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| Sun May 07, 2017 |
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Man dies after being ejected from his own car which then ran over him. The Darwin list squad has been alerted. New on ABC
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Over 50,000 Germans remain displaced after British bombing missions. In fact, this is a repeat from 1944 ... only with less "big splosions here" action (we hope)
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Teacher suspended for making a Trump piñata. Which raises the question, what do you fill a Trump piñata with?
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"Well, that's every shoe in the place. Unless, of course, you'd like to try the cruel shoes"
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What is more shocking: A teacher dragging a pre-schooler through the hallway, or that she was fired almost immediately? Tag for the teacher, because Fark won't let us submit two tags at once
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Woman asks airline to refund her $15 bag charge after they lose her luggage. Airline refuses. Yep, that's a lawsuit ... and a federal appeals court just said it was okay to go to trial
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Elderly deaf man fined £85 for constantly playing porn too loud. I SAID, ELDERLY DEAF...oh nevermind
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English millionaire builds 10,000 sq ft. mini casino complete with bowling ally and squash courts. Neighbor puts up fence to hide the magnificence. Most British argument ensues. The Sun is there
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Seriously, haven't we all learned by now to NEVER GO SWIMMING in a Florida lake?
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Retirement community prevails upon politicians to A) maintain Medicare benefits, B) step up Alzheimer's Research, or C) keep the Winn-Dixie across the street open. "Can you imagine if I had to walk to Walmart to get groceries? I'd pass out on the sidewalk"
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North Korea arrests another American for "hostile acts." Why...why would any American still be there? Oh, because Jesus
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In 1971, Buddy Rich warned us about country music. WE DIDN'T LISTEN
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"Illegally trafficked cigarettes now have a higher profit margin than cocaine, heroin, marijuana or guns"
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Next time you're shipping a million-dollar antique via express delivery, maybe splurge on a little more bubble wrap
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Liberté, Equalité, Évitez la Stupidité
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| (Some Soda Guy) |
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Snack Food Sunday straps on its armor, girds its loins, and prepares to head into the trenches: it's time to re-start the Soda Wars. Which is best? Which is worst? And why do some people still call it "pop"?
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Hmmm, for some reason people in blue states and people who voted for Hillary Clinton don't want to vacation on the beaches of the Deep South
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Don't you just hate when you clean out a closet and find an unexploded WWII bomb?
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Vermont may be the next state to legalize recreational THC, make some cows really happy
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The most bizarre clam eruption you'll see all day. This is not a euphemism
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It might seem like a good idea, but there's one thing you should definitely NOT do when you're packing luggage to head overseas
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This bird's too sexy for its wing, too sexy for its wing, but listen to it sing, And it's too sexy for its bones, to sexy for its bones, but check out those tones, And it's too sexy for this song
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Photoshop these soccer headers
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| (Some Guy) |
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CSB Sunday Morning: Some assembly required
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Methinks they doth protest too much
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Nun arrested for abusing deaf children? Didn't see that one coming
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Airport security adopts new ceiling spy technology
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NEVER try and lasso a shark. Caution, graphic photos
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of eclectic music hosted live by a farker (9PM AKDT/10PM PDT)
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| Sat May 06, 2017 |
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USA Today has asked the FBI to check out wave of fake Facebook accounts because they got a surge of likes on their page and that was very suspicious because nobody really likes USA Today
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Amazon comes up with novel idea. Let's take a building and fill it with books and let people come in and find one they like and pay for it
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this man and his music
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Don't say anything bad about God in Ireland or the cops will put down their drinks and arrest you. Also, don't have blasphemy laws if you don't like Irish drunk jokes
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Texas senate votes to drop the state's mandatory vehicle safety inspection. All noble Texans should immediately head to a scrapyard, buy whatever clapped out piece of crap their heart has been yearning for all these years, and enjoy the open road
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Remember, bridge signage is generally there for a very good reason
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NCIS apparently doesn't hire Farkers as the team investigating the Marine nude photo-sharing scandal complain about looking at picture of naked people all day
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From the "We hate to say you've been doing it all wrong but...you've probably been doing it all wrong" file comes the brushing and flossing edition
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this idyllic beach scene
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If you have lost your pet zebra, Hillsborough County Sheriff Department knows where it is and want you to call them
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Oh the Huge Manatee turns 80
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So, I bought a pound of pork belly to experiment with. Any suggestions on how I should cook it? (It was $5 a pound, so I can easily just get more if multiple ideas strike my fancy)
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Newly approved drug costs $145,524 per year and slows progression of Lou Gehrig's disease by one third. Would you sell your house to live another year?
