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| Sun April 10, 2016 |
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Canadian First Nation town declares state of emergency due to a "suicide epidemic" that included 11 suicide attempts on Saturday alone
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Monkey ninja kicks a guy clear into next week
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Experts warn that self driving cars are scary. Experts also warn that most people who are legally allowed to drive are also scary
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| (Some Persuading Guy) |
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Photoshop this persuasion
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So what really happens to the plane when you don't put your phone in airplane mode? Uh...nothing. Maybe a few beeps, but otherwise, nothing
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UK surveillance agency on reports that they prevented the leak of one of the Harry Potter books: "We don't comment on our defence against the dark arts"
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Teacher forced to quit after parents find video of her twerking in a bikini. Yeah, let's punish her for having a good time on vacation
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Proud Marine parents display Marines stickers, logos, their son's photo on their vehicle. Of course, someone has a problem with that
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Panama Papers' latest victim: You having to work for a living
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Look, MotY candidates. If you've just abandoned your 5-year-old son at a Walmart to be found and raised by someone else, then spent the last hour having sex in a nearby apartment, don't come back to the store after to see if he's still there
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Photoshop theme: Fake "life hacks" (LGT example)
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Anne Boleyn's head turns up on eBay, just like everything if you wait long enough
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Woman run over while sunbathing. That is what you get for sunbathing in a parking lot ... [reads article] ...oh Fark
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Protip: Do not tell women to smile. Unless you just like pissing off women
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New Yorker cartoonist dies in car crash. No word what the indecipherable caption will read under his obituary photo
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| (The State Journal) |
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"Whether the elaborate hoax to regain the girl worked out is unknown"
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Apparently everyone was too busy reading yesterday to have a Saturday Book Discussion. So, here's your belated thread ... and this week, we're in search of the greatest comedy novels of all time
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Nothing to see, move along, move along
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4th Amendment? We don't need no stinking 4th Amendment
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Lifetime RealtimeBoard Premium. Intermediate subscription level not offered on their website - more features than free and less than $50/month. Which Myers-Briggs likes this style of collaboration? INTP? ESFJ? (Sponsored Link)
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Melbourne man wakes up in a casino airshaft with 'no idea' how he got there, has to be rescued by emergency services
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| (Some Smock) |
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Photoshop this Picard maneuver
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| (Some Guy) |
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CSB Sunday Morning: First adult decision
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Texas teacher resigns after arrest prompted by video of her repeatedly smacking student on the head and calling him "idiot ass" in class. Now she's free to run for Texas Board of Education slot
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You won't be taken seriously as a tiki bartender unless you have a fistful of cocktail umbrellas, a grass skirt, and a bottle of falernum
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Sudden influx of U.S. tourists causing Cuba to run low on beer. Thanks Obama
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If you want to buy a treehouse owned by a shaman known as Genesis, all you need to give him is a satchel of lucky crickets, ten silver coins, a spirit bag of lavender, and a $500 donation to the local homeless shelter. Just kidding. It costs $8 mil
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Prank callers convince Burger King to smash out their windows in the funniest prank call since they were asked if there are any walls there
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Lab results show that the bodies found in a mass grave in Mexico weren't those of the 43 missing students. So, the students are still missing and they have no idea who's in the mass grave. Great police work, Lou
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Oldest inmate on Texas' death row deprives Texans of a good execution
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They take their wine seriously in Spain. Like, guerilla war serious
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You say rubbish, I say rubbish-free lifestyle
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Invisible shiat sandwich
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Egypt, Saudi Arabia building a bridge over Red Sea; that whirring sound you hear is Moses
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If you think El Nino has ended California's drought, here are 13 trillion reasons why you're wrong
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| Sat April 09, 2016 |
| (Alaska Folk Festival) |
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Just a reminder that Livingston Stapler Company Presents will be preempted by the annual Alaska Folk Festival tonight. LGT festival site where live audio/video streaming is available
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Vishu celebrations unleash Shiva
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Kittens rescued after being found in the trash. Heartless owner to be charged with littering
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Boy gets the surprise of his life after no one showed up to his birthday party
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| (Some Scarfy Guy) |
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Photoshop this hipster who's clearly out of line
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Two ugly-ass white tiger cubs are born at theme park. Welcome to Earth, Titan and Apollo
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Young woman punched in the face for no apparent reason by man in the park. With helpful picture of the park in the early 1930s
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1,200 participants successfully break world record in a game of 'human mattress dominoes.' Yes, there is a video
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One-week-old ugly-ass tiger cubs make their debut at Chinese zoo
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You may think you're a badass, but are you a 70-year-old, cane-wielding, chased-off-a-robber at-Waffle-House badass?
