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| Sun July 10, 2016 |
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As a psychiatrist, I diagnose mental illness. Except for my own, of course
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Why do people even bother with armed robbery in Uganda when the resulting angry mob will travel miles to find you and your buddies, and the cops don't give a rat's ass if they do? "When we reached the scene, the mob had lynched the suspects to death"
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Man accused of groping six people at a Disney water park gets out of jail and calmly answers the questions of all the reporters waiting for him outside. Just kidding. He sees all the news cameras and immediately walks right back into jail
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Turns out Italians can be as bone-stupid about food as anyone else
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Ducks are bad drivers and why do they need a boat anyway?
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Iowa woman charged with assault after beating her husband with a snow globe. Wait, Council Bluffs? That explains it
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Chinese government cracks down on cam girls after already doing away with sexy banana eating ....yes the horrors of the Internet
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Cleaning up a farm usually doesn't involve Stephen King taking notes
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It's hard to feign sobriety when you fall down during your sobriety test, your honor
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Hello. I am dog ..the fruit vendor. Could I interest you in my melons?
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Cops tell Trump to fark off when he asks to use NYPD 3 p.m. roll call for photo op right after DFW shootings
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Oh sure, ONE matador loses a match to a bull in 36 years and all of a sudden the other matadors are all, "We should stop using swords, it's so cruel and gosh, turns out the bulls don't seem to like it." Except in terrified-sounding Spanish
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This confirms it - Either Chuck Norris is a time-traveling immortal bank robber, or his clone is, or clones. Dear God, how many time-traveling immortal Chuck Norris bank robber clones do you think there are?
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Dallas mayor wonders if there may have been a second shooter. This is not a repeat of 11/22/63
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Man finds new Pokemon named Placentonoid
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Because it's not enough that grown-ups are running around trying to catch Pokémon, now some are using drones to catch 'em all. This is why we can't have nice things
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What's it like living in a 267 square foot house? Depends where you park it
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Woman finds winning lottery ticket while doing taxes, hopefully doesn't get bumped into higher tax bracket
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Photoshop this old children's book illustration
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Wallet inspectors now use Pokémon Go to find victims
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Rabid bat attacks woman cleaning a swimming pool, biting her in the neck. Neighbors say they were vlad it wasn't them
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We made 64 million dollars last year and I'm fired?
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"The rules were simple; if the contestants took a sip of milk, regurgitated, passed out or called an ambulance, they were disqualified"
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If you play Pokemon Go while driving, you may fall into a ditch
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Man says Bigfoot ruined his life; skeptics argue there's no proof man's life even exists
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Study: Marijuana use affects your brain in such a way that you no longer care about anything. This will come as a surprise to everyone except those of us who have ever known any dope smokers
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"It's far more likely to be a UFO than a Yowie"
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In one of the world's poorest countries, he set up free mental hospitals, nursing homes, orphanages, soup kitchens, family planning centers, and ambulances. R.I.P., "Father Teresa"
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Once again it's NYC's annual outdoor naked body painting festival. How quickly a year goes by. With not safe for work pics. Enjoy
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Awesome, thy name is Chatham Artillery Punch: "This historic concoction required a horse bucket full of booze to be stirred into a frenzy"
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Hello. My name is Hamza Bin Laden. You killed my father. Prepare to die
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Photoshop these competing firefighters
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Let's look at the secret cult controlling Japan
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Bank robber has a really bad day
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South Korean visitors bureau goes back through their tourism literature, confirms that it wasn't them who suggested "getting drunk and running naked through the streets of Seoul" as an option for tourists
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Former New York Times reporter Sydney Schanberg, whose coverage of Cambodia's fall to the Khmer Rouge won him a Pulitzer and inspired the powerful film The Killing Fields, has died at 82
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Three thousand people strip naked in Hull, England. Immediately turn blue
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Zoo officials say escaped python won't eat you, your children, or pets. Probably. Anyway, they'd appreciate a call if you find it
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I'm going to sit here and watch Bear Cam all day and maybe invent a Bear Cam drinking game. Every time they get a fish, we drink. Who's with me?
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Amish people can commit adultery and murder, they're just not very good at it
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Possibly the cutest thing you will see all day: Orphaned kangaroo clings to man's leg and doesn't want him to go away
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No justice, no tomato and cheese quiche
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Death by kite
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The price of EpiPens went up $250 because reasons
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What do masturbation and micro-gravity have in common?
