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| Sun December 13, 2015 |
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Does this pollution make me look fat?
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Photoshop theme: Santa Claus as an action hero
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Don't be poor in Austin and get a traffic ticket
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The Empire was a force for good, trying to stop space terrorists and Star Wars is the story of the radicalization of Luke Skywalker as a space-jihadist. It's not news, it's The New York Post
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When everyone is out to get you, paranoid is just good thinking. Then there's this guy
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Photoshop this politician's new blanket
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Guy wins $21.5 million lawsuit against Holland American for injuries he received from faulty cruise ship door, then things get interesting
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The Clone Wars have begun
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Three year old's Princess Chewbacca birthday cake is awesome, better than anything Lucas has done since 1989
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Even though Star Wars: The Force Awakens comes out on Friday...or Thursday night if you want to get technical, here's another trailer for you to try to resist watching
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What would be your "Hell on Earth" job? Junior high-school principal? Gilbert Gottfried's wet nurse? Daycare worker? You can think it over
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A not-obsessed-at-all man built a lifesize McNugget vending machine entirely out of LEGOs. Fark: A working McNugget vending machine
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U.S. and Cuba agree to restore direct mail service between the two countries for the first time since 1963. For you lawn invaders reading this, this is what is called "snail mail" and requires something called a "stamp" and ...oh, nevermind
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If you work at the local fire department you probably shouldn't take a picture of a life-sized Santa Claus doll plastered to the grill of a fire truck and post it on Twitter with a caption letting followers know Santa isn't coming this year
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Christmas may be the "happiest time of the year," but researchers have long noted an increase in depression, divorce and worse during the holidays. And that's not even to mention you poor saps out there who happen to be werewolves
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Shedd aquarium needs help naming ugly ass baby dolphin. If only there were a select group of online denizens who could assist in this matter
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Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, and to round out the list, sex
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It's bad enough when your grandmother-in-law tells you to cut your hair to a more sensible length. It's even worse when your grandmother-in-law is the Queen of England
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Photoshop this lazy day
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CSB Sunday Morning: First Fark
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Organized crime, theft, counterfeiting, rustling, poisoning. This is the gritty reality of beekeeping. Wait, what?
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While his classmates took cushy jobs being weathermen on TV and the radio, this guy took a job at the nation's most remote weather station located 300 miles off the west coast of mainland Alaska in the Bering Sea. "Our data is pretty precious"
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Phase 1: Steal limo with passengers inside to be 'funny'. Phase 2: ???????? Phase 3: Go to jail for kidnap/false imprisonment, grand theft auto and resisting arrest
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Silo fire burning since Thanksgiving makes entire North Carolina town smell like delicious sweet potatoes
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84 year old fondly remembers drive through photo kiosks
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I've heard of wake up calls but this is ridiculous
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Tom Collins arrested for DUI
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"I just want to be a father to my children, a good father who'll try to teach them the right way so I handed myself in to finish up those old charges, then I was brought into this sh-t and now I'm here in Chile"
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The Columbus Zoo and Aquarium posts a video of an ugly-ass baby polar bear sleeping
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Grinch arrested during toy drive (with pic)
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Roll up for the ghost train, non-stop through the city. Step right up and show your face, we only want the pretty ones
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Remember how the IRS said that they would never call your house as some scammers have done? Well, about that
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Well played, Banksy. Well played
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Woman jumping out of 3rd floor window leaves onlooker feeling crushed
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Begun the Nerf Wars have
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music hosted live by a farker in Juneau, Alaska. (9PM AKST/10PM PT)
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Best cat fight subby has ever seen, and he was a regular at the Tropicana back in the day
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| Sat December 12, 2015 |
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You've just stolen a box off some guy's porch. You open it and... OH, CRAP
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More than 200 kids do not attend class after third grader sends email randomly filled with emojis, including smiley faces, sheep, guns, cows, knives, and bombs to students. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Photoshop this smart aleck going by
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When hoverboards are outlawed, only outlaws will ride hoverboards
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Surprise! I bet you didn't know we were going to rescue you
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◉▽◉
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A school in Detroit tries to recreate a classic episode of Barney Miller
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If you're going to pick a neighbor's house to burglarize, you should A: Make sure they aren't home. B: Not pick the home of an assistant district attorney and C: Especially an assistant DA who is handy with a gun
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How do you get liberals and conservatives to unite in outrage? City throws away homeless man's Christmas tree... twice
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Brand spanking new Navy littoral combat ship breaks down before even making it to new home port
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Photoshop this man in his office
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Still nope
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The Navy's $700 million mine-hunting drone can't find explosives. Well technically it could, once
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Sixty Six Sick Snakes Stinkin' up the place
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"My client is a disagreeable old trout, whose behavior is persistent, outrageous, and unpleasant. She is about as popular as a diesel Volkswagen"
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Soooooooooo, anybody seen winter lately? No? Thanks, Global Warming
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It's 2015. Who the hell still hosts a chicken pox party?
