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| Sun May 31, 2015 |
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New Zealand midwives will be held accountable if they spread anti-vax propaganda, measles
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Congress has officially adjourned with no vote on the Patriot Act extension. As of midnight EST, feel free to resume sending your dick pics
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"Oliver Twist scenarios" are taking place on Britain's streets as children are tasked with pickpocketing, shoplifting and begging the question for Americans as to who this Oliver Twist is
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Actual headline: Polish painter covers home in aluminum foil, calls it art
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Toronto suburb should have paid the $5/week Bear Patrol tax
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"The world's elderly are on a crime spree"
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Because everyone deserves to drive, even people who take SIXTEEN times to pass their driving test
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Running garden hose allows responsible parties to dodge blame for landslide
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Elderly woman beats off carjacker, then things get weird
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If you're driving a busload of passengers down an interstate and drop your water bottle, just let it go, man, 'cause it's gone (at least until you can pull over)
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China is developing an ATM with facial recognition technology
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Zoo employee in critical condition after being bitten by a dragon
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Man gored to death by future steak
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While you were complaining how you couldn't find your TV remote, meet the 92-year-old woman who just ran a full marathon today
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Where traffic cops aren't men or women. Or, well, both, at the same time
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Someone walked into the Macon County, Missouri jail to bail out some other loser and got themselves arrested on drug charges. This is not a repeat from last week
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Giant Rubber Duck Invades Philadelphia
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If you're hot today in Midtown Manhattan, there's free air conditioning on the street at 38th and Madison courtesy of the crane that dropped it from 30 stories up
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Here's your 2015 Hurricane Guide, just in case you want to know when to bend over and kiss your ass goodbye
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German police alerted anonymously to unruly mob activity swarm area, only to find asparagus pickers
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Classy mum of the day asked couple if they wanted a threesome before telling another woman she was "too fat" to join
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Being that Shiba Inus are really humans in disguise, they certainly know how to chill out and have a good time like us
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Photoshop these tough guys doing tough things
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Kazakhstan town council: "Those are just...you know...plants, man"
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What it's like to be a clown in an age when people think it's fun to hate and fear clowns. Strangely, no mention of porn
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Twenty-seven underrated U.S. vacation spots. Did YOUR favorite hidden gem make the list?
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11 bodies found at Ohio funeral home. Well, where the hell else would they be?
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Not News: Government worker caught watching porn at work. News: He's a politician. Fark: During a debate
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Jury acquits drug czar on felony possession charges despite the czar's full confession
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You might want to sit down for this: New photo raises doubt about police account of shooting
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Police looking for one surprised-looking thief
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There's low, and there's stealing clothes from a donation box low. At least the surveillance cameras worked
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Today in Pointless Fear Mongering, "Is your neighborhood killing you?"
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Another buzzed driving incident
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Not wanting to be outdone by Baltimore, Chicago's weekend gun violence sees two dead and twenty-one wounded
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Jaws was released 40 years ago and being eaten alive from the feet up on a sinking boat is still the most petrifying death scene ever made. You can keep your 'one in 3.7 million chance'
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A "Use-of-Force" symposium put on by the Palm Beach Police Department brought together officials and citizens who wanted to see how police defined use of force and how they could avoid getting shot
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Police forced to intervene in naked cycling event after one of the riders gets 'aroused'. SCHWINN (Not safe for work)
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Ex-Nazis received $20.2 million in Social Security benefits
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Meteorologists say enough rain fell in Texas during May to cover the entire state 8 inches deep. Whoa
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Photoshop this parental supervision
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Man from Alabama goes to Ohio to steal $3000 worth of coins and gets arrested in West Virginia, all in an apparent plan for neck reduction surgery
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Never spit in the street in Singapore. Especially not near the hotel where the U.S. Secretary of Defense is staying
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Norway's prisons are awesome vacation resorts, so why don't prisoners ever want to go back?
