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| Sun April 19, 2015 |
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Security researcher booted off flight for pointing out flaw in security
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Guess which Nobel Peace Prize winner is spending $1 trillion on nuclear weapons
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The medical reporting magic 8 ball says that today caffeine is: good
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Father and daughter with the world's widest tongues easily lick the previous world's record
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Photoshop this power lifter
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Earthworms rain down on Norway. Residents brace for plague and pestilence
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Nine tips for surviving a packed Japanese train. Number 4: the Michael Jackson technique
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Gyrocopter dude can't figure out why his message of campaign finance reform isn't getting through to Congress
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♩ ♫ My milk truck brings all the crews to the yard and they're like, "It's blocking the road." Damn right, it's blocking the road. I can clear it, but I have to charge ♩ ♫
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What's worse than finding a cockroach in your Big Mac? Finding half a cockroach
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French authorities seize two tons of cocaine, immediately realize Jerry Lewis isn't funny
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Army morale at six-year low as soldiers are dissatisfied with their jobs and distrust leadership. Which at least means they'll have no trouble eventually adjusting back into mainstream society
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Yeah a lot of you who have visited the Guitar Center in Manhattan lately, don't quit your day jobs... if you had one to begin with
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A travelling we will go with P-22, the LA mountain lion with quite a following
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Photoshop this slick hiding spot
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"This is your last chance, either marry me or I will kill you and/or say bad things about you on Facebook"
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Man yells homophobic slurs, chokes manager, and throws him into elderly woman because the restaurant took an hour to make him an omelette. Boy, does he have egg on his face
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Small town editor writes entire column on why he deleted an inappropriate Facebook post from the paper's site. Fark's moderators prepare for book deal
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Today's Mad Libs headline comes to you from Iowa: "Chiropractor performs exorcisms and barters for sex with patients"
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Man runs three marathons to raise money for child he's never met so she can go to Disney World after her dad died. Subby ate an entire box of Little Debbies for breakfast
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Is that an FM radio in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
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For the first time in a century, bald eagles are back in New York. See, that whole 'Freedom Tower' thing worked
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California: LEAVE ALMONDS ALONE
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Hermione to set sail once again for America. Harry drunk dials Cho Chang
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John Hinckley Jr. is now spending some time in the wild and is trying to adjust to a normal life. Dating is difficult for a guy like him, but he's open to raising some Foster children
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Wildfire in California threatens hundreds of homes. Fire would have been out much earlier, but water conservation efforts have the firefighters trying to put out the blaze with blankets
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Photoshop this deadly crossbreed
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CSB Sunday Morning: That time I cheated death
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Hundreds feared to have drowned after a migrant boat sinks off the coast of Libya, could be the worst naval disaster since the Battle of Cape Matapan
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"The large party-hat-shaped penis...has been returned to its original location"
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BMW recalling 92,000 Mini-Coopers after people start realizing how goddamned ridiculous they look driving the things
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Undercover Minnesota cops bust bar for selling Wisconsin's "Spotted Cow" beer after 'anonymous tip', noticing beer taps on bar's Facebook page. Will next investigate if the Radisson is 'pretty good'
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Behold the power of the internet
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Family wins back gold coins worth $80 million. You can't put a value on things like that
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Where you going with that Mastiff hound?
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If you happen to know how a heavy marble headstone made for a U.S. Army veteran buried in Oklahoma ended up in an alley in downtown Bakersfield, Veterans Affairs officials would like to have a word with you
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Kate Middleton's friend has been holding orgies in the UK's first sharia hotel, and didn't think to invite even a single farker
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| (Some guy named soosh) |
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Our host isn't in the studio tonight, but here is an archived Livingston Stapler Company Presents show from March 10, 2012 for you to enjoy
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Ever wonder what happens when a cop doesn't fear for his life?
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| Sat April 18, 2015 |
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Can you really be called a 'Tree Ninja' if police catch you trying to chop a tree down with a hammer?