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Department of Corrections is very disappointed that a newspaper would report misconduct instead of helping them sweep it under the carpet. No, really, they said that
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These purses are engineered to organize your paraphernalia and mask the smell of your weed stash using fabric layered in resin film. TL;DR Here's a $300 ziploc bag
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More than ever, the snowflakes of today need to be protected from the ravages of Mark Twain
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The world's biggest douchebag is at it once again
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"I haven't had a single drop of alcohol or coffee in 15 months. A couple of my friends on Facebook & Twitter asked me to write about my experience, so here it is, in a nutshell: I save $1000 every month"
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Farker's dream job: Getting paid eight-eighty an hour to review porn emails. Ultrafark: There's no decimal point in that eight-eighty
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The world has reached a final climate agreement
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★★★☆☆
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Okay. Apart from tarmac, telephones, crosswords, pencils, vacuum cleaners & driving on the wrong side of the road, WHAT have the British ever given us?
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Mmmmmm delicious fermented fish intestines. The Romans sure knew how to live
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With just 36 weeks to go before the 2016 Olympics, it's good to see Rio de Janeiro is SOOOOO ready to host them. Oh, wait
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99-year-old woman wins shopping spree at 99 cent store, says she hopes to try her luck at Family Dollar next year
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Semi-truck overturns, spilling thousands of potatoes across highway and blocking traffic. Almost immediately, every eye was on that road
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Photoshop this show-and-tell moment
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Best babysitters or worst babysitters ever? This couple presented themselves fully nude when looking after a 7 year old
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Japanese company releases a scented spray meant to imitate the aroma of a cat's head - which they claim smells like "baked bread". Alrighty then... everyone grab your cat, sniff its head and tell us what it smells like on Caturday
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Old and Busted: 3D printed food. New Coolness: 3D printed shoes made from recycled material
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Republican Mormon Senator from Arizona visits a mosque during afternoon prayer. Plot twist: He proudly stands in solidarity with the faithful. "We have much in common with our brothers and sisters in the Muslim faith; we have much to learn from them"
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If you had a baby at Santa Clara Valley Medical Center in San Jose, California between mid-August 2015 and mid-November 2015 there is a chance you or your child could have been exposed to tuberculosis. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Another effect of climate change: Duration of a day has lengthened by a millisecond over the past 100 years. Well, at least we have more time now to address it
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Luckiest. Guy. Ever (with pic)
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Mother gets social media flak for buying her kids 300 Christmas gifts. "The way I see it is you can buy your kids two presents or 200 presents - it's the way you bring them up"
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Everybody hates millennials. "At a recent meeting I attended on academic leadership at the University of Wisconsin, I was astonished at how often university leaders disparaged millennial students, referring to them repeatedly as whiners"
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| Fri December 11, 2015 |
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The gift that never quite gives you what you want. It's the Fark Weird News Quiz
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On the eighth day of Christmas the police took from me / Eight dogs a-barking / Seven cats a-mewing / Six geese a-laying / Five. Other. Things / Four empty cages / Three plucky hens / A turtle or two / And a pheasant and a peacock
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Today's gun paranoia overreaction comes to us compliments of Lulu's Inn, a band roadie and a mic stand
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Berlin's subway is O.K. with you being weird
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Georgia school says teacher had no 'ill intent' asking Muslim student if she had a bomb in her backpack. Because it was a joke, see? "Do you have a bomb in your backpack? Hahahahahahahahahaha"
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Photoshop this high maintenance
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Vigilant Customs agents at LAX foil dangerous Asian gang trying to spout their evil in the USA
