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| Sun March 15, 2015 |
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Want a 1964 Mustang in pristine condition? That can be arranged
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Someone's invented a skyscraper that doesn't cast a shadow. A VAMPIRE SKYSCRAPER
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Photoshop this captain and his ship
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Coast Guard scraps plan to test its members' physical fitness, cites the extreme difficulty in counting pull-ups in remote locations. In other news, life vest futures are up 20 points
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Leaf that was not pot gets Virginia 6th grader suspended from school for a year
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There's a small community of thriving artists in the Midwest, but you've probably never heard of it
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There is a buyer's market out there for "haunted dolls," and they command big bucks on the most bizarre collector's market
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Tonight's series finale of The Jinx spoiled by real life
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Photoshop these ceiling light cone thingees
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Are you smart enough to have worked for Thomas Edison? If you don't know the answers to very important questions such as "What state has the largest amethyst mines?" or "What part of Germany do toys come from?" you probably aren't
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Poor rural schools need teachers, and the solution is not to offer more money but to use better marketing
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Vatican sanctions military force to protect Christians in the Holy Land. This is not a repeat from 1095
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♫ "It's my party and I'll burn if I want to" ♫
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Cuban officials arrested after stealing 8 million eggs. It's all ova now
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Man feels good after haggling down a $1 painting for 50 cents at a yard sale. Feels even better when it's appraised at $10,000
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Photoshop these readers
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Iceland abandons plans to join the EU, and holy mackerel is their justification fishy
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Man is kidnapped, held for two days, dressed in a forensic suit, shot through the kneecaps and dumped along a deserted road, Police SUSPECT it may be a gang hit
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Boyfriend to crowdfunders: "Girlfriend will dump me unless you send me to Miami spring break"
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"I'm alright, no need to worry about my knee," says man after winning $450K gopher hole lawsuit
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Coming up at the top of the hour (9 pm AKDT/10 pm PDT), it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of live music from Juneau, Alaska hosted by a farker
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| Sat March 14, 2015 |
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Woman with knife gets into fight with man over alcohol, leaves him with 4,000 holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
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Sorry, there is no "stench from decaying body downstairs" clause that allows you to break your lease
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Yellowstone hot spring unexpectedly turns green because of tourists throwing in lucky St Patrick's Day coins (pic)
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Good News: More Americans than ever are reaching 100+ years old. Bad News: Evidence provided by false social security records. Fark: No one can do anything about it
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Medal of Honor recipient jumps on a grenade
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Photoshop these tough guys
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British police say busted drug-smuggling ring had enough cannabis to give two joints to every person who lives in Britain
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Batteries stolen from portable stoplights in construction zone. Police still have some leads, hope to charge someone
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Man loses his job after mercilessly beating a police officer's fist with his face
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Class action suit challenging $90 million worth of illegal red light camera tickets settled by paying $2 million to plaintiffs and $2 million to plaintiffs' lawyers
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Notoriously ugly bus station dubbed the "mouth of hell" to be demolished by controlled implosion, over no objection whatsoever: "Is that smelly cafe still there in the basement? You'd see people dry heaving before they got on their buses"
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First the good news: Scientists have created a drug that will make your sex life better than ever. Now the bad news: It requires an injection into your penis
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Cops: "Raid you later, alligator" Crooks: "In a while, crocodile"
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While everyone else is still waiting for winter to melt, Southern California is broiling in a record-breaking heat wave
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Photoshop this window hanger outer
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How are you planning to celebrate Pi day?
