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| Sun August 02, 2015 |
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The Earth, the Earth, the Earth is on fire. We don't need no climate-let the motherfarker burn. Burn, motherfarker, BURN
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👉👌, ✊: 🚫
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Some Guy
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"They seemed to really trust each other. The marmoset was very intrigued, touching the iguana"
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The Wire: Season 6 is in production
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DA throws the book at a man who explicitly threatened to kill his neighbors once he got out of jail. Just kidding. They dismissed his case because police were too busy working other cases
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Adventures in dogbathing. How do you keep your dog from smelling like a dog? Why yes, Subby's house is now soaked in doggy bath water
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Photoshop this group of friends
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Boston bridge repair project delayed two years after workers discover bridge is full of mysterious objects known to the ancients as "rivets"
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Man teaches his daughter's bullies an important lesson about empathy and loving their fellow man. Just kidding, he tries to run them over in his minivan (yes, there is video)
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Get a room, teachers, get a room
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There's jerk and then there's stealing $90,000 worth of human hair meant for cancer patients jerk
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Aircraft door washes up ashore on Reunion island as the evidence of MH370 now becomes as plane as day
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Just in from Memphis: Another death during a traffic stop
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Notorious criminal organizations launder millions overseas and enjoy lavish lifestyle here in the U.S. Oh wait, did we say "notorious criminal organizations"? Our bad, we meant "Florida police agencies"
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Giant snails leave a trail of destruction through Miami
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Photoshop this whole lotta craziness going on
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CSB Sunday Morning: Your song
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Glitter, children, live cats, and other things you can't mail via the U.S. Postal Service
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Babysitter pay jumps 28% in five years. I kid you not
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Man loses cell phone, blames Gypsys, finds out Chinese guy had it, leaves Paris. There, I just saved you five minutes
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Be careful removing the film wrapper off of your Kraft American Cheese Singles. It could kill you. The wrapping, not the cheese, to be precise
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"It's embarrassing and I don't see how it even got to this," Blake said. "I really did not know I was breaking the law"
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Fark ready headline: "Woman tries to eat crack cocaine in front of drug agents." With glorious mugshot
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To try to escape the incessant chicken shaming, okay? Are you happy now?
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After realizing it was heading to Fresno, airplane engine flames out in flight
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Christianity is like so Middle-Ages
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In today's episode of First World Problems, we learn how unfair it is that one town allows driving on the beach and the next town does not
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Will you vacation on Cape Spiny Dogfish this summer?
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Apparently Virginia believes you can't really appreciate jail unless you're sober
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It's not such a beautiful day in the gayborhood
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of amazing music hosted live by a farker (9PM AKDT/10PM PT)
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Last year, Hitchbot crossed Canada in three weeks. Two weeks into a similar attempt to cross the U.S., he made it as far as Philadelphia where they beat the crap out of him
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| Sat August 01, 2015 |
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World's largest wave generator in operation in Wales. Wait, why would you want to generate a wave in a whale?
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The touching story of a doctor, an incubator and a circus sideshow
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Colombian Air Force transport goes down, killing 11 servicemen. Thank God this didn't happen in Brazil, as the casualties could have been in the
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Zimbabwe bans the hunting of lions and elephants and leopards...OH MY
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Well, you know the old saying: "Keep your friends close, and your dead relatives closer." No, wait... how does that go again?
