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Sun January 10, 2016
(WJLA Washington DC)
 
 
 
If you try selling stolen goods on your home computer, watch out that cookies don't trip you up. Especially chocolate chip cookies
source: wjla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Hey Patriots. I heard you like Patriots so we have sent some more Patriots to help keep your Patriots in line so we can all be Patriots nicely. Patriot
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
At this rate they're going to have to change their name to Doctors Without Quarters
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Cold Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop Tennis Match: Winter Edition
source: weknowyourdreams.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Remember that subplot from Love Actually where the British bloke flies to America to impress women with his accent? Turns out it works
source: vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFTV Orlando)
 
 
 
Mother of the year: Suspended license, on probation for DUI, reckless driving, no headlights, open containers, and four kids aged 2,3, 14 & 16 in the car. Interesting mug shot
source: wftv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Kerplunk. I passed it. With pic
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this instance of having too many Firefox tabs open
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Man orders Kindle online, surprised to receive hot tumor sampler box instead
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Withdrawing money while black? Yep, that's an arrestable offense
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Meat theft on the rise in Canadian grocery stores. Police to begin a steak-out
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Want to move into a £3million mansion and only have to pay £1 per month in rent? Just a few requirements: you have a pet, you like people, never call the landlord Mike
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Morning Ticker)
 
 
 
Zuckerberg vaccinates child. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
source: morningticker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Palm Beach Post)
 
 
 
Don't like the mug shot that's currently circulating with your arrest warrant? Simple solution - send the police a better one
source: palmbeachpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
You know it's a slow news day when the newspaper reports on a story about how police are investigating a broken coin-operated candy dispenser found abandoned on a frozen river
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Petition calls for ban on pointless online petitions. Expect soon new petition that calls for ban on pointless petitions calling for ban on pointless petitions. Petitions
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJLA Washington DC)
 
 
 
Hunting tip: If you shoot a Maryland "Robo-deer," you won't be able to buck your imminent arrest
source: wjla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tales of the Cocktail)
 
 
 
The Japanese take their highballs very seriously. "Proper preparation requires a very precise number of stirs - thirteen and a half stirs of the whiskey"
source: talesofthecocktail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Vice)
 
 
 
Did the FBI run the largest dark web child porn servers?
source: motherboard.vice.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
China sends in its heavy hitters to defend their dominance over the South China Sea Islands: Cute flight attendants
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(IndyStar)
 
 
 
CSB Sunday Morning: Doing it yourself
source: indystar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this gripping fear
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(AL.com)
 
 
 
It is now legal to bring a gun into a psychiatric hospital in Texas. What could go wrong?
source: al.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
No, you can't have $949.8 million, not yours. How about $1.38 billion next Wednesday?
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
ISIS communication to sleeper cell in the United States intercepted
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
You should avoid toxic shock syndrome at all costs. Period
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Buzzfeed)
 
 
 
Since "snacks" was too vague, the Oregon dipshiats' new list of sh*t they forgot to pack includes "Gaming supplies," "Ice scrappers" [sic], "Mayonaise" [sic], "Aprans" [sic], "Shaving creme" [sic], four kinds of cigarettes, and French Vanilla Creamer
source: buzzfeed.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Mason turned massage therapist should have asked client ahead of time if she wanted demonstration of tongue-in-groove methods
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Supermarkets stand by their policy of demanding ID for zero-alcohol sales
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
UK lad ODs on deodorant. Careful with that Axe, Eugene
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Sat January 09, 2016
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Global warming has never looked so beautiful
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Perhaps spraying yourself and your couch with alcohol and then lighting a cigarette to set a bedbug on fire might not be the most effective method of getting rid of them
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
El Chapo interviewed by Sean Penn. And here some of you were worried he'd escape punishment
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Powerball)
 
 
 
Will only one person win and decide tomorrow which country they want to buy? How big of a dent will the taxes put in the national debt? Will it be a Farker who'll buy everybody a beer and TotalFark? Its the Powerball drawing, live at 11PM ET/8 PT
source: powerball.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
And the runaway bestselling book in Germany is ... oh, not this shiat again
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bay News 9)
 
 
 
Over 800 sex offenders live in Tampa, most clustered in one neighborhood, so city to pass ordinance banning them from said neighborhood
source: baynews9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Navy Times)
 
 
 
Rear Admiral fires seamen at work, relieved
source: navytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this unwavering determination
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
If you're 43 and have a bionic penis and you're going to have sex for the first time, don't get in a car accident. Just sayin'
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Sun)
 
 
 
From London Sun: Tonight's EuroMillions draw is predicted to hit £44million and tomorrow's National Lotto is a record £57.8million. From American schlub: Amateurs
source: thesun.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Anchovies: does anyone like them?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
English man in a spot of bother in the loo. Not very chuffed. Send assistance straightaway. Ta
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this man on his chair
source: l.yimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
If you're thinking that the mega jackpot Powerball game seems even more mega of late, you're not wrong
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSN)
 
 
 
Female British adventurer flies an open cockpit biplane from the UK to Australia. This *is* a repeat from 1930
source: msn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
"Hookers and cocaine" guy gives his first interview since becoming an American icon. Sorry ladies, he's married. With kids
source: kluc.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
It isn't a real pool party in Australia until the deadly spiders start showing up (pics)
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
For sale: One giant mansion, used for hosting parties and housing young, attractive models who will sleep with men to get famous. Includes roommate, and elderly man with a super-charged libido. $200 million, serious inquiries only
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Reinforcements from Idaho have arrived in Oregon to defend Camp Dumbass against the swarms of absolutely no government agents trying to evict them
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
You will need tissues for this, especially the Fark Moderators
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KTUL Tulsa)
 