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We can add "playing Pokemon Go as it is intended" to the list of things that can easily get a black person in the U.S. killed
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Delta flight diverted to Tulsa after several passengers had the fish for dinner
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CSB Sunday Morning: A mundane decision changes everything
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Photoshop this kid and his raygun
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If you are thinking about getting bitten by a rattlesnake this weekend, make sure and carry $50,000 with you when you go to the hospital
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dallas shooter used 70-year-old Russian technology
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Our host isn't in the studio tonight, but for your listening enjoyment here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from August 4, 2012
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| Sat July 09, 2016 |
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If you're carrying cocaine and meth in your luggage, it's probably not a good idea to threaten to use explosives to damage the place
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Totally original, super-rare '58 Studebaker with just 74 miles on the clock goes up for auction. Hang your fuzzy dice and crank up the doo-wop
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Protip: If you are riding a horse and buggy, be careful when you are making a left on a state highway. Of course if you are still riding a horse and buggy you probably won't be reading this
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Aspen police are worried about owner of cocaine baggie left at grocery store: "With the cost of white powdery substances these days, probably somebody got home and spent the next 15 minutes going through their pockets, over and over." Could be a trap
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Staying in a hotel soon? There's one really easy way you can help fight human trafficking, and it's more effective than a hashtag
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Woman robbed at ATM by man who tells her 'times are hard' before fleeing. In his Audi
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I understand you're upset about the shootings, but threatening a 5-year-old on Facebook isn't the brightest move, Officer
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Matador killed in Spanish bull fight. Bull awarded two ears and a cape
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Glasgow cop called to drunken brawl in Glasgow pub, and not only does he deal with it single-handedly and unarmed, the only thing he killed was a karaoke version of "I Will Survive" (with video)
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From the "This business will get out of control" files: The United States and Russia expel each other's diplomats
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Photoshop this ice cave
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US ranks number one in deaths from car crashes but surprisingly only ranks second in alcohol related crash deaths. First place goes to... Canada?
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French tourists call Queensland police to shoot the scary spiders in their campervan, unaware of the two-meter scrub python on their back seat
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Rochester, Minnesota is named the healthiest U.S. city. Apparently anyone who can survive a winter in Rochester, Minnesota can make it through just about anything
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Neanderthals, the other white meat
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The Great Longhini arrested for performing his only magic trick: turning meth into sex with minors
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Get out your hooves and glitter. Brony-Con is here (deslided)
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The moral of this story is if someone offers to do cheap cosmetic surgery on you in a hotel room you should just say no
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Photoshop theme: A dream come true
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Did you buy any RAM 15 years ago? If so, ka-ching
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Six more women accuse Fox head Roger Ailes of sexual harassment - including one who was 16 at the time
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Jonathan Switcher has really gone downhill
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U.S. issues travel warning for citizens planning to visit the Bahamas. Oh, sorry, I read that backwards
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Man hit by blow dart in drive by shooting. Police seek information...if only they spoke Hovitos
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Best Korea honors America with bombs bursting in air
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Pilot: "Good news - we've arrived 10 minutes early. Unfortunately, we're at the wrong airport"
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The Saturday Morning Book Club is back and has a babysitting gig today. What are the best books to read to kids?
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Woman changing lanes forgets to signal, flashes instead
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Margarine becomes the betamax of the foods
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This man has made 220 videos of himself sitting in a corner and smiling for four hours at a time. Farkers everywhere envious of man's time-wasting abilities
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Photoshop this gazer
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Hey if you happen to win that Mega Millions jackpot, it might actually end up being Mini Millions in the end
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Teen girl playing Pokemon Go catches a wild Floatoise
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Text Adventures III (c) 2016. You are inside a Walmart. You see a woman riding the motorized wheelchair. Underneath the basket is hanging a rabid bat. What do you want to do? _
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Why can't we improve American policing?
