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| Sun February 28, 2016 |
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Airbnb strikes again, this time leaving woman's decomposing corpse hunched over in a garden, hidden by logs and branches
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Meet the Autistic 'Prison Houdini' who memorized guards' keys and carved exact replicas for 13 escape attempts in 36 years
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China is in the midst of a sexual revolution as "one child" policy gives way to "one night stand" culture
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Meth use soars in Australia because statistically, meth is one of the things least likely to kill you in Australia
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: Reactions Facebook needs to add
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Coolest job in the miltary is Arctic dog sled patrol in Greenland: "This area is like a combination of a huge, huge ice desert and a very cold fridge" (awesome pics)
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Begun the Taco Wars have
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The 10 worst people you're likely to date in your 20s. Missing from the list: the Drummer
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Nigeria fires 23,846 government workers who never existed anyway
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As hard as it may be to believe, this bicyclist is setting a world record without angering motorists
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Wrong tense
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Windmill collapses. Police say main suspect is a tall thin man wearing a barber's shaving basin as a helmet
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Psst. While you guys were all watching the debates, Vermont quietly legalized pot
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| (Some Cetacean Guy) |
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Photoshop these whale watchers
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"We posted on Facebook [for assistance], About 15 four-wheel drives showed up. We all pulled it out, had a beer and had a laugh. There was tourists and stuff pulling over on the bridge and taking photos. It turned out to be quite an event"
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Former SAS trooper to cross Atlantic in a whale-shaped boat named Moby at age 73. Told you he was nails
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Just when you think the marijuana industry can't get any more dangerous, they've increased their power consumption beyond belief
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Wikipedia users create interactive map that illustrates where every war since 2500 BC has taken place. All 12,703 of them
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🔫 💣 🔪🏻🏛⚖😪
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You need to be drinking more gin
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Attn: We have found the perfect job for Farkers. It involves nothing more than watching television and making notes (and recordings) of all sexual and inappropriate activities. Apply now to the Parents Television Council
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Chinese claw machine expert grabs 3,000 toys in six months, impressing onlookers, infuriating arcade owners
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Guns, drugs and cars: what makes America great, or what is killing us off sooner than our friends across the pond?
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Pennsylvania high school honors student nearing graduation is actually a 23-year-old Ukraine national with a fake ID. Or as a 23-year-old in high school student is called in Harrisburg, a prodigy
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| (Boston Police Department) |
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"According to the victim, the suspect was last seen pushing his moped away from the scene because the moped had stalled"
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Yes, it's true, there's a $267,000 a year job offered (with three months' vacation) ... and no one wants it
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Parcel courier actually complies with customer's request. It's not news, it's Fark™
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Photoshop theme: What would the world be like in 2066
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CSB Sunday Morning: First kiss
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Today's Fark-Ready headline: Man spits on baby's face in Surry Hills, is run over but still escapes
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Woman mourns being born too late, lives as if it were 1939 England with vintage house fixtures, one pedal bike, and no lights at night due to war blackout. "Every morning I come downstairs and empty my chamber pot in the loo outside"
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Man attempts to foil purse snatcher, discovers life isn't the movies
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Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII's secret love nest is on the market at a price you'll lose your head over
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Even if you don't have any sort of criminal record, don't steal stuff from the race car drivers' personal infield trailers at the Daytona 500. They take that shiat seriously down there
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Figuring out which drivers are texting and which are legally fiddling with their phones is like trying to tell which have vodka and which have water in their cup
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Honoring "International Polar Bear Day," ten tons of snow and ice brought into enclosure at San Francisco zoo. Governor Brown immediately orders polar bears statewide to cut water usage by 17%
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Coming to you from Juneau, Alaska, it's once again time for Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music hosted live by a farker (9 pm AKST/10 pm PST)
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| Sat February 27, 2016 |
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What started as a quest to map the sophisticated acoustics of ancient churches could end up preserving and replicating forgotten noises from across the planet
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Man claims his prostate cancer was only discovered after a scorpion stung him. Which raises the question: How did he get the scorpion up there?