 
 
Annoying: Union Pacific leaves train blocking road and having to listen to warning bells for an hour. Asinine: Union Pacific leaves train blocking road and having to listen to warning bells for almost a month
source: ktul.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Times)
 
 
 
Mathematicians reveal the perfect way to slice pizza. Here comes the topology
source: techtimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Finally, a reason to visit Florida: an interactive map showing every brewery in the state
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WALB Albany)
 
 
 
Shoplifter hides frozen shrimp in his pants, says he has a license to krill
source: walb.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MassLive)
 
 
 
A for effort for this hit-and-run driver who buried his truck in his back yard to avoid getting caught
source: masslive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Wimp)
 
 
 
More and more stores are creating a purple parking spot for wounded veterans
source: wimp.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this moment of reflection
source: l.yimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
What could possibly go wrong by sending 'El Chapo' back to the very same jail that he 'escaped' from six months ago?
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Dumpster diving kitten saved by some big, tough, soft-hearted firemen just in time for Caturday
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Jesus takes time out from his busy schedule of appearances on food items to photobomb an ultrasound
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
Judge uses poetry to dismiss inmate's grief over failing to find toilet relief
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
Police track down criminal mastermind by following footprints in the snow back to his apartment
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Post)
 
 
 
Prisoners in Saskatchewan jails complain about food quality. Premier of Saskatchewan "Well if you don't like prison food, don't go to prison"
source: news.nationalpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Fri January 08, 2016
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark Weird News Quiz #500. "Someday, we'll get the hang of this" edition
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
When it comes to European royalty, size most definitely DOES matter
source: thelocal.es   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Get Surrey)
 
 
 
Master criminals on the loose after pilfering cushion from pub. "Mr Crosby said if the punters were to come back into the pub on Red Lion Road, he would ridicule them mercilessly"
source: getsurrey.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC New York)
 
 
 
NY plans massive expansion of the Nobody's Opening So Much As A Folding Chair Unless The Unions Get A Taste convention center
source: nbcnewyork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Archer, on a mission for ISIS, yanks a cop's piece and unloads into another cop. PHRASING
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
Virginia teen girl lifts burning truck to rescue her father. I don't see why she didn't just turn back time by flying around the planet a few times to prevent her dad from getting pinned in the first place
source: nbcwashington.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Hill)
 
 
 
Not News: Man arrested for threatening Obama. News: Bo Obama, the Portuguese water dog
source: thehill.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Three men wearing clown makeup try to rob a woman, escape in small car with 20 accomplices
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this breaking and entering
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(BBC-US)
 
 
 
New from CES: a toilet you only clean once a year. Really? Because I've already got one of those
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
Pregnant woman hides in airport for a week. Baby now arriving at Gate 16
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
What's that, Lassie? Your friend slid down an embankment and is stuck in some overgrowth? Well lead the way
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Baby burned after parents place car seat on top of the stove. Well there's your problem, you have to take it out of the wrapper if you want to cook it without it burning
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(San Luis Obispo Tribune)
 
 
 
Something's not right with this salad, but I just can't put my finger on it
source: sanluisobispo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
Brits to be limited to 6 pints of beer per week. This should end well
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WorldWide Weird News)
 
 
 
Son uses Ebay to trick sick mother to take his kidney. Buy it now
source: worldwideweirdnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NW Florida Daily News)
 
 
 
When asked for his license, the driver, who was covered in vomit, handed over a Ruby Tuesday's coupon
source: nwfdailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Australia now hanging koalas from stop signs for some reason
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this Washington crossing
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daytona Beach News-Journal)
 
 
 
When police search for woman who abandoned her child they find her naked in her "sugar daddy's" apartment. She claims butterfingers, policeman snickers, and then she pees on them and oh god I hope there's no candy bar for that
source: news-journalonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
I'm not saying it's aliens, but you better get your Welcome to Earf signs ready
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Springfield News-Leader)
 
 
 
DPW director explains why city put weird curve on street: to make speeding drivers crash
source: news-leader.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Looks like the honeymoon is over on Broketooth Mountain
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Navy Times)
 
 
 
Soon there will be no more seamen left in the Navy
source: navytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WJHL Tri-Cities)
 
 
 
Great, now they will want to do backgound checks on swords
source: wjhl.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
NewsFlash
 
President of Mexico announces that drug lord Joaquín Chapo "Houdini" Guzmán has been temporarily recaptured
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Swiss woman in Timbuktu captured by Muslim militants for second time, maybe should relocate to Kalamazoo
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Well they didn't call him the 'Flying Frenchy' for nothing you know
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
Jesus: If someone takes your coat, give them the shirt off your back. Trump: Where's my shirt?
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(970 WFLA)
 
 
 
Gun toting, narcoleptic Florida driver makes the cops' jobs incredibly easy
source: 970wfla.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
The mother of the Affluenza scumbag is complaining that her jail cell doesn't meet her standards of accommodation
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Mao you see him......Mao you don't
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Connecticut DMV allows computer to revoke registration on its own initiative while mistakes are corrected at the speed of bureaucracy. Let's see how that worked out
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WFAA Fort Worth)
 
 
 
The longest armed standoff in American history ended not with a bang, but with a whimper this week
source: wfaa.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cryptozoology News)
 
 
 
