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Sun May 29, 2016
(NBC 2 Fort Myers)
 
 
 
More Florida than Floridians: Illinois trio travels to Florida to rob bank. Illinois: Using a taxi as a getaway car
source: nbc-2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mediaite)
 
 
 
German MP Wagenknecht gets her Noggincaked
source: mediaite.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Chicago looking to out-Memorial everyone else this weekend
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
It's time to pull the plug on your non-profit charity when you spend more money on a fundraising ball than on helping children in Africa
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Definitely not a street light
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
British National Museum of Computing acquires rare Nazi coding machine. After spotting it on eBay
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
What is the quintessential summer song?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kuriositas)
 
 
 
Every 6 years Japan holds the Onbashira festival and 2016 sees the sexennial bone-crunching, log riding event return in all its gory
source: kuriositas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NY Post)
 
 
 
Photoshop this chancellery by night
source: thenypost.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
So Time magazine has a write-up in its Money section titled "Adulting Guide"....oh. It doesn't mean that? Fine, carry on
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Whale vomit beer
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Manchester Evening News)
 
 
 
"A man broke his arm diving through a Costa Coffee shop's window after mistaking schoolchildren shouting and banging trays for a terrorist attack." Geez, try the decaf next time
source: manchestereveningnews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
Tropical storm Bonnie forms in the Carolinas. Tropical storm Clyde due to arrive soon
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Have we made a massive breakthrough in schizophrenia treatment? Yes we has preciousss
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click2Houston)
 
 
 
Let us ponder the great sculptures in history: Michelangelo's David, Rodin's Thinker, two girls taking a selfie outside city hall in Sugar Land, Texas
source: click2houston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Driver upset at cornhole tournament smashes over boards sending players jumping for their lives. Is that one point or three points?
source: 1190kex.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NY Post)
 
 
 
Photoshop this quick preening
source: thenypost.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KCRG)
 
 
 
On second thought, maybe building an oil pipeline through an ancient Indian burial ground isn't a great idea
source: kcrg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wave3 Louisville)
 
 
 
Thanks Kentucky, you really show us how to honor our veterans who died
source: wave3.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
All-women sex club opens, offering burlesque, body shots and bondage for bi and bi-curious clients. Yes, Fark is your personal erotica site
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Millennials who live at home are victims of "false stereotypes," claims millennial who lives at home
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
There's drunk, and then there's picking a fight with your own reflection drunk
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Young women seeking sugar daddies for tuition, rent. Captain Obvious seeking new hat
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
"I regret helping to make kale cool"
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
WHO rejects call to postpone Brazil Olympics... I don't know, you tell me
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
HALO character look-alike charged in bank robbery
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
Man high on marijuana calls police to inform them he's been shot in the buttocks, when in reality it was just a dog bite. And also tells them that Dave's not here
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Forfar Dispatch)
 
 
 
Woman hospitalized with serious spinal injuries after freak river fishing accident
source: forfardispatch.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Leicester Mercury)
 
 
 
Hmmm, I need a new trick to show my audience. I've got it--I'll pull a playing card out of my nose. That will shock the heck out of them
source: leicestermercury.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Plymouth Herald)
 
 
 
And because it's a slow news weekend here is a Plymouth man named Paul Farrer who thinks he looks like The Walking Dead's Daryl Dixon (with pic)
source: plymouthherald.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Today marks the anniversary of one of the longest, largest, and deadliest battles in human history; the 100th anniversary of the battle of Verdun
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yorkshire Evening Post)
 
 
 
"All they need to do is enter an amount less than £30, touch the device on the pocket containing your wallet and money can be automatically transferred out of your account. It's that easy"
source: yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baltimore Sun)
 
 
 
Senior class surprises fellow graduate by flying his mother in from Nigeria and why is there so much dust in here?
source: baltimoresun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Remember Tailhook? Apparently someone else realized the value of using tail to hook sailors
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
Having learned nothing from the recent incident at Yellowstone with the baby bison, woman brings a baby deer into a police station because she thinks it's been abandoned
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Houma Today)
 
 
 
It is absolutely unlawful to recreationally violate shrimping; and international concealment of fish, well that is right out
source: houmatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
Your prom maybe had a little of this and a little of that like this timelime .... MOST likely NOT .. .but being a Farker at least you can dream
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Donkey nappies made mandatory in Kenyan town to protect road tarmac from dung
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
This is what you get you wankers, now the anti-porners are after you for pulling your pud too much
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Your MadLibs headline of the week: [2-year-old] shot after man [pours] [juice] on [prom-bound] woman's [head]
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FB Photos)
 
 
 
Photoshop this warrior cat
source: scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(YouTube)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: The Talk
source: youtube.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Well, this is awkward
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
The next industrial revolution is happening in southeast Asia
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
What's wrong with being a single woman?
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sheriff Bart)
 
 
 
