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| Sun December 04, 2016 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this All-American breakfast
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Police collar decapitation suspect
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Today in Australia: A kangaroo takes a man's dog hostage, so the man punches the kangaroo in the face
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U.S. Customs shows up to seize and repatriate a treasured painting, claiming the Nazis stole in WWII. Goofus hires a team of lawyers to fight back against the Man. Gallant throws a grant farewell party and writes a letter about its time in America
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Forget those eight glasses of water a day, beer is safer
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The largest pyramid in the world and you've never heard about it
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Kangaroo light. Squishy, hexagonal, flexible light pillow with 24 LEDs, lithium battery charged via USB, bluetooth enabled and iOS and Android apps available. Entirely too expensive yet oddly compelling. (Sponsored Link)
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Remember the guy who had a bionic penis installed with a pioneering surgery recently? Well he now has FIFTY women who want him to try it out on them
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Standing Rock sits
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this thingamajiggy
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| (Some Guy) |
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China promises be free of poverty and homelessness within 5 years. Whether that means helping the poor get better paying jobs, or just killing them, remains to be seen
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The risk of getting infected with Zika in the US is minimal. Now, West Nile Virus on the other hand
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Ever try putting cheese in a hot glue gun? Would you want to?
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Dog who escaped Florida only to end up in New Jersey probably not real impressed with the world
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Vets "worried" by dramatic rise in number of drunk pets. Your dog wants bourbon with his steak, and hold the steak
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Not News: Canada Post puts up new "super mailbox", eh? Still Not News: They change the locks, eh? FARK: They accidentally lock the new keys *inside*, eh? Take off, ya hoser
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Russia has just given up on launching fighters from its floating dumpster fire in the Med
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Here's everything you need to know about eating roadkill. Wayyyy more than you need, actually: "This one here is badger meat. These are ram's balls - much bigger than the otter's balls, as you can see"
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Ever see a 112-pound catfish?
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Oxford University sued for £1 million by student who didn't get an 'A.' Sixteen years ago: "Faiz Siddiqui claims he would have had a successful career as an international commercial lawyer if he'd achieved a higher grade in Modern History in 1999"
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Statue of Fred Rogers unveiled in Pennsylvania hometown
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Drunk ex-postman broke into post office to steal packages. Newman has clearly fallen on hard times
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Express your feelings about Christmas music, in Haiku
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Not to discourage you from getting off your butt and exercising, but chances are you are stretching wrong, lunging wrong, and crunching wrong
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these Russian nesting dolls
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CSB Sunday Morning: Changing it up
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Man sentenced to six months in jail for uploading sexually explicit videos of a woman onto several .... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIS EYE???
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Substitute teacher arrested for duct-taping unruly middle school students to their desks. Hey, if you've ever been around middle schoolers, you'll understand why the "Hero" tag is warranted
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music hosted live by a farker in Juneau, Alaska. (9PM AKST/10PM PST)
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| Sat December 03, 2016 |
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Iron gate bearing the slogan, "Arbeit Macht Frei" stolen from the Dachau concentration camp may have been discovered in a Norway suburb. Authorities are canvassing the neighborhood asking if anyone has seen Kyle
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Prince Harry announces scholarships for training in hospitality at Buckingham Palace. Which is great for anyone looking for a career as an 18th century domestic servant
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LAPD uses fake news about deportation to apprehend suspects, regret nothing
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And in the obvious next stage of the news cycle, women's bizarre abduction story is now being referred to as an "alleged" abduction. Gee...it's almost like we've seen this story before
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The 100 funniest moments in Facebook history. I'd like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to Marky Zuck and the Funky Facebook Bunch
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Photoshop this classic magician
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Yu-Gi-Ouch
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Three words that prove 2016 wasn't ALL bad: cinnamon roll Peeps
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Moose that wants to be a cow won't be cowed
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Hipster Santa returns to Portland. He knows if you've been bad or good or buying fair trade coffee, but you've probably never heard of him
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Hidden camera left in a forest to capture pictures of wild animals snaps a naked man high on LSD who thought he was a tiger (Not safe for work obviously)