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Guy who murdered wife claims that the "Karma Kandy Orange Ginger" pot candy made him do it, and not their mounting debt and life insurance money
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Agents said they were undetected until a marked car showed up outside for an unrelated incident. At that point, it looked like something out of a movie with dozens of people running away, leaving behind drugs and money, officials said
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The Son-of-Sam defense is back in play
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| (Connecticut Law Tribune) |
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This is why you hire a professional and insured tree trimmer
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If you are a super villain looking for a new global super lair, here are some great ideas
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More and more Americans are buying fancy toilet paper, so that's a sign of...something economical
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Freedom isn't free. Especially if you're illegally squatting on an abandoned military base that the government wants to sell
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Time to make the donuts. Time to make the donuts. Time to put out the burning police cruiser
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The Kremlin doesn't think Fark is very amusing lately. "We've already said this a hundred times. This isn't funny any more"
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Other than the chemicals, trans fats, and an overload of sodium and artery-clogging saturated fat, microwave popcorn is really healthy for you
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Judge gives man who fatally punched a soccer referee 8-15 years, after the widow holds up a red card
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I heard you liked beer and cocktails so here are some cocktails made with beer
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Pope Francis is starting to understand what Benedict XVI was going through; says he might only have a few years left
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If you pave it, they will come
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Caption this Roman emperor
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"I think a basic observation can be made and that is that using a selfie stick makes a person look like a dork"
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Animal Shelter brings adoptable puppies and kittens to offices for "snuggle delivery," say they got the idea from outcall escort services
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"Of all the Photoshops, in all the threads, in all the internets, she walks into mine"
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"Global warming is a hoax because look at all this snow." Yeah, about that...
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Olaf the one footed cat found a human to wrap around his remaining paw and gets a happy home
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Afghan Air Force's first female fixed-wing pilot flies with the Blue Angels
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Auction for Seattle's "Up" house doesn't go down well
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"I don't honestly know what the stereotype looks like for a heroin smuggler, but I don't think a couple of senior citizens driving a handicapped license plate car with their little cocker spaniel really looks like we're much of a threat to anybody,"
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Good: You buy the winning powerball ticket. Bad: Then you lose it
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A broken door at a German university doesn't get repaired so the students a) take another door, b) repair the door, or c) start a meme war
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Hipster beards were bacterial sponges long before bacterial sponges were cool
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You may soon finally be able to download a car. But of course, you wouldn't
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Best Korea once again shows off its capability of dealing with rising sea levels. Take THAT, ocean
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Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when you're going to smear feces all over your face while at your murder trial
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Carl Sagan's son proves that the apple can, in fact, fall very, very, very far -- billions of miles, perhaps -- from the tree
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| (clintonemail.ru) |
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Vladimir Putin has spent the past week going through Hillary Clinton's emails (w/ photographic evidence)
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Police shoot your dog for barking on his own property? All good. Stab a police dog in self defense in your own home? 44 years for you
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| Fri March 13, 2015 |
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Welcome to a very special Friday the 13th edition of the Fark Weird News Quiz. Let your black cat take it for good luck
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Vladimir Putin's body doubles spotted in Hollywood (w/photographic evidence)
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Feeling patriotic? Enough to buy a Billy Bass that sings the Star Spangled Banner? Well, too bad. The best we can get is this self-wagging 18 inch replica American Flag that's a perfect decoration for your dinner table, right next to the apple pie
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Oh hell no. Not even Vladimir Putin would try this (with photographic evidence)
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Terry Pratchett has died. Buggrit
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Do you feel the need to brag about how big your house is? Well the world's biggest house is on the market. This would be pretty good in the bragging rights department
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| (Some Guy) |
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Vladimir Putin found invading Britain in 55 BC (w/ photographic evidence)
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Laptop full of child porn? It's probably going to sit on the shelf for a while. $50, best I can do
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Cubans go cuckoo for Coco Farms illegal slaughterhouse. Until the alleged operator was arrested for "committing atrocious acts against animals"
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Vladimir Putin to fight Vin Diesel to the death (w/photographic evidence)
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Is that a joint? Call in the bomb squad, people
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop what this machine is really used for
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Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong-Un BFF (w/photographic evidence)
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Man teaches poodle to walk on hind legs dressed as schoolgirl. KINKY
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Two Teslas on display in a shopping mall. 6-year-old kid starts one up and decides to take a test drive
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Vladimir Putin denied entry to Welsh Assembly (w/ photographic evidence)
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'Active meth lab found in Indiana Walmart bathroom,' officially the most Midwestern thing to ever happen
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The only thing weirder than paying for your goldfish to have surgery is paying for two of your goldfish to have surgery
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So like, the fascist pigs have identified the guy who majorly harshed a bunch of peoples' mellow yesterday, at least one fatally, at the Rainbow Family Gathering in the Apalachicola National Forest, but nobody yet knows what his trip was
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Vladimir Putin is relaxing and fishing with no shirt on (w/ photographic evidence)
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EMTs in Oregon are evidently under worked. To solve the problem, state is considering a law to allow cyclists to run red lights
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Vladimir Putin is on a secret mission for "the KBG," or maybe just on a bender (w/ VIDEO evidence)
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Homeless shelter fire leaves 10 people slightly worse off
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Photoshop theme: Waldo comes out of hiding
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"83% of Syrians have their electricity cut" which is pretty impressive considering that the entire country is in the middle of a threeway
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If you own your own airplane, it really is your civic responsibility to use it to draw a penis in the sky
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Vladimir Putin re-signs with the Tennessee Titans after a busy day in free agency (w/ photographic evidence)
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One of the major problems with penis transplants is finding donors
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Category 5 cyclone Pam threatens to wipe Vanuatu off the map; Americans struggle to find Vanuatu on the map
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German doctor forced to pay over $100K over claims that measles is not a virus, says instead that it's a psychosomatic illness occurs that after intense trauma like being forced to pay $100K
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Friday afternoon Instashop Theme: Where is Vladimir Putin?
