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| Sun September 03, 2017 |
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A man. A plan. A ferret. California
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Burning man dies at Burning Man
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A look at how hate sites can affect you in real life
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Trash thief to be sent to northern Ontario for rehabilitation. Complete with daaaww video
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Trump and Melania go to church. Where did she get that DRESS? It's awful. And those shoes and that coat-- JEEEZ
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70-year-old man said "fark that" to normal retirement life, has just completed paddling across the Atlantic in a kayak - for the 3rd time
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Photoshop this bar
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Cheeseheads send Harvey victims 17,000 lbs. of love
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An obituary for Sumiteru Taniguchi. He spent his whole life showing others what happens when a highly reactive Fat Man is allowed to destroy lives. (Warning: graphic picture in article.)
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Being married alters your brain and personality forever, just ask Subby's wife about how Subby went from independent radic....coming honey, sorry, I'll do it right away...gtg folks
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Ohio authorities put convicted drug dealer's collectable sneaker collection up for sale. I understand gold, expensive cars, boats- but shoes?
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What do you expect from an agency created on April Fool's Day by history's greatest monster?
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While you search for that elusive Cheeto in the couch cushions, this 11-year-old is flipping a house to earn college money. Try looking under that pillow to your right
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Come for the tawdry tale of murder, cross-border kidnapping and stock fraud. Stay for the clown video
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Photoshop this built-in wall bed
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U.S. anti-vaxxer denied entry to Australia. Subby claims triple bonus points for using the name "Heckenlively" in a headline
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Why is this taking so long? Awww, look at the cute doggy... Why is this taking so frickin' long?
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Those new CIA files on the JFK assassination? They're missing something. Specifically, anything on Lee Harvey Oswald
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Resumes from military and intelligence members with top secret government clearance intended for defense contractor TigerSwan were just left sitting around in an unsecured, hackable database
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After Harvey, how can anyone deny climate change?
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Minneapolis bar closed Friday after its staff walked off the job, performers canceled their engagements, and customers threatened to boycott Club Jäger because its owner donated to David Duke's failed senate campaign
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Woman claims that eating helped her beat anorexia
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L.A. brushfire giving La Tuna a real grilling. Pass the mayo
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Photoshop what's coming this fall on TV
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| (Some Guy) |
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CSB Sunday Morning: Summer's end
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Now is the winter of Britain's healthcare discontent
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Bus driver in a rural California school district up in the mountains figures they're high enough to get away with hanging a black baby doll with a noose: "I said, 'That's wrong in so many ways.' And she just laughed"
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While we await our next national disaster (hopefully another huge hurricane we're not ready for and not thermonuclear war), Let's do the Weekly Weird News Quiz, August 20-26 Edition
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Will we be greeted as liberators?
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Rich guy found impaled on iron fence had offered his wife $30 million to stop investigating him because if she didn't he was a dead man. Probably had nothing to do with his Russian mob connections
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No, Mom, we did not barricade ourselves naked inside the church because we were 'fearless'. It was spice, I mean spicy food. Thats it. Now bail us out
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NYT thinks North Korea just set off a nuke
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Coitus interruptus sit in incremento
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Want to really help disaster victims? Avoid the Red Cross like the plague
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Neighborhood overrun with chupacabras
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Massachusetts economy is so bad, library patrons are paying overdue fines with Chuck E. Cheese tokens
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| Sat September 02, 2017 |
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The average American has had 7.2 sexual partners, Farkers ask how that's possible when Rosie only has 5 sisters
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Federal government sets up "immigration" roadblock along exit route from cannabis festival with drug dogs to sniff out people who overstayed their visas
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'Never seen numbers this large': Houston floodwater is filled with heavy metals and harmful bacteria
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Kim Jong-un claims Best Korea's new hydrogen bomb can be dialed up to 11
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Fire ALL the cops
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Husband who swung his golf clubs too much no longer able to swing his penis after lonely wife slashes it off and flushes it down the loo (Some Not safe for work content in sidebar)
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Hundreds of love letters between 2 gay WWII soldiers found, being made into a book. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if all our letters could be published in the future in a more enlightened time. Then all the world could see how in love we are"
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Moo, moo, mooooo - why will no one listen? MOOOO
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While Roland Emmerich is filming in Texas, Michael Bay is filming in Oregon
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While you were busy watching every boat and monster truck owning bubba within 500 miles of Houston rescue puppies, a much larger flooding tragedy is happening in India. 41,000,000 people are swimming in shiat stew, and over 1000 have already died
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Oh HELL no
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Feeling lazy after smoking all those bongs of marijuana? So does your sperm
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IPAs are giving you man boobs
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Alex, I will take "Answers to a Question Headline Other Than No" for a $1000. Two doors instead of four. Red paint. Funkster youngster. Weener possession
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Obligatory "flood damage" picture article with houses underwater; delivery trucks flooded; a guy barbecuing; three idiots- wait, go back one
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Weaponizing Ridicule: Venezuelan women stripped off their pants and threw them at riot police, taunting the already demoralized young men to "man up" and put them on
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So, how many of these 'diseases' do you have?