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Man breaks into neighbor's home to pet their cat
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Crosley Limited Edition Turntable. Play music and export to Mac or Windows. For 33 1/3, 45, and 78 RPM; 7", 10", and 12" records. Are turntables a hipster thing? I thought they were Gen-X. (Sponsored Link)
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Blind man loses benefits after failing to respond to government letter that he couldn't read
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UK government admits what we've known all along: alcohol benefits the economy and is a net benefit for the taxpayer
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Up to 40 people expected to have perished in Oakland night club fire
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While the city of Gatlinburg begins to allow people back in to assess the damage, set up stations for insurance and unemployment claims, one bold reporter asks the now homeless city officials why they couldn't have done more
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Photoshop these futuristic space fighters
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| (Some Guy) |
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That firefighter whose house was set ablaze and had "Lie With Pigs, Fry Like Bacon" spray painted on the side? Turns out he did it
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Wearing socks to bed is not only good for your health, it makes you a better lover
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City okays payout in case where police shot and killed naked teen. Fark: To officer who killed teen
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Protip: Never write letters when you're under the influence of anesthesia
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Lawyer sues college student for bad Yelp review, asking $100,000. Judge biatch-slaps lawyer and orders him to pay $26,831 to the pro bono lawyer who defended the student. Tag is for the lawyer that sued
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Although little Johnnie's shotgun show-and-tell presentation drew a record number of police and fire officials, few stopped to congratulate him on his project
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Mummified knees are Queen Nefertari's, sharp
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I mean, other than Farkers
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Lawyer wants parrot that witnessed a murder to be put on the stand, as he hopes to make the caged bird sing
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Different types of alcohol affect your mood, and more importantly - the severity of your hangover. Here's the proof
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The Saturday Morning Book Club is making a list and checking it twice...what is the perfect book to give as a Christmas present to that book-loving person on your list?
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Australia may criminalize drinking and walking
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Photoshop these young fishermen
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They said it was a million dollar wound, but the bail bondsman wasn't buying that
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Decapitated body of young man found in Merrimack River. Investigators say they will continue to Monitor the situation
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At this often stressful time of the year, Louie and Luna want you to know that love conquers all on Caturday
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Vikings ask Trump how he'd handle the Bears
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Santa's house in the North Pole is now listed on Zillow. "Steeped in Old World charm and a toy-lover's paradise, it's nestled on 25 idyllic acres - perfect for spirited reindeer games"
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Woman born without a vagina has surgery to create one. "I finally feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel." PHRASING
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Buzz Aldrin has become the oldest person to have reached the South Pole. Hero tag trumps Followup tag because fark you, 2016
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| Fri December 02, 2016 |
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It's Friday, and for some weird reason you're still wearing pants. Well, have a drink, lose the pants, and settle in: it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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Colombia plane crash survivor curled up in a fetal position before impact, which was learned after trying to deal with United Airlines customer services
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Domino's in Japan is dressing up their delivery scooters to look like reindeer. How long until one of them runs over a grandma?
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Why is a marriage like a tornado in West Virginia? Eventually, someone's gonna lose a trailer
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Diplomat from fascist police state beats Mongolian rapper for wearing symbols from different fascist police state
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Jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft isn't normal. Jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft in the Himalayas really, REALLY isn't normal, but on MTOS it is
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Neighbours don't like having a dominatrix next door, because the noise is keeping their kids awake
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Hitting your boyfriend in the face with a squid in front of the bagel shop might not be normal where you're from, but this...is...FLORIDA
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Flying sharks spotted off the coast of Australia because of course that's where flying sharks would live
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Waco pimp gets 12 life sentences. Says he should have just played chess
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Best Korea puts on display of firepower against its sworn enemy the Pacific Ocean as it vows revenge for UN sanctions
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I bet your favorite bar doesn't hold cockfights in the basement
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Photoshop this chandelier