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Three Scottish Wildcat kittens - considered rarer than the Bengal Tiger and Giant Panda - are ready to make their debut on Caturday
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Roadside drug test? Cobalt thiocyanate turns blue when exposed to cocaine. And 80 other compounds including common household cleaners. If potatoes were illegal, they'd use iodine and lock you up for spaghetti. It changed color, you're under arrest
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Worst. Camouflage. Ever
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If your skateboard gets away from you and rolls out onto a busy state highway, just let it go man. Let it go
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| Fri July 08, 2016 |
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It's back, and not a moment too soon: it's your Fark Weird News Quiz
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Oh, your funeral didn't require 86 tortoises, an eagle's wing and a human foot? Amateur
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Wendy's goes soylent about their secret ingredient
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Montana school teaches students valuable civics lesson--by docking their final grades for protesting another student's punishment
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Why cats are so selfish
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Black ex-cop: "In any American police department, 15 percent of officers will do the right thing no matter what. Fifteen percent will abuse their authority at every opportunity. The rest could go either way depending on their partner"
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Finally a story involving cops that doesn't make you want to cry. Okay, maybe you will, but for a good reason
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Maybe $5.99 per pound isn't such a bad price after all
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Group of inmates break out of holding cell in jail--to save the life of guard suffering a heart attack
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this unusual storage rack
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Oy vey, ya scurvy dog! Hoist those sails, ya momsers!
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If Boaty McBoatface demonstrated anything, it was not to let the public name things ... and yet here we have Trainy McTrainface station
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Not even the archbishop of Rio de Janeiro is safe: "As well as the shooting this 10 June, he was carjacked last July and robbed at gunpoint in September 2014 of his crucifix and a replica of a gold ring gifted to him by Pope Francis"
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Not that anyone is going to care anymore after last night, but two of the officers involved in the Alton Sterling shooting had been investigated 4 times in the last seven years over complaints of excessive force and police brutality
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Cool: A rodeo performer has claimed the Guinness World Record for the most Texas lasso skips in a minute. Now wait a Gol-Durned Minute: Wadda you mean he was in NEW YORK CITY?
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Humpback whale carcass washes ashore in Alaska. Get the dynamite
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. Seagulls, now that's a different story
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Well, at least SOMEONE was sent to prison for the death of Eric Garner, even if it's just the guy who filmed it
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If the only impediment standing between you and joining ISIS is your Dad taking your passport away from you, you probably wouldn't make a good terrorist anyway
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1986: Parents sue record companies for corrupting the children. 2016: Children sue Snapchat for corrupting them
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Photoshop this happy family portrait
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The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a... robot bomb? Okay, then
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Dallas sniper claimed he wasn't affiliated with any groups, was just pissed-off at white people
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Man shot in Nutbush over a pizza
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"I just wanted a steak and cheese melt. I really wanted one, I wanted one so bad, and look what happened." Woman who filmed sleeping Subway staff left heartbroken after he calls police on her
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The Dallas sniper attended a "self-defense and personal protection gym" in Fort Worth that happily trains civilians to conduct urban warfare
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Design bundle - fonts, templates, and icons. (Sponsored Link)
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IRS allows 60% of ex-employees (including those being disciplined) to keep their IDs and access buildings, computers
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Your "unsanctioned independent fireworks show" might be a little over the top if you knock a house off its foundation and townsfolk think you triggered an earthquake
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Sure it's hard to top the excellent reputation of the Big Mac and its high level of respect in the culinary world, but a top chef has done it
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#NotAllAltons
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Dallas PD goes Full Reddit
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Most people are responding to the Dallas police shootings with sorrow and calls for unity in the face of unspeakable tragedy. And then there's this jackass
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Self-regulation, not self-control, is what matters when it comes to children. Well, we'll just see what Laura Branigan has to say about that
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On a day like today, what we really need to make things a bit better is some doses of wisdom from the late, great Bob Ross. With bonus pic of the master with a baby raccoon
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Our rents are up how much? Our options are worth that little? Atlas shrugs? Fedora tips
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Transgender person told not to wear a sports bra while in the pool. Since some people had a problem with this, it was made into a news story
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US Capitol on lockdown after sighting of staffer with a gun
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Photoshop this little fixer-upper
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It was the bikini-clad booty butt that did the serial burglar in
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How to get fired from your Wall Street hedge fund firm: Rent a $20m mansion in the Hamptons and totally trash it with gun-toting little people and bikini-clad women by having a #Sprayathon party with a thousand people
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I didn't paint this crap, prove it or I'll sue you. If only World War 2 could have been prevented so easily
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Dallas shooting update #3: 11 officers fired at, five now confirmed dead. Snipers suspected
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Ways to end up in hell when you die: fake a cancer diagnosis to raise money for yourself
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This discovery of mountain lion kittens sounds more like a Jerry Springer show than a scientific finding
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Park Slope sisters: What to do today? Let's dress up in Disney princess dresses and leotards and have an adventure in Manhattan, surely our parents won't mind
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Worker who was given a paycheck worth 100x what he should have received blows most of it on a new car, hotel rooms, designer clothes, cocaine, vodka, and online gambling. The rest he wasted
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Wasted 19-year-old babysitter with four kids in the car tells cop that that's just how kids roll these days
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Every winter, the population of great white sharks along the west coast disappears deep into the Pacific Ocean-swimming for 30 to 40 days to reach a point halfway between Mexico and Hawaii. And no one knows why. Solution: Attach cameras to the sharks
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Did you think maybe the alligators couldn't get you if you climbed a tree? Guess again
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Dallas shooting update: 11 officers fired at, four now confirmed dead. Snipers suspected
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The Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles offers the following tips to avoid wrong-way drivers at night: Stay in the far right lane. And pray
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This guy really meant it when he formed a mentoring group called "Developing Boys To Men". He even asked one to send him a nude photo to check his progress. Now he has a seat over there
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| Thu July 07, 2016 |
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Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
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Ottawa clinic has a new treatment for severe alcoholics, an hourly glass of wine
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You can lead a dog to water, but you can't make it stop biting you
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Shots fired at Dallas protest march, reports of officers down
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In Florida, McDonald's eats YOU
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Man drowns himself into Pensacola Bay after police inform him he's still using Verizon. Can you hear me now?
