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| Sun December 21, 2014 |
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Six people struck by lightning outside of Raymond James Stadium. Source of the lightning came from just down the road by Amalie Arena
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Photoshop these stylin' Santas
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New York Yankees, on the education costs of the children of murdered NYPD officer Rafael Ramos: We got this
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Idiot found guilty of being one after calling emergency 999 number to report his friend had been shot in the chest and was dying. His "friend" in this case being a character in the GTA V game he was playing
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How to survive if the cable of the elevator you're in snaps, sending the car into free-fall. You don't already have a plan for this? How could you NOT? (video)
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Tipping perpetuates racism, classism, and poverty. Unless you tip the standard 25%, of course
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Finally an ethical solution if you want to wear fur coats and wraps: Only make them out of roadkill
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Is your skin tingling? If you are a man, then you are probably talking to a fertile woman
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this...um...house?
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Millennials love living in downtown areas of big cities, but they can't find good jobs close to home. Oh, the hipster struggle is real
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Not News: Pennsylvania arrests a dangerous dealer and plans on destroying his $160,000 stash. Fark: a man who offered to sell a few bottles of wine from his private expensive collection, without a liquor license in an 8-month sting operation
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The winning $1 million recipe in the 47th Pillsbury Bake-Off contains only 4 ingredients
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| (Some Guy) |
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ISIS sets demands for them leaving Mosul. But they are totally not afraid of the Kurdish Peshmerga. They are just doing it to be nice
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Don't you hate it when your sister OD's so you rush her to the hospital but you crash and snakes crawl out of your arm and bite you and say you've shot up almost as much as her and shouldn't be driving and then they morph into police officers?
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Colorado DOT removes wildlife speed enforcement zones because they didn't work. Since when is not working a reason to end a government program?
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Americans aren't getting married, and researchers think porn is part of the problem
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Fire that gutted a town's city hall was "probably arson," what with the fact it destroyed all the city's financial records shortly before a mandatory state audit, claims Iowa's Chief Fire Investigator Ric Romero
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Another cop shot and killed. Authorities mum on details
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Worst. Storage Wars. Ever
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This shark fishermen does NOT need a bigger boat, he has done just fine with his record breaking catch
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Droopy poinsettias can be saved. This is not a euphemism
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Bitcoin pioneer getting two years in prison is a virtual reality
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Apparently, there were some researchers out there who actually thought cities had installed red light cameras for a purpose other than revenue collection
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Photoshop this badass
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CSB Sunday Morning: Cool Story Bowlcut
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Cleveland men's argument over their sexuality ends in a sword fight. Well, that clears up any confusion
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Couple moves into a serial killer's old digs and then bolts a life size replica of the murderess' likeness to the front of the house. Results are predictable
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"Ask anyone born later than 1970 what they think of when they hear the name Richard Pryor and, unless they draw a complete blank, they'll gush over movies like "The Toy" or "Superman III," says columnist with no concept of reality
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While everybody was watching Pahoa in Hawaii, lava snuck up and ate another town in Cape Verde
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High School senior wins fight to have photo of her with her rifle included in yearbook. Obviously, she's compensating for having a small penis
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CNN addresses the difficult questions. "Mom, why do your boobs hang?"
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JFK was so tough on the Soviets that he even went as far as to protect Santa Claus
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Man forgets to blow out a candle in a room with a fish tank and you know what happens next
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Man runs stop sign, jumps a curb and blows a tire. He then walks away from the scene with his case of beer. Pretty impressive for a former police chief
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Woman: I won $10,000 on the lottery. Store clerk: Congrats. Here's your $930. Woman: What about the rest of the money? Store clerk: What money?
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's a very special Christmas edition of Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of live music from Juneau, Alaska, hosted by a farker
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Driver calls police, gets arrested on DUI charge after pants fall down
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| Sat December 20, 2014 |
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Family facing foreclosure on home they built themselves rescued by skydiving Santa with a check. I'm sure he kicked up a lot of that stupid dust metaphor
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2014: The Year America Overreacted in Fear
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Whiny neighbors complained about his awesome Christmas displays. I bet they're sorry now. Also, where can I get a urinating Santa that lights up at night?