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Beijing engulfed by sandstorm originating in Mongolia. Visibility was so poor that people could barely even see the smog
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Some people can't bear criticism
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Old and busted: stealing copper from houses for scrap. New and unusual: stealing entire sunken warships for scrap
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A new bike, striking out in little league, kissing the neighbor girl and being shot by Dad with the BB gun - all rites of passage for young boys in Maine
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Man sets fire to smoke possums out of his house. This is Fark so you know what happened
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Fark's rule of thumb stands, if the headline is a question, the answer is always "No"
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Man has 99 problems after police find 99 rabbits in his home
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All aboard the gin express. TOOT TOOT
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When you're a utility worker in Phoenix, you expect to encounter scorpions, rattlesnakes, and javelinas. Not baby otters
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You're under arrest. You do not have the right to an attorney. Only suspects get attorneys, and you're being arrested for being a witness to the crime, so you're going to go to the same jail as the guy who tried to kill you. HE GETS IT, HE'S BLACK
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| (Outdoor Life) |
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The zombie apocalypse is upon us. You have space for one book in your pack as you race to hide in the wilderness from the braindead hordes. Which one do you take with you? It's the Saturday Morning Book Club, Survival Edition
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Hard hitting investigative journalism from the Daily Mail: Would a man notice if his date swapped places with her identical twin
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Oh God. Please, no
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We get it, you're 'socially awkward'
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Principle caught punchof. "Man to man, bro. I don't care if you're f-- 14 years old or not, I will punch you in your face and, when we go down to court, it's your word versus mine, and mine wins every time"
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| (Some Eye Guy) |
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Photoshop this alternative point of view
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Ramen burgers, cronuts, and now this
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| (The Animal Rescue Site) |
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Believing every life is precious, man rips his house apart to rescue a trapped kitten and reunite it with its mother, just in time for Caturday (w/video)
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A NJ Vet examining a litter of abandoned kittens discovers that one of them is an extremely rare male tortie. Now named Burrito, he is hoping that someone adopts him and then makes a run for the border and gets him out of NJ in time for Caturday
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Sebastian Gorka leaves angry note for his McDonald's server
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Thank you for playing 5 Card Cash with the Connecticut Lottery. The numbers you are about to draw are losers. Would you like to continue with the purchase?
