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| Sun August 10, 2014 |
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Man is arrested for choking his girlfriend, pouring hot coffee on her, cutting the back of her leg, threatening to kill her with a knife to her throat and slamming her down on a glass table. All because she cheated on him in a dream
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| (Some Guy) |
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Who is in charge in Baghdad? I haven't got a coup
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Xstream Cleanup volunteers in the Illinois and Iowa Quad-Cities area filled 937 trash bags full of cigarette butts, food wrappers, cans and other items, grabbed 237 tires, 14 appliances, 13 pieces of furniture, 29 televisions and 10 mattresses
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The story of pie was a lie
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Alabama newspaper posts on Facebook asking for opinions on a privately-funded atheist display. A woman representing the Atheist group says her piece, and she is immediately pounced upon by Christians, who threaten to kill her
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Photoshop this ugly-ass conniving thief
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21 foolproof pick-up lines
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News: Seattle City Attorney urges citizens to fight legally-issued citations. Fark: citations for public marijuana use
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Steven Seagal plays a benefit concert for the rebels who shot down MH17. Dumbass tag doesn't seem strong enough
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Sorry, can't be bothered writing a headline, it's National Lazy Day
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A group of idiots gathered to hold a seance 200 feet from where Sharon Tate was murdered. The seance took place inside a home, and all the candles wound up causing the fire alarms to go off
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Israelis and Palestinians agree to 72-hour ceasefire that will last until the end of this headline. Maybe
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Last week: US airstrikes in Iraq won't accomplish anything. Today: The Kurds retake two towns from ISIS with US air support
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Photoshop this car
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There are actually three states that are more corrupt than Illinois. Can you guess which ones? Nope, New Jersey didn't even make the list of the worst 10
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Pittsburgh airport has banned all solicitations on their grounds, even the Salvation Army
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Want a historical piece of property around Philadelphia? It will cost $20 million and may need about $50 million in repairs and even then would have limited uses
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Google Street View car crashes going the wrong direction on a one-way street. If there was only some place they could have downloaded a map
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Police kill unarmed 18 year old with shots to the back of the head and neck as he's running away. Police spokesman: He was resisting. Nothing to see here
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Tired of vandals, 91-year-old WWII veteran will auction massive antique car, tractor collection. A bit sappy, but does include the line: "That episode came a handful of years after he went Jack Dempsey on a hooligan"
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It's time once again for your updated Chicago Weekend Shooting Tracker. This was a fairly quiet weekend in Chiraq, with sixteen people wounded in gun violence but no one actually dying. Looks like things are looking up
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Smoking hot 23-year-old redhead and her family share their home with meerkats, tarantulas and a skunk. What could possibly go wrong? (w/pics)
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Architect designing a zoo free of cages and glass enclosures, failing to realize that a concept like that exists called NATURE
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Wanted: Look out for this bank robber, and he also has a fondness for hats
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Severn-year-old boy attacked by shark in LAKE PONTCHARTRAIN. Doctors say he'll be okay, has asked for a "bigger boat"
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Nine-year-old boy fights off alligator in attack. The next day, news reporters mistake the casual banter of a child filled to the gills with morphine and Demerol with heroic nonchalance
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Social Thermonuclear Justice, a strange game, the only winning move is not to play
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Nihilists, dude
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Setting up a meth lab in a Wal Mart parking lot may be a brilliant way to capitalize on customer synergy, but (and I know this sounds unlikely) eventually someone is going to notice a mob of toothless naked people and think something is wrong
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Once again for the terminally dense: Science doesn't care what you believe. It just works
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That roar of laughter you heard rippling across the Atlantic was merely the chuckling of common English folk laughing at the government's suggestion that they take a day off of drinking every other night
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So anyone remember when the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society claimed one of their ships was rammed and sunk by a Japanese whaling vessel? Yeah, about that
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Photoshop this magical tea party
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Here's a recipe for the world's best vegan guacamole. As opposed to all the meat-based guac out there
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Pessimists are happier when things go well. There's no way this is getting greened
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When on electronically monitored house arrest you probably shouldn't be selling drugs. But if you have to for the love of FSM make sure you aren't selling them to an undercover cop
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Today's fark-ready headline: Former Apple employee named Sam Sung raises more than $80,000 for charity by auctioning off his old business card
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You think your job is s**t? Fifteen year old boy dies when farm machine he is operating has a mechanical problem and overturns, trapping teenager in manure pit
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Everything is bigger in Texas, including their car accidents
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Man charged with theft and child endangerment after shoplifting from a Kohl's and leaving behind the 4 year-old he was supposed to be babysitting
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Sun bathing in a landlocked state can be dangerous--the UV rays can burn your skin and cause cancer, there's Sun-Ebola, and you spend half your day dodging pickup trucks trying to reverse over you in your driveway
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The unsung heroes who were responsible for keeping the Metric System out of America. Who knew there were so many Stonecutters?
