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| Sun July 12, 2015 |
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The chemtrails people were right all along. Difficulty: 1950s
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Gambler who tipped staff after big win returns two weeks later to demand money back after losing streak. That's not how it works
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Naturopathic doctor arrested after putting baby on liquid diet for eczema
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Jesus foils home invasion robbery
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This week's episode of "This is an outrage" is brought to you by the Sioux and Devils Tower
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Founder of LebowskiFest arrested at bowling alley on possession of marijuana charges and failing to abide
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Russian man to undergo world's first head transplant. Or Russian man to undergo world's first body transplant. I forget which
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Pennsylvania man flies to Arizona intent on having carnal relations with a horse. Then it gets weird
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London Met Police strongly urge that you should not swing from the rafters on any London Bridge. (It may come down is a possible reason)
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According to the U.S. Forest Service, the best way to deal with a deer while driving is to ram it
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Two armed robbers brought a 1 year-old with them on their crimes, and not even on Take Your Child to Work Day
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Photoshop this stump
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| (American Mirror) |
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Man calls police because he is offended by material being sold in flea market, forgetting that most material in a flea market is offensive
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Arizona man serving 15 years in prison is singlehandedly responsible for 78% of the Tucson federal court's civil caseload; a federal judge said he has "abused the legal process egregiously and often"
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A gang of teens on bicycles are terrorizing Brooklyn by groping women. As if we do not already have enough reason to dislike bicyclists. And teens
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Most badass stagecoach driver of all time discovered at death to be a woman. She smoked, drank, and loved whips and horsies
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Sheriffs considering making sex offenders pay annual fee to defray costs of monitoring them since it's so hard to track jobless, homeless pariahs according to state laws
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Anyone got an extra $96 billion? Greece would totally like to borrow it
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Just because Baby needs new pair of shoes doesn't mean you can sell drugs from child's stroller, Mom
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Shrimpers pull giant invasive creature from dark waters of St. Johns River. What will they do? "Saturday night when we close, we're going to eat it"
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Photoshop this guitar guy
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If you're going to mastermind a home invasion robbery, try to pick someone other than your boss
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Which of the following will *not* make your child's teeth rot: A.) Sugary sodas; B.) Fruit juice; C.) Dried fruit; or D.) None of the above? If you answered C, we have a surprise for you
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Woman arrested for assaulting the mayor of Baltimore with the deadly solvent dihydrogen-monoxide
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Old and busted: Female teachers receiving light sentences for sex with students. New hotness: Brunette female teachers receiving harsh sentences for sex with students
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Don't you hate waking up to find a small plane crashed in your front yard?
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Grab the sauce and the cole slaw, we gotta lot of smoked meat in Miami
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"Beach yoga man injured when his ball explodes"
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Nation's capital is turning parking spots along busy streets into fun 6' x 12' parks where kids can play. What could possibly go wrong?
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Never bring your rifle to a cat fight, even if there are 15 of them running amok
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LAPD investigating video of car driving backwards for miles. Only clue is a male voice screaming, "FEEEERRRRIIIIIISSSSSSS"
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Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Yeeeeeeeesssss
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Our long national nightmare is finally over as Zimm the escaped monkey has been recaptured and returned to his enclosure at the Memphis Zoo
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You've assaulted a police officer and stolen a pork pie and you're in the dock. How to escape? Why, the old broken ankle ploy of course. Wait until you're being taken to the cells and spring out of your wheelchair
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Detroit Police Department now suffering its worst manpower shortage in nearly a century. Which is no big deal since residents agree there's nothing left for anyone to actually want to steal
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In Sweden you have the inalienable right to roam where you want, there is a festival for everything, and the people there take coffee breaks to a whole new level
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A recent outbreak of salmonella that affected nearly 200 people has been partly attributed to people "kissing and cuddling live poultry"
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UK urges British tourists to leave Tunisia, saying terrorist attacks are "highly likely." Although it is going to be hard to talk any common sense into anyone who has picked Tunisia as their vacation destination
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Photoshop these business peeps
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CSB Sunday Morning: Your first computer
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Mexican drug lord Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman, former head of the Sinaloa Cartel, has escaped from a maximum security prison. Fark: for the second time
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Man arrested after stealing a sword from Renaissance Festival jousters. Not surprisingly alcohol was involved
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You're an inmate in a California prison and you're suspected of swallowing something illegal -- welcome to the "potty watch" where they'll know when you go
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New York unveils new program to track troublesome cops; the program is named ALT + F4
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Pope Francis says the new Golden Calf, the false idol worshiped by the damned, is wealth
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"It's pretty disturbing because, I for one, don't want to think there's an ice cream man driving around drunk. Nobody wants any DUI ice cream"
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Fox Brewery to celebrate cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems by releasing Duff beer
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Some 20 to 30 drivers have a colorful story to tell after the hose on a highway paint-striping truck ruptures
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Coming up at the top of the hour after the smooth jazz it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 3 hours of music hosted live by a farker in rainy Juneau, Alaska. LGT stream (9PM AKDT/10PM PT)
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| Sat July 11, 2015 |
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Harland Sanders was a foul-mouthed, violent, horny old coot, but he was a hard worker and gave most of his money away to the "Salvational Army"
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How one Japanese chemist with a taste for whisky made it possible for all of us to make it Suntory time
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Lake Michigan water levels are rising at an alarming rate. Is now the time to panic? I was told that the time to panic was when it was falling at an alarming rate. Will someone please clarify when the time to panic is?
