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| Sun May 14, 2017 |
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Let us now praise single mothers, the unsung this Mother's Day
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Happy Mother's Day - and by the way, mom says you dads are a bunch of useless farksticks
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Corrupt police chief actually held accountable and sentenced to 3 years in prison for obstructing the FBI. Pigs seen flying in LA
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Yes, the tape exists, and it reveals a lot. (Warning: Not safe for work)
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This Mother's Day, get your wife the one thing she really wants: A useful husband
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Finally the Congress gets to work on something dear and important to us winos, making sure our wine will soon pack a higher alcohol content
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Photoshop this Italian race
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What does it take to get $170K in stolen bees back? A sting, duh
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Someone stole a "$1800 luxury stroller" at Disney World [Facepalm] "$1800 luxury stroller"
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Well, the first clue was that they were nachos bought from A GAS STATION
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Photoshop this hot and steamy moment
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Finally, a truly ingenious 6 second method on how to hide from the police
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"You want a snack? Here, have a nice piece of fruit." Yes, moms are wise ... but what are the best fruits to enjoy on a Snack Food (Mother's Day) Sunday?
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Howdy there, young whippersnapper. This is a stickup. Give me everything in the register. Also, get off my lawn
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Things could be worse ... you could have a public relations job at United
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Kentucky cookie monster charged with stealing $15,000 worth of Girl Scout cookies
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Prospective employer says a job seeker is "worth an interview if only for a laugh" and calls her an "odd ball." Not surprisingly, someone has a problem with this
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"Ginormous fondue pot, bubbling over with piping hot awesomesauce." Who said that? Was it a) a ten-year-old getting a new gaming console, b) a millennial talking about their new favorite band, or c) a spacewalking astronaut on the ISS?
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For the record, Hobby Lobby is not closing all its stores, David Bowie was not kidnapped by demons, the New York Times' license was not suspended by the State Department, and Sarah Palin did not wake up from a coma
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Photoshop Theme: First the bushes...where else has Spicey been hiding?
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CSB Sunday Morning: Your Mom
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Nearly 1,000 students, teachers and staff in northern California's Yolo County laid low by the norovirus. #yolo
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LOLs. U can't talk 2 your professor like this
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Woman woken by sound of her car horn honking, surprised to discover 200-pound black bear inside. Officer recommends to "always lock your car doors", bears repeating
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Mom is worth billions
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| (Some Guy) |
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Treasonous descendants of traitors fire up the torches to defend statue of treasonous General, treasonously chanting 'Russia is our Friend'. Treason
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Prince Harry's father is still strokin'
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It's all fun and games 'til your wedding turns in to a 30-strong brawl
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The latest thing making you fat? Carbonated water
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Uh...hasn't it always been?
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| Sat May 13, 2017 |
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Teacher caught having sex with a student uses the old "he seduced me" excuse. Fark: At 2 a.m. (with mugshot)
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Something you don't read every day: Florida woman attacked by a camel at Jefferson Davis' last home
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| (patribotics) |
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Louise Mensch and Claude Taylor report sealed indictment against Donald Trump
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If you resort to beating your 6-year-old son for making a Mother's Day card for his grandmother instead of you, it should be obvious even to you why he chose her
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Country Church
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JetBlue ruins family vacation over a carry-on birthday cake and ... oh, look, video
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Do not watch this video of a boy asking his step dad to adopt him if you're not keen on spending your Saturday afternoon in a puddle of tears
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North Korea continues waging war against Atlantis
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| (Vogue.in) |
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"I am dismissive and (sometimes) contemptuous of food that is made with a narrow world view as its first priority. This is not the case in India, one of the few places on earth where eating vegetarian is not a burden"
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Today is National Apple Pie Day. Thank you, Jason Biggs
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You know, Fark hasn't had a good 'squatter' thread in a while
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Photoshop theme: Create a new plant
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If you know who this elegant lady was, Norwegian police would like to talk to you. Because they've been wondering for almost half a century (Warning: disturbing pic included in story)
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Murderer seeks execution by firing squad ... Fark: Because lethal injection is "too painful"
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The fastest rising baby name in the U.S. is Kylo Ren after parents determine that the name Donald is just too evil
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15 sharks have fins to the left, fins to the right, and you're the only bait in town
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LSD may be a great brain-enhancing supplement that could help humanoids beat computers in games with a creative element played inside a crystal palace with flocks of ostriches hovering above the seven jesters jestering in lakes of vibrant gold eels
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| (Stance Is Everything) |
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Boxy but gooder: The curious culture of low-rider Volvos
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UFO hunters claim 'Alien tank' was left behind on the moon by extraterrestrial army. Uh huh...alrighty then
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Use a plastic bat to defend your kid from a crazy attacking goose? That's a fowl ticket
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| (Some Book Guy) |
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A wise man once said, "Never judge a book by the movie." But sometimes, Hollywood gets it right...and sometimes, dare we say it, the movie was better. Share your adaptation opinions with the rest of the Saturday Morning Book Club
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What you should never say on your dating profile, according to research. Surprisingly, "I am a regular user of fark.com" not included
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Photoshop this falling Kermit
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Twin Cities Fark Party. Because Twin Cities Fark Party
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Holocaust survivor shares a flat with a granddaughter of Nazis. Is it just me or do I smell a zany television pilot here?