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School children launched a stuffed animal into space. It's basically become Sandra Bullock in 'Gravity' (Some Not safe for work images in sidebar)
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In defense of pretension
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B-52's join the fight against ISIS, bringing a New Wave in the allied offense
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Houston, we have a problem
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You know who else liked to seize territory?
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Starbucks barista offends customer with accurate prediction
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Photoshop Challenge: Get jiggy with this puzzle piece
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A 4-year-old saved his mom's life by unlocking her cellphone and calling for help, is now planning to put Kindergarten on hold while he considers offers made by both Apple and the FBI
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Facebook campaign underway to get female tourists to take off their clothes and post pictures of it
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I was wondering if I'd be able to get a pic of that plane landing when suddenly it hit me
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Stop me if you have heard this one before. Apple and the Justice Department are locked in a battle over unlocking an iPhone
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Overweight dog loses half his body weight. Goes from chunky to hunky
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"I'm scared on top of this utility pole. I'm going to puma pants"
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Fark Store Daily Deal: iSafe Drive 64GB. Thumb drive for backing up your iPhone and expanding your iPhone storage. I need this yesterday. (Sponsored Link)
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Sorry, Crocodile Dundee, but if you want a REAL knife, you have to come to Texas
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Use the forms, Luke
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Want to cut your risk for Type 2 diabetes or obesity? Simple: drink the good stuff, not that 2%, 1%, or (god forbid) skim crap
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You know that Facebook post that claims you can pay your income taxes in cash at the nearest 7-Eleven? Yeah, about that...wait, you mean it's true? Really?
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"Oh hi, thanks for using our sperm bank to conceive your child. Turns out that donor wasn't the PhD candidate we advertised, he was a career criminal with schizophrenia. We good? Kthxbye"
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If you're drinking and driving, just go home and sleep it off. Don't set up a fake DUI checkpoint along the highway
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Italian foodies unimpressed by inflammatory French video demonstrating one-pot recipe for pasta alla carbonara with creme fraiche and onion. "We're open to all kinds of variations on the carbonara, but this goes too far...désolé"
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Colorado's proposed universal healthcare organization would rank 80th on the Fortune 500 list if it were a private company. Revenues would surpass state budget by over $16 billion
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The USPS is adjusting the postal rate yet again ... downward? Wait, what?
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Photoshop this buffalo soldier
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Because it's not everyday that a kitty jumps straight into your van engine as you're going down a busy London street, let's give a hats-off to this fire brigade for rescuing this frightened little guy in just three hours after ripping the van apart
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VP of Jet Pack International critically injured after falling 10 feet during demo at Go Fast energy drink company
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Need to cure your sugar addiction? Take up smoking
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NC congressman thinks the person standing up for gay people is a bully, rather than the people passing anti-LGBT laws
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| Fri April 08, 2016 |
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It's Friday, so the Fark Weird News Quiz is back with a vengeance. With real questions this time
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Japan invents the salad cake: all the spongy texture of a cake, all the great flavor and vegetable-based nutrition of a salad. We shall call it....sake! No wait
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Former Navy SEAL who killed bin Laden never has to buy a drink again...but he does have to face the consequences for DUI
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Castaways learn a valuable lesson because they'd watched Gilligan's Island all those years ago
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In annual tradition, over 100 Tokyo cherry blossom viewers rushed to hospital for acute alcohol intoxication
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New sign for Civil War veterans buried in Billings cemetery. Personally I think displaying the sign would have been a better choice
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THIS is how you Sonic
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Cost of liver disease medication jumps from $400 a month to $40,000 a month. Martin Shkreli unavailable for comment
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Buzzfeed is now officially the Gallagher of news media
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The Falcon has landed
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Archbishop of Canterbury learns he is a bastard
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Photoshop this blackhawk
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Short people think Duke sucks
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Even though buckling in your cases of beer with seatbelts will keep it from moving around the car, the cops may have a problem with you making the kids and baby ride on adults' laps and in the footwells in order to facilitate your cunning plan
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Andrew Moore was a WWII veteran raised in an orphanage who never married and outlived his friends. He died with no will, no instructions and no next of kin. But thanks to his neighbors, today he'll be buried as a hero at Arlington Cemetery
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The number of times you should shower a week may surprise you, unless you are French
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Man who had half his penis amputated speaks out, presumably in a higher pitch
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Everybody stand back, they are restarting the Large Hardon Collider
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Photographer hangs with Klan Members in TN and MD. The pictures are about what you would expect them to be
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Mark your calendar and set your alarm, SpaceX hopes the 5th time's the charm. Will Falcon 9 finally stick the sea landing? What's with the sappy Droneship name? And where are my pants? SpaceX launch scheduled for 4:43pm Eastern/1:43pm Pacific, hot diggity
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this blank billboard
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Italian bee rustling is on the rise. Interpol on lookout for anyone carrying millions of tiny lassos
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RELAX everyone, the 'Great British Biscuit Crisis' is over
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Harrison Ford has phony arrest planted in police records, presumably by one-armed man
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My black female roomba appears to have mated with a white roomba and an orange roomba. The litter was huge. I have calico roombas all over the place now. Who wants me to send them one? What do I feed baby roombas?