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The final numbers for the annual python challenge hunt are in, and 106 Burmese pythons were captured, including a fifteen footer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this staged chivalry
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# (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
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KKK decides to hold a rally in Anaheim, then it gets stabby
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Two California women with a combined age of 182 are living together as roommates in a house. That's really inspiring, so please accept this eviction notice with our hearty congratulations
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Old and busted: Uber surge pricing. Hot, sticky, and expensive as all shiat: Walt Disney World seasonal pricing. Fark: peak season starts March 11
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♪ How much is the naked man in the window, the one with his foot on the sill. How much is the naked man in the window, I sure do hope he is for sale. ♪
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If your country is experiencing massive food shortages, throwing a million dollar birthday party for your president might not be well received by everyone
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"On Sept. 15, Jim O'Neill received 50 10-milligram pills of oxycodone. By Sept. 24, he got 50 more. October was more of the same: 16 pills on Oct. 1, 34 more on Oct. 3, an additional 50 on Oct. 22, and 20 more four days later"
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Photoshop this hawk
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Boy not allowed to return to the school he has attended since kindergarten because of the color of his skin. Not surprisingly, someone has a problem with this
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Three middle school students arrested for spiking their teacher's pop with pepper flakes. TRIGGER WARNING: Article incorrectly labels "pop" as "soda"
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This story does not makes much sense, but it involves a sword, a blowgun, and a U-Haul crashing into a church
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Bagpiper completes personal quest to inflict the bagpipes on every continent on Earth in just 50 days: "During the self-funded charity trip the 57-year-old travelled 50,000 miles and played 12 gigs. She raised more than £5,000 for two charities"
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Protip: Icebreakers work best when breaking up ice. They do not do so well on actual land, mate
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Debate over 'The Jacket' color goes viral, exactly one year after 'The Dress' broke the Internet
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Bump to the head, a temperature, a cold, a fright or even reading this article could kill 7-year-old Chloe Saxby who suffers from a disease so rare only one in every 40 million people have it worldwide. You're reading the article, aren't you?
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"Can you describe the man that robbed you?" "Yes, average build, but with strong shoulders. And very nice teeth"
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And we would have gotten away with claiming we're the victims of a hate crime if not for you meddling kids. And your video camera phones. And the 12 security cameras on the bus. And those at the bus stop. And 35 witnesses
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Meet the 77-year-old man who still holds down more than 20 jobs, including the lighthouse keeper, the sheep farmer, the firefighter, the air-traffic controller and the seaweed-eating shrimp eradicator. That's right, 'the'
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Person on payroll of pothole patching producer patches potholes in pavement preceding private parkway to pad. Public paper pushers prefer pitch, propose pointless and petty procedures
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Damn Daniel has a wisdom beyond his tender years. He wants nothing to do with his 15 minutes
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Dear Steve Jobs, we owe you $176. Please provide proof of identification so we can mail your check. Sincerely, City of San Francisco
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Photoshop the Zuck and his dream for the future
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With the exception of a bad week in 1945, Japan's population drops for the first time since the 1920s
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A rare breed of giraffe hunted to the brink of extinction needs the Internets to strengthen its neck out a bit, work out a few kinks
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85 year old woman drives to her local animal shelter every week for five years hoping to find her lost cat. While she waits, "Grandma" has become a volunteer, socializing and helping countless other felines find a home in time for Caturday
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If you angrily waggle your finger in a Texan's face and tell him to "go ahead" when he threatens to shoot you ... well, you can guess the rest
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When it come to essential kitchen tools, all you really need is a blender, mixer, muffin tin, cookie cutter, parchment paper, microwave, toaster, tea kettle, slow cooker, food processor, and a whisk
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What else do you expect when you shop in a Surprise supermarket?
