You might try our Headline Search for easier navigation here.
These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
NEW To Fark? Find Out HOW TO FARKX
| Sun October 19, 2014 |
 |
|
Will everyone who doubted the claim that Jack the Ripper has been unmasked please step forward and take a bow?
|
 |
|
Once again we remind you; when your drug deal goes bad don't call the police
|
 |
|
Photoshop this gesturing jester
|
 |
|
Russia, you've lost another submarine?
|
| |
 |
|
Haters be hatin' the hater word
|
 |
|
Murrieta Mayor, who encouraged his constituents to protest and block buses full of immigrant children because they posed a public threat, demonstrates what a public threat might look like
|
 |
|
For 10 minutes the world briefly forgot about its current problems when North and South Korea started shooting at each other today
|
 |
|
Giant sphinx unearthed in the sands of..........Guadalupe, CA??
|
| |
|
Mississippi goes in to full hysteria over Ebola as parents pull their children from school because the principal visited Zambia... Which is 3,000 miles away from the Ebola stricken countries
|
| |
 |
|
Photoshop this throwback
|
 |
|
There is nothing creepier than a doll that is missing part of her body. Except for taking a tour of a doll hospital that can replace any missing doll part
|
 |
|
It says a lot about amateur photographers when the railroad companies have to remind them not to stand on the tracks when taking pictures of trains
|
 |
|
What weighs over 250 tons, is 186 foot long and takes four trucks to move? Possibly the largest oversize load to travel from Oklahoma to Colorado
|
 |
|
What happens when TSA chief becomes college president? Full-body scans to get into library?
|
 |
|
Cruise ship with "potentially" Ebola-infected health care worker docks in Texas, which is now officially America's Ebola colony
|
 |
|
Elvis-themed wedding chapel in Vegas says no to same-sex couples in order to protect the dignity of marriage
|
 |
 |
Colombian sex trafficking ring busted up with the help of... Laurie Holden from The Walking Dead? Wow. Guess Andrea really was a bad ass
|
 |
|
"A woman recorded herself doing heroin and cocaine while making fun of her probation officer, then posted it online." Spoiler: The probation officer saw it
|
 |
|
You'll want to sit down for this one - Woman awarded $37,000 after falling off a toilet
|
 |
|
Michigan's "Isis Coney Island" changing name to "Freedom Coney Island." You want fries with that?
|
| |
|
In 1990, Storey County, Nevada wanted to ban all outhouses. And that's why to this day there are still outhouse races in Virginia City, Nevada
|
 |
|
This is my hatchet. There are many like it but this one is mine
|
 |
|
And the city with the cheapest beer in America is ____________
|
 |
|
Maine teacher suspended for three weeks because, A) She was a volunteer treating Ebola patients in West Africa, B) She had close contact with someone with Ebola, or C) She stayed in a hotel less than ten miles away from Texas Health Presbyterian?
|
 |
|
There are five simple reasons why your relationship with that stripper just wasn't meant to be
|
 |
|
Living on minimum wage....in photos
|
 |
|
Thousands of bees drawn to overturned honey truck. Roadway cleanup becomes a police sting operation
|
 |
|
Mother is shocked when her snowflake comes home from the supermarket with: a) a gun, b) drugs, or c) a pumpkin carving kit
|
 |
|
Photoshop this pool noodle-festooned alleyway
|
| |
|
Never ask a computer technician to wipe off all the porn from your laptop but under no condition should he view any of the photos stored behind a special partition written into the hard drive
|
 |
|
College kids these days can't even enjoy a simple pumpkin festival without it turning into a full-fledged riot. "People were just throwing everything they could find - rocks, skateboards, buckets, pumpkins"
|
| |
|
If you plan on handing out non-food treats on Halloween in consideration of children with food allergies, you're supposed to display a teal jack-o-lantern so all the other kids know which house to egg
|
 |
|
The five sketchiest foods served in NYC: Ikea spare ribs, strip club pasta, 7-11 pizza, bowling alley roast chicken, and drugstore sushi
|
 |
|
Drug addict desperate for cash stole toilet valves from area restaurants, flushed with embarrassment after getting caught
|
| |
|
You're a team of paramedics transporting a dead body when you realize your shift is over. Do you A) continue to your scheduled destination, B) call your dispatcher for instructions, or C) just dump the body wherever it's convenient
|
| |
|
Owner finds flock of sheep stumbling around making strange noises after feasting on thousands of dollars worth of pot. "Not b-a-a-a-d, dude"
|
 |
|
Rare albino deer sighted and you know how this ends
|
| Sat October 18, 2014 |
| |
|
"A moment later, he realized he was looking not at a brown, furry mammal, but an enormous, puppy-size spider." (With OH GOD IT'S TOUCHING HIS HAND BURN IT WITH FIRE pics)
|
 |
|
Body found in search for missing UVA student Hannah Graham
|
 |
|
"Whadda we got here, Lou?" " The usual Chief, homemade basement firing range full of guns, drugs and a former NBA player. Typical Friday night"
|
 |
|
Photoshop theme: Joe Biden's next job
|
 |
|
Police looking for man who kissed a child inside a Target. "You would expect this type of behavior in a Walmart or a K-Mart, not a Target"
|
| |
|
Word Problem: If Mrs. Scott teaches math for 60 years, how much money will she have for retirement?
