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Sun May 08, 2016
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Was your wedding cancelled at the last minute because you refused to sign a pre-nup? No problem just invite 60 needy kids and their families to your glitzy NY wedding reception
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Mister Softee truck jingle composer Les Waas is dead at 94. In a wasteland of repetitive covers of public domain songs, his original composition served as cool soundtrack for generations of ice cream fans
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Blogger.com)
 
 
 
Photoshop this grove of bamboo
source: 3.bp.blogspot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Getting on the Jumbotron can be cool. Falling off the Jumbotron can be deadly
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yakima Herald Republic)
 
 
 
Guy with fully restored 1970 El Camino will have the joy of restoring it again... after his broken leg heals and they tow the vehicle out of the canal
source: yakimaherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
NHS tells mum her kid's a fatty, which, if true, means U.S. kids are all hugely overweight
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Okay, first of all, you don't eat anything involving a drill
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Uh oh, Jaws is back
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kotaku)
 
 
 
Photoshop Theme: If America did sweets like the Japanese. Barbecue Pork Butt Pocky? Lutefisk Kit Kat? Show us what your hometown would foist upon us
source: kotaku.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Pennsylvania school tries to justify banning a tux-wearing girl to prom by stating "boys wear suits, girls wear dresses"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
When you live in a town named Surprise you should just expect small planes to fall from the sky into your yard from time to time
source: azfamily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Harvard changing its rules to shut down the No Homers Club
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Colombia greenlights use of military force against armed gangs. Subby can't even get a greenlight for a thread involving hookers and blow
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Fox returned to hen house
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
25) You've spent so much time watching people make coffee that you're sure to get hired at Starbucks ahead of philosophy majors
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
Well, unless you live in Mercer County, New Jersey, looks like you're going to have to go to work tomorrow after all
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sharon Herald)
 
 
 
What do Holocaust survivors, a Tuskegee airman and a floor full of people with advanced dementia have in common? They were all told to GTFO of where they live. Five stand their ground, unarmed. This is not a feel-good movie. It's happening right now
source: sharonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Today's special offer: 5% discount if you order in a Dalek voice
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Old and traditional: The running of the bulls. New and innovative: The running of the hippo
source: thelocal.es   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
"Naked boomers struggle to attract younger generation of nudists" to the private Van Tan Club. You don't say. Of course there are pics, which are (thankfully) safe for work
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
"As a mother, I believe it is my responsibility to not lie to my children and tell them the truth about everything"
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Cowb-oy vey
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
2:03 minutes of "Oh HELL no"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(GMX (Austria))
 
 
 
Photoshop these bountiful fields
source: i0.gmx.at   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Yo mama
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Indy Channel)
 
 
 
"I'm sorry we didn't arrive in time to save your mother's life. Here's our bill for $25,000"
source: theindychannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
22-year-old Florida man thought an alligator he pulled from a lake was dead. Since this is Fark, you know where this is going
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
He said "Mama, I'm coming home," and Mama said "Not after cheating with the hair stylist"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Washington D.C.'s Barry to leave DC, live out remaining days in a dump
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TuneIn)
 
 
 
Coming up at the top of the hour it's the pre-Mother's Day edition of Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Three hours of music hosted live by a farker in Juneau, Alaska. (9PM AKDT/10PM PT)
source: tunein.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat May 07, 2016
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
You can now go sailing on a Boeing 767 even if you didn't book with Malaysian Airlines (pics)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Hotel cleaners reveal everything you ever secretly worried about hotel rooms is true
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this hard day's work
source: cbsnews1.cbsistatic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Global smartphone study finds nobody anywhere is getting enough sleep
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Yo dawg, I heard you hate Fort McMurray wildfires
source: news.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 8 Cleveland)
 
 
 
Cleveland: "Tear down the gazebo where Tamir Rice was shot? Well, we'd love to but...uh...umm...OH, the Smithsonian wanted to preserve it for African-American history." Smithsonian: "Wait, what?"
source: fox8.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Thought Catalog)
 
 
 
The Saturday Fark Book Club is looking for recommendations on biographies. You know, well-written books about real people who did real things in the real world. What's your favorite, or what are you looking forward to reading next?
source: thoughtcatalog.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this perfect peanut
source: c2.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SacBee)
 
 
 
Police in riot gear forced to arrest ignorant San Francisco protesters who are on some sort of bizarre hunger strike
source: sacbee.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Public Broadcasting)
 
 
 
Bundy wife: ZOMG, they're wasting away in jail. They're skinny and frail. Bundy lawyer: ZOMG, they're emaciated. Jail records: They've gained 10 and 20 pounds
source: opb.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Woman on airplane reports suspicious dark skinned man writing in code on piece of paper. Plane delayed 2 hours while crew figures out it was Italian-born Ivy League Economics professor doing math equations. Dumbass, facepalm, stupid tags collide
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Photos emerge of the Borg ship orbiting the sun
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Xinhua)
 
 
 
2'4" of NOPE
source: news.xinhuanet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Newegg $1000 gift card - enter to win contest. What's on your Newegg wishlist? (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Successful warehouse rescue by brave fire crews using sniffer dogs, drone, cheese-knives, nice bottle of Merlot
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
Let me show ya somethin'...say you're a fire marshal and you find a check from a business that failed their fire inspection, made out to a charity you volunteer for. What do you do?
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Judge: "Well, who would have thought a Vauxhall Astra van could do 132 mph? Not me, that's a fact. Sadly, you have proved it can"
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark Food Quiz: What belongs on a hot dog?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Local10 WPLG)
 