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Hurricane Irma is headed right for you
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Photoshop theme: Ways to improve the DMV office
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The cop who illegally arrested the RN is also a paramedic for Gold Cross EMS in SLC. How stupid of a paramedic do you have to be to not know that an ER patient admitted for burns would have blood in the lab you could get with a judge's order?
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| (Some Guy) |
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No, no, it's okay that I put up swastikas all over town, because I'm against Trump. Swastikas are okay if they're just telling you how bad Trump is, like how he killed those 6 million Jews and all
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Man investigating MH370 wreckage is gunned down in Madagascar
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Police officer who arrested nurse for the crime of reading the hospital's blood draw policy may face charges. In other news pigs seen flying nearby, a snowball is seen in hell, and the Cubs win the World Series. Oh wait
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62-year-old recalls swimming in something called the "Highlands Acid Pit" back when he was a kid: "My daddy talks about having bird dogs down there and to run and the acid would eat the pads off their feet. We didn't know any better"
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Moose. Moose. MOOSE
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| (PPrune) |
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Let's see: to celebrate the 70th anniversary of this remarkable Russian aircraft you would (a) hold an airshow (b) fatally crash the aircraft (c) both the above
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Deep State attempts cover up of Trump's rescue effort
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Photoshop this little train that can
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U.S. judge rules Colorado sex offender registry unconstitutional because the public uses registries to enact additional punishment after the offenders' sentences end
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Same old: Cops seize dope dealer's car through asset forfeiture. New Twist: Cops seize car owned by dope dealer's dad through asset forfeiture
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County secretary admits stealing exotic dancer fees because husband spends too much at Home Depot
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Sending your rival explicit photos of yourself dressed as a mouse is no way to go through life councillor
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CNN: "It takes guts to be a woman in 2017." Apparently CNN is under the impression that most women are women by choice
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Massive wooden penis found in park believed to be the work of enthusiasts. Alrighty then
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News: another unexploded bomb from WWII found in Germany. Fark: 1.4 tonnes of explosive. Great reporting: "The HC 4000 bomb is assumed to have been dropped by Britain's Royal Air Force during the 1939-45 war." Bonus - photo of squirrel near bombsite
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An armed society may not be so polite
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Philosophical questions for the modern age: Could you still be busted for drunk-driving even if you were "driving" a driverless car? Maybe. What about if you were standing on the roof? Definitely
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Photoshop this curious otter
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White nationalists are only temporarily banned from the University of Florida
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Here's how you can help the animals in need affected by Hurricane Harvey. This PSA brought to you by Caturday
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In Cuba, 16 American and 5 Canadian diplomats have now suffered traumatic brain injuries and central nervous system damage due to ultrasound attacks by an unknown party. Cuba says it didn't do it. Russia says it's "absurd" to blame them
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Traveler arrested at JFK Airport after trying to get through Customs with: (A) 15 kilos of coke, (B) a .40 caliber pistol and 3 fully loaded magazines, or (C) a roundhouse kick
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If we as a nation can survive Hurricane Harvey, then we as a nation can.... oh crap, the Yellowstone supervolcano is getting restless again
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6 red flags you drink too much caffeine. lol
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Nope, Nope, NOPE
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| Fri September 01, 2017 |
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Trust the Chinese and their construction knowhow, riding on their planned 4,000 km/h 'flying train' will not be dangerous at all. *rolls eyes*
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When choosing someone to perform elective surgery, it's generally not a good idea to pick a tourist who has only been in your country for four days
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You want fries with that overdose?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Adidas has developed beer and puke resistant shoes perfect for Oktoberfest and most Farkers
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Obama's Presidential Library construction is requiring that at least 35% of the contracts to go minority-owned, local businesses. Of course, according to the fine people at the Federalist, this is blatant discrimination against white people
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Level three evacuation orders issues for Jolly Mountain fire. Apparently, the mountain's not so jolly when it's burning
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Teacher arrested for sending nude photos of herself to students. Who would be dumb enough to turn her in?