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Could this $4 Canadian hack help solve the Zika crisis? Answer: No, probably not
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This is [redacted] newspapers look [redacted] in places without the First Amendment, like the [redacted] and the UK
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Mossack Fonseca law firm has never forgiven Americans for Van Hagar
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Paris attacks suspect Mohamad Abrini, the infamous 'the man in the hat' at the Brussels airport attack has been arrested by Belgian authorities
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Toyota built a wooden car, complete with a 'century meter' to track years of ownership, and it's awesome
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Frank Costanza has nothing on this kid
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Senators to airline passengers: You know, you're right. Airline seats *are* getting ridiculously cramped. Maybe we should do something. Airlines: My goodness, look at all this money we found. Senators: Actually, scratch that - these seats are great
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Game Development e-learning bundle. If your kid is going to play games anyway, might as well get her to code one. (Sponsored Link)
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Victims confirmed at Lackland AFB, police are searching for the shooter or shooters
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Los Angeles car chase had it all; high speeds, blacktop-scarring donuts, the TMZ tour bus, helicopters, and then it ended with high-fives and selfies
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Being found with your boyfriend's blood all over you after he is stabbed with a kitchen knife is "legally insufficient" to prosecute you for anything in Washington State, if you're Miss Washington USA
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Identical twin sisters and their identical twin husbands all undergo plastic surgery because they can't tell who is married to who
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The right wing vows to do something about this Pope because he wants to "tolerate" gays, not beat them up like Jesus would do
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Photoshop theme: If only there were such an app
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If you're reading this then you're lying in the wet spot. Sweet dreams
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Attention DC farkers: Do you ride those Circulator buses around the city? Yes? You're gonna die. In fact, you may be dead already
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Enforcement of North Carolina's transgender bathroom bill may be stalled
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New York City cracks down on titty me Elmo
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Just because Arizona is considering laws that target illegal immigrants, the Phoenix Chamber of Commerce asks that you don't boycott the state because it could really hurt them economically
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Parents outraged that the government won't just let their 6-year-old brain cancer patient son die
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Family convinced that their 4-year-old son has renounced terrorism, wants him removed from watch list
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Mother and boyfriend beat 8-year-old to death, so naturally authorities go after fat cat social workers
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News: NJ facing income tax shortfall after the state's richest man moves to Fark's favorite state. Newsier: Someone worth $10.6 Billion chose to live in NJ
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Finally, somebody may face charges after cops fatally shoot a man who was carrying an air rifle at a Walmart. And that somebody could be the guy who called 911 in the first place
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Why 12 million Americans believe alien lizards rule us. BECAUSE THEY DO. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE
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Someone actually is going to jail for financial fraud - 83 years worth of jail. Judge: "I deem you a financial predator"
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New Jersey high schoolers play Nazis vs. Jews drinking game called "Alcoholocaust." Wait, wasn't this one of those Ice-T Law and Order memes?
