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Sun April 24, 2016
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Fish-wrap raps officials over rapid fish kill
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(War is Boring)
 
 
 
Scotland's Muslim population is integrating better, and less attracted to ISIS, than in other European countries, thanks to local political culture embracing similar ideals about men in skirts killing each other over matters of clan
source: warisboring.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salon)
 
 
 
The cereal box, much like the cake, is a lie
source: salon.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop this tour
source: s4.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
A preacher in Alabama wants you to know that sex will kill your brain cells, make you homeless and was brought by God as a means of punishing people
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOIN Portland)
 
 
 
Portland firefighters rescue duckling from storm grate, completing the rare firefighters-duck rescue trifecta
source: koin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Barbie gets political and meta
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Astronaut runs London marathon in space suit. Naaa. JK. He did it aboard the ISS
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gannett Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop these eyes
source: gannett-cdn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Texas Hill Country)
 
 
 
Texas man purloins steaks, has beef with cops leading to high-speed chase. Police use flanking maneuvers and attempt to T-bone suspect before he's finally cut off. Strip search reveals evidence
source: texashillcountry.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
New photos nostalgically document road-tripping American vacationers of the 1980s and 1990s, when tourists at national parks sported real cameras, binoculars and fanny packs, had questionable taste in hair and fashion, but weren't invariably obese
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
Ammon Bundy's defense -- the federal government doesn't own federal land. See, they have recently discovered documents from 1787. Yep, his lawyers are really gonna try it
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Putin authorizes the Russian military to spend $26,000 on five bottlenose dolphins for the Russian navy... and no one knows why, though it's clear Putin has a sinister porpoise for them
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
What started as a would-be arrest at a Kansas motel ended with two members of the U.S. Marshals Service's Fugitive Task Force, an FBI agent, and a fourth federal agent shot, and the motel in flames
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Special Edition: Memories of Prince
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Manchester Evening News)
 
 
 
Police arrest schoolchildren for hurling bulbs of garlic at passing cars, warn that it could have left someone in a korma
source: manchestereveningnews.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Powered adjustable height desk, so easy you just push a button. Sit or stand while you work. Pricey, but useful. Share your plans and parts list for DIY if you like it but can't quite swing the cost. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sun Sentinel)
 
 
 
Firefighters rescue two sets of ducklings in the best "Awwww" story you'll read today
source: sun-sentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Canoe)
 
 
 
Apparently there's a world record for the heaviest vehicle ever pulled over 100 feet by two men
source: cnews.canoe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TaxProf)
 
 
 
Today Is Tax Freedom Day for most of the country. It was earlier in Mississippi, Tennessee and Louisiana ... but will be later in Connecticut, New Jersey and New York
source: taxprof.typepad.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 7 Austin)
 
 
 
Austin school board takes public submissions to rename Robert E Lee Elementary School. Your leading vote-getter so far: Donald Trump Elementary. Other contenders include Hitler, Willie Nelson, and of course, Schoolie McSchoolface
source: fox7austin.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
It's good when police officers decide to destroy illegal marijuana by burning it. However, it's even better when they forget to check the wind direction
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Tense Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this sexual tension
source: awardscircuit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Cooking disasters
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Pittsburgh)
 
 
 
Lawyer threatens to sue restaurant because he did not get his $2.25 cup of soup. Lawyers deserve their own tag and a special place in hell
source: pittsburgh.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Nonpareil)
 
 
 
Conference encourages student leaders to use babies as role models. Well, it works for Congress
source: nonpareilonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sacred Artichoke)
 
 
 
Our host isn't in the studio tonight, but for your listening enjoyment here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from April 19, 2014
source: sacredartichoke.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat April 23, 2016
(12News Phoenix)
 
 
 
Massive fire at apartment complex under construction outside Phoenix
source: 12news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
If you're the kind of guy who names his restaurant Bubba Chang's Buffet, you're also the kind of guy who will take a baseball bat to a car in your parking lot. And the driver, too
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Palm Beach Post)
 
 
 
A family might get their boat back in time for another summer of fun activities in the Bermuda Triangle. Maybe
source: palmbeachpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(My Northwest)
 
 
 
Forget all those water conservation tips you've heard over the years: Seattle mayor says it's "normal practice" to run your tap for two minutes before using it
source: mynorthwest.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Maternity leave. New hotness: Paw-ternity leave
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Blaze)
 
 
 
New report from the Romero Institute shows that Chicago has seen a steady increase in shootings
source: theblaze.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
PSA: Maple Syrup will not cure menningitis
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Froinlaven)
 
 
 
Photoshop this sad clown
source: awardscircuit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Service guarantees citizenship
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
Boobies
 
The Daily Mail tries to convince us that: a) woman is actually a dairy cow; b) you can freeze breast milk for more than five days; c) you can try and convince airport security that frozen milk isn't a liquid; d) all of the above
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TimeOut)
 
 
 
Cal Trans posts new sign to Los Fezil. Plans on new signs for Fan Sanfrisco and Los Anglefish
source: timeout.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
North Carolina District Court Judge, who sentenced a veteran suffering from PTSD to jail for lying in court, locked himself away with the defendant for his stay in order to help him by talking through his problems
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Post)
 
 
 
"There was the odd sign posted, asking vendors not to sell to minors. Based on the throng of spaced-out high schoolers wandering the beach Wednesday, not everyone heeded the call"
source: news.nationalpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
Introducing the street drug W-18, 10,000 times more powerful than morphine. This should end well for Florida
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Experimental Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this man & his experiment
source: awardscircuit.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
Pro Tip: When impersonating a cop, don't try to pull over a cop
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTAE)
 