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| (Some Bearded Guy) |
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Photoshop this beard-sterile environment
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Digital kidnapping is now a thing
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If you bought a lottery ticket in a Brooklyn deli on July 24, you may want to check the numbers
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I'm so pot for teacher
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Japan could teach the West a thing or two about sleeping on the job, aka urban napping. "If carried out correctly an inemuri is an honourable kind of minor failure, like having no time to eat lunch, or 200 unanswered emails"
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46-year-old woman injures her hand while playing musical chairs, re-injures it weeks later while helping someone move, so of course the state of Arkansas owes her $75,000
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Photoshop this televised address
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It's all fun and games 'til you start swinging a sword at people
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In today's annual repeat: four gored in Pamplona bull run
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Apparently, sharks have learned to make IEDs
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"Yes, hello, 911? I'd like to report some suspicious teenagers selling $10 boxes of candy for an undisclosed nonprofit"
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Don't you hate it when they knock at your door, refuse to leave you alone, park in front of your house until you submit to their demands? Census workers in Dallas refuse "no comment"
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The most common cause of car accidents in Canada is still "hit by møøse"
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Three years of probation and 100 hours of community service seems about right for stealing four guns from a police evidence room and trying to sell one, if you're a sheriff's deputy
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Passengers now being kicked off planes after being deemed "too ginger to fly"
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Court orders Sikh mailman be allowed to deliver mail to Disney World, proving once again though the mountains divide, and the oceans are wide, it's a small world after all
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The legendary Texas prosecutor and television host of Cold Case Files, Kelly Siegler, who brought down a fellow prosecutor for failing to turn over evidence to the defense, has herself been found to have withheld favorable evidence 35+ times
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Why you should always buy the biggest pie a pizza place makes, because math
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NYC sanitation department says the World Cup ticker tape parade was a sweeping success. Here's how they did it
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After reading this, you won't think sunburn tattoos are so cool. In other news, there is a such thing as a sunburn tattoo
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Some guy wears twelve layers of clothing on flight to avoid baggage fee, with predictable results (w/pics)
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Photoshop this polite indication
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If you must eat meat, all Moby asks is that you skip 26 showers for every 4-ounce hamburger you consume
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That most august of holidays ... okay that most July of holidays, Free Slurpee Day is here again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Little Mews is moving to a bigger, better home, just in time for Caturday
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Why are so many adults buying coloring books?
