You might try our Headline Search for easier navigation here.
These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Sun November 30, 2014 |
 |
|
Cool before and after images of Darwin after Cyclone Tracy 40 years ago
|
 |
|
If you were one of millions of people planning on flying home today so you could return to work tomorrow...yeah, probably not gonna happen as more than 3,000 flights have been delayed across the US
|
 |
|
Headline: Flu vaccine kills 13 in Italy. Article: There's no evidence they died from the vaccine
|
| |
 |
|
The moral of this story is if you like to write rap songs about killing your estranged wife, shooting up a kindergarten class and attacking an FBI agent then maybe you shouldn't post the lyrics where others can see them. Like Facebook
|
 |
|
Photoshop this super-sleek cedar sauna scene
|
 |
|
Iraq has an army of 50,000 ghosts. Mother of God, it's just like that scene in Return of the King
|
 |
|
Lonely old man decides to put on some clothes for a change before going outside. Then shoots up transformers and douses his house in kerosene
|
 |
|
Just when you thought that home crooks couldn't get much dumber... yeah, you might need a tissue to wipe away the laughter. Oh, the hilarity of these burglars
|
| |
|
NOAA says that 2014 is the hottest year on record. Again. But you were cold for a day in September or something so it's all good
|
| |
 |
|
Leonardo da Vinci's mother was a Chinese slave. And the Mona Lisa is a portrait of her. To be fair the Mona Lisa does look Chinese if you are blind and don't know what a Chinese person looks like
|
 |
|
The best concepts to redesign U.S. currency that you'll see, well, maybe ever
|
 |
|
Are you happy?
|
 |
|
If you have ever wondered what a fuel tanker truck looks like after it has crashed and exploded, today is your lucky day. Bonus: the driver is still alive
|
| |
|
Jack the Ripper (Ted Bundy in a top hat) handcuffs go on sale. Considering we don't know who he or she was, it's just handcuffs really
|
 |
|
Ripped from the scripts of CBS procedurals: Young molecular biologist dies in her office of cyanide poisoning, and detectives wonder if it's an accident, suicide ... or murder
|
| |
|
Photoshop this green, humpy wall
|
 |
|
People across the UK from London to Glasgow, fear not about the loud explosions going off everywhere, merely backyard fireworks. Nothing to do with super secret drones or Russian airships causing sonic booms ... or aliens
|
 |
|
Another Great American Tradition may land you in jail since tinkering with your car engine violates copyright laws. Move over, patent trolls
|
 |
|
Three bears struck and killed on highways in twenty-four hours. The first accident was too hard, the second accident too soft, but the third was just right
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Never-Ending-Pasta-Pass used to feed Olive Garden food to the homeless. Way to kick people when they're down
|
 |
|
Farc releases General....who knew we had a military wing. I guess that is where the $5 goes??
|
 |
|
There are so many goddamn hipsters out there trying to impress everybody with how much they like vinyl records that manufacturers can't keep up with the demand
|
 |
|
13-year-old surfer bitten after fighting off shark attack, then bicycles home for breakfast. No biggie
|
 |
|
Brewing company admits that it wasn't prepared for the backlash regarding the slogan for its Bavarian Black Lager. Apparently, they didn't think telling people it will make them a "SLAVE to the flavor" is racially insensitive
|
 |
|
People aren't the only thing the Indiana Dunes are eating. Apparently there are houses beneath them
|
 |
|
Man lifts 80 kilograms of bricks with his testicles, can now throw them over his shoulder like a continental soldier
|
 |
|
Photoshop this heavy invasion
|
 |
|
Sometimes the headlines are already written: "Masturbating Passenger Causes Premature Landing For Virgin Flight"
|
 |
|
"When they come in the program... they become our property" said charity worker about A) Abandoned homes, B) Abandoned pets, or C) Homeless people made to work for no pay
|
| |
|
Prince Edward, what the bloody hell were you thinking by trying to shoot a shotgun right over your young son's head? One would think a Royal would have taken a gun lesson at sometime in his ostentatious life
|
 |
|
Before you take a big, smug bite of your cricket taco, ask yourself if there's really an ethical difference between eating insects for protein and traditional farm animals?
|
 |
|
If you are going to drive a car that is "unsafe for roadways" while wearing a ski mask you might just want to leave your stolen pistol and methamphetamine at home
|
 |
|
Sometimes, a Christmas Tree picks you
|
| |
|
Policeman tweets picture of fellow officers riding playground horses. Oddly enough some people have a problem with this
|
 |
|
Coming up at the top of the hour from beautiful downtown Juneau, Alaska, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of live music hosted by a farker
|
| Sat November 29, 2014 |
 |
|
Have you ever wanted to own 100 acres of land? Have $250,000 burning a hole in your pocket? Willing to die walking around the property where former owners left explosive booby traps hidden in the grounds? Then this may be for you
|
| |
|
Six year-old Syrian refugee living in Turkey feeds his family by playing a flute in a busy shopping district. But now, his family's only source of income is gone after police confiscated his musical instrument
|
 |
|
Two WWII veterans, best friends as children, see each other for the first time in 71 years
|
 |
|
Sometimes it's the little deeds that mean so much. Oh well, back to the dusting of this room
|
 |
|
Magicians hope to restore Houdini's gravesite after decades of watching it disappear
|
| |
|
Faith in humanity a bit restored at...a Ferguson protest?