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Fark ready headline: Pastor says car salesman swiped wife's nude photos from his iPhone, sent them to swingers' site
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It's time for the annual story letting us all know that yes, it snows at the top of mountains. Even in Hawaii. Someone should write a book about lazy journalists writing not-news stories
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Angry mom yells at Cloud
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Stephen Hawking complains people sit too much
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Vincent Price named new president of Duke University, will serve for the funk of forty thousand years
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Man says he set wildfires in NC because he was 'bored'
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Inflate your chicken to 20psi before cooking for best effect
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Guy who has had nothing but bad luck since hitting Powerball just had his house burn down
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Chickens in Colorado have begun playing musical instruments. Didn't the Book of Revelation cover this?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Tim and his friend with the big bow
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1000-year-old Viking toolbox found. Sears Craftsman warranty still valid
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Dear prospective landlords: You're not supposed to enter a tenant's apartment without permission. You're especially not supposed to have sex on their beds while they're at work. And cleaning up the mess with the tenant's wedding dress is right out
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Sad that your Uber ride is over? Don't worry, they're still tracking you even after you get out of the car
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Russia fears that its banking system is under threat by global hackers who could exploit code in the country's 286- and XT-based financial network
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Magnetic "scientific, thinking" (space?) putty. Silly putty for geeks. What's the magnetic equivalent of copying the comic strip onto your silly putty?? (Sponsored Link)
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Latest Harry Potter movie accused of being 'Anti-American,' proving the J.K. Rowling is not alone in having a wonderful imagination
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Michigan AG files suit to stop vote recount because it's expensive and really difficult and stuff. Kinda like fixing Flint's water problem
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Re: that sneaking suspicion someone went through your bags at the airport: They did, and they got paid handsomely for it
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Inventor of General Tso's Chicken dies at age 98. in lieu of funeral, body to be lightly breaded, deep-fried then served up with rice and egg roll (or substitute wings if you like)
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here are some lonely cars in New York City in the 1970s
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White House announces support for registering women for the draft. I wouldn't worry, though, the next occupant probably won't get us in any wars or anything
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Apparently you can shoot people multiple times, kill them while shouting, "I told you not to fark with me" in a road rage incident and walk away without charges being filed, even if there are eyewitnesses
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Whoville set ablaze by cigarette. Police warn people to be on the lookout for a green man in a Santa costume, ask that if they see him to not touch him, even with a thirty nine-and-a-half-foot pole
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Armed snowman decoration has a warning for thieves
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"Looking after a newborn is like taking charge of a tiny, semi-comatose alcoholic"
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Rancher will not kill P-45 because P-45 is the cutest kitty in Southern California. And the best known, what with making the front page every day now
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It's not a cop party until an Assistant Chief Constable whips one out and screams 'Look at these, look at these, these are the breasts of someone who has had three children' at one of her subordinates who just had a boob job
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Someone finally decided to peek inside an SUV covered in parking tickets. That's when they saw the corpse
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By firing off purchase attempts to multiple online stores simultaneously, hackers can correctly guess your credit card number, CVV and expiration date in 6 seconds
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Michigan water authority considering allowing Nestlé to double the amount of groundwater it extracts - just a few miles from Flint - to bottle and sell for profit. Cost to Nestlé? $200
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Man who is attempting to be the first to swim across the Atlantic Ocean has only gone 67 nautical miles in 3 weeks. Which means at the current rate he will not arrive until early 2018
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Photoshop this chair and its occupant into some more exciting surroundings
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New LED lights unveiled at Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls? Slowly I turn... step by step... inch by inch
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One of the major reasons Amazon has become a retail juggernaut? The $760 million in taxpayer money the government has used to subsidize it since 2005. Don't you love holding the free market's invisible hand?
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Man shoots home intruder, who should be thankful that he doesn't have to read this article
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FAA to Dreamliner pilots - "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
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By now, we all know the Internet Archive wants to back itself up in Canada. Here's why
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Here is why Americans are broke and obese. Now who wants to eat out tonight?
