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| Sun September 06, 2015 |
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Not so much NOPE NOPE NOPE as NEIGH NEIGH NEIGH
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If you have one of these ten jobs, it will take you 100 years to save up for a house
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When mild mannered octogenarian Stephen Scaife becames frustrated by weeds, he becomes ... Spader-man
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Photoshop this unusual trio
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Kinda strange that, after two years, no forever home can be found for four poor little kittens... I mean, abused human children
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You might be flexible, but can you fit into a suitcase?
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Allah fearing Muslims turning into God fearing Christians in Germany. Faith? Or to build a better case for asylum?
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The wages of snowflakery: College students become suicidal upon learning that half of them will finish in the bottom 50% of their class
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It's like a Burning Man-themed Mad Lib: The ashes of Timothy Leary were placed on the Altar of the Masturbating Nun in the Totem of Confessions Temple by actress Susan Sarandon
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Man arrested for dumping a bucket of cash on his head
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Photoshop this hockey legend
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Russia is helping out in Syria. Wait. Scratch that. Russia has secret military base in Syria
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There's junk mail. There's hate mail. There's snail mail. And now there's web-based mail. Nightmarish, nightmarish web-based mail
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Science proves it. Your cat does not love you. Or anything
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Feds raid large Colorado marijuana grow. There are people who exploit the state's permissive policies to set up nationwide pot distribution networks, says DEA Special Agent In Charge Roach
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A quick reminder: Steve Jobs was a Syrian immigrant's child
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You're going to be saying Grace a lot over the next couple of weeks. Amen
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The Japanese, known for their love of cats, have finally found a way to take over the Internet world: Brainwash kittens with anime
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Shaolin monk runs above water for 125 meters. Your move, Jesus
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The European refugee crisis? Yup, Obama's fault. Nice to see you again, Mr. Cheney
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On Pride Day in Calgary, A rainbow-liveried transit bus honours the memory of a bus driver who was the last Canadian ever imprisoned for being gay
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NYC veterinarian charged with pawing
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Long, stiff objects popular on island of Lesbos
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Dumbass prisoners in the states are doing it all wrong. In Ireland, if you're the most dangerous prisoner there, you get the comfy chair and the top-of-the-line treadmill
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Child's remains found in Garfield Park. Odie humanity
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Hit-and-run driver speeds away from car crash, dies mid-getaway
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Too bad you can't buy guns at Target. But then again, there's this
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How did you celebrate Vulture Awareness Day?
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Pope Francis orders Europe's Catholic Churches to open their doors to Syrian refugees and, y'know, do what Jesus would do
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Highlights from medieval Yelp: "There are three things that no one can advise another person for or against. One is marriage, another is waging war and the third is visiting the Holy Sepulchre, these things often end badly"
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Photoshop these babby gators
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CSB Sunday Morning: Labor of love
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For some farking reason a Colorado hunter shot an ultralight pilot flying over his own field
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♩ I found my thrill...On Blue Bearry Hill ♩
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Henry VIII was terrible, and Subby means that literally
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Top student becomes suspicious when her school tells her she scored a "zero" on all seven of her final exams
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Multiple people injured after tree branch snaps in busy New York park
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Our host is doing stuff with his family so there won't be a Livingston Stapler Company Presents show tonight. Instead here is an archived show from November 2, 2013
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| Sat September 05, 2015 |
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After 42 days of dodging cars, bears, and wolves in Yellowstone National Park, Jade the Australian shepherd is back with her family. All these geysers are making my eyes water
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Normally when your car is stolen and the police find it, there are items missing. In this case, though, there were items added
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Feel like passive-aggressively retaliating against your landlord? Boston fined thousands of landlords because students left too much trash behind when they moved out
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Don't you just hate when you fly in for a bachelor party and no one else can make it...including the groom-to-be?