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| Fri May 05, 2017 |
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Best high school yearbook quote ever
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Baaamber alert canceled. Goat recovered
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The Satanic Temple, doing God's work
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I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay / I kill rogue leaders for the CIA
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Saudi Arabia takes a quiet baby step towards equality
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| (DevonLive) |
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The sat nav told her to turn left; the railings, concrete steps and fleeing builders disagreed
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Recall issued for all 2017 model AT-ATs
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Michigan AG to curb meth 'smurfing.' Tweaky Smurf unavailable for comment
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Stupid is as stupid does - but not for much longer
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If only there were a French phrase to describe that overwhelming sense of familiarity you sometimes get with something that shouldn't be familiar at all
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Greyhound trainer has license revoked after 5 dogs test positive for cocaine. Your dog wants a line and some Clapton on the radio
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In a new twist, a man is suing American Airlines for not forcing him out of his seat
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Photoshop this distant memory
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Cargo plane crashes; 2 dead, several proms ruined
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Arkansas teenager takes date to prom. Her father goes on an unhinged racist rant, disowning her and calling her a "F*CKING WHORE" because said date is black
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I'm a shaaaaaaark
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When man eats deer, it's not news. When deer eats man, it's time to panic
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Trump's pick for Army Secretary drops out after people find out that he's an insane religious zealot
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Be one with the unibrow. Embrace it
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Radio DJ and Fark podcast co-host goes undercover as a panhandler in Kentucky, earns $40/hr. English and anthropology degree-holders seen scrambling to construct cardboard signs
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Indian police claim rats drank 900,000 liters of confiscated alcohol
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In other news, the last survivor of the Hindenburg lives in Parachute, Colorado
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Woman arrested after fight with boyfriend, all she kept saying was 'I love lamp"
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Atlanta gangsters guilty of shooting mime, not using a silencer
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Rome opens new subway station with a trove of archeological treasures that were found during its construction. NYC starts looking for Peter Stuyvesant's peg leg and the $24 of traded goods that was used to buy the place
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Photoshop this empty, boring bar as only Farkers can Photoshop it
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Your 11-month-old baby will not help you in a parking lot brawl
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Escaped prisoner drank from puddles, ate trash, hid in a pipe, and never got farther than two miles. Will be returned to finish his psychiatric evaluation
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Satellite images show Kim Jong-un has started construction on his island supervillain lair. No word yet if he's going with volcano, giant skull, or giant skull shaped volcano
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| (Some Detainee) |
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Tennessee shuts down Scientology psychiatric centers after determining they were keeping people against their will. Scientology trifecta now in play
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You'd think a 37-year-old lawyer who lives with her mom and dad would know better than to get caught on camera throwing eggs at cars legally parked in front of their home
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Sure, dating an 18-year-old half your age can be a hot thing, but you can't have deep, meaningful conversations about things like not setting your house on fire
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Elon Musk asks the internet to name a boring machine - Farkers, you know what to do
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Not sure if this is good or bad, but an army of uniformed Scientologists has just gone missing
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Outside-the-box thinkers at conservative group have finally come up with the solution to all of the Washington D.C. Metro's woes: Privatize and let it be ruled by the free market. The greatest minds of our generation, folks
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Russian media says Manchester is "full of fat women that turn men gay." No wonder Crowley was so particularly proud of Manchester
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Photoshop this sneaky snake
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7.5 million state residents exposed to unsafe drinking water. Top that, Flint, Michigan
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Governor of Maine wants to open more clinics to help people who repeatedly overdose on opiates. Just kidding. He wants the overdosee to pay for their dose of Narcon and communities who don't enforce that to pay a $1,000 fine
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No, you're not weird if you like the smell of old books
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In Chechnya, authorities are summoning parents to prison to take responsibility for their children's crimes
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| (Some Vagabond) |
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Flint threatens to put liens on people who refuse to pay for their poisoned water
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"Will scooping semen out of my vagina prevent pregnancy?" That and other questions await you on the Daily Fail
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President Trump won't spend the weekend away from the White House in Florida. He'll spend it away from the White House in New Jersey instead
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When the aliens come -- and they will -- they will probably come in peace and not eat us tasty humans
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'If you wouldn't touch a stranger, why would you touch a child?'
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Lions, and tigers, and bears ... all die
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She kissed a girl and she loved it. Then she kissed a bunch more (Not safe for work)
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What are the plans for when Prince Philip really does get tossed on the cart?
