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| Sun November 16, 2014 |
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"The men were kept in police custody until they sobered up"
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We can put a man on the moon, we can land a rover on a comet, and now we can track fish from space. Still no cure for cancer, though
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The problem with John Muir and his legacy of environmentalism is the same problem as apparently everything that's bad these days: He's too straight, white, and religious
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Since when is ADHD considered a disability? A disability worth $30 million?
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Anonymous takes over the KKK's Twitter accounts in response to Ferguson threats
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Wisconsin is for Farkers
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Do you feel self-conscious in a restaurant and worry that your waiter is judging you? Well, guess what...he is. BON APPETIT
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If this new map showing reproduction rates is any indication, minorities are set to overtake the United States
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We've secretly replaced a photo of Greece's coastline in a new tourism ad with a photo of Australia's coastline featuring the rock formations known as the Twelve Apostles. Let's see if anyone notices
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Photoshop this storm brewing
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Meet the world's leading dirty car artist, who turns grubby car windows into works of art
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Porn star Belle Knox writes article about prostitution and you already clicked
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Andy Warhol's "Triple Elvis" painting sells for $82 Million. Artists rave about the colors, the realism, the paint mixed with maple syrup
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Ferguson official: 'I know the witness says it's Darren Wilson, I know the police report says it's Darren Wilson and I know the video shows Darren Wilson, but it's not Darren Wilson arresting a man on his own property for recording Darren Wilson'
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CNN excited to have a purpose again as the search begins anew for MH17 wreckage in the Ukraine
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| (Some Guy) |
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10,000-year-old cave paintings depicting aliens and UFOs discovered in India. "Extensive research is needed for further findings," says archaeologist
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Unlicensed, sixteen year old girl cited for driving wrong way on I-93 and I-293. FARK: At speeds reaching 118 MPH
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Man pleads guilty to possession to nine pence of cannabis. Lawyer: "If I close my eyes and try to imagine nine hundredths of a gram it is a very difficult thing to fasten my mind on. I think it is a quantity that is barely capable of measurement"
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Winter hits the Midwest, and its effects are most clear on the streets of Chiraq, where only three people were killed and fifteen wounded in citywide gun violence this weekend
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Man tells car full of idiots to stop doing donuts as there were children nearby. Sadly, you can pretty easily guess what happened next
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Medical marijuana is a ruse. It makes you slow, it makes you stupid, and once you get bored with it you'll be more prone to experiment with more dangerous drugs such as cocaine and heroin"
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Black Friday is dead. LONG LIVE BLACK WEEK
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Salt Lake City police are having a problem with naked, un-tased dudes walking around the city, but they're on it
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Couple takes their seven-month-old baby along during burglary spree. Well, at least they didn't leave the kid sitting in a hot car
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California DMV now expanding hours to meet the demand of immigrants seeking licenses. Employees to go from working 25 minutes a day to an entire half hour
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Old and Busted: Turning old grocery store buildings into another grocery store. New Hotness: Turning old grocery store buildings into schools, entertainment centers and even health clubs
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Protip: Never use gasoline to start bonfires
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Of all the dickish things a cop can do, pulling a car out of a funeral procession to give them a $230 ticket is right up there. Doubly so when it's a soldier escorting a fallen comrade. Triply so on Remembrance Day. WTF, Canada?
