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| Sun September 13, 2015 |
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If you are planning on attacking someone with a chair; watch your backswing
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Bad: You lose your GoPro. Good: You get it back after two years. Awesome: It has video of its ascent to 98 thousand feet over the Grand Canyon
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Photoshop this rock of ages
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EPA: Oh, goody That mine blowout we caused in Colorado is the perfect excuse to stop cleaning up ten other polluting mines in Montana
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Midway thru flight from L.A. to Hawaii, airline realizes they're using a plane not certified to make long flights over water. OOPSIE
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Eight tips on how to grill the perfect steak. Look, no matter what, all a good steak needs is some A-1. It's how steak is done
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How about some blue bacon to go with your green eggs and ham?
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Turns out that Slate story about Chinese drivers killing pedestrians is full of crap
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Photoshop this makeover
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You might want to sit down for this, but it turns out that police in Pennsylvania would rather not have the public know their names after they murder a civilian
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Bank robber instructs teller to deposit money into his own account
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Twins who had twins are both pregnant again... with twins
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One banana two banana three banana four, five banana six banana seven banana *croak*
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All things pass with time, but a diamond is forever
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Police: "You say you own the BMW we impounded from you yesterday? And you're a banker? And President Obama follows you on Twitter? Okay lady, we're gonna need you to come over here"
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"Daddy, I want a nice expensive cake for my birthday party." Father: "Sure, how much?" Daughter: "$74 million." Father: "No problem"
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DEA: Warrant? We don't need no stinkin' warrant to look into your private medical files to see what meds you take. Don't you know what the "D" stands for?
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Now that Lansing, Michigan has solved all their other problems, they can focus on the things that really matter. Like debating if they should put lights on top of their orange construction barrels or not
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Florida Man accidentally texts sheriff's narcotics captain looking to score weed, captain texts back looking to score coke, and things go downhill from there
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Well that escalated quickly
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Evidently for $1,000, you could help spray fake tanning lotion on Miss America candidates, except it was a scam. Or maybe not, because they didn't give me a big enough booth and my accountant died
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It seems like the kickoff of the Halloween haunted house season begins earlier and earlier every year
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New study shows that "social media pressure" can cause anxiety, depression in teens. Then again, what doesn't cause anxiety and depression in teens? C'mon, that's what teens are
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Bacon is our God. Because bacon is real (with helpful photo of some bacon)
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Cause of house fire determined to be.... *shakes magic 8-ball*......self igniting tea towels
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+O]:¬)
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Minneapolis schools pull Utah-made books for being "culturally insensitive and unacceptable." In other words, they were about life in Utah
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24-year-old narcissist in India quits his job as a hospital research assistant ... to become a record-breaking selfie taker. And people say Millennials have no passion
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Photoshop this fight
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CSB Sunday Morning: Thinking out loud
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Homeland Security finds out what everyone should have remembered from the 5th grade: Never pick a fight with a librarian
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Maybe teasing the cat with the laser on your gun isn't such a hot idea
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Apparently, the longer you have to eat lunch, the healthier it is for you. Sure, the study was about schools, but subby still plans to take a three hour lunch break tomorrow. I mean, it's for health reasons, right?