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"Go Set a Watchman" portrays a now-72-year-old Atticus Finch as a pro-segregation racist who goes to Klan meetings. I hate sequels
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Well great, now we broke the sun. Thanks, climate change deniers
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Judge who sentenced kids to juvie in divorce case has change of heart, sends them to Camp Wunnakeepmajerb instead
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Portland International Airport now allows passengers to carry marijuana on in-state flights
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Target store accidentally broadcasts porn over their PA system. "Expect More ... More ... MORE"
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| Fri July 10, 2015 |
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It's Friday and you're celebrating with all your fingers left over from last weekend. Must be time for the Fark Weird News Quiz. If you find it too hard after four hours, please contact your doctor
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Melbourne, Australia gave all city trees ID numbers and email addresses so citizens could report problems like dangerous branches. Naturally, dendrophiliac Aussies used them to write pining love letters to their favourite elms
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California prison officials want to know who sawed an inmate in half after prison riot in May
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Tl;dr
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Woman gets upset after learning Taco Bell doesn't have Wi-Fi, dumps water on teenage employees. Then the knife comes out
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Photoshop this friendly wave
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Citing a "Mutual Decision," Ellen Pao resigns from Reddit in order to spend more time with her lawyers
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As if shark attacks were not bad enough, the Eastern seaboard are now being invaded by Portuguese Man-of-Wars
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Good question: Does putting a spoon in a bottle of Prosecco actually keep it fizzy overnight? Better question: Who doesn't finish a bottle of Prosecco the same night?
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Remember the media's July 4th terror panic? The actual intelligence report said "Meh, there's nothing to really worry about"
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US Marshal caught having sex on the roof of a federal courthouse. Apparently every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in a six mile radius was unavailable
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Highway rest stops are really convenient when you need to go pee, stretch your legs, give birth, grab a drink...wait, what?
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Santa Claus' reindeer depth-chart takes a big hit
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That shoot-out between an ex-CNN anchor and a would-be robber just got a whole lot weirder, as the robber was apparently a "slave" of a man named Skyy Barrs who has now been charged with murder
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Bill Cosby's mistress defends him. This... may not help
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| (Some Guy) |
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Unbeknownst to most consumers, organic farmers have resorted to using all natural carcinogens as pesticides
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Innocent things from our childhoods that could be seen as offensive and even be banned today. Shame on you, Pepe Le Pew
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Don't you hate it when the police are chasing a guy in a truck and he speeds ahead and crashes into your home and when cops investigate the scene they discover your large marijuana grow operation? Me too
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Usually you don't file a complaint with the police in pepper spray. Usually
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Welsh government responds to question about UFOs in Klingon. Or it could just be Welsh, no-one can tell
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Sometimes you take a bite out of crime, sometimes crime takes a bite out of you ... (w/ "GAH, that's a hard 31" mugshot)
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It's not really a stag party until you get a $10,000 bill for damages and banned from an airline for life
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Wanted man in Piccadilly Gardens probably has figured out by now the it was the hedgehog that did him in after being arrested by police. You see hedgehogs do not like being kept in bags
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Lawmakers move to ban gun-shaped phone case, saying police could confuse it with a rock, bandage, fruit, game controller, or other things innocent people have been shot for holding
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Canadian Game Warden rescues two adorable orphaned bear cubs, receives commendation. Just kidding, he's suspended without pay for not shooting them
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How bad are the wildfires in Saskatchewan? They're sending in the tanks (and not the water filled kind)
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Nearly forgotten in a South Carolina safe for decades, this is the telegram that helped get Hitler fired up to put a gun in his mouth and fire up
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Photoshop this young warrior in training
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There's no point in beating a dead horse, but if you really want to do it, there's one tied up outside this lady's home
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Concerned parents around the nation are asking the question: Is the new McDonald's Happy Meal Minion toy using the F-word? In other news, concerned parents around the nation are f-ing idiots
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During WWII, the US Army tested chemical weapons on US troops. White soldiers were the controls, while the mustard gas was used on African and Asian Americans and Puerto Ricans
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Welcome to Japan. Please enjoy your stay and our beautiful manhole covers
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Highway to the stupid zone
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"A young man who crashed his father's £100,000 Audi R8 supercar in to a neighbour's house has been handed a 15-month suspended jail sentence - and had his allowance stopped" (pic)
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High speed motorcycle crash throws man 0.0025 Rhode Islands
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It's the All-American story: One famous band, one huge secret, many lives destroyed. Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the stage: The Runaways
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Now it makes sense. Subby is a panda bear trapped in a man's body
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The cake is a lie
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How climatologists ward off existential dread and ennui
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Ever wondered what embryos' favourite music was? Apparently it's Latin pop
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Sure, China is having problems with their economic meltdown right now, but their real problems are this weekend with three typhoons headed straight for them (one a super typhoon). Here comes the WALLOP
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New music albums will now release on Fridays instead of Tuesdays. In other news, buggy whips will now be available only in black; typewriters to eliminate the 'q' key
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Escaped tortoise lured back by tortoise porn
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Memphis Zoo says a small monkey escaped its enclosure, but should not be considered evil
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Will the most American state please step forward? Not so fast, Nevada. Where is your bald eagle?