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Raisin, who started out life as an unwanted kitten who was deemed defective, has found her perfect home - working at a Vet clinic, where she helps and inspires patients and clients every single day. Including (of course) Caturday
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From the "If you can't beat 'em join 'em" department: This year's Bear Creek High yearbooks have celebrities splashed throughout mostly so the cash-strapped journalism program can survive. And the kids love it, don't ya know
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"DHS reports you can come on board with your antlers, artificial skeleton bones, adults toys, balloons (uninflated), body armor, Harry Potter wands..." Wait, what?
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Why are children's toys so boring?
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It's the middle of May again, so it's time for the yearly envy of Norwegian month long high school graduation binge party, described as "like Burning Man, but with socialized medicine"
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A good lawyer will work tirelessly to free you from jail. A great lawyer will smuggle drugs in for you
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| Fri May 12, 2017 |
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What is the nation's most lustful city? It's in Florida of course. And it doesn't hurt that its initials are the same as 'friends with benefits'
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Fukushima nuclear clean-up firm accused of "creating" bamboo forest via creative camera angles, forwarding pics to city government in order to "clean it up" and get fat decontamination payouts
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Don't call it a comeback. Ebola was here the whole time
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🎵 His Maserati did 144 / Killed a woman, now he's done for 🎵
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Agriculture teacher sexually harassed by fellow high school teacher, department head with "vile" text messages involving her "anatomy, powdered sugar, sex, cows, gallons of lube, artificial insemination, long plastic gloves and more"
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The Philippines just bought a warship from South Korea for $100. No word how much they outbid Canada by
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Topless cleaner steals undergarments
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As graduation prank, students create 6ft penis mural made from teachers' pictures. (Probably safe for work)
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Wikileaks offers $100,000 bounty on the Trump-Comey tape
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And NOW, Former AG Holder to current AG Sessions on his new initiatives: "You mean dumb on crime"
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NYPD working hard to figure out which transit cop drew a penis on a traffic ticket
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Photoshop this racer
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Jerry Falwell Jr. expects this year's Liberty University commencement speaker Donald Trump "to tell [graduates] what he wants to do to make their careers run more smoothly and make it easier for them to raise families"
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Spider Calf, Spider Calf, he'll give you more beef shanks by half
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This guy paid strippers to do their thing on somebody else's porch so he could watch and do his own thing. Bonus: Pimps peering in the windows
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China gave its new aircraft carrier an interesting name
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Ventriloquist denies that his puppet 'Grisweld the Super Dog' made sexual remarks to a woman in the street
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'Niagara Falls' and 'feces' - two strings of letters that should never appear in the same sentence
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Meth logic: Man arrested for 'masturbating vigorously' did so because he hates Portland
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Chinese motorcyclist miraculously survives fiery explosion in video that finally answers the question of 'Where did all the engineers who designed the Pinto end up working?'
