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| Sun February 21, 2016 |
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The ultimate Fark sport: The Ivory Quest. Drunken, costumed bikers and skiers race through the snowy Alaska wilderness. Riders get minutes shaved off their time by consuming beer en route. This year's winner was... pretty drunk
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Of all the places you should stash a loaded gun a child's bassinet should not be one of them
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Sometimes the saying 'hitting the wall' becomes a little more real when kite surfing
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Photoshop this bugaboo not enjoying the Chicago skyline
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Air fresheners and scented candles "kill 40,000 people every year"
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CHP asking for help identifying suspects wanted for fleeing crash on foot, crimes against fashion
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Fallen WWII soldier's dog tag found on Pacific island. Still no sign of Amelia Earhart
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Photoshop this eruption
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Judge: "You have been accused of committing a very serious crime. How do you respond?" Defendant: "What's up, y'all? You can follow me on Twitter follow me on Instagram, Snapchat"
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At the age of 97, legendary test pilot Eric "Winkle" Brown gets a new set of wings
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That shooter in Kalamazoo last night? Yeah, he was driving for Uber and picked up fares in the midst of his spree. Seriously, you can't make this stuff up
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Not feeling they've abused them enough, airline books delayed passengers into S&M hotel
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Attorney who received a red light camera ticket took it to court and made the city of Orlando look foolish
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Number of Americans who have applied to become an astronaut is out of this world
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Really? Nobody wants a smokin' sweet 62-year-old fireboat with history written all over her deck that you can have for less than a month's rent
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What do you mean you can't afford to eat on what we pay you? You're not Yelping. No, really, GTFO. You're fired
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Photoshop this family in their kitchen
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CSB Sunday Morning: Nicknames
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What do you get a 110-year-old woman for her birthday? OFF HER LAWN
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Arctic-born bird found living at Southern California hotel. No word on how much it has spent on room service
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81-year-old woman chases down the robbers who stole her purse, crashes into their car to leave behind evidence that authorities could use to track them down, makes the rest of us look wussy
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music hosted live by a farker in Juneau, Alaska. (9PM AKST/10PM PST)
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Random shooter causing ongoing hullabaloo in Kalamazoo. UPDATE: Suspect arrested
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| Sat February 20, 2016 |
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Last Treblinka survivor dies, as do his memories: "It never leaves me. It stays in my head. It goes with me always"
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Do we really need more reasons to not find a roommate on Craigslist?
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Doctors say pregnant women should be routinely screened for depression - because after all, they're living with the constant reminder that they actually gave it up for you
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Photoshop theme: An improvement to a current tourist attraction
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If you hurry, you can still buy a ticket for Best Korea's first-ever air show: "Only 636 spaces for international visitors are available and North Korean citizens are not allowed in"
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Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me, but my bank propositioned me on Twitter
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| (Some Guy) |
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Salisbury Cathedral moves huge sculpture because people keep walking into it while they're texting. Bonus for use of word 'gobsmacked' to describe situation
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State officials release plea encouraging drivers to stop driving slow in the left lane on the interstates. You know, the PASSING LANE WHY ARE YOU GOING 60 IN A 75 YOU STUPID TWIT
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Photoshop this beauty sleep
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Ugly-ass baby rhino born at Toronto Zoo
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Police have arrested a serial burglar who robbed 86 nail salons in 32 towns over the past ten months because of his hoodie
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Jared Fogle claims time was added to his prison sentence for child molestation "fantasies," which are technically not doing anything wrong
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"Welcome to Virginia, where even our deer love booze"
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Ever have one of those days that you just want to totally strip for airport security and everything about your cunning plan goes wrong?