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Veterinarian finds 62 hair bands inside dog during surgery. Tour schedules updated
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Drunk guy allegedly found naked in hog barn tells police "I just like pigs." And to think, Kermit started his career with such promise and early success. It's sad how things just fall apart
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Now you can have tampons delivered to your door, if that's something you might be into
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Psychotic jailed murderer gets hold of razor blades, carves the word "satan" into his forehead, then cuts his tongue like a snake. And prison officials don't know how he got the blades
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"Thanks dad for talking me down from the ledge"
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Woman learns her neighbor created an elaborate sound system playing workout music on repeat with an amplifier and several speakers to purposely harass her
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Bolivian president earns troll-of-the-decade award by giving Pope Francis the thoughtful gift of Jesus nailed to a hammer-and-sickle
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Probably one of those laser pointer things. What? It was pointed at a US navy ship? Change the headline to say "Navy ship targeted with laser device" so it sounds really bad
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I'm not suggesting the whole Minions merchandise thing might be getting a little out of hand, but Minion tampons might be a bit much
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Thailand deports 100 ethnic Muslim minorities back to China. Ignored: Uighur pleas
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$4,000 in clothes taken from a Victoria's Secret, inspiring local police to respond with a dragnet
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Man complains about mugshot police use in his wanted poster. Police response is perfect
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Photoshop these Dead guys
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Torontonians stop by to honour dead raccoon. Even Gideon checked out
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Good news, California: A massive El Nino event is in bloom and should break the drought. Bad news: You're gonna need a bigger boat
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Protip: Don't smoke a cigarette in an airplane bathroom, especially if you're in possession of some illegal pills. Bonus protip: If you do smoke a cigarette and get caught, don't make things worse by trying to bribe crew members with $20
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A U. S. Senate bill introduced July 9 would permit banks to do business with marijuana businesses in states where weed is legal without fear of federal repercussions
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If you make the trek to Japan's Mount Fuji, you can ponder one of the world's most mystical places. You can also log onto FARK while you are there
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While you were arguing over gay wedding cakes and civil war flags, someone hacked into a German Patriot missile battery and were able to at least partially take it over
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Time for your annual "man pays fine with pennies"...because they legally HAVE to take it they HAVE TO
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Iowa Dept. of Transportation chief: "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads"
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Pope Francis changes clothes in a Burger King. Where is your God now?
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Along with picking a new side arm, the U.S. military will start using hollow point ammunition. Reaction expected to be fragmented
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Being naked while fleeing in a police car is no way to get through life, son
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♫It's been a hard day's night, and police treat me like a dog♫
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Hacking Team email reveals employee joked about assassinating ACLU's Christopher Soghoian
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Oregon becomes even more awesome after becoming the second state to offer free community college tuition to all graduating high school students. Don't forget to pack your books and your legalized recreational marijuana
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* knock knock * "Excuse me, sir, but have you heard the word of Black Bear Jesus?"
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Bodies of 36 WWII Marines recovered. These are the real heroes we should celebrate
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Here's the moment a young gorilla makes friends with duckies. Awwwww
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Good God Almighty, there is a squirrel virus that jumps to human beings. Three squirrel researchers are dead
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And today's new, red hot trend is: SETTING YOUR HAIR ON FIRE
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| Thu July 09, 2015 |
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Baby doctor caught hitting grownup bottle
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The latest Southern city to wrestle with the fate of a divisive symbol of its Confederate past is...Helena, Montana?