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"By the time Orlando firefighters and police arrived, the kitchen staff had cleaned the floor, rinsed the meat grinder and thrown the remains of Simpkins' fingers and the ground pork into the trash"
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| (BenSwann.com) |
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What happens in Kansas when a kid knows more about a subject than their teacher? Child Protective Services seize the kid, police interrogate the kid, then search their house and arrest parents. Take that you fancy book learners
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When they make this horror movie, the tagline will read: based on true events
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Today's Fark-ready headline: 'Church of Bacon' protests bank policies
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Photoshop this tail pulling good time
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Creator of the indoor mall dies at age 91. Headstone to feature "you are here" map locator of the cemetery
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Move over Liberty Llamas. Freedom Zebras are now all the rage
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Tenants of a Somerville, New Jersey rooming house are shocked to find that the stench they had been smelling for weeks was in fact a dead body and not just how New Jersey usually smells
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In the entire history of the world, there was only one brief moment, lasting about 70 years, where you could put something under lock and key--a chest, a safe, your home--and have complete, unwavering certainty that no intruder could get to it
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What parents did to their kids in the '50s and '60s that would be considered horrible now. With some nice slightly faded vintage photos. Subby can remember several more
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Improve upon this elaborate artsy shot
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News: Man gets pulled over after numerous 911 calls about his driving. Fark: With a cage of puppies on top of his van
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Despite the fact nobody has ever been executed by using nitrogen gas except in movies, Oklahoma decides to give it the greenlight over the chair
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Animal rights protesters? In MY circus? Send in the clowns
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Police officer will receive counseling after being caught on camera saying what everybody is thinking about bike lanes
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Ohhhh, ANTI-catcalling? Fark it, I'm goin' anyway
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Not news: Ohio school has word on girl's T-shirt photoshopped out of class photo. Get your popcorn ready: The word was 'feminist'
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Fark ready headline: Increase in demonic possession prompts Vatican to train army of exorcists
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Demonstrating its commitment to swift and sure justice, the Louisiana Board of Ethics imposes a $3,000 fine on a woman who employed her son for eleven months over eight years ago
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Noted real doctors demand that Columbia University remove noted fake Doctor Oz from their faculty
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Pirate Bay co-founder decries "inhumane conditions" in his Swedish prison. Those conditions? Denying him a Nintendo
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Most people cannot really do anything from their hospital beds, this woman is accused of dealing meth from hers
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Two-thirds of those under 35 say they feel unpopular, unhappy, and wish they had more friends
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Texas House approves gutting municipal fracking bans and would give the state the exclusive right to regulate the oil and gas industry, because Texas
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Bicycling is an excellent way to get Tampa police to notice you, if you're black
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Mother gets her daughter's school to rename their father-daughter dance to Spring Fling because not all children have fathers in their lives. And not surprisingly someone has a problem with this
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Is America ready for marijuana moguls who can light their bongs with $100 bills?
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Photoshop this man with his princess
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Kentucky researcher snaps pic of Bigfoot: "I know the photo might not convince anyone, but if you add the sightings, the tracks I found, the stick structures, and the personal experiences I had while in this area, then it just might" (w/pic)
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Man gets worldwide attention after growing 33-pound vegetable, says he now comes home beet, just wants to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed
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Although the evidence is still spotty, health authorities say Disneyland measles outbreak is over
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Cats aren't just for crazy cat ladies. More pet households own cats than other animals, according to the Humane Society. Cats rule households and now they rule the internet. So learn how to speak fluent Cat to make Caturdays more pleasant
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A former U.S. Navy aircraft carrier that survived a Japanese torpedo strike and was a massive guinea pig for two atomic bomb blasts looks remarkably intact at the bottom of the Pacific
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In response to an earlier report describing an ISIS camp on the US/Mexico border, the FBI has set up a task force that is meeting to determine their strategy to bag the whistleblower of the story. Sleep well
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Locals freak out when National Guard troops march thru Ontario neighborhood on "training exercise." 1812 wasn't THAT long ago, Canucks
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Whoa just wait a minute, are you saying that when you helped bring KFC over to Britain the Brits ruined it? No way could the Brits ruin good food
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Addiction In America: 14 Groovy Graphs
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New study says the perfect salary for happiness is $75,000. "More money had no measurable effect on day-to-day contentment"
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When forced to choose between two equally undesirable options, the only thing to do was choose the most ridiculously expensive option
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U.S. no longer needs the King ♣ to complete the Iraqi straight flush
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| Fri April 17, 2015 |
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Hey, Doc, can you help me with my erectile dysfunction? Well, I'm a dentist, but i'll give it a shot
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The glass around the zoo's gorilla enclosure is as strong as a gorilla. Almost
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To honor the new "meme law," Photoshop a Russian public figure that in no way harms their "honor, dignity and business"
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Android/iPhone debate gets stabby
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Sleeping on the sidewalk is fine, if you aren't homeless
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Much like a bad penny, the Fark Weird News Quiz is back. The only quiz on Earth that has been scientifically proven to make you taller and more muscular (if you're female) or get larger, more attractive breasts (if you're male)
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Southwest Airlines passenger who repeatedly jabbed snoring seatmate with penis kicked off flight
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Meet the man who holds the patent that could destroy Monsanto
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Coast Guard cutter docks in San Diego with 14 tons of cocaine seized off Central and South America. Authorities plan to unload all 10 tons, ship the 6 tons to evidence, and use all 3 tons to construct anti-cartel cases
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Photoshop this perturbed penguin
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Adiós, Sábado Gigante
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Ever wonder why your dog will not stop following you around? Here comes the science
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South Florida has lost 9,000 millionaires. You'd think they would have some sort of tracking system in place
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Washington Highway Patrol involved in major sting operation on state's busiest freeway
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China was already exporting goods to the U.S. as far back as 600 AD
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Chinese woman shares her bed with a pig, says it's helping to prepare her for marriage
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Senior citizens home uses morning video messages to aid patients with Alzheimer's and dementia. "It's an idea borrowed from an unlikely place, the 2004 Adam Sandler movie '50 First Dates.'" So Adam Sandler movies serve a purpose. Who knew?
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Julius Caesar may have suffered mini strokes, not epilepsy. Conclusion based on accounts of his final symptoms being a series of stabbing pains
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A cop staying at a Residence Inn was bound with bedsheets and robbed at gunpoint after life imitates Seinfeld
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Two Vermont lawmakers give their colleagues the most heinous ultimatum: Give us pot or we'll take away your booze
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Convicted murderer covered in tattoos decides to carve 666 into his forehead, forgets how mirrors work
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Your "Friday News Dump Day" story: House quietly passes a bill that gives tax exemptions to mega donors to secret superPACs. Ah, nothing like legalized bribery to start off your weekend
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Old and busted: Blaming your weight gain on your childhood. New excuseness: Blaming your weight gain on the design of your kitchen
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Don't think of all those surveillance cameras in Boston as having thirty times the zoom, citizen. Think of them as having thirty times the safety
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Well, it's official: Welfare recipients in Brownbackistan can no longer go swimming. *wipes hands on pants* See, *that's* how you solve poverty, people
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Culinary students compete for the chance to have their tang eaten by astronauts in space
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Disney stock rose $2 billion yesterday after the release of the new Star Wars trailer
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This story is the Rube Goldberg of fail
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Kentucky Derby expresses concerns about hitting Peak Douchebag, bans Selfie Sticks
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A professional game hunter has been trampled to death by an elephant he was attempting to kill for its ivory. Tag is for the elephant
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Brewing company makes beer out of human urine. So Budweiser finally comes clean?
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Pilots crashing planes? No problem Just get rid of pilots. Wait, what?
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"Is Christianity Dark Enough For Millenials?" I dunno, a dude proclaiming peace and love and living with 12 dudes while having a mistress who was a hooker then gets executed for questioning authority sounds pretty dark
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The world's largest McDonald's is being destroyed so a new world's largest McDonald's can be built in the same spot
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Man in Chef's uniform steals grill from Wal-Mart, though the important part is that he might not be a real chef, just someone dressed like one
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Appalachia grudgingly accepts Obamacare, marrying outside the family
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Photoshop Ric Romero and his new toy
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Make strange cameo in Medieval literature, do I
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My question to Mr Putin. Can you order Boris to allow his wife to have a dog?
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If you want to strip in Saskatchewan, make sure it's for charity
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Dog flu outbreak discovered in Chicago is now spreading throughout the Midwest. Your dog wants Tamiflu
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"Knock Knock. Who's there? The pilot"
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If you and your wife can't settle on a baby name for your child, the worst thing you could possibly do is turn to the internet for help
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At long last, Taco Bell finally opens a shop in Japan. Here's a helpful video explaining how to get there
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Kenny Loggins sunbathes in the danger zone
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One of Walmart's few intelligent employees was smart enough to pull off a $240,000 return scam
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Australian feral cats are eating literally all of nation's wild mammals, and they can't be eradicated. "The only place many mammal species are secure are inside cat proof fences"
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| Thu April 16, 2015 |
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No explanation on why parrot on a caffeine binge was driving but at least it survived the crash
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Great, Al-Qaeda now has their own airport. Still, has to be better to fly out of than O'Hare
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Flakka me? No. Flakka you. And the palm tree you rode in on
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"Your honor, the defendant could not possibly have killed that man, because I did"
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"An American who suffered third-degree burns to 70 per cent of his body in a childhood accident has faced his fears by becoming a firefighter" (pics)
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Photoshop this espionage operation
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Good: Baby bump. Bad: Baby speed bump
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Detroit has 'come to Jesus' moment after realizing they're suing the wrong church
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Pat "Big Daddy" Robertson says to smack your kid around so he'll stop listening to devil music
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World's oldest pilot is 95, farmers markets installing air defenses
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Judge hears lawsuit filed by deaf inmate. Well, at least someone can
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Nazi cross-dressing nymphomaniac dominatrix prostitute fired for being a banker. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it
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Woman jumps out of a window while police were trying to.... who cares about the story, this is all about the his-and-her mugshots
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London homeowner applies for permission to demolish house and rebuild with two-story basement. Neighbors object. Homeowner responds in hilarious fashion
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Did you hear the one about what the Polish archaeologists pulled out of an 18th century latrine?
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Fark Food Thread: Ever do your own crawfish boil? Make your own crab cakes? If you're ready to enjoy shellfish, is it time to go to a restaurant or do you have a recipe to share?
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Damn it feels good to be an ice cream gangsta
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Looks like the Fairfax County Police Department is going to need to find another spokesman to announce that their spokesman was just arrested for kiddie porn
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Ohio man charged with trying to help the Islamic State, or as they say in Ohio, THE Islamic State
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Drunk motorcyclist found trapped under his own bike. Twice
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"Dear Prudence: Have you read Hamlet? No? Okay, well here it goes...my father was murdered when I was young, and through a string of eerie coincidences I learned my uncle probably murdered him. Should I stage a fake play to get my uncle to confess?"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Not news: guy gets a tattoo of his newborn baby. You farking idiot: on the whole side of his face
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Looks like there's gonna be a transgender model on the cover of Men's Health. Man, that's gonna make the two straight guys who read Men's Health *really* uncomfortable while they're checking each other out in the shower
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"Astonishing" footage has emerged of the moment an apocalyptic storm turned day into night as it engulfed a busy city in Belarus and we have that footage
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Photoshop this alarmist
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Your dog wants steak, but he'll settle for just about anything
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Toronto raccoon climbs 650' crane to take a dump
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Beautiful snowflakes complain about the 'presentation' of their school lunch, with a--*looks at pic* Holy God, who's the cook over there, Mussolini?
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Fishing boat crew: We got a big one in the nets Captain, what should we do? Captain: Being it's a Russian submarine, we're probably going to need a bigger boat
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Ben and Jerry's is making beer. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY
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So that's how it works: Iranian cleric claims thinking about another woman while having sex with your partner will make your children gay
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Brighton's tree ninja has been captured. That would be the new Brighton of transient college students, not the old Brighton of beaches and literary novels
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ATTENTION: Ambulance personnel do not have the equipment or training to handle downed pigeon calls
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Use mobile banking? Here's five ways you're doomed. DOOMED
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Donut goes where no donuts have gone before after Swedish brothers launch 'first donut in space' in Norway
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Medical professor attends son's abstinence-only sex ed class, live tweets the proceedings: "Paper babies are being handed out to EVERYONE. They have ALL HAD CONDOM FAILURE AND THE WHOLE CLASS IS PREGNANT"
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Washington DC celebrates Emancipation Day. It was actually 153 years ago, but better late than never
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High school student not allowed to attend class because her black leather lace-ups aren't the type of shoes they're looking for, even though they are black leather lace-ups. What a bunch of heels
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The reason why there are far fewer breweries in the south is exactly what you think it is
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Cancer robs woman of identity
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Thirty years ago, Tommy Tutone (the band) played its last show. A couple months ago, they reunited in New York. Here's an interview with them talking about how they thought they'd made it...and how wrong they were
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Hobo graffiti is back, and if you see one of these symbols chalked on your house, you are going to be - or just have been - robbed
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Today's pretext for SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN: Johnny Cash lyrics
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The first immortal human has already been born
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"At the age of 9, Kim Jong Un raced the chief executive of a foreign yacht company who was visiting North Korea at the time," he won that race "despite the odds"... But wait, there's more
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"This is not the first time radioactive materials have gone missing in Mexico"
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"If the drought doesn't kill your lawn, zombie gnomes will"
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On Jackie Robinson day, let's remember when he was fired from the New York Post for being too Republican
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Jail to inmates: Buy underwear in commissary or go commando
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Rub me tender (Not safe for work)
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Photoshop this handout
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And now, all the good things about the California drought
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If reality shows about ghosts do well on cable TV, and reality shows about Alaska do well on cable TV, think how well a reality show about ghosts in Alaska will do on cable TV
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Another cop who can't mind his own business goes rogue...finding diner's lost wedding ring in plumbing while moonlighting as restaurant chef: "In the past year when it seems all you hear and see on TV are negative things about police officers"
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Well, it looks like you can have a stripper school. Just be quiet when running it
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Former Obama pilot concludes TWA Flight 800 was shot down. "This investigation smelled like bull all those years back, and time has done nothing to soften that stench. I don't believe the findings, and neither do hundreds of other pilots that I know"
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Lïndström, Mïnnësöta tö gët ïts ümläuts bäck
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And you get a grope, you get a grope, you get a grope
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Texas aquarium accidentally kills nearly all fish in its biggest indoor tanks
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Want to fight pollution? You could block traffic in your village
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How do you confuse a taser on your chest with a revolver on your hip? First, falsify your weapons training records
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Watch a knuckle crack on an MRI for the first time
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Russia straps a jet engine to a tractor to clean carrier decks, because ... why the hell not?
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You know the economy is bad when thieves on bikes using slingshots are robbing San Francisco stores. Hey, it's cheaper than bullets and gasoline
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Full video of SpaceX CRS-6 barge arrival released. We're gonna need some bigger RCS thrusters
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Police consider manslaughter charges for man who shook four week old baby. Fark: Who died 20 years later
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Mother of the year candidate: Sure I left my 4 year-old home alone at night, but it's not like I didn't give her instructions about what to eat and when to go to bed
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 519: "Money Shots 3" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 15, 2015 |
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Let me introduce you to the internet's next mercilessly bullied teen
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Teen sent home from school because of gingervitis
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Convicted felon hatches brilliant escape plan which basically consisted of just walking out the front door
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Photoshop this distortion
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New Mexico duck tests positive for bird flu - according to some quack
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Woman sues Disney for implanting Chip under her skin. No word on Dale's whereabouts
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If you've been wondering why workplace productivity has been down and the Internet has been slow the past few days, it's because a mother gave her son an allowance, found it torn in pieces, and decided to take a picture and post it on Facebook
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Six months ago: People are moving back into the cities, the suburbs are dying. Now: People are moving back to the suburbs because they're sick of the cities
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Photoshop what you see on this paper
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"Free-range" parents sue CPS, pointing out they have more reason to fear the government snatching their children off the street than they do bad guys in Free Candy vans
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Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts isn't even fit to serve on a jury
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US Post Office declares war on Congress. Lands attack Gyrocopter on front lawn of capitol building
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What could be more awkward than meeting your fiancée's dad for the first time? How about recognizing each other from a local gay cruising site and then hooking up
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Today's baffling Japanese burger is the shrimpburger, hold the shrimp
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I've got a great idea: Let's just tow the icebergs from Alaska to California and sell them some water! Seriously, we can't miss with this, we'll make millions! Who's with me? Guys? Anyone?
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I think that I should never see, a man high on flakka, humping a tree
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Protecting the huge manatee from huge humanity asshats
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Hitler was a dick
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"A Long Island man set his rental car ablaze while trying to kill bedbugs inside the vehicle, police say"
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How to remain cool as a cucumber as a Buckingham Palace guard after falling on your arse in front of hundreds of tourists
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Things you learn being nude in Jamaica
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In addition to dogs and bees, Portland Airport has hired some goats and a llama. TSA workers reportedly worried
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Clearly, the best thing to do for your city manager of three years who got your city out of bankruptcy and sparked a massive financial turnaround is to fire him
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Ohio passes measure saying they are the first in flight, not Connecticut. North Carolina heard saying they have something to say about all of this
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Meet Cardio Brisket, a calf that was born with a heart defect. Hey, Cardio Brisket alone sounds like a good band name
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Susie by the seashore
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Not that it's much of a consolation, but if you're up for a small break on Tax Day... try these businesses out for a freebie or a break of some sort
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Right hand on red, left boob on green
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What is the world coming to when you can't even go shopping wearing nothing but a giant adult diaper and a smile?
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Police officers find teen out after curfew, beat him into submission. Just kidding, they all chip in and buy him a new skateboard: "The skateboard that the kid had had been broken, it was all chipped up, and just mangled" (w/pics)
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Inigo_Montoya.jpg
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Somebody has now created a bicycle with a safety cage that bounces off trucks and buses instead of getting dragged under them. Or you could just ride on the sidewalks
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Man goes to police station to complain about the hot weather, is advised not to waste police time
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A Smithsonian reporter is one of the few people allowed to enter the Chauvet Cave every year, the "world's greatest repository of Paleolithic art"
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You know that scene in 'Caddyshack' where the caddies are allowed to swim in the club's pool one day a year for fifteen minutes? This is just like that except for dogs
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Little girl sends unique hand-written message to her dad. Difficulty: He's on the ISS
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Man accused of stealing 76 car batteries from Walmart. I hope he gets charged
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Colorado launches nation's first radio station dedicated to coverage of the legal marijuana industry, attracts advertisers and hundreds of followers on social media: "Most people don't get a response like this on radio, let alone for an AM station"
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No one still has any farking clue what experimental food-like substances go into a Hot Pocket or a Cheeto. And Congress is there to make sure it stays that way
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Ebola 1 year later, lessons learned. #1) Don't get Ebola
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Just click this link to find out how to protect yourself from phishing attacks
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We have a ISIS suicide car bomber in the air.... REPEAT ..in the air. BOOM
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If you inject yourself with cement and tire sealant to alter your appearance, it may not turn out as well as you expect
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| Tue April 14, 2015 |
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One of the Internets greatest memes "Success Kid," who is now eight and in need of some payback from you meme lovers. He needs some help getting his father a new kidney
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Put away the Farmers' Almanac, honey, I'm going with the burning snowman's exploding head
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The worst baby names in the world, revealed. Come for 'Orgasm,' stay for 'Obamaniqua'
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If you add a "possession of a deadly weapon" charge to your rap sheet while doing a stretch in County, it probably won't enhance your rep in the yard if that weapon is a spork
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In Arizona the cops don't stop suspects by shooting them in the back. They plow into them with their squad cars at high speed
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Government sets aside millions of dollars for victims of police torture in the corrupt tin-pot republic of Chicago
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Porn star runs for political office. Photo suggests that his movies were not huge at the box office
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Fark's feel-good story of the day: 'How booze saved my life'
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Photoshop this Western scene
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San Pablo cop arrested after allegedly buying drugs with child in car. Usually drug dealers only take cash
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Residents need $1mil to purchase land where they have established public gardens to feed the poor. City contributes dozens of police and a bulldozer
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Fark-ready headline: "Ducks wander around downtown DC for no clear reason"
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Good: Man in online relationship finds out upon meeting woman for first time that she likes to swing. Bad: A bat
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Woman glues her naked boyfriend to a chair. Needs help soonish
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This has got to be the most embarrassing way possible to rupture a tendon in your thumb. Ok, wait, it's at least No. 2
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Two TSA agents fired for manipulating passenger screening systems in order to grope hot men
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Bad news: Drone delivering asparagus crashes and burns. Good news: Grilled asparagus
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Nookie Monster arrested in Times Square after grabbing teen's breasts
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Photoshop Theme: Song titles. Difficulty: No Stairway
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In what may be the greatest meeting of pseudo-intellectuals this century, celebrity has-been Pamela Anderson to visit Sheriff Joe to extoll the benefits of his meatless jail meals
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No one knows what to do with this 76-foot hole in Chicago. Suggestion: Leave it the way it is as a monument to Illinois politics
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If you hack the lottery by modifying security cameras, sneaking into glass computer room, installing a rootkit in 59 seconds, and setting up offshore company to collect winnings, you may want to wear a fake mustache when buying the actual ticket
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Computer games can hold some of the most terrifying, nightmarish creatures imaginable: eldritch Lovecraftian horrors, undead zombies, fashionistas
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San Antonio chef and food truck owner given a $2,000 fine by police--because she was giving her food away to the homeless rather than selling it to hipsters
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It's now official: Generalissimo Francisco Franco was a dictator. In other news, he's still dead
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Woman orders pizza and asks for the "cutest delivery boy" to "tell me I'm pretty" when he delivers. And that's all he did. Honest
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Give a mouse a cookie and he'll want a glass of milk. Try to set a mouse on fire and you burn your whole goddamn garage down
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Minnesota forbids making eye contact with senators, as they may feel threatened and attack
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North Carolina bill to allow unrestricted concealed carry would allow guns anywhere in the state. Duke may suck, but you better be damn careful about saying so
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Last minute tax advice: a Snickers bar is not a deductible business expense
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My bathroom encounter. DIT
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Washington University rowing team has an "Oh carp" moment during practice
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Herpes? In my sunbed? It's more likely than you think
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Robert Kennedy Jr. would like to apologize for comparing the way vaccines have inflicted autism upon countless children to the Holocaust, will use "other words" to describe the "autism crisis" in the future
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NC murder suspect with poorly drawn tattoos found sleeping on Daytona Beach
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Perhaps the biggest risk of robbing someone by bike is that they could beat you and steal your bike
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New survey finds five of the ten unhappiest U.S. cities are in Ohio. Residents of the other five said they were unhappy but at least they weren't living in Ohio
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Schrödinger's whale
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Bomb squad finds grenade in Dorset village, lets a local five-year old kid blow it up
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American teens are more stressed today than adults. Especially trying to figure out how to eventually pay off $100,000 of college loans with only minimum wage jobs
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Guess what, you ever-increasing population? Sharks need to eat, too
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Robot stranded inside Fukushima plant, begins plotting revenge
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The government takes away your rights, nothing. The NSA spies on you, nothing. Start charging you for volleyball that's a protesting
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Photoshop this lighthouse
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Some blockhead comes up with a unique way to rebuild damaged coral reefs
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Colorado marijuana taxes finally start helping schools: "We have been putting Band-Aids on schools that really need to be rebuilt. To receive $40 million per year in marijuana taxes would provide more than just new roofs and boilers"
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Tulsa wannabe cop that shot an unarmed man has become a not-so-wannabe manslaughter defendant
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How far down the list of "Annoying Problems That Need Government Regulations" do you have to go before you get to hair-dryer noise in restrooms?
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If you've ever thought you wanted to kill yourself after waiting on hold for the next available operator, you should imagine how this guy felt
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High Times magazine's New York-rooted editor-in-chief Dan Skye: "The Colorado cannabis industry is an economic miracle. Everyone in the United States is following Colorado's lead"
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University of Wisconsin-Madison students snap, crackle, and pop the world's record for largest Rice Krispies treat
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After woman asks teenagers to quiet down in movie theater, they assault her in parking lot. Two of the alleged attackers were caught on security cam, so if you see either of these young girls.... Hold on, those are teenagers? Seriously?
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Without any warning, Walmart suddenly starts closing down stores Monday evening
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If you light a cigarette while making a bomb, you might be an idiot
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Just after they made the vinyl LP a high-priced collectible, collectors now proclaim the VHS videocassette will become a high-priced collectible, thanks to fools who threw out their VHS tapes en masse
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| Mon April 13, 2015 |
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Nudist candidate for mayor of San Francisco holds up Wiener on way to work
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You can't spell "San Diego vacation cruise" without "Norovirus"
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According to a new study by the National Academy of Sciences, if people move faster to get away from a tsunami, more of them will survive. Wow, really?
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Couple dies after crashing their Ford Model T. This is not a repeat from the 1920s
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You shall not overpass
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Americans often look upon British food as bland and stodgy, or just plain weird. This item will do nothing to change that. Behold: Breakfast in a can
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Blackwater contractors sentenced to 30 years in prison for Iraqi massacre
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You gotta break a lotta eggs to get three years in the coop
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Unable to pay for his drinks at a bar, man invents "Flaming Bouncer"
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Apparently passenger jetliner pre-flight checklists do not include "make sure all the baggage handlers have gotten off"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bad day for the planet
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Fark NotNewsletter: A vote for Dickbutt is a vote for America
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Were Lincoln and Nixon gay? Well, certainly not for each other
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Russia bans what the internet is for
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Man shoots at armadillo, hits mother-in-law by mistake ... BY MISTAKE. Yeah, that's the ticket
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Animals acting weird causes mass hysteria in Japan that another major earthquake might hit soon
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When your car goes off the road and gets stuck in the mud, you call a tow truck. You do the same thing for a 737 that went off a taxiway in Houston, you just need a slightly bigger tow truck
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Everything is better when it's wrapped in bacon. Well everything, that is, except the door handles on an Oklahoma mosque
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As the Montana Historical Society celebrates its 150th year, an anonymous envelope arrives in the mail--containing the original hand-written 1865 document creating the Historical Society. Staffers' typically dry, bureaucratic response? "HOLY SH*T"
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Photoshop this door to another dimension
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Deck chair from the Titanic up for auction, perfect for re-arranging
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Jesus Christ it's a lion, get in the car
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Allergy season is here, and it's time for EVERYBODY TO PANIC
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Rogue microwave ovens are behind the mysterious radio signals plaguing astronomers. So if you're burning popcorn in the microwave at work, you're technically committing two crimes against the universe
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Remember, guys, you can make jokes about Canadians all you want, but keep in mind . . . they never, ever forget
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73-year-old millionaire "pay to play cop" who confused gun for Taser, killing unarmed suspect lying subdued on ground, cleared of wrongdoing by Tulsa Sheriff's Office. "You have to remember, this is Oklahoma"
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Judge sentences Jodi Arias to life with no chance of parole for murder, which is kind of silly because she didn't tell that guy to shoot Reagan and it was a long time ago anyway
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Shooter at large at Wayne Community College in Goldsboro, NC. Just a few miles further south and he'd be in a real pickle
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See, you don't have to pay taxes, because the IRS spells your name in all-caps. Or something. Man, is it just me or are the chemtrails really strong this morning?
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Human Centipede 3 has fans flocking to ATMs, the bisontennial returns, and a severe case of gran larceny: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 4/5 - 4/11
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Is this dress-shaped cake blue-and-black or gold-or-white?
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Three people shot outside bowling alley. That's a turkey
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Man charged after allegedly threatening to blow up Parliament. Funkadelic still on high alert
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Lithuania claims that Norway is really Arkansas
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Some of the greatest album covers of all time reimagined with Marvel characters. Come for the Ultron crossdressing and stay for the Ultron crossdressing. Did I mention the Ultron crossdressing? Cause that totally happened
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People walk in L.A.? Citation please
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Penis transplant doctor talks about his patient, reveals he had to veto the patient's idea of transplanting four extra penises onto himself so his pants would fit like a glove
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Study finds that a college degree is the key to a middle class life. In other news, the key to an upper class life is still wealthy parents
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Woman returns from shopping to find nasty note chiding her for parking in handicapped space when she is clearly not handicapped. Yeah, you pretty much know where this is going
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Photoshop this crystal collection
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Four underage LSU bros find themselves Eastbound & down when Alabama sheriffs bust them hauling 100 cases of Natty Light to Spring Break
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| (Principal Sayof) |
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Look, this is America. You can't just let your kids run around freely and be kids. And to think they were almost a third of a mile from their home, the horror, the horror
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Survey says nearly 9 in 10 US adults now have health insurance, cementing Obama's place as history's greatest monster
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Secret Service acts heroically by not tackling, tazing and beating 4 year old who climbed under White House fence
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Reefer Madness leads to a life of poor choices and despair
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Man gets the Dale Earnhardt Driving Experience while participating in the Richard Petty Driving Experience
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An archaeological dig has discovered that Canada's parliament buildings were built on top of a dump full of wine bottles, beer bottles, champagne bottles, tumblers and glasses. That sounds about right
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Dear Coleen: I had sex with 25 men at a party and now I'm pregnant, what should I do?
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If the Hollywood casting couch is a rocking, don't .... holy crap, that's an earthquake
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Maybe no one in Buffalo will remember the Great Underground Fire of 2015, but at least we have footage of a pothole cover being blown sky high right in the middle of the city
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Because sometimes while high on meth you just have to break in to an apartment complex, get naked and hide in a small storage unit
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