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Photoshop this ghastly grabber
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Uh, Lieutenant; what were you doing 20 feet from a Russian plane? "Communicating. Keeping up foreign relations. I was, uh, you know, giving him 'the bird'"
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| (Some Guy) |
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When you need a law firm to certify that you have no financial connection to Russia you should really avoid the 2016 Russian Law Firm of the Year
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New simulation program aims to overcome air travel anxiety, possibly by letting people virtually experience being beaten by airport police or snarled at by rabid United Airline attendants
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UK hospitals report major computer issues after massive cyber attack, so I guess socialized medicine isn't all that great after all, huh?
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Couple who lost a ton of weight are set to tie the knot. They've already turned that lost weight into a whole extra set of people which is an option subby was unaware of
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I don't know what killed Cthulhu but its body just washed up in Indonesia
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Status of laptop ban on US bound flights from Europe downgraded from "Happening" to "¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
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Caitlyn no longer a popular name for girls. In fact, all four versions of the name Caitlyn have fallen from the top 1000 names of girls. Hmmm... wonder why?
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Drugs, Lionel Messi, AK47s, glock pistols, smugglers...sorry, it's Friday and I'm too tired to form a coherent headline. Just read the damn thing
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"Secretary of State Rex Tillerson signed on Thursday a declaration acknowledging the threat posed by climate change to the Arctic and indicating the need for action to curb its impact on the region." *blink blink* What the hell just happened?
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Chuck Norris delights, hydrates fans in Utah
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United flight delayed after 'scorpion reportedly emerged from a customer's clothing' First words reportedly 'Here I am'
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"Dear Rolf, you better not be fooling around with those Trinidadian island girls over there or I'll castrate you when you get back"
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| (Some Folks) |
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Photoshop these happy bowlers
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Meet the mysterious upstairs tenant in that creepy house-for-sale listing
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Ask your SO if an open marriage is right for you ... go on and ask
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SeaWorld dolphin is pregnant despite being on birth control. I blame the sperm whales
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President Bannon turned to politics after Ducking out at the Cannes film festival
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Teenage girl in trouble for stuffing a GUINEA PIG in the wrong place and, of course, taking a video of it
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Witnesses say black man did nothing to provoke police shooting. Except for violating the "watchu looking at" law passed back in the eighties
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Barney the cocker spaniel has ridden 64,000 miles on two wheels
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| Thu May 11, 2017 |
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O'Duh
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Joe Camel has some competition from Benson & Hedges Bunny
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"The department doubled-down on their assertion that the drug recognition expert is better at detecting marijuana in a driver than scientific tests." Welcome to Jeff Sessions' America
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"As police officers, we see all sides of life. We have a front row to see the terribly sad and the extremely funny. That being said, this video falls into the category of the extremely funny"
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NYU accidentally exposes military code-breaking computer project to entire internet
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Which are your favorite mushrooms to cook with? Do you build recipes around them or are they accents to meals you like to make? Show us the tastiest ways to use this popular fungus we find among us
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Horse served at Pennsylvania restaurant. Is that OK? They say Neigh
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| (Some Spirited Gal) |
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Motivate yourself to photoshop this speaker
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Hey, since it's Thursday, let's do last week's Fark Weird News Quiz
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Springtime in New York: the air is warmer, the trees have leaves and the bodies in the Central Park Reservoir start popping up
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"Watch a dog sniff its way around town, smelling grass, fire hydrants and butts along the way. You might think 'wow, I'll never be able to do that.' But why not? Have you even tried?" Well, yeah, that's what led to the restraining order. DUH
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Those without basic kitchen knife skills have created a new epidemic: the "Avocado Hand." The dreaded "Mango Thumb" should be following shortly
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Meet the photographer who took the "Lunchtime atop a skyscraper" picture
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Enterance caught sayof
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Florida man killed by fire hydrant after being sucked under car. At least he died with a smile on his face
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Former Florida Congress Critter Corrine Brown found guilty in 18 of 24 federal corruption charges, wearing crazy wigs
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Photoshop this happy washerwoman
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"Popular" clown dies unexpectedly. The frowns won't have to be painted on at the funeral
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12 years ago today, Leeroy Jenkins single handedly stormed his way into internet history. As the debate continues on whether it was staged or not, one thing remains certain: Leeroy loves his chicken
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Girl posts her grandmother's epic resignation letter online, and since this is in the Metro they have to show a cleavage baring shot of the granddaughter
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"I was baking brownies. That's when I saw the bear"
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| (Some Guy) |
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She seems pretty cheerful for being accused of attempted murder (with mugshot goodness)
