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| Sun August 13, 2017 |
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America has been ignoring a crucial tie between Nazi Germany and the confederate south for decades
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Virginia governor defends police inaction to Nazi violence by noting the Nazis were heavily armed
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Photoshop this Dryandra
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Women who set their AirDrop setting to "everyone" get predictable results
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Another reason why millennials are weird: they crave post-sex pizza and not the traditional cigarette
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Rare white moose captured on film. Meh, I prefer chocolate
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Photoshop this wet rider
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Pizzeria puts "P&G" on pizza box to denote plain and garlic twist. Cop insists it says "PIG" and was meant for her, even though it wasn't even her order. Hilarity does not ensue
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Maybe it's best to avoid "Free Giveaway Day" when it's sponsored by your friendly neighborhood heroin dealer
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Austrian study claims drinking a pint of beer may lead to mental clarity. By extrapolation, Fark Admins must be truly enlightened
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Zoo names baby hippo Hodor. HODOR
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After 56 days of sunshine and smoke, Seattle residents startled and excited to discover water falling from the sky
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That sunken private Danish submarine accident is now considered deliberate and has become a murder investigation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Apparently no one at the Consumer Product Safety Commission has kids as they just now have realized there's been a spinner craze going on for a while ... and that the damn things are dangerous
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The woman killed in yesterday's domestic terrorist attack, Heather Heyer, had this to say for her last Facebook post: "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention"
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"Dear Prudence: My boyfriend of ten years proposed; I accepted. He's a sexual pervert, though; he's into exhibitionism and voyeurism, homemade porn, BDSM, orgies, and wears high heels. I'm into regular sex. But, we're in love. Am I doomed?"
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Photoshop challenge: movie title in picture form (no words)
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| (Some Guy) |
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CSB Sunday Morning: Picnicking
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There once was a time in this country when you would be celebrated and not persecuted for catching a whale at the age of 16
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30 children die from lack of oxygen in India due to an unpaid bill
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Britain will soon be facing an onslaught of super-fleas with giant penises. Well... 'giant' relative to Britain, anyway
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GOP Senators call out Der Trumpenfuhrer for his noncommittal statement re: Charlottesville. MIA: Jeff Flake
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Coming up at the top of the hour (9 pm AKDT/10 pm PDT), it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music from Juneau, Alaska hosted live by a farker
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| Sat August 12, 2017 |
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Attempting to re-imagine the worm in tequila, New York steakhouse offers cockroach in espresso
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Woman's plan to sell her irritating husband on Facebook backfires spectacularly
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Photoshop this Norman Timbs Special
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Woman miserable due to disorder that keeps her constantly sexually aroused
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Charlottesville Police Chief is treating case of driver who intentionally rammed into protesters as "criminal homicide"
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Wallabie damned
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You're singing the wrong way
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Beach-spreading overtakes man-spreading as the latest Jersey Shore craze
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Photoshop this Australian flower
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It keeps getting worse: Now a car has plowed into protesters in Charlottesville, casualties reported
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You know you've hit a low point when you get so embroiled in lawsuits for so many years, you've resorted to stealing sewer grates to help pay the bills
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Shiatbag jogger who was arrested for pushing a woman in front of a bus turns out not to be the shiatbag jogger
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Police search for kernel of truth to what caused massive corn cob spill. You submitted this with a butter headline
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The KKK Took My Baby Away, Gov. McAuliffe Has Called a State of Emergency, Gabba Gabba Hey
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We know you've got a lot on your mind, what with the impending start of WWIII and all, but just in case you're exposed to high levels of radiation for some reason, remember one very important thing: no conditioner
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Someone in Illinois woke up a great mood this morning. Everyone else woke up to the crushing realization that they live in Illinois
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Children in India have to cross a raging river to get to school. Uphill. Both ways
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Is it dusty in here? Couple, inseparable in life, buried in one casket after dying 30 hours apart
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Alabama judge affirms constitutional right to have sex with your teachers because Alabama
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The most dangerous thing about the upcoming solar eclipse is: A) Blindness B) Sun exposure C) The Lizard Man
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Does Fort Worth ever cross your mind?
