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| Sun July 26, 2015 |
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We all woke up this morning never expecting to read a sentence that contained the words "artificial-semen suppositories," and yet here we are
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Have you researched your family history? Find any interesting or embarrassing ancestors? Tell us about them
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Like mother, like daughter
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Sex worker kills possible serial killer which puts her ahead of the FBI for serial killers stopped this year
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Photoshop this method of payment
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You're doing it right
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This just in: proof that most Farkers are farking geniuses
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What if they threw a straight pride parade and no one showed up?
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Airline pilot flying passengers from Heathrow to New York invites ex-porn star into cockpit, has her sit on his knee and push buttons because 'the plane flies itself'
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Advice from a writer for The Simpsons for parents with children living at home after college: "All those years being your kid's concierge has created an unemployed monster"
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Some nice people wanted to give a brand-new home to a wounded vet who lived in San Antonio. So they built him one in Denver
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Photoshop this heartfelt moment
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Ordinary fail: Banned from entering local Walmart. Queen of all fail: Banned by the courts from entering any Walmart in America, forever
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The internet is making crappy parents terrified of taking their children anywhere, because the entire world may suddenly get to see how crappy they actually are. Good job, internet
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O rly? Ya rly, copper
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Has the allure of the indoor shopping mall finally faded?
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Ten things you can make with your waffle maker that aren't waffles. You had me at bacon
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Milwaukee police would like the public to know they have the lion situation well in hand and they would appreciate it if people wouldn't shoot dogs they think are lions
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Nobody knows for sure just how many porcupines live in Alaska. They're small nocturnal creatures that often dwell obscured in trees, making it impossible to count their numbers. But one thing is certain: They make up the bulk of Alaska's roadkill
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Angry Walls in San Francisco
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It's all fun and games 'til the teenage hit man kills the wrong person
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this wet dude
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CSB Sunday Morning: Winging it and Winning
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Remember that Greek bailout deal that was struck several weeks ago to avert financial disaster? Yeah, about that deal...
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Just like with vampires, you should never invite a traveling hairdresser into your home
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Here are 7 safe sex campaigns that backfired hilariously, since not all campaigns keep people from making whoopee
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Subby always thought Russian roulette was played with the gun pointed at your temple, not the back of your head
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The real gender divide in the office workplace isn't the glass ceiling but rather the steel thermostat
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Arizona man decapitates woman, two dogs, chops off his arm and then gouges out eye because there was nothing else to do in Phoenix today
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Drug mule busted after acting like an ass
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Oklahoma bestows adulthood on teen as a belated gift for his 'stabby sixteen' party
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Our host isn't in the studio tonight, but here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from December 12, 2012. Enjoy a little Christmas in July, with a special guest performing in the studio that night
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Police get suspicious when guy cleaning his motorcycle in neighbor's driveway didn't seem to mind that his house was on fire
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| Sat July 25, 2015 |
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News: Man steals a police cruiser. Fark: While in custody and handcuffed
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Ozturk and Cakmak at Apopka. Ozturk, when the birds came. Ozturk, his plane upside down
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Woman goes to firing range for a little personal target practice
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Apparently an underwater volcano named "Kick 'Em Jenny" is threatening to erupt. Not to be confused with Mount "That's Enough Jenny," "OK They've Stopped Moving Jenny" Trench, and the "My God Jenny What Have You Done??" River
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Lifehacker presents: Sunglasses Etiquette. Corey Hart and Guy Fieri unavailable for comment
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Photoshop this robotic reception
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Journalism at its finest: Car crashes into a home in Plattsburgh, NY. Want more details? Ain't nobody got time for that
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Alcoholism is one of the benefits to being middle class
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Impromptu Fark party on I-90 near Buffalo
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FBI arrests PETA terrorists for releasing 5,740 minks
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Fire breaks out at a hotel pool on the Las Vegas Strip. If only there was a large supply of water nearby
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Because the situation in the Middle East apparently wasn't complicated enough already, the Turks are now actively bombing the Kurds
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Photoshop this old couple
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Town council proposes dressing cows in high visibility jackets and flashing lights for health and safety. Farmers say it's udder nonsense
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A Pinellas County Environmental official warns a man about keeping the BBQ aroma on his own property (w/video)
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Family buys tempered glass table ... that shatters spontaneously in the middle of the night. This is national news in Canada
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Woman lets Jesus take the wheel, with predictable results