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Family demands to know how a 200-pound antique anvil disappeared from Area 51. The truth is out there, and it apparently involves Wile. E. Coyote in a flying saucer
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Apparently in Florida, going to an 'alternative school' means you can twerk in class
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50-year-old man has surgeons remove two ballpoint pens he swallowed when he was 14
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Man sues in 'obliterated penis' case. 'Discombobulated penis' and 'defenestrated penis' cases hinge on the outcome
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Who knew a PT Cruiser could reach speeds as high as 100mph? And since the driver died in the police chase, we can't ask how he achieved this feat
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"Pikachu, Christ...is...with youuuuuuu" *throws pokeball*
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New £5 bank notes join the war on drugs in the UK, leave people 'Winstoned' when they use them to snort cocaine
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Well, bless your heart. Twenty-one passive-aggressive comments Southern women use amongst themselves. We'll all pray for you little darlings, sure 'nough
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Canadian girlfriends, domestic citrus, and NFL drug testing. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-04-30 to Sat 2017-05-06
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Spanish lawmakers vote to exhume Francisco Franco
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Photoshop Lee getting a sponge bath
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Dylann Roof doing his best to make the court think he's nuts
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Church bans yoga from premises because it's non-Christian
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Once the United Kingdom removes itself from the European Union, that heart of the EU will be located in Westerngrund, Bavaria. Sicily will still be the taint
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It's probably time we honestly ask ourselves if we're truly prepared to survive a national emergency
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"In this incident, she allegedly exposed herself to a police officer and removed a dandelion from her vagina"
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The state of Vermont is now one signature away from legalizing recreational marijuana
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Man arrested for multiple incidents involving a fetish he refers to as "cranking" which entails removing a vehicle's spark plug wires to make the vehicle run roughly to help reach sexual self-gratification. I'm done with the internet for today
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Woman claims she was refused permission to use the toilet during a flight. She then asked the cabin crew for two cups and had to improvise. United Airlines is considering adding a "pee fee" and cup rental charge
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 627: "Happy Farktography Anniversary 12". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 10, 2017 |
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Masked gunmen storm Florida Denny's as the latest front in the Waffle House Wars opens
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Someone's not getting a tip
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"Money makes you more likely to exhibit the characteristics of being a jerk"
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This ransomware now pegs its extortion price to the local cost of a Big Mac in a victim's home nation, because these cybercriminals understand that people make less money in Mongolia than in France
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Political artist says war with North Korea inevitable. In his past life, he was a regime propagandist for the Kims
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"Boo hoo... I'm too good-looking to find a boyfriend"
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Florida man pulls gun on home intruder, shames him with a photo
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Mail carrier assaulted with fireworks really doesn't want to see them legalized, at least with his remaining eye
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When you're on Death Row you don't get to pick which way you die
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| (CNN Greece) |
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Photoshop this man bringin' the heat
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Every inmate in a Colorado prison will have a computer tablet by the end of 2017. Will figure out how to make prison wine with them shortly
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If the headline asks a question, man
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Mysterious silver pods appear in Seattle. Pod people soon to follow, or at least heroin users
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Seven-foot python found slithering down a street in France. Unverified and untrue reports claim locals first regarded it with snooty indifference, then ate it
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Alabama TV station reminding residents where local fallout shelters are, just in case
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Branch Dildonian sympathizer appears before judge for ratting out FBI informants. Odds are he'll replace Comey
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Dog saves hikers from grizzly bear, will guest host for Colbert next week
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Photoshop these wannabe fish
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'Sir, I'm not going to lie; I sell dope' Points for honesty
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Man gets shot in the head, then runs to nearby gas station to see if they could call for help, and maybe some of those nachos with the hot cheese from the machine, too
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"Hey Mr. Gullible, since you have such a big d*ck why don't you meet me at Buckingham Palace for a threesome?" (not safe for work images on page)
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♫ Flintstones - meet the Flintstones - they've got a lien on your family van...♫
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This just in from the Romero Institute: "Don't build on flood plains"
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Old and busted: getting busy in a Burger King bathroom. New hotness: getting busy in a McDonald's dining room
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Adult film star faked shark attack because she wanted "viral" video
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Jimmy John's founder denies he's the naked guy seen in a photo humping a shark. Which sounds like something a naked guy humping a shark would say
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Raw milk is killing people, CDC warns. Just to be on the safe side, make sure you fire up the grill and get a good sear on the next gallon you buy
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Iran tests high-speed torpedoes after finally discovering how to launch them from their fleet of military donkeys
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Wait, you can get drunk off vanilla extract?
