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| Sun July 30, 2017 |
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So was there a landing strip or not?
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Public health experts want roads closed off so children can play in them like their parents did
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Panhandlers not wanted at LA grocery store. So, vigilante group shows up in force to keep them away from customers
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UK Royals mark 100 years since one of the bloodiest battles in history
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Photoshop this Japanese street
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4-year-old asks police officer to help check for monsters in her new home. Since this is Fark, you can guess what happens next
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Ever wonder whatever happened to all those Pizza Huts?
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We're off to take a whizzer, a wonderful whiz in the yard. A whiz of a whiz, a whiz in the yard, if ever a whiz there was. If ever a whiz of a whiz there was, a whiz in the yard is one because because because because because becaaaaaaaaus we said so
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Dog runs to find help after two girls are struck by lightning. That dog gets the Hero tag and a steak
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Photoshop this train station patron
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Putin has full faith in 755 American diplomats in Russia
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You know how it is: you're planning to commit armed robbery and you just can't find a sitter for your child, so of course your only option is to bring them along with you
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Meh ... when we finally detect intelligent alien life it's not going to be such a big 'WOW' eureka moment. Meh
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Magic: The Gathering. Serious business
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Protip: When smuggling liquid meth into the country, don't tell the border agents it's apple juice. And definitely don't drink it to prove your point. You might get methed up
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As hard as this may be for many Americans to understand, there is more to the world than just us. For example, Venezuela is about to completely fall apart in total political and economic chaos
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Photoshop this train to nowhere
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CSB Sunday Morning: Signs
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Having cured all the world's diseases and stopped climate change, scientists are now free to discover if people really prefer corked wine to wine with a screw cap
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The origin of the Mooch-Pubis feud
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U.S. Air Force flies two B-1 bombers over Korea to take some "before" pictures
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Federal court rules FAA must address shrinking airplane seats as a safety issue
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That $35K Tesla goes like you'd expect: If you want a Model 3 in a color besides black with longer range battery, options and autopilot, then you're looking at $58K
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Woman escapes rapists using manual transmission and nerves of steel
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Attack the hotel valet? That's okay, you're a former cop, we'll let it slide
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music hosted live by a farker in rainy Juneau, Alaska. (9PM AKDT/10PM PDT)
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| Sat July 29, 2017 |
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Jobs? Yeah, I have them. I just don't have anyone applying that can pass a drug test without wanting to puff first
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Founder of RT skipped meeting with DoJ to whack himself off in his hotel room
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When you're old and at a senior citizens home, you can still run your own business. Even if it includes cocaine and black tar heroin
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With growing horror, he realized he'd somehow "inhaled" a buttful of water. The water gushed out of his rectum a moment later, he felt fine and a Fart Artist was born
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USS Gerald R. Ford makes history by successfully launching and recovering aircraft with magnetic technology, although nobody knows how it works
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"How have I failed these kids so badly they think the Earth is flat just because a basketball player says it?"
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Photoshop this show-off
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Seattle has gone 38 straight days without rainfall. Tucson, AZ has seen rainfall 13 out of the last 15 days. Dog looking for cat to share 2-bedroom apartment
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| (OnMilwaukee) |
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Guy named Billy Badass marries bride where they met, Country Thunder Festival, in chapel of Bud Light cases, with 'Hot Dog Escapades' & custom vows; "you kept me afloat and accepted me for the trashiest [expletive] that I am"
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"I have a boa constrictor stuck to my face. Send help soonish"
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Photoshop these green guys
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World's best whiskey to the left, people arguing over the real best whiskey on the right
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Meh: Man breaks into pharmacy to steal cough syrup ... What?: cough syrup that sells for $1k per bottle
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Switzerland opens world's longest NOPE to the public
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After forging carear in law enforCement, dyslexic Police Oficer earns spel behnid bars
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DC police freaking out after discovering a group of officers have been wearing white supremacist regalia to court appearances. Apparently they did not see this coming
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At the end of a drug trial that you're a juror on, you're not allowed to take the evidence home as a parting gift
