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| Sat June 18, 2016 |
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Concerned citizens called the police after they saw a maroon coloured E-bike pulling a homemade wooden trailer with a three-year-old girl sitting on a child's lawn chair
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Finally you and your cat can get wine drunk together at home with this new feline wine (non-alcoholic) made with catnip
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Latest Internet dad challenge: Seeing how many Cheerios you can balance on your baby's head while they sleep
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| (And the sign says) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Rewrite this highway warning sign
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Good: You are set to graduate from high school. Bad: Until you are involved in a car accident and placed in a medically-induced coma. Awesome: After you wake up your school recreates graduation so you can attend
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Man settles 22 year grudge with house
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Gateway to the underworld or world's biggest megaslump? Here come the geologists
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Ticketmaster's loss might be your gain. Check your account to see if you too got some freebies
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You can sleep easy tonight, citizens of New Jersey. The master thief who stole $0.95 from a mall water fountain has been captured
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Photoshop this creepy attic
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| (Just Some Guy) |
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The best advice on dealing with internet trolls was written in the 11th century
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Want a good job, affordable housing and a high quality of life? Well, you've only got three cities in the U.S. to choose from... and likely not the three you were thinking of
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Brits are going freaky for freakshakes: "The idea is that it's a really good quality milkshake that is then loaded with all sorts of terrible things that are really bad for you, like pretzels and Oreos and marshmallows"
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does not always mean happy
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Nyquil -- the nighttime sniffling sneezing aching coughing violate your probation so you can rest in jail medicine
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| (Some nice guy) |
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Meanwhile, in Canada, this is National Paddling Week
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After scares from lead in the paint, radon in the air, and god knows what in the drinking water, schools move on to the real health threat: frozen PB&J sandwiches
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If you found one of the three bags filled with money that fell out of the back door of an armored car in Rhode Island, authorities would really like to hear from you. Any time now. They're waiting. Hello? Why isn't anyone calling?
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You know what would really help with all these California wildfires? How about a scorching heat wave? With lots of high winds, too. That should do the ticket
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And now for something completely different: Here are the biggest decor trends from the year you were born. Who still has a house that has wicker white features?
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Well, why wouldn't you want to sneak an iguana into a courtroom?
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Rio de Janeiro declares a financial state of emergency. That's good to know, since it's not as if they don't have a huge event planned beginning in a month and a half
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"Meisenburg celebrated her divorce by staging a scorched-earth, no-(cares)-given photo shoot that resembles a righteously vengeful Miranda Lambert song come to life, Catherine Marie Meisenburg is a hero"
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Fark Store Daily Deal: iOS MFi-certified 100% stainless steel lightning cable. Much better than the ballpoint pen spring trick. How do you keep your lightning cables from fraying? (Sponsored Link)
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Photoshop these muddy men
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The Saturday Morning Book Club is looking for the definitive answer to an age-old question: desert island, three books, which three would you want?
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Spartan, a kitten with a deformed paw, learns to walk into his new home just in time for Caturday
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Drug tests? In high school? It's more likely than you think
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Nothing rallies a community together quite like trying to find out who in their neighborhood anonymously made more than 100 code violation reports to the city
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"That is the worst theology I've ever heard. And if you're a preacher or you're a pastor or you're a Christian, and you are going around today quoting scripture and telling people that that's the wrath of God, then shame on you"
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Just when you thought the world had gone as crazy as it could, we now have naked ninjas
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Oakland fires its third police chief in 8 days. Even the Raiders don't fire coaches or quarterbacks that fast
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The orange dots represent Detroit structures that are scheduled for demolition. The blue dots represent the hopes and dreams of Lions fans that have already been demolished
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Three whole months of workin' on my tan, crankin' tunes on my boombox, and bird-doggin' bored housewives - Uncle Joe
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| Fri June 17, 2016 |
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Happy Friday, everybody. The Fark Weird News Quiz is back, just in time for...well, nothing I guess
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Graph shows that there are more gun stores in the U.S. than grocery stores, McDonald's and Starbucks combined. Obvious tag says "fark this" and moves to Canada
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Firefox's new Containers could spare your work colleagues from seeing how many times a day you post about sports / video games / animated musicals. (Delete as applicable.)