|
| |
|
Everyone likes to take a nice long hot shower, so a woman in San Francisco has converted a city bus so the homeless can have the same privilege
|
 |
|
Malaysian Airlines issues an apology for their 'Want to go somewhere, but you don't know where' promotion
|
 |
|
Darren Wilson takes a shot at the job market
|
| |
|
Giant penguin bones lay in New Zealand shed for years (with helpful pic of what a giant penguin would probably not look like)
|
 |
|
There once was a poet from New York / Who by many was considered a dork / But now Mark Strand / Will be returned to the land / As in him you can now stick a fork
|
 |
|
Fine, fine, we'll soon have turbolifts. Where are the damn holodecks already? Lonely... so lonely
|
| |
|
Photoshop this training piece
|
| |
|
Good: Boy missing for 4 years found. Sad: He was kept hidden in a 'false wall'
|
 |
|
ISIS would like to tell you they have a new cookbook coming out
|
| |
|
Looks like the Pope is coming to NYC next September, and the New York Times is looking for ideas on what he should do in the city besides come to a Fark party?
|
 |
|
Chances are at this very moment, some Jihad terrorists are enjoying Pringles potato crisps
|
 |
|
Mama June put on no-fly list
|
| |
|
Amsterdam's pop-up evening public toilets are a great idea, as long as there's not a moped on top
|
 |
|
"I have been doing this for years. It's all such good fun. There is nothing better than watching 100 Santas spank strippers with $1 bills. There is no visual quite like it"
|
| |
|
Photoshop this unwelcome adjustment
|
| |
|
British police discover massive cannabis grow op next door to their police station. Someone tried to fly too close to the sun
|
 |
|
"I've never been out for Black Friday before, never bought a TV or an X-box or anything. But here I am drinking beer at 8 a.m"
|
 |
|
Assad's Syrian Air Force (who US is against) and USAF bomb the Syrian city of Raqqa. Confused at this turn of events, Syrian government and US trade insults. Citizens of Raqqa unamused
|
 |
|
The California Sheriff's Department spent Thanksgiving day executing one of the largest drug busts in recent memory, seizing more than three tons of narcotics in the desert
|
| |
|
Thanksgiving isn't really over until you've eaten turkey gumbo, turkey tacos, turkey ramen bowls, and fruity turkey curry
|
| |
|
Member of a church for over 50 years but stopped paying tithe and attending services because you were in a coma? Sorry, no funeral for you
|
| |
|
Silver bullets being issued to LAPD as they search for werewolf
|
 |
|
13-year-old snowflake is arrested and charged with making terroristic threats and fifth-degree assault after making a list of people he wants to kill and showing it to a fellow classmate
|
 |
|
Debt collector ordered to pay $33K after being sued for harassment says of the woman who sued him "She's not collected a dime. She never will...because I don't have it to pay her." Ironic tag too busy dodging calls to appear for this headline
|
| |
|
Listen bloke, it's a plate to a car, a mere piece of metal with a few flippin' numbers on it. And you spent half a million on it and it didn't even come with the car?
|
 |
|
Why you really don't want to sit in the aisle seat
|
 |
|
Indiana road sign urges drivers to Slow the Fark Down
|
 |
|
Only when they got home from the pet store did they realize... they had *leased* a dog
|
 |
|
Kids these days. With their selfies, and twerking, and being the CEO of a local store
|
| |
|
Woman and her "emotional support" pig thrown off of flight because it was defecating, squealing, and running through the aisles. Oddly enough, parents with children were allowed to stay on the flight
|
 |
|
Think you know a lot about beer? Can you tell a stout from a Scotch ale, or oxidation from astringency? Get 10 out of 10 on this quiz and prove you have the knowledge to become a certified beer server
|
 |
|
Photoshop this man observing a legend
|
| |
|
SE Wisconsin Fark Party w/ BACON November 29, 2014
|
| |
|
It's not an Australian wedding until the bride is in hospital with alcohol poisoning and the groom and best man are spending the night in jail for brawling
|
 |
|
And the moral of the story is that just because somebody returns home from visiting West Africa and they're vomiting and experiencing diarrhea don't assume they have Ebola
|
 |
|
Here's a 36 pound Butterball, just in time for the Thanksgiving edition of Caturday
|
| |
|
Ayy.... Vegemite, Kellogg's and Cadbury fund terrorism through Kingpin Freddo the Frog. You tell anyone I told you and you'll be the first one to croak capisce?
