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| Sun March 13, 2016 |
| (Some Guy) |
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Due to break in upriver dam, right now would be a really bad time to be in Hebert, LA
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You want sugar, Sweet n' Low or leukemia?
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Photoshop theme: Create a new game show
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Beer snobs rejoice as Budweiser no longer crowned King of Beers
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At assembly, junior high school principal says most important thing for a woman is to bear two or more children, which is "more valuable than building her career." He later added that he told male students to offer assistance in child rearing
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Lazy Sunday movie day. What is one of you favorite '80s cheesy movies to watch? Think Legend of Billie Jean or Over the Top
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Photoshop this game board
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You are charged with human smuggling for kitchen help, how do you plead? I need to go skiing in Switzerland, your honor. OK, have fun on the slopes. (Article has been updated to show judge denied request to go skiing in Switzerland)
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Either Canadians are a bunch of sex perverts, or our fetishes are entirely normal
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Now we know who peed in your corn flakes
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Sheriff threatens to arrest "rascally" Apple CEO Tim Cook for his loyalty to terrorists and not America
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A dive into the darkest, dirtiest, most depraved corner of the Internet: Dr. Pimple Popper
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Captain America robs beauty store. Though to be fair, that looks more like Bucky Cap than traditional Steve Rogers Cap or the current Sam Wilson Falcon Cap
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This is a super awesome article super perfect for a super Sunday from a supersmart author
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Grocery shopping may be irrevocably altered by the war over GMO labeling
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After worker is convicted in child porn case, customers shun pizza place. Fark: The wrong pizza place
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Local tourism group enthusiastically designs billboard showing angler catching huge largemouth bass on a lure. But billboard is advertisement for Montana's Bitterroot River, where no bass live and fly fishing is nigh on religion. Sh*tstorm ensues
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University suspends porn star professor 'Old Nick', who can now concentrate on his other jobs: plumber, fridge repairman, pool cleaner, pizza delivery guy, etc
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Los Angeles County coroner resigns because lack of funds causes 180 bodies to stack up in morgue. Apparently employees refuse to work the graveyard shift
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Photoshop this lady and her horse
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Bird 1, Boeing 737 0
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CSB Sunday Morning: Embarrassing Moments
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It's your typical love story: Chimp spends 18 years alone, meets companion and then refuses to let go no matter what
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Man trapped in a river while skinny dipping rescued by a woman in a kayak. Apparently his little dinghy wasn't enough
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Fish rain down on a small town in the Australian Outback. "We reckon they must have come from the sky. There are no creeks or no gullies around"
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Doncha just hate it when you're towing a vehicle and it comes loose from the tow truck? Yeah, me too. But at least I wasn't towing Iron Maiden's 747
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In the '90s, Kim Jong-il had issues with the tenderness of his beef. Also, his steaks weren't tender enough
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Homeowner protects himself from home invader who refused to leave his property, broke a window, and climbed into the apartment. If it was Texas, they would give the homeowner a medal, this being California however, he is in custody
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Thieves in the Phoenix area are targeting Cricket wireless stores, without understanding there isn't a black market for ZTE phones
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Ben H. Bagdikian, journalist who helped publish the Pentagon Papers dies at age 96. HERO tag to be printed with Roboto font at 28 pixels
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Our host isn't in the studio tonight, but for your listening enjoyment here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from June 1, 2013
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| Sat March 12, 2016 |
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We apologize for the delay. But we'll be taking off as soon as the pilot retrieves the gun he left in the terminal rest room
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Woman steals man's heart after he meets her on a dating phone app. Just kidding. She steals his SUV. "I wouldn't leave you, but you sure as heck had no problem leaving me"
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During child support hearing, woman asks for $20,000 to cover wine expenses related to parenting
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You might assume that when someone drives by a party bus and shoots it up, the victims would cooperate with police and paramedics. But this happened in Oakland, so one victim punched a paramedic, another kicked a cop, and no one's talking
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Photoshop this closeup moment
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The AV Club taste-tested Burger King's new hot dogs and Dr. Pepper shake so none of us have to
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Man allowed to wear a fox hat in his driver's license photo in order to honor his spirit animal. Bonus: Driver's license photo included in article