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So what's more cost effective, paying to put drug addicts into prison or treating drug addiction as a healthcare issue? After 14 years of giving up the former and trying the latter, Portugal has answers for America's heroin epidemic
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"Somebody on Craigslist has a cow for sale and accidentally typed my number as the contact. This has been the worst morning of my life." Don't have a cow, man (Not safe for work content in sidebar)
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You ever notice how women grocery shop one way, and men grocery shop another? Well, grocery stores have--and they are treating men differently. Like idiots
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How do we stop people from smoking? I know - let's have tobacco companies reduce the amount of nicotine in their products because that will surely reduce sales
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More and more people say they have blacked out after drinking alcohol in Mexico
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This highway finally opened after 4 months of snow removal. In California
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The Saturday Morning Book Club is turning things around this week: what's the plot of your yet to be written but sure to be bestselling novel? Bonus points for a clever book title
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$15,000 could be yours if you can solve an ancient Chinese secret
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Photoshop theme: Cover bands
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It's a 2-for-1 Chinese Special: Woman uses plastic surgery to avoid bills, and apparently in China the government adds a recording to deadbeats' incoming calls asking the caller to debt-shame them
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Dumbass who thought stabbing people for their cell phones would be appropriate won't be out of prison until the iPhone 20 is available
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#1 - Feed me. #2 - Feed me. #3 - Feed me. #4 - Feed me. #5 - Feed me. #6 - Feed me. #7 - Feed me. #8 - Feed me. #9 - Feed me. #10 - Caturday
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That North Korean missile that they just launched? Well, apparently it's an ICBM that could hit Los Angeles or even as far as Chicago. Sleep tight
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NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA Bat Condo
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Dish Network's upcoming 'free weed with every installation' promotion thwarted by US Customs
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Meth addiction poster girl passed away at 55 from cancer
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| Fri July 28, 2017 |
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I'll see your missile fired into the ocean and raise you a missile fired into the ocean
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Body parts found in the Alps could be A) plane crash victims, B) delicious, C) all the above
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National Orgasm Day arrives next week and it can't come soon enough
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After sequencing complete genomes from two tardigrade species, scientists still don't know what the hell tardigrades are
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It's been a year since the Dallas police strapped a bomb to a robot to kill a sniper, let's see what the ramifications for police procedure have been
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Signed presidential executive order sells for $30,000
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Florida Man is at it again. This time he robs a bank, gets naked, and runs down the street throwing money
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Breaking: Nice Google reviews of jail might be sarcastic
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It's not really nudity if your nipples are painted, right? (Not safe for work)
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Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Who, this puppy? Yes, her. Couldn't be. Then w...actually she still has her head in the jar, so it was her
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Step one: Clearly state on your dating app : 'If you send me dick pics I will send them to your mom'. Step two: Receive dick pic and forward it to his mother. Step three: Get accused of breaking the law by the original sender
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Photoshop these buttons
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Uniformed Hooters waitress busted
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Welcome to Dull, currently twinned with Boring, Oregon and now with Bland, Tasmania
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"My eye won't stop twitching. Am I going to die?"
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So, everyone in Washington thinks they're in a poorly written episode of Game of Thrones and most of the country is in favor of installing Hodor as emperor. Let's get a distraction with the Weekly Weird News Quiz, July 16-22 edition
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UFO festival crashes into Pennsylvania town for annual re-investigation where no one has apparently noticed that the UFO shaped like an acorn landed in an abundance of people whose last name starts with "Eichel" (The German word for acorn. )
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Most dangerous jobs in America include Alaskan fishermen, miners, explosive ordinance disposal, convenience store clerks on graveyard shift
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Study by the Romero Institute finds religious people cling to beliefs even when they contradict evidence because they are overly emotional and irrational
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You insult their cat, they smack you upside the head with a bat. That's the Quebec way
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Trump expresses full confidence in Reince Priebus
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Islands in North Carolina's Outer Banks ordered evacuated at the height of tourist season because hurrica-er, construction worker cut a power cable and there will be no electricity for days, 'possibly weeks'
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Giant lizard found living in family's attic. Wildlife expert to monitor the situation
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Steve Jobs' widow buys The Atlantic
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You are making brownies for your child's bake sale and you run out of milk. Do you, A) Go to the store and buy milk B) Go to the store and buy milk, or C) Use your own breast milk?
