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| Sun October 23, 2016 |
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Behold the miracle of lifesaving operations as we now have a baby who was born twice
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In-N-Out burger is bad and California should feel bad
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"I am not my face, I am not my body," claims woman who has spent $415k altering her face and body
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Photoshop this exploratory discovery
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Old and busted: Drunk ignores flashing lights and hits squad car at accident scene. New hotness: Drunk hits helicopter at accident scene
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You know what else your caffeine addiction is good for? Growing a tree to help save the planet
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this proud record holder
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Worst hotel in Australia up for sale. This "festering flophouse" comes with drug dealers, murders and shirtless guests yelling abuse at passers-by while throwing buckets of water at them: "You'd be better off sleeping on a tram"
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Store owner displays 'No Clowns Allowed' sign. Naturally, some clowns have a problem with this
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How burglar-proof is your place? Why not hire a reformed burglar to test it out? "It took him just three minutes to break into my house"
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Police break into hot car in Suffolk to rescue child inside, surprising owner of car most of all: "I get a call from the police, and I don't have a baby so I'm like, 'Where'd the child come from? Who put the child in my car?'"
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Pull up a stool and let's have a drink or three at the best Irish bar in the world ...which just happens to be in NYC
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In Japan children ride the subway alone. In Spain children don't have set bedtimes. In Scandinavia children are allowed to sleep outside in the cold. Meanwhile in America, you won't let your child play out front without a whistle around his neck
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If you insist on dressing your pet up in a costume this year, make sure you don't use commercial hair dye, don't put rubber bands around his ears, and don't tie ribbons around his neck. Or, you know, you could let your dog be a dog for Halloween
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Programming e-learning bundle. C, Java Object-Oriented, Structures and Algorithms, SQL, Python, C++, Raspberry Pi. Instructors from Google and Flipkart. (Sponsored Link)
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"The mysterious death of a British man at a Spanish airport took a bizarre turn today after it emerged he was found half-naked with a slice of ham on each buttock and his genitals in an open tuna can"
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On the bright side, if he gets time off for good behavior, this man may be released from prison as early as the year 3293 AD
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Today's mass hysteria over a drug that's legal in 46 states is brought to you by U-47700 or 'Pink' as they call it out on the streets. "If you touch it, you could go into cardiac arrest"
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You may have a meth problem if you live in Nebraska and after not sleeping in three days find yourself yelling at a hotel receptionist in Florida about not getting any food because you think she's a counselor and the hotel is a rehab center
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Photoshop this lonely tree
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CSB Sunday Morning: Memories of grandparents
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Not news: Screams at a haunted house. Fark: Screams at a haunted house after serious injuries
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For whatever it's worth, the owner of U-Haul is against recreational marijuana in Arizona
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It's National Drug Take Back day, so go ahead and take all of your drugs back to back. Hrmm, I may have that wrong, but let's go with it
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Turkey looks at the coming clusterfark in Mosul and says to themselves, "we want a piece of that"
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174 escape from the hell that is a Haitian prison only to realize that they still are in the hell that is Haiti
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Hacker calls himself "The Jester"; takes down Russian Foreign Affairs website. The FBI, apparently having never seen Batman, calls him "the Batman of the internet"
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Former archbishop admits he probably deserves criticism for that time he covered up child sex abuse. If only there were a lake of fire burning eternally somewhere to show him what he really deserves
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| Sat October 22, 2016 |
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♫ Anything will happen that can. But the last time the Cubs won the National League pennant is no longer the year we dropped the bomb on Japan. ♫
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In Mono County, California you'll find beautiful, mountainous wildland. And sometimes those mountains drop really big boulders onto the road. For the local road workers, those are the best days on the job - because they get to blow that shiat up
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this suspicious Schnauzer
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Underwater pumpkin carving is a thing, I guess
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Man arrested by cops who mistook Krispy Kreme glaze for meth decides to sue because this is America
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Here's how ignorant the average 18-year-old is. They can't even complete the chorus "I feel like chicken tonight..." and they've never seen an ice cube tray
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Darwin: "Soon"
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Thanks for your service, your sacrifices will never be forgotten. P.S., that signing bonus and student loan money we contractually signed for was by accident. Pay it back, or we'll garnish your wages
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Here's the list of this year's Halloween costumes officially deemed "Not Amusing" by university students. Bonus for infographic "detailing the steps of thought involved in whether a costume should or should not be worn"
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Nuu Mobile X4 5" HD unlocked Android smartphone. Nanuu Nanuu? (Sponsored Link)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this hot-handed woman
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New York has a rodent problem. They also have a feral cat problem. The solution seems obvious: organize a Stray Cat Strut
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Okay, you armchair GEDs in law: A U.S. border guard shoots into Mexico and kills Mexican boy. Can the kid's parents sue?
