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| Sun April 17, 2016 |
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Great news: Gas to stay cheap because Saudi Arabia and Iran hate each other more than they love money
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Man shot to death during memorial. Just you wait til next year's memorials
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Today is the 10th anniversary of the greatest Fark thread of all time (LGT original thread)
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They bring a water gun, you bring a revolver. It's the Texas way
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Photoshop Challenge: Improve Australia's new $5 note
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A disappointingly SFW history of underwear, still no explanation for magic underoos
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New investigation conducted by The Ric Romero Institution for Journalism Institute discovers the majority of teachers in one state who receive bonuses teach in affluent areas
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Top scientist says that with all of the recent large earthquakes around the ring of fire "Current conditions might trigger at least four earthquakes greater than 8.0 in magnitude." Sleep well my friends
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I'll see your "zookeeper makes a mistake and gets killed by tiger story" and raise you a "dumbass drops a hat in the tiger enclosure; goes in after it without getting hurt" story. Darwin, you're just phoning it in, man
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Seems you can't stick a shovel in the ground anywhere in Great Britain without turning up something
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This is why we can't have nice things: Drone hits passenger airliner landing at Heathrow
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Photoshop this presidential playroom
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To mark the 30th anniversary of Chernobyl, here's a walking tour of the Exclusion Zone
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Here are three of the most effective ways to tell the IRS that you would like to be audited this year
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"Vast majority" distrust the news media, claims untrustworthy media article
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North Korea's new shipment of fireworks has arrived
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There's evil and then there's threatening to kill a kitten to extort $20 evil
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Fark Store Daily Deal: E-learning Advanced Cloud Computing for Amazon Web Services. (Sponsored Link)
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You know you've been drinking too much when you think it's a good idea to brew beer that tastes like hummus, oysters, or beard
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Boaty McBoatface it is, then
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Famous 'Inverted Jenny' postage stamp resurfaces 61 years after it was stolen. Entire American Philatelic Society turned upside down
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Treasury Secretary Jack Lew to make minor announcement this week that will in no way be any cause for news coverage or political commentary. Just another day at the office
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Senior senior prom
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Photoshop this expert diver
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CSB Sunday Morning: Battles with confidence
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Gay pride
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What's worse than your baby having brain cancer? Getting the news your baby may also have been exposed to measles while at the hospital
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Sloth bear attacks woman in Maan forest. No this isn't about bachelorette parties and gay bars
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Founder of Hickory Farms, who sold it for $40 million and then devoted himself to starting an adoption agency and service dog school, goes off to the great cheese log in the sky
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Another Saturday night, another Livingston Stapler Company Presents show. Live from Juneau, Alaska, 2 or more hours of music. You know, for your ears. LGT stream
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| Sat April 16, 2016 |
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Mind you, Rhinoceros bites can be pretty nasty
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Massive quake strikes Ecuador. Magnitude updated to 7.8
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Where should we leave the baby during the strip club audition? Hot car in the sun? Yup. Let's go with that
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Cheaper by the dozen?