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Old school: bullies stealing kid's lunch money. New school: school board members stealing lunch money
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Virginia wants a secret police
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No, bartenders did not invent the tiny cocktail umbrella to shade the drink and prevent ice from melting too quickly
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Photoshop this circularly polarized dipole over a metal surface, exciting surface plasmons unidirectionally
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"Certified" pre-owned Mercedes turns into "certified" pile of smoldering metal after 200 point inspection evidently did not include repairs required by manufacturer's recall. "I didn't expect the car would catch on fire or, even less, explode"
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Jesper the cat likes to go skiing, pigeon-watching in public squares and visiting TV show sets. He does not like taking baths though, especially on Caturday
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I hope that I shall never see / Affordable housing take the place of a tree
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"NO. DINOSAURS - ARE - NOT - REAL. READ - THE - BIBLE" Ⓕ see me
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Cyclone Winston is currently slamming into Fiji's capital in a direct hit. With sustained winds over 135 mph and gusts over 200 mph, it's one of the most powerful cyclones ever recorded
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Drinking more coffee may undo all that damage years of beer and Makers drinking has done to your liver
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There's really no kosher medical marijuana out on the market
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Protip: If you're a rare book dealer with $350,000 worth of books in your van, don't park that van in Oakland
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Ahhh...the memories of YMCA summer camp. Campfires, singing, S'mores, crafts, swimming, fishing, black children acting as slaves on the auction block while some teachers and camp instructors acted as slave masters, chasing them on horseback
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Today's forecast in Chicago, high winds with occasional showers of glass shards
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| Fri February 19, 2016 |
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A sunny Friday is reason enough for this week's Fark Weird News Quiz
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You'll be mesmerized after watching ice stacking up on Lake Superior. Yes it's a slow news day
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Police ask anyone who sees a body floating in the river to call 911
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Evidence emerges linking Best Korea to Iran's new missile technology
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Beltway reopens to usual traffic jams after a super traffic jam
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Photoshop this Fußballspielerin
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Turns out Obama's move for our guns was a ruse all along. He actually wants to take away our hoverboards
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Man trolls his neighbors by creatively sculpting tree in his yard
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Plumber arrested for showing customer his faucet
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Man who exposed himself 9 times over 11 years may go into group home, Rudy Guiliani speeches
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Guy: You got bath salts in my ecstasy. Other Guy: No, you got ecstasy in my bath salts. Let's...open your head and feast on the nougaty colors inside
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Officer on a one-man crusade to save Skid Row, which really hasn't been the same since Gary Moore died and Sebastian Bach moved on
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Photoshop this mysterious man
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Man files a lawsuit after he says bar staff refused to serve him because of the owner's "No Polynesians" policy, which, you have to admit shows an impressive range and dedication to bigotry for a bar owner in UTAH
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Kim Jong-un's nuclear tests might make North Korea's volcano erupt. Scientists predict it could be the most impressive Darwin Awards death ever
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Parents upset after students kept locked inside Sherwood Forest Elementary School during bomb threat to school. Officials cite marauding archer and portly sidekick in the neighborhood
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Waffle House waitress arrested for mething with coworker's drink, putting him in coma
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Apparently the U.S. has a classified cave complex in Norway full of tanks
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Nation building fake islands and putting missile launchers and military air strips on them accuses the U.S. of militarizing the area
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Texas officials became immediately suspicious of town's water when they realized it was black
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Woman finds snake head in can of green beans, plans to take it to an Italian restaurant to drink cappuccino with an Oriental woman
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Non-venomous Australian snake attempts alternative method to kill humans
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Man professes his love for underage teenager, gives her the traditional gift of cocaine
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Cliven Bundy allowed to return home to Nevada
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Anti-gay group hatches a cunning plan. What could possibly go wrong?
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To Kill A Mockingbird Author
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US forces drop some much needed bombing supplies on ISIS camp in Libya
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"And our proud constitution is w--" "SPANK ME HARDER, HELGA" "Hang on a sec, let me just close these tabs"
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This year's list of the 20 most ticketed cars shows a continued, strong "douche-to-ticket" correlation
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this overabundance of cladding
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Was it over when the helicopter bombed Pearl Harbor?
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Man plotted to start "incest family" with woman and her two young daughters, or as they call it in Alabama, a "traditional family"
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Sorry ma'am, we can't violate our religious directives so we'll just wait 18 hours for you to develop sepsis to remove your miscarriage
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Irish pub wins right to display vintage tobacco signs. "The whole thing was absolutely f***ken stupid," said the owner
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The Pope says that using condoms is better than getting a little head
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Pin head virus could infect adults
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Benzodiazepine overdose deaths have soared in recent years thanks to them being the go-to prescription for anxiety. The number of marijuana overdoses in the same time frame is still zero
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When used up blowup sex dolls get old they go to retire in the fields ...as scarecrows
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High winds damage Ikea sign and shut down interstate 25. This is what happens when you can't figure out where to put that last screw
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Another search underway by principals who caught Syed
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| Thu February 18, 2016 |
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Snickers trolls the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition
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"Serial Stowaway" tries to take off again
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First rule of real-life Chinese fight club is ...you don't let the world in to see what you're doing
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Can I mishk you a drink, oshifer?