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Homeopath buys magical "healing bracelet" to help her child with teething. Ends up giving her lead poisoning 8X higher than the level the CDC recommends needs medical intervention
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Fark-ready headline: First Amendment Protects Cinema's Right to Show Unicorn Masturbation Scene While Serving Alcohol, Says Judge
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| (wildernessireland) |
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Photoshop this colossal cliff on the County Clare coast
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Tampa Bay residents should feel reassured that should a category 4 or 5 hurricane strike, they're pretty much just expected to become chum
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Did the Russians elect a new pope?
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Thanks for your patience. Here's your obligatory Friday evening explosive news thread
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Great Lakes fish dosed with antidepressants may stop caring about predators, but at least they're happy food
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Tyler Perry donates $250K to Joel Osteen. In other news, Joel Osteen orders five new suits
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Photoshop someone who is bad at their job
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Think your heavily regulated city would have fared better than footloose and fancy free Houston? Let's superimpose the rain data and see
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Refuse to take blood from an unconscious patient without a warrant? You better believe that's a out-of-control arrestin'. Bonus: the victim RN was an Olympian
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If convicted the accused will be given a lifetime ban on the possession of airsoft guns
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Krispy Kreme announces a one-day only sale of pumpkin spice flavored frosting
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Hostilities between the U.S. and North Korea reach an all-time high after North Korea challenges the U.S. to a dance off
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The most dangerous sex positions. EVERYBODY ahh ooh PANIC
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The police officer who reassured the scared, white, female motorist that "we only shoot black people" has retired
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As you most surely know, Queen Elizabeth owns many of the swans in England. So what do you do if you're 5 years old and want one to keep in the tub? You write to the queen, of course
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Running naked through a hotel and threatening staff with scissors is no way to live your retirement, Grandma and Grandpa
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But it was the note the suspect allegedly handed to the teller - reading "This is a robbery, give me 5,000 nobody gets shot." - "The opposite side of the note appeared to be a payroll stub," the warrant says
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Oklahoma representative claims massive cuts to education spending are "fake news," only needed three tries to spell it correctly
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Teen charged after viral video shows her using an aerosol can and lighter to shoot flames at her dog. Your dog wants Nomex
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If you've ever wondered what cows think of swans, here's your answer
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Photoshop this man with too much time on his hands
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Kenya's Supreme Court declares election null and void...Wait a minute, ours or theirs?
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'Dear Penthouse, I used to think a threesome with your wife and the babysitter only took place in the movies. Until it happened to me'
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Harvey snuffs the world's ability to addictively huff ethylene gas
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You remember the white guy who opened fire on a crowd at Charlottesville and was arrested several days later? Yeah, turns out he's Imperial Wizard of the Confederate White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. This is my shocked face
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Man plays piano in his waist-deep flooded home. Get ready for the waterworks
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We're nowhere near prepared for the ecological disaster that Harvey is becoming
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Cat that survived Brooklyn blaze that killed its owner finds new home, new delicious owners
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Of course, stealing a $250,000 stamp collection has no better justification than the owner's a "mean" woman
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A nurse following a policy the hospital lawyers and police department agreed to regarding blood draws? You better bet that's an arrest. Hero tag is for the nurse
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| Thu August 31, 2017 |
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Some see a man selflessly giving shelter to those in need. Subby sees a man who knows how much money is going to be spent on new furniture in Houston in the coming months
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"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds". Wait, what KIND of snow? And why is this kid asking me for $2?