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Photoshop this gentle man
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The Branch Dildonian road show headed to Las Vegas, featuring refusals to enter pleas, offering a pocket constitution to the prosecutors, and Ammon's Oregon lawyer getting thrown out of court for using a cell phone
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Convicted sex offender dentist wants to work at Family Dentistry practice. And why not, since Missouri was kind enough to renew his license while he was in prison
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Dropping oil prices have helped return North Dakota to its previous state of being a desolate wasteland devoid of civilization, habitable land, or hope for the future. Raider and deathclaw attacks are said to be on the rise as well
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Bing Crosby's Rancho Mirage estate complete with 6700 sq ft cottage is up for sale. If you had $5million, you'd be signing the papers right now
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Photoshop this public stunt
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Day of the Walking Red
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Venezuela hopes to avert a massive energy crisis by setting their clocks forward half an hour
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Good luck with that
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That sweet deal that you got on your new house may be because it used to be a meth lab, which the seller didn't tell you about. Enjoy spending $30k to clean it up
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Newspaper reporter rated the worst job in America. Just think how the reporter covering THAT story must have felt
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As much as I hate variations on already perfect foods, I think I know what I'm making this weekend to go with beer and playoffs
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After polluting your body by smoking all that crap and drinking all those cold ones last night rejoice in the fact that once again pouring yourself a warm one of coffee will redeem your self-worth in life
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Apparently spring has not come for Colorado, as they may be getting up to four feet of snow in this mid-April storm
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Piñata for adults - with candy and tiny bottles of liquor. Just in time for Cinco de Mayo. This totally makes up for all the birthdays that my mom couldn't find a piñata like they had on Sesame Street. (Sponsored Link)
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Proving that he belongs in law school, 68-year-old man sues UConn, the only school of the 11 he applied to that rejected him
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UC Berkeley student whose family fled Iraq in 2002 after his diplomat father was killed on orders from Saddam Hussein for being pro-American was kicked off a flight for saying "God willing" in Arabic
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Pennsylvania set to become the 24th state to legalize medical marijuana on Sunday. And because this is Pennsylvania, no, you can't smoke it
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Florida man attempts to get to Bermuda by hamster wheel. Bermuda Triangle comments, "c'mon guys, you're making this too easy"
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Cougar caught prowling through LA high school. Nice
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Your own EVIL lair on a private Scottish island with a helipad for launching your evilness on the world for only €1.2million. Take my MUHAHAHAHA gazillians
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"Vodka doesn't necessarily make bad cocktails, but every bad cocktail has vodka in it"
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Photoshop this natural development
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And at 26 years and 21 days, Tammy the cat has seen more than 1352 Caturdays and she is not ready to stop counting yet either
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You know you love Taco Bell when your senior photo is a picture of you lying next to a Doritos Locos tacos on some train tracks while surrounded by hot sauce packets. "I go there, like, every week"
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Being a cop is hard. If it's not the bad guys going after you, it's the swans
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You know what pairs really well with popcorn? Coffee
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How do you save America's endangered black-footed ferrets? Obviously, it involves deploying UAVs to carpet-bomb Montana prairie dog colonies with peanut butter-flavored plague vaccine bomlets
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Palm Beach Zoo has an immediate opening for tiger keeper
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Michigan county discovers it can make good money off overdue library books
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| Fri April 15, 2016 |
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Smoking kills. Vaping blinds
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Tried to kill yourself? That will be $155 fine
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People who live in glass house want $3.99 million for it
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FedEx worker in Memphis falls asleep while loading plane, ends up in Lubbock, Texas
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Philly porcupine fathers two ugly-ass porcupettes with two different baby mamas, can't be bothered to name them (w/ pics & vid)
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A pizza box that turns into a pot pipe? What a country
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Do you have any driving superstitions? Subby will always only run 2 yellow lights and then will stop at the third
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They don't have a huge rat problem in London, they have a super-sized huge rat problem which grows by the day because of cannibalism
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FDA to allow you to frolic in acid to prevent birth defects . . . wait allow folic acid? Never mind
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Yo quiero black tar heroin
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Photoshop this dude standing
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Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies. And tow away your wrecked truck
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Marines send a squadron of EA-6B Prowlers to interrupt ISIS communications and frustrate users. Operation T-Mobile has begun
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Apparently, when you're nearing your centennial birthday, the only times people cheer for you is when you make a hole-in-one or drop dead on the golf course
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London Tube's 'Mind the gap' announcer Phil Sayer dies
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Cue Michael Palin: "And now four tired undertakers"
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Mass grave discovered may hold remains of those who died during the Cylon Conspiracy. I knew we shouldn't have trusted Anders to fly those ships into the sun
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"I didn't kill that girl in 1957. Let me out." "Um... okay"
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"The Coastguard Rescue Team would like to remind the public that a fridge freezer is completely unsuitable for setting out to sea in"
