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| Sun August 31, 2014 |
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Hell's Angels complain that police in Calgary are picking on them all the time
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Howard Buffett says he bought the Rosa Parks memorabilia collection for $4.5 million because "his mother would have wanted it"
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Looks like ISIS is about to get some... *puts on sunglasses*... Kurds in their way
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Petite 32-year-old mother-of-one hadn't touched a weight until two years ago, but now she can do 70 kg squats, lift a 35 kg log, and is set to compete in final for England's Strongwoman Championships (w/pics)
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Starting a bar fight when you're drunk is bad enough, but threatening to kidnap an American and behead him once you're released from jail is not going to help your case
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Designer thinks the ghost of John Belushi still hovers over her store. Over? Did you say, 'over?'
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Raju, the elephant that cried when he was freed from chains he had worn for 50 years might be chained back up as his original owners who used him to beg for money are going to court to try and win him back saying he is their 'rightful property'
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From the creators of the smash hit "Benghazi" comes the gripping sequel: "Tripoli"
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Photoshop this blooming closeup
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Canada banning Citronella based insect repellants because it killed some lab rats when they drank it. DEET on the rocks still an acceptable, and might I add delicious, summer beverage. BOTTOMS UP... *twitch*
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Sandy girl died doing what she loved
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More free cash handouts for cash strapped and unemployed Rhode Islanders
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Hong Kong is totally a democracy, but the People's Republic of China wants you to remember that they pick the candidates. Now go vote
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Not news: 5-year-old girl is sent home from school. News: With severe bruising and swelling on her face that she said was caused by other kindergarteners beating her up. Fark: The school denies it and won't investigate (with horrifying injury pics)
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City council of Council Bluffs, Iowa excited to be "one step closer" to getting a big Dick's
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The racism of modern medicine
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Putin demands substantive, meaningful talks in order to give southeastern Ukraine statehood. The Ukraine? The Ukraine is weak. UKRAINE IS GAME TO YOU?
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California men fighting federal government over ownership of a rare aluminum penny issued in 1974 by the US Mint; the penny is valued at $250,000
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Video footage shows beautiful wedding aboard a Nile felucca in what is the first documented gay marriage in Egypt. Other than the guy who supports gay rights but suggests killing them, local social media seems supportive
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Scholars don't think there was a real life Jesus Christ. Well God damn
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"The most powerful distributor of news in the world is not News Corp or the New York Times. It is an algorithm governing how items are displayed to the billion active users on Facebook.' Well, and Fark.com
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Photoshop this man out of the blue
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You're not going to believe this, but when you allow child care providers to self-certify, lots of kids end up dead
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Bandit fails to get any money in two attempted robberies. Smokey still promises to catch that sumbiatch
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President Obama takes a few hours away from his busy schedule golfing and destroying America to attend the wedding of his personal chef, which is expected to cost taxpayers billions
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Disney knows that ice cream cones melt. So what about bacon macaroni and cheese cones?
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When does a $5 toll cost $30? When you drive a rental car
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Farker is getting a new male pug puppy today. Help me pick a name. Food related are best (my other pugs are Twinkie and Egg Roll) all are welcome
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10 American children try Vegemite for the first time, immediately swear to exact revenge upon Australia
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A 52-year-old New Jersey man is suing Grindr after being arrested for having sex with a 13-year-old boy he met using the app. Claims it was Grindr's responsibility to verify the boy's age considering you have to be 18 to use the app
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The violence of summer continues unabated in Chiraq, with twenty wounded in shootings and two dead from gunshots. Clearly, the only solution is even tougher gun control laws--and bigger prison sentences
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An abortion provider speaks out about the stigma of her job, the constant fear of violent protestors, and what it was like "coming out" and admitting her profession
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The US is helping the Kurds fight against Islamic extremists. Good. But a few years back we were helping Turkey kill Kurdish rebels. Good. Turkey is a trusted friend. Maybe. Welcome to the twisted world of foreign policy
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Not news: cops accused of racism. Fark: in Indonesia, for getting KFC for two American idiots accused of murder when said idiots complained about regular food
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Woman survives camel tow accident
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Here's your map of Boston color coded to show best scavenging opportunities on student moving day
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Harry Houdini: Escape artist, magician, and secret spy for the British Secret Service
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Rescued dog in Hiroshima becomes rescue dog in Hiroshima. "An dog abandoned by people is now rescuing them. It is a proof that Yumenosuke deserves to live"