 
 
Police search for man in Arby's uniform that robbed a Dollar General. They're looking all over but I'm thinking Arby's
source: wtae.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MIT Technology Review)
 
 
 
Looking for recommendations of some good "hard science fiction" books to read. Space opera is all good fun, but what's the best stuff with believable science? It's your Saturday Fark Book Thread. Enjoy
source: technologyreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Having a disagreement with your teacher neighbor? Just accuse him of being a pedophile on Facebook, that should do the trick
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC11 North Carolina)
 
 
 
North Korea tests submarine-launched missile, claims major breakthrough in ocean-targeting reliability
source: abc11.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man uses monopoly money to scam dealers out of more than $700,000 in jewelry. Is linked to scams in London, Bristol and Leeds, England
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Good news, carnivores. New studies show that you don't have to actually feel guilty for the environmental impact your meat-eating habits are having on the planet. Oh, you weren't feeling guilty at all? Alrighty then, carry on
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(James Edition)
 
 
 
If you're looking for something to turn heads at the local marina this summer, a fully restored 1921 steam-powered super yacht should do the trick
source: jamesedition.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Apparently minks are noted fish thieves
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some totally not a virgin)
 
 
 
Heading out to the game shop later. Anyone have any suggestions on board games or tabletop RPGs?
source: plus1gaming.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Judge orders a New Jersey school district pay a music teacher $1.8 million, saying her asthma and other chronic lung issues were caused by a moldy classroom the school forced her to teach in
source: nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Mainichi (Japan))
 
 
 
Government canceled your school lunch program? Don't worry, there are plenty of fresh berries and mushrooms in the forest ... near Chernobyl
source: mainichi.jp   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Would you pay to comment on a news article? I mean, on the news site, not here
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deviant Art)
 
 
 
Photoshop this eerie woman
source: pre14.deviantart.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: $1000 for Steam games - enter to win contest. What's your favorite Steam game? (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Ever heard of someone getting their charges dismissed but still be confined to their home on electronic monitoring?
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KUTV Utah)
 
 
 
A cat found living in a couch that was sent to a thrift store has now been reunited with her human. She now prefers to snooze on top of the ottoman on Caturday
source: kutv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Planners hope to build a hotel over the oldest cemetery in Iceland. Haven't we seen this movie before?
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Funny dog pictures, y'all
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Tiger keeper violated zoo safety rules before fatal mauling, including the important "don't get mauled by a tiger" rule
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Happy Birthday to the world's oldest tree, which turns 4,847 years young. Good luck finding it, though
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC Action News)
 
 
 
Man catches 400-lb fish with a wrench. What the fish was doing with the wrench we may never know
source: abcactionnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Man buys armchair and finds an old photo album in it, reunites lost photo album with the man in the pictures. In related news: Who keeps photo albums in their armchairs?
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Miami neurology resident who infamously berated Uber driver in viral video gets herself fired
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Man redefines street crime by stealing the street (with video and bonus Super Mario Brothers theme tune)
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Suspect figures there's no money in just disposing of a murder weapon, so why not try to sell it openly on the street in broad daylight?
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri April 22, 2016
(Fark)
 
 
 
The Fark Weird News Quiz is back with a vengeance. Or if not a vengeance, at least a vexing. No? Would you accept a Vespa? Cause we have one of those
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Want to be adopted? Better get out there and sell that lemonade, son
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Sober is the new drunk? YOU TAKE THAT BACK
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(I Heart Radio)
 
 
 
With your steak, may I suggest a weed pairing? Here's a weed of the month selection
source: kfbk.iheart.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
With the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and town. You may now kiss the sign. O_o
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
O.J. Simpson, making post-prison plans, reportedly wants to date Kris Jenner when he gets out. She'd be out of her head if she did that
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Oh nothing, just 500 pounds of explosives have been stolen from a train somewhere between Chicago and Detroit
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deviant Art)
 
 
 
Photoshop this doggie
source: orig00.deviantart.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSTU FOX 13)
 
 
 
Headline of the day: "Freak accident involving garbage truck reconnects Utah family with estranged brother"
source: fox13now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KATU)
 
 
 
Tipping a prostitute with a small, nocturnal primate isn't normal, but on meth it is
source: katu.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WXII Winston-Salem)
 
 
 
There's stupid, and then there's "trying to pay your bond with counterfeit money" stupid
source: wxii12.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(10 News)
 
 
 
Article: "This plant could kill your dog." Submitter: "And so could this plant, or that plant, or that animal, or that bug"
source: 10news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Yo quiero una madre
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
Stealing from arcade game machines might have been a lucrative crime in 1983, but today all you will end up with is $18 and getting caught by cops with your hand stuck up the machine
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Dude, Where's My Car?: Fiat Chrysler recalling 1.1 million self-driving cars, SUVs
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Deslidefied)
 
 
 
The World's most overrated tourist attractions include Fisherman's Wharf, Plymouth Rock, and anything with the word "Disney" in it
source: deslide.clusterfake.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
There's no way this cleverly safe for work breast exam video isn't someone's very specific fetish
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop theme: What would life be like today if the internet had never been developed?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Something Awful)
 
 
 
Something Awful collects a series of unfortunate Corporate Social Media reactions to Prince's death
source: somethingawful.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Houston authorities warn area residents to be wary of any wildlife that might have been misplaced by the floods such as snakes, rats, tigers....wait what?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WRAL)
 