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Deputy fired for waving about his guns and quoting Denzel Washington's character in the film "Training Day"
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When you find out your city has wooden water mains, maybe it's time to consider an infrastructure bill
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Canada helpfully identifies to ISIS which Canadian citizens it should kill
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She's accused of extramarital affairs, unprotected sex with several partners, hiring female prostitutes for threesomes and her own selfish pursuits, and smoking the weed confiscated from a kid by her bailiff. And they shall call her Your Honor
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| Thu May 04, 2017 |
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That's not crack, it's heroin
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Toddler gets that ol' craving for Krystal's -- at 3 a.m. Hilarity ensues
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The Penn is smellier
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If you're smuggling so much booze into a 'dry' military base that planes are tipping over, you're either doing something very wrong or very right
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Florida man Florida man washes his hands whenever he can
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Just imagine having to spend two years in prison because you lied about being the brains behind Kung-Fu Panda
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"Congratulations--it's a boy." "Hi Mom. Here's your IUD"
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Man arrested for driving with shirt reading 'This Guy Needs a Beer' and a .316 BAC
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Doctors in India get a little head
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Poor proofreading on Capitol Hill allows Jeff Sessions to crack down on medical marijuana in two states
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Japanese shocked to discover that having several generations form romantic relationships with anthropomorphic pillows, life-like dolls, and multi-tentacled animatronic succubi has had an adverse impact on population growth
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Pharma bro Martin Shkreli gets permanently banned from Twitter
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FBI: We're shocked one country would try to influence another country's election. CIA: No comment
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Photoshop this Havana hottie
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Anyone have a spare $56 million? You can buy Sting's Central Park West duplex. In other news, the AC on your 440-sq ft 1-bedroom basement apartment that you pay WAY too much for just went out...again
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"Cancel that Amber Alert and whip up some murder charges against the little accomplice"
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Climate change may wipe out all monuments to the confederacy
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Fark Food Thread: Cheese is popular for many but what are some fun ways you use it? Special selections for your mac or the perfect complement for mushrooms? Share your favorite uses.. especially if they break from the ordinary
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Judge acquits woman who tried to water down bacon
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You ever laugh so hard at a TV show you choked and knocked yourself unconscious? This Australian MP has
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Photoshop this ghostly presence
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This Finals week, students at Montana State University can get themselves a piece of ass
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Of all the places you don't want to hide an error, a nuclear plant has got to be at the top of the list
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Man charged with assault for attacking neighbor with bowling pin, wearing ridiculous-looking shoes
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Obamacare flatlines
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Man enters home, discharges fire extinquisher, prays with resident. Wait, what?
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Customs: Anything to declare? Man: Those aren't my sealed buckets full of snakes
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Guess what happens if you take a drug called "Gray Death"
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Minneapolis Park Board votes to change name of lake named after noted slaver John Calhoun to the original Dakota name of Bde Maka Ska, which translates loosely as "Whitey Lake"
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North Korea now threatens the "final doom of the U.S." To which most people said we already had that last November
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Gunman shoots and kills sports bar employee, then gets killed by a customer because Texas
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"Fake news in 'Star Wars' is probably their number one problem". Jar Jar Binks nods in approval
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US Special Operations Command is on the lookout for performance enhancing drugs for dogs, raising the possibility of tactical milk-bones
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Delta sees all the free publicity that United is getting and says, "Yeah I wanna piece of that"
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DC Comics is bringing The Watchmen to its universe, but unless you live in the USA, you won't be seeing any bloody smiles thanks to a trademark troll
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Woman swallows $7,000 in cash to hide it from her husband, suffers penalty for early withdrawal
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School on lockdown as police investigate Darth Vader threatening younglings again
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Parents Of The Year give daughter a vodak party for turning 13. She Absolutly blew a .32
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What part of "Don't go near the komodo dragons" don't you understand?