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Leaving a $100,000 nest egg to 32 cockatiels is just cuckoo
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Photoshop this smoky step
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Canada deports man to Lebanon after 10 years in detention
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Pennsylvania church does Peter Gabriel-themed mass. First hymn was 'Jerusalem Boogie' to us, perhaps. But to the birds it meant that supper was ready
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If you're going to rob a bank, make sure it's open first
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Being Kentucky, you knew the supporters would show up in droves. Oh, and the judge also reportedly has received a death threat. Par for the course
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Prime minister of Finland to give his home for housing refugees. Queue starting to form in front of Buckingham Palace
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The late broadcaster and California historian Huell Howser had an "AMAZING" house -- it's atop a volcano in the Mojave, looks like a flying saucer, could double as a locale for James Bond villains, and oh yeah, it's up for sale
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And here's your Labor Day weekend temperature forecast: Traffic will make motorists steamy and hot
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University of Iowa breaks with tradition and names a new president who has no experience in the area of academia. How's that announcement going over, UI?
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New Anti-HIV drug proven to be 100% effective, which makes it as effective as a Tiger Repellant Rock
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So, the FHRITP guy found a half dead kitten in a dumpster and brought the little munchkin back to health, just in time for a Caturday bonus thread
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Photoshop this sandy head
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Thief breaks into house, steals frozen meat and a chainsaw
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San Francisco's only privately-owned island is for sale at only $5 million
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No, Kim Davis. No GoFundMe for you. Bad, bad Kim
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Iguanas in your toilet? Another day in the tag state
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MIT chemical engineer perpetuates the stereotype by not bathing for 12 years, only using a bacteria spray to keep 'clean'
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There's the regular kind of love and then there's "wife steals cop car with husband still cuffed inside" kind of love
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Colorado county clerk recalls issuing gay marriage license in 1975. Soon after, a cowboy showed up with Dolly, his horse, demanding a marriage license. "How old is Dolly? I'm sorry, 8 is too young without parental approval"
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Theoretically, what's an uncreepy way to tell someone here you had a sex dream about them? (preempted by sandwich debate, as always) (sandwich debated preempted by secret inside meat list)
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Wife denies scrawling 'I love shagging grieving widows' on estranged husband's house, smashing his car and grabbing his testicles, saying 'I bet it's sore with all the action'
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Weed is legal in Oregon apparently only if no one can smell it
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Aviation safety officials in Britain report pilot who crashed was too low. YOU DON'T SAY
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"The doctor started dancing and singing "La Cucaracha" with his hand still in the woman's vagina, and the medical student somewhat reluctantly joined in. Only the anesthesiologist yelling "Knock it off, assholes!" made them stop"
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Man dodges 83 bullets fired by police. Neo unavailable for comment, but is expected to release the following statement: 'Whoa'
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David Miscavige thinks someone wants to kill him. Who would want the head of Scientology dead? Could it be.....XENU?
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If you are a known gang member, don't walk up to a police officer and shake his hand while you have a blunt tucked behind your ear, especially if you are allergic to 'weird, white people.'
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If you get blown out of the water, across a parking lot and onto a busy highway, and then run over by a car, perhaps kite-boarding isn't your sport
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Oops.... Are we looking at incoming drug lord hunting police El Chapo dad dude?
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Why is NASA such a pain in the ass to climate change deniers? More than 32 billion in laboratories, launch pads, airfields, testing facilities, data centers and other stuff - plus 60,000 employees - stands within 16 feet of sea level
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World's shortest man dies at 75. No, not centimeters
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Sweep the leg
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What's that Lassie? You say you've been breastfeeding a malnourished two-year-old child to keep him alive?