 
 
Eight dead in O-hi-o. Late to posting because of inherent humor/tagline difficulty. Happy Friday
source: wral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Woman leading Flint water lawsuit murdered. This is also not suspicious or anything
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Weather Channel)
 
 
 
Sorry Tobias and Virginie, looks we're only going to get to Nicole this year
source: weather.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Iceland Review)
 
 
 
In Europe, it's pretty common to see cars with 'Country of Origin' bumper stickers like DE, CH, A, F, and so on. Guess what happens when someone slaps Iceland's sticker on their car and drives around Belgium
source: icelandreview.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Fox News' Dr. Keith Ablow with advice on how to best hook up on Tinder
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Spirits Business)
 
 
 
Bompas & Parr has created a new gin that contains drinkable collagen and is described as "the alcoholic equivalent of a facial"
source: thespiritsbusiness.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
People, with or without alcohol, take Ambien and wake up to find themselves in a police station, with no memory of how they got there or where the walrus went
source: bostonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
The biggest asshole response to Prince's death came from none other than Sheriff Joe Arpaio
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Learn Game Design - focus on art and animation. Fix-It Felix: Look at that high definition. Your face... it's AMAZING! Sergeant Calhoun: Flattery don't charge these batteries, civilian. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Minneapolis Star Tribune)
 
 
 
Prince fans flock to downtown Minneapolis in impromptu dusk-till-dawn street party in front of First Avenue, before leaving en masse to purify themselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka (w video of crowd singing Purple Rain)
source: startribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Apparently you can hit a deer and still pass your driving test in the U.K., as long as you have a good game plan
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 46 Charlotte)
 
 
 
Student gets punched in the head a dozen times by a bully and is sidelined from sports due to concussion protocol. He's also suspended from school for trying to push the bully away. Zero tolerance
source: fox46charlotte.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
TMZ is reporting that the "flu" Prince was hospitalized for last week, was the kind that requires Narcan to cure. So either they have some solid info or VERY good libel lawyers on retainer
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop this unusual tractor
source: img.fark.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Everybody panic. And get me a paper map
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
There's rich and then there's "I didn't even realize my Picasso was missing for several years" rich
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Just a harmless dust devil that HOLY FARK
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
"We're gonna need a taller fence," say nuns of the Order of Discalced Carmelites, because people have been jumping the 6-ft. fence and chasing the nuns
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Local man's attempt to remove a wasp nest with a home-made blowtorch goes as well as expected
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
Police in suburban Detroit said a man took off his clothes and proceeded to wreck the interior of a home - said to belong to former family members - to the tune of $50,000. They didn't speculate on why he was naked
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Ikea issues warning after another child is badly injured while using their KÏNDREMÄÏMÊ line of dressers
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
The Great Barrier Reef is now 7% great
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
So, ISIS is kidnapping gazelles now
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
Apparenty China has turned on its giant smog machine and sucked all the smog out of the eastern part of the country and dumped it in the western part
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu April 21, 2016
(Model Mayhem)
 
 
 
Nailed it
source: sunnyskyz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Today, in "Using a dead celebrity to awkwardly promote our brand" we bring you...Cheerios?
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KLTV Tyler)
 
 
 
High-speed police chase leads to steak out
source: kltv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
First rule of kindergarten fight club is not to let the teacher organize it in the first place for the kids to burn off their energy
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gothamist)
 
 
 
Want to score free food & drinks at restaurants? Do what this teen did in Brooklyn and pose as a "NYPD informant" to try getting out of paying your bill. BRILLIANT
source: gothamist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WNEM Saginaw)
 
 
 
Flint Water Department employee found dead. That's not suspicious or anything
source: wnem.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KGW Portland)
 
 
 
With a mega-quake about to hit, a super-volcano about to blow, the state of Washington can add a 1 million gallon tank of plutonium infused toxic waste about to rupture to their list of woes. Luckily it will empty directly into the Columbia River
source: kgw.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Use sea sponges in place of tampons, one small town says, simultaneously promoting environmentalism and horrifying Spongebob Squarepants
source: thelocal.es   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Florida Governor Rick Scott claims one million jobs created in response to heckler. Man, someone needs to heckle him more often
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Entrepreneur)
 
 
 
Remember that idiot in Georgia who bought "Ship your enemies glitter" for $85k? It's making him rich
source: entrepreneur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
That road is closed today, you know / You can't drive there no more / For what may look like H2O / Is H2SO4
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to panic
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
Purple Haze is an iconic song, but personally, I like when Prince performed his original work, Stairway to Heaven
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, but the panes of glass in Germany apparently fall on cars
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
And now some phrases in Gaelic for diplomatic usage
source: tuairisc.ie   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Austrian Bishop refuses country border fence on his land. Why would you need a border fence if your country is literally surrounded by water anyway?
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
North Korean launches televised chef competition. Todays' secret ingredients: sawdust, old book bindings
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
"Uh, yeah, 911? I just found some 35-year-old uranium and blasting caps in my basement. What, ah...what do you think we should do here?"
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
You can drunk-drive all you want in your driveway in Michigan
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Photoshop this lonely flower
source: img.fark.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 21 News)
 
 
 