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Clark County family finds dildo in their shed
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Facebook doesn't yet recognize "Polyamorous" as a relationship status, which means we're all being oppressed or something
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Man arrested for watering his lawn. (while naked, throwing a beer bottle at a deputy and trying to get all stabby with an 8"... Knife)
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That small Keystone pipeline leak? Yeah, it's ninety times worse than expected
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Spark your curiosity. Lonely Swedes are standing by now waiting to bork with you. What are you waiting for? There's nothing to lose. I want to hear your voice
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Water company chief says that filling the street back in after they dig it up for water main repairs is "not our core business"
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If you don't want to shop at a supermarket that failed health inspection, don't go shopping
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| Thu April 07, 2016 |
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Man has to be rescued from Morro Rock after climbing it to propose to girlfriend via Facetime, misunderstanding when she said "if you're going to propose, it better involve a giant rock"
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Bride flips the bird at her in-laws during wedding reception, things escalate quickly
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"Doc, does this look infected to you?" is apparently a legally ambiguous area in which to practice medicine
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Speeding past deputies to illegally park at the courthouse to make your court date while high and having drugs packaged for sale is probably the way your life was going to be anyway, Thomas Weed
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Man, 27, called cops because his mom was "mad and yelling at him" for smoking all their meth
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Three shades of Fark: 1. Woman dies around Christmas & family is told to dig hole in cemetery themselves as diggers won't work on holiday. 2. Box is empty. 3: Woman's body found weeks later in funeral director's van after arrest for drunk driving
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Teen killed by malfunctioning rocket-powered skateboard. Acme Corporation unavailable for comment
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To the disbelief of women everywhere, researchers say modern men lack the Y chromosome from Neanderthals
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♫ Policemen had six newborn lambs, newborn lambs, newborn lambs. Policemen had six newborn lambs, in an illegal smuggling ring ♪
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Million dollar award winning teacher gives hard lesson in Yankee thrift
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Didn't kill anyone this month? Great, here's your $1,300 check
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Cop t-bones school bus, injuring 3. Cop says the bus just suddenly cut in front of him, and nobody could possibly have stopped in time, even if he had been paying attention and following traffic laws
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Man who had a stroke running in a marathon says he's got half a mind to run in another one
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Meet the new face of Irritable Bowel Syndrome
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Dear US Marshals: I got this. Signed, Michonne
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Brave Iraqi Army, bravely ran away / When ISIS reared its ugly head, they bravely turned their tails and fled / Brave Iraqis turned about, and gallantly they chickened out
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Father of 7 accused of credit card fraud found collecting child porn as well as having a sex slave tied to a stripper pole in his house, or as Michiganders call it, "Thursday"
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Town in shock after an entire KFC meal was tragically abandoned on the streets of Cheltenham. Reporters launch a high-profile appeal to reunite it with its owner
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I lost one fourth of my legs in the Middle East and all I got was this Dickin Medal
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Photoshop this clock-tower
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Former Auschwitz guard died how he lived: A Coward
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USS Gerald Ford set to join the fleet in September, when it will be promptly eaten by the USS Seawolf, the Connecticut, and the Jimmy Carter because it is delicious
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New York's top court rules that parents can eavesdrop on their own children's phone calls. Difficulty: Finding a child who actually uses their phone for anything besides texting, social media and sending photos
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A video of Iggy Pop using his cock for facial grooming is much more adorable than it sounds
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Florida man sets up the perfect murder by claiming self defense in his front yard. Well, perfect except for his own surveillance cameras recording the whole incident
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"Sarah A. Edwards, 22, faces charges of molesting a coin operated machine and grand theft"
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Another quality car chase in LA today, going through the rain in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the freeways, and with a TMZ tour bus trying to stop two "criminal masterminds" in a convertible (still ongoing at this time)
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Got a frog in your throat? Nope, octopus
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Virginia legislators pass law prohibiting police from ticketing vehicles with expired inspection stickers or tags while they're waiting in line to renew them. Because, apparently, they were allowed to do that before and did, a lot
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Maker of Japanese popsicles in flavors like, grapefruit, spaghetti, and corn stew airs a national ad apologizing for raising the prices of their product by about $0.10 when they SHOULD be apologizing for those flavors, seriously, corn stew? WTF?
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Garden time, Farkers. It's time to plant something other than your ass on a bar stool for another drink. Show us what you're growing this year and give tips on what makes a good home garden
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Questions you can expect to be asked during a routine traffic stop in Indiana: "Do you know how fast you were going?" "How many drinks have you had?" "Have you been saved by Jesus Christ?"
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Things not to post on Facebook after you kill your girlfriend in a car wreck: "Shiat happens"
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How many people have you indirectly slept with?
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The most 2010's thing ever just happened. Woman gets into a Twitter fight with another woman, take an Uber to her house to get into a real fight with her, livetweets that she got her ass kicked, and then took another Uber home
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How do you shoot yourself in the ass with a rifle?