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Alanis Morissette is broke but happy after manager who had one hand in her pocket sentenced to 6 years in prison for theft
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Group of bounty hunters who surrounded a car in a Walmart parking lot and shot up the vehicle, killing the innocent man, have been charged with murder. IG-88, Bossk, Zuckuss, 4-Lom, and Dengar insist they were set up by Boba Fett and claim innocence
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It's the time of year when middle school students do stupid things in yearbook photos to piss people off
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Photoshop Theme: Running with scissors
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Prince Philip is not on the cart after all; he's fine and thinks he'll go for a walk
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Students try to crawl through an air duct to steal a final exam from a teacher. Police say the suspects were a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal
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Live boy
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US Department of Justice says it was OK for police to continue shooting Alton Sterling because he was still moving
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Ground beef
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Okay, so the terrorism angle didn't work. What else do we have to compel people to give up their passwords and erode the Fifth? An Instagram celeb, nudes, and a text reading "can have them back as I said you dope chick"? Fine, let's go with that
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"Alcoholic British Baby Boomers Overrunning NHS" is the name of my Godsmack tribute band
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Scientists now say it's okay to masturbate at work
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Terminally-ill cancer patient jailed for LEGAL cancer drug in her system, will miss chemotherapy. Kansas: The Heart(less) Land of America
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Guy married to his own mother-in-law
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Bad: dying in a workplace accident. Worse: photodocumenting your accidental death at work
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Queen says get your buckingass to the palace
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 626: "Gardens 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 03, 2017 |
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Dumb: Faking an injury to get a big payout from workers' compensation. Really dumb: Doing it in view of a security camera
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Fark ready headline: "Father drinks daughter's breast milk to help beat bowel cancer"
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On this episode of Wicked Tuna Jimmy needs a new liver after contracting Hep A
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Man in just boxer shorts crashes into police cruiser, gets out and dances in street. Ta Da
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Today in "only works in the movies" news, police officer arrested after planning to fake his own death and flee to Mexico
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| (Food Science Institute) |
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Still have some leftover Peeps from Easter? Behold the beauty that is Peepcorn
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Lawmakers outraged after being tricked into honoring KKK member. In all fairness, though, they were Tennessee lawmakers, so the "trickery" may have involved using two-syllable words and hiding the crayons
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Ancient 'hamster' that outlived the dinosaurs found in Siberia. Wow, I didn't know they lived that long
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U.S. airlines collected $4.2 billion in baggage fees last year, which comes to about 2.67 billion dead giant rabbits if you're United
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this ficus leaf
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Russia vs. China vs. USA - who you got?
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Ballistic missile test-fired by military of despotic regime
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"Whenever I break into a neighbor's home, my tastes are simple: a slug of moonshine, a cheese sandwich, and a pickle"
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If you're a teacher using heroin at school, don't leave your Facebook page open. Also, WTF is wrong with this reporter's forehead???
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If you recently moved from Florida to Alaska hoping to avoid giant baby-eating snakes, we have some bad news for you
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Just a dash cam capturing a plane crashing on the highway
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No, you can't use your cell phone as your scooter's headlight because there's no app for that
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Mother forced from home after Brazilian spiders burst out of a banana. That's a lot of spiders
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Good news, everyone. That collapsed I-85 bridge in Atlanta should be completely rebuilt by the holiday. If we're lucky, that be Labor Day
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Auto accelerates unexpectedly through auction - killing 3 and injuring many. Difficulty : Not an early 2000's Camry
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Please submit your account information in the link to the right to learn how to avoid this dangerous phishing attack
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My hovercraft is full of chicken
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Woman gives birth to 13-pound baby in natural delivery. Doctors await to see who will walk first
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Bottles of gin recalled for containing the correct amount of alcohol
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Not news: Amusement park opens new claw machine. Fark: With live kittens as prizes
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Suspects arrested in Knox Box burglaries. Apparently, the Knox Box needs locks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this contemplative young man
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"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." -Ray Bradbury, Zen in the Art of Writing. Well, I've got part of that down, at least. THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread
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That'll do, pup. That'll do
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Puerto Rico files bankruptcy equal to four Detroits, will look good on its next statehood application
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Hillary Clinton caught driving drunk in Pennsylvania. I don't know about you guys, but I think we really dodged a bullet in the election
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Here's a great idea: Climb to the top of a mountain considered sacred to indigenous people and take a naked selfie. Who would ever have a problem with that? (blurred nekked pic warning)
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'Crimson Canals in Stanislaus County' sounds like a bad summer romance novel
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Is wearing Hawaiian shirts considered cultural appropriation?