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"An open letter to the idiots who don't notice my baby"
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Veteran: If you're going to run your police force like the infantry in Iraq, run it like the infantry in Iraq
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If you celebrated National Tequila Day by drinking margaritas, you had no business celebrating National Tequila Day
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You know the ticket the parking attendant gives you so you can claim your car later? Apparently, you don't really need it
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As if roadside panhandlers don't have it tough enough, now cops are impersonating them to nab drivers texting at stop lights
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In case you've been wondering what's new with Sheriff Arpaio's contempt of court hearings, federal marshals have just raided his offices and seized his hard drives
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Photographer who says it's his right to take topless photos of models on the Empire State Building goes to court, says he plans to file a birthday suit (not safe for offices which dislike pixilated images)
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First we had to pump our own gas, then we had to scan our own groceries, and now they want us to draw our own beer. So much for the "service economy"
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Hundreds of bald eagles may lose their home to a golf resort. You could say they're victims of **puts on sunglasses** fore-closure
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That horrible little league dad is actually a "narcissistic parent" who will eat your spleen if you ask him to tone it down
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Pentagon to self-described Hero Guards: "Put that thing away before you hurt somebody"
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Here are 10 things we will see in 10 years, and good news for you people who were wondering who the Mona Lisa was
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Photoshop this mushroom
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Before you go outside make sure you've applied sunscreen to your ears, eyes, left arm, both hands, scalps, lips, back and the top of your feet
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Couple finds WWII dog tag buried in their garden, discover the man it belonged to is still alive, then he comes over to their house and quotes them the number on it from memory after 70 years
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Yes, fire departments actually do rescue kittens from trees, especially on Caturday
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Firefighters get call on Friday to deal with wildfire started by a lightning strike - on Sunday
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Good news everyone: Almonds have adapted to be pre-salted for the American palate
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| Fri July 24, 2015 |
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Welcome back to the Fark Weird News Quiz. Now with bacon. And beer
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Be careful with the next rhino horn you attempt to poach; It may be outfitted with a camera to catch you in the act
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Afghanistan: Al Qaeda hangs out its "Help Wanted, Top Commander" sign again
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Humans thwart cat's valiant attempt to stay in Hawaii and not move to Michigan
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Photoshop these mirror men
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The result of a fun day at a NYC public swimming pool for eight children: Spectacular synchronized puking on the subway platform later
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While most people are trying to smuggle drugs out of Mexico, border guards detain men trying to smuggle drugs into Mexico
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In most churches, the holy communion is a small wafer and a sip of juice or wine. In this church, it's a live snake that turns into chocolate
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Newly released photos of Bush Administration officials on 9/11/2001. Conspicuously absent are pics of Dick Cheney toasting to evil
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You know what they say: Those who stand on glass roofs, probably shouldn't be standing on glass roofs
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When your prostitution ring involves using eel blood to fake virginity in order to lure in customers you're already through the looking glass of depravity
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Another sign of the United States' steady slide into socialism? Small plate dining, in which the contents of each person's plate supposedly belong to everybody at the table. "Touch my plate and feel my fork"
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Member of Parliament comes under fire for excessive transportation expense claims, including expensing his transport to attend a talk on expense scandals
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Local TV station said they had the LA theater shooter on as a frequent guest to discuss politics because he was "good TV entertainment, not because it was a respected opinion that he had to say. But he was very entertaining all the time"
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Photoshop theme: Create a new form of transportation
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City's response to irate homeowner "their crotch is good, they look great"
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For Sale: 1968 Pontiac Catalina with low mileage. Has been stored at the bottom of a lake since 1972. All offers will be considered
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West Africa is breaking bad
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There's creepy. Then there's "clown waving at you in the middle of the night in a cemetery" creepy
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Want some good, ol' fashioned American Jihad? Well look no further than Tennessee
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Video of I-5 "Haynado" described as "spectacular" and "amazing." Not much happens in central Oregon
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Police remind motorists to slow down when alligators cross the road ... in NYC
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Finally, an explanation as to why your coworkers are more successful than you
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Dear St. Bernard Parish Water Customer: We've found deadly brain eating amoeba in water samples. But don't worry. We believe, no, we INSIST that the water is safe to drink. Cheers, Your Water Company
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Bowe Bergdahl shows that "being in the wrong place at the wrong time" was less of a one-time thing and more of a lifestyle choice for him
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Man calls 911 to get help fixing his air conditioner. Not cool
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Meet the woman who is terrified of any large object, thereby making her perfect girlfriend material for 99% of Farkers
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Is the defendant back from lunch yet?
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Today is Nashonal Teq... Tequ.. Teqillya day... Thas right, right? Teqillya... okay, I'mma hork now
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Shocking news: Man hospitalized
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Moral of the story: if you're going to pretend to be a cop, don't use a picture of an Oscar-winning actor on your fake ID card
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Man leaves a dead rattlesnake on a police memorial, and Subby's nomination for Mugshot of the Week is included in the article
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In a continuing series of places to never ask for sex: #106 - In an ambulance on the way to the hospital
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If you're thinking the produce you're getting from California is tasting oily and has a shine to it, you're probably not far off
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Think your boss is bad? Vladimir Putin just fired 110,000 Russian officials
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There really isn't much of a reason why we shouldn't be draining the blood of the newly dead. Yes really
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Forget creationism and anti-vaxxers. These guys have elite skills in the war on science
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Mentally ill California woman facing life in prison for picking up a police baton, a class WTF felony (Not safe for work: language, fatal shooting)
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If you wave a truck through to make a left turn in front of you, and the truck hits a cyclist, you may get yourself sued
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"Dear Prudence: A close friend of mine has become friends with an 11-year-old girl and the two of them have been discussing puberty and sex. I think he's grooming her to be molested. Should I warn the cops of this or tell the girl's parents?"
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The Church of Satan is one step closer to legitimacy and may open City Council sessions with their own prayer, which would feature church deacons twerking to The Thong Song
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Yeah; almond milk is an even bigger health scam perpetuated against the ignorant than anyone thought
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Photoshop this kid going places in the world
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It turns out you've been petting your dog the wrong way after all these years. That's ruff
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Girl with terminal illness won't live long enough to enjoy her end of school prom, so school holds one a year early
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A man has spent a decade growing Star Wars pictures in a Japanese paddy field. Yep, you read that right
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Some people think Glenn Close was busted for dealing heroin, but it's really a load of Twaddle
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Texas Officials: Sandra Bland died from injecting too many marijuanas
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Colorado teen dies after eating an entire marijuana cookie: "At first he followed the instructions, and ate just part of the cookie. But after about 30 to 60 minutes, he didn't feel any effects, so he ate the rest of the cookie"
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Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these boots from walking
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Archer from the Knights Templar signs up to protect armed forces recruiting center after Chattanooga shootings
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| (Hill Now) |
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Not news: being robbed in the city. Fark: suspect is a bare chested 50-year old man wielding a toy bat
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Think you have problems with the snakes on your planes, your trains, your cars? Do you have the problem this family has in their yard?
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| Thu July 23, 2015 |
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Fark ready headline: Pooping cyclist starts foothills fire
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Minnesota State Patrol asks that you please not swerve across three lanes of traffic and/or slam on your brakes to avoid the itty tiny ducklings crossing the freeway
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The worst kind of sequel
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Russian football's newly crowned "Miss Charming" has title revoked after it's discovered she's a white supremacist
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How many sex toys does it take to build a seven-foot-tall Darth Vader? Let's ask this porn star (oh yes, there are pics)
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Photoshop this smile
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Women love a man with a sense of humor
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Bill Cosby and now Tom Hanks. You never can tell the good guys from the truly evil ones. That is true on TFD as well
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NY Lottery uses stick figure posters to seek winner. "Is this you?"
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Adjusted for inflation, the Federal minimum wage peaked in 1968
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Surfer sets himself on fire prior to catching wave. Hey, sharks like cooked meat too
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Congratulations on your headline and welcome to Fark, Mr. Naked Man Goes Joyriding After Stealing Public Works Vehicle
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Good reason to use fireworks: Celebrating our independence from the British. Bad reason to use fireworks: Throwing them at a homeless man with your kids in the car
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Nessie-like creature removed from Minnesota lake
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Elderly man suddenly decides that his much younger roommate needs to get off his lawn
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You'd think a city bus driver would get a little suspicious when a five-year old girl gets on a bus, by herself, at 5AM...instead of dropping her off at the mall
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Former associate of the man who had 1200 guns and died mysteriously says he was a human/alien hybrid secret agent sent to save the world. Police now looking for associates who AREN'T high on drugs
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Rambo wannabe guarding Army recruiting center accidentally fires his weapon
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Guys, please refrain from the merman hair flairs this summer, you're giving guys with no flair a complex
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Things are getting a mite...Biblical..down in Texas as weather radars pick up a swarm of locusts 50 MILES wide over North Texas
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And there you were, thinking your SAT score would only affect what college you got into
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Shop this selfie
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Everything you thought you knew about what being born into a wealthy family means for the future financial security of a child is wrong. No wait, check that. Is right. Everything you thought you knew about that is right. Sorry
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Two explosive devices discovered within 1 block of Subby's SO's workplace. One already safely detonated by Local Police
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Not news: neighbors ask you to turn the music down. Fark: neighbor is Canada
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The City of Davenport workers are scolded for doing their jobs
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That certified mail you were waiting for in the Philly area? Might want to check your postman's garage as it could be among the 22,000 letters he decided not to deliver
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Mount Dora police officers exploring plan to reward drivers for wearing seatbelts, not swiping
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"Dude, there's totally a dead guy in the car." "But we sent an ambulance earlier, and they said no one was there"
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Just as every dollar bill has trace amounts of cocaine, apparently every race horse contains trace amounts of meth
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Sick burn: Australia's chief doctor warns that insurers deciding what they'll pay for will lead to "US style" health care
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Of course not, almonds don't even have nipples
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Your dog doesn't want to be flipped
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The disappointed reviews of tourists as found on Yelp
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Harvester puts up fully decorated Christmas tree five months early, which raises the question: Why ever take it down?
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U.S. Navy destroyer recreates that Fourth of July when you lost some hearing and hair
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Rise in autism due to diagnosis reclassification, not McCarthyism
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Architectural tip: Before constructing a building, it might be a good idea to double check the reflective intensity of the sun. Oh, and don't forget about wind tunnels
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Police and firefighters had to extract a man's head from a weight machine at a hotel, still trying to figure out how the hell it happened
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Photoshop this underwater restaurant view
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Beer-guzzling Baby Finster is trying to understand why the Internet is outraged.. yes OUTRAGED at a photo of him putting down a cold one, lights up cigarette while waiting for an answer
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Travel agency publicly tells customers they will take your money and wipe their butts with it
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Chinese army takes major step forward to eliminate smelly feet
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BuzzFeed makes a list of 203 "Best Songs" by 203 rock bands. Coincidentally, people now have 203 more reasons to be angry
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Churchgoers claim Virgin Mary's lips on painting moved during prayer, but it's more likely the painting's just baroque
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Be careful where you leave your DNA - it could put you on the spot
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A fundraiser for the Baltimore cops who are on trial for having a black man die in their custody is probably not the place to perform an Al Jolson musical routine...in blackface
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Conservative watchdog group fumes over a small firefighter union logo on the city fire trucks and ambulances that has been there for ten years
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One more time: do not try to take a selfie with a Yellowstone bison
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Cat wakes up from neutering, realizes his testicles are gone, screams
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U.S. Postal Service rules prohibit it from selling interesting products that people are excited about buying
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Because who is better equipped to smooth out the delicate race relations in Ferguson than a police officer from Arizona?
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Remember that Arizona police officer who purposely plowed his patrol car into a suspect armed with a rifle and it was all caught on the dashboard camera? He's just been given the Medal of Valor for his actions
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Still think that the Fukushima nuclear plant is nothing to worry about? Well, what about the DEFORMED MUTANT DAISIES?
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How to be a better beer snob if you weren't one already
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The "Facekini": creepy fashion "trend" for beach-goers, coming to the United States. Difficulty: Not from Japan
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Court rules that if you butt-dial someone, you have no right to privacy
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 533: "Rule of Thirds" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 22, 2015 |
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A husband assured his wife he quit smoking, but Google Street Viewer shows a different story
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Angry commuter headbutts bus in a rage. Since this is on Fark, well
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Scientists discover what is causing residents of two towns in Kazakhstan to suddenly
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Man in charge of Britain's prison system spotted with how-to manual for running prisons
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A Maine brewery is making beer from live lobsters and sea salt, the only thing missing from it is nice melted butter
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Will Ian Ziering be able to save us all again? Will thousands of sharks descending on DC even be noticed? It's your live discussion thread for Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! 9pm Eastern on Syfy
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Airline loses bag filled with $660,000 in cash. "Are you sure? Many bags look alike"
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Photoshop this dark procession
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Ikea recalls 27 million chests and dressers that can fall over and crush toddlers. Only you don't have to return the recalled items, which is nice because who could possibly get the parts back in the box?
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The drought in California is so bad that Santa Barbara is finally going to use the desalination plant they built back in the '90s
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Adventurer almost kills himself climbing Mount Kilimanjaro with his 'girlfriend' Sheila on his back. Who is Sheila? A 45kg bathtub
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NBFD: Putting your car on craigslist to sell it. ReallyBFD: Putting your '34 Mercedes up on craigslist for $189.9k
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Having a fishing bobber, screw driver, and open tire plug kit stuck up your butt is no way to go through life, son
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Glacier National Park on fire
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After an embarrassing deputy hire-and-fire, Volusia County announces stringent new hardcore background check technology: Google
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Sure. Would you like a pizza with that?
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Saturday tours of Belfast City Hall begin again after 15 years because expected invasion of Goths never happened
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Dogs: man's best friend - except between 2 and 5 in the afternoon which is about when the mayor's likely to go and strangle the little yappers
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Photoshop this coat hanger-holder
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Touching photo of shelter dogs hugging helped save their lives
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Chinese doctors to disgruntled patients: Please stop stabbing us
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Finally, a kitchen gadget that takes eggs; things of beauty, a symbol of life, nature's own perfect food, and exudes them from a hot orifice in the form of a sulfurous, steaming, flaccid cylinder. Enjoy
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"Daddy, check under my bed before you turn out the light." Now Tommy, you know there is never anything under your...AAAAH
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The Onion accidentally breaks a real news story
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Man bitten by rattlesnake after picking it up to take a selfie posts hospital bill selfie for $153,000
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Man with 3 DUIs goes for number 4 while driving his Cub Cadet tractor to a friend's house. With a case of beer under his arm
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Suspicious package found at Sarasota Memorial Hospital. Eyewitness saw homeless man last night with the package, which is a birdhouse with an oil can stuck to the side. Then the homeless man stuck a straw wrapper into his ear and left
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Ukraine believes that French actor Gerard Depardieu is "a threat to national security"
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Papa Hemingway's Cuban Villa is exactly how he left it and it has everything; bad taxidermy, random old ladies and cat graves
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School Board member arrested for stealing over $200K from elderly woman who lives in trailer park he manages. In other news a trailer park resident had over $200,000
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"...and the sport of passing gas expends 10 calories each"
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Deal reached to keep Spruce Goose in Oregon aviation museum until such time as Yogi Bear and his friends decide to take it for a joy ride
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For those of you who hate drones, you should probably know that we keep taking out Al Qaeda leaders like we take out recycling
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Blanket Jackson arrested for murder
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Scientists announce what women really want in a penis, presumably one that is so polite it stands up so they can sit down
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No, this is not the plot to a Coen brothers movie. It's the tale of a stolen hearse in Buffalo
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Greek banks to Greeks: Return your money to the banks because it's safe and we have candy, and stuff. Greeks: HAHAHAHAHA
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Canadian man gets struck by lightning then wins the lottery. The odds for this is a 1 in 2.6 trillion chance
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Teen girls are less likely to be sexually active today than they were during the Reagan Administration. Thanks, Obama
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Cat with incurable disease is cured with leeches. This is not a repeat from 1329
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The forest eventually takes back everything, which includes the world's largest classic car junkyard
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This 23 pound lobster is 95 years old, delicious
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Your outrage of the day---Target sells womens t-shirts with TROPHY emblazoned on it. The horror. The horror
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A machete-wielding man threatened a teenager for disciplining his Chihuahua
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Photoshop this big rollout
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"Could you hand me your lighter, hon?" "Yeah, I'll take a stab at it"
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Kill it with fire and anything else in its way
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North Korea bans foreigners from possessing any media critical of North Korea, or in other words, all media
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I'm not saying you shouldn't trust the police, but the publicly released dashcam footage of Sandra Bland's arrest very clearly has cars disappearing and looping footage
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The two greatest days of a groom's life: the day he gets married and the day he dies
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3rd Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo. July 22, 6pm. Elephantastic Tour. SOLD OUT
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So, am I allowed to shoot a drone down if the drone shoots first?
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What could be the oldest copy of the Koran has been found in Birmingham. Scholars say "thank God it wasn't in Liverpool"
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USCG rescuer swims nearly a mile in rough seas and high winds to rescue four fishermen
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Meet the Techno Viking
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Good: A new cure for a potentially deadly infection has been discovered. WTF: The cure involves being fed "liquid faeces"
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"Bob" seems to have been just another gun nut; a little nutty, but not particularly dangerous
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Let's look to Sweden to see how school voucher programs are working for them
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Leprosy? In MY armadillo? It's more likely than you think
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Cops in Alaska are so addicted to search and seizure laws, they're still taking cars away from marijuana delivery drivers even though it's now legal there
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After slashing funding for education, the NC public school system now offers online phys-ed courses
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| Tue July 21, 2015 |
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Good thing he didn't double dog dare him
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Why is it that, of all states, Florida is the one that decides Uber drivers need more thorough background checks?
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First-ever recreational marijuana ad gets pulled due to legal concerns. That's harsh, man
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Getting rid of the clothing you wore during the commission of the crime is a good idea to evade police. Unless you just throw them into the back seat and get arrested in your underpants
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Photoshop this woman advertising to collect clothing for war victims, 1944
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It's right between the unicorn and the flying pig
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Drew talks Jade Helm, the Germans, and how to make money off your conspiracy theorist friends
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We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal - oh, and all Women, and erm...Cats and Dogs. Damn it, what about the budgeriegars?
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Today in apt names for careers: Dr. Teet -- who does breast augmentations -- is being sued
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Here is the best picture of a comet on an approach to Mars you'll see all day
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Indiana Gaming Commission cracks down on seedy underground euchre tournament going on at nursing home. In other news, there is an Indiana Gaming Commission and they don't have much to do
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Remember: have a safe word, respect each other's boundaries, and keep the screaming down so the police don't get called
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France surrenders French-language Scrabble championship to a guy who doesn't even speak French
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Apparently, drivers in Detroit are riding dirty
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In addition to being broke, in a depression, and not smelling all that good, Greece is now on fire
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Remember the good old days when you could give visiting Germans the Nazi salute, toasting the Fuhrer as the Mayor of Plymouth? Ah yes good upright English hospitality ...also remember years later when they burnt the city to the ground? Good times
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Drunk, passed out and half naked is no way to be found at work, Mr. Air Traffic Controller
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Photoshop this nosy little brat
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No one asked you, North Korea. Jeez, attention whore much?
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This super hot, smart guy I know brought up a study that suggests a woman's ability to orgasm during sex is dependent on the distance between tee hee and her hooha. Let's all measure
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Welcome to Vancouver, greenest city in Canada
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To kill one man at an intersection due to negligent driving is careless. To kill another, at the same intersection, seven years later is a bit of a worry. Let's see if the judge gives her another chance by issuing a new learner's permit
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Smoking hot babes soon to be banned on Brighton Beach
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Tollbooth worker fired for paying toll was, A) in trouble for lying about paying the toll, not paying it, B) told boss "so fire me," C) planning to retire, D) all of the above
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It's never a good day when a horse beats the hell out of your car and leaves without so much as a written "I'm sorry" note on your windshield
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Hey Scottish neds, ever been to a Turkish prison for going crazy on a holiday flight, terrorizing the cabin crew and passengers?"
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Obese tourist has to be carried down 279ft bell tower in Florence by firefighters after they could not make it on their own. Difficulty: Not an American
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Texas DA rules that Sandra Bland's death can't be ruled a suicide until he's had at least two or three press conferences with full national media coverage
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Florida police say shooting victim was taken by a friend to a Walmart instead of the hospital
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Sex toy fairy found. Is likely to get off without charges. So to speak
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Man returns $4500 in cash accidentally given him in chicken meal and gets the finger. Wasn't even breaded
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Man pawns off $85,000 worth of his mother's rare porcelain dolls. Guess he never saw those episodes of Seinfeld
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If you bought the best rye whiskey in the country but were upset to learn that the Iowa-made libation was made with out-of-state products, then Templeton Rye owes you $36
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Man arrested for walking his dog naked. Claims he has never put clothing on any of his pets before to go out in public
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Maine ranked as America's most peaceful state. Mostly because no one wants to leave their home and brave the outside elements between October and May
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True American provides video proof that Jade Helm is going down in Texas. "Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes?"
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Don't you just hate it when you steal an ATM and it falls out of the back of your van before you can get it home?
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Everything you think you know about birth order is wrong, according to some middle child who was obviously bossed around by the eldest child
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Photoshop this man with a burning passion
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The search for MH370 has now reached the 500-day mark without even so much as a lifejacket being found. "We still remain confident it will be found in the next year"
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Busy intersection gets upgraded, but the "N" in ONLY wasn't the only thing pointing the wrong way (w/ photo)
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Residents of Farmersville, TX have clever plan to fight off Muslim zombies
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Pride event bans drag queen performers so they won't offend transgender people
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Set your troll-meters to 100, as a tuba player follows KKK marchers while playing the righteous marching music they deserve
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Men who harass women in online games tend to suck at the game, possibly because they keep getting TK'd for being jerks. Or should be
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To be fair, an Ayn Rand novel can never be "lost." It was merely taking the time it needed to pull itself up by its own bootstraps and enter the world on its own two feet
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"Ooooh, guns, guns, guns"
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You've got male
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Kareem Abdul-Jabbar takes on the issue of body-shaming female athletes. Still can't explain why lots of times he doesn't run down court and doesn't really try except during the playoffs
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Turtles returned to their historic home, so happy together
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99-year-old woman gets letter from hospital informing her that she's pregnant and requesting she bring a urine sample to her prenatal appointment. "I have three children and 20 grandchildren - but I haven't been pregnant for 70 years"
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| Mon July 20, 2015 |
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Rome is "on the verge of collapse," its infrastructure is in ruins. This is not a repeat from AD 330
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Woman tries to steal tow truck from driver trying to hook up a car--but she doesn't quite pull it off
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Christian youth camp softball game interrupted by naked woman on LSD fleeing car crash. Thank you God
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This is your bus driver, our next stop will be some kid's lemonade stand, my treat, and then back to your regular route
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To infinity and not so beyond
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It's embarrassing, but when your child's friend shows up at your house for a play date with an old undetonated mortar, you're just going to have to call his mom and tattle on him
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The former mayor of Harrisburg, PA has 499 problems and a criminal charge is every one
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Rare set of manatee twins spotted in Crystal River. Oh, the cute manatees
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Photoshop this tough guy on the move
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Fark NotNewsletter: Now featuring Snew
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A log encrusted with barnacles can be a cool thing to spot on the beach...until it explodes
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The Chattanooga shootings might boil down to another insurance company refusal to cover service
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FoxNews, ever the incubator of novel ideas for solving the big problems of the day, offers an approach to reduce shark bites worldwide: Kill all the sharks
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Rachel Dolezal wants to identify as a writer, now
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10,000 Caged Monkeys is not Natalie Merchant's new band
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Dear Prudence, I'm coming out of the closet soon. Should I use my best friend's wedding as a venue for this announcement?
