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| Sun July 17, 2016 |
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Join us tonight as we watch SpaceX's CRS-9 mission hurl a loaded Dragon toward the Westeros Space Station, then attempt a rocket landing back on terra firma (instead of terra oceana). Launch scheduled for 9:45PM Pacific/12:45AM Eastern
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Protip: If you have long hair and are riding a go-kart, make sure you wear your hair up
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Couple scams elderly relative to, among other things, rent a U-Haul. I'm disgusted by this behav...What the FARK is up with her head?
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Sharpton was very clear about how he wished to be paid. "He wanted cash only. He didn't say why"
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Shhhhh...You had me a poop-sniffing dogs
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Photoshop this aerial menace
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Ladies, you're either a poodle - or a wolf
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Missed it by *that* much
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Step 1: Park in library parking only. Step 2: Leave library to shop elsewhere. Step 3: Call news station to complain after car gets booted. Step 4: Learn to read
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Photoshop this artful sketch
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Okay, now we can add the Sixth Amendment to the list of Constitutional rights Kentucky has no farking clue about
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Hostage situation in Baltimore; 7-year-old is among hostages being held at a Burger King. UPDATE: Suspect in custody. Hostages are safe and unharmed
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UFO shown over World Trade Center. Ground Zero. This means something, we swear
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Laserbeak shot down in Somalia. Soundwave incomprehensible
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Heard enough news about Pokemon Go over the last week? Too bad...because it's now launching in 26 additional countries, bringing 26 times the potential headline submissions. It's not news, it's FarkemonGO.com
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Nice attacker upgraded from lone wolf to ISIS terrorist
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"Researchers found that available kidneys were less likely to be harvested from potential donors over the weekend and more likely to be discarded when they were procured on a Saturday or Sunday"
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Dangerous "heat dome" forming over the United States, especially the Midwest region
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Three officers shot dead nearby Baton Rouge PD headquarters. Multiple agencies responding
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Maybe next time you should try towing it a bit farther out...like, say, somewhere near Hawaii
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The situation is berry serious, hopefully we can freezie organized crime in its tracks
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"Sorry, no backpacks in the movie theater." "It's not a backpack; it's medical supplies." "No backpacks." "For my 3-year daughter." "No." "She just got out of the hospital." "No." "From a bone marrow transplant." "No. Next please"
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Vaping, which was bad for you, then not bad for you again, but then bad for you yet again is once more not bad for you
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Can you guess which state has the honor of hosting the first Pokemon-related shooting?
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Well, whaddya know...you *can* fix stupid
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Photoshop theme: Surprising archaeological discoveries
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CSB Sunday Morning: Game obsession
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| (Some Quagmire) |
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'I have slept with 5000 men' says Nairobi, Kenya's oldest prostitute. She also happens to never miss church
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Who the hell pays for porn? And then charges his clients for it?
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Dear Troubleshooter: My father is in his late 50s and has zero friends at work, coming straight home without socializing. His hobbies are watching go on TV and housework. I might sound overly concerned, but I do want to leave home when I get a job
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Tattoo artist has goal of tattooing all 151 Pokemon on 151 different people, but is having trouble finding someone who wants the two-mushroom crab one or the poison sludge one
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Drunken Kobe city official arrested after sneaking into prison. "I had intended to go home. I didn't notice it was a prison"
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Most people foresee America becoming a cashless society after President Trump's done with it
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Good news: ESPN already knows who's going to the NFL playoffs this year
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Coming to you from Juneau, Alaska, it's once again time for Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music hosted live by a farker (9 pm AKDT/10 pm PDT). Just a headsup that the show will start a few minutes late this evening
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| Sat July 16, 2016 |
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Despite numerous resident complaints, Vancouver says they cannot remove graffiti-strewn derelict Geo Metro from the street because it's properly insured, thus towing it would be illegal and also impolite
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Philadelphia program turns "throw away" dogs into police K-9 superstars
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Woman sees evil face on her slice of key lime pie: "I went next door to a church I'd never visited. These people didn't know who I was - they told me to leave. They told me it was demonic and that I needed to leave and have my house anointed"
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Photoshop this pristine putty tat
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Cats are helping protect Chicago's beer
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Red velvet croissants
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If children do come face to face with a marijuana edible without their parents around, [Washington] has decided that there needs to be clear labeling that tells the kids that they have at last found what they were looking for
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Man leaves his kayak to get a slice of pizza. Returns and gets a stern talking to by the police, firemen, corpse recovery scuba team., etc
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PoodleCorp claims to have taken down Pokemon. Who will they take down next? Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode of Pokemon vs PoodleCorp
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Your Doing It Wrong: Two injured after boat runs ashore at airport
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Photoshop this Serpentine Swan
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Forever 21: Were these boys' t-shirts wrong? Should we not have sold them?