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Alright...how'd he do that?
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Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull turns out to be less unrealistic than previously thought
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What sort of hobgoblin vandalizes a bog walk?
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Photoshop these jumpers
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Yep, the calendar does say 2017. And yet, hundreds of white supremacists just marched through the University of Virginia campus with torches while chanting for racial purity
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| (We love happy endings) |
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An overcrowded shelter was faced with a decision; euthanize 60 kittens still too young to be adopted, or hope for a miracle. Thanks to a small, home-based rescue located across the country, they got their miracle - just in time for Caturday
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How come Trump isn't tweeting about how the global stock market lost $1 trillion because the world is freaking out about a nuclear war with North Korea?
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In this day and age where vulgar casualness is the norm, it's nice to know some men will still don a suit, tie, and fedora to go rob a bank
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Well, bye
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So, you're a 21st century druid looking to commune with Mother Nature during the upcoming eclipse. Where do you go? Why, Carhenge, of course
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| Fri August 11, 2017 |
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"Rich kids eat first"
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Tweakerville now has its own television show as business owner streams the 'North Everett Tweaker Cam.' Next step will be deploying a drone for live audio and potentially hiring a news anchor to compete with Fox News
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Not what 'one foot in the grave' usually means (warning: graphic image)
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Either three corpse flowers are about to bloom or DC is starting to smell better
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China's navy just fired dozens of missiles near North Korea. They're also fortifying the Sino-Korean border with nuclear-biological-chemical protected bunkers. Nothing to worry about though. It's just standard drills
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Man dies in elevator after twice pushing emergency button and getting no response. Investigators say something smells fishy. Well, not exactly 'fishy,' but it doesn't smell good
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After having his reputation and career destroyed by a blogger who falsely accused him of rape, one Army Colonel decided to fight back -- and was just awarded $8.4 million by a jury
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Protip: when sending a letter to your employer on fake sheriff's office stationery in an attempt to keep your job while serving your six-month sentence, don't misspell any words, and do pick the name of an actual deputy to forge a signature
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I guess if you're going to impersonate being in the Coast Guard, people on a lake in Montana would be unlikely to know what you're supposed to look like
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GoPro sporting motorcyclist gives an excellent demonstration of physics, when he goes into a turn in the Santa Monica Mountains while doing 68mph
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Construction workers catch guy rifling through one of their trucks. Decide to perform citizen's arrest and detain him by lashing him to scaffold
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NC DMV closes Raleigh license plate agency after audit finds 'operational and performance deficiencies'. Inefficiency at the DMV? Someone fetch my fainting couch
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Mad Dog Mattis meets Jeff Bezos, possibly to find out if Amazon's delivery drones can be fitted with bayonets and flamethrowers
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Photoshop Challenge: Create a coat of arms for Fark
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The Magnolia House restaurant in downtown Pyongyang has accrued 43 Google reviews so far, apparently all written by Farkers
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Ever see a vehicle fall 7 stories from a parking garage hitting a car on the ground below ... with no one getting seriously hurt?