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Please Master hand in your resignation
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Woman found not guilty of screwdriver attack after it was determined she had something loose
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Say what you will, but Hillary would have back pedaled
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When stealing a car you might want to make sure the car's owner isn't asleep in the backseat
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Pig terrorizes town and craps in squad car, expected to be suspended two weeks with pay
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This is your captain speaking, if you could just look out of the windows on the left side of the airplane, you won't notice the ground crew applying adhesive tape to the engine casing on the right side
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"That's it. I needed to go on the lam in order to test the quality of the security at the prison where I was locked up. Yup, that's it officers"
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Woman bails on taxi fare. Judge orders her to walk the entire length of the trip ... 30 miles
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Ancient Greek formula is used to find the world's most perfect body. And the winner, with a score of 96.4 is __________ ___________
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Hey, if my kids don't get to the bus on time, "it's on them"
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Well free-falling into an airbag is a dangerous thing to begin with, right?
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Woman claims men aren't put off by her luxuriant pelt. Well, she is British
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Electronics recycling center: "If you anonymously dropped off an ultra-rare Apple 1 computer at our location, please return for your $100,000 check"
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For only $310, you can out-hip your hippest hipster friends with genuine ant vodak
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"American universities are addicted to Chinese students'"
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Oh Deer
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Photoshop this heated race
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CSB Sunday Morning: Camping Adventures
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UK man finds a bullet in his glass of beer, immediately complains of eating in a low caliber restaurant
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Not news: A musician gets kicked out of the band for his behavior. Fark: An oboist for the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra
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Gay Head icon slid gently along soap-lathered rails, snugly placed in new position on the beach
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Tribunal calls for firing of teacher who let students play a different version of seven minutes in heaven in a classroom storage closet
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Coming up at the top of the hour (9 pm AKDT/10 pm PDT), it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music from Juneau, Alaska hosted live by a farker
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Our long national nightmare is over as Zoey the 8-week-old puppy who was stolen from the Humane Society of Southern Arizona has been found and will be going home with the family that adopted her soon
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| Sat May 30, 2015 |
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Man sues multiple parties $11 million for failing to warn him that butane is flammable
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Vice President Joe Biden's son, Beau, has died. Fark cancer
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Family finds out the hard way that there are old mushroom identifying apps and bold mushroom identifying apps, but no old and bold mushroom identifying apps
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Get arrested while drunk, physically attacked and have pepper spray discharged into your face? That's a $175,000 settlement
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Treasure trove of trash teems from toppled tractor-trailer. Oscar the Grouch demands tour of wreckage
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Spain agrees to support America being permanently Moronic
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D.C. man featured on 'Catfish' now charged with terrorist threats
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Photoshop these space geeks
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Not news: Man confronts his neighbor about vandalism to his vehicle. News: Which escalates when he throws a cup of coffee at his neighbor. Fark: The neighbor comes back with a machete and slices off two of the man's fingers
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So much fail: A 17 year old accused of stealing a car from a dealership and crashing said car, and claimed to be an FBI agent
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Police dismantle elderly cocaine trafficking ring after executing successful sting operation known as Operation Grumpy Old Men
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President Obama declares Texas a disaster
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Man who mailed drug-laced letters to prison inmates will get to a chance to see how many people are willing to correspond with him via prison mail
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French farmer who killed truffle thief shuffles off for the next eight years
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Sociopathic cokehead investment banker causes extensive damage to innocent SUV
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8.5 quake off coast of Japan, or Saturday as it's known locally
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Eight-legged hairy bunch of Nope crawls out of man's ear, back in
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"I was walking my dog, and there was a very tall man, about 6 feet 1 inch tall, running aggressively behind me, and I was very scared, because I'm pregnant and knew I couldn't get away very fast. He was completely naked. All he had was sneakers on"
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Michigan police got the dirt on diving excavator relocator
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"Every drone that's sold in the United States, whether it's made here or abroad, can have built into the drone itself a mechanism that doesn't let it fly in certain places." stated the US Senator