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This Salvador Dali story is just surreal
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Vladimir Putin is hard at work in his office (w/ photographic evidence)
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Vladimir Putin is hiking the Appalachian Trail (w/ photographic evidence)
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Vladmir Putin is hanging out with his girlfriend in the maternity ward (w/ photographic evidence)
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Researchers aim to discover why some of us float harmless air biscuits, whilst others play the butt trumpet at full volume
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Humans came to power over Earth in 1610, will not likely give it up until Skynet comes on line
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Fifty years of the Wilhelm Scream. Hollywood's most over-used but awesome sound effect
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Indian bride walks out on groom after he answers "17" to "what is 15 + 6?" The groom is then hired by Congress to work on their new tax plan
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Écouter , ne pas parler de la guerre Je en ai parlé une fois, mais je pense que je suis parti avec elle tout droit
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Fans petition Death to give Terry Pratchett back
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Awesome: University of Oklahoma kicks out useless racists as soon as their video goes public. Fark: But lets football players stay on the team even if they're caught on camera breaking a girl's face
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You know how it is... Small town. Not much to do in the evening
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"An army officer whose role was to advocate for victims of sexual abuse has been dishonorably discharged and sentenced to two years in prison for organizing a prostitution ring at an army base"
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Two people have been injured while bowling in a rebel-controlled area of east Ukraine after a player rolled a grenade instead of a ball
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Good news hippies. You are right, marijuana can provide many health and medicinal benefits... when taken rectally
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"On top of all that, the police threatened to take the kids away if they didn't tell them where this fictional gun was at," their attorney said Thursday
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This guy makes $250k a year to impersonate Zach Galifianakis, so enjoy your hellish job today
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Kentucky police recover five barrels of stolen Wild Turkey bourbon from a man's backyard. Drew?
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Mind the gap
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No matter how rude the guy is, if you're the owner of a carpet store, you should never leave a message on a customer's phone threatening to kill him and his mother
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Photoshop this beach scene
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Vladimir Putin has gone missing, just like most of his opponents over the years
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Is a photo of a baby cradled in the American flag unpatriotic? It's too early to tell, since the crying bald eagle hasn't yet revealed what his tears mean
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Seven-week-old baby says first word to his surprised mom. Word to your mother
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Things a pilot doesn't want to hear on approach to landing: #14 - "That row of bright lights is not the airport. It's a storage facility. And there's no runway"
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Boston area man repeatedly ticketed for failing to shovel his sidewalk, which he says doesn't exist. Hopes to have photographic evidence some time in June
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Has cannabis affected your memory? Has cannabis affected your memory?
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Our Moon is an alien UFO spaceship parked in orbit around Earth, claim totally serious people (with totally convincing pics and videos)
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Oregon man serves 2.5 years in jail for the crime of being a witness to a crime
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British Parliament votes to ban branding on cigarette packages. Smokers now restricted to getting generic lung cancer
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Do you know where your tunica albuginea is located? No? Word of advice ... Do NOT fracture it (possibly not safe for work)
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Colorado pot shops sell record amount of marijuana resulting in excise tax of nearly $2.35 million, and that's just for the month of January. For the children
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If you pick a fight with an elephant, the odds are against you. However, the odds escalate to infinity if you're also drunk
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Alabama legislature goes full Wallace, passes a bill that allows any officiant or judge to refuse to marry a same sex couple
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Ugly-ass new island born in the South Pacific. Hunga Tonga-Hunga Ha'apai- is the father
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Ah, the old "I was sleepwalking when I killed my son so it's not murder" defense
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Oregon woman lights herself on fire while driving down freeway, crashes car on overpass, exits car on fire, jumps off overpass landing on pavement 40 feet below. Survives. "Police believe the incident was a suicide attempt"
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| Thu March 12, 2015 |
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Ebola headed back to the USA, cuz... why not?