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Good news leap year babies, Pizza Hut is giving you a birthday present in the form of a free pizza
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Beirut has apparently elected Homer Simpson as Sanitation Commissioner
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Fugitive who didn't want to be identified by his fingerprints chews off fingertips in bid to hide identity. I can think of Se7en things wrong with that plan
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Study shows that older people are inviting people on to their lawn instead of yelling at them to get off it
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Nine-year-old boy recites Declaration of Independence from memory, breaks record of youngest American to do so and is now leading in all GOP primary polls
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English teeth are getting worse
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Incredible time-lapse video shows turnaround of world's largest cruise ship in just 10 hours with 700 tons of supplies and a couple of thousand fast moving crew members
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| Fri February 26, 2016 |
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It's the Fark Weird News Quiz, running headlong into the Apocalypse with the rest of you hounds
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Ice, ice, anchorbaby
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Kramer and Newman finally cash in on their bottle deposit scheme
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City worker rescues ugly-ass baby coyote from storm drain
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Elementary school teacher arrested in the middle of meth class
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Man comes up with great idea for the homeless of LA so he builds dozens of tiny houses to give to them. Now the city has declared war on them and wants to burn them to the ground without any better housing plan
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Oregon landscapers fired for pooping on the lawn
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Study finds majority of young men too ignorant to be having sex
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Photoshop these angels
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Woman caught using dead grandmother's handicapped placard offers unique excuse
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The French pharmaceutical company that was so shocked by death in their human trials really should have noticed the dead dogs from preclinical animal trials
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What do you do when you're 90 years old and you win $43M in the lottery?
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Can we just permanently freeze the clock on 00:00:00?
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Chinese man builds his own oddly shaped car, drives it around. Discovers that police are the final arbiters of what gets to use the roads out there
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Good: Man teaches 9-year-old daughter how to handle guns safely. Bad: Accidentally shoots her in the process
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It wasn't me trolling the politics tab. My mouse got hacked
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Terrorists attack a hotel in Mogadishu, authorities surprised to discover there was still a hotel standing in Mogadishu
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Co-workers say something was "off" about the Kansas shooter, other than the safety that is
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California executes inmate via brush fire
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Teacher files suit after she says 13-year-old student beat, bullied her. Hey at least they weren't having sex
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"Sex with a 60-year-old is simply awesome," says 27-year-old wife
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After years of work DC streetcar line to open Saturday morning and break down Saturday afternoon
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In Austria, you can apparently be fined for anything. Including paying your fines
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Emails show Governor Snyder's top men knew Flint's water supply was dangerous more than a year ago. Who? TOP. MEN
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Car burglar arrested for the 28th time obviously not very good at crime
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Photoshop this discovery
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You know how it is: First you have an ingrown hair in your leg and then before you know it, you're in hospital having a six-hour operation (Warning: GRAPHIC) Not safe for work/lunch
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A Swedish company has a new way to drive parents insane
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Whitey busted for rubbing out his Bulger
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Russia: Truce with rebels starting in two hours? Better drop a bunch of bombs on them first
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Pearl on the half shell: $600
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Hitchhiking in Zimbabwe carries the added risk of being assaulted for your sperm
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Locked box from WWII discovered and its contents don't disappoint
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All of which could have been avoided if only more people understood the warnings that TLC were giving us
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Customs agents snatch woman with half pound of coke
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Growing up with the Unabomber
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"Fear mongering works, in other words, not because we're especially gullible or misinformed, but because stress is especially contagious"
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Police chase is first traffic across new highway bridge
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Oh sure. A few thousand dollars worth of Rogaine gets stolen and right away, everybody starts looking at the bald guy
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Hmm. There's a guy over at the next table. Hmm. He's black. Hmm. Now he's speaking to a woman. Oh. He must be a pimp. Gotta call 911