Neanderthal seen in North Carolina. Only one?
source: cryptozoologynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
Bushfire in Western Australia is so big it has its own weather system, economy, prime minister
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
"So you're the only one that entered our contest?" "You win"
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ITV)
 
 
 
Thief runs off with diarrhea medicine
source: itv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghai Daily)
 
 
 
China demolishes hospital, which came as news to all the doctors and patients still inside when bulldozers came crashing through the walls
source: shanghaidaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New Zealand Herald)
 
 
 
Some people eat them, some plant them on their farms to grow as crops... It's really up to the parents to do what they want with thier placenta
source: nzherald.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
2013: Vitamin water. 2014: Coconut water. 2015: Maple water. 2016: Rice water
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
An Islamic State militant executed his mother in public in the Syrian city of Raqqa because she had encouraged him to leave the group, the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights reported on Friday
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop these West Aliquippa, Pennsylvania kids
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Three arrested on terrorism suspicion are surprisingly not armed white dudes taking over a federal building
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
"On an interesting but unrelated note, Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen were on the same flight to North Texas as Tonya Couch"
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Attacking other passengers on the flight? TAKE HER TO DETROIT
source: gma.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WUSA9)
 
 
 
Middle school principal brings dangerous incendiary device into school
source: wusa9.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
The best type of work desk is one that transforms into a bar at the end of the day
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Priceonomics)
 
 
 
Free Mickey, but you can buy a law to lock him back up for $149,612. This is not a repeat from 1962, 1964, 1976, 1979, or 1998
source: priceonomics.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Hey, libs. Do you text and take selfies? Oh, you do? Well, then, you're contributing to global warming, so maybe it's time to tone the smug down a notch
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
Chinese stocks up after admitting they've always been at war with East Asia
source: reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(FOX6Now)
 
 
 
Happy ending evades massage parlor owner as he ends up busting himself
source: fox6now.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Montreal traffic cam captures beautiful images of snowy owl dive-bombing the lens. YA RLY, EH
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
When life hands you lemons... better get the gun
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Thu January 07, 2016
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Art curators who've spent years complaining that not enough Americans care about art are now complaining that there are too many Americans visiting art exhibits just to take selfies with the art. "Their experience is not a very rich experience"
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Scientific American)
 
 
 
Move over climate change, human activity is showing in rock layers worldwide. Welcome to the Anthropocene, Earth's newest geologic epoch
source: scientificamerican.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Scum's strewn scrap sends SeaWall cyclist's smug smirk smashing suddenly
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Atlantic)
 
 
 
It's a 1989 Toyota Hilux. Fifth generation. Four production series. 530,874 units sold. Hamas lets him drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday
source: theatlantic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
City worker upset his sandwich tasted like carp starts online "fish-based rap battle" with sandwich store just for the halibut. Eel do well to get any clams
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Bloomberg)
 
 
 
South Korea responds to Best Korea's nuke test with its own weapon of mass destruction: K-Pop
source: bloomberg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Good news: 2015 was only the SECOND hottest year on record. The hottest was 2012. Thanks, second term Obama
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NJ.com)
 
 
 
Photoshop Chris Christie metaphorically cutting taxes
source: image.nj.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 96.5 Florida)
 
 
 
Man hiding money from his wife in a blanket gets karma in the form of a hungry dog
source: news965.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
Man disguised as Walmart employee robs register, leaves store with lots of cash and no dignity
source: nbcwashington.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Anonymous busybody upset rehabilitated convict found gainful employment
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
If you buy a Groupon for lip enhancement at a clinic in Thailand, expect to get your money's worth
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Does a thank you note to a one night stand seem too pushy?
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
US gives 24 MRAPs to the Nigerian government. Generals plan on using the 14 vehicles to fight Boko Haram. The Colonel in charge of the unit plans to put the 8 vehicles into immediate service. Soldiers fighting plan on using the single vehicle soon
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Christian Science Monitor)
 
 
 
Quakes rock Oklahoma, and some question if fracking is to blame. Some also question why this is even a question
source: csmonitor.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
Mordor is Russia and Sergey Lavrov is a sad little horse
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
It's good to be a bailbondsman when your dumbass client has a lottery winner girlfriend, and bail gets doubled each time he uses your services
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Big Story)
 
 
 
Cockeysville bus stuck in hole according to Dickerson
source: bigstory.ap.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Upvoted)
 
 
 
"Healthy Food" Labels Might Actually Be Causing More Obesity. OK, so everybody stop eating the labels
source: upvoted.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
Spanish guy lives the dream and becomes the real life version of that kid in Free Willy
source: thelocal.es   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Serious Eats)
 
 
 
Fark Food Thread: Hoppin' John.. Turns out it's not so traditional. What foods do you eat to ring in the New Year? Are they controversial.. or does food just cut into your alcohol consumption?
source: seriouseats.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Ain't nothing better than meat and potatoes for lunch, unless the meat turns out to be penis loin
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
When is posing for cool pics with a fake gun wrong? When you're on board a plane at the Beijing Airport
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox 21 News)
 
 
 
Considerate woman kindly pays neighbor's Second Amendment Tax
source: fox21news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Philadelphia Magazine)
 
 
 
Photoshop these polar plungers
source: cdn.phillymag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Man admits to pitchforking neighbor in chicken dispute, in latest sign of the fowl tines in which we live
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Live)
 
 
 
Nothing good happens if you're buying wine at a gas station
source: oregonlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Stuff.co.nz)
 
 
 
Parents of five decide that kids are cheaper by the dozen
source: stuff.co.nz   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Patch)
 