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Photoshop this good boy
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Man takes his banana for a stroll in West Yorkshire. Surprisingly, this is not a euphemism
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Regular alcohol consumption could cut diabetes risk. Difficulty: moderation
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I'm not saying Leonardo da Vinci hid secret messages of aliens in the Mona Lisa... but he hid secret messages of aliens in the Mona Lisa
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Sorry, Charlie
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"We're running out of fuel. Prepare for landing. Autobrakes?" "Set" "Altimeters?" "Set" "Gear lever?" "Huh. Looks like the landing gear's been down this whole time"
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Reasons why you should not have a threesome on any floor but the first
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A good employee will hit the ground running on the first day of the job, but that doesn't mean you should be running out the door with $100,000 you stole
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It's that time of year again. Feast your eyes and bellies on this year's State Fair Fried Food finalists, including Fried Redneck Wedding Cake Balls, Funnel Cake Bacon Queso Burger, Fried Texas Dirt, and Dreamy Drunken Sopapilla Cheesecake Bar
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If you're going to fabricate grounds for an anti-pot drug raid, your target better not be a pair of former CIA agents with kids, an understanding of the 4th amendment, and the means to see it vindicated in court
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How many North Koreans does it take to launch a new missile? A: two. One to launch it, and one to watch Japanese news to see where it crashed into the ocean
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Chicago man runs around naked after cutting off his penis. Your move, Florida Man
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New study, which will not have any contentious consequences in any unstable regions of the world, identifies the descendants of the Canaanites
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Hard-partying 57-year-old who imported German liquid ecstasy in wine bottles is jailed for 20 years after police found $1 million worth of drugs at his home
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No one understands how smart gun can be hacked by magnets, not even the gun
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Stop blowing out candles on your birthday cake. It's disgusting. Here comes the "really fun at parties" science
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Give MS Paint a proper goodbye
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When laundering $4 billion with Bitcoin transactions, don't use your real name
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Hundreds of people turn out for Trump rally in suburban Pennsylvania. Sorry, wait, that's an employment line for a marijuana processing plant. Well, someone's smoking something anyway
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Why people are getting the hell out of the northeast
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Trump: I consulted with the military on transgender ban. Military: Oh no you di-in't
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Worker posts interesting pictures of food preparation equipment in his McDonald's restaurant. Interesting enough to get him fired
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Well, in Washington they say - that the McCain's small heart grew three sizes that day. And then - the true meaning of healthcare came through, and the McCain found the strength of *ten* McCains, plus two
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Trump's artwork goes up for bid. Look, I'm not saying it's good. But, shouldn't we be bidding this thing up based on previous experiences of nationalistic failed artists?
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Combine one rich idiot, a slick motorway, and a Ferrari. Shake well
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| Thu July 27, 2017 |
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Rest easy, citizens. That growing patch of green on a drought-seared hillside is the result of a natural spring. The fact that the hillside in question is the downstream face of the Oroville Dam is purely a coincidence
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It's time once again for the annual wild pony swim where ponies make their way from Maryland's Assateague Island across to Chincoteague Island in Virginia. You won't see this many ponies in the water until BronyCon next month
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Problem: Brisbane commuters need a new rail link to get them across the river. Solution: Move Brisbane
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Pro tip: When stealing a car, make sure it's not a police car with a police officer in it
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California has too much marijuana - CHALLENGE ACCEP- hey, are those Funyuns?
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Farewell Marine. Semper Fido
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EVERYBODY PANI.... nevermind
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"Come to the New Jersey beaches, where you can have fun and absorb our high bacteria levels"
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If your drug den is so contaminated with narcotics that police investigators become ill and the department has to change procedures, you might have a drug problem. You might also be dead from an overdose, but the point stands
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Kids raise money for classmate who's building a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude
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Remember that time in 2002 when Musharraf almost nuked India? He does
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what this person is looking at
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Chrome cow on stilts terrorizes kids in a park. Yup, it got weird
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| (Some Guy) |
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Trans troops to Trump: "Try it"