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You're fatter than you think you are
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Fire & Rescue plays Pokémon Go, finds real-life Blastoise
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This grandma wanted to make sure everybody ate a lot of food on Thanksgiving
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One time Fidel wanted me to get him some Viagra. "Why?" I asked. "For my Cuban missile crisis," he said. Then we laughed for twenty minutes straight
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♫ The Love Boat, polluting the ocean, covering it up ♫
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Man driving 115 MPH on Route 6 in Rhode Island, while live streaming to Facebook Live, ends the way you'd expect it would
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Alaskan city spends all summer developing a way to help the homeless. Just kidding, they spent all summer making an app for people to call in police raids on homeless camps
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Maids-a-milking did not get a raise this year
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| Thu December 01, 2016 |
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Victoria's Secret accused of featuring 'racist lingerie' in fashion show, as paying hundreds of dollars for dental floss tied in knots is cultural appropriation (Not safe for work)
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UNESCO declares Belgian beer culture a treasure of humanity. Admiral Ackbar declares, "It's a Trappist"
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A new kind of low: Stealing the Salvation Army kettle and leaving in a $70,000 SUV
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Now that marijuana is legal in my state can I come to work stoned? The short answer is: NO. The long answer is: NOOO WAAAAAY, DUDE
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Chicago police hold gun-buying sting, discover criminals bring guns to gun buying stings
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Jesus-thieving three admit Wollongong mall nativity heist. Try saying THAT three times fast
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Concrete statue of Jeebus survives Tennessee wildfires, so OF COURSE it's a miracle
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In the weeks leading up to Christmas, two slightly grumpy alpacas join eight others on guard duty - protecting 24,000 free-range turkeys from being attacked by foxes
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Alleged criminal masterminds with 300 stolen purses in their possession are captured because they forgot to turn off Find my iPhone
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For $1 million, you can get intimate with Mike Pence
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France has decided Sausage Party is suitable for 12 year olds. Naturally some people have a problem with this
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Someone took Walmart's Black Friday door buster ad a little too litterally
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Guy who created 7000 false identities and performed $200 million in credit card fraud sentenced to.... two years?
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Seattle home prices have risen 12% since last year, because it's not a bubble if you can't pop the damn thing
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If you lost an elephant around 10,000 years ago, Los Angeles Metro would like a word with you
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Make-A-Wish foundation: What is your wish? Kid with cancer: I want to blow stuff up. Make-A-Wish foundation: We can do that
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The owner of the world's oldest cat fears he may have relinquished his title
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And the state with the worst drivers is
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Guy says woman's meth sentence is "idiotic" and "grossly unfair." The guy is not her dealer, he's the judge who sentenced her
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Actual headline: What do you call that feeling when you see something cute? c) Ugly Ass
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Photoshop Challenge: Finish this sketch
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In today's mugshot lineup: Inmate gives the cops the bird
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Beaver dam does what a beaver dam does and floods a road. It helps the road was sinking anyway but we'll blame the beavers. Bonus beavers behaving badly trifecta in blay
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In most countries it would be cool to make your daughter pass a gruelling obstacle course in your back garden. But this is America, so it's fine
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Good news people of San Francisco, you can now pee on the sidewalks anywhere in the city
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All you sperm donors can breathe a sigh of relief now. Well, a second sigh of relief
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Law student prevented from attending classes because her skirt was too short (SFW pics, you decide)
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Teen sets house on fire over boyfriend 'beef,' showing once again the dangers of bovine husbandry
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Facebook: The Brawndo of political journalism
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Clown of Aleppo killed by air strike. Begun, the clown wars have
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89-year-old veteran posts ad looking for job to save him "dying of boredom"
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Arizona's welfare director fired. He leaves behind 80,000 rounds of ammo and 50 handguns in the office basement. "These jihadists in San Bernardino attacked a social service center for the developmentally disabled. They will go anywhere,"
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Fark Food Thread: Specialized items are always available for aspiring cooks and seasoned chefs alike. Ever buy something that you soon wish you could have a do-over on? Help your fellow Farkers avoid costly/space-wasting mistakes
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Scientists at The Daily Mail use an eye tracking device to determine which stereotype women prefer. A) Muscular Man B) Hipster Man C) Boyish Man
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Andrei, you've lost another cargo ship headed to the ISS?
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While many corporations are pulling their ads from Brietbart News after increased media scrutiny of the site and its CEO's white nationalist ties, Nissan has announced it is staying. Said their spokesman: Did you forget which side we were on in WWII?
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Don't *baaaaa* tase me, bro
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Ever wonder why Evengelicals fight science so much? Could it be they fear what would happen if aliens would truly be discovered? Or maybe they would just say that aliens are "dragons" just as they do with dinosaurs
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2010: Nobody beaten by Toronto police during protests. 2016: Nobody allowed to proceed with lawsuit against police. Bonus video of police beating Nobody
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Photoshop this bouncing bird
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The latest casualty on The War against Christmas: The candy cane
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Diamonds grown in a lab are now indistinguishable from mined diamonds. Although the value of your mined diamond is enhanced by the mystical cachet of child labor, illicit arms deals, and African genocide, so there is that to consider
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In a rare case of Australia not trying to kill people, a group of 17-year-olds spend $20 to synthesize the key ingredient for $110,000 worth of Daraprim just to prove Pharma Bro is a giant douche
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Eighth-grader bags monster bull elk, sets Nebraska state record
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Japan may legalize gambling and casinos because why not
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Texas man jailed for using Twitter to harass others. That kind of behavior could get him sentenced to four years as President of the United States
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A look at Vagisil's new ad, which features four dry-vagina'd cartoon women in a dry-as-their-vaginas desert commiserating about how dry their vaginas are. Vagina
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Amazon up 29% from last year Oh... in deforestation, I suppose those boxes have to come from somewhere
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Los Angeles to bury hundreds of unclaimed dead. Don't open
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85 languages are spoken by the children at Buffalo, NY public schools. Kids can now learn 85 different ways to say "When is it ever going to stop snowing?"