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Sometimes you walk into a bar and come out drunk, other times you walk into a bar and come out with $3.5 million
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Police caller: "I just killed my wife." Police, later: "No, you didn't. That's not even a real gun"
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Active shooter alert at North Lake College in Irving TX
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Funeral home accused of refusing to cremate gay man. Apparently, like breaking a mirror, that's seven years of bad luck
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Cheeky toddler locks himself in car and loves every minute of it
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You had one job, funeral home
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Magnet school has long waiting list and admission by lottery... except good athletes can skip the line. So it really does prepare children for college
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Lowering standards to meet new recruit quotas includes all programs, even Navy K-9 Corps
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Dad pranks his two teen daughters by sending them into the auto parts store for 'Blinker Fluid ' and a 'Bucket of Steam'. However the real joke is the dad wearing a Detroit Lions cap
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Fake war hero found guilty of lying about winning the Purple Heart in a top-secret jungle mission. He might have gotten away with it had he not gone a bit too far with the embellishment and claimed BA Baracus saved him from the jaws of Predator
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New Mexico science teacher pleads guilty to cooking crystal meth, pitching reality series to AMC
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Tyson announces switch to antibiotic free chicken, face tattoo staying though
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The real reason North Korea's latest missile blew up was that it was 'headed for Russia'
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Local brewery posts rules after kids cause repeatedly damage property in its Biergarten. Rule #1: Unsupervised children will be aged in wooden bourbon casks
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America's most hated mom was out and about in Florida, hitting up happy hour
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"Honestly, we thought all-inclusive meant we didn't have to pay for anything on the entire island during our stay"
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Photoshop this police standoff
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The coal industry has proven to be a source of high-paying jobs where wages have risen 60% in the past 8 years...in the executive suite. The poor saps giving themselves black lung actually digging the stuff out of the ground? They're getting screwed
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Hamburglar steals iconic Ronald McDonald statue
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One is the loneliest number for this dog named Eastwood, as he was the only dog left after 2,500 shelter dogs were adopted from his shelter
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As an EMT, you have a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders. Giving a pregnant teen a pelvic exam is not one of them
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"The look of realization on the cat's face upon realizing that the hamster smells like food seems to send the feline into a moment of existential shock"
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Oregon man submits resume for Benghazi investigation
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| Tue May 02, 2017 |
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The incoming freshman class of 2021 is the most polarized in history
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Old and busted: hoarding cats. The new hotness: hoarding bees
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Underwear-clad carjacking suspect arrested in Orange City Walmart. Why does Fark allow only one Florida tag?
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A handicapped parking space dispute in the Miracle Mile Plaza doesn't have to involve a hand gun and a neck beard to appear on Fark, but it helps
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Alaskan lottery relies on a wooden tripod hooked to some antique clocks via a metal cleaver and a barrel of rocks. Rube Goldberg and the Mythbusters approve
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I think this article says that the sun never shines in Butt Falls, but I didn't really read it carefully
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Canada made marijuana illegal 94 years ago but were too blitzed to remember why
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If you are a convicted felon legally barred from owning a firearm, do not brandish one on Facebook Live
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Woman loses lawsuit to reveal identity of male escort she says got her pregnant, which is probably good since she hasn't been named either
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Colgate University in Upstate New York went on lockdown for over 4 hours last night because someone saw an art student enter the student center with a GLUE GUN for a project. Authorities believe the charges won't stick
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Trump, 2016: "We're gonna build a wall, and Mexico will pay for it". EU, 2017: "We're going to demand £92 billion, and the UK will pay it"
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Pols to Amtrak: Fix NYC's Penn Station ASAP. Amtrak: Ok, we've devised a plan where we can take six weeks to do major work over the summer while commuters are on vacation. Pols: AUGH. The disruptions
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Canadian Defence Minister on visit to India says he was responsible for the winged Afghani human female with living venomous snakes in her hair then changes his story
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Photoshop these cartoon characters
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Ah, spring in Florida: the flowers bloom, the cold slips away and the native drunken Florida Men strip naked and pick up their machetes to destroy mailboxes
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On the plus side, everyone now knows he really did have a Canadian girlfriend