|
| |
|
In a move sure to bring closure to the people of Egypt, the courts have dismissed all charges of Ex-President Mubarak in connection to protestor deaths during the 2011 uprising
|
| |
|
Just because your boyfriend acted like a turkey and started Thanksgiving dinner without you doesn't mean you get to carve him up like one
|
| |
|
FARK Party - New Orleans
|
 |
|
"The funeral home guy was banging on the window, saying 'What are you doing? You can't drive away in a hearse.'"
|
 |
|
Black Friday has become a shadow of its former self
|
| |
|
Twelve classic toys that are a bargain all year round - probably because they're boring as hell
|
 |
|
Survey of Japanese workers reveals most would continue showing up to work even if running a bad fever. "Normal salarymen won't take the day off with even a 40°C fever. Those that immediately do so are communists"
|
 |
|
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gave China 10,000 used toilets, they made a 15-ft high and 300-ft long Toilet Waterfall
|
 |
|
Cops find guy in middle of the street with 12-inch knife sticking out the top of his head
|
| Fri November 28, 2014 |
| |
|
Atlanta gets tough on the homeless. REALLY tough
|
| |
|
Tired of all the holiday cheer? Time provides a reality check by listing 14 ways the holidays will kill you dead
|
 |
|
Missouri police have obviously learned their lesson regarding use of... oh, fark. They did what now?
|
| |
|
Toy company creates strip club play set with lingerie-clad dancers, zebra-print decor and plastic dollar bills. "Boy, her Legos go all the way up"
|
 |
|
Britain's worst artists wait to hear if they are crap enough to win the Turnip Prize 2014
|
 |
|
40% of Germans support annexing a neighboring country's territory. This is not a repeat
|
| |
|
Gunman fires 100 rounds in downtown Austin, and attempted to set the Mexican Consulate on fire. Gunman is the only reported fatality
|
 |
|
Coroner demonstrates his superior surgical skills
|
 |
|
Thanksgiving Parade balloon accident videos
|
 |
|
Wait, now it seems that Walmart stole Christmas and hijacked politics
|
| |
|
Photoshop this gray area in education
|
 |
|
Turkey crashes through windshield on Thanksgiving morning, ends up as dinner for grateful family
|
| |
|
City requests to remove a wheelchair ramp from restaurant front falling on deaf ears
|
 |
|
Spotify has ruined Christmas
|
| |
|
By a bizarre coincidence, 5 of the 20 highest-paid doctors paid by the maker of a powerful, addictive narcotic pain killer to promote their drug, are also under federal investigation for over-prescribing pain killers to patients
|
 |
|
Woman with resemblance to Elsa from "Frozen" has new job as traveling Disney princess. No, it's not Miley
|
 |
|
Bavaria plans to turn entire state into one big Starbucks - just with beer instead of coffee
|
| |
|
Huntsman pro tip: Don't unload your rifle near a school. If you must unload your rifle near a school, don't do it into teenagers attending it
|
 |
|
Piers Morgan calls rape claim by celebrity a "publicity stunt"
|
| |
|
900 Austrian cops raid Mosques and homes looking terrorists and ISIS recruiters. Crikey
|
| |
|
School children forced to evacuate playground due to "unusually aggressive" grey squirrel. Or... It's all fun and games until your nuts are in danger
|
| |
|
To hell with the science: will THESE get your attention? (Possibly not safe for work)
|
 |
|
You can't carry out your Second Amendment right to defend yourself in your own home if you don't have a gun in your house. But what if you have a gun, but no house?
|
| |
|
Authorities Searching for American Mother-to-Be Missing in Queensland Australia: Difficulty: She's a Snake
|
 |
|
Fathers now spend an entire five more hours per week watching their children than they did fifty years ago. PROGRESS
|
 |
|
If you're pulled over for a DUI, taking a drink of vodka in front of the officer is not going to help
|
 |
|
Highway patrol officer rescues woman being choked by seat belt. Florida: Her 4-year-old daughter was the one trying to choke her
|
 |
|
Pope Francis calls for ISIS and its goal to be strongly and forcefully opposed-by Muslim leaders worldwide. Pope Urban II shakes his head ruefully and makes the "missed it by THAT much" gesture
|
 |
|
When you're arrested for public drunkenness and they're about to turn you loose, that's not a good time to drop your bag of cocaine
|
| |
|
Just when you think things couldn't be any worse for the Washington Redskins, they go and do something "awesome" like this
|
| |
|
Militant Islamic extremists belonging to Boko Harum kill nearly 200 in a suicide bomb and gun attack on a Nigerian...Mosque? Okay, sure let's pretend That makes some kind of sense even in their twisty little minds
|
| |
|
Photoshop this romantic homage
|
 |
|
Canada has free health care, yet idiots still take their kids to homeopaths for vaccine "alternatives" which presumably involve being in the same province as someone with the disease
|
| |
|
The Fark Weird News Quiz: Black Friday edition
|
 |
|
How is babby turkee formed? How girl turkee get pragnent? They need to do way Thanksgivign mother who kill thier babby turkey stuffing prank
|
| |
|
Canada's oldest woman loses her title at 113. Sad: She liked a cold beer. Extra Sad: She thought that Bud was a beer
|
 |
|
I'm not saying it's aliens, but aliens make more sense than those damned drones everyone's talking about
|
 |
|
Boston and Philadelphia schools endorse Meatless Monday. Unfortunately students are still supporting bookless Tuesday and absentee Wednesday
|
 |
|
Police officer is fired before seeing any action for being afraid of heights, drugs, loud noises, being too skittish, and showing too much resistance. Fark: police dog
|
 |
 |
Hold off on that trip to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters; there's been an Awakening. Have you felt it?