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Photoshop this special delivery
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Woman tries to trademark "I can't breathe" to sell merchandise
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Baghdad has new Western-style shopping mall - one with metal detectors, armed guards, and pat-down specialists, but nevertheless a mall. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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Sorry, citizen, but our sensors indicate that you were speeding through the toll plaza. Your driving privileges on this road have been suspended
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Barely news: Some kid gets mugged in Chicago. Big time news: The mayor's kid gets mugged in Chicago
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A new tradition is born in Ireland: "The 12 Pubs of Christmas" ... to be visited all in one night
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Two cops shot and killed in NYC in retaliation for the recent killings of unarmed black men across the country. News conference at 7pm EST
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Apparently misunderstanding what the Shop With A Cop event was all about, woman attempts to make off with $40 in unpaid merchandise
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If you bought those shoes with the separate toes, you may get $8 back to offset your embarrassment
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Fark Foodie Question: Chicken-fried steak with cream gravy: abomination unto the Lord or the essence of all that is good and true?
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The worst thing you can do for yourself is to boost your immune system
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Passed out drunk behind the wheel, engine running, stereo blasting and wearing an Elf on the Shelf costume, is no way to go through life son. Why yes, there is a pic
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NORAD began tracking Santa because of a wrong number
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Last minute shopping idea. Go trendy and buy him/her a selfie-stick. (Not sure whether this should be labeled "Cool," "Spiffy," or "Stupid.")
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A man is feeling a little down, so a worried friend calls police. Multi-agency task force lies to get warrant, sends SWAT team in to hit him with stun grenades, tasers, rubber bullets, and then beat him senseless. Bonus: 3 years of malicious prosecution
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"Apparently getting drunk in Kentucky and kicking over headstones is considered a recreational activity"
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If you're a politician and it's discovered that you're following a porn star on your Twitter account, you could shrug it off. Or you could claim your account was hacked and file formal complaints with Twitter and notify the authorities
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Best Korea would like to help the U.S. find the real hackers. OJ nods approvingly
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Who gets arrested for cattle rustling in 2014? How about the same genius who was arrested in 2009 for shoplifting at a place where he had just finished filling out an employment application
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"I know. Let's let's have a die-in protest at America's largest mall on the busiest shopping day of the year." Don't these idiotic protestors have anything better to do?
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Now that they are losing battles, ISIS's eager jihad volunteers ain't so eager, and they have taken to shooting them to keep them from deserting
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Teacher writes 'stupid' on student's forehead. The teacher even took the trouble to scribe it backwards so it would appear correctly when the pupil looked in the mirror
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How Elian Gonzalez' hometown is embracing the new Communism, aka "socialism with capitalism." In other news, Elian Gonzalez turned 21 two weeks ago and you are old
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Judge: It belongs in a zoo
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Boston to shame scofflaws with brightly colored brand. This is not a repeat from 1642
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Awwwww. Does anyone have a red light camera to record the tiny violins that are playing for all the towns in New Jersey that were feeding their budgets with them? *crickets*
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First came "Don't Jerk and Drive" now "Party Santa." OK, which Farker is working for the South Dakota Department of Public Safety?
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Some people have said they would like to eliminate all members of Congress and start over. Their wish may come true. "When he returns ..., the senator and his aide will monitor their health for three weeks.... Neither will quarantine themselves"
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The worst graduate degree a person can invest in? An M.F.A. in poetry. At least English majors stand a chance at getting gainful employment
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Kayaker sues FDNY for giving him props
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Here are ten things that aren't illegal but should be, because somebody has to complain about driving barefoot
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The cold medicine industry is nothing but a giant, sniffley racket
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And today's weird Salvation Army kettle donation? A gold tooth
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I don't care how cute your 19-year-old wife is, if you're in the hospital with stab and bite wounds and it's the second time this year she's been arrested for attacking you, it's time to at least get a restraining order
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Man discovers new level of hell after realizing he traded in an xBox game that had the memory card with photos of his son's birth inside
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Go home Britain, you're DRUNK
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If you're a registered sex offender, it's probably best if you don't get a job as a mall Santa
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Dr. Ruth's tips for jolly sex this holiday season: Buy sexy underwear, surprise your partner; buy a vibrator, don't use it too much; if you like being loud during sex, which is alright if you are alone, don't do it when you are with relatives around
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Bar owner arrested for using picture of Buddha wearing headphones on flyer. If only buddhists could be more tolerant of religious depictions, like other religions
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Photoshop this lifting view
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We've identified the mastermind of the attack on the Pakistani school. He's called Slim. (Cue Ennio Morricone music)
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What brings out the worst in people? If you guessed a badger cull, wait, you guessed a badger cull?