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93 year old WWII vet is traveling 10,000 miles to return the flag he took from a fallen Japanese soldier on Saipan. Surviving brother and two sisters will finally have some closure
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There's a metaphor here, but subby's too busy laughing to bother with anything clever
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Inventor's £160,000 crowd-funded submarine sinks in 30 seconds. OOPS
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Scientists have spent time studying spider sex, and they've determined smart spiders who want to avoid getting eaten engage in threesomes
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How important are cell phones to millennials? South Carolina man, 22, dies after running back into burning mobile home so he could retrieve his cell phone
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Not news: President ratchets up the rhetoric, saying the US would "overwhelmingly retaliate" against North Korea and "end their country as they know it." News: President Bill Clinton back in 1993
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An unknown disease is tearing through Montana's dog population
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Thank God it's Friday, can't wait to get to the liquor store, screech... slam... ouch
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Man caught masturbating in park blames groundhog
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Defendant acquitted in case where two Minneapolis officers forgot to turn on their body cams before punching and tazing him. Unfortunately for them, security cameras caught the whole thing
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Furniture store receives foot stool filled with pot, no doubt derailing someone's plans for a new ottoman drug empire
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Only 19% of men use a condom every time they have sex. Which means 81% of men are still idiots that trust women
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American investment banker arrested on suspicion of being the jogging shaitbag who pushed a woman in front of a London bus
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tractor
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Apparently, if you abandon your car in a traffic jam and start walking through a tunnel, the only thing you're guilty of is trespassing
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Meh: Playground tagged overnight. Montana: with bear spray
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'Giant sea gull' photobombs TV weather report
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China, Japan arguing over who controls the sea. UNLEASH THE KRAKEN (possible Not safe for work content on page)
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Police officer challenges owner of 'no cops' gym to a boxing match, hoping to prove that no matter what differences two people have, they can come together to punch each other in the face a couple of times
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Meanwhile, Laos and Cambodia are about to go to war
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O.J. Simpson's getaway Bronco is up for sale
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'Celestial beings told him to change his name to Yahweh, now he and his associate are facing drug charges'
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Hey, what's an island doing in the middle of this shipping lane?
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Google cancels its "All Hands on Deck" sexism meeting to make damn sure there wasn't a typo in the title
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Moscow Mules will kill you? "I find the press release to be chemophobic fear-mongering"
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15 Moroccan teens treated for rabies after "admiring" donkey
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Not to alarm anybody, but China and India are about to go to war
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this street fighter
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"When totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution"
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What happens when you name a burger after a movie about lust for a 12-year-old girl? Outrage, of course. What if you name it after your daughter Lolita? Well... uh...smokebomb.jpg
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And you get a tub of healthy comfort food, and you get a tub of healthy comfort food, and you get a tub of healthy comfort food
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Naked zookeepers organize run to raise money for... you've already clicked the link, haven't you? (Not safe for work)
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Fire and Furry - you know he's talking about nuclear furry, that really sickass porn with, like, squirrel-women and stuff. Don't look so innocent, you know what I'm talking about
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Those alligator pool floaties are quite life-like these days
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What happens when the planet becomes reality television?
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Woman finds something edible in McDonald's
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New Orleans, a city where most of the land is below sea level, only has enough power to run half of its pumps due to generator failures. The peak of hurricane season is August-October
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| Thu August 10, 2017 |
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Teacher of the year sentenced for hosting teen sex parties. No really; he was actually teacher of the year
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Australian army does something so progressive that American Liberals wish they could copy
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The next time you're drunkenly staring at the foam bubbling atop your latest beer, try not to think about the fact that you're really staring into the face of reality in the tiniest of scales
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Fark ready headline: Tenured Billings teacher who let student climb out of window fired for poor performance
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Earthquake, tsunami, nuclear meltdown and now unexploded WWII bomb. If we get Godzilla next then I win Fukushima Bingo
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Boston removes neighborhood Snapchat filters after East Boston residents take offense at the only reason anybody would go to East Boston
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The best way to get your boss back? Superimposing a Hitler moustache on his Facebook profile, obviously
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Bodycam footage shows cop jumping off highway exit ramp while trying to avoid drunk driver
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Vegetarians are twice as likely to be depressed as normal people
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Drug suspect to police on social media: You can't catch me. You can't catch me. You can't catch me. Police: Challenge accepted
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If you've been bumping into women in the MoneyGram line at Walmart and then ejaculating on their dresses, the police would appreciate it if you would kindly stop