|
 |
|
Residents of Reading, Pennsylvania complain that the town's 50-foot Norwegian pine Christmas tree that was topped with a lighted pretzel is ugly. So instead of getting a new one town officials embrace the ugliness to recreate Charlie Brown's ugly tree
|
| |
|
What to do with Thanksgiving leftovers? Slap them all in a tortilla and call them a "leftovuritto"
|
| |
|
Divorcee receives only 40% of net worth in settlement, will have to scrape by with a mere $530,000,000
|
 |
|
Pilsner pinups: Brawny bearded brewers bare nearly all for men's health calendar
|
 |
|
Alabama has more gun stores than museums or libraries. But before you jump on the gun-toting rednecks without culture, take a look at your state. Only 13 states have more libraries and museums than gun stores
|
 |
|
An employee stealing $6400 worth of bratwurst and kielbasa? Police say they never sausage a thing
|
| |
|
For anyone who has ever wondered why people would voluntarily choose to live in Phoenix, this is why
|
| |
|
Britain adopts a great American Thanksgiving tradition: fighting in the Black Friday queue
|
| |
|
Photoshop this jubilant moment
|
| |
|
Having thoughts of a post-Thanksgiving diet? Well, don't go complete Atkins, because all carbs are not created equal
|
 |
|
Two boys found after surviving being buried alive in snow bank for hours by plow
|
 |
|
In the UK, there's a 70% chance that the supermarket chicken you bought is infected with a deadly bacteria. Fortunately, boiling everything they eat removes both the taste AND the bug
|
 |
|
Here are the five worst places to drive in the United States, and we have bad news for you California
|
| |
|
Thanks for your help, Afghan translators. We didn't wipe out the Taliban as promised, but you're on your own now anyway. Best of luck
|
| |
|
Remember Darwin the Ikea monkey? His new pad costs more than you'll earn in the next ten years
|
| Thu November 27, 2014 |
 |
|
Thanksgiving poutine manages to offend both Canadians and Native Americans alike
|
 |
|
"I know. Let's start selling lottery tickets online"
|
| |
|
Scientists develop drug that reduces the harmful effects of binge-drinking on the brain. Clinical testing on Fark staffers is expected to begin immediately
|
 |
|
Police respond to a report of a woman searching for diamonds on the side of the road. Then things get weird
|
 |
|
A Burger King employee finds a backpack filled with $100,000. Officers confiscated the bag, as it had a trace amount of pot which is cop speak for 'It's Pay Day'
|
 |
|
Here's your annual reminder to watch the greatest Thanksgiving movie ever made - Planes, Trains & Automobiles
|
| |
|
Fark-ready headline: South African ventriloquist beats gagging order
|
| |
|
Photoshop this posing duet
|
| |
|
People are paying others up to $22 an hour to wait in line for black Friday deals only further proving that some people have way too much money or free time
|
 |
|
An elderly man built on his house: A bowling alley. 16 seat cinema. Squash court. A bar. And a casino. That's right, a casino. All of which the City Council demanded be demolished
|
| (Some Wino) |
|
Top 10 wines you knuckle-draggers aren't drinking with your Thanksgiving dinner
|
| |
|
Need to keep a marriage together? Try living apart
|
 |
|
There is a website dedicated to keeping track of every single death occurring at retailers on Black Friday so you won't get trampled to death by a dozen people wanting the same 50" television
|
 |
|
Minneapolis is home to the world's first vegan butcher shop
|
 |
|
Newest kitchen tool for cooking Thanksgiving dinner? A Drone
|
| |
|
The dark, evil side of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade
|
| |
|
Eight teenagers facing felony charges after they phoned in a false pizza order and threw a blanket over the delivery driver, robbing him of pizza, wings, and pop
|
| |
|
Photoshop this sack snatcher
|
 |
|
Eleven amazingly inspired Thanksgiving sandwiches. Leftovers won't have to be boring tomorrow
|
| |
|
No Thanksgiving is complete without a snowball fight that ends in a stabbing. Surprisingly, it's unrelated to Black Friday
|
| |
|
Trials for an Ebola vaccine are "positive"
|
| |
|
Attention, Americans: Do not send out your Christmas cards until you learn how to properly pluralize your name and correctly utilize apostrophe's
|
 |
|
Richard Scarry's "Busy Town" enters the 21st century, complete with Climate Change Denier Goat and Fart Sound App Maker Monkey
|
| |
|
CNN found the three retail employees who admit they love working on Thanksgiving
|
| |
|
"As God is my witness I thought Turkeys could fly." Happy Thanksgiving, Farkers