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Spangles the cross-eyed cat gets a holiday makeover just in time for Caturday
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Mother arrested for living in tents in the woods with her 7 malnourished kids, while feeding them cattle wormer and keeping their head lice in check with Frontline flea and tick treatment. A banjo just started playing in your head
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Little girl can't get over the fact that Santa isn't real, becomes suicidal every year. Did I say "little girl"? I meant 54-year-old mom
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Social etiquette for threesomes explained to people struggling to manage twosomes
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The electric company's billing office is a place you expect to get shocked, but not by a complete stranger
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Seattle police department kicks off its "hackathon." And by that, they mean they need "techies" to help redact faces and audio to complete a huge backlog of FOIA requests
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Determining just the right tomato to choose isn't a case of black and white - UNTIL NOW
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Getting arrested at Walmart for grand retail theft and getting hauled down to the police department is no laughing matter. Except for these two young ladies
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Mandy Rice-Davies, one of the outspoken women at the center of the UK's Profumo affair in the 1960s is finally silenced
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| Fri December 19, 2014 |
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Twas the Friday before Christmas, and all through the Fark, not a creature was getting 1000 on the Fark Weird News Quiz, which they took on a lark
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More than a million credit cards compromised in Staples security breach. Surprise: More than a million people shopped at Staples
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Teen arrested for assault with a pickaxe. Best mugshot you'll see all week
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Ferguson DA admits he knew witnesses were lying, but felt it was important to let the grand jury hear the lies, and won't be pursuing perjury charges because reasons and like such as
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The news: Cleveland police officer fired after losing gun and badge in bar fight. The Fark: Police union gets him reinstated by citing way worse things others on the force have done
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Upside, the airline finds your luggage. Downside, the luggage was missing for 20 years
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Photoshop this howdy
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Two girls who stabbed a friend to impress Slenderman found competent. At stabbing, that is. Also to stand trial. At telling real life apart from fiction, not so much
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Older drivers found four times more likely to swerve out of their lanes and take out an entire farmer's market while texting than younger drivers
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Life imitating The Simpsons: Here's what happens when you drive off with a wheel clamp on your car
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Identity thief found hiding in clothes dryer. I always knew Snuggles couldn't be trusted
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From the 'well duh' files: Car salesmen are trusted more and held in higher esteem than Congress
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Mitt Romney to Sony: Just put the movie online for free
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What's sticky, sweet, and fun to eat (unless they're tainted with listeria)?
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Well Russia, the ruble is in freefall and no one will touch your sovereign debt even at 17% interest thanks to the falling price of oil, but at least you're not Venezuela
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Have you seen it? Police hunting missing Christmas tree issue a description: "6 ft tall, with lots of green branches and prickly bits"
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Here's a photo of a very rare albino raccoon in Indiana which was relatively easy to take considering his front left paw was pinned inside a medieval looking metal trap
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A city official saying "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" at an municipal holiday event is never really appropriate under the best of circumstances, but at a menorah lighting to kick off Hanukkah? Yeah, that's a gigantic FAIL
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Photoshop this rustic view
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THIS. This is what happens when you don't give your dog steak
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Condemnation of the Pakistani Taliban's attack on a a school and murder of over 100 schoolchildren has been swift and nearly universal with even the Afghan Taliban denouncing their actions. And then, there is this asshole
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Not news: Woman takes out restraining order against a man. News: Judge lifts the order: FARK: So they can get married
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The eight lamest capitulations in entertainment, sports and politics before Sony raised the bar for everyone else
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Tax collectors in Russia have stumbled across a new way of getting people to pay their debts - by threatening to take away their cats
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If you really want to save money this holiday just give people mixed tapes and planted herbs as gifts
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A 27 year-old woman was arrested after she slapped her 72 year-old grandmother "multiple times" for not accepting her Facebook friend request. Guess she really wanted those Candy Crush lives
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Just a reminder - TSA scanning devices can see through plastic and find gun parts hidden in a Playstation 2
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Generally speaking, legit modeling agency talent scouts won't solicit nude photos from you over Facebook
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Apparently there are people out there who are trying to actually *avoid* drinking too much during the holidays. Not sure why this is being posted on Fark, though...not really the target audience
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Crazy scientists who watch too much Futurama are not ready to give up on the pneumatic tube "swoosh and squish" train system between San Francisco and LA
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Russia's economic woes kill big-ass deal. Sorry, make that big-gas deal. Actually, they kill a big-ass big-gas deal
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"What happens when people with absolutely no technical skill make robots then make those robots fight each other? Hilarity. One robot can't do anything but stick its tongues out, while another inexplicably has half a Barbie attached to it"
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Gaylard Williams, a US pastor who leads a church which preaches against homosexuality has been arrested for - wait for it - sexually harassing a man at a lake. But you could sorta see where that one was going after 'Gaylard'
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Post a vague/objective description of a movie
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High school principal duties: #57 - Make sure that the signs outside your school do not contain embarrassing spelling mistakes
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"Meatloaf killed our parents," claims distraught family, who vow they will do anything for justice...but they won't do that
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Bad Santa lurks in crowd at San Francisco SantaCon after robbing bank. Subby is jealous he didn't think up such a jolly plan
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Police chief lets his officers give drunk drivers a ride home instead of arresting them. Some people have a problem with this
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Something's not right if you can't make a profit running a brew pub in Oregon
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Sydney's chief Muslim funeral director refuses to accept the body of hostage-taker Man Haron Monis, says "chuck him in the bloody shiathouse"
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Can you guess which is the most obese profession? Cops, you say? Yeah, done in one
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Slate argues that Christmas should be postponed until February, as it gives people time to recover from Thanksgiving and it's not really Jesus's birthday on 12/25, so the whole thing's arbitrary anyway
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Christmas is less than a week away so it's time for the media to once again ask just what the heck is frankincense and myrrh
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A storm took down part of a tree, what do you do? How about decorate it for the holidays?
