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| Sun June 14, 2015 |
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Sorry, town's closed. Moose out front should have told you
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School forgets to call name of wheelchair-bound student during graduation ceremony. It's OK, though, because the stage wasn't wheelchair-accessible anyway
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Father Of The Year candidate sends a man who looked "a bit like him" to take a court ordered paternity test. Judge: "Morally, no one can sink lower than you"
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Marijuana and Health Symposium at National Jewish Health explores nine studies looking at using pot for things like seizures and insomnia: "We can't bury our heads in the sand. We need to learn more and make sensible decisions based on evidence"
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Happy birthday to the document that laid the foundation of our entire legal system. No, Kansas, it's not the Bible
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In a move to make them more annoying, cyclists can become caravaneers
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Photoshop this statuesque poser
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"We're not sure what a beef teriyaki sandwich looks like, so here's a stock image of a roast beef sandwich"
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Washington state trooper goes above and beyond to escort woman who got lost on her scooter back home by following her and letting her drive her scooter as fast as it will go (6mph) for an hour until she makes it home
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Balloon animals as you've never imagined them before. Only from Japan, of course
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Meanwhile, raccoons have started riding alligators
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A 101-year-old woman attributed her knocking back two glasses of wine, a Southern Comfort and a beer each day as the reason for her long life
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Ice cream man shot to death. There will be a traditional sundae service
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pack
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Neighbors lose battle to have pink bunny statue removed
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City Etiquette Dilemma : You have an infested mattress. Should you wrap the mattress in plastic before throwing it out on the street, or is it enough to spray paint the word 'BUGS' on the mattress?
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No, basketball team, you cannot have the park. Not yours
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Pentagon may put heavy weaponry in Eastern Europe to deter Russia. Hmm...where have we heard this plan before? Something, something, Cold War
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Chattanooga police now have radar equipped bicycles so they can fine drivers that don't leave at least 3 feet when passing a cyclist
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Picture your father. Now, picture your father wearing THIS. (Slightly not safe for work, lunch)
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Here is something that sounds like it came from a horror movie but did not: Giant purple sea slugs invade beaches
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There's something kind of outlaw romantic about the police raiding your home and finding enough dried pot to fill a 55-gallon garbage bag but you escape the long arm of the law by sailing away on a skiff
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"It's just been a nightmare," he said. "The system is broken and I'm afraid if it hasn't already happened, it's gonna happen to someone else. It may happen to you, to anyone"
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Authorities in Moore, Oklahoma would like parents to talk to their precious snowflakes about the dangers of jumping off of bridges into shallow water to cool off despite the posted warnings against swimming and diving
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Navy christens newest combat gunship, the USS Gabrielle Giffords
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Four dead in Ohio. This is not a repeat from 1970
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We're not talking peanuts here... OK so maybe we are, but they are in fact the road to a long healthy life
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We're not saying the average Texan is dumb, but it's real hard for some of them to tell the difference between a cloud and a UFO
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Oldest newlyweds in the world, ages 103 and 91, exchange wedding vows. Emotional ceremony had friends crying, children sobbing, cake in tiers
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Photoshop this strategic maneuver
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CSB Sunday Morning: Graduation shenanigans
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Today is Flag Day in the U.S. How will you celebrate the birth of the red, white, and blue?