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this faceless hippie
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Walmart says someone took the back-to-school sign off some superhero-themed school supplies and moved it to the gun department, is asking for information on the Farker reponsible
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Jeffrey Lord simply wanted to know the whereabouts of his friend Kyle, who's about *this* high
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"This is not a quota" says FHP email asking for 2 citations per hour. "We have a goal to reach"
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Trump declares opioid abuse a 'national emergency'. I'll drink to that
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Migrants jump out of an inflatable raft on Spanish beach as tourists watch in confusion
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You can walk to work or you can take the subway. If you try to do both you're going to cause trouble
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Fark Food Thread: What's your favorite 'ethnic' recipe to make for yourself, friends, and/or family? Difficulty: that doesn't match up with your own ethnicity/culture
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"So, why were you convicted?" "Biased jury" , "lawyer farked me" , "I pled guilty" , "a parrot bit me"
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NOBODY puts Baby in a corn..I mean, refrigerator
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NOAA predicts more active hurricane season than normal, which means we can all breathe a sigh of relief
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Michigan Man attempts to exterminate underground nest of bees by using fire. Thanks to Florida we all know how this ends up
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Minneapolis man, who claims to have seen Bigfoot, apologizes for dressing like Bigfoot and fooling other people who believe in Bigfoot and then proceeds to divides by zero and destroy the universe (w/pics)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this hanging laundry
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In other news, this is probably the first time the phrase 'Penis Goblins' has been used in a Fark headline. Probably
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Resident comes home from a trip and finds that someone has broken into their house and stol...uh wait, cleaned the place up and left. Police to soon release sketch of suspect, bald male wearing white shirt and pants
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In case you need to be reminded, the solar eclipse can hurt your eyes. Here is how
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North Korea is more rational than you think. And Kim Jong Un eats more rations than you think
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Thanks to Global Warming, an expedition is out to sail to the North Pole. Will look for underwater life, Santa's sunken workshop
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July: Millennials can't buy homes because of avocado toast. August: Millennials can't buy homes because of bachelor parties
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Dallas mother demands that solar eclipse 2017 event be moved to the school holidays - "Did this lady just ask to reschedule the sun?"
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And now some news you can REALLY use: Where to watch the solar eclipse while dining at Waffle House
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Sick of watching all the dead people pass through his doors, funeral director writes blog called 'F*** you, Opioids'
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The latest thing from the food police to kill you: beer pong
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"We're really going to jail for this?"
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If you've ever visited Florence's Uffizi and said to yourself, "Man, these Renaissance paintings are great but how would they look if we replaced all the subjects with auto mechanics," then oh boy, is today ever your lucky day
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| (Syrup) |
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Small town saves $73,500 by using Uber as a public transportation service
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Fence fell down? Fark it, I'm biting everyone
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The Pacific Northwest may become a 'climate refuge' from global warming, because what hot people really want is to move to a place where no one has air conditioning
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The Son of Sam was arrested 40 years ago. This is what a freaked-out city looked like
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Queen Elizabeth officially announces that she will be passing down crown to her grandson Prince William and his wife Kate Middleton. In other news, Prince Charles spotted trying to get peasants to revolt
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Walmart is testing an app that will let its customers skip the checkout line, presumably after proving themselves in single combat with another customer or beating another customer's Hoveround off the line
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You never want to go into prison already having the nickname of 'Donald Trump with a Maine accent'
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The bad news: Portland is losing a strip club. Good news: Affordable housing will replace it. Bad news: People are upset about this
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Woman asked to cover up while breastfeeding her child in a museum with artwork featuring women breastfeeding children
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Five member white-supremacist gang arrested with hundreds of pages of American Nazi Family propaganda, meth, and weapons. In other news, these people think they're the 'master race.' Let that sink in for a moment. Take all the time you need
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The opioid epidemic is probably worse than any of us realize
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James Damore, Google memo writer, confirms everything you thought about him already in an interview
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Photoshop this flock
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Canada building a refugee camp for everyone fleeing the U.S. in favor of a non-idiotic country (possible Not safe for work content on page)
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This young lady is every single reason that everyone should go to college. Especially if you weren't given this kind of gift in your high school education
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Residents in one Florida neighborhood say the construction of a nearby Margaritaville resort is pushing rats into their homes where they're nibbling on sponge cake watching the sun bake
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With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, we should have known something was up when "reality-based community" became a pejorative
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Helpful advice if a nuclear bomb goes off near you
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Sorry kids, 'heroin camp' is closed this year. Junkie out front shoulda told ya