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Zimbabwe being torn apart, this time over stolen panties and Lacoste shirts
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Italian 'coffee king' buried in coffee pot. Must be one of the perks
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Neighborhood frustrated by mystery noise (w/ sample)
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Best Korea preparing for Big 'Un
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this awkward scene
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. (Void if surrounded by turkeys)
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Slogan: "Returning the land to its rightful owners." Reality: Burns Paiute tribal chairwoman is getting threats from dildo patriots
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When "you have to do what the police tell you to do" collides with your gag reflex, trust the latter
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Rare horse born in spellcheck nightmare
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Good news and bad news. Good news is your cancer is in remission. Bad news is you caught the swine flu at our hospital
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"I was so nervous during the interview that when he asked what I wanted to be in five years, I said, 'Race car driver'"
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| (Some Guy) |
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The cost of a long and healthy marriage is precisely £267,357
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Brussels is having a huge traffic problem, and some hungry mice are to blame for all of it
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Fark Food Thread: Shellfish time, shrimps. Yes, we want to see your mussels and clams. And knowing Farkers, there will be booze involved
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God is dead. --Twitter
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For the second day in a row, some asshat has put San Diego Naval Base on lockdown
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So, stop me if you've heard this one, President Obama, Morgan Freeman, and Tom Hanks walk into a restaurant
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Today is National Drink Wine Day and... oh, I see you've already started. Carry on
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Photoshop this canoeing chick
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Well, if you're from New Zealand, you can learn the culture of the traditional haka war dance and do it with other Maoris respectfully. Or if you're a Spanish TV personality, you can just wing it
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First there were handicap parking spots and I was happy, then there were expectant mom parking spots and I was meh. Now the are mother and child parking spots and I was outraged
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"I shouldn't have to see the pain, struggle, and despair of homeless people to and from my way to work every day" says San Francisco millionaire who wants people to go and be poor somewhere else
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You have the right to an attorney and to have one present during questioning. If you so desire but cannot afford one, too bad because the Public Defenders Office just ran out of money and closed
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Machete beats deli tray, gun beats machete
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Ford builds the world's most pot-holed road to test new models of cars. Why didn't they just drive thru Chicago?
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Teacher charged with assault after knocking gun out of student's hand. Correction: Teacher charged with assault after knocking candy out of student's hand
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Police offer advice to people who claim they're the victims of revenge porn: "'Grow up and stop taking naked photos to avoid becoming a victim"
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Dogs are welcome. Bankers...that'll be €70,000 entry
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Pub combines Guinness and Smirnoff Ice for new cocktail: "It's blasphemy and heaven at the same time. I'm not sure how I feel about this"
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Underground fire in Missouri threatens nuclear waste dump
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Sadly Poh the dog has come to the end of his bucket-list due to cancer. R.I.P. Good boy, the rainbow bridge is this way
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Upside of being a straight male porn star: being paid to sleep with beautiful porn actresses. Downside: when you have to go to the hospital to have needles stuck in your penis so it doesn't die
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How the ideal male body changes in different countries. Man, if you lived in Macedonia, you'd be hot
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American river otter drowned at Calgary Zoo after being given a pair of unauthorized trousers
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Thief arrested after renting out stolen bees. Investigators going nearsighted checking serial numbers
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Uh, in the butt, Bob
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The next time a stranger brushes against you and you check for your wallet, don't be too reassured if it's still there
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Sometimes when you want to know how many people will show up to mourn at your funeral you have to have a pre-funeral for yourself
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If you're going to rob a pharmacy, make sure the two time state boxing champion isn't standing just feet away
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| (Some Pesci Guy) |
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Photoshop this stubby lure
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You will soon be able to take "Crack and Hookers 101" in high school in DC
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Bottoms up
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Everybody hairy panic
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The University of Texas will now allow guns in classrooms, bell towers
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Grand jury indicts dildo sandwich
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If you're going to pull a dolphin out of the water and take it onto the beach for everyone to pet and take pictures with, could you at least put it back in the water when you're done and not just dump it in the sand?