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You know how they say bees are good for the garden because they pollinate everything? Well not this many
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Just stop messing with the original recipe to impress the youngsters KFC, nobody wants chicken pizza called "Chizza"
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Research shows pot smokers swap bud for Budweiser when they turn 21
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Woman who crashed her car onto railroad tracks and then was hit by a train: "Don't bother me, I'm drunk"
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Witness subpoenaed to appear in criminal court. Difficulty: witness is not quite three months old
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Photoshop this IED finder
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Not news: Woman not wearing life vest dies after falling out of ski boat. News: Onto the street where it was being towed
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Bikeshare asks renters to think about the other customers and keep your clothes on
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The terrifying tale of a young, bearded hipster who tried to escape the shackles of his white privilege by taking a low-wage job in a falafel shop -- and ended up even more white privileged than before
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Taco Bell testing new food delivery service for people who really need a chalupa, but can't leave their couch. And lets face it, that's a real problem for lots of Taco Bell chalupa eaters
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Driver gets ticket for doing 97, speeds off to earn a twofer
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There's drunk, then there's "Not realizing you've been shot in the leg" drunk
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Obey warrant
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: You want dessert but you don't want to turn on the oven. What to do? Show us your cool dessert treats. And yes, you can include all your booze, you damn lushes
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The most terrifying PSAs you've ever seen will convince you never to drown again
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Not a big deal, all things considered
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Are you a vegetarian filled with temptation? Arby's wants to help
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Jesus Christ it's a cheetah. INSIDE THE CAR
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Photoshop these bathing beauties
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Times Square's new welcome wagon gives "a bad impression of New York" - which is saying something
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Bad: you're a pilot and you realize you accidentally brought a handful of live bullets onto a flight. Worse: you cover it up by flushing them down the toilet
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Bunch of guys in black robes to determine if a bunch of guys in white robes can adopt a highway
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What a caramel sundae looks like from space
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Sanjay Gupta says he was with Brian Williams when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor
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Caption Pope Francis, Bolivian President Evo Morales, and Communist Jesus
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Man wants a ride home, calls 911 to report a fake crash. Guess how this one ended up
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Is this some kind of bust?
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New study reveals that bottled water contains chemicals such as the notoriously lethal dihydrogen monoxide and hormone analogs that will turn you into a sexless drone primed for government mind control
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86 prisoners write to local paper to complain that the sudoku is too hard
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Here's why North Korea's military couldn't win a skirmish against a bunch of girl scouts. It's just not that good
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Father, whose kids were thrown in juvie for refusing to have lunch with him, gives his side of the story
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When robbing a check cashing business, it's probably best to leave your own paystub at home
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This hip hotel lobby was hip before hotels in Williamsburg Brooklyn were hip
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Denver family reunited with stolen dog after four years, their joy tempered only by the fact that it's still a Yorkie
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Please don't call the self named Islamic State the Islamic State because it may offend the other Islamic States and if you offend the Islamic States you get Islamic State
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Good Samaritans go to the aid of a woman being beaten. However, no one saw the knife coming
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35 people test positive for tuberculosis at an El Paso school. Officials were just happy to be able to say there were that many passing grades on any Texas school test
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A surprising study shows most people would prefer temporary social embarrassment over long-term financial ruin
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Forget about the hordes of bees, flies and spiders, it's the hordes of drunk fornicating teens you have to look out for at the beach
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Alright, all you amateur lawyers - - - A teenage driver gets a $100 ticket for a restricted license violation on 1/22/15. However the cop mistakenly dates the ticket 10/22/15. Does the kid have a case?
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Vietnamese police search for a man who allowed his dog to steer a motor scooter without a license
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Man filming himself with a selfie stick as he walks through crowds at Pope's massive outdoor mass in Ecuador catches the moment a pickpocket steals his phone. God works in mysterious ways
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Okay..for people and stories like this..I guess we can hold off on the asteroid fer a little bit, yet
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How to get a bus to stop outside a pub. 1. "Borrow" a bus stop sign. 2. Place it outside the pub in question. 3. Watch in amazement as buses treat it like a proper stop, and it becomes adopted as part of the route. Easy
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76-year-old school principal dies with smile on his face
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Woman charged with DUI had 12 people in the car, including her own kids. Says she was just auditioning to drive the GOP nomination bus
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This is the pilot. If you look outside your window you'll see the lights of beautiful downtown Chicago, just beyond our flaming engine
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Women's clothing stores are finally starting to admit what men have known for years: "Plus sizes" are the new normal
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A special gift for you, conspiracy theorists: Jade Helm 15 will launch next week without any media being allowed access to cover it
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Remember that Elsa cake that everyone slammed for looking ugly, labeling a cake wreck and comparing it to a professional cake? Well, it was made for a critically ill little girl who loved it because it's one of the last things she'll get to enjoy
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Here are the areas of England and Wales where people don't speak English. Which would be all of it
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↑ ↑↓ ↓← →← →BArbiturates
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Forget slut-shaming, fat-shaming, or even Cubs fan-shaming; the new sensation in manufactured guilt is air conditioner-shaming
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Because who doesn't want to live in a tiny house in an abandoned shipyard?
