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These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
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| Sun March 22, 2015 |
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Brewer of Moosehead insists drinkers can't tell the difference between their beer and Moose Wizz
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Don't like your Egg McMuffin? Screw you
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Utah man likes his face like he likes his baseball: COVERED IN BEES
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Sounds goofy, but pigs with Disney tattoos are selling for more than £50k
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Woman who fell in love with a tree explains how they have sex. Psychiatrists help her to get to the root of the problem
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"One in three households in the U.S. contains a collector, one in ten Americans rents storage space, and one in twenty is a pathological hoarder. And hoarding can kill you"
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Over-excited women in Naples mob the Pope like he's Justin Timberlake. FARK: Nuns
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80-year-old guy banned from all 1200 plus Sainsbury's locations, because he accidentally bumped a fellow shopper with his mobility scooter
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Photoshop this evening output
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Exploding Spider-Man costume being pulled off shelves, despite assurances by Irving Mainway that it is no more dangerous than his "Johnny Human Torch" and "Johnny Space Commander" lines of costumes
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Cops raid brothel, find four other cops and the convicted murderer they were supposed to be transporting
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If you aren't too busy dodging sandworms, now would be a good time to check the condition of your stillsuit
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Singamourn
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Old and busted: Living in a van, down by the river. New hotness: Living in a tent-boat, ON the river
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Don't panic, but some day there may be 2 Floridas
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The best whiskey in the world is ... made in Taiwan?
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When you get a recall notice for your car, do you get the free repair promptly, or are you one of the 36 million bastards endangering the lives of everyone else on U.S. roads?
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Photoshop this pointer and listener
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Not news: Woman sees face in cloud. New: She doesn't claim it's Jesus. Fark: Well, then who else could it be?
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Japan to build a massive sea wall to combat threat from the ocean, apparently forgetting how well that strategy worked against the kaiju in "Pacific Rim"
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Disney fanatic wants to #freethemonorail by sending it to Burning Man so it can "follow its own path"
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No
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Man stranded on Vanuatu following Cyclone Pam survives on diet of flying foxes, finches and bats, reports they all taste pretty much like chicken
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A woman gets caught in rip tide. Husband tries to save her and is caught too. Then: A Bernese mountain dog named Nico jumps in
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If you ever go to Brazil, some of the things you'll first notice are that people are making out all over the place, you can use your napkin to make a joint, and the noise. The noise everywhere
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Thousands expected to witness funeral procession of King Richard III. This is not a repeat from 1485
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Japan's real-life "Radioactive Man" returns to Fukushima to feed animals that were left behind (pics)
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ZooMontana shows off their three ugly-ass river otter pups
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Rare quadruplet calves born. Milk now comes from de-calf-inated cow
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This rare ugly-ass mammal has been photographed for the first time in 20 years
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Charging 10 cents for a plastic bag is now considered a sin, according to someone apparently unable to remember to bring a reusable bag
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Photoshop this bubbly good time
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CSB Sunday Morning: Noxious Neighbors and Rotten Roommates
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Planning to drive on Parisian roads on Monday? If you have an even-numbered license plate - laissez votre voiture dans le garage
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The humble chicken wing is flying high. Still no consensus whether the wing drumette or the wing mid-section is better
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"Mom, I have something I need to tell you. I used to be somebody else"
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Gee, thanks a lot mom
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"I left my job as a high-powered corporate vice president in order to sit on my ass at home all day"
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Coming up at the top of the hour (9 pm AKDT/10 pm PDT), it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of live music from Juneau, Alaska hosted by a farker
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| Sat March 21, 2015 |
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Tourism officials concerned about rising number of people traveling to Phuket to commit suicide, as sales of Phuketall shoot up
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Woman, tired of her neighbor's dog defecating in her yard, gets into a heated argument that ends when she smears dog feces all over the neighbor. Seems reasonable
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Handiest pair of pants, ever (not safe for work)
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Rare 18-year "supertide" turns Mont Saint-Michel into an island (with pics)
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Photoshop this grainy photo
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Excuse me, but can I show you 19 photos proving Canadians are the nicest people on Earth? Sorry, did I offend you there? Sorry
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Who will we hire for our mall Easter Bunny this year? How about this registered sex offender?