If you're looking for a job, the police department in Green Mountain Falls, Colo., has some openings. How many openings? All of them
source: fox21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Rio's new Olympic bike path is a literal death trap
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Why is everyone all worked up about Harriet Tubman being on the $20 bill? Heck, she's not even the first African-American to get that honor--the Confederacy was proudly featuring slaves on its money way back in the 1860s
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KEYC Mankato)
 
 
 
Need to give your employees a bonus but don't want to pay cash? Obviously, the clear choice must be meth
source: keyc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Gay British citizens warned about spending time in the US to avoid bigot zones
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Man having bad experience on LSD cuts his trip short - along with his penis
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Drone believed to have hit British Airways flight may have actually been a plastic bag
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
The first night you sleep in a new place, it seems like you were only half-asleep the whole night. Turns out, half our brain stays awake while the other half sleeps
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Next Web)
 
 
 
The FBI spent over $1 million to break the San Bernardino iPhone but based on the usefulness of the data could have smashed it with a hammer and lost nothing of value
source: thenextweb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Texas Monthly)
 
 
 
One of the world's most respected climate scientists is also an evangelical Christian, and boy does she hear about it at church: "I study something that about half of the country and much more than half of Texas thinks is a complete hoax"
source: texasmonthly.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chowhound)
 
 
 
Fark Food Thread: Put down the cereal and the doughnut, it's time to get a good dose of real breakfast food. Ok, fine. Have the doughnut, too. We're Farkers. But what else do you put together for a good breakfast?
source: chowhound.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baltimore Sun)
 
 
 
Jack Mehoff quoted in Baltimore Sun supporting Donald Trump. No comment had been received by press time from Mike Hunt or I.P. Freely
source: baltimoresun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Pacific Standard Magazine)
 
 
 
Newly published research finds women view men as more attractive potential long-term mates if they are good storytellers. In related news, women don't view limericks as storytelling
source: psmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Sun-Times)
 
 
 
"Nut King of Chicago" dies, will be buried next to Abe Froman
source: chicago.suntimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Turkey demands visa-free travel to countries in the EU, and if it doesn't get its way, they will go back on their deal to reabsorb all the migrants from the country everyone wants to get rid of
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this red-dressed Blanchett
source: wallpaperspal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
Oprah begins her quest to replace Grant on the $50
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Military.com)
 
 
 
U.S. attacks ISIS with B52's. Canada to send Bieber, Nickleback
source: military.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: E-learning SQL course. Two SQL queries enter a bar, but leave because they couldn't find a table (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Hamlet's castle to host first overnight guests in four hundred years, as one lucky couple will be chosen to spend the night and sleep, perchance to dream
source: thelocal.dk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"We don't sell yaks over the internet"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Raise your hand if you knew you could be jailed for asking about a state secret in Japan, even if you didn't know it was a state secret. Anyone with your hand up, you're under arrest
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Minnesota)
 
NewsFlash
 
Now is when doves cry :(
source: minnesota.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Ottawa Sun)
 
 
 
Come in for the giant jars of pickles, stay for 1 of our famous hot dogs and don't forget your free hepatitis vaccine
source: ottawasun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
McDonald's: "You know how we're supposed to have all-you-can-eat fries at one of our restaurants? Yeah, about that"
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Chinese government publishes comic book poster that warns citizens from falling in love or dating foreigners, because they are inevitably spies who want to steal trade secrets
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
Today in Slate is wrong, "no high school should start before 8:30 AM"
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
New poll indicates the demographic most afraid of transgendered persons using the same bathroom as them is old white men
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Half-naked firemen pose with adorable puppies for charity. Estrogen levels in Australia reported at near-record high levels
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Letting a full page ad for genocide deniers through is no way to run a paper, Wall Street Journal
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston Herald)
 
 
 
Massachusetts court asked to decide if Ambien defense to DUI also applies to non-Kennedys
source: bostonherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Illinois prosecutor tries "radical new experiment" of not sending innocent people to prison
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
New measles outbreak spotted
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Anyone who wants to purchase Viagra without a 24-hour waiting period and also having to present a permission slip from your spouse/partner, please step forward. Whoa there, not so fast South Carolina
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Belfast Newsletter)
 
 
 
Britain's exit from the EU was foretold in the Bible, apparently
source: newsletter.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
If you're an artist and the Governor's Office of Highway Safety gives you a grant to make comic books for school children about bike safety, the obvious thing to do is make graphic comic books with gruesome, twisted stories
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
U.N. to review its war on drugs. Mostly because the only thing that's failed more miserably is all the wars for oil
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Toronto: "Yeah, we know you spent $30,000 to build that awesome boat-shaped treehouse back in 2013, but we've now decided it needs to come right down. Sorry for the inconvenience"
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Photo.net)
 
 
 
Photoshop this inverted cyclist
source: gallery.photo.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
Post a video on Twitter of you spitting on a police cruiser? Expect to get publicly shamed by the entire PD
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Filling a McDonald's "water only" cup with soda? That's an arrest on charges of theft
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Lowe's discovers that negotiating directly with hospitals and offering surgeries free to their employees is cheaper than going through insurance companies
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
When real life resembles a Tom Clancy novel: Russian attack submarines are prowling the coastlines of Scandinavia, Scotland, the Mediterranean Sea and the North Atlantic in numbers we haven't seen in two decades
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
You see, they're Louis Vuitton, I'm Louis Vuiton Dak. They've got the golden arches, mine's the golden arcs
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bangor Daily News)
 
 
 