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Wealthy Arab world: Are you kidding, Europeans? Take in refugees that are fleeing the Middle East in droves for Europe? Let us laugh even harder
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Hotel that looks like a couple having sex has recently been erected in Germany: "It looks like a couple having sex. Doggy style"
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Photoshop this quick pick
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Surely no one is gullible enough to take those selectively edited Planned Parenthood videos seriously, right? Oh. Wow
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Caring Fields Felines has its share of "crazy cat ladies" but is so very fortunate to have many dedicated "cat men" volunteers. They are awesome, not crazy. They are invaluable in maintaining the beautiful five acres of the sanctuary for Caturdays
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If a hurricane is approaching, don't tie down your mobile home, don't fill your sinks with drinking water, and don't crack open your windows
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Scientists mapping genomes of marijuana strains just in case Monsanto tries to patent genetically modified versions
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Amusing: Mid-summer pillow fight at US Military Academy to build team spirit. Not amusing: 24 concussions, a broken leg, shoulder separations
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Massive 500,000 lb boulder threatening to fall on several structures at the base of a dam in Arizona. Engineers recommend the best way to stop it from falling is to declare the whole area a Road Runner sanctuary
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Chimps are learning to hate drones as much as people do
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The police always get their butt-dial bumbling burglar man
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| Fri September 04, 2015 |
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Clear your desks, take out your pencils, finish your beer, and remove your pants: It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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Putin says he would rather not fight Steven Seagal. Seagal giggles, goes to fight for the Amur leopard and sell Russian weapons abroad
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Kim Davis says any marriage licenses issued today are invalid because she makes the rules, not the Supreme Court
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Bad: Hit pedestrian with your truck. Good: Get out to help him. Bad: Be hit by a second vehicle
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In North Carolina, it is legally possible to sexually assault yourself, but not in the way you're thinking
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Avid Life Media cheated on Ashley Madison with an escort website
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| (Some Hipster) |
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Opening a bar in Brooklyn? Let this menu generator do the work for you. Subby would like sublimated rye with his locally-raised bison
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Police officers claim seized pot plants are getting them high. In related news, requests for overtime work at the station have skyrocketed
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Photoshop these divers
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That old line about Millennials ruining the economy because they don't buy things isn't true. They buy lots of things. Things like selfie sticks, frames for their selfies, selfies books, selfies awards
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Oh, nothing out of the ordinary, just a ten-foot alligator coming out of a storm drain and going up onto someone's front porch to hang out. In Louisiana, of course
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Idiot caught carving his name into a wall at the Alamo. Hopefully, it was in the basement where it won't be seen
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Eight year old designs smartwatch made from 3D printed plastic and shoelaces. Still better looking than an iWatch
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If you're walking in China and someone hits you with a car, GTFO out of the street before they try to hit you again to make sure you're dead
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Weather rarity: hurricane Ignacio may hit southeast Alaska. Thanks Obama
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Man sentenced to three years in prison because he showed up at a drug deal with a backpack that was NOT stuffed with marijuana
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Fail: Teachers letting kids play fantasy league in classroom. Win: Fantasy Geopolitical League. Djibouti drafted in the first round
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You probably have a lot of 'me me me' in you, but then again so does everyone else else else
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For Sale: modest 55,000 sq ft single family house with detached 150-car garage, very motivated seller, price just reduced $46 million
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Kraft recalls more "cheese"
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NASA announces the discovery of five new islands. Unfortunately they're all very large, on the ocean floor, and made of garbage
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Photoshop this public promenade
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Beijing air cleaned-up for military parade, re-polluted in 1 day
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Okay Hungary. Fark you. We'll walk
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White House aide beaten and robbed of government issued Blackberry. Hopefully they didn't get his AOL password too
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Cat hair? In MY vagina? It's more likely than you think
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Trump security guard begins his Latino outreach with a closed fist
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City of Flint has the lead in drinking water. Wait, make that 'has lead in the drinking water'
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Mom who homeschools her children is freaking out that public schools are teaching Islam...in social studies class
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Insanely beautiful and frightening long-exposure photos of California's wildfires
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Uh, Isn't there an 'O' in Country?
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Sorry, parents, but you need to make your kids understand that in real life, they're not going to be pro athletes and should accept that they'll lead lives every bit as sad, boring, and meaningless as yours
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Millennials hold negative view of themselves, need more participation trophies
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Don't you hate it when someone bursts into your home to rob you, you exchange gunfire defending your kids and are wounded, and then the cops arrest you for the drug operation they found?