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See sometimes when the hospital doesn't take your walk-in emergency visit seriously you need to use the drive-thru with your 4WD
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Viral real estate listing leads to only one question: what's the seller's Fark screenname?
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Scientists design the ultimate UK pub crawl and with 25,000 stops along 28,270 miles, it's longer than circumnavigating the globe so you better get started
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Hey, it isn't easy being the "number one male escort in the world." You should see some of the weird things he's had to do
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Rare disease leaves 5-year-old British girl at risk for eating herself to death. Or, as the affliction is known around the rest of the world, being an American
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Awwwww... these parents are 'embarrassed and angry' that their little snowflakes were shamed by a coffee cafe for throwing a temper tantrum. GOOD
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Police breathalyse female driver who had "a couple of bottles", drove with no license, no tax and no insurance on car, then let her go without charge. That's some police work there, Lou
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Woman decides to open-carry her gun in a Walmart parking lot. You know what happens next
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Wouldn't it be awesome if you ran across a black metal band in the woods and they agreed to be part of your engagement photos shoot? Especially if your surname is Awesome?
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PETA takes on the Inuits, because, why is it exactly they don't just grow wheat instead of murdering seals?
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American Academy of Pediatrics says kids should be allowed to watch as much TV as they want. Great. Where were you guys 30 years ago?
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Raise a glass. Striking Jim Beam workers accept a new contract
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Fear of violence and vandalism is resulting in fewer political lawn signs and bumper stickers this year. Which means there may be some good coming out of this election after all
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Photoshop what could be behind the green door
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94-year-old man who has been fire chief since 1953 finally feels burned out
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Many young adults leave home to live on campus while attending classes, visiting the library, and of course maintaining an active social presence on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Not all of them are human, especially on Caturday
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At least 55 killed, 575 injured in a train crash in Cameroon. Government ministers claim, "The cause of the accident is not yet clear,". 1300 passengers on a train that normally has 600 might have something to do with it
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Have some spare time on your hands? Love the great outdoors? Why not hike the Trans Canada Trail...only 13,000 miles long, no big deal
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Why was the emu running down Interstate 10? Because it can't fly, duh
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Old Brit: "Why I think gentrification is pants." Answer: because his favorite old high-street lingerie shop closed down
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The Duchess of Krakenthorp has been nominated and confirmed for the Supreme Court
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Is it legal to shoot Bigfoot?
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Back in the good ol' days we didn't even have professional lice removal businesses. Mom had to shave off all the body hair. And I mean all
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Should men sit down to pee or not? The debate rages on
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| Fri October 21, 2016 |
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That Fark Weird News Quiz is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop--ever, until you take it
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Woman with skull stuck on a stick leads Sacramento police to dead body. No word why the rest of the Fellowship didn't go with them
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Auto insurers now wrestling with the question - If a driverless car gets into an accident, whose fault is it?
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Women (and some men), you've been putting your bra on wrong this whole time
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Man breaks into Vancouver home apparently because he couldn't cook eggs naked at his own house
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Rolling Stone reporter at the UVA libel trial: "It was a mistake to rely on someone whose intent was to deceive me." Ya think?
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Court orders a brick wall to be built through the middle of a £2 million luxury mansion shared by a feuding couple
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Finally, a dating app for people who live in the real world
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Snakes in a condo
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Women drivers 'consistently more angry than men' according to new study
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Rule 34, 17th century style
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this romantic couple
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Think you're safe because you locked down all your ports and scrubbed little Bobby Tables? Linux exploit discovered, and it's a big one
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Russia: Hey there Oklahoma. Mind if we send observers to watch your election? Oklahoma: Um, no?