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Kiss a girl on a schoolyard dare? That's assault charges
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Our host is feeling a bit under the weather so he won't be in the studio tonight. Instead here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from April 21, 2012 for you to listen to
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| Sat September 12, 2015 |
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Well hell it wouldn't be known as the crossroads of the world if you didn't have beautiful Chinese women going full qipao-wearing flash mob
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In today's "What is wrong with you?" story, this woman is charged with having her kids living in a shipping crate inside an underground cave
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Pyrotechnic expert goes out with a bang
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Man previously arrested 13 times for impersonating a cop is arrested again... for impersonating a cop
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Arrested for minor traffic fines? Check. Denied medical care? Check. Found hanging in his cell? Check. Recovers and denies hanging himself? Holy shiat
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CNN reports what Clayton Bigsby already knew 10 years ago
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♫ Boys in the girls' room, girls in the men's room, it's Miraloma Elementary ♫
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Dear religious restaurant goers: A church pamphlet is not a tip
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Photoshop this sniper
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An investigation is underway after a prisoner is released 6 days early despite trying to tell prison bosses that he was not due to be released yet... and is then tracked down and offered $500 to return to finish his sentence
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Hey old guys, get a room
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Please note: store your explosives in an approved, safe location. 'In the kitchen, next to the stove' does not count
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Rock art vandalized by college geology students. This is why we can't have gneiss things
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The coolest collection of perfectly timed military photos that you'll see today
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Photoshop the penguins of dawn
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'Vampire Squirrel' blamed for slaying deer
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What a pisser
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Sorry, we don't have any treatment options for your violently insane daughter, but she can curl up in a corner of the ER next to the guy whose pants keep falling down
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Drunk and having sex in the middle of shopping center parking lot is no way to go through life, lady
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Police in Phoenix are being "helped" by armed conceal carry gun owners who are planning to "take down" the highway sniper plaguing the area. Fark: They refer to themselves as "guardian angels on steroids"
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Please, grampa. I know you're only 67, but you've had three wrecks now. It's time to give up your license and sell the airplane
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Dennis the Menace statue stolen from California playground back in 2006 found yesterday ... in Orlando
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Our long national nightmare is over as Sulley, the 100-pound tortoise who's been missing since Labor Day is finally back home. Sulley "seemed pretty tired and relieved when he was home," Roerig added
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Evidently Alabama does not like short shorts
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At some point many decades ago, suburban America was told that it was a necessity to rake up every single dead leaf on the lawn before the first snowfall. Suburban America was told a lie
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Colorado trolls the rest of the country, makes pot tax-free on Wednesday
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Of all the things you expect to find in your koi pond an alligator is not one of them
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Popular hiking canyon remains closed because people keep trying to take selfies with bears
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After 20 years, Disney World pulls plug on Osborne Family Spectacle of Lights. Ozzy to stare at Yule log instead
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Because our male teaching staff are a bunch of lecherous asshats, we are banning skirts and tight trousers. We have to draw the line somewhere
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When you're stealing pennies from a fountain, don't leave a trail for cops to follow
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Photoshop theme: Politicians in cosplay
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Church sues strip club for holding the most awesome protests ever
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Garfield and Fluffy's excellent adventure. Just in time for Caturday
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One hour? Two hours? How long is too long to wait in line for brunch? Subby won't wait more than 15 minutes for anything except sex or a liver transplant
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Thanks Millennials for lowering your living standards, now look at what you've done to San Francisco apartment living. These living standards shouldn't even be legal
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Want to cure Alzheimer's Disease? Drink wine and eat chocolate
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Police: "We knew 4 sex offenders lived near the school, but telling them to move would have screwed up our investigation"
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According *boing* to scientists *boing* hopping *boing* for just *boing* two minutes *boing* a day can *boing* be good for *boing* your health *boing*
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| Fri September 11, 2015 |
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It's Friday, you're still sober and wearing pants. And now Fark is making you take the Weird News Quiz and you didn't study. Great. Just great
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Study finds that married men who watch porn are more likely to be feminist. It's like 10,000 poons when all you need is your wife
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Engineers create the largest artificial wave in the world. COWABUNGA, DUDE
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Woman beats man with frying pan, claims she has a cast-iron alibi
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If we burned all of our fossil fuels, we'd melt Antarctica... so let's get on with it
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Photoshop this wedding photo
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Video replay of James Blake's arrest clearly shows NYPD over the line
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Wrecka mecca crane, make a giant hole
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It's come to this: Phoenix television stations are now doing stories showing people how to tell the difference between a rock hitting their windshield and a bullet
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To prevent extra-terrestrial attacks, man shines spotlights outside his foil-wrapped house at all hours of the day and night. So far it seems to be working
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It's a feeling of relief to finally pay off your college parking tickets. Especially when they're from 1974
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Dismaland parking attendant mistaken for millionaire mystery artist Banksy. Which is absurd. Only one can stay within the painted lines
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Photoshop this leap of faith
