was involved
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Road sign typo is a real traffic stopper - Especially for folks in a sex offender treatment program
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Photoshop this communicative couple
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Alabama police department releases now-viral workout video featuring Nitro the police dog, getting in a few doggy push-ups before he heads out to catch criminals. Unless, you know, they're pedophiles. Those guys are cool in Alabama
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This Thanksgiving....shop early. Travel early. Cook early. Fight early
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PSA: When selling marijuana out of your house, Facebook is not the best place to advertise. A police spokesman gives them "10/10 for entrepreneurial skills - 0/10 for intelligence"
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Arlo Guthrie, 18, of Howard Beach N.Y., pleaded guilty to illegal disposal of refuse. This is a repeat from November 29, 1965
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Please note: while the Supreme Court has ruled that burning the flag of the United States is protected speech, you can't just run around setting other people's flags on fire
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Who is Ajit Pai? Answer: a douchebag
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LeVar Goldberg can't understand why people are attacking LeVar Burton
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Photoshop this pink poser
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♪ Who's the leader of the club / that shoots missiles into the sea? / K - I - M - J - O - N - G - U - N ♪
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School faces controversy over teacher's take on the "Zombie-Based Learning" curriculum, in which students were asked to choose which three people get eaten first
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Boring layover at the airport? Just add Newfoundlanders
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See? This is why you need to save for retirement. So you don't end up getting arrested for running a prostitution ring from your retirement home
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If a humpback dolphin sidles up to you and tries to give you a sponge, don't make eye contact unless you want to find out why they're named that
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Apparently, police officers are not allowed to draw their weapons and wave them around for no reason
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Soldier says "God was over me" after accident. Presumably He was driving the school bus
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How many 6-year-olds could you take in a fight? Well, if you want to find out, the Pennsylvania school system is hiring teachers
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Dude gets KTFO for grabbing another man's ass on the Las Vegas Strip after being asked to stop. Naturally, police are looking for the "attacker," which they define as the guy who got his butt-cheek fondled and knocked the other guy out
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Climate change has resulted in a butter shortage
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If you're flying this Thanksgiving, get to the airport early as the TSA is implementing new screening rules that will take more time as they failed another screening audit
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If you're a parent who's not monitoring all of your child's smart phone activity and controlling all their passwords, your child could die. In fact, your child could be dead already. He might have died just now, in fact, while you were reading this
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Florida women refuse to let a traffic jam make them late for twerk. Bonus: traffic jam caused by Trump's arrival at Mar-a-Lago
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Photoshop this Acrophobia
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Home for the Pawlidays. Atlanta Humane Society finds foster homes for its dogs for Thanksgiving. It's Woofday Wednesday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Desperately seeking ham
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Corporation with big plans for any water found on Mars sending experiment to International Space Station on next resupply mission. Fark: It's Budweiser, and you better believe they have a mission patch
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Ten of the UK's twelve water companies admit to using divination to find leaks
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'Object spotted' on ocean floor in hunt for Argentinian sub. Difficulty: Last day of air
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Feel mellow sipping a glass of wine? Discover untapped talent in singing and dancing when drinking tequila? Feisty after a rum & coke? Here comes the science
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Did no one notice the design before it was constructed?
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Women send explicit photos to female nurse posing as a male doctor. Confused? You won't be after this week's episode
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Well on the bright side, at least the 7th fleet didn't crash a ship this time
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"Initially, the homeowner reported a lighted reindeer, a snowman, and a Santa Claus had been stolen. The resident later found that the reindeer was not missing. It had, however, been placed into a lewd position with another reindeer"
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WeRateDogs is 14/10 for tolerating the family this holiday
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Thanksgiving holiday is the biggest travel time of the year, here are the best times to drive and the airports that you're most likely to get arrested and dragged out of after going totally nuts
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Because children can now legally hunt with firearms in Wisconsin, this kindergartner becomes the first to bag a buck thanks to those new terrifying rules
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Slate has found the cause of all sexual harassment: Men in bathrobes
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Energy company calls deafening explosion and four story fireball that can happen anywhere at anytime, "extremely rare"
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Walmart is Number 1, although I'm sure this is not the title they were shooting for
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Woman targeted for her Fark Trump sticker is now selling them. Follow Up tag is in line behind 65,844,954 Farkers waiting to buy one
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Woman asks for funding for breast reduction. With handy picture of what K-sized melons look like
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Quick quiz: What do arthroscopic surgery to reduce shoulder pain and avoiding glutens have in common?