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In news overshadowed by crazy Mooch, Senate committee heard yesterday about Sergei Magnitsky, his murder, Vladimir Putin's billions stashed in the West, and Russian lobbying by the lawyer who met with Kushner and Trump Jr. .. LOUDER, Mooch
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Man charged with killing wife on Alaskan cruise ship claims "She would not stop laughing at me" defense, which kind of goes with "Murder Mystery" theme dinner taking place at same time
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Justin Trudeau continues to tick off boxes on his bucket list, gets his picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone
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Teen who falsely claimed she was raped could face 32 years in prison
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Can you tell a venomous cottonmouth and harmless water snake apart? Nope, stop reading right there
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$130 million gold in sunken WWII ship. Nazi? Actually it is, that's where ships usually sink
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Montreal is excited to host the Formula-E electric car race this weekend. Ohh, it'll be a great great day for a motorcar race, the sun shining, the roar of the...the roar of...umm, er...oh
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Fark Food Thread: Show us the dough, Farkers. It's time to break out the bread and tell us your secrets to making the good stuff
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Game of Thrones' Hot Pie opens "You Know Nothing, John Dough" bakery to sell direwolf bread. No word yet on Bolton Sausage Factory and Gendry's Rowing Camp (contains spoilers from most recent episode)
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"Robots definitely don't have to look human in order to be sexual." Fine, furries, you win this round
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Today, in media fearmongering: spontaneously exploding sunroofs
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Photoshop these red-heads
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What's that? You think your escargots de Bourgogne are from Burgundy? That they're even French? HA. Fool
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| (Some Guy) |
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The manufacturer of the Fire Ball was issued a warning for "structural fatigue" going back as far as 2007 (WARNING: Graphic video)
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News: London hoarder creates "the most dangerous house in England." Fark: By storing so many items outside his property he needs a ladder to get in through an upstairs window
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Not a Disaster Movie pitch: Cruise ship traveling with another ship through the Northwest Passage in case Cruise ship gets into trouble. There are virtually no Emergency Response assets up there. Wish Ernest Borgnine was still alive
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Pacific Fleet commander announces that the U.S. could absolutely nuke China if the president ordered it. Hang on, a Vault Tech rep is at the door asking how many points I want to put into strength
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City councilman learns body cams mean you can't bargain with officers after being arrested for DUI
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Tragedy averted as Canadian Supreme Court backs Inuit hamlet. Inuit Claudius and Inuit Gertrude await sentencing
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In Poland, it's legal to steal beer if you're naked
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Bad: your house is infested with bedbugs. Worse: infested with hobos
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Man arrested after putting dead prostitute in plastic bin and burying her in yard, apparently forgetting that you're supposed to compost them instead
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Fancy a gin and tonic sausage? Me neither, but Northern Ireland's butchers are making them anyway
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No, you're not allowed to cover the big yellow sign that says your restaurant has a roach problem
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Planning to do any chores today you've been meaning to get to? You might want to put them off one more day. Just sayin'
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Oregon scientists carry out first human gene embryo editing in US, raising the terrifying specter of a genetically enhanced Portland hipster
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Beijing detains 18 members from a banned religious cult group that believes Jesus is a Chinese woman. Then things get weird
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Surf's up for these rabbits, who ride sheep to escape the floods of New Zealand
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Wisconsin winning Powerball ticket holder has yet to come forward to claim $155 million prize
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I'm a shark. I'm a shark. Stop dragging me behind your boat at a high rate of speed. I'm a shark
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Transgender Army captain: 'This is who I am. I am a soldier. It's all I want to do'
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University professor charged with keying peoples' cars. She is cooperating as the police have a key witness
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this driftwood woodman
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Three things that you may not have known about trans soldiers, which will put you six things ahead of the President, because Smitty assumes that you already knew that trans folks aren't reverse vampires who feast on pills and drink only Cosmos
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U.S. military spends 10 times more on erectile dysfunction than transgender care
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Authorities trying to find owner of prosthetic leg. No solid leads yet but the game's afoot
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Can't I even eat a goddamned taco without being told that I'm doing it wrong?