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Sorry, ma'am, I just happened to drop these shoes right under your skirt. Don't mind me picking them up with my camera running
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33-year-old slice of Princess Diana's wedding cake auctioned to highest bidder, Jacopo Peterman
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Cab company Uber must be stopped by any means necessary. It is the true embodiment of unrestrained hypercapitalism. And together, we can destroy it
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Utah teacher has four sets of twins in class, is still working on labellng the evil ones
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Subby's voices tell him to drink beer with his cat and that Drew Curtis is around every corner wanting to borrow five dollars
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The crisp air of the oncoming Autumn in Vermont brings the DUI, Attempted Burglary, Theft of a School Bus, Possession of Narcotics and other charges
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Judge warns attorney to never dress like a Harry Potter character again, says he is the only person allowed to wear an absurd robe and wig in his courtroom
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this worker beaming with pride on a box well carried
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Last surviving Hindenburg crew member dies at 92. He was able to jump out of a cloth supply hatch onto the ground below. The Knot seams saved him
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Not news: Man has a heart attack on a Southwest Airlines flight. News: The flight attendant refused to use a defibrillator on him. Fark: When asked why the attendant wouldn't use the defibrillator on the man she said 'Because his chest is too hairy'
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Nothing like those dog days of summer, high on meth, burglarizing a home and cooling down by splashing toilet water on your face. (With mugshot goodness)
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A question only one state can answer: If you drink more after a crash, can you avoid a DUI?
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A bright, vivid pink gun gets a known gang leader a lengthy federal prison sentence
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Stunning satellite images show the Arctic ice cap is growing, and Al Gore is actually living as a snow-encrusted man in his vast private ice kingdom, with his own freeze-ray and a diet of nothing but polar bear meat and icicles
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A 93 year-old woman is preparing to skydive for the first time, because "she has nothing to lose"
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Porn, drugs, prostitution, and cosmetic surgery is rampant in A) Hollywood B) Las Vegas C) Iran
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Paul McCartney tells Scotland "You can't do that" in terms of voting for their independence from Britain
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Flash mob overtakes mall with a performance dedicated to one of the most boring books in history, which details the exhaustive life of a French terrorist and thief who absconds with a loaf of bread, tormenting the heroic cop who chases him
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Move over, thyroid problem. There's a new excuse for being fat
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| Sat August 30, 2014 |
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Thank you for choosing Disneyland Paris, your stay will cost $7500. Oh, you need a fridge to store your terminally ill child's medicine? That will be $56,000. Wait, you contacted the press? The fridge will be free
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Missing Plane News Network loses another cabin crew member
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Dog turns on stove, sets laptop on fire -- according to cat
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It's all fun and games 'til you take a $200,000 Lamborghini for a test drive
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Neighbor secretly takes pictures of firefighters doing something other than their jobs, shares it on Facebook and now suddenly the firefighters are heroes
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Interview with teen who was assaulted by his family during their "pray the gay away" intervention. He says that he's going to donate some of the almost $90k raised for him to gay youth groups
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this dramatic drapery
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Some celebrity's $3,000,000 custom built ride just arrived in San Diego. Subby is guessing it's Bieber's due to the subtle, understated paint job
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Group of fundamentalist Jews forced to leave Guatemalan village, just as they were forced to leave Canada. And by forced they mean "over stayed their welcome by acting like religious fundamentalists"
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Fort Hood shooter Nadal Hasan has written a letter to ISIS asking that he be made a citizen of the Islamic State. That means we can drone strike him now, right?
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Sure is dusty in southern California
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40 hour long armed standoff with police ends with suspect giving himself up and being sent to hospital for evaluation. I guess Canadian police are all out of SWAT gear and surplus military vehicles
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Snapchat doesn't embarrass people. People embarrass people
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Meet the delightfully named Cameo Crispi who, when arrested, blew a .346. After trying to burn her ex-boyfriend's house down. With bacon
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World's saddest cat needs a new home
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Photoshop this lemons-to-lemonade street challenge
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99-pack beers sell out in one day
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The ice bucket challenge is as stupid as the celebrities trying to get some press off of it. That said, Stephen Hawking rocks it...and doesn't even electrocute himself
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Boston Marathon bombing survivor marries the nurse that brought him back to health. "She hates when I say this, but I'm actually glad I got blown up... I got her"
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We've all had the roommate from hell, but has that roommate ever stolen your girlfriend's car, went on a joyride, then lied to police about it?