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Mysterious ice pancakes appear on Scottish river. MMMMM Scotch-flavored pancakes
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George Clooney explains why Sony stood alone in North Korean cyberterror attack and why that's a problem for all of us
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ISIS now looking to hire 3 more #2s
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Doctors rebuild double amputee with the world's most advanced prosthetic limbs. Sure these high tech limbs probably cost more than they spent on the Six Million Dollar Man but hell they're awesome
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"Do atheist fundamentalists exist?" Spoiler: yes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this Christmas plundering
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Attention passengers: Yes, it's a long flight and we have a baby continually crying, but please do not drag the mother into the aisle and beat her senseless
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If you value heavy metal bands, Nordic walking, and naked saunas, then Finland is the place for you
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Actual headline: "Police tase chocolate-crazed monkey after 'bedlam' at elementary school"
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A single CIA officer dropped the ball on 9/11, personally tortured suspects, and lied to Congress. They won't release her name but you'll be happy to know they demoted her to General
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Denver International Airport opens luxury pet boarding facility. Your dog wants some prime dog airport hotel steak. You'd stay too if you were allowed (pics)
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Itchy biatchy slap fight over sheep breaks out during meeting
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Caption this North Korean hacker
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Pizza Hut's newest abomination: Lay's potato chip stuffed crust
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When you move to Texas to start a church you know God's testing your faith as you find yourself wringing a burglar's urine out of your weeping wife's wedding gown
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It's kind of like the seven deadly sins, except replace 'gluttony' with 'acoustic engineering' and maybe 'wrath' with 'waveguide technology' (sponsored link)
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How does your drinking measure up to the average from countries around the world in the month of December? Use this calculator to figure out if you drink like a Belarusian on a bender
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| Thu December 18, 2014 |
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Land of the rising sun buried beneath feet of snow
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World Pie Eating Championship refused to recognize the winner because the pie was not the right size
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Judge: "Guilty." Defendant: *Fart*
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That's not what they meant by 'the South shall rise again'
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Snarky woman says to man, "Do you not think that's more than enough?" and slams a door in his face. In her defense, he had just shot her 12 times
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this demo
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Burgers with buns made of Mac & Cheese are trending, thank God
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Nebraska is trying to harsh Colorado's mellow in court
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China tests ICBM with multiple warheads. But hey--we're all still friends, right?
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Man saddled with dead horses pleads not guilty to cruelty
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Bill O'Reilly declares yet another victory in the War on Christmas after once again no combatants show up on the enemy team
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US Army plans to use stationary blimps to prevent missile attack on DC. In true DC fashion, there will only be two: guaranteeing that the left and the right will be protected, while everyone else is screwed
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J.K. Rowling calls for an end to Orphanages. As for what to do with the kids, she has a modest proposal
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Woman ducks long prison sentence for accident causing two deaths
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Fark's 2014 Headline of the Year contest, Round 3: June through August
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Fark Food Thread: From chops to the belly to even a whole pig roast among the many options, pork has been a staple in many homes. What ways do you like to prepare it for your friends and family? Do you just make the whole pack of bacon for yourself?