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Photoshop this horse
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College takes the position "Missionary" is a boring mascot. Up for grabs whether it's replaced by Doggy Style or On the Kitchen Table
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DC Police kill pit bull. I know his music is questionable, but that seems somewhat extreme
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Washington state authorities are on the lookout for two violent escaped mental patients. They fear that if the escapees make it to Portland, they'll blend in and never be found
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What do you call 20,000 lesbians in a desert oasis?
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The coolest 'Viking Funeral" for a pet fish that you'll see today
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For National Beer Day today, here are some booze deals and handy brew facts to get you through the day of hoisting many
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Handy tip for travelers: In France, under a new law, it is no longer illegal to BE a prostitute, but it IS illegal for a customer to pay for one
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Libya's Tripoli-based government will "cease operation" and absolve itself of responsibility for the country's fate. Apparently they got the idea after watching elected officials in Flint, Michigan
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Sovereign citizen's hands violently secede from his body while he's attempting to mix an explosive commonly known as "the mother of Satan" because of its instability
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It's official: "Panama Papers: Putin rejects corruption allegations". Never believe in something until it's officially denied
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71 years after his downfall and death, the town of Tegernsee strips Hitler of his 'honorary citizen' status
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One of those unexpected costs of online dating is a few thousand quid for your date when she texts you to say she's been kidnapped by a sex-crazed gangster and needs ransom money
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Fark Store Daily Deal: E-learning: C, Java, SQL, Python, C++, Raspberry Pi... Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. (Sponsored Link)
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I stole the truck and no one noticed. Sweet Crap, now the battery's dead. Hey, there's a cop over there. He'll probably give me a jump start
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For those with an appreciation for fine art and a healthy dose of eye bleach: Donald Trump's nude portrait to be shown at a London art gallery for the first time by artist who received over a thousand death threats because of it
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10 ugly ducklings rescued from airport storm drain
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Baltimore police fire 56 shots into vehicle, killing father and son in latest proof their aim is getting better
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How broke is the Bay Area Rapid Transit? So broke they have to purchase parts on eBay
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Many Bothans died to bring you this Star Wars Rogue One trailer
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"Barefoot burglar sneaks in through doggy door" is surprisingly not a euphemism
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"According to Companies House there are 354 companies in the UK with an ISIS moniker but many have now changed their name - the most understandable one being a company called ISIS Recruitment, which now no longer exists"
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They're crazy and they're kooky / Mysterious and spooky / They're all together ooky / Two escaped mental patients
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Man man donates 150th gallon of blood, swears it's not for a Trump campaign ritual
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WikiLeaks criticizes lack of Panama Papers availability
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FBI director says agency now has a tool to unlock all iPhones: "Imagine a world where a local police department can send us a device, with the understanding that we're never going to testify, we're never going to tell you how we opened it"
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Most depressing website you'll see today shows you what other people accomplished by the time they were your age
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Photoshop this big head
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Gym blasted for body-shaming advertisement claiming aliens will "take the fat ones first", even though of course they will
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At first glance, this newly built home looks completely normal. But if you look a bit closer, there's one massive mistake. "They had one job"
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Gallant buys the ladies beer. Goofus steals a 63 year old woman's beer, drinks it, takes his shirt off, challenges everyone to a fight then shakes granny violently before beating her
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Instagram shuts down account over explicit photo of a cake
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Because if there's one thing that presents the FBI's General Counsel with a significant problem, it's the possibility that a billion innocent people might get ideas
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Bullet found near site of Hejaz train ambush in Arabia "almost certainly" fired by TE Lawrence. With helpful picture of what Peter O'Toole might look like
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Japanese horror movies almost write themselves
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"We learned it from watching YOU"
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Performance of Sweeney Todd is a little too realistic
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Oh yes we did (remind you that you should never order within 5 minutes of Domino's closing)
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You know how to keep it classy if you show up at an anti-circumcision rally wearing white clothing with a fake red blood stain around the crotch
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So long, and thanks for all the fish
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Today's criminal genius attempts to elude police after burglary by spraying himself with two dry chemical fire extinguishers. (w/ mugshot goodness)
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Man arrested for a Florida DUI. That's like a regular DUI with a BAC over .08 but with a marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamine, and MDMA chaser
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Rich douches of Instagram are making it easier to prosecute their rich parents for financial crimes
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 570: "Same Stuff, Different Day" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 06, 2016 |
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Let's just say that if doctors need to surgically remove an 18-inch vegetable from your rectum, perhaps farming isn't for you
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High school senior accepted by all eight Ivy League schools, plus Johns Hopkins University, MIT, New York University and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. What, no Stanford?