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| (Some Guy) |
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🎶..Cat Scratch Blindness..🎶
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"Urban Dictionary defines Michigander as 'A driver, usually from the state of Michigan, who drives in the left lane, refusing to move over.' And Michigan drivers have been notorious for doing this for 50 years"
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Judge quotes Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry in human rights rant at murder trial and it wasn't the quote you think it was
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Illinois police will make their victims pay for their body cameras
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There are a lot of ways to show confidence in your product. Having somebody take a rifle and shoot you in the groin shouldn't be one of them
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Police in Queens seek help in finding brazen gang that keeps attacking their hangout
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Just like many elder Al Qaeda fighters were US trained because of the fight against the Soviets, many ISIS members are US trained because of the fight against terrorism
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"Vancouverites are feeling defensive this week after being labeled by The Economist magazine as a mind-numbingly boring city that has become too safe and predictable"
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If you're going to drive around in a rental car you 'borrowed' from a friend, make sure a cop's stolen badge and a pile of electronics are not in it
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Woman arguing with relative inside Burger King pulls gun, is promptly shot by cop
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"This is why you should never let yourself be distracted by your phone when you're in snake country"
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Casey Anthony is getting paid top dollar for her story
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California's drought has just reached BLACKWATCH PLAID status
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Police "help" mentally ill man--pulling him out of jail at 3 AM and putting him on a bus to Florida with a one way ticket
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When you "start trying to oppress American citizens," people will fight back, says guy who seems confused why the American citizens he's trying to oppress are fighting back
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| (moneytips.com) |
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More than two-thirds of US employees suffer from work overload. Present company excluded
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Etiquette tip: Even if you're really drunk at a party, it's not good manners to snort the host's dead mother's ashes
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When at night stanley charlie went a'missin'/ They thought he'd gone to the river a'pissin'/ By the mangroves at night/ Said the crocodile 'just right'/ Left the good folks by Endeavour a'fearin'
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In America we do not hunt for food with slingshots in city parks
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"By doing this, Congress has handed over a sacred Native American site to a foreign-owned company for what may be the first time in our nation's history"
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Brazilians love new bible-based soap opera. It probably helps that you know which characters are going to come back from the dead in advance
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Not news: Cat gives birth to four kittens. News: In a bird's nest
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What could you do with 26 million American Express points? Should you get 900 first class flights to Europe or maybe the 56 foot metal storm shelter? Eh, just ask this FIFA executive, he knows
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Man rams his SUV into his mom's house and nearly killed her over a financial dispute. Like that is going to help him become her favorite son
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103-year-old twins find that they can't live apart for more than a few weeks
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Detroit police would like to thank an unknown individual torching abandoned buildings, see if there is anything they can do for him
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Armed bikers wearing "Fark Islam" t-shirts and holding cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed will protest religious terrorism at mosque
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Ware drug raid, ware?
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Lil' Bunny Sue Roux, a two-legged 'bunny cat' becomes Instagram's latest feline sensation. Have a hopping good Caturday
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Possible sniper on the loose: Two random shootings in Northern Colorado are linked by ballistic evidence. FBI offers $10,000 reward for information leading to arrest and conviction of person or persons responsible: "The public needs to be vigilant"
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The Pentagon: Yeah, about that live anthrax we sent out... turns out we sent them out to more laboratories then we first thought. But there is no need to panic, this was our bad and we will investigate until we know how it happened
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Sex offender with 28 previous offenses scores number 29 after grinding against a subway passenger. And while his next offense will earn him free representation, his mother claims that he is just looking for a wife
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You know those scary looking bills that some fish have? Turns out that yes, they can kill you with them
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Man who tried to kill George Zimmerman will try the "Stand Your Ground" defense
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Animal control officers called to protect neighborhood from stuffed tiger
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Look I realize kids are trying, but if you can't wait until you get home to shoot up heroin, you have no business being a teacher's aide
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WV Man sues Dept of Ed, claiming teaching of evolution is preventing his daughter's dream of becoming a veterinarian
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If you have one bucket that holds two gallons and another bucket that holds five gallons, how many buckets do you have?
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In a stunning reversal, a Hooters waitress wants to put HER organ into a male customer
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A group of students are shocked, SHOCKED that California history textbooks only portray the things they want you to know about
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| Fri May 29, 2015 |
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Feds reveal what it was like to be a 'Realfella' for the infamous 1978 Lufthansa cargo hanger robbery after disclosure of their most detailed evidence to date
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It was a short week. Let's face it--nobody was working very hard. That's why you'll do well at this week's Fark Weird News Quiz. Well, everybody except that one guy. You know who you are
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World's most expensive house now being built. Estimated cost is $500 million, not including cable
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MassDOT's $90 toll for crossing the Tobin Bridge was too greedy even by government standards
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So long, Little Buddy
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Wine expert hails wine and weed pairings. Hurrah
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Photoshop these wall-walkers
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How many Orange County prosecutors does it take to violate the constitutional rights of one mass murderer? All 250 of them
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Ever hear of the prank where you set alarm clocks to go off in your school lockers? Turns out that's a felony
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And... here... we... go
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Dispute over last remaning BBQ rib leaves one woman with a piercing stare
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Look, this is getting tedious. No, I didn't try to kill this guy, either. What's with you guys?
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SAT results were mysteriously lost, which is exactly what subby has been telling people for years
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Photoshop this frozen, cracking Lake Baikal in southeastern Siberia
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$209 a pound "artisan" 20-year-old, cheese. You can't have any because you're not hipster enough, you're poor, and it's already spoken for
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The Dukes of Hazzard was just a TV show and that's no way to exit a parking garage, grandpa
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No officer, grabbing a masseuse's hand and putting it on your junk it NOT sexual assault. Well, it IS, but SHE is not the one doing the assaulting
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"So ... you're ... gay???"
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Why'd the Florida man slash the woman's tires? She got to the bingo hall B4 him
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Woman buys a baby photo of somebody from decades ago, finds the person who was the baby in the photo thereafter
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Bartender found guilty of shooting patron 56 times. Wait, scratch that. After he served the patron 56 shots
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This is the church / And this is the steeple / Watch the lightning strike / And scare all the people
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L.A. Mayor hopes the film "San Andreas" will get residents to prepare for a major earthquake. Just like "Titanic" helped prepare travelers taking a cruise with Carnival
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Police arrest two women running a risky business near high school. Unclear if large numbers of savings bonds were also found
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Beach balls have multiple purposes. You can play with them, bounce off them, attack sea lions with them
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Should YOU go bronde?
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FIFA admits to being super villains, but did not time travel
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Apparently Siri knows the home phone number of CT Governor Dan Malloy and if you ask, she will just connect you
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Someone is pointing a green laser at airplanes flying over Long Island. ISIS? Could it be ISIS? Wait a minute...green? Jade is green, isn't it? ISN'T IT?
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Canada scraps 'tampon tax'. Well, it's bloody well about time
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Father charged with child neglect after his baby was found crawling around the street in the nude, the family's loyal pit bull in tow. "Dogs don't make the best babysitters. Especially those dogs"
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Underwear sales figures show that 'granny panties' are the next big thing
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The U.S. is producing so much oil right now, our refineries are almost at capacity and we're looking for new customers to sell our surplus to. No, this is not an alternate Earth or a temporal side-effect of the Large Hadron Collider
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Texas floods force Anheuser Busch to properly label their cans
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"You can't keep that bear, you don't have the permits to do so"
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If you build it, they will go somewhere else
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Indian authorities arrest suspected Pakistani spy. Difficulty: Pigeon
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Introducing the two horsepower garbage truck. This is not a repeat from 1798
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Ever wanted to be less racist? Just try sleeping more
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U.S. Navy divers to help Confederate ironclad rise again
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It's raining cats and dogs on I-95 in New Hampshire and that's not an euphemism
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Criminal mastermind smashes glass door, walks down middle of street in broad daylight holding 51-inch tv over his head - gets away with it?
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19-year-old college student places Craigslist ad seeking to "rent a family" to spend time with on her birthday, because she grew up in a series of foster homes
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Best teacher ever accused of showing before-and-after photos of her boob job to students. Wait, a teacher can afford a boob job?
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"Is that a U-Haul truck at the crematorium? ... I think they're taking bodies out of that U-Haul truck"
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Gallup poll finds Mississippi as the fattest state, with 35.2% of the population considered obese. There is a word for the other 64.8% who aren't yet at a dangerous level. Tourists
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Congratulations, you've just won a $650,000 settlement with the police department over them beating the crap out of you. Here's your check, and oh, by the way, a warrant for your arrest on 14 felonies
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Are you concerned that your number of sexual partners is unusually high? Or that the number is so low it's pathetic? Well, Slate presents the Sex Partner Calculator to tell you just how proud or shamed you should be
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Senior class cancels class trip, donates $8,000 towards health care costs to their principal who is fighting cancer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this modern-day biker
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"A woman called the police to ask for help with her suicidal boyfriend and they arrived armed with assault rifles, asked her to wait outside and then shot him dead"
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Now that's what I call real drag racing
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7am: Have sex. 8:30am: Tackle your hardest task. 10am: Go shopping. 1:30pm: Eat lunch. 5pm: Get some exercise. 7pm: Drink some wine. 10pm: Go to bed
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The terrorists have won; no Muhammad drawings will be displayed on Washington buses or subways
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Russia has fielded a full team of Politics Tab players, hoping to win the World HOTY while FIFA is away
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Not news: Deputies respond to domestic dispute. Fark: Gator vs. Horse
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| (Some Totally Sane Guy) |
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The Blue Bell Ice Cream listeria outbreak was just a story so the government can use the ice cream trucks as mobile refrigerated mortuaries
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Teen athlete can't compete in Junior Olympics because she was bitten by a shark. Talk about snatching defeat from the jaws of victory
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"You might call it a ... *puts on sunglasses* ... Wesson in stupidity. YEEAAAHHHH"
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Look at the tits on that (Very safe for work)
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When most dogs are dying, they just want to be left in peace in a dark corner. But this guy decided to take his dying dog on a cross country adventure
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Yes, Virginia, there are people who consider the Duggar clown-car circus to be "too liberal"
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Still no cure for cancer, but we have answered the age old question of why there are holes in Swiss cheese
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Well somebody is going to have a problem when a school's dress code for graduation includes using the term 'girls' for boobies
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High Times' "Strongest Strains on Earth" issue intentionally excludes Colorado pot because it's TOO good: "The Denver Cup annually produces the majority of the winners, so we thought we'd showcase strains from other Cups around the world"
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There is a nearly indestructible virus out there that can survive boiling acid. And it just might be key in saving the human race
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Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?
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Orlando School District will now monitor all staff and students' social media accounts. Orwell's "1984" noticeably absent from summer book lists
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To prove not all billionaire CEOs are heartless and greedy thugs, Chobani CEO will donate half of his wealth
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An assault rifle used in seven unsolved Northern Ireland murders has been discovered on public display at London's Imperial War Museum
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Ugly-ass pygmy hippopotamus gives birth to ugly-ass calf
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California legislature set to legalize the scourge of roadways
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| Thu May 28, 2015 |
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Friendly the Clown arrested for getting too friendly with traumatic brain injury patient
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Russian oil company Rosneft signs up to be the next to have its industrial properties nationalized by Venezuela
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The Royal Society of Putting Things On Top of Other Things is apparently illegal in Boulder, Co
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A Consumers Energy spokesperson said it is not standard protocol to patch natural gas leaks with rags
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God is alive and well and living in Brooklyn...and he is pissed. So he sued them, of course
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Obama seizes control of the nation's water supply in an effort to, oh, who can even guess what nonsense they'll come up with this time?
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Kirby Delauter, previously known for being Kirby Delauter, is back in the news for acting like Kirby Delauter. Kirby Delauter
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When the anthropologists of the distant future study our society, this sixth-grader's written apology to an emergency dispatcher for calling 911 and shouting 'DEEZ NUTS' will be among the most valued primary documents
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Republican NC governor promises to sign bill allowing state employees to opt out of officiating weddings on religious grounds... And when I say 'sign', I mean 'veto'
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Photoshop this robot rumble
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Got cancer? Maybe you should cut down on the semen
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2,400-year-old 'bongs' used to smoke cannabis and opium are dug up in Russia. Willie Nelson thinks they might be the ones he lost
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Jade Helm hysteria, circa 1954: "all of the damage reports were composed of '5 per cent hoodlum-ism, and 95 per cent public hysteria.' Puget Sound residents had unwittingly become participants in a textbook example of collective delusion"
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Do you cook with fresh produce from your own garden? Share with your fellow Farkers how you make the most of your green thumb
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Photoshop this clean-up crew
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Cow escapes slaughterhouse only to be shot at McDonald's
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Florida pilot's preflight checklist included half a bottle of Cognac, wine
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It was one small ban for mankinis, one giant step for an English seaside resort town: English resort sees crime fall after mankini clampdown
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Coming this weekend to NYC, nature's most awe-inspiring sight: ♫Manhattanhenge, where the A-list dwells. Where the bankers live and they do live well / Manhattanhenge where a man might be a man. Where the children drink coffee and eat whole bran♫
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Antelopes in Kazakhstan no longer roaming, almost half of endangered species dead. Scientific theories include a lung disease or poisoning by rocket fuel from Russian launches at Kazakhstan's Baikonur spaceport. Either way they're not roaming
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Six things you learn by being the worst person on the internet
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Warning: That lower back tat may come back to bite you in the ass
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Think $39K is too much for a 3-yo's birthday party? Wait 'til Disney comes after them for the unlicensed Minnie and Mickey
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Pro tip for electricians: Check the wiring in your cannabis farm before it sets fire to your roof
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A Burning Man festival in Israel ends up torching ancient remains by accident. Oops
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Putin: Those FIFA guys? Honest as the day is long. Incorruptible. Shining examples of human honesty and fair dealing. Pretty handsome too. Loved by their wives, Morgan Fairchild, whom they've seen naked
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Man attempts to shoplift an AK-47 by stuffing it down his pants
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One of the best investments ever made by America is well ahead of schedule and could be released this summer
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Mad Max: Fury Road fans find "Wilton Silver Color Mist" on Amazon. Hilarity ensues
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Ted Cruz admits he's on level 217 of Candy Crush Saga
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Finally, the DOD is spending our money on something useful
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Gay Head moved
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Man gets drunk and illegally catches 122 sea bass
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Photoshop this head growth
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These are some of the images you get if you attach a heart rate monitor to a dog and connect it to a camera so that a picture is taken whenever the dog's heart rate is increased
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BAC of .145 has a new cover girl - who tried to leave the scene of her crash with no headlights and a flat tire
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If you want to reignite the flames of desire in your ex-girlfriend's heart, setting her bedroom on fire isn't the best way to do it
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The most irrational man in America is a tenured professor at Duke, suffered burns on 70 percent of his body when he was a teenager, and officiates the weddings of strangers
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Study reveals mental illness is a problem for those that cannot afford to treat it
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Indiana's marijuana-smoking church granted tax-exempt status, plans to test limits of controversial Religious Freedom law at first "worship" service: "I don't think they're going to come into the church and arrest us"
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Berkeley instituted a tax on soda in hopes of getting people to quit drinking it. Instead the city took in $116,000 in revenue the first month and people still keep drinking it
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Remember how Conservatives said that ministers would be jailed for following their conscience and religious beliefs on the gay marriage issue and Liberals were all, "nuh-uh"? Yeah, about that
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Decades after the events of World War II, the Germans still fear the bombs that didn't go off
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Remember back in the good old days when a cute airline stewardess could pose for some fun and playful pictures inside the engine well of her plane without passengers freaking out? "They couldn't believe what they were seeing"
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Ice cream sprinkles: serious business
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Evidentally the schools frown on teachers being drunk and passed out at their desk
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Anthony Weiner's unintended penis joke - by Dick Johnson
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What happens when ISIS conquers you? Well that depends, women are sold into slavery. Men and teenage boys? Executed
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Chicago cop to fight his firing over a photo pretending to hunt black men with antlers
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"Vanya, the word you have to spell is 'troll.'" "Could you use it in a sentence?" "The troll enjoys expressing his displeasure on the internet about how Indian kids keep winning the National Spelling Bee." "Troll. T-R-O-L-L"
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I blame all y'all for ruining this prestigious once learned language
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New ice cream cone raising a Führer across India
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Every glass of water you drink is almost 100% dinosaur wee
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Thieves break into a car, steal a pair of sunglasses and ignore a million dollar lottery ticket
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Ric Romero reporting: Teen drivers are putting everyone at risk on the roads
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The snow in Boston may not melt before summer
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A hotel kicks out 30 guests after an argument erupts over a waffle-maker
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 525: "Once Upon a Time in Mexico" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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Owner of carnival company to give free party to students who were excluded because they couldn't afford the $10 fee. "If I had known that there were kids not allowed to attend the carnival, I would have paid for them"
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Guy records video of school buses constantly blowing through stop sign and exiting school grounds right onto busy street. Local news picks up story and confronts school district. Sign mysteriously disappears and is later replaced with yield sign
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Good news, D.C. Farkers. The American Freedom Defense Initiative is planning to use your Metro system as its next canvas for cartoon images of Muhammad that celebrate free speech. Thanks for having the courage to stand with them
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Strange, now that it's underwater, Texas not so scared of FEMA
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What's a Grecian urn? Probably not enough to pay for this
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Photoshop this Über-trendy coffee bar
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You know your rehab isn't going so well if your sober coach abruptly quits and leaves you in Mexico
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Pentagon "inadvertently" releases anthrax spores into Texas and California one month prior to Jade Helm
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Breast cancer could be "stopped in tracks by cheap drugs," in today's story you're not hearing much about on American news networks that run a lot of pharmaceutical ads
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Student suspended for sharing his ghost pepper with classmates. "I was told that it's equivalent to giving someone LSD"
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Drone buzzing Memorial Day tourists in Lake Havasu City, Arizona, brought down by unmanned aerial T-shirt
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Two damn dirty apes have lawyered up and are in court applying for "personhood"
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Dan Savage wants to make Duggar the new Santorum: 'Clearly duggary needs to be a word'
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Photoshop this high-up guy
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"He will be sadly missed, both for his propensity to consume stale bread and cake, along with his ability to toss upstart young moorhens all over the place." Somerset village to hold funeral for popular local duck
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Judge who used Facebook to deride criminals in her courtroom resigns
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It's so damn hot in India that the roads are melting
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Seagull photobombs precision flying team at Wales air show
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"Its okay now. Both engines seem to be back on now. Feel free to move about the cabin, change your shorts"
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This is an Air France Boeing 777 with 37 people on board please divert your course now. This is a volcano, your call
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If flooding and washed out homes and roads wasn't enough now Texans are having to deal with floating balls of AW HELL NO
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India's tallest man (8ft 1in) tells what it's like to live the high life
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Do dogs like cats or do cats just hate dogs?
