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| Sun March 05, 2017 |
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Exclusive -- Winston Churchill's 1939 essay on alien life found in a box. Okay, it was never lost nor unpublished ... but, ALIENS
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Forget anchovies, pineapples, ranch dressing and eating utensils. Milk dipping is now the worst food crime you can inflict on a pizza
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Photoshop this plane peruser
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That story about a Japanese man crushed by his porn collection? Yeah...about that
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Man tries to rob a fish and chips shop with a banana. Apparently he couldn't find a bar of soap
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IRS budget cuts mean there are not enough agents for tax audits. America is great again
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"Steven could have stopped working following his accident but has chosen instead to put his efforts into doing his new job with energy and pride. He works incredibly hard, despite physical difficulty, to be the best at what he does"
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Thirty-three thousand bunny related items moving with the Bunny Museum, and nary a pancake to be found
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Photoshop these sailors pulling rope
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Before putting your own hair in your meal for a free dinner always make sure the security camera is not on you before complaining
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"It's more time and effort than I want to put in," says Millennial regarding getting a driver's license
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Man tried to have sex with a fence. Actually, he did have sex with a fence
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We're firing up the Wayback Machine this week as Snack Food Sunday looks at the most popular snacks of each year going back to 1960. Deslided for your enjoyment
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Case dis...dis...OHdismissed
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"I thought she was texting and driving, so I stopped and was watching her to see what she was doing and she looked up, made eye contact and she actually mouthed the words, 'Help me,'"
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County Durham pub unveils Britain's biggest steak dinner - 220 oz of beef for $150. It's on the same stunt menu as Britain's largest mixed grill and "a kebab sandwiched between two chicken parmos"
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Your house burned down during a massive wildfire? Sorry for your loss, but we're the HOA. Pay up. Now
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| (Some Guy) |
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Officer, I swear I always beat mannequins staged to look like homeless men with a hammer. Doesn't everybody?
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Always after me lucky charms. Well this is the story of a bloke that was not so lucky
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Perks of being a TSA officer. In addition to all the crotches you can grab, you occasionally get to question Russian Playboy models
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Marge Simpson arrested after Maggie tests positive for meth, THC, cocaine and ecstasy. Mrmrhm
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Photoshop theme: Create a new clown
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CSB Sunday Morning: Farm animal encounters
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You see, darlin', this is a story in HuffPo about a cartoon in the New Yorker about how when you ask a question we feel obligated to answer it
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Another week, another installment of 'Go back to your effing country, BOOM' shooting
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The best comment thread on a police department Facebook post about a confiscated gun you will ever read
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Chimpanzee dies at Lion Country safari. Well, maybe it died because it was in lion country
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American Troops occupy Manbij in a major escalation of the Syrian War
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"I don't need to serve you anymore. We're trying to make America great again"
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Reporter beats off hockey mask-wearing attacker on live television
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| Sat March 04, 2017 |
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And YOU thought people paying a couple bucks for a bottle of water was dumb?
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What are you going to do? Release the prisoners? Release the bees? Release the prisoners trained to keep bees so when they talk they shoot bees at you?
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Woman who gives up beer for Lent wins a case delivered to her home by a team of Clydesdales. It's divine intervention
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Two brutal fights break out between adults at known hotspot for violence - Chuck E. Cheese, named for rogue rat Charles Ebenezer Cheese who was later convicted on a series of felonies for fraudulent use of a pizza by a rodent
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For the first time in history, a Muslim will hold the post of chaplain for a U.S. Army division
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Michigan rep. will introduce a bill to make it illegal for police to have sex with prostitutes under investigation. In other news, Michigan is the only state in America where it's legal for police to have sex with prostitutes under investigation
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Photoshop these swinging kids
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Charity pub-crawlers team reaches 20,000th ale house after three decades of touring pubs. "Last May when we'd done 19,000 I took my lump sum out of my pension to get to 20,000 and I have spent the bloody lot"
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Parents sue city of Brooklyn after a botched autopsy implicated them in their child's death
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"I never thought leopards would be born in captivity by artificial insemination," sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Born By Artificial Insemination Party
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Photoshop what this woman is doing
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| (8shiat) |
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Facebook user receives 200k "amens" to pic of her holding her dying cancer patient brother. There's just one slight problem
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Are you arranging the food in your refrigerator correctly?
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What exactly is "usable marijuana," and should a 65-year-old man with a prescription be rolled into the joint if there isn't an exact definition?
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There is a pop-up restaurant in London that only serves meals created out of discarded food from different local restaurants. Because what tastes better than unwanted bangers and mash mixed with boiled lamb's tongue?
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Come on, who steals two crocodiles?
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In a continuing series of wagers you should NEVER take - Betting that you can chug an entire bottle of tequila
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Remember kids always do your homework, or else you could be crucified in the street by your parents like this poor lad
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Seeking advice, I ask of thee / Trying to find (in my naivete) / Poetic verse to set me free / In the Book Club of Saturday
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Want to know if you are uncool? Check out the lingo that "all the cool kids" are using today, and see if you recognize any of it
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Don't mind the perfect black cube hovering over USA's top-secret military research complex today, it's really nothing. Move along now
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You may want to rethink the wedding if your bride-to-be tells you she wants to wear a dress made out of Taco Bell burrito wrappers
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I'm sorry, I've been drinking since last night. What? Why yes, I'm a Fark mod, how did you know? Oh, you think you can play catch up? Go ahead and try me. It's the Fark Weekly Weird News Quiz
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these colorful chairs
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If you ever said to yourself, "I wish my TSA agents wouldn't be shy about really getting intimate when they feel me up" then today is your lucky day
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Indjánafjöður from Reykjavik rescued by Þorvarðardóttir, just in time for kötturdag
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Only you can prevent forest fires. And by 'you' we mean the people responsible for 80 percent of the world's wildfires
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This is the coolest Viking funeral that you will see for two goldfish all day long
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Spend your twilight years wasting away in a Margaritaville-themed retirement home
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What is it with the iconic Quebec maple syrup can? No one remembers who designed it, for one thing: "a mystery for the ages - like trying to ascertain who gets the credit/blame for inventing poutine"
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In time for St. Patrick's Day: Mass leprechaun grave found at former Irish orphanage
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| Fri March 03, 2017 |
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California man evades high speed police chase while driving rented U-haul truck. Your move Florida man
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Meet Picasso, the rescue dog that looks like it was designed by Deep Mind
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This is what happens when you grant bail to motorized grocery cart thieves
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Finally, a paper towel mascot for MEN to lust after
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A gal who was painfully shy / Was given to walks through the rye / When asked what she learned / She scoffed and she spurned / "My wisdom's engrained by and by"
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Two best friends get identical haircuts to try and confuse their teachers. Fark: One is white and one is black
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Photoshop this bird balancing act
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Florida Man has had a busy week
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Nebraska officially became a state on March 1, 1867. The major difference between then and today? The Nebraska license plates were better in 1867
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Okay. Quick question. WTF are miniature horses for? You can't ride them. You can't shear their wool. You can't turn them into pack animals. Maybe you could sell the meat. Are they just tiny horses that eat and poop? What are they for?
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In 1942 an entire aircraft factory in California was covered in camouflage. The fake homes now go for $3000/sq.ft
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When you're awaiting sentencing for a fatal hit and run, you might want to assume that all your calls are being monitored and recorded. You know, in case you say you feel no remorse for the victim's family or call the judge a f*cking a**hole
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Step right up, place your bets on Arkansas' eight upcoming executions taking place over the next ten days. Over under on each inmate experiencing an agonizing and painful death is five minutes
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Sure he was unarmed, but look at that shot grouping
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In a love story as old as time itself, a Japanese man died from the thing he loves the most. Gonna go out on a limb and guess that nobody cleared his browser history either
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Visa war looms between the US and EU. Something tells me they won't take American Express either
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Photoshop this new growth
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Man admits to being super drunk, which is like regular drunk except you can cause a school lockdown with a single bound
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Cattle on the loose on Kansas highway. Numerous BBQ food trucks in hot pursuit. Your F150 wants steak
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Happy birthday to the state that makes bad news fun
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Some guy's dashcam records drive-by shooting right in front of him. With audible gunshot goodness
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When St. Patrick's Day falls on a Lenten Friday, most Catholic dioceses issue a blanket exception for the day. And then there's St. Louis Archbishop Robert Carlson
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Giant dinosaur caught strolling across Florida golf course with massive fish clenched in his gnarly teeth
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Uber-UK loses a legal test case requiring that its drivers show a minimum proficiency in English. Merde
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Mizzurah gets to claim the anti-Semitic faux bomber
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A significant portion of London is closed today due to undetonated World War II ordnance
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Good news guys -- there's a new "smart condom" on the market that can help scan your potential hookup for STDs. Downside -- it rates your performance
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Frat bros decide to haze pledge who passed out by rubbing peanut butter on his face, discover he has a severe allergy to peanuts
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Why does my new couch have marijuana in it?
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"ATHE1ST" license plate request rejected in Indiana. No word if "ACLUSUES" plate available
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Here hold my beer while I belt out a Pavarotti classic at the old construction worksite
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Photoshop this cuddly critter
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It's Friday. In anticipation of what you plan to do much of this weekend, reward yourself by enjoying a slideshow of animals sleeping
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This is the future that liberals want
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Good news, ladies. Thanks to a Nova Scotia judge, you don't have to worry that your driver will miss your "Yes" signals when you pass out in his cab
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So let's say you want to walk around with a bottle of beer but you're too lazy to hold it
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California Supreme Court rules that there is no such thing as private communications for government officials
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Mountain View High School sees a $40 million payday after someone 5 years ago had the good sense to invest $15,000 in a start up company called Snapchat
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Ben Seaver tries to blame his DUI on chicken nuggets when blaming on Mike failed and calls Carol a nerd
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| (Texas, Our Texas) |
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...in General Convention at the town of Washington on the 2nd day of March 1836
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Cop: "I caught you driving your car while under the influence of alcohol." Driver: "Yeah? Well, 25 years ago I killed a woman and got away with it, so compared to that this is nothing"
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| Thu March 02, 2017 |
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Driver locks thirsty thief in back of beer truck. Not a repeat from Tuesday's staged video
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The latest craze sweeping the ranks of tween age girls is a giant bow hair clip called a JoJo bow. And of course some schools are banning them
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More than 1000 bison killed in a few weeks. This is not a repeat from 1881
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Mikey may hate everything, but he loves hand sanitizer
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Vegan attacks chicken truck and, yes, alcohol was heavily involved. I mean, no one said vegans could not drink
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Not news: Population has doubled since 2010. Florida: Population infected with Syphilis
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Millennials: We're sooooooo lonely because our friends are always online. WAAAAAAAAAAA
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$400 worth of cookies missing from Pepperidge Farm truck...culprits caught in nearby alley, in possession of cookies and marijuana
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Switching over from meatball and disassembled furniture production, the Swedes prepare for war
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Man who threatened to kill Kevin and also tried to kill Kevin is scooted back to Florida. That rascal
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Apparently those new Peep Oreos are the gift that keeps on giving
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Is chess a gateway to heroin abuse?
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| (Some Wavy Bench) |
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Photoshop this lounging fashionista
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Guy that cops say seeks 3 hots & a cot hurls brick thru Youngstown Police station's front door...for the 2nd time in 6 months: "I just want to go to jail"
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You know you are in for a convoluted story when a reporter twice has to insert like this to explain story. Oh yeah and the story is about a baby with a blunt in her crib, a real baby as in months old
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Man asks casino not to let him in. Fast forward 17 years when he wins $10,002 at the casino, only to have the winnings denied because of what he'd forgotten he'd signed
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Let he that has never eaten a wildebeest cast the first stone
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Owl evicted from chimney at Duke University. Very rare owl trifecta now in play. Also Duke Sucks
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Man ordered to remove his Trump 2016 sign, but the KKK flag next door is still A-OK
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And Jeff recuses
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Some guy in Colorado took out an ad in the Times of London saying that he's the rightful King of England and intends to seize power in 30 days. Legal marijuana. Is there anything it can't do?
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After 60 years, Hamilton, Ontari -- CAR -- Hamilton, Ontario legalizes stre -- CAR -- legalizes street ho -- CAR -- After 60 years, Hamilton, Ontario legalizes street hockey a -- CAR -- AFTER 60 YEARS, HAMILTON, ONTARIO LEGALIZES STREET HOCKEY AGAIN
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Photoshop this meet the beetles
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Man tells arresting officer in car: "I hope you enjoy cleaning that up." Maybe he meant his face (with mugshot)
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Admit it, you laughed at Betsy DeVos and her "potential grizzlies." Guess who has the last laugh?
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Skimming a snowmobile across a 30 degree lake pulling a water skier and filming it is one thing. Putting that film up on the internet will certainly help the authorities find you
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One hot reason to visit Alaska during the winter: Rondy Fur Bikini Contest
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Old piece of mold goes for $14,600. Looks like my refrigerator just became a goldmine
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Two rules of cremation: Rule 1: make sure the person is dead before you start. Rule 2: see rule 1
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Indiana doesn't care what medical science says, the LAW says you can reverse an abortion. Now put it back in
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Cat cafés have become so blasé that Japan has decided to open Owl cafés
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Pro Tip: Turn off your body cam before stealing money from the suspect you just pulled over
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You'd think that "The Walking Dead" was just a TV show. You'd think
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The Randolph County (Indiana) Sheriff's department would like to reassure you that there is absolutely NO zombie outbreak happening right now. None. Not at all. Nothing to see here, move along
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If you chose not to have kids you're unfulfilled, morally bankrupt and disgusting according to those jealous people saddled with kids
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this sink
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Security camera captures dog jumping up to say hi to burglar while owner sleeps on couch nearby
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The global crisis you've never heard of until now is sand mining
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Bullied 8-year-old put in handcuffs for fighting back
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Tattoo-removal chain Dr. Tatoff prescribes you to live with your poor life choices AND without the money you paid to rectify them
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What's the most annoying sound in the world? For this woman almost every sound is
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That one time Dave Grohl sang Band On the Run for Paul McCartney and Barack Obama
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The good citizens of Arizona are one step closer to reclaiming their God-given right to shoot rats and snakes on their property within city limits
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Duke sucks. Harvard watches it
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 617: "Religion and Spirituality 4". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 01, 2017 |
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Teacher who was asked to mentor and got in trouble for mentoring and was going to get fired is now going to keep her job YAY
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Irish priest runs novel 'Drive-Thru' for Ash Wednesday. No word if you get fries with that holy smudge
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Are you noshing at some hipster cafe and concerned that you aren't "in the know" about the latest food trends? This glossary helps you distinguish khachapuri from poké and casually order them with a Turbo G&T - "the new espresso martini"
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A good day to be wearing brown pants
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Minnesota's Rochester school district rejects 80 unvaccinated children from the student body
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these shadow walkers
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They say life is cheap for some, but still, beating a man to death for a buck fourteen seems a bit excessive
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If you thought cute and cuddly pandas just ate bamboo and other vegetables think again, there's a wild one on the loose in rural Sichuan, China that eats goats (Graphic)
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People say this guy Rich Meaney is... wait for it
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Fark headline of the day: Art museum visitor destroys £600,000 pumpkin with selfie crash
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Man arrested after willingly posing as member of Nickelback
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Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions in a car delivered to you because you can't fit through the door
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Flight from Heathrow to San Francisco cancelled due to a mouse sneaking on board. Suspicions were first raised when passengers spotted a cat running up and down the aisles with a large wooden mallet
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Photoshop this model getting ready for her closeup
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Knowing the difference between the gas pedal and the brake becomes much more important when you're seven floors up
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Pope Francis gets some ash
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Officials at the National Park Service predict that due the very warm February the famous cherry blossoms in DC will hit their peak between the March 14-17, or tied for the earliest peak on record and about 2 1/2 weeks earlier than "normal"
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I actually never thought that was...I never considered the question, even a possibility. But now..." said President Winfrey 4 years before she became the 46th U.S. president
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Man's plan to steal lemons, woman's underwear goes sour (with mugshot)
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Russian jets "accidentally" bomb U.S.-backed forces in Syria. Story developing
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Some people get a little depressed when turning the big 50 years old. Then there's this man who blew up his own house
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There once was a lad from Peno, who once shot a man in Reno, to watch him die, and now he fries, I have a hankering for...fish? THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread "Backed into a corner" edition
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Over the centuries, a lot has changed about how Christians observe Lent, but one thing remains the same: Everyone always says they're giving up chocolate
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Cows have a new enemy: drones
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Sonogram shows baby flashing distinctive hand sign as it rocks out in the womb
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Hard hitting piece of journalism from the New York Times: A man's struggle on his trying to grow a beard
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Photoshop this woman on her knees
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Emergency doctor tells patients with memory problems that Trump is now president, not Jimmy Carter
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Well no shiat. We have healthcare, pot, sane Republicans, mass transit, 4 distinct seasons, *and* sports teams that actually win
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Clown suits and slamming balls, when the walls fell
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Protip: When being chased by police, jumping from one rooftop to another only works in the movies
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Just a reminder - In this age of cameras being everywhere, there is no such thing as 'finders keepers' when it comes to cash on the ground
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You know what would happen if you were dumb enough to try some Dukes of Hazzard driving in real life? Something like this
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Midwest colleges to Alaska Natives: Should we not have dug up your dead relatives and let students experiment on them? Our bad, we'll ship them back in some Uhaul boxes
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| Tue February 28, 2017 |
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San Diego received 2.34" of rain on Monday, which beats the 2.19" average ... the MONTHLY average
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Old and busted: The Wet Bandits. New and scary: The Sperm Bandits
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Guerrilla urban planners in Wichita use toilet plungers to demarcate bike lanes
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Florida man Florida man'ed a hotel room
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Montana chooses to have people find out about a loved one's death on social media, freeing up police for more important matters than notifying next of kin
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Dark and stretchy are not usual words to describe ice cream, unless it's Häagen-Dazs' new Japanese flavor
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Dumb: Posting threats and "homophobic slurs, sexually-graphic language, and references to racial stereotypes" on the public pages of celebrities you disagree with. Idiot: "he did not realize they were viewable by the public"
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The Oscars rising star, Gary from Chicago, was released from prison just three days before the ceremony after spending twenty years behind bars for committing multiple felonies. He sees this as his redemption
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Apparently, getting caught embezzling $63,000 provokes the same reaction as losing the gold medal in the vault
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Seattle City Light employee investigated for adding Cameras and Action in the men's room
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Photoshop these fine specimens of Lepidoderma tigrinum
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CNN: Are recreational marijuana and opioid addiction linked? Experts in article: "No"
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Scientists say that a permanent human colony on Mars would evolve into a new human species, causing the skin to change color, bone density to increase, eyes enlarge due to lower light and women to have three breasts
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Imagine Entourage starring Milo Yiannopoulos and some bathing-optional Internet tough guys
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Tampa Jewish community has raised nearly $60,000 to help repair a torched Mosque, surpassing their $40,000 goal in under a week
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Irate motorist leaves the most British note ever for a person who parked badly
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Not to alarm anyone, but the Amazon Server Farm of Northern Virginia seems to be seceding from the Internet
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Not listed: Official state mugshot, Official state meth formula
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Worst baby names of 2016. Come for "Elizabreth" and "Meldor," run screaming for brain bleach when you get to "Little Sweetmeat." Seriously, don't go past that one, it gets worse
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99-year-old Nederlander gets handcuffed to fulfill bucket list item. Kinky
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this abandoned movie set
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There's gold in them thar hills. And after this year's historic rains, it's pretty easy to find
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What's worse than worms hiding in your shower head? Oh
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♪ Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, you give random gunfire in murderous love triangles a bad name ♪
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Born in the '90s? Congratulations, you're four times as likely to get a case of the ass
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If you're a trucker driving to visit President Trump with "bombs," it's easy to catch you if you call 911 to announce your plan
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I don't think the real Jesus would shout 'Oh Sh*t' when he got his cross stuck in the ceiling on the underground
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If you thought you were having a bad day at work, spare a thought for the French sniper who just accidentally shot two people during a Presidential speech
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Girl Scouts introduce new Melee Cookies in Fark's favorite state
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"...98, 99, 100...255, 256, 257...10167, 10168, 10169- Fark this, let's grab a beer"
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Car plows into crowd at Mardi Gras parade. Sadly this is not a repeat from a few days ago
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Autopsy being performed to identify the exact cause of death for man who was run over by bulldozer. I may be going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing 'bulldozer'
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Moo. I'm a cow. Seriously, don't look at the antlers, I'm a cow goddammit, just trust me on this
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VIDEO: Police called to break up brawl started by bagels on late night train from London
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You people need to move away from your hometowns, you're a threat to the very existence of the American dream
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The Harvard Law Review, for the first time in its 130-year history, has elected a female African American president, just 27 years after it elected the first African American man to lead the publication. But nobody knows what happened to him afterwards
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Man captured at Port Authority after carrying a gun and 106 rounds of hollow-point bullets
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Man who shot up bar thought he was shooting Iranians which would technically still be illegal
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Photoshop theme: Aw, hell no
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Couple couldn't wait for 12" pepperoni, decided to go with the 6" usual instead
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Who stabs a Hippo, seriously?
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Class action lawsuit says that Jared jewelers was a "hotbed of sexual harassment for female employees." Sorta gives a creepy new meaning to their slogan, "He got it at Jared's"
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Wanna be a doc without all the annoying coursework? Fake it 'til you make it, but don't get caught purchasing fake awards (with mugshot)
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Bicyclist's lawsuit claims that a mechanized street sweeper chased and struck him. Michael Bay seen reaching for a pen and some paper
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1. Get thrown in GitMo. 2. Sue. 3. Profit. 4. Join ISIS; get killed in a suicide bombing raid. It's the ciiiiiircle of liiiiiiiiife
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Two Georgia residents sentenced to decades in prison for trying to honor their heritage
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Try not to get any more DUIs on your way out of the parking lot
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North Carolina congregation recalls the magic of their wedding nights, when the veil was lifted, the bride was carried across the threshold, the groom gave her the first peck on the cheek, and waited another year for permission to have intercourse
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Saudi King brings 506 tons of luggage on 9-day trip. Subby's ex-wife unimpressed
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There's nothing worse than waking up to what you think is the sound of fireworks only to discover your girlfriend has shot you multiple times in the penis and scrotum
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Massive Chile rains kill three, cut off water for millions. Man, it's a good thing it just rains water around here
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Woman transcends death to post selfie after surviving turbulence on flight from Chicago to San Diego
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If anyone has the head of Jesus Christ, the Cottage Avenue Pentecostal Fellowship in Indianapolis would like it back
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Russian ballet dancer released from Guantanamo Bay prison after being held 15 years. Apparently authorities heard him mention an "Arabesque" and that was enough to consider him a terrorist
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If Aliens come to Earth in the future looking for Yaqui Catfish, we're screwed
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"We went to the zoo and unfortunately, STDs came up again, and I knew it was over"
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Driver of Seattle taco truck stuck in major traffic jam figures "Hmm, why not?"
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5. Take your truck for a bumpy ride with lots of violent turns and slamming on the brakes. 4. Close and lock the back door. 3. Wait until someone gets in to steal your stuff. 2. Load boxes of manure in a U-Haul. 1. Mount a camera inside the truck
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| Mon February 27, 2017 |
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Rescue dog rescues owner from early-morning house fire. Your dog says "good girl, give her a steak"
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Remembering Buzzwinkle - Alaska's most notorious drunken moose
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You should never take your work home with you after you retire, especially if you work with grenade launchers
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Chicago breaks another 146 year old record (since records began). No snow in the months of January or February
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No eyebrows were raised after meth enthusiast takes police on wild chase through two states
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"If anyone here knows a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace. Not you, Mr. Whale"
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This bears repeating: Do not drive your car with your window open at wildlife parks
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Bedbugs kill 96-year-old Stoner
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Today's Mad Libs ready headline: 2-year-old found licking bong in running car
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Cops: Customer deposited bag of cocaine in bank ATM
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What the actual hell is going on here in Australia? Is this a pointless sport, or some sort of mosquito fogging system, or both?
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In a move that will surely piss off no one, giant cross installed outside Mosul to mark progress against ISIS
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Paul's Memory Bank is continuing "Swinging Through the Alphabet" with 2 hours of songs beginning with the letter "C". Show starts at 8PM ET
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Professor who has taken a photo of himself every day for the past 30 years now has 11,000 pictures. Or as Kim Kardashian calls that, a pretty good weekend
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British man selling Swiss mountain air for $167 a bottle. Sure, you can laugh now, but just wait until you have to cancel your ski trip in Switzerland when there's no air left
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| (Some Lawn Lover) |
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Photoshop this turf top
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Re-trial of former L.A. County Sheriff on corruption charges begins even though he's in the early stages of Alzheimer's. Lawyer advises him to answer every question with "I can't recall"
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PSA: Make sure your burglary victim isn't a Brazilian jiujitsu master (with ouch-y mugshot)
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Neo Nazi arrested for making his roommate great again
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Irate airline passenger goes full Samuel L. Jackson when passengers fail to exit craft on her schedule. Bonus points for dude in foreground doing everything short of eating his own hand to stifle laughter (Not safe for work language)
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52 seconds is what it took two 'bashful' pandas at the Tokyo zoo to mate after a four year hiatus. Which is probably 30 seconds longer than most human males can take after four years of no nookie
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Today, when you're feeling down, just remind yourself that at least you're not the person who has to hose out the rubber sex dolls at this brothel
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Former Marine fires 6 shots in a shopping mall parking lot in an attempt to stop: (A) a kidnapping (B) a murder (C) shoplifters
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WHO names 12 bacteria that pose the greatest threat to human health; is on first, playing "Boris the Spider"
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There's nothing weird about getting some exercise by running with the high school track team, right?
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Millennials aren't job hopping, mostly because they can't find jobs
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SpaceX to recreate Apollo 8
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"And just what would my duties entail as sex tsar?"
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Why do people swear? What a stupid farking question
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Teacher who was asked to mentor students is now in trouble for mentoring student
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Fark NotNewsletter: Why we link to "those sites," plus new tag announcement
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Iceland's capital's 2 foot snowfall breaks 80 year old record. Cleveland, Buffalo, and Syracuse chuckle, point out that 2 feet of snow there is called "Any Tuesday in April"
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White woman who self-identified as black, Rachel Dolezal, near homelessness after rejecting porn offers
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Photoshop this sacred selfie
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From the Institute of Researchers Who Forgot They Were Supposed to Publish Something Today: "Women with children more sleep deprived than those without"
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In Florida, responsible gun ownership means keeping a spare piece on the side
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"'The GPS showed him in the lake,' said [the teen's mom], who figured the GPS was malfunctioning." It wasn't. With scrapbook-worthy pictures
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dffsfd
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Private women's prison deprived inmates of heat and hot water for months, according to lawmaker. I'm fairly certain I've seen a video of this
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You may think you're tough, but are you tough enough to survive the Notorious RBG's workout?
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You can have a 'brain orgasm,' but you've got to watch a creepy video first
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Drone strike that killed Al-Qaeda #2 appears to have used a new and revolutionary weapon designed to limit collateral damage, either by striking the target with micro munitions or by dropping an anvil on his head
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Five more Best Korean officials executed by anti-aircraft gun after 'enraging' Kim Jong Un. To be fair, if you're going to work in his government, you've got to be ready to catch a lot of flak
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Male flight attendant charged with calling in two bomb threats faces decades in prison. With a name like Cox-Sever, he was probably destined to end up there
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"Alright Mr...'Smith,' you're going to have to show us more than your driver's license if you want to get through this TSA checkpoint." "But, I was born in PA and have lived in Maine and SC all my life." "Nice try, Akmed. NEED A PATDOWN HERE"
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Dan Sevy, a Followers of Christ church member, said pharmaceuticals and medicine are a product from Satan. He went on to explain that pharmaceuticals are derived from the Greek word "pharmakeia," a word they say translates to witchcraft and sorcery
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Did they take his mugshot before or after the pills were removed from his butt?
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Last weekend's February tornado in snow-covered western Massachusetts was about as common as the Cubs winning the World Series
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Ark Encounter not living up to economic promise. Maybe they should pray harder
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There are search and rescue dogs, why not search and rescue cats?
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Attention Farkers, please retire your existing, and now outdated, "insane girlfriend face" meme pictures and upgrade them with nearly any picture from this article. That is all
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Dehydrated hippo, sexy giraffes, and digital soup. These are YOUR Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2017-02-19 to Sat 2017-02-25
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Waking nightmares The Teletubbies turn twenty
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Tourists. please don't ply the Bahamas beach pigs with junk food and alcohol - it kind of kills them
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Do you know a slacker that's living the low-stakes life? It's probably because of adolescent resentments
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Drone strike in Syria results in Al Qaeda having to go on Career Builder and solicit resumes for a new #2
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Photoshop these pandas
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Spokesman for Canadian oil refinery insists that absolutely nothing is going on at the plant and you should ignore any photos of the entire complex engulfed in towering clouds of flame to the contrary
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In Maine, the decline of the blood worm is making scientists squirm
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Airline introduces world's first beer specifically designed to be enjoyed at high altitudes. Tastes great at 35,000 feet
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When real life resembles a Harry Potter book: Scientists say an elixir made from dragon's blood could bring somebody back from the threshold of death
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Truck that plowed into a Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans was less terrorism and more Mardi Gras
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Before he was president, Abraham Lincoln was a street-fighting man: "It's not mythology. Lincoln, an awesome physical specimen at 6-feet-4, was widely known for his wrestling skills and had only one recorded defeat in a dozen years"
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New gym opens in San Francisco where not only will smoking pot during a workout be acceptable, it will be encouraged
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