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Cabbage Patch Kids are making a comeback, only creepier
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These days you can make more money as a babysitter than somebody with a degree in philosophy
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Americans don't drink enough wine. This needs addressed
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ᴴᵃᶫᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ʷᵒʳᶫᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ˢʰᵒʳᵗ ˢᶦᵍʰᵗᵉᵈ ᵇʸ ²⁰⁵⁰
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Shawna Cox files Sovereign Dildo brief with court
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 563: "Daybreak 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed February 17, 2016 |
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After 14 years of annoying travelers and missing weapons in checked bags, the TSA opens an academy for baggage screeners
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Take a morning dip in the bay, swim the channel, flee the police, unmoor a boat, visit a restaurant and it's not even 7AM? And you're still naked? Screw coffee, booze is the new morning beverage of the go-getters
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78-year-old grandfather embarks on new career, starts an internship because sometimes you just get tired of talking to your dogs and cats who don't talk back
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Man dismayed to wake up and see his new 10-inch penis (Not safe for work)
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Iraq is searching for 'stolen' radioactive material, suspect is described as between 6 feet and 2 miles tall, blue and frequently nude
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El Niño is so massive it's de-El Niño'd itself
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Christian radio host arrested for inappropriate laying on of hands
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Sometimes, you just can't improve a headline: Shotgun-wielding man threatens to kill girlfriend after becoming jealous of breastfeeding infant
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Photoshop Theme: What light through yonder window breaks?
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Comically inept robbery leads to comically inept prosecution
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Cloudy with a chance of prison time
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The Army develops pizza that will last 3 years, will call it Dominos
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Problem: Frozen pipes. Solution: Blowtorch. Result: Predictable
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I couldn't have murdered my neighbor. I spent the day using heroin, trying to buy more heroin and running other errands, such as walking my dog
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Authorities seize Dong in Detroit's airport. Dang, TSA groping is out of hand
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Investigators: Paris terrorist were planning to go nuclear on Belgium
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Male inmate gives female inmate plastic baggie of sperm so she can get pregnant and avoid execution. Romance isn't dead, you guys
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Drunken monkey knife fight
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How to tell if that tuna sandwich you found under the bed is still good to eat
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Photoshop what this kitten is watching
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There's only a little gym mat in your grated parmesan cheese
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Girlfriend finds very unsubtle way of keeping other women from approaching her man. Downside: Her boyfriend has to wear it... along with "Shoot me now" expression
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Connecticut farm hosts inadvertent beef and bacon cookout, neglects to provide coleslaw
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Zika? In my semen? Its more likely than you think
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Protip - If you plan to evade police using a smokescreen, you might want to turn the device off before the trail of smoke leads to where you are hiding
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Remind me again, what's the toll for taking a backhoe for a joyride on a Florida bridge?