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Harvard task force proposes expelling students who join all-male clubs. Fortunately for the students, they have to wait until graduation before being asked to join the Harvard faculty
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Photoshop this fairy tale princess
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Snowmachiner attacks two Iditarod teams, killing one dog and injuring several others
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ISIS is forcing birth control on its captives to maintain their supply of sex slaves
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Dildonian defendant says he only "borrowed" government truck, didn't steal it. Bonus: says the feds have no authority, God is his lawyer, and he's never won in court
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Nashville duplex landlord surprised by intruder who explains he's there from Knoxville to save his wife, Taylor Swift. Imma let you finish, but Beyonce had the best stalkers OF ALL TIME
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hey remember when we told you to rebuild that tavern you illegally demolished last year? Yeah we weren't joking
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This is what happens when you replace a two-buck light switch with a computer
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90-year-old man charged with sexual assault at SHAG building
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Article about writing a decent headline in the internet era is detailed and informative. Farkers, in particular, should take note. (Subby included)
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Four-year-old boy pronounces cucumber wrongly. That's a de-radicalisation referral
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Photoshop what these people are waiting for
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If Apple won't write the code we ordered them to, we'll just take all their source code and their signing keys and write our own FBiOS, with blackjack, and hookers. In fact, forget the blackjack. And the hookers
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Man pleads guilty to setting a lobster boat on fire. Says he was feeling crabby that day
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Jack Black to play "The Polka King", a biopic about subby's hometown hero. Polka band leader, businessman, securities con artist. You can't make this stuff up
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A new study hopes to reveal if cats 'speak' with different meows based on where they live. Still no cure for Caturday
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Everything you thought you knew about St. Patrick's Day is a lie. There were never any snakes in Ireland, St. Patrick dressed in blue, and it wasn't that long ago when drinking on St. Patrick's Day in Ireland was illegal
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Another victory in the War On Drugs as NYPD officers arrest Brooklyn man for marijuana possession in the amount of--- A) 1.5 grams, B) 1.5 ounces, or C) 1.5 tons
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The latest from the land of NOPE: A palm-sized spider that can swim and catch fish
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To Kill a Mass Market Paperback
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| Fri March 11, 2016 |
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Hello, Peter. What's happening. Ahh, I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow, so if you could be here around 9, that would be great. Oh, and I almost forgot, if you could just take this quiz that would be great. Mkay?
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Tiny orphaned kangaroo adopted by policeman uses his shirt as a pouch
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Bad: Stealing toys and giving them to your kids for Christmas. Sickening: From a children's hospital
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DOJ expected to Photoshop some charges on 2013 dam Iranian hackers
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Photoshop this lit pyramid
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Massive protests in Chicago stump Trump rally (Live feed in article)
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North Korean sub goes missing, probably located next to North Korean missiles
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The one phrase sure to strike fear in a stoner's heart: "weed dick"
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The Pentagon's new secret weapon against ISIS are two 50-year-old planes
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ಠ_ಠ
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Woman leaves keys in unlocked car with predictable results: Bye, Felicia
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Oklahoma abolishes licensing and training requirements for open carry--because Jesus. No, really
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Tailgating is bad, but brake checking doesn't fix it
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Buy our useless tech gadget OR YOUR BABY DIES
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South African teen latest winner in MH370 beach lottery
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90-year-old grandpa makes wrong turn in his mobility scooter, ends up driving down motorway. Still faster than those idiot drivers who hog the left lane
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A lot of people wonder what Bitcoin is really worth in the real world. How about seven years in prison?
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Photoshop this wet boxer
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You might not be able to buy your way into heaven, but you can buy a big chunk of Hell right now
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"Are you sure this will cure my headache, Doctor Anal?"
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Decor at a Joe's Crab Shack has customers real crabby
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What does a 4-clawed lobster look like? Delicious
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Members of Hamas burn 15 tons of Snickers Bars. Not going anywhere for a while?