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Esperanto speakers claim the language is not quite dead yet. With a helpful picture of what an Esperanto speaker looks like
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Hippopotamus, lions, wolves and tigers on the loose in Tbilisi ... OH MY
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New study from the Romero Institute of Research shows some colleges help athletes cheat and even pay students to take tests for athletes so they can focus on the whole point of college: sports practice
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The quick rabid brown fox jumps over a lazy dog, attacks and bites woman
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Not news: Man living near airport paints his roof. News: Paints "Welcome to Cleveland." Fark: He lives in Milwaukee
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It's Saturday night in Juneau, Alaska and that means it's once again time for Livingston Stapler Company Presents. 2 hours of music hosted live by a farker (9 pm AKDT/10 pm PDT)
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How Disney World left the middle class behind. Fantasyland, indeed
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| Sat June 13, 2015 |
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Dial it back a bit, dear
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Rich Californians: "You'll have to pry our hoses from our cold, dead hands"
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No, Mark Wahlberg doesn't want to see you in your underwear, so stop sending him pictures. That goes double for you, Bieber
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Cheerleaders in Mexico perform Nazi themed routine complete with swastika displays and Nazi salute. Naturally, everyone involved claims ignorance
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Photoshop today's wtf
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Building owner sued by graffiti artists for painting over their work, because it violates the U.S. Visual Artists Rights Acts
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Will you spend $8 on a single chocolate-chip cookie? The folks at Untitled are banking that you will
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It turns out millennials are actually strong-willed, resourceful individuals who favor happiness and a strong work ethic over greed and laziness. You know, the complete opposite of baby boomers
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If you are holding territory in northern Syria, please step forward. Not so fast, ISIS
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In case you did not know, during the summer kids are more likely to get injured. TO THE ROMEROCOPTER
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Tokyo restaurant's amazing $5 lunch has all the key words missing from American fast food: nutritious, delicious, filling
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Photoshop this rage
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California oil spill cleanup cost reaches $62 million. Officials at Plains All American fear being billed for three hours of profits
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Iranian women are protesting by showing off their hair. Long beautiful hair. Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
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Panama City Beach is banning what most spring breakers go to Panama City Beach for
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Once dominant fast food and restaurant chains that are now history. Subby could really go for some Steak & Ale right now
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Lawsuit claims man died of a botched pedicure. Attorneys for the man's family vow the responsible parties will know the agony of defeat
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Indiana loses its collective mind after the state saw its first black bear in 144 years
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Study by the Romero Institute for the Glaringly Apparent proves that dogs are loyal to their owners
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Swiss court slashes the richest divorce payout in history. Ex-wife's $4.8 billion award cut to a barely livable $604 million
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JESUS CHRISTUS, es ist ein Elefant, bleibt im Wagen!
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The OPM breach now seems to include complete blackmail kits for anyone who applied for clearance, and anyone who knew them. But hey, you get a year of free credit monitoring. Subby delighted to finally use new tag
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Tips on when to seek medical treatment for a cut. Bottom line, if you think you might need it, you probably need it
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Tara Schultz is shocked to discover a memoir about growing up during the Iranian revolution contains -- wait for it -- violence. This was a 200 level English lit class, so she "expected Batman and Robin." Tara Schultz, welcome to Fark
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More people would bike if we could just eliminate cul-de-sacs
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Wannabe hipsters, in order to stay up with the times you need to dump that piss swill beer called PBR and step it up a notch with a fine beer called Narragansett from Rhode Island if you want to be like a Williamsburg hipster
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Really, so you need to fly into a rage and threaten arrest because your neighbor has a garden gnome with a bare bum? You're an ass, Mr. Ex-policeman
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News: U.S. Coast Guard offloads 328 kilograms of cocaine, 3,100 pounds of marijuana, worth $13.7 million into Miami on Friday morning. Fark: Article doesn't say what they did with all the drugs (w/video)
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It's tough to write a good headline
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Photoshop these leaders
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If you've been waiting too long in an emergency room for the staff to attend to you, the best way to get their attention is to hold a lighter up to the hospital's sprinkler system and watch as everyone leaves the building
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Tiger Tim ended up at a shelter and became so distraught that he wouldn't touch his food because his heartless human gave him up over new couches. Please help him find a new home by Caturday
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You know who ELSE may have hidden a treasure map leading to a £50m haul in a sheet of music?
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Video of a crazy shootout in Dallas with an armored van
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High school senior's clever yearbook quote comes as a surprise ... especially to his parents
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| Fri June 12, 2015 |
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Man, I almost let you guys go home for the weekend without giving you the Fark Weird News Quiz. Thanks for the reminder, I'd completely forgotten
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There are bad tattoos, and then there is "tattoo that make doctors think you have cancer" bad
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This note just posted: Body Found on 3M Campus
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Photoshop this sweet ride
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It's always sad when you have to put your elderly mother in a home. It's kind of worse when you kick her out of one
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Good news--if you deleted your salacious twerking video from YouTube, these dudes archived it and are charging people $20 to watch it
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Dear Mr. Native New Yorker: I understand that bodega cats are sort of a treasured little oddity in New York, but I have terrible cat allergies - Can I tell bodega cat to beat it, or should I just keep my mouth shut?
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You can plan your next flight with a travel agent, a travel web site, or just call an airline yourself. However, calling the police and threatening to kill the president is unlikely to get you a good window seat
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NAACP speaks up about the controversy with its Spokane chapter president: "Really? People are actually making a big deal about this?"