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I scream, you scream, we all scream when the ice cream hut is intentionally set on fire
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It's not debris, it's DiGiorno
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Luxury cruise, worrying about pirates, basically turns off all the lights for ten days. Sounds very luxurious
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Neighbors spend a lot of time and effort trying to get their neighbor to turn off the garden light when they just could have bought some curtains. I got some nice blackout curtains on Amazon because the sun keeps rising no matter what I do
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Police decide to try something new, so they shoot and kill a goat. To be fair, their defense is, "It was coming right at us"
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 640: "Zootography". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 09, 2017 |
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In a move that surely won't get it a no-knock raid one night, Atlanta gym posts sign saying "No farking Cops"
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Mensa candidate parks his vehicle in police station parking lot because "he wanted to stop in a safe place". Yes, alcohol was involved
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One in eight Americans are now alcoholics. USA USA USA
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Northern extras wanted for film about Peterloo massacre - "must look pretty hard done by. They should ruffle their hair, look miserable, downtrodden." - yep, wonder where they'll find people like that in Manchester
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You might want to sit down for this, but it's starting to look like people don't actually like living in tiny houses. See if you can guess why
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Don't bring a knife shaped like a gun to a gun shaped like a knife fight
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Tell me if you've heard this one before... A koala walks into a pharmacy
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FOIA: used by journalists to uncover shady government dealings. And also by someone trying to discover a secret fishing hole
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"Listen, and understand. Florida Man is out there. He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until he steals a Chihuahua"
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Photoshop this abandoned solarium
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"Holy shiat, WalMart"
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In 1973, an Air Force nuclear officer in training asked, "How can I know that an order I receive to launch my missiles came from a sane president?" He was fired. Why do you ask? Is that relevant now?
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"Na, all outa drugs. Sorry, man. Hey, want to get blown instead?"
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Christian Millau, the godfather of the Nouvelle Cuisine movement, dead at the age of 88. Will be buried in an oversized white coffin with a single orchid
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For you history buffs, today is the anniversary of the last time the United States attacked a foreign power with an atomic weapon. Which has totally nothing to do with any current news whatsoever, of course
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Two of 1700 cars parked at Fukushima No. 1 plant during height of 2011 nuclear disaster are still unaccounted for, feared to be radiation-tainted. Neither TEPCO nor the repo men know where they are
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Actual headline: Bud's Broiler robber ditches bra, takes cash
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"There's CASH in them sinkholes"
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European butter shortages trigger price hikes, butter emails
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Florida family had it with that monkey feather snake in their monkey feather attic
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Investigators ask news station to blur the faces of neglected horses, fearing they may be recognizable, and put their investigation in jeopardy. Mr. Ed wants a digitally altered voice
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Photoshop this spoonful of goodness
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Protip: If you're going to watch Sookie stripping for Warlow on "True Blood" on your computer, do NOT view it on your work computer, and especially when the screen is in full view in the background during a live news broadcast
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A straight flush beats four of a kind, but a mysterious flush beats thousands of passengers at Orlando International Airport
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Confederate time capsule found under statue contained Confederate Flag, newspapers, and CSA dollar bills. Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend rising again with that stuff
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Some in Congress worry N. Korea might strike Guam because of the size of the U.S. military there, another fears our military's weight may actually cause the small island to "tip over"
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"I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us." -- Franz Kafka. Huh, I got a nasty paper cut from Catch-22, does that count? This is your Fark Writer's Thread, wounding and stabbing edition
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Huh. For some strange reason, airlines aren't bumping as many passengers from flights as they used to
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Pretty solid who-farted-y'all mugshot after mom abandons kid with special needs in woods
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Someone actually asks Tom Skilling if chemtrails are real
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Mormons excommunicate one of their leaders for the first time in decades and no one will say why. Article to the left, betting pool to the right. Subby is putting his money on "goat stuff"
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Congratulations American travelers, you just set a new record: the largest number of guns confiscated by TSA in a single week. USA USA USA
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New York really needs help fixing its crumbling subway infrastructure. Perhaps getting rid of $5 footlongs was a mistake
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| (BlizzardWatch) |
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This dad is clearly too cool to be a Hanzo main
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"Very, very low" levels of plutonium detected in air at Washington nuclear site, state says. Drivers told to roll up windows
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Chuck E. Cheese, where a kid can be a kid, and a father can kick a 6-year-old for picking up his tokens
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FBI conducted a raid on Paul Manafort's home *last month*
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Don't be an idiot and ride with your feet on the dashboard. The airbag could force your knees through your eye sockets