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Machete wielding Voodoo Zombie attempts to kill random strangers in New Orleans. THAT there son, is a made-for-TV movie, that is
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Arsenic in your cheap California wines? It's more likely than you think
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Meet the guy who dug the mysterious tunnel in Toronto. The story gets deeper
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Drunk woman strips, performs in-flight entertainment for passengers and crew (with helpful picture of a sex toy)
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Ever wonder what happens to someone whose highest aspiration in life is to be a hall monitor?
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So I bought a macro lens today. What should I do with it first?
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Photoshop this rusty face
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Chicago Fark Party, 21 March, 8-11pm, Lincoln Tap Room
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It's all fun and games 'til someone drinks nine liters of wine
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Boat crashes into seawall, Coast Guard responds in record time (with video of record-breaking response time)
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Los Angeles banned fast food restaurants in 2008, but people are fatter than ever. Clearly we need stronger food bans
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You might be able to hunt for some tender and juicy "beefalo" at the Grand Canyon soon
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Drunk, off-duty cop going the wrong way on a one-way street kills two. This being NJ, expect charges against the trucker he hit
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It's bad enough that you robbed our salon. But did you also have to break into our outdoor kitchen area and grill up all our hamburger and sausages and drink all our beer and cognac?
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Firefighters "stumble upon" sophisticated, illegal marijuana grow operation, discover 1600 plants in various stages of growth. Police quickly confiscate all 1300 plants, worth $2.3 million (w/amazing pics of the 1000 plant grow op)
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Want to teach your students what it was like to fight in the American Revolution? Let them fire muskets
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The world's most hipster speakeasys
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In possibly the nerdiest marriage proposal ever, man proposes to partner during solar eclipse. The Sun was not there
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50,000 baby lettuce plants just get up and leave
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Lawyer: My client was acquitted on drug charges, now give him his money back. City: We... uh... lost it
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Photoshop theme: Create a creature
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Teens steal elderly woman's motorized wheelchair. Those rascals
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'Spider Man' climbs into Walmart ceiling, crawls through duct work, drops down and walks out front door, escaping shoplifting charges. FARK: As people record the whole thing on cell phones
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| (Some Guy) |
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When Patrick met Stevie, a blind senior cat that no one wanted, she was at the Animal Care Society of Cork in Ireland. After a few adjustments to help Stevie navigate his house both of their lives are forever enriched everyday, especially Caturday
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"Not tonight, dear, I have a haddock"
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When it comes to food trucks, you might want to avoid the one that calls itself 'The Kitchen of the Unwanted Animal'
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Mom takes my phone? That's a poisonin'
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Woman with whiskers on her McMuffin ends up with Grimace on her face
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Most Canadian photo ever. Difficulty: no timbits
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| Fri March 20, 2015 |
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The last things heard on the unintentional 911 call was, "I think I see the police," followed by sounds of running
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"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Alligator." "Alligator who?" "Congratulations, you're on the jury"
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Thirteen-year-old NYC teen tackles one of the world's toughest rock climbing routes like a boss, becoming the first female to do so
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"The key is to not feed the alligators and stay away from their nests." And also don't go swimming in the retention pond next to the mall
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Shockingly, there's not as much Vitamin C in your citrus Smirnoff as you might have imagined
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Photoshop this nanner fan
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North Korean envoy warns, "We can launch nuclear missiles any time," adding, "Oh, sure, they probably won't make it much beyond the shoreline, but that's really not my point"
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Bristol Palin's fiancé is about as smart as you'd expect
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A pig like that you don't eat all at once
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Teenagers arrested for participating in collaborative, well organized, goal oriented project
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Excuse me, but I think your vagina is glowing
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You work one day as a temp. No big deal. You sue the state for an annual pension of more than $30,000. Big Deal. Asinine Tag: You're already pulling down $60,000+ from two *other* state pension systems
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Lack of education and opportunity lead to aids outbreak in Southern Africa and Southern Indiana
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Iran tells Obama to stick his negotiations up his diversity
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Woman searching under her bed for her cats finds a burglar instead
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"I'm not a bad person. I haven't put a hit out on anyone for seven years"
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Honor your mother and father, and love your neighbor as you would Satan. Wait, what?