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When putting together an Easter basket for your niece or nephew to bring in to school, it's usually best to leave the marijuana out
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Twin sisters give birth on the same day nine months after their probable orgy
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Oregon man attempts to reenact woodchipper scene from Fargo
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Kansas City Archdiocese parts ways with group because it reflects 'troubling trends'. I totally see it, not towing the Catholic dogma line, pushing their own agenda. They're a dangerous and radical group of thugs, like drug dealers Fark: Girl Scouts
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Turns out you can't physically and psychologically abuse your children for that sweet, sweet YouTube fame
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It's flying termite swarm season in New Orleans
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There are many reasons you never hear the words 'Scottish' and 'surfer' in the same sentence. This is probably one of them
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Woman prays, then stomps out car windshield of man she thought was her boyfriend. With glass stomping video
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Nominee for Secretary of the Army thinks evolution is like a rusting lawn mower
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Actual lines from actual lawsuit: "Chaos ensued. The masseuse panicked and jumped onto the Jet Ski with the captain"
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Photoshop these jaws
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Man found nailed to a tree. Jesus, that has got to hurt
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NYPD drill atop the Brooklyn Bridge sparks concern from onlookers, Gwen Stacy
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Why sloths don't get 'crusty eyes'. Fark.com - All sloth factoids, all the time
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ISIS terrorist found with James Bond style spy cufflinks sentenced to eight years in prison, or until he breaks out with his laser belt buckle, whichever comes first
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You may have to drink Jose Cuervo instead of Patron on Cinco de Mayo to offset your guac costs
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Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.... especially on Fark
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Remains of 20 coyotes found - roadrunner spotted snickering behind nearby shrub
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Teacher lets students duct tape him to wall for charity. That Charity must be really persuasive
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Hamas announces that while they still don't recognize Israel as a state, they don't really want to destroy it anymore. Small steps
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Human bones? Nah, not us mate, we're just badgers. Look, I'm badgering. Not digging up graves. No sirree Bob
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Protests, in Seattle: "Screw you for voting for Trump" "Screw you for voting for . . . hey, man, is that weed?" "Hell, yeah, bro, pass it around." *puff* "What were protesting, again?" *puff* "Dunno. Eh, screw it"
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D&D Therapy - Roll a wisdom check against that CR15 Bipolar Bear
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Automobile ownership 101: Want to see if your fuel tank is full? Don't use a lighter
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Former Democratic lawmaker, now apparently chairman of the Lemon Party, indicted on sexual battery charges
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Woman steals watches, money from men after sleeping with them. Kidneys intact
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Indian state minister orders 10,000 bats for distribution to newly-wed women to combat domestic violence
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Saudi man sentenced to death for insulting Muhammad on Twitter. Ironically this tactic also gave Donald Trump four years in the White House
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New research shows that the "organic milk" you're so proud of spending so much money on probably isn't, you know, organic. In other news, "fat free" products don't make you skinny, "diet" sodas are bad for you, and your gluten allergies are bullshiat
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Officer: My shooting of an unarmed black teenager was justified because the car he was in was backing toward me aggressively. Chief: What about this video? Officer: F*ck
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For some reason, deputy is offended to be referred to as "Captain Boobs" at work
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Photoshop these legs
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The family that Yales together, stays together
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You'll probably want to avoid those antique shaving brushes unless you want anthrax with your shave
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Mar-a-Lago spares no expense for the guests entertainment, including spectacular fireworks and dead civilians
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America is safe again after Immigration officials detain Australian for overstaying his visa by 90 minutes
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Ever wanted to see warn-torn Mosul? No? Well how about from the eyes of a drone? What, still no? Come on, it's CNN. They give the people what they want
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First he stole her heart. Then he stole her gaming consoles
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Some NBA players spend their retirement buying mini giraffes. Ray Allen spends his teaching people about the Holocaust
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"Almost every speed limit is too low," said: A) Dom Toretto, B) Dale Jr., or C) Michigan State Police
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Newest problem with the kids these days: Having a fall-back option in case their current relationship doesn't work out. Because no one ever did that in the olden days
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A history of crossing the US/Mexico border
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No arrests made at the NFL draft in Philly. I mean, that's great and all, but they haven't even played their first game yet. Give em time