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Toilet training is never easy - especially when it ends in a visit from paramedics
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Australian university students try to engage in some extra-curricular chemistry experiments in New Orleans, instead receive a lesson in anthropology and modern American culture
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School cop provides WWE body slam lesson to 12-year-old girl
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Tigers declared extinct in Cambodia
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Ugly-ass polar bear cub born in German zoo. With ugly-ass pics
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WVU fraternity finds out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real
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Uber driver wakes up from a nap to find his fare has gotten them into a high-speed police chase. Lot of bad decision-making going on here
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Let me play for you the song of my poophole
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Photoshop this lizard that's about to make a speech
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Britain's stupidest criminals include the thief who left his wig at a crime scene to the robber who tried to pay for a packet of crisps with cheese
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In California, birth control prescriptions are now available from your pharmacists. So you can stop asking for them at the bank or the car dealership, if that's what you were doing before
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Voters in small Wisconsin town end 163-year ban on alcohol sales upon realization that they live in a small Wisconsin town
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New bill would allow any Oklahoman over 21 to openly carry firearms without a license, training or background checks. This should end well
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Matt Foley has moved his van to the U.K
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Florida's governor signs a law officially voiding Florida's 148-year old law making it a criminal offense for unmarried couples to live together. Tag is for how long it took them to do this
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Perp denies owning crack pipe hidden in her vagina, says she was just storing it for a friend
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Photoshop a millennial's view of the corporate world
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We have reached peak porn. "There are only so many ways we can show people having sex, and we've basically run out of ideas"
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Crocodiles figure out how to climb fences. In related news, all of Australia is dead now (pic)
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"As is the case with many iconic dishes, the exact where and when of the Frito pie's invention is heavily disputed"
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Obama is at it again, restricting your God-given constitutional rights to own, possess, and use tigers
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What do you get when a fat ass sits on a little ass? A dead ass, a court case and utter humiliation
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Problem: TV personality commits well-publicized suicide. Solution: Ban ceiling fans
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Judge approves $20 billion settlement in the 2010 BP gulf oil spill. Executives scramble to find a way to make up for the three days worth of profits
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"Casino evacuated after penis ring causes terror alert"
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Torn from the Front Page of the Bangor Daily News: Moose trots up the road and does a little dance (w/video)
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Imprisoned Manson family murderer Tex Watson is mailing Wikipedia handwritten edits of his pages in longform and demanding his entries be changed to include them
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Hunters kill massive 15-foot alligator that was snacking on cows
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The Villanova Wildcats shut down I-95 through Pennsylvania at rush hour yesterday afternoon when they flew back from the national championship and no one complained or threw batteries at the team or anything, which is weird for Philly
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Man wakes up to discover that overnight, the city has turned the parking space in front of his house into a disabled spot and fined him for parking his car in it (pics)
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Brandenburg bans the posting of "noodle mass" signs. Brother Spaghettus says, "This is pasta joke"
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One in 50 men are raising a bastard and don't even know it
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This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home. And this little piggy was slathered in grease and chased through the streets by Spanish school children
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Tourism chiefs outraged over pop song slur that suggests Ibiza is favourite party spot for drug takers. As if
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Australian police come upon naked woman, whip out their--you know what, let me rephrase this whole headline
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| (Some Guy) |
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The ISIS media department now has a publishing arm, and among the more notable titles on its spring list are "How to Handle Your Slaves" and "How Women Should Behave and Dress"
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A self-claimed 'prophet' said he went to Heaven and took pictures on his smartphone and is willing to share.... I mean sell them to you
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For decades, owner of no-tell motel used hidden cameras to watch guests have sex. He would have gotten away with it if not... wait, he did get away with it?
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China, jealous of Jessica McClure, throws kid down well then shows dramatic televised rescue
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Icelandic PM says he "did not resign", he just told his staffers and other MPs that he will be leaving Parliament, effective immediately, to spend some more time with his offshore money, but that's not "resigning", just...you know, leaving your job
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A father covered in Nazi tattoos and who named his children Adolf Hitler and Arian Nation claims he is being unfairly singled out
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I have run out of wit, Please bring some honey. Also, try to write a little and share some of your stories. We have a book we're compiling. An anthology of sorts. Also, there's a Fark Book Fair coming soon. THIS is the Fark Writer's thread
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Complete C# Coding Bootcamp. Alternative B♭basic training scheduled for next spring. (Sponsored Link)
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Photoshop this POV
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A Kentucky lawyer, a former administrative law judge and a psychologist walk into a bunch of bars
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Pakistan catches up to Texas
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This morning all of London is asking, "The hell is that thing swimming up the Thames?"