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It's good to see the Duggar clan is now marrying for all the right reasons. "I can't wait to change my last name"
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One in four residents of Houston were born in a foreign country, which to locals means they come from a state other than Texas
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'You gave me herpes, but I did not flick a cigarette in your eye' - a Jeremy Kyle style storyline in court
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Binions. Ta-daaa
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Baby born in the backseat of an Uber car. Company denies getting into the delivery business
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Pioneer claims that technology from its laserdisc division will improve driverless cars. Not mentioned is if passengers will be required to flip the car half-way to their destination
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Photoshop these planks in the road
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Man sentenced for having ... fish porn
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Russian troops now vacationing in Syria
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A Christian university discriminating against gay employees in 2015? Well, color me shocked
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Impromptu Chicago Fark Party - Friday 4SEP, 7pm - The Bedford in WIcker Park
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Of course they did
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After being sighted at the Bering Sea, Chinese ships bravely run away
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman stands up for what she believes the Fifth Amendment says, spends 67 days in jail rather than give her name during a traffic stop for a busted taillight
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Now that President Obama is back in Washington, here is a list of rumors about his trip to Alaska that never came true. Best: Vladimir Putin would visit. Worst: The police are tossing all the homeless people in jail to clean up downtown Anchorage
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Jeb Bush shows he's a real politician by sitting on both sides of the same fence at once
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Man puts a handgun to his head and pulls the trigger in order to prove to his guest that the gun could not be fired while he had the safety mechanism engaged. With predictable results
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Man jumps to his death due to excessive sweating, is found naked, bound and gagged on his front lawn. Coroner: He was experiencing the effects of cannabis consumption
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California inmate escapes into midwest cornfield. "Is this heaven?" "No, it's Illinois"
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PornHub is offering a $25,000 scholarship to the winner of a non-porn essay contest. RedTube is offering a $15 gift card to Books-a-Million
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Some of us may be California Dreamin', but not when there is a shooting at a college
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Not news: Lightning strikes a building. Sad: 800,000 gallons of bourbon spill into a lake. Cool: It ignites and creates a whiskey firenado
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| Thu September 03, 2015 |
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Guy arrested for giving beer to 1 year old at birthday party, causing him to vomit. Fark: No alcohol detected in child's system. So, no harm, no foul, then?
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Police Lives Matter. Police who shoot their own cruisers and set off massive manhunts for nonexistent gunmen don't matter as much
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Despite what you've seen in movies and TVs, the NYPD recommends not diving under a desk when your co-worker uses a 2nd Amendment response to a bad performance review
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Merle Haggard weighs in on today's country music: "It's crap"
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WHO declares Liberia ebola-free, and they really mean it this time
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Theme: Governor Drew Curtis' inauguration ball
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Researchers have found a method that successfully edits genes in mosquitoes that carry dengue fever. It only edits the genes for eye color, but at least you'll no longer get dengue fever from a blue-eyed mosquito
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'Flintstones' home up for sale. Has 3BR, 2BA and comes with all modern conveniences like warthog garbage disposal, woolly mammoth vacuum cleaner, and various birds for playing albums, sewing, laundry, and more. (pics)
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This winter, brace yourself for Godzilla El Nino vs. The Pacific Blob
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Civil rights icon Amelia Boynton Robinson dies at age 104. You fought the good fight, and godspeed ma'am
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Fans sue stadium over fraudulent beer cup sizes
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Need a Benghazi slanket? How about anti-chemtrail earrings? Jet fuel can't melt these steals, team
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(a) (b) (c) (d) (e) (F✓)
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Missing plane is officially slightly less missing
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Speaking of "God's law" not trumping actual law, this genius pedophile says that what he does is a-ok because "the Bible did not set limits on the age between two partners"
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Photoshop this stairway to oblivion
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♫I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world Life in plastic, it's fantastic♫
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Woman who could feel no pain starts feeling pain just when that disability could have been useful
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Due to budget cuts, London police officers are told to take a bus to catch criminals
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Bending someone over and instructing them to yell "Harder" as you strike them 54 times might be acceptable if you're in a frat, but not if you're a high school teacher
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The really scary part is that Josh apparently never learned how to use a condom. "All I was thinking was, Oh my God, I'm pregnant and carrying Josh Duggar's baby"
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Kim Davis taken into custody for neglecting her duties. Elected officials everywhere hope the trend doesn't spread
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When you're a freelance worker, the local coworking office is just like a real office except you're encouraged to drink beer, visit casually with friends, and take naps
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Because of some surprise horseplay, this is the cutest tiny 17-inch horse you'll see all day
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Maine man charged with spray painting a Sasquatch on public property. What a Sasquatch was doing on public property is anybody's guess
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The lowest-paying companies in America, where you can work full-time and remain below the poverty line. Bonus: includes a handy list of the CEO salary of each
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Ni Hao
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If every state had an official word, this map shows what it would be. Dammit, Iowa, what the hell is "Kybo?" At least everyone knows Nebraska's "Runza" is a disgusting marriage of cabbage and hamburger shoved into a pita roll
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Nothing going on with global warming in Britain this weekend as the blokes get out their snow shovels to prepare for sub-zero temps
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Once again, Masshats are the nation's worst drivers
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China goes B-5 and pulls out all the stops at Victory Day parade by showing off its 'I'm going to sink your aircraft-carrier' missile
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The latest government conspiracy isn't about aliens, CERN, Area 51, JFK, it's...wait, what? Vegan Mayo?