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Apparently you can evict anybody in GA without proof that you actually own the home. Excuse me, I have to go evict Ted Turner
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Remember all the concern about just how devastating a Yellowstone super-volcano eruption would be? Well, about that
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After the truth of its origins were exposed in a recent article, Templeton Rye will now disclose the fact that it's distilled in Indiana, not Iowa, on its label. Let's see if other "craft" whiskey producers follow
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World's most grateful refugees riot over boring Italian food
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Scammer convicted of crashing million-dollar Bugatti for the insurance money after he forgets people like to gawk and film million-dollar supercars
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&%#$@ BINGO, a**hole
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Not news: International conservative Christian conference takes place in right-wing evangelical church. News: After five previous venues had withdrawn their services. Fark: Including two Catholic churches. Tag is for the conference organisers
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Photoshop this rope jumping
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Are traffic camera$ being mi$u$ed for $ome unknown purpo$e?
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Ex-US Navy officer who spied for Soviets goes on final mission
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Texas opens first 4D rollercoaster where the seats spin independently of the car, making throwing up on yourself rather than the person behind you easier
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New Jersey man flees from cops at traffic stop, leaving behind his (A) car (B) marijuana (C) infant daughter (D) all of the above
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Attention Millennials: One of the reasons why you're drowning in debt is because you think it makes sound financial sense to purchase cheap items like gum with a credit card
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Zen cat with a tiny frog on its head will help you find your inner peace on Caturday. OM
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Google slow-walks subpoena of account information in murder case. Fark: by claiming their search tools can't find it
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There's a reason why the traveling lumberjack show is so popular. "Everyone can relate to cutting a piece of wood"
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It took 90 minutes before firefighters could extinguish the flames on a burning yacht. If only they had a seemingly unlimited supply of water at their disposal
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If an electric car and a bicycle had drunken sex together and spawned an offspring, it would be the Twike
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Yogi: "Hey Boo-Boo, looks like Ranger Smith is taking a nap". Boo-Boo: "No Yogi, he's just passed out drunk"
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It's a lovely Friday, you're still (mostly) sober, and you're dreaming about the weekend. Must be time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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Pizza Hut, in a desperate attempt to stay relevant, is now stuffing their crust with bacon and cheese
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Ten-year-old decides workman drilling outside building 80ft above the ground is making too much noise, cuts his harness
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| (Some Guy) |
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1. Issue traffic ticket to innocent drivers who will fight the cases. 2. List your buddy officer as a witness, even though he was not there. 3. Let him do it too. 4. Wait for prosecutors to subpoena you both to trials. 5. Voila! Overtime profit
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The 75th Annual DragonCon Fark Party - Saturday, August 30, 1pm at Big Kahuna, Atlanta, GA
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Cricket star spared from driving ban due to hardship since he needs to drive a fish & chips van around Northern Ireland for a TV show. Apparently they think driving a cooking fat powered fish & chips van around Northern Ireland is punishment enough
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| Fri August 29, 2014 |
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Fingerprints on Legos help police solve a two-decade cold case
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Six of the weirdest ways to stop your bike getting stolen include guard dogs, bendy frames and replacing the seat with a dildo (pics)
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Killed a cyclist while driving and texting? That's manslaughter - unless you're a cop, then it's completely legal
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During the War of 1812, the British stole a painting of King George III from Washington but we stole a painted wooden lion from Toronto, so it was a bit of a wash
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Is it possible to overdose on coffee? Here comes the decaffeinated science
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One does not simply walk into Prescott, and pee on a Bible
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Coming soon to Florida restaurant menus: Manatee
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Leader of the Christian homeschooling movement thinks that the Duggars and other adherents of the "Christian patriarchy" and "Quiverfull" movements are "truly dangerous" religious extremists." The Pot also had some choice words for the Kettle
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Robber jumps from hotel window while fleeing from police, winds up on USC injury report
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Mayor orders man removed after not standing for Pledge of Allegiance. So much for freedom of choice
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Photoshop this Papal Blessing
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"I would like to thank you for solving a 10-year family mystery as to who stole the hot dog"
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Police force's longest serving dog set to retire. With pic of dog that, frankly, does not look very long
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Nebraska Cornshucker coach calls marijuana use "out of control". OUT OF CONTROL
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Letting your kids play with uzis is a wholesome activity, but letting them walk to the playground by themselves will get them taken away by the state, you negligent monster
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Still don't believe that vaccines cause autism? What if I told you that Rob Schneider's secret letters to the CDC just became public, what then?