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Getting drunk and having sex isn't such a bad thing, it gets bad when you do it outside London's Waterloo Station during rush hour
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Israeli boy finds world's oldest action figure, estimated to be 3,400 years old and described as in near-mint condition but out of its original package
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'Soldiers of Allah' to counter 'Soldiers of Odin' in Norway, as stupidity somehow keeps soldiering on
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I waited for you
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Jury in Erin Andrews trial forced to view nude video recorded of her. Then viewed it again to be sure they got the evidence straight. Then viewed it again. And again. And again. And, oh god, again. Again. Again. Again
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Millennials read more than you, are more interested in learning, and are all around better people
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"I came home with a small plastic bag filled with four ounces of brown powder; it was crude caffeine, 90 percent pure. As much caffeine as a thousand tall lattes from Starbucks, or 2,000 cans of pop." Inside the secret world of caffeine
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Step 1: Steal laptops from cancer ward. Step 2: Blame your dying child. Step 3: Burn in hell
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Challenge: Create the appropriate title for this classic book cover
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400 winters after his forthfare, Shakespeare iwis is mickle spoken, and his byspells still bewilder the drit out of the lewdish leed
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If FBI can't tap your phone without a warrant, but NSA is already tapping everything without a warrant, why not let NSA hand it all over to the FBI? This is exactly what we swore we'd never do, but we're betting you've forgotten about that by now
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CHP captures escaped Unicorn darting across highways (with video of the virgin who tamed it)
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Professor who looked for some muscle to enforce a white-free zone is now in a job-free zone
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Local man decides to fill in potentially dangerous pothole on his own time and money. Town officials: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
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How awesome is Sweden? A typical coffee break there is meant to be drawn-out affair with co-workers where you eat homemade bread while taking your time to appreciate the good things in life
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The cultural history of the anus is remarkable
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Letters of support relieve the guilt of engineer who opposed Challenger launch, "Follow-up" tag stands in for reclusive "Feels" tag
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While the rest of the nation is enjoying lower gasoline prices, California will see an increase of about 30 cents per gallon by the time you wake up tomorrow
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Ugly-ass polar bear cub given ugly-ass name `Juno' at ugly-ass Toronto zoo - with ugly-ass photo that will make your squee out your ugly- yeah, I'll stop now
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| Thu February 25, 2016 |
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The Pacific Ocean laughs at your puny break wall, mortals
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Detroit goes through its furniture cushions and finds $50 million to spend
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Uh, you probably are still going to have to pay that fine if you deliberately light up a joint in front of a police officer
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Man fined for smuggling 40 live turtles in his pants. Hope they weren't snappers
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SeaWorld catfishes PETA
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The Smithsonian's 2015 Photo Contest wants to give you a whole bunch of new desktop pics
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Police contend suspect's mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries
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NEWSFLASH: Queen's pigeon rescued after fleeing royal loft
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Identical twin sisters in Utah gave birth to twins - twice. Both of the moms are reportedly doing well, as are their children, husband and his three other wives
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this raggedy man
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Today's deadly mass shooting comes to you from Hesston, KS
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Teenager who called in bomb threats to major airports received vaccinations as a child
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Stoned thief gets munchies, leads police on high-speed chase after stealing a BBQ and a pack of marshmallows
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There are many reasons for committing a home invasion - you need the cash, you hate the owner, it's cold outside, you're looking for a sex tape with an underaged hooker
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Coast Guard vessel helping sinking ship sinks. Crew says "fark it" and just swims to shore
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Batman arrested for Robin tourist
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"Oh look, the El Kabong restaurant." KABONG
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Glasgow fathers facing a crisis: Do they cover up their obscene tattoos before their kids learn to read?
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Woman diagnosed with constipation gives birth 20 seconds later. Either way, it cleared right up
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This is Marlin Perkins. Welcome to Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom. Let's watch while Jim attempts to subdue and tag the elusive bikestealingus scumbagae. Watch out Jim, those teeth are sharp
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Man spends $100,000 fighting a $250 speeding ticket, and he's still losing
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Fark Food Thread: Whether you need a pick me up, something to warm you on a chilly day, or just because.. what's your go-to recipe for comfort food?