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World Trade Center's observation deck opens. It's a towering 360 degree view of NYC
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Finally, an article that leads with a question that can be answered YES
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Take my last BBQ rib? Fork you
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Here are photos of the arrested FIFA officials, a dream team of subjects for caricature artists, photoshoppers and captioners
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Pilot of MH370 was on his way to buzz the tower at Diego Garcia when plane went missing
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Woman arrested for biting off pit bull's testicles. Not sure who's the victim here. Also not sure if this mug shot is the woman or the pit bull
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Man missing for 23 years found submerged in Citation. Please
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Leading environmental scientists develop plan to solve California's drought crisis: tax organic farm products, which are less efficient than non-organics, to drive down demand and improve efficiency. CHECKMATE, HIPPIES
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China says it is the rightful owner of the South China Sea and all its land because it wants it and always has. In other news, subby owns Jessica Alba and the Pacific Ocean which will now be referred to as "Duke Sucks Ocean"
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Drunken kilted carjacker detained"
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Auckland, NZ police searching for a man trying to be Superman with a speeding locomotive, say he left shoe marks on engine before running away
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Ron Jeremy caught standing naked on a billboard. (Possibly not safe for work)
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Idaho man survives direct lightning strike to the head which shredded the clothes off his body
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Homeless man arrested for panhandling and urinating in public. Cops put his photo on Facebook along with helpful announcement that since he had $800 in cash on him he doesn't really need your money anymore, kthxbye
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Duggar cached website: "Rape and incest represent heinous crimes and as such should be treated as capital crimes"
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"Wreckage found after sailor goes missing in boat made of car parts"
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Colonial Williamsburg to offer live fire musket range for tourists to experience the Second Amendment the way our founding fathers did
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♫ Life is like a hurricane here in Hartford. Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes, it's a duck-blur. Might solve a murder mystery ♫
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Cute: Your dog races your car down the driveway. Awesome: Dolphins surf the bow wave in front of the nuclear submarine you're testing
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Meet Charlie, the Web's newest urban legend. You can summon him and stuff
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Why you shouldn't enter your PIN without checking the amount on your bill: it could cost you in £223,000 for six beers
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Texas earthen dam failure damn "imminent". Link goes to live feed(Update: officials now say dam will hold)
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"Suspicions were first raised about Boyd Holder, a pastor in Tennessee, USA, when he was caught by local police allegedly having sex with a man in a van belonging to the Victory Apostolic Church where he worked"
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• Illusion of understanding • Illusion of control • Not News • Fark.ppt
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Scientists fight fire with fire - use herpes virus to successfully treat cancer. "About 10 per cent of the patients treated experienced a complete remission"
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Unless you have some time to kill, don't ask this Illinois couple to show you pictures of their grandchildren. They just had their 100th. "There's always room for one more"
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"Baffled police say it's the first time they've ever had someone steal a steering wheel"
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Photoshop what really has the fans scared
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"Dear Prudence: My mother-in-law acts like she's the mother to my kids. She wrote a story for my daughter where a girl's parents died and she went to live with the grandparents and said it was a happy ending. Should I fear for my life?"
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Ruh Rho
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29 shot, 9 dead in Ballujah over the Memorial Day weekend
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Well this is awkward: Kenyan lawyer wants to trade Malia Obama for 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats during the President's summer visit. (From the comments: "Imagine how many Cherutos you can get with that type of dowry")
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Pot-friendly hotel finally opens in downtown Denver: "Other hotels will fine you crazy amounts and kick you out. I've been kicked out of a hotel for smoking pot, it was a few years back, but that's the kind of stuff that won't happen in our hotel"
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Spain's massive human tower competition puts the USC's cheer squad to shame
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Texas legislators feverishly working to ensure women of all incomes have access to cervical and breast cancer screenings. Oh wait, scratch that, reverse it. They're gutting all state funds because fark poor women, that's why
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Texas floods were powerful enough to raise the dead
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Meet the newest "Human Barbie." She's a 26-year-old Russian hottie whose parents choose her clothes and refuse to let her date, but they totally approve of her raunchy photos. She's never even had a boyfriend (w/pics)
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Life-size bronze Jesus Christ vanishes off church cross
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A rookie mistake many first time drug dealers make is arranging sales via Craigslist (Bonus: This is your mugshot .... ON WEED)
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Paula Cooper, the youngest person on Death Row, is no longer so
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When Scotland passes better education policy it's time to admit Fark needs a Texas tag too
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Bad day: You crash into a fire hydrant and the water opens up a hole in the road. You go to inspect the damage and get locked out of your truck so you have to kick in the back window. Then you try to drive away and fall into the hole
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You know you're smug when people can literally smell the happiness wafting off from you
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Students release ladybugs into their school- 72,000 of them to be exact
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Teacher has sex with twelve year old, is acquitted of rape charges, and wants to teach again. Why yes, it was a female teacher because a guy would've been convicted
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Cleveland police to stop hitting people on heads with guns, will just go back to using bullets
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Forget karaoke, darts, trivia nights, British pubs find a more realistic way to draw patrons (Not safe for work)
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U.S. kicks preemptive goal against FIFA
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According to the report, as police were removing him from the plane, he was yelling, "Y'all are dicks"
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