Man arrested for stealing sunglasses, moonshine, snacks, and deodorant from a Rite Aid. And also charged with being the living personification of a country song
source: bangordailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
After great inventions such as screen doors on submarines, fireproof matches, and wheelchairs with pedals, Polish man invents the Catholic Rabbi
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
In the 16th Century red meat was better than white, fruit was for the poor and sick and ThotalFarke cost but 1 groat a monthe
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Omaha World Herald)
 
 
 
Omaha police mourn the passing of their beloved parking lot squirrel mascot. "He had a lot of balls"
source: omaha.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
You can sex up any dull English class presentation by giving it while wearing a sheet, sure (pic)
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
Jenny McCarthy claims seven new victims
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rolling Stone)
 
 
 
Joe Walsh can't complain, but sometimes he still does, like when you tell him a show in Cleveland is a nonpartisan benefit concert for veterans and then he finds out it's actually the launch of the Republican National Convention
source: rollingstone.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 572: "Artsy-Fartsy 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed April 20, 2016
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Clever T-shirt lets travelers speak in any language
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jezebel)
 
 
 
If I'm going to pay a company $29,000 to name my child, and the company's name is "Erfolgswelle," I'm going to a different company
source: jezebel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WYFF 4 Greenville)
 
 
 
Even God hates Walmart
source: wyff4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Japanese woman discovers giant NOPE in her closet
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
Chevy Camaro shows up at 50th anniversary celebration for Ford Mustang. You can probably guess what happened
source: jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
France wins the pizza world championships with a bouillabaisse pizza. You're celebrating 420 by cramming a cheese whiz stuffed crust, double Spam, deep dish down your pie hole
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
Super Gonorrhea is taking over Britain, but will it show up in 'Captain America: Civil War'?
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
The real reason more Americans don't care about climate change? It's actually improving the weather
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Pacific Ocean activates Article 3 of the Mutual Protection Pact signed with China
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WPTV)
 
 
 
Man threatens retaliation against tiger that killed zookeeper: "You better watch your zoo, we will handle it ourselves. I'm from West Palm Beach"
source: wptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(14 News Evansville)
 
 
 
There's always womb for Jesus
source: 14news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 19 Cincinnati)
 
 
 
Teen electrocuted performing Jacob's Ladder experiment he saw on YouTube, leaves behind family, friends, a lingering smell
source: fox19.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gizmodo)
 
 
 
Inspiring Harriet Tubman quote that went viral turns out to be fake. "The trouble with quotes you find on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine," as Mark Twain so famously said
source: factually.gizmodo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fortune)
 
 
 
Think payday lenders' practices couldn't get any sketchier? They're now triggering multiple overdrafts on your bank account if you don't pay them back
source: fortune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AOL)
 
 
 
Newly released documents show the things that Bin Laden was afraid of. Surprisingly, a midnight helicopter raid by Seal Team 6 was not among them
source: aol.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(orilliapacket.com)
 
 
 
Man connected to organized crime killed by sni--
source: orilliapacket.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Root)
 
 
 
Elderly black man on the train quietly endures 15 minutes of abuse from a drunken racist before opening up the biggest can of whoopass in Chicago
source: theroot.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Monroe News)
 
 
 
Dr. Heiney guilty of not being an ass man
source: monroenews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Examiner)
 
 
 
"Here's one." "Ninepence." "I'm not dead" "What?" "Nothing Here's your ninepence." "I'm not dead" "'Ere 'E says 'e's not dead" "Yes he is." "I'm not" "'E isn't?" "Well, he will be soon, he's very ill." "I'm getting better" "No you're not"
source: washingtonexaminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
"Student" pretends to attend college while spending tuition money on drugs and partying. Who hasn't done that? Hello? Where'd everybody go?
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Baton Rouge Advocate)
 
 
 
Oldest Man in America title up for grabs once more
source: theadvocate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
When you say you saw someone "petting a bison", you really mean that they were in fact, petting a bison. (And surviving, with video)
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Photoshop this amateur firefighter
source: media1.s-nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Twitter)
 
 
 
Tubman once marched into the New York office of abolitionist Oliver Johnson and demanded 20 bucks to free her slave parents. NOW SHE GETS ALL THE $20s
source: mobile.twitter.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Florida, AKA "America's Australia" has a serious dragon problem
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KeysNet)
 
 
 
Key West club to pay strippers $1.2 million to settle wage case, more if they want them to cry
source: keysnet.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZCentral)
 
 
 
Because what could be more natural than swimming with the dolphins in the middle of the Arizona desert?
source: azcentral.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
Four-year olds in England sent survey asking what gender they identify with. Possible answers included genderqueer, tri-gender, and gender fluid. Subby wanted to be a astronaut
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Don't think of your food as being genetically modified. Think of it as being genetically edited
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox9 Minneapolis)
 
 
 
GET *cough* OFF *code* MY LAWN
source: fox9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Contemporary journalist tries to match booze legend Winston Churchill drink for drink for one day. Tag is for the man who could drink every Farker under the table with half his liver tied behind his back
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
Not news: Prisoner files lawsuit claiming the "inhuman" conditions he's being held in violate his human rights News: Norwegian white supremacist and mass-murderer Anders Breivik. Who killed 77 people. Fark: This being Norway, he WON
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Oh, you're celebrating 4/20 today by getting stoned? That's cool. I was into 4/20 back before it got so mainstream. Now I celebrate other stoner holidays, you probably haven't heard of them
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Civilized)
 
 
 