|
 |
|
As much as we like to pick on them, guess which State's Supreme Court just ruled that you can't track people's location using their cell phone signals without a warrant? Rare "good job guys" use of the Florida tag in play
|
 |
|
Eric Frein manhunt is now changing laws to help police arrest more people
|
 |
|
Woman gets six years in prison for participating in "Take Your Daughter to Armed Bank Robbery Day"
|
 |
|
How do you say "Come at me bro" in Chinese?
|
 |
|
Unlicensed driver going twice speed limit flies off curve. Jury finds DOT liable for not posting enough signs telling him not to do that
|
| |
|
DUCK
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop this bubbly blower
|
 |
|
FARK-ready headline: "Cannibal harlequin ladybirds now threaten species with STDs"
|
 |
|
How Siri became an autistic boy's best friend and kicked up a little dust that was lingering in the room
|
| |
|
Man hides porn collection to avoid embarrassment, becomes headline news
|
 |
|
Could you really fit $10,000 in loose change in five coffee cans and a five gallon jug?
|
 |
|
Man lights pickup truck on fire, then drives into law office. Hey it's a start
|
 |
|
Under ordinary circumstances, you would think that stealing a Buick LeSabre would be an act of mercy. Under ordinary circumstances
|
 |
|
Used car prices predicted to fall. New car leasing to become easier. Naturally, financial experts forecast disaster if anyone can actually buy a car without going into debt for decades
|
 |
|
Washington teacher told not to have students spin the disciplinary 'Wheel of Misfortune'
|
 |
|
When the patch, nicotine gum, counseling, and e-cigarettes can't help you stop smoking, maybe it's time to try magic mushrooms
|
 |
|
Court denies alimony to wife because she's a genie
|
 |
|
The best way to get more work done? Work shorter days. In short, just put more stress on your workforce
|
 |
|
Twenty five photos of people from Chicago eating pizza (submitted by a New Yorker, obviously)
|
| |
|
Teenager has quadratic equation tattooed on his butt. In a few years he'll be trying to solve for why
|
 |
|
Nuclear reactors near active Japanese volcanoes called "unsafe" by the country's department of understatement
|
 |
|
Village of 290 in Michigan has 100-officer police force, which the village council is trying to abolish. The response of the police? ISIS
|
 |
|
Caption this Pug from another mother
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop this exibition
|
| |
|
If pit viper-flavored ice cream just isn't your thing, maybe you should try some lobster ice cream
|
 |
|
Just your typical small town police blotter - a few petty thefts, a few disorderly conduct incidents, a clarinet mistaken for a shotgun ... Wait, what?
|
 |
|
A behind-the-scenes look at what it is like trying to post on the Caturday thread
|
 |
|
Man learns the hard way from wife that you can't just 'die', come back and collect your pension money claiming you had amnesia
|
| |
|
Despite there being no reported cases of Ebola in their state, school board vows to protect students from the virus by scrubbing down every school building weekly. It's like 2001 all over again
|
| |
|
Because who doesn't want to get a smart tattoo implanted under your skin that tracks everywhere your hand goes
|
| |
|
As we learn more about tornadoes and how to predict them, they've devised a new strategy: they're starting to move in swarms
|
 |
|
Pope rents out the Sistine Chapel for a private corporate event, but will donate the rental fees to charities that help the poor and homeless. I can't decide if I am impressed or outraged
|
 |
|
New Hampshire town records first homicide in literally forever
|
| Fri October 17, 2014 |
| |
|
And now, your chance to redeem your week in all of its unproductive glory: The Fark Weird News Quiz
|
 |
|
Deep-fried maple leaves, because why the fark not?
|
 |
|
Old and busted: Shouting "fire" in a crowded theater. New and moronic: Shouting "Ebola" in a crowded casino
|
 |
|
#TheGirlsAreBroughtBack
|
| |
|
Photoshop these showoffs
|
| |
|
Farewell to the last surviving team member from Operation Mincemeat which laid the ground work for the WWII Allied invasion of Sicily after the failures of Operation Stargazey Pie, Operation Bubble and Squeak and Operation Spotted Dick
|
| |
|
At least for the next 60 years he won't have to worry about being annoyed by loud music
|
 |
|
O'Hare becomes the latest airport to pretend it can screen passengers for the Ebola virus
|
 |
|
C'est un arbre de Noël. Pourquoi tout le monde rit?
|
 |
|
Bill Clinton admits he's been put out to stud
|
| |
|
Not news: Famous WW II corespondent gets a statue. News: There's a glaring typo. Fark: This happened before on a previous memorial piece
|
 |
|
Hurricane Gonzalo threatens Bermuda, forcing travelers to seek alternate destinations. THANKS OBAHAMAS
|
 |
|
Photoshop this revelation
|
| |
|
Ladies, you know that most of us guys are oblivious when comes to getting signals from you but are you just as oblivious when it's the guy sending a signal to you?