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Man sues bread delivery man who 'ruined his life by punching his bum'
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Martin Shkreli asks lawyer if he can leave court "to go play Pokemon Go"
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Baked Alaska
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Pokemon GO's biggest fan? At the rate things are going, Darwin most likely
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A few years ago, a project began in England to seek out and record graffiti left on buildings that have survived for several hundred years. It's a glimpse into the life of medieval commoners, and really bad spelling
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Miss your flight at Kennedy? It's the turtles' fault
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"Give me a small coffee and no one gets hurt." "Umm..." (looks at sign) "...that'll be ten dollars, sir"
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Ruby on Rails e-learning course bundle. Ruby on Rails needs to be a children's book. Help outline the plot. (Sponsored Link)
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Come one, come all to the first Fark Book Fair. See some great books from some great Farkers. Restock your summer reading list. Enjoy
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Q: What's the difference between homemade soap and cocaine? A: 29 days in jail and a $195,000 lawsuit
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First case of female-to-male sexual transmission of Zika reported. Is it time to start panicking yet?
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The Saturday Morning Book Club goes to war this week ... in books, that is. We're looking for the best military fiction and non-fiction suggestions (with the link going to subby's pick). Cry havoc, and let slip the books of war
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As the coup attempt collapses in Turkey, the numbers are still coming in: more than 160 dead, 1,100 injured, nearly 3,000 rounded up...and all while President Erdogan vows swift retribution
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The rule is: Only break one law at a time. Dumbfarks
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Photoshop theme: An upgrade to your family pet
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76-year-old neighbor from hell harasses couple because they're not pish posh enough for her posh street
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Two baby kittens rescued from under a Walmart freezer. Save lives, live better on Caturday
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All this time you think you've been eating wasabi with your sushi when in reality it's most likely just green European horseradish
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Driver in Nice truck attack may be downgraded from "Islamic terrorist" to "crazy loner"
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Fark-ready headline: "Dallas gunman accused of stealing female soldier's panties before honourable discharge"
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Chicago police aren't shooting people as much. That's good. Because they're tasering them more often. That's bad. Taserings come with a free frogurt. That's good. The frogurt is electrified
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Bring back cow catchers for trains, but instead call them dumbass catchers
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The first ever dementia vaccine could be ready for human trials within 3 years. Also, the first ever dementia vaccine could be ready for human trials within 3 years
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Gettysburg park ranger warns visitors about "cursed rocks"
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People shocked to learn that a budget airline run by the former CEO of ValuJet might be cutting corners on maintenance and may not be the safest airline out there
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| Fri July 15, 2016 |
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We're off to see the Quizzard, the Wonderful Quizzard of Odd. Time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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Fox News identifies the damning characteristic of the French Terror Truck driver: he wore his hair like George Clooney
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No cure for cancer yet, but we can give your fish a cosmetic prosthetic eye
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This stroller charges your phone so you can play Pokémon Go while walking your baby, but please clean up after your baby
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As if we needed more proof of why you should NEVER wear a $250,000 gold shirt in public
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Man to be sentenced for murdering his friend, cutting out his liver, and decorating the corpse with it. "The defendant is maniacal and inherently dangerous," wrote Assistant Prosecutor No-duh McObvious
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We're not going to tell you what state Benny lives in. Benny's been leaving $100 bills in tampon and diaper boxes. OK, it's Oregon
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When the police come to you and tell you that they caught a naked couple riding on your lawnmower, just let it go man, cause well, ewwww, it's just gone
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Heterochromatic Koala Bear is going to the name of my Men At Work tribute band
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FBI finally catches San Diego's "Hipster Bandit" after his year-long spree of bank robberies. Ironically, he wasn't a hipster at all, but a former Army sniper who served in Iraq and Afghanistan
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Creationist Ken Ham, builder of the Ark Encounter and clearly living in the moment, caught counting by twos on opening day
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Turkish National Intelligence claim coup is over while military and demonstrators continue confrontations. Latest developments in coup attempt in Turkey
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Canadian Intelligence Service (stop laughing) joins social media. Its first tweet? "Yes, we're on Twitter. Now it's your turn to follow us." Seriously, stop laughing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop who (or what) should be on the stool
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You know what really gets Mexican Marines going? Salsa and coke. A whole lot of both
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Police detain and tase man for looking like a robbery suspect, confirm he isn't actually their suspect, but arrest him anyway for asking questions
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Top spots to meet people through Tinder include Rome, London, and any place with the word "Disney" in it
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Oh, c'mon. 99.99% of cars make it over the bridge. It's a wild success
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Rick Wiles thinks Pokemon Go will be used to eliminate Christians. Same with the new Purge movie. The more likely scenario in the U.S. is Christians using Pokemon Go to eliminate anyone they hate. So, are we projecting Rick Wiles?