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Eleven nostalgic gifts for the lumbersexual in your life. Downside: You have a lumbersexual in your life
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Photoshop this mean machine
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The normalization of relations with Cuba is the greatest thing in the world-- if you're a vintage car enthusiast
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A supernova could wipe out all life on Earth. Unfortunately it might not happen for another million years
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Furries attempt to set the record straight, claim there's nothing to fear but fear itself, and possibly the fat coyote dude who smells like body odor and keeps asking people back to his room
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Man walks into police station, lights up joint, undresses, defecates on floor, then smears his waste on the walls. TA-DAAAH
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"That's why we started a members' club for socks, because there's a lot of like-minded people that are interested in this"
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President Obama says he is Jewish in his soul. Also, his kidneys are French. His eyeballs are Swedish. His duodenum is Azerbaijani
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Today's big ass python is brought to you by Collier County
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Man slices his neighbor in the groin with a box cutter after an argument about how fast his mother drives through the neighborhood. Little snippet from the judge, "He was lucky you didn't catch him somewhere else or you'd be off to prison"
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His accomplice, Mich Loeb is wanted by the police for questioning
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Naked jogger snarls commute for thousands of drivers in Ireland (SFW pics)
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Gov. Scott Walker to call in national guard to squash protests after prosecutors announce whether they will charge the former police officer who shot Dontre Hamilton. You're up, Milwaukee
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European Court rules that obesity can qualify for a disability, same ruling would have put 80% of Americans out of work
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Our new Cuban relations may not get rid of the trade and travel embargo, but at least we can legally import $100 worth of cigars and rum
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So, what's so scary about a nuclear-armed drone? In a word: everything
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It wouldn't be Christmas if you didn't spend 36 hours of it sleeping in an airport because of a winter storm, and they've already got a hashtag for the east-coast storm that will roll in on Dec. 24: #Santabomb
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Census Bureau considers removing questions about marriage and divorce, home offices, and college majors from its annual survey. Political squabbling to the left, new survey question ideas to the right
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One of the odder British obsessions, at least to the rest of the world, is this thing they have about finding the shortest set of double-yellow pavement marking lines in the country (LOTS of pics with this one, obviously)
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"Florida's chief justice orders judges to report colleagues who goof off"
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A wild mountain lion was spotted in Kentucky for the first time since before the civil war; state Fish and Wildlife officers work tirelessly to protect it until it can be relocated. LOL just kidding, they blew it to hell
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Majority of Americans now say race relations are bad, blame those shiftless, lazy, untrustworthy other people
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China faces growing threats from invasive alien plant and animal species after decades of unleashing them on other nations
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Farm-raised turkey named Gobbles escapes becoming Christmas dinner after learning to fly and hide in trees to escape execution. "After his exploits we felt it only fair to keep him on the farm as a pet" (pics)
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It's time to reflect upon the most important events of 2014: that's right, it's the Year in Social Media Outrage over Meaningless Things
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New York woman sues police for not arresting her son for DWI before he was involved in a fatal accident. But if police had tried to arrest him earlier, they probably would have killed him anyway
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Scientists create the world's first smart bike that can sense hazards on the road. Upon completion bike immediately senses itself and self-destructs
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Don't like your job at the restaurant you work at? You could take all the money and run. Bonus: "Is that a man or a woman?" mugshot goodness included
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More terrifying but quite funny crime mayhem from the place where Hot Fuzz was filmed
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You would think that a marijuana club and a sex club operating out of the same building would have no problems getting along. You would be so wrong
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Kids, today's lesson is that it's OK to lie about things you don't like as long as it tests well with focus groups
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Federal government authorizes Fung Wah to resume serving New York to Boston route. Remember, buses on fire have right of way
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TN town decides the 1st Amendment doesn't apply to them & bans negative online comments by "anyone professionally connected" to the town. Good luck with the Streisand Effect guys. In other news apparently the City Attorney job is still open
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Cubans will get to experience AT&T dropping their phone calls as part of their government's deal with
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How bad does your fraudulent pharmacy operation suck if you can't even spell the fake names right? Bonus Massachusetts identifier: cheap beer names used
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Hollywood to Sony: "You just let the terrorists win, you lily-livered chicken-shiats"
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It's awful when burglars steal the cremated ashes of your two dead dogs. But then again, who the hell keeps the cremated ashes of their dead dogs?
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Police offering $100 to anyone who turns in a drunk driver that leads to an arrest
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Employees find NOPE * (1.07 * 10^8) at a wastewater treatment plant in Baltimore
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this picture of Prince William and Princess Kate with Dikembe Mutombo
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"What kills more Americans: guns or cars?"
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Pat Robertson: "Gays will die out because they don't reproduce." Unless they recruit, Pat, unless they recruit
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Karma. How does that work? Surprisingly well in Montana
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Old and busted: Bodyboarding. New Hotness: Hydrospeeding (w/pics & video)
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Totally not crazy fan spends $150,000 to look like his idol, Kim Kardashian. Mere words can't describe the horror. You've been warned
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Why don't they put up guard rails on sidewalks to protect pedestrians from falling into the street?
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Old and busted: E-cigarettes. New hotness: Cytisine
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Johns Hopkins to 300 rejected applicants: You're now accepted. Nah ... just kidding
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"Ummmmm. Yeah, one of your taxi drivers took our Christmas tree as ransom for not paying the fare. Can we have it back?"