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Belgium: "We may ban Scientology." Scientology: "Stupid Flanders"
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Think of a Christmas song. No, the other one. Yeah, it's the most pointless of them all
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"That's meth, I smoke it to stay awake, I'm an air traffic controller"
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Chinese homebuyers shocked to find six-inch thick electrical cables running through their new apartments
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Hazmat responders called out to investigate white liquid leaking from truck cry, "It's spilt milk"
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"Kin of jawan fighting at border await basic amenity in Thane." I just KNOW someone shot first
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New York priest accused of embezzling money from his collection plate so he could use it to become a slave for Crist
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You like weird GIFs? 'Cause this guy makes weird GIFs
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UK couple that is taking that whole "till death do we part" thing WAY to seriously, just celebrated their 90th wedding anniversary. And while he's a respectable 110 years old, she is a scandalously young 103
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Christian blogger shares photos of his favorite weird nativity scenes. He was conflicted about including the one made out of tampons, but the one with baby Jesus drowning in a snowglobe and the one made of Spam dildos were just fine
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Photoshop this group on wheels
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Realizing that "it flew here" was never going to be believed, horse breeder comes up with an even more implausible excuse for newborn piglet's presence in her stable
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Stock up on your whitening tooth paste and face scrubs as congress is poised to ban them
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I'm going to have to call you back. We've got cows. Cow trifecta now on the moooove
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League of Elves has a donor willing to match $500 in donations this weekend. If you're still looking to help some underprivileged kids this season, now's the time
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Well it was nice knowing you California, but now that the El Niño sh*t is about to hit the fan it's adiós amigos for you
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The clerks must've been Country music fans
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Murder can be so stressful. Time for a lap dance
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Chinese billionaire missing. He's probably in Gotham City gift wrapped for Commissioner Gordon
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Man who used social media to find women, steal their underwear is finally arrested for sniff and stiff
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1) Dress up like terrorists. 2) For a Christmas skit. 3) Get expelled
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The CDC (OMG SWINE FLU IS COMING WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE) doesn't understand (OMG BIRD FLU IS GONNA KILL US ALL) why so many people (OMG TOTES SERIOUS SPANISH FLU IS COMING) aren't getting flu shots
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So, how serious a crime is it to smuggle 900 sea turtle eggs? I'll give you 50 years to think of the answer
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The South African Air Force says that despite the cheetahs attacking people, having them around to control wildlife population on their property is a success
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DJ plays a record for the police raiding the night club he was working in. The Police have a problem with that
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Surgeon General's warning: fat people in ads may be detrimental to your health
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You never expect to see these words mashed together but here we are. Suicide by dog
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Going forward, we must do our best and think outside the box to eliminate these fifty awful phrases used by our co-workers, who are just beating a dead horse at this point
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Woman after being convicted for shooting at a shoplifter in a crowded parking lot: "I learned my lesson that I will never help anybody again." Well I guess that's a start
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Photoshop theme: A new look for Santa Claus
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Firefighters douse wrong plane with foam at Chinese airport. If only there were some kind of drill they could have had
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She who smelt it dealt it, but claims that he heartfelt it
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"I'm a rather brilliant designer, perhaps I could help you with that hump?" Tim Cook: "What hump?"