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If you're dumb enough to trash a juice bar while trying to break in, you're dumb enough to give the security camera a nice close up while you try to trash that as well
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Six Iowa State students getting rabies shots after killing 23 (& counting) bats in their rental house. Bat teeth are so small they can bite without their victims feeling a thing
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Hungarian camerawoman says she 'regrets' (getting caught) kicking refugees
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The most bizarre crime spree you will see today includes fondling strangers for money and using other people's toilet
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22% of Americans can't tell the difference between Neil Degrasse Tyson and Miss Cleo
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Meals on Wheels volunteer accused of adding sausage to the menu
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On Sept. 11 2001, an all-volunteer flotilla of ferries, tugs, fishing boats, and day sailors evacuated lower Manhattan in less than 12 hours. Here is the amazing video documentary of their story (narrated by Tom Hanks)
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Some people like a brand of car so much they never buy anything else. On the flip side of the coin are these car brands
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Bedbugs have evolved, now they take public transport
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To truly end animal suffering, the most ethical choice is to kill wild predators
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"It was [her] mental illness, coupled with the tremendous physical exertion... struggling with deputies that resulted in a cascade of lethal chemical reactions," definitely not all the Taser hits received while lying naked and restrained on the floor (disturbing video)
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Blind pit bull at adoption center has the chance for surgery to help him see for possibly the first time ever. Still needs a forever home, followup album
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Asshat family caught vandalizing National Forest trail, has been identified, fined. Behold, the power of the internet
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Florida man.........that's probably enough said
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Modern-day insufferable hipsters decide to live life as if they were insufferable hipsters during the 19th century
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Michigan road crews clean up I-94 after semi-truck carrying chopped meat crashes. It's always good to have hamburger helpers
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Fire at Taser International headquarters injuries 7 people. Still a better Electro origin story than the one in the movies
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Photoshop this dash for freedom
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Today is the 14th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. On an otherwise quiet Tuesday morning, the major news sites had trouble keeping up with the traffic and were crashing. This is the original Fark thread from that day
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Sacramental September Shindig, 9/11-9/13
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Rainbow invades airspace of World Trade Center on eve of 9/11. Fighter jets immediately launched
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Last known surviving 9/11 rescue dog returns to New York City, is glad it's no longer dusty in here
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In this politically correct world you now have to apologize for calling someone a Luddite
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Judge orders DA to court to explain why, after 3 years, he has not filed charges against a sheriff's deputy who slammed a shackled defendant into a wall for no reason, in front of another judge. Warning: auto-playing video, mute your speakers
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Pope Francis is on a new crusade to make Catholicism relevant again
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The favored food of college students isn't ramen, hoagies, or pizza; it's frogurt
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Alabama's new education standards praised for being pro-science
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| Thu September 10, 2015 |
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Never take driving advice from a man with a bottle of vodka between his legs--especially if you're only nine years old
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Job Interviewer: "Pace University grad, very nice. Captain of the football team, very nice indeed. Let me just do a quick Google search here.... Holy hell. Is that you draped in a Confederate flag giving a Nazi salute?"
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So, how much money was Pablo Escobar making at his peak? He lost several BILLION a year just to rats eating stored money
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Just like Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout, this guy would not take the garbage out
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Family would rather lose patch of useless desert than sell it for a measly $5 million
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Photoshop this happy couple
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Old Arabic proverb: the enemy of my enemy is my friend. The latest enemy of ISIS is now al Qaeda, which makes for a totes awkward BFF
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Guy busted for attacking girlfriend during 4 AM argument "about eating Doritos" looks like he knows something about the munchies
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Estranged son attempts to bury the hatchet with his parents, sheriff's deputies
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Mysterious chunk of ice crashes through home, leaves owner complaining about giant ice-hole
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Miss Vermont plans to cause "an eruption of foam shooting skyward" during the talent portion of tonight's Miss America pageant
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The A-10 Warthog video the Air Force doesn't want you to see. Keep calm and BRRRRRRT on
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Michigan golfer dies of 20 bee stings and being 34 over par
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Fark Food Thread: Cheese... it's not just for Fark Threads. Which cheeses do you like to use for cooking and which do you just enjoy as a snack?
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Little girl crawls inside and gets trapped in an arcade game claw machine. Firefighters rush to the scene after getting change for a $20 bill
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Photoshop this nerd rage
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Kim Davis's attorney announced the jail time made her understand her mistakes and she is going to do her job from now on. Just kidding, she will attempt to invalidate all marriage licenses given out in her absence and pursue criminal penalties
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Ever seen an entire town covered from street to rooftop with a 215,000 square-foot rainbow? Well, now you have
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| (PurchaseGreen) |
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California senate wants more people to have great-looking, plastic implants
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The wheels on the wrong school bus go round and round for four hours
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Murder reconstruction on TV has viewers naming suspect. Police quickly detain and take DNA from actor who played murderer in reconstruction
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I-10 freeway sniper still at large in Phoenix area. Fortunately he's a terrible shot, so have a pleasant commute
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"A gun in his waistband and marijuana in his truck" Police report or Country music lyric?