 
 
Snotty girl arrested for sneezing in bailiff's face
source: patch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Militiaman "Fluffy Unicorn" turns out to be "Fake Marine," "Extreme Drunk," and "Fatbelly Tattoo Guy"
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Toronto Star)
 
 
 
Wily coyotes are currently in heat, may be looking to hook up with your dog. Meanwhile, skunks may be looking for your paint splattered cat
source: thestar.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
Dartmouth/MIT study of federal tarmac-delay rule finds it eliminated delays by replacing them with cancellations
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo)
 
 
 
Not cool: man gives his wife a lottery ticket for Christmas. Redemption: it's a winning lottery ticket worth $2 million
source: news.yahoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Idaho State Journal)
 
 
 
New breed of mountain lion discovered in Idaho can bite you whether you're in front of it or behind it (warning: pic in link is graphic)
source: idahostatejournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
Defense Department adding medals for employees who courageously sit at computers in air-conditioned US offices
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Caption this woman and her meerkats
source: ichef-1.bbci.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Hello and welcome to today's traffic report. Traffic will be quite light this morning with a few roadworks in some parts. Oh, and watch out for the giant smiling sperm whale corpse on the back of a truck. Weather is next"
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
You might want to move up your plans to visit Yellowstone before it visits you
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Obama's gun grab claims its first victim
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Sydney Morning Herald)
 
 
 
Australian authorities: No, sir, your official signature cannot be a detailed drawing of an erect penis
source: smh.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Now that they fired their security director, no Powerball winner has been drawn and the jackpot is up to $675 million. I'm sure it's just a coincidence
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
When you win £50,000 in a lottery while on benefits and blow it all in a year, you can't just demand your handouts back. That's not how it works
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Globe and Mail)
 
 
 
The tiny house movement should be called `shed of lies' movement as most people who try it give up within a year
source: theglobeandmail.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Police Academy 9: Zlitenghazi
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MLive.com)
 
 
 
Cornelius told deputies he stole the edible panties for his fiancée, having just proposed to her at Walmart
source: mlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WSYX ABC6 Columbus)
 
 
 
A man assaults a disabled vet because he would not let his daughter pet his service animal
source: abc6onyourside.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Sandy Hook denier and university professor discovers that the university is now a paycheck denier
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOAT Albuquerque)
 
 
 
Police in New Mexico investigating substitute high school teacher for being awesome
source: koat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Orlando Sentinel)
 
 
 
Parents of the year arrested after their daughter was found restrained with zip ties, stuck in a playhouse
source: orlandosentinel.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Photoshop this ladies man
source: s4.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hartford Courant)
 
 
 
Salt miners trapped in NY mine. Let's hope they don't have any wounds, because you know what that would be like
source: courant.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Boobie)
 
 
 
The Oregon militia has finally met its match--from birdwatchers. "We have powerful cameras, and the ability to move unseen in the wilderness. We are watching you and our years of birding photography have made us endlessly patient and determined"
source: news.groopspeak.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(APM Marketplace)
 
 
 
The latest place it's illegal to smoke: public housing
source: marketplace.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Not quite in conjunction with CES Vegas Fark Party
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Verge)
 
 
 
New York's Penn Station will be renamed Empire Station Complex, delighting Sith lords everywhere
source: theverge.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC San Diego)
 
 
 
Father upset his 10-year-old snowflake daughter endured 1-minute, 48-second pat down by TSA agent at airport security checkpoint
source: nbcsandiego.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fairbanks Daily Newsminer)
 
 
 
A series of misadventures and yakkity sax
source: newsminer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Drug sniffing dog finds $415,000 of marijuana hidden inside a shipment of broccoli. Police say they plan to burn the noxious weed, but keep the pot as evidence
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS4Denver - KCNC)
 
 
 
Greyhound driver leaves bus full of passengers to freeze while he naps in a La Quinta room. Greyhound management says, "Passengers could have waited all night in McDonald's. Thanks, Obama"
source: denver.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
Medal of Honor Marine displays additional courageous foolhardiness
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
For SCIENCE
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Click Orlando)
 
 
 
Baby giraffe gets stuck between two fence posts at break neck speed
source: clickorlando.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Knifeproof jacket, huh? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked. And we also used rubber knives. You're a sick motherfarker, Mac
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(PennLive)
 
 
 
The ultimate nightmare occurred when this woman was beaten in her sleep by her online "friend," with a mugshot of what an online "friend" may look like
source: pennlive.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SFGate)
 
 
 
So it begins: left in the wake of Lyft and Uber, San Francisco Yellow Cab Cooperative considering filing Chapter 11 bankruptcy
source: sfgate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Sacramento)
 
 
 
FDA: Delivery pizza -- not even once
source: sacramento.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
Hiding your drug business stash in Pringles tubes at a children's playground because no one would EVER think to look there. BRILLIANT
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Farktography)
 
Farktography
 
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 557: "Desolation 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
source: farktography.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Wed January 06, 2016
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Long Island priest busted for drugs at seedy motel confesses to cops that he's been smoking crack since sister was decapitated by her son in 2014. Okay that's a pretty good reason to start
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Public Radio International)
 
 
 
H-Bomb this: 6 other North Korean 'whoppers,' including its 'invention' of the hamburger
source: pri.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Woman discovers it's time to change the windshield viper
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Portland Mercury)
 
 
 