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Come pull up a stool and have a drink inside a little known hidden bar in Grand Central Terminal called the Campbell Apartment. It will transport you back to another era
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This year's hajj stampede killed over 2400 - three times the official number. King Salman orders study, beheadings
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"Brandon Wilson just can't stop hiding drugs in his rectum"
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Startup will give couples $10,000 for their wedding, but if they get divorced it must be paid back with interest. Discussions of this gamble may end a few engagements
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Trees join war on Christmas, war may be over soon
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Researchers claim having a desk job could make you four times more likely to die early.Though, if you do have a desk job that probably sounds rather appealing
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After four days of deliberation, Daniel Holtzclaw is guilty on 18 of the 36 counts
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| Thu December 10, 2015 |
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Colorado just became a little bit more Kentucky
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As if getting utterly trounced by Butler wasn't bad enough, the Citadel is now admitting thespians
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Scientists discover new strain of bacteria that is resistant to ALL antibiotics. Even worse, it has the ability to infect other bacteria. WE'RE DOOMED
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Muslim advocacy group threatened by white powder
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Photoshop these twirling beauties
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But but it says right here - "The right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed" :(
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From the article: Cold and tired, he finally decided to call 911, as at that point, he had a phone
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Daesh has an El Chapo to face. Update: Debunked by Snopes
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Pope Francis: "Maybe we should leave Jews alone at this point"
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Boston's MBTA takes its new driverless subway train for a ride, much to the surprise of the MBTA and the passengers on board
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Fark Food Thread: You've had a couple months to prepare.. Are you ready to throw down for game day gatherings? Don't drop the ball. Bring your A game recipes for tasty food to wash down with all those cases of Schlitz
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In a scenario that sounds like it was ripped from the forum section of a erotic gun enthusiasts periodical, the widow of 'American Sniper' Chris Kyle beats the NRA World Shooting Champ during a fundraiser for Chris Kyle's foundation
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Photoshop theme: mechanical misfits
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World cowers as Best Korea reveals that it has a fully-functioning water ba... ummm... "hydrogen bomb"
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Armed nutjob at Arkansas State University threating to shoot someone or light himself on fire or something
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"Let's put rubber snakes out everywhere to convince people to catch wild pythons" was apparently something said at a planning session in Florida
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What do you do with 25,000 liters of fake tequila? Apparently, the answer isn't "get a shiatload of limes"
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By the time the gunfire had ceased, two were injured and the pizza was cold
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Yale professor behind the Halloween email resigns to find a new home after finding Yale not a safe space
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"Wild Krampus demons injure five teenagers." Well, there's a headline you don't see every day
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KKK is recruiting in Arab, AL. In other news there's a city called Arab in Alabama
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Anti-abortion protesters demonstrating against not yet built Planned Parenthood facility resort to bullying children at the school next door
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Taking up painting in retirement? Of course
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Shopkeeper in ISIS territory says that ISIS fighters are Axe murderers
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Recently-arrived Muslim family in Plano, TX discover that the locals apparently have gotten Krampusnacht confused with Kristallnacht
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Help Prudie, my family have become a bunch of gun nuts and I'm not ok with that. Prudie: Yes, guns are bad, avoid your family
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Why is ISIS afraid of girls?