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"It's the worst f-ing job in the world," says someone who isn't an elephant proctologist
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"I know what I'll do to protest the 'injustice' of society..... I'll hang myself over an overpass. BRILLIANT"
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So, I'm having a life crisis. DIT
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Matt Worley from Nashville publicly shamed by major city's largest newspaper
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Good news people of Mississippi, you can now bring your guns to church to protect the baby Jesus
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Photoshop this cowboy who is outstanding in his field
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| (Court News UK) |
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"Jurors laughed when they heard the detail of the case and were told to get over their giggling fits"
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Americans spend $30 billion a year on take-out pizza. How to make really good pizza at home to the left, arguments about Chicago's greatest shortcoming to the right
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"Let's allow texting during movies in our theatres." WellThatEscalatedQuickly.jpg "I mean, let's ban texting altogether in our theatres"
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Seven useful tax write-offs for Farkers, including pot, breast implants, and ostrich depreciation
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CrossFit coach scales side of highway to rescue family after crash - OK, this is the one time we'll listen to someone ramble on about CrossFit
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With the sea seemingly in retreat, Best Korea attempts to launch assault on its other arch nemesis, the sky. As you might imagine, things did not go according to plan
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Meanwhile, here's an article that contains the phrase "Ziploc bags full of frozen spiders"
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Text-to-911 service goes live in Wayne County, allowing anyone who needs help to inform authorities that they're being shot at by a man with a gnu
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Athens, Georgia: historic home of major university, a vibrant Indie music scene, and a dudebro who used fart spray in a crowded bar
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Kyushu island 7.0 tsunami warning of the day cancelled
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Beer yoga
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The National Review attempted to launch a coordinated Twitter strike on Ted Cruz's old college roommate. Naturally, he bested them
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Most Utah headline you'll read today: After 'Sister Wives' ruling, a new push for the legislature to decriminalize polygamy
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Trump hasn't been eligible to vote in a Republican primary for 20 years. Before that, he just didn't bother showing up
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You had me at Pokemon Pikachu lingerie line (pics)
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Soon your newborn will be tested for APGAR and gang affiliation
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Yes, gentlemen, the reason no one else is wandering around Florida swamps fighting off crocodiles and venomous snakes is because they don't have the guts to look for the elusive Skunk Ape
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Cue Yakety Sax
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What shape is your butt?
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Florida prosecutor insists that he dropped assault charges against Trump's campaign manager based "purely on the facts," including facts like, whoa, Trump's got a lot of money and, holy shiat, his supporters are farking nutjobs
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Want to work at Ken Ham's Noah's Ark Park? Well, A) What the fark is wrong with you, and B) You've got to sign a pledge that you're a Christian
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Giant sinkhole opens up in front yard of Des Moines, Iowa home. Makes sense that hell would be underneath Iowa
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Many large U.S. corporations paid zero federal income taxes. Next up - the revelation that all they care about is profits, pleasing their investors, and have no concern about the quality of the products they make
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"It is an insult to octopuses to continually compare them to humans"
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Czech policeman goes to the top of the leaderboard for "Most parked cars hit while driving drunk"
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Owl trained to deliver wedding rings crashes headfirst into church window. That's what Harry Potter gets for using Errol instead of Pigwidgeon; of course, Hedwig is dead
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So what would happen if we just started paying poor people for being poor? You know, made it their actual job? We're about to find out
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'Sodomite slayer' pastor claims God will make flames shoot out of gay men's buttholes
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Christians "tip" waitress with Bible passage calling for her death. You know, just like Jesus would have
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Cyber Security Hacker Training. My voice is my passport. Verify me. (Sponsored Link)
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"My husband said, 'look, we've got a visitor' and there he was walking into the house through the garage"
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Photoshop this dog day afternoon
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Chicago Alderman says leave urban coyotes alone, let them take care of the rats
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'Napalm Girl' was haunted by the image of herself and the Vietnam War for years, but now embraces it
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ChaCha causes hoo hah
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Scientists say wine o'clock is a real thing and not just the hour when subby starts submitting headlines to Fark
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A freakish water hole in Portugal looks like Cthulhu's bunghole from the air
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Man creates website using "digital monkeys with typewriters" to attempt to publish every possible patent to kill patent trolls
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You know all those "farm to table" restaurants that hipster foodies can't pedal their single speeds fast enough to get to? Well, "Many of those local greens misted with unicorn tears are something else entirely"
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This headline will, in part, cost pepper-spraying University of California, Davis $175k
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Woman is allergic to her own sweat and tears. No word on blood
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You know those high-powered hand-dryers in the bathrooms from Dyson that blow dry your hands so well? Well they actually suck because they spread 60 times more germs than standard ones
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Czech Republic is tired of you confusing them with other countries, decides they want a new, hipper, totally different name that will change all that. All hail Czechia