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Photoshop this airborne sheep
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Like blind dates and speed dating weren't stupid enough on your own, now you can go blindfolded speed dating. Hope you like the feel of strangers rubbing their hands all over your face
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Not news: Kid wants mom to write note excusing her from PE. Fark: Mom pwns daughter by telling the teacher that she should run extra laps
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For those of you currently not watching March Madness while holding a bag of frozen vegetables against your crotch, it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption these visitors from the South
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Actual headline: "Man fatally shot multiple times". Jesus, sometimes dead IS better
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What if you threw a war and nobody came? Wait, that's just silly. What if you threw a job fair instead?
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Travel tip: Your hatchet, brass knuckles and folding knife should go into checked luggage, not carry-on
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United Nations: Today is International Happiness Day. Ireland: You're about nine days late
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TSA officer notices man convicted of murder and explosives offenses in PreCheck line but supervisor lets him through because who wants people like that in your work area
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"A long-running dispute in Iceland about a new road blocked by a large rock some consider to be an "elf church" has finally been put to rest - by moving the offending 70-tonne mass" (pic)
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How your email address could be hurting your career: employers less likely to hire people who use underscores or 'cute' words in their address, and anything with ultrafark.com is immediately shredded
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Florida cops hunt for naked female Spring Breaker who "may be in danger." Well, that narrows it down to a few thousand
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"I got 50 texts in 24 hours and the next night he's knocking my door with a baseball bat shouting 'I'm going to kill you like you killed my GTA character.' That's when I called police. It's like he tried to act GTA out in real life"
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ACLU claims TSA's screening tool is 'a waste,' surprising many TSA officials who find it just as effective as everything else they do
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Firefighters save four puppies from house fire, prevent police onscene from shooting the puppies after the rescue
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Firefighters battling extra alarm fire at fire extinguisher factory hampered by a poor water supply
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Man's naked body found in Napa freezer. Authorities fairly sure it isn't just a Chase Elliott blow-up doll
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Man tells police showing pictures of his penis to store employees 'Cheers me up"
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If you dress your cat embarrassingly, it will lose the will to go out and kill birds
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Pro-tip: If you are going to steal a police car, don't drive it to one of their parking lots. "...it was the easiest auto theft arrest they'd ever had"
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Frank race talk: There are no Starbucks in Selma or Ferguson. Discuss
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Remember the 92-year-old ex-janitor who left an unexpected $8 million to a local hospital and library? How did he amass his secret fortune? Two words - discipline and patience
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Phoenix Zoo discovers a two-year-old bear is female, not male, say they stand by its life choice
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University of Illinois Chicago student accused of committing a Fifty Shades of Grey inspired rape cleared of all charges, remains free on bondage
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Ten Michigan State Police officers spend 2 1/2 months investigating deadly 200-vehicle wreck to decide which drivers should get speeding tickets
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Lakeland cop caught sending dirty messages to 24-month-old
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Mother of the Year candidate accused of chaining her children to a washing machine with dog collars, forcing them to sleep on the floor and perform demeaning chores
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Once again, March Madness is a popular time for vasectomies, a perfect way to celebrate your most hated team getting cut
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Darwin wins by going in One Direction with fan who just had to listen to the music instead of the train
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New York's hottest restaurant is WastED It's got everything: garbage, leavings, slop, and that thing where you eat the unlaid eggs of slaughtered hens
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Monica Lewinsky's TED talk is spot on
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Remember, looking at the eclipse is dangerous because polar bears
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Photoshop this floater
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Grassroots crime
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Houston Fark Party - Come Celebrate the First Day of Spring
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This is why partying in Canada isn't for amateurs. (Link contains NSF-Lunch/graphic pics)
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OK, maybe she did run over three teenagers in a crosswalk. But it is hard to drive when you are filming your precious snowflake in the backseat. At least she wasn't writing bad checks again
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Before dinosaurs took over the legislature, North Carolina was ruled by a nine-foot bipedal crocodile
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You'd think that if you're going through life with the name Bob Kat LittleCub, being kicked off Facebook would be the least of your problems. Mike Raccoon Eyes Kinney seems to disagree
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Functionally illiterate, homeless deaf man in airport is accused of stealing an iPad and jailed for six weeks without access to a sign language interpreter before he takes a plea deal. And then, the iPad is found
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If you're a teacher, there are better ways to discipline a student than by stepping outside of the classroom while other students jump the troublemaker. Especially if the kids are only six
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Washington introduces bills to allow personal marijuana home grows: " I think it would be good for everybody to actually try it and experience [growing marijuana] for themselves"