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Anne Frank Memorial defaced with racist, anti-Semitic messages. At least that's what they told her
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"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." -Douglas Adams. THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread, deadline or not edition
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Mother goose nests on couple's balcony - apparently a hockey fan: "We put an iPad out on the deck so she could watch the Oilers game...she hissed at the Ducks"
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The glory of GovCo contracting: Burn an interstate bridge, set a completion date with LOTS of fluff, complete the work waaay ahead of stated date, collect heeewge bonus
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Cops bust giant cock fighting ring. 130 fighting cocks seized. Many cocks had to be euthanized in some sort of cock gas chamber or something. Other cocks survived the ordeal uninjured. Cock. 🐓
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Everest climber found hiding in cave to avoid £8k fee
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Utah's liquor laws strike again
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Why would you even start to cheese off a 77-year-old woman with a chain saw who has demonstrated that she is not afraid to use it?
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Admit it, you want one
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Arcade group says that ticket and claw games will no longer be "rigged". You can totally trust them this time. Pinky swear
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"Why were you throwing bricks at cars?" "The Lord told me to throw bricks at white men"
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Photoshop this friendly visitor
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Yelling questions at Tom Price (HHS Secretary) - You bet that's an arresting development
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Frat bros who let their brother die after falling down the stairs are asked what they did before the fall. "Uh. I'd rather confess to the murder"
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If your spouse's parents' approach to raising your child seems outdated and antiquated, you should get over yourself and just be glad they're helping out
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Need a cannon to reinforce your home defense systems? Have we got the estate sale for you. Bonus: We got some Cyndi Lauper stuff too
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RIP porn magnate Richard Basciano, who helped make Times Square the fun place it was, before Giuliani and Disney ruined it
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Wait... I get to smuggle puppies AND I get a speedboat? Why was this never presented as a career option in high school?
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Good advice for Mother's Day: Try not to give Mom stolen merchandise
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1 in 10 couples have split up over: A) Money, B) Sex, or C) Trump
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Present-day Goldilocks found sleeping in a bed after breaking into house. No word if she ate porridge and was found by three bears. Also, alcohol was involved
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Okay, which one of you Farkers is writing headlines for the Wanganui Chronicle?
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Oopsies. Looks like U.S. Navy cruiser USS Lake Champlain needs a new captain
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| Tue May 09, 2017 |
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They had me at machine gun robot
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Primitive humans also had funerary customs, burying their dead with purpose and intent, fear of a zombie uprising
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Run of altercations included none-too-sweet attack with gummy bears
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Teenagers can still take their clothes off for money on Bourbon Street
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Häagen-Dazs giving away free cones to generate Häagen-Buzz
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Sam the lost 17ft python has found his way home, presumably with fewer dog and cat companions than his incredible journey started with
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In an attempt to reclaim his title as oldest person to climb Everest, Nepalese mountaineer claims the new title of oldest person to die at Everest base camp
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A drone crashing into a bike race is every cyclist's nightmare
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HOUSE FOR SALE: 2,656 sq ft, 4Br 3Ba, as-is/no warranty. Upstairs apt can't be shown under any circumstances. Occupant has never paid rent and no sec. deposit is being held but there is a lease in place. *Great diamond in the rough investment.* $130K
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ISIS claiming it beheaded a Russian officer in Syria, a move which will in no way escalate anything, anywhere
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CEO of Australian carrier Qantas takes a pie to the face. Looked like, I say, looked like he was in one of them Boo Cocky contests. Look at me when I'm talkin' at you
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Friendly deer follow turkey hunters around, lick shotgun barrel
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Handheld screen use by toddlers now linked to speech delays. Parents should become concerned when their child's first words are "Super Mario Brothers"
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Photoshop this pantry ponderer
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Teen jumps into Zebra enclosure on a dare. Testosterone. It's a helluva drug
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Because this makes as much sense as anything else in the queue today. Post whatever makes you *dog head tilt*
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Jakarta governor found guilty of blasphemy, an Elvis-like fashion sense
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Gun rights blogger becomes gun control statistic
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Plastic surgeons say that women are asking to look like Ivanka Trump. No requests yet for the Donald Trump look as it's just too hard to surgically attach a wolverine to someone's head
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'Silver Man' arrested in Kentucky, in what is probably going to be an archrival of Florida Man somewhere down the road
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No more Le Pen niece for you
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We're in trouble / POTUS is crazy / We need a distraction / so Comey, maybe?