 
 
Power goes out while a high school orchestra was performing for State assessments. Since this is Florida, you know it quickly devolved into a chaotic scene of thrown instruments, screaming, swearing, crying, public nudity, alligators, and debauchery
source: local10.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this wee paper pig
source: c2.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
Photographer's suggestive shoot of fireman playing "whimsical woodsman" in different poses becomes international sensation (pictures safe for work, but not your sanity)
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
It's time once again for the annual list of most popular U.S. baby names. This year, boys go biblical while girls go Hollywood
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Sadiq Khan elected mayor of London, making London the first Western capital city with a Muslim mayor. Unless you count Istanbul, or Madrid. Or Lisbon. I'll come in again
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Chief Mouser at Foreign Office takes the enemy down
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
San Francisco Fark Party - May 7th, 7pm - Lefty O'Douls
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
East African Coral reefs struggling, now harder to see shells in Seychelles by the sea shore
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
In Mother Russia, we celebrate a WWII anniversary that Americans don't even think about
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Freedom-fighting Dildonian busted by FBI for possession of stolen fully-automatic .50 caliber freedom machine plus a cache of libertysplosives
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Next month, Switzerland will vote on giving everyone a gun... no, no, wait, that won't advance the evil plot to destabilize Europe because they already do that, so let's give everyone a basic income instead
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Man builds car out of cannabis, loves to smoke the tires
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Subette knows very few lullabies and would like a wider repertoire. What ones do you know?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Showing up drunk to prom is pretty much a right of passage, unless you're a teacher that's supposed to be chaperoning
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
I'm not saying the world is on the brink of being told aliens exist by NASA, but the world is on the brink of being told aliens exist by NASA
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Montgomery Advertiser)
 
 
 
No Moore
source: montgomeryadvertiser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri May 06, 2016
(Fark)
 
 
 
Is it time for the Fark Weird News Quiz? Hey, it's either this or quality programming
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Viewer balloon pic shows Florida is filled with hot air that quickly deflates
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kansas.com)
 
 
 
Doughnut merchant arrested after driving into crowd gathered at rival Hurts Donuts' ambulance foodtruck: "You hate to see it come to that, It's just doughnuts"
source: kansas.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
No. You can't has cheezburger
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Ilitches formally announce succession plan for Detroit-area pizza empire, in which control will pass to their son if anything happens to their phylacteries
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
♫So you had a bad day, you lept from a ledge, your head's stuck in the snow and you're flailing around. You don't know what to say, but you try it anyway, 'cause no one knows what a fox says. You had a bad day♫
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
$200 dollar reward offered for top half of a boat dock mannequin named 'Baby Doll.' Florida? Yes, Florida
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this meditating man
source: bodysoulyoga.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
LA Times gets its hands on thousands of internal documents from Purdue Pharma, makers of Oxycotin, showing they knew it didn't work as well as claimed, and was insanely addictive, even BEFORE it debuted in 1996, but hid the data and sold it anyway
source: static.latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(EarthSky)
 
 
 
U.S. Geological Survey reports earthquake swarms at Mount St. Helens. This is a repeat from 1980
source: earthsky.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Irish Mirror)
 
 
 
I have no idea what you are talking about so here is Voldemort on a cat's rear end
source: irishmirror.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
I have good news and bad news, DC Farkers. The good news is that there's finally a plan to fix Metro. The bad news is that it's going to require "sacrifice from all of us." Mainly you, though
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
There's so much negativity in the news these days, so here's a story about a hummingbird rescued by a dog that now refuses to leave its side (with adorable pics)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Woman arrested for attacking boyfriend's testicles confessed, "I tried to rip his balls off"
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Apparently worried about the abiltiy of western intelligence agencies to intercept and decrypt their electronic message traffic, ISIS has apparently adopted the data transmission standard described in RFC1149 "IP over Avian Carriers"
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Car dealership sends cease and desist letter to area man forcing him to take down satirical news article that makes fun of their plans to bulldoze a neighborhood. It would be a shame if this backfired on them
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
Can't afford a wedding arch for your backyard wedding? Why not just steal one from the local park?
source: kfbk.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Right Wing Watch)
 
 
 
Trump advisor says Jews who support peace in the middle east are worse than Nazis and he'd like to put them in a camp where they all can be concentrated in one location
source: rightwingwatch.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patheos)
 
 
 
Mayor of Jackson, MS says potholes are being repaired by A: City work crews? B: Inmate labor? or C: God?
source: patheos.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Telegraph)
 
 
 
"The injured 19-year-old man was reported to be conscious and breathing when the ambulance arrived" I guess screaming is a type of breathing, right?
source: dailytelegraph.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this mysterious courtyard
source: c2.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Motorist crashes at high speed, with a monkey on his back. No, I don't mean he had issues with drugs...He had a monkey on his back. Bonus: Police determined that the monkey was not the driver
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
China bans erotic banana eating
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inside Edition)
 
 
 
Obit: In lieu of flowers, please don't vote for Hillary
source: insideedition.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Sting targets drug dealers as heroin overdose deaths increase. Rest of The Police are too busy to reunite
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hot Air)
 
 
 