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No matter how small your home, you can always find space to put your bathtub in the library
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1792 penny, one of the first pieces of U.S. currency ever minted, to bring $2 million. Which shows that Ben Franklin was right that "a penny saved is a penny earned" ... at least after 223 years
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California, ruining everyone's fun yet again by banning this awesome flamethrower
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Okay foodies, do you know what pane ca meusa is? Well, it's the latest European fast food craze. Not sure if it tastes like chicken
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Seven more species of jellyfish to fear and loathe
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Friday's 75-minute solar eclipse will cost Europe 30 gigawatts of solar-generated electrical power... unless, of course, it's cloudy anyway
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All this time you've been peeling mangoes, potatoes, and pomegranates the wrong way
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Whooo. Spring Breeeeeeaaaaaak
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Parents in Bihar, India achieve Level 99 in Helicopter Parenting
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Sanford police officer leaves his stun gun and bullets in his unmarked car parked at his home. He was surprised to learn the items had been stolen overnight
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Chinese nurses urged to be nicer, show more patience with patients. One doctor "spent most of her time dealing with fights and quarrels between nurses and patients' families. In such circumstances, it was hard to enjoy being at work"
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If the only thing stopping you from hunting asteroids is your love for wearing pajamas, your world is about to change
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Sometimes a childhood picture is worth a thousand memories
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Local news reports that kids are getting high by rubbing Burt's Bees peppermint lip gloss on their eyes, and by "reports" we mean "found an urban legend on the internet that was debunked a year ago"
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After 13 years, the 1,640th victim of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attack on the World Trade Center is identified. Finally family gets a small amount of closure
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| Thu March 19, 2015 |
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Just in time for Easter: the Creme Egg burger
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Nick Vujicic
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What do you do when you have 6,800 kilos of fish spill on the road? Well if you're a fireman from Guizhou province in China you save them by hosing them down and putting them back in the truck (Pictures of a lot of fish)
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A local TJ Maxx is selling "Hang Loose" shirts with a picture of a noose. Naturally, this is an outrage
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Photoshop this executive encounter
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Father kicks out son's friends for smoking pot, friends summon club-wielding mob to mellow him harshly
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Human trafficking. It's what your nails are soaking in
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Thief who said he did not like committing burglaries jailed, is expected to like prison even less
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Turns out, "I'm too tired tonight, honey" is kind of a chicken-egg situation
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EABOD - by mail (mildly not safe for work)
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Never mind the half dozen other health code violations, Perkins manager wants you to know their roach infestation was "an isolated incident"
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Bad: Coming home from vacation and being fired. Fark: Coming home from vacation and being dead
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The burger-stuffed onion ring has been invented, finally
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Fitchburg, Mass. Art Museum visitors "will be blown away" says marketing director in awkwardly-timed announcement
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Fark Food Thread: Put down the American cheese slices and the block of cheddar. It's time for something with a lot more character. That's right, this thread is cheese-shaming you
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Buy phone. Get fake ID. Become CFO. Profit (Sponsored link)
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Exxon Mobil asks Russia to return about $160 million in taxes it believes it overpaid the Russian government. They can likely expect to see that check right after Bob Kraft gets his Superbowl ring back
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IS 'may have committed genocide' according to UN. But they seemed like such nice young boys
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White supremacist arrested for Wednesday's shooting spree in Arizona, facial tattoo crimes
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Photoshop this jump for joy
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Philosopher Kant attacked by Russian graffiti artist. He always was a bugger for the bottle
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Fish kill, dolphin stranding reported on Outer Banks beaches and it's not even training camp yet
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Artist collaborates with bees to create amazing honeycomb maps. Details to the left, Nicolas Cage jokes to the right
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11-year-old aspiring taxidermist uses dead mice to recreate famous movie scenes
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Truck carrying toilet paper wipes out
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Little boy breaks into tears upon meeting his heroes. Fark: Garbage men
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Scientists now think those 2 bright spots on Ceres could be from something lurking under water
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Priest arrested for performing exorcism on anorexic girl, as police claim he should have recognized her medical condition when she couldn't keep down her split pea soup
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The hunt is on for a shark that attacked a snorkeler from Kansas, with a helpful pic of what the creature might look like
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Man arrested for poaching deer. "That's not much of a crime." "On Staten Island?" "Kin-ky"
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San Francisco cathedral figures out that hosing down the homeless is not what Jesus would do
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UK placenta smoothie-maker investigated and temporarily shuts down. So does this mean British food is getting better?