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Sure, we coulda BOOM set those backup generators higher but the BOOM cost was high and the risk was low BOOM
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You can jump into the ocean to outrun the cops, but the sharks will find you. And so will the cops
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Woman accused of shoplifting jumps in her car and flees the scene. Unfortunately for her, she leaves something important behind
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So I called Chick-Fil-A and ordered two grilled chicken burritos, extra egg and a boat
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Yo, Harvey, I'm really happy for you, and Irma let you finish
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Wolverine aids in testing contaminated Belmont tap water. Well, yeah, that guy recovers from anything
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Photoshop this male mail box
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And in other news, looks like China and India have decided not to go to war after all. So they've got that going for them, which is nice
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Stealth bombers fly mock bombing drill over Korean peninsula
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Romeo and Juliet recited in the original accent of Shakespeare's time period
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Man sits bare-assed on beehive to win $1000 bet, but as this is the Daily Mail, I now doubt bees and asses exist (Not safe for work)
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For no reason whatsoever, Sheriff Clarke just resigned
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Stupid: Deciding to rob a bar. Full Retard: Robbing a bar full of police officers who are celebrating a coworker's retirement. The Baltimore Sun is there
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Main road leading to Burning Man Festival closed because it's burning
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: The Chili Battle Royale resumes with the new king rising to the top in the link to the left. Share your admiration, and second-rate chili recipes, to the right
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Sunroof Dog rescued during floods. Don't give up, Sunroof Dog
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Just poked a fire ant raft and now you have a lot of burning questions? This article's for you
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Photoshop this table
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Curt Schilling wants to collect supplies and cash to distribute to Hurricane Harvey victims only to find that no one trusts him
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Have you seen these photos of a shark swimming through Joel Osteen's megachurch?
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Welcome to the only state in the union where sodomy pays big bucks
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"Pop quiz, hotshot. You're trapped in a bakery for days because of massive flooding. What do you? What do you do?"
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Before Myanmar's army - can their heads cleave - 27,000 Rohingya choose - Burma leave
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We guarantee you will never think of grapefruits the same way again
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Confused if your currency is fake or not? The foreign writing printed on it might be a dead giveaway, Einstein
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Where else would you hide your drugs but inside a half-ton of wax dildos?
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Teacher on leave for duct-taping student to chair, not agreeing on safe word ahead of time
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Don't have a Wells Fargo account? Are you sure?
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Drunk speeds away from cops, crashes car, then tries to run away. He succeeds. By jumping off a 25-foot interstate overpass
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Photoshop other reasons to stay on the trail
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The Missouri Legislature almost went two whole weeks without someone embarrassing themselves
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Belarus at "war" with imaginary country of Veyshnoria, which offers "stew, honey, bread and lard" to Belarusian deserters
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Come for the chemical plant explosion, stay for the 5th grade writing
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Now all the people of Houston have to worry about is mold, raw sewage, mosquitos, leaking fuel, deadly bacteria, and venomous reptiles
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| (Some guy) |
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Another rare example of the answer to a questioning headline being "yes". Unsurprisingly, it's whether or not another, older airframe is more useful than the F-35
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You may wanna sit down for this, but Joel Osteen did NOT cruise his yacht through the streets of Houston while handing out his latest book. Seriously, as if he's going to hand out something he normally gets $50 a pop for? Some people believe anything
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This is your Captain speaking: Disregard the three tornadoes on your left as we descend, everything will be fine upon landing before you take your trip to the land of Oz
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Oregon Court of Appeals rules that debarking surgery can be mandated for dogs. This should be more civil than circumcision threads, right?
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Legit daycare is too expensive, let's just drop the kids off at this overcrowded and unlicensed place, what could go wrong?