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In seeking the authorization to search the properties, police wrote that they became suspicious after internet searches that described "massages with happy endings"
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Guy wakes up blind one morning, goes on to work as victim advocate and open a karate school. Wilson Fisk could not be reached for comment
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Shakes the Clown doesn't actually shake things, he's more into squeezing
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FTA: 'Dressed in cargo pants and a yellow T-shirt, the man spent most of the day standing on the northwest corner of the roof, occasionally yelling and pointing his middle finger into the air.'
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God is forming a really weird band this week
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There was a BIG gas explosion north of Detroit Monday night. Here's video of the sizable blast zone
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| Tue November 21, 2017 |
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Newborn baby saves 2-year-old brother by: A) divine intervention; B) CPR; or C) being born
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UCF sorority suspended for forcing new sisters "to 'chug' pitchers of alcohol" at local bar, which seems an impossible feat to survive, much less to find bars serving pitchers of pure grain alcohol
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NASA is getting medieval on space exploration and adding chain mail to the tires of the Mars rovers
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Lawsuit by 450 Vegas shooting victims: This is all MGM's fault because they negligently failed to train their security staff as to what to do if a mass-murdering psycho with a cache of automatic weapons started firing on a crowd from their hotel
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Is that a giant swastika under your gym shorts or are you just happy to see me dig up WWII garbage that doesn't go boom?
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In these dark times, we all need something like the USC marching band performing songs from Guardians of the Galaxy, transforming into a cassette tape, spaceship and baby Groot
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Family gatherings this holiday season will make for uncomfortable conversation for one family. "So, tell us again how you rolled your truck while drunk, then left your toddler at the scene"
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In today's 'No shiat Sherlock' department: Don't eat spoiled turkeys from the trash
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Man sells car to Craigslist contact for $6,200 in cash. Since you're reading this here, you can already guess that all those Franklins were actually Franglins
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Georgia dome implosion gets bus-blocked. This headline gets Urban Dictionaried
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Florida Man, fed up with dangerous drivers at one particular intersection, joins the crowd, deliberately drives head-on into SUV running stop sign. There. That'll teach 'em all
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Man who doesn't drink receives 3rd OWI
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Man running from the cops stops to pet cats and gets arrested. To be fair, this would probably snare at least 70% of Farkers, too
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Amid all the sexual harassment in the entertainment industry, it's nice that we have Pixar as an example of...really? Crap
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Photoshop theme - A stunt that Evel Knievel never would've attempted
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The NYPD will SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING for the Thanksgiving Day Parade
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In the interest of science, groups of people were assigned to take cold showers. As a result, they missed less work, had more shrinkage
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Remember the Navy pilot that drew a penis, that's right a PENIS, in the sky with his jet? Well here's the video footage we've all been waiting for. Penis. SKY PENIS
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Uber has had a security data breach that has affected 57 million people. Rather than let you know about it, Uber paid the hackers $100,000 not to use the data
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If you're an Evangelical Christian whose wall proudly displays that fragment of the Dead Sea Scrolls that you bought, you just may have been duped (again)
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Reading Rainbow's LeVar Burton bombarded with tweets from angry Trump fans who think he's LaVar Ball. If only they had some sort of devices to improve their vision
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The New York Times discovers that free drinking water may be obtained in public places from a device known as a "water fountain." No, really
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A group of Iraqi hackers decided they could fight ISIS better than the government by inserting pornography into ISIS propaganda
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Scooby the camel gets loose but recaptured in Ohio. It said it was trying to run away from the ghosts it saw along with its stoner friend
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Man found dead in NYC homeless shelter with mystery demonic marking on back of head
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| (It's a 2 part joke) |
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Photoshop this bat wing
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Bikini baristas fight back against crack down. Isn't that what the bikini is for?