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Here's why every terrorist in the world seems to want to attack France
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IDF's new chief rabbi is under fire for previously suggesting that it is morally permissible for soldiers in wartime to rape civilians if necessary to "satisfy their lusts". But, in his defense, look at the source material he's got to work with
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Chris Hansen would be proud of this grand slam. Fark: 3 of them were already on the sex offender registry
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Journalist says he saw a motorcyclist, presumably, a policeman, ride alongside the truck that attacked the crowd in Nice and attempt an "Indiana Jones" manuever. Sadly, it didn't end the way it does in the movies
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| (Some Guy) |
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Chinese restaurant owner tells cops they are no longer welcome until he found out the crap storm that was heading his way, now free food for all cops
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Mud run leaves runners running mud
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Possible coup d'etat attempt in Turkey, military shutting down bridges in Istanbul
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Photoshop Theme: Fark The Magazine
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Swedish Viking women slam 'sexist' slave fair claiming it gives the world a 'bad image' of Vikings, as if centuries of raping and pillaging didn't already do that
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Nice escape, Justice Thomas
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Getflix - easier access to subscription streaming services outside of the U.S. Advantages / disadvantages to just using a VPN? (Sponsored Link)
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"I'm told there are Pokemons in the courthouse hallways. I have no idea what that means, but they better not approach the jurors"
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Sixteenth Street Baptist Church bomber up for parole. No word on the parole hearings for the other fifteen
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Documentary filmmaker: We totally found DB Cooper, he's alive and well and living in San Diego. FBI: *Sigh* not this shiat again
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'Pokemon Tax' to balance Pennsylvania budget met with skepticism. Colorado laughs, lights up a joint with a $100 bill
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This is what it would look like to land on the surface of Pluto (with video)
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"I think we found the problem with your car, this big boa happened to be there"
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Kentucky judge refuses to marry atheist couple because Jesus
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Gonorrhea gradually becoming more drug resistant. *Slow clap*
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Who knew alligators loved pizza and Chips Ahoy? Florida man did
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Central Park bomb report: "Police officials have said they believe the bomb was the work of a hobbyist who did not intend to hurt anyone." Except for that, ya know, leaving behind an IED in a paper bag in a public park thing
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what this Pokemon Go player is really seeing
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71-year-old marries 17-year-old boy just three weeks after meeting him at her son's funeral: "We have the best sex"
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Researchers construct the "most beautiful face in the world" using parts from various celebrities, but the end result just looks creepy
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The debate is over: Men are better tippers than women
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Photo captures spirit leaving body of crash victim. Prior to his death
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♫The United States, next week it will be feeling hot hot hot♫
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Sorry alien species, but the European Commission has drawn up plans to exterminate you, please get on the 'invasive species' line and move forward
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US announces that the ISIS commander who the US killed in March and ISIS say died in combat July was actually killed by the US in July. Probably
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Mystery woman in a wedding gown leaving creepy notes around Toronto (pic)
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"Afterwards it became a little humorous because everybody's thinking 'How did this guy miss the sign and end up driving right into that?'" (pic)
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Josh Dugger refuses to apologize for sex abuse and adultery because Satan made him do it
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What kind of guy steals a brain to use the formaldehyde to smoke wet marijuana? Same kind of guy who would name it Freddy and hide it under the porch
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As the winds of the political climate in America blow, FiveThirtyEight is there to analyze what hip-hop artists think
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Bank robbery suspect exits bathroom covered with feces, shares with deputies
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| Thu July 14, 2016 |
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Cemetery asks Pokemon Go players to be respectful, wear a shirt for God's sake
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"And whatever you do, don't disparage the boot. It's a bootable offence." Tourist travel warnings for Australia summarised in one article, and yes, it is as bizarre as you'd imagine
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Law enforcement hands custody of the Pulse Nightclub back to the owners. Forget to turn on the burglar alarm. What could possibly go wrong?