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Woman shot with her own gun after a struggle with intruders inside her own home. Your move, NRA
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Woman refuses to be vaccinated against whooping cough during pregnancy because she is a "healthy, fit, organic woman." You know what happens next
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Pakistan just made it possible for women to not be killed for any old reason by family members. Some Pakistani men have a problem with this
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So now that Bernie has all this momentum from 7 straight wins, could he actually win a contested Democratic convention? Short answer: No. Long answer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no
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Reporter: Because of my work, I was able to inform the people that there's a terrible murder, hours before my competition even got to the scene. In fact some of the adult-run newspapers were reporting the wrong news, or no news at all. Fark: She's 9
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Leave it to Japan to make full-body masturbation sex suits weird (Not safe for work, sanity)
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Being British and breaking a British record means having triplets when you're a 55-year-old grandmother ....So very British one guesses
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If you know how to make a bomb out of popsicle sticks, duct tape and a chalupa, the defense department would like a word
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You're gonna need a bigger litter box
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RIP #ASSoL #ASSLAW
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Motorcyclist chased and nearly driven off the road tries to file a police report but is told that road rage is a common problem and that he shouldn't bother. Guess which state
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Driver of SUV flees cops at a Navy base and crashes into an FA/18 Super Hornet. Subby just wants to know how the hell he got that high in the air
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This is how you run a marathon
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German woman, owed $680 for the last four years due to an airline delay, finally collects. Fark: By hiring a collector who threatens to impound an airplane
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Drug suspect, 20, tries to flee from police on hoverboard. Jailarity ensues
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San Diego's vaping congressman gets caught spending campaign money on video game downloads, blames son
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Lesbos to be visited by Pope Francis in what has to be the worst blind-dating matchup of all time
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Subby gets arrested at airport
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Death toll is 71 and rising in Pakistan due to Dihydrogen Monoxide outbreak
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Missing WV couple found in mud hole. When told they'd be brought back to West Virginia, said they preferred the mud hole
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Subby would never wear this skirt, period
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Photoshop this classiness
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Study finds millennials are more vulnerable to scams than any other age group, including seniors. In other news, anyone want to buy an artisanal, hand-crafted, eco-friendly, cruelty free bridge? You guys should like it, it's even in Brooklyn
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On April Fool's Day, Juneau, Alaska was renamed "Uno". After the card game, not its former governor's IQ
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Man wearing 'I'm a smart one' shirt charged with offering money for sex
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Sturgis? Boring. Daytona Bike Week? A bunch of posers. If you really want insanity, you have to go to Europe and roll to Elefantentreffen
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Photoshop theme - design an interesting cell phone back case
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Woman punches off-duty cop after being told to stop using her bare hands to scoop lettuce from the salad bar
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Kitty Genovese's murderer has died in prison. Preliminary coroner's reports indicate that millions of his blood cells stood around and did nothing while a clot brutally blocked his heart
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Sarah Palin: the undiscovered slam poet of our time?
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Best Korean monitoring officials announce that satellite images of plumes from nuclear facility are not, in fact, from Kim Jong-un's bedside microwave
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China announces a ban on mining imports from North Korea. No word on how soon the ocean gets nuked in retaliation
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Please note: when the sheer scale of your alcohol consumption prompts a customs investigation that's only overturned on appeal, you might have a drinking problem. Or you're a Fark mod, one of the two
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There are ways to fix all your dog's obnoxious habits. Unless he tends to lick his junk and then give you kisses right after. Science still has no solution for that
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Cool: flight attendant helpfully shows passengers how to use the emergency slide to escape the plane. Not cool: moments after landing at the airport
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Study shows that humans are aroused by touching robots in their no-no places. With robot butt touching gif goodness
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Governor Pat McCrory: "Nobody would actually kill jobs in North Carolina over our bigoted anti-LGBT law." PayPal CEO Dan Schulman: "Challenge accepted"
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Panama Papers claim their first victim
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Abraham Lincoln carried a secret message concerning the Civil War in his pocket for most of his term. A message so secret even he didn't know about it. And no, it wasn't "DUCK"
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Backstreet Boys plot Las Vegas residency and tour with The Spice Girls. Because of all the years we don't want to relive musically, it's the late '90s and early '00s
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Scientists plan to help people get past their phobias by removing the bad memories that trigger them, which is good news for phobia sufferers, PTSD victims, Coldplay album sales
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If you are wondering why there are so few American names in the "Panama Papers" creating sleazy shell companies, it's because states like NV and DE are all too happy to do it for them, with even less transparency
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In case you wondered what it was like to have an F4 tornado crash directly into your camera-holding face. Tag is for his wife who didn't make it
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Fark Store Daily Deal: Scrivener 2. What's your favorite novel-writing software? (Sponsored Link)
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Photoshop this lady and her babies
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"Dear Prudence: I am a lesbian and I'm attracted to a female coworker who might be straight. Any advice on how I can ask her out and get her to switch teams? I really think it would be a great thing for both of us"
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New revelations from the Panama papers; they were helping the Norks build nukes and the Syrian government bomb civilian targets
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A new generation of Dildonians arises to take up the torch
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Kim Jong-un dead or seriously injured. Sounds legit
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Batik shreds TransNusa at Halim Perdanakusuma
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Dear Deidre, I know this doesn't sound legit, but my filthy girlfriend won't get off me, all she wants to do is have sex and play with my dangly bits, which just turns me off .....so I'm cheating on her with a cougar
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Unoriginal: Shouting "FHRITP" into a rolling news camera. Unemployed: From your marked company vehicle
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New Jersey Target stores trying to lure in the younger crowd by offering used syringes with their clothing lines
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Two clever police detectives prove better at accessing a suspect's locked iPhone in 10 seconds than hundreds of NSA crypto geeks working around the clock
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When you poop on someone's lawn, don't be surprised when they try to stab you for it
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| Mon April 04, 2016 |
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Need to randomly pick people for secondary screening on your job as TSA agent? There's an app for that...for $1.4M
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The War on Drugs finally records a rare victory as flakka suddenly disappears from Florida. Still plenty of naked people playing in traffic though
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Here are America's fastest growing cities. Finally, a leak featuring the Sunshine State that doesn't involve gators, public drinking or swallowing heroin in a police car
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Not considered hazardous duty in the army: Soldiers whose sole job is to run a massive weed operation to help war veterans with PTSD
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Just so you know, a whole lotta sheep shearing world records are about to fall
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What we can learn from the most boring man in Britain, besides how to get more sleep
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Police searching for missing woman known as Lulu the Clown. They are telling people to look for clues like stray balloon animals and enormous shoes
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Fark NotNewsletter: We're in the tank for your mom
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Photoshop this cool cave spot
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Disneyland Paris Clue: The Skeletal Bride, in the Phantom Manor, with the live electrical cable. Do I WIN?
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Russia's official mouthpiece, RT, welcomes Panama Papers. Just kidding, they just went Full Godwin
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Oh great. Anorexic polar bears
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Not News: Electric scooter stolen. News: SF Giant Hunter Pence's scooter stolen, again. Fark [this World]: From the Make-a-Wish Foundation's offices, along with lots of other equipment
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The US Army plans to spend another 12.5 billion on drones before the year is up. That's the equivalent of 10 million college textbooks, which could be used to teach kids how awesome war is
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National Poo Museum to open. Some exhibits said to include the politics tab, Chinese Democracy, and the dump subby took last weekend
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Invasive species overruns local kite festival
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One out of every eight California drivers is disabled. Sounds low
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A member of "The Soldiers of Odin" had to be hospitalized with an eye injury after the group was involved in a "major brawl" in Gothenburg Sweden with parties unknown
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Connecticut buffet dining tip: Don't bogart the crab claws
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Photoshop this strongarm bank job
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| (Some Guy) |
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Here are the weird-ass beauty ingredients South Koreans swear by, from the Mizon Snail Slime Range to some sort of lotion made from pigs
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When fleeing from the cops at 110 mph, try not to have a handcuff key in your rectum
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China destroys the Sphinx. Don't worry, there's still another one
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It's National Hug a Newsperson Day, which is meaningless to those of us with restraining orders
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Using infrared satellite images, notable space archaeologist discovers Viking settlement site on the southwest coast of Newfoundland. Bonus: Space archeologist reads Fark, and is a friend of Drew's
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Walmart sells T-shirts with University of Maryland logo superimposed on map of Massachusetts. Then it gets weird
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