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ISIS claims another beheading
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Photoshop this lonely landing stage
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| (Some Guy) |
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So you think you're a player because you can tell your Spam from Treet or Prem? But what about Byblos? What about Assi? Unium? Ligo? Al Haloub Cow? This is your guide to spam-like products
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Oh my God, they found me. I don't know how, but they found me
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Group of citizen journalists want everyone to know that the photo going around showing flight MH17 being shot down over the Ukraine is a fake. They can tell by some of the pixels and from having seen a few shops in their time (Some Not safe for work images)
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Bowling can be a fun family activity. That is, until mom accidentally spills her drink, which leads to an argument with a bunch of girls in the next lane, which in turn leads to dad getting his ear bitten off by some crazy guy
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You thought your grandma was a badass? Hell naw son, Baddie Winkle is a badass: "she's also fond of Hip Hop, twerking and the legalisation of marijuana"
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Most forms of therapy do not include hugging and kissing and getting naked with your counselor
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Police stop truck, make offal discovery
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Coming up at the top of the hour, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of live music from Juneau, Alaska hosted by a farker
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ISIS declares its intent to invade Saudi Arabia, House of Saud now wondering if spending 20 years funding Islamic extremists may have been counterproductive
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Less than a month after 4 pit bulls break into a neighbor's yard and kill a 10-year-old beagle, a lawsuit has been filed... by the owner of the pit bulls
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| Sat November 15, 2014 |
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Mom gets 78-year sentence for waterboarding her own children. In other news, George W. Bush is spending his retirement painting
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Someone paid over $1,500 for one of those ET Atari cartridges pulled from a New Mexico landfill
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Pennsylvania state troopers worked twelve hour days and racked up $6 million in overtime alone to catch accused cop killer Eric Frein. Hopefully taxpayers will be paid restitution by the criminal
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Cheesy black face characters provoke protests in the Netherlands
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Cops called to to school over a student bringing in a dangerous weapon....confetti
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Obama encounters Australian wildlife, survives
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Ewe think ewe got problems
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You, your wife, and your mistress are seriously worried about the overpopulation of the earth, coincidentally you are all also very hungry for delicious empadas. If only there was some way to tackle both of these vexing problems at the same time
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For today's feel good story: Man takes out $520K mortgage and defaults. Bank files foreclosure. Judge rules that foreclosure filing is past the statute of limitations. Man keeps house. Bank eats shiat
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Here is a sampling of the world's best street food, since we all like to grab and go once in a while
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Why wait for CNN to post the scare headline "Is Polio back?" CDC reports 75 US kids paralyzed by mystery polio-like disease. Very, very scary Doctor Bill
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What is your favorite Christmas song?
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You're eating too much chocolate, fatass, and we're about to run out of it as a result
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Photoshop this handsome face
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Magistrate thinks insurance companies may not have been entirely honest handling Sandy flood claims, is still unsure if they were 100% fraudulent or only 99%
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Pope Francis to install showers for the homeless in St. Peter's Square
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Police in Britain cordon off a swan that decided to sit on the road for a while (pics)
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Nearly a year after Montana initiated method to legalize collection of roadkill, more than 800 permits have been issued. Says one local, "Them's good eatin'"
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Maximum trolling: President of Turkey says Muslims discovered America
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Deputy arrested and fired for stealing ... a $10 DVD from a crime scene
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Why does the apostrophe continue to live in certain words like "dont," "wont," "cant," etc? Because we like to correct others
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Flocks of urban sheep are playing a huge role in Cleveland's urban revival (pics)
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Photoshop this fashionable storefront
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Ever have that nagging feeling there was something you forgot to do ... 73 years ago?
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Barring a successful appeal, Asiana Airlines may spend 45 days not crashing into SFO
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Cops clasp cuffs on copper caper crew, canning culprits
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Thailand edges out Syria, Egypt, the Kurdish crescent in Iraq, Afghanistan and pretty much anywhere in north or east Africa to win the title of "most dangerous tourist destination on earth"
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No, I wasn't *just* hanging out at bars all the time. I was blowing the lid on the biggest beer marketing scandal of the century
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Watch this massive cargo ship getting twisted and bent by a storm at sea, then be thankful you work in a quiet, dry office
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"How I Survived My Kids' Disney World Meltdown"
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The best worst break-up text you'll ever read features a cat and a cursing lady and was sent by a guy who had only been dating a woman for seven weeks
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Before there was such a thing as a selfie, Irish man began 4 1/2 year journey around the world, taking a selfie every day at 3pm, for 1600 days in a row (and counting). Now called "The greatest selfie project ever"
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So...here's macaroni and cheese tacos
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A treehouse grows in Brooklyn
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Chances are you can't drive a manual transmission, you've never changed a tire, you don't know what a dipstick looks like, and you have no business owning a car
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Tons of pot seized in a raid on the most awesome farm ever
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No matter how hard Americans try, we will never be able to make our food look as cute as the Japanese do
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Knives + Clowns = Nope to the Nopfinity
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Artist proves that you CAN find a needle in a haystack
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| (WWdN) |
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Photoshop theme: Warning signs you'd like to see in real life. Link goes to a classic Fark example
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Paramedic named Jason Alexander accused of stealing a Rolex from a patient. Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?
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Satellite image sent to Russia from USA shows fighter jet launching missile at Malaysian Boeing MH17. Seems legit
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Meet Tom, the seven-year-old rescue cat who cares for VA hospice patients and comforts the families that are grieving for their loved ones, thereby making some of their final Caturdays the best in their lives
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If someone robs the 7-Eleven but forgets to take the money with them is it really considered a robbery?