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Two people were arrested after breaking into a zoo to catch Pokemon. Now really, do you think the zoo would let you have their Pokemon?
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Germany to apologize for genocide. No, not that one
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Man breaks into ex's home, cops find him with backpack of sex toys
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Cross-dressing man arrested for robbing bank, stale ensemble
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Danish town introduces Dog Bars, finally answering that 'What would you do for a Danish Dog Bar' question
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Werner Herzog: brilliant film director, actor, author, internet cat video aficionado
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Off duty cop shoots armed robber in the gun barrel. Hey man, nice shot
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Pizza delivery boy: sexy. McDonald's delivery boy: creepy
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In San Luis Obispo County, a sober-living facility is a designated stop in the latest Pokemon Go craze. The facility houses released sex offenders: "I don't even know what Pokemon is, but we can't have kids showing up here"
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Trump delays tomorrow's 11am VP announcement in light of Nice attacks, which sucks for Pence who has a noon deadline looming
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Looks like the dinosaurs were no better at surviving climate change brought on by burning fossil fuels than humans appear to be
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Doctor to patient:"Of course will I prescribe you the antibiotics you desperately need...as soon as you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. Otherwise it's just thoughts and prayers for you"
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Well, that didn't take long. The LA skyscraper slide has its first lawsuit
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this outdoor yoga poser
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28 page report on Saudi ties to 9/11 to be released just before the RNC starts
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Billboard reminds Florida dads: "She's your daughter. Not your date"
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Horror and panic as truck plows into Bastille Day crowd in Nice. Gunfire reported
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"A warning has been issued after a gang of squirrels attacked a boy in Cornwall"
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86 86 86
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DNA evidence brings in suspect in 2000 rape case. Man, that must have been a lot of DNA
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Israeli military asks soldiers to stop giving away their positions with Pokemon Go
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Ever witness a disaster waiting to happen that was averted with basic food safety considerations? Share your stories and how best to keep your cooking environments/meals safe
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43) Across: "Person who mistakenly ruins a museum piece." M _ R O N
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From the "Stuff you just assumed had died out a thousand years ago" file: Romanian authorities free more than a dozen men and boys who'd been kidnapped and forced to fight each other for the amusement of local crime lords
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Face-Kinis hit the beach in China (pics)
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Russian having sex by the train tracks ends up getting head
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And in today's Pokemon Go coverage: "I don't think Mom thought it was so funny"
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American parents worry if Denmark is dangerous. To be fair, we have heard from high authority that something is rotten over there
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And now for today's morning forecast let's go to Justin in our Eye in the sky. . .free candy van?
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NYC moves forward to turn old phone booths into Wi-Fi hotspots, which is a better than their current use as public urinals
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Photoshop this mirror image
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NYC is a disgusting hellscape in the summer....and the rest of the year
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Need some extra money? Able to produce semen? Infected with Zika? If you answered "yes" to all these questions, then the CDC has the perfect earning opportunity for you
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If you're a registered sex offender it's never easy putting the past behind you when everyone in the neighborhood calls you 'Michael Jackson'
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NATO promises to consider Russia's "Why don't you just tell us where your planes are all the time" suggestion
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Angry orange man to pick angry white man as running mate according to angry white mainstream media outlets
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Three words you do not want to hear in a headline: "Amateur testicle surgery"
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"If tradition holds, in her first hours as the United Kingdom's new prime minister Theresa May will meet with the British defense leadership and receive an eye-opening briefing about nuclear armageddon"
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Swallowing a thumbtack to win a 200 RMB bet and getting it stuck in your rectum means you lose in the end. Bonus: This bright one also stuck three ballpoint pen tips through his navel into his abdominal cavity
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Young women's tubing trip on Muskegon River turns into nightmare after "they were informed that the river goes in a circle and if they put in there they would come back to their car. Not knowing anything, they set off on their little adventure"
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Pokemon Go released in the UK, leaving voters disgusted that more strange-looking foreigners are loose in their great country
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New report says that having frequent sex helps people stay slim. And vice versa
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New York City passes law requiring access to tampons and pads in jail. Which raises the question: what was used before this?