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Saudis and Israelis working together, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria
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| Thu April 14, 2016 |
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Big gators have smaller gators, in their jaws to dine on them, and those gators have smaller gators, and so on, ad infinitum
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Arrested for what? Eating mulch? I'm sorry, I thought this was America
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19-year-old woman faces child porn and accessory charges for live streaming the rape of her 17-year-old friend by her 29-year-old boyfriend. "Friend" may not be the right word to describe that relationship. Or "boyfriend"
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What what in the butt? Zika, zika in the butt
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Only your one true love would tell you to get back into the truck. So you could keep inhaling the carbon monoxide so you can finally commit that suicide you've been talking about
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AL Gov admits that sure, using a state police helicopter to bring him his wallet that he left behind while fleeing his house during a Christmas Day fight with his wife over the affair he was having LOOKS bad, but he never said to use a HELICOPTER
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When 70% of your town takes anxiety pills because they have to fly anytime they want medical care, it might be time to build a road
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Ehime private school principal caught sayof pilfering rice balls and sake from supermarket
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Great. Now North Carolinians are opposed to breasts, too
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CT Judge rules that gun makers should be psychic
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Before Portland became cool, it took civil defense seriously and implemented rock-solid plan to survive global thermonuclear war with USSR - by successfully evacuating 29,423 vehicles and 101,074 people from city core in less than one hour in 1955
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$1,000,000 no longer enough to buy all the items listed in the Barenaked Ladies song "If I Had $1,000,000." That's cruel
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People stranded in DC subway system, seen drinking RadAway and grabbing Lincoln's Repeater
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Nearly half of all US households belong to Amazon Prime, according to new report. Man, that fine print in EULA gets you every time
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Babies sell out for crackers, stickers and science
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China, having apparently grown bored with just pirating software and movies, now moves on to pirating entire cities
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Photoshop this columnist
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Son, lighting my grandson on fire is no way to go through life
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US scolds France for violent cops and dirty prisons, in bizarre move that leaves both pots and kettles confused
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College professor: Okay students, in order to get you ready for the horrors in life you will now commence to drink Baijiu for your exam. Bottoms up
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"I think someone may be living in a pothole near my house"
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The Italians knock off My Little Pony. You should have paid the protection money, Celestia
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Here are the reasons why the Navy didn't shoot down the Russian jets that buzzed their ship. Not wanting to turn the entire planet into a radioactive wasteland strangely absent
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More husbands negotiating with their wives for the right to cheat. Also known as "The Bill Clinton Clause"
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All those "religious freedom" laws and "Bathroom Bills" that seem to have popped up simultaneously across the country? Turns out they've all been written by Kim Davis' lawyers
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Never get in a road rage fight with someone who can see two of you
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Nice ranch-style home for sale and the price may be negotiable due to the cat urine, drug paraphernalia and the squatter that police won't evict
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Man goes full potato. Loses 70 lbs
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Everyone in the Northeast U.S., get ready to stab holes in your eardrums. ooo-eee-ooo-eee, Screeeeeee, cchhhiirrrppp or however you describe it, let me sing you the song of my people
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Fark Food Thread: Smoked, baked, braised, pulled, swimming in sauce, dry rub, whichever ya like. This here's a BBQ thread.. show us how it's done
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Philly Catholic penguin charged with DUI says she doesn't remember her drunken car crash ...or driving for that matter ...or the arresting officers
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Ah, beachcombing: you never know what you might find, be it pirate treasure, sea shells, or insanely valuable whale vomit
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Photoshop this Einstein
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Trail of destruction proves once again that 6-year-olds are just the worst drivers
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Post a viral video of your son being paddled at school? Yup, that's a paddlin'
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Littoral lube failure proves costly for Navy, most relationships
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Study shows airport sniffer dogs splendid at smelling smuggled sausages
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'There goes the neighborhood' used to mean the exact reverse of this
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Man with worst case of crabs ever gets sentenced to five years in prison
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Worried about how to afford college for your kids? Try to afford daycare first
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The guy living in a box in his friend's living room in San Francisco for $400 a month now has to move out. In related news, he spent $1,300 building a wooden box
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Airline passenger tries to smuggle live birds in his pants, is caught live tweeting
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Russian defense officials don't understand why Americans are so "distressed" over their pilots buzzing a destroyer. "Sorry, but the pattern was full"
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Sir, masturbating for 3 hours is acceptable on Greyhound but not MegaBus
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That moment when you learn you're on the ISIS kill list
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Don't hug Stacey's boyfriend
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Australian couple convicted, fined for cow-sharing
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It is only Russia that has fifth-generation fighter aircraft. America's best fighter F-22 Raptor lacks teeth
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But what am I supposed to do with the other six days of the week?