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Write a paper about a supernova and nobody cares. Write a letter to Deng Xiaopeng and everybody loses their goddamn minds
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♫Just a Farktown writer, living in this lonely internet. He took the writer's thread, and sent it annn-nny-where. Just a small thread subby, trying to keep the funny...♫ THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread. "I've run out of puns" Edition
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"All I'm saying is, I'm the expert on beautiful wom...uh, I mean exorcism"
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France is going to "allow" employees to ignore their work emails when they're off the clock. Yes. Allow them to ignore
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Daredevils scale a skyscraper in China to take what may be the ultimate self-portrait. Vertigo alert
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Apple takes on the Man. Eve makes popcorn. The snake last seen in a tree giggling hysterically. Adam still trying to find a clean shirt
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Juilliard trained cellist stopped with 113 lbs. of marijuana. Apparently strung out
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The government finally allows Cliven Bundy to live rent free on federal land. Mission accomplished
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Here is the one case where eating sushi in Japan is a punishment
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Have you ever wondered where dictators and strongmen get their giant statues from? As it turns out, North Korea
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Massive 404-carat diamond not found in Angola
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42-year-old grandmother busted for having sex in front of her 2-year-old grandson while high
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If you were expecting thousands to protest Beyonce's performance at the Superb Owl, you might want to sit down for this. Or, you can mutter in befuddlement like the three that actually did show up in front of the NFL office in NYC
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Assembled crowd goes wild for German shorthaired pointer. This is not a repeat from World War II
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How many times can you be caught at 18 years old impersonating a doctor and running a fake medical practice before you get arrested? In Fark's favorite state, the answer is 3
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One more opportunity to celebrate the life of Farker, dolphkhan. DIT
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Auschwitz museum releases software to change 'Polish death camps' to 'German death camps' in documents
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Photoshop these watery globes
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Maryland college swim coach manages to find the only underage girl on the internet who isn't an undercover cop
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I'm a whale shark, I'm a whale shaaaark, Suck my...oh wait, you're rescuing me from the fishing rope? Carry on
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Pope Francis loses his cool with person who almost knocked him down. Sounds like he should lighten up
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Remember that supposed agreement Bill Cosby had with a former district attorney that he wouldn't be charged with drugging and violating an ex-Temple University employee? Well a judge has "found the evidence of such an agreement lacking"
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Relax. The US Marshals aren't arresting people for failing to pay $1500 in student loans. They're arresting people for failure to appear in court to address their delinquent federal student loans. Which is totally not the same thing
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We're not asking Apple to give up the keys. We're asking Apple to make this phone crackable so we can brute force its key ourselves. And because this $5 wrench doesn't work too well on a dead guy
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Dad was gone only two hours before returning home to find his 24-year-old daughter naked and passed out from swilling Capt. Morgan, with the 2-year-old she was supposed to watch playing beside her. Bonus: McKayla Maroney mug shot
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The US had a cyberattack planned that would have targeted Iran if nuclear negotiations failed. It would have affected air defenses, communications, and if things had really gone bad, it would have played Coldplay nonstop until Iran surrendered
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Guns, Bombs, and Poop. No word on the dildos
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Zooming in too far on Google maps produces some impressively messed up images
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US flying four F-22 stealth fighters over South Korea in a show of force that might just cause North Korea to declare nuclear war on the Sea of Japan once and for all
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| Tue February 16, 2016 |
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Panic in New York after "explosion" on subway train sends everyone into a "stampede"
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ISIS: Due to unforeseen circumstances, we have eliminated our 401K, cut health benefits, froze salaries, and limited your after-death virgins to 10
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Scientists discover "stoner gene." Hah, I know that dude
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Why is breaking up so hard on you? Here comes the weird neuroscience
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South America attempts to regain 'Most Dangerous Continent' title with discovery of four-mile stretch of river...that boils
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Photoshop this vintage car and driver
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Sheriff hears gunshots near his house, blames ... wait, who?
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Prisoner escapes pen by swallowing two of them
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Florida fears it could become the next Texas. Geez what kind of tag will that require?
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Member of elite faculty denounces her arrest over parking ticket while ignoring the whole suspended driver's license and arrest warrant bits
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Police search for Radio Shack thief. If only they had his telephone number
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Mad Libs headline time: Starving witch boy in Nigeria named Hope receives donations of over 1 million Danish kroner
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Take a daily Purple Pill to keep raging fires from the depths of Hell itself from vaporizing your esophagus? Good news, in a few decades, you won't care if you have an esophagus, or pretty much anything else
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Photoshop this enormously enthusiastic head
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Driver intentionally runs down jogger. Cops weren't sure until they noticed a series of stick figures with x's through each one, on the sun visor of the driver's car
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Driver flees on foot after being "thrown to safety" as his truck rolls over. This is why you should never wear a seat belt
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Filipinos google 'how to do necrophilia', unknown creepy Spanish B movie gets six million hits
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Orlando police looking for discarded baby. Apparently the deposit on those things is significant
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Traders at historic market district upset that vendors are selling penis-shaped sausages, apparently forgetting that ALL sausages are penis-shaped
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Just when you thought you found a great place to dine on gourmet cat and dog meat you find out the whole thing was an elaborate hoax
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"And now for tonight's traffic report: Traffic is very light tonight with no major problems...but you should watch out for the 25-foot long Triceratops. If you see it, you must go faster, must go faster"
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Sixteen year-old Syrian claims refugee status entering Canada from the US, is at risk of being deported since the US isn't dangerous for Syrian refugees. Yet. Listen, check with them again in a year, eh?