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"Don't take the chance with it. It's not worth it. You give up your life, you lose everything." What was this woman talking about? A) Drugs, B) Unprotected sex, or C) Eating raw cookie dough
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"Justus Belfield, 98, spent his last full day on earth in his army uniform, lying in bed at Baptist Health Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Scotia with his wife Lillian in her own bed next to him." Godspeed sir
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Blind man hit and killed by car in Oakland. He probably never saw it... Well you know
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Vladimir Putin steals one from the GOP, starts his own Wikipedia
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Stripper fingered
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Jésus-Christ, il est pas un tigre. Sortez de la voiture
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Olive Garden hopes to appeal to the kindness, honesty, and intelligence of Twitter and Imgur users in order to develop their new menu
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Police deploy tear gas that overcomes an elementary school after three cruisers get in a crash. Which would be understandable in a wild chase, not a police training exercise
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Ohio woman's cremated remains lost by USPS found in Michigan mail processing center. Postal officials reportedly very ash shamed
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Woman who has been arrested 10 times makes it 11 by nearly running down a group of children and urinating on the sidewalk
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In a first, a man experiencing a severe burning sensation walks INTO a Taco Bell to seek help
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Here are 24 uses for that dead tree on your property. And the tree was happy
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Send home a letter with students saying that "White Students" didn't meet last year's reading requirements on the SOLs? You already know someone has a problem with this
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Kitten found almost dead and tangled in electric wires on a porch in sub-zero temperatures is happy and purring again thanks to shelter workers who used heating pads, blankets and hair dryers to warm her up
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The 25-worst places to buy a house according to The Weather Channel, common sense
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Third grade teacher doesn't understand why parents have a problem with her going on a conservative internet talk show to complain about Muslims on food stamps having the nerve to ask for specially prepared food. And also she's hot
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50-year-old Homer man attacked by shark in Hawaii. Mmm... shark in Hawaii
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150 years later, a look back on Sherman's March as tough but fair
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Substitute teacher slaughters, skins, and butchers live rabbit in class. Not surprisingly, somebunny has a problem with this
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Golden Slumbers
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That video of the Syrian boy saving a little girl from sniper fire? Yeah about that... Norwegian film director admits that it was shot last summer in Malta, in order to provoke a global reaction about children in war zones
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Just a typical Thursday, nothing to see here
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Holy smokes: Agents bust Jesus with $20K in marijuana at airport
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Say what you will about crazy billionaire Donald Trump but the man knows how to fly in style. Hell, the throne in the bathroom will make you... ummm, flip your toupee
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Come to Ohio, where you can be locked in a man's home for years and sold for sex. Yup... it happened again
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Former elementary school being converted into legal pot factory
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| Fri November 14, 2014 |
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Shhhhhhh.... Only dreams now
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Welcome back to another Friday edition of the Fark Weird News Quiz. Sponsored this week by the clean, crisp taste of bathtub gin
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"At 27, I still live at home with my parents--AND I LOVE IT. My boyfriends, not so much because they have to be quiet during sex. And sometimes dad gets out his gun and cleans it"
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Magnitude 7.3 earthquake strikes Indonesia, tsunami warnings issued
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Jose Canseco's partial hand in Vegas poker room leads to greatest tweet ever
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A 4-year-old part-beagle named Buddy didn't wait for an invitation to see his 85-year-old master at a Texas hospital, he hitched a ride on the ambulance. Give that dog a steak
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Couple arrested after getting sexually aroused at a Massachusetts strip club. Imagine that
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"LaShamanda has a heterozygous big bootie, the dominant trait. Her man Fontavius has a small bootie which is recessive. They get married and have a baby named LaPrincess. What is the probability that LaPrincess will inherit her mama's big bootie?"