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Auschwitz survivor now officially world's oldest living man, continues to dance on Hitler's grave till his knees give out
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After accidentally inviting an LBGT-friendly church to participate, a Stockton, CA ecumenical foundation decides to cancel Easter rather than risk accidentally praying with gay people, yanno just like Jesus would have done
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The ammosexual mother shot by her own son is rather proud of her progeny using his 2nd amendment rights
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Cliven Bundy refuses to recognize federal authority at a place where they recognize federal authority
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Rat "as big as a four-year-old" found in East London. Westley remains unconvinced
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Remember when the founder of RT was found dead last year? Well, after a four-month autopsy, it appears he died from playing pro football without a helmet
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"Hearts without morals shall be punished" declares modern-day samurai patrolling Tokyo's streets to fight against the evils of littering
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Someone made an Instagram dedicated to the "hot migrants of Syria"
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But, your honor, if people didn't want me to steal $15,000 worth of their property, why would they keep inviting me into all these so-called "open houses"?
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Good looking yet confused about your Tinder dry-spell? Perhaps your ex has hacked your account and been creative with your bio
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Photoshop this wonderland walkway
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Man arrested for taking upskirt videos of girls at the supermarket doesn't like it when people film him without his permission
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Star Wars: The Dog Awakens
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Could you eat a bus, according to science? Yes, says the man who ate a computer, a pair of skis, and an aeroplane
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The Alex Jones of the Eagles of Death Metal
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Caption these two North American leaders in a tender moment
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Cliven Bundy was selling cattle faster than the BLM could round them up. Dildos
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Tittygram: Your message on boobs. BRILLIANT
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Scientists find a possible cure for cancer, corny Fark headlines
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If it pleases the court, your honor, I'd like to take this outside and open a can of whoop-ass on the defendant's lawyer
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Here's how far behind the 8-ball you are and why you're going to die broke
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Looks like the CEO and COO of Wounded Warrior Project are gonna need to find a new cause to pretend to care about
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Director of Avalanche Center killed on his day off...by an avalanche
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Hot felon in the city...stealing hearts, gettin' plenty
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| Thu March 10, 2016 |
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Postal Service agrees to find out why people keep dying at one facility before the other employees go...well, you know
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General Butt Naked only slightly better name than General Mosquito and his nemesis General Mosquito Spray
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While the TSA was cavity-searching your kid's doll, someone spent an hour driving a stolen car on the runways unnoticed
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Mountain lion sneaks into the Los Angeles Zoo to have a koala snack
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Attorney's dog dies. So he melts down in profanity-laced legal filing about strippers
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New York Post succeeds in getting elderly homeless woman's stuff taken away and thrown out. GREAT JOB, EVERYONE
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Former airman found guilty of trying to go Pugh Pugh for ISIS
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Dog notices his owner is sad, goes full potato on her
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New York's 143rd Assembly District continues its tradition of electing sluttiness
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Santeria is in full swing in NYC as goat heads are being found nailed to trees all over the place (Graphic)
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Meh. it worked better with Kim Cattrall
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The wife of the Turkish President, who is doing NOTHING to help dispel those rumors that he secretly wants to re-instate the Sultanate, says that the Ottoman Sultan's harems were "an educational establishment for preparing women for life"
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| (Holy crap pull up) |
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Photoshop this low flying aircraft
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Mares eat oats and Does eat oats and little Lambs eat ivy, a Kid'll eat ivy too, unless they're stuck in a boring kindergarten lecture. Then they'll eat paste
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Is your health tracker stealing your data so it can be sold? Probably
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Only one country would ever seriously ask whether you're a terrorist. Only one country would seriously believe the answer. Stay safe, 'Muricans
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This is what the internet looks like to someone who has dyslexia
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Cetaceans needed
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Womenfolk who have miscarriages or defective fetuses in Indiana will soon get a lesson in tough love and personal responsibility from GOP lawmakers
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: What could be better than cake? More cake. That's right, and we want to see which is your favorite recipe. From layers to icing to the best mixture for awesomeness, share to the right. Don't disappoint us.. this is important
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Amazoff
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Matthew 5:39
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There are few things more shameful in the criminal underworld than getting shot by your own hostage
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Photoshop this whippet, whippet good
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Police press to pop pooping peeper
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A traveler follows the New York Times 36 hours in Austin article and complains it will set you back $1,790. So what would 36 hours in New York cost?
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Man convicted of stalking Erin Andrews now living in his father's basement
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Oh, look. Even Daisy Ridley has to defend herself against "real women have curves" crusaders
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Hi, Uber? Got anyone who can pick me up in 30 seconds?