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Your gross-out for the day ... a box of giant millipedes found at airport
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Mailman calls cops on three meth cooks fending off imaginary home invaders with real firearms, a toilet, and a sink
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Hospitals in England advised to provide better meals, such as fish and tap water. Warning: contains pictures of actual hospital food
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Chelsea Clinton leaving her job doing, um, something at NBC News
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UK formally raises the terror alert level from "ere' wot's all this then?" to "oh bloody hell"
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You're kind of a dick if you do the ice bucket challenge on your unsuspecting 10-month-old granddaughter
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It's always thoughtful to walk someone's dog when they're not able to do so, especially if that's because you just murdered them and set their corpse on fire
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Couple busted for stealing sex toys from Walmart. Sex toys. Walmart. Let those images marinate in your mind for a bit
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Privileged white guys on Fox News agree that there's no such thing as white privilege
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Officer who told people in Ferguson he would "farking kill" them and to "go fark yourself" is now out of a farking job
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Latin America, to California and Texas: "You think that's a drought? I'LL SHOW YOU A DROUGHT"
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Photoshop finefood
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CEO of a stadium concessions company who was caught on tape repeatedly kicking a puppy in an elevator is writing a $100K check to an abused animal fund. So, like, it's all good now and you can go back to buying his $12 beers, okay?
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Cliven Bundy's son continues his family's fight against tyranny by pulling all five of his children from local public schools because the tyrannical bureaucrats who run them had the temerity to say his kids couldn't carry knives at school
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ISIS may have learned a thing or two from the CIA. Thanks guys
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Pennsylvania woman calls police about streetlight. Responding officer confirms she was indeed seeing a streetlight
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There's a reason why only a handful of people have ever stepped foot on Brazil's Snake Island
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Today's forecast calls for a mostly sunny morning followed by swarms of locusts
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Tomorrow is World Bacon Day, and every bacon sammich you eat takes one hour off your life. Fortunately, all those hours come off the end, so eat up
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So Canada was all like 'Hey Russia, you suck' and then Russia was all like 'No YOU suck, Canada.' Then it was all, like, world war three
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Planning on skewering some vegetables for the grill this weekend? You're doing it wrong
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No school today at Richard Henry Lee Elementary due to cat
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It starts off as a suburban development, then: "The company dug a test pit and found that after a half century or more underground, the animal remains have formed a gelatinous goo under a thick layer of dirt, Wand said"
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British justice shows its teeth by allowing the Moriarty of bicycle thefts to skip curfew so he can walk his dog and go on holiday and stuff
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In today's 'news we should be terrified about': Isis planned to release the bubonic plague on everyone
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Fun: Family day at your parent's job. AWESOME: Your parent works on an aircraft carrier, and you get to see F/A-18s break the sound barrier (pics)
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If Farkers were prairie dogs
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Coalition calls for porn production to halt in the wake of a pornstar being diagnosed with HIV. Pornstars still performing are encouraged to either take precautions or beat it
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International flights being diverted because of a volcanic eruption in PNG. Status of JPG uncertain
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Ohio State University marching band denied licenses to play popular music at halftime due to "sexualized culture"
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Come shop at Goodwill for great prices on used golf clubs, women's shoes, human skulls
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Remember the old man angry about neighbor kid's lemonade stand? Life has handed him some lemons since then
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Airlines wonder why passengers are so upset after long delays, lost luggage, and legroom fit only for quadruple amputees
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Chilean Navy sailor announces he likes Seamen
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Reporter: So why's my son's medicine $15 sometimes and $30 other times? CVS: Beats us, ask the insurance company. Insurance company: Farked if we know. Federal government, throwing 30,000 pages of regulations on the table: Oh hai - we gots this
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Police: Our officer was not accidentally shot by his partner when he killed a check forger in a bank drive thru. Court documents, hospital records, radio calls: "I've been shot"
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Stripper: "Sorry police I have to go to work in order to feed my daughter, I don't have time to find her. I can't talk anymore"
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Deputy re-enacts popular scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark
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Parking violator crushes officer's hand while trying to dodge the boot. Bystanders say they haven't seen such egregious boot dodging since a young American child made a fool of Australia's Prime Minister
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Missouri duo takes selfie with friend's corpse, say they want credit for creating the 'Deadie'
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Okay, so Walking While Black is no good, and Driving While Black is right out. How about just sitting? Is Sitting While Bla- BZZZZZZT
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ISIS is supposedly threatening to kill the Pope, forgetting that the last time Catholics got pissed at Muslims it pretty much sucked for everybody
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Ferguson police sued for $40M for violating citizens' civil rights, or, to put it in terms they understand, the cost of about 60 new mine-resistant armored vehicles
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Photoshop this dynamic duo
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Connecticut dethrones NYC for the best pizza in America. A white clam pie? Yes, give pizza chance
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Cop wanted on murder, arson, and kidnapping charges 'relieved from duty,' according to his Bad Lieutenant
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Subby has never seen "The Notebook," but I'm sure as hell that it wouldn't inspire me to have sex with my half sister after watching it. In a parking lot. For the third time
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Oh, what's that? You're drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks? Well, I'm drinking a Pumpkin Crème Brûlée Latte from Dunkin' Donuts
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Mother arrested for child neglect after a teacher asked the smelliest boy in the classroom when he last took a bath and his response was "I don't remember"
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Owner of world's largest turban claims it weighs 100lb and measures 2,115ft when unwrapped. Sounds like a real pain in the neck
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Need an extra $1,000 a month? All you need to do is pick up the corpses of Ebola victims
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| Thu August 28, 2014 |
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Syrian Jihadists are about to feel the sweet, sweet remorse of taking a border crossing with Israel
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ALSA trying to trademark the Ice Bucket Challenge. The Susan G. Komen foundation nods with approval
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Knee Defender sales surge on news that Knee Defender triggers air rage
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Teacher tweets that she wants to "stab some kids. Is that bad?" Should I not have done that?