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Woman charged with luring children for sex with ice cream, popcorn. Why she thinks they would want to have sex with ice cream and popcorn is beyond me
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A history degree without studying U.S. history? From our nation's top colleges? No wonder we're boned as a country
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Recently retired police chief of Blam Blam, MN when he left: Police don't need bodycams because "nothing's significantly broken in law enforcement now." That should help
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GOP Senator says he's skipping the convention, looking forward to watching dumpster fires instead
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It's a warm day, the traffic isn't too bad, OH SH$^T
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Instigated by Germans, the War of the Beach Umbrellas threatens livability of Sexitano town
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The latest thing killing you? Your bed. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Çongress manages to actually do something useful and passes an FAA funding bill that includes a provision requiring airlines to refund the baggage fees you paid for any luggage they manage to lose. Yes, that took an act of Congress
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Wendy's data hack: make it a biggie size
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Moral of the story: always have a plan B. Especially if plan B involves a machete
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Police training spends 12 times longer on winning fights than avoiding them
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These creationists outside the Ark museum debated an atheist on evolution and got completely and utterly humiliated
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Humpty Doo man calls police to complain about his father burning all his cannabis, leading to the important question: What is Humpty Doo?
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Bay Area geologists cry out after curb, pulled out of alignment by seismic forces, that they've been watching for 40 years, is destroyed by city work crew. Work crew says it wasn't their fault
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Woman uses the Reducto curse on her fat after being told she was too large to fit into the rides at Harry Potter World
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White man waves shotgun at cars, shoots at deputy with handgun, is arrested and not shot. It's the oddest thing
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ISIS arming their own drones with IEDs
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Thieves smash into beauty supply store, steal $50K worth of hair. Witnesses report seeing getaway car weaving in and out of traffic
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Former PM Tony Blair says world 'is better' after Iraq war, although he fails to mention better than what
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America: Road rage incites gunfire. England: Road rage incites ketchup spraying
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this drippy cave
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Man with an impressive record bites woman while she is driving. From the looks of his appearances after court, he is also auditioning to be Hulk Hogan
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Illinois Department of Natural Resources wants to reintroduce the alligator gar, an 8 foot, 300 lb. fish, to Illinois waterways. What could possibly go wrong?
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Kentucky woman uses burrito to bludgeon man, then gets stabby. Your move, Florida
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Best Korea declares war again... says U.S. has committed "an act reminiscent of a new-born puppy knowing no fear of a tiger"
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National (White) Rifle Association
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For God so loved the world, that he gave his two daughters, that whoever sits on the tracks should not perish, but have eternal life. Train 3:16
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Martin Shkreli now wants to collect rare Magic:The Gathering cards. He can have subby's "Eternal Pharmadouche" card...but there is a 5000% mark-up
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Mother of the year candidate uses a ham sandwich to compare Taylor Swift's vagina to her daughters', when we all know that she should have used a roast beef sandwich
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Brazil says it plan to shoot down any aircraft that violate Olympic Games airspace, on the off chance that any terrorists manage to survive the Olympics themselves
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A look inside the FBI file of a man buried at Arlington National Cemetery after he said, "I'm probably America's biggest Hitler fan, but I'll be buried alongside all these World War II vets"
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In the "who didn't see this coming" category, a Marine officer being kicked out for transmitting classified data over his personal email is now using the "Hillary Clinton" defense
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The Rio Olympics has the most appropriate sponsor possible
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An iPhone case shaped like a pistol is not a good thing to carry around in your back pocket. Especially if you are at the airport
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Fark Food Thread: What are your favorite foods to make when you want to beat the heat? Do you avoid cooking altogether and go with cold meals? Jump straight to desserts?