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Burma shaves its crop of presidential candidates
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News crew checking on storm damage in Texas finds debris, torn up buildings, a dog riding a lawn mower, fallen branches, destroyed fences, the usual
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Texas Open Carry advocates will be at SXSW during Obama's visit, parading around with their assault weapons, and their leader promises that "Things will get interesting" which means in non gun-nut speak "Enjoy your Secret Service cavity search"
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Cool story about the Lodge Manufacturing Co. to the left, a bitter argument about how to treat cast iron skillets to the right
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ISIS personnel files leaked. DAMMIT PAM
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Alaska Airlines rerouted a flight from Anchorage to Honolulu to follow the path of totality during this week's eclipe because an astronomer asked if they would
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Even people in Dublin who didn't drink their breakfast saw a guy in a jetpack noodling around the city
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"Dear Prudence: I have never really wanted children; they're just crying midgets that require too much attention. Recently I've been faced with my own mortality; is it okay to have kids only so you can have someone take care of you when you're old?"
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Divorce judge to parents who wasted $500,000 fighting over custody: You're both idiots
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Florida repeals cohabitation ban, giving new meaning to the Love Shack
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Typo prevents billion dollar bank theft. Apparently, teller couldn't read note, didn't know what smawl bills were
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Booze, check. Boom Box, check. Stretch pants, check. Your non-stop, drunken, mid-air brawl of a flight has just reached cruising altitude (w/ video)
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Four-legged chicken born on Chinese farm, raising immediate ethical question, "Can we eat it?"
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Brooklyn IHOP worker finds out how much free coffee and orange juice you can give away before being charged with a felony
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Here's what happens when you house Syrian refugees in the same hotel as a furry convention
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There's a massive underwater UFO base in Guantanamo Bay, but don't tell anyone
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North Korea follows up their artillery attack against the sea with a missile launch. Against the sea. Because fark the sea, that's why
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The Branch Dildonians could be in prison for twenty years. That's a lot of batteries
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Photoshop theme - make your favorite TV show the way you'd like to see it
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The results are in on Missouri's "natural experiment" testing whether more guns lead to more safety and less crime, and they don't: "According to research, gun deaths soared when it became easier for people to buy and carry firearms"
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Rhino poaching: Another year, another grim record
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Man's dream of inline skating 3000km ruined by hills, friction, reality
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Seven engineering students rushed to hospital after old campus tree delivers real-life lesson on momentum
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British school bans games of tag because it's too violent: "The world's gone crazy, kids can't do anything these days"
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Titty sprinkles
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So how could one city still be plowing snow when it is 70 degrees there? Talk about weird weather
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New study of nearly 400,000 children between four and 17 years old finds ADHD is vastly overdiagnosed and many children are just immature
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Chicago police launch a massive undercover operation to arrest a man using a jamming device on the Red Line because riders talking on their cellphones annoyed him
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Americans are increasingly choosing Olive Garden and Taco Bell over authentic food. Yo quiero comida italiana, por favor
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Mass shooting in Pittsburgh, at least five dead. Clock reset
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All right, it's understandable that you're upset about being forced to move out of an office building due to a lawsuit. But what the hell was the point of stealing six sinks? Especially if you're the city mayor?