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Today's school bus driver accused of driving drunk on the job is brought to you by Indiana
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RIP to Farkette Morrisbird. Your humor and generosity will be missed
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Fiona watches hopefully through the glass, wishing that she, too, will meet the love of her life while at the Cincinnati Zoo's Hippo Exhibit
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Pennsylvania man accused of beating his roommate to death over stolen beer told investigators he confronted his 58-year-old roommate about the Keystone Ice and fought with him, then left him lying on the floor and went to bed
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With Thanksgiving coming up, here are some helpful safety tips for those wanting to deep-fry a turkey. In other news, Fark braces for rash of 'Dumbass,' 'Fail,' and 'Florida' submissions
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OMG bbwwhahahahah On no, poor....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Poor Yogi. That's HAHAHAHA That's a real Boo Boo, right there. *tears*. Tough guy tries to walk it off like a CHAMP. (Oh and you HAVE to read the comments)
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After an arduous battle with cancer, Farker too-old has passed away. RIP, old friend
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'Monkey Bread' top-searched term by Iowans, thankfully not on PornHub
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Caption these model scientists
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Australian woman drives in car with massive spider "staring" at her for over 20 minutes (w/video)
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City bus photobombs Georgia Dome implosion
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And here's how you can help stop the gutting of Net Neutrality
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Seeing a shortage of Christmas trees this year? Blame the small plantings after the 2008 recession, and the shortage of trucks created by hurricane relief work
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Sometimes the Pot runs a world famous news site and writes articles about the Kettle. This guy's quote could be the alternate headline for every other news article they run
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FCC Chair tells agency to abandon net neutrality. This is a News Flash, but in the future, you won't know about it unless you paid the premium, biatch
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Zimbabwe's president Robert Mugabe resigns, hopefully setting precedent for U.S.
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If there's anything our local fire department doesn't need it is the negative image of its members all shirtless and flexing while holding rescue animals. Good thing the chief is putting a stop to that
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The Prescott Valley AZ police department is asking for your help in locating a Glock 19 9mm handgun, serial number YHC 944. It's not evidence in a crime or anything like that; it's just that the chief of police left it in a public bathroom
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British embassy cat in Jordan appointed chief mouser. How the cat got inside of him we may never know
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Whitefish stops 'working' on Puerto Rico power grid, claims it's owed $83 million
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Woman who lost her legs after someone spiked her drink and left her on train tracks has a pretty good comedy act on Tinder
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Australians join together in unison to scream at US journalist Darren Rovell eating a meat pie with cutlery, because if there's one thing that brings people together it's someone enjoying food the wrong way
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Twitter: "What bots?"
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Woman goes to the mall wearing nothing but body paint, pasties and a thong and you're gone. If anyone is still here, I would like to recite a poem I wrote. It's called "Ode to a Green Lump of Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning"
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Photoshop Theme: Classic (or modern) film posters using Lord of the Rings characters
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Turkeys causing a ruckus in San Francisco. So it begins
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Trump administration can't even beat one judge. Order cutting funding to sanctuary cities permanently blocked
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This party is LIT
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The wealthy people of Houston whose homes filled with water when the federal govt. acted to avoid a dam failure are not particularly supportive of the whole "flooding the few to save the many" strategy
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Finally, some good news. Trump's charitable foundation, which has admitted violating federal rules on "self-dealing," is in the process of shutting down
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Trump supporter tells Maxine Waters not to infringe on his freedom from opinions she doesn't like. "You're going to wind up dead, Maxine, 'cause we'll kill you." Police then infringe on his freedom from arrest. See? See?
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Roy Moore accuser Leigh Corfman explains why she waited so long to tell her story. "It's very simple, really - I did tell people"
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Hatin' Porta Potty Prince orders Haitians to Port-au-Prince
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Bank of America is at it again
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What I learned when I tried to make a gluten-free, kosher, no-soy, vegan, organic, low-acid, no-dairy Thanksgiving - I'm a raging tool suspiciously absent
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Canadian who treated son's meningitis in the most Canadian manner is not very Canadian about it
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Upscale restaurant selling cannabis-infused meals coming to Chicago. This is an improvement over the meals usually ingested by cannabis-infused diners, like a 2 AM run to White Castle
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How to cook Thanksgiving dinner in a microwave. Step one: abandon all pretense of shame or dignity
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There are plenty of gorgeous islands in the Caribbean. Like Tortola, St. James, Guadeloupe, Virgin Gorda, that garbage island over there, Sint MaaWAIT WHAT?
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Drinking is bad for your brain according to Drs. N.S. Sherlock and Carrie Nation of the Romeo Oncology Institute
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In case you are ever pulled over for speeding in Delhi, here are some great excuses
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On the next Tales from the Crypt: Did YOU Bury Your Hamster Alive
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Not News: Officers realize the best way to stop drunk drivers is to approach them in the parking lot. Fark: And give them taxi vouchers
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Couple complains to Waffle House corporate after finding dead frog floating in their water glass instead of in their omelet
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Fark NotNewsletter: Shall we play a game?