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DirecTV installer saves double amputee veteran from burning house sometime between the hours of 3 PM and 9 PM
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Need evidence as to why you should keep your seat belt fastened while in a plane? Behold Exhibit A
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The Appeals Court rules that the government has the right to access your cell phone data without a warrant
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"Dear Prudence: My ex is offering to pay me a fair amount of cash if I hang out with him and be his friend. I'm worried that I'll look like a prostitute and get drawn back into a relationship, but I could use the cash"
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"Man chases boss with chainsaw, does doughnuts in truck as one of his coworkers films the event"
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Here's the story of a guy who says he won't use toilet paper for "cultural reasons," so he wipes with his hands. Which is bad enough without knowing he's a chef and his kitchen is covered with brown fingerprints
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Cat decides to recline on top of train in Japan during rush hour. Hilarity ensues
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Bouqs Company - flowers from eco-friendly sustainable farms. Never underestimate the impact of random flowers. (Sponsored Link)
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Most litigious man in the world sues Trump. No this is not about Kanye West
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Photoshop this golden-shoed walker
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Canada politely tells Americans to go kill themselves somewhere else
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2,4,6,8, which cheer coach should I punch in the face?
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A former porn shop will celebrate its transition into a book store by hosting a sex-themed art show. "Prostitution is a big part of our city's history"
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It's 2016 and some prosecutors are still convinced that marijuana is the gateway drug to heroin
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Ninth-grade girls hire male stripper to perform at their school's synchronized swimming club's annual banquet. Surprisingly, someone has a problem with that
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Suicide at golf course leaves hole in one
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Man gets an extra tearjerker of a song in the sleeve after buying used vinyl LP
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Not News: Erik Prince of Blackwater/Xe/Academi fame is building his own air force to fight in Africa's resource wars. News: By weaponizing civilian aircraft. Fark: For his Chinese investors, who overruled the retired US Admiral on the company's Board
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Judge rules The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is not a real religion. And yet, Scientology is?
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Seeing a movie in a theater is about to become even less enjoyable
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Bad Day at the Dildo Corral. Potatriot pleads guilty to threatening to kill Obama, says he'll provide info on other Potatriot crimes
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Men fake orgasms to help their partner's self-esteem, researchers find in new study. WAIT, WHAT? How does that work?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 571: "It's Complementary" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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This week in headlines you can't believe aren't from 2008: "Digital Music Revenues Top Physical Sales"
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| Wed April 13, 2016 |
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Having internet sex with pre-teens is not enough for 'Zel the Wolf', he needs sex with the family dog
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Trader Joe's falls to the power of the Beef on Weck sandwich as Wegmans rises to the rank of best grocery chain in America
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In-n-Out, apparently unaware of their own name, is threatening lawsuit because a model used their food in a sexually suggestive manner
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Photoshop this feline ferocity
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If you have some cans of Campbell's soup on display in your lair, the FBI would like for you to boast about your evil scheme
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Louisiana governor signs order to protect LGBT rights... that has to be a typo
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He may not be the hero this funeral needs, but he is the hero this funeral deserves. Okay, so he's dressed as Spiderman not Batman, but you try writing funny headlines with all this dust in here
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In happy harmless news that should concern absolutely no one, two empty containers labeled "Guided Missile" found floating offshore southeast Alaskan island
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*Beep* Here is your 3D printed pizza. Share and enjoy
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Affluenza teen gets jail time. Facepalm tag is for how much
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Families of the people who died when a Germanwings Airline pilot deliberately crashed his jetliner into the Swiss Alps are suing the American flight school that taught him how to fly, because that makes sense, somehow
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Michigan authorities kill black burglary suspect for exercising his right to bear arms
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Report identifies 22 German citizens who are in Syria actively fighting for ISIS, which wouldn't be so bad if it weren't the report of an investigation of active-duty members of the German military
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Photoshop this flexible golfer
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Hoarder is crushed to death by a pile of his own crap in Alcabre, Spain
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Sailor takes on 12 labors to benefit war vets. Hercules impressed
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In which we are sure these aren't the dirtiest things found there, beach trash in New Jersey that has been found include a rubber brain, birth control pills, and a keg
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Woman gets off after being accused of beating husband upon finding his dildo
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American destroyer with Polish helicopter aboard observes threatening flybys from Russian fighter jets. Americans upset, Russians indignant, Polish pilot submerges helicopter and drives away
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Zika Is Coming-Here's What You Should Know Before You Freak Out says article intended to click-bait you into freaking out
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Chinese courts hear first same-sex marriage case, refuse marriage license. Don't they realize NCAA may reconsider hosting Division I basketball tournament games there?