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Please note: safe gun storage locations do not include 'under your girlfriend as she flops into bed'
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Fill up on pump #3. That'll be 26 cents please
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Giant drones, sub-aquatic cities, and no more sick days. Take a peek into the year 2116
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Reasons against doing drugs: addiction, risk of job loss/incarceration, impact on health, high expense, and there's a small chance that you may decide that cutting off your penis is a good idea
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Dear parents. Please refrain from getting baked when dropping your kids off or collecting your kids from school
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People on Easter Island didn't become cannibals after using up all the resources. That's just a way better story so it stuck
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Old and Busted: Wearing a device that tracks calories burned during routine exercise. New and Giggity: A device that tracks calories burned during sex
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Poor little piglet born with the world's itchiest eyes
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Kijiji ad: Cleaning lady needed for light sweeping, dusting, sexual assault
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Boutros Boutros-Ghali, former secretary general of the UN, has has died
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Relative of the deceased: "Yeah, our relative passed away a few years ago and we would like to collect on his insurance policy." Kentucky insurance companies: :crickets:
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No, officer, you can't go around tasering teenage girls in the groin
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Newborn baby found in toilet at Subway restaurant, saved before he was forced to make fresh bread
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You know it's gonna be a bad day when you wake up and find a porcelain toilet on your driveway with a frozen raccoon inside it
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Wait, so you're saying DON'T apply fake tanning lotion with a roller?
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Islam threatens Christian with a large curved knife over bad service at car wash
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No, the camera isn't hidden behind the wallpaper. The camera *is* the wallpaper. Enjoy your next hotel stay
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Driving drunk? Check. Broadcasting the whole thing on the internet via Periscope? Check? Claiming she was just looking to have some fun? Check. Florida? Check. Jail time? Negative
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Woman assaults club bouncer using football and wrestling moves, now is being looked at by the WWE for their next diva
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Photoshop this innovative air transportation
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Defaulting on your student loan? The US Marshals may have your arrest warrant
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Woman flies thousands of miles, reaches out to pharmacologists, linguists, and researchers, then hikes up old lava flows to answer a simple question: can you orgasm from sniffing a mushroom?
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You can't arrest me, I'm in a lake
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To avoid catching the flu from all their patients with the flu, doctors gargle with lemon water, drink lavender tea, and stuff garlic cloves under the armpits. Just kidding. They get flu shots like normal people
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Sexy model gets her photo session bombed by two monkeys farking
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Remember that Indian leopard that attacked a bunch of people at a school? The one that they caught? It's escaped
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Nobody's talking about the fact that the market for recycled plastic is drying up because oil is so cheap and cities that used to make money from recycling are now paying to have the stuff taken away
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You haven't been doing chopsticks all wrong. Chopsticks have been all wrong
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Death Valley life finds a way
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New poll shows many student loan holders would take a punch or cut off digits if their student loans would be forgiven
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When you're a rock band whose gimmick is to start fires on stage, maybe you should check to see if the venue you play in doesn't have sprinklers first
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Russians get to claim the US isn't the only one with a "bomb Doctors Without Borders" collectible trading card
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| Mon February 15, 2016 |
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"A British marketing company has just created a craft beer using data collected from thousands of tweets. We may have reached peak Millennial"
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The Dutch claim to have opened the world's first poop bank. They obviously haven't heard of Wells Fargo
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Coolest food status symbols of 2016. Sea salt is OVER; 'all the cool kids are sprinkling smoked salt, Viking smoked salt, Truffle salt, Persian blue salt and Black Lava salt now'
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Man pulled head first into woodchipper expected to survive after taking just a little off the top
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If you really must have your student film project include gun-toting costumed characters, could you please shoot the video off campus? Thanks, that'd be great
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| (Some Guy) |
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Shah Rukh Khan, let me rock you. Let me rock you, Shar Rukh Khan
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You should be drinking soda for breakfast, says the non-biased individuals at Coke and Pepsi headquarters
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Your state might have a problem if cities and school districts have to hire lobbyists to get the legislature to notice them
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Bone-chilling temperatures did not prevent Valentine's Day bandit from striking again this year
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Fark-ready headline : Australia police seize meth-filled bras in record drugs bust