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Even racism is bigger in Texas (warning: racist language in video)
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Man with AK-47 goes to Waffle House to do one of the only two things that happen at Waffle House
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Photoshop this bike racer
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Fresno police release body-cam footage showing that, see? They shoot unarmed white guys, too
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An open letter to Tiny House Hunters
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Ever wonder why jet lag is so much worse when you fly east? Wake up, here comes the physical science
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"Absent a search warrant, the government may not turn a citizen's cell phone into a tracking device," writes a U.S. District Judge who throws out the DEA's Stingray-collected evidence. Still no ruling on Pokemon Go
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French fishermen go fishing off the Cornish coast, catch 2,000-ton Portuguese submarine in their fish nets
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So, Disney's firefighters were feeding the alligators
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Venezuela further downgraded to "military-organized nationwide garage sale"
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10 predictions about the future. Can even ONE of these lists be positive?
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Let's take a break from American politics for a moment and look at the political showdown from across the pond: Larry the Downing Street Cat vs Palmerston the Foreign Office Cat (w/video)
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Marines find new Pokémon AttemptusMurderi, herd him back into the Pokéy
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On second thought trying to impress your girlfriend by taking her to the local police station and pretending to be the police chief maybe wasn't the smartest idea
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Most Americans still have no idea how much interest their credit cards actually charge them
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Due to the demand for "perfect" fruits and vegetables, the U.S. throws away half the produce it grows
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 584: "Go With the Flow 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 13, 2016 |
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Italy's last prince is now making a pretty penne
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Scrotal compression - the silent killer
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Oh, sure, but when subby did it he got kicked out of the zoo
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Meanwhile in Australia, vegan 'smurf' lattes are latest trend among those smug smurfing coffee hipsters. What the smurf, smurf those smurfbags
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Suspected overdose from synthetic marijuana sends 33 to hospital. IF ONLY there were a benign non toxic plant material people could smoke with no chance whatsoever in history of adverse side effects...if only
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Not news: bicyclist finds baby alligator along trail. Fark: in northern Minnesota
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Multiple explosions, fires reported to be sprouting in Brussels
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"What's your address?" "1600 Pennsylvania Ave." "Oh, OK, right, Obama." "No S.E. It's the other one"
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NBC executive detained and deported by Russia, Putin said to have told him "No more Heroes"
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Photoshop this alone angler
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Pokémon Go: Girlfriend informer edition. "She saw that I had caught a Pokémon while at my ex's house"
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Problem: New Jersey's pistol permit process is so onerous suicidal people can't buy guns to kill themselves with. Solution: Rent a gun at local range and kill yourself there. Fark: Second gun rental suicide at same range in last two months
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Five times the U.S. was even more divided over race
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Russia develops hypersonic nuclear space bomber that can reach any part of the world in one or two hours
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In what Knoxville Fire Department Capt. D.J. Corcoran called "a first in our books," a woman attempted to cook a brisket over an open flame in her bathtub
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Not everything the NC legislature does is bad. For example, wild hogs can now be shot from helicopters
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Cop: Sir, what's this meeting about? Superior: Well, we've been looking at your stops. Only two blacks? Cop: I stop everyone. Superior: Then, you've got something to work on. Cop: Oops, is that a voice recorder in my pocket?
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This just in, in case you haven't noticed: "The media is obsessed with Pokemon Go"
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Nottinghamshire police to count wolf-whistling in street as a hate crime. Tex Avery and his gang move to Sherwood Forest
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Have you ever been so mad that you detach your own arm and beat people with it?
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Don Cherry rips the Tenors' rendition of O Canada, calls them "left wing weirdos". Close enough, Don
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| (marie claire) |
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Spouse of the UK Prime Minister, Philip "100% Peckham hipster" May, undergoes traditional wardrobe inspection and comes up grolive
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Arson plan found to be half-baked after police find DNA on tailpipe potato
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New York man arrested after firefighters found a dead cat cooking in his oven. Charges to depend on what the cat was cooking
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Photoshop the broken Hood Canal Bridge
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You know you can just get a divorce, right?