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"Florida Youth Pastor..." You can stop reading right there
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Youth swim instructor arrested after allowing a pill to drown in a woman's drink
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Woman dies at Burning Man after being run over by a large "art car." Surprisingly enough, for a festival that features people playing with fire and takes place in a desert, it is the first fatality in the festival's 28-year history
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If you eat almonds, then you're a terrible person
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Used car salesman's latest promotion: Selling black market temporary tags so you never have to pay registration fees or vehicle taxes
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Photoshop this happy bee
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Hurricane Cristobal likely to spew sunshine and rainbows over England, but destroy Scotland a little
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Millennials are living the dream
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ISIS says it's burning marijuana fields in Syria. Plans to burn a little at a time until it's all gone
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Visiting Louisiana? Don't drink the water
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"Ahoy there, do you require rescue?" "Naw, I'm good, my boat's just taking on a little water." "I don't think that's a boat." "'Course it is, it's the USS Nissan Sentra"
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Passengers push train off of trapped school girl, this time in Dublin. Train-pushing trifecta in play
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That awkward moment when your cellmate overdoses on your underwear
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Let's turn the tables. If you're helping someone learn how to cook- what are important initial lessons? Do you focus on the ingredients? Knife skills? Cookware/utensils? Help other Farkers guide future cooks as they get their start
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The Russians have crossed the Finnish line
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| (Some Guy) |
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What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A bane on the economy and social injustice for low-income people
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People in Iowa apparently use landlines and incur long distance fees
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Photoshop this hungry, hungry hippo
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The government wants to buy 12 acres of marijuana, presumably to help congress mellow out and get some work done
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Pakistan's opposition leader Khan looking isolated as crisis reaches crossroads, has so far heeded calls not to enter the Mutara Nebula
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| (Some Guy) |
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Arkansas pizzeria under fire after "church bulletin discount" stokes religious fires and raises important issues like where they hell can you find edible pizza in Arkansas?
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You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and and endless supply of expendable labor
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Jiff the Pomeranian is the fastest bipedal canine in the world, also the creepiest when dressed in doll clothes
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Whø færted?
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Hungry Hungry Hippos doesn't work out so well in real life
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Police dog pours one for Michael Brown
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Homeland Security dept. clears own agent of threatening boy scout after "exhaustive investigation" which did not include talking to the victim or witnesses
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God Loves Sex
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US second quarter GDP revised up to 4.2% on news all those no benefits, part-time only jobs being created are working
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Women steal two Rolexes worth over $16K from Vegas tourists, using sex to distract them while they hid the watches. One used her purse while the other just snatch'd it
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Panda accused of faking pregnancy, claims it was just auditioning for a TLC reality show
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45 people in Utah learn the hard way why pasteurization is a thing
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Schrödinger's Soprano
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The UN would like to outlaw any robots in the T, ED or HAL series
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Human trials of the Ebola vaccine will start next week. Two weeks after the vaccine was used on American victims
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Al Qaeda magazine hints at upcoming attack on the US, reveals the top 10 sexiest #2 men in the organization
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My grandfather went to war, fought at Normandy and helped liberate Paris, and all I got was a box full of early photographs of Hitler. Wait. What?