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Nazis are making their own dark web
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Straight people officially banned from Hell
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Woman who drowned while kayaking the Missouri River had a BAC of .399. Why, yes, her name was Brandy
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| (Some Guy) |
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You're a decorated Marine veteran and a US citizen? You better believe that's a deporting
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 643: "Green 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 30, 2017 |
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Astronomers pick up radio signal from deep space. Probably just another beer commercial
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Florida man runs out shirtless, threatens parents in school pick-up line in front of his house with rifle, yelling for them to "get off my road"
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Apparently, some people find plastic surgeons via Instagram
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Woman (70 years old) fined for falling asleep at the wheel and clipping a guardrail. Her goats were fine, by the way
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Our long national nightmare is over
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You won't get too far when you rob and kidnap an undercover officer during a drug sting
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Tony Perkins, from the Family Research Council, has yet to declare the reason God sent the hurricane. Probably because God used it to flood Tony's home
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"Crying Nazi" cries MOAR
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Good news everyone, the Republicans just figured out how to pay for the wall
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Photoshop a Farker's sleeping arrangements
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Thieves dig into cellar from Paris catacombs to steal €250,000 of wine. French stereotypes trifecta in play
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Farking magnets, how do they work? It's a little complicated, but here's a tip (just the tip) - don't do what this guy did
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San Diego Transit removes bus stop that was nominated for the 'worst bus stops in the nation' award
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Not news: Siblings born a year apart | News: Same day | Fark: Same length and weight (with awwww side-by-side photo)
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News: Massachusetts workers fed up with 17th-century working conditions. Fark: Actual 17th-century working conditions
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Downing 28 Klonopins before driving a kid to school? Typical Monday in the Sunshine State (with mugshot)
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Former NBA star and noted futurist Dennis Rodman claims North Korea is starting to become a '24th century country'
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Photoshop this water
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Dale Earnhardt Jr not happy with his Uber rating so company gives him a few tips on how to improve it. Hilarity ensues
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"Hold my beer"
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Hazzard County is the only place that needs an air traffic controller for cars
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Woman found dead with rosary beads stuffed in her mouth. Police "investigating". Meanwhile, "Earlier in the day, the woman's boyfriend was in the street naked and ranting about the devil"
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Police stop a deer on a toll bridge for 'toll evasion'
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How do you make a memorable character? How do you make a cast of unique characters? Do your characters struggle for identity or spring fully-formed from your mind? This is your Fark Writer's thread, Zeus and Athena edition
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Catholic church fined for violating Utah liquor law
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Two injured in 'alternative' bull run
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Do you want to greet a loved one at the airport gate, like pre-9/11 days? Bad enough to pick them up in Pittsburgh?
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Best Buy apologizes for selling $42 packs of bottled water in Houston during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, promises to make it up to customers by offering them a mail-in rebate coupon for 50% off of the one-year extended warranty
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Indianapolis mayor dances like nobody's watching, cringing, laughing
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Marijuana use causes joint issues
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So what is this mysterious object crews are trying to remove from the beach?
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| (Some Russian Guy) |
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In a press release that totally isn't propaganda, Russia claims that MiG 41 fighter will be able to fly into outer space at Mach 4
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Photoshop these masked ladies
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A man in a green thong says police were wrong when they took his bong. Why can't we all get along?