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We're phone-obsessed -- we touch our phones 2,617 times a day on average. Power users touch them 5,427 times per day
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Myth: Saudi women are not allowed to drive. Fact: Saudi women are allowed to drive bumper cars
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This fall, US flight attendants will utter a phrase not heard in 56 years "welcome aboard flight XXXX non-stop to Cuba"
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Photoshop this rail runner
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Someone channeled their inner 8-year-old on an electric road sign
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Not News: Rand Paul criticizes DOJ on Clinton email server, says there's a "double standard" in our justice system. Fark: Rand Paul has repeatedly gotten his douchey son off the hook for underage drunk driving
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80% of Americans want labels on food containing DNA
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Twin killing machines born at Swedish zoo (with I-will-eat-your-face piccy goodness)
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New study shows that movies, TV shows and other media have almost no effect on teen sexual behavior, concludes that teens are just hormone-filled poor-decision-making little sexbots like everyone always knew
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Okay, time for a math question: A worker is on a wind turbine 100 feet above ground. A 4 lb. bolt hits him on the head, which fell from 100 feet above him. Convert to metric so non-Americans can understand how bad this is
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TV reporter doesn't want to get her expensive shoes wet while reporting on a flood so she: A) takes them off; B) goes around the water; C) has flood victims carry her
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Make three outrageous predictions about things that will happen in the world in the next three years
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The Silver Surfer has really let himself go
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Can New York be saved from the global warming hoax?
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Drunk Spaniards celebrate the groping of the breasts to start off the running of the bulls festival in Pamplona, Spain (Not safe for work)
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In other news, police said she had sex so loud that it shook a dresser and bed in her neighbor's home
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Locals from around this alligator farm in Anhui, China where 92 alligators have escaped, have no fear officials have said not to worry as it's totally under control and 'most' have been caught
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Lowell residents can take comfort in the animal stalking their neighborhood isn't an alligator but a caiman
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Water park catches fire
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Police would like to remind people not to walk into the police station and behave suspiciously while trying to catch their Pokemons
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Nearly 2,000 Americans were polled to see how they felt about spoilers. We'd tell you the result here in the headline but someone might get all angsty in the comments, so you'll just have to click the link yourself
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That woman arrested for spraying another woman with gas while filling her car? Her boyfriend was arrested for attacking a dog that same day
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Amour Steel keychain iOS charging cable. Disappointed it's not longer. Was considering zipline possibilities. (Sponsored Link)
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Woman scores Reckless Driving hat trick in less than an hour
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Your dog wants steak but not from a door-to-door salesman
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Edsel Ford II, great-grandson of Henry Ford, will not be charged with domestic violence. Since it's a Ford, prosecutors now wait for the inevitable recall
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A Tesla self-driving vehicle has crashed. Not a repeat and this one can't be blamed on a DVD
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And so, as a chastised Beavis poses for his mugshot, he can't help but think of the 7-city, 3-crash chase that led up to this, his moment of clarity
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It doesn't take much to get the internet outraged, so you probably gotta figure that anything called the "Panty Challenge" where women show off the insides of their underwear after a day's use might be controversial
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Who knew throwing live rounds of ammunition into a bonfire could cause injury?
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Wait, we've only *now* dropped the sanction monkey on Fat Man?