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Under chin injection to dissolve neck fat rapidly becoming popular. It also causes nerve damage to go along with the brain damage you have for wanting to inject ACID INTO YOUR NECK
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The stupid. It hurts. Especially if you're a Sikh being beaten on the head by someone calling you "Bin Laden"
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US Intelligence on ISIS: "They are not within 100 miles of Baghdad. We have destroyed their shovels. We have burned them all with our shoes"
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If your 14 year-old little brother uses your favorite M4 assault rifle to kill a classmate and himself, just let it go. It's gone
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It's cheaper to rent a castle in France than an apartment in San Francisco
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Sometimes, the long con doesn't pay out. Sometimes you end up stuffing a suggestion box full of cat pictures and never get the sweet reward of mockery
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Twelve year old is no Einstein...she's smarter
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"Very interesting" says governor regarding a proposal to *finally* connect North and South. Boston, that is
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It turns out that identity thieves just install card swipers on gas pumps now
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Tesla founder Elon Musk says that we can colonize Mars. Problem: the temperature of Mars needs to be increased. Musk's solution: drop nukes on Mars
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Reason #67259 that it's bad to urinate in public: you never know when a Levantine viper will mistake your penis for a threat
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Meet Bertie, the Usain Bolt of the tortoise world...and that's official
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New Zealand bans its first book in 22 years, which is disappointing news for the three people who still buy books
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Here's a story about a headless chicken that lived for 18 months. No, it is not a euphemism for the 2016 presidential election. But
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We've been studying Rome for centuries, so you'd think everything of consequence has already been discovered. Apparently, that's not the case at all
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Man calls up three banks and threatens to rob them. Police on lookout for I. P. Freely, Hugh Jass, Amanda Hugginkiss
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Marvel Cinematic Universe has so far revealed 4 of the 6 Infinity Stones, the other 2 are probably in Indonesia
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Virginia denying licenses for flags
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Photoshop these star-struck Canadian tourists in Coney Island, 1952
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Bones found in South African cave reveal new human relative that will insist on coming to the holidays but fail to bring a covered dish and act as if he didn't realize he had to bring a dish to pass
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Yup, lockpickers managed to 3-D print luggage keys from the photo leaked by the TSA of all the keys on a keyring
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"I'm a better parent when I'm drinking. I'm more patient, and some situations require more patience "
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Since we're all going to die because the world is heating up, here's a map to tell when you're most likely to be cooked
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Sheer pandamonium broke out
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Got your nose
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Any good parent knows the proper amount of cocaine to give their child on his or her 18th birthday
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Subby's nomination for Mugshot of the Week goes to this man, who decided that his idea of having a blast is throwing lit firecrackers into a crowd
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Retired Anaheim drama teacher accused of molesting students, possessing child porn, and having a face that will haunt your dreams to the very depths of hell
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Armed civilians to patrol stretch of Interstate 10 in Phoenix where multiple shootings took place. What could possibly go wrong?
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Remember the time Donald Trump's father was arrested with fellow KKK members after they attacked police officer? Pepperidge Farm does
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Protip: If you're gonna do a brain tissue transplant, avoid using brain tissue from a donor who had Alzheimer's
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Vietnam Vet who was exposed to Agent Orange and previously had a stroke, who now currently has stage 4 lung cancer has been denied his pain pills because he tested positive for marijuana. Murica. Fark yeah
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The reason it costs $14,000 to treat a snakebite with $14 medicine [USA]
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Sheriff Joe Arpaio comes to the rescue of a poor, neglected ass
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 540: "Farktography Classic: Red 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 09, 2015 |
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Texas woman manages to reinvent the term "vaginal discharge"
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Retired tennis star James Blake receives first grand slam courtesy of NYPD
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New $450,000 Range Rover Sentinel SUV can withstand armor piercing bullets and hand grenades, making your drive through Camden, New Jersey relatively worry free
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Bet you can't guess the most disgusting part of an airplane
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Photoshop this forlorn boy
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Fire crews claim victory over three-alarm fire full of explosions and explosion accessories
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When a CEO steps down as quickly as United's Jeff Smisek, he either farked a subordinate or federal criminal investigators are closing in. Fortunately for Mrs. Smisek there is no nubile intern involved. Unfortunately for stock holders, however...