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Seattle now has more construction cranes than any other US city - including more than New York City and San Francisco, combined
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Richard Branson shares his terrifying encounter with Trump wherein he recounted his revenge fantasies. With bonus must. not. photoshop picture
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There is no way these disguises can fail
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The first thing they're supposed to teach you at Broadcast School is to never combine prescription medicine with alcohol before going on air
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Russian aircraft carrier appears to be putting a smokescreen between England and France
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| (Some Guy) |
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New research finds beer drinkers are more fun to hang around with than wine drinkers
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Nearly $90G in stolen beer recovered as police seize 719 12-packs from farm in Texas, which works out to a fairly impressive $125 each. That's some fine police math, Lou
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Animated GIF round-up-- I need your best SFW animated GIFs before you head home for the day. Thanks
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It's always a tragedy to have to bury a parent. That doesn't mean you should panic and just plant him in your front yard when you find him dead
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Your honor, the defense requests that the defendant's comments about the judge being quote "biased against him because they are a mexican" unquote be struck from evidence on the grounds of it being just normal campaign rhetoric
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Finally, the scandal that will bring the Trump campaign down
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WikiLeaks reveal John Podesta urged to involve Obama in discussions about existence of space aliens. "A conversation with you and President Obama regarding the next steps in extraterrestrial disclosure for the benefit of our country and our planet"
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Photoshop people getting up on the wrong side of the bed
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Kyrgyzstan cannot find its constitution, extra vowels
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Major hack takes down Amazon, Netflix, PayPal, Reddit, Spotify, and Twitter. I'll bet it was Dave Matthews
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Cool: Your mom buys you a Vivienne Westwood shirt. Fark: She didn't realize that the lovely golden pattern on the front in fact depicted a huge orgy all across the T-shirt
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Parents complain that 55' nude statue is inappropriate, say children should only see boobies on smaller statues, mannequins, paintings, National Geographic, the internet, and that magazine Dad keeps under the mattress
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What a protective 'Zion Ceiling' looks like over a Utah bar
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Jeremy is frustrated because he's left-handed and no righties will have sex with him
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Feisty Grandma beats off intruder with beer stein and crowbar
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Bricklayer has his penis snapped in half during vigorous sex session. Well what the hell did he expect? They're bricks
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How crappy t-shirts, ironic band merch and millennials ruined style: "Everyone is milking the look of dressing like an absolute twat. We've been dressing like trash for so long we've forgotten what actual style is"
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Argentina proposes microchipping soccer fans to stop hooliganism: "To my surprise, most of the Argentine football fans I interviewed weren't horrified by the Orwellian initiative and saw it as a practical way to keep stadium violence in check"
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CNBC: Here are tips on budgeting for your year-end bonus. Everyone: What is this 'bonus' thou speakest of?
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Europe's lost Mars lander was shot down by NASA to conceal life on the planet
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Industrial spill results in chlorine gas cloud engulfing Kansas town of 11,000
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Machine learning e-course bundle. Pattern recognition and prediction in programming. Used in self-driving cars, speech recognition. Your computer knows you want steak and will suggest the route. (Sponsored Link)
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Either we just discovered 234 alien civilizations or we're making some drastically incorrect assumptions. But for now, we're going with the aliens
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Looks like the Russian hacking attack responsible for the recent email leaks was less "We've recompiled the firewall codebase megabites" and more "Click here to change your password"
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"Disorderly conduct charges are pending against a woman who authorities say smeared peanut butter on 30 vehicles outside a gathering in central Wisconsin that she mistakenly thought was a Donald Trump rally"
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Facebook users can now endorse a presidential candidate. Which is good news for anyone who wants to be de-friended by half the people they know
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Photoshop this mirror o' gold
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If you're a police officer responding to trespassing call at an abandoned home, make sure you don't draw your gun on the city official inside giving a journalist a tour for a story on foreclosed homes
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It's come to this: All clowns have been banned from Kemper County, Mississippi until the day after Halloween
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"Yoga pants can be adorable on children and young women who have the benefit of nature's blessing of youth. However, on mature, adult women there is something bizarre and disturbing about the appearance they make in public." Oh, no, you didn't
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Today's teacher arrested for sleeping with multiple students and posing for nude photos with them is from Pennsylvania
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GTA 6: GTA
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Former Wells Fargo workers say they were so stressed at work they were chugging hand sanitizer to make it through the day
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What starts with 'a', ends with 'uck' and has an 'f' in it? If you had 'a stolen Cocoa Beach firetruck,' they'd really like it back
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Just imagine what he'd have done with that Trans Am
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| Thu October 20, 2016 |
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Michael Hayden, former head of the NSA and CIA, on Russia's hack of DNC emails: "Well-played. Game on"
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How do you say "man bun" in Brazilian Portuguese?