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Photoshop this baseball crowd
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If you have 1,200 pounds of drugs aboard and are having battery issues on your boat, maybe you shouldn't call the Coast Guard for help
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Hooray, scientists discover potential new treatment for life-threatening blood clots. Fark: An Australian scientist milks Komodo dragons for venom. Bonus: Cute pic of scientist "bonding" with Komodo dragon, and scary pic of milking venom
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And he would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for that meddling floater in the toilet
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Today's first fark ready headline: Attention, men: please do not put your penis in a coconut
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Oh nothing, just stomping a baby, as you do
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Wisconsin's Foxconn deal has turned into a FoxCON. Governor Scooter, still suffering from delusions of grandeur, thinks it will be fantastic for the state
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The U.S. Military has declared open season on drones operating over its bases
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| Tue August 08, 2017 |
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United Airlines continues its customer outreach
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Cleveland lawyer who attempted "Breaking Bad" money laundering scam with Federal informant denied appeal. He'll make a great Cinnabon manager when he's paroled
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Former school bus driver charged with sex, drugs. No word on rock n' roll
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Columbian Mammoth found in Montana. ICE immediately begins deportation proceedings
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Hamsterdam in New Amsterdam
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A little baby elephant throws a big temper tantrum
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This one time? At Band Camp? 8,000 texts involving content of a "sexual nature" and other topics? Probably not recipes
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Actual headline: "Couple conspires to rob adult store then she fingers him as suspect, warrant says". Subby is certain he didn't enjoy it
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Collector going through property of deceased veteran discovers WWII mortar shell. "The officers told me it was remarkably well-preserved. And it was wrapped in bubble wrap, which I guess is a great sign"
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You've just committed armed robbery. The best way to throw police off of your trail is: C) enter the police station and report a robbery at the store you just robbed
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Screaming kids scare off would-be carjackers, potential dates
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NYC's long war on storefront porn reaches new tipping point for those that haven't heard of the internet
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Dentist accused of practicing painless dentistry. For him, at least. Kind of hard to feel anything with a blood alcohol level of .418 percent
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Photoshop this biker chick
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Have you ever dreamed of owning your own little island in the Chesapeake Bay populated by 30 goats who would be at your beck and call? Well, today could be your lucky day
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Guy who scheduled 6 dates at the same bar in one night is too stupid to move to another bar after the first one busts up the NEXT 5 DATES. In a row. It's extremely likely a doorknob got lucky Monday night in DC
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Philadelphia's sugary drink tax makes soda more expensive than beer. Well, this seems like a problem with its own solution built in
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People used to be nicer to each other because of cigarettes
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Uber driver describes talking with suicidal rider en route to their destination: a giant bridge
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Australian voice recognition English proficiency test flunks Irish applicant. Huh, I bet she was from Cork
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Algorithmically the best brewery road trip ever. Which proves that the flyover states are flyover for a reason
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Trump has a 'neck fanny' that you won't ever be able to unsee again (pics)
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Couple decides to have sex at the Wisconsin State Fair in full view of others. It must've been the excitement over the Cricket Nachos
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It's butter cow statue season
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Nuclear-armed madman threatens "face fire and fury like the world has never seen," later adding "Now watch this drive"
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Well the first thing you know ol Den's a millionaire. The meth said "Den put the money there"
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Piece of dental braces removed from woman's intestine after 10 years. Happy early-teen nightmares
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Photoshop this playful panda
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Man finds newborn fawn. Does he A: Leave it alone? B: Call the local wildlife officials? or C: Take it to a bar? Difficulty: Not Florida
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The ACLU and the SLPC apparently got ahold of an HBOGo password and watched some old John Oliver episodes as they file suit against a pretrial services company that kept people in jail even after they'd posted bail unless they paid thousands in fees
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You can now sleep in your very own giant slice of pizza
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Florida leads nation in lightning strike deaths, as the long-running feud between Florida Man and high voltage continues
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Guantanamo Bay cancels privileges for Git-meow, the cat lovers club. It's the war on terribly cute kitties
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Alt-right activists call for Google boycott after employee is fired for anti-diversity paper. Subby welcomes the idea and would like to encourage them to boycott the entire internet since women and minorities are using it
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When the last remaining pockets of civilized humans huddle in dark caves and the ruins of our cities as gangs of barbarians hunt us for sport, and we try to figure out where we went wrong, the phrase "Audiobooks for Dogs " will come up a lot
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Nervous bear drives SUV then crashes it, well then... the aristocrats. Note never make a bear nervous (a good read)
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Tiny leader now has tiny nuke
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'Armless archer' - new comic book super hero, great band name, or euphemism?