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Meanwhile in Canada: Angry beaver stops traffic; police on scene
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After long weekend batting scores of rabid dingoes, koalas, and stingrays, Austrian judge returns to appeals court, rules that Facebook must delete all troll posts and hate speech across worldwide platform
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| (Some Chubby Guy) |
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On this day in 1962, a pulse light laser beam sent by a team of scientists from MIT successfully bounced off the moon, freaking out cats across the globe
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Want to live over the age of 70? Don't live in 3 counties in South Dakota and one in North Dakota. Also, you can live the longest in Colorado, presumably on Maui Wowie and Cheetos
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Next on 'Real Parole Violations Of New Jersey Housewives'
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Please note: do not approach or taunt Florida Fruitland monkeys
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In the never-ending struggle between man and train, train wins again
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"Rape Table" was part of training for Customs officers at Newark Airport. No word on if they had a "rape tower" also
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We may have hit peak Florida with this one
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Teen: "Hey Wendy's - How many retweets for a year's worth of nuggets?" Wendy's: 18 million Teen: "Challenge accepted" Wendy's smirks as the previous record was 3.4m, then does an 'oh, sh*t'
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Photoshop this yummy subway ride
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Crazy kinky tourists slither to Canada for world's largest snake orgy
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It's the damnedest thing: You settle one or two sexual harassment suits for eight-figures and suddenly every one ELSE you've discriminated against for decades starts popping up
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Meet the last living Nuremberg prosecutor, A Jewish kid from Brooklyn who enlisted as a private fresh out of law school, stormed the beaches of Normandy on D-Day, and ended up bringing 22 SS commanders responsible for 1 million deaths to justice
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When traveling the remote regions of our planet, you may find yourself at Canada's new arctic air hub where the runways are gravel and they only have one set of steps able to reach plane doors. Oh, and the baggage handlers are polar bears
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The rabbit died and now United needs to pay which I believe was the plot of Shirley Temple's first movie after she reached puberty
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Cockfosters
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In update to their customer service policies, United now willing to cancel your ticket if you record their employees during public dispute
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Why is May 9th so important to Russians? Because they understand the value of punching Nazis and must commemorate it every year. Also they love to show off their mil-penis
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Slowing down and doing less is the way to achieve greatness. Which explains why so many people are familiar with the name of Tim Tebow
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At that price buy yourself 3 whole lobsters, cook 'em yourself and get at least TWO lobster rolls outta them
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Airport heckler comes after Kellyanne Conway. Her response, "Here, someone hold my earrings"
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Tunnel collapses at plutonium uranium extraction plant in Washington. Libyan Terrorists report they'll still be able to make their delivery to Hill Valley research lab
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There's 'having a few on a flight to calm your nerves' drinking, and then there's 'swearing at everyone, threatening to open a door mid-flight and almost getting the plane diverted' drinking. Guess which one this is
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Due to metal detectors to prevent cheating, students in India taking undergrad entrance exams must do so without wearing bras
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FCC claims their servers crashing as a result of John Oliver's net neutrality segment on "Last Week Tonight" was a denial of service attack
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Experts declare the metrosexual DEAD, proclaim this the era of the "spornosexual" man who is competing with the "lumbersexual" man for your rapt attention. Somehow Brexit is mixed up in all this
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The sad saga of the Topeka CRV Lady, perhaps the world's worst driver; She's so bad, there's a Facebook page dedicated to warning people where she is on the road
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Palliative care doctor claims we need a rethink on how we view the end of life, as death and dying remains a big taboo. He's right, once you die, you don't get invited to the good parties anymore
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Bumble Bee agrees to plead guilty in tuna price fixing scheme. Which is strange because everyone knows sardine oil is the best for robots
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Man tries to buy 1955 Chevy with bitcoins. "Never heard it before or anything, but we went on the computer and looked at it and it says it's in Wal-mart, so I figured it had to be legit"
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If this is going to be that kind of party I'm going to throw this cranky lady into the pool
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Obama to continue architectural tradition of butt-ugly presidential libraries. His will look like a legless AT-AT
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Peak loneliness for men is at age 35. For many, it's that insecure time right between marriage number two and three
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It took New Jersey politicians 6 years to figure out what to do about Snooki getting paid to speak on campus: a new law that will change nothing
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How do you write a headline about getting an eel surgically removed from your bunghole? Anyone?