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Man fries a dolphin live on air. Radio listeners find it hilarious
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Arizona lifts its ban on hedgehogs. Ron Jeremy approves
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China's killer smog causes 33-vehicle pile-up
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Putin discusses dropping nuclear bombs on Syria like the rest of us discuss the weather
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Here's the church, here's the steeple, open the doors and traumatize all the people
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Which states tax your ability to bleed from an orifice on a monthly basis? Hint: most of them
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Here's what happens when a principal tries to find a neutral way of saying "Son, your senior picture makes you look like an idiot"
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Photoshop these men with computers
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"Additionally, it is unknown whether his lack of clothing was a drug-related condition." And by "lack of clothing" they mean stealing a FedEx truck while naked. Unfortunately he wasn't able to drive a stick, so he ran away without the truck. Naked
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To all those who have conducted evil acts of terrorism in the name of Islam, your time has come in the form of a fatwa from thousands of Muslim clerics. You have killed innocents and have disgraced the Muslim religion
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People were asked to sum up their first sexual experience with a GIF. Come for Michael J. Fox, stay for the hot girl playing with the door stop springy thingy
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The real reason Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 went down was that it was a "zombie plane" on a fight to nowhere
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The first test-tube puppies are a mix of beagle, Labrador, cocker spaniel and adorable
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Man frustrated because his wedding certificate says he's married to another man, but in reality his new wife is just Canadian. "It's going to be a hassle dealing with immigration"
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Truck carrying fire extinguishers catches fire
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School welcomes unvaccinated children. Guess what happens next?
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Former Miss Kansas charged with grizzly murder in Alaska
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"There is no internet censorship in China, says China's top censor." Wait, what?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 553: "Red Light, Green Light 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 09, 2015 |
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It's official: ending a text with a period makes you a monster. HERE COMES THE SCIENCE
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Can you solve this Christmas card brainteaser? If so you too can become a British spy
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Virginia approves parking fees for I-66
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In this totes sincere article that presents what are 100 percent honestly held, actual opinions and should in no way be perceived as a troll designed to generate hits from outraged Star Wars fans, Slate writer explains why Han Solo isn't a sex symbol
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| (Some Crack) |
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Photoshop this lady breaking her mother's back
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Woman in her 70s falls into a fire pit and dies. Detectives describe this as a medium to rare occurrence
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Man plays dead to avoid paying his debt to banks and so does his wife. If he had worn a condom, their trick would have worked, though
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: a governor, a rapper, an Irish tennis pro, a baseball manager, an Olympian, a sideline reporter and a performance coach walk into a Venn diagram together
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Mother complains to TV station after viewing extreme toast-on-egg violence
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"Everything you need to know about pho" except how to pronounce pho
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Not news: Small town rejects solar farm following public comments. Facepalm: "He said the solar farms would suck up all the energy from the sun and businesses would not come to Woodland"
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Scientist says he's found woman under the Mona Lisa. That explains the smile
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Magnitude 7.1 quake wakes up people on Ambon, leaves them disoriented
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| (WebEcoist) |
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Artist tries sucking the smog out of Beijing's air with a shop vac, gets a brick for his trouble
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It's not easy being green, or hungry, or homeless
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What happens when a family runs out of food stamps and can no longer put lobster and steak on the table? Is there a quick dial delivery function built into their Obamaphone?
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You see some real jerk thieves around Christmas time. But have you ever seen the level of jerkiness it takes to steal 200 donated coats that were about to be handed out for free?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this photographer
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Pizza, topped by pizza, topped by pizza. Need I say more?
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No one will be able to see up your skirt at our new office, Washington Post assures employees
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Death specialists converge on Tokyo for nation's first Life Ending Industry Expo, demonstrate encoffinment techniques to panel of judges as peaceful, relaxing piano and guitar music plays
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Not content to let Daesh grab all the headlines, Taliban attack Kandahar airport
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Mozilla finally admits that nobody wants a Firefox OS in their smartphone
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New Jersey gas station keeps price at $3.98, and people still buy gas there
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Florida man who sold $18M of fake Detroit homes finds himself in a new home
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There is no Nazi fortress beneath Antarctica. There is, however, a mantle blowtorch that could make all the volcanoes erupt
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Imagine winning an award from the President... and then your pants fall down
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A woman tried to hire a hitman to kill a family of eight so she could acquire their land, which is about what you'd expect when your parents name you after a cocktail
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Rear Admiral fired for trying to get others to admire his rear
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Paige Yore says her Walmart cashier story is, in fact, true, and furthermore, she's like Jesus
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Want to drive a car that has seen more evil than you'll ever see in your lifetime? Well Nazism's S.S. chief Heinrich Himmler's WW II Wanderer W11/1 is going up on the auction block so you can enjoy a nice Sunday drive in it
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Doctor says that stripper who pounds her mound with a concrete block as part of her routine probably isn't doing her pelvis any favors
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6,000-year-old artifact found in Israel may be the oldest smelted lead object. Scientists to determine which civilization was responsible for making it by relying on the age old test of "He who smelted it, dealted it"
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Ohio woman arrested for turning Trix while driving
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The first two minutes of Star Wars: The Force Awakens "leaked" and it was awful. There was a great disturbance in the force not felt since the Phantom Menace incident of 1999
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First responders can now plug up gunshot wounds with this one simple trick
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Got a writing project planned? Have you started work on it? Good, keep doing so. We have much to discuss on this week's Fark Writer's Thread "Big news edition"
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Photoshop this move in the dark
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Norway's latest refugee dilemma: Whether to put the husbands of child brides in jail
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You sick Boston College students need not fear, it was probably norovirus in that Chipotle, not E. coli. So just return to bed, and curl up with your favorite bucket
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Time's Person of the Year not Kim Davis
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New college curriculum course on pizza teaches students to carry out pie to eight places
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Bad Grandma. BAD GRANDMA
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College student gets a tatted-up older woman and her two teen sons to pose as his pregnant bride and stepsons for his Christmas cards so he can troll his family
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Wired believes they may have discovered the person behind the Satoshi Nakamoto name who actually invented bitcoin
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Raccoon captured on train before the rest of his team was able to successfully obtain a security band, a quarnex battery, and for some reason, a prosthetic leg
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It's probably already been settled that you are in fact a drunk, but the question is: what kind of drunk?
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It's the new "The Dress" - a photo causing heated internet arguments. Is it a man? Is it a woman? Are they wearing pants? Discuss
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You really shouldn't use work computers to share racist and smutty emails with coworkers and colleagues, Mr. Pennsylvania Supreme Court Justice
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Crystal Pepsi Returns
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Not news: lack of sleep can shorten your life. News: lazines can shorten your life. Fark: lack of sleep and laziness, combined, shorten life even more. Gentlemen, I think we should get our affairs in order
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North Face founder dies in Patagonia
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| Tue December 08, 2015 |
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Fwd: FWD: fwd: FWD: Heartwarming story of Walmart customer stepping up to help troubled cashier.... Walmart, Grinch: It's a hoax
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Fox News broadcasts segment to teach children how to disarm an active shooter. What could possibly go wrong?
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Turkish villagers enjoy a nice break from the usual hail of bullets and explosives
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Captain Obvious of New Jersey's State Commission of Investigation files a totally shocking report. The state's used car industry is all mobbed up and corrupt as hell
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Chinese researchers unveil car controlled by driver's mind. Overnight, car-breast collisions rise 10,000 percent
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Nothing says "father and son quality time" like getting arrested for systematically stealing $41,000 in chicken wings
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German firefighters have to rescue man from a) burning house, b) car wreck, c) penis ring
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Photoshop this happy ball of fuzz
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Your odds of winning money in the Illinois Lottery just greatly increased
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Five-year-old girl is the sole survivor of an arson attack that killed her parents and siblings. Now her extended family wants her holiday to be special with Christmas cards from all over. Address is in link
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Too shy to pee in public? No? Well, with this cloak you'll be too ashamed to pee in public
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Man caught on camera robbing Celebration Bank. Hopefully, they can recover the stolen Celebrations
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You find a hole filled with spiders, so naturally you stick your hand in and drag them out
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Please note: make sure your cat has valid ID when mailing him an advent calendar
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Photoshop this toothy walrus
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F-35 shaped cookies cause uproar in Norway, partly over the militarization of a loved holiday, and partly because the recipe to bake them calls for burning hundreds of millions of dollars
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If you had listened to mama when she told you not to run with chainsaws, you wouldn't be under arrest right now
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As distracted driving citations drop, Washington DC to increase other traffic penalties, for um, safety
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Philladelphians tend to get a little pig-headed about Islam
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Today's collection is in aid of our masked friend with the shotgun, Praise the Lord
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Photo of nun's big rack not received well on Facebook
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Gay-themed pedestrian crossings removed in an Austrian city. In other news: They had gay-themed pedestrian crossings in Austria?
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Coolest drunk ever? This homeless drunk wanders into a house and watches TV with two kids that live there
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Lost planes. My three absolutely adorable planes have been missing since 7 December. Two are white, the third is off-white. All super friendly. Reward offered. Contact 579 2323 000
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Omaha's small population of anti-condom, anti-birth control, and anti-science parents continue to freak out over new sex education programs designed to keep children from becoming statistics
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U.S. war veteran will receive the world's first penis transplant from Johns Hopkins University Hospital, and doctors hope it will be the first successful addadicktome
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Surfer who recently punched a shark in the nose just saved another surfer from drowning. Chuck Norris fans, where is your god now? With video goodness
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Flight to Paris diverted due to "anonymous threat". Whose side are those guys on anyway?
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School bus tracking app will make parents happy, ruin teen mornings
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Peter Robbins, who voiced Charlie Brown in the 'Peanuts' TV specials gets prison time for making criminal threats. Good grief
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Obama, Sunday: No evidence of a broader conspiracy in the San Bernardino probably postpartum depression and totally not terrorist shootings. Investigators: Hello there, 28 grand appearing in shooters' bank account
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Photoshop this man with curls
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The latest hilarious YouTube prank trend? Faking your own murder. Just in time for Christmas, too
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Ok, Beijing. The first step is admitting you have a problem
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Employee of gun range says Syed Farook was just a "normal guy" when he came to practice. Are we talking "gun range normal" here or really normal?
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Russian tourism minister encourages Russians to shun sunny warm foreign beaches, instead to vacation the nice lovely beaches of northern Russia
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Remember that billion dollar Spanish shipwreck off Colombia? Spain says it's still theirs
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Woman arrested for banging her nephew hundreds of times, starting when he was in the hospital. Christmas dinner will be really awkward from now on
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Burglar on the run from police jumps in local lake to elude dogs and helicopters. What could possibly go wrong?
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You thought Southerners had stupid grammar and corny accents? So do YouTube celebrities, who speak in what researchers call "YouTube Voice" as they delight their followers and aggravate everyone else with their carnival-barker tricks
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Archaeologists say that Stonehenge is made up of used pieces from monument constructed 500 years earlier in Wales
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Nineteen year-old dies feeling chipper
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It's that time of year again. How much should you tip the babysitter, the hair stylist, the mail carrier? 30% of Americans: "We don't believe in tipping"
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$2.75 gets you a ride on a time machine back to the 1930s
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After 74 years, photos emerge of the first sunken seaplanes of the Pearl Harbor attacks. Sometimes new technology really makes things clearer
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Pilot from Bahrain busted for having two feet in each of his socks
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Headline: "Berlin-Egypt flight cut short by bomb threat". Still better outcome than "Berlin-Egypt flight cut short by bomb"
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Fark NotNewsletter: Today, Fark reached a milestone
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Band-aid of the future includes meds, lights, sensors, semi conductor chips, free wi-fi, complimentary donuts and a cute nurse
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Department of Homeland Security to add new "intermediate terror threat" level to its color code alert system. Subby feels safer already
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Photoshop this territorial claim
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When real life resembles GTA: Man steals ambulance as paramedics were unloading a patient, takes it on a joyride, and abandons it at a pharmacy that he breaks into
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In other news, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead, much to the surprise of this Spanish Wise Man
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Not news: Front yard nativity scene. Fark: With zombies
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Hey, the South has invented a new grammar. A terrible, stupid grammar
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For the last time, Hanukkah is not Jewish Christmas
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U.S. and China agree on joint methods for fighting cybercrime. Which mostly means when we're hacked we just ask China which of their people were responsible
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Austrian mafia still unclear on how laundering money works
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Police are not entirely sure how this man managed to cause a serious wreck with his tractor trailer after already having been run over by it, but suspicions currently lie on 'Florida'
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Photoshop this cold hike
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Bad: Border agency seizes your undeclared cash. Worse: Threatening the officer who seized it. Fark: Border services get a warrant and find your automatic weapons, kevlar and 500 rounds. Difficulty: Canada
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New photos ¥ reveal giant ╜Easter Island » Statues ÿ are covered in ¢ mysterious symbols ║º
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Naked man with open 12-pack arrested driving 110 MPH with 3 women in his car at 3 AM. I was told there'd be no meth
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Today's burglary pro tip: when committing your crime, you may not want to wear a shirt with your name on it
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If you build a better mousetrap, the world might not beat a path to your door, but the mice will since mice are dumb
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Investigators believe that the wife may have been the driving force behind the San Bernardino massacre, have reportedly recovered a "Honey Do" jar filled with slips that said "murder infidels," "commit jihad" and, of course, "clean the gutters"
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How ballsy is Stone Brewing? They're opening a new brewery. In Germany
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Awww, mom, we never get to have smog-days like Beijing. Jeez
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Alien UFO base found on Mars. Still no word on the Illudium Q-36 Space Modulator
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Paris attacks, the aftermath: French government considers banning free Wi-Fi and Tor
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Pensioner flies skull and crossbones flag whenever he is in a bad mood
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Attention, Internet: Anonymous has declared December 11th "Troll ISIS Day." So get your memes ready
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The death penalty has become increasingly rarer for juries to level against convicted criminals, and courts are granting appeals, reducing death sentences to life imprisonments; only 27 people were executed this year. What happened?
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Coalition aircraft "mistakenly" bombs Syrian military camp as both US and Russia now appear to be targeting everyone but ISIS
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How do you know your marriage is pretty much over? When your wife discovers that you were having an affair. With a 91 year old. Because the police mentioned it. During an investigation of the woman's death from a sex game gone wrong
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The men's tight market is wide open
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Whole family packs heat in lawmaker's Christmas card
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JJ Abrams admits he almost killed off the most powerful Sith lord in the Star Wars universe but decided to drop him from the film entirely
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Mid-flight porn star cockpit party causes pilot... you already clicked, didn't you? (safe for work)
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Stripper season returns, paying attention when your dog börks, and new Everest needs lhotse work: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/29 - 12/5
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Photoshop this biker gang
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Driver explains he was "distracted" while running over a bicyclist during hit-and-run. To be fair, you probably would be too
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Skywalker denied permission to fly with small trusted companion, presumably over fears of Tusken Raiders
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Iraq to Turkey: You have 24 hours to pack yo' shiat and GTFO, or else we'll send in Baghdad Bob. And you don't want that
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Police want more of Shotspotter, an audio surveillance system that reported three times as many gunshots as citizens did during trial period, and pinpointed shots' origins within 25 meters
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Even in Arizona you can't hunt down a thief who stole construction equipment from your car and shoot her in order to get your stuff back
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People paid $199 to a KickStarter to develop a SmartCup that would identify what kind of liquid the user is drinking and display nutritional information about it are still waiting for their cups, still haven't realized they spent $200 on vaporware
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Missing Utah man identified as Jay Cutler's brother-in-law. Clearly, he saw today's Bears game
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Woman decides to flee the scene of an accident, but her car's SYNC Assist System gave the cops all her information in a matter of seconds
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Not too bright thieves attempt smash-and-grab jewelry store robbery at a Riverside mall not far from San Bernardino, prompting police response not seen since Jake and Elwood visited the Cook County Assessor's office
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Despite feeling remorse and returning them afterwards, you can still get into big trouble for stealing shoes. Ejaculating into them probably won't help your situation either
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Japanese spacecraft gets long-awaited second shot at love today
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