52% of Americans say they won't date someone who smokes weed
source: civilized.life   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
In honor of 4/20 day, here's how many people have fatally overdosed on marijuana, a rate which has held steady over the years
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Politico)
 
 
 
Harriet Tubman to be placed on the $15.40 bill
source: politico.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNBC)
 
 
 
Wanted: Social media manager for HM Queen Elizabeth II. Successful candidate will receive competitive salary, free lunches, title of the Duke of Face and the Earl of Tweet
source: cnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Federal News Radio)
 
 
 
Hey, did you notice how much the IRS improved its customer service this year? No? All right then
source: federalnewsradio.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Ah crap, we have a little over a month to go before the Fark Book Fair and you still haven't finished your book? Did you write your short story for the anthology yet? No? *Facepalm* Time to give us your excuses in this week's Fark Writers Thread
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
"Honey, did you find anything scuba diving today?" "We found this awesome 400-year-old silk dress"
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fusion)
 
 
 
Inside the strange, retro world of Russian "womanhood schools" where they are teaching women to be happy by finding a man to support them. Сделать меня бутерброд и принеси мне пива
source: fusion.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mashable)
 
 
 
First we had Boaty McBoatFace, then we had Horsey McHorseFace, And now the city located in the suburbs of Sydney want to name their City Council Beachy McBeachFace
source: mashable.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
"Well, allow us to re-torte"
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Spectator UK)
 
 
 
A venerable Brit magazine / Is hoping to make quite a scene / 'bout a man who blows goats / When he's not farking stoats / So y'all need to enter this, because subby's really bad at it and you can win like $1400 or something
source: blogs.spectator.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Michigan attorney general announces that after much investigation and searching in the wake of the lead-tainted water crisis, they've identified the three patsies who will be taking Rick Snyder's fall
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"Expert" explains how to recover from a sleepless night. If you guessed the "expert" advice was go back to bed and get some more sleep, you win a No-Prize
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 17 Grand Rapids)
 
 
 
Target doesn't care if you can aim at a urinal or not
source: fox17online.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Here are 3 secrets about the $1 bill. Strangely absent is why we still have a $1 bill
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC7 Chicago)
 
 
 
Rap video shooting interrupts rap video shooting
source: abc7chicago.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Turner)
 
 
 
Photoshop this warrior prince
source: i2.cdn.turner.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tales of the Cocktail)
 
 
 
If the current campaign season is driving you to drink, just remember that Nixon enjoyed premier wines, Lyndon Johnson liked Cutty Sark, and Abraham Lincoln's vice-president showed up to inauguration day completely wasted
source: talesofthecocktail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Bondic® Pro Kit. Like welding, but with liquid plastic and the same kind of UV activator that your dentist uses. Works better than super glue in a lot of circumstances. Now hold my beer while I try this. (Sponsored Link)
source: deals.fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 31 Denver)
 
 
 
It's prom controversy season. Come on down, lesbian prom princess couple
source: kdvr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Well, that escalated quickly
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orange County Register)
 
 
 
Protip: When planting evidence to frame an acquaintance, do not use your own easily recognizable sunglass case to stash the meth
source: ocregister.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
Dedication to helping stray dogs destined for the slaughterhouse by founding a sanctuary for them is one thing, spending your entire fortune on it is REAL dedication. Good for this lover of dogs
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Police arrived at an elementary school to charge and arrest 5 students, ranging from 6 to 11 years old, for not intervening and stopping a fight that happened off school grounds
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
It's your annual 4/20 thread. Smoke 'em if you got 'em
source: yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Consumerist)
 
 
 
You get caught trying to steal 19 boxes of topical flea medication for dogs. Do you: c) drink it
source: consumerist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Militant moms now on a tear against people outraged at them not breast-feeding infants in public
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
Farking aliens continue to harass the International Space Station
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
You're going to need an attorney if you're pulled over with a BAC three times the legal limit and an open bottle of vodka and three children in your car. Especially if you ARE an attorney
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue April 19, 2016
(Fox 5 San Diego)
 
 
 
Four ugly-ass meerkat babies start exploring zoo, negotiating reality show contracts
source: fox5sandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTVQ Billings)
 
 
 
People being shot in Butte by pellet gun sniper. People also being shot in leg
source: ktvq.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Channel)
 
 
 
The countries that love marijuana the most. Fark: The Netherlands and Jamaica aren't even in the top 15
source: thedenverchannel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Would you lie on your credit card application? More importantly, what's a credit card?
source: finance.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WALB Albany)
 
 
 
KKK "Grand Wizard" proved he had magical powers to see into the future as he warned GA police during an 8-hour armed stand-off that "somebody's gonna die today" and damnned if he wasn't right
source: walb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
This crisis is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S
source: money.cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
1986 in pictures. Cher you're thinking of red-lighting this, but I pity the fool that doesn't do the right thing. It may be Challenging but I think we can reach a Concorde-ance and look at the past that Woz
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
We've investigated ourselves and found ourselves not guilty
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Smoking Gun)
 
 
 
Ah, yes, the old 'Cheetos hidden in the groin' trick. Dangerously cheesy
source: thesmokinggun.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(US News)
 
 
 
The good news is HIV patients are living longer, the bad news is they may forget that they have it
source: health.usnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Freeman)
 
 
 
24 year old flips out figuratively, tries to impersonate a Price Chopper manager. Police arrive, he flips out literally. He does not stick the landing
source: dailyfreeman.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: We have altered the layout. Pray we don't alter it any further
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop this rebellious baby
source: s4.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Times)
 