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A mall in Buffalo, NY will fine any store that does not open on Thanksgiving for holiday shopping. Stupid tag doesn't seem fitting
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Man arrested after TSA agents find cocaine hidden in raw meat. Charges filed by U.S. DA
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this trainee gaining experience
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Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine: Patti Smith to play the Vatican Christmas concert. Yes, really
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Five-year-old boy passes exam to become Microsoft Certified Professional in spite of being younger than most Microsoft bugs
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World Trade Center window washers on their near death experience TL DR version: "It was scary"
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Today in Hipster Fights: Three men crash through a coffee shop window after an argument about a bicycle
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Cuddly the Koala Bear toy is cute. Cuddly the Koala Bear toy knows it, motherf*cker (language warning)
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| (Some Guy) |
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"911, what's your emergency?" "I'm having seizures and I don't know where I am. Please send police to beat me up and arrest me," said no one, ever
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Cruise ship that was built specifically to lure passengers that hate cruising has a wind tunnel for indoor skydiving, a bumper car arcade, and toilets that flush
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Thor resigns from his crime-fighting organization after stalking accusations. Hail HYDRA
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Well, you see son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they get married, and then after they're married they take off their clothes and the man puts his dolphin inside the woman's duckling
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Journalist thinks a billboard promoting atheism should come with fine print warning people that the sign could be struck by lightning and pregnant women who think about atheism risk spontaneous combustion
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Lower Education: How a disgraced college chain trapped its students in poverty
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There's "messy" and then there's "unable to notice you got robbed, messy"
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Three-year old girl decides to keep Santa company, thus ensuring her family runs out of coal this winter
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Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah, I am writing from camp al-Fatwah. Holy war is very entertaining. They say we'll kill some infidels when bombs stop raining
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this strategic partnership
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To find out what beloved children's book author has died turn to page 37. To make snarky comments click the link to the right
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Nuclear weapons crew had one wrench for 450 intercontinental ballistic missiles. To be fair, it was probably one of those magic $9000 wrenches
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It's National Pickle Day, so let's see if we can get through today without any incidents
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Pentagon weighs ground troops in Iraq. Well, let's see... that's 3,000 troops times 180 pounds.... Wait, that's not what they meant
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Michigan voter: "What do you mean I can't vote, I came all the way down here to do my civic duty and vote to better America?" Election worker: "You're dead"
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All frats and sororities at West Virginia University are now on double secret suspension
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68 cats found living in a van down by the river
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Homeopaths sent to Liberia hospital to treat Ebola victims with arsenic and snake venom. This should end well
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Help save Benjy the gay bull from the slaughterhouse
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Manager at Chick-Fil-A makes list of words employees are forbidden to use at work, including 'Bae,' '3Hunnid,' and 'Ebola.' "Gay Marriage" somehow fails to make list
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New study says if you have trouble swallowing pills you're probably doing it wrong. Especially if it's a suppository
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You may just call it "cold weather," but here's why it's colder in Texas than it is in Alaska this week
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He flew 487 types of aircraft. He saw the 1936 Olympics. He survived an aircraft carrier sinking. He interrogated Hermann Goring. He sang with the Glenn Miller band. He really is the most interesting man in the world
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Government workers in Britain being paid to climb ladders and strip leaves off trees on public property by hand "in an attempt to speed up autumn"
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Member of Jehovah's Witness governing body claims "tight trousers are designed by homosexuals"
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Alex from Target claims he's receiving death threats after becoming famous, mostly from his girlfriend every time a new creepy cougar squees over him
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If you're going to visit Japan you better be ready to bow, slurp your noodles, and get drunk in public
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Driver loses control of SUV and plows right into a Sears store. Luckily, no one was injured since, obviously, it was a Sears
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Man shot and killed while traveling on safe passage route
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USPS loses cremated ashes of man's wife. Funeral held. Remains to be seen
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Big Bird was offered seat on ill-fated Space Shuttle Challenger in 1986 but was too tall to fit
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CNN takes a break from Ebola, missing Malaysian airplanes, and ISIS and tackles the toughest issue facing America today: Should you buy a $99 computer from Walmart?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Mayor of Minneapolis shows the world how to deal with #whatevergate conspiracy theories
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Father and son have the best sausages in the South West (with disturbing trophy to prove it)
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Will Philae's batteries last long enough to report whether it struck oil? Will the Telegraph tell us more of what it knows about bondage gear? Tune in for Day 3 of Life On A Comet
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Bad day: Your ex posts revenge porn pictures of you to the internet and then the government threatens to arrest you for indecency
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A detailed review of the White House security protocol revealed that if a crazy person is determined to gain access to the President, he's not going to let some bushes thwart his plans
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Los Angeles declares war on the open-source map shortcut app Waze
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We are pleased to announce that Mr. Al Qaida and a Ms. ISIS have agreed to kiss and makeup
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Federal law enforcement agents fly small planes loaded with gear to spy on Americans' cell phone calls. Your crazy uncle's tinfoil hat is looking more comfortable by the minute