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There are good places to try to pass your counterfeit bills, and bad places. As an exercise for the reader, we will not state which category 'on television' falls into
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Beer that rehydrates you as you drink means you can keep drinking beer forever
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Washington DC ranks lowest nationwide in 'work engagement,' with 78% of workers following the Homer Simpson Half-Assed Approach to Work
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British authorities sack three judges for drawing a hard line on the bench
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Cops responding to report of man with gun forget to turn on their new-fangled body cameras. You know what happens next
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Put down the laundry basket, guys - even if you fold better than the '03 Cubs, you're still not getting any
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Actual headline: Why Police Are So Good at Busting Pot Smokers and So Bad at Keeping Women from Getting Murdered?
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Badgers slammed with spades in heartless attacks, hope to bridge the savagery by remaining tough as diamonds and deal with such a clubbing
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If you were a victim of the Target data hack, then you could get upwards of $10,000
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"Yes, the ingredients to make meth in the Walmart bathroom were mine, but I wasn't going to cook it there"
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"We are the only species known to seek out negative sensations deliberately. You don't see animals gorging themselves on wild chili peppers. A taste for pain seems to be one of the defining characteristics of being human"
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Loneliness may be the next big public health issue. Hello Kitty pillow makers brace themselves for increased demand
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Triplets involved in shooting. Triplets involved in shooting. Triplets involved in shooting
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Skipper jailed over diver's death. Professor wanted as accessory after coconut glue on bamboo air pipes dissolves
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You know a fight is going to be good when chainsaws are involved
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Old & busted: Al-Shabab. New hotness: Al-Kebab
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Those high-priced views in Texas aren't all they're cracked up to be
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Woman who allegedly removed her victim's baby with a knife, then brought it to the hospital claiming she had a miscarriage "may be mentally ill" according to police. Sick tag takes over while Obvious tag sits in the corner rocking back and forth
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Photoshop these modern Romans
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Judge gives female rapist prison time commensurate with male rapist
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Alcoholic Beverage Control police, previously known for pulling guns on a UVA student after mistaking bottled water for alcohol, now under investigation for severely beating a student after mistaking his real ID for a fake
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While you're at work, your smart fridge might be making extra money at home by sending out spam emails
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Meet Chad, the baby pelican that looks like something out of John Carpenter's "The Thing" and barks like a dog
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Can't wait for July 4th? How about settling for the Texas Police Department detonating 20,000 pounds of seized fireworks?
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How do you take your coffee? I take mine milk, four sugars, no stabbing
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If you're going to try to assault your wife's friend, perhaps you should just call for an ambulance yourself when she tries to bite your penis off if you really want one
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Teen girls hit Detroit-area Dairy Queen's "Free Cone Day," steal tip jar, brag about crime on Snapchat
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Hi i wud lIk 2 apply 4 d job @ ur firm pls wb asap LOL
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If you need immediate help, call 911 - and by "immediate" we mean immediately after lunch
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The modern parent's dilemma: I want my child to experience unbridled joy in nature, but I also don't want him squishing caterpillars and stepping on delicate plants
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It's the end of Medical Marijuana as we know it (And I feel fine)
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He chose Rong
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Meet nine-year-old Jeep (real name) who loves chickens (yep), gives them wacky names (of course), and writes poems about them (naturally)
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Alaskan army unit allowed to use racial slurs on "Racial Thursdays." Unit also braced for discovery of "Homophobic Mondays, "Sexism Sundays," and "Silly Hat Fridays"
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If a drunk falls out of a tree and is fatally impaled on a fence, does he make a sound?