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Hmmm...you know what curling needs? Boobies
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Photoshop this smudge-faced woman
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Acceptable forms of grieving in the UK include giving passing police officers nut shots
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Amazon sells book about serial killer Robert Pickton, which quickly hits the top ten. Then the publishers hastily yank the book after realizing it's a book BY serial killer Robert Pickton
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Abstinence-only advocate Bristol Palin loses custody battle for her kid. Not that one, the other one
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Department of Homeland Security keeps secrets like a sieve holds water. Like a freezer melts ice. Like a Philadelphia 76 finds the rim. Like the politics tab breeds respect
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Looks like someone just totally flunked Driver's Ed
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Robber to store clerk: Give me all your money. Clerk: Are you kidding? Robber: No. Clerk: Are you kidding? Robber: No. Clerk: Are you kidding? Robber: No. Clerk: Are you kidding? Robber: Yeah. I'm Just messing with you. Bye
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Apparently throwing food out of an airplane and hoping it lands on a hungry person isn't that effective
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Apparently, this is what you get when you order an extra $80 worth of pickles on your Whopper at Burger King
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Ladies and gentlemen, the worst humans on the planet [APPLAUSE]
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Fark you ... and your language
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Master criminal gets beaten with a pipe by his intended victim, then gets run over by his accomplice
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A new burping world champion has been crowned when a belch reached a range of 110.6 decibels. Ogre and Booger impressed
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A professional cat photographer has some tips for taking pictures of your cats. 1. Don't ask it to smile
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Old and Busted: US companies out-sourcing call-center jobs to India. New and Scary: ISIS out-sourcing bomb-making jobs to India
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Brown University students are unhappy that classes and homework are interfering with their protesting
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Call someone homosexual? Then you're a liberal. Call them 'a homosexual'? You're conservative
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Listen factory worker, cooking and eating your boss's 'stray' Corgi will not get you anywhere with the company
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A California man who unsuccessfully lobbied to outlaw violent video games is sent to prison for racketeering and arms trafficking
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Russian teen wins contest, faces death by exhaustion
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Ten CEOs that need to go this year. Not surprising: Twitter. Surprising: the CEO for Bed, Bath and Beyond makes HOW MUCH per year?
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Mumbai bans taking selfies with Darwin
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"Oops, sorry. The sex was consensual." Hah, we have you for false reporting now. "Including the sex with my dad." O_o
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Baby name theft on the rise. Please, I have so little
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During a slow day at the office, researchers discover fat penguins fall over more often than thin ones when put on a treadmill
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Photoshop this snowbunting
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Gdansk flugdólgur björk'd in Keflavik
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38 gnomes evicted from their homes in a Pennsylvania state park. Last seen asking the Keebler Elves if they can crash in their tree for awhile
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Good news for our friends down under. You can now get legal medical marijuana
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Federal Judge: The First Amendment does not apply to video-taping police
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Will He airships go the way of the Pb zeppelin?
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Australia plans a massive military buildup to counter China over the next 15 years, including 12 new attack submarines, mounting TOW anti-tank missiles on kangaroos, torpedoes on the backs of salties, and bombs filled with spiders and snakes
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An honors student gets a full ride equine scholarship, only to be bullied to death by instructors, and all her parents get in return is a posthumous diploma
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Does this look like the face of a man who would fling poo at you?
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Turns out Ebola has long-term health consequences even if you survive it, including chronic headaches, memory loss, hallucination, and suicidal tendencies
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IF{LanguageReqirement="Yes" AND Location="Florida" THEN Set program result = "Senate Approved"}
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Man has a bruschetta with danger on Valentine's Day at Olive Garden after his Prego girlfriend found out he gave his free breadstick to another scampi
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 564: "I'm Beginning to See a Pattern Here 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed February 24, 2016 |
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Firefighters accused of getting freaky when they get hot
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Warning issued about cancer pills sold online. Turns out they may actually kill your cancer
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Hell's Grannies continue to cause trouble in England's Lake District
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Victim tied up with phone cords as three men rob his room. Raising the obvious question...what's a phone cord?
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Photoshop this colorful scratch
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Life under ISIS was hard. If only I had some way to find this out before I traveled from Sweden to Syria
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Not to be outdone by super-AIDS or super-tuberculosis, super-lice is making its way into schools
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Stingray photobombs proposal. Crikey
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In shocking news, it appears that Russian soldiers from the 2nd Battalion of the 53rd Anti-Aircraft Missile Brigade shot down flight MH17. Someone get me my fainting couch
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What does God need with plumbing supplies?