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Man says too much music, masturbation caused him to vandalize home, ordered to stay away from Fark parties
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It's sad that we needed a research study to determine if there was consensus of the research into the cause of global warming, but here we are
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Google patents new feature for autonomous cars: The ability to detect a "turn signal," whatever the heck that is
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Whether you're writing a novel, a short story or poetry, we welcome you with strong embraces, a love of all things readable and terrible puns. We're very punny people. Come, bring your notes and your ideas. THIS is Fark's Writer's Thread
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It was an acne treatment face mask...yes..yes that's what it was. A black acne treatment face mask
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Emojis were supposed to be language's Great Equalizer, something we'd all interpret the same way. But that's not happening, partly because the same emoji can look different depending on the phone. Is it time for an Emoji Regulatory Agency?
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Accountant sues organizers of sex festival after they bar him from entry because "he didn't have enough references from other swingers" (w/ pic of accountant that explains a lot)
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Secretive Harvard club: We don't allow women to join because we are probably rapists
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Texas A.G. goes all in, says "Fark it, y'all can carry a loaded weapon right into a courthouse, just as Jesus intended," much to the chagrin of every sane judge in the state
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And the decline of western civilization continues: food trucks for dogs growing in Seattle
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Conductor playing games on his phone causes train crash that kills eleven
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Pebble Time Smartwatch. What's your favorite smartwatch? (Sponsored Link)
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Why is it so hard to draw the Queen? ..whilst trying to shake off her leg-humping corgis
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American national anthem broadcast in McDonald's restaurants every morning in Canada, annoys the locals
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One dead, two hurt after lawn mower towing wheelchair with another passenger on the hood is hit by truck. No word on who held the beer for them
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"We need to fight ISIS with comedy; when you laugh at them when they are goose-stepping down the street, you take away their power" says noted human rights activist Bono on his solution to combat terrorism
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There are responsible citizens, and then there's a guy from Florida who flew to Connecticut to voluntarily turn himself in after he received a warrant for his arrest on charges that he stole a TV in 1989
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Photoshop this guard at his post
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Woman witnesses motorcyclists punching a man on the ground in the middle of the road, so she stops and pulls out her gun. Then things get weird
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"I saw the actor that plays Superman, Henry Cavill, at the airport with his support dog," she adds. "That was a little disappointing. He's Superman"
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Democracy: Syria's business
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Those 28 redacted pages of the 9/11 report may soon be declassified, revealing the Saudi Government, in collusion with the Reptoids, aided and abetted the terrorists
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Eighty-year-old Internet Black Widow arrested again for conducting herself as the eighty-year-old Internet Black Widow
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Not News: gang of 50+ drivers hold sideshow. News: at 6 in the afternoon on Sunday. Holy Fark: on the Bay Bridge
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It's a flying clam
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Yeah, gimme two giant double cheeseburgers and a large fries, to go
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"So you ask why are aliens writing in the middle of New Mexico? This is a warning to humans not to damage their base underground"
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Leave it to the New York Post to have the worst headline of the day: Can you really justify wanting to have sex with your mom?
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German sports cars are known to be the best in the world. Therefore, the best selling sports car in Germany last month was....the Ford Mustang?
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America has a long and storied history with regulating alcohol, such as a high drinking age, and a requirement that all alcohol be slightly radioactive
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| Tue April 12, 2016 |
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Photographic evidence of people in Mexico defacing U.S. property
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Badass grandma survives 9 days in wilderness, kills elk to fashion "help" sign with its bones ... presumably from picture, anyway ... article's kinda long
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Need a good reason to finally getting around to fixing the leaky roof on your old house? You may stumble across a dusty old Caravaggio painting in the attic worth €120m
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Nothing could go wrong if we build a school on a site referred to as "a former toxic concrete mountain." Basketball-court sized sinkhole: Challenge accepted
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Governor sells T-shirts for $45 to pay off campaign debt, but he can't guarantee color or size. He suggests using them for crafts
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Car surfing in a Walmart parking lot ends just as you'd expect
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Guardian discovers that most internet trolls are sexist and racist. Guardian next plans to research the wetness of water
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Photoshop what's hiding in the mist below
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Latest problems in Flint, Michigan: (1) People aren't using enough water (2) People aren't wearing enough hats
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Smurfs in my fire alarm? It's more likely than you think, so says the man in only underwear and socks
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Pro Tip: If you absolutely must bring your marijuana grinder designed to resemble a hand grenade on your flight, don't pack it in your carry-on
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Dave UpTheGrove is entering Seattle election race as an environmentalist. Meanwhile, Bill DownTheHatch still can't get off the couch to register on the Fark Ticket
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Hosting the World Cup and the Olympics was supposed to let Brazil show the world that it was an emerging world power. Between the recession, the corruption, the Zika virus, toxic Rio water and impeaching their president; it's done the opposite
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Illinois police dept is stopping use of body cams because people are actually asking for the footage when they get beaten up and that's just too much work
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Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. It might have something to do with the rampaging monkeys
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Kenyan police break through police station wall throwing tear gas canisters to force a group of Taiwanese on to a plane to China. No word if they shouted "Hey Koolaid" just to be funny
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Will the officer please show the court how the grenade works?
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Another study finds that same-sex parents are as good as opposite-sex ones. And still get mad at each other for leaving cap off toothpaste
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Major Tim Peak "catches the dragon" on the ISS. Funny, I didn't even know he liked to chase it
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One of the co-sponsors of Tennessee's Anti-trans bathroom bill is found to be a bigger threat to women than the non-existent bathroom predators he's so worried about
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Photoshop this pensive pose
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Germany's Deutsche Bank cancels North Carolina plans over LGBT legislation. Man, and there I was looking forward to their live show
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Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Somebody stole a porcupine made of nails from Portland International Jetport
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North Koreans who labored abroad in cold Siberian logging camps, or doing construction in the desert for 16 hours a day, explain that they put up with those working conditions because, compared to back home, they are the LUCKY ones
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I mean sometimes you just NEED to bring a rifle to a baby shower
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"...and then the police arrived and you chewed on them, too"
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Army Corps of Engineers, our national mapmaker, recommends against construction of federal building in St. Clair County, Illinois because of problems in St. Clair County, Missouri and St. Clair County, Michigan
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Yes, your cat absolutely needs 3D-printed battle armor
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"My chicken sandwich was wrong, by the way"
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NOPE: Spelunking at Chernobyl reactor number 4
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Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight? Same thing we do every night, Inky - try to take over the world
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Yes, it's OK for Germans to make Hitler jokes. Some of their best friends are Hitler
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Two NC breweries creating 'Don't be Mean to People' beer in opposition of HB2
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A gift from the past to your dinner table: the 1971 recipe for Cheese Bananas
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Woman claims dry shampoo made her go bald. With helpful pic
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Driver going 171 MPH by Lake Superior faces possible auto ban. In related news, police prefer to not keep track of the high score
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Irritated by all these modern-day life hacks? How about life hacks from the '90s that don't even work anymore? Which, of course, raises the question -- can an outdated life hack be hacked to work again?
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If a free scoop of ice cream sounds good to you, head to your nearest Ben & Jerry's Tuesday to take part in "Free Cone Day"
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This is what happens when an official spokesman just gives up
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Nearly 85% of commercial fisheries are in danger of going out of business due to no more fish
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Not surprisingly, on the list of "most challenged books" in schools nationwide is a book that is full of scenes of incest, murder, adultery genocide, and graphic depictions of bestiality
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NPR explores the question of whether carrying a pistol makes you safer. Short answer: No. Long answer: Pew pew pew pew pew pew. No
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John Kerry refuses to apologize for America winning WW2
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John Kerry apologizes for America winning WW2
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USS Portland, the Navy's first pedal-powered warship, to be commissioned next year
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It's been a year since Freddie Gray died while in the custody of Baltimore police, and the city that inspired The Wire and Homicide: Life on the Street is really slow at getting over the incident and trusting their cops again
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Fark Store Daily Deal: From the creators of Scrivener: Scapple. Free-form, non-linear, mind-mapping software. Gluten-free and non-habit forming too. (Make brainstorming for your novel look like a crime investigation board.) (Sponsored Link)
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Posing as a cop to get free unprotected sex from a hooker is no way to go throu....wait, cops get free unprotected sex from hookers?
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Conservative Christian evangelist says Disney movies are turning animals into "Pagan gods." Well, Jungle Book, you can't ask for better marketing than that
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This man has stone balls. That is just spherical man. Lots of iron
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Don't make fun of presidents who have sex with goats. Even if they do
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Best Korea plagiarizes Abraham Lincoln to criticize the Obama Administration
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Automakers beg the Feds not to be hasty and create a botched set of rules for autonomous cars Instead, take your time and really fark it up right
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Photoshop Challenge: Create a ransom note that someone would be willing to pay
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All right, fess up Farkers. Which one of you is responsible for this?
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"Clowns attacked teen with sex toys at haunted house." Well, that's one of my phobias
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Girl kicked out of her sorority because IT'S JUST NOT FAIR
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Gay bars tired of bachelorette parties ruining their groove by treating them like petting zoos. Bridal showers bring gay sours
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Photographers taking pictures of fountain with children nearby are attacked by angry mothers. "Some stupid girl decided she'd 'smashed a paedophile ring' on Southend seafront and it's been shared about 13,000 times on Facebook"
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"Banana can be a polarizing flavor"
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School cop who was videoed body-slamming a sixth-grade girl now has more time to work on his WWE career
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Involved in a traffic accident in New York State? You may soon be required to submit your mobile phone for forensic analysis on the spot
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And what is the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institutes of Health consensus on the Zika Virus? EVERYBODY PANIC
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Yes. OH GOD YES YES YES
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Here is just how often you should be having sex
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Many people believe they'll be greeted by angels when they arrive in heaven. Then there's what the Colorado Planned Parenthood shooter imagines
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RIP Duane Clarridge. You never heard of him, he was a spy before it was cool to be a spy
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| Mon April 11, 2016 |
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Married couple killed after their car went off mountain road, rolled down embankment and then exploded, just like on '70s TV
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NASA has released audio of what space sounds like and it's really spooky and available in a 24-hour stream
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"Fun weekend mom" means different things to different people
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Headline: Frog cruelty investigation reveals they were only having sex at a tourist attraction
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Thieves caught after robbing cell phone store. Fark: They left all of the devices' GPS on
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Fark NotNewsletter: A man, a plan, a money laundering scheme
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| (Barakas Somebody) |
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Photoshop this badass
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Police say man with "Budweiser" neck tattoo swallowed five bags of heroin as his truck exploded on highway. Mugshot included
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE SAYS IT IS DONE shouting forecasts at you in all-caps
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Human body parts found in Seattle home recycling bin. What sick monster does something like that? Those clearly belong into the compost bin
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Hungry cow in Australia's Northern Territory sends police on wild goose chase after triggering an emergency beacon
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Scientists discover some people have "Superhero DNA" that gives them special immunities, Professor Charles Xavier and Agent Phil Coulson would like to speak to these people
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WOOF...I mean, uh...meow
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Chariot, a would-be competitor to Uber that employs only women drivers and will only pick up female passengers is set to launch in Boston, despite the fact that such a service would likely be illegal
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Christian publisher tells women that dildos are a "direct path to Satan," and an integral part of demon summoning rituals for thousands of years. I mean just look what happened to Ammon Bundy and his crew after they even just TOUCHED one (Not safe for work images in article)
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Goldman Sachs will pay $5.06 billion to settle federal charges of deceptive mortgage practices in the years leading up to the 2008 financial meltdown
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XHamster decides that if you are too concerned about genitals then you don't get to see any
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Guy goes to dentist expecting to have four teeth pulled. Wakes up naked and totally toothless in hospital after coding twice in ambulance
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Why a rural farm in Potwin, Kansas, owned by an 82-year-old woman, attracts so much attention from FBI agents, federal marshals, IRS collectors and others
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