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In Ohio it will soon become illegal to have sex with animals. In related news, for the time being, it is still legal to have sex with animals in Ohio
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There once were two idiots from Limerick, who said "Hold my Guinness and watch this trick"
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Austria bans people from smoking in their own homes
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Beaver walks into a store and trashes the place. Wally, being the older brother, will probably get the blame
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Oregon's legal pot sales are coming to a halt because of testing for pesticides. "People are saying this is totally unfair. That's actually completely wrong. These things are expected of any industry where people are putting things in their mouth"
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Sheriff explains 497 misses out of 500 shots fired by claiming they didn't want to kill the suspect
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"A young couple were left stunned after council workers seized their doormat claiming it was a health and safety risk and then demanded £40 for its return" (w/ pic of doormat)
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This day in 1955, a lady refuses to give up her seat in a bus and the whole country notices
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Halo Board and Halo Board Extreme. Battery-powered, self-balancing skateboard with bluetooth, LEDs, and 156 point safety inspection. Excellent upgrade from bipedal locomotion. (Sponsored Link)
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The MLB All-Star Game is rumored to have become a meaningless game again
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Mall of America hires a black Santa and somehow this is news. Thanks, Trump
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Buzz Aldrin medically evacuated from the South Pole
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Scientists baffled by world's best preserved mummy which is still soft to the touch even after 2,100 years (Not for the squeamish)
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How did you like that mild Autumn? Good. Now get ready for record low temperatures across "almost entire USA"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Iron Photoshop Ingredient: This simple blank key
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Your Periodic Table is now obsolete, as 4 new elements are officially given names and locations
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The internet's answer Breitbart's boycott of Kellogg's cereal. Honey Nut Gestapos, anyone?
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High on the list of things you don't want to hear from an air traffic controller: "I'm not sure what heading to turn you onto"
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Hippo attacks truck, driver has only appropriate reaction (not safe for work language)
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'Most famous gun in French history' sold for $460K. To be fair, it was actually fired and never dropped
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College students probably weren't going to fork over their beer money anyway, but nice try, computer kidnappers
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Today's mass shooting is brought to you by Baltimore, where a lone gunman has killed 2 and injured 4 others
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Poet calls out Americans' addiction to technology. Although no one would ever know that he wrote the poem if he hadn't made a digital video and posted it online
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Tacoma police officer killed responding to domestic violence call. Suspect barricaded and standoff currently underway
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Parallel parking and diagonal parking are for amateurs. Try vertical parking
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 604: "Barking Up the Wrong Tree". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 30, 2016 |
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Hipster fathers are deathly afraid of their kids calling them Dad like some suburban Saved-by-the-Bell-type doofus, ask that they be referred to as "Papa" for that authoritative, old-timey, yet alternative flair
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Bad: Destructive wildfires in the South. Good: They finally get rain. Bad: Along with deadly floods and tornadoes
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What do you mean "the nonexistent one?" Dad, I'm right here
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OPEC tries very hard to put the genie back into the bottle
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Getting dubbed the "best looking couple in Britain" on social media still only means you're British good looking
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Next year when you notice that all the world leaders have suddenly disapppeared, you should know they're probably hiding out in bunkers to escape the doom of the gigantic Nibiru apocalypse
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Australian man loses game of "breast implant or jellyfish"
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FBI declares possible explosive device safe after officials, responding to illegal burn in backyard, found missile lying next to fire. "I'm just glad they got it gone"
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At clothing-optional bar, keep your hands to yourself
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Get a bad grade in school? That's a dousing with gasoline
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With the slump in oil prices, Saudi Arabia needs an actual functioning economy and wonders if maybe locking half the population out of the workforce might be a bad idea
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Coming soon to a toy store near you - Breastfeeding Barbie (sfw)
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Photoshop this slippery slope
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Huffing gasoline was better when it had lead in it
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You know you've had a little too much fun drinking when you wake up in the morgue