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Protip: Rolling around in dog feces will not get you out of an arrest
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DC stabbing victim forced to wait 30 minutes for ambulance, so his next stabbing is free
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Deadly shooting in Brooklyn subway. This is why you should always ask before putting your roast beef on someone's footlong. Even if you're only charging $5
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If one is going to meet the Queen, wear a hat and don't say fark
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Buzzwords "Analytics" and "Orchestration" join "Synergy" and "Proactive" to create the most annoying bingo card of all time (Sponsored link)
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Man arranges boob job for girlfriend's birthday. Her reaction is just what you'd expect
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During a bakery heist, thieves ignore the dough and steal the recipes
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New Hempshire: Live free or... umm... whatever man
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Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about
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Photoshop this wall of cats
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The fact that people use Google to find Facebook, Google and Yahoo shows just how stupid the average search engine user truly is
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"For Sale, One used e-mail server. Clean Hard Drive....See Bill"
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Ejaculating into a co-workers coffee could soon be illegal in Minnesota
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Bibi's speech to congress, which totally wasn't about the Israeli election, is now appearing in his campaign ads
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Customer: My car will not exceed 40mph. Mechanic: That's just nuts
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: What are your favorite ingredients when creating sushi for friends and family? Learn how with just a click to the left.. and then share all the astounding goodness to the right
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Mistaking it for an ATM, knife-wielding man tries to rob woman at stamp kiosk
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Italian village sets a global record after getting 8 feet of snow in 24 hours. Boston happily surrenders the title
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this pastoral field of tulips
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Police investigating 'plan to smuggle thieving dwarf out of UK in plane luggage'
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Things you don't expect to happen when out skiing. Number 1 - Get hit by a plane
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Woman goes for a job interview, can't remember where she parked, goes to the Internet for help finding it: "I'm hoping someone will see it and let me know as I just can't find where it is" (pics)
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Is Hillary Clinton a succubus from the deepest depths of Hell come to enslave us all like she enslaved her government email?
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Large priceless collection of gold and silver coins dating as far back as 2500 years is found in: A) Greece, B) Rome, or C) Buffalo
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Spanish mayoral candidate campaigns on transparency (possibly not safe for work)
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April Fools Day to be moved to April 2 because of eclipse
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Uncle Sam wants you....to be a bomb sniffing elephant in the U.S. army
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"...and for our traffic report watch out for Twizzlers on the highway as a truck crashed and spread these twisty treats all over the place"
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FDA issues a warning for the anti-smoking drug Chantix. The dangers of smoking and quitting smoking are now dead even
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How the Nazis bombed thousands of Germans for target practice to test their V-2 rockets. Man, that Hitler guy was a bad dude
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"Bananas from Tesco are infested with hundreds of deadly Brazilian wandering spiders whose bite can cause painful four-hour erections"
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Did Jesus have any brothers? Well, we can't answer that but here is an article about it anyway
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Dieting dachshund now a leaner weiner
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Photoshop this underwater encounter
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On the first day after prison release, man robs same store, same clerk from 14 years earlier. Jail readies the same cell
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Tiger Woods can't name his new restaurant 'Tiger Woods' because Nike owns the rights to his name. Let this be a lesson to anyone considering selling their soul to the Devil
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You'd think that being laid off would be enough bad news for one day. Yeah, you'd think
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Oh no, not again
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For the first time ever girls can have a two-way with Barbie. And it gets even creepier than that
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Breastfeeding mom upset at United for being told to cover up, even though they waived the $25 blanket charge