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We'll call him Shaun
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Diaper importer deported to Korea. Says he's not from there
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Why you don't try to rob a female MMA fighter? You may end up on the ground with a leg wrapped around your throat, and screaming for help
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| (Some Warning) |
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Photoshop these B-9s
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Just one of those days: first couple you try to rob at gunpoint has no money. Second couple points out that you have no bullets, so you load the gun as you flee. Third group beats the crap out of you and you shoot yourself. Then the cops arrive
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In a refreshing twist, foreigners packed into trains bound for Germany is a good thing
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Mooner: "Hey, look at my ass." Passerby: "Gimme a break." Mooner: "One brake, coming up"
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Man has public audition for new Discovery Channel series "Naked and Insane"
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Will the judge find her in contempt? Will she go to jail? Follow the travails of the clerk who finds it impossible to do her job, and the county that finds it impossible to fire her. It's your pre-hearing Kim Davis thread
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Country club tries to hush female beer attendant allegedly assaulted by a lawyer member, almost adopting the "she had it coming to her" approach
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A king cobra is on the loose in Orlando. Sleep tight
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DC needs someone to move 750,000 balls. What's your mom doing on Monday?
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Idealistic couple discovers that quitting their jobs to travel around the world only works in the movies
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And the latest side effect of vaccination is *spins wheel*...becoming a kidnapper?
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The world's largest arcade machine is taller than an elephant and will make you feel like a kid again. A toddler, to be more precise
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 539: "Mosquitoes and Camp Fires" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed September 02, 2015 |
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Every city has a recognizable aroma. Paris smells like a bakery. Barcelona smells of food, Seattle of coffee and smugness. Then there's Toronto
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Ohio may not legalize marijuana because everyone is worried about privatization
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You know, I'm not quite sure what you should do if a hooker steals your wallet, but impersonating a police office and going to bang loudly on her door probably isn't it
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Company unveils assault rifle with Bible verse printed on the barrel its creator says it is designed to repel Muslim terrorists
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How to perfectly skin a watermelon... should the need or desire ever arise
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A dust pile the size of Arizona is slowly moving across China. Not to be confused with the stationary dust pile that is Arizona
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Photoshop this wavy building
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Sit down, this may be shocking, but the founder of AshleyMadison.com had affairs and cheated on his wife
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Man dies of stupidity
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Drew Curtis' campaign for governor will face its first major challenge in a couple of weeks, as the candidate struggles make it past Kentucky Bourbon Week without any major pants-related issues
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Parents sue to stop their child's gender reassignment surgery. Fark: She's 48 years old
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Bay Area traffic is all clucked up today
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The world's worst city flags: Provo wants you to take your senior vitamins and Calgary is thinking Arby's
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Oldest survivor of San Francisco earthquake of 1906 dies, but considering she lived 113 years she got a pretty fair shake
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Man saves his wife and child from a fire, then goes back for the really important stuff. His BBQ ribs
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Arizona man takes the Castle Doctrine literally
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Some hippy claims that wind and solar power will be cost effective one day. And by "hippy" I mean the U.S. Energy Secretary. And by "one day" he means today
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Photoshop this fruit foul-up
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Florida woman determined to blow off charges of drunk driving, drug possession
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ISIS unveils its new currency with gold, silver and copper coins. People are again reminded to always call 'tails' in a coin toss
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Need to fake being pregnant with triplets to impress family, friends and strangers? Go to FakeABaby.com
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It turns out, people creating doctored videos to slander women's health organizations may actually be liable for damages after all
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Survey finds violent baby names are on the rise in America, such as Trigger, Shooter, Caliber, and Magnum. Can Boom Headshot and Sucking Chestwound be far behind?