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To do: stop making lists
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Photoshop this bar hopper
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Police arrest woman, charge her with commandeering bus while not being Sandra Bullock
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Don't worry, you too can be a bestselling author. You need talent, a good editor, and a strong work ethic. But if you don't have those, you can get by with $3, and five minutes
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Two muggers die from instant karma
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Pregnant secretary of Pope Francis is found dead in her apartment. Thankfully he has an alibi
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Burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, BANANA TRUCK
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Maricopa County, Arizona attorney tells his employees to ditch their iPhones: "If Apple wants to be the official smartphone of terrorists and criminals, there will be a consequence"
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Millennials are too lazy to eat cereal, and may God have mercy on our souls
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Church treasurer spent $800k for hookers and blow. He also wasted some of the money on cars and trips too
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Number one on this list of "Six ways Trump is different than Hitler" is "Trump's sex drive." Now, tell me you don't want to hide in a bunker with a gun and a cyanide capsule after that mental image
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Semi at 69 Cock Lane arouses interest
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If life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Just not a tractor-trailer full at a time, in the middle of a highway
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"Are you outraged by the Lingerie Fighting Championships?" No, that's not the first adjective that leaps to mind
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Sometimes it's the WTF in a headline: Fujian villager laments lack of male heir, punishes his penis for it
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We're an equal opportunity employer: Just don't bother applying unless you're a female and your looks are '8 out of 10', the rest of you uglies hit the door
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Boy suffering from Stiff Skin Syndrome, and not the good kind
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Teen dies doing what he loves: beer pong with hard liquor
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Fark-ready headline: "Meerkat expert is cleared of assaulting monkey handler with wine glass in London Zoo Christmas party catfight over man who looked after the llamas"
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Beer sales have started in Ontario grocery stores. Hallelujah
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Google creates a human-like robot that can't be bargained with, can't be reasoned with, doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear and absolutely will not stop, ever, until it picks up the box
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Here are the most dangerous things you can do while driving, ranked
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Hamas? Under my house? It's more likely than you think
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Some would give their right ear to stay here
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Utah Lawmakers: We need to classify porn as a health crisis
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Once again, a massive brawl breaks out at a Chuck E. Cheese, a once-proud franchise that has become Thunderdome
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Here is what America would look like if the sea level rose 25 feet. Let's just say the Boston harbor is FARKed
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"A salesman who accidentally killed his lover while using a cucumber as a sex toy has gone on trial for negligent homicide in Germany. The sordid details of the episode also include a bunch of carrots and some courgettes"
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'Welcome to work, now here's your gun.' This insurance firm requires you to have one
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British Army instructors told to stop ******* swearing at the ******* new recruits
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Photoshop this chair
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Green Acres ain't the place to be. My woman put the knife in me. Blood spreadin' out so far and wide. Plead manslaughter, she'll get off on homicide
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Nevah Forgit: Port Authority ordered to finally pay out $10,000,000 claim to woman injured in WTC terrorist attack. Fark: the 1993 truck bombing
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My Little Pony: Australia parliament edition. Crikey
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The group that manages Powerball switched things up to give players better odds at winning. Then they all had a good laugh and trashed the idea
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This little piggy named Mmmm "Bacon" went screaming all the way home
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The next DSM revision will have an entry for high flyers who suffer from Global Services Maintenance Anxiety Disorder
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Waiting 6 hours for BBQ in Texas too much for you? Try waiting a paltry 3.5 hours for ramen in San Francisco
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Bad: getting your car stuck on railroad tracks. Worse: While drunk. Fark: And naked
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FLDS leaders indicted for money laundering and food stamp fraud. Oh SNAP
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Taco Bell is now one of the healthiest fast foods. Suck it, haters
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Eight essential skills needed to survive the apocalypse. #9: identifying post-apocalyptic clickbait
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Who knew a camping trip could cost $3.3 million?
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| Tue February 23, 2016 |
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Former Baltimore whistleblower cop applies to become the...DEAR LORD WHY?
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Mongo no longer pawn in game of life
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Cecil effect causes pride reduction
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Why plane windows are round
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Photoshop this young genius
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Woman comes to term with Amtrak delay
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If you lost your plastic cup full of heroin, the Chicopee police say you can come by and pick it up anytime
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Man fined for burping in proximity of a police officer
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Woman and her 9 children escape burning home. Shoe still smoldering
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St. Louis judge upholds for now a ban on guns inside the St. Louis Zoo, meaning zoo guests will still be defenseless if the Red Pandas ever escape their enclosure
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The broken littoral combat ship USS Milwaukee has confirmed to have a bad clutch. Unfortunately, the local NAPA doesn't have a new one on the shelf but they can get one from the warehouse by Thursday
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Dear Texas Professors: If you don't want to get shot by your now-armed student body, just don't "go there"
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You'd think she could get out of the way of a bullet moving that slow
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Driver of crane detained for crashing into train after a rain not mainly in the plain
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Photoshop Theme: self-help books for people who don't need help
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The 'Charlie Sheen effect' really did help HIV awareness. Cocaine and hooker awareness still doing fine
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Dad who complained about his daughter's Islam lesson will not be headed to her school graduation
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Bad news, Rock Hill, SC...It appears you have 15-20 budding serial killers warming up in the bullpen
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Ancient Chinese rock carving uncovered, although the ancients seem to have been under the influence of a Scottish distillery at the time
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So, would you wait six hours to get into a restaurant ... for lunch?