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Polar bears are starting to eat dolphins, which is further proof of climate change, just how freaking awesome polar bears are
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Maryland clarifies that free range chicken is safe. Oh did I say chicken? I meant to say children
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What can Britain's gunless boobies teach American police? Wait, hold on. *re-reads article* Bobbies. Gunless bobbies. Christ, you people talk weird
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You know your flooding problems are getting out of hand when the only people left who can help are the Dutch
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Photoshop what what was in this coin purse
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PayPal: Allow us to robocall you, or close your account. FCC: Not so fast, PayPal
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Finally some judicial overreach we can get behind: IA Supreme Court affirms right to be drunk on front porch
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Border police in France told to say "Hello, thank you and goodbye" to tourists as the French try to drop the reputation that they are rude to visitors
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Eastern Ukraine experiencing such a severe "brain drain" as educated professionals flee to either Kiev or the west, that only the stupid and desperate will be left if Russia succeeds in annexing it. Unclear if this is a feature or a bug
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GM mechanics find that fixing a Corvette museum piece has unexpected challenges, particularly the ones which GM created
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Hmmmm... maybe stashing your stolen Mercedes in a police station car park was not such a cunning plan
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Sex starved single man: "Right, let's get to it." Talking sex doll: "I have a headache"
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Pimpin' ain't easy (to convict)
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The release of Google Glasses may have been shaky but Parkinson sufferers are finding them quite useful
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American Airlines employees have seen a lot of spinals, dude, and this lady was a fake. A farking goldbricker
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Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik writes letter to newspaper complaining about death threats and the fact that everyone calls him a mass murderer
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Marilyn Mosby says it's absurd that she could be considered a cop-hater because she comes from five generations of cops. Crooked cops, but still
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A true love can last for years, even if it's between Vladimir Putin and Silvio Berlusconi
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If your therapist's shopping list includes oranges, duct tape, baby powder, and handcuffs, chances are that it's going to come up at their trial for bogus gay conversion therapy
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Rich Marin County, CA residents upset over George Lucas' plan to build affordable housing on Grady Ranch. "Basically you've volunteered us for the ghetto"
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That data breach that allowed hackers to obtain personnel records of millions of government employees...you know, the one the Feds say they caught because of their new enhanced security? It was really found by vendor doing a product demo
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Has Russia nuked one of its own cities to try and start World War III? Does everyone have enough tin-foil for the coming Armageddon?
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"Dear Prudence: My wife and I are Harry Potter fans; we were our colleges' Quidditch teams. My wife is reading the books to our 7 year-old daughter, but calling it Harriet Potter. This is worse than changing her religion without telling me. What do?"
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Teenager fleeing the scene of an accident gets caught anyway after crashing straight into a swimming pool, which he insists came out of nowhere
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O-o
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"We decided that we would go around the solar system with a spaceship driven by nuclear bombs, so we would launch the ship into space. Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. Going up at about four bombs per second all the way to Mars"
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Photoshop this drugstore farmboy from Medford, Oregon 1939
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Nobody expects the reversal of the Spanish Inquisition
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Sometimes the people in the pet shop lie
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Hotmail is in the news for the first time since 2011
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Sgt. Stedenko and the Narcs bust a pot shop in Santa Ana, are captured on video eating edibles and playing darts
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Spokane NAACP President is white, or so say her white parents
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"Dear Coleen: My boyfriend squeaks when we have sex." Hmm ... maybe try some lube?
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Hell hath no fury like pissed off R. Kelly fans upset that he refused to take the stage at a concert they paid good money to attend
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Malaysian Airways flight reports fire on board and makes emergency landing in Australia, which is better than their usual 'let's put it out with sea water' method
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New anti-bullying 'Dick Tracy' comic strip will feature Dick Tracy's young granddaughter Honeymoon, a mother-son duo acting as comic as advisers to Tracy, Little Orphan Annie and The Cardinal. No LSD was used in the making of this headline
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Man uses his Ford truck to run over bald eagles at the dump
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Director of the No Duh Center at the Captain Obvious Institute deduces that those who dislike spicy food are the ones who are most sensitive to the burning sensation
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"You cannot tell me that your business model relies on paying people below the poverty line," says restaurant owner who abolished tipping, pays a decent salary plus bonus, and has obviously never ... uh ... ok so he quadrupled his profits
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Can you reach behind your back around your waist and touch your belly button? Congratulations, you have just completed the newest internet craze: The Belly Button Challenge
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Colorado collects $10 million in pot taxes for schools in four months, compared to $13 million from all of 2014: "It's really good to see the excise tax increasing and providing needed money for the public school construction fund"
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♫ Shave and a haircut, (I cut you) to bits ♫
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25 Famous Paintings Improved by Avocados (ad free slideshow)
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Cleveland judge finds probable cause to charge two police officers in Tamir Rice shooting, suggests prosecutors consider it pretty please. National media news flashes the non-binding opinion
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Fun: bringing your pet to show and tell. Not so much: it's a bat, and 100 of your classmates might need rabies shots
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For most people, shooting yourself in the foot is a metaphor to describe doing something stupid that keeps you from accomplishing something. Then there's this guy
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Hey Zimbabwe, we'll give you $5 for 175 quadrillion dollars. Zimbabwe: Deal
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| Thu June 11, 2015 |
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Follow up to the OPM breech last week. Turns out the hackers stole the Social Security numbers of EVERY Federal employee
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Tim Horton's surprises customers with coffee for a buck
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Dorking man charged with Assault with Pastry
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That awkward moment when you realize the wheelchair-bound man you just killed in a hit and run accident is one of your relatives
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The surviving sharks from the I-95 wreck are recuperating at SeaWorld. Here's hoping they haven't seen "Blackfish"
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After having an x-ray, 94-year-old badass war veteran discovers he was shot in his ass 60 years ago
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"He got my money, and I want my drugs," Heller told a 911 dispatcher
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Not news: Man breaks his leg. Sick news: While attempting sex with a horse. Fark: For the THIRD time
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Photoshop this shell
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Taco Bell executives are studying words and phrases used by Millennials in hopes of staying on fleek with the corporate strategy of making sure the restaurants are lit with customers and critics don't throw shade at them
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If you think you've got it bad, at least you weren't born an albino on one of Panama's sun-drenched islands
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The Battle Of Barcelona is pitting pissed-off residents against drunk, naked tourists. Our money is on the drunks
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Proving that the Chinese will copy anything, they're now jumping on the MLP bandwagon
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NC rolls out online driver license renewal, making it possible to cheat both the eye test and road sign ID portion. But at least it's "more convenient for people"
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"Cleanup in Aisle 4"
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Man who had penis chopped off died from auto-erotic asphyxiation while covered in blue paint. He leaves behind six children, two grandchildren, and a hell of a legacy
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Do you get emotional during your period, ladies? That is just your "God-given sadness" at the loss of potential life
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The mail slot of a furniture store is not your own personal urinal
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Sad: Dog dies locked inside hot car. Tragic: Owner dies as well
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Residents outraged because someone decided to pick up piece of garbage on side of road
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We can all rest easily: "the Michelangelo of buttocks injections" has been jailed. Apparently, her business was in arrears
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Fark Food Thread: It's not just the ingredients or recipe, it's also the preparation, proper utensils, and the cooking style. Help your fellow Farkers out. Share your tips and tricks for getting the cooking results that take some practice
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Montana claims its first surfing fatality
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"I now no longer know if I'm being trolled, if people are in on the joke, if it's causing genuine anger, or if society is simply doomed"
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People bring back all sorts of souvenirs when returning from vacations. Usually, that list does not include venomous centipedes
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Photoshop theme: Create a new breakfast cereal
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DHS is SECRETLY recording citizens at an airport to help study behavioral patterns to determine "malicious intent." And the reason WND knows all about this SECRET is because DHS SECRETLY issued a press release
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You're going to need a bigger boat. No, really, the fish won't fit onboard
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You can legally eat those fun brownies now
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'Miracle autism cure' claims to purge the body of all ailments. There may be some truth to it, too, since anyone who takes it will soon find all of their problems are over
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The German Autobahn has no speed limits, no speed traps, and no elderly men on electric scooters. Well, maybe one of those isn't quite true
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Baby apes sent to 'forest school' in wheelbarrow. With pics that will either make you go 'Awwwww' or haunt your nightmares
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Fox News wants to remind you that you should be telling your children not to have sex. Because that always works
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Animal welfare charity investigates report of neglected donkey, find well-treated and healthy garden ornament
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Postmen refuse to deliver mail in London neighborhood, citing "a plague of rats as big as cats"
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Russian man tries to escape arrest by eating his tablet. Worked
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You know you've screwed up when you get a personal scolding from the Pope himself
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National Corn on the Cob Day is a real holiday, not some corn council gimmick
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Is a new water conservation billboard in San Francisco telling people to "go full frontal" and upgrade their washing machines too sexy for a public audience? Asked the dumbest person in the world
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Moran arrested for nude sunbathing
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A gentleman may kiss a lady's hand, although he probably should stop there and not move on to licking
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Adultery is OK so long as it's just business, Japanese court rules
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Online sales tax could be coming soon to an Internet near you
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Poor people make better business and financial decisions than the moderately wealthy or wealthy. For instance, you never see them wasting their money on giant yachts
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Austrian brothel gives away free sex and alcohol for eight weeks to protest its 5 million euro tax bill... and has already had to turn away hundreds of customers
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"This is the storm I always wanted - a supercell with a tornado underneath" (pics)
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And on the 14th year, the Buddhas rose from the rubble and were born anew. Buddha: The slow-resurrecting Jesus
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Not news: The stories in the Daily Fail are fake. Fark: Unfortunately many of the people in those stories are real
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Female Dannermora prison worker helped inmate escape 'because he had a big penis'
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Attention Walmart shoppers, there is a man in aisle seven taking photos up women's dresses - and here's the pic to prove it
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Looks like today's youth are spending so much time on their rainbow parties, purple drank, I-Dosing, choking games, cinnamon challenges, smarties smoking, and car surfing that they don't even have time for old fashioned binge drinking anymore
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Unfortunately, Dante's Inferno only lists the top nine levels of hell, and doesn't continue down to #347 where we'd find out what happens to people who steal church donations meant for a toddler with leukemia
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One in four U.S. kids have been exposed to weapons violence. Unfortunately three out of four were the ones using the weapons
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There's nothing worse than crashing into the DMV during your driving exam
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OK, which one of you freaks was taking a sponge bath in the bathroom sink? 'Cause I gotta say, that's really lowering my work productivity
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"The beard trend is over and done"
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They'll get over it
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The long wait is over. Pizza Hut's hot dog stuffed crust finally comes to America
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Photoshop this lady by the waterfall
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Saruman, Count Dooku, and Dracula have all died. RIP - Sir Christopher Lee
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"Hitman killed wrong victim with target's name." Sarah Connor unavailable for comment
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'Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?'
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Yu watches porn on back of taxi motorbike. Motorbike hits speed bump. Yu loses balance, falls off, breaks penis. Oh, Yu
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Just a reminder: If you're president of the school PTA and there's $14,000 in the treasury, PTA does not mean "parent takes all"
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Baltimore cops speak out: Not being allowed to murder anyone we like really hurts our feelings
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School Principal loses his job and has his life ruined for commenting on the Texas Pool Party fiasco
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US embassy moves July 4 forward a month - so as to not offend Muslims
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Colorado lowers marijuana tax to 8%, so you'll get more green bud with your greenbacks
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Urban moose calves are a risk to mountain bikers and good samaritans, but would make an awesome band name
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Blood donor from Australia has saved the lives of 2 million babies by donating his own red liquid
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Taking your date to the high school prom by helicopter is mega cool. Even more impressive if you're the pilot
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And you all thought Astrology was hokum. Don't give me that "correlation does not equal causation" crap. We have been vindicated
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The National Park Service will not object to Alaska officially changing the name of Mount McKinley to Denali. Thanks, Obama
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Pop-up prison restaurant allows you to enjoy prison food without the trouble of being sent to prison
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 527: "High Key" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 10, 2015 |
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Twelve pickup tailgates stolen in Denver in 2 weeks. Sounds like someone's planning a party
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The timeless story behind the flawless headline "Headless Body in Topless Bar"
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Kids selling lemonade in their yard? That's a health code violation
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Sure a lot of places have poisonous spiders, but do they have exploding spiders like the ones all over Britain?
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International college students in Japan describe Americans
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Photoshop this big-ass glass door
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Like being chased by a wrinkly monster that smells like lube and Vicks VapoRub?
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"Actually, that report of a plane crash was simply a monster truck getting a bath"
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Truckload of sharks crashes on interstate because Florida, that's why
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Error: device drivers for "engine" not found. Please reboot the aircraft and try again
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No, teacher, piercing a child's ear with a stapler is not a recommended discipline for unruly kindergarteners. Now off to the corner with you
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The Duggars had a showdown with DHS reps who were attempting to check on a minor that they were concerned about, and the police were called. This is not a repeat
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Caltrans discovers building SF's new Bay Bridge out of Chinese "Steel" was about as advisable as using "Sonya-sonic" batteries in a life support system
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There's a reason they're called fire ants, dumbass
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Traffic fines are not about revenue generation, they are to protect citizens
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Arizona pastor prays for God to rip out Caitlyn Jenner's heart: "I hate him with a perfect hatred." Just like Jesus said
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In one small thrust for man and one giant leap for mankind, Pornhub is crowdfunding a space mission to shoot an adult film in low-Earth orbit
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Vermont man shows up for jury duty wearing a prisoner costume. Comes very close to getting to use it for real
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HRM Caesar Saint Augustine de Buonaparte Emperor of the United States of Turtle Island of the Absolute Dictator Party is running for president, still not as strange as Rick Santorum
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The latest health tracking metric: Morning wood
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How is babby formed? How girl get pragnent? They need to do way instain mother's frozen embryo from when she was 13 years old
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Photoshop this Versailles orifice
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Glasgow reduces homicide rate three-fold over 10 years by switching to plastic pint glasses
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And on the sixth day, God created dinosaurs. Don't believe me? Go ahead and ask Google for yourself
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Tighten up that tinfoil and grease up your conspiracy theory blogs, the annual meeting of the Bilderberg Group is about to begin
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To be fair, if a toothless old man drives up and offers you ten dollars and a kitten in a cooler, you might just hold out for a stranger with candy instead
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The WHO has expert advice on how not to contract the MERS virus. Hint: It has something to do with not drinking camel urine
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Now that the kids are in their thirties, Homer and Marge to finally split
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"If you are racist, sexist, homophobic or an a***hole... don't come in"
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Good news: Math professor determines the final fate of MH370. Bad news: Includes a bit of geometry, specifically a 90-degree angle
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Robber's checklist: Walk in to pharmacy with shotgun. Check. Take hostages and ask for drugs. Check. Ask for recliner if you start to get tired. Check. Take a quick power nap. Check. With bonus photograph of robber after his nap
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So, you lost your campaign to force the high schoolers to keep calling themselves 'Redskins,' but you're still worried you might be mistaken for less than completely racist...whatever can you do? Raise your hand if you have a suggestion
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Protip: When turning yourself in to police for leaving your children locked in a hot car, don't leave your children locked in a hot car while you do it
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Woman finds iguana clogging her toilet, vows to put him on a low fiber diet
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Ten women arrested in strip club sex sting after undercover cops discovered the prostitution offers first hand
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DC area morning commute downgraded to potato
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The Patron Saint of Fark Headline writers everywhere has passed
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Clear thinking, rational mother finally decides on the perfect birthday present for her seven-year-old daughter: plastic surgery vouchers
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♪♫ The driver of the bus says, I am lost ♪♫ I am late ♪♫ Just get off ♪♫
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"Metaphorically speaking, I hope there is a special place in hell reserved for that horrible public official on whom I am entitled to comment, purely as hyperbole, on a matter of public concern under my First Amendment rights to free speech"
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93 year old woman who parachuted into occupied France ahead of D-Day, scouted German positions, and sent coded messages back to the Allies finally gets her medal. Peggy Carter approves
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Do not try to suck rattlesnake poison from your son's foot, even if you've seen them do that on Bonanza
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Good news everybody. If you've been on the fence about updating your luggage collection, the airlines are about to help make the decision easy for you
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EPA finally caves to tinfoil hat lobby and admits dangers of chemtrails
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Photoshop these animals not in the wild
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Napoleon once considered fleeing to New Jersey for asylum. A cross-ocean voyage to Newark, smuggled in a brandy barrel, to live as a farmer? Ah, fuhgeddaboutit, imprisonment in St. Helena is better
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Scientists record chimpanzees in the wild enjoying alcohol made from fermented sap, thus confirming the legend of the Missing Drink
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Newest field of growth for architects: Converting somebody's childhood bedroom into an adult bedroom they can use when they have to move back in with mom and dad
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This may be France's Waterloo
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Man sees face of Jesus at IKEA but can't find curtain tie-backs
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Arizona bar apologizes to transgender woman for mistaking her for a hooker, says she's welcome back any time, as long as she has a green card
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Tacoma police officers buck national trend, shoot hoops with kids instead of just shooting them