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So, apparently, Governor Scott has not only hired the Umbrella Corporation to do standardized testing, but now he's hired Carol from The Walking Dead to write the instructions for them
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Dog slobber prevents asthma and allergies, so put down the Benadryl and open that peanut butter jar from Costco
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 515: "Chocolate" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 18, 2015 |
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"Meet the freterosexuals: is manxiety London's latest epidemic?" Wow, two made-up words in the same headline, it's probably really scienterrific
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Ann Arbor district schools plans to ban weapons on district property. And yes, some people have a problem with this
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It wouldn't be Wednesday in the Keys without a man trying to sell three live, duct-taped iguanas hanging on his handlebars to woman for dinner
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School honors Foreign Language Week by doing Pledge of Allegiance in Arabic. Maximum-volume bull-goose whargarblarity ensues, from people who can't even master their native tongue
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this silhouetted snowboarder
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Car carrier smashes into low bridge and ... oh my, I haven't seen a Ford product in such a mess since November 1963
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Chemical weapons banned since 1997 are finally being destroyed in the unstable third world dictatorship of Colorado. Bonus: Kentucky plans to get rid of theirs sometime in 2023
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Upset at changes to a law that grants some autonomy to their region, Ukrainian separatists threaten to abandon the cease-fire agreement that up until now they have merely been ignoring
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Intrusive Federal regulations force closure of small family business, puts 34 out of work
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I do not like it in this box. I made a thing with a lock and socks. I'll give you six or seven knocks. Now they'll watch me just like hawks
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark Coloring Contest: Get our your virtual crayons and have at it
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"Dear patients: in order to make your hospital stay more comfortable, we have recently added a killer robot to our staff"
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Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to Go Be Homeless Somewhere Else
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Road Closed: Salamanders
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Met Ayyub Faleh, a kindhearted, loving family man also known for wielding an axe and his battlefield pranks on ISIS
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If you can see the hourglass in this comic book cover, there's actually something wrong with your brain
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Fark parents, if you've ever threatened to tie up your kid and haul them to school against their will, please note that following through on this will get you arrested
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Determined to put an end to their lawlessness, 25 French police carry out a raid on a Paris building known to be the headquarters of A) AL-Shabab? B) ISIS? or C) Uber?
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Mom of the Year: Airport Edition
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How do you feel about having sex on the first date? Do you lose any respect for anybody involved?
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I guess you could say... ***puts on sunglasses*** that we have a copycat on our hands... YEAAAHHH
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They belong in a museum
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You know that your drug problem is out of hand when you go around stealing the biohazard containers of used vials and syringes from a hospital and inject yourself with the contents
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Suspect in Mesa mass shooting has neck tattoo. No word if motive involved unemployability
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One weird trick to get 100 years of free heat
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Meanwhile, in Japan: Burger King perfume
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St. Patrick's Day celebration in Minneapolis turns violent when hundreds of Irish teens arrive downtown via free bus and train rides and promplty begin brawling
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The last thing you want to see on a romantic cruise down the river Zambezi is a poacher disappearing in a crocodile snatch
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Amputee to neighbor: "Please don't park in my handicapped spot" Neighbor to amputee: "Shove it, one-leg"
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St. Patricks day drunk eludes police, crashes into two occupied cars before his bursts into flames. Nobody seriously hurt. Ah the luck of the Irish
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Scientists believe fracking has reawakened dormant 300 million-year-old fault lines that crisscross Oklahoma and could trigger a string of devastating earthquakes. Everybody pan.. oh wait it's Oklahoma
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Fark-ready headline: 'Cross-dressing' priest who 'dealt high-grade crystal meth and owned a sex shop' asks for leniency
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77-year-old nude backyard sunbather takes plea deal after attorney files briefs on his behalf
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"Elves make a compromise with the Icelandic road administration"
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"Dear Prudence: My son was at a sleepover and all the boys spread peanut butter on their nipples and let a dog lick it off. Should I be worried about this? What if one of those kids had a peanut allergy?"