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Angry Lawsuit
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If someone calls 911 and says the guy in the apartment next door is setting off bombs, this might just be the one time there's no exaggeration involved
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Five British women of varying drinking habits submit to Daily Mail test designed to prove they shouldn't drive after one glass of wine. "I didn't realise I was such an old soak"
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Church overtakes state
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Jingle Bells was never meant to be a Christmas song, but a drinking song written by a 'jerk'
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Two racecars known as Romeo and Juliet stolen from parking lot. Mercutio Towing believed to be responsible for the theft
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Just when you thought that the anti-vaccine simpletons couldn't get any batshiat crazier.... VACCINES TURN YOUR CHILDREN GAY
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Drunk driver with crack pipe in car mows down five in Manhattan. Topless selfies on Facebook (not safe for work) won't help her case. She's going to need a lawyer.... Oh wait, she IS a lawyer
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If you happened to steal a trailer from a motel parking lot, Oklahoma City police would like to have a word with you, since it contained a gauge containing radioactive materials
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Man offers a free round the world trip with only two requirements. 1. Be named Elizabeth Gallagher. 2. Have a Canadian passport
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Sexy psychologist decapitates her 'abusive' husband, chops up his body with a chainsaw then scatters the remains all across Mexico City... then takes a Ta Da bow to family and friends to make it seem like he was still alive
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Weird: police seek thief of 29 garden taps. Weirder: Someone bothered to film perpetrator with a hand-held night vision camera
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 502: "Mmm Bokeh 3: You Want Bokeh? You Can't Handle the Bokeh" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed December 17, 2014 |
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Air force training jet makes emergency landing after pilot learns it's not a convertible
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What's your favorite song of the 1960s?
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CDC reports gonorrhea rates have declined for the first time in 30 years. Slow clap
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Good news: Your murder charges have been thrown out. Bad news: 70 years after you were executed
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First Black Friday spread to the UK, and now Russia. Except Russians are mobbing stores to keep from starving as their currency crashes
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Fark's 2014 Headline of the Year contest, Round 2: March through May
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Proof that China is becoming richest, most powerful nation on earth: University student amazes people on social media for skipping rope with his butt. "While he's able to skip faster and faster, his callused butt sometimes suffers"
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Company makes tenuous and lame marketing connection for its detergent "Flirty Shades of Surf." Feminists and conservative bloggers reward them with internet catfigh...err, publicity
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Photoshop Santa living dangerous
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Defendant who stated "I hate cops and I'm guilty" actually meant to plead "not guilty." It's an easy mistake
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Sony cancels the release of "The Interview" after realizing that Danny McBride wasn't in it
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Today's forecast calls for mostly cloudy skies and scattered gunshots
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Judge who overturned state's gay marriage ban continues assault on marriage with state's first gay divorce
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Google's most searched for beers, cocktails, recipes and diets reveal that Americans are pretty much as boring and self-loathing as ever
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Replacing a mobility cane with a pool noodle as punishment for an 8-year-old boy should be frowned upon, especially at school
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| (Some Guy) |
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'St. Nick' makes an early stop at Marylou's coffee shop in Hyannis on Cape Cod to spread a little holiday cheer with $100 bills for all
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FARC rebels call conditional unilateral ceasefire for as long as their supply of Stone Farking Wheaton w00tstout holds out
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If any women want to get an abortion in Missouri, you will need the guy's written and notarized permission. And if you think you were raped, too bad. It has to be "legitimate rape"
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American who deserted the Army to fight for France sentenced to 4 years in prison. This is not a repeat from 1763
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Photoshop Theme: Bill Murray in famous scenes from history
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Teen creates special Christmas stockings for the homeless, presumably for them to wear
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Man fakes heart attack so friend can steal fake blonde
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Airline trivia #48: The difference between a general alert and a hijacking emergency is one wrong pilot keystroke
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O Christmas Tree Worm, O Christmas Tree Worm, Thy feathery tentacles are so unchanging
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Guess which state loves tacky Christmas decorations the most
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When the Afghan Taliban is saying your slaughter of children is an affront to Allah and not the way to practice Islam, you may just be the worst Taliban ever, TTP
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Here are the top 100 photos of 2014, in case you needed new desktop wallpaper or some inspiration to start using that digital SLR that's been gathering dust since you got it on your birthday (Warning: Not safe for work/Graphic images)
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Keeping Googling that chicken
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"Police investigate nativity donkey 'squashed to death' by obese man at Spanish Christmas market"
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Woman's will requires dog to be buried with her. One problem: The dog isn't dead