|
| |
|
It's not Thanksgiving without Arlo Guthrie and the "Alice's Restaurant Massacre." Here he is performing at Farm Aid 2005
|
 |
|
Man waiting for his water to boil is nearly killed by a catapult. This is not a repeat from 397 BC
|
| |
|
Number of Americans who smoke hits 50-year low. I guess people just don't want to look cool anymore
|
 |
|
Matkot is like hacky sack if it was played on the beach with paddles. "Matkot is not a competitive sport, it's a sport of togetherness"
|
| |
|
Official police story about a shooting isn't supported by video, which shows a 12 year old with a BB gun being shot within 2 seconds of cops arriving, not being told multiple times to put his hands up as claimed
|
| |
|
Ugly-ass rare white lion cub born at Nebraska zoo
|
 |
|
Court expert says that two babies accidentally swapped at birth and raised by the wrong parents should have a no-return no-exchange policy
|
 |
|
Remember that reporter in Alaska who quit her job on-air after announcing she would dedicate herself to her marijuana business full-time? She's discovering that making a principled stance doesn't stop the government from asking questions
|
| |
|
"He asked me to do things that I wasn't going to do, He's ugly, old and disgusting. I tied him up. I took his money and left. He was starting to creep me out. I brought the zip ties in case of a situation where I needed them"
|
| |
|
Photoshop this traffic jam
|
| (Some Balloon Guy) |
|
It's your annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade thread, this year with far more intrigue than the usual "will a balloon will get away" as we wait to see if protesters succeed in disrupting this American holiday tradition. 9 am ET on CBS, NBC
|
| |
|
Thanksgiving in Alaska: "I'm sure somebody will bring walrus. There will be moose. There will be seal meat. I'm sure there will be beluga. Musk ox. Pike. Salmon"
|
 |
|
73,200 Krispy Kremes sold in one day from a single outlet. With bonus pic of what a discerning Krispy Kreme eater looks like
|
 |
|
A McSweeney's classic: The Butterball Turkey help-line help-line
|
 |
|
You had me at 'vodka-infused turkey'
|
| |
|
Your dog does understand you, is ignoring you, and still wants steak
|
 |
 |
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 499: "Wat?" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
|
| Wed November 26, 2014 |
| |
|
A school considers cancelling a field trip to watch the Nutcracker ballet over concerns that some parents may be offended that it shows a Christmas tree
|
| |
|
Chinese millionaire buys up his childhood village of run-down huts and bulldozes it to make luxury condos, and gives them to the residents for free
|
 |
|
French fart drug will give new meaning to the phrase "hershey highway"
|
 |
|
The number of people going blind in America continues to rise, no end in sight
|
| |
|
Finally, science has perfected the Thanksgiving meal
|
| (Gannett) |
|
Photoshop these exuberant ladies
|
| |
|
Loyal dog waits at the hospital every day for her owner. Difficulty: Her owner died two years ago
|
| |
|
The only member of the Supreme Court with a heart has surgery on it
|
| |
|
FBI says that last year, 512 guns sales slipped through the cracks of their system and a person was able to purchase a gun without having their background checked for prior felonies or history of mental illness. 512 PER DAY or 186,000 total, that is
|
 |
|
Train crashes in Boston cemetery. Hundreds dead
|
 |
|
Do you find the holidays depressing? At least you're not a geologist studying depressions in Holiday
|
 |
|
Who amongst us hasn't installed a camera in our ex-wife's shower to film our chickens?
|
| |
|
Payday loan companies outnumber McDonald's but still pale in comparison to Subways
|
 |
|
What cop is better suited to perform illegal strip searches than Michael Vagnini
|
| |
|
Alone again for Thanksgiving? Maybe you're just not presenting yourself in a way that shows off your qualities, like this twenty-eight-year-old felon who promises to be your worst date ever
|
| |
|
Even in Texas, it violates stormwater regulations to drain 500 gallons of goat blood into a drainage ditch
|
| |
|
While you're standing in line on Black Friday, slowly filling with consumer rage, remember: Black Friday is one of the busiest days for gun purchases
|
 |
|
Photoshop Kurdish leader Barzani wearing this hat made of bacon
|
 |
|
Pennsylvania man arrested on charges of theft and having heart two sizes too small
|
| |
|
Hey, that bear looks hungry. I think I'll take a picture of it
|
| |
|
New Castle, PA residents: Why does our town smell like cat pee?