Decemberists frontman Colin Meloy tweets erotic fanfiction about Bundy militia standoff. "Jason pressed Jed against a rack of "Birds of Oregon" books; his breath was sweet with jerky. Somewhere, an egret cried"
source: blogtown.portlandmercury.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS4Denver - KCNC)
 
 
 
Old and busted: Colorado laws prohibiting the purchase of limited amounts of marijuana. Busted: Buyers trying to score large amounts from cops posing as black market dealers
source: denver.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this black bass
source: i.ytimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
Well there's shrimp slavery, shrimp toxins, shrimp cruelty, shrimp fraud, shrimp carbon, shrimp MRSA, shrimpicillin, shrimpecoli, shrimpruptcy, shrimplesterol, shrimpophosphates, shrimpestrogens, and shrimp sandwich. That's - that's about it
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Mexican warlock says Trump's going down. Fraggles, leprechauns, tribbles, and those damn snorks aren't too fond of him either
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(China Daily)
 
 
 
After rash of unfortunate incidents caused by negligence, lack of safety checks, inadequate regulations, slack law enforcement, ineffective supervision and incompetent emergency responses, President Xi speaks out in favor of workplace safety
source: usa.chinadaily.com.cn   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Edmonton Journal)
 
 
 
"Sorry for that whole kidnapping/assault thing. You're really not that bad a guy. Tell ya what, let's go get hammered and watch strippers." Conflict resolution, Canadian-style
source: edmontonjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Cancer rate drops 33% if you don't have any ancestors
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(STLToday)
 
 
 
Missouri cops might soon track driving while gay, not that there's anything wrong with that
source: stltoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
World upset by Best Korea's Fat Man and Little Boy - and also its nuclear bomb test
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Times)
 
 
 
Kentucky court asked to decide whether drones can trespass, and when it's OK to blow them out of the air above your house
source: washingtontimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
Vietnam's investigation into mysterious 'Space Balls' moves into ludicrous speed
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Looks like the fourth one is getting ready to fall over into the swamp, too
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(National Geographic)
 
 
 
Photoshop this muddy meet and greet
source: images.nationalgeographic.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mother Jones)
 
 
 
This handy map shows how your community is being crushed under the oppressive heel of student debt
source: motherjones.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Ammon Bundy claims that a "FBI commissioner" has warned him that the FBI is gathering goons and equipment secretly at a high school in order to raid Camp Freedumb
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS Chicago)
 
 
 
College professor may lose herjab
source: chicago.cbslocal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
Ambulance provides one-stop shopping experience
source: nbcwashington.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Pretty much all of Britain is live-streaming this puddle
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Hudson Valley News Network)
 
 
 
Today in "You Can Never Be Too Careful": nine-year-old prank caller charged with making a terroristic threat
source: hudsonvalleynewsnetwork.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News.com.au)
 
 
 
Victoria University to 14,500 applicants: "Remember the 'You're accepted' letter you received? Well, we were just kidding. Sorry for the inconvenience"
source: news.com.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Consumerist)
 
 
 
Attention passengers, this is the captain. "Sit back and enjoy your flight. One small issue - the extra weight of your checked baggage, combined with unusually strong headwinds may cause us to run low on fuel before we reach our destination"
source: consumerist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
While "habitual intoxication" may have its benefits in being a productive member of the Fark community, it's generally not something you want to see in a practicing physician
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
And it's so unlike D.C. not to prepare for something ahead of time
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Newser)
 
 
 
The final numbers for 2015 are in: Mount Everest - 358, Climbers - 0
source: newser.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC News)
 
 
 
Powerball jackpot climbs to $450 million. Winner can take annuity payments over 29 years, or the cash option after taxes of $7.62
source: nbcnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMZ)
 
 
 
One of the two murderers that was the subject of a new Netflix documentary series who insist they're innocent despite overwhelming evidence now claims his brothers did it
source: tmz.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Frightening new footage shows that ISIS may be building thousands of heat-seeking surface-to-air missiles in its secret weapons factory, which is located just below its secret mountain lair on its secret moon base
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Red Alert Politics)
 
 
 
Young Americans' expectations not aligned with reality of American economy. Or is it the other way around?
source: redalertpolitics.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Did you get any writing done over the holidays? Have you made your New Year Resolution to finish your book in time for April? Any other updates you wish to tell the class? THIS is your Fark Writer's Thread
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC News)
 
 
 
Ugly-ass Bear Dog mystery solved. Sure, they say she's a Pomeranian mix, but her owner is a bio-molecular engineering student. STUDY IT OUT
source: abcnews.go.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
"The only people there should be the armed men who are willing to die there with Ammon Bundy and his brothers and a couple of embedded reporters." Embedded reporters "Wait, what?"
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this diving guy
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
FBI probes 18 minute gap. Another remake of a 1970s classic
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
While the message has been lost in the frontier gibberish of dimwitted militiamen and a dysfunctional ranch family, the federal government has historically engaged in a massive land-grab in western states
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Boston.com)
 
 
 
1986: Mom left Subby as a kid in car to get a week's worth of groceries for 30 minutes- no biggie. 2016: RI Mom charged with child endangerment after taking 10min to return a re-gift at the Wrentham "Premium" Outlets- making it an interstate crime
source: boston.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
New study finds that 63% of Americans are living one surprise $500+ bill away from "financial disaster"
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters)
 
 
 
In order to assure a continued supply of workers to build the iPhone 12, your one-child policy has been upgraded. Couples in China may now independently arrange childbearing for up to two children without state approval
source: af.reuters.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
Michigan governor declares emergency in Flint after children are exposed to Pb without jelly
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(9 News)
 