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Hell's Grannies strike again, bombing another South Jersey town
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In order to make it seem as if they're doing something to combat institutional racism, Oklahoma University is hiring a Vice President of Diversity
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The police want everyone to be on the alert for wax, a marijuana-derived narcotic that's a little bit stronger than marijuana. "Sometimes someone might pass out immediately from just one hit of this stuff"
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Caption this royal art inspection
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Now that marijuana is legal in Alaska, lawmakers are diligently working to fine tune the law by criminalizing every single loophole they can find
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Good: Krispy Kreme is now selling a Reese's peanut butter doughnut. Bad: Just in the UK
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Take a glazed donut, and fill it with a hot dog, bacon, and raspberry jam. It just needs a name
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Building a 57-storey skyscraper in only 19 days has construction experts floored (w/video)
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If you're planning a trip to Britain, be sure to visit the small Nottinghamshire town of Beeston. Odds are you'll be glad you did
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Two police officers shot outside Ferguson Police Department during a protest. I am sure this will trigger a reasonable and appropriate response to apprehend the perpetrators in a safe manner
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Company erects a huge billboard featuring a topless model dressed as a nun - just ahead of the Pope's visit. Not surprisingly, some people have a problem with that (Not safe for work image in article)
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Navy persecutes Pentecostal pastor for pushing petulant perspectives on penetration
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 514: "Tilt-Shift Faked Miniature Scenes II" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed March 11, 2015 |
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In America, you cast a ballot. In Mexico, you cut off the head of the mayoral candidate you dislike the most
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Blind dog-sled dog up for adoption. But, wait There's more. If you adopt now, he comes with his very own seeing eye dog. It's not News, it's Dawwwwwwwwww
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When a gator this size asks to play through, well, you just let him
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How is it that everyone at the Secret Service hasn't been fired by now?
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A church that was used to host naked paint-parties has lost their tax-exempt status
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Miniature train enthusiasts are snapping up x-rated collectibles - including the Nudist, Prostitute, and Peeping Tom sets. "People make out model railways are boring but they're really not"
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Ashton Kutcher demands more diaper-changing tables in men's restrooms
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Deaf woman says she was mistreated by a post office worker who refused to communicate through written notes. I bet she didn't see that coming
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Photoshop this twist-a-roo
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Michele Bachmann to bootstrap her acting career with a cameo in Sharknado 3
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Cheer Up, Emo Caffeinates: Seattle chain remodels "The Most Depressing Starbucks in America"
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Leaving out the obvious ones, here are 14 of the most loathsome figures of WWII
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Photoshop this golden moment
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11 soldiers missing after their helicopter crashes in a Florida swamp. Wait, wasn't this a '80s movie plot?
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Body found in cemetery
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Meet the woman who gives frogs enemas and turtles massages
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UK gardeners are warned to: Beware..............of .................. the................... slug................. invasion
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If managing your kid's busy after-school schedule is too much of a hassle, letting one of Uber's unvetted drivers ferry your kids around in their private vehicle is a great option- according to the worst. parents. ever
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50 shades of ugly-assed chameleons hatch at Australia's Taronga Zoo
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Sydney Leathers finds a politician even dumber than Anthony Weiner
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Hello 911, this is dog
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A man finally got a bike removed from a lamppost after three years of it making him angry. Someone immediately replaced it with a rusty lawnmower, patch of fake grass and daisies
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"Investigators say the fatal fire was caused by the home's occupant smoking next to an oxygen tank"
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You see a jacket stuck in a tree. Do you: C) Assume it's Islamic State propaganda and call the cops?