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Airport brawl erupts after people realize they can't leave Florida
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Physicians unveil the world's first colonoscopy robot, showing that great medical advances sometimes really are just pulled out of someone's butt
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Can't improve this one: "Cow sex suspect hunted by police helicopter"
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Digital highway sign a little too honest for some people
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Eh, you know if it weren't for that American revolution thingy we could have been Canada
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Nietzsche is blamed for WWI and Nazism, and maligned as the godfather of postmodern relativism, but a case could also be made that he was a champion of the Enlightenment
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Flying over the Atlantic? Better bring a good book, because the carry-on electronics ban might be about to expand to cover ALL flights to the U.S.
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Things you should NEVER say to a pregnant lady. Basically pretty much anything if you want to live
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The listing calls it a charming brick bungalow on a quiet street close to schools, parks AND FULL OF CLOWNS - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH
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Anonymous warns world to 'prepare' for World War 3, as if the world hasn't been doing that since January 20th
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Alaska's octo-mom cranks out another one
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University of Florida football Coach Jim McElwain denies he's the naked guy seen in a photo humping a shark. Which sounds like something a naked guy humping a shark would say
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Photoshop this forgotten future magnetic levitation train
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Due to anti-vaccination fervor, chickenpox is back in Southern California. Hopefully no-one will die but so what if they do. As long as we got our anti-science way, that's all that counts
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Someone left a pineapple at an art show and it got mistaken for art. "It's the funniest thing that has happened all year"
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Family's only car, a '04 KIA with 200,000 miles is stolen, involved in police chase before thief gets stuck on railroad tracks. Fark: thieves with badges demand $300.00 in towing, impound fees from them; "We're totally blindsided"
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I see your Hillary Clinton, Pennsylvania DUI suspect, and raise you Darth Vader, Memphis Surgical Tech: "Once I got through high school and the girls were digging it, I thought, 'I can use this to my advantage'"
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Irish beach returns after disappearing for 30 years, which means that soon we'll be threatened with the pale white horror of Irish people at the beach
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Rachel Canning, the spoiled little brat who tried to sue her own parents for child support, has come back under fire for her racially insensitive Cinco de Mayo post
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♫ Five, five block, five block furlong ♫
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Seattle Police officer arrested in drug sting. To be fair, they can't plant them if they don't get them from somewhere
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Man steals knife from store, threatens loss prevention staff by waving it at them and then dies after stabbing himself with it. Huh, yeah, seems legit to me
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Is your meth contaminated with deadly gluten? This police department will check it for free
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Man attempts new DIY sex reassignment procedure on himself. Man, that hadda hurt
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Researchers from the Florida Institute for Technology develop device to search for alien worlds, possibly in hopes of finding another Florida out there in the stars
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US creates elite spy unit to infiltrate Best Korea and gather intelligence on Kim Jong-un (Not safe for work content in sidebar)
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But really, who hasn't jumped into the Giraffe Pen for a better view after a few beers?