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Yogi has gone from stealing pic-a-nic baskets in Jellystone Park to breaking in to houses and raiding fridges in Colorado
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Trooper almost killed by Sandra Bland's cigarette was disciplined last year about his unprofessional conduct, had to endure counseling. It's like he's being targeted
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Do you like Italian ice? Are you good at solving mysteries? Well if you can crack the case of the bounce house that was stolen then later returned with an 'I'm sorry' note then you will be rewarded with free Italian ice for a year
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If you've had 5 encounters with alligators in the 2 years that you have lived in that house it might be time to think about moving
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Plane crashes at UK auto show. No word on car plowing through airshow audience
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Bees think Anti--Vaxxers are stupid and selfish too
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♬ I only have eyes for you ♬
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Not really news: Stealing from the elderly. Fark: The unholy spawn of Jar Jar Binks and a snapping turtle steals money from the elderly
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It's your annual bear sushi party Live Brooks Falls webcam
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Man who killed two children in a car crash shows up to hearing wearing t-shirt and shorts, gets scolded by judge for dressing as if he didn't care about the horrific crime. Tag is for the judge
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Photoshop this NOPE
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Man disappears after going on vision quest. Brian Shute wanted for questioning
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Nitrous oxide campaigners protest psychoactive substances bill, go outside and laugh it off
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Old and Busted: Smuggling cocaine in a car. New Hotness: Smuggling cocaine in a submarine
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"They put up a poster that said he looks similar to Vanilla Ice, rides a BMX bike, carries a backpack, wears a heavy gauge chain necklace and is about 6 feet to 6 feet 2 inches tall and 175 to 180 pounds"
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Jared the Subway pervert paid a 16-year-old girl $100 for sex, bragged about it to Subway employee girlfriend, pressured said girlfriend to advertise herself on Craigslist so he could watch. The Aristocrats
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Not news: Downtown traffic gridlock due to an accident. WTF: Accident is in another town ten miles away
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Daddy teaches his little girl to mind him next time when he tells her to go buy him some booze by shooting her multiple times
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Thief who hit ophthalmology office twice in two days was captured on security camera. Authorities say it was a site for sore eyes
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Ohhhhhhh finally. Nom Nom Nom (slightly graphic image in article)
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Crown attorney: "God almighty, I've never seen a case like this where there's been an argument over a dildo"
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If your friend beats you to death with a metal dumbbell was he ever really your friend to begin with?
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Texas couple with too much money adds 80th Dodge Viper to their world-record collection of cars
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Federal judge fines Mississippi school district $7500 for violating order to quit "proselytizing Christianity." Next up, are taxpayers tithing to churches when school districts allow school prayers?
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Days after Cecil the lion was killed, news outlet posts picture of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip posing with dead tiger 50 years ago. Pfft. It would have been dead by now anyway, so no harm done
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It's really just a matter of time
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People just suck. Jericho, Cecil's brother, was killed by a poacher this morning. He had been protecting Cecil's cubs. UPDATE: Field researcher with Hwange Lion Research Project says Jericho appears live and well
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Photoshop this dark bird
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Riding in a car that gets pulled over leading the driver to get arrested for no registration, lack of insurance, and a suspended license? That's tickets for the same violations as the driver, obviously
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Investigators using "sophisticated technology" to determine if debris is from MH370. Apparently "sophisticated technology" is double-speak for "checking a serial number". 24 hour coverage NOW on CNN
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Police get a called to a home to check on the welfare of an occupant inside and find 12 cats, 4 ferrets, 3 dogs and fully-grown pig. Bonus: The occupant was later arrested for threatening the lady she believed had called police
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They see me rolling and they slow down
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Beer prices will soon skyrocket. THIS IS MADNESS
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Taxi drivers in Cambridge, Mass. will go on strike Monday to protest Uber ... thereby forcing customers to switch to Uber
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Git yer apron and yer sauce brush. We're goin' to war. Ribfest war
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What started as a lifeguard's polite request to put out a cigarette turned into a brawl. That's when the assailants learned a lifeguard is dangerous when cornered
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Passengers going through security at Washington Dulles will now be subject to the comfy chair...no word on the soft cushions
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What happens when you combine several years of drought with lightning strikes in forest land that is nothing more than a big patch of kindling?
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Photoshop these swimming Santas
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64-year-old former Las Vegas showgirl still looks like she's in her 20s: "I start the day with a cup of warm water with lemon in, followed by some porridge with honey or coconut oil and a small coffee after I have finished working out" (w/pics)
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Guy posts 30 second video of cops arresting guy, talks smack about said cops. Cops release their video of the entire arrest. Bodycamlarity ensues
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Meet Carlow the firehouse cat that is setting hearts ablaze all around the world on Caturday and beyond
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You're arrested and have several warrants out for you. Do you: a) call a lawyer, b) refuse to talk, or c) try to chew your fingerprints off. Difficulty: Florida
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Row, row, row your boat, jeté down the stream
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Five-year-old girl hikes up a steep embankment while barefoot to flag down help after her mother and brother are injured in a car accident. "She's just five years old and so happy to be home and playing with her dog and her ducks"
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Ten people try to score some heroin from their dealer... while a police raid is going on inside the house
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Okay, TFD, how the hell do I get this GODDAMN MOTH that flew up my ear OUT OF MY FARKING EAR??
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The legacy of the Bin Laden family crashing jets into things continues
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It was Lupis
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Leadville woman charged with filling boyfriend full of ... tire tracks. What a Day
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| Fri July 31, 2015 |
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Come from your houseboats, your jet skis, your poolsides and your waterslides: It's the Fark Weird News Quiz. Come for the girls in bikinis, stay for whatever could be better than girls in bikinis
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The 'self declared' sausage capital of New Zealand may be going limp. "It's concerning to me as a sausage eater," said Mr Low
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Facebook launches its first of many solar powered drones, you know, to allow people in remote areas to share cat photos
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Served 25 years in the Marines, two combat tours in Vietnam, Purple Heart, Bronze Star, voiced Bambi, promoted to Major... wait, back up
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Who mows their lawn at 11 at night? But, more importantly, who gets worked up enough about it to kill?
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Your wolf wants steak
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Tax warrants are threatening to put a 70-year-old woman in jail because of an IRS error. Did I say 70-year-old woman? I meant 7-year-old girl
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Apparently it is not okay to have your airplane be hangaring around your driveway
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It's becoming more and more apparent that the idea of a Taco Bell that serves alcohol may present a few more problems than initially foreseen
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There are a lot of things on the to-do list whenever a plane prepares to depart from an airport: Passengers on board? Check. Got enough fuel? Check. Snacks and drinks stocked? Check. All the luggage from the previous flight unloaded? Ooops
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Photoshop Theme: Unemployed cartoon characters
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"Excuse me, librarian, where could I learn about bedbugs?" "Well, you could look in the reference section under L, the fiction section, the young adult section, or pretty much just anywhere"
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New world's worst job: The guy at the brewery who gets the yeast off the wasps
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Madison, WI mayor says bench time should be limited for the homeless, need to work a little harder to make the starting lineup
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Priest performs mass exorcism from Hellicopter
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Famous Seattle restaurant in chaos after minimum wage hike, with dishwashers knifing busboys and bartenders screeching like howler monkeys while feasting on the goo in customer's heads. Well, sorta
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Dear Carolyn: I've met a guy who's good to me, athletic and fit, well-adjusted socially, and professionally successful. However, he's using the marijuanas. Should I dump him?
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"Have you found Jesus?"
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If you are passing by the White House, be sure to give some cash to Spread Love, a street band that has been annoying Treasury Department and the lawyers at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom
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Suntory has challenged itself, before this decade is out, to put a bottle of Yamazaki Sherry Malt Cask 2013 on the ISS and return it safely to Earth
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*spins wheel* F SCOTT FITZGERALD, COME ON DOWN. You're the next contestant on "long dead authors exploited by publishers who "suddenly found" a missing manuscript that they could sell
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Jim Harbaugh: "I didn't come here to be popular". He may have come to the right place, then
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| (The Mighty) |
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Some parents are upset that the new Lego characters go too far to include everyone
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Dylann Roof pleads not guilty. Alrighty then
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US wage growth goes way down, US stock market goes way up. You can explain that
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Photoshop this happy couple having a few beers
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NC high school principal back on the job after being videotaped threatening teacher, posting nude selfies on Instagram
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How do you take out a peeping tom who is spying on your 16-year-old daughter in the 21st century? Kill the drone with your shotgun
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As if California didn't have enough to worry about - killer trees
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Doctor charged with only declaring 92-year-old woman "mostly dead"
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Chad reintroduces death penalty for acts of terror, Muffy still simply aghast
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For the second time this month alone, a hog manure pit has claimed the lives of a father and son in the Midwest. Can we now have a sensible, adult, conversation about pig-poop control?
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Jesus vs. Aliens: political battle in Roswell or next Syfy hit?
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Drug war ending. Drugs won
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Woman who adopted nine kids, fostered thirty-six dies in crash on way home to her shoe
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Vladimir Putin 'personally ordered' the killing of Alexander Litvinenko, according to inquiry based off of testimony, science and reading the tea leaves
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Virginia is for lovers. Sadly, it's also for rabid otters
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I don't know how to break this to you but...you ARE in Maryland
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Kansas befuddled by the fact it can't find enough teachers to fill its classrooms after slashing education funds and gutting tenure. Also doesn't know what "befuddled" means
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Woman complains to police that a man in a BMW was naked from the waist down. Police tell her that if they had to investigate every dick in a BMW, they'd never have time to do any other police work
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Boy grows second row of ribs, but cannot receive medical aid because his parents are busy picking mushrooms in the woods
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Drunk Japanese women finally give up, create "hangover style" to deal with themselves waking up with makeup on their faces. Yes really
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The secret to living to 110 is apparently three Miller High Lifes and a shot of Johnny Walker Blue every day. It is currently unclear if Miller Lite and Jameson's is an acceptable substitute; subby will let you know in a few decades
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Here is the world's biggest slide, and it's totally awesome
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Dentist who killed Cecil the Lion wanted to kill a large elephant next, "whose tusk weighed more than 63 pounds." Reportedly also had plans to drown six puppies and smother a litter of kittens with a blanket
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Walmart to woman with Tourettes: Make like a tree and le, le, le, GTFO
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"Police say the 12 year old chased the man several blocks and then shot at him"
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"I wanna double sheesebuuuurger, fries, and more alco...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"
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Man sitting on roof falls backward down 7 story chimneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
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Help Wanted: Must be willing to travel, be good with the public and the ability to perform exorcisms a plus. Please apply at any local Catholic church in the Philippines
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| (infoBlizzard) |
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Texas man shot after bullet ricochets off armadillo
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'Shocking' number of Brits don't know they need to call 0118 999 881 99 9119 7253 in an emergency
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Photoshop this starry starry night
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We all know how annoying it is when airlines lose your luggage, but holding up a £3 billion legal case to complain to the airline's lawyer about it 33 times is not the right way to deal with the situation, your honor
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"Jesus can heal anybody but it's just not something you expect to see at the duck pond" (exorcism trifecta now in play)
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Venezuela suffers toilet paper shortage: "It's okay, we'll make do." Breast implant shortage: "Meh, we'll get by." Beer shortage: "CALL OUT THE TROOPS"
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Public relations firm announces that they're cutting ties with the most hated dentist in America. Swear they're not lion
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Do you shower daily, apply deodorant in the morning and brush your teeth before breakfast? You're doing it wrong
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That's great that the world is up in arms about the Zimbabwean lion killed by poachers, but how come no celebrities are outraged about the lack of water and electricity to the people of Zimbabwe? Signed, the people of Zimbabwe
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Investigators examining suspected wreckage of MH370 on Reunion Island decide to take a short break after scientists warn the island's volcano is ABOUT TO BLOW
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Naugles reopens after 20 years in Orange County, and then, just like that, runs out of food
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The Kentucky gubernatorial race is shaping up to be a barn burner with the Democratic and Republican candidates separated by less than the margin of error, and the young fellow named Drew Curtis polling at a respectable 8% and rising
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♫ OOOOOOOklahoma ♫ Where the man bicycling across the country gets killed by a woman texting behind the wheel ♫
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Pity the poor TV weatherman with an Accu-Cast2000 that's not accurate. "Our ability to forecast is only as good as what we can currently observe"
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Man sets his home on fire after his wife refused to give in to his clumsy sexual advances
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In the blue corner, mothers trying to save their children. And in the red corner, mothers trying to save the Earth. Ready... FIGHT
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Woman awoke from hysterectomy surgery to discover she had a gaping hole in her mouth and bleeding gums - but then she remembered she's British
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Sacred ground? Somebody wants to air a live exorcism from THE 'Exorcist' house
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Schadenfreude at its finest - kids who were cool and popular in school are losers as adults. Here comes the science
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If you are going to rig the lottery drawing, you might want to wait until after the drawing before you reveal the winning numbers. Just saying
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Think it would be awesome to remember every single day of your life? Well, yes and no
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Do you thank Warren Buffett when you have sex? Maybe you should
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With the heat index, it's 154 degrees in Iran city of Bandar Mahshahrishotout
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| Thu July 30, 2015 |
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Sweden cracks down on a) drug trafficking, b) prostitution, or c) silly police reports
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POT. Hammer time
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First it was the sharks at the NC beaches. Now? Oh the huge manatees
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Jury finds man guilty of decapitating his girlfriend, and judge declares he will beheading to prison for the rest of his life
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♫ Go Granny, go, Granny, go, Granny, go ♫
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Jesus caught a burglar in the act, and held him for the police. No, not that Jesus. Not that one either
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"Licence and registration ma'am, thank you. Why were you speeding?" "I wanted to reach the cottage in time to catch the sunset." "Ma'am, it's 8:30 in the morning"
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Court dismisses lawsuit for two damned dirty apes
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If you do the voodoo that you do, expect to get fired at this Brooklyn high school
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Hobby Airport reporting long delays for outbound passengers, who vow to use a Professional Airport next time
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Photoshop this stop sign
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License to kill
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Wait until this thief gets a 'load' of the type of pills he stole
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Back in the day, NYC street gangs had good decent wars, today it's all dildos (Not safe for work if your boss is offended by cartoon dildos)
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Photoshop this golfboard surfcart thingie
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| (dare.org) |
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Marijuana legalization endorsed by the hippies at DARE
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Human torso found during investigation of severed limbs. Police say they are unconnected
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Umm, guys, you know those fellas we trained to fight the Al Qaida? Well, they just got kidnapped by the Al Qaida. Bummer
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University of Michigan on high alert after turkey spotted on campus
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Woman 'accidentally' runs over husband. Suuure
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Son, 74, accused of threatening to kill his 100-year-old mother, possibly involving his accomplice, Time
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Fark Food Thread: Some things just shouldn't be frozen.. but this isn't that thread. Today we want to know how you plan ahead. What things do you make so they can be frozen and cooked later?
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Feeling up the developing middle school girls is best left to their classmates, Mr. Assistant Principal
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This is one way to get rid of a stalker. Not, you know, a good one
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Huckleberry Finn charged with sexual assault. Tom Sawyer still at large
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Woman charged with stabbing mother to death. :(
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Photoshop this shiny bust
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A slideshow of dangerous animals in Florida. Watch out for the monkey that gives you herpes
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VA and MD governors argue over who gave who crabs
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"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. In the middle of the Summer. During the last week of July"
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Breathless MH370 correspondents planning Reunion tour
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South America facing a financial crisis not seen since the 1980s. Only needs the CIA to depose a few countries' leaders to really get that authentic '80s flavor
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Man calls emergency services to report that his girlfriend let their cat eat his bacon. "I want to press charges"
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A man is suing an airline, claiming he got a back injury after being forced to sit next to an obese man who coughed a lot
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This is the kind of quality programming I want to see on Fark
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"If it weren't for that dastardly homeowner and his pulling up my ladder on me, I would have burglarized him good"
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Whereas Kentucky's goats have trained and are prepared, Idaho's goats have apparently fallen victim to ISIS
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Cementing Florida's status as "America's Australia," park rangers capture and remove an 18-foot python, that likely fed on alligators, from an area of the Everglades known as "Shark Valley"
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On the other hand, Teddy Roosevelt killed 296 animals on safari - and his ass is up there on Mount Rushmore
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If you are driving around DC in a pick-up truck with a couple of hunting rifles, a .44 mag and a propane tank, you might be a redneck, but either way you'll want to refrain from driving up to a cop and asking directions to the White House
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Look at Renaissance art to understand why you're eating the watermelons you eat today... I know, slow news day
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15 percent of Americans still do not go online, says newspaper hoping to sell them subscriptions
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Thank you for choosing our bank to rob. Please have a complimentary lollipop
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Photoshop this camping pod thingie
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Police pull over exotic dancer for DUI. During arrest, the woman kicks one officer in the chest, spits on the second, and repeatedly fondles the genitals of the third officer. First two officers annoyed that the other one seemed distracted
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Prisoners to get financial aid to take college courses while behind bars. As opposed to college students who take courses while in between bars
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Poland's richest man dies without buying a vowel
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♪ Happy birthday to you, if you sing this we'll sue, but the Copyright Office might tell us fark you ♫
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Coming up next on TeacherCenter, the 2015 High School Draft
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There's nothing worse than turning on the faucet only to discover you're filling your glass up with worm water. "There's these red ones, there's these black ones, almost look like tadpoles"
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Old and busted: Obama is the antichrist. New hotness: Pope Francis is the antichrist
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Stairway to Heaven isn't a how-to record
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Remember: The rule of "finders keepers" doesn't really apply to a bag with $141,000 sitting on the lawn on private property
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Americans would be a lot less fat if we brought back the public water fountain
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This is exactly what happens when you evict a vindictive psychopath from your apartment complex for owning a cobra
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State of Georgia suing Public.Resource.Org claiming copies of the copyright law are a violation of copyright
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Birthday party cut short after scissors found in cake
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Your visit to France would not be complete without a complementary spraying of manure on your car. MERDE
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If you put fireworks inside the SunRail ticket machine, police would enjoy a word
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City commissioner upset with sewage problem he described as "third world bad" under fire for using a picture of Haiti and saying it was his city
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Dear Abby, I didn't realize my parents hide cameras around the house and am mortified to think they've caught me using my body like an amusement ride
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 534: "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 29, 2015 |
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Trooper lets girl decide whether dad gets a speeding ticket or not. She chooses wisely
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Walter "Lion Killer" Palmer once settled a sexual harassment lawsuit after he was caught trying to bag a few cougars
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The hunt is on for the person or persons leaving car parts scattered in a vacant Detroit parking lot
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You want a volunteer position where you can get handjobs as part of a prostitution sting? Maricopa County is looking for a few good men
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Jack Donaghy endorses his friend Trump, says he's just what America deserves
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...and jumping to the defense of the dentist who killed Cecil the Lion is Ted Nugent, who says the "whole story is a lie"
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Gandalf shares his family recipe for eggs. Use butter, avoid frying pans and remember, YOU SHALL NOT POACH
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The British summer holiday is going pretty much as expected
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If you're standing alone, without a dream in your heart; without a love of your own. If you know just what you're there for, if you're saying a prayer for someone you really could care for - well, there's this Friday
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Judge rejects claim that Maker's Mark bourbon was falsely advertised, or to blame for Fark outages
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| (O RLY) |
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Photoshop this owl on the prowl
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Phoenix University is being investigated for aggressively targeting veterans to get a worthless degree
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They spelled "Five simple ways to ruin a perfectly good steak" wrong
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Duh
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While in the States, you have to get a 2nd job or 3rd mortgage to pay for your kid's college education. In Canada, you can use your frequent flyer miles
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SyFy Channel assumes its ultimate form, orders show about blood-drinking cars
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Brain-eating amoeba found in Louisiana water, promptly added to endangered species list
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State inspector says they only investigate theme park rides that cause injury or death, not the ones that *almost* kill people
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10th Circuit Appeal court rules that sending an abortion doctor a letter saying that he should check under his car everyday to see if explosive had been planted, is less "exercising your right to free speech" and more "making a threat"
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We're very sorry our bias-free language guide offended you, loyal American. Lo siento
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Reminder, Friday is Johnny Weir Bobblehead night at Clipper Magazine Stadium
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Large number of security personnel deployed to end violent riot sparked by unprovoked chicken attack
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Is it a printer? Is it a bucket of chicken? It's both
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| (Some Wingnut) |
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Remember to make your Hooter's dinner reservations, It's National Chicken Wing Day
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Fark-ready headline: Panda in Taiwanese zoo accused of faking pregnancy to get better living conditions
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Photoshop this quite tall celebrity
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A fitness instructor reveals he drinks breast milk to help him build muscle after buying it from strangers on the internet. "If only he drank it from a cup," said his long-suffering wife
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Man accused of having sex with a shrubbery. Next, he must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring
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46,000 lbs of yogurt spilled onto roadway. Traffic was bound up for a while but seems to be flowing now
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Fleeing New Jersey has always been a good idea. But these days, it's looking even better
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Industry tries to rebuild chicken flocks amid fears of avian flu recurrence. If only there were something else that tasted like chicken
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ISIS plans to bring about the 'end of the world' by provoking a war between the U.S. and India. To be fair, we'd be in a bad place if we had to handle all of own our tech support again
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Debris from CNN's favorite missing plane may have been found off the coast of Madagascar
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Small town sells votes for $1 each, draws the winner at random, and elected a 6-year old Mayor. Process still considered more trustworthy than E-voting
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Toddler gets dream Bart-themed birthday party. New Orleans Personal Injury Lawyer Morris Bart, that is
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The Economist explains why Turkey called for a NATO Rule 34, err, Article Four consultation
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Cincinnati cop who killed unarmed motorist has been indicted on murder charges
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Police officer caught on dashboard camera threatening to work after hours
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"Never let your past determine your future," says 40-year old ex-stripper just before being arrested for a 1995 murder and dismemberment
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Grumpy Cat has competition in the grump sector, see there's a new grump in town and his name is Grumpy Dog.... way more Grumpmudgeon than some little kitty
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Thief takes gas station cashier's expensive watch and makes his exit in twelve seconds. "It happened so fast it wasn't until I looked at my wrist I noticed it was gone." And see, people do too still wear watches. Ignore the cell phone companies
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Number 2 dead again? Will we have to call up a new Taliban number 2 to the courtesy desk
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WHAT
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Big game dentist defends himself saying, "I had no idea." Yeah, well as protest, I'm not flossing for a year
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Photoshop these two asking for trouble
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"The signal lasted only 20 seconds, never to be heard from again, and only one mysterious image made it back to the control room"
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Head of construction company faces Brazilian corruption charges as part of the Petrobras scandal. Man, that's a lot of charges
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Are there over 9,000 people buried in unmarked graves within Southern city's slave cemetery? Let's find out
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Impromptu Farker Meet-up TODAY (7/29), 6:30-?, Santa Monica
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Disabled pilot meets little girl with same disability. There's no arm in that
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There's normal levels of idiocy, then there's "Telling an Australian Aborigine (and former Australian of the Year) that if he doesn't like the country he should leave (and should be deported)" levels of idiocy
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(○) (○) \0/... (○) (°), (○) (•), (*) (.), (●) (°) [Not safe for work]
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I'll take 175 pounds of the unintelligible naked baloney, please
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The future of the greatest sporting event on the planet is bleak as cities all over the world want nothing to do with it. "The Olympics is a money-draining machine capable of crippling a host city's economy"
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For a short time only, 20% more old-ass naked guy with every grande cappuccino
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Is this the end for the ACT and SAT? A) Yes; B) No; C) 42; D) A jar of almonds; E) Both A&C; F) Both B & D) G) E & D
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Happy birthday, Wil Wheaton! We miss you around here. Hope your birthday is a good one
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Another reason child beauty pageants should be outlawed: They just crush the feelings of the little snowflakes when they think they've won and haven't
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| Tue July 28, 2015 |
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Oklahoma Governor has been hillbilly-shamed. Says daughter will move the trailer she has been living out of since April off the mansion's grounds as soon as she can get it off the concrete blocks and reinstall the wheels
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| (Some Guy) |
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Woman keeps her ever waiting Sphinx-shaped end-of-life pod in her front garden because you'll never know when you'll need it for the big trip
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JCPenney deems female employee's outfit "too revealing," sends her home to change. Difficulty: Outfit purchased from JCPenney's career section
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Caller: "Hello, 911? My friend has been shot and is dying. Please help. What should I do?" 911 dispatcher: (•_•) / ( •_•) ⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■) "Deal with it"
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Pentagon is preparing a list of the laboratories which did not get anthrax
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Sixty-three years ago the Melbourne Argus became the first newspaper to print in full color. For our younger Farkers: A "newspaper" is a serial publication containing news printed on relatively inexpensive, low-grade paper
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Another routine traffic stop ends up with another black man dead, his face blown off. It was all caught on video, and what's on it is already causing Cincinnati to prepare for riots. Police Chief: "The video is not good"
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Transportation Security Administration in action, or Transportation Security Administration inaction?
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Pornhub gives us the lowdown on what women really want from porn... besides you leaving the room
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Florida man does doughnuts on jail lawn. Why not? Cops like doughnuts right?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this high-res image of Pluto
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Watching fat cartoon characters will make your kids fat
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Parents buy kids clothes printed with swear words because they don't understand English
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The strange, completely coincidental, tale of a former Russian intelligence agent's death via Polonium-210 poisoning mere months after calling Vladimir Putin a pedophile
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The Minnesota dentist that shot and killed Cecil the lion is finding out that there's no rage quite like Internet rage: "I hope that Karma will be a ferocious biatch to you taking anything you hold dear"
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Colonel Stalker. In the bedroom. With the handcuffs
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Not News: Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho get a couple inches of snow. Fark: In July
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While many people have said that the Guantanamo Detention center is a cancer on the United States, they usually don't mean it this literally
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It's the hottest week of the year, EVERYBODY PICNIC
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Old rich guy will continue to browbeat his daughters long after he's dead
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Heist movies in the UK are about to get a lot less interesting
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Best Korea could become a surfing destination. Kim plans to hang 10
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Bar owner turns negative online reviews into genius advertising campaign. "Come and see why 7% of people don't like us"
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Apparently "Operation: Governor Curtis" is progressing on schedule and according to plan. Muahahahaaaaa
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The customer service hall of shame results are in, and while you can probably guess all 10 companies on it, can you guess the correct order?