|
| |
|
Guy tries to rob and rape another guy at ATM. Fark: His actual name is Phuc X. Kieu
|
| |
|
While you're sitting there complaining about that airport bar in Raleigh-Durham, in Siberia, they're making the passengers get out and push their 74 passenger Tupolev that got stuck in the snow
|
 |
|
Late contender for best mugshot of 2014, after man is arrested for threatening kids at a day care center
|
| |
|
Meet the family with so many Christmas lights that they can't even plug in a toaster when they're on without taking down the grid (pics)
|
| |
|
Because it wouldn't be a holiday without an east-coast winter storm to mess up all the airports: say hello to Weather Storm Cato
|
| |
|
If you're visiting Switzerland, get ready to be served cat for Christmas dinner, and dear lord, stay away from the hot dogs
|
| |
|
A cure for every way you've screwed up your turkey, minus that 'pervert neighbor is humping the carcass again' problem
|
| |
|
New documentary on sleepless in America reveals just how tired the country really izzzzzzzzzz
|
| |
|
Philosopher claims Socrates should have played Dungeons & Dragons, buffed his CON to get a better save versus hemlock
|
 |
|
Ratings show that the only thing that would make CNN happier is if MH 370 was found in Ferguson
|
 |
|
If you're going to falsely claim a 'found dog' posted on Craigslist, don't turn around and try to sell that dog on Craigslist. With mugshot of a baby seal or possibly an alien in drag
|
 |
|
Man arrested for aiming banana at police. The officers were able to bring the incident to a peaceful conclusion since they had thankfully been taught self defense against fresh fruit, and could have even handled a man armed with loganberries
|
| |
|
A look at how all the planets earned their names. Apparently subby's been wrong about Uranus all this time
|
 |
|
Misspelled LA Freeway sign taken down. Now how will people know to take Olimpic Boulevard to get the Pubic Libary?
|
| |
|
Short chat with an officer who offers some perspectives on use of force by police
|
| |
|
Photoshop this kickass goat
|
 |
|
As if being a Tampa Bay Bucs fan isn't bad enough, the stadium bar got busted for serving colored water as tequila shots
|
| |
|
San Diego charity raised money for AIDS patients. Executive director spent it on eye exams, meals, dental work, cash withdrawals and a trip to a clothing optional resort near Palm Springs
|
| |
|
Governor "paying very close attention" to case of man who is 21 years into a 48 year prison sentence for a drive-by shooting someone else has admitted to for decades. Tag is for the justice system
|
 |
|
If you're visiting Germany, get ready to bag your own groceries, observe silence on Sundays, and always be prepared for public nudity (Not safe for work)
|
 |
|
Huge manatee goes to Texas where everything is huge seeking relatives, finds out none have moved there in 19 years
|
 |
|
Driving down the road smoking crack with a child in the car is no way to go through life...substance abuse treatment center manager
|
 |
|
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bananagun
|
 |
|
♫♪You gotta fight. ♪ For your right ♪♪ To POTTY ♫♪♫
|
 |
|
How to cope with the dreaded fear of DRIVING IN THE SNOW
|
 |
|
Want to go skiing this year? Enjoy being part of the 1%
|
| |
|
Nothing says delicious, wholesome dairy product quite like 'Coca Cola'
|
 |
|
If you're going to write a law granting holiday time off for public employees, make certain you have someone review it for clarity, otherwise you'll have to give people time off for Festivus so they can air grievances and decorate the pole
|
| Tue November 25, 2014 |
| |
|
Guess who got banned because of their dubious sexuality and for walking around half naked? Ok, besides your Uncle Tommy
|
| |
|
If you're planning on travelling along the east coast for Thanksgiving, you should plan to leave yesterday
|
 |
|
Shooting yourself in the face won't win the argument you're having with your wife. Oh, it will END the argument. But you still won't win
|
 |
|
The definitive ranking of Thanksgiving sides is pretty thorough, with charts and graphs and MASHED POTATOES OVER STUFFING? THIS LIST FAILS
|
| |
|
When they say that Australia is the land down under they really mean it
|
| |
|
Police investigate suspicious envelope because, really, who uses the mail anymore?
|
| |
|
Man who grows the hottest chilies in the UK reveals his secret to getting them so hot - he shouts at them. Wait, what?