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Washington DC listed as the third rattiest city in the U.S., immediately jumps to number one when Congress is in session
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Boaty McBoatface is taking the Arctic Challenge
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Former Fox, CBS anchor opens up about new career as gay porn star: "Sorry if the haters have decided that gay guys over forty are supposed to put on the board shorts, move to the suburbs and settle down to bridge parties once per week"
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Author of Cajun dictionary honored in Welsh because it makes perfect sense revering incomprehensible language expert with another incomprehensible language
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Married Donald Trump was once good friends with the star of "Porking with Pride #2"
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Millennials fall for online scams more often than baby boomers. Fortunately, they don't have any money
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Any time a female prison worker is caught smuggling a syringe full of inmate sperm out of the jail, there's going to be questions
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Buzzfeed fact-checks partisan Facebook pages and finds that most truthful posts have the fewest shares
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Baby Finster has pulled the same gag fifty times this year already
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They were about to eat Taco Bell, then they dropped dead, and nobody knows why
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Dora exploring someplace new
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IHOP offering 'scary' pancakes for Halloween, in a break from their tradition of offering scary customers at 2AM all year round
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Finally, a blow is struck against the powerful, shadowy Drain Commissioner
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School bus driver gets lost on way to school, wanders around for hours, winds up in Yonkers. Mrs. Crabtree impressed
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Russia offers to send international observers to ensure the U.S. presidential vote is conducted fairly
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Burglars say bicycle shop owner caught them, made them strip naked then tortured them for two hours. It's the Orlando way
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Trump/Putin '16
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New police radios in a PA county turn off without notice for no apparent reason. Chief Wiggins has Lou working on it
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Some vegans are more militant than others
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Girl decides to test her boyfriend's loyalty by sending a porn star to hit on him, gets what she deserves
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US says it's detected another failed launch of Best Korea's No Dong missile. No word if they will try launch of experimental Viagra missile to see if it will stay up
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Man goes on trial for farting in boy's face, judge waves briefs
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Fark Food Thread: It's time to help your fellow Farkers be their best for Taco Tuesday. Don't be stingy, show us the good stuff
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Apache attack helicopters now considered "American combat advisors" in Iraq
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This just in: Your boss asking you to take a drug test after he walks in on you snorting cocaine is not entrapment
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The ultimate deterrent to auto theft: the manual transmission
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Trump answers sound like a student giving a report on a book he never read, which has prompted a Tweetstorm. "Little Women. I love women. Especially beautiful ones. Not nasty women. #TrumpBookReport"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what's developed
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German U-boat discovered off the coast of Scotland. The sub was purportedly sunk by a sea monster wanting to protect its territory, but researchers now believe it just wanted about tree-fitty
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Janet Jackson's "Nasty" gets 250% Spotify boost after Trump calls Clinton a "Nasty Woman"
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Most of us have tugged our arms up and down to try and get an 18-wheeler to honk their horn right? Well this young girl makes the mistake of doing so with a huge ship in the harbor
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Oh yeah it's all fun and games until the guy with the 'Killer clown' mask dies after stepping on a landmine in Cambodia
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| (Some Guac) |
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The Great Avocado Crisis of 2016 has been averted. For those of you in the Midwest, an avocado is raw guacamole. And guacamole is like a cheesy bacon bean dip, but intentionally green, but not nerdy like hummus. And hummus is- nevermind, just try one
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Tourists in Iceland, wanting that perfect photo of the sea, are risking death at an alarming rate, with several paying the ultimate price. "Despite the new signs, something is clearly not getting through, as you see in the video," she lamented
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"I'm looking for a guy who is really trusting and healthy. You must have both kidneys, non smoker, and not be a big drinker or take any drugs that could damage the liver. Type O negative blood a plus." No red flags there, eh?
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Man rappels into Montreal sporting goods store and makes off with over $100,000 worth of hockey sticks in the most Canadian robbery of the year
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Stephen Hawking is seriously worried about AI killing us all. But what does he know, really?