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Pedophile wanted to kidnap children to populate an abandoned underground city
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 566: "Graves 4" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 09, 2016 |
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The Texas 'taco war' between Austin and San Antonio is escalating to a 'taco summit.' Experts predict 'taco apocalypse' before year's end
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Not only does radiation from the 30-year-old Chernobyl nuclear disaster still linger, in some places it's actually increasing
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Bus carrying journalists and activists attacked near Chechnya by terrorists and totally not by unmarked Russian soldiers who happen to be vacationing in the region
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Can't demolish the Nazi building? Solution: fill it with sharks
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Before the "little blue pill", treatments for male impotence were pretty shocking
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Man tossed from musical festival for abusing Protestants, Catholics, gays, Arabs, Pakistanis, blacks, and people who wear glasses
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Photoshop this virtual reality experience
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Megachurch shutting down after members catch on that they've been tithing to a megachurch. Just kidding, it's because a woman ascended to pastor, which some members considered an insult to Jesus and thus broke away to form their own church
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In recent flood of "penis ring mishap" news German man sets new record with 13 metal rings. He must be hung like a scrapyard
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Bundy protest rally scheduled for Thursday at the Las Vegas courthouse. I'm not saying everyone within 200 miles should drive down and wave dildos at them, but it'd be pretty funny if everyone within 200 miles drove down and waved dildos at them
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| (Some Hometown) |
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Drunk man knocks himself unconscious after fight with brick wall
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Residents forget about the mammoth sinkhole that appeared in their garden to concentrate on the rusty steps leading to the underworld
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Luckiest TV reporter ever, nearly hit by car while live on the air, becomes top story of the day
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Man who killed four people in Kansas City is an illegal immigrant from Mexico who had been deported before. If only we had some laws that would have prevented this crime
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this completely useless activity
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Town brings back the classic police chase shootout
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Cuba issues statement making it clear that they welcome President Obama to see how to really run a tyrannical dictatorship
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Four elderly men have been sentenced for their roles in a daring Easter 2015 robbery of a jewelry store in the heart of London that netted almost $30 million . All four will be played by Michael Caine in the inevitable movie
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While you're struggling with your deductions this spring, you'll be relieved to hear that the oil industry can secretly claim more than a 100% tax rebate on losses in Alaska
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"How many sex toys does one guy need?"
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Remember. It is always "a baby" not "your baby"
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Museum offers to display a replica of Donald Trump's penis, despite being short-handed
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The O.J. Simpson trial proved that perception is reality, and that image - not the truth - is everything
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Some 4-year-old children whine and complain when forced to sit in the back seat. Then there's this kid who shot his mother in the back
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Fishermen off the coast of Newfoundland catch unknown creature tha--OH GOD, KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE AND STOMP OUT THE ASHES
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OK, what did we get from the cars we burgled last light? Let's see, iPhone, loose change, iPod, bulletproof vest and AR-15 labeled "State Police." Wait, What?
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Flipping off the judge is usually a bad legal strategy, but if you're in a Russian kangaroo court, well, fark it
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Your boss wants to know, "Are you straight or gay?" Corporate upward mobility just got complicated
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Can't say Captain Albert Pike from the US Civil War didn't warn us about WW3 ...the final war with Islam. It's all right there in his letter
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Suspected burglar gets into fight with police, discovers that they have no qualms at all when it comes to tasering you in the groin
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Two Muslim women removed from flight for "looking" at the flight crew
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Does this look like the face of a man who would tear down a building with an excavator just for the fun of it?
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Before committing an armed robbery, always remember to check your surroundings
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This little piggy cried 'Wee Wee Wee Wee' all the way to the Mission District
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Britain's national cookie shortage crisis is finally at an end, thanks to two planeloads of cookies
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Dangerous serial killer, confined for life, now facing death
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American History X
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WHO: The transmission of Zika by sex is more common than originally thought. Not for farkers, but still someone out there might benefit from this news
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Unconventional "Rage Yoga" involves screaming, swearing and beer. Namaste
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Old & busted: Apple vs Samsung IP wars over rounded corners. New hotness: Pie shop IP wars over square pies
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Come to "a gun-toting, beef-eating, Constitution-loving establishment" where it's okay to be politically incorrect. That's right. At this diner, these eggs don't run
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Man finds leather pouch in road containing $15,200, decides to take it to police instead of keeping it. The Internet responds in typical fashion: "Meet the dumbest man in Delaware County"
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Photoshop this lonely boat
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Whatever you might want a grasping robot arm for, you're probably going to have to wait a while
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Nude suspect flees police deputies yelling 'Jehovah'. Women wishing to attend the stoning must buy a beard