New polls show majority of Germans feel Islam has no place in their culture. Haven't they already proved this once?
source: hotair.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
NewsFlash
 
Multiple shootings at shopping centers in Montgomery County MD, person of interest is a Homeland Security officer who allegedly murdered his wife yesterday
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Adrian Daily Telegram)
 
 
 
Michigan couple avoids jail over lost Dr. Seuss library book. You will see the book they took. You will read this by the brook. You will want to take a look
source: lenconnect.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Five Thirty-Eight)
 
 
 
The job market for college grads is the best it's been in 10 years. Thanks Obama. No, seriously, thanks Obama
source: fivethirtyeight.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Farmer fails Biology 101 by mistaking a stray bear for a 'puppy'
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Let's see how DC suburbanites handle seeing a wild turkey wandering through Alexandria, shall we?
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
Oh bother
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Headline: " After presiding over bin Laden raid, CIA chief in Pakistan came home suspecting he was poisoned by ISI." Article: there's no evidence that the CIA chief in Pakistan was poisoned by ISI
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Things not to scream on a plane: "I'm going to detonate a bomb because they won't serve me beer"
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Canada Newswire)
 
 
 
Canadian beer is like making love in a canoe
source: newswire.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Conversation)
 
 
 
With Mother's Day this Sunday, what better time to publish an article on how having children completely ruins the romantic side of your marriage and causes bitterness and resentment between spouses
source: theconversation.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNT Huntsville)
 
 
 
TVA board votes to sell Bellefonte nuclear plant for boatload of bananas
source: whnt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Times)
 
 
 
Justice Department says it will no longer call criminals "convicts" or "felons". Apparently they will start using the more descriptive terms of "Wall Street banker" or "politician"
source: washingtontimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Once-in-a-generation North Korean congress apparently begins, according to foreign reporters invited to cover the event from 900 feet away on the other side of an intersection
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
One of the perks of being governor is that you get to go the front of the line and adopt a terrier from the humane society before a rape victim gets to
source: stateandcapitol.bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTVR)
 
 
 
Is a 250 pound alligator found in a swimming pool even news in Florida?
source: wtvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
A French beer company is set to open a pop-up bar in London staffed entirely by dogs. This headline brought to you by MadLibs™, the World's Greatest Word Game, available in fine bookstores worldwide
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
After more than 100 years, American Indian children buried in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, begin a journey home back to areas like the central United States. How slow are they?
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
So is it really time to start panicking about the Zika virus yet? Or should we wait until it pushes Donald Trump out of the top of the newscast?
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Canoe)
 
 
 
Another day, another ATM stolen using a front end loader
source: cnews.canoe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Waitress shows her naughty bits "accidentally" on show about nude restaurant. Nude restaurant? Jack in the Box?
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Telegraph)
 
 
 
Think you've had a bad day? Was it scrotum stuck in a grinder bad?
source: dailytelegraph.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KESQ Palm Springs)
 
 
 
Man stacks rocks by the side of the road. Rocks topple causing accidents and property damage. Police contend this is not illegal
source: kesq.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Thor is alive and serving in the Norwegian Navy (pics and pics and more pics)
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
How America started giving a crap about which bathroom you use
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSOCTV)
 
 
 
Potatoes cause backed up arteries in NC
source: wsoctv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Wio Link - credit card size hardware for connecting things to a network, so you can send instructions to it over the internet. What have you connected to your Internet of Things? (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
'Boaty McBoatface' to be renamed RRS Sir David Attenborough. Because sometimes the public votes for something totally asinine and you just have to put your foot down and say NO. Your move, Republicans
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop these monochromatic flowers
source: c2.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
When taking a selfie of you and a 126-year-old statue, make sure you hold your phone at the right angle, you have adequate natural light, and you don't accidentally knock the statue over
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
The odds of winning the Powerball lottery are one in 175 million. What are the odds of finding a newspaper from exactly 50 years ago to the day under the floorboards while renovating a deceased in-law's house?
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Atlanta Journal Constitution)
 
 
 
Krispy Kreme launches doughnut dispensing machine in England. The most American thing ever, and it's in England. WTF Krispy Kreme, WTF?
source: ajc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Recycling bins in Toronto being broken into by "saber-tooth squirrels" (pics)
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fairbanks Daily Newsminer)
 
 
 
For when you want to strike 'eat like a homeless guy' off your bucket list
source: newsminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Scientific American)
 
 
 
Here's a photo of every Addax Antelope left in the wild. All three of them. Bye, guys
source: blogs.scientificamerican.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
In a bid to reduce accidents, France makes its driving test so tough that no one can pass it
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
After a brief delay SpaceX is back to chew bubblegum and launch a rocket - and they're all out of bubblegum. Can they nail the water landing a second time? Magic 8 Ball says "Maybe". We'll find out tonight, launch scheduled for 1:21am ET/10:21pm PT
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Today's Alpha Quitter Award goes to: the one guy who just had to help keep 'Captain America: Civil War' from getting a 100% 'fresh' rating (who also submitted this link and would no doubt like to chat about it in the comments)
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu May 05, 2016
(Vice)
 
 
 
Somehow, in 2016, lonesome, sad, clueless men are still able to rent porno VHS tapes. 2016. VHS. From a store. That you drive to. For porn
source: broadly.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTOO Juneau)
 
 
 
POP QUIZ: City facing lawsuit for improper use of cruise ship passenger fees is funding its defense fund with ______?
source: ktoo.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
Goosey McGooseface
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Stealing 2.5 million dollars from HOAs? I'm not sure how I feel about this
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
The good news is that Daesh has been wiped out in Ramadi. The bad news is so have the buildings
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Snopes will have to update "Korean Fan Death" from FALSE to TRUE
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
In Bruges, there will soon be a crowdfunded beer pipeline, transporting 1,500 gallons of beer at 12 miles per hour
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Detroit)
 
 
 
Produce in Ann Arbor now only slightly safer than water in Flint
source: detroit.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Moran doesn't want to see Jersey Shore beachgoers' butts
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
That birth mark you're obsessed with can just be eliminated with this wonderful laser surgery, unless things go horribly wrong and you now look like a box turtle
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop these pretty petals
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Everybody around the world is equally bad at guessing the length of an average penis. Seriously, I don't know why you guys get so hung up on this. It's entirely possible to have decent sex with men under nine inches; they just need to be good at oral
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Grass on the National Mall is being restored to its full, natural, luxuriant growth, according to National Park Service spokesman Mike Litterst
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Political incorrectness: Republican National Comittee tells staff if they don't support the presumptive nominee by the end of this week, they're out of a job
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Mystery surrounds sudden appearance of spoof tourist brochure for non-existent island, where swimming pigs eat fish and Cate Blanchett keeps a pedal car
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Warning: The robotic cockroaches have begun to cooperate
source: gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
♫ Ground control to Major Fawn ♫
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Washington D.C. Metro to be replaced by donkey carts and rickshaws in latest attempt to improve safety and on-time performance
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ars Technica)
 
 
 
Forensic drug-lab chemist, and expert court witness, apparently tested drug samples the direct way - for 8 years
source: arstechnica.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
China shows first footage of construction on disputed island, featuring Ginger's new dance troupe
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LAist)
 
 
 
Teen lives the dream by going wwweeeeeee over crowded Downtown Vegas. Yes, that kind of 'wee': "we thought it was some sort of water, maybe some drinks or beer"
source: laist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Police stop attorney, who remains silent and refuses to answer questions; arrest her, carefully reading her rights, including "you have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer questions"
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
'Y'all ruined my life', is probably the most Texas suicide line you will ever hear
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Wilson)
 
 
 
Colombian sailor found alive after being adrift in the Pacific Ocean for over two months. No word on status of volleyball
source: humansatsea.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Fark Food Thread: From quiches to casseroles, here's the thread where you share your best all-in-one meal recipes. Don't just tell us, show us to the right why they're great
source: countryliving.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Post)
 
 
 
Day 3 of the Fort McMurray fire and things are not getting any better. Evacuees are fleeing again as fire spreads. "It's almost like it's following us"
source: news.nationalpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
Man buys repossessed three-year-old Ford Mustang at auction looking to flip it for an easy profit. What he did not know was that he purchased the rare Cheech & Chong special edition
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Starting a new job can be scary the first day, especially when you fall into a wood chipper
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(HelenaIR.com)
 
 
 
Attorney pulled over while driving with a BAC of 0.247 and three children and an open bottle of vodka in her car tells officer she has the chief of police "on speed dial." Guess how that worked out for her
source: helenair.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IFL Science)
 
 
 
Cosmic rays utilized to look inside ancient pyramids, make terrible movies
source: iflscience.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sick Chirpse)
 
 
 
Krispy Kreme's new Nutella doughnut is so delicious that people have fainted during taste tests
source: sickchirpse.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop these... um... these... er... um... people?
source: skazkavdom.ru   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oxford Mail)
 
 
 
For rent: small converted phone box apartment. Phone rental not included
source: oxfordmail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Texas man sentenced to 25 years in prison for strangling his prom date to death during what he claimed was "rough sex". Excitable boy, they all said
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
As it turns out, The Transporter wasn't a how-to guide
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
They came for the e-cigarettes and I did not speak out because I am not a douche
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Las Vegas Review Journal)
 
 
 
28 years ago yesterday, a Las Vegas company's gamble did not pay off. The result was the largest domestic, non-nuclear explosion recorded in history
source: reviewjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
Sinkhole de Mayo starts early in New Orleans
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
NC GOP to Obama administration: COME AT ME BRO
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABL13 Houston)
 
 
 
Huge fireballs and explosions in Houston. Link goes to live feed. Watch stuff blow up during lunch
source: abc13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
California raises minimum age to buy tobacco to 21, making it harder for teens to buy smokes, just like it's almost impossible for them to get beer
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Meet the women who say they owe their stunning figures and great health to one key factor: not wearing panties
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sporting News)
 
 
 
Finally, the one scandal that will absolutely end Donald Trump: he cheats at golf. In related news, do we call this Golfgate or Golfghazi?
source: sportingnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC 29 Charlottesville)
 
 
 
Man selling beloved lawn ornament. If you want to know what it is, you should beheading to Craiglist
source: nbc29.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Zimbabwe to print US dollars. Andrew Jackson to be removed from the $50,000,000,000 bill
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Extremely rare 1,100 carat diamond to bring $70 million at auction, or in Los Angeles Lakers terms, approximately four courtside seats
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
With the move from a one child policy to two, China's population police, who enforced fines and abortions on families with multiple children, are getting retrained as social workers
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 59)
 
 
 
Tobacco store tells customers to leave sweaty money at home; 'no boob or sock' cash accepted
source: fox59.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABL13 Houston)
 
 
 
Seven-year-old fools Texas school with poorly forged note. Epstein's mother very impressed
source: abc13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Three Amigos conference to take place June 29, discuss number of piñatas in a plethora
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Army Times)
 
 
 
There are more appropriate places to make hand signs supporting a political movement than in a photograph in your Army uniform
source: armytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Journal News)
 
 
 
Feds: "select economic_consequences from nuclear_meltdown where location = 'new york'" - consequences not found. Permit approved
source: lohud.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHNS Fox 21)
 
 
 
North Carolina tow truck driver sees disabled woman stranded on the side of the road and decides to stop and help her. But then he saw her Bernie Sanders sticker and God told him to leave her there
source: foxcarolina.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
George Mason faculty expresses concerns that maybe, just maybe, the "anonymous donor" who gave the school $20 million to name their new law building after Justice Scalia might have other motives
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 29 San Antonio)
 
 
 
As the world looks forward to self-driving cars, Texas introduces self-shooting drivers
source: foxsanantonio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mental Floss)
 
 
 
Fire up the Wayback Machine and set it for Edina, Minnesota in 1956. Why Edina, you ask? Simple: It was where the very first mall, the Southdale Center, opened in America (w/video)
source: mentalfloss.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Creepy Duggar cult guy wants to have get-together for conservative fathers to arrange marriages for their young daughters. Tentatively called, The This-is-who-you're-marrying whether-you-like-it-or-not Retreat
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
"Dear Prudence: I caught my fiancé and his sister having sex; I knew they were close, but not that close. I called off the wedding and everyone wants to know why, saying I let a good man slip away. Do I ruin their lives or keep their incest secret?"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Times of Israel)
 
 
 
Unhappy Israeli man asks court to issue a restraining order against God. No word on how they plan to serve the papers
source: timesofisrael.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
New mom asks Honda for a new car after she gave birth in the back seat. Honda counters by saying that's why you should never order the cloth upholstery
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arkansas Online)
 
 
 
$500 worth of Bibles stolen from Christian store. Hopefully whoever took them gets to the part about the Eighth Commandment
source: arkansasonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Photo.net)
 
 
 
Photoshop this golden herbarium
source: gallery.photo.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Celo VPN. Decent reviews on this one. Farkers: do you agree / disagree / what is your favorite VPN? What is VPN, how do you use it, and why is it important? VPN: IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, GET ONE. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC4i)
 
 
 
"Is that a python in your pants or are you just unhappy to see me block your exit from my pet store?"
source: nbc4i.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Infecting mosquitoes with bacteria may prevent them from spreading Zika. Better put the gorillas on standby
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Arizona student who exposed himself in student yearbook gets off
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Well that's just great. Now that the Arctic sea ice is melting, it's shifting the jet stream, which is causing Greenland's glaciers to start melting
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
The most patriotic way to die in a plane crash
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Telegraph)
 
 
 
'Wealthy' woman almost gets away on airplane four years after $4.6 million was wrongly transferred into her bank account. Almost
source: dailytelegraph.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post Canada)
 
 
 
Canadians were so eager to fill out their census forms that they crashed the Statistics Canada web site
source: huffingtonpost.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
San Andreas Fault "locked, loaded, and ready to roll," says seismologist. EVERYBODY IN CALIFORNIA PACK UP AND MOVE
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
A welfare program Farkers can get behind: a homeless shelter which serves up free booze hourly from 7.30am
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 574: "Silhouettes 3" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed May 04, 2016
(WHDH Boston)
 
 
 
Today's panic over some random thing that kids are totally (not) getting high off of: morning glory seeds
source: whdh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(DCist)
 
 
 
Heyyyyy.... nice beaver
source: dcist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
25-foot-tall cross in a public park? Some atheists have a problem with this
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WCAX Vermont)
 
 
 
Man denies threatening bystanders with chainsaw, putting on woman's clothing, hanging around in bars
source: wcax.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office is looking for a suspect who stole $974 worth of Gillette razors from a Tampa CVS. With your help, deputies hope to recover all 12 stolen razors
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
The woman who underwent a face transplant five years ago after being attacked by a chimpanzee is back in a hospital because doctors discovered her body is rejecting the transplant
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military Times)
 
 
 
People's Liberation Army is deploying singers, jugglers and mimes against the US Navy. We surrender. No Navy can withstand the mimes
source: militarytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Flickr)
 
 
 
Photoshop this unusual sunrise
source: c2.staticflickr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
According to new government data, Hepatitis C now kills more people in the United States than every other infectious disease combined
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WHEC Rochester)
 
 
 
King of Righteousness has been arrested for selling crack. Also, he was accompanied by a trout
source: whec.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Department of Justice to North Carolina: HB-2? How about HB-HellNo
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Quartz)
 
 
 
In analysis of college student sleep patterns, students at higher-ranking colleges hit the hay at 1 AM, but most everyone gets a regular 7 hours. "I haven't seen anything like this before"
source: qz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Donald Trump sits down with The New York Times and details his first 100 days in office should he win in November
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Automobile Magazine)
 
 
 
♫Champagne bottle, brand new McLaren, oak tree you're in my way♫
source: automobilemag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The American Interest)
 
 
 
German soldiers had to leave NATO exercises early because they're not allowed to work overtime
source: the-american-interest.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Status of Fort McMurray updated to no longer on fire: "It's just blocks and blocks of soot, basically"
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
Donald Trump is one step from the presidency and we're getting high on anti-diarrhea drugs. Not saying these are related, but they might be
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Chinese Army: "We need more young people to join. Are they still into guns and hip hop?" Book it, done
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arkansas Online)
 
 
 
It doesn't get any more plush than a Garland county jail bathrobe
source: arkansasonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Ron Weasley lookalike wakes up from anesthesia as the most annoying gangster ever
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vox)
 
 
 
Don't kid yourself Jimmy, if a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you cared about
source: vox.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LocalGov (UK))
 
 
 
People aged 65 and over are drinking way more, because what the hell else is there to do all day?
source: localgov.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 13 Tampa Bay)
 
 
 
Remember to always wear your life vest while out boating, especially if you are a Jack Russell terrier
source: fox13news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deviant Art)
 
 
 
Photoshop this piece of stone
source: pre15.deviantart.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Suspected human remains found at recycling plant. That's what this city needs - more serial killers going green
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Breitbart.com)
 
 
 
After being held in captivity for two years, man thanks the one person who helped set him free: Dennis Rodman
source: breitbart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Egypt Independent)
 
 
 
Head of Egyptian intelligence agency pins blame for creation of ISIS where it belongs: Tom & Jerry cartoons
source: egyptindependent.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOIN Portland)
 
 
 
Time for the annual "Most fat and calorie dishes at chain restaurants" list. Or "my new updated bucket list." Depends if you see the milkshake as half-empty or half-full. Bonus - not a slideshow
source: koin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
With no more important problems to solve, the United Nations takes aim at celebrities posing with monkeys on Instagram
source: us.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Miami Herald)
 
 
 
Teenager thinks up a genius plan to rob a marijuana dealer. Which might have worked if he hadn't accidentally shot himself in the groin almost immediately
source: miamiherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Most people don't think of a gardener as psycho. Then again, most gardeners don't threaten their neighbors with a chainsaw
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Meanwhile in San Francisco a backyard pine tree is saved from the ax
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Learn to be a pentester using Kali Linux penetration testing. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Kansas DCFS finally gets around to doing something about the Branch Dildonian who thought the Malheur Wildlife refuge occupation was a "bring your kids to work day" activity
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
McDonald's testing out new garlic fries, and they actually look good
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Wendy's Free Rusty Razor Blade With Every Fountain Drink proves not to be as popular with consumers as Wendy's marketing was convinced it would
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NewsTimes)
 
 
 
Repeat from 1985. Speeding driver found with drugs and $11K in cash. This is a
source: newstimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
A proposed erotic theme park featuring genitalia-shaped bumper cars has aroused debate in Brazil (Not safe for work)
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(5 News Fayetteville)
 
 
 
Mail carrier who stops at 1,091 mailboxes on her daily route notices one woman hasn't picked up her mail, saves her life after finding she fell and can't get up
source: 5newsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
Scuze me do you have a minute to talk about Jesus our Lord?
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
How hardcore is Australia? Even their apples bleed
source: aww.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Intelligence chief warns ISIS could attack the US. But then again, so can Canada
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
While everyone else was watching defeaTED and "Feeling the 'Bern" last night, Iranian forces say they'll close the strategic Strait of Hormuz to the US and its allies if they "threaten" the Islamic Republic
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Nobody--and I mean NOBODY--is quite as acrobatically drunk as Eastern Europeans
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
Remember when building up infrastructure was all the rage? New Orleans now has 6 months to think about all 5 million reasons it didn't
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
University lecturer decides to do an impromptu online poll on what makes a great athlete, quickly discovers that the internet is dicks all the way down
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Airline travel tip: If your carry-on bag contains $3.3 million in cash and valuables, you might want to rethink putting it in the overhead compartment
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Scotsman)
 
 
 
Student: "Despite the chickens not going to plan, we still released the locusts and crickets"
source: scotsman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Man makes a bolt for the border
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TVNZ (New Zealand))
 
 
 
Fark-ready headline: "No regrets from woman who paid $8500 for horse penis operation"
source: tvnz.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
You're stuck in a rut, you've got a pet duck, your story is lacking, but all you hear is quacking. Welcome to the Fark Writers Thread, where all your dreams get turned into terrible, awful, not-very good slash-fic. THIS is Fark's Writers Thread
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Spiegel)
 
 
 
Photoshop these sea sheep
source: cdn2.spiegel.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Interrogator)
 
 
 
After years of subjecting people to Celine, Justin Bieber and Alan Thicke, Canada finally agrees to join UN torture ban
source: middleeasteye.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Looks like marriage to that Nickelback guy has taken its toll
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fort McMurray Today)
 
 
 
Fort McMurray, the center of Alberta's Oil Sands Region, is on fire. Town under mandatory evacuation since Sunday. "It's getting worse and not getting better"
source: fortmcmurraytoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
But I don't wanna be a pirate
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Arkansas Online)
 
 
 
"You have earned the right to stay alive, but not to be free yet"
source: arkansasonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
♫ There's no end to oak oppression / It's too late to pass a law / For the trees are all kept equal / By fungus, rot, and fall ♫
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
Duck, duck, duck, AAAAH GET THIS GOOSE OFF ME
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WGNTV Chicago)
 
 
 
Do you like to make babies cry? Do you like free airfare? Have we got a deal for you
source: wgntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
The '80s band ABC is still around, taking out suicide bombers in Cameroon
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Half of teens admit to being addicted to their phones. The other half were too distracted by their phones to answer the question
source: businessinsider.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue May 03, 2016
(Estately)
 
 
 
Your mom would be very disappointed with this map of what mom-related search terms each state Googles more than the others
source: blog.estately.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
Charlie Keating was a brave Navy SEAL who lost his life in the fight against ISIS. His grandfather, if you are old enough to remember, was the antithesis of this tag
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ProPublica)
 
 
 
Now that most of you have health insurance (thanks, Obama) you might want to know that the 3rd leading cause of death in the US is medical error
source: propublica.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Apparently when your 'friendly' neighbor mows your lawn they get the right to own the land, at least for this Austrian homeowner
source: thelocal.at   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Body with feet encased in artisanal, hand-crafted concrete blocks washes ashore in Brooklyn
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
There may be a 12th secret ingredient in the KFC recipe
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Global News (Canada))
 
 
 
Largest fire evacuation in Alberta's history is ongoing due to the Fort McMurray wildfire. Link goes to live coverage
source: globalnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
New animated message from the Jehovah's Witnesses' Watchtower Society tells kids struggling with same-sex attraction that God is basically like the TSA, or something like that
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(New York Magazine)
 
 
 
Massive Manhattan Christian Orthodox church fire one of four Christian Orthodox churches that were torched around the world on Sunday, which was Easter for Orthodox Christians. Coincidence, I Think NOT
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(LA Weekly)
 
 
 
Photoshop this scary monster
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(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Cruz says father did NOT kill JFK, attacks Trump's pecker
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(Daily Dot)
 
 
 
Things get real weird after man Kickstarts his way to 30 days in a haunted clown motel
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(Chick)
 
 
 
Good news, everyone, Jack T. Chick has a new tract out called "Soul Survivor." For 17 cents each, you can order 25 or more, and leave them where sinners can find them, so they can avoid hellfire for all eternity. Or just read this and laugh
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(Newsweek)
 
 
 
...and that's how Donald Trump got us into a shooting war with Russia, kids
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(Poynter Institute)
 
 
 
Tampa Bay Times buys -- and immediately folds -- its long-time competitor The Tampa Tribune
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(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
Two boats burn because fire department can't get water to them
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(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Duck and its ducklings do their annual waddle through a school on their way to the pond, with your "awwww" moment for the day
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(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
DC Metro used passenger trains to look for smoke in tunnels, but it's not like it killed anyone. Except that one time
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(Vice)
 
 
 
Mother Nature can only deal with so much DNA on her hands before things start to get messy. Here comes the science
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(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
"Oh, trust me, it's very rare for a dangerous mental patient to escape from our facility. Uh, hey, where did everyone go?"
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(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Washington DC broke tourism records in 2015, with almost 20 million domestic tourists spending more than $7 billion. And every single one of those farkers stood on the left-hand side of the Metro escalator
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(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Vladimir Putin seeks to clamp down on social networks in Russia, evidently by emitting powerful beams of blue energy out of his right eye
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(Salon)
 
 
 
Is this what really goes on at Fark parties?
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(Newser)
 
 
 
Roller coaster at Disney California Adventure closed due to unchecked narcissism
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(KOIN Portland)
 
 
 
Since pot legalization Oregonians are full of pain killers, antibiotics, antihistamines, mercury, and pesticides. And that's just the oysters
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(GMX (Austria))
 
 
 
Photoshop this engineer
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(Nerdist)
 
 
 
Hop-Con 4.0: Stone Brewing Company is teaming up with the nerdosphere to create tasty beverages. They're brewing beer with Jonah Ray, Alison Haislip, Alex Albrecht, Wil Wheaton, Aisha Tyler, Bobak Ferdowsi, Rileah Vanderbilt and some other guy
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(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Pets are great, but they can ruin stuff. Especially when they wander into frame when you're trying to make a sex tape (Warning: Not safe for work)
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
Lawyer: Your honor, my client is suing Amtrak for burns on 85% of his body and having his hand and leg amputated. Judge: Go ahead. But, I'll allow them to enter evidence that your client was drunk and reckless at the time. Lawyer: Umm, nevermind
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(Fox News)
 
 
 
Student kicked out of school for being Christian. Wait, make that kicked out of graduate school for being anti-gay. Wait, make that kicked out of his counseling program for refusing to treat people he thought might be homosexual. You know, Christian
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
In a move that surely won't backfire, Australia decides to unleash herpes on the invasive carp population
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(NBC 2 Fort Myers)
 
 
 
Father of the year blows a .604 with his kids still in the back seat of the car
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(Washington Post)
 
 
 
You can add massive flying raptors to the list of Australian things that will try to snatch up and kill the ones you love
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Network World)
 
 
 
Bunch of rodents messed up that story about the weasel and the Large Hadron Collider
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(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Four words: "Lab grown meat balls"
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(Pix11)
 
 
 
NYC sending a million condoms to Puerto Rico in Zika fight. Still unclear how they will get mosquitos to wear condoms
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(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
$1.4 million Plymouth Barracuda stolen. In other news, a Plymouth Barracuda can be worth $1.4 million
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Isolated Indonesian village mistakes abandoned sex doll for angel. In fairness, it is an easy mistake to make since they've never seen an angel before either
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(WKBN Youngstown)
 
 
 
Being named after a Thundercats character isn't normal. But on meth it is
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(Yahoo)
 
 
 
In West Virginia, if you want to share your voting experience on social media, you'll have to find some way other than taking a photo in the voting booth
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(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Been living with your roommate for a while? Congratulations, you're married
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(WQAD Quad Cities)
 
 
 
Hehe: More than 100 kids given too much nitrous oxide at University of Iowa dental school
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(MSN)
 
 
 
The remains of Captain James Cook's ship could possibly be off the coast of Rhode Island, no word on if there is a giant octopus near it and an evil family with a deformed member know anything about it
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(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Sex addicts reveal power bottom. Wait, no....rock bottom. Rock bottom
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(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: OSTraining Developer Courses. Make your own websites. Learn to use WordPress, Drupal, Joomla, and more. (Sponsored Link)
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(6ABC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Seven-year-old falls from huge window. Picking the right college gets harder and harder every year. (Caption on video)
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
In Italy, you never have to pay for food again
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(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this cover up
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(LA Times)
 
 
 
Former FBI official admits to using confiscated drug money on cars and plastic surgery
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(NBC Philadelphia)
 
 
 
Jesus arrested. This is not a repeat of AD 32
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(The Intercept)
 
 
 
Whatsapp? After a judge cuts off the communications method used by a tenth of a billion Brazilians, a million Brazilians sign up for Telegraph. That's about a brazillion Brazilians
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(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Dog runs 240 miles in twelve days to return home to his owners. Your dog guilts you into carrying him from the couch to the food dish and back
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(KUTV Utah)
 
 
 
Woman breaks 42-year silence on escaping serial killer/dreamboat Ted Bundy: "I thought he was going to kiss me, and instead he said, 'You know what? I'm going to kill you'"
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(ABC 15)
 
 
 
There's a really big stink over a yearbook photo with a student who could not think. He was dared to flash his rinky-dink, but now he sits in the clink
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(Central Maine)
 
 
 
Man, 38, dies "of a broken heart" less than 48 hours after his wife dies at age 40 in her sleep from a blood clot, leaving behind six children, ages 6, 9,11,13,17 and 20
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(ABC 17 Columbia)
 
 
 
If you run from the cops, jump in a river and they presume you've drowned, it's probably best to get farther away than the next county over during the intervening six weeks
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Mon May 02, 2016
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Those stupid first class passengers with their free drinks and leg room make me want to punch somebody
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
Unresolved environmental issues aside, this Keurig-like machine creates perfect, piping-hot, organic corn tortillas at the rate of one a minute. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY NOW
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(Business Insider)
 
 
 
Americans drink out of 'the worst thing that ever happened to beer'
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(Manchester Evening News)
 
 
 
Bakery attempts delivery of freshly-toasted bread by setting semi containing 60,000 loaves on fire as it runs down the motorway
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(NBC News)
 
 
 
Experts say Zika virus birth defects may be the "Tip of the Iceberg." EVERYBODY PANIC
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
"The patient sustained [redacted]"
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(Indy Week)
 
 
 
The folks who produce those clicklists such as "The 8 Best Restaurants in Virginia" haven't been to those restaurants. Or Virginia
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(KeysNet)
 
 
 
That cruise ship that traveled between South Florida and Cuba finally arrived
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(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Deputies charge man of many parts... goat parts
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(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Hogan suing Gawker again, claiming that a site bold enough to publish a minute or so of his sex tape wasn't bold enough to reveal him a racist and had the National Enquirer do it
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(Gannett Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this save
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(York Daily Record)
 
 
 
If you've ever lusted for reading the words "loudly fornicating" in the news, wait no further
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(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Princeton University professor posts resume of "failures" during his academic career, much to the delight of the internets
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(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Shooting at New Jersey frat injures one. But the keg was okay
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(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: Who's better at throwing shade...
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(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
In preparation for Un's upcoming coronation and nuclear brag fest, Best Korea places Pyongyang on lockdown and bans all weddings and funerals due to security concerns
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(Salon)
 
 
 
Heidi Cruz finally denounces the allegations that her husband is the Zodiac Killer. Which is exactly what the wife of the Zodiac Killer would say
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(C|Net)
 
 
 
The music industry just logged the largest growth year of the 21st century, which is strange because I was told that they were on the verge of being killed by piracy
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(WOKV Jacksonville)
 
 
 
Rescuing a dog from a hot car? That's a beatin' (with pics)
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(WTOP)
 
 
 
Motorcycles join guns as things impossible to get licenses for in DC
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(RealRadio FM)
 
 
 
Haywood Jablowme hits new personal record
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(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Norway figures out how to use the F-16 for something other than running rings around the F-35
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(Tyler Paper)
 
 
 
You know that nightmare where you can't move, you can't speak, you can't breathe but you're fully aware of everything about you? Meet one Brisa Alfaro who actually lived it
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(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
54 weeks ago, they sat at the bottom of the Barclays Premier League table, facing almost certain relegation. In August, bookmakers put their odds of winning the League at 5000-1. Today, Leicester City did just that. Tag doesn't begin to cover it
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