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Surfer breaks neck in four places. Dude, why did you even go to the other three?
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National Geographic to change format to science fiction
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Woman arrested for attacking an officer of the law with a bayonet. This is not a repeat from 1776
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Hay, that bale is about to fall right on me
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Would you pay $10,000 for whale puke?
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Allowing 14 year olds to anonymously submit questions live on the big screen during school assembly goes about as weHITLER WAS AN OK GUY
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That recently re-discovered "Nazi gold train" that has been making news lately may only be stuffed to the gills with artwork, diamonds and precious gems, its discoverers warn
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PSA: Remember, when you masturbate, you masturbate with Ebola
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University of Pennsylvania psychotherapist says "the Internet is like your brain on porn." I must do more research on the subject
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Photoshop this expose
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Never bring a machete to a forklift fight
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Study shows half of all Americans are diabetic or pre-diabetic. The other half were too busy stuffing their faces with pizza, fried chicken, and Oreos to participate
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Scratch and sniff rings, because who doesn't want to be seen scratching at and sniffing their knuckles?
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Desperate Yemeni refugees fleeing to the safety, stability, and prosperity of Somalia
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...because there is no better place to huff compressed air than under a clothing rack at Walmart
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Tennessee Supreme Court will reconsider whether touching a white line on the road justifies a pretext stop
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With temperatures in the 90s, New Jersey school district declares a snow day
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"Congratulations on the sex"
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Month-old girl does something most college kids never achieve - hits a 0.294 on the blood alcohol meter. #ThanksMom
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Sand people taking potshots at motorists on Arizona stretch of I-10
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World's Largest Biker Bar is now World's Largest Pile of Ash
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Ever since Uncle Sam started lending money to college students, college tuition has skyrocketed. Coincidence?
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The Association of Time Travellers has postponed this week's meeting to yesterday
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12pm: 10,000 free tickets to see the Pope at Independence Hall become available online. 12:02pm: All tickets are gone. 12:05pm: Tickets now available on Craigslist for $500
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Protip: If you are going to burn down an apartment building, try not to get caught on the surveillance video carrying a gas can
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Teacher traded lollipops for massages. This is not a euphemism
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Photoshop this tight formation
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United States is slow to accept refugees from Syria, because that whole "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free" thing is not so much in practice anymore
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Writer who does not identify with male or female gender removes breasts and uterus. "'It felt bizarre knowing that the last interaction with my breasts anyone would have was a middle-aged manly surgeon drawing on me"
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'Liz-a-beth, is my Queen. E-liz-a-beth, E-liz-a-beth. 'Liz-a-beth, 'Liz-a-beth
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Responsible gun owner grabs his rifle and successfully detains a prowler on his property until the authorities could arrest him. Just kidding. He got into a scuffle with the prowler and accidentally shot himself in the leg
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Stop. Hammer crime
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Although it's much more fun to wrap yourself up in faux outrage, in reality there's a very good reason why all the refugees in Europe all have smart phones and selfie sticks
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Don't tell mom the babysitter shot me
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911: "What's your emergency?" Woman: "There's a black widow spider in my grapes" 911: "Just kill it"
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Now that's just a cruel thing to do to your cheating boyfriend; selling his "Batmobile" on Craigslist as retribution for his infidelity. CRUEL
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What catches fire in Vegas stays in Vegas
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Thieves strip parts from police anti-theft bike. It's the cycle of life
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Carnival cruise ship suffers engine fire, stranding 4,500 passengers and crew in the U.S. Virgin Islands. The bigger news is that there were actually that many people willing to board a Carnival cruise ship
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Scientists plan to reanimate a 30,000-year-old giant virus that has been found preserved in the frozen wastelands of Siberia, because why not?