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The Maori were right all along. Giant mega-swan once walked the earth with us
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Dealer "22 Jump Street" substitutes broccoli for weed, will shoot you for refusing to finishing your vegetables
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The hits just keep coming, folks
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Game. On
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Teacher that cartwheeled without underwear given probation for her cunning stunt
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 638: "Statuary 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 26, 2017 |
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Antivaxxers in Australia find a pricipal caught sayof and use this one weird trick to get their movie screened as an organic food documentary
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To prevent another Snowmageddon worsened by dumbass drivers, Vancouver considers fining motorists who aren't using snow tires in wintry conditions. The presumed alternative is to revoke their Canadian card
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Some French teenagers spend their summer vacations on the Côte d'Azur or the Alps. Others come to New Jersey and break into cars
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"Yes, I said a lot of crazy things. I'm ashamed of them actually. Looking back at them, it's like, wow, obviously I shouldn't drink." It's not a poster in a TFD thread, it's a defendant from the 2015 Bundy standoff in Nevada
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Pick a famous person from history and give them a Fark username. Difficulty: "Godwin" is taken
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What do the people in your state hate the most? Here's a handy map to find out. Oh, and Utah, you're not fooling anyone
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Burglar disguises himself as ghost to make it past security camera, still gets caught. Claims he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling cops
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It wasn't me, it was the one-armed, machete-wielding clown
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Relax, Monctonians, that thing in the woods you've been obsessing over for the past 50+ years was merely a CIA spy camera. "Dad would have been going around saying, 'I told you so, I told you so.' He would have been pretty excited"
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Trump: Military or Trans, you can't be both. Canadian Forces: Join us
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69 years ago today, Harry Truman ordered the racial desegregation of the U.S. military
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Toddler who was delivered on the side of Texas highway celebrates first birthday by having tea party with sheriff's deputy who delivered her (with 'Daaawwww' pics)
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Go figure. Most climate change believers haven't changed their lifestyles, just want you minions to change yours
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Please note: no matter how much you love your pets, you're still not allowed to bury them in a public park
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Then: Three percent. Second Amendment solutions. Patriotism. Now: I was manipulated into seeking fame
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Photoshop this avid swimmer
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Tank driver runs over suspected car bomb vehicle. It still blows up. With video
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As the solar eclipse approaches, NASA puts out safety tips to avoid injuries to your eyes. In other news, Fark braces for rash of 'Dumbass' 'Fail' and 'Florida' submissions
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What's some minor thing that people commonly get wrong that you can't help but correct them even though you know you should let it slide?
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Apple supplier Foxconn announces plans to build new plant in Wisconsin, creating 13,000 jobs... just as soon as it builds that plant in Pennsylvania it announced in 2013
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It looks like the CIA might be heading into twilight, spreading out their wings, jumping off the track, shoving into overdrive, and heading straight into the danger zone. Riding, if you will, into the danger zone
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Cemetery's plan to hold outdoor screening of 'Ghostbusters' leaves many cold
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Psychiatrists did not say that they can now diagnose Trump in the media, just like every other talking head does. That will be $250, please
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Woman calls RSPCA to help her remove a giant spider she found under the stairs. Upon arrival, it was determined the spider was, in fact, plastic
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Photoshop Theme: Movie mash-up posters
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Car found wrapped in plastic and buried 16 years after owner reported it stolen in insurance scam. Kids were using it for a dirt bike jump. Why yes it has Oklahoma plates
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Woman sees dead mom watering plants on Google Heaven
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Peace officer attempts to detain a teenager for the crime of Mowing While Black, which in Texas is probably a real crime
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Florida tops the list of 'best places for mancation,' because if you're going to do something stupid you might as well do it in Florida
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Couple near completion of 40 year long cross country trek to visit every Cracker Barrel in the country
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"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork." ― Peter De Vries. This is your Fark Writer's thread, unproductive edition
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Tucson brewery is going to create a beer made with recycled sewage. No word on a name yet; submitter thinks they should call it Number Tucson
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Female Iranian TV host who promotes Islamic dress code caught on video drinking beer without hijab. Oops
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Topless woman arrested by sandwich police
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Amazing that this woman, 67, who has lived on one of the world's most remote islands for 40 years alone collecting horse skulls has not driven herself crazy yet
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According to study, average Brit should be in prison
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Not news: Truck drops its load down the highway for miles and miles. Fark: It's rising yeasty bread dough that because of the heat, turned into a modern day blob and looked as if it were alive and climbing out of the truck
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German scientists are on a mission to bake bread ... IN SPACE
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"Some Christians believe you can find God anywhere; even in a strip club"
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Pickup truck slams into house. On the scene reporter interviews homeowner who apparently drank coffee until the news crew showed up
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the sun setting on this humble abode
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"Buttock surgeon killed in suspected revenge attack"
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Instead of potato chips, package contained king cobra. Would not buy again
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Panhandler's sign: "Too ugly to strip, but will let you cuss at me for a dollar." Shootings are 25 cents extra
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Intel agencies say that Best Korean missile could reach U.S. in a year. That's one slow missile
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If you're a city employee and have been breaking into female coworkers' homes and stealing their underwear, feminine products and toiletries, it's not a good idea to get caught taking pictures up their skirts at work
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The only thing worse than drinking and driving is snapchatting while drinking and driving
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New theme park opens in Alabama and locals are upset that the rides have a 225 lb. per person weight limit
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Seal pup walks 10K for a drink of milk and you're struggling to get off your couch
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| Tue July 25, 2017 |
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"The Michigan Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that sitting in a car in your own driveway while drunk constitutes drunken driving"
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Ride 'em cowdog
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You may not find beauty pageant queens very interesting, but this one is a 91-year-old who has led an extraordinary life
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| (Some Guy) |
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Only ten days remain until the 2nd Annual World Dog Surfing Championships. Book your last minute flights and hotels now
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"My future is bright. No drugs in sight." Yeah, wrong on both counts
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Bad: You're trapped upside down in your car. Worse: Train tracks
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Family retrieving murdered man's belongings find pieces of him police overlooked
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Guy driving the car with no doors, no windshield and an ax in the roof may not have been totally sober
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Petition launched to replace Confederate monument with statue of Snooty the Manatee, running the risk of future generations of Floridians believing the Civil War included trained manatee navies
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Photoshop this carriage
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If you stole hundreds of grenades and explosive charges from Portugal, pretty much every authority in Europe would like to speak with you
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Senate: 97-2. House 419-3. Veto this
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News: Men arrested trying to buy drugs. Dumbass tag: At a police station from a police officer
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Arizona craft breweries to make beer out of treated sewage water. Makers of Bud Light not impressed
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Baby killer whale dies. Babies everywhere breathe sighs of relief
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British police post photo of attractive young officer. Sexist comments have gotten so bad they've upgraded their official response from "Oh, I say" to "Wot's all this then?"