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A Little Bit of Charity hopes to raise funds for the Animal Welfare Institute, by taking a group of professional musicians and remixing songs from My Little Pony. These are non-bronies covering MLP songs. Sounds cool
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Losing weight? Good. Except you emit CO2. Bad. But you get to live longer. Good. In a world devastated by the global warming you caused. Bad
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Good news from Capcom for anyone who always thought being a competitive Street Fighter player required talent, practice, or more than one button
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Spice not flowing
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The most obscene, anti-Christian, and hilarious Christmas cards on the market
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The virulent measles and pertussis outbreaks in Michigan are the result of idiotic parents believing that vaccines are dangerous. Bet they don't look nearly as dangerous as the measles and pertussis that are infecting your kids
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Turbulence injures fourteen on American Airlines flight. No word on why the airline would expose the passengers to a Ray Liotta/Lauren Holly film from the 90s
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Wolf Blitzer saw his shadow yesterday, which means five more months of missing plane search
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Awesome-looking doctor gets charged with illegally filling out prescriptions. Really, he looks awesome
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Study finds children's cartoons are full of death and murder. This is not a repeat from every year since the 30's
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Thirteen puppies stolen from pet store. Police are on the lookout for a rich old man with a new vest
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"Dear Prudence: What's worse for kids: telling them that Santa isn't real, destroying their childhood; or continually lying about his existence, therefore making them gullible and eager to believe in invisible things like God?"
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Remember the scene in Ferris Bueller where the parking attendants take the Ferrari out for a joy ride. It's like that, except a Corvette, and the owner had a security camera in the car
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The creator of Clifford has died at the age of 86. In dog years that's 602
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Sea World makes a positive step towards rehabilitating its public image by firing its mimes
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Amy Pascal says she will not step down from Sony and will have to be dragged away kicking and screaming
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Man bites dog. The headline journalists have waited decades to see
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It's still real to her, dammit
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U.S. releases 3 of Cuba 5 for one Gross, making the exchange rate one 48:1
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Research shows odds of dying on your birthday are higher than normal. Having jackasses jump out at you and yell "SURPRISE!" doesn't help
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Voyager 1 sends back sound that it's being probed. Won't be long before we're all being probed
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Normally fraternity holiday photos are innocent, except this one has a Beyonce sex doll in it. Content may actually be OK for work
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DOD tests a bullet that can change direction. Warren Commission: "I told you so"
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Head of Cleveland Patrolman's Union: Just shut the f*ck up, listen to a police officer's commands and pray to f*cking God that he's not having a bad day that day. Now, pick up that can, citizen
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U.S. lobbyists, researchers and politicians begin campaign to raise the legal drinking age to 25 in all 50 states
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Los Angeles to become first U.S. city to equip police with body cameras. The ghost of Rodney King approves
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this silhouetted oil worker
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Elderly adults are having so much sex on cruises that STDs have skyrocketed. Now try to get that image out of your head
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CNN: Let's ask people on Twitter to give us questions to ask a panel of cops. There's no way this could backfire
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Freak tire swing accident kills man. Goodyear? No, the worst
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| (Some Guy) |
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G.I. Joe's theme park rolls into town. "This will be themed towards our veterans. The theme is around our forces and their tremendous sacrifice for this country; its part of an 'Apocalypse Now' type theme"
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In London, hipsters are OVER and cutesters are the in thing. "The hipster is more concerned with attitude and authenticity. The cutester is friendly and open and aware that fun usually comes at the expense of cool"
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Woman claims she raised a baby Bigfoot, also has evidence but will never reveal it: "The only reason I wanted to tell you my story is to show the world these animals are beautiful creatures. But I would never, ever, betray my best friends"
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Archaeologists in Egypt unearth million-mummy cemetery. Lucky stiffs
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Goodwill opens hipster-targeted thrift boutique in Anaheim that makes point to stock only "rare" clothing, skinny jeans, flannel, and vintage scarves and handbags
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"I'm a black Mormon, so there's no way I could be racist," said the guy who posted on Facebook that we should start killing white police officers
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Landline phone service could be at risk in Illinois, which is bad news for the three people who still have it
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Today's law enforcement shooting and killing of an unarmed mentally ill person who was asleep is brought to you by the Riverside County Sheriff's Department
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The real culprits behind climate change: squirrels
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If the "outdoors" consists of your walk to your car, here's everything you'll need to know about tracking animals in the snowy woods
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| Tue December 16, 2014 |
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Crazed Pennsylvania man who executed six family members, including his ex-wife, found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound
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Wisconsin may not have good football teams, baseball teams, or even beer, but they sure know how to throw pregnant women in jail for expressing their freedoms