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Man named King busted at Burger King for playing with his whopper (w/ awesome mugshot)
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These guys are so grounded
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| Tue September 08, 2015 |
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Tower, this is Piper Cherokee requesting a flyby
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Dude, hobo spider is not the preferred nomenclature. Migratory spider, please
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Australian survives Australia, gets killed by nature in Norway
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Apparently this chicken crossed San Francisco's Bay Bridge to get to live her days out at a East Oakland school and be renamed after female freedom fighter Alice Paul
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What's safer than alcohol and prescription drugs for your anxiety and depression? No man, not that. This
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Fark NotNewsletter: Great news about Fark's mobile site
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Photoshop this sand jumper
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Lesbos groaning under the weight of immigrants
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Millennials are moving in to New Orleans, which can only mean gluten-free artisanal beignets, free trade chicory coffee and tofu gumbo can't be too far behind
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"Jeez, my head. What the heck did I do last night?" "Well, you designed an aircraft"
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Los Angeles county has sentenced more people to death than the five most execution-happy Southern states
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Inmate offers to donate bone marrow to the judge who sentenced him to 25 years in prison, says going to jail saved him and helped turn his life around
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Two tons of cocaine disguised as printer ink seized, police note the low declared value tipped them off
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.. - .- .-.. .. .- -. / -.-. .... . ... ... / .--. .-.. .- -.-- . .-. / -.-. .- ..- --. .... - / ..- ... .. -. --. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / - --- / -.-. .... . .- - / -.. ..- .-. .. -. --. / - --- ..- .-. -. .- -- . -. - .-.-.-
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That Brady kid probably did it
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Two 5 year olds tunnel out of kindergarten playground and make their way to car dealer to buy a new Jaguar. And it would've worked too, if it wasn't for those meddling adults
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"Sorry I missed our lunch meeting, I went to the Emergency Room because I accidentally shot myself with a staple gun," and other interesting out-of-office messages
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Waffle House serves up one billionth waffle. How many of these did YOU consume?
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Photoshop the ridiculously cool and/or dangerous playground equipment you know you really, really, really, really wanted when you were about 10 years old
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"The 9th hole here is a par 4 with a few sand traps and a runaway car"
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I now pronounce you husband and wife. Once I've taken this selfie
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It's probably one in a million that you get hit by lightning, probably one in two million that your bra saves your life
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North and South Korea agree to hold a reunion for families separated by Korean war. North Korean relative looking forward to seeing family, food
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Let us journey, you and I, to the rice paddies of Wisconsin
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If you decide you don't want to drive after drinking too much, it's rather important to stop the vehicle first
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1815: Watch out for cattle rustlers. 2015: Watch out for beehive rustlers
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School run. Ukrainian edition
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Ejected from bar, Florida man throws bike in water, jumps in, taunts bar patrons, swims to another bar
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What's that, Timmy? Lassie is stuck in a well? And now you are too?
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Who put drugs in our drugs?
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Bangkok cops bust meth-taking abbots and monks in temple after being tipped off by dealers and incensed temple neighbors
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If you keep pushing your wives off cliffs, people may stop believing they just fell
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Chinese Government: We are the ones who decide when the Dalai Lama will reincarnate, and what he will reincarnate to
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Ordinarily, pizza and beer go very well together. But when the state police have to take down the lady driving the beer truck because she wants to shoot the pizza delivery dude, well. . . that's a horse of a different color
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Mystery solved: Just why the hell don't you ever see baby pigeons?
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Italy's highest court: "Yeah, ok, we admit that our police and prosecutors offices are a bunch of incompetent idiots, happy now?"
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Walter Palmer's dental surgery re-opened in Minneapolis today, and it has a lovely new rug
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Not News: Police issue citation for busted windshield. Fark: As it was in the process of getting fixed
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Searchers have found even more body parts in Garfield Park, believe separatists are at work
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Mother: It's so hard shopping here with my disabled child. Supermarket: No problem. We've designed you a new shopping cart
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North Korea's beloved all-girl band goes missing and another almost identical band takes its place. Who does Kim Jong Un think he is, Prince?