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Liberty University erects 28 stories of rigid freedom
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In this edition of your HIV status newsletter you can see just who else receives it
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Traffic was snarled in Arkansas when a covered wagon over-turned and blocked the interstate with old timey anachronism
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Hey a-holes, FYI: America is host to six of the top ten unfriendliest cities
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The CIA and JSOC are running an operation in Syria to hunt and kill the leaders of ISIS using drone strikes, but don't tell anyone 'cause it's a big secret
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'As the U.S. recognizes "Victory over Japan Day," Price wonders if anyone younger than 70 years of age will much care. "What I'm thinking is: How many people today remember World War II?" he said'
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Texas man violently sexually assaults a 2-year-old girl. District Attorney: Oh, you
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Oh. look. An essay contest to see who gets to take of someone's quaint Vermont inn. This would make a great movie with Julia Duffy, Chevy Chase, and William Sanderson
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Jared Fogle sues the former head of his charity foundation over an unpaid loan of $185,000, says he'll take repayment over the next 10-15 years in candy bars and cigarettes
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ISIS you all are slacking on your campaign of cultural vandalism, there's a lot more priceless World Heritage sites to pick from around the world to deprive of humanity
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Americans needlessly spend over $19 billion per year renting cable boxes, and the FCC is poised to stop it. Cable companies: But...but...consider the extrapolatables and hypotheticals and study out the unskewed paradigms
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Dust off your Y2K bunker and survival gear and get ready for; Supermoon Lunar Eclipse 2015, on Sept 27, next one due in 2033, with short bonus NASA video
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Photoshop this road to Hell
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What yoga and yoga pants look like around the world
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Hide your wives, your husbands, your kids, and your pets - Josh Duggar is missing from sex rehab
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By 2050 seabirds will have so much plastic in them it will be hard to tell them apart from an average Southern California woman
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Poway, a city in the San Diego metropolitan area, has asked CNN to not cover this year's Santa Ana fires
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Icelandic government: Sorry, we can only take in 50 Syrian refugees. Icelandic people: Björk that, we've got spare rooms, pull up a stól and try the brennivín
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Delta to begin paying business flyers if their flight is slower than American Airlines or American Toilets
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Fox News reader reads her name on a toy hamster, sees resemblance, sues, returns to exercise wheel
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Roach clipped for attempted marijuana theft
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First the liberals took prayer out of our nation's classrooms. Now they're trying to take mass baptism off our high school football fields
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While in Anchorage, the President pops into a cafe, buys $18.25 worth of cinnamon rolls and muffins, and leaves a $31.75 tip. Thanks, Obama
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Cockpit cockfight
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Get this cat some tuna
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Remember that guy who skinned a cat in Phoenix?
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The Army is going green
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This temple stood strong for many years, until ISIS made it disappear
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"Dear Prudence: My husband wants me to dress up as one of our friends during sex and he wants to call me by her name. Should I be worried?"
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California's version of Hurricane Katrina is coming
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The Central Florida shopping mecca known as Flea World has been exterminated
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Some teenagers with too much money are paying up to $1147 to learn the dos and don'ts of social media, like how they shouldn't put their whole lives on Facebook. In other news, common sense is dead
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| Tue September 01, 2015 |
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Photographer captures the mystery of doors across the world without even riding on the storm
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McDonald's finally comes to the realization that ending breakfast and beginning lunch at 10:30 is stupid
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How your kid's name affects their personality. Lighten up, Francis
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Feds rule Big Mountain Jesus can stand
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Schoolboy finds giant footprint in clay near campsite, Yeti doesn't find any others
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There's being dealt a good hand and then there's being dealt a hand so good you dislocate your jaw screaming with excitement
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Earth's first big predatory monster was a weird water bug as big as Tom Cruise
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| (Quad Cities) |
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"Hey man, is that Freedom Rock?" Yeah, man." "Well, BUST IT UP, MAN"
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Photoshop this pointing governor
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The first rule of Daycare Fight Club is...wait, DAYCARE Fight Club?