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Woman charged with murdering husband while children were at home. Back in my day, Mom would make us go outside to play before murdering people
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French lawmakers okay terminal sedation for end of life, plan to have Jerry Lewis in clown makeup lead patients to their deaths
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Fog kills five. Father Malone wonders if he'll be spared
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Scientists who have never seen a horror movie are hoping to incubate the lung disease found in the body of a young girl sacrificed to ancient Incas gods
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Drinkers' paradise found at Tokyo restaurant: 100 types of sake, all-you-can-drink, no time limit
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New Jersey mayor discovers that his town is in fact not a part of North Korea
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Nevada bill would allow sick pets to use medical marijuana. Your dog wants Funyuns and an Adventure Time marathon
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Presbyterian Church formally recognizes gay marriages. Presleyterians say they've never cared if you put your banana in peanut butter
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Your income determines how much you drink
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Principals reprimanded for texting about "vaginas on fire." Obviously they were just trying to plan a vagina fire drill
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bubble
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Even the finalists for the first one-way voyage to Mars are talking about how hopelessly flawed the plan is
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Obama is going to meet with an inbred simpleton and a horse
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Oh the huge manatee populations
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If you were wondering where you could get a farkload of chicken, have we got news for you
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You don't change the property tax laws just to benefit one person. Except in Arizona
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You can blame politicians overreacting in the 1970s for the reason you can't include student loan debt for when you inevitably declare bankruptcy
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Science proves men are just better at letting things go
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Back in my day we didn't call it manspreading. We called it space hogging. And young men often were leg pests, which was in style at the time. And nobody rode the subway. It was known as an Astro-Trolley
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Oregon State Police close major Oregon state highway as they deal with a man who has barricaded himself inside his cabin after shooting at random people
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Nose in or nose out? What your parking says about your likelihood of achieving success
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Two new species of NOPE NOPE NOPE discovered in Indonesia
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Word of advice: when sending a cyanide-laced letter to the White House, don't include your return address
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"No, Luke. I am your robber"
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| Tue March 17, 2015 |
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You might want to take a look at your life if you are carrying your drugs around in a Beavis and Butt-Head lunch box
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Ad for Spirit Air's $69 fare: "Our favorite number, ever since we found that magazine under our brother's bed. Use your mouth to spread the word: Spirit is in an even better position to get you where you're going. We're popping an epic Bare Fare"
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Kraft macaroni and cheese - now with more iron
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71-year-old mom arrested on deploying "I Brought You Into This World" Rule on son
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Challenge: find another use for this staple gun
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Former US Air Force veteran mechanic arrested for trying to join ISIS, also charged with not knowing ISIS doesn't have an air force
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Gun show organizer unsympathetic to the "it's cool, some of my closest friends are gun targets" defense
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Yeah, I'll have a triple venti half sweet non-fat caramel hurdled-filled plight for the person of color in the current American landscape Macchiato. To go
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On the bright side, if ISIS' latest propaganda video doesn't get them any new recruits, the Yakkety Sax overdub will get them a lot of hits on YouTube
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"What better place to focus our prevention efforts than on our children and in our classrooms, says Trojan man
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Thief nets one (1) maple bar in doughnut shop heist. No bear claws were molested
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The AP would like you know that the Robert Durst who was just arrested for murder is not the guy from Limp Bizkit as previously reported
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Possession of a fraudulent dog will soon be a second degree misdemeanor
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USA Today: what exactly is a shamrock? Experts: shut up and drink more Guinness
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Drag queen 'Kitty Litter' hangs up high heels after being selected as a local councillor
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this lemur
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Falling ice starts gas fire
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Live Blog: Will St. Patrick drive the Likud party out of Israel?