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Three men injured when a jet ski explodes at a Kawasaki dealership. Michael Bay in negotiations to direct the movie
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Finally, proof that allowing gay marriage will ruin traditional marriages
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Idiot jurors are going to ruin the Aurora Theater shooting trial
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When is dumpster diving considered OK? When you're looking for your £1,000,000 lottery ticket that you threw out thinking it wasn't a winner
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Pepsico hints that Crystal Pepsi may return
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HOA works to improve the image of HOAs nationwide by threatening the family of a beloved local pastor who had a well-made ramp installed after suffering a stroke and multiple brain surgeries
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If you happen to encounter a man with a 48 inch cock please inform El Jimadores Restaurant
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Canada: We will be free of fossil fuel within the next 85 years
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New Jersey approves breast milk banks. New mothers pumped
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"We're sorry that we're total douches"
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Facts about poRn all you jack-offs should know
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Good news, everyone who wishes X-Files/My Little Pony fanfiction existed but is too lazy to write it: somebody else totally did
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This woman is probably not horrified enough about the unexplained appearance of 107 garden gnomes in her yard overnight
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Eric Casebolt, also known as Officer Barrelroll, has resigned
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Photoshop this standing swimmer
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New Yorkers angered over Manspreader-in-Chief showing German Chancellor Angela Merkel his package at G7 Summit, take to photoshop to show their angst
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Pat Robertson to mother who lost her three-year-old child: Be happy the child is dead. He could have been the next Hitler
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Two plausible and seven completely stupid ways to avoid being bitten by mosquitoes this summer
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Sharknado may not be real, but lampreynado is a reality in Alaska
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CannaCamp, where guests play horseshoes, get high, eat breakfast, smoke it up, go fishing, get baked, hiking, get wasted, make lots and lots and lots of Doritos, nap
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There are certain questions that are nearly impossible to answer. This isn't one of them
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Trader Joe's is a great place to buy food - as long as you don't buy things like fruits and vegetables and seafood and sushi and wine
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In Japan, births hit record low as national death toll hits record high. Officials wonder how they can solve this dilemma with robots
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Flaming bird with snake in its mouth bursts out of '80s album cover to start a fire in San Diego
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Not news: Employee lunches being stolen. News: Thief is caught on hidden camera. Fark: Thief is the CEO of the company
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CNN decides to cut back on its hard news (stop laughing) and become an even bigger whore for their advertisers
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Photoshop this rustic scene
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Here are the world's weirdest vending machines dispensing everything from gold bullion to ... live crab?
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Bob Woodward on Rumsfeld's attempt to blame Iraq on Bush: "If you look at Rumsfeld's memoir, and what the record is, and things he said on the record and hours of interviews with me, often months after the events, it's just a total contradiction"
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Yes, it's that emotional, nerve-wracking time of the year, when a record 70,000 NYC kids get their acceptance letters .... to Pre-K
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British state school wants £1650 for a school trip to Barbados. £22 trip to local theme park got cancelled as too pricey
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So you killed the hipster. Great. Now you've created the yuccie, a noxiously smug offspring of yuppie and hipster that will plague your bespoke coffee shops and offbeat touchdown spaces for the next decade. Thanks a lot
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Why Brian Williams and the rest of us lie. Or how subby's story can gradually change from "Go Blue Devils" to "Duke sucks"
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White House briefing room evacuated by Secret Service. No word yet on why, because the White House briefing room has been evacuated by Secret Service
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Sacré bleu -- ze French intelligence agencies bugged Concorde in the hopes of picking up economic intelligence as businessmen chatted on their flights
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Police officers, unable to figure out why they pulled a man over, decide to just sprinkle some cocaine tests around him
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Life under ISIS is as grim and depressing as you thought
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Russia builds world's biggest helicopter. Out of horse meat (with video)
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Woman walks out of court like a boss, puts out cigarette in reporter's face
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And now, an in-depth discussion of America's Wang, and the weirdos who decide to live there
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Kidnapping a woman for ransom is so passé. The real action is in kidnapping a woman for being too noisy while doing laundry
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Alcoholics Anonymous marks 80 years since founder Bob Smith had his last drink, leaving more for the rest of us
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Oh the hamanity
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Guide dog leaps in front of bus either heroically saving owner or botching murder attempt. We may never know which (switched to better link)
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YAWN: Man gets busted for having a can of beer at his work station. Fark: Can of beer was actually a "Fleshlight"
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What happens when an unmovable asshole meets an irresistible douche? Neighborhood battles like this, mostly
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Number of unwanted pregnancies and abortions drop in Hawaii after public schools say 'Aloha' to abstinence-only education and 'Aloha' to actual sex-ed
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'To be fair, it does cover all of our cat's nipples'
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Need a murder weapon and can't find a gun or knife? How about using a curling iron?