 
 
Utah declares pornography a "Health Hazard", cites increase in hair to palm ratio
source: washingtontimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Nola.com)
 
 
 
If you're going to embezzle to support your gambling habit, you'd think it would help to work for a casino
source: nola.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Coventry Telegraph)
 
 
 
Knights Templar found under Coventry car park. It's always in the last place you look
source: coventrytelegraph.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Portland Press Herald)
 
 
 
Man pulls over his pickup truck and shoots himself in the head with a flare gun. Three times
source: pressherald.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Vancouver School Board would like to remind its students that 4/20 is not a day off
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
And now, one of the rare times when a headline ending with a question mark doesn't result in a "No" answer
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TC Palm)
 
 
 
Woman asks stranger to use his restroom at 2 AM, what could possibly go wrong? Hint: it involves eggs
source: offthebeat.blogs.tcpalm.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Air Force claims they lost one of their planes because the pilot shoved something where he shouldn't have
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Best Korea has miniaturized nuclear weapons. No word yet if any are aimed at Smallville
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Times)
 
 
 
Just what you've always wanted: the suit Lee Harvey Oswald wore on his wedding day
source: washingtontimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KJRH Tulsa)
 
 
 
When asked why he made the trip to Walmart, all Barnett said was "tacos"
source: kjrh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TASS)
 
 
 
Photoshop this honorable moment
source: phototass1.cdnvideo.ru   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Tip for the recycling enthusiast: Soylent Green is not a documentary
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Syrian Muslim family has gone from dodging ISIS border patrols and Russian bombs while fleeing for their lives in the war zone in Syria, to getting a ride on "Pope Force one" to their new home in the Vatican where they had dinner with Francis
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(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
10-year-old genius picks Trump to win, Google to fall, girls to keep being icky
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
French statue gets detachable penis to combat wiener thieves, after Mayor apparently gets tired of seeing it laying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven
source: thelocal.fr   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Not news: Countries clean up before an Olympics. Holy crap: South Korea before the Seoul Olympics of 1988 enslaved, killed, and tortured thousands, and now refuses to compensate victims. Holy Fark: Guess who is hosting the 2018 Olympics?
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(WLWT)
 
 
 
Man charged with beating a 2-year-old to death wants all charges dropped on account of not realizing all prison phone conversations are recorded. Also wants a unicorn and naked pictures of Bea Arthur
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(ITV)
 
 
 
Someone sent an SOS to the an SOS to the world an SOS to the world 103 years ago
source: itv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark Shop)
 
 
 
Fark Store Daily Deal: Agile/Scrum Certification Training for Project Managers - preparation for the PMI-ACP® Exam. Project managers: all I know are the Dilbert jokes. Do you like your job? What exactly do you do? (Sponsored Link)
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(MLive.com)
 
 
 
"Those rednecks forced me to take off my head covering for their booking photos." "Let's check those photos, shall we?" *lawsuit dropped*
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(Fox News)
 
 
 
Professor: Welcome class to Mountaineering 101, Mountaineering here in Alaska is a very dangerous pursuit where we face dangers like rock-slides, avalanches, and of course ..Bear: OM NOM NOM NOM... Professor: well, that obviously
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(Fars News Agency)
 
 
 
ISIS finds a way to turn its injured fighters into hard cash by selling whatever organs they have left on the open market
source: en.farsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Autopsy report by Dr Robinson on this day [throws dart] four months ago. The body appears be that of [flips coin] a female. Cause of death [spins wheel] typhoid? That can't be right... [spin] okay, suicide. Gee that was easy. Okay, so--golf or the pub? [flip]
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TechRepublic)
 
 
 
Cruise line adds robot to crews to ease passengers' fears, reasoning the average passenger will be less alarmed thinking a robot is controlling the ship than an Italian (pic)
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(TMZ)
 
 
 
When your ankle bracelet goes off at a White House event, that is being a criminal Like a Boss
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
 
 
World's oldest dog dies at 210
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(JSOnline)
 
 
 
Two lady high school volleyball coaches show Fifty Shades of Grey to team on road trip, so principal does the right thing and slaps parent who complained with a restraining order. Wait, what?
source: jsonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Roaches, which have survived millions of years on Earth through floods, drought and nuclear war, laugh at your annoying little apartment explosion
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
What can't 3D printing do? This time it was used to make new feet for a duck
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(Guardian)
 
 
 
RSS Boaty McBoatface looks like she will be sunk by UK Science Minister Boring McPoface
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WUSA9)
 
 
 
North Carolina teacher arrested after traveling to Virginia to have sex with a 13-year-old boy she met while interning at his school. Hope they didn't go into any bathrooms together
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(Slate)
 
 
 
You know that whole "OMG JUSTIN TRUDEAU KNOWS ABOUT QUANTUM COMPUTERS" story that had the internet in such a tizzy last week? Yeah, the real story is that the media will print anything they're given and you'll eat it up without question
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(Denver Post)
 
 
 
Colorado drug treatment centers report one-third of patients using marijuana daily, up from one-quarter before legalization. OTOH, overall population's use rate remains steady and use among under-20s is declining. So we must repeal legalization
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(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Man changes name to Bruce Jenner to preserve the name's "heterosexual roots"
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop this artsy agriculture
source: s4.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSL Salt Lake City)
 
 
 