Cliven Bundy only pawn... in game of life
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
The riot police in Cleveland won't be wearing body cameras during the GOP convention because why would they want to do that?
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
For sale: sex slaves. Seller: ISIS
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Militiaman who calls himself the "Picasso of machine guns" was arrested for trying to smuggle one to members of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge occupation
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Doctor does five years of research to find out why American healthcare is so f*cked. "Most doctors don't know how much they're paid to see a patient"
source: truecostofhealthcare.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
2016 should be an "average" hurricane year
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
"I wanted to try the new experience. I've never been a mascot before. Not much people taking pride in North, why not take the opportunity? It went pretty good. First game versus Kip Peak, we kicked butt"
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Northwest News (Seattle))
 
 
 
Police in Spokane, Washington would like to tell the vandals who smashed watermelons on cars in the middle of the night to knock it the fark off and stop wasting perfectly good watermelons
source: nwcn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fusion)
 
 
 
No, Texas, you cannot execute a man based solely on the testimony of a witness "hypnotized" by police
source: fusion.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
Police officer gets all his ducks in a row, helps them cross the street at a busy intersection
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Join us for two hours (or maybe even more) of diverse music hosted live by a farker (9PM AKDT/10PM PT)
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fusion)
 
 
 
Study ranks most hate filled colleges in the country based on tweets. What did we learn? Women should avoid Southeast Missouri State U., there are a lot of racist doctors in Little Rock and Husson University *really* doesn't like the gays
source: fusion.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Police launch hate crime investigation after pork sausages are thrown into Finsbury Park Mosque
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 28, 2016
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Please do not leave your children at the gorilla enclosure at the zoo. They might fall in
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
"I'm Muslim, don't panic" T-shirt wearer hospitalized by three obvious reasons
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Poynter Institute)
 
 
 
While ($freedom_of_the_press--) { suppress($journalism) }
source: poynter.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
Rarely can this tag be used with such confidence
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
'Mexican Hater Judge' to unseal 150 pages of Trump University lawsuit documents
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IMDB)
 
 
 
Forty years ago tonight, just outside Austin, Pink, Don, and Wooderson were putting together a party at the moon tower. Alright, alright, alright
source: imdb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this sailing Grandma
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTP St. Paul)
 
 
 
Two fingers found on North Dakota table. Search is on for bartender that wasn't quite paying enough attention in class
source: kstp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Honolulu Star Advertiser)
 
 
 
Let's go over this again: If you have an outstanding warrant and you're carrying a loaded 9 mm handgun, 189.4 grams of methamphetamine in small packets, cocaine, hydrocodone, morphine, and 202.2 grams of weed, you really should follow the speed limit
source: staradvertiser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Torquay Herald Express)
 
 
 
Lifeboat crew rescue man 'bombed out of his head' at bottom of Torquay cliffs
source: torquayheraldexpress.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Android Development Bundle. Fortunately, not by the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Because we can't have nice things, here are 4 things about your summer cookout that will kill you and everyone you love
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Connecticut Post)
 
 
 
What a difference a little a makes
source: ctpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
"I had some friends from college who...would get very drunk, pull their willy out and just brush it up against people...a friend of mine once did that to Donald Trump"
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
One-armed man tries to burglarize home, obviously could have used a hand
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Blogger.com)
 
 
 
Photoshop this laser scanner deployment
source: 4.bp.blogspot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Common sense comes to a playground in Chicago? The hell you say
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Tennessee sheriff indicted for selling e-cigarettes to prisoners in his own jail
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Seattle Times)
 
 
 
Rule 1 of being a getaway driver: Don't run over your wife as she is being pursued by loss prevention officers
source: seattletimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
The case for the Earth's most intelligent animals to be granted personhood
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Man shoots doctor who helped deliver his baby 'because he was a man'
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Court rules divorced Italian pizza maker can pay child support in the form of free pizza, allows ex-wife to get a slice of the pie
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Mmmmm...autocooked steak
source: insider.foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
Want to impress your friends? Eat a whole a load of 15cm nails.. Want to make the hospital staff laugh as they open you up? Eat a whole load of 15cm nails
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Not Tony Stark)
 
 
 
Niger Delta Avengers attack oil and gas pipelines in direct violation of the Sokovia Accords
source: premiumtimesng.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Virginia declares a Civil War battlefield an active crime scene. When will they just admit they lost?
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Unspeakable tragedy as semi-trailer truck full of beer catches fire on Michigan highway. Authorities report that...wait, it was just Budweiser? Whew---we dodged a close one here, folks
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Modern Farmer)
 
 
 
Want to play with your food? Want to play music with your vegetables? Stick some celery up your nose and learn how to play the celery nose flute
source: modernfarmer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arkansas Online)
 
 
 
Of all the ways to go, dying in a hammock accident doesn't really sound so bad
source: arkansasonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Time)
 
 
 
Rich people neighbor problems
source: time.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Father of the year and proud of it
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
The Statue of Liberty stands in New Jersey's water, the McFarthest Spot in the country is in Nevada's Sheldon National Antelope Refuge, Point Roberts, Washington can only be accessed via Canada, and other weird locations in the United States
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
Dental software researcher reports security vulnerability, gets raided by FBI. This is not a drill
source: dailydot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Epicurious)
 
 
 
What is your favorite cookbook? What is the strangest cookbook you've ever heard of? And what are the cookbooks every cook should never be without? The Saturday Morning Book Club is hungry this week
source: epicurious.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this waiting room wait
source: themominmemd.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Russia Today)
 
 
 
All hands on deck, it's time for Caturday to set sail
source: rt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCSH 8 Portland)
 
 
 
"Well...of course I don't believe in what the Confederates believed in," fifth-grader Grey Perham said. "But I liked it more than being in the giant blue blob"
source: wcsh6.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KFOR Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Woman dies in freak ziplining accident. Oliver Queen inconsolable
source: kfor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Plane crashes in Hudson River. Sorry, not Sully
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
What life is like in a cult
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Every now and then you come across a kid who has enough sarcasm to bring back your faith in the next generation
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NOAA)
 
 
 
Say a big Fark hello to Tropical Depression Two, soon to be the newest best buddy of the South Carolina coast
source: nhc.noaa.gov   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Times)
 
 
 
How much do I hear for this Trump-Bernie debate? Do I hear 5 million? Do I hear 10 million? Over there, 20 million dollars Going once, going twice
source: washingtontimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Health Grove)
 
 
 
As Boomers continue to age, guess which counties consume the most Medicare benefits in your state?
source: medicare-usage.healthgrove.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Bobby the cocker spaniel goes for a walk, falls down a well, survives for two weeks by licking condensation off the well's wall and eating insects before being found. "We took him home for scrambled eggs and a bath"
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Have you ever wanted to own a 747? Do you have $415k in your rainy day fund? Then this might just be your lucky day
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Des Moines Register)
 
 
 
Just in time for Memorial Day weekend, here is your Fark-ready headline: Man assaulted woman with package of frozen brats
source: desmoinesregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
"The owner did produce a smoke alarm. It was still in its wrapping in a drawer. They don't work like that"
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 27, 2016
(Delaware Online)
 
 
 
Oh wait, is this not an appropriate place to make a U-Turn?
source: delawareonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Just because you don't agree with a street preacher condemning your way of life doesn't mean you get to whack him in the back of the head with a bat
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Please, everybody. Stop with the irresponsible cell-phones-cause-cancer reporting. But, how will all the crackpot, bogus, useless, crapola vendors make money?
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Why yes, you heard correctly, I do like donuts, but why are you calling me 'dawg'?
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Voice of America)
 
 
 
The Times They Are a- Changin': ISIS knows the best way to attack America is to have Americans do it
source: voanews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
People drowning fleeing their homes, absolute batshait nuts election, and this... this is what is deemed newsworthy? Can you flip a bottle as well as some kid did in a high school talent contest?
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Police responded to reports of a nude man with bells tied 'round his genitals running around Salt Lake
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Get a room?
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(C|Net)
 
 
 
Google reveals people in Massachewtits, no Massachuses, wait, Massachoosets, well, anyway, they have to google to figure out how to spell their own state name
source: cnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NY Post)
 
 
 
Photoshop this public anger
source: nyppagesix.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TampaBay.com (St. Petersburg Tim)
 
 
 
Least surprising news article of the day: College of Business Infested with Parasitic Bloodsuckers
source: tampabay.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVU Bay Area News)
 
 
 
Cute girl visited SF house over 150 years ago and never left
source: ktvu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Norwegian company opens office in Minecraft, allowing people to collaborate creatively in a virtual environment while being sssssssssssBOOOOM goddammit, not again
source: thelocal.no   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
When I was a kid I had to climb a 2,625-foot cliffside ladder to get back and forth to school. Well at least it was only uphill, one way
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Truck driving erotically in Southwest Harbor
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
France has outlawed weekend work emails. Now only outlaws will have weekend work emails
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
More than 300 people on board Korean Air plane evacuated after engine fire. They also left the plane
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
The average worker in ancient Rome was dead by thirty, with arthritis and multiple broken bones. That's nothing, I got a callous on my thumb from having to man the cappuccino maker all day long
source: thelocal.it   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
How Uber is changing drug dealing. Yes, people are dumb enough to have a GPS tracked Uber car take them to score drugs
source: motherboard.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
For the first time in a real situation, 97-year-old Dr. Heimlich got to use his maneuver
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Chicago Police think they have a new way to solve the city's persistent gun violence problem: they are going to math the living hell out of it
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
One should bee careful when visiting an Arizona park. Also, don't use honey as a skin softener
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Jews begin their annual pilgrimage to the oldest known synagogue in Africa. Difficulty: it's located in Tunisia which is currently being wracked by jihadist violence, so security has been upgraded from "heavy" to "Presidential visit"
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
It's a rough time in Europe right now, what with the migrant crisis, Greece melting down and the looming Brexit, but on the bright side, Europeans can still mock each other's stereotypes
source: thelocal.fr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Stealing a boat, breaking into a house, and fighting the homeowner with exercise equipment while naked isn't normal, but on... yeah you already know what he was on
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Accountant embezzles $100K from Seattle Children's Hospital to build Hindu temple and will now be slapped with five counts of theft, possibly one from each of Kali's arms and the last from Ganesh's trunk
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Tribune Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this sign of the times
source: trbimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
The Queen takes a Pooh
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(13 News Now)
 
 
 
Apparently, having stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night is enough to qualify you to diagnose traumatic brain injuries, at least according to the VA
source: 13newsnow.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
And this week's contestant in the Mother of The Year competition is also a contestant for the Coolest Mother of The Year, depending upon your perspective
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wimp)
 
 
 
Meet the tree that's older than the United States
source: wimp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Most of you have probably already left the office, but for those of you who can't, we have a very special slightly early edition of the Fark Weird News Quiz
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
It's Memorial Day weekend so it's time for calm, common sense advice in shark reporting, starting with "Don't become a human happy meal"
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
So the Taliban, who were the US enemies, but are now allies in Afghanistan, team up with Iran, who is a foe to the US, to fight ISIS, who is...I...I just give up
source: twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Stack)
 
 
 
Batphone becomes reality
source: thestack.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Onion AV Club)
 
 
 
Gotdammit, internet. Someone has written erotic fiction starring Guy Fieri and Ted Cruz *barf*
source: avclub.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DNA Info)
 
 
 
"I thought it was just a test of the gates, I'm used to 'CHOO-CHOO' when a train approaches" says woman who recently escaped Darwin's grasp
source: dnainfo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
Couple of guys manage to steal £170,000 worth of vans using a secretive thief's tool called a "Jiggler." Bonus: Article contains an image of an entire set of "Jigglers," just in case, you know, you ever get locked out of your own van or something
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC 2 Fort Myers)
 
 
 
The story of the the 15-year-old girl who had sex with several boys in a HS bathroom while up to 25 others watched just got weirder as her mother claims she was kidnapped at age 13 and held captive by human traffickers for almost two years
source: nbc-2.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Brand new roller coaster crammed full of passengers gets stuck. 45 feet in the air. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Turkey is REALLY pissed that photos have emerged of US commandos working with terrorists and by terrorists they mean Kurds
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Photography e-courses. Missing: that course you wanted on taking better selfies. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(War History Online)
 
 
 
Just when you thought nuclear weapons could not get more stupid, here is the USAF official tactic of dropping a nuke while doing a loop de loop in a bomber
source: warhistoryonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
Up until the 19th century, bathrooms were not separated by gender or sex
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arkansas Online)
 
 
 
If the judge sentences you to 15 years of probation for stalking a television news reporter, you probably shouldn't tell him you plan on stalking her again the moment the sentence expires
source: arkansasonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop these public shenanigans
source: s3.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
You're a special kind of alcoholic if you use a front-end loader to break into a liquor store before leading police on a low-speed chase
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
USS Hoffa found buried under NJ home
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Shroud of Urine discovered at local gym
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inside Edition)
 
 
 
Girl with severe burn scars burns the competition to become Prom Queen at her school
source: insideedition.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Affluenza mom to join her douchebag son in jail
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Venezuela has completely collapsed
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
For whom the (Memphis) Belle tolls
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Shame
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 26, 2016
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Pardon me, but I've had this old thing sitting in a cardboard box under my bed for decades. I inherited it from my grandfather who used to collect old stuff. Is it worth anything?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lehigh Valley Live)
 
 
 
Things to do when you are drunk and partially naked: Watch GoT, eat Chef Boyardee directly from the can....things not to do: Greet children as they walk to the school bus
source: lehighvalleylive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Remember that time at summer camp when we turned the van into a submarine?
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Greek peninsula bans all females, including animals, due to concerns the monks will have sex with them
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC4i)
 
 
 
Sex toy bandit runs out of batteries
source: nbc4i.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
First pictures of Cecil the Lion's 'grandcubs' who walk close to the spot where he was shot and DAAAWWWW
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mercury News)
 
 
 
19 people trapped in Kentucky cave after flash flood
source: mercurynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
New petition calls for the Colorado governor to stop more people from moving there. Good luck with that, fella
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
TSA chief says security lines will be totally farked indefinitely
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Fishing boat pulls four US Navy pilots out of the ocean; two are immediately thrown back as the fishermen were over their limit
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foodbeast)
 
 
 
We might not be able to make fun of CVS for those hilariously long paper receipts for much longer
source: foodbeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop this special relationship
source: s4.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Edmonton Journal)
 
 
 
Things just keep getting worse for Fort McMurray fire evacuees
source: edmontonjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami New Times)
 
 
 
Florida police found an illegally parked Flintstones car, and we have so many questions
source: miaminewtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washingtonian)
 
 
 
John Hinckley, the man who shot Reagan, has a Virginia drivers license, shops for cat food at PetSmart, and stays with his mom, who happens to live by a golf course where presidents have played. What could go wrong?
source: washingtonian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Ketchup on a hotdog is not appropriate after the age of 18
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Six months pregnant? No apartment for you. Difficulty: Canada
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Inverted Jenny may sell for $1.6 million. If you're interested in bidding, please call 867-5309 and ask for Tommy
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Six-month-old girl water skis across Florida lake. That's nothing, a two-month-old can skip across a lake if you've got a strong enough arm
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Cat-filled beach is top tourist spot in Sardinia, although you should probably avoid digging in the sand
source: thelocal.it   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pittsburgh Tribune-Review)
 
 
 
Senior quote in a yearbook: "Words build bridges into unexplored regions." You know who else used that quote?
source: triblive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Taco Bell decides to introduce healthier foods to its menu. Just kidding. You can now buy a taco wrapped in fried chicken
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
CDC announces the long-feared discovery of a bacterium that is resistant to all antibiotics. Perhaps not surprisingly, it was found in a lady's urine in Pennsylvania
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Q: Should I, a protester, rush the podium at a ceremony, in a military cemetery? A: Not if Kevin Vickers, terrorist killer and Canadian Ambassador to Ireland is attending
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Hey, Sparky, looks like you're missing a wheel there
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Chicago)
 
 
 
7-year-old sees robbers' guns and raises them something WAY fluffier
source: nbcchicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Making love to your new bride can be awkward enough, even without the entire family watching
source: thecoverage.my   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
TSA switftly deals with reports of airport intruders - by suppressing the reports
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Man applies for auto title loan so he can purchase meth. Jailarity ensues
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
Court orders Michigan woman to pay $2 million for a fried squirrel dinner
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Teen intentionally leaves a pair of glasses on the floor of a gallery, patrons think it's art
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Memo to Indian pilots: Just because there's a road running parallel to the runway, it doesn't mean that it's a more practical choice for aircraft landings
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
Canadians are so relentlessly polite that an entire city's police force was just brought to its knees by a knife-wielding crow
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop this showoff
source: s3.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
A school reprimanded a 13-year-old girl for wearing an LGBT-positive T-shirt this week, deeming the message "distracting" and "disruptive." The Message: "Some people are gay. Get over it"
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Estately)
 
 
 
The bizarre questions each U.S. state asks Google: from "am I a sociopath?" in Texas to "how to open a jar" from North Carolina. Suddenly, so many things make sense
source: blog.estately.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Swarm of 100,000 bats invade Australian town. Houston Astros fans immediately ask for a few, since there hasn't been a bat sighting in that city since Jeff Bagwell retired
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Florida students throw out the first pitch at a MLB game ... by catapult. And it was a strike
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Civilization: Beyond Earth. Turn-based strategy game, older versions are historical, this expansion is colonizing alien planets. Which planet would you like to colonize? (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Times of Israel)
 
 
 
Saudi cleric declares half the internet haram
source: timesofisrael.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Donald Trump now has 1,238 delegates supporting him and clinches the GOP nomination
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Octopus builds a home out of old flip-flops and a metal spoon. Immediately gets a show on DIY
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Nothing to see here, just four baby beavers being bottle fed. Warning: levels of "dawwwwwww" may reach critical zone
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Apple has been around 350 years and still can't make a waterproof phone
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foodbeast)
 
 
 
Taco Bell is giving away free food during the NBA Finals if certain teams lose
source: foodbeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
"I desperately need money for my sister's cancer treatment ...so please shoot an arrow at me"
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
New York City releases the registration for dog names for 2015. 15 of them were named Potato, no word on if their smaller companions were named Chip and Fry
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Veteran's Administration: OK, yeah sure, our computers keep randomly deciding thousands of people are dead but they only have to fill out 9,000 pages of paperwork to get their benefits back so it's not really a problem
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
There's now a dating site for fans of Donald Trump. Specifically for women seeking someone who shows up with a bad haircut, spends the night talking about himself and can't pick up the dinner check because of cash flow problems
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Indonesia approves the death penalty for child rapists, because children raping people is apparently a big problem over there
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
When you are supposed to walk the dog, actually walk it instead of dragging the dog behind your truck
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
'Muricans are now fatter than ever (w/pic of fat 'Murican)
source: edition.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
Woman goes full WTF on airplane, kicks and screams like a baby, then gets all naked-like
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Good Housekeeping magazine asks readers to rate sex toys. (With not safe for work pictures)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Union Carbide 2: Electric Boogaloo
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
Aiming for hero tag and missing by a wide margin, man hikes desert mountain with beer, no water
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Pregnant strippers can breathe easy knowing that the Toxic Substances Control Act reform is working its way to the President's desk
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
 
 
What do you do when you're Casey Anthony and accused of trading sex for legal fees? You go shopping
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
The Chinese military plans to send submarines armed with nuclear weapons to patrol the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Surely no one will have a problem with this
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Solar Impulse 2 lands in Pennsylvania, is immediately mugged and stripped
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DW)
 
 
 
William Shakespeare makes $3.50 a word - 400 years after he died
source: dw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Dildonians are demanding that they be allowed their 2nd Amendment rights... while they are in prison
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Average city dweller in Kenya pays 16 bribes a month, which immediately qualifies them to move to the U.S. to become a congressional lobbyist
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Is it dangerous if your dog eats a cicada? Only for your carpet
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Bay Area)
 
 
 
If you lost a headless, limbless torso in the water off San Francisco the CHP would like to talk to you
source: nbcbayarea.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Actual headline: Trouble growing a full mustache or beard? A facial hair transplant might be the answer
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Insider (IO))
 
 
 
Have you ever wanted to go to a gym where you could get high while working out? Today is your lucky day
source: techinsider.io   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Strip club: "Now hiring the class of 2016". Michigan is ready for its own tag
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Photoshop this curtain call
source: media4.s-nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Times Union)
 
 
 
Anti-transgender bible-thumping evangelist shows up at high school, starts yelling at students "You watch too much MTV, gangster music, and you live for the devil. Some of you even smoke pot; it's time to repent." Wait, teens watch MTV?
source: blog.timesunion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Los Angeles 2)
 
 
 
"Whatever he's doing, it's not legal"
source: losangeles.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Think it's safe to text at a red light because you don't see any police? Smile - the RCMP can see you texting a mile away
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Drain Johnson
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Psychotic sheep go on a rampage in Welsh village, breaking into homes and causing accidents after eating the marijuanas dumped on the side of a road from a cannabis factory. In other news, cannabis is made in factories now
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Not only did this woman take her mobility scooter on the expressway at rush hour, she drove on the wrong side of the road the whole time (pics & video)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Feds seek seizure of Dildonian dicks
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Peter Thiel vs. Gawker Media: whoever loses, we win
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
This is why you don't even step off the Appalachian Trail to pee
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
If you get your dental work done by someone who goes by the name "Mama Elda," I'm sure you're probably not getting the best care
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
So the U.S. has started using parasitic wasps to kill tree-eating beetles. I sure hope those gorillas can kill the wasps by winter
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Indian woman gives birth to the heaviest baby girl (15 pounds) in history. Hospital places bets to see if mother or child walks first
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
First-class train service in Britain offering free in-train entertainment for first class passengers. Today's piece was an impromptu version of 'Two Clowns Throwing Coffee'
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 577: "Onion Belt" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 25, 2016
(CNBC)
 
 
 
The computer system that coordinates the U.S. nuclear forces is so archaic it makes the infamous virus scene from Independence Day look like something out of Mr. Robot
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Cal State Fullerton commencement speaker switches over to Spanish during her address. This should be well-received
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Man told to remove his backyard fish pond because it is a hazard to: A) children; B) pets, or C) burglars
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Foodbeast)
 
 
 
Capri Sun just launched a line of "organic" pouched juices, and now I don't know what the hell I was drinking before
source: foodbeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Mom takes kids on Appalachian Trail hike to help keep daughter sober, taking more than just 12 steps
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Man learns great nunchuck skills don't count for shiat against mediocre gunplay skills
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Self-described "artist" seduces a random man and films herself looking bored while they have sex as some kind of commentary on... rape?
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Want to have a picnic in a park in San Francisco? That'll be a $200 deposit plus $260 rental. But hurry since it's already completely booked through July
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop this bad timing
source: s3.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
War does not stop for darkness
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Portland Press Herald)
 
 
 
"Police do not know why the boys had handcuffed themselves together other than they were just playing around with the stolen cuffs." You bet there is more to this story
source: pressherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Distorting your sniper shot record? That's a best selling book and a box office hit. Also, makes losing that posthumous defamation lawsuit to Jesse Ventura clearer in retrospect
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post Canada)
 
 
 
Can Semen save one of the last KFC buffets in Canada?
source: huffingtonpost.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wilkes-Barre Times Leader)
 
 
 
It's not everyday that somebody is in the ER and vomits 10 bags of heroin
source: timesleader.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Indiana man submits resume to be Florida Man's sidekick after drinking rubbing alcohol and threatening police with sword (with mugshot goodness)
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
Woman charged with assault after soaking a sandwich in toilet water and throwing it at a police officer
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
Yes, officer, but if I move my hands real fast, the tattoo just says Cups Sock
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(6ABC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
You can now buy beer at approved Pennsylvania gas stations, all nine of them
source: 6abc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMC 5 Memphis)
 
 
 
Woman tells cops her 2 year old was in her stolen car so they would find it faster
source: wmcactionnews5.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boing Boing)
 
 
 