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He called me "vermin", but I had a plan. All I need is that guy's prosthetic leg and to trek 500km to spread rabies
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Miss New Jersey competition ends in three-way
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Disney apparently unaware of gator problem, Youtube
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Brawl at kosher supermarket in Brooklyn caused by teen girl riding a hoverboard like a bojo
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What, what, an award for my butt?
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Fugitive arrested for resisting an officer, possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia, and theft of Star Wars Lego sets from across the country
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Texas man arrested in serial rock-throwing case, because only parallel rock-throwing cases are licensed in Texas
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Photoshop this pelican
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Help Wanted: Mortgage Industry seeks time travelers to help foreclosure mills keep running. Must be able to lift 25 lb boxes and back-date documents. College education a plus
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Not to be outdone by Jesus in a piece of French Toast or the many other places that Jesus appears, man finds Allah in a slice of watermelon
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If you're in the market for a giant, fire-spitting scorpion car, today's your lucky day
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If you were one of the people playing bumper cars with cement mixers in Stafford County, Virginia, the police would like to have a word with you
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Criticism is mounting over "City Dash" tour/immersive-experience that offers London hipsters a chance to run around city's poorest neighborhoods and council estates and solve puzzles for just $28
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I don't know what this means but I'm buying
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All your banknotes smell like glue? This court will not accept them
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Don't worry. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas will simply freeze to death
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Goodwill employee can't recall exactly what he stole, but thinks it may have included 3 swords, 50 lbs of jewelry, 3 fur jackets, 4 drums and a nightstand
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Woman drop-kicks unsatisfactory cake. Cage match scheduled next week against pie, baklava
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Badass woman is so badass she uses a bear to fight a wolf
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You are found guilty of a crime. Your sentence: five years in prison. The crime? 170,000 counts of Accessory to Murder
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| (Some Guy) |
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Survey finds most commonly used "other interests" words on resumes, by state. Pop Quiz: match these words with the respective state: Batman, Patriots, Twitch, Gay, Lebron, Heroin - Iowa, Ohio, West Virginia, Oklahoma, Alabama, Hawaii
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Photoshop this intense volleyballer
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Full moon during solstice--something that has never, ever happened over the course of Earth's natural history--to destroy same. Film after it happens
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Dear TSA, you owe me $506.85 for your incompetence
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Better get CNN a second box of wipes
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Truck carrying deli meat collides with truck hauling bread
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Thanks to a severe shortage of rapists, murderers, drug mules, and I assume some good people, the average new home construction cost is skyrocketing. "A lot of the workers that come from Mexico have not come back"
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Cat recovering after being found in Bristol with gunshot wound. Man that Palin honeymoon must have been something
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Iconic Texas Ranger Joaquin Jackson dies at age 80. No word on his batting stats and ERA
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Venezuelan schools have no class and no principals, also no food and armed robbery in the hallways. American inner city schools look on with envy
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| (Some Guy) |
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First you could use it as a prison wallet and now you can use it as a prison jewelry box. Is there anything the rectum cant do?
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A transcript of Judge Aaron Persky's sentencing of convicted rapist Brock Turner shows that he took Brock Turner at his word and believed that in his "drunken state, he remembered consent"
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So, you're enjoying lunch in downtown Fort Lauderdale and you see a body floating by
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Your pizza in 30 minutes or less or come in and shoot up the joint
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70-year-old man picks the wrong car to wave a toy gun at
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Newly discovered Van Gogh sketchbook to be published, its pages will not be sharp enough to cut your ear
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Pennsylvania man uses a katana to defend his right to smoke weed in his brother-in-law's house. Florida man unsheathes his own sword, declaring, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE"
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Earning $130,000 is "priced out of Boston"
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State trooper responds to car accident by raping the woman involved after threatening to put her in jail. Naturally, he gets (a) 20 years (b) 10 years (c) the same sentence as the Stanford swimmer
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So you think you know how to deal with hazardous materials at the Willy Wonka factory? Tell me again why you called hazmat
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Proposed ballot measure in Colorado would among other things require packages of marijuana to include a warning that users run the risk of "permanent loss of brain abilities." Well, like, that's your opinion, man
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Palatine police investigating reports of shooting, deal altering
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"Yes, 911? There is a man with a knife who--" "OUR SYSTEMS ARE DOWN. PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER. Four hours later"
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Why does the IRS need so many guns?
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FDNY chief killed in 9/11 attacks finally laid to rest after two vials of his donated blood found
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Designer fonts to add to your collection. What's your favorite font? Comic Sans and Papyrus are obvious; share your best and why you like it. (Sponsored Link)
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One of the main reasons we can't have a real conversation about guns in this country? Reporters are complete idiots when it comes to getting basic facts about them correct
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Alabama town fighting against a huge pit of rotting chicken guts
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this woman and wall
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Woman scams three Dollar General stores for tens of dollars
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Homer Simpson designs a Rolls-Royce
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Guy who was NOT harming homosexuals WAS, in fact, harming children
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Not news: women were contacted by a "woman" on FB who claimed to be a porn producer and suggested they met her friend "Matt" for an audition. News: at least 3 women fall for it. Fark: cops have to tell them that "sleazy" is not always "illegal"
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60% of you are Fark submitters
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San Diego police defuses a box of used books found on a trash can. Must have bombed at the bookstore
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Question: Why is Phoenix so hot? Answer: Because it's near the equator
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Indoor campfire goes as well as expected
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2016 deciding if it has enough room left for Meat Loaf
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In other news, the climate crossed a four million year mark last year and it's not good. But this is probably a hoax, right?
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Listen, that incident where the teen died in a bicycle accident has been investigated over and over and the cop car did not hit him. So give it a rest, OK? New forensic evidence: Yeah, the cop ran him over
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Postal Service investigating threats made online by a woman identifying herself as one of its mail carriers who said she would destroy mail featuring Ramadan stamps
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To help people feel safe on China's new 1,000-foot-high glass bridge, engineers let a reporter hit it with a sledgehammer. Don't worry: He was wearing his brown pants
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Cool I wonder if they can grow a kidney from a cantaloupe?
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University tests emergency email alerting system with a message saying an armed shooter was on campus. Some people did not see the previous message about the upcoming test
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I see your White Castle EMTs and raise you with fighting ones
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U.S. Marine Corps thinks it might be .... Too soon?
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Semi carrying corn crashes into another carrying chicken. When the beer truck hits the potato salad truck we're gonna barbecue like there's no tomorrow
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Japanese city offering public funds to freeze women's eggs. Those vending machines keep getting weirder
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| Thu June 16, 2016 |
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Google a recent picture of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. THAT is apparently what a $1,600 haircut looks like
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Japan sets all-time record in 2015 for number of people lost in the mountains: 3,043. "The numbers have been increasing on the back of the growing popularity of mountaineering"
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News that there had never been a prior alligator attack at Disney World comes as a surprise to some, including the guy who once had a gator tooth removed from his thigh after a childhood attack at Ft. Wilderness Resort
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Please do not recycle your dog
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Someone at the Atlantic thinks we need to stop being so hard on stupid people. Look, dude, we've already given stupid people nice jobs in Congress, I think they'll be fine
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Fresh on the murder of an MP, Britain First threatens all Muslim elected officials
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Anal Probes: not just for aliens anymore
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A few weeks before the shooting at Pulse nightclub the Orlando terrorist tried to buy body armor and bulk ammo from a gun store and was turned down. The gun store then notified authorities of his suspicious activity
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Photoshop theme: An improvement to Star Trek
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Anonymous hacks ISIS Twitter account, turns it into a gay pride parade
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Was it over when the Germans bombed Detroit?
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There are only six sex positions
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Lawyer: The odds are 1-in-4 quadrillion against my client. But there's still a chance he's innocent
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Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: If ISIS represents Islam, then the KKK represents Christianity. Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark
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Warning to Afghan police: That cute teen boy that's hitting on you may just be a Taliban member trying to kill you
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"I didn't even know Mexicans were that smart," Austen quipped to her Fox co-hosts during the Barstool Sports broadcast. She also asserted that "the Chinese guy is always the smartest guy in math class" and that Jewish people are "stingy"
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Dr. Sam Beckett righted a lot of wrongs throughout history, except for that one time he was responsible for Donald Trump
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♫ I don't want to wait for our lives to flood over ♫
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Sting puts NJ man in hospital. Thankfully, no lutes were involved
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Super-spicy peppers and vaping: Two great tastes that taste great together?
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Photoshop Fun: Create an ad for these Russian peas
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Officials suggest a bird carried severed fingers across state lines, perhaps an African Swallow
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If I told you that Alaska was the number one state in the US for gun violence, and Florida was not even top 10, would you believe me? Maybe they count violence against bears
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Facebook rolls out new tool to help prevent suicides, presumably by unfriending more than half of the people you know
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Pop quiz, hotshot: You're an EMT in the drive thru at White Castle and dispatch gives you a call. What do you do? Hint: If you want to keep your job, the opposite of what these guys did
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Muslim Americans never report other Muslims, unless of course you believe the FBI who says they do it all the time
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New listing: Four bedroom, two and a half bath 2-story with hardwood floors, study, gameroom, minor panda infestation
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Problem: Gas station not making money after 10PM. Solution: Rent out said gas station on Airbnb. FTA: "Fulfill any childhood dream of sleeping at a gas station. It's just a toilet, basic needs, hot water, some drinks, coffee, some ice cream"
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Pit Bulls, the ______ of the dog world. A. Jews B. thugs C. mutants D. Honda Civics
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Not news: Farmer gets caught selling fake "free range eggs." Fark: Gets longer prison sentence than sex offender
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Twitter accused of censorship for banning a gay conservative after ISIS complained. In other news, Twitter banned a gay conservative after ISIS complained
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Gun-wielding assailant puts Britain First by murdering pro-EU member of Parliament
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The end result of taunting hundreds of mischievous dynamite monkeys is that they will take over your Sichuan village after your 'oh so cool' ecotourism venture backfires
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Orlando shooter makes an appearance in a 2012 documentary on the BP spill. Oil bet you didn't see that coming
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Colorado bans THC-infused gummy bears. Gummies in the shape of squares, flying saucers and marijuana leaves are still OK
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Fark Store Daily Deal: EduCBA tech training bundle subscription. Courses for coders, designers, IT admins; app development, coding languages, design instruction. (Sponsored Link)
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Three new species of fish discovered off the coast of Hawaii, all are said to be delicious
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"What are you in for?" "Drunk in public and assault. What about you?" "Grand theft avocado"
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Customer in bagel shop orders, shoots, and leaves. Responding police have ruled out pandas as possible suspects
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It's not every day you see a tow truck towing a tow truck towing a tow truck towing a car, but this is that day
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Spy museum's new location no longer a secret
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How many wet wipes to you need to clean your entire body while camping? Just one if it's big enough
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Thailand admits it has lost the war on drugs, plans to legalize meth so they can just forget about it
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Bolivia tells Bill Gates to get the cluck out of here with his donations
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Google's in trouble for stealing balloons
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Panama Papers result in first arrest. Of Mossack Fonseca employee
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You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you (offer not valid to Native Americans on tribal lands)
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Texas Governor Greg Abbott, who called out the National Guard to "monitor" a federal troop exercise, and wants to end Obamacare, just asked the Federal Government to review their Zika response plan. And, oh yeah, give Texas $11 million to fight Zika
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"He says he carved something new into his chest and offered proof. Jenkins offered a hint on the outside of the manila envelope: an eleven letter word that's hard to make out. It starts with H"
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Photoshop theme - the next Batman vs movie you'd like to see
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For one magical hour on Tuesday night, there were no 911 calls in Baltimore
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Remember the fuss over the "Gospel of Jesus' Wife" papyrus? Elegant but brutal article exposes the owner and probable forger. Bonus: the Stasi, Florida and porn sites also involved
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Students in trouble for racy yearbook photo. Shocker
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The reason why we have therapy dogs and not therapy cats
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Walmart shoppers weren't able to watch for falling prices as they were blinded by smoke after someone lit off fireworks in the store
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The practice of geophagy: Its dirty secrets revealed
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For some reason, the Santa Clara DA has removed Judge Aaron Persky from upcoming hearing in which a male nurse sexually assaulted an anesthetized female patient
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"911? I just grounded my 11-year-old daughter for smoking and now she's threatening me with a kitchen knife"
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Toronto Mosque Invites Members of LGBT Community to Celebrate Ramadan
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Did you just spill gasoline all over yourself and your car? Well, now's the time to enjoy the explosive taste of a Lucky Strike cigarette
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 580: "All Your 2000 Parts" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 15, 2016 |
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Not news: mommy blogger complains about restaurants not allowing her to bring special food for her picky young son. Fark: son's name is Titan
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Haven't recently slept with an underage prostitute? Then there's a good chance you can be Oakland's next next police chief
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Recall Combos? Sure I remember those
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Fake story about Muslims attacking bacon-serving Denny's waitress fails to fool anyone. Just kidding--Muslim-haters fall for it hook, line, and sinker, proceed to fill the comments section with venom and scorn for all of Islam
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State Attorney General Pam Bondi criticizes Anderson Cooper for inciting anger and hatred because he questioned her sudden concern for the homosexual community
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Someone send a box of splooge cloths to CNN: the missing EgyptAir plane has been found
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Photoshop this T-Bird taillight
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Australian kids accidentally draw lots of dicks
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Texas is slowly being sucked into the underworld for all its sins
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Victims of the Orlando shooting may have received type Ironic Negative blood
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7.8% of all employees are workaholics. Mostly to make up for the other 92.2% who are workateetotalers
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Vintage Cougar and Mustang parts are hard to find in good condition
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Ladies and gentlemen, meet one Gersh Kuntzman of the New York Daily News who has just crowned himself as the biggest wuss in the world
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Trouble in your neighborhood? Naked Swedish vacuum man to the rescue
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The body of the two-year-old boy who was snatched by an alligator at a Walt Disney World resort last night has been found. And it turns out he was in the water at the time of the attack
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Demonstrators in Montana take to the streets carrying signs opposing refugees, warning terrorists could infiltrate their communities. Since 2012, Montana has welcomed just 13 refugees from Cuba and Iraq
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And the highest calorie menu item at McDonald's is ______. (large fries dipped into multiple ice cream cones doesn't count)
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Hey, if you guys don't stop looking at Pornhub, you'll...oh. Never mind
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From the Better-Late-Than-Never Dept.: Things to know about alligators in Florida
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| (Some Piscatorial Guy) |
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Photoshop this Beta's vision
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Fabled "Stupidest Man On the Internet" states after Orlando, "We Are All Gay," including him. Especially him. Specifically him
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I'd hate to take you away from your 24-hour-a-day obsession over Trump, but Canada is considering sending troops over to Europe because Russia is mobilizing for war
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Like most of you, I've been wondering about how car dealerships in Orlando are coping with the aftermath of the Pulse shootings
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It seems the world has been scammed by NASA and the government again after the "fake" moon landing, this time holding back info that men are already on Mars and have been filmed repairing the Curiosity Rover
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Van goes up in a blaze of irony
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"I recognize fully that I am a balding, youngish, middle-aged straight, white, male, Republican, politician... with all of the expectations and privileges that come with those labels. I am probably not who you expected to hear from today"
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"Is Victoria's Secret secretly a Satanic cult pushing its dark influence on America?"
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Lawyer's wife says he gave her herpes he caught from the mistress they are both accused of stalking
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Black bear so hungry that it could eat at Arby's
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Co-creator of Android: All hail our future AI overlord (Slightly paraphrased.)
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Prince William becomes first member of the British Royal Family to appear on the cover of a gay magazine, getting there ahead of his uncle Prince Edward
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Chinese loan sharks demand nude photos as collateral. Or as they say on TFD, flirting
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"When he first started his noble campaign he would 'dash off a single penis and call it a night', but recently, he's upped the dicks-per-night count to around six"
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Old and busted: Boulevard of broken dreams. New hotness: Museum of broken relationships. Because nothing says "bad breakup" like a wedding dress stuffed into a pickle jar
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This one simple trick will make your coffee taste so much better. No, really, it is really simple and doesn't cost any money. Stick em in the fridge
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Gym-goer dives into New Jersey river, rescues woman from submerged car, and still makes it to gym in 26 minutes
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Today's efforts to lie to and scare the British public into voting one way or the other on Brexit next week include a flotilla of fishing boats, a xenophobe, interceptor boats, Bob Geldof, and exchanges of fire by water hoses. Dignity not aboard
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Sex trade novelist among accused in pimping probe. Know your material, I guess
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Nine-year-old boy swims to Alcatraz and back, breaking the previous 1962 record by Frank Lee Morris
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Deadline Day is here Did you finish your submission in time? Have you told that plucky, hope filled character he's getting killed off? Hey, I found my pants. It's your Fark Writer's Thread, Heart of Farkness Deadline Edition
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Stealing someone's UPS packages is now called 'porch pirating'. Ar
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UN warns Trump may be 7 months away from acquiring nuclear weapons
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National sex survey finds that Catholic girls have the most orgasms
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"Yeah, you know about that $1,000 tip I left last night? Yeah, well I was drunk and am going to need that back"
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Archaeologists about to settle long-standing bets on whether King Henry I would have preferred to have been buried under a parking lot or a school
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SpaceX has bowled a turkey and this morning will shoot for the sea landing hambone. Will this rocket join the club and make it 4 salamis in a row? Does anyone else suddenly feel like a sandwich? Launch set for 10:29am Eastern/7:29am Pacific
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Adobe Creative Cloud one-year membership with Photoshop and Lightroom courses. (Sponsored Link)
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It's not a good idea to anger the trees in Fanghorn Forest
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George Takei tells LGBTQ community to fight for gun restrictions; shirtless, open-carry rapier licences
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The Southern Baptist Convention just condemned the confederate flag as racist, says members of the faith should no longer display it as it is nothing more than a symbol of hate
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Police sketch of serial masturbator looks like an alien from the X-files
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FDA may rescind ban on gays donating blood, but only if they've been celibate for a year, stand on one foot and touch their nose and recite the alphabet backwards
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Help Mel Gibson design a poster for his sequel to The Passion of The Christ
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A double rainbow appears over Orlando
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Anonymous breaks out its heavy artillery to battle ISIS: Good old American porn
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Feel the love for their fellow man, as these Christian leaders comment on the Orlando shooting. Pat Robertson: Let the gays and Muslims kill each other
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Well, that's the news from the federal government, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the employees are fully successful
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Another mass shooting in America? Must be a day ending in -y
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| (Some Guy) |
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The next big construction trend: Oxymorons
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FDA approves new tool in fighting obesity: Mr. Stomach Pump, for purging in the comfort of your very own bathroom. Bulimic me, you'll love it
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Man who covered himself in butter to make it difficult to be arrested slips away from court a free man with a suspended sentence, vows not to get toasted again
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Instead of keeping its dolphin penned up in tanks inside a building in Baltimore, the National Aquarium announces it will keep its dolphins penned up in a sanctuary right next to the ocean
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Perfume company releases a line of Star Wars themed fragrances. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside
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It just snowed in Hawaii in June. Checkmate, global warming
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UW-Stout student got OW after too much stout
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The LA gay pride parade gun nut who was originally considered dangerous, then not, is back to dangerous again. $2M bail set after it's revealed that in addition to assault rifles and explosives, he also had a black hood, taser, and handcuffs
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Queen Elizabeth wears a green-screen coloured ensemble for her birthday and of course the Internet community can't let that go by unnoticed
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It doesn't matter if the person you're arguing with thinks that the Earth is flat, when you throw a propane cylinder into a campfire in anger, you have automatically lost the debate
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Orlando's week from hell continues as an alligator eats a two-year-old at Disney World
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| Tue June 14, 2016 |
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Article on how to survive an active shooter situation. Short answer: Run. Long answer: RUUUUUUN
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Wikipedia editors do their best to describe hip-hop songs, really they do, give them a chance, come on, fam
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Yellowstone bears are now opening car doors to get at the tasty tourists inside
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Only in Florida can you drive your car into a bay, strip off all your clothes, walk into a complete stranger's house and sleep it off, greet them and the police officer the next morning, and face no charges
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I'm not sure what tires were "not properly maintained" means, but crashing into 8 cars in a parking lot is a go big or go home kinda moment
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Seriously, who cares that the "hot convict" is wearing a Warriors... those eyes
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Nigeria says the Delta Avengers threaten further violence, presumably against Ultron
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Man attempts the Seinfeld Michigan bottle deposit scam. Attempts is the key word here
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Scalzi offers up some thoughts and prayers
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"Officers declined to release the suspect, who then apparently relieved himself in the back of the car"
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Detroit's People Mover lives up to its name
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Dog breath is disgusting. No dog-lover can deny it. Why does puppy breath smell so sweet? Here comes the science
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That chick that left creepy paintings in national parks two years ago and Instagrammed them is finally getting sentenced
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The Indiana guy busted with a cache of weapons heading to a gay pride event in California is gay, too
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Not news: Somebody yells "Free Bird" at a concert. Sorta news: At a Bob Dylan concert. Fark: He actually plays it
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The differences between Google Maps and Apple Maps are the types of landmarks you'll recognize as you turn left into the ocean
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Naked man trying to break into the Waffle House? It must be Tuesday
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11-foot alligator clogs storm drain, arteries
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| (Some Guy With a BS) |
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Photoshop Tennis Match: Graduate Edition
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Your honor, I believe the defendant is lion
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Did you hear? THIS YEAR'S HOLLERIN' CONTEST IS CANCELED
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Not news: Gawker gets sued. News: defamation via recent article about Trump's hair weave guy, sourced from publically available information. Fark: Hulk Hogan's lawyer, presumably funded again by Trump delegate Peter Thiel
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"At one time we had strippers clopping down the hall here registering at the license office"
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Nuns call the cops on litterbug. Litter worth 7 million dollars
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I ambushed them in self-defense, your Honor
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Allegedly, the Orlando terrorist's wife was with him when he bought ammo and drove him to Pulse to scope it out. She tried to talk him out of it but failed to notify law enforcement when she failed to talk him out of it
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Turf cutter finds 22 pound chunk of 2,000 year old bog butter. Euphemism blizzard or news, you decide
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Local man surprised to be nominated for mugshot of the week
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Restaurant you've never heard of wins major award. No big deal, because it's in a place you've never heard of and somewhere you'll never be able to eat. Just like the other 50 restaurants on the list. I'll save you the time, no Olive Garden
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This picture of a father and his young son out on the town will melt your heart
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It's been about a week since D.C.'s Metro began a year-long safety improvement program. Let's check in and see how things are going
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If your state is ranked the worst in America it's probably because you're an aspiring magician who eats egg salad sandwiches at Nickelback concerts
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43 years ago there was an attack on a gay night club. Compared to the response then, America has come a long way
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Pourrait être le français langue la plus parlée en 2050? Sacre Bleu
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Camp Counselor Lall from St. Peters apparently didn't get the memo that "Every teenage girl on the internet is actually a Mountie in Nova Scotia"
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Strange new molecule in space could solve a major mystery about life. Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now & then, get some walking in, try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds & nations
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Dad drops six-year-old son on burning coal during a bizarre ritual (warning: do not look at the third pic)
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Photoshop theme - Design a cover for Heart of Farkness: The 2016 Fark Fiction Anthology
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Lawsuit claims that Goldman Sachs took advantage of an "unsophisticated investor" to make "eye-watering profits" at the expense of the client who lost more than $1 billion. Difficulty: The plaintiff is the nation of Libya
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Responsible gun owners arrested for the mere fact of waving handguns around while driving on I-75. In both hands. While drinking vodka and smoking weed. And pointing an assault rifle. When will this senseless persecution by the gun-grabbers end?