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Student driver steals unattended pizza delivery vehicle, doesn't drive it much worse than the usual delivery guys
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Cool: camping out for tickets to a show. Kind of cool, I guess: camping out for the new iPhone. Not cool: camping out for the IRS
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Fed up with the current situation, the Secret Service asks for the funds to build a White House without Obama in it
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I am Groot. *Bow chicka wow wow*
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"Please try again. Your password must contain 11 capital letters, a pint of Guinness, 14 numbers, the blood of a leprechaun, 13 symbols and the luck of the Irish" (Sponsored link)
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Scientists discover Cervantes' tomb, hulking giants over yonder
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Man unable to stand up after taking a few Bushmills' shots
source: u.tv | share:
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Always know the age of consent in the state where you live, if for no other reason than to avoid blackmail over your three-way with a mother and her stripper-daughter who claims to be underage
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Cocaine dealers caught after buying multiple food processors from supermarket to blend their drugs: "They didn't look like typical home bakers or cooks" (pics)
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I know this may come as a shock, but a new study places blame for Disneyland measles outbreak on anti-vaxers
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Today's slow news day features $1000 reward for stolen $949 motorized cooler, with bonus sexy raccoon picture
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British roads are clogged with slow-moving tanks. Defence officials want them clogged with fast-moving tanks
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Woman charged with killing a hunter's falcon which was killing a duck. You really can't make this stuff up
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Kappa Delta Ruh Rho
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Sex-positive activist Del Williams experiences la grande mort
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Good news everyone. We have now convinced dietitians that Coca-cola is a healthy snack
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Man walks into trooper's car, gets charged with DWI
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Former Jail Services Technician becomes current Jail Resident for providing too many "jail services" to inmates. With "yeah, probably" picture
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Hey, my mom Tased me all the time. And I'm a better man for it
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Car carrying $500,000 worth of pot crashes into police car in the easiest drug bust anyone had this week anywhere
source: u.tv | share:
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"A cocaine dealer who died during a police raid on his home was 'extremely fat' and 'incredibly big' and ate a bacon roll while brawling with up to six officers"
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Are you sick of plastic shamrocks, gimmicky green beer and the pasty Irish farting corned beef and cabbage? Come to the West Coast, as Los Angeles hardly has a St. Patrick's Day scene. (Cinco de Mayo makes up for the missing booze and farts quota)
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Cleaning ladies win lottery jackpot, all go back to work, miss whole point of 'winning the lottery'
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Double, double toil and trouble, internet burn, and witches bubble
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"Yeah you might not like that he is naked, but he is doing nothing wrong or illegal"
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Onlookers talk down suicidal man when police can't
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Man arrested in Moscow for wearing a kilt in public, or as police there like to call it, "a dress"
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New Yorkers are why New York can't have nice things, part MMCCCXVII: City lifts ban on in-school student phone use. Student immediately uses phone to upskirt his teacher. Mom-of-the-year immediately goes to the "she was asking for it" defense
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Splitting assets during a divorce is usually done by lawyers, not by one half of the couple and a chainsaw
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Student downs 25 shots of vodka in 60 seconds at university drinking competition. Wins his prize posthumously
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Theft most fowl
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Replacing the infamous Port Authority bus terminal would cost $8-10 billion, not including the 10% markup of the 15% surcharge of the 30% unexpected overages on the 60% consulting fees for the 100% not-mobbed-up contractors
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DC Metrobus hits parked car. DC Metrobus hits parked car
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If you're one of the 200,000 who were scrounging up $300 in order to help Televangelist Creflo Dollar purchase his $65M jet, stop. He's now looking for a used jet and will get back to you on how much he needs
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Thousands of Canada geese fall from the sky dead in Idaho. It's a start
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British people don't know how to make tea, says top scientist: "The way Brits make tea, it's like using a laptop to hammer a nail into a wall. Yes it will do the job, but it can do so much more"
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Pentagon intel analysts want to be more like Amazon. If you spend more than $35, you get free two-day drone striking
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(- -)
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Photoshop theme: the house of tomorrow
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CSB Sunday Morning (St. Paddy's edition): Oh god so hungover at work
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Suck it Williamsburg and Brooklyn--Hoboken is now America's hot hipster hangout. Wait, is that a good thing?
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"Sex education without porn is not sex education"
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People who put the toilet paper on under the roller and not over, JUST STOP IT, you're doing it wrong according to the inventor's original patent
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I was broke, so for lack of a better phrase, I was indeed "down to clown"
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Former homebuilder becomes a lawmaker and tries to pass a bill protecting current homebuilders from having to obey all those pesky ordinances that protect native plants from homebuilders. Homebuilders
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McDonald's workers across the country file federal complaints after getting burned by McOil and McOvens
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Puff the Not So Magic Dragon
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Passenger on United Airlines flight goes berserk after he realizes he's flying on United Airlines
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Not that he deserves it, but here's how you make a birthday cake for a cat
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Ethiopia's military is lean and hungry
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Teen learns valuable life lesson, namely: if you're already banned from WalMart for shoplifting, going to WalMart and shoplifting three days in a row may result in being "struck with a Taser in the buttocks"
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