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Swiss chainsaw attacker arrested after slipping through holes in manhunt
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Cop shoots innocent victim. It was himself but he was innocent
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If your phone falls down a trash chute, just let it go, man
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Oxford council threatens homeless with £2,500 fine. That'll teach them to be destitute and starving
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Sperm count drop 'may lead to human extinction'
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Bad: Your Uber driver is obviously distracted. Worse: By the woman giving him a bj in the front seat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pointer
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Have some background on Slovenia...home of...Melania Trump and maybe that place where the kids were locked up in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
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Guys working on a bridge work crew are being assaulted by idiots who think they aren't working fast enough
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PSA: Kill it with fire is not a good way to accomplish your mission when it's a bug under the bed
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Inventor of unique topping for French fries gives it the not-offputting-at-all name "man dip"
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Sorry you got sick on our cruise, but you didn't buy the travel insurance so we're just going to leave you to die in Alaska
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Maryland brewers concerned that the state may be lagging in hop production, which would in turn force them to actually craft a variety of quality beers instead of just thinking up quirky plays on the word "hop" for their labels
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Justine Damond may have slapped police car, making it perfectly reasonable for officers to shoot her
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My favorite color is Hitler. Wait... what?
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Ken Ham, who sold the Ark Park from his for-profit LLC to his non-profit church group to get out of paying thousands in safety fees, sells it back to his for-profit LLC to keep its millions in tax rebates
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Massachusetts Supreme Court says it's illegal to hold people on ICE detainers
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Archeologists search for biblical tabernacle that housed the deadliest weapon of all time. So far, no one's face has melted off
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Cop responds to noise complaint about kids playing football in the street by joining the game. "Do you want me to do a police report, because you just got robbed"
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Forget floods, hurricanes or antarctic ice. Climate Change is helping spread a tick that makes humans allergic to red meat. EVERYBODY (finally) PANIC
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If you're going to kill yourself, at least be considerate of others. Man calls 9-1-1 to say he's going to kill himself, so they should hurry due to his organ donor status
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Woman gets infected with strange new virus by stray cat in Japan. Unfortunately it doesn't give her sexy super powers
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Black women choosing guns for self-defense, in move that simultaneously deters attackers and the NRA
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If you're trying to flee ISIS by posing as a woman, there's one VERY important feature you need to consider when changing your appearance
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Through a Scanner Farkly: The 2017 Fark Fiction Anthology has arrived. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you may want more bourbon
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Road Raging Dad: "You're under a citizen's arrest! Put your hands on the car and prepare to die!" Rest of the world: "That's not how this works. That's not how ANY of this works"
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Fox News is now number two, in more ways than one
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US Navy fires warning shots at Iranians
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New ad campaign from Dan Gilbert proclaims "See Detroit Like We Do". Apparently, they have a really good ability to not see 85% of the city
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"While in the back of a patrol car on Interstate 80, a suspect stripped off his clothes then defecated and ate his own feces, spitting them at Richmond officers"
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University of Cincinnati cop who killed an unarmed black man for not having a front license plate, and whose bodycam footage showed his story to be a total lie, has charges dismissed with prejudice
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Photoshop theme: The adventures of Florida Man
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North Carolina church accused of bringing hundreds of teens and young adults from its sister congregations in Brazil to the U.S. and forcing them to work for free and beating them when they disobeyed. Umm, didn't we fight a war about this already?