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Being frozen and sold to the airline doesn't equate to "free range"
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Don't you hate it when you're jogging and someone doesn't move out of your way? So does this guy
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Conspiracy theorist warns that upcoming eclipse could cause the end of the world. Nibiru, please
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"I ain't got no body" is a great song to sing along with, unless you're driving a coroner's van and the gurney just rolled out the back and into traffic
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Holding a raccoon? Betting on an election? Adultery? They're crimes that can get you jail in Utah
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Little Caesar's unveils the self-serve pizza portal of the future. It's not quite a Star Trek replicator, but at least you can say 'computer, give me terrible pizza right now' and have it work
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Bigfoot "scientific" research team spots the creature in Western North Carolina. Apparently, it has not yet occurred to these folks to bring a camera and take a picture
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'Disc golf sucker punch' is the subject of this article, and the name of my new punk band
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Got a spare $350,000,000 lying around? You can buy the old Clampett mansion from the Beverly Hillbillies
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Photoshop these Kelpies
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Couple married for 48 years bust a move at Ludacris concert
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Apparently we need a sign, "No smoking pot in the courthouse"
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But what about all the good things Martin Shkreli did?
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New study discovers illegal marijuana growers are using illegally applied pesticides in illegal locations. If only there was some way to make it legal
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Old and busted: Cats and dogs living together. New sign of the Apocalypse: Birds that feed fish
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What do you mean we have to pay our taxes? This is an outrage. Give us back our street immediately, don't you know we're rich?
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Forest Grove police log: "No one worshiping Satan at the library"
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Why yes, there is something sadder than playing D&D
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It makes no sense for so many European countries to take so much time off in the summer when those are the nicest months to get things done
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The Russian Twitter Troll campaign has started turning on the Republicans. Maybe now they'll see that this has been an attack on America all along?
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If propaganda is any indication, and it is, Putin must be extremely worried about our military pilots
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A quarter of Americans still think Trump is honest
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♫ Drink all night, piss with might. Take my hand, off to county jail my friend ♫
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Once again, the second amendment is protected by an American cleaning a loaded gun
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"Self-driving van" spotted in Arlington was actually being driven by a researcher disguised as a car seat
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Cop ruins kid's life by helping him get a job
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Twitter accounts for 2 largest transit agencies in California now dueling marijuana poetry. Just wait til @FurthurBusAT50 gets involved
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Wetlands, artwork designed about rising waters in the Schuykill River has sunk in the river
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Remains of US soldier laid to rest---75 years after he died in a prison camp following the Bataan Death March
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CHP pulls over vehicle and spends nearly nine minutes deescalating situation by pointing gun at occupants who pose no threat other than asking simple questions, such as, "Why do you have a gun pointed at us?"