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Mom who drank and smoked pot with her daughter's teenage friends and let them play naked Twister is sentenced to probation only and warned to stay away from anything with brightly colored polka dots
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Super Typhoon Nepartak packing winds of more than 200 mph and generating waves up to 44 feet as it bears down on Taiwan today. No snark, just hope that our Taiwanese friends come through this as well as they can
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Pay no attention to all the drones flying over the Savannah River nuclear site in South Carolina lately, they say it's just a bunch of kids playing 'checking out and targeting potential terrorist sites'
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Photoshop this face in the park
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Roger Ailes reveals defense to Gretchen Carlson lawsuit. If you went with "paint her as a disgruntled biatch", step up and claim your prize
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Cop: Your taillight is out. License, please. Driver: Okay, but my wallet is next to my licensed pistol. Cop: BLAM. BLAM BLAM BLAM (warning: graphic)
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Only child finds what it's like to find her 17 sperm donor siblings on the Internet
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Stanley Kubrick's daughter tells moon landing conspiracy theorists to go get more tinfoil for their hats if they persist in thinking it was faked
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Christians pose as gay cannabis zombies at Toronto Pride to try and stir up hate. Like anyone could hate gay cannabis zombies
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Next up on Farkline: Doctors: Are they really benevolent angels of mercy, or are they all filthy perverts with only one disgusting thought on their deviant sex-filled minds? You decide, next on Farkline
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I think I'll drive around in this stolen car with my half pound of pot
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Trying to solve Rubik's Cube using both hands is good for your mind and hand coordination ....just NOT while driving on a fast motorway
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Stupid things are afoot at the Circle K. Especially since this person backed up into a gas pump
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"Do you say, 'Take two hits and call me in the morning?' I have no idea"
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Smoker at gas station starts a fuel fight when confronted about her cigarette. You're damned right there's a mugshot
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 583: "Hidden Summertime Gems" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 06, 2016 |
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I have no idea what you are talking about so here is a pig taking a cat on a leash for a walk
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Here's the last thing Japan's "Hitomi" black hole satellite saw before it clawed its own eyes out and stopped broadcasting
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To help you buy better-fitting bras, Japanese lingerie seller offers helpful chart that visualizes weight of your breasts in terms of chipmunks, cockatiels, kittens, or number of pancakes you could make if your boobs were made of pancake batter
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"U.S. drivers also more often drive drunk and take other risks"
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Suck it up Guy Fieri haters, he's a damn national treasure and a genius
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Turns out all those blondes on Fox are Roger Ailes' version of dating
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Caribou Barbie calls for insurrection in the wake of failed DoJ investigation of Madame President
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this actual turnip truck (Don't fall off)
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Authorities are on the look for a porta-potty arsonist. Stinky the Bear says, "Only you can prevent feces fires"
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Catching up with the "Pom-Pom Mom" who stole daughter's ID in 2008, got onto high school cheerleading team at age 33, got arrested, and became press sensation for her identity theft. "It was devastating. I just wanted to get in a hole and die"
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Sometimes after getting a girl pregnant you gotta face the music. This still applies when she's 10 years old. Bonus: guy beat similar charges a few years ago. Double bonus: ex-Pastor
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Supermarket: Dear customer, could you 'elaborate' on your complaint about our carrots? Customer: Why, yes
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Cop who drew gun on man filming him says man deserved it. At least it wasn't a penis
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It must have been some great hummus
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Here's all you need to know about the killer cops in the Alton Sterling murder. Combined years of experience: 7. Parents on police force: 2
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(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
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USDA: Fish, the other white 'Meat'
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To protect African cows from ravenous lions, Aussie researchers paint eyes on their butts. "While three unpainted cows were killed by lions, all the painted cows survived to graze another day"
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Ever wanted to own your very own Colorado "ghost town", complete with service station and a motel? Well, now you can for the low low price of just $350,000
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You get hit by a car while crossing the street, so do you: A) Throw your watch at another car, B) Assault the driver, C) Perform a sex act in the direction of the female passenger while calling out obscene phrases, or D) All of the above
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If you think Twitter can't turn a joke about boycotting Keebler Elves cookies into a full-blown ironic Nazi controversy, you clearly haven't been on the internet very long
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Businesses begin raising prices in the UK on goods and services, with Dell firing the first shot of a 10% across the board increase
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In addition to dead cheetahs, severed limbs, poop, and unpaid cops, here are all the reasons the Rio is Thunderdome
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Once you've starred in a sex tape, do you relinquish the right to be upset about people using your naked likeness in a music video?