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Rare tag trifecta. Asinine: Restaurant diners don't want to sit next to cops. Cool: Cops pay their bill. Facepalm: That things have come to this
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And in today's Pokemon Go coverage: "Help me, I'm locked in the farking graveyard"
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Beer to get nutritional labels. "Contains: Beer" is good enough for subby
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This handsome couple found a new use for unused Pringles cans (with a "Pringles can goes where?" mugshot)
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Next time I run, I'm going to run faster, says American gored by bull in Pamplona who describes it as "best fun ever"
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Hard to say which is more remarkable: The fact that Trump campaign has yet to run a single TV ad, or that almost half of voters surveyed say they think they have seen one of his ads anyway
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Police say they are "pretty confident this would exceed personal use"
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Lean Six Sigma Green and Black Belt Training & Certification courses. (Sponsored Link)
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There's nothing as relaxing as strolling down the beach barefoot with your toes in the sand and AAAAAH GET THIS DEVIL FISH OFF MY FOOT
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Not sure if you're about to commit a war crime? There's an app for that
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So a small town mayor walks into a courtroom
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Former Playboy bunny facing jail time for luring a Bosnian crime lord into a trap
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What can you do when Pokémon Go decides your house is a gym? Well, aside from turning your house into a recreation of "Home Alone," that is
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When fleeing from cops, the trick is usually to make it harder for them to catch you. Usually
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With the release of the Fark Fiction Anthology and the first Fark Book Fair this Saturday, you may not find the time to write, but we did it anyway. It must be a day beginning in "Wed". Come on in and spin a yarn. THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread
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The IKEA monkey just appeared on a dog's butt and of course some creeper had to take a picture
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In 2000, George W. Bush was the presidential candidate people would most want to have a beer with. Looks like he's the most fun to go to funerals with too
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Photoshop some action into this otherwise boring back yard
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Chinese foreign minister expresses concern about money in politics
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Google Sheep View
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It was only a matter of time before somebody tried to give Albert Einstein credit for creating Pokemon GO
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Turns out that you probably do have an alt in real life, not just on Fark
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Breastfeeding employee looking for a private room at her place of work where she can express her milk is told to use the store's computer server room. Fark: Woman finds out a few days later that the room has a surveillance camera
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George Takei visited the Heart Mountain Japanese Internment Camp. No jokes, just a damn interesting read
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Turns out Subarus are popular with bears, too
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Those of you too young to have experienced the worry of Skylab landing on your head: Good news
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At last, the solution to Maverick's flybys
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What's next for NYC's Rikers Island prison if they're considering arming "elite officers" with tasers and training them with private military contractors, sharks with laser beams surrounding the joint?
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Not news: Hackers got into some databases. News: Oklahoma state police database among those hacked. Fark: A reporter is yelled at for warning them
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Nine-year-old girl sets Maryland record after catching fish larger than herself
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| Tue July 12, 2016 |
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St. Anthony Police Department is fielding irate calls, emails, and Facebook posts about the Castile shooting. Difficulty: St. Anthony, Idaho PD, not St. Anthony, Minnesota PD
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Article on on all the strange places Pokemon Go gyms can be found including White House, Pentagon, your mom's bedroom and that windowless white van over there
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Greenland's melting ice sheets are going to wreak havoc on the region and mean doom for the locals and.... wait, you mean tourists are willing to pay big bucks to see the new landscape? Bring on global warming
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Now Google Street View will actually be useful for time travel. Finally
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When faced with trespassing cats do you a) move b) get a guard dog or c) create a motion sensing, deep learning, cat-deterring sprinkler system
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Setting your Tesla autopilot to speed on a winding shoulderless road through a canyon might be the best way to test it out
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Nursing home hosts internet dating service, happy hours, lemon parties
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Want to go on a day trip but can't find a sitter for the 5-year-old? Well it's not really a problem if you have an empty cupboard and some tape
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Monkeys have been smashing their nuts with tools for 700 years, according to an extremely lengthy and strange study by some really old scientists
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High school rowing coach arrested for gathering stroke material from his crew
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A Chihuahua is crazy enough without meth
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Sure cancer sucks ....but that doesn't mean you can't have fun with it
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And in the latest news that will surely doom us all, the world's clouds are shifting toward the poles and getting taller
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Gingers: the silent killers
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Woman wearing only a bra arrested after flipping boyfriend's truck for breaking up with her. Sounds like he made the right decision
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Polygamist leader gives the FBI the slip by using old holy olive oil trick
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Photoshop this angry bird
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Nine-year-old Indiana girl finds baby in her backyard. Indiana white storks wanted for questioning
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Yale dishwasher breaks through another barrier of racism - stained glass windows
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TV evangelist who just dropped $17.5 million on Tyler Perry's mansion: "God told me to buy it"
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The worst bargains of Amazon Prime Day. Come for the vegan jerky, stay for the "Cat Purr Therapy for Healing and Relaxation" CD
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FBI closes investigation into unsolved 'DB Cooper' hijacking. In related news, the FBI was still investigating a 45-year old crime over a few hundred thousand dollars
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"A road rage attacker who punched a woman driver has been told by a judge she must prove she can knit to avoid being sent to jail"
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First on the scene of an accident, do you: A) Call 9-1-1, B) Assist victims, or C) Steal the victim's wallet and use his credit card to buy beer and cigarettes?