 
 
"No injuries in sign-spinning competition" actually is news
source: 9news.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
You know what our town needs? A giant golden statue of Chairman Mao
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Abc.net.au)
 
 
 
The reason Australians are not that afraid of all the spiders, the wasps kill them and use them as baby wasp incubators
source: abc.net.au   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Well it's a good thing that a record number of cops have been charged with murder or manslaughter in 2015, now out of these 1,200 cases maybe some day there will be at least one conviction. One supposes charging them is a start
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTOP)
 
 
 
Zimmerman sues Al Jazeera. No, not that one, the other one
source: wtop.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
Mayor of Cologne says after nearly 100 sexual assaults on New Years Eve that women need a code of conduct to prevent it happening
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Marketwatch)
 
 
 
Congratulations South Carolina, you have the cheapest gas...and the worst drivers. Awesome heritage, bro
source: marketwatch.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Much like the United States, Japan is sending its garbage to South Carolina too
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NBC Washington)
 
 
 
Washington DC city council votes to allow marijuana to be legally smoked in private clubs, then changes their minds five minutes later when then realized they aren't members of those clubs
source: nbcwashington.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Maxim Magazine)
 
 
 
😘👉👌🍒🍆💦🍑 (Not safe for work)
source: maxim.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Tue January 05, 2016
(Fox5 DC)
 
 
 
Alexandria gym helps fitness buffs reach personal highs for VCO max
source: fox5dc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(MSNBC)
 
 
 
Bundy gunman: "I want to go home because I miss my cows"
source: msnbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daytona Beach News-Journal)
 
 
 
Woman beats grandfather with cellphone, gets poor reception
source: news-journalonline.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
One of the best ways to show the cops you don't give a fark is to eat chicken wings while the police are chasing you
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Saying you feel like you're 'drowning in your marriage' and referring to your wife as 'the ole ball and chain' is usually a metaphor
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC)
 
NewsFlash
 
According to this BBC map, North Korea appears to be systematically nuking itself
source: bbc.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(UPI)
 
 
 
Researchers conclude that vitamin D supplements, used by many people to strengthen bones and prevent fractures, actually increase falls and fractures
source: upi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Star Press)
 
 
 
If you're going to be your county's first arrest of 2016, you might as well do it drunk off your ass doing cartwheels on the highway
source: thestarpress.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Female First)
 
 
 
Stop me if you have heard this one: A man walks into a fire station and asks them to cut off his wedding ring
source: femalefirst.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Daily Beast)
 
 
 
Ammon Bundy suspended from Twitter, making his gang of fellow wannabe soldier militia nutjobs the only 140 characters he's going to be playing with from here on out
source: thedailybeast.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBC)
 
 
 
Avid gun collector has his avid gun collection confiscated and avid gun ownership rights denied for 10 avid years just for being a bit too avid
source: cbc.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
All forty Senate seats in Florida are up for election this fall. Chad already seen hanging his head
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Some say Omaha schools give children alcohol and rape them. Others say they teach sex education. Surely the truth lies somewhere in between
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this celebrating crowd
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
If you go live in Germany, you'll end up being a naked non-jaywalking sits-to-pee rapid-checkout bottle collector that claps when the plane lands
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
A race of very large pre-historic apes died because they would not eat their vegetables
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
British police chiefs blame 'spiders' for country's spiking crime rate
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cleveland Plain Dealer)
 
 
 
DO call 911 for help getting criminals off the streets. DO NOT call 911 for help getting your girlfriend into bed
source: cleveland.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TwinCities.com)
 
 
 
Company recalls 89,000lbs of meat after customers complain of new Beef N' Splinters flavor
source: twincities.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Network World)
 
 
 
10,000 more reasons to not use Twitter
source: networkworld.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Detroit Free Press)
 
 
 
Winning lottery ticket pays $1,000 a month for the rest of someone else's life, a system known elsewhere as 'alimony'
source: freep.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Local)
 
 
 
You know who else liked to claim gold on other people's land was his?
source: thelocal.de   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Lowering the Bar)
 
 
 
Police arrest white man with gun, despite him clearly not being a threat to anyone he shoots at
source: loweringthebar.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Headline News TV)
 
 
 
"Making a Murderer" is a big hit for Netflix, but Nancy *Stopped Reading Right There* Grace says the real miscarriage of justice is that Netflix made it to begin with
source: hlntv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(News 13 Orlando)
 
 
 
Perp of latest bacon-based mosque vandalism arrested, and his mug shot looks exactly like you'd expect. All of them do, actually
source: mynews13.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(New York Daily News)
 
 
 
Defendant calls presiding Judge a "punk ass n*****". Bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em
source: nydailynews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Science Daily)
 
 
 
Researchers find that social networks are as important to health as exercise and diet. So if you're friendless and alone, you're more likely to die friendless and alone that much sooner
source: sciencedaily.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Photoshop this odoriferous clue
source: content.breederoo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Gawker)
 
 
 
I'm Crazy Sid from Crazy Sid's Bouncy Castles and Global Jihad Emporium and you won't believe the deals we have for you this weekend. Death to America
source: gawker.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Some Guy)
 
 
 
Vladimir Putin is preparing to unleash an army of super-powered rats to sniff out ISIS bombs
source: en.alalam.ir   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington City Paper)
 
 
 
Hoverboards are un-American
source: washingtoncitypaper.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Edmonton Journal)
 
 
 