|
| |
|
There's "bridezilla," then there's "So what if I caused a national panic, I want my money back"
|
| |
|
Farmer uses 3,500 year old Bronze Age ceremonial dagger as a doorstop for years, unaware of its "incredible importance" until a friend says he should get it checked out by archaeologists - then sells it to a museum
|
| |
|
On one hand, this teenager is addicted to eating sponges and goes through two a week to satisfy her cravings. On the other, she can handle messy spills with ease
|
 |
|
If you were hoping to get a pet monkey for Christmas, this group is doing their damnedest to squash your dreams
|
 |
|
Toy gun prompts lockdown at state hospital for the criminally stupid
|
| |
|
Old and busted: Signing your name in wet cement. New hotness: Doing donuts in wet cement with your 4-wheeler and trailer while cussing out construction workers
|
 |
|
Photoshop Challenge: Create a new face for this reasonably well-known statue
|
| |
|
How many Polish arsonists does it take to burn a 750-year old tree? One, and he's a dick
|
 |
|
Two men in hospital after hash oil explosion in gas station bathroom. On the bright side, the restroom is now cleaner than it's been in years
|
| |
|
University of Maine fans fail to beat record for most flannel worn at an event, hope to overtake the Association of Lesbian Lumberjack Grunge Fans next time
|
 |
|
Assistant principal and front runner for "Alpha Male A**hole of the Week," shaved off a student's haircut in the cafeteria because he didn't like the way it looked
|
| |
|
Ferguson grand jury documents released in effort to appease the three people who will actually read them instead of finding something to burn
|
| |
|
Do you want your vagina to smell like r*pe ***ch
|
 |
|
GQ's thirty least influential people of 2014. Subby saved from list by posting this article
|
 |
|
Kung Fu Saloon employee charged with assault. I wish I made up that headline
|
| |
|
Elves can be dicks, claims author with too much time on his hands
|
 |
|
If you have stolen blood contaminated with Ebola, Guinea and the rest of the world want to speak with you
|
| |
|
As you stand in line at Walmart on Black Friday, look at the bright side: your wait for cheap doorbusters won't be as long as the wait for Walmart to pay fines for people getting trampled to death on Black Friday
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop what's in the box
|
 |
|
There's tree huggers, and then there's this guy
|
| |
|
Helpful advice for those spending Thanksgiving alone: get out of bed at some point, take a shower, try not to drown in the shallow emptiness of your bleak and hollow existence
|
 |
|
Robber to Store Clerk: Forget it. You need the money more than I do
|
 |
|
If you only see one 400-pound Sasquatch statue wearing bunny ears today, this should be the one
|
| |
|
Google searches may predict what you're getting for Christmas. I can't wait to unwrap my lesbian dwarf twins
|
 |
|
Grieving Afghan Mother 'Kills 10 Taliban In Revenge'
|
 |
|
Third-quarter GDP revised up to 3.9 percent. Thanks, Obama
|
 |
|
Las Vegas sports book robbed by a man who looks a lot like Jose Canseco, although it's too early to start pointing fingers
|
| |
|
A tiger released by Vladimir Putin is considered a main suspect in mysterious goat deaths in China
|
| |
|
China constructs airstrip on disputed island so tiny it doesn't even have a hill for future U.S. Marines to dramatically raise a flag over in front of news cameras
|
| |
|
Ten foods that experts say are good for you that you think are gross and won't eat, like Marmite, liver, anchovies, brussels sprouts and beetroot. Have them all on the same sammich to get over a few of your food phobias at once
|
 |
|
Usually, you're happy when your seventh grader learns to cook. Usually
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
If you are a living god charging a fortune for courses about how to use black magic to train people to be like you, it might not be a good idea to get arrested on drugs and firearms charges. This never happened to Voldemort
|
 |
|
Massachusetts town: We shall speak no more of this "Christmas vacation"
|
 |
|
Why are online comments being phased out? My brother Joe says it's because you can earn $600 a week selling from your very own home
|
| |
|
Britain opens "country club for cats" where they can get away from their gruelling daily schedules and just lick themselves for a bit
|
| |
|
So, what happens to the turkeys pardoned by the President?
|
| |
|
Man hunting geese in New Jersey accidentally bags himself
|
| |
|
The pain, horror, and terror of the email forward
|
| |
|
It's been 20 years since Tofurky first came to market. If you look carefully, you'll realize that most of that original batch are still sitting in grocery store freezers waiting to be bought
|
 |
|
While the media is quick to question the health risks of always having your head bowed down to look at your phone, why don't we hear a bad about the same dangers when knitting, playing chess, or reading a book?
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop this giant donut
|
| |
|
Research finds that texting posture is equivalent to hanging a sixty pound weight from your neck. Is there an emoticon for that?