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New Zealand should ban alcohol from supermarkets because having it there "normalizes its use". Kinda late for that
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19 unwritten rules of dining at a restaurant that asshats like you ignore habitually. And no, there's nothing about tipping on it; everybody's already clear that 20 percent is the minimum
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These tiny ugly-ass things are supposed to be related to elephants
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Idiot judge sentences drug stealing, drug dealing scumbag deputies to probation because their wives love them or something. Article to the left, reasoned discussion on how sentencing is applied equally to the right
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Oh, that will buff right out. Gonna need a mallet to take out the dent on the roof, though
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Mother of the Year candidate arrested for trying out the new powder white crayon color
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Mountain goats have escalated from head butting to using projectiles
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Well, I guess you can be gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, vaccine free and still die suddenly of natural causes
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Photoshop this chiseled stone
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Fark NotNewsletter: Why Fark uses weird source icons for CNN links
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Woman arrested twice in 3 days for drunk driving. Since this happened in Wisconsin, she will soon be presented with an award in court
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When Paul's Memory Bank talks about UV, he doesn't mean UltraViolet. We're combining the songs beginning with the letters U and V in one show tonight. Check in at 8PM EDT
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Article declares mommy war not to be over. In related news: Apparently there is a mommy war
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Macaque attacks elderly people and elementary school students. Uh huh huh
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CNN keeps the population informed on the issues that matter with hard-hitting front page stories like this MOTHERFARKIN' BAT TORNADO
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Guns alone can't solve Alabama's feral hog problem. You know what will? Barbecue sauce
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Are you an internet troll? You might have a cake coming your way from this NYC-based bakery
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North Korea promises thousands-fold revenge against US over sanctions. Severe shortages of North Korea's "nothing" expected in stores US wide
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"I think your dog is broken"
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Photoshop this musical interlude
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Man decides to pay his fine in watermelon. Gallagher approves
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Queens man's mom doubts he could take stolen "huge ass turtle" to train station by bus
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The Wisconsin State Fair is a sea of freaky food. Just say NOPE to Cricket Nachos
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The driver of the shuttle bringing people too drunk to drive back from the Testicle Festival doesn't need your assistance with the steering wheel
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Guy gets sent to the blackboard and never leaves
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And on the 200th day of the 45th presidency, Senator Hatch describes the true meaning of "shooting one's wad"
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Cutting edge investigative journalists scoop Ric Romero, discover that the sun makes playgrounds hot
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And so, despite the best efforts of our enlightened society to maintain a perfect ecology, recycling water bottles, and separating our plastics and cardboard, this is how the great tire fire of Frazer Township, Pennsylvania began
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Osprey that crashed while trying to land on ship located. Wouldn't it be next to the ship...?
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Special bonus and completely unpredicted lunar eclipse tonight. Special glasses not required or recommended
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"Peter would come into the office around 10 pm, and he would drop acid and get to work"
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-07-30 to Sat 2017-08-05
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75 years ago today US forces landed on Guadalcanal, here is one veteran's story of surviving the malarial jungles and the Japanese during the six month campaign
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Best Korea threatens to attack the Sea of Japan again
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Baltimore's "Nobody Shoot Anybody" weekend was a complete BANG success BANG
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Photoshop this supercomputer
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My boobs haven't stopped producing milk for 11 years
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Ohio sees morgues overflowing with corpses thanks to the opioid crisis
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There used to be a time in America when you could race through a flooded street in your boss's truck without anyone posting a video of it on social media
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News: Israel and many Arab states finally agree on something. Fark: To shut down Al Jazeera
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Chandler boy heading to international yo-yo competition in Iceland. Could he BE any more awesome at the yo-yo?
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Hey, Kids, the bees are back
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Mom tells her daughter to keep her farking sex toys out of the dishwasher. Fark: Sex toy turns out to be a water bottle that melted while drying
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You just beat cancer what're you going to do now? Fall to my death from a cliff after a night of celebrating
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Why doesn't the world have any new major religions?
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42 different nipple colors, that's a lot to choose from. But the labia are dishwasher-friendly and I want a wife with dishwasher-friendly labia
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Advocates want a law requiring cars warn parents when children are left inside a car
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These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
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