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California Democrats support building a bullet train somewhere they don't live
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Solitary panther released
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US Army suspends Dr. Moreau. "They are mad; they are fools," said the Dog-man
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Shipping container flies off tractor-trailer. One car converted to a flat bed
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Man sues actress, claiming her intense stare through his TV caused spiritual damage. No comment from Derek Zoolander
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THIS is why guys wearing suicide vests shouldn't get into fistfights with each other
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Chicago police department bans knit caps, baseball hats, and, most significant of all, visible tattoos. "To be professional, we must look professional"
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Ever wonder what it was like on the Titanic that fateful night it went down? Now for upwards of $500 you can find out
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Photoshop this man with his rope
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And the cutest thing on on the planet IS...this ugly-ass southern pudu fawn born at the Queens Zoo in New York (w/pic)
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Caption Obama and Merkel at the G7
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After his case dismissal and release 2 years ago, teen who spent 3 hellish years of beatings and isolation on Riker's without being charged of a crime has made his final escape through the only means possible
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In response to Chinese hacking of U.S. government websites, iPhones will now require 6 digit passcode. Take that, China
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While you're eating cold peas out of a can, Hamptonites are complaining about their neighbors' mansion size
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"This is white trash at its finest"
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It's really cool in the movies when a car narrowly squeezes between two city buses. However, real life is not like the movies
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18 critically injured after car crash and gas explosion at the Serves You Right Cafe in Ravenshoe, Queensland
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"Einstein," the centerpiece of a $4.5 billion National Cybersecurity and Protection System (NCPS) program, fails to stop Chinese hack of U.S. government personnel files. Failure is only relative
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Japanese dating site found to be world's largest sausage fest (Not safe for work image in article)
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Next time you go to an air show to watch the Blue Angels you just might go home with a cool souvenir
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Incredibly productive burglar baked potato, raked leaves, forgot to get milk
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She's a lumberjack and she's OK
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Two thirteen-year-old girls are detained for creating a 'hit list' of 31 students and seven teachers. "The plan detailed a map of the gym, awaiting for the students to be at an assembly and bringing in small guns in backpacks"
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Since carnival food is dreadfully unhealthy, it's always good when you have a healthy alternative. Like a Slim-Fast bar. Specifically, a Slim-Fast bar that's been battered, deep-fried, and topped with powdered sugar and drizzled chocolate
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So what's the worst thing about having a huge house? Not finding the dead body for a few days
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Photoshop this tech speech
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Fark NotNewsletter: Now in Comic Sans
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Keep the tradition alive. Keep stuffing that chicken
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"I was so amazed. Their bodies are incredibly beautiful. One thing I learned is that there are many different shapes of breasts and even genitals"
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Apple agrees to buy a 50 gallon tub of lube for a Cleveland Indians relief pitcher, also throw in some other iGear
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Police spokeswoman: "The good news is that we found your cat. Unfortunately our patrol car ran it over"
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Remember when Dave Matthews' bus took a dump on the public? Someone does, and he made a memorial
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Only 14 years after its creation, the TSA decides to crosscheck its employees against the government's terrorist database
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Why you should never drink whisky on the rocks. Instead, drink it neat, perhaps with a palate cleanser of burning peat bog
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Drunken man in underwear wanders into Indiana home and eats chips
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"Oh, help' said Pooh. 'I'd better go back.' 'Oh, bother' said Pooh. 'I shall have to go on.' 'I can't do either' said Pooh. 'Oh, help and bother"
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Pope Francis says the Vatican is close to ruling on whether the Bosnian town of Medjugorje has a really nasty gas leak and/or access to truly excellent shrooms, or whether the Ghost of the Virgin Mary has been miraculously appearing there
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Photoshop this cleaning crew
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