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This too shall pass
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A look inside the cutthroat, dog-eat-dog, no-holds-barred yet oh-so-glittery world of cheerleader uniform design
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| (Some Guy) |
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In The Netherlands, you can be arrested for wearing a pig hat at the wrong time
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If you're carrying meth, pot, unidentified crystals, black tar heroin, 18 needles, a cooking spoon, two pot pipes, one meth smoking pipe, a grinder and a large quantity of plastic baggies, you probably shouldn't ask a deputy for a ride to Walmart
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Woman posts a pic of her rolled-up rim on Facebook - gets ripped off of her 100 toonie prize. Only Canadians will understand that sentence
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Days since last mass-stabbing at school: 0
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What happens in Vegas gets stuck in the laundry chute
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The DMV may have caught on to "A55 RGY" license plates, but "FMUSLMS" still gets approved
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Obama finalizes plans to close Gitmo, force Republicans to gay marry terrorists to integrate them into society
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Is your teenager a l33t haxx0r? Here's how to tell
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Brazil to neuter male mosquitoes with radiation. That or create super-mosquitoes capable of sucking all the blood from a water buffalo in 3 minutes
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Husband loses his job, wife takes the news badly. Very badly
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Weirdest effect of winning the lottery is your neighbors go bankrupt: "Specifically, every $1,000 in lottery winnings translates to a 2.4 percent higher probability of a nearby neighbor declaring bankruptcy"
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We've secretly replaced our usual forensic artist with a guy who carves faces into coconuts for tourists in the Caribbean. Let's see if anybody notices
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Major incident reported after explosion at UK power plant
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When an ugly-ass baby elephant decides to hug you, you're getting hugged whether you want to hug or not
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A police car is NOT the place to watch porn and rub one out, officer Hardin
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The big lesson learned by the Idaho militiamen after a twelve-year-old girl was shot in the stomach at a meeting? "Watch your barrel discipline"
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So in 1892 an Austrian princess and a countess fought a topless duel in Liechtenstein over floral arrangements. Surpisingly, neither drugs, nor alcohol, nor Hapsburg insanity were involved
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If you hire a hit man, who turns out to be a hit woman, and this hit woman is named "Joanie Pepperoni," it's still going to be an undercover cop. It's always an undercover cop. Seriously, you bought "Joanie Pepperoni"?
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Remember when the DOJ said they only needed Apple to create a backdoor for 1 iPhone? Well they meant 12, 11 of which are unrelated to terrorism
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Ever wonder what foreigners who visit the U.S. think about America's fascination with guns? "Visiting some of these gun-loving towns is like stepping onto another planet with residents surprisingly hard to argue with"
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One-legged armed robber holds up store, gets away on foot
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If you want to get drunk, that's fine. But most people would rather you not do so while in the hospital operating room
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A Postal employee was fired for carrying drugs during his route. Wait, make that fired upon
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Rather that continue fighting a losing war on drugs, a New York mayor wants to allow heroin addicts to be able to shoot up, provided they do so on government property and under supervision of medical doctors
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"Dear Prudence: I am in love with my boyfriend, but I found out he has a congenital heart defect that is hereditary. I want to break up with him because that's not my thing. How can I do it without breaking his heart? Nobody knows it"
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Photoshop this early morning
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If you really want to ensure your child gets his ass kicked at school, just throw him a Zero Waste birthday party where the food is recycled, the most popular gift is a $2 Canadian toonie, and all the guests are given homemade play-dough
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"Lively documentary" follows the life of the Denver Post's pot reviewer. Fark: in one of his reviews, he found a chocolate bar labeled "100mg THC" contained only 0.3mg, and "nobody seemed to know if it was a crime" to rip off consumers
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NYC gets 140 million reasons why firefighters need ropes. In related, weirder news, an LLC was convicted of manslaughter, but the conviction was overturned
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Fark ready Headline: Stoner cat finds pound of nip. Has NO idea what's going on. (with helpful pic of the cat in question stoned on a pound of nip)
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Mayor wears same suit for 15 months and nobody noticed. I mean really, how often do you look at a man's suit?