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I can haz vakashuns? Cheezburger CEO steps down to pursue other opportunities
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Goin' down, party time. My friends are gonna be there too. I'm on the hiiiiiighway to home detention
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Photoshop this gravity-defying espresso sipper
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Texas man believes he has the carcass of a chupacabra, proving the old adage "there's a goat sucker born every minute"
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Ahh... to remember the finer things in life is to remember that time when a body came crashing through your kitchen roof from Flight MH17 over the Ukraine last year
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Bull decides to assist police in suspect chase, choice praised by U.S. DA
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Hot summer months can trigger violent student behavior. Well, that and alcohol
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And while we're at it, here are some other Confederate things we should get rid of
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See you in a while, Krokodil
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Beach lifeguard flies LGBT flag from his stand, is immediately swarmed by supportive beach-goers. Just kidding, people thought it meant he would only rescue gay people
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One block of Denver's Market Street yielded $230,000 worth of parking ticket revenue last year. The block is lined with bars and is near Coors Field. It becomes a tow-away zone after 10 pm. Brilliant?
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"Yes, somewhere in Florida, there is a land of sex offenders surrounded by candy"
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In America's nuclear negotiations with Iran, there is a red line... and it's made out of Twizzlers
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NYC cop off beat for beating off
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Documents show that Exxon knew the link between CO2 and climate change in 1981, but spent the next three decades paying people to dispute it
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South Carolina House votes to remove confederate flag, 94-20
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Musician plays national anthem on electric guitar, then is promptly arrested for breach of peace. Police chief says "Out of respect for the national anthem, they let them finish the national anthem,"
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 531: "Boom" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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Phthalates, chemicals often used in consumer products like soaps, cosmetics, plastic pipes, and shower curtains, are likely part of your microwaved food as well, thanks to leaching from plastic dishes. Yum yum
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1 killed, 4 hurt in crash at doughnut shop. Police quickly on scene
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The memorial for a bridge that collapsed due to design problems has design problems
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Man steals $4,000 worth of fishing equipment, gets $180 net at a pawn shop for it
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Slap on wrist for scrotum on pizza
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Not news: Trial delayed. OMGWTFKILLITWITHFIRE: Trial delayed because prospective juror has bedbugs
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The Dalai Lama says you'll do better getting over a broken heart if you hold off on the gunga galunga
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Photoshop this robotic uprising
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Area man passionate defender of what he imagines humor to be
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Mother of Maine dumbass wants us not to have nice things
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First, they attack our computers, shutting down airlines and stock markets. Now, the Borg are hovering over Texas
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Museum: "Hey kid, the error you found in the golden ratio at one of our exhibits? Yeah, about that"
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Utah Doctor faces sentencing for the murder of his medical researcher wife, continues to swear he's innocent of the crime. You know, that premise would make a dynamite movie or TV series
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Rick Astley's never gonna: a. Give you up. b. Let you down. c. Make you cry. d. Hurt you. e. All of the above
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Judge to kids: Go have lunch with your father. Kids: No, because he beat our mother. Judge to kids: Ok, then stay in juvie until you're 18
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Man appears in court under ancient law of hamesucken"
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Photoshop this Wrigley Field catch
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There are lots of names, followed by "bandit" that you can be. "Gummi Bear" should not be one of them
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A 1000-foot slip 'n 'slide is coming to Seattle. Organizers suggest you make reservations early, before it gets clogged up with wet flannel
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Texas is putting us all in danger because they struck down eyebrow threading regulations
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Man steals a bicycle, throws it through a restaurant window, then drinks Tabasco sauce because he was thirsty. Investigators believe alcohol was involved
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Company named after a Nazi sympathizer announces it has removed a statue of Bill Cosby from its properties as it no longer wants to be associated with a guy like that
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No sex please, we're Spanish
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Could this mugshot of key adviser mean the end of Drew's political aspirations?