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After extensive research, Cambridge University classifies dog as "very large cat"
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Old and busted: "These are not Russian soldiers in Ukraine." New hotness: "This is what Russian soldiers like to do with their vacation time, fight in the Ukraine, and Moscow is not responsible for it"
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Pabst mansion sells for $4.8 million, is described as tasteless and only ironically appreciated by hipsters
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Nine-year-old girl shot in back with arrow, removes it herself and suffers no serious injuries. Father, wearing horn-rimmed glasses, has no comment
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"I studied engineering, not English. I still can't find a job." Maybe you just suck?
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Smoking hot septuagenarian siren's youthful looks are a wonder to everyone except her plastic surgeons
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Man dressed as Batman spotted speeding down a Japanese freeway on a Batcycle - he's the hero Tokyo deserves
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If you're going to take part in the Ice Bucket Challenge make sure there are no cannabis plants in the background (especially if you're a politician)
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When it's raining chairs and beer bottles from a 16th floor balcony, it should surprise no one when the culprit turns out to be a naked man on a cocaine binge
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Federal lawsuit claims zoning codes are discriminatory if applied to religious groups. Subby plans to open faith-based oil refinery in upscale residential neighborhood
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If you're going to dump a corpse in a driveway in a neighboring town, do not take a picture of yourself with it and post it on Facebook
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Chinese woman gives birth to 14 pound baby. Doctors eagerly await to see who will walk first
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Photoshop theme: Famous zombies in history
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Our long national nightmare is over
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Deja BOOM. Explosion at BP in Whiting, IN, on 59th anniversary of refinery explosion that killed two and burned for eight days
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It's your child's first day of school and you have a decision to make: Do you want to send him off with a bowl of cheerios in his belly or do you want to make him the coolest pancake he has ever eaten?
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NRA sends thoughts and prayers to family of shooting instructor accidentally killed by kid on Monday. Just kidding, they actually promoted an article with seven ways kids can have fun at a shooting range
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Sister of Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev arrested in New York for-- wait for it-- threatening to bomb someone
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'In 45 years I have never seen anything like it. There must have been 5,000 wasps. It was a job to deal with it. I had to put all my protective gear on. At one stage there must have been 2,000 wasps buzzing around me.'
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Old and busted: Judges overturning gay marriage bans. New Hotness: Judges overturning polygamy bans
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 486: "These Hallowed Halls". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed August 27, 2014 |
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Couple, who have been married for 80 years, say the secret is to "forgive and forget." Though these days it is mostly "forget"
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Scientists 'flip' bad memories into good ones in mice, which is kind of the exact opposite of what happened when you rolled over this morning and saw who you brought home from the bar last night
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Second tallest man in the world moves up to first
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If you are waiting on the delivery of a 70-ton turbine, it's gonna be a little late
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Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they kill your camera crew?
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Photoshop these happy jumpers
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Texas father charged with murdering the drunk driver who killed his two young sons. Verdict: The driver must have crashed into the bullet that killed him
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Fox News Host: Please, oh please, couldn't Putin rule the U.S., maybe for just a couple days?
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The entire solar system is sealed inside of a giant peanut according to scientists, who totally aren't high
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Maryland teacher placed on administrative leave and whisked away to undisclosed location by state police for writing two works of fiction
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Islamists beat moderates in the Middle East because they have better PR
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If you're fairly well off and need a new thrill in life now you can pay $950 to be professionally abducted
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| (Some Guy) |
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California declares waiting period for gun purchases unconstitutional
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Intel and Michael J. Fox team up to promote new wearable computers, help shake out all the bugs
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New stick for beating the "legalize it" dead horse: "The result was the THC reduced damage to the heart in all cases"
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10 things you didn't know you could do with beer because you were too busy drinking it
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Wet-n-wild worker now much more wet and much less wild
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What is the funniest or strangest car you've seen recently? Bonus for pictures
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World's most expensive hot dog costs more than $150, and it doesn't even contain any dog (pics)
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The article no Millennial wants to read: How one woman paid off $48,000 in debt in just three years. Difficulty: No whining was involved
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Archeologists find the only surviving wooden Roman toilet seat at a dig site in England after unearthing a small pot of olive oil and a copy of XXXVIII
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Right-wing American Christian group declares their opposition to same-sex marriage with 40-day fast, notes that it doesn't mean people taking part have to give up eating
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FCC is taking seriously the overwhelming number of f*cks that were given about net neutrality
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Photoshop this hi-tech collection
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This cannot be stressed enough: eating under a tree requires constant vigilance
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Get ready for 10 billion Hyperlapse videos in your social media feeds for the next few weeks
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A wooden hammock, just in case your chair doesn't have enough slats to sufficiently maim you
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Jon Stewart is back and wanted to talk about a little news item that many of us might have missed while he was on vacation; some unrest in a tiny hamlet called "Ferguson"
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56-year-old Indian woman who is a bigger badass than you've ever been kills a man-eating leopard that attacked her after a half-hour battle with the creature
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If you've ever seen a Hitachi Magic Wand and wondered what all the buzz is about, here's a little history lesson
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The recursive causality loop known as "procrastination." I'll read the article later
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Nigeria shutting down all schools until October in response to ebola. Kids now free to run and play together and have more contact with their communities for six more weeks
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Oregon tries to take ownership of mythical Springfield with new Simpsons mural
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Comcast hasn't even finished its acquisition of Time Warner, but that isn't stopping them from attempting to make it illegal to compete with Comcast
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Wonkblog: New study shows that white people rarely have non-white friends. Author of the study: no it doesn't
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According to Taco Bell, a "lifetime" of food will cost you a measly $10,000
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| (Some Guy) |
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Media filling space during the dog days of August by running stories asking, "Is *fill in blank here* ready for ebola?"
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Happy birthday to the world's oldest wombat, Fat Pat from Ballarat, or as the wallabies call him, "The 29 Year Old Virgin"
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ESPN's prurient interest in Sam's showering habits causes teammates to fire back "Everyone but you is over it"
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No, he
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One of the perils of refusing to have sex with the babysitter
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'Pairs well with music festivals, house parties, and riding through the clouds on the back of a mythological beast' Best ad for new cannabis drink on sale in US
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The tortoises that had iPads strapped to them are no longer on display
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Surprising no one, the guy who managed to set his head on fire doing the ice bucket challenge was waving a confederate flag
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"Town where entire population is made up of beautiful young women makes appeal for single men." You've been waiting for this your entire life (pics)
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Solo cups, beer pong and trash: University of Michigan student move-in has begun
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Important message to commuters: Trains will be running 20 to 30 minutes late this morning. Also, if you drive a car, please remember the tracks are for trains only
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"Economic data show that if Britain were to join the United States, it would be the second-poorest state, behind Alabama and Missouri and only just ahead of Mississippi"
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Lois Lane to become heroine for a new series of young adult novels designed to teach teens the finer points of scheming to try to get a husband, how to recognize people wearing glasses
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Not news: Sriracha plant to give factory tours to residents that tried to shut it down. Fark: To prove they're making hot sauce and not tear gas
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Putin: "And now for my next magical trick." An armored column appears out of nowhere
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Remember the good old days when you could swim at the beach and not worry about the sunscreen washing off your body and killing all the local marine animals?
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Now he's known around the world as the lead singer of KISS, but in the beginning Gene Simmons was just an unknown dude in weird makeup wagging his tongue at an uncomfortable audience on 'The Mike Douglas Show.'
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For driving while intoxicated purposes, an e-bike is a bike if you pedal it but a vehicle if you use the battery power as at least three people in one town learn in the last week
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Not news: The New Zealand Transport Agency says 2681 vehicles were registered last month. News: As ambulances. Fark: The two ambulance services in the area only have 705 registered ambulances among them
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The earthquakes and floods plaguing Siberia lately could be the result of complex geographically shifting and climate fluctuations. Or it could all be from the curse of a 2,500-year-old mummy
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What is this? An apocalypse for ants?
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Colombia frees "Popeye," a drug lord's hired killer who's confessed to 300 killings and involvement if 3000+ more. Never doubt the power of spinach, especially in government
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Today is National Burger Day, and to mark the day here are five burgers that went way too far, including the Ramen burger and the Ulti-Meatum (pics)
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The only thing that can make the song 'Happy' even happier is to perform it in sign language
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Man accused of carjacking scooter, complete loss of pride
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Couple seeks corporate sponsors for their wedding, will soon find out corporations give even less of a shiat about their wedding than the people they know
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London cyclists 'collide with 25% of guide dogs' working in the capital
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Serial aircraft stowaway turns out to have been a flight risk after all
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Virginia's staunchly anti-gay former governor, Bob McDonnell, is now living with a gay Catholic priest
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Man 'didn't want another body found in his house,' so he moved the newest dead body into a wooded area. To be fair, I have a one-a-year quota, as well
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Ice Bucket Challenger gets blown off feet by jet stream of slurry
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Spanish retailer pulls their line of children's striped pajamas with six-pointed yellow stars, decides maybe that "Treblinky" pacifier is a bad idea too
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this propeller positioning
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15-year-old tries to prove you can use a t-shirt to slide down a zip line. Myth, femur: BUSTED
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Apparently if the airlines lose your 85-year-old mother, she's worth a $200 travel voucher. Good to know
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World Bank warns of imminent Malthusian catastrophe
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Calculate the odds of dying if out of six chambers, one is loaded, and your buddy just tested one
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12 year old uses school-issued iPad to access erotica. Mom is somehow shocked
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And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he madeth into a esophagus and then he said thou shall not eat quarter sized batteries, okay?