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Baking company must pay a woman $70,000 because she was fired with a bun in the oven
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Female entrepreneurs use Remington Steele strategy to counter tech-dork misogyny
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Woman, 26, blows grandmother's £22,000 savings on a hot tub, a drone, an iPad, and a sex toy. The rest she wasted
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Surgeons in France reattach woman's arms after train accident. Procedure took four hours, with most time spent in prep just trying to shave off the armpit hair
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350 gators will probably escape Houston gator farm due to Harvey. Which is good, because somebody needs to fight all the sharks
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While a mega preacher can't be bothered to open his church to those in need of shelter, during Harvey, a local furniture store owner turns his two locations into two huge shelters complete with mattresses and food for everyone
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Hottie teacher caught with student at Canoe Creek State Park without a paddle
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Sec. Mattis freezes Dr Evil's--er, Trump's--military transgender ban
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| Tue August 29, 2017 |
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Raining, cats and dogs
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Hurricane Harvey victims get a tax extension, although taxes are probably going to go up with all this new waterfront property
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Man casually wears swastika necklace on the NYC subway. Stay tuned for the follow up "man wearing swastika necklace gets beat up" story
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Seattle businesses come together as Amazon, Starbucks, and Microsoft pledge Harvey relief. Of course, this just means they'll quickly deliver something burned that crashes a lot
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Man who watched child porn claims he did not know he was looking at underage pictures because he is blind
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Women who begged for help and rescue during Katrina rescued during Harvey. That's a long wait
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The British Library puts 570 pages of Leonardo manuscripts online. Manuscripts from the other three turtles expected to follow soon
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Rediscovered computer program from 1960 was used to write fiction. Even today, it still writes faster than George R R Martin
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman found dead in car at It's Not Dead Festival
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Evacuate or stay, if hurricane comes knocking? Depends, how long can you tread water?
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Politician in Germany's capital Berlin tries to rid the city of a) heroin, b) homelessness, c) hipsters
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Houston: "It can't get any worse, can it?" Nearby chemical plant: "Hold my beer"
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Asinine: University of Tampa professor tweets that Hurricane Harvey is "instant Karma for Texas voting Trump in". Facepalm: Florida ALSO went for Trump. Dumbass: Gets fired for his stupidity. Fail tag splits the difference and calls it even
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Don't do meth. Meth causes you to make bad decisions, like calling the cops to complain about the quality of meth you just bought
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Turns out the latest fashion trend in jeans wear is accidentally based on the oldest known pair of women's jeans
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Not that anyone is going to be shocked by this, but it now official. According to the National Weather Service, at 49.1" Harvey has now shattered the contiguous-U.S. rainfall record for a tropical storm which stood at 48". And it's still raining
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FYI: If your home is in a FEMA disaster area, you may be able to skip mortgage payments up to 90 days with no penalties, though it's all still due at the end of that 90 days. Other mortgage help may be available as well. Talk to your lender
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Israeli settler (and surgeon) successfully treats Gaza man with incredibly rare but very contagious skin disease at Jerusalem hospital. Don't look at the photo... I told you not to look
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NH authorities are currently searching for an escaped inmate. The suspect is described as six feet tall and looks like someone threw 42 gallons of motor oil at him through a screen door
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Cop walks up to a motorcyclist at a stoplight with gun drawn and starts yelling. You bet your sweet bippy the victim was white; he lived to tell the tale. Hero tag is for the victim: he videoed the encounter and got the detective suspended
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Husband of woman who went missing at sea in the Bahamas during their honeymoon is arrested by FBI over the theft of rare gold and silver coins worth $100,000
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Photoshop this spillage
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Millionaire pub boss of one of Dublin's most famous pubs defends the indefensible; that of selling the most expensive pint in Ireland
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Please note: you're not going to earn much street cred as a serial burglar when your getaway vehicle is a little girl's bicycle
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And here come the scare stories. In this one "Chaos" in the Houston Convention Center turns out to be noise and 2 men who took drugs and recovered in an hour
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Sea Shepherd Conservation Society gives up on trying to stop Japanese whaling ships, because they are now easily evading them by using military-grade satellite tracking
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New York: Sorry about the rain Houston. We're sending a couple hundred people to help and we're going to turn out the lights in one of our buildings
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Clinical trial shows success in using Ecstasy for PTSD treatment. Because seeing glittery unicorns and hugging random strangers is a helluva lot better than driving your car into crowds
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Gloucester MA has a greasy pole, and you don't even have to leave Murica to worship it. Greasy pole trifecta is making your mm sweaty
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The World Clown Association is not happy with the Stephen King movie 'IT' saying that it's hurting their members business. Wait there's a World Clown Association?