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One man. One taxi. One adult video store robbery. Texas
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Bad: Cyclist hit by a bus. Worse: Thieves steal bicycle moments after the accident
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Russia handing out pamphlets to combat death by selfie
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And now, for no particular reason, here's expert advice on what REALLY gets women all giggity... such as chimp porn. What? Don't look at me like that
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Disgruntled diner writes negative restaurant review, gets told by owner to 'grow a set'
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In the most West Virginia-est story ever--man arrested for holding two deer captive in his home. (With picture of housetrained deer)
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Britain's fattest man who weighed 910 pounds has been laid to rest in a double sized coffin. His cremation will be on Thursday, Friday and Saturday
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NYSE halts all trading due to technical glitch, emergency eBay and Craigslist systems coming online
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When you stare into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you. When you stare at the soul-devouring nightmares created when Google's Deep Dream looks at anime, even the abyss might whimper and pee itself
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Man claims he was hit in the genitals by a banana thrown from a car. Subsequent police investigation has been fruitless
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According to the CDC, heroin use in the U.S. has been growing at an "alarming" rate, with overdose fatalities doubling in the past few years. Darwin nods approvingly
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...and a new ingredient to our custard recipe is avian flu
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Teacher of the year arrested after car wreck in possession of eight decks of heroin, drug paraphernalia and prescription drugs, including Xanax, Triazolam, dextroamphetamine and Loprin, will be promoted to administrator if she can score some blow
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Gosh golly, it's Hop-Con 3.0: The w00tstout Launch Festival in San Diego Wednesday, July 8th
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Bigfoot ... small penis
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Carnival gets approval to ship Norovirus to Cuba
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All United flights grounded without explanation. Just sit the friendly ground and wait
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"Dear people who live in fancy, tiny houses, do you ever wake up wondering, 'I've made a huge mistake?'"
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Apparently the traditional 50th anniversary gift to your spouse includes both gold and an internal organ
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Photoshop this pool heater
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You think oil is expensive? You should see how much breast milk goes for
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Ultra-rare, 1-in-50 million split-color lobster caught in Maine, was delicious
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Getting revenge by posting fake sex ads using your exes' photos isn't a very nice thing to do, YOUR HONOR
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What do women really want? To sleep with their stepbrothers
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British researchers invent video game that helps you lose weight in just one week by training your brain to avoid unhealthy food like cookies and Doritos
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80% of 500 doctors, nurses, and physicians assistants surveyed admit going to work with communicable diseases because their employers don't provide sick leave
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How I found out my partner was gay
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WHO is unfit for health emergencies. Who? WHO
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'Vampires' keep doctors in the dark for fear of stereotyping: study
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Not all young women who agree to hook up with old men after meeting them online are cops, but you might wish they were after reading this
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A woman who once took a selfie in front of a fire in New York City is now working for the DNC. THIS MEANS SOMETHING. I SHOULD BE OUTRAGED
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Pregnancy has become so en vogue for women these days that they have begun editing photos of positive test results early, a phenomenon known as "tweaking"
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Study finds 1980's metalheads and groupies all became drug-addled bums working dead end jobs. Just Kidding, they're actually better adjusted in society than middle-aged or current college-age youth. \m/ -.- \m/
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I'm not sure, but I really don't recall the job description for assistant softball coach requiring you to text underage girls pics of your junk with the message "I thought you should see why white guys are better"
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| Tue July 07, 2015 |
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Guy successfully distracts his beer pong opponent and wins the match. Also, two people ended up in the hospital
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New York City: where even the squirrels know the right way to eat a slice, but the mayor doesn't and insists on using a knife and fork like some stunod from Scarsdale
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Leading research university in Canada to offer new courses on quantum healing, alternative math (2+2=5) and unicorn anatomy
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The mayor of the appropriately-named Whitesboro, NY swears its town seal is not racist--which is a bit hard to square with the seal's depiction of what appears to be a white settler choking a Native American man to death
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The Farkcast is back and presents: John Scalzi
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You know that Tinder profile with the pic of a celebrity? The one that keeps sending you pictures of his penis? Well, Tinder has some good news for you
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Pair of British pilots pull off barnstorming stunt using science. Two planes one hangar
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Photoshop this fashionable woman wearing sunglasses
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On this day in 1928, the greatest thing ever was first sold
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Company sells spy tools to evil governments. With pic of evil hacker goatee