Any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with
source: boingboing.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
There was a time once in America that patriots could find an unused patch of city land across from the Dunkin' Donuts and put up 80 handmade crosses to honor the war dead. But no more. No more
source: radio.foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Long sought after Heavens to Murgatroyd trifecta complete as Kelly Murgatroyd's beauty salon is voted best in the North West
source: thevisitor.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Sexy drug smuggler gets nailed with stuffed burrito
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rochester Democrat and Chronicle)
 
 
 
When you go to a dive bar and talk smack about the Hell's Angels, don't be surprised if a Wilford Brimley lookalike introduces you to a baseball bat (with "Diabeetus" pic goodness)
source: democratandchronicle.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Woman wearing "Stop Domestic Violence" t-shirt gets arrested for domestic violence
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this silliness
source: cbsnews1.cbsistatic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Bark like a dog. A big dog. Hop on one foot. Make a sound like an orangutan
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WINK Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Inmate Ricky Nelson decides he's a travelin' man, and releases himself on his own recognizance. Police track him to nearby garden party
source: winknews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Today)
 
 
 
Bison calf changes song from "Hungry Like the Wolf" to "Mama Said Knock You Out"
source: today.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click On Detroit)
 
 
 
Michigan Legislators are considering a new proposal that would fine 'aggressive' panhandlers who continue to beg from a person who has told them 'no' up to $100. Good luck collecting that
source: clickondetroit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
For some reason, the FBI REALLY wants a new apartment complex to go up in Glendale, Colorado. So don't ask any questions about it
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
See what human action has done to Yellowstone with these side-by-side pictures from 1871 and from today
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Popular Mechanics)
 
 
 
Despite being more than 70 years old, Carl Gustav is being dragged out of retirement by the U.S. Army and into combat in Afghanistan and Iraq
source: popularmechanics.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
"Groping Caregiver" sexually assaults 17-year-old mentally challenged girl, gives rise to new punk rock band name
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Many a man would brag about having a python between his legs. Not this guy
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Kinder bars feature childhood pictures of German national soccer team players, Neo-Nazis panties in a twist over replacement of blond hair blue eyed child normally on the front
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(Fark)
 
 
 
Did your dark and stormy night turn into a bright and sunny day? Did you kill, un-kill, and then re-kill a character? Did you ever find your pants? THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread brought to you by insomnia and insanity
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Quick, give me 400 words about Chewbacca Mom. Throw in some platitudes and google an NPR story for authenticity. Slap some cutesy captions on the video and get it up there
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CW33 Dallas)
 
 
 
Casey Anthony paid her lawyer with sex, which is kind of how she got in that mess in the first place
source: cw33.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
As Baby Boomers are approaching their twilight years, they are less healthy than seniors of previous generations
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Netanyahu taps far-right ultranationalist Avigdor Lieberman as defense minister, because of course he did
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Week)
 
 
 
Oberlin students want to abolish midterms and any grades below C, so they can concentrate on their activism. Slack Lives Matter
source: theweek.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Portland police chief "accidentally" shoots his friend and then claims his friend accidentally shot himself. Hopefully, we're not about to find out about friend's "relationship" with police chief's wife
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
University of Miami establishes new Academic Chair of Atheism. Well, it should remain empty since atheism denies everything
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Trying to out-derp North Carolina, Oklahoma wants you to choose a bathroom based on the religion you identify with
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
One man's ingenious response to his idiotic neighbor's pro-Brexit banner
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Florida police investigating cellphone video of 15-year-old girl who went into school bathroom with 25 boys and had sex with them. No, not all 25, that would be weird. Just some of them
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Ithaca hates heroin so much that they are going to legalize it
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Greenfield Recorder)
 
 
 
Before you jump off a bridge into a river, or pretend to, think of all the time people will waste looking for your body
source: recorder.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
Virginia is for lovers - and Copperheads
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this community cliché
source: cbsnews1.cbsistatic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Killer bees falsely accused in Concord attack. They said they were nowhere near Concord, but nobody believed them
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
The newest offensive word that must be forever removed from the English language: Eskimo
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
It turns out the group fighting the legalizing of marijuana in Arizona is being supported by **dramatic pause** the alcohol industry. "I'll take money from anyone who supports our position"
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
"Quit your bellyaching, melon-head"
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
When life gives you lemons, sell lemonade to pay the medical bills for your leukemia treatment
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTAR Phoenix)
 
 
 
If you plan on celebrating Memorial Day in the desert wilderness of Pinal County, Arizona, the sheriff there wants you to have fun, be safe, and watch out for Mexican cartel assassins
source: ktar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rocketnews 24)
 
 
 
Japanese roach trap is strong enough to catch a sumo wrestler. In other news JAPAN HAS ROACHES THE SIZE OF SUMO WRESTLERS
source: en.rocketnews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOAT Albuquerque)
 
 
 
Peaceful protest takes a left turn in Albuquerque
source: koat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Taliban announce new drone strike target
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(swanh)
 
 
 