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Weed "has many meanings the like of which are unknown to wine" said ancient Islamic poets
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Scary date? Creepy guy from Tinder? Go to the bar and ask for 'Angela'
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And now for something completely different: an archival photograph of two Englishwomen having formal tea with their sheep
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And the winner of today's clickbait award goes to: Secret Nazi 'Treasure Hunter' Arctic lair was sabotaged by polar bears, says scientists
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I'll see your ceiling cat meme and raise you one actual Ceiling Cat
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Achtung. This is not a test. This is Rock and Rol-waitaminute, wrong headline... Hey, you, out there in the cold, writing fiction, getting old, can you see this? THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread "Oops, I forgot again" edition
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The Windsor Humane Society is deeply sorry for its recent "Grab a pussy" pet adopt-a-thon
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Donald Trump goes on Twitter before 5AM again, pronounces himself the winner of the debate. A check of all known alternate realities disputes this claim - even the one where he's running against a sentient fern
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Shotgun robber's 11th suspected Denny's job runs astray of Ezekiel 25:17
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Photoshop these water walkers
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Meanwhile in Iraq, the battle of take back control of Mosul from ISIS is going well. In fact, it's going quite a bit faster than planned. So hey, good news
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Jury to decide the fate of Branch Dildonian domestic terrorists, whose bold strategy to overthrow the government was take over an aviary
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Massachusetts voters may legalize pot because a rich dead guy liked it and nobody cared enough to write a big check to the "no" movement
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When will we learn to not let well-meaning amateurs fix Jesus' face?
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Los Angeles gets rain for the first time in 165 days. Hundreds of motorists frantically check their owner's manual to see how to turn on their windshield wipers
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Feeding cows seaweed cuts down on their methane production. Now if only we could feed it to that one dude who rides the elevator every morning
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MN Supreme Court rules that BB guns are NOT firearms, despite fierce opposition by lobbying group, Mother's of One-Eyed Kids Association of America
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American tourists in Iceland will outnumber Iceland's population this year
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 598: "What's Bugging You?". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed October 19, 2016 |
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Support for legal Cannabis reaches an all time...um, yeah, well, you already know. *Sigh, fine... HIGH
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Town of 200 residents told that one of them is a murderer, unable to figure out who it is despite knowing the suspect's age and that they are not in town. Subby thinks he knows why the crime went unsolved for so long
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Man in wheelchair commits suicide with pipe bomb. Oakland chicken restaurant owners adjust their ties
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State Police warn motorists not to turn around and follow wrong-way drivers. You ain't the boss of me, pal
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Presidential Debate after party thread - HAVE YOU SEEN IT? HAVE YOU???
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Presidential Debate Thread 5 - RIGGED
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Diversifying its product line, Samsung releases new Galaxy Note 7 prenatal gender tests
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Presidential Debate Thread 4 - Largely Debunked
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Presidential Debate Thread 3 - NO U
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Portland Bagelworks, among other businesses, rocked by gas explosion. Well at least it wasn't Voodoo Donuts
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No, it's not over yet. Presidential debate Thread 2
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Are you desperate to get laid by vapid and worthless Tinder matches? Well, good news, now you can pay to have them see you first in their feed
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"Drive A Tank" normally offers people a chance to demolish an old car with a tank for $649. But for an additional $249, you can throw in a Clinton or Trump dummy
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Tonight, what happens in Vegas won't be staying in Vegas: it's your third and final 2016 Presidential Debate. Can Penn and Teller do us a solid and make the whole thing disappear? Live at 9PM ET on every channel in existence
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Photoshop the Queen admiring the Queen
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Russian hacker caught in Prague before he had a chance to find the Hillary sex tape
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After public outrage, Japanese city says it should not have stripped photographer of first prize after he unwittingly submitted festive pic of girl who was bullied into suicide, hands award back to him and apologizes to her family. Um, thanks
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The first day of school can be hard on kids, but it's even cuter when it's an orangutan
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You don't need teeth to drink bourbon
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People in Florida can't identify mystery smell. Here's a hint Florida, it might be you
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Woman breastfeeding baby at country club told to move to basement due to customer complaints that she wouldn't share any for their coffee
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Adobe Lightroom photo editing masterclass. I know I could figure it out on my own eventually, but sometimes I appreciate a tour. (Sponsored Link)
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Diver whose escape from great white shark went viral calls his attacker "very beautiful and cute," says he went into water very next day
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Sea-Tac goats successfully trim bushes near landing strips, love the berries
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Having solved all other crimes, feds in California now have a new tool in the War On Crime - compulsory search of your cellphone. Even if you're not a criminal
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Photoshop this sand walker
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Best Korea zoo trains Chimpanzee to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. But don't worry, just like Bill Clinton she doesn't inhale
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Check your panties for slow cookers
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How bad has the fighting gotten in Mosul between ISIS and Iraqi forces? So bad that civilians are escaping into the safety of Syria
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Med students at Washington University are going to have to figure out a different way to learn how to insert breathing tubes down patient's throats than by practicing on live cats
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China is about to launch stealth fighter designed to counter the USAF's weaknesses, which are reliance on tankers and the fact that the F-35 is only a threat to enemy aircraft if they hold still long enough for us to drop one on them with a crane
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Here are the 25 worst mammals you can decide to keep as a pet, including several species of bears
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France to get first 'Down Syndrome Restaurant,' probably to become the first restaurant in France where the waiters are actually friendly
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Oh, no, Sloth Bear. The zoo is gonna euthanize you. Run, Sloth Bear. RUN LIKE THE WIND. Oh, damn
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New report states that the FBI has over 117 million Americans in their facial recognition database, about 50% of the population
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Dan Savage seeks to immortalize Donald Trump the way he did Rick Santorum. Parents, have you had "The Trump Talk" with your daughters?