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Multiple departments responded to today's most ironic headline
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Out of nowhere, there's this high-pitched screech from high above, and suddenly a rabid beast from hell is trying to devour your right ear. Yep Australia
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Coffee and bourbon: two great tastes that taste great together
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BBQ scented lottery tickets are now a thing, because North Carolina
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Photoshop theme: Create a candy
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Canada is officially in a recession, eh
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Well if we're gonna do things the CHICAGO way, somebody's going to the morgue
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"And someone's been sleeping in my bed, and they're still here" cried Little Bear, unaware his room had been rented on AirBnB
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Are you a woman who had an abortion? Well, don't miss out on this special offer. For a limited time only, the Catholic Church will be offering forgiveness for your sin. So don't delay, confess today
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World's longest cucumber getting pickled. No that is not a euphemism
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Man who can't get his lower teeth returned from his dentist after a billing dispute now feels like an indentured servant
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| (Some Food Inspector) |
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The rare burger issue: diners want to look sophisticated ordering meat, but are too cheap to spring for a decent ribeye
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High school girl's mission to raise awareness of teen suicide was inspired by months of pestering her boyfriend into killing himself
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States with more restrictive gun laws have fewer shooting deaths, but are most likely less polite. So it's a trade off
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This group just photo-bombed a wedding photo shoot: a) a flock of seagulls, b) a bunch of stray cats, or c) naked and painted bikers
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Parents really need to have that "booze talk" with their snowflakes by age 9 and not wait for later, according to pediatricians. And not when you're all boozed up
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Responsible gun owner near Phoenix making travel on I-10 more exciting. Watch out you Southwestern Farkers
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KitKat bars will no longer include that extra sweet crisp of child labor in every bit
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Heroic zookeepers thwart attempted global takeover by damned dirty apes... this time
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Deaths from the Bubonic Plague are increasing at an alarming rate. This is not a repeat from 1346, 1629, 1665, 1720, 1855, 1899, 1959, 1994
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Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should
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Welcome to the national UK sperm bank. You can choose from Bob's, Harry's, Tim's, John's, Roger's, Nigel's, David's, Jim's and Fred's. That's it
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Science shows moderate coffee drinking will kill you and all those you hold dear
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Half of all Germans have had sex in a very uncomfortable place
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Researchers have discovered a copy of the Koran that could predate Mohammad. Don't go losing your head just yet, though, they still need to finish testing it
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Photoshop Challenge: redesign the Great Seal of the United States of America
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It's not officially back to school time until Beloit College releases its annual "Mindset List" of things the newest college class has always/never had. This year, they've always had Google, South Park, and a National Championship Game
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A police visit to the wrong house results in shot dog, homeowner, and officer. No word on when the homeowner will be found in possession of crack and child porn
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Another study that your boss will never read concludes that afternoon naps are healthy for you
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Man finds $20 on the streets of San Francisco, wins $1 million on a lottery ticket he bought with it
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Old and busted: Smoking mad weed erry day, bra. New hotness: Cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome
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Remember the FEMA trailers that reeked of formaldehyde at 75x the safe levels and were only supposed to be used for a few months, at best. Yup. Still out there
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If you like the fact that you're not paying $35 for a bar of chocolate, you should read how scientists sequenced the genes of cacao plants to make them resistant to disease
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Radioactive material stolen from Texas A&M. Police on the lookout for a crazy wild-eyed scientist driving a DeLorean
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Line ups at the pump cause "insanity." Surely you can't be creating a phoney gas shortage again? Why yes, yes we are. And don't call us Shirley
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| Mon August 31, 2015 |
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The quickest way to ensure a prospective employer rescinds your job offer is by sending naked selfies to the company's HR manager
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If bacon wrapped peanut butter covered BBQed bananas are wrong I don't want to be right
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Christian rock musician busted, held without bail for possessing you-can-guess-what on his home computer. Jesus Christ
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New condom packaging matches customers to a particular fruit or veg, suggests you take a leek first
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Judge rules a swingin' good time is allowed for homeowner's purple swing set; has HOA seeing red, singin' the blues
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A CNN/Ric Romero special report: Taking counterfeit Viagra is a bad idea
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The city of Chicago is suing the operator of their red light cameras for $300 million because of a massive corruption case and because Rahm Emmanuel wants to be reelected
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this royal headgear
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Fark NotNewsletter: Now available in pumpkin spice flavor
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Driver who crashed into home tests positive for pot as well as pan, plate, tv, couch, and chair
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Scientists create ice cream that doesn't melt. Still no cure for new kind of cancer caused my unmelted ice cream
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Thai Police: Here's your $84,000 award for catching the terrorist. Thai Police Officers: Shucks, it weren't nothin'
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The thing about Chinese chemical factory explosions is, after you have one, you're just going to want another one 19 days later
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Do you want zombies? Because this is how you get zombies
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Bus driver who went to the media in Calgary about refusing to drive a pride themed bus he wasn't actually asked to drive: "Help I'm being oppressed"
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Would you be more inspired and creative in an unusual workplace? How about a fishbowl with hard seats and no bathroom?