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It's official- parents in the U.S. are responsible for taking care of their kids until they turn 26. Judge orders parents to pay their 21 year old's college tuition even though she doesn't want them in her life
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Man leaves his burning home to inform a family member that his house is on fire, drives away in his truck and shoots a gun in to the air a few times before (allegedly) reentering the burning house and dying
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Meet the male 'free-sperm donors' who have sex with women desperate to conceive by 'natural insemination' and who can't afford IVF
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this grand theft auto
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WeHoe Fark Party ~ Friday, November 14, 8pm PT, Hamburger Mary's
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Ceremony finds woman in a white dress, the man in a tuxedo, an officiant, guests and champagne is served. A wedding? No, no, in China, that's how you break up with someone
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Taking so-called 'smart pills' could actually make you dumber
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New England Patriots apologize for racist tweet, will now be known as the Redskins
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If you find a large, hairy spider hiding in your bananas, relax. There's a very good chance it's not deadly
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Alaskan village desperate for a backup generator after a recent storm knocked out power because all their frozen food is perishing. If only they had access to large swaths of frozen water
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The Satanic Children's Big Book of Activities? Being handed out at schools? It's more likely than you think
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Ha ha Grim Reaper, this declared dead 91-year-old woman who was in cold storage at the morgue for 11 hours is not yours YET. Suck it
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Deputies say they were incredibly grateful that a witness to the robbery of a pizza delivery boy came forward, but it quickly became clear the witness was actually the perpetrator
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| (Omaha.com) |
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Nebraska set to welcome its third Ebola patient of the year
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Woman meets a man online that looks just like Montana's Attorney General who claims he just got all his tools stolen while working in Egypt. You see where this is going
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Sailboat hits tunnel. No, it's a bridge. No, it's a tunnel AND a bridge. I'm so confused. Or an island. It definitely hit an island before it hit the bridge-tunnel
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Guy who likes to dress up as a soldier doesn't quite get the uniform right for his Remembrance Day TV interview
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| Thu November 13, 2014 |
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Hungary workers make good sandwiches, according to the Earl of Sandwich himself
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Mansion from "The Godfather" up for sale, owners waiting for an offer they can't refuse
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Photoshop this moment in history
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Who throws a pew? Honestly
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ISIS announces new currency. Let's help them design and name the coins. Sorry boys, the loonie is already taken
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2.8 million Americans quit their job in September. This is bad news for ... hang on, I'm being handed a note and ... this is good news for Obama
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Urban Outfitters' latest offering: Hillary nutcrackers. Bill not laughing
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In other news, the Mustang Ranch brothel has vegetarian and gluten-free options
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Suspect arrested in Cocoa Beach bank robbery, is reportedly cuckoo for Cocoa Banks
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ISIS leader: We will fight to the last man. Everyone else: Challenge Accepted
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Okay, pheasants. Chicken and turkey are popular but let's not neglect other tasty options. This week we take a gander at some recipes and suggestions for cooking other delicious fowl this fall. And you. Yeah, you. Duck you, wiseguy
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Rasmussen confirms that 61% of you are idiots
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Tiger on the loose near Disneyland Paris. Oh, bother
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Photoshop this tiring run
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Is there anything funnier than watching Southerners react to a light snowfall?
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Mali imam Ebola. Yeah, I get those same letters in Words With Friends all the time
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New Jersey elementary school in a district with a $665 million budget finally gets around to installing doors on the stalls in the boy's bathroom
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Remember that New Zealand fugitive who was totally not hiding in Brazil? Yeah, he was hiding in Brazil
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Looking for early Christmas gift ideas for the kids? You'll definitely want to keep the new "Ted Cruz Saves America" coloring book in mind
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Time magazine includes "feminist" in their worst words poll. Naturally, this is upsetting the broad percentage of the populace
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John Wayne Bobbitt almost loses his head. This is not a repeat
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Rokerthon. Can't get enough of Al Roker? Now's your chance to get your Roker-fix. Roker is on the air for 34 hours straight to break Guinness World record and to fundraise for USO
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The Way of the Samurai is to cut the legs from the horse, or slash the tow truck tires in this case
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Eating a salad is inconvenient. Well, eating healthy as a whole is inconvenient. If it were as easy as eating junk food, would we eat healthier? Ric Romero investigates
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Man mails 15 live baby chicks to his ex-girlfriend because "there are lots of chicks out there"
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Hey y'all, stripper fight in the bathroom
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Worried about being crushed to death in the next west coast earthquake? There's an app for that
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Hours after legalizing gay marriage, Kansas suffers earthquake. Coincidence? Well their senator is Pat Roberts
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Transgendered woman who pretended to be a doctor facing manslaughter charges after discovering that injecting people with cement, bathroom caulk, Fix-A-Flat tire sealant, mineral oil and Super Glue in the butt could be fatal
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Secret Service reveals there were 40 White House fence jumping incidents over the past five years. However, most were officials in the Obama Administration
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Drought stricken city of Los Angeles rolls out the barrels ... in case it ever rains again
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"Peril, and Daring, at 1 World Trade Center" and this is not a repeat from 9/11/01
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Black Friday is two weeks away, and yes, there are people already camped out