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Scientists, presumably male scientists, determine that sex is the best way to stave off dementia
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Further proof we never landed on the Moon: the Astronauts had no ice cream
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Air Force General faints during F-35 briefing. He must have finally seen the price tag
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Fark NotNewsletter: Guess who's 17 years old
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Photoshop Challenge: Improve this art gallery exhibition
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Police wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day and accidentally encourage theft and sexual harassment
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Man who took six police cars and a helicopter on a 16 mph chase on a stolen tractor jailed eight months. Totally worth it
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The first friendly fire incident of WWI cost the British a really awesome mustache. And the man it called home, but this is mainly about the mustache
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If you don't like mouse poop for breakfast, don't do the crime
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Obama moves to protect 1.8 million acres of southern California desert. Which in the middle of the current drought is known as the greater Los Angeles area
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Even if a pencil is labeled No. 2, that's not what it's for
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A little letter from Abraham Lincoln in 1864 now worth $900,000. Now go check the bottom drawer in that old desk in the garage
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Odds are if you're reading this headline, you're not a Comcast customer
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Photoshop this happy bulb of garlic
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Some people have a way with words, others, oh...uh...not have way
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What do the following things have in common: time travel paintings, a wake-up call from US President Barack Obama, owl vomit and flame retardant suit of armor?
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Tardy sharks arrive in Florida. But honestly, where else would sharks like that go?
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You want to be a smooth operator when pulling off a jewelry heist? You go all-out bulldozer
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People fear five-story poop chute recently completed at Shanghai mall
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And at halftime, it's Longest Tube Escalator In London: 1, Dumbass: 0 (with video)
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The latest thing making us fat? Messy kitchens
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U.N. recognizes the oldest surviving copy of the Hebrew Bible. Archaeologists say it was found inside a nightstand in a room at the Motel 6 in Haifa
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Sick of having to cut each other's hair, residents of northern Canadian town plead for hairdresser to move there
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A 100% complete specimen of Homo erectus, a little on the creepy side, a little on the patricide, and superb bowel commercials: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 2/7 - 2/13
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Here's what it's like to be one of the 24 staff greeting card writers at Hallmark
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What's the quickest way to get banned for life from teaching? Use obscene language, encourage students to fight each other, and show off that fancy wooden carving of a penis you're so proud of
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Somali terrorist group finally takes responsibility for 2016 nominee for "most inept suicide bombing attempt of the year"
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London invaded by feral parakeets. Thanks a lot, Jimi Hendrix
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"Sorry kids, your lunch food doesn't come from happy animals on picturesque farms." Teacher suspended for showing his fifth graders what farm life really looks like
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Scientists can now take a few of your skin cells and make a miniature version of your brain, even though many of us already have one of those in our pants
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Woman goes on British television and says you can't tell her apart from her teenage daughter. Viewers: Ummmmm
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The CIA had crucial intel about the Paris ISIS attack days before it happened
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Have you ever wondered what the inside of a cow patty sounds like? Too bad, here it is, anyway
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mirror image
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Happy Valentine's Day, babe. Here are some screenshots of you cheating on me. Hell yes, there's a video
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Leave it to the Millennials to start having weddings in funeral homes and funerals in regular homes
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There may be something suspicious about Scalia's death after all: He was staying in the presidential suite at a luxury resort on a trip with a bunch of "friends" from DC, free of charge
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Former executive director of Russia's anti-doping agency has died of "natural causes" two months after resigning his post
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The Supremes comment on Justice Scalia's death, say someday they'll be together
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Feds pour millions into program designed to track down just who exactly is starting all those Internet memes
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"Attention ladies and gentlemen, please. Would everybody move to the lounge who is not returning a car with a bomb"
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Seattle aquarium cancels octopus 'blind date' over cannibalism concerns
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In Texas, a justice of the peace signs a death certificate. Without seeing the body. Because, Texas
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Church of England trolls Richard Dawkins. And it is hilarious
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Dumas arrested for making bomb threat
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