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Photoshop Challenge: Design an ad campaign for Scooby Snacks
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Lead's in the water of Flint, Michigan. Let's finger point and defer blame and smother the issue with layers of bureaucracy. Lead's in the water fountains of the US Capitol building? Free blood tests for all lawmakers immediately
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If you wanted to do some damage to your estranged husband and his house, there are better vehicles to use instead of your Prius
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| (rusue.com) |
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Tourist spends three days in Chernobyl sleeping in a derelict apartment
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Man accused of groping six teens at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon blames his "broken glasses"
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Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Piglet dies after being left in hot car at fair. Absentee parents revoke Christopher Robin's driving privileges indefinitely
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New Rule: every scientist and engineer needs to take a class called "what's the worst that could happen?" where they watch dystopian sci-fi movies. BAE creates a 3d printer that chemically "grows" military drones in an artificial womb for killer robots
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$508 million still up for grabs. Remember, you can't win unless you piss away any hope of eating people food in your old age
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Heavy rain turns a stadium into the world's biggest bathtub
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Dylann Roof's lawyer: Yeah the kid shot nine people, but geez, you don't have to make a federal case out of it
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Human garbage wins right to pick up actual garbage
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They say when in Rome, you should do as the Romans do. But that doesn't include getting drunk and fighting to the death with a homeless person
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Man rents car, sells it online, then steals it back in the middle of the night
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558
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Biggest danger at this year's Pamplona bull run? Wandering hands
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On today's edition of Dentists Gone Bad, dentist-dad who pushed for harsher penalties after his son was killed by a hit-and-run driver who was drinking has been arrested for DUI
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The unsung heroes of the Fourth of July? Animal control, who wait until the fireworks stop to go look for your dog who is hiding far away because I just want the loud noises to stop. OMG THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END. HIDE ME, CAT
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TSA and American Airlines announce new venture that could speed up security lines while still doing absolutely nothing to actually make anyone any safer. Just like everything else the TSA has done before. But hey, faster lines
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Woman charged with beating, blinding woman with a hammer during a love triangle fight -apparently over a ball of yarn
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17-year-old girl comes out as gay. Parents kick her out of the house... to set up her SURPRISE PARTY
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Wait, wait, don't tell me you guys forgot all about the Fark Book Fair already. It was only in the NotNewslette-oh, I see where the problem is. We're hosting a Fark Book Fair on the 16th. Welcome to the Fark Writer's Thread, "I got nothing" edition
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Fark Store Daily Deal: DropShades colored LED glasses light up and change in response to music and sound. Made for EDM festivals but also useful in weird late night conversations. (Sponsored Link)
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Catholic Priest: If you remarry, you should not have sex. And who would know better than a man who took a vow of celibacy?
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Refugees and immigrants who cannot pay their exorbitant fees to smugglers find themselves getting sent to an Egyptian crime ring that harvests their organs
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News: 30-person brawl at Walmart. Fark: Brawlers armed with baseball bats they looted from the sporting goods section. ULTRAFark: It was the second melee at the same Walmart within four hours
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An Iowa man is arrested after continuing to shoot off fireworks despite being asked by the police to stop. He he then said was going to light another firework "with a blunt in his mouth because this is America'
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Florida subverts the "dead body turns out to be a mannequin" trope
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The pond is so peaceful. Especially in the evening with the frogs croaking, the crickets chirping and the stars shining. And there's always a parking spot in it where I can sleep
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Outdoor survival tips for Bear Country. 1: Don't go to Bear Country
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Photoshop this lone horn blower
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Trump Airlines departure delayed due to the usual passenger behavior
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Today's summary execution of a black man by white cops is brought to you by Baton Rouge, Louisiana [GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING]
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It turns out dogs like riding in cars because damn that wind smells good plus it makes them feel like they're on the hunt
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| (Some Guy) |
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State which receives the most sunlight in the United States may reconsider its de facto ban on solar energy, sorta, but it's controversial and many are still against it
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National Geographic reveals travel photograph of the year, and if I was the Song dynasty I'd be very nervous
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"The solution to online 'Harassment' is simple: Women should log off"
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Awesome is having your hotel staff storm the place dressed and armed like ISIS terrorists for a prank
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Canadian bacon is NOT bacon at all, here's why
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That'll do, pig. That'll do
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Brexit Part 2. A nation divided over The Guardian's guide on how to eat a sausage sandwich. Red sauce or Brown sauce - friends estranged, families divided, as 672 comments testify
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| Tue July 05, 2016 |
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Uber passenger pro-tip: What happens in an Uber does not necessarily stay in an Uber
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Nice aerial view of what happens when your fireworks mortar tube tips over. Sorry, neighbors
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Over 500 passengers left stranded for seven hours after woman demands to get off flight because she wants "to get a divorce"
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Pro tip from the man who punched a bear and lived to tell the tale "most bears are right handed"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Dear Ask-A-Manager: My best employee, a former foster child who overcame incredible odds to finish college, quit on the spot after I denied her request to come in two hours late-on a day off- so she could graduate- can I ruin her reputation now?