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Navy okays plan to send 5,000 marines to Guam. Guam readies counterbalance
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Old and busted: Carpal tunnel syndrome from handwriting too many letters. New extremity injury: Cubital tunnel syndrome from talking on a cell phone too long
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Police urge students to 'party with caution' during frosh week. You could face a $65 fine for puking on a cash register, jail for selling roommates iPad, and you don't want to know what could happen if you lick a baked good slated for sale
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China to create "public square dancing management mechanism" to combat unruly old ladies who like to dance
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This probably has nothing to do with an escaped alien plague. Probably
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Roundup, like nearly every other substance known to man, is now known by the State of California to cause cancer
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An alarm clock in your airline luggage is usually not a problem ... unless it evacuates an entire major airport
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Pope Francis lightens up Catholic rules on remarriage
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Life's really difficult when my knees are this sharp
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When you're hiding behind a bush ready to pounce on a lone woman, make sure it isn't a kickboxer capable of knocking you out with her thighs
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Researchers SHOCKED to find E-cigarettes being used by teens to 'vape' marijuana. Subby looks at his apple, toilet paper core, two-liter bottle, and sighs
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Anti-Semitic graffiti will remain on the Queen's Vagina
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Porn app took secret photos of users. This should be just like a Fark Party only in picture format
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"There is a pretty obvious way to reduce gun violence"
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Meet the Meatheads: they will pack and move your stuff for free if you need to escape an abusive relationship
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Photoshop the new fashion trend
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I scream you scream we all scream outside the ice cream shop
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Polar bears are the honey badgers of climate change
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Now that the Oregon State Police have stopped digging up marijuana plants, the local deer have taken over
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7-year-old dog with fatal condition given his own bucket list by his humans, including paddle boarding in the ocean, visiting Lassie's star in Hollywood, and a Fido In & Out Burger. That's a good (sniff) doggie
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If you were planning to get bit by a snake during the next two years, don't
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We can either confirm or deny that the CIA's most famous ship is going to the scrapyard
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The last union coal mine in Kentucky has finally closed. September 5 goes into the history books as carbon dated
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Subby, 99, dead of natural causes
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Mom brings three-year-old to doctor with a cut on his eye. Receptionist: "I got this"
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Photoshop this man on a bucket list mission
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Consider but decide against joining ISIS? That'll be 30 years in prison
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Sheep drive leaves many satisfied smiles behind
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They can't be bargained with. They can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And they absolutely will not stop, ever, until you use a sink drain stopper
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Photoshop this sign
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It takes a lot of talent to hit two people with a foul ball, but nevertheless it happened to this elderly couple watching a Marlins game. At least something got hit that day
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The bridges are in such bad shape in Missouri, transportation officials are recommending commuters ford the river to get to work
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Drone kills two British men in "self defense." Apparently the drone feared for its life
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Kim Davis: My incarceration is illegal because I was not specifically told that a federal judge can put you in the pokey for disobeying him. They also didn't specifically tell me water could make you wet
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Go home car, you're drunk
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In Chicago, it's not "Don't cry over spilled milk," it's "Don't murder someone over spilled beer"
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Australians don't just have convict DNA, they might also have a little Confederate DNA
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Old first day of school warning: "Do not accept rides or candy from this man." New first day of school warning: "Do not accept bus rides or candy from this man"
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Sesame Street abandons all semblance of an educational show and goes straight to propaganda with new puppet: Donald Grump
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The government of China issues a stern warning about the dark side. Of mooncakes
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Women in Hong Kong embark on a light diet
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Having trouble sleeping? Pay two bills and call me in the morning
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Finally a public radio story for the rest of us: Vermont's top speed trap officer explains how he does it
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Waitress gets a 6% tip on a $500 bill. Wait, correction ... make that a 600% tip on a $500 bill
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That's not a Stonehenge. THIS is a Stonehenge
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Germany is going to shell out $6.6 billion to pay for all those refugees seeking a better life outside Syria
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Yankees complete their march through Atlanta unimpeded, Kermit in yet another relationship that isn't kosher, and a third eye and/or testicle on the forehead: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/30 - 9/5
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Some young women would give their right arms to be models. Meet Rebekah Marine who didn't have a choice
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Photoshop this mission
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Man rows his 817-pound pumpkin right into the Guinness world book of record
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Horse's ass shoves 28 packages of horse up his ass
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Want to know why cyclists are so embraced in Copenhagen? It's because Copenhagen cyclists actually know how to stop for a red light
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Cops search a man's car and find marijuana based on the grounds that he was driving barefoot
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Man sells 47 bottles of vodka to nightclub. Turns out to be antifreeze. That's cold, man
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Contestants in the Miss Flora-Bama 2015 Labor Day Weekend Bikini Contest are doing their best to help make sure the South rises again
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♫ Oh, what a feeling ♫ Feces falling from the ceiling ♫
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The KKK just called to tell you you're being a racist prick
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Finally, male contraceptive to be available within three years. *clicks link* NOPE
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Lion-killing Minnesota dentist comes out of hiding, plans to return to work
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Urine trouble if you think it's a good idea to relieve yourself between subway cars
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