|
 |
|
Does CNN's health plan cover rocks to the head? Where can I buy a cell phone or an oil filter? And will someone PLEASE get Don Lemon a gas mask? It's Ferguson unrest Day 1 Part 3, LGT Livestream (unless Bassem's phone has been stolen again)
|
 |
|
The biggest-selling girl toy is no longer Barbie; she has let the title go to none other than Queen Elsa. Good luck finding one this Christmas
|
| |
|
China to curb coal emissions by 2020 amid climate change concerns, ensuring humanity survives until the machines take over or over-population turns us into morlock and eloi
|
| Mon November 24, 2014 |
| |
|
Little Caesars is toast. The police have themselves an RV. How much tear gas can Don Lemon take? Yippee-ki-yay, it's Ferguson unrest Day 1 part 2, LGT Livestream
|
 |
|
Apparently duct-tape is good for almost anything.. except mailing tortoises to Scotland in cereal boxes
|
| |
|
Researchers give GPS units to hunters and correlate the data with movements of grizzly bears.Turns out bears routinely track hunters, staying downwind and listening for gunshots, hoping to scavenge carcasses, gut piles or, if nothing else, hunters
|
| |
|
American Thanksgiving increasingly catching on in Britain to the dismay of other Brits
|
 |
|
Man falls into ravine, breaks both legs, drags himself and his massive brass balls onto highway two days later
|
| |
|
Atlanta's fire chief suspended after writing book labelling homosexuality as a "perversion." Nobody tell this guy who the main buyers are for those shirtless firefighter calendars, he'll have a heart attack
|
 |
|
Toronto Zoo struggles with declining attendance in 2014, blames Canadian monkeys who are too polite to publicly masturbate or fling their poop at visitors
|
| |
|
Married woman blames Facebook for creating her online dating profile. Right. Sure. We believe you, but there are thousands who wouldn't
|
| |
 |
This is the ground where Ferguson used to stand (Updated link goes to live stream. Not safe for work language)
|
 |
|
Small, public university causes an uproar with new $219,000 conference table. Before you get upset, check out the table. It's pretty impressive
|
| |
|
Check out the winners of the international Gingerbread House competition. The losers have been eaten (great pics)
|
| |
|
"I'm turning your posts over to Fox News and to Facebook authorities because you little pieces of sh*t hiding in the shadows of your mother's basement deserve no less." Oh, Geraldo
|
 |
|
Photoshop Microsoft's new security guard
|
| |
|
It's official: Local St. Louis judge has fitted Officer Darren Wilson with a ball and chain
|
| |
|
Fark NotNewsletter #14: The Farksgiving Edition
|
| |
|
Word of the day: Bleachorexia
|
| |
|
Not news: Police officer causes a 3 car crash. Florida: He was too busy looking at prostitutes to notice the cars in front of him
|
| |
|
NJ Star-Ledger to readers: Let's all work to raise the level of the conversation in comments. Readers: F*** ALL YOU ****-***ING, ****-****ING M*****F****RS
|
 |
|
Kim Jong Un drinking gallons of cobra wine in an attempt to help his "Lil' Kim"
|
| |
|
Police dog looking for man who stabbed his paw with screwdriver
|
 |
|
Photoshop this welcoming entrance
|
 |
|
"May it please the court, the prosecution would like to enter into evidence an incoherent rant against medical marijuana"
|
 |
|
Good fences make good neighbors. Not so much Nazi protest flags
|
| |
|
New deal signed with the leaders of the breakaway region of Georgia, gives Russia much greater control over Abkhazia, and will place the dementors under Putin's personal control
|
| |
|
"Who on Earth thought it would be a good idea to encourage men to grow mustaches and beards during the biggest eating season of the year?"
|
 |
|
Woman goes directly to jail, does not pass go, does not collect $200
|
| |
|
Latest conundrum facing politicians: what do we hate more, the environment or the poor?
|
 |
|
Ever wonder how you could overdose on tryptophan? Well, wonder no more
|
| |
|
"But for the undercover agent's imagination in this case there would be no crime"
|
| |
|
Just another day in court ... a judge on the bench, clients represented by attorneys, one lawyer dressed up as Thomas Jefferson
|
| |
|
If you had 'two weeks' in the pool as to when the London Tower Bridge's new 140ft-high glass walkway would be smashed by a drunken visitor who dropped a bottle of beer straight through it, come claim your prize
|
| |
|
If you're one of the millions of people heading to the airports this holiday season because you're a masochist, here are tips on surviving the ten worst airports in North America
|
| |
|
Oh shiat, we found Atlantis
|
| |
|
Fairway plane gets home in one, an abscessive compulsive dentist, and Toyota unveils the Hindenberg: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 11/16 - 11/22
|
 |
|
How we've ended up with the modern monster megaturkey of today and why it's so different from those of the 1930s. Happy megabird Thanksgiving
|
 |
|
Man called 911 and made fake gunshot noises in order to escape traffic tickets
|
| |
|
George Washington thought people should pray publicly on Thanksgiving, and Franklin Roosevelt moved it from the last Thursday in November to the third one to give people more time to shop for Christmas
|
 |
|
Photoshop these boobies
|
| |
|
Woman fleeing police in a stolen SUV manages to implode a two-story brick building. Bonus: She was also talking on her cell phone
|
| |
|
John Oliver says turkeys are too delicious to keep pardoning: 'Death to turkeys'
|
 |
|
Epileptic boy who would seize every 15 minutes and only had his condition worsen by taking an anti-seizure drug has been seizure free for 9 weeks thanks to medical cannabis oil donated by a dispensary as his insurance won't cover it
|
| |
|
America has been doing taxes wrong for 50 years. Economists say we should tax the rich at 90%
|
| |
|
Panic grips South Korea as the government threatens to jail A) protesters B) jaywalkers or C) unauthorized 'selfie stick' retailers
|
| |
|
Australian mother charged with attempted dingo feeding
|
|
These are only a small percentage of links submitted. Join TotalFark to see them all! Link archives »
|
|