"Taken together, the whole project is the equivalent of a candy company releasing a new chocolate bar called Herpes Al-Qaeda"
source: edmontonjournal.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CNN)
 
 
 
Hitting a parking bollard with a company vehicle might get you a warning. Cause a million dollars in damage to your nuclear submarine by hitting a buoy while pulling into port might get you fired
source: cnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Congratulations to the winners of Fark's 2015 Headline of the Year contests
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fox News)
 
 
 
Pizza Hut employees freshly baked pizza for New Years
source: foxnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Kitchener Record)
 
 
 
Problem: 15 collisions at busy intersection. Solution: install a roundabout. Result: 86 collisions at circular demolition-derby track
source: therecord.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
England is so behind the times that their ghosts are still riding horses
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(London Evening Standard)
 
 
 
"Bob" the lost dog walks into a cafe for a cup of coffee, goes up to the counter, sits down and asks some help finding his lost owner
source: standard.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Phys Org2)
 
 
 
Least necessary study of all time? Researchers found "examples of echo chamber type behaviors" when people discuss topics online
source: phys.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Guardian)
 
 
 
The key ingredients to creating mouth-watering food? Tampons, mashed potatoes, shaving cream, WD-40, and Elmer's glue
source: theguardian.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WTKR)
 
 
 
Beavers causing flooding concerns for Elizabeth
source: wtkr.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Tech Dirt)
 
 
 
Former NYPD boss's emails wiped despite a court order to preserve them. Coulda happened to anyone
source: techdirt.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Authorities are cutting the power and phones. Y'allQaeda is going to have a long, cold, dark winter to think about what they've done
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Express)
 
 
 
Come to think of it, spending $500 million on a telescope to save the Earth from a deadly asteroid attack seems like money well spent
source: express.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Slate)
 
 
 
It's like Tinder for babysitters
source: slate.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Rare.us)
 
 
 
You know those "runaway truck ramps" you see at the side of some mountain highways? Well, it turns out they actually get used sometimes
source: rare.us   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Whiskey Reviewer)
 
 
 
Reporters tried to scare us with a bourbon shortage in 2015? Well I never
source: whiskeyreviewer.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Cheddar Valley Gazette)
 
 
 
The most 'local person complains about local matter' letter you'll have seen this year
source: cheddarvalleygazette.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
"'The Black Lives Matter movement, they can go and protest, close freeways down and all that stuff, and they don't get any backlash, not on the level that we're getting,' said the man, who identified himself as 'Fluffy Unicorn'"
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TreeHugger)
 
 
 
New "Super Toilet" uses no water and can charge your phone by burning poop for energy. And best of all, you can put it right next to your couch
source: treehugger.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Washington Post)
 
 
 
Founder of a White Only dating site: I'm not a racist. I once dated a black woman
source: washingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yahoo Images)
 
 
 
Photoshop this cleanup
source: l.yimg.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Salt Lake Tribune)
 
 
 
Proposed bill would require students in Utah to be proficient in guns
source: sltrib.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KHOU Houston)
 
 
 
The trend of making your own crafts at home is a good thing. Except when it comes to DIY fireworks
source: khou.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Oregon Public Broadcasting)
 
 
 
Bundy: We will leave peacefully if the community wants us to. Community: We've been telling you to leave since the first day
source: opb.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(LA Times)
 
 
 
Would you share a hotel room with a stranger for half off your bill? Strictly business
source: latimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Thank you for flying Jin Air. We are currently at an altitude of 10,000 feet and if you look to your left, you'll see we forgot to shut the door
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Onion)
 
 
 
The protesters are demanding 5 million dollars and safe passage to 1874
source: theonion.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Look, I know you guys set up the speed traps and collected all that money for the town. But we stole it all so you're fired
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Ugly-ass polar bear cub raised by zoo staff after its mother went out for a pack of smokes
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Mail)
 
 
 
Lesbians touch a penis for the first time. Let's see how they handle it (possibly not safe for work)
source: dailymail.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Talking Points Memo)
 
 
 
Non-Local Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
source: talkingpointsmemo.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NPR)
 
 
 
Korean government responds to protests with savage beatings, re-writes textbooks to glorify themselves, jails journalists, and criminalizes certain kinds of speech. No, not that Korea
source: npr.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
The world is going to end on Valentine's Day, three times: Nuclear holocaust (thanks Obama), a giant asteroid, and a black hole from the Large Hadron Collider
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(ABC 15)
 
 
 
Man who stole unique vintage bike arrested after someone recognizes him riding it around, presumably near the Alamo's basement (with "I know you are, but what am I?" mugshot goodness)
source: abc15.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
Mon January 04, 2016
(Mother Nature Network)
 
 
 
Another thing to blame millennials for: Suburban office parks are dying because young people won't drive to them
source: mnn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KSAT San Antonio)
 
 
 
$15,000 worth of fireworks stolen from fireworks stand, police don't know what set it off
source: ksat.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Consumerist)
 
 
 
Man drives to Canada from Connecticut to cut the cheese
source: consumerist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WMUR New Hampshire)
 
 
 
Construction site flagger charged with stealing beer, and subby's heart with those eyebrows
source: wmur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Detroit_News)
 
 
 
Downloading child porn is bad enough. Doing so AFTER you know you're under surveillance is all kinds of stupid
source: detroitnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KOCO Oklahoma City)
 
 
 
Ukraine bans Russian food in retaliation for sanctions, claims it's a bunch of borscht shiat
source: koco.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Smithsonian Magazine)
 
 
 