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Richard Nixon's first phone call to the moon was pretty (expletive deleted)
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Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape the fiery wreck that it was in
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In a sure sign of journalistic decline "The Associated Press inaccurately converted hectares to square miles"
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Photoshop this supportive sect
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For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold 'til a thief breaks into your car and steals all your gifts on your wedding night
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RCMP websites down as Anonymous vows to avenge Dawson Creek death. I was upset when Jen died, but come on guys, that was ages ago
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Good news everyone: Beijing's overcrowding issue of 21.52 million residents has been solved. The solution? Make it a colossal enormous gigantic astronomic vast mega supercity of 130 million
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The Greek bailout negotiations are a reminder that most "David and Goliath" stories end with Goliath kicking David's ass six ways to Sunday without breaking a sweat
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At least one bank has now been prosecuted for their role in the 2008 financial crisis. I mean sure, it was a tiny bank trying to do the right thing, and the jury cleared them on all 80 counts, but hey
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Canada can now lay claim to being the most respected country in the world, although half of them speak French and the other half let them
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Good news, hipsters - there's still one bit of Times Square that's as seedy as it was in its '70s glory days, complete with stabbings, junkies and unspeakable goings-on in the restrooms. And it's McDonald's
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British comedian makes it rain on Sepp Blatter. No word on how hard he had to twerk for it
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Crows are jerks. Here's all the proof you'll ever need
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A $6 trillion asteroid missed earth by 1.5 million miles today, or about the same as a Scott Norwood field goal
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Latest reason so many wildfires are burning out of control this year? Drones
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If you recently heaved a duvet stuffed with coconuts into a canal in Manchester, the police want you to know they found it
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Felonious six-foot-tall mice, breaking George HW Bush news, and Nixon's last meal: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 7/12 - 7/18
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Queen Elizabeth drives onto grass on her way to church because "too many people were walking in the road"
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Photoshop this peace advocate
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Drug smuggler admits he buried a corpse in his backyard so his wife wouldn't sell their home
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Nope
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The cake was a lie
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Life is short. Have a security breach
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Yo dawg, I heard you like horses, so I put a horse on your horse so you can horse while you horse
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"As an architect, I'm not sure that I want to live in a world built and run by libertarian engineers, particularly in a floating city"
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La Embajada de Estados Unidos en La Habana está abierta para los negocios
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The latest royals with Nazi links - HRH Corgis
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"Paying for somebody's toll? That's-a-firin'"
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Eight-year-old girl eats bubble wrap, Play-Dough and sand, dreams of becoming a school lunch lady one day
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Congratulations on surviving the brush fire in the Cajon pass and being evacuated to safety after abandoning your vehicle. That will be several hundred dollars if you want your car back
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46 years ago today the original fake moon landing was faked
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Concerned citizen calls the cops because a woman left her two children eating in a mall food court while she interviewed for a job. Fark: 30 feet away
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We interrupt your normal programming on the California Drought to bring you this story of a bridge on I-10 near Palm Springs being washed away in a flood
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