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Mike Love won't say what exactly Manson did to his cousin Dennis Wilson; "Let's put it this way: I didn't send flowers" In other news, even The Manson Family threw off the Beach Boys for The Beatles
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Photoshop theme: The difficulties of living in an 8-bit world
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Bacon? Really?: 10 Thanksgiving foods you didn't know were kosher
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There are three (or fewer) Iron Lung users left in America. Four if you count Mr Frump
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It's Thanksgiving week, so Paul's Memory Bank (8PM ET) will have songs dealing with food (or food type substances) and eating. The show closes out with a Thanksgiving staple
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Apparently the "Charlie Rose Show" involved Charlie showing you his penis
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Surely there's some surviving relative of Manson, or else in 10 days he'll wind up as garbage
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Most air travelers say taking off your shoes is okay, although an etiquette expert calls those people goddamn savages
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Meth manufactured in Mexico has gone from 39% purity ten years ago to almost 100% today. Thanks, Jesse
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Wait. The *Moon Hoax* is still a thing?
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Home mechanic be like... I think it is fixed... hold my beer while I go for a test drive
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19-year-old found guilty in triple hair weave murder. You'd think a gun would have been easier
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Judge Jeanine Pirro: "I didn't know how fast I was going." Cop: "You were going 119 m.p.h"
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A headless body was found severely beaten, and the police have chosen to investigate it as a possible homicide. [nicolascage.youdontsay.jpg]
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Della Reese can actually do it now
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The Softer Side Of Charles Manson. In other news, the L.A. Times is now a clickbait mill
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Old and busted: Driving while using your phone. New hotness: Getting busted while driving with your phone and tablet tied to the steering wheel with string
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Photoshop Theme: If the Burning Man festival were held in Farkistan
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Small plane crashes into front yard of house for sale in Subby's hometown neighborhood. Buy now because what are the odds of another plane crashing there again? (w/video goodness)
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Explosions and fire at cosmetics factory in suburban NYC. Multiple Injuries reported. Can't make-up this stuff
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Grinch harshes town's mellow and mows down "Cone Weed"
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Life inside North Korea, told by the people who got the hell out as soon as they could
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One chucklehead always screws it up for everyone else
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Some 2000 years ago, Jesus turned water into wine. This guy in Tasmania is turning sheep whey into vodka
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If you've ever wanted to have a custom swimsuit with your pet's face on it, then today you can yell "JACKPOT"
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North Korea bans fun. In other news, it was possible to have fun in North Korea
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Ow My Balls: Mexican Edition 2017
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Self-driving transport trucks are only about 12 years away from mass deployment on public roads. Sorry, make that 12 months
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-11-12 to Sat 2017-11-18
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Skynet will not be sending Schwarzenegger-sized machines to kill you. In reality, Slaughterbots are much smaller
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"Common sense would usually dictate if you have 1,000 bikes in a tunnel, some of them could be stolen," said the officer clearing out the homeless' underground fortress
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This guy gave an inch and then someone finished his aphorism
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No, sex traffickers are not putting little white stickers on your car. Also, it's time to change your oil
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Photoshop this cyclist
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Hello, too fat dog here. Yeah, the humans tried to pin an attack on a cyclist on me, but because I am too fat to run, they cleared my fat name
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Mueller requests documents about Comey firing and talks with White House from Justice Department, which is overseeing Mueller's investigation. Which comes first, the indictment or the firing?
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You might not know this but those delicious green beans you serve every Thanksgiving might not be a vegetable after all, but a fruit at least according to a botanist
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You're DUIng it wrong
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New York Post Editorial Board doesn't understand the 4th Amendment
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Umm
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I don't think it's possible for there to be a more Florida murder than this. Nor a more Florida way of getting caught
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Of all the joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she stepped onto mine
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102-year-old Holocaust survivor meets his nephew that he didn't even know existed for first time. Why did they have to meet in such a dusty place
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The BBC catches the Independent faking footage.... FROM SPACE. I mean, the footage was from space, not that the BBC was in space spying on the Independent's coverage
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Charles Manson released from life sentence on a technicality
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