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So while everyone's beating up on Pharma Bro over Daraprim, I'll bet we could totally do that with insulin. Who'd notice?
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The girl who said 'no' to marriage
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Who starts a riot in a pizzeria? The same kind of person that has a problem with cheese, that's who
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Weedlord Bonerhitler might want to rethink that last name
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| Mon February 22, 2016 |
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Fark NotNewsletter: Another epic Farkiversary
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Seas are rising at the fastest rate in the past 28 months. Check that, 28 centuries
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God is now enjoying some vintage 101 year old Mondavi
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Collage grads nowdays are not as smart as they think they are. In fact they can berely string a sentance togethre
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these trash bins
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"Has legal marijuana been a plus or a minus in Colorado?" "Yes"
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Illinois woman has encounter with baby mothman, er, mothbaby, provides chilling drawing of the savage beast
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Artist/inventor wants to save the planet. By cultivating man-eating mushrooms. This can't possibly go wrong, can it?
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Washington DC elevator doesn't go all the way to the top
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Arm-wrestling champion beats off a would-be snatcher
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Dude, where's my belly button
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Photoshop this charming campout
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In Japan, today is both Cat Day and Ninja Day, as the Japanese celebrate those who stalk the night, ready to pounce on their prey
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It turns out that all it takes to make someone's night is a little tartar sauce in their sundae
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Florida Man arrested for 34th time, mocked by local police with gallery of his many mugshots
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But I would walk 2 miles after being shot / And I would walk 2 miles more / Just to be the man who walked 4 miles / To fall down at the ER door
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'Sticky Vicki' retires at 72 to spend more time at home magically pulling things out of her vagina
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| (Tequila Guy) |
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Hope you loaded up on the Zafiro Añejo because today is National Margarita Day 2016
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Servants to the Royal Family could strike over wages. How woefully lower class
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"235 Kung Fu Nuns on Bikes": life imitates my high school garage band
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CDC: Due to calculation error, the risk of cancer from Lumber Liquidators Chinese flooring is three times greater than previously thought
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Witnesses in Pharma Bro case fear he'll retaliate against them. Presumably with Kanye-level Twitter rants
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Can you stop yourself from reading this headline? If not, it means you've been brainwashed
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93-year-old woman is pissed off that her oven gave out on her after a lousy 53 years
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Furry fingernails: When you need to look fashionable but you also want to look like you haven't washed your hands for six months
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Couple arrested over graveyard voodoo love ritual that included corpse desecration and magic spells. To be fair, you can't spell 'necromancer' without 'romance'
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NASA astronauts release 1.5 tons of garbage as the International Space Station flies over Bolivia. Apparently the thought is if it makes it through the atmosphere and lands on Bolivia no one will notice
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Geez, you'd have to be an idiot to fall for some online scam-AWW FREE PUPPY-Where's my wallet?
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The Dark Lord wants to break away from the Federation. (With appropriate pic)
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Bacon spill closes highway for 9 hours, 9 delicious hours
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Should've kept it above 50
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Saudi Arabia tells its citizens to go be fat somewhere else
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FBI director wishes people would take a breath and stop treating the iPhone case like the damn world is ending or something
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Pope weighs in on condoms vs. a little head, 404-carat diamond not found in Angola, and after the spanking, the aural sex: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/14 - 2/20
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The Government demands you vaccinate your kids, or risk losing them as a tax deduction
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File this under Good To Know In An Apocalypse: The stock of an average supermarket could sustain one adult for 55 years
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He's been in office for one month now, and already Kentucky governor Matt Bevin is...facing an impeachment hearing. Strike now, Drew. STRIKE
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"Dear Prudence: My husband died, leaving behind me and his mistress. I want to help her out. Is that normal?"
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"A name is the least important part of your personality. It's given to you by someone else." Said Mr Bacon Double Cheeseburger
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