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Woman finds plea from Chinese worker imprisoned in factory hidden in her Walmart purse. In other news, Walmart items may not be American made, but at least they're hand-made by folks worse off than you are
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New Orleans makes Mardis Gras slightly more interesting
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Fark NotNewsletter: A Fark group celebrates a milestone
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Photoshop the beautiful beaches of Scotland
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'Mr Gorilla' crosses London Marathon finishing line in record time of six days...by crawling on his hands and knees
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Researchers say that not only is beer not as hard on your liver, it is a more effective pain killer than Tylenol
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Tonight at 8PM EDT, Paul's Memory Bank brings you Part 1 of Songs beginning with the letter "L". That's right, unlike last week where I had to hit iTunes to fill the 2 hours, there are so many "L" songs in my collection it will fill 2 shows
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"Okay, human. What stupid thing are you going to involve me in now? Do I have to move? No? Fine"
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What kind of wedding present do you get for an FBI translator who flees to Syria to marry an ISIS militant? Cruise missiles? (Now with an article and not just video)
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Hey everybody. Guess what time of the year it almost is? That's right....ZIKA SEASON, WOOO-HOOO
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One flight to Bangkok and the passengers tumble
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And the next person to leave Fox News because of sexual harassment allegations is co-president Bill Shine. In related news, subby has a "bingo" on his Fox News' sexual predator card
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"Every now and then, these things happen," zoo spokesperson Janeway says after coyote escapes, finally fulfilling subby's Road Runner/Star Trek Voyager mashup fantasies
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Photoshop this doggie trainer
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If you've ever wondered what would happen if you accidentally over-inflated a 3 ton tire, today is your lucky day
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Reset the stabbings on college campuses clock
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6.2-magnitude earthquake in northern BC / Yukon area. Initial reports confusing as everyone there speaks in frontier gibberish
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Hero: man returns found wallet after thirteen years. Fark Hero: it took that long because he forgot about it
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Not news: art imitates life. News: life imitates art. Fark: where "art" = a Jim Carrey movie from 20 years ago
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Teen who jumped into fish tank at Bass Pro Shops could face charges, breading, deep-frying
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Active shooter in Dallas. One firefighter hit, police and paramedics pinned down
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Only in Australia can your marriage proposal go soooooo wrong by having a venomous snake bite you moments after getting engaged
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Video captures giant fireball after wrong-way driver slams into tanker truck. Huh, how bad could it-Oh, lawd
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Not content to simply murder the giant bunny, United Airlines cremates it without permission
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Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-04-23 to Sat 2017-04-29
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LP1000: Last Post Millennial edition. There will be prizes. LGT LP900
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Caption this happy turtle
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You've talked the hooker down to $30 for sex but can't get her to budge on that extra $5 to make your $25 price point? Try sweetening the pot with an order of McNuggets
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NNow yyou ttoo ccan hhave wwell-ddressed ttherapy llamas aat yyour wwedding
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Mexican illegal immigrant "I hope we don't die here in the desert". Ukrainian illegal immigrant "Yo, I'm on a boat"
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Tired of your child getting 3 hours of homework every night? What to do? Simple, send a note to the teacher saying you're not permitting your child to do any homework at all
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Worst, pool party, evah... unless you are that racist, white dude, that shot up the place
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Congress agrees to remain dysfunctional until September
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Photoshop this dapper gentleman
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Angela Merkel shocks hosts by going topless
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You only wish your cat missed you this much when you leave
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A pastor who admitted to have 'spread the love' with a teenager to spend between 3 and 6 years in prison
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Today's isolated incident of something other than a black teenager being executed by police is brought to you by the Dallas suburb of Balch Springs. With bonus paid-vacation for the cop
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Why net neutrality still matters, even if the regulator is acting like a dick
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Oh sure, but when I do it, they call the cops
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18,000 Canadians just belted out the US national anthem. Your move, America
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Good news for all you health-concious alcoholics out there, Guinness is now vegetarian
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Why is the New York Times denying climate change?
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These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
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