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City declares Trump "unstable" and "unsafe." No chance of swaying their opinion
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Good: Installing misting showers to keep your guests cool. Bad: Installing misting showers to keep your guests cool at Auschwitz
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Photoshop Challenge: Show us your best graffiti skillz
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Man dares agents to stop him from sexually assaulting girl later that evening. Authorities: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
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Ashley Madison says they're signing up tons of completely real, not at all fake, new users
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Are you male, like to wear a chastity belt to work, and diapers and a horse tail during foreplay? Then you might qualify to the be the top administrator for the Nassau County District Attorney's Office. Tag is for NY politicians
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Revenge: Sweet, sweet onion teriyaki-covered revenge
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The lake it is said never gives up her dead, when the ghostbusters chase them around the Edmund Fitzgerald exhibit
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No officer, you don't understand. My dog IS muzzled right now
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Pissed that a car dealership refuses to compensate you after your brand new Land Rover spontaneously combusted? Just block the entrance with your Batmobile
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Truckload of cabbage overturns on Interstate 490. Believe me, some heads are gonna roll
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One million people throng Swiss techno street party, with dancing, lovemobiles, and fighting off the invading longboats of the Technovikings
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Man suffering from constipation for 10 years has 11-pound stool removed. Thank God it wasn't an ottoman
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Nestlé accused of 'slave labor' cat food, as human rights workers angrily demand that the only slaves in a cat's life should be the people it owns
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Bad: Having a seizure in the backseat of a cab. Worse: Getting robbed of your $25,000 Rolex watch while having a seizure in the backseat of a cab
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Canned air: not even once
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Having learned nothing from self-check out, Kroger to introduce beer taps so customers can fill up their own growlers
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Boeing gets in on both sides of the UAV market, developing a laser cannon to blast drones out of the sky
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This leech feeds on hippo rectums. Surprisingly, this is not another Donald Trump story
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Yo dawg, we heard you hate useless state boards, so we commissioned a state board to identify useless state boards to eliminate, but it can't identify a single one so it's useless
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Last Titanic lunch menu up for auction, shows lettuce in salad was unexpectedly iceberg
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Warning: Pics of "freak mouse sized spider" with "huge teeth"
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French woman: I am allergic to wi-fi so give me money. French court: Sounds legit
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"Police said 29-year-old Jordan Toner was driving with seven passengers when he leaned over to join the photo, ran off the road and into a tree"
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Diamond heist from FOЯT КИOЖ, gross, disease-ridden creatures return to Burning Man now that bugs are gone, and Orange is the new Tentacle: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/23 - 8/29
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Photoshop this multicolored dousing
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Lost: One missile with "U.S. Army" painted on the side. Last seen somewhere in upstate New York. If found, please return to Ft. Drum Operations Center. We'd really like it back
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Latest crazy Asian trend: men and women wearing nothing but a shopping bag, posting selfies to social media. "Convenience store 7-Eleven is a particularly chic brand for plastic bag fans" (Some Not safe for work content in sidebars)
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So, would you pay $16 for this grilled cheese sandwich?
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