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Dildo brothers want federal prosecutors jailed alongside them because that would only be fair. Or something
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Doctors remove watch battery that had been inside 5-year-old's nose for 6 months. No charges are expected
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President Obama says "we are not as divided as we seem" at Dallas memorial for slain officers. That's right, our mutual love for hot wings, guns, liquor, Kardiashians and Pokemon Go unites us
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Vagina wedding cakes? No. Geode wedding cakes. I KNOW WHAT I SAW
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Fox News fires Newt Gingrich. Or maybe he's got a new project lined up
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Vikings try to invade US, Obama sends them packing. This is not a repeat of 986
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Melts in your ferret, not in your drone
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Only days after downing two liters of whiskey in a minute, attention whore drinks a bottle of glue. Bad news, ladies; he's already taken
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Photographer sneaks out of Vault 111 and into Fukushima red-zone. Dogmeat just wants steak
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Photoshop this tickler
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Never forget to play Pokeman Go at the 9/11 Memorial in Manhattan
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The perils of being an Uber driver in Florida
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Better Crocker blueberry pancake mix: now fortified with Super Colon Blow
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Liberal Saudi cleric says radical conservative practices bad for Islam, calls for moderation, and is embraced by the religious leadership. Well no, they threaten to kill him
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ISIS hosts its own "Jihad Olympics" with events like musical chairs and balloon blowing. There was also a suicide bomber event, but they ran out of judges after warmups
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The police would like to remind you that the term "headlights" refers to the lights on your vehicle - NOT lights strapped to your actual head
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Victorian man watches as eagle attempts to fly away with small child. I think I missed that Sherlock Holmes story
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Woman gives birth after having her ovaries frozen for 10 years. Infant is promptly declared the King in the North
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You know who ELSE tried to catch 'em all?
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Nobody knows what the hell kind of mystery mutant fish these fishermen just pulled out of a lake in Russia, but no one's in a hurry to eat it either
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Mission creep. Mission creep everywhere
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HEART OF FARKNESS: The 2016 Fark Fiction Anthology has arrived. You'll laugh, you'll cry, but hopefully you won't spill your beer
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Pooty-Poot gives dozens of naval commanders the booty-boot
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Pokemon Go: Harmless fun game to play with friends...or GOVERNMENT SURVEILLANCE PSYOP CONSPIRACY?
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China loses claim to South China Sea. In other news, Best Korea's Lil Kim sends letter to Beijing, stating "I told you the sea cannot be trusted"
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Not for nothin', but w00tstout is back on the menu. "Now, we can't say this beer bestows jedi powers, exactly..."