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Photoshop this fast-moving horse race
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Yes, snowflake, you have to shave and get a trim to join the army, because we roll like that. Lawsuits don't help your cause
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Give me your money and your pants
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There's now big trouble in little Philae as the comet probe seemingly has landed on its side. Fark bonus: In a cave and has only 20 to 30 hours of stored power
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If you picked up some luggage or a rear door that fell off a private plane in Germany this week, the stuff is Bono's and he wants it back
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Afghan economy strong after record agricultural production
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The shower curtains may be the reason why your wife doesn't want to have sex with you anymore
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Yao Ming is dedicating his life to saving Africa's elephants and rhinos. That's mighty big of him
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Rare photos of 1950s Alabama from acclaimed Life Magazine photographer Gordon Parks. Segregation never looked so colorful
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ProTip: After running into a pedestrian while driving, it may arouse suspicion if you continue to drive for over a mile with the person embedded in your windshield
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Article asks why so few of India's men are willing to get a vasectomy compared to other countries. With helpful phallic bar graph
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Angry, coughing, hacking, wheezing crowd shows up to protest town's proposed cigarette ban
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Hipsters in Beirut are getting confused with jihadists
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This election year, marijuana was more popular than many of the winning candidates on the same ticket. Now there's a shocker
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Attention all students at the University of Alaska: Just because your state has legalized marijuana does not change the fact that your school gets funding from the federal government
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Your mother-in-law was right: You are doing a lot of things wrong in the kitchen
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If you need to call emergency services because your wife won't give up the remote, you better just hand over your man-card while you're at it, dude
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| (Some Guy) |
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Today's FARK-ready headline: "Troopers Release Brief on Underwear Bandit"
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Yes, it's cold right now at all those outdoor family festivals in Alaska. But at least they prove you're a true Alaskan and you don't have deal with gaggles of annoying tourists
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Nine year-old daughter of responsible gun owners gets hold of one of her parents' firearms, winds up shooting her younger brother in the head. Have these people never heard of a gun safe or a lock?
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Tree worker kicks the bucket in cemetery. Well, isn't that convenient
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 497: "And Not a Drop to Drink". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed November 12, 2014 |
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The 21 best Italian restaurants in America. List fails for not including the Olive Garden in Grand Forks, North Dakota
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Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline goes here Cutline
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U.S weather system hacked. Thousands of occluded fronts and low-pressure systems urged to change their passwords, monitor credit reports
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Kirk Cameron fires off the first salvo in the War on Christmas™
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Neigh means neigh
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Photoshop this astrological shiny thing
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So, what now? Cape Mackerel? Cape Flounder? Cape Smelt?
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Millionaire has some advice for poor people on the street who are struggling to pay their bills: Eat less
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"Your milk is not giving me the right kind of silkworm larva anymore," writes someone who is totally not a serial killer
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"The Alabama Securities Commission advises you against investing in marijuana companies or bitcoins"
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Photoshop this tree placement
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The Russian people are aware of the sanctions and aware they were triggered by Putin's actions but fail to see how their grocery bills going up are Putin's fault
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First picture from the comet
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Caption this historic moment
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As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could ride in the back of a big truck
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Dallas hospital quickly reaches undisclosed settlement with family of deceased ebola victim, confirming once and for all that their care of him was 100% appropriate and that they have absolutely nothing to hide
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French government surrenders to the powerful "I want to poop while I'm cooking" lobby
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Workers hanging from scaffolding 68 floors up on 1 World Trade Center. Link goes to live stream
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One good thing about Common Core? It's ruining the most useless class in school, gym
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School district decides 50 is the new 0
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Two incidents involving suspicious person at university were "cases of an individual being socially awkward"
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New York great-great-grandmother celebrates her 100th birthday by sky diving. For her 101st, she says she plans to do something really daring and book a cruise with Carnival
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McDonald's, you should know not to taunt the Egg McMuffin ladies by telling them breakfast is over
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Woman who used a box cutter to slice a teenager's penis avoids jail time after cutting a deal
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Protip: If you steal a debit card in a store, try not to use it in front of the woman you just stole it from
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"I believe when the Second Amendment was written, that was more or less for when the British were coming"
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Man arrested after calling 911 operator "sexy as hell," trying to get her number. Well, at least he didn't tell her he had an emergency in his pants only she could handle
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Historic landing on comet. No word on Cupid
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California woman charged with fraud over hot coffee spill injury claim. Jackie Chiles to appeal
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There are as many as 120,000 innocent people serving prison time in the U.S
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We figured, if they can add mint flavor to dental floss, why not add deer urine?