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Pipeline pumping raw sewage direct from the USA into UK homes closed at 1600 BST today, and the country is instantly a better place
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City of Toronto tells kite flyer to go fly one
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University of Maryland band goes quiet for "northern scum"
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Peeners for Manafort's past lawyer and current spokesman
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For a few hours, the gift Shop at Trump Towers in NYC had KKK hoods "for fine people" and "urine-proof" rubber sheets for sale until a reporter ruined everything by trying to buy them and thus alerting store employees to their presence
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A headline none of us ever expected to see in our lifetimes: "Justin Bieber's swollen balls triggers hospital lawsuit"
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Photoshop this walrus
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Australian judge rules it's not offensive to call former prime minister a see you next Tuesday, overturns activist's booting punishment
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Feds raid boutique stem cell clinic and seize smallpox vaccine which is only supposed to be available to military and high-risk populations
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The man who went skydiving nude with a violin (SFW)
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Wow, that $5 a month really adds up quickly
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For the second year in a row, Florida clinches the title of being the state with the worst drivers in the U.S.
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I lost my dog and tried everything to get him back. Only one thing worked: hanging my bra on a tree
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It says a lot about your sexual prowess if when people initially spot you doing it on a golf course, they mistake you for a deer
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"You're free to kill the idiots," Philippines president Rodrigo Duterte tells his secret police force regarding suspects resisting arrest (possible Not safe for work content on page)
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McDonald's to supply foster kids with Happy Meals, because if nobody will ever love you, you may as well be fat
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Houston's flood so far, in pictures (not a slideshow)
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The old, "It wasn't prostitution because I was filming the sex act which makes it protected by free speech laws" doesn't fly in Arizona
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There are lots of festivals to go to on Labor Day weekend, such as this Maltese festival where you can climb a greasy pole as an act of worship
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Australian surfer punches 'massive' shark before riding wave to shore. Then probably threw a bunch of shrimp on the barbie and cracked open a Fosters. Or as they say in Australia, 'Tuesday'
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Best Korea now has best heir to the regime
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Student loan balances have jumped 150% in just the last decade
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If your truck gets stuck in park, don't crawl under it and force it into neutral - especially if you're parked on a boat ramp trying to launch a boat
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Meanwhile in Korea, this ought to calm things down
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Cajun Navy coming up with new plan after looters shoot at boats and try to steal them
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Hold onto your butts. One of the reservoirs in Houston is about to spill over. GTFO and stay dry, Houston Farkers
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Photoshop this morning coffee
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Some thirty years ago a cryptic message known as the Toynbee tiles began to mysteriously appear embedded in city streets across the country. And to this day nobody has been able to solve the riddle
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Dinosaurs' spiky armour may have been a status symbol, which explains the Lickalotapuss
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"You finally really did it. You maniacs"
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Shady contractor does shoddy job on detached garage that doesn't meet local code, and skips town with the money, then "Union Thugs" unexpectedly show up and tear it down... building her a new one to code for free
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Comparing Harvey and Katrina
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You're still going to complain that I carry a gun to the library
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Crossfit Nazi fired for being actual Nazi
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Diploma mill pioneer and wife found shot to death. "The claim that he once certified a cat appears to have particularly annoyed him"
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The $1,000 in drug money nearly rectum
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It's a trap
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Man charged with robbing magazine salesman is looking at time, maybe even life
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If you've got 34 Xanax pills, 29 amphetamine pills, 96 Oxycodone pills, 3 bags of MDMA, 6 bags of meth, 68 bottles of steroids, 3 bags of ketamine, 2 vials of ketamine, a bag of shrooms and 700 ecstasy tablets, a killer robot almost seems reasonable
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Old ladies scrap on the subway, 63-year-old gets the worst of it
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If you're going to rob an internet cafe, don't 1. Drop the cash 2. Go over the speed limit on a deserted highway full of cops
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How to help the groups responding to Harvey
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Don't think of supervolcanoes as being the death of the human race, think of them as power for our future
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Drinking coffee is (spins wheel) good, bad, good ... bad ... good .... ... bad ... ... ... good for your health
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Kenya bans plastic bags. Not that Kim Kardashian was going there anyway
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Of all the indignities a frog could suffer, being covered in tahini-lemon vinaigrette dressing and almost eaten has to be the worst
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"Everything that is not from here, we've put up and we have in a safe place, but we live with alligators"
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Fark NotNewsletter: Harvey updates
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Ooh look. Those firefighting planes are done taking on water and going to take off right next to our boat
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When faced with flooding, fire ants evacuate their underground colonies en masse and form floating rafts. If only there were some sort of concentrated energy that could be used against such a convenient target
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Guy named 'Beer' fearful that his friends Wonder Woman, Wolverine & his neighbor Captain America were injured in Hollywood shooting(@ 0:55). In other news, neither X-Men, Justice League nor The Avengers are immune to a 'beefin' gunman
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Photoshop this boxer
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Tonight at 8PM EDT, Paul's Memory Bank brings you 2 hours of songs beginning with the letter Y (Part 1). Yeah, I skipped "X", I'm not playing Xanadu
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As Harvey dumps on TX, LA, his sister Irma begins to develop off GA coast
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Homeless man who gained national fame after pouring coffee on himself for $5 gets hit by car, dies
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She's an attractive drunken mom in an SUV with her adorable 4-year-old daughter. He's a somber state trooper on the 3rd shift. What are the odds these two will meet and hit it off?