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If you had "Oklahoma" as the first state that would move to separate marriage from state control, step forward and claim your prize
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Previously denied secret deal made with key witness in Willingham murder trial now fully exposed, leading to prosecutor facing formal misconduct charges. Exoneration highly likely for convicted Texan, if they hadn't already executed him. Awkward
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This farmer saved a freezing baby cow named Leroy by taking it for a swim in a hot tub. Leroy is "done hot-tubbing" but "sunbathing is definitely in his future out in the grass"
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Daesh claims to have killed an "Israeli Arab spy". You could tell he was an "Israeli Arab spy" because he kept fighting with himself while trying to stab himself in the back
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Arizona is home of the Grand Canyon, the Sonoran Desert, and the 2015 World Sign Spinning Champion. "It took plenty of signs to the face, but I've learned to not do that anymore"
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Canadian inmates call prison food "disgusting and inadequate" and claim they're malnourished from eating it. Prison spokesman: "Prisons are meant to correct criminal behaviour, not serve as a vacation home"
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Britain's worst learner driver has been blackballed by almost every driving school in the country: "Driving doesn't come naturally to me. I've had the same problem for the last 14 years"
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In an alternate universe, the US entered the war in April, 1941. Why? Because the US received one of the priceless original copies of the Magna Carta from a hopeful British government
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No, you can't deduct all the money you spent on medical marijuana in 2014 from your state taxes. Or your federal taxes. In fact, just be glad we have legal weed and don't try to push the issue
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Utah lawmakers vote to allow execution by firing squad, refuse to provide a final cigarette because those things could kill you
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In Australia, even your breakfast cereal might try to kill you
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| (Some Guy) |
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Theme: If advertisers were honest about their product and what it does (LGT suggestion)
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Buy house, get free WiFi. Wait, did I say WiFi? I meant wife
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Golden Retriever born without eyes becomes a service dog, can smell crotches more intensely than other dogs thanks to his other senses compensating for his blindness
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To all the ladies and gentlemen who are NASCAR enthusiasts, I humbly present to you the CARBuretor Crunch, a deep-friend peanut butter and jelly sandwich topped with bacon crumbles, a caramel drizzle and sliced bananas
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If you can't make it to the gym in 26 minutes maybe you should think about buying a chair that converts into a rowing machine or transforming your living room into a climbing gym
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Researchers from the Australian campus of the N.S. Sherlock University find homeopathic treatments to be no more effective than placebos
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When normal wives get into a tiff with a neighbor there's usually a shouting match and life moves on, but if you're a billionaires wife, you key the neighbor's Bentley
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There is no such thing as a good Bon Jovi tattoo, but some are worse than others
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Sharing your bed with your cat is not a good idea no matter what your cat says
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Woman explains she accidentally bought a house with $400,000 in debt because she was taking diet pills at the time
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UPDATE: Despite Twitter's best attempts, Richard Dawkins is not actually dead
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"California nearly guaranteed to get major earthquake in next 30 years." This is not a repeat from 1985... or 1975... or 1965
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If you stopped to pick up one of the twenty-one bales of marijuana tossed from a suspect's car during a police chase in Casa Grande, Arizona, the Pinal County Sheriff's Office would like to speak with you
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Subby: "Southern Baptists want to start letting their children get married because 'it is a foundation for adult life.'" ModMin: Subby can't read
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Woman was too busy texting to realize she was walking directly towards a moving train
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Want to take a walk on the wild side? Of a mountain? The world's scariest walkway has re-opened
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Hunter approached by a half-naked man claiming to be Sasquatch. That's when things take a strange and scary turn
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Seven examples that prove your mother-in-law is right and you know nothing about loading a dishwasher properly
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...and now Ferguson's city manager has resigned in disgrace
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Mall security apologizes for sending out an 'active shooter' alert to all stores when we really meant to send a 'smash and grab robber' alert instead. We especially apologize to all the parents and children inside Build-A-Bear at the time
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Police ask for help finding the driver of a stolen truck full of cheese, since it's something they could never Provolone
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Respect your elders, son. Because they are too old to care about going to jail
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How an advertising company put a 'marijuana cookie' on your computer to get weed legalized. I guess you could call it a (•_•) / ( •_•)⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■) security tokin'
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A group of teens in Georgia steal a goat in hopes it would impress a girl enough to go to the prom
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Who among us has not ever stripped naked at a Dunkin' Donuts, as part of a dare?
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Chinese ALREADY making $38 knockoffs of the Apple watch
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You just might have anger and drinking problems, when the courts ban you from every pub in Queensland
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| Tue March 10, 2015 |
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Somehow, those body cameras don't seem to work properly when Denver Police are either beating the crap out of someone or tasing them. Whoda thunk?
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County to launch "no refusal" DUI checkpoints. Constitution? What's that?