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PetSmart up for adoption, the impressive sexual stamina of Neanderthals, and the dinosaur victim of a shooting crime: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/17 - 8/23
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The most American grill ever made is complete with two beer kegs, a perfect Mount Rushmore replica, and seating for eight Stone Cold Steve Austin fans
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Contractor testing alarm system at National Guard helicopter base accidentally sets off fire suppression system, fills hangar with 15' of foam which spreads to runway. Fark: Dust devil touches down and foamnado ensues (with video)
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Dude, it's like Colorado's pot brownies are now coming with instructions... to like... yeah to give you instructions on how to eat them and not get out of hand
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And the most hated car company in America is _______ (not GM)
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A pilot and his co-pilot have spotted a mysterious orange and red glow over the Pacific Ocean near the Russian peninsula of Kamchatka. "[It was] the creepiest thing so far in my flying career"
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New toilet paper rolls without the cardboard tube set to help the environment and disappoint crafty college stoners
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The WHO shut down Sierra Leone lab, voicing concerns about the epidemic creating a local teenage wasteland. A spokesman states that group members are going through traumatic times while on the eminence front
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Man wanting to stay out partying tells his girlfriend he'll be home late and not to worry about him. Just kidding, he tells her he is being held for £50 ransom. Hilarity ensues
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| Tue August 26, 2014 |
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Playing with your Wii could save your life, especially if you end up peeing all over yourself
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Man, apparently into retro gaming, wields chainsaw during fight at service station
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Houston firefighters rescue abandoned black lab puppy with its head stuck in tire."We really cut very carefully because any kind of pressure on the dog's neck could have snapped its neck or killed it," (w/ video)
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You comfortable? You ready for the photo? Great, just relax. C'mon, give me a smile. Yeah, just like that. Ignore my assistant right behind you with the TASER
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Man digs for months to free 6,000 pound boulder, succeeds
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Caption this human-furry interaction
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Pumpkin pie spice gum, because why the fark not?
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Abusive, rogue Android takes down National Weather Service website
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Come for the story about the DUI wreck involving a pantsless woman. Stay for the eyewitness account video
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County health department feels the need to warn people not to set themselves on fire
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Gas prices to rise on Isle of Man, affecting everyone who currently pays for man gas
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How not to totally piss everyone else off on your flight and get your ass tackled by an air marshal
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ISIS is still very active in Iraq, but at least we ran them out of Florida
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Woman films day-drinkers stumbling out of a popular bar and posts the video on YouTube like it's a bad thing. "Some waddle over to the Taco Bell across the street"
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Florida provides its alternate ending to "baby locked in a hot car"
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Man discovers Tennessee is a far cry from India
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Annoy your friends by purchasing a 99-pack of beer
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Nine-year old girl fails class. Which is bad, but even worse when it's a shooting class, according to her teacher Professor Headwound
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"He was pretty upset. You might say... *removes sunglasses* ...he saw red. YEEAAAHHHH"
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Go Greyhound, and leave the drunk driving to us
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Photoshop these water watchers
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Baby on board, Dad in Walmart
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I don't know why these kids are complaining about student loans. After all, their social security checks will cover it
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Bear heads stolen from remote Maine cabin. Bear heads stolen from remote Maine cabin
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After years of painstaking research, Italian professor declares he can't find the G-spot. Will have to repeat experiment
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If your parents name you Spartacus, you may be destined for great things. Or you could be like this guy
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RUSSIAN SOLDIER: "No, seriously, this is all just a big mistake. I totally meant to go left at Albuquerque"
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Rules for an outing at the park.....1). No #1. 2) No #2
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Is that a helicopter in your kilt, or are you just glad to . . . you know what? Never mind. I don't want to know
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The odd, jerky movements and theatrical gestures of the aliens in 'Mars Attacks' were inspired by the silent-screen-style emoting of Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard. And other things you didn't know about Tim Burton's movies
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