|
 |
|
Don't mess with the cops, don't make jokes and remember the top half of your bikini: French travel warnings about visiting the U.S
|
 |
|
CDC approval ratings have dropped below flu, common cold, and are in ebola territory. Who elects these guys anyway?
|
 |
 |
The 'Ebola Containment Suit' Halloween costume is not offensive guys... my 'Sexy Dallas Ebola Containment Nurse' costume is like, way more offensive
|
 |
|
Tennessee has the lowest per capita tax revenue in the USA. Let's see how this real world Galt's Gulch is prospering, shall we?
|
| |
|
Since being blown up in Iraq, Air Force Captain Mitch Kieffer has earned the Purple Heart, learned to speak Spanish, earned a Master's degree and twice won the title of Ultimate Champion at the Warrior Games - the second time while battling the flu
|
 |
|
"Exercise: Is it good for you?"
|
 |
|
"Our funeral directors jumped in the hearse, and tried to catch him"
|
| |
|
Teen mom of the year dumps her 16 month-old with a heroin user so the child can 'have a normal life.' Um...what?
|
 |
|
No matter how bad your birthday was, at least you weren't electrocuted until your heart stopped... we hope
|
| |
|
Mmmm, chowing down on fresh-caught squirrel and raccoon. In Mississippi that's "Thursday," but in New Jersey it's an arrestin'
|
 |
|
"Not to be pejorative, but why are you carrying the Book of Mormon around?" and other strange comments overheard during the Jodi Arias jury selection
|
| |
|
San Diego State co-ed dies of meningitis. What about Ebola?
|
| |
|
Two male strippers quarantined due to their close-quarters flight with Ebola Nurse #2. And, as a bonus, the CDC kept one of the two on hold for 81 minutes before answering his concerns. Maybe The Strain wasn't mocking the CDC
|
| |
|
And the official New York State snack is: A) Buffalo wings and blue cheese dip B) nachos and salsa C) yogurt
|
 |
|
Use this neat trick to avoid waiting to be seen at the emergency room
|
 |
|
FedEx claims the people it pays to drive its trucks aren't employees
|
| |
|
If you really want to cure your skin problems, all you have to do is roll around on a plate of leftovers containing the healing saliva of a one-percenter
|
 |
|
Macy's to open at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day, so people can go from fighting with their relatives to fighting with complete strangers
|
 |
|
One weird trick to stopping ISIS
|
 |
|
Here's a motorist alert you don't want to hear: Port-a-Potty tanker drops its load
|
| |
|
Bad: Ebola nurse was in Ohio to plan her wedding. Good: Fiancé gets his first taste of married life in quarantine
|
 |
|
"The Ebola nurse may have infected two flights." The CDC absolutely sucks at this whole infectious disease thing
|
| |
|
"Dear Prudence: Years ago, I had an affair with a coworker. I am a liberal; he is a conservative. Now, he's running for office and is trying to dismantle women's rights. Can I expose the affair and derail his campaign for the greater good?"
|
 |
|
Hurricane seminar postponed by hurricane? Well blow me down
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Photoshop this lengthy opening
|
 |
|
When interviewing your employees, attention to detail and experience in shipping and receiving are a must
|
 |
|
17 October 1814. Never forget
|
 |
|
Belize to Carnival Cruise Texas nurse passenger - Only three things come from Texas: steers, queers and ebola, and I don't see no horns or gay-pride rainbows on you
|
 |
|
In my day, trolling used to mean something
|
| |
|
Strangely missing from these very cool 130-year-old pictures of British seaside towns are overweight drunk Brits pissing all over the place
|
| |
|
Justice: Ummm.. Yeah, I'm really really sorry for sending those 234 sexually explicit emails but this has nothing to do with me , it's just my colleagues out to get me
|
| |
|
999 Emergency operator: "You're obviously fine if you are still capable of using a phone, so call back when you're unconscious"
|
 |
|
The world's most expensive hot dog costs $25,000, and it is in Dublin, Ireland
|
| |
|
Let's start diagnosing our children with a new social media-inspired "disorder" called FOMO. YOLO
|
| |
|
Passenger who died on flight from Nigeria to JFK CLEARLY didn't have Ebola, steak, lasagna
|
| |
|
Why yes U.N., your strongly worded letter for help to fight the Ebola virus did not fall on deaf ears, someone coughed up some money. Thank you, Colombia
|
| |
|
Wisconsin man 'armed with 33 dildos' arrested after he is accused of throwing sex toys at teenage girls
|
 |
|
In order to blend in, Brazil serial killer said he killed thirty nine people by shooting them from his motorcycle
|
 |
|
Don't feed the bears. Seriously. You could be fined $500
|
| |
|
It's not easy being green (Possibly not safe for work)
|
| Thu October 16, 2014 |
| |
|
Judge orders Crystal Lake bleach-ch-ch-ah-ah-ah-ers demolished
|
| (Pundit Press) |
|
Seattle socialist group pushing $20/hr minimum wage is hiring a web developer--at $13/hr
|
 |
|
It's been several days since my last Louie Gohmert submission. Today's LOL from Loony Louie? The nurses infected with Ebola are part of the Democrats' war on women
|
 |
|
Man shocked, SHOCKED to discover he is allergic to electricity
|
 |
|
Have any strange red marks on you? Don't worry, it's probably just a spider tunneling under your skin
|
| |
|
If at first you don't succeed in killing your wife by running her over with your SUV, try, try again. And again. And again, if need be
|
 |
|
Suspect with BB gun to face a pellet judge
|
| |
|
Photoshop these folks waiting for a train
|
| |
|
About that $50 you owe, shame if anything happened to your horse
|
 |
|
"Ebola is God's punishment for Obama dividing Jerusalem," thus derpeth the Lord
|
 |
|
The guy without the hazmat suit holding the clipboard while escorting ebola nurse #2 was the medical protocol supervisor because of course he was
|
| |
|
Want to know something about the wasabi you've eaten all your life? It's a FAAAKE
|
| |
|
Man sues hospital after they forget to remove three of his friend's teeth. Fark: Embedded in his leg
|
| |
|
Police stop speeding car with tire spikes, force occupants to the ground at gunpoint ... then realize one of them is about to give birth
|
| |
|
Apparently, dressing up in costume to claim your lottery winnings is a thing in China
|
 |
|
Why someone would want to leave West Africa for Lubbock Texas is unknown but the (possible) results are the same
|
 |
|
Fark Food Thread: Do you hunt or fish? The three of you that actually get outside can share to the right some pictures and recipes you use for cooking up your fresh catch or the game you hunted
|
 |
|
Yale public health student under observation for possibly bringing a souvenir back from a recent class trip to Liberia
|
 |
|
Paranormal investigator tries to spread word about dreaded Albatwitch, which he has personally seen walking down the middle of the road, the middle of the road I tell you
|
 |
|
Photoshop these early morning fishermen
|
 |
|
St. Petersburg Hellview Cemetery - Haunted by ghosts of Tocobaga natives washed out to sea by hurricanes, serpent worshiping homesteaders, elderly shuffleboard players shuffling
|
| |
|
Texas changes voter ID rules a week before early voting to avoid instilling confusion by changing voter ID rules too close to an election
|
 |
|
Frostback arrested trying to cross the U.S. border illegally in a kayak near Buffalo
|
 |
|
Anonymous caller says he's going to shoot everyone in the Garfield police station because he hates Mondays
|
 |
|
Well, let's just jump right the hell into this raging shiatstorm: "Can dogs and cats catch and transmit the ebola virus to humans?"
|
 |
|
Oxford English Dictionary literally champions Google's new definition of "literally" (figuratively speaking, of course...)
|
| |
|
Obama: "Yemen is a model for combating terrorists" Soooooo... show of hands, who knew that Yemen had a coup last month? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
|
| |
|
Two Ohio schools have closed because an employee flew on a Frontier Airlines jet that may have previously carried an ebola patient. By the same logic, subby has probably slept with Kate Upton. Score
|
 |
|
When market research goes wrong: Lululemon assumes Buffalonians must like the terms "Wide Right" and "No Goal", so they put it on a large tile mosaic in the store
|
 |
|
U.S. Army warns of potentially "airborne" Ebola. The quotation marks are because it requires a victim already bleeding from all orifices farting in your general direction from within three feet
|
| |
|
As if the whole Ebola things hasn't been enough of a clusterfark already, now we are going to get those security geniuses at the TSA involved
|
| |
|
Presby, responsible for a misdiagnosis and the infection of two nurses, is a stellar hospital
|
| |
|
FDNY tells 911 dispatchers to not use the E-word when sending first responders to pick up an E-patient. What the E could possibly go wrong?
|
| |
|
"Dome-shaped UFO spotted above paranormal conference" (pics)
|
 |
|
Ex-Latin King gang member turned Hasidic rabbi arrested for impersonating cop. No, that's the real headline
|
| |
|
Family who buried grandmother with her mobile phone receives spooky text responses (when the number is re-assigned to an aspiring prankster)
|
 |
|
Gamergate morons argue with a twitter bot for four hours
|
 |
|
The rate of mass shooting has tripled since 2011 according to long-term scientific study. Good news though, according to subby's study, mass shootings are down 1000% in the last 72 hours
|
 |
|
Eluding the police? You can try to blend in at a marathon. (Bonus: Mugshot goodness included.)
|
 |
|
Many children in Canada to have indoor Halloween trick-or-treating because there are so many polar bears wandering around at this time of year in Canada that it's not really safe to go outside at all
|
 |
|
Mark Zuckerberg spends $100 million to buy land on the island of Kauai. Which in today's Hawaiian real estate market gets him about nine square feet of property
|
| |
|
You know what's (probably) not cool being a guy getting a colonoscopy? Waking up in women's pink underwear
|
| |
|
You know what else looks like Uranus?
|
 |
|
Local fire department plays off Ebola fears by holding auction to get rid of surplus haz-mat suits. FTA: "Based on what happened in Dallas, that fear will drive people to buy things they wouldn't have before"
|
 |
|
"Family questions goat" in E. coli deaths. Just the facts, kid
|
| (Some Guy) |
|
Was Ebola created by A: Nature? B: A vengeful God? or C: Van Halen?
|
 |
|
Parents name their baby boy Lucifer because the mother had a hard labor
|
 |
|
Detroit prepares for annual Devil's Night arson spree, when hundreds of abandoned homes inside Eight Mile burn. Arsonists say moving the event to Grosse Pointe is in their long-term plans
|
| |
|
While the everyone is collectively evacuating their bowels over Ebola, Eastern Equine Encephalitis has killed a second person in New Hampshire
|
| |
|
John Grisham goes to bat for child porn. "Is that a Pelican Brief" jokes to multiply
|
| |
|
Photoshop this backyard contemplator
|
 |
|
In other news, Drupal had an SQL injection vulnerability in its anti-SQL injection code
|
| |
|
If you liked Polar Vortex 2014, you are gonna love Polar Vortex 2015
|
 |
|
Your teen daughter is sexting. Get over it
|
 |
|
Not news: TV news anchor gives information about Ebola. News: It's factual, free of fearmongering and takes the media to task for trying to scare the country. Fark: It's Shepard Smith on FOX News
|
| |
|
Parents and town officials are shocked, SHOCKED that a scavenger hunt for local students would list things like driving 100 mph, defecating on someone's doorstep, running a red light, dance on a grave and steal a mailbox
|
 |
|
If only that nurse with a fever had called the CDC for instructions before flying to Dallas. What? She did? Several times? And they told her to go ahead and fly?
|
| |
|
A hotel for hedgehogs? It's more likely than you think
|
 |
|
"Bro-tox" is now thing among aging bros. Come join the "Menaissance," bro
|
 |
|
Kid gets caught cheating and fails high school chemistry. Parents: We're suing
|
| |
|
Re-heated pasta is less fattening than fresh pasta. Here comes the science
|
 |
 |
Theme of Farktography Contest No. 493: "Autumn 3". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
|
| Wed October 15, 2014 |
| |
|
Woman is asked to sign petition to send Muslims back to where they came from. Woman is actually a Muslim and tells petitioner she was born in the U.S. where would she like her to go....crickets
|
 |
|
All dogs go to heaven, except this one. Euthanized twice, he insists he would rather be adopted than die
|
| |
|
Church caretaker calmly explained to a burglar the merits of a pious life. Just kidding, he broke a golf club across his body then chased him down and beat him
|
| |
|
Group of trekkers killed in Nepal by heavy snow, wearing red shirts
|
| |
|
Study finds the essential oils you've been spraying to kill bed bugs is only helping them meet cooler people at Phish shows
|
 |
|
Woman sent to jail over overgrown yard. In the midnight hour she cried, "Mower, mower, mower"
|
| |
|
Kentucky youth pastor rapes a boy and then threatens to use his "Warlock powers" to kill the boy if he told police. Well, that's at least TWO commandments he's not merely broken but utterly shattered, not to mention half of Leviticus
|
 |
|
Remember when cereal boxes actually came with cool toys and offers? Here's a look back at what might be the greatest mail-away cereal item of all time: The Monster Cereals Monster Mansion
|
| |
|
Photoshop this urban cowboy and his stylin steed
|
 |
|
If you're a Republican running for office, it's okay to host a fundraiser where guests get to fire off a variety of firearms. Just don't call it a 'Machine Gun Social.'
|
 |
|
Man not doing laundry by hand has hand ripped off by laundry
|
| |
|
Here are your two pizzas, pink fat lady and thank you ordering from Pizza Hut
|
| |
|
Escaped emu captured after running into traffic, photobombing random bystanders
|
 |
|
Second Dallas health worker flew from Cleveland to Dallas the day before noticing symptoms. We're doomed as doomed can be
|
| |
|
You know things are getting out of hand when the cops have to call the cops on the cops
|
| |
|
Photoshop this dedicated doctor
|
 |
|
Syrians: We come seeking refuge from the civil war in our homeland. Germany: Welcome to Oktoberfest
|
| |
|
Liberia needs 79,940 more body bags...and a zombie defense system
|
 |
|
Mysterious loud boom heard in several states picked up on weather radar. Epicenter near a Taco Bell
|
 |
|
Where were you five years ago when the country was hovering around their transistor radios to hear the latest news about BALLOON BOY?
|
 |
|
How heartless have you got to be to make off with a TV in front of a bunch of people with dementia who were watching it in a care home?
|
| |
|
Dear Diary: Today I evaded tax
|
 |
|
Just in time for Halloween, your basic record-breaking 2058 pound pumpkin
|
| |
|
Company creates 3D printer that makes mud huts for impoverished countries who have somehow been making mud huts without 3D printers for thousands of years
|
| |
|
Old and busted: razor blades in Halloween candy. New hotness: marijuana in Halloween candy
|
 |
|
Mugshots you have to see again, and probably have many times already. Bonus: Fark's favorite paint huffer makes a special guest appearance
|
| |
|
Attention, this is the captain. We've just lost 60% of our potable water on this flight. But if you're thirsty, it's now coming through the ceiling in the main deck
|
| |
|
One in 10 Brits admits to getting their annual vacations off to a good start by having sex while waiting at the airport
|
| |
|
You know that whole "a single nurse wasn't following protocol" thing? Yeah, well about that
|
 |
|
Glastonbury Festival bans Native American headdresses. Village People appearance in jeopardy
|
| |
|
Kentucky elementary school bans birthday cakes, since 17 candles on a 5th grader's cake is considered a fire hazard
|
 |
|
Ebola killed the 'professional courtesy' culture of cover-up in nursing now that one of them is on the verge of dying. With any luck, cops and lawyers will soon follow
|
 |
|
Conservationist wears a cat for a hat, how about that
|
 |
|
Rabbi accused of filming women showering at synagogue, says he was just trying to keep an eye on things and make sure they were kosher
|
| |
|
Our love has made us inseparable. Wait, we actually are inseparable. Aaagghh
|
| |
|
It's hard to repair your image if you get charged with choking a heckler to death while wearing clown makeup, even if you are eventually acquitted
|
 |
|
Ah, kids. Clean cut. Asking strangers for directions. Playing the "Knock-Out" game
|
| |
|
Photoshop this moonlit lighthouse
|
 |
|
"We live in an age of artisanal everything. From craft beers to fancy cheeses, there's nary a food on the market that hasn't been spun through the quality-over-quantity movement. The latest edible: Heirloom popcorn"
|
| |
|
Atheist has a "Coming from Jesus" moment worth $2 million
|
 |
|
There are ways to establish your street cred as a rapper, but being known as 'The alleged flamingo bandit' isn't on that list
|
 |
|
If you want to piss off people living in a gated community, just spray paint the words, "Ebola quarantine zone" in big letters on a wall surrounding their homes. "For somebody to do that, it goes beyond vandalism"
|
| |
|
Attention dictators: If you're finding it tough to locate the kind of torture devices you need to effectively do your job, here's good news-- Alibaba is a great place to shop
|
| |
|
Texas two-step
|
| |
|
Stand Your Ground doesn't apply to victims of domestic violence. Why? Because fark you that's why
|
 |
|
Documentary filmmaker comes clean about what it was like being stuck with Edward Snowden in a hotel room for eight days. Also, Snowden suffers from bedhead like the rest of us
|
 |
|
Walmart + Stuffed Horse + Ejaculate = Florida, of course
|
| |
|
"Thanks to our ankle monitor technology we always have the exact location of the dangerous Islamist we caught. Right now for example he is in *checks laptop*...Syria? Dammit"
|
 |
|
An all Mac & Cheese restaurant? Shut up and take my money
|
| Tue October 14, 2014 |
| |
|
The secret behind the JFK "Umbrella Man." It's cool, but not as cool as you're hoping
|
| |
|
Some people just have a hard time letting go of their fallen soldiers, take for instant this French soldier's bedroom from WWI that hasn't changed for 96 years
|
 |
|
"Drunken zombie Santa wakes in strangers' St. Paul home, police say"
|
| |
|
Apple and Facebook offer female employees $20,000 to put their ovaries on hold
|
 |
|
Researchers discover that weather phobia is a thing, a big swirling thing of wind and rain, filled with roof tiles, tree branches, farm animals, and, in general, going to get 1 in 10 Americans
|
| |
|
Hold still and smile. There's no reason to dreads this week's Mugshot Roundup
|
 |
|
Old News: Americans don't work out enough. New News: We work out too much
|
 |
|
Burger joint owner tells female reporter "I'd love to see my meat in your mouth" and lives to laugh about it. (VIDEO)
|
 |
|
Oregon's first lady adds green farm scandal on top of green card scandal
|
| |
|
Photoshop theme: Before and after. Difficulty: 20th Century to 21st Century
|
| |
|
Kurd Kobane rises from the ashes
|
| |
|
Meet the man who has the most severe case of autoeroticism ever
|
 |
|
Polar bear breaks into Alaskan home. No word on the quality of porridge, chairs, or beds
|
 |
|
Heads up people: 'aggressive mopping' is apparently illegal in Connecticut
|
| |
|
"And if you look out the left-hand window, you'll see crashing cars, screaming people and fire"
|
| |
|
Catholic Bishops move back and to the right
|
 |
|
Boston certified Ebola-free, so if your ears are bleeding it's probably from the campaign ads
|
 |
|
Confident in his constituents' ignorance, Senator Mitch McConnell (R) calls for the full repeal of Obamacare, while vowing to keep the Kentucky Healthcare Exchange because it's been so amazing for the people in his state
|
| |
|
A terrifying look behind the curtain at the dark, long-hidden secrets that envelop the production of NPR's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." Possibly not safe for work
|
| |
|
This is what you would call a BFS: A storm that reaches from coast to coast. That is, from the coast of Spain to the coast of Canada, filling the entire north Atlantic basin. HFS
|
 |
|
Photoshop this family of bears
|
 |
|
Don't you hate it when you lock yourself out of your apartment when you're drunk? And naked? And the cops show up?
|
 |
|
Seven senior citizens come and go at orgy
|
| |
|
102 years ago today - Teddy Roosevelt (Bull Moose-NY) gets shot in the chest, shrugs off the wound, gives an hour-long speech, then swims to Africa to strangle a wildebeest bare-handed. But remember, voting for a third-party candidate is a waste
|
| |
|
Ten jobs alcoholics shouldn't do: Number one - An anesthesiologist on a maternity ward
|
 |
|
The real problem with Ebola? Whiny Americans and cable news
|
| |
|
Don't worry everyone, we've found the real reason why the United States was so unprepared for the Ebola outbreak: Fat lesbians
|
 |
|
When you rob women of their cell phones you might want to make sure that you don't take any pictures before checking to see if they are automatically uploaded to the owner's account. Especially posing with the weapons you used in the robbery
|
 |
|
Airline blames state for tourists being too dumb to find its airport
|
| |
|
Are vegetables the new bacon? asked a stupid person
|
 |
|
It's official: Florida state attorneys are free to call you a crack ho on Facebook
|
| |
|
Don't you hate when you nod off drinking, someone startles and wakes you, so you naturally accelerate into a squad car? Like you've never done it
|
 |
|
Now here's a petition that every patriotic American can get behind: replacing Columbus Day with Federal Election Day
|
| |
|
Base jumpers drop in on a rooftop pool party from the Kuala Lumpur 1200-ft tower. Now THAT is how you arrive at a party
|
| |
|
Mob mauls man's meat
|
| |
|
Giant supermarket would like you to know that just because it stopped labeling meat according to quality recently doesn't mean you're suddenly getting extra quantities of horse, dog, or rat in your steak. Well, not much more extra, anyway
|
 |
|
"No. Just no"
|
 |
|
If you're going to attempt armed robbery, try not to do it outside of a jailhouse. Or in view of the jail security cameras
|
| |
|
Ted Williams, the former radio guy turned homeless panhandling addict turned Internet success story, has burned through all his money & is on the verge of financial ruin. Damn you, Internet
|
| |
|
CDC survey trailers parked behind a mall to host a National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey send rumor mill into overdrive. Reporter tries to set the facts straight, but irony doesn't penetrate tinfoil hats
|
 |
|
Don't you hate it when you fall down a glacier and crawl to some homes for help but nobody comes out so you limp to the highway and nobody will stop for you so then you hobble into a bar but they think you're homeless
|
 |
|
Stunningly brazen thieves steal precious steamroller parts in a "military style attack." In related news, some steamroller parts are "precious"
|
 |
|
Couple discovers builders constructed their beautiful, ocean-view, $680k house exactly as they envisioned it. But on the wrong lot
|
| |
|
How do you know you're going out in style? New company offers funerals so big air traffic control has to send out an aviation notice
|
| |
|
Thief throws dagger at homeowner. DOBBY, NO
|
| |
|
Aside from the panic of passengers, ever wonder how to tell if your plane suddenly has a blown air duct?
|
| |
|
"Dear Prudence: My teenage son won't stop masturbating; in his bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen, the penalty box during a hockey game--I keep yelling at him but he keeps going at it. How can I curtail his self-love?"
|
| |
|
A visit to a doomsday prepper camp in North Carolina, a four-day session on surviving super viruses, natural disasters, socioeconomic collapse, world war, and Obama, one would assume
|
| |
|
Photoshop Contest, UK Edition: Photoshop David Cameron watching David Cameron
|
 |
|
Actual headline: Police hunt transvestite robber, feces-smeared partner
|
| |
|
If you're stressed out over Ebola, don't look up enterovirus 68, whooping cough, or pneumonia
|
 |
|
CONFIRMED: Kim Jong Un-dead
|
| |
|
Dr. Nancy Snyderman's ebola quarantine has gone from "voluntary" to "mandatory" after she is spotted at a restaurant
|
| |
|
Earthquake in Central A-mer-i-ca, damage in Central A-mer-i-ca, one dead in Central A-mer-i-ca
|
 |
|
Rob a Dollar General store and get away with a whopping $22? That's life in prison
|
 |
|
Best brother ever shares his $1 million lottery winnings with his brother after making a promise to share any winnings when they were kids. "Sure, I could have headed for Costa Rica, but I kept my promise"
|
| |
|
Would you sell your cat along with your house if the buyer offered you an extra $140,000?
|
 |
|
Deer population on Staten Island (NY) goes from 24 to 800 in just six years. Politicians now hoping to come up with a game plan
|
| |
|
Nurse loses patience, patients
|
| |
|
Not content with digging up just Richard III, British archaeologists turn their sights on Harold II, who may or may not have been killed at Hastings
|
| |
|
Millennials are re-shaping how charity and online giving work. That's gotta be worth some kind of trophy, right?
|
| |
|
ISIS may be using chemical weapons against the Kurds. And just where did ISIS get these chemical weapons? You guessed it, _________________
|
| Mon October 13, 2014 |
| |
|
Gallant shotguns his wine. Goofus brandishes a shotgun over his stolen wine
|
| |
|
If you lose your false teeth in the toilet just let 'em go, man, they're gone
|
 |
|
Talking parrot missing for 4 years found, now speaks Spanish. "Polly quiere una galleta"
|
 |
|
How to reduce your odds of being given a ticket during a traffic stop. Whining, cringing and sniveling not on list, but subby's not ashamed to admit to them
|
| |
|
Kim Jong Un comes out of his hole and sees his shadow. That means twenty more years of dictatorship
|
| |
|
*It's probably dumb to expect a little more maturity out of people who would allegedly beat up someone for a cellphone, and yet here we are
|
 |
|
If University of Kansas Hospital was your pick for 'Next Possible Ebola Patient in Isolation,' step up and claim your prize
|
 |
|
Elderly couple says the guy who broke into their home and lived there while they were on vacation did a really nice job taking care of the place. "I would happily put him up in the cellar as our butler"
|
| |
|
Fox News' Dr. Manny Alvarez calls for the CDC chief to resign over Ebola. And if you can't trust a Fox News doctor, whom can you trust?
|
| |
|
Photoshop this river surfer
|
 |
|
"The Cat Man From Kyushu" wheels nine Himalayan and chinchilla cats in a stroller around Tokyo streets, doesn't care what you think because he's retired, hopes you follow him on Facebook and Twitter
|
 |
|
Lots of people go all out decorating their homes for Christmas, so what's the big deal when they do so for Halloween? Oh, it's the dead babies, isn't it?
|
| |
|
If you've always equated "fire-breathing" with "unnecessarily and insanely dangerous," Ohio lady just proved you right
|
 |
|
Not News: Disgruntled employee steals company vehicle. Fark: It's a freight train
|
| |
|
Woman lives with her husband's dead corpse for nine months to fulfill his wish of letting birds eat his body: "So he wanted me to open the door so the birds could come in but the birds only got as far as the air conditioner,"
|
 |
|
McDonald's unveils new campaign to address rumors about pink slime and other nastiness. "Are your ingredients 100% pure?" McDonald's: "'Pure' is a word that means different things to different people"
|
| |
|
Ebola vaccine made in Canada to begin human trials today - side effects include dizziness, sweating, excessive apologizing
|
| |
|
You know your dad is a real prick when he gives away the family dog to strangers on Craigslist
|
| |
|
Photoshop this steal of a deal before the offer expires
|
 |
|
"Would you like to see my special endoscope?"
|
| |
|
Vatican: Gays bring ''gifts and qualities" to the Catholic table and are welcome to bring their own green bean casserole too
|
| |
|
It's 2014 and perverts still haven't figured out you don't take your 35mm film to the local drugstore to get developed, no matter how artistic you think the pictures might be
|
| |
|
Scared of Ebola? Wait until you get the bill for surviving Ebola
|
 |
|
Old and busted: Hacking ATMs. New Hotness: Pumping them full of gasoline and blowing them up
|
 |
|
School bus bursts into flames. Children immediately notify Facebook, Twitter, then parents (Video)
|
| |
|
The ten types of Japanese men, as categorized by Japanese women. Asparagus bacon roll type men "are exactly what they sound like: meat on the outside, all veggie in the middle"
|
 |
|
When you jack a semi, you might want to find out what's in it first. What exactly does one do with 18 tons of Crisco?
|
 |
|
"Big Beer" caves under intense pressure, will not fight state representatives who want to loosen restrictions so craft brewers can have some measure of success. In other news, Big Beer is a thing
|
| |
|
Fark NotNewsletter #8: Yes, This is Still a Thing
|
 |
|
Aww that's sweet- Wait they went with THAT headline? (Warning: autoplay video)
|
 |
|
Julian Assange set to release a Wikileaks clothing line from the Ecuadorian embassy he's been hiding in
|
| |
|
113-year-old Minnesota woman forced to lie about her age to get Facebook account
|
| |
|
Ok, yes we shortened the yellow light times to less than 3 seconds so we could write more tickets. We'll stop doing that now, and thanks for the $8 million in collected fines
|
| |
|
A secret cache of UFO photos, hidden away for 50 years, has surfaced and been published to YouTube. Put on a tinfoil hat and have a look at these pictures of what look like tinfoil hats flying through the air of a simpler time and place
|
| |
|
Can your moles tell your fortune? A Daily Mail very special investigation
|
| |
|
You're doing your family a favor if you can avoid giving birth to your child in Alabama or Louisiana
|
 |
|
To battle obesity, an elementary school bans all food at birthday parties
|
 |
|
Lousiana to Texas: Ne laissez pas l'ebola rouleau
|
| |
|
CDC says they know that Texas nurse got Ebola through a protocol breach. They don't know which one, or how it happened. But is has to be a protocol breach. Otherwise, we are all dead
|
| |
|
Today's Fark-ready headline: Psychologist says Pistorius is 'broken man'
|
| |
|
Columnist believes Columbus Day should be rebooted, perhaps with more explosions, lens flare, and maybe a Gungan or two
|
| | | |