"Star Wars: A New Hope" retold in an 123m (403.5 ft) infographic adaptation
source: swanh.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Today's manufactured outrage in San Francisco: A bus stop ad for a money-lending company is insulting to people who rent their home instead of buying. "It oozes self congratulatory privilege"
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
Now playing - GTA: Arizona
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Times of India)
 
 
 
Hey Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. Guess what day it is? STUMP DAY
source: timesofindia.indiatimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 24, 2016
(WANE Ft. Wayne)
 
 
 
Amish teens go full Rumspringa, get pulled over by cops after the minivan they were in was clocked at 110 MPH. Yes, alcohol was involved
source: wane.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Karla only pawn...in game of life
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Toronto police are sick of stupid kids' shiat: "Running around in a back yard with one of those fluorescent Nerf guns is one thing, but it's something else to drive around wearing a balaclava with a black gun sticking out of a car"
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AlterNet)
 
 
 
In the midst of several sex scandals Baylor U decides President Ken Starr ain't the guy to be handling sex scandals
source: alternet.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
"You might say..." (•_•) / ( •_•)⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■) "...they got tired. YEEAAAHHHH"
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
Oregon frat behaves like frat at Lake Shasta. Leaves behind 90 tents and 3 pregnant locals
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
New start-up says it can find secrets by analyzing poop. Oh, wait--it says "faces"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NY Post)
 
 
 
Photoshop this scavenger
source: thenypost.files.wordpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Network World)
 
 
 
To fix long security checkpoint lines, kick the TSA out of airports
source: networkworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kent Online)
 
 
 
I see your article about the girl drinking on her 18th birthday, and raise you the same news website posting an article about a cat eating a fish. IT'S STILL NEWS
source: kentonline.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
In latest news of how lazy our terrorists are getting, they're now robocalling in their bomb threats
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Tampons and chili peppers - a match made in hell
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Warning: 2 Chupacabra on the loose in Toronto's High Park
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Villages)
 
 
 
Woman busted for doing Zoloft with a Coors Light chaser. Judging from the mugshot, she obviously meant to grab the Zyrtec instead
source: villages-news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Man high on nitrous oxide defecates in grocery store...cleanup on Aisle 9
source: 1190kex.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KEYEtv.com - CBS Austin)
 
 
 
Man changes electronic road sign to read 'Drive Crazy Y'all,' authorities not amused
source: keyetv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sputnik News)
 
 
 
Moscow announces a new beach for people who can't swim, hate fun
source: sputniknews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Statter 911)
 
 
 
Man publicly shames himself after instant replay confirms he's "an asshole"
source: statter911.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(International Business Times)
 
 
 
Bat-eating monkeys. BAT. EATING. MONKEYS
source: ibtimes.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
 
 
A teenage bear is on the loose in Orlando and it looks REALLY happy
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Turns out Hulk Hogan is pretty broke and the lawyer suing Gawker is getting funding from some shady third party. Probably The Undertaker
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AP)
 
 
 
One third of you live in your mom's basement
source: hosted.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Two Greek fighter jets were scrambled when the Delta pilots "failed to make contact." Fark: Because they were both asleep
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Cows don't care if you're runnin' Code 3 with lights and sireeens
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wikimedia)
 
 
 
Photoshop these sampan shoppers
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(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Ohio man stands his ground against invisible burglar
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Connecticut Post)
 
 
 
Yup...Chiquita "Big Momma" McPherson who had her 10 year old delivering heroin looks exactly how you're picturing her before you click this link
source: ctpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rocketnews 24)
 
 
 
What could be said of Japan is their ability to go one step beyond the norm, reaching epic heights of Amazing or the depths of total Weirdness. Today, we show Amazing with cookies that are works of art
source: en.rocketnews24.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Norwegian woman killed by cow in 'natural' act. See, this is why you should only do unnatural acts with cows
source: thelocal.no   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTUU Alaska)
 
 
 
Surgeon performs three successful heart transplants in 34 hours. In an unrelated story, the same hospital is running perilously low on Adderall
source: ktuu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
If somebody tries to sell you the biggest American flag in Maine, the Trenton police would like a word with you
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
There are hidden poems embedded in the sidewalks of Boston that can only be seen when it rains. There once was a man from Nantucket
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
"Mexican American Heritage" textbook approved by the Texas Board of Education is exactly what you would expect
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
NYC's Second Avenue Subway is finally scheduled to open on December 30, 2016 - an astounding 96 years after it was first proposed. During that same time period, NYC built 2 1/2 Yankee Stadiums
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Armed robber jailed for 21 years after victim's Facebook suggested the two of them should become friends
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
WHO warns the world is ill-prepared to handle pandemics, except for Madagascar, which only has to close their ports
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Columbia Daily Herald)
 
 
 
Not news: Man not indicted for stealing a trailer. News: Man's wife is a state representative and he is the head of state dairy association. Fark: Man is named Stan Butt, husband of Sheila Butt
source: columbiadailyherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Philly.com)
 
 
 
Philadelphia man promised "chicks" ends up naked and stabbed in Allentown. I'll have the fish
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