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Man scrawls 'my wife is a cheater' on house. Oh burn
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Cyclist fined for speeding after passing cars at twice the speed limit. He'll be bragging about THAT ticket the rest of his life
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Apparently, working for a dental practice on an ad hoc basis does not cover treating patients at McDonald's
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Photoshop challenge: design the new $20.00 bill, replacing Andrew Jackson with a woman
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Here's a look at the note that Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev wrote in pencil inside the boat he was eventually captured in. It reads exactly like you guessed it would
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Tortoise beats rat
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Worker at sewage plant discovers that cutting into a methane pipe is a bit like lighting a fart, only more impressive
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Former SAE House Mom yesterday : "I am shocked. I have never heard such racism from them before." Former SAE House Mom today: "Now there is a very good explanation for that video of me saying the N-word repeatedly"
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Need to break into a car and don't have a slim jim? There's an app for that
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Wikipedia just sued the NSA, commencing major nerd war
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The danger of keeping photos of a naked woman on your cell phone that isn't your wife is that when said wife scrolls through your phone and sees those pics, she'll stab you in the neck
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Bank error in your favor. Collect ten years probation
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| (Some Mahalo) |
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"Blizzard conditions have shut down the road to the summit of the mountain, poor weather is forecast for the next several days, and webcams have been blinded by the snow. This has been your weather for Hawaii, stay tuned for sports"
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What every U.S. state is best at. Come for Montana, stay for North Dakota
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Man kicks a dog who was laying in his parking spot so the dog goes and gets his buddies to help him teach the pri*k some manners
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A handful of lifeguards facing a tidal wave of threats (Sponsored link)
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Ireland just accidentally all the drugs
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Photoshop these crowned freaks
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Person found dead in Crystal Lake identified as missing teenager. Police are investigating the crime, but so far no one has been brought up on CH CH CH AH AH AHrges
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MI "Open carry activist" decides to go for walk near a local high school carrying a pistol and a rifle; is incensed that local cops have the temerity to approach and question him after they receive about a zillion panicked 911 call about his stroll
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Ever wonder how many years you have to be dead before it's okay to dig you up again?
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Three things that you should never put in your safe-deposit box. Conspicuously absent from list: The key to your safe-deposit box
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Hillary brings own microphone and reporters to live press conference about state department emails. Link goes to live feed
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Despite growing trends to legalize it, as seen in Washington and Colorado, NYC Board of Health vows not give in to hippie demands, and continue its ongoing war on... ferrets
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The cartoonist has no idea how fair use works
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Good news - Apple's plan to brainwash us all might not be working as well as they'd hoped
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Teacher of the year caught sayof, walking on sunshine
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Well, that's ONE way to get out of paying a toll
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Scary: Pit bull attacks man. Awesome: Who was beating his girlfriend
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The CIA has been trying to hack your iPhone for the past decade
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Man stopped at JFK with $770K in cash from cigarette bootlegging says the money's for a building project in Yemen
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Suge Knight's murder trial now includes drive-thru video (warning: graphic video)
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Giant chunks of global warming are washing up on Cape Cod
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Photoshop this sip'n'grip
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Entire town learns sign language to surprise deaf man. Deaf man angry he can no longer call everyone assholes without them knowing
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If you really want to show everyone how caring you are you'll download a free app that allows charities to display ads on your smart phone screen instead of letting it go dark
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Want to own a Maine country inn? You're just a 200-word essay away
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Most ER visits don't start with a male nurse helping you take off your bra and end with him giving you a relaxing shoulder massage
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You can take a dog camping, skateboarding, hunting, jogging, and bicycling with you, but only a shelter cat will go rock climbing with you
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Man goes prospecting, finds massive gold nugget, doesn't know what to assay
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Protip: No matter how crowded KMart is, someone will probably notice if you try to wheel an entire jewelry case out the door
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And the "most trusted news network" in America is... well, it's not CNN, that's for sure
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Wait, but why doesn't somebody try long-form journalism instead of plagiarizing listicles of six weird tricks to get those cat .GIFs to go viral?
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Decriminalizing marijuana in Colorado causes different kind of high for Denver Police: "Marijuana seizures increase 1000% since 2011" (autoplay video)
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It's always a little embarrassing to be caught with your pants down looking into a tanning salon with your face pressed up against the window and you're panting
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Do you praise your children? Yes? Well, congratulations for making them narcissists
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Despite what your friends tell you, sucking on a copper penny won't affect the outcome of a breathalyzer test
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Turns out the "poison" that a Connecticut teen once refused to treat her cancer may actually be useful for, you know, treating cancer
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Four police officers insist a mysterious female voice called "Help" and led them to 18-month-baby. BUT THE MOTHER WAS DEAD
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Gun sales are increasing, but individual ownership is decreasing, which means only one thing: Your unhinged, paranoid, 24x7 camo-clad uncle is hoarding them, along with plywood, MREs, generators, and satin panties. Don't ask about the last one, tho
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If you see someone drowning, don't jump in and save them. If you see someone choking, don't give them the Heimlich. If you see someone bleeding from the head on the sidewalk, let them bleed from the head on the sidewalk
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Israel tramples on the sovereignty of a small middle eastern country
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Suspects threaten victim with hypodermic needle during robbery, no shots reported
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Beware the pollen vortex. You can sneeze but you can't hide
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Nine of the 13 best beers in the U.S. are brewed in Vermont and Maine
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Besides getting aliens from planet to planet, streetlights can get really smart by saving electricity and a lot more
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You know those people who refuse to walk over those big metal plates and grates in sidewalks? This has the potential to set their therapy back years. "Depths of Hellevator. Going... down?"