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Northern Michigan University to debut body farm, hopes for a killer crop in the fall
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Fark NotNewsletter: Holster your rooster and read this
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Not news: Cops find driver crying because he doesn't want to go to jail. Fark: Driver is 8 years old and sitting in drunk Mom's lap
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Photoshop theme: Animals dressed as humans in movie scenes
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Man walks up the pulpit during church services, pulls his pants down and shows his quarter inch killer to parishioners because "The Lord told me to do it." Amen
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Jacob Dekema, the man who is to blame for 6 lanes of bumper-to-bumper traffic in California, has died at a weirdly appropriate age
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From the office of Dear God Why, I bring you a James Patterson / Bill Clinton collaboration
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Tonight at 8PM EDT, Paul's Memory Bank continues with Part 2 of songs beginning with "L", it's like the swing through the alphabet got slowed down a bit
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Ryanair staff practices collective punishment on entire flight when passenger fails to comply with instructions
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Old chef yells at 'cloud eggs'
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If you left a black suitcase stuffed with eight bricks of heroin in a yellow cab last week, New York police would like to have a word with you
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Have you ever rented arm candy to attend social events as your fake spouse because your real spouse was too awkward or ugly to be seen with? "It was an act of deception, but in my line of work, image and status are important - it's everything"
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You could be sitting on a goldmine in your own home. You just have to scrape it off your stove
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Headline claims "Sinkholes now appearing in the wrong places". But have they ever appeared in any right places?
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Tiny house village opened for homeless people, allowing them to finally experience the joys of being mocked for being millennials
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Photoshop this cat, winner gets a TotalFark sponsorship (details in thread)
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You know things are bad when Paris isn't the most embarrassing member of the clan
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Man breaks into house, steals gun, electronics, jewelry, grandpa's ashes. With mugshot of grandpa ash thief
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Let's flip & sell Ted Bundy's house, what's the worst that can happen?
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You know when they say 'he died doing what he loved'? Well that probably doesn't apply to this guy, unless what he loved was falling out of the windows of castles
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"Sleeping with my wife's corpse was a great way to grieve"
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"Welcome to the post office, how can I help you?" "Yeh, ummmm, I want some stamps and envelopes and also to verify my age so I can watch porn"
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Strip club classifies dancers as therapists to avoid paying state taxes. Court disagrees. Payment to be made in singles
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Twins do everything together, even get arrested on their birthday
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In the 1960s, it was "If we've lost Walter Cronkite, we've lost America." In the Twenty-teens, it's "piss off John Oliver and your website is toast." The FCC's servers melt down after John Oliver urges viewers to comment to save net neutrality
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Böögg, the giant snowman predicts a hot summer ahead just after the Swiss population burn him at the stake and his head explodes
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Running short of excuses for delays, rail operator tries the old llamas on the line ploy
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If you bought some gold bars from a couple of teenagers in Oregon, I have some bad news for you
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Three years and five months after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, it was over
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Idiot with baseball bat goes to confront driver about his driving. The driver, an MMA fighter, gives him a quick lesson on why that was a really bad idea
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FYI Hell doesn't have access to the rainbow bridge
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Sausage recalled at BJ's
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Bad: Heading into the next UN climate summit to figure out the rules for implementing the climate-rescue Paris Agreement, the numbers look pretty bad for planet Earth. Worse: Trump wants to rewrite the math
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Police incident cleared in Harrisburg after 4 hours and the involvement of SWAT, but nothing to see move along
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Well, it's just after eight o'clock, and time for the penguin on top of your Falkland Islands to explode. I said, it's time to explode. Aren't you going to explode?
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The Anchorage Police Department does not approve of a bill that would make it illegal for officers to have sexual contact with any prostitutes they're investigating
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RIP, Pepe the Frog. Donations in lieu of flowers to the Anti-Fascist Network, the LGBT foundation, or the Human Rights Campaign please
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The first national satanic monument is in...Minnesota?
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Horrific abuse and a coverup shows a Penn State fraternity learned all the wrong lessons from JoePa
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4:14 p.m: A Columbia Falls man reported that his neighbor's dog is a jerk
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And the award for the most tasteless Cinco De Mayo party 2017 goes to Hennessey's Tavern in Orange County for setting up an inflatable border wall and handing out "free drink" green cards
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Tents do not work as personal flotation devices
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A record-breaking 29 babies were born on the same day at Nebraska's Methodist Women's Hospital
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Protip: If you call the police about illegally parked cars in front of your business, try not to be the one who drilled holes in more than 20 of their tires
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The explanation for why there is a worm at the bottom of tequila
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HOLY ANCIENT CURSES, BATMAN: 7,000 bodies from a 19th century asylum discovered buried under Ole Miss campus
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These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
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