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"Not surprisingly, the history of cheese rolling is replete with tales of injury"
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If Florida Man ever needs a mascot, this guy is a prime candidate
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The best Seattle homes for the millennial buyer. Unlikely substitutes for missing Delusional tag
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Montreal Protocol becomes the most successful climate agreement ever: "Remember the hole in the ozone layer? If you grew up in the 1980s you sure do. As a result of this global effort to get rid of CFCs, the ozone layer is slowly healing"
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Man divorces his wife after he sees her without make-up for the first time
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This is the terrifying moment four divers were left trapped underneath a huge great white shark after it cut their air supply and dived down inside their cage
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Photoshop Challenge: Update this old Apple ad
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Oryx calf born in Chad for the first time in three decades. Mrs. Chad left speechless
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♫Rollin' rollin' rollin', keep those tanks a goin', Rollin' rollin' rollin' Mo-sul♫
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If you can't find doves to release on your wedding day I guess pheasants will do
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Hot dogs 'must be renamed' in Malaysia, says religious government body
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If you refrigerate your tomatoes, you'd better get ready to feel the wrath of self-righteous foodies being vindicated by science
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Teacher who left negative feedback on Expedia customer survey after insurance snafu finds her trip cancelled and a "Fark You" message in her account
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It's important to remember guide dog etiquette. For example, never distract or pet someone's service dog. Also, don't kick it in the face
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When it comes to enforcing drug debts you really have to give those Mexican cartels a hand
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Teacher charged with sexual exploitation of a minor claims that she's the real victim, because of the student's "elevated vocabulary." So that's what they're calling it these days
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If you can somehow make it through the rest of this hellish 2016, caramel M&Ms are coming in 2017
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Waitress gets a note telling her she should be home taking care of her husband, just like the Bible says
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You may want to order your next soda with no ice
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See if you can spot the cunning way this shoplifter is hiding his stolen goods
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BREAKING: "Pop-up" Halloween stores close after the holiday. We'll have more on this as it develops
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IBM's AI Watson is being used to diagnose diseases. Not sure why Watson keeps saying 'Humanity is. The Disease'. It's probably nothing
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Smoking can kill you. NJ college student falls off frat house roof after stepping out to catch a smoke
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Ever wonder what happens if a truck carrying steel beams stops too quickly?
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"Welcome to 'Only Used Trucks.' Hey, check out this baby over here. It's practically brand new, fresh from the factory. Not a dent or a scratch, and rattle free. Sweet, huh?"
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Man hospitalized with hole burned into his esophagus after eating ghost pepper burger. "For whatever it's worth, the patient had successfully finished the burger"
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If you go boating, don't drink. If you drink while boating, don't let your five friends get drunk. If you let your five friends get drunk while boating, don't let them get so drunk that they cannot even speak to the police after you hit that pier
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It's fair to say they don't fark around with killer clowns in Mexico
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And into the void that was the chat window in the livestream of the assault on Mosul, the commenters howled "Where's the Kaboom? There are supposed to be earth-shattering kabooms"
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France taken in rush by brown epidemic. This is not a repeat from 1940
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In your future I see you traversing a narrow valley between two giant peaks, each capped with a supple pink tower
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Scary: Grandmother has seizure. Worse: of half a million bucks worth of cocaine
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The Smithsonian found a spot for Bootsy Collins, but not the first Black Supreme Court Justice in their National Museum of African American History
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Photoshop this prancing tennis player
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Struggling shipper is selling a tug or two to pay the bills
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You think you've got it hard? This guy got drafted into three different armies
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Yao Ming appointed as China's ambassador to Mars, presumably to deal with Leo Wong
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It's not just America: Germans don't understand their constitution, either
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Ecuador to Julian Assange: "Eight year olds, dude"
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Who needs an emotional support duck? Well, possibly quite a number of Americans, depending on how the whole election thing turns out
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STORE CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE. P.S. Mind the murderous crows
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Meet BMW's vision of the future, the ... what the hell is that thing?