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Doctors to women suffering with faulty pelvic mesh implants that make vaginal sex painful: "Meh, just roll over"
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North Korea takes another shot at Godzilla. Who is apparently on the other side of Japan
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There are still people being fooled by 419 scammers, but it takes a special fool to import $2m of cocaine for them
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Caption these gorillas and their growth chart
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Mugshot of dude who stole a school bus, then tossed a gun out the window during a massive police chase looks exactly like you'd expect
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Russian anti-riot police roll out the Schit
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You have no eclipse glasses. What's the next-best thing? Depends on the SPF
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Photoshop this high-up lady
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Hobby Lobby is funding the plundering of Palestinian cultural heritage, possibly by digging it up and putting glitter on it
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Overcome by the Christian spirit, celebrity pastor Joel Osteen opens his megachurch to the victims of Hurricane Harvey. Just kidding, church's closed of course. But he's offering thoughts and prayers online
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'Urban camouflage' scheme allows tanks to become practically invisible in cities. And no, it doesn't involve painting them to look like homeless people asking for spare change
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"Our boy can become president of the USA and we can engineer it," Mr. Sater wrote in an email. "I will get all of Putins team to buy in on this, I will manage this process"
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Guy buys house next to factory, is shocked that a factory actually produces noise and smells
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It's one of the biggest travel weekends of the year. Let's close a bridge at a choke point
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Researchers discover 6,000-year-old wine in Sicilian cave, are unable to determine if it was red or white wine. Well, no duh, everything was black and white back then
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-08-20 to Sat 2017-08-26
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ISIS suicide bomber gets cold feet, runs away after coming under fire. Explosionarity ensues (with video)
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Forget nuclear ballistic missiles. Best Korea could have nuclear suicide biplanes
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Cat vs. fidget spinner. Who wins?
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Because the day ends in 'y,' North Korea may be preparing to test a nuke
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Photoshop Theme: Where the missing sock from the dryer goes
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Famous 2-legged dog survives horrible car crash, is reunited with family. "It was around 11 p.m. and their teenage son, Beast, was driving"
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A look inside New York City's latest mixer, geared towards sugar babies and sugar daddies
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Officials announce they are opening dams in hurricane-ravaged areas, which could make flooding worse
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If you think sea animals choking on ocean pollution sucks, then boycott plastic straws this September
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One man Fark Party in Beaufort County, South Carolina. "The man handed deputies a brown bag and claimed it was hallucinogenic mushrooms, at which time he also told police he had recently consumed some"
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You bought 32 lottery tickets with the same number combination? You know, that's probably not the best... WHAT?
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Veterinary nurse desperate for attention repeatedly poisoned her own dog
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Crash that killed PA State Trooper investigated by the State Police and you won't believe who they decided was at fault
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Someone opened the chemtrail valves at low altitude, I'd say
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Nobody can pull a bigger, more blatant and shameless con than "African American" Rachel Dolezal did. John Smelcer: Hold my tomahawk and watch this
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