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Nothing screams classy quite like a big 'GUCCI' tattooed across your forehead
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Ermahgerd, Erm fehrrd
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North Korea claims to have a stockpile of "miniaturized nuclear warheads" or as we call them, "bottle rockets"
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Biscayne Bay goes nuclear
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Kennedy Center inserts Q-Tip in patrons' ear canals
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Taking that half day off to solve their health problems did not work for Chipotle
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Mein Mein Kampf
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New app tells you when a high speed chase is taking place so you can drive over and join the fun
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Suspect in shooting of Idaho pastor arrested outside White House
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Kraft: We've secretly replaced our old Mac & Cheese recipe with one featuring all-natural ingredients. Let's see if anyone notices. (Three Months Later) I said, "Let's see if anyone notices"
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| Tue March 08, 2016 |
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Happy retirement to Leslie Shook, otherwise known as "biatchin Betty", the voice of Boeing F-18s who has warned numerous pilots to pull up, pull up, roll right, roll right
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Womb transplant recipient looking forward to nine months of pregnancy. That's hysterical
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Finally, something that Millennials can brag about: Getting conned
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An argument over "proper reptile care techniques" at a local pet store escalated into a fight that left three people hospitalized
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How LAPD detective posing as busboy in Orange County Chuck E. Cheese-style pizza playland busted California's worst serial killer. This is why Zodiac ate at home
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Shoplifting tip: Infants are not an acceptable form of payment
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Ho-Hum: Painting your fingernails. Yawn: Fingernail extensions. Fark: Gluing dead baby scorpions on your fingernails
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Want to not sleep for weeks? Check out a former US secretary of defense listing of the ways we could meet our demise via nuclear annihilation
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Facebook has patented an algorithm designed to detect new slang, probably before you've ever heard of it
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Photoshop what can be seen through this keyhole
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Meet the Gaza Samson....well, without the hair and being Jewish, but still....they drop knives on his stomach as he exercises
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Woman says a naked man walked into her house, tried to hug her and said "Hi honey." He later had to be rescued after running from police, falling down a cliff and getting stuck in a tree. The Aristocrats
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Well, on the positive side she used a new knife to stab the husband and only stabbed him once more while driving him to the hospital
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Put a Tiger in your tank
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Apparently on someone's "to do" Calendar at the DOJ, March 2016 included the entry "Crack down on all the prominent scofflaws with cult-like followings": Feds deal a a double blow to the leadership of Warren Jeff's FLDS sect
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He must've had an awful lot of laundry to do
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Now that's what I call a great day at the beach
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Knife attack on tourist area of Jaffa port south of Tel Aviv leaves 1 one dead and 9 injured
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It seems that the mother isn't coming forward with the whole truth about her twins discovered to have two different fathers
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Bad enough when a guy posts a nude pic of his ex online, but decidedly worse when his mom posts it. WTF: The girl was a preteen
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Remember the mummified sailor that was found adrift on February 25th? Yeah well apparently he was discovered back on January 31st but the USCG told the boat that found him to go on their merry way because they'd take care of it
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Fate delivers swift kick in the nuts to brother of major Lottery winner
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You can now get a lifetime supply of free puppies in Australia. Unclear, if a lifetime supply of old newspapers and new furniture is included in the deal
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Cockfighting ring busted in Texas. Ringleaders name: Rowdy Fowler
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Apparently a night of shootin' can tucker out a 75-year-old
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. But packs of wild dogs? Screw that
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You'll love the taste of Mr. Sato's salty, sweaty balls
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Norwegian man finds fortune in cash under his apartment fireplace, reacts like a Norwegian: "That money wasn't mine and it felt nice to give it to something good like a cancer foundation"
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Utah to decriminalize bigamy. Wait, no. That should be REcriminalize bigamy. Honest mistake
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New dildonian passenger video shows LaVoy Finicum's last moments - and demolishes Bundy conspiracies
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Photoshop this belly flopper
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Meet the last American in Damascus. "I want to leave, but the Syrian people are just so nice"
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One down, six to go
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Women line up to pound the crap out of their husbands in traditional Women's Day activity in China
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Police: Turn off the car and step out. Suspect: OK, but let me finish this joint, first
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Burglar 1: Ok, so you just need to jump though the garage window, land on the office roof and then we can rob the place. Got it? Burglar 2: Ok, no problem. Ta-daaaaah....Burglar 1: Oh, sh*t
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I wonder what our new BFFs Iran have been up to since the world eased sanctions over the nuclear programme. Oh, hell
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Man jailed for eight additional months for smuggling phone into prison during two-month sentence. Let it go to voicemail, dude
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Nissan Sentra wins fight with 18-wheeler
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Test pilot to control tower: The radar's stopped working. Control tower: Have you switched it off and back on again?