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Police apprehend naked man swimming in the lake at a local park, say he could be suffering from mental issues, mossy balls
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Back in the good old days when people like Teddy Roosevelt or John Dean, or Dick Cheney were running the country about now is when the 6th fleet would be headed to Caracas with about 5,000 Marines aboard
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Police would like to remind you remind you remind you not to harvest the National Park mushrooms mushrooms mushrooms
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Planking was stupid, and Tebowing was worse. But I think we can get behind the #fishbra craze (not safe for work)
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Photoshop this lazy cabin dweller
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Mow mow mow your grass, gently down the green. Merrily merrily merrily merrily, laws are so extreme
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Not news: Australian working overseas fired for calling his host country a "piece of s***". News: Not about the availability of beer. Fark: About the availability of Pokemon Go
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512 million pounds of cocaine found in North Sea boat. Oh, c'mon, that would sink a boat
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Florida woman under the influence of unknown substance put meat in her purse. This is not a euphemism
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Handyman tries to earn quick buck working as Deuce Bigalow, Malaysian Gigolo. It didn't work
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San Diego police let go suspect they arrested for setting homeless people on fire, due to new evidence of his innocence. Which is good, because he looks like the suspect caught on video, and earlier in life actually did set a homeless person on fire
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The head of the Cleveland Police Patrolmen's Association is literally begging people not to bring guns to the convention, "The last thing in the world we need is anybody walking around here with AR-15s strapped to their back"
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Kim Dotcom announces that he's restarting Megaupload, jail could've used an interior designer but wasn't that bad otherwise
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Drug lords always have all the cool stuff. It isn't fair
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10/10 would get imprisoned again
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New research reveals the age you're expected to finally grow up
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Leader of the New Black Panther Party argues for a Black "country within a country" across multiple southern states. It's not like the last time the country was split into the North and South anything bad happened
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Photographer visits the world's most famous landmarks, faces the wrong direction
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Wandering your street naked and taking shots at passing cars is one way to start a morning
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| Mon July 11, 2016 |
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Japan and New Jersey share one accident-reducing trait: they identify new drivers with special decals on their car, telling other motorists to give them extra space
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National Park Service warns Pokemon Go players not to even try stealing their jiggly puff
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Three people take the concept of 'extended stay motel' pretty much as far as it can go
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If you want to meet some determined moms, check out what's going on in China
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KLM becomes first airline to offer draft beer on tap
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Fark NotNewsletter: Let me show you it
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She was driving with her eyes closed, but that's OK - she was praying
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If this is gonna be that kind of jail, I'm gonna stick my d*ck in the mashed potatoes
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You know the times are a-changin' when a conservative Iranian newspaper starts using pictures of our militarized police force confronting protesters to highlight violence abroad
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Photoshop these silhouetted fledglings
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Pokémon Go may have full access to your Google account EVERYBODY PAN -- oh, there's one!
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Dallas police chief tells protestors something they don't want to hear: "We're hiring. Get off that protest line and put an application in"
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Actual quote from article: "Angler helped beat the beaver off her"
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By 2020, 29 percent of Japanese men are destined to never marry. Mr. Fukuyama, 42, lives with his dad who depends on him for elder care: "Prospective marriage partners see that and run.... An aged and infirm parent casts a long shadow"
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In a revelation that will shock no one, the owner of the convenience store where Alton Sterling was killed by police says officers took his phone, stole the store's surveillance video, and locked him in a car for four hours. And he's suing
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Security guard fires gun in parking garage because: A) his life was in danger; B) someone else's life was in danger; or C) two men peed in threatening manner
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Potentially interesting: Translation of novella to be published, described as "a mix between Game of Thrones and the UK House of Cards." Difficulty: written by Saddam Hussein
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Glacier National Park tourist savagely attacked by tent, manages to shoot it with pistol
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If you lost your GoPro about a year ago in a U.K. lake, then there's good and bad news. The bad is that the camera has been found, but it's toast. The good news is the that SD card is intact. Bonus: You have a new bestie
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Missed my flight. Better hang myself
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The Brexit vote messed things up so badly for the UK, May is coming in July
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Protip: While working in a chemistry lab, make sure you know how to prevent static electricity
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Bedbugs aren't the only unwanted things you can get in New York. The crabs are pretty bad too
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CNN asks the one Pokemon Go question everyone wants answered: When will this go away?
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"Dayton-area doctor exposed his genitals to people for years." You'd think they would have eventually looked away
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Infection experts say Americans might as well start sleeping in caskets
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Scientists make $500 million bet. Boo: Winner revealed in 2150
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Donald Trump forgoes usual stump speech to just blow dog whistle for forty minutes
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At least three dead in west Michigan courthouse shooting
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Amazon Prime Day 2016 will be brought to you by discounted paper clips, and more Chinese third-party sellers than ever before
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