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Look, I paid $8 for my Austrian goat milk, double half caf, half decaf, soy milk, cappuccino, extra hot, with a dash of Madagascar cinnamon and half tablespoon of caramel-latte-frappa-mocha and I'LL DO WHAT I DAMN WELL PLEASE
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Some of the greatest pictures ever taken by drones. Curiously none of them are of wedding parties
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Study finds Brits prefer boobs, Americans prefer asses - which explains both countries' leaders
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And from the It's about Farking Time Department, owners of phony service dogs are facing jailtime and fines
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Man who can't use his arms gets busted for having them anyway
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Seriously who among us hasn't been driven insane by the Salvation Army bell ringers by now? However, mowing one down with your car does seem a tad harsh
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Photoshop this Pastafarian protester
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Today is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day. Add what you would want dipped in chocolate
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Some like it hot, unless they're a beta and then just medium spicy
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Homeless man gives stranded woman $5 so she wouldn't have to walk home alone in the dark. Woman moved so much that she started a fund to get him housing. That goal has been reached. And no, I am not going to use that stupid "dusty" meme
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You're doing it wrong: man purposely arrested in order to seek revenge on niece's killer in jail, ends up released on bail
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After a shocking terror attack in downtown Sydney carried out by a man flying an ISIS flag, Australia's Muslim community has seen an outpouring of...support and solidarity from other Australians. Good on 'ya mates
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Fark's 2014 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: December through February
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This takes some skill: In DUI case, Omaha police arrest man who was driving on 4 flats, had airbag deployed
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this oddly idyllic beachfront
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Court rules there is no constitutional right to go bareback
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Even in color, Comet 67P is as black as Dick Cheney's heart...I mean, as black as coal...which is coincidentally what Cheney's heart is made of
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Bison herd under attack by wolves saved by the sudden appearance of an even more dangerous predator: a Canadian cab driver
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Remember, If police make you walk the line and recite the alphabet, it does not go "A,B,C,D, I'm gonna kill all y'all"
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You are only as old as the person you feel....or something
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Lava to hit gas station in 7-10 days. Suck it BP
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Restaurant brunch attendee: "Don't these complimentary white 'chocolate' truffles look good, think I'll try one"
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If you play "F___ The Police" loud enough, the police will F___ you in return
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The year we all wore Kigurumi, if by "we" you mean "people who apparently don't wash or do laundry very often"
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Pro-tip: Need fresh air? Just go outside. Pro-tip Bonus: Just not on an airplane, you jerkoff
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Woman who catches her husband cheating with her twin sister in a parked car springs into action and leaves them both stranded naked in the car park. (Not safe for workish)
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Woman has her little finger removed after doctors discover a rare form of cancer. Just kidding, it was her appendix, large bowel, small bowel, gall bladder, spleen, womb, ovaries, fallopian tubes, cervix, stomach lining and navel
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PSA: When selling a work truck, you should always remove your company name and phone number 'cause you never know when it might end up halfway around the world converted into an anti-aircraft weapon for Islamic militants
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ISIS explode 'scorpion bombs' to spread panic in Iraq, and they are exactly what you imagine they are - IEDs filled with scorpions (pics)
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And the winner of the Russian "Man of the Year" is ... Vladimir Putin (for the 15th time in a row)
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A guide to eating like a "Real Italian." Difficulty: at Olive Garden
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Nassau County legislature unanimously votes to eliminate speed cameras six months after unanimously voting to use them
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In 1944, a young color-blind soldier who had never handled a bazooka crept to within a few yards of a German tank and disabled it. The battle was named Bulge after his huge brass balls
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The latest person to do a good deed at a chain store is "Santa B" paying $50,000 in layaway bills at a Walmart
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It's 36 degrees out and a naked man claiming to be Jesus sets fire to a church: "Let's just put it this way, there's something wrong"
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The sun failed to come up this morning and the world has been plunged into six days of darkness. Oh no wait - the opposite of that
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Despite everything you thought you knew about hot toddies, spiked coffee, and the liquid inside the barrels carried around by St. Bernards, alcohol does not actually make you warmer in cold weather
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Merriam-Webster Dictionary announces its list of the top 10 words of 2014. The list is kind of boring until you get to number six, because it isn't in English
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Parents a bit upset after woman indicted on two felony charges of heroin distribution is hired as first grade teacher. Background checks, how do they work?
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A little-known problem with British police not carrying guns is that they have to euthanize animals with crowbars
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Yes it's that time of the holiday season again when atheist groups who want attention put up their anti-Christmas billboards
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