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Massachusetts lawmakers return from fact-finding trip to Colorado anxious and paranoid about legal marijuana. Apparently they were doing it wrong
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Maple syrup can work wonders for a number of things, but it can't cure your 1-year-old's easily preventable meningitis
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Mr. Mushface Dies Manhattan
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Mayor of Central Florida city planning to visit Cuba and then return home on a makeshift raft because Florida
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Man accused of threatening a school bus monitor with a gun descends into the high stakes world of bongo theft
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She flew fighters and bombers to make sure they were safe for the men of the Army Air Corps to fly. RIP Betty Strohfus, WASP, WWII veteran
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If you find yourself drunk, naked from the waist down, and crashing into a Waffle House, you'd better be in Florida. The rest of the country frowns upon that sort of thing
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A whole bunch of people on the internet think a refugee swam from Afghanistan to France with only a pack of ramen and half a charge in his iPhone 6s
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Exactly how many people did the U.S. kill with drone strikes? We're about to find out
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The average Brit drinks their entire weekly govenment-suggested alcohol quota in one day
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Need to lose weight? Just drill a hole in your stomach and pump the food out
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Upset that America is close to voting for Donald Trump as president, El Niño decides to take its anger out on the entire world
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Pro-tip: Never call the cops for a ride home. Especially if you are underage and intoxicated
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Garbage truck driver tries to recreate that highway jump scene from "Speed," doesn't do so well
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Would-be attacker picks the wrong woman
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Man shoots at school buses, charged with attempted eye putting out
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As more and more States are allowing the sale of marijuana, the drug trafficking cartels are losing money
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Gun industry wants silencers legalized so they can be sold as hearing protectors
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Pretty white female lawyer problems
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Man reunited with his 18-year-old blind and deaf dog. At least as far as the dog knows
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| (Some Bro) |
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Stretch your Photoshop muscles on this banner-bearing bro
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"They don't make these anymore," said the Sole Survivor of Vault 111 as he rebuilt the signaling system of the MBTA
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Commuter train derailed near San Francisco. 10 hurt, Search and Rescue deployed
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"Dear Prudence: My teenage son dated a classmate at summer camp; when they got home, she stopped talking to him. Turns out, he's sent her thousands of text messages and is accused of stalking her. Can I blame the girl for not telling him to stop?"
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She's once... twice... tree times a drunk lady
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Trump campaign official awaiting trial for participation in Bundy Ranch standoff wants bail so he can resume running for sheriff
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Ben and Jerry's introduces new ice cream sandwiches. SHUT UP and take my money
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New outrage: Astronauts at international conference complain that only privileged countries get to go into space
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Consensual BDSM is not protected by the constitution, but don't worry you can still have all the guns you want
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| Mon March 07, 2016 |
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Sure the Pacific Northwest could be decimated by a megaquake that hasn't happened yet, but here's a terrifying simulation of what it would look like... just in case you're looking forward to it
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Wild otter visits California aquarium to give birth. D'awwwww
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Fark NotNewsletter: Another change. REMAIN CALM!