Art historian figures out exact location of Vermeer's "Little Street" painting by using tax records from 1667
source: smithsonianmag.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Fark NotNewsletter: 2016 is the new 2015
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(KPTV Portland)
 
 
 
Man arrested for assault with glass marijuana pipe. BONG
source: kptv.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this touching moment
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(SeattlePI)
 
 
 
The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches poisoning everyone with toxic mercury, and then moves on
source: seattlepi.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CBS News)
 
 
 
Caricature artist at Universal Orlando gets fired, decides to play rock, paper, scissors with boss, leaves out rock and paper
source: cbsnews.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Mirror.co.uk)
 
 
 
Well, it turns out ISIS has different policies regarding gays. Catcher, you get tossed off the roof to your death. Pitcher, if you are an ISIS chief you merely get a demotion
source: mirror.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The New York Times)
 
 
 
New York's last accordion store squeezed out by rising rents
source: nytimes.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Great Falls Tribune)
 
 
 
Former KKK leader organizes Martin Luther King, Jr. celebration, joins NAACP. You're doing it...right?
source: greatfallstribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Huffington Post)
 
 
 
Lesbos has their Weiwei. Aiiiiiiiiiiiiii
source: huffingtonpost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
If you lose your driver's license for drunk driving in France, there's still one car that you can legally drive on the roads. But you won't WANT to
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this chocolate treat
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WUNC Chapel Hill)
 
 
 
That awkward moment when you walk into an American Eagle Outfitter and your English teacher is the person who helps you in the fitting room
source: wunc.org   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Telegraph)
 
 
 
"We're also out of coffee"
source: telegraph.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(TMJ4 Milwaukee)
 
 
 
"I will never go back for New Year's Eve After the way we were treated when we spent $700+ and having our meal ruined by watching a dead person being wheeled out from an overdose" Eatery: Yeah, about that 70-yr-old having a heart attack, you POS
source: tmj4.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Taking your children to museums, parks, movies and otherwise letting them entertain themselves over winter break instead of signing them up for a mini-camp makes you a lazy parent
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(WESH Orlando)
 
 
 
Bacon makes everything better. Except perhaps religiously motivated vandalism
source: wesh.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Swiss News)
 
 
 
Gun sales surge 20% in Switzerland. Mostly from people who realize that it's tough to defend yourself when the only weapon you have contains a corkscrew, nail file, bottle opener, and tiny scissors
source: swissinfo.ch   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Metro)
 
 
 
Finally, scientists have worked out the answer to "how much wood would a woodchuck actually chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" Next, will tackle if Peter Piper really picked a peck of pickled peppers
source: metro.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Reuters Media)
 
 
 
Caption these elite Russian military members
source: s1.reutersmedia.net   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Randy Quaid)
 
 
 
The best of Stowe, VT's 2015 police blotter, which includes such highlights as: "Folks came to the police department to share a conspiracy theory that suggests dead celebrities were actually killed by some nefarious underground"
source: stowetoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(CTV News)
 
 
 
Dude, you're Australian. What are you doing on a snowmobile in the first place? Shouldn't you be riding a sandworm or something?
source: ctvnews.ca   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(BBC-US)
 
 
 
To anybody who has lost their cocaine on the Scottish Isle of Skye, the police would like you to come and get it at the station. Also, say you can come by and collect your free motorboat too
source: bbc.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Fark)
 
 
 
Using a hemi for bait, affluenza outbreak quarantined, and DA finds probable Cos for prosecution: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 12/27 - 1/2
source: fark.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
The FBI is now monitoring Y'all-Qaeda's takeover of the Oregon Aviary. No word on how they plan to end to the illegal terrorist actions of these terrorists. Maybe they should remind the hayseed terrorists of Ruby Ridge
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(NYPost)
 
 
 
Bills fan verifies alcohol is the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems
source: nypost.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Canoe)
 
 
 
Climate change affecting local native WOW LOOK AT THAT HAT
source: cnews.canoe.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Yorkshire Post)
 
 
 
"Underwear and socks are not uncommon items for dogs to eat, but it's highly unusual to find out they don't belong to the dog's owner or their partner"
source: yorkshirepost.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(USA Today)
 
 
 
11 states that are least likely to crawl out of their caves and embrace the 21st Century
source: usatoday.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Imgur)
 
 
 
Photoshop this 4th century silver coin bearing a likeness of the Greek goddess Athena dug up in Israel
source: i.imgur.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Eagle Tribune)
 
 
 
The fire department does not want to rescue your drone from a tree
source: eagletribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Chicago Trib)
 
 
 
As a teacher, I needed these videos to demonstrate the finer techniques of Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, and Doctor Howard
source: chicagotribune.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Anchorage Daily News)
 
 
 
A generation from now children in Alaska will gather around their grandparents' feet and hear amazing tales of what it was like when the state actually had winters
source: adn.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Shanghaiist)
 
 
 
I don't want to live in a world where you can't chew on chicken feet and spit the bones on the floor of the Shanghai subway
source: shanghaiist.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(The Raw Story)
 
 
 
Twitter users come up with new names for the militia guys in Oregon: Y'all Qaeda beats out Vanilla ISIS and Yokel Haram in Name That Insurrection. YeeHawd
source: rawstory.com   |   share: Share on Facebook Share on Twitter
 
(Daily Record (UK))
 
 
 
Dominatrix waives her £200-an-hour fee for an Edinburgh man fitted with a bionic penis so that he can finally lose his virginity at age 43
source: dailyrecord.co.uk   |   share: Share on Facebook