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Canadian arrested for sending mail bombs, apology notes, to law firms involved in his divorce
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Can you balance your best friend on the end of your nose? Bob the Golden Retriever can... just sayin'
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Police looking for four men who robbed a Golden Corral and shot a manager at the store prior to making their slow, pudding-like exit
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Changes in multi-state Powerball to increase the odds of winning from 1-in-Trump winning the presidency to 1-in-Cubs winning the World Series
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Judge to Cosby: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw poundcake" (I'm paraphrasing)
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Best Korea asks for aid in midst of drought. Also in midst of testing biological weapons on its civilians. In unrelated news, a picture of Kim Jong Un letting his generals know who dealt the most recent biological weapon
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Restaurant get your order wrong? That seems as good a reason as any to call 911
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"If it weren't for shooting my miniature horse, I wouldn't have spent that month in jail"
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Photoshop Tennis Match this empty desert road
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Man goes on hunger strike to force insurance company to pay for weight-loss surgery, which he may not need if they hold out long enough (Not safe for work content in sidebar)
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Apparently eating your cereal with ice cubes in it is a thing with the 'ice in your cereal' crowd
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We're only one typhoon away from having super powers
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The case for a 4-day work week. Dude, that's going to significantly cut into my Farking time
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A software engineer explains why she decided to do something worthwhile with her life and so became a writer instead
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Why is America so over air-conditioned? Because shut up and pass me that fleece, that's why
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Comment about pony tail sparks mass brawl and derails tram
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There are strong crosswinds at Birmingham airport today and that means there's tons of footage of passenger jets making the kind of landings that will swear you off flying for the rest of your life
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And in Pamplona, the early score is Bulls 11, Idiots 0
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A look at how the same B.M.I. can yield a very different body type in a 5'9, 172 pound man. Or, yet more proof that B.M.I. can never accurately capture the true nature of your Cheetos-sculpted body
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Dear Morrison's. Is the secret ingredient in shampoo really poo like my dad says?
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Whoever ordered the 1 million French donuts to be flown to Las Vegas is probably wise not to have them escorted by police. Keeping Homer Simpson out of the landing gear will probably prove harder dough
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Frenchwoman jailed for 'magic cheese' scam. Apparently, it was all just a fromage mirage
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Fishermen go out for snapper tournament only to catch the much prized wild boar fish known for its bacon-like goodness
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Paula Deen uses TransformationTuesday to be an asshole to Hispanics instead of black people
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Parents told to beware of clowns selling balloons at inflated prices
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"This is my horrendous car, it could be yours. I'll level with you, it's shiate - all rusted and stinks of mackerel. I eat a lot of mackerel. Decent stereo, but I'm keeping that"
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Doctors of alternative medicine in Florida are dying off. Some are concerned about this trend. Not the police, mind you
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Illuminati, Knights Templar, Freemasons and Trilateral Commission tremble in fear as true evil makes its move with Apple CEO Tim Cook and NBA Commissioner Adam Silver joining Duke University's Board of Trustees
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Stifler and his mom arrested after attacking police officer
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Google's Dream Robot is running wild across the Internet. Pics in article will ensure you'll never have another good night's sleep again
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Here's an interactive map of where all 447 presidential candidates live. See which of your neighbors is running
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Oh come on, bankers aren't all that ba... Oh MY GOD, what the hell were you thinking
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Three-year-old gets first parking ticket
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I'm not saying it's aliens, but the Dawn mission to Ceres has now gone into safe mode, too
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Parents horrified after 'swearing doll' teaches their 2-year-old the F-word. Warning: contains the F-word, repeatedly - video
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Fark NotNewsletter: Something new on Fark mobile. Will you get over it?
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Man wins $75,000 costume contest prize at Walmart
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World's second oldest person becomes the world's oldest person
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Snow from Boston's harsh winter still melting away in July, but it's kinda hard to tell because of all the trash on it
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No shirt? No shoes? No clothes? No service
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We always knew something big was happening with Jared Fogle. Just not this
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Residents in Pearl River, NY, be on the lookout for one crazy-assed rabid black cat
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I'm pretty sure that this is what Hell is filled with
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"Dear Prudence: Everyone think it's hilarious to make Hillary Clinton jokes to and about me because my name is Hilary. We're nothing alike; I have one L in my name and I'm aggressive at work. It offends me, these jokes. How do I get people to stop?"
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Photoshop this classic beauty
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