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Slow news day in Medina, Ohio: "A resident reported damage to his property caused by a plow that flipped over in the driveway"
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The correct answer to "Who left out this damn chicken?" is apparently "The 5 yr old, dad"
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Twisted Sister and "sucked donkey balls" in the same article, but not in the way you just imagined
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Canadian postal service to unions: GTFO
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| (Some Guy) |
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The Economist asks "Why aren't millennials buying diamonds?" The internet answers
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"Yes officer, I did lock my special needs kid out of the house and am a synthetic marijuana user, but don't worry....sometimes I leave him with a sex offender"
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It may not be the hero Moscow needs, but it's the hero Moscow deserves
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Florida declares a state of emergency in counties along the Atlantic coast due to toxic algae. Swamp Thing unavailable for comment
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Third cop in Freddie Gray case to face acquittal soon
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Protip: Make sure there are no roaches on your restaurant's ceiling so they won't fall onto the health inspector's iPad
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News: Two men are fired after their employer's human resources department discovers neither of them have turned up for a day at work during 2015 or 2016. Fark: After looking into it further, HR discovers they haven't shown up for the last 15 years
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Forget hot dogs: Buffalo is hosting a kale-eating festival. Yeah, eating kale for money in New York State. That sounds like fun
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"He shot himself accidentally. Then he decided to shoot again"
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Fark NotNewsletter: Another special Fark event is coming up
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Photoshop this still life with lemons
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Italian study claims pasta will not make you fat. In other news, new NRA report suggests gunfire can reduce tooth decay and Monsanto research claims RoundUp is basically a condiment
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Spice before crack, random hotel attack. Crack before spice, random chokehold and tasering
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And rerun rockets red glare, last year's bombs bursting in air
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Just how bad an optician are you if a patient dies after an eye exam?
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Hey Drew's on The Internet - live
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Arizona man exercises his 2nd Amendment rights at a Fourth of July party at a mobile home park
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How many requests for Federal wiretaps were turned down last year? Go ahead, guess
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Indiana man participates in Fourth of July parade by driving golf cart with caricature of President Obama being flushed down a toilet above a "lying African" banner. "What is racist about it?" he asks, "What was racist? Obama is an African, right?"
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Just another reason to avoid salad
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Best workout based on your astrology sign. Science and journalism at its best
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There have been 10 new islands formed in the last 20 years, making it a buyer's market for evil supervillains
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Peter Thiel's lawyer now demanding Gawker remove factual reporting. Surely, no one thought a whiny billionaire would stop after defending a racist and proclaiming women's suffrage a bad idea
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| (National Day Calendar) |
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Happy National Bikini Day everyone. Let the festivities commence... to the right
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"Take a dive into the bizarrely captivating world of Trump erotic fan fiction." NNNNNNNNOPE
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Erie Canal opens after repairs. This is not a repeat from 1825
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Reality: Intoxicated man furiously pursues another car, gets out at a red light, and beats the driver through his open window. News Headline: Off-duty NYPD cop shoots unarmed motorist to death
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Happy Tynwald day, on which the Manx celebrate the 1013th anniversary of the world's oldest continuous parliament. Sit down, Iceland, I said "continuous"
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Photoshop this large-eyed woman
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Please note: the difference between "homemade cannon" and "bomb" is less than you might think
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Jupiter is today's big news story, but Jupiter Island, Fla., is making headlines, too, for an entirely Florida reason
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Secretive group conspires to convince world that man who conned them has died repeatedly in terror attacks. "You're just ruining it for the rest of us," says spokesreptile for the Lizard People
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To make sure your information is not stolen when you pump gas should you a) shake the card reader b) check for a security sticker c) use cash, wear a dark hoodie and sunglasses, send an identical car to a different gas station or d) all of the above
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Nudity is great. Except when it's a bunch of old nudists at a nudist resort celebrating Nude Recreation Week. Bonus: One of the games they're playing is cornhole
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Thanks to a long dead drug lord, Colombia now boasts the world's largest herd of wild hippos outside of Africa. Officials have tried to keep them from reproducing, but castrating wild hippos is remarkably hard, because they're farking wild hippos
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100 drivers ticketed for driving too slow in Indiana during the first year of the 'slowpoke laws'
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What are you in for? Rape. What are you in for? Murder. What are you in for? Riding a horse while intoxicated
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