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Uber discloses rape data after leak. In other news, Uber keeps rape data
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Photoshop theme: Old-timey ads for new products
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You really do have a better chance of dying in a car crash than in a terrorist attack
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"Elementary teacher creates 'Gentleman's Club' for kids." Great idea; marketing might need a little work
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City Planning Commission to soon debate how many strip clubs is too many in New Orleans, will consider the imposition of a "soft moratorium" on new clubs. Hard moratorium to come later after commision members have visited all the clubs
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Now's the time of the collision vhen ve dance
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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, although a man with a plane comes close
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Monocles dislodged, tea cups & saucers rattled as earthquake hits Oxfordshire UK
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Le ring to sacre bleu them all
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Virginia about to end marriages for twelve year olds. Don't worry, she's still your sister
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Climate change activist dead. Sea level rise blamed
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If you think your dog is smart, prepare to be humbled when you give her a doggie IQ test: "At one point, she tried to suck the cheese through the towel"
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Serious Cybernetics Corps
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| (Some Bracket Buster) |
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Photoshop Tennis Match: Impending madness edition
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This Alabama Supreme Court decision on gay adoptions was so bad the U.S. Supreme Court reversed it without even hearing the case
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Abandoned cold war military cities in Latvia are creepier than Ted Cruz's face
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Back in the good old days when 'freedom' still meant something in this country, it was perfectly legal to wrassle a bear at the county fair
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Clowns converge on Orlando for convention, in news that strangely has nothing to do with the GOP primary
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To this day, the creators of Spy Magazine still get magazine clippings from Trump, with his hands circled in gold Sharpie, titled "See, not so short." Carter, now Vanity Fair Editor: "I'm sure he wants to just kill me - with those little hands"
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At this point, we should probably just assume there are more FBI agents than perverts on the dark web. Admittedly, there may be some overlap, especially if you consider the ones that run the child porn servers
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Life lesson: If you live your life with your nose stuck to your phone, you miss so much; interaction with friends and family, the beauty of nature...the baseball bat hurtling at your head
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Spain tells Britain the moment after the "Brexit," they will immediately seize control of Gibraltar
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The secret alien UFO base is actually at Yellowstone National Park
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In hindsight, that whole KKK school skit was probably a poor idea
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Today BMW celebrates 100 years of getting you to the gym in 26 minutes
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Remember the UK street beggar who finished his shift and then climbed into his $70,000 Audi? Well, let's hope he has comprehensive glass coverage
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Scientists devise the "perfect road trip" - a big loop through all 48 continental states, visiting 50 different landmarks. It doesn't really matter where you live, so just hop on the path in whatever state you live in
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New report says the Flint, Michigan water crisis could cost the U.S. $300 billion, or we could just buy the entire state of Michigan for $300,000 and call it a done deal
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"There's lots of skinny dipping and the girls are making out with each other and partying. It looks like the set of a porn movie"
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Bulletproof furniture available in either duck down or hide, nuclear war declared on a frisbee golf course, and Ben Cur rides again: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/28 - 3/5
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Federal authorities reject plan for development with 2,200 homes near Grand Canyon. Apparently government officials were worried about prospective buyers filing insurance claims on the massive sinkhole in their backyard
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Ambient air at Maryland frat party had an alcohol level of .09%. Which was either from excessive drinking or someone pouring a fifth of vodka into the Renuzit container
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West Virginia: Gun permits? We don't need no stinking gun permits. Or training either
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City kids have shaved ices in summer. Vermont kids have sugar on snow. Goofus and Gallant were not harmed in this headline submission
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Photoshop this dapper convict
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At the behest of Nebraska and and Oklahoma, the Supreme Court is deciding on whether or not to nullify Colorado's pro-pot laws
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Apparently beets are a super food...a super food that tastes like dirt and old people's feet
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Ralph Gilbertsen says the CIA has been stalking him for two decades. He believes in Bigfoot. He has seen a UFO. And he wants his guns back
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A Judge has been fined and removed from the bench after attempting to bribe a prosecuting attorney to drop charges against his family
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In Aspen, Colorado, pot sales are beginning to overtake liquor sales
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Creepy caretaker in disguise flees from police in the most inconspicuous getaway vehicle ever. Jinkies!
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Have you ever thought 'The only thing missing in America is a beer spa'? Well this is your lucky day
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Chinese young women achievers not interested in marriage, despite pressure from parents and party. In their opinion, the available men grew up as only children, lack responsibility, and "rely on their parents for everything"
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How light is crime in Norway? The police force has the time and resources to try and track down the person who left behind a goldfish in a jam jar at an indoor soccer stadium. "Until then, the fish will stay in the jam jar and keep us company"
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How to look after the hedgehogs in your garden. Because they are lactose-intolerant, a dish of milk is right out: "A bowl of fresh water left out every day is a good option, as are cooked potatoes, chopped nuts, and sultanas"
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Koalas aren't so cute when they open their mouths
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Pakistani lawyers demonstrate why American attorneys lag behind the douchebaggery curve
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From the Nope files. The ten foot Bobbit Worm that is like the worm from Tremors, but actually exists
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Dating was simpler 70 years ago. "We wrote for a year or two," she said. "When he came home, we got married"
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