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There's trolling, and then there's "wearing a Steve Bartman Cubs jersey on a Wrigley rooftop" level trolling
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Professional tenant evicted. This could harm his chances at making the finals
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Presidential candidate uses multiple out of date email servers, all of them unpatched
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this delicious treat
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Financial services company hide 10 "lucky" pennies in San Diego, each redeemable for $1,000. Not to be confused with 'ass pennies', which cost your dignity
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Only 1 of 7 born this year, ugly ass baby black rhino ...Awwwww it looks just like a puppy
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If you've ever wondered what it would look like if a Russian immigrant turned his suburban home into a Kandinsky painting, the answer is "The most appalling Zillow listing of all time"
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Half the fun of running over a Trump sign with your vehicle is recording it and posting it to Facebook. The other half is being arrested for it
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Worst Storage Wars episode ever
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Guns don't kill people. Toddlers kill people
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Social Security recipients to get a .3% raise in benefits next year, possibly allowing them to step up to TWO cans of cat food a week
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The problem with sudden wealth. Yeah, I'll risk it
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BBC says it can predict weather a year in advance thanks to £97 million super computer grant. So presumably could predict 2026's weather for £970 million
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Zivix Jamstick wireless smart guitar. Connects to apple software and apps, MIDI controller functionality, teaching software. Perfect for learning Rush's 2112 "Discovery" for your Ready Player One VR simulation. (Sponsored Link)
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Rare 400 pound weedfish caught off Florida
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When you're a wild rhino in Africa, the last thing you expect is to get an old tire stuck on your horn. "The rhino could not open his mouth wide enough to eat or drink"
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Remember the Care Bear stare which sent a ray of love that brought joy to a person's heart? Well, this stare did none of that
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My insecurity is why I think Nickelback lovers have bad taste in music
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Boaty McBoatface is now under constructy mcconstruction
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Cartwright pleads guilty to leaking critical military intelligence to foreign political enemies, conspiring to assassinate Chancellor Gorkon
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Bag of human remains found in vacant Cleveland lot, will be Browns starting QB on Sunday
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this totally unrehearsed picture of Donald Trump's five kids "goofing off
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this early rock star
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Overflying Israel against orders? Do you want a Six Day War? Because that's how you get a Six Day War
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Man who parked his car across his driveway to stop other drivers doing the same is slapped with a $180 fine
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Cobra wrangler living in a normal neighborhood is still pretty convinced that there's no way that his escaped cobra could have gotten out of his house
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Thousands of two-pound scrotum frogs dying in Lake Titicaca. Your 9-year-old submitted this with a better headline
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The reason that lumpy cake you made yourself tastes better than anything you could buy from a bakery is the same reason it's so satisfying to lounge in the IKEA chair you built by yourself over the couch you bought at a furniture store
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El Chapo: "Don't judge me"
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You think the Galaxy Note 7 fires are a big deal? You should have seen the giant explosions around Motorola
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Protip for drunks: Just go get drunk and STOP playing Pokemon Go
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Today's genital warts originated from sex between humans and neanderthals, your mom
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Protip: If you're a school security guard, make sure you don't leave your gun in the restroom
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Ryanair discovers yet another passenger fee it previously missed
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Tired of all those clown attack articles and want to hear a positive story about an actual clown? Well, this isn't it
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| Mon October 17, 2016 |
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The circus would like you to stop calling this election a circus
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Cow stampede sparked by pensioners dangling carrots out the back of a Nissan Micra
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Additional charges filed against foreigners who walked on Yellowstone hot spring to include taking commercial photos without permits, excessive dumbassness
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US high school graduations reach record high, surprising news as Subby thought he had record high at his 1970s HS graduation
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Strangers form human chain to rescue man from his burning car. This being Florida though, the cops had to fight the driver to get him out before the car exploded (with video)
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Whisky scientist seeks to revitalize Johnny Walker through organic chemistry, possibly be canonized as a saint by the Fark Pope
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Fark NotNewsletter: Orange you glad we didn't say Trump?