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Ellis Island closed its doors 60 years ago today. Thankfully, someone was there to photograph the last wave of Scorsese extras to arrive in the New World
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For the first time in years Sheriff Joe Arpaio didn't get to ride through the streets of Phoenix in his military tank on Veteran's Day because the Feds took it back. "That's all right. I'll get another one"
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Latest 2,000-calorie "heart attack on a plate" burger goes on sale with two beef patties, cheese, bacon and BBQ sauce nestled between donuts. "To me, this is simply ludicrous and irresponsible. I am no killjoy but why is this sort of food available?"
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This is your live feed for the Rosetta comet landing, scheduled for 11am ET (8am PT). First photos should arrive one hour later
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Caption this important phone call
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Police find 30 pounds of pot mailed from California to North Carolina. "It was kind of funny. The dog kind of looked at us and said, do you really need me for this?"
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Inventor of the internet jailed on drug charges
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Some people are wondering why it's a federal crime to invade Mickey & Minnie's airspace
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Photoshop this beary delicious treat
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To raise money for her friend's cancer drug, 42-year-old woman lists her uterus on eBay. "For sale: The future rights to one worn-out but highly spirited, 1970s-model uterus"
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The history of how the first wildcats living on the outskirts of human camps evolved into LOLcats is a fascinating story
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Virginia woman turns 111 on 11/11 and the two cans of baked beans with faded labels, yeah, they're for exercise
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Sure, we'll be closed on December 25, but it's definitely not because of Christmas
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"A Council Bluffs elementary school student swapped a loaded round of ammunition for playing cards on a school bus"
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12-year-old boy finally rescued from IKEA after six-day search. No word on if any parts are missing
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Woman arrested after her newborn was found fighting for his life due to malnourishment caused by her idiotic vegan belief system
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Fishermen find human head and leg inside belly of massive shark, proclaim confidently, "This was no boating accident"
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If you ever drop your keys down a well, just let 'em go, man, 'cause they're gone
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Old and busted: Polar vortex. New hotness: Arctic haboob. (w/ pic)
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| Tue November 11, 2014 |
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Patent troll lawsuits are now so common that startups can buy insurance against them
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Obama administration announces huge new climate change agreement with China, the result of months of secret negotiations. The landmark agreement could be the most important environmental agreement ever made
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NPR posts the one interview you want to make sure you take the time to hear this Veteran's Day. Give it the nine minutes it asks; you won't be sorry
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Meet America's oldest living veteran. He owes his longevity to whiskey and cigars
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"A few minutes into the ceremony we noticed one student fell over. A second one fell and it sort of dominoed from there"
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On Veteran's day lets not forget the women of WWII. The WAC's, the WAVES, the Lumberjills
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Hibachi at newly opened Japanese grill serves up fresh orders of singed eyebrows, flaming hair, and fully immolated diners
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Everyone laughed at ol' man Bloomberg, but who's laughing now?
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Annual budget for one Philadelphia elementary school? $160. That figure is not missing one or two zeros
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Actual statement from malls that are opening at 6pm on Thanksgiving Day: "We recognize the importance of families, many of whom have started making it a tradition themselves to begin their holiday shopping on Thanksgiving"
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Guys, it's time to stop using that word as a synonym for "people"
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Photoshop this pair in their own little Wonderland
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When you can't find your wallet, it's always in the last place you look. Like that shopping center in Switzerland you visited 18 years ago
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Welcome to Dillard's, where we have a fine selection of manufactured outrage for you today
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The man who sees art in Cheetos. Never was there a mom more proud of the boy in her basement
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Iran Photoshops replica of US drone captured in 2011
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Chairman Mao, Nixon and Kim Jong-Il are all featured in the same museum, and if you guessed it was a the museum of roast duck you are both correct and probably insane
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KFC unveils new loaded potato bowl that is certain to clog your arteries and destroy your soul
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Child molester who tracked down and murdered his victim's father said he escaped from prison and fled to South America to escape "vigilante justice system." With suitably sociopathic photo
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Study confirms that the younger you start smoking pot the dumber you become. How did they figure this out? By asking 30 year old people who have been smoking for three decades or more
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You might want to sit down for this: the Mormons have announced that Joseph Smith was a polygamist
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New typeface designed to help read dyslexics online
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Photoshop Theme: Celebrities with beards
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Putin learns that he can't charm every woman on earth
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Mom, why is the 'MythBusters' guy working for McDonald's now?