If you show Deadpool at your theater, no liquor license for you
source: ksl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
People will wait in line for hours for free coffee or free hamburgers because they enjoy the ritual, they want to socialize with like-minded individuals, and it's like getting a gift when it's not their birthday. But not because they're cheapskates
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(Metro)
 
 
 
Despite the images, police believe green isn't his real skin colour
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Whole Foods says that this cake is a lie
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
Weeners
 
Religious group sues San Francisco to remove outdoor urinals at public park. What a pisser
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
What do you mean "illegal"?
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Denver Post)
 
 
 
Burglars don't take anything, but cause $175K in damages to a home in a neighborhood where the average Zillow estimate is about $325K. So why call them "burglars" instead of "roofing contractors?"
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(Fairbanks Daily Newsminer)
 
 
 
Videographer filming shooters gets great close up shots
source: newsminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AZ Family)
 
 
 
Today's 'Sorry/Not Sorry' story comes out of the jailhouse interview with a suspect in a hit and run case who blamed the victim for trying to break up a fight between him and his girlfriend. "He could have jumped out of the way. He had time"
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(NJ.com)
 
 
 
NJ motorcyclist killed after driving in the refrigerator lane
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(NPR)
 
 
 
Yellowstone National Park is in danger of being "loved to death" by tourists
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
7/11 was a part time job
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
O_o
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Peoria Journal Star)
 
 
 
Don't be creepy. Don't be creepy. Don't be creepy
source: pjstar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon April 18, 2016
(Pix11)
 
 
 
Sometimes it's not enough just to tell kids what not to do; sometimes you gotta demonstrate WHY not
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(CNN)
 
 
 
Remember when Times Square was sleazy in the '80s when a sex market and drug trade thrived in the area? Good, sleazy times
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(KOCO Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Submitted for your approval: Man who claims to be from the future (where everyone is dead) is arrested after assaulting an employee and stealing chicken and bacon from a fast-food restaurant
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(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Do not want
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(Jalopnik)
 
 
 
All countries have great national pastimes. For Egypt, it's making world leaders sit there and listen while their national anthems are completely massacred by the Egyptian national army band
source: foxtrotalpha.jalopnik.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Amid the ongoing water crisis in Flint, Michigan Governor Rick Snyder threatens suicide on national television
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(KTLA Los Angeles)
 
 
 
2016 Strikes Again
source: ktla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Exeter Express & Echo)
 
 
 
Man attacked by giant escaped owl thinks it was after his beard. Includes reenactment
source: exeterexpressandecho.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop this mysterious rider
source: s4.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Palestinians: Israel is planning on taking over the Temple Mount | Jordan: How about we install cameras to monitor the activy on the Mount | Palestinians: including ours? | Jordan: Yes Palestinians: NO CAMERAS
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Jerusalem bus blast wounds 16, mayor blames bomb, You just know there was a character limit for this headline
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(ABC7 Los Angeles)
 
 
 
Ric Romero Memorial Consumer Desk at KABC reminds you that today is Tax Day and that millions of Americans are expected to file. "People have until midnight to file the paperwork"
source: abc7.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Toronto building scaffolding collapses, injuring 4. Hockey ratings expected to be unaffected
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Inquisitr)
 
 
 
What is the RDA of rare megamouth shark?
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(Mashable)
 
 
 
I'm not saying that it's raining hard right now in Houston, but several local ark-builders were seen visiting the Houston zoo today
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(The Tennessean)
 
 
 
Stadium groundskeeper pro-tip: If there is a family event scheduled to be held on the field, make sure that the automatic sprinkler system is shut off for that evening
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(Politicus USA)
 
 
 
Clinton and Sanders think we should be able to sue Saudi Arabia for 9/11. Why not throw in Boeing, United Airlines and every president from 1972 onward?
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(NPR)
 
 
 
Why are the richest schools able to spend three times more per pupil than poor schools? According to NPR, the unexpected answer is "The Great Deluder: Satan"
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(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Monica Lewinsky says "the shame sticks to you like tar." Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
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(TASS)
 
 
 
Photoshop this blues brother from a far away mother
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(Lowering the Bar)
 
 
 
Before you call a retiring judge a "fuka c****" on Facebook, make sure he's retiring before you're scheduled to appear in his court for unpaid fines
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(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Smoking 20 joints a day could lead you to believe you are covered in parasites
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
UN ambassador's motorcade on way to meet Cameroon children succeeds
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(NYPost)
 
 
 
Clarence Thomas threesomes, and now you have to live with that mental image as well
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Man SHOCKED to discover his new facial tattoo has directly affected his job
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Today's Fark-ready headline: Police calm hipster frenzy at Berlin vegan restaurant
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
NC governor warns America that Big Gay has become more powerful than the NRA
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(Fark)
 
 
 
Suicide at golf course leaves hole in one, the problem with littoral lube failure, and being shot at by a man with a gnu: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/10 - 4/16
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(The Daily Caller)
 
 
 
17th annual "White Privilege Conference" was held in Philadelphia. Which was actually just an alternative for the people who can't go to the real one later this year in Cleveland
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(Some Metro Enthusiast)
 
 
 
A photographic tour of the Pyongyang subway system by one of the first Westerners allowed to ride the whole thing. Come for the East German trains, stay for the propaganda
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(WGNO)
 
 
 
World's largest crawfish cookoff begins, with 45,000 pounds of yum
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(KSAT San Antonio)
 
 
 
An "informal rodeo" ends in a brawl involving 400 people, whips, and spurs. Surprisingly, everyone kept their clothes on
source: ksat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter