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| Sun November 08, 2015 |
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Chinese man dying of cancer wants to wed but doesn't want to leave a bereaved widow. What to do? Marry a sex doll, of course
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Famous, and actual, last words: "I'm not a pilot"
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New study (not conducted by Bartenders Assoc. of America) says "Moderate beer consumption can be considered as part of a healthy diet since it may protect against heart disease, cancer and osteoporosis." Raise a toast
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Headline: Farts can fight CANCER as well as other killer diseases and conditions, scientists claim
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these nervous goldfish
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Traveling kindness promoter interviews homeless single dad, gives him $1000 and a week in a hotel. YouTube viewer sets up GoFundMe page for dad and HOLY FARK
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Get ahead in your history studies with 14,000 images of the French Revolution
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In the same neighborhood where residents complained about Car2Go cars parking on "their" public street, police are looking for four men who spent the evening tipping over such cars
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Rule 34: Cyst removal edition
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Russian soldiers REALLY need to learn how to turn off the "geotagging" feature on their phones when they take their selfies from war zones they aren't technically supposed to be in
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Senator wants to put the lid on caffeinated peanut butter
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Photoshop this mad hattress
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*honk *honk* *honk*
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Door-to-door home security system salesman goes to absurd lengths to prove why home security systems are necessary
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The moon, Venus, Mars, and Jupiter line up this weekend. THIS MEANS SOMETHING
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Thinking of picking up a 2017 290mph, 1,451bhp Hennessey Venom GT? You'd better get in line, since they're only going to make four of them
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As it turns out, leaving disruptive kids in the classroom instead of suspending them does indeed lead to an "unruly environment". Captain Obvious turns down the substitute teacher assignment and heads back home
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Cue the bright lights. Lights. Cue heavenly tones. Tones. And...... "ahhhhhhhhhhhh"
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Study maps out which parts of the home are the most dangerous while drunk or drugged. Surprisingly, more people suffer injuries involving the ceiling than porches and balconies
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According to a study by Cornell, soda and sweets aren't making Americans fat. In fact, underweight Americans consume more junk food than those who are obese. This. Changes. EVERYTHING
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On November 16, 2008, Peter Griffin first uttered the phrase "Oh my God, who the hell cares?" Now we know what he was talking about
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Most people would think that being a student of Harvard is great and the crest is a source of pride, but for some it is a source of shame
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Thousands flee country ahead of government-endorsed crackdown on illegal weapons
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Bad: You're running a marathon and collapse 3 miles from the finish line. Awesome: Somebody picks up your number and carries it across the finish line 'completing' the race for you
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CSB Sunday Morning: Ducking Out
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Man fought until death instead of claiming $766,000 due to him
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Sinkhole swallows new Meridian, MS IHOP restaurant's parking lot, along with 15 cars. Waffle House "fixers" seen fleeing the scene
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Girl hospitalized after being bitten by a "toothy sea creature" that may or may not have been a shark
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Just like your grandma used to say, save a penguin once and he'll visit you every day for life
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Legally blind barber wins compensation for wrongful termination, claims he didn't see what that whole thing was all about
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Pictures from inside of Ben Carson's house: Come for the chiseled Bible verse on humility, stay for the portrait of Carson with Jesus
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Won't share your prescription pain medication? That's a beatin'
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This Thanksgiving there will be lots of topics to talk about at the dinner table. Let's not make the fact that our 35-year-old son is still living at home with us one of them
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Police in Hillsboro, Oregon are on the lookout for a female suspect with fair skin and dark hair who may have been accompanied by seven dwarfs
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music hosted live by a farker in rainy Juneau, Alaska. (9PM AKDT/10PM PT)
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The Navy "confirms" the mystery light seen over the Pacific Ocean that freaked out all the Californians was a "scheduled Trident II (D5) missile test flight." Sure it was
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| Sat November 07, 2015 |
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Mysterious bright light seen over LA - Richard Dreyfuss busy carving landscapes in mashed potatoes
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Mayor who put Ten Commandments outside City Hall arrested for shoplifting. If only God, possibly on a tablet, offered some sort of commandment about stealing
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Graphic cigarette warning labels from around the world. Come for Canada's zombie teeth, stay for New Zealand's limp impotence stick
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Photoshop this decaying process
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Nothing comes between me and my Big Mac, not even a flood
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This just in: Boomers don't like being charged with wrecking the economy
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Jaywalkin' in Austin? That's a beatin'
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Since it is cold out lets take a look at some truly ugly sweaters. Bonus: Not a slideshow. Fark Bonus: A Fark favorite is listed
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Sierra Leone is 100% Ebola-free. For now
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The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council: "The hot dog is not, we repeat not, a sandwich. It's also not a non-sandwich. It's something unique and euphoric that is beyond the confines of definition." (Sounds like something a wiener would say)
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SouthPark mall replaces Christmas tree display with a holiday glacier, SoDoSoPa
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Photoshop this colorful excitement
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Sure, you've seen the inside of King Tut's tomb before, but have you ever seen it IN COLOR?
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Why do Tampa police write so many tickets? Because they were told to
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Sorry, Jasper. This UK sidewalk is indeed for fancy walkin'. Take your regular walkin' elsewhere
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High school students in Colorado no longer trading baseball cards; they've moved on to nude photos
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VA: "Sorry, but we're going to have to revoke your benefits because according to our system you are deceased"
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The most sarcastic you are, the more creative you are. As if
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Blind student to conduct symphony, says he doesn't see what all the fuss is about
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Protip: Don't drop a suitcase off at the local police station without first filing a report
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180-square foot shack on sale for $1.99 million. No word on condition of tin roof, rust
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Absolutely that's a beautiful cake of Prince George, a regular thing of beauty ....WTF?
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Marijuana tax to pay for college scholarships in one Colorado county, allowing kids to go to college and pay it forward by smoking as much as they want in their dorm. It's the circle of life, man
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Autistic boy saves classmate from choking ... thanks to watching SpongeBob
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Meridian, Idaho named the best U.S. city to live in. Most likely because criminals, terrorists, in-laws have no idea there even is a Meridian, Idaho
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"Everything about this process is inefficient" says woman who was fined $1000 for posting to Facebook while on a jury, causing a mistrial
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Photoshop these corn rows
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Founder of Russia Today found dead in America yesterday
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Bad: Your beloved cat goes missing for 18 months. Better: You finally decide to adopt a new kitten. Best: Going to pick up the kitten and finding your missing cat in the next cage. Caturday: Taking them both home
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More Girl Scout troops hike cookie prices, realizing nothing will get between an addict and their fix
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British jet with 189 passengers on board 'dodged missile' while approaching Sharm El Sheikh
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There are 'hot' chilies, and then there's the kind that require four houses to be industrially fumigated
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Scientists call investigation of King Tut's tomb to find secret chambers "promising". What will they find? Historical artifacts? Treasures? Grain?
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Truck spills cranberries on bridge. Officials say cleanup could take a while and they may have to let them linger
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You may have anger issues if you get out of your car to assault the elderly crossing guard who asked you to turn down your music
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US Border Patrol: "Body cameras, we don't need no stinkin' body cameras"
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Here are 5 healthy foods that have more fat than a doughnut. See, donuts aren't actually that bad for you
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It must be hard to get a scholarship when the school you graduated from was literally part of a traveling carny operation. "We do science, math, bible"
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The twenty-five most influential beards of all time. Missing from the list: Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes
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Forget about curing cancer you rubes, we need to measure how much air there is in a chips bag
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| Fri November 06, 2015 |
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It's Friday, and you know what that means. Well yes, pizza and a movie on Netflix, but also the Fark Weird News Quiz. This quiz not yet available in IMAX
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Applebee's customer hears Muslim woman speaking Swahili, decides to hit her in the face with a beer mug
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For first time ever in New Zealand, surgeon reattaches duck's fractured beak. No word on who gets the bill
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Turns out asbestos doesn't prevent fires, but it does complicate the post-fire investigation
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British cucumbers on brink of extinction. EVERYBODY PANIC PLEASE
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Photoshop these incipient stargazers
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Obama rejects Keystone, completely ending all debate and political posturing over the issue for all time
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Science fiction author: Hey, let's breed genetically superior bees. Scientists: Ok
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And this is why English exit ramps are called slip roads, is it?
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Dumb: Parking the stolen car with GPS tracking at the house where you keep your drugs and drug money. Fark: Offering the police a cut of the money if they don't arrest you
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Want police to try their hardest to find your stolen car? Tell them your two year old was in the back. #Lifehacks
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Garden hoe, beach chairs, escaped inmates. If you answered "What are things found in a storage shed", collect your prize
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Oh crap, it's Halloween and all we have are these black trench coats
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Add "saving newborn twins born 14 weeks premature" to list of things you can use bubble wrap for
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Photoshop this man of unique taste
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A brief history of Booooze. Innnnnn. Spaaaaaace
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Meet the adorable cow that thinks it's a dog
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Oregon marijuana grows are causing intermittent electrical blackouts. "We want to nip this in the bud," says the spokesman for Pacific Power
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You know it's bad when the sea turtles are suing you
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Empty chair refuses to work with Clint Eastwood again
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Don't let all the chest beating fool you when it comes to the U.S. Navy and China's navy on the South China Sea concerning the disputed islands, these guys are just joshing around and are really best buds
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Wife uses toilet seat to assault her husband. When finished she courteously remembers to put down the lid
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To me they're woolly creatures with a leg at each corner, but apparently police lineups for sheep is a thing now
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Good news: If you live in Connecticut, cops will no longer steal stuff out of your car
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Ding-dong - Gatorgram
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University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee offers 'voice feminization therapy' to help students 'live their gender identities'. Apparently they got the idea from that DirecTV commercial featuring "Really-high-voiced Peyton Manning"
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Using topless models to sell things is nothing new but using them to sell coffins seems a bit much, especially since the customers are already stiff
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FYI: Kangaroos do in fact fart ...in fact they fart as much as cows that also contribute to greenhouse gases. Bouncing poofers they are
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Eating toilet paper won't help you beat the breathalyzer test - but if you're already all trashed up and wearing your costume featuring male genitalia - it can't hurt (w/ mug)
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"Dear Prudence: How can I keep my atheist husband from hijacking the grace prayer at our Thanksgiving dinner and prevent him from upsetting my Episcopalian parents, who take God seriously?" Easy; tell him atheism is a religion
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TSA is not helping to keep Americans any safer, according to new report released by by U.S. Inspector General Ric Romero
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500 people have bought Rand Paul's new book over the past two weeks, making it the biggest flop of the year. And to make matters worse, 300 copies were bought by people thinking he was Rand McNally
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Oh, nothing, just a completely new Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer with a bunch of scenes you've never seen before
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Acceptance at Stanford University, with a 95% rejection rate, is now officially as difficult as getting a Fark greenlight
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Scientists debate whether to use stem cells to create chimeras. Dude, my Paladin was killed by a chimera, WTF are you guys thinking?
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio is concerned that if Mexico legalizes marijuana, American college students will go there to smoke pot instead of drinking beer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Russian supermodel
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So there I was, sitting in a police cruiser in the dog pound parking lot when the officer opened my door as his erect penis stuck out of his pants
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Jeremy Clarkson, Sepp Blatter and David Cameron set on fire
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Six-year-old boy suspended for three days for pretending to shoot a bow and arrow
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State Superior Court judge charged with trying to bribe an FBI agent with "a couple of cases of beer." Why yes, this. DID happen in the South, why do you ask?
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County Sheriff makes the arrest, then steps in as an informal restitution bureau to tell the citizen how much it costs to make the whole problem go away
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Chairman of Native American tribe and critic of Washington Redskins name ruffles some feathers after he dresses up for Halloween in blackface as Bob Marley
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Pro-choice Irish women tweet the Taoiseach about their menstrual cycles. Which could settle the matter, period
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Wondering how you contracted affluenza? We'll explain it for you, but first, try the pork liver pâté
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It's not unusual for Chicago gangs to target victims. But it is unusual when the target is a 9 year old
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George Barris has taken the off ramp to eternal life. The funeral procession will likely be his best memorial
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Overreaction? Sure, a nurse photographed your ladybits while you were anaethsetised, but that doesn't mean people want to see it
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| Thu November 05, 2015 |
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"Fark, Howard the Duck was a super underrated movie. Why isn't Leeann rhymes a female rapper's name yet?"
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Active stapler situation puts school on lockdown
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this two-wheeled daredevil
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Anonymous releases the KKK names. For real this time
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Police officer turns an F-Minus day into an A-Plus night, and leaves a lot of dust in the process
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The good news is you don't have cancer. The bad news is your tapeworm does. NOPE trifecta in play
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Fark Food Thread: Inside the bird it's called stuffing.. a sure way to overcook a turkey unless you undercook the mixture. Instead, you play it smart and make a dressing on the side to go with the big feast. Now show us what you put in it
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School on 'modified lockdown' over social media threat, which is not as bad as regular lockdown and much better than Double Secret Lockdown
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Construction workers in Manhattan uncover the plot to the next Poltergeist movie
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Photoshop these ferocious fighters
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The real reason taxpayers finance sports stadiums: No Costco team colors
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Pensioner who's been blocking traffic by driving ancient tractor twice the length of Britain at no more than nine mph for the past six years finally decides to get off the road, complaining about OTHER motorists
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If wandering around naked on your front lawn is wrong, this Florida man doesn't want to be right
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Parents, be warned: when your children are texting about "salad," they secretly mean "sex." And you don't even want to know what "croutons" refers to
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To be fair, Jesus probably WOULD have supported draconian anti-immigration policies if they would have kept the Roman immigrants from nailing him to a tree
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Step 1: Steal Underpants Step 2: ? Step 3: Profit
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Rome's Trevi Fountain reopens after $2.2 million makeover. People begin arriving from all over, especially those who live in California and have never had the experience of actually seeing water flowing
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France sends the Charles de Gaulle to surrender to ISIS in person
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Okay, break into tattoo parlor, check. Get naked, check. Break into car dealership, steal car, get into high-speed chase with police, crash car into a utility pole. Check, check, check and check
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Casino Patron: I just won $8 million on a slot machine. Casino: Nope, the machine's broken. We'll give you $80, and you're lucky to even get that
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Rare tropical storm dumps a year's worth of rain on Yemen in one day. Or as California calls a full rain gauge, a quarter inch of dust and three spider webs
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Stephen Colbert: "Crippled America is just a terrible phrase that sounds deeply offensive. Kind of like 'President Trump'"
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"Waiter? There's an incompetent burglar in my soup" "Quiet, everyone will want one" "Ba-dum-bum Seriously, get this dude off me"
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Thirteen year game of hide-and-seek has a happy ending
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If you left your tractor parked outside of the newly damaged Green Mountain Credit Union night deposit box, the police would like to talk to you
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Afghanistan continues to treat The Lottery as a documentary
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Census Bureau says more than 350 languages are spoken in the U.S. Mostly by those who have gotten a job as a phone consultant for tech support
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Two thugs punch man on train and steal his wallet, forgetting all about the high-definition cameras all around the train station. Will now be prosecuted for crimes against fellow passenger, fashion
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Bill that would require LA pornographers make their actors wear condoms is one step closer to making porn more realistic
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Photoshop this stage prop
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It doesn't matter how untrue it is, when you're the mayor you never want to have to hold a press conference refuting accusations that you belong to the KKK
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Apple has a cash hoard large enough to buy every major sports team in the world, and would have enough spare change left over to buy General Motors
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If you're persistent, you can turn your child's made-up food allergy into the real thing
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The health difference between sugar and high fructose corn syrup will be decided by nine people too fat to run away from jury duty
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See? Cops get punished when they shoot a prone person on the ground. They are taking away his award. Now, doesn't that make it better?
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Feel the Bern...ing weed
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10-year-old boy writes letter to judge asking to keep mom in jail for fatally stabbing dad. Judge sets release date for December 2016. Looks like Mother's Day 2017 is going to be awkward
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Exam asks child to show his thinking. That's exactly what he does
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Florida schoolteacher has kid, realizes in hospital that it will enter Florida school system in roughly five years, immediately resigns, leaves resignation note that goes viral
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Sorry folks, crab season's cancelled. The neurotoxin-poisoned moose out front shoulda told ya
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Suspect in airport bomb threat caught after "Rochester police received a tip about noon of a naked man masturbating in his car and honking the car horn"
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In Afghanistan, corruption is so blatant that when you get sentenced to jail for bank fraud, it comes with an automatic "Get Out of Jail" card and a chance to hob nob with high government officials
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 548: "What Once Was Will Pass" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 04, 2015 |
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The good news is, you don't have a tumor in your brain. The bad news is, it's a tapeworm
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Japan warns train commuters not to practice "aruki smaho" -- smartphoning while wandering around train platforms and bumping into other commuters
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The good news: The class war is going well. The bad news: If you belong to the 1%. The others? Not so much
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Fark is not my personal erotica site, so I go to Daily Finance for "Unexpected Uses for Petroleum Jelly"
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Frosted Flakes fans want Tony's D. And I don't mean Vitamin D
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It's as if millions of voices all tweeted out their awkwardness, and were suddenly bonding while tripping over invisible rocks
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Photoshop this exhibitionist
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Unintended side effect of driverless cars: more barf bags
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Not news: Conservatives warn of gay agenda supporters. Fark: Chick-Fil-A
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Jesus returns... with a new coat of paint
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Police officer's death upgraded from homicide to carefully staged suicide
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Researcher has her grant application denied because she submitted it using the wrong font. Difficulty: NOT Comic Sans
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Idaho Militia group holds rally at statehouse to warn of ISIS invasion of America via sleeper agents posing as Syrian refugees: "This isn't some made up crap we're peddling" says the guy who made up the crap they were peddling
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Landings halted at San Diego's airport due to active shooter with a rifle nearby. The NRA to call for the mounting of machine guns on commercial airliners in response
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Utah elects first openly gay minister, somehow still not budging on that 4% beer rule
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Don't take drugs. But if you must take drugs, don't leave your residence. But if you must leave your residence, don't run around in people's backyards and break windows. And for the love of all that is holy, don't do it naked
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Douchecanoe to find out what it means to get a paddlin'
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Lobsters, cod join climate scientists in promoting the huge climate change conspiracy
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If your bedside manner can be described as 'he groped woman's breasts like he was polishing headlights,' maybe you shouldn't be in the medical profession
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"Pizza delivery...here's your large pepperoni with extra cheese, mushrooms, and a new house to replace yours destroyed in a storm. Oh, and no charge for the onions"
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Photoshop this horse and carriage
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California reminds everyone why it's not a good idea to bring a knife to a gunfight
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Virginia Zoo elephants moving to Miami and will be replaced with rhinos, jut like the rest of the GOP
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"Mum died after 'excessive consumption' of caffeine from drinking 8 litres of Pepsi Max." Never mind the prescription drugs and the liter of vodka per day, it's all the fault of the soda
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To the surprise of absolutely no one, forcing fast food restaurants to post calorie information has done absolutely nothing to change American eating habits. In fact, some saw it as a challenge instead of warning
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Fox breaks into zoo and massacres the penguins. Rupert Murdoch has gone too far this time
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German woman spontaneously bursts into flames in park, combining mystery with tragedy and a strangely compelling pyrotechnics show
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1953: Paper boy receives 15 cent tip. 2015: Paper boy is rich because the tip included a fake nickel with a spy's microfilm inside, and he bought a strip club with it. At least, I think that's the story
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Doctors warn of the dangers of a trend known as "Chemsex," which involves days-long, drug-fueled orgies with "an average of five partners," mostly because they never seem to get invited to parties like that
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Exactly how stupid are anti-vaccine nutjobs? This stupid
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Ex-Walmart CEO crashes plane on Arkansas highway, demands tax rebate for his development of aerospace infrastructure and creating jobs cleaning up the mess
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So, is that a dead man's penis in your pocket or are you happy to see m--wait, WHAT?
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If the best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, how many good guys with guns does it take to stop three bad guys robbing a meat market when one starts shooting right away and one has a stun gun instead? Show your work
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Google developing technology to automatically reply to your emails. Humans soon to become superfluous to the whole email process
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Philippine Jihadists seeking ransom for Norwegian man demand . . . *puts pinky to mouth* . . . ONE BILLION PESOS
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America is seeing the rapid growth of the "high income poor": People who make a decent income but are so saddled with debt and expenses they have no savings and live paycheck to paycheck
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After failing 95% of audits, TSA is considering upgrading their workforce by hiring dogs. It is going to be pretty embarrassing when they start getting promoted into management
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Maldives President, in an effort to help solidify new Democracy, arrests Vice President, declares Martian law
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I support the guy in China who makes these magnetic ribbons
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Romanian PM resigns after mass protests
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The Life Of A Porn Star, In Black And White (Not safe for work)
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Definitely not a Caturday thread: Your Dog may not be going to heaven ...but your cat is definitely go to hell
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While the Twitter rage over the new heart icon continues largely unabated, at least no one is accusing Twitter of trying to kill its users...oh, wait
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There's now a price tag on human excrement. You may be sitting on a gold mine
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Which one of you let the Swedes try making pizza?
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They paved Acra nice and put up a parking lot
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Photoshop this gymnast
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No matter how hot she is, or isn't, Iranian clerics say they've had enough of her shiat
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Songbirds that haven't been seen for fifty years spotted in a park. Immediately eaten by falcons that haven't been seen for sixty years
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You've got to fight ... for your child's right ... to have mandatory recess
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You ever get so angry you jam all your electronics into the oven, set the kitchen on fire, and take on 8 cops while naked? Of course you don't, no one does. It never happens. Well, except in Fairfax
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Plane crashes in denial
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The Ayatollah wants to set the record straight and let everyone know that just because he might say 'Death to America,' that does not mean he wants death to Americans
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Teen jailed for running €4 million online business from his mom's basement
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Chick-kill-a
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Back in the day we knew when winter was coming when the acorns fell, today in the 21st century you need a crazy snow map like this from NOAA that shows how much snow is coming
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Up in smoke: Marijuana legalization amendment fails on Ohio ballot
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The answer to "How many flatulent sheep does it take to bring down an airplane?" has been discovered
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AP has called the Kentucky governor's race for Republican Matt Bevin. Hats off to the 4% voting for Drew
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| Tue November 03, 2015 |
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The newest craft liquor being embraced by smug hipsters to flavor everything from coffee to orange juice is **spins wheel** amaro
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Never bring a... you know what? Just don't get into a machete fight
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Pew poll finds people are using them less
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New book tries to make the Borgia Pope seem tame by comparison
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Having your hand in the pork and mutton jar at this meat market in China will get you publicly bound and humiliated
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Hey, free gum
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Young child found wandering around outside without jacket or pants. Police return her to her family after mistakenly first identifying her as a farker
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Three Minnesota men caught with 2,000 pounds of illegal turtle meat and a really large slow cooker
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| (TZ Online) |
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Photoshop this German electromagnetic radiation pollution detector official
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Study funded by pro-charter school group finds that online charter schools are not better than nothing
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Ireland announces plans to decriminalize heroin and cocaine, adding, "They're magically delicious"
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Hi, my name is Nicholas and I'm an alcoholic, and a capuchin monkey
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No Vergnügen is being had working at Volkswagen these days
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Finally, America will have a place where youths can try to kill each other. You know, other than schools, churches, shopping malls
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Live thread for the Kentucky gubernatorial race
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If there's one thing I want my damn council to provide, it's a free fruit pressing machine
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Want to see know your future? Throw out the tea leaves and your crystal ball and go get your legs waxed
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A taxidermy library. Come get your mounted ocelot and bear paws. Just remember to return what you check out
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Bus drivers' union warns its members are at risk of dying quietly in their sleep, not screaming in terror like their passengers
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Ahmed Chalabi, Iraqi exile who helped spur U.S. invasion of Iraq, throws his last curve ball
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Photoshop these Oktoberfest Damen
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Man tries to smuggle drugs, a knife, and a McMuffin into jail to prepare him for life in prison
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Scientists discover that chimps moved from a Dutch safari park to an Edinburgh zoo developed Scottish accents. Researchers from outside Scotland also find that the chimps are easier to understand than the locals
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Joey, have you ever let a grown man bathe you at an Iranian Hamam in Mumbai?
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Bad: hoist on your own petard. Worse: videoed on your own upskirt camera
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"Congratulations, you have twins" *THUD*
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Mom of the year drives drunk with five kids in car, crashes into parked car, poses for mugshot with airbag powder still all over her
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Cop conducting an investigation asks to see a woman's phone. It took a bit, but the woman realized all of her nude photos were sent to the cop's personal cell phone
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| (Elmer Fudd) |
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Poachers: Deer season. Wardens: Decoy season
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The South will *BOOM* again
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Frenchman claims his garden lion is friendly and peaceful, has no idea why everyone is screaming to get back in the car
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Why I pulled my son out of a school for gifted kids. "Because he is a dumbass" suspiciously missing from article
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Woman who's totally marriage material arrested after faking illness so she could get an ambulance ride to go see her boyfriend, who has got to be delighted he landed such a prize
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Dude-bro who assaulted Uber driver on video was mid-level manager at Taco Bell, sees his job Meximelt away
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Skydiving rule #1 - Jump clear of the plane
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"Coked-up, gun-wielding Indiana woman leaves blow-up doll and poop-covered sex toy on porch"
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Today is National Sandwich Day. Be a hero, join the club and post your favorite, unless you're a sub human or just a Po' Boy who can't afford one
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And now, an article on the growing popularity of penis pastries in Sweden. By reporter Ron Dicker
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Israeli cabinet minister proposes mass deportations of unwelcome, unregistered residents. Specifically, stray cats
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"My body didn't belong to me, it belonged to the U.S. Military" An in-depth look at the sex industry surrounding U.S. military bases
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New evidence suggests internal explosion took down Russian airliner
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If your school counseling session ends up with the counselor putting acupuncture needles into your testicles, it's fair to say that you've gone into the weeds a bit
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Christians are sneaking their own form of Sharia law into binding arbitration agreements. Better pray you are satisfied with that hardwood floor you bought
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New UK passport design is launched featuring tougher security measures, increased sexism
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Bake sale to raise money for orphans is ruined by the old "dildo in a cake" prank
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It's your average, everyday, "Man crashes car, emergency workers get charged by bull, sheriffs kill farmer" story
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Unforgettable train stations from around the world that are so much more magnificent than the one made of cardboard under the bridge where that one hobo took you on a date (slideshow)
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Lawsuit claims that a college coach provided sex to students. Weird: Academic coach. Weirder: Notre Dame. WTF: Coerced students to have sex with her daughter
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Thanks to everyone for a fantastic Scary Story thread this Halloween. Here are the winners
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Photoshop this fashion whatever
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Office air is making you dumber, lazier, less healthy. Open a window
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Come to Lexington on Tuesday and celebrate with Drew the end of the campaign at the best Election Night party you've ever seen
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Protip: Never get into a shootout with Batman in a strip club parking lot
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It was a sign from God
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Here's a look at just how much caffeine is in coffee from nationwide chains. I've never heard of Deathwish Coffee, but suddenly it is important to ensure we have one built in this area
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Good news, DC Farkers. Metro is about to allow food and beverage sales in its stations, so at least you won't be hungry or thirsty while you wait for the late train that's going to trap you in a smoke-filled tunnel to die
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Colorado proves that the state did not descend into drug-fueled anarchy after legalizing marijuana
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Grandfather of the Year nominee leaves 5-year-old granddaughter out in the middle of the desert with a loaded handgun as he went to find help...or maybe just a jalapeno cheeseburger, a few Smirnoff Ices, and a "Not Your Father's Root Beer"
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Fairfax County (Virginia) high school system bans fire
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That Anonymous operation exposing high-ranking KKK members? Yeah, about that
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Man decides it's a good idea to let his 4-year-old daughter tattoo him
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Guinness to change centuries-old recipe for vegans. No more fish bladders
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| Mon November 02, 2015 |
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Tokyo university awards diplomas to twelve ex-students who understandably missed graduation ceremony due to WWII conscription. "I'm really happy. This matter has finally come to an end," says 92-year-old grad
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Man with perfectly square head arrested for killing his grandfather (with perfectly square mugshot goodness)
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Rachel Dolezal admits she's white but reminds everyone we're all from Africa
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Are you 45-55 years of age, white, male, poor, and have at most a high school education? Congratulations, you'll be dead soon
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He's a college grad, pilot, author, NASA consultant. Feel like an underachiever yet? He's 17
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An exploration of the best ways to die. Somehow, "wedged in a pool of bourbon between the naked, writhing bodies of Milla Jovovich, Jennifer Lawrence, and Scarlett Johansson" didn't make the cut
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Study shows owning puppies and ponies lowers the risk of asthma in kids. Scientist who prepared the study suspected to be a child in a long lab coat standing on the shoulders of another child
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Fark NotNewsletter: The day is upon us
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Fark Bazaar: Drop your socks and grab your smocks, it's the artsy-crafty, job-creatin', boot-strappin' official Fark Bazaar. Come in and peddle your wares or perhaps spring for that artisanal, hand-crafted free-range bag of farts you've always wanted. DIT
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Photoshop these lovebirds
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*Knock-knock* "Who's there?" *BLAM*BLAM*BLAM*BLAM*BLAM*
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| (Some Guy) |
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Skywatchers and Space Weather geeks, there is a high probability of seeing Northern Lights as far south as Raleigh or Oklahoma city tonight. Keep looking up
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"I'm sorry, sir. The wait will be an hour for a table." "DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FARK I AM? No, seriously...who am I?"
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Jokers trying to bring razor-sharp batarangs onto airplanes are becoming the bane of the TSA
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The difference between scotch and bourbon, aside from only one of them being fit for human consumption
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As an American don't you feel good to know that we spent more than a third of a billion dollars on Halloween costumes for our pets this year?
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Woman sentenced for her part in Wal-Mart embezzling ring, given 18 months of probation to try to set her sights a bit higher
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"Sex change" operations are becoming so mainstream even 5,000-year-old trees are getting them
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Photoshop this meditating man
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OK kids, let's play a game. I'll be the guy from Orkin and you'll be the ants
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Of the three states with the most serial killings per 1,000, two of them are states with a pretty low population. And the top state with a high population probably wouldn't surprise you, given what you already know about it
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Vacationing hipster determined to forage for his food in Italy learns the hard way that some leaves shouldn't be eaten
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Oklahoma mayor apologizes for husband's Ku Klux Klan themed Halloween Party. The mayor says she had no involvement as she was off Trick or Treating with her son. Who dressed as Buckwheat in blackface
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Town in Galicia celebrates 'Clitoris Festival,' confusing many men who don't know where Galicia is, either
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"A dog shouldn't look like a coffee table"
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If you think candy corn is the most offensive candy then try a bag of "attractive and successful African-Americans toes"
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Someday Tech Will End Our Dumb Two Party System - an op-ed by Drew Curtis, Independent Candidate for Governor of Kentucky #howabouttuesday #kygov
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Have extra Halloween candy? This dentist will buy it back from you because it will make his job easier in the long run
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Good guy with a gun stops a bad guy with a fork from eating at Cracker Barrel
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"That body on a hammock is a cool Halloween decoration." "No, that is a real decomposing body"
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Are you a politician who's wondering why your phone has been ringing off the hook this morning? Well it seems that Anonymous may have revealed you to be a member of the Klan
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The war on drugs grew soft because white people started a heroin epidemic
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Researchers find 'no good evidence' to support low-fat diets. Mostly because low-fat diets only work when they are combined with the one that calls for low food
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Earthquakes tired of killing thousands, decide to topple thousands of lawn chairs instead
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Dyslexic KKK members, police pulling over fabric, and Great White back on tour again: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/25 - 10/31
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University revealed to have 2-ply toilet paper for top administrators and 1-ply for everyone else. Is this, as suggested on Twitter, cl-ass warfare?
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Ashley Madison users, already ashamed that everyone knows they were duped into trying to have affairs with nonexistent women, are bringing a class action lawsuit against the website because the women were a lie
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Photoshop this big sanitation project
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Nigerian painter wins $50,000 award, according to an e-mail I just received
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Remains of Kogalymavia Flight 9268 crash victims repatriated in timely fashion. Russia: "Oh, that's how you're supposed to do it?"
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Teen steals donut truck, is immediately detained by cops from 37 counties, 12 states and a couple of Canadian Mounted Patrol
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Nebraska meat processing plant recalls over 160,000 pounds of meat after their "E. Coli in every box" promotion falls flat
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New research says Stonehenge was the site of massive cookouts where thousands of revelers feasted on meat. Which means the prehistoric stone monument may be nothing more than the world's first open barbecue pit
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If you think KFC is good in America, you should try it in China. Or South Korea. Or Japan. Or the Philippines. Or India. Or Taiwan. Or Malaysia. Or Canada. Or Brazil. Or Mexico. Or Thailand. Or the Arab States. Or Chile
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Pharmacy hands out bi-polar medicine to children instead of trick-or-treat candy. But let's make sure the media is freaking out the public with stories of kids in Washington and Colorado overdosing on recreational weed by injecting it into their eyes
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It's not every day that a woman strips naked, lies spread eagle on a table at Johnny Rockets and pours ketchup all over herself, but when that day comes, you can bet on which tag will be used
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Innocent or guilty, it never looks good if you're spattered with blood in your mugshot
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The New York Times made the Iraq and Afghanistan wars look "really cool, really glamorous, and really bloodless," causing America to fall in love with war pornography
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Hey aliens, when planning your next vacation, remember that scenic Florida is your new hotspot
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Here is the most terrifying clown in the world
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Tigers are really just big cats. Breaking into the zoo to pet one isn't a bad idea at all
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Halloween mug shots
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