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Here is where you will read about the rise of the super gonorrhea. *HUGE CLAP*
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Brazilian inmates beheaded and burned to death in prison violence, although probably not in that order
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War-weary Libyans: Remember the good ol' days of peace and stability under Kadhafi?
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Here's a look at the chaotic lawlessness and danger that is life along the longest border in the world (warning - video is graphic, eh?)
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It should go without saying, but don't use a drone to shave your head
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this old fisherman and his helpers
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The navy is quietly arming its supercarriers with anti-torpedo torpedoes. Can the anti-torpedo-torpedo torpedo be far behind?
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Painkiller addicts don't find babies cute, worrying doctors as well as Subby, who apparently should be taking horse tranquilizers or something
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In order to prevent it from becoming a neo-nazi shrine, Austrian officals are planning on demolishing the house in which Hitler was born. Fark: which, up until now, had been used a group home to care for the mentally disabled
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Got a $150 just burning a hole in your pocket? Great... what's the smallest nuke a person can carry? Just asking
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Larry Flynt offers $1 million for a tape of Donald Trump having sex. Eww
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Man convicted of shooting at George Zimmerman given twenty years, possibly for not hitting him
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When you lock your keys in the house the chimney is not the answer
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From the 'No Thanks Buddy, I'm Good' Department - sleep a night at Dracula's castle in Transylvania this Halloween
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What you should know about battle for Iraq. Basically, shiat has hit the fan and Iraq is actually acting like a coherent nation-state instead of a hodgepodge of warring factions just waiting to be beheaded by ISIS. So they've got that going for them
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Are you rubbing soap on your body with your hands during showers? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. With helpful pic of someone you'd like to do it wrong with
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It's always disconcerting when someone refuses to return your calls, especially if you're the Nobel Prize Committee
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this loafing worker
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First creepy killer clowns sightings in Germany. You know who else was a creepy clown and a killer?
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Middle and high schools around the U.S. are finally pushing back their morning start times, and it's working: "Look, I get that years ago we all walked 100 miles in the snow to school both ways. But we know a lot more now about the adolescent brain"
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There was a three-way on the stage of The Price is Right today
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Man smashes ex-girlfriend's vibrator after getting jealous over it (not safe for work)
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The last King of Rwanda has died. He spent his final years on public assistance, living in subsidized housing in a DC suburb
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Christmas Goat returns, laughs in the face of almost certain destruction
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Party angers balcony
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This day in 1777, Patriots are victorious at Saratoga, move to 1-0 in the Revolutionary War League
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New Gallup poll says 17% of Americans cite the economy as the nation's top problem. More scary is the other 83% have found something even worse to worry about
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Fark Store Daily Deal: SteelSeries 9H Gaming Headset. A little cheaper on Amazon. Game enthusiasts, Is it worth the cost at either price? (Sponsored Link)
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Some dogs just love to take car rides, some like to clock 700,000 km in the back of a ute
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Today in stuff we already knew: Shep Smith comes out as being gay
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Grigori Rasputin Memorial Bridge finally comes down, Obama finds a solution to closing Guantanamo, and playing the national anthem on third downs: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/9 - 10/15
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For those of you who predicted a Trump TV network after the election, come claim your prize
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86-year-old woman loves running 5K races, chasing you off her lawn
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Photoshop these pop-up kitchen outlets
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The Arizona Republic responds to all the death threats it's received since endorsing Hillary Clinton
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Posting a video of yourself letting a 7-year-old drive a car will make it easy for child protective services to find you
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So what are the woolly worms saying about winter this year? Well they have bad news for you
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Just because you're the manager of a Pizza Hut, that doesn't mean you can tell your employees that they follow a stupid religion because they can't eat pork
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New Hampshire decides to chuck big, mindless, orange thing
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Leading British UFO expert found dead in Poland days after asking his mother to ensure she demanded an investigation in the event something happened to him
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Green's slang dictionary is finally online for those of you who need to speak the same lingo as your home skillets
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El Chapo might be tossed on a mail plane to the US to face a plethora of charges
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Live near the Great Lakes? Got a boat and a fishing pole? You may catch a fish worth $200,000
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Student charged for slapping police horse, parking ox illegally
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