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You know Christmas is coming when even armed robbers wish you "Happy Holidays" after holding store up, taking your cash
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Former gay porn actor who secretly converted to Islam arrested for planning terrorist attacks, which are generally frowned upon when you work for a German spy agency
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Oh nothing, just a video of driving through a tunnel of fire in the Smoky Mountains Complete with not-safe-for-work commentary
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Today's (and yesterday's) Fark-ready headline: Canadian cops to punish drunk drivers with Nickelback tunes
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When cow farts are outlawed, only outlaws will have farting cows
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Special needs student in PA shows how differently that showdown between Bender and the principal in "The Breakfast Club" would have gone if iPhones had existed back then
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Astronauts hear mysterious knocking sound on space craft. William Shatner and John Lithgow urge examination of wings
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Meet the guy in the cowboy hat and white beard who held up a sign of unity outside of a mosque in Irving, TX
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Ants exchange messages when they make out. Scientists still not sure when it comes to uncles
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Minimum wage protest ends with 23 arrests. Man, you never see people getting arrested when the rich are protesting their money
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Authorities need your help finding guys who fled with $400 in merchandise from Radio Shack. In other news, Radio Shack is still around & you can outrun clerks for $400 off your Holiday gift budget
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Photoshop this cool place to be
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The second-most-popular boy's name in Britain is now. A) Harry. B) Nigel. C) Mohammed
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Man finds out why it's a bad idea to drink alcohol before calling up a former Indian chief so he can share his thoughts on fur trapping
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Hey you know, since we're already scraping the bottom of the barrel for Trump's cabinet picks, why don't we just go all in and bring Dan Quayle back to relevance, that'd be hilari-No. he DID? Really? Sonuvfa-
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Father of the Year tries to drop off child-support payment at McDonald's drive-through window, becomes enraged when ex won't come to window, crawls through said window, beats her
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So what SHOULD you do if you find human remains? Besides posting selfie pics, I mean
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No charges filed in shooting of Keith Scott in Charlotte NC, District attorney determines officer acted lawfully
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Lack of sleep may be costing the US GDP more than $400 billion annually. But how much internet misinformation is this preventing?
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Your one chance to solve a case that's stumped the FBI for decades, right here
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Bicyclist dies of embarrassment after hitting box turtle. Darwin puts bicyclist in this year's top ten list. Trump's on the list because of his hair. So, now the hair and the tortoise are on the list. Smooth, subby, smooth
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Bangor Daily says get ready for 12 inches tonight
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Today in injustice: Ceaselessly whistling "Closing Time" is not actually illegal
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Tomorrow, 12/1/16, the FBI will be able to hack millions of computers with the sign-off from just one judge. And they can hack your computer even if you've done nothing wrong
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Cow tipping prank results in multiple fatalities
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Big Mac creator dead at 98, which means he outlived the average Big Mac eater by decades
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Reply All: "STOP HITTING REPLY ALL" -Send-
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Try Loot Crate without a subscription, shipping included. Because you can never have enough geek t-shirts. (Sponsored Link)
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Japan admits that its defense forces may have been hacked. Which will teach them NOT to make their secret password: 一 二 三 四
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If you're a mother cat, there is nothing more relaxing than taking a break inside a crate full of baby chicks
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In today's unworkable plan to restrict personal choice, Britain's Health Secretary proposes ban on sexting for under 18s
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It was a long and dark November, when I thought that I'd remember, all the reasons why I wrote before. When at last, again, I write. What horror and fright. Turns out I've written all this before. THIS is your Fark Writers Thread
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Photoshop this mayor and his mayorjuana
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#1 with racists -- you know, the guys who can't even spray paint a swastika correctly
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It turns out we've been looking for aliens in all the wrong places. They're not up in space, they're down in one of earth's gigantic underground oceans
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20 machinists needed for immediate openings in Nashville, TN
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Grandmothers settle custody battle Texas style
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PEEP, Bork, Bork, Bork
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Phillip Morris CEO: Yeah, we can quit cigarettes. For real, this time
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Amazon drone falls to earth
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Coming just in time for Christmas 2017: the cheese advent calendar
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You may not be able to write like Hunter S. Thompson or live the gonzo life, but you may be able to smoke his actual brand of weed his wife saved
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| Tue November 29, 2016 |
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Bank of England urged to make new £5 note vegan-friendly
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Security camera catches woman vandalizing car for a full six hours. Now THAT'S dedication
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I kind of want to date a girl that steals a Magic Mike DVD, batteries, and a hard salami from Walmart. I'm just saying
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Giant Swedish Christmas goat set on fire for the 35th time in 50 years
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Smartphone use replacing money, sex, and kids as leading cause of relationship-ending arguments
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For first time, Miss Minnesota USA pageant has fully-clothed contestant participate. So everyone else was naked before? I get all chilly thinking about it myself
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European engineers have finally completed their massive cover-up of Chernobyl. 36,000 tons
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Pinheads in Florida government may be forced to deal with budget deficit due to Zika virus. Wait, that came out wrong
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Charlie Sheen seen on the Potomac
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Amsterdam is OVER. All the cool hipsters are hanging out in Rotterdam
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The official how-to-guide for receiving a real letter from an imaginary person postmarked from a non-existent location
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Cops put up trail cameras to catch mountain lion. They didn't expect the gorilla
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Photoshop this queen of the desert
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McDonald's is now testing the use of fresh beef in some burgers. As opposed to whatever the hell they've been putting in them so far, apparently
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Austrian collector claims to have nude pictures of Eva Braun frolicking with the kangaroos outside Adolf's summer home (not safe for work)
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San Francisco's Millennium Tower is now more like 994 Tower
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Def Leppard drummer wanted in connection with a robbery
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There are crappy landlords, and then there are landlords who refuse to fix the lake of raw sewage in your yard
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If you're looking for more realistic Christmas Cards this year, you can get The Three Wise Men and the Drone Strike or Joseph and Mary fleeing Aleppo
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Millennials aren't going to save us. Rorschach nods approvingly
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Fight between two women turns parking lot into demolition derby. Wait, wasn't this a Malcolm in the Middle episode?
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Photoshop Tennis Match: Silhouette Edition
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Man wins Vincent Van Gogh lookalike contest. I SAID MAN WINS VINCENT VAN GOGH LOOKALIKE CONTEST
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Ark Encounter to soon feature historical recreation of Roman gladiators fighting dinosaurs in the arena. This is all in the Bible if you look closely, and is in no way a cross-promotion stunt with Ark: Survival Evolved
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As Jesus said, Let he who has not faked his own kidnapping after a drug-fueled binge with transgender prostitutes cast the first stone
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PEI police to impose stricter punishment on drunk drivers by subjecting them to endless Nickelback while detained
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Mini monkeys found safe after abduction. Tiny Mike Nesmith says everything's fine
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If you know someone who was murdered, currently driving on Kirkman Road, the Orlando police are following you right now
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Out of my way, peasants; I don't have to wait for offboarding like the rest of you lowlifes
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Today in the annals of "what sane human would consider this a good idea?" - a man biking along the handrail of a 650-foot tall dam
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Someone has been sleeping in my bed, said baby bear, and he's still here...and naked
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Local school board adds "drugs" to its standardized testing regimen
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Attending church and being surrounded by religious believers is just as addictive as heroin, claims neuroscientist
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Asus Eeebook X205TA Windows 8.1 Notebook - Refurbished - $149.99. (Sponsored Link)
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Great. Now there will be a moon base gap
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The Smokyland Motel lives up to its name in this photo in an article about wildfires in Tennessee
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Photoshop Theme: Create the flag of your own nation
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First he makes you wait 5-7 seconds at a stop sign, then he flips you the bird when you honk at him. Good thing you have that .45 under the seat of the Audi you stole, isn't it, son? With mugshot of the year contender
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Famed internet blogger Casey Neistat gets bought out by CNN for $25 million in an attempt to bring "authenticity" to CNN
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Tasmanian whisky flies off shelves after being named world's best single malt, as state's 22 distillers can barely keep up with demand. If only we could animate exactly how Tasmanian whisky is flying off shelves
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Marijuana users "have abnormally low blood flow in every part of the brain - including Alzheimer's danger zones." Wait... What was I talking about again?
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Killing bears in NJ reduces the chances of bear attacks. Don't worry, a lot of research went into this conclusion
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Actual Headline: Homeschool mom crushed by 'moral dilemma' after son sees male CoverGirl wearing makeup
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Gee, why wouldn't you want your identity publicly known when you're on the jury of a murder trial against a cop?
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Japan offers senior drivers discount ramen for life at any Japanese Farmer's Market if they voluntarily give up their driver's licenses
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"The destruction took off on social media, where witnesses posted videos and photos of shoppers kicking aside shoe boxes and wading through the dystopian wasteland"
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Stupid new online challenge has naked people trying to cover all their naughty bits using only a single digit. Enjoy The One Finger Selfie Challenge (probably Not safe for work)
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Aussie Walter Matthau kills Aussie Jack Lemmon. No word on if he was venomous
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You should try eating Key Deer before they're all screwed
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Plane with 80 Brazilian people crashes
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A good heist involves a cunning getaway plan. Sadly, Florida Man's "hide in a pond and claim he's fishing" ploy didn't count
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Dollywood evacuated, will now be the subject of a soon to be released Hallmark Channel special
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| Mon November 28, 2016 |
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Cops seek owner of well-dressed lost dog
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Calgary Police sued for $600,000 after false perjury charges laid against a man who will coincidentally be shot during a traffic-stop gone bad sometime next week
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McDonald's rolls out battered and deep fried cheese curds. Only in Wisconsin
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| (Some Guy) |
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And the word of the year is...
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Like, literally
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Remember that TFer's fantasy book that Fark made a best seller in July? Fun times, fun times. Today, all sales royalties are going to St. Jude's Cancer Research. Get one for yourself or a friend, signed copies available, too. DIT (Sponsored Link)
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That sinkhole that Japan fixed in a week is broken again. Maybe they should try percussive maintenance
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Remember that scene in Indiana Jones where Indy used a lighter to see in a dark catacomb? Well, remember: A) You're not Indiana Jones, B) Your mobile home isn't a catacomb, and C) Couches are flammable
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Israel decides they don't want to be left out of the fun in Syria. I bet no one will have a problem with this
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"OK, Google, tell me how to get to Dump Tower"
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Breaking News: Trump wins Wisconsin. Other Breaking News: Nobody gives a shiate because the election was over 3 weeks ago
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PSA: When prepping for Doomsday, remember the most important thing of all: Lock Your Doors
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Fark NotNewsletter: Guess what day it is
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Accused face-biter's Google searches are even more bizarre than you imagined
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Photoshop this little dancer
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Inside the municipal court cash machine
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The last evidence that the 19th Century was not a hoax turns 117 tomorrow
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Bad Astronomy urges us all to take on Bad Science
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Gun shops have a new marketing plan that's going gangbusters "Women and minorities, protect yourself from Trump voters"
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"The cafe apologized and stated they fired the 'rogue' employee who was selling smoothies with a swastika drawn on it and that it is a coincidence 'Nutsy' sounds like 'Nazi'"
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That million-woman march on Washington that's supposed to happen right after Trump's inauguration? Yeah, it's going to rank up there with those million truckers who totes shut down the city to protest Obama
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Love means never having to say you are sorry. Voting for Trump means never having to pay for reusable bags
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Photoshop this military patrol
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A new prime number has been found, and it's only 9.3 million digits long
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That guy that smuggled $165K worth of gold in his butt? He said he'll pay it back. Give him 3 hours. Stand clear
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| (delta.com) |
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Delta CEO Ed Bastian addresses angry Trump supporter on Thanksgiving flight: "the offending passenger will never again be allowed on a Delta plane, and we're refunding every other passenger's ticket price"
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Suggestions for White House exit pranks Obama could play
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"Active Shooter" didn't shoot anyone. Or have a gun. Was armed only with a car and butcher knife. Calls for common sense knife control expected right after retractions of "another active shooter" headlines
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Anger erupts as French sex offenders are put to work with dildos. Well, anger and other things (not safe for work)
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Radioactive material stolen in Iran. Authorities are on the lookout for a scientist and his teenage sidekick driving a DeLorean
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Woman on blind date pushed from car so dude can lead cops on high speed chase. Details to left, better blind date stories to right
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Cars not to consider for this year's Cannonball Run, even if you are two very attractive women tag-teaming across the country in a Lamborghini
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The shooter on the campus is the dead
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