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The first rule of Fish Club is: You do not talk about Fish Club. The second rule of Fish Club is: You do not talk about Fish Club
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British cooking soon to benefit from the use of traditional American ingredients like chlorine, petroleum, acid and hormones
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Pilot said the Nazi design was just for fun
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Russia decides turnabout is fair play
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Let's see how things are going since Trump intervened in Yemen. Oh my
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If you want your license plate to be DRGDLR, DRUNK, LGLP0T, LOADED, LSD, NTOXC8, REEFER, ST0NED and 1MDRNK, D1MEBG or BONG, don't worry. Missouri goes to great lengths to smarten your stupidity
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What a pisser
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Air Force says F-35 pilots may be too reliant on oxygen while flying
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U.S. missile defense racks up another perfect success, except for the part where a sailor hit the big red button labeled "self-destruct"
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There you are enjoying your beer, when suddenly ... dead lizard
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Fake street signs begin to appear in Minneapolis warning of 'easily startled' police
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By doing this, Saudi Arabia hopes to head off future offenses
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In case you were wondering why America's best fast food burger franchise will *not* be expanding to the East Coast, here's why
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Fancy over-priced burgers at restaurants are bad ..and you should feel bad for ordering one
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Priest forced a boy to perform oral sex on him after counseling the 10-year-old about misbehaving
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Fark NotNewsletter: Proof that Farkers are smrt
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| (Design You Trust) |
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Photoshop this pensive poser and his pills
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Tonight at 8PM EDT, Paul's Memory Bank brings you 2 hours of songs beginning with the letter "T" (and 'The' doesn't count). We're going all the way back to 1939 for the first one
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He thought he had blisters from a hike, it was flesh-eating bacteria instead
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Police in Pennsylvania were looking for stolen laptops, find a $40 million bitcoin scam instead
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Naked and chasing seagulls is no way to go through...actually, strike that. That doesn't sound like a bad life at all
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NPR editorialist wants you to know that she doesn't watch any of the television shows you do. Are you listening? I SAID SHE DOESN'T WATCH ANY OF THE SHOWS YOU DO
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Police arm K-9 unit with naloxone in case of dog overdose. Told you goldendoodles are a gateway drug
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Charlie Gard's parents: "never mind"
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Photoshop Buster Keaton and his doll
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U.S. malls are offering something you cannot buy on Amazon: people punching each other
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You owe your boss 8 additional hours of work per week to make up for all the time you waste on your smartphone
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FBI surveillance van from the eighties for sale on Ebay. Worth about as much as an eighties van without a bunch of outdated old surveillance equipment
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Add summer camp to the list of things being ruined by helicopter parents
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By 2100, Florida's economy will be one of the strongest in the US, thanks to all the new scuba diving destinations
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Two women caught at airport trying to smuggle 4kg of gold in their underwear. Au my
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Welcome to your new job as a programmer. Here is your employee ID card, your lanyard, and the microchip we would like to implant in you
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-07-16 to Sat 2017-07-22
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British boffins at NHS advise doctors to only prescribe real medicine and stop prescribing £90,000 a year in placebos
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Trump hints of Rudy Giuliani replacing Sessions as Attorney General
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GOP consultant claims: "Kid Rock would be 'prohibitive favorite' if he enters Michigan Senate race"
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When Swiss people are going nuts and attacking people with chainsaws, you know the world has finally gone to hell
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For $75 and a 250-word essay, you can own a bookstore in Wellsboro, Pennsylvania
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Asshat "social media star" booted from Disney Channel show after Disney discovers he's an asshat
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Photoshop this football player assembler
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Being literate and not having a crazy person as President helps Canadians deal with and actually have health care
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Texas man ordered to pay $82,000 in child support for kid who isn't his
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Your request for information about gutting the Freedom of Information Act has been denied
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Ten-year-old boy described by police as "flashy" cuts off his ankle monitor the day after being charged with stealing a car and steals another one, making it his fourth arrest for car theft in six weeks. I predict a bright future for this young man
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Today's waste of money is brought to you by Luxury Toothpicks
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After the 2016 election, otters see us as sufficiently weakened to begin their long planned uprising
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