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Do you do embarassing things over the internet? Of course you do. Here is a way to fix that. Difficulty: Firefox
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Starting next week NYC cops will treat weed like an ordinary speeding ticket. Starting this week, top cop Commissioner Bratton looks to have dipped into the bag a little early
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Artist falls from window after accidentally breaking into a flower shop he mistook for a friend's apartment. It doesn't take long to get to the part about how 'alcohol was involved'
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Why pull the fire alarm in a store to create a distraction so you can steal merchandise, when a firecracker will have the same effect
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From today's correlation-may-BE-causation desk, obesity rates around fast food joints found to be higher than in places where people don't have 24-hour access to a Fatbomb Deluxe from a place with a drive-up Rascal window
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Boston marathon bomb victim throws leg a break-up dinner party before it's amputated
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The great thing about having surveillance cameras in your home is that when you're 1,000 miles from home, you can see the burglars perfectly as they steal your treasured possessions
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Captain of sunken South Korean ferry receives 36 years in dry dock
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Man tells Dear Prudence he's a sexual stud. Hell, sounds like he's telling everyone
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For Veterans Day, share stories about military service here, whether it's your own or someone else's. Link goes to deals and freebies for veterans
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Archaeologist proposes renovating the Roman Colosseum for concerts and sports. Which actually makes sense since it already has a better plumbing system than the Oakland-Alameda Coliseum
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Fark NotNewsletter #12: Veterans Day in Farkistan
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Reminder - If you're going to steal a musical instrument to resell, don't choose one of the 600 well-documented and photographed Stradivarius violins
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Russia launches Sputnik. This is not a repeat from 1957
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City realizes that allowing liquor sales until 4AM might be a bad idea
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So, if a man has counterfeit $20 bills and decides to pass them at a harmless yard sale, what are the odds he picks the only one run by a bank teller? Show all work
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Google signs a 60-year lease on a massive dirigible hangar owned by the US Navy. Why? You ask too many questions, Mr. Bond, a habit that could get you into trouble someday
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Help Fight Ebola. For every $1 you give, Google will give $2
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"Just think what you could do as the legal department. We could be czars. We could own the city. We could be in the real estate business. We could become Houston, Texas, no zoning. Whatever, who knows. But it's amazing that it's going on"
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The best use case for Apple AirDrop or Android Beam involves sloths, because people whose phones are configured to accept file transfer requests from nearby strangers' phones should be grateful that it only involves sloths
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Hawaii's Kilauea volcano starts impromptu luau in town
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Japan, always at the forefront of the needlessly strange brassiere industry, has revealed its newest breast-supporting wonder - a bra that can change its color and pattern when it touches a like-minded bra
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Argument over 'Battleship' sinks man
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Brooklyn longshoreman suing for sexual harassment, says a male supervisor once tried to slip a finger in his back dock even though that's an unloading zone only
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The Ebola outbreak that threatens to destroy the U.S. is having trouble getting started
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Mystery couple tip waiter $1,500 and 48 beers
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There's a special place in Hell for the kind of person who would ransack a free community library
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Gun stores in Ferguson report nearly empty shelves as people on both sides of the Michael Brown situation await grand jury verdict, subsequent "John Wayne shootout"
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Texas woman has surgery to reduce size 36NNN breasts to a more manageable Double-D. Her knees reportedly miss the company
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The first Allied troops to reach the Rhine at the end of WWI were the Harlem Hellfighters -- African American troops who, after they'd won the war, returned home to a country that treated them like dirt. And so it goes
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these happy campers
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One of the downsides of living with Britain's "most jealous wife" besides her snooping around with everything you do? Having to take a lie detector test every night when you get home to see if you were unfaithful
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Mother claims her 4 year old is inhabited by the ghost of a Marine killed in the 1983 barracks bombing in Beirut. Kid knows where the Marine lived, who his friends were
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