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FBI dropped their 2013 investigation of the Orlando murderer because they thought his co-workers were being racist and overreacting to things that he said. I'll bet their faces are red with embarrassment now
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Facebook Live, now the preferred livestreaming app for police-chief murdering French jihadists. "I don't know what I'm going to do with the boy"
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"Man dies trying to get into Turkey apartment" Maybe he should have started with a chicken coop
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America, you might have just lost 49 innocent people in your deadliest shooting ever, but act now and you could win an AR-15
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Larry Sanders admits that his little brother has been defeated
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"I now pronounce you man and wife, you may perform CPR on that woman on the bench"
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Russia is reportedly close to releasing some of the intercepted emails from Hillary Clinton's illegal private server. No word on how many bottles of Trump Vodka will be included in Putin's gift package
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Andrea Doria shipwreck may be more damaged than expected. Man, if someone's not careful, it might sink or something
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Police responding to active shooter situation at a Amarillo, TX Wal-Mart. Shooter may have hostages. UPDATE: Suspect dead, no other injuries reported
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Dear Prudence, my husband saw a news story about a naked guy falling from a balcony and won't stop cracking dark jokes at naked guy's expense. I'd like him to stop because I'm cheating with the naked guy who is my boyfriend. What should I do?
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Imam praises Orlando nightclub attack to worshippers at Sacramento mosque. I'm sorry, replace "Imam" with "pastor" and "mosque" with "Baptist church"
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Missile strike leads to top job opening in ISIS
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UK invaded by tens of millions of European migrants who are hell-bent on destruction - EVERYBODY PA... oh wait, they're moths who eat cauliflower and cabbage - GO MOTHS, GO
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So it turns out the man we called North Korea's secret weapon actually had a secret weapon
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Orlando gunman was a regular at gay clubs and frequently used gay dating apps, It's almost as if he was grappling at some sort of issue or other
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What makes the DC Circuit uphold net neutrality: Lust for gold? Power? Or were the judges just born with a heart full of neutrality?
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How big was New Zealand's recent meth bust? Apparently, it rivals the annual revenues of some of the country's top 50 companies
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Santa Monica Police Chief: Even though he was armed to the teeth, and even though we said James Wesley Howell was there to disrupt the Gay Pride Parade, we have changed our minds. He was just there to have a good time
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Naked cyclists taint bicycle seats in nude bicycle ride (Not safe for work, obviously)
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Interactive coding bootcamp. Because the military espionage industrial complex is waiting for you to code their internet. (Sponsored Link)
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The Dalai Lama believes we will soon see an era of peace...so we've got that going for us, which is nice
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Indiana man's fiancee kills herself and her mother after her past crimes of murder were about to be discovered. Indiana man really knew how to pick 'em
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Yeast in 220 year old bottle of beer recovered from shipwreck still alive, had plenty of time to plot the end of humans
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Bear kisses sunbathing woman. Or tastes. Guess it depends on how you look at it
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You'll never guess which state you can easily buy an assault rifle with no background check needed
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Photoshop this belly flop
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Curious dog eats Gorilla glue, has perfect mold of her stomach removed by vet (warning: graphic pics) (link fixed)
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Despite being portrayed as a lone gunman, the police are positive that the arrest of an accomplice is imminent
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Dutch woman pays $824 fine for having the audacity to be roofied and raped
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Assange: Wikileaks is about to publish enough evidence to...wait for it
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"Other" mass killer from this weekend has been arrested
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A donut shop in a quiet Californian town is filling breakast burritos with donuts because it's America and they don't need an excuse
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Florida Chick-fil-A Restaurants opened their doors Sunday to feed those donating blood
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Remember that time you stabbed your spouse in the neck while they were sleeping and got bailed out of jail by your Mom then went to lunch with her at the mall and then stabbed and killed her? Yeah, neither does this person
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Sandwiching Monopoly money between real euros to scam jewelers? Next time try Canadian money
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Just like you can't say "bomb" at an airport, don't say "shoot up the school" at a school. Especially if you're the janitor
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| Mon June 13, 2016 |
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CIA chief believes 9/11 documents will clear Saudi Arabia, mostly because █████████ and that ██████ thing, not to mention ██████ and ██████ and boy, was that funny or what
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The reason you sweat like a dead horse in the sun? You were raised in a/c or a cool climate, so your body thinks heat is spiders
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Priest punches best man at wedding
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You're a mean drunk, Clarabell
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Important safety tip: The drunk, naked, man swinging a hatchet is NOT your Uber driver
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If the Orlando shooter was angry about seeing two men kissing, it was because those two men weren't kissing him
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Note: the Fark Standard Drinking Policy of "When you're too drunk to keep working, just go home" probably should not apply to mountain tour guides
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