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Photoshop Theme: The best part of waking up is...
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If convicted, will he file a banana peel appeal?
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The Detroit area sucks so bad that residents have to patch the potholes themselves
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While most of us hate junk mail, this twelve year old boy loves it because it's the only thing he could read...until his mailman stepped in
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Woman who woke up in morgue later dies. At least, they're pretty sure this time
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Harvesting dead people's blood, a possible real life Jedi, and why almonds don't have nipples. It's the new Farkcast
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You really should wash your cilantro before eating it
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This is no laughing matter
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Wood killed at Kum & Go
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If you absolutely always want to sound smarter, never say things or stuff that really just appears amazing, but maybe, honestly makes you wish you went for other words irregardless. This is literally very good advice
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Taxes are so high on millionaires that the federal government is giving them low-income housing
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Minnesota dentist accused of extracting Cecil the lion from Zimbabwe park
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Have you ever wondered what 'Authentic American Food' is? Apparently, it's TGI Fridays
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When penises are on your mind, everything looks like a penis
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Well meaning Vietnam Vet walks into Army recruiting center with a gun because he wanted to keep them on their toes
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So you're saying you can't run around wearing only a pink wig and stick-on body jewelry?
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You can hold a knife, you can take a healthy jog, or you can remove all of your clothes, but if you do all three at the same time, the community is bound to call the police on you
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Why Michigan's Sand Dune park requires more emergency rescues than Yellowstone National Park
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New Dr. Seuss book released today. You can walk, you can run, you can hobble, you can wobble, you can bounce or you can pounce but make sure you get one
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Caption this microphone
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Sanford treasure hunters find $1 million in pirate gold, though Lamont will probably blow it all on one of his crazy schemes, the big dummy
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Vikings called the world's first adventure tourists
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Scientists discover method for turning part of your body into a laser when it gets excited
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Scuba divers in Australia not really sure what creature the giant underwater sac filled with eggs might be, but that doesn't stop them from poking at it for fun. What could possibly go wR'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
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Judge throws out charges against school worker that allegedly had sex with student, and publishes picture of what an innocent person may look like, just to be sure
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Rare Indonesian "corpse flower" blooms at Berkeley's UC Botanical Garden, just in time for everyone to not go to Berkeley's UC Botanical Garden
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Pennsylvania city passes ordinance outlawing the discharging of firearms randomly into the air. Naturally, gun rights advocates had an issue with this, forcing the city to pass it for a second time
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To protest in-person the unveiling of the Satanic Temple's Baphomet statue you had to jump through several hoops, the last one being "sign your soul over to Satan." Checkmate, protesters
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Ekaterina Juskowski and her friend do a hot modeling shoot on Miami Beach then... wait... wait for it
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Photoshop this sheep inspection
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Elon Musk, Steve Wozniak, and Stephen Hawking say killer robots are coming. Time to call Old Glory Insurance, and buy robot insurance
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I scream, you scream, we all scream for... OMG THE ICE CREAM TRUCK DRIVER IS HIGH AND NOT WEARING PANTS AND I REALLY WANTED A CHOCO TACO (w/video)
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20-year-old woman wakes up with morning wood
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By all means, do update Facebook while you're at the horse track and billing for caring for kids
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Nobody in Pine Lake, GA knows if Forrest Rd is racist or not but they want one 'R' removed anyways
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NOPE
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Kissing overtakes smoking as leading risk of head and neck cancers: "High-risk behaviours are oral sex, multiple kissing partners, and more recently there are reports even 'petting' can lead to infection"
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Airplane forced to make emergency landing after running out of fuel and not bothering to check that the airport was closed before flight
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Prepearatory drinks may redush yaour drunkennesh
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If you're ever traveling abroad, don't be an stereotypical Ugly American by blowing your nose in public, opening a gift in front of the person who gave it to you, or wiping your butt with your left hand
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Greek finance minister has solution to financial problems: hack own ministry's systems and create separate economy
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The biggest list of deep-fried fair foods you'll ever need. Though if you eat even half of them, you'll be lucky to live without a triple bypass
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