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♫Oh, yes, they called him the Streak (Look at that, look at that) / He liked to show off his physique (Look at that, look at that) / But, the cops just shot him dead / Put a bullet in both his heads/ Invitin' public critique♫
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| Mon March 09, 2015 |
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How does a male teenager try to see if he has testicular cancer? By taking a pregnancy test of course
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Boston 2024 Olympic group releases staff salaries. Among them is former Gov. Deval Patrick, who is making $7500/day as "global ambassador"
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A Malaysia Airlines moistened towelette is being examined to determine if it has any connection to CNN
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Tired of just fighting with each other, Chuck E Cheese customers decide to attack employees instead
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Send Ancestry.com a DNA sample to learn your family history and potentially make your descendants murder suspects
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When leaving a job, Gallant thanks his employer for the opportunity. Goofus steals letters from Michelangelo and ransoms them for €100,000
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| (Gannett) |
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Photoshop this ball handler
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Fark NotNewsletter: The more things change, the more they stay the same
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Photoshop this diplomatic dialogue
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"One of the things we understand now is that the initial ship that came over from England to Massachusetts Bay actually carried more beer than water," says Bruce Bustard
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Good news: Your autistic child's asthma is not due your use of SSRI antidepressants during pregnancy
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Woman to spend time in the pokey for illegal butt injections
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Texans want to leave the union they never joined because they love America
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Apparently those initials carved into the side of the Roman Colosseum date back to AD, uh, Saturday
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US places sanctions on 7 Venezuelan officials, thus officially opening the spring 2015 change-of-regime season
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Clairvoyant, anime aficionado, zombie expert dismissed from theater shooting jury
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Photoshop this trustworthy driver
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Los Angeles held an election to decide what to do about low voter turn-out...but nobody showed up for it
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Meanwhile, in Japan
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Nothing to see here, just a couple of DOT workers gluing pieces of the bridge back together. Enjoy your commute
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Ever wonder why your deli sandwich always comes with a pickle? Here comes the science
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Fire damages luxury RVs. Investigation pointing towards Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny since they don't exist either
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Sigma Alpha Epsilon closes chapter at U. of Oklahoma after discovering that there are racists in Oklahoma and they tend to join frats
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Islamic State of Iraq and Syria overheard bickering amongst themselves, denouncing "farking splitters" joining the Iraqi-Syrian Islamic State
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Will Tony and Cherie Blair get divorced? The Daily Mail is just asking questions
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Mysterious stone figures discovered in Central Florida and thought to be priceless Asian artifacts turn out to be "the Indonesian equivalent of lawn gnomes"
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"Are you ignorant about the world?" Well, you're reading this on CNN, so
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Really slow tourist killed by glacier, Methodists reach new high under Obama, and Virgin Mobile becomes Technical Virgin Mobile: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 3/1 - 3/7
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Prize winning Irish biatch dies from poisoning and two others sickened after Crufts dog show. And here you thought that the competition on Toddlers and Tiaras was ruthless
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this happy gnome
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According to this recycled article that ABC News didn't bother to update a single bit, only 18 states allow same-sex marriage and those couples can now file joint tax returns
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If you knew the real truth about the legal battle over the sweet vidalia onion it would make you cry
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Red Bull launches new flavored energy drinks with zero calories. Customers can choose from Jittery Jasmine, Shaky Strawberry, Nervous Nectarine
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Grand Theft Auto VII: City of Brotherly Love. MISSION FAILED
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Congratulations on getting a flu shot last fall. Here's your "I Survived Flu Season 2015" t-shirt
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