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It's all fun and games 'til you get shot in the face and through both ears
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Jet Blue passengers fail to pay the "extinguish the engine fire" fee
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That concrete was totally asking for it
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Looks like Russia will be Putin up with a free Republic of Ukraine. Now, about that Crimean thing
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Some three letter agency tries to remove parts of public court transcript in a lawsuit over deleting evidence. Obvious tag looks incredulously at Asinine tag after it tries to redact itself from public view
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Starbucks forced to deny rumors it funds Israel and the country's armies
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of live music from Juneau, Alaska, hosted by a farker
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Multiple (but unconfirmed) reports indicate that NASCAR driver Tony Stewart intentionally ran over another driver who had gotten out of his vehicle during a race caution. Update: Driver pronounced DOA
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TV News Crew tries out the new App that tells you where the "Sketchy" neighborhoods in DC are. What do you think happened to the crew when they got to said "Sketchy" neighborhood?
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Ding dong the witch is dead." Is that an appropriate obituary opening?
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Police officer wanted a low-key 50th birthday. Then he went to his patrol car and found it covered in more than 4,000 Post-It Notes featuring well-wishes
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You mean massaging my patient's breasts with oil won't help her whiplash? Should I have not done that?
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This steak n shake milkshake story is hard to swallow
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| Sat August 09, 2014 |
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Hey, you over there. Fancy pants. Don't be a single-malt scotch snob. Blended whiskies are often just as good
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Man accused of dancing in the seat of his tractor with his genitals exposed. He was probably just looking for a hoe
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Gangs gradually getting out of distributing meth and crack cocaine in favor of lucrative new "wildlife crime" markets
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Crazy Ivan claims to have chased a U.S. sub from their northern waters. Next week they'll claim one of their subs has gone missing
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Man goes on crime spree involving four homes, a hit and run crash, attempted robbery of a pizza place and assault of a convenience store clerk. The kicker? He apologized to neighbors for interrupting their night after he was arrested
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Don't you hate it when you're trying to enjoy some illegal drugs and a city bus starts looking at you funny and a nearby stop sign challenges you to a duel?
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Manhattan district attorney's office subpoenas parody Twitter account, refuses to raise white flag
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A brave journalist infiltrates the most terrifying place on earth: Brony-con
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Man selling Harrier for $1.5 Million, or 7 Million Pepsi points
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Photoshop this man in a pinch
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Happy 70th birthday, Smokey Bear. Hey, did you ever notice that he and Sam Elliott are never in the same room?
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Rogeting is the with it neoteric habitude whereas docents to appropriate. Sinister buttocks
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Yes, for the paltry sum of three quarters of a billion dollars you can own the largest contiguous ranch in the US complete with 510,000-acres and all that comes with it
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Brazil is having a competition to see who has the best butt and there is more text in the headline monkey dishwasher fish purple. [Not safe for work. Butts. There are butts.]
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Normally a kid running a lemonade stand makes money for himself. This 8-year-old boy does it for charity and local bakeries are donating things for him to sell
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We are going to run out of things to ban on airplanes-but the supply of brain-dead security gropers is probably unlimited
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Photoshop this loiterer
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On a hot August day in 1935 an unspeakable evil broke loose, and millions of lives would never be the same
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Florida woman detained at the airport after her cups runneth over
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Why every snowflake gets a trophy: "do we want to bring home the cruel reality that somebody's better than somebody else?"
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A NYPD union rep is telling officers to go by the book as a means of slowing down work in protest of the oppression of officers who used a chokehold that is expressly forbidden by the rule book
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Not News: Police arrest a naked man on a park bench. News: He's covered in baby oil watching porn. Fark: And leaves behind an outline of his body in oil on the bench
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Oh wait, you're serious
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Guy Fieri ruins everything
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Bombing ISIS is like saying "bring it on"
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Woman gets a $55,000 payout for sitting in a chair that collapsed
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Antisemitism is on the rise in Europe, reaching almost Hitlerian levels, and officials said they did not see this coming
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It takes a peculiar form of logic to cut pay steadily and then be shocked that fewer people want to do the job
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Now that the Great Recession is comfortably in the rear view mirror, it's time to bring back the mighty SUV
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Just how stuck is a woodchuck stuck if a woodchuck could get stuck?
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Pangolins are the world's most illegally smuggled mammal because they're as cute as they are tasty
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What: "Investigators refused to say how the girl died or when..." The: "...but said that whoever killed her was likely..." Fark: "...'covered in mud' at some point over the weekend"
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Got any plans for tomorrow? Scrap 'em - we're all going to die in a biblical supermoon deluge and ALL CAPS headlines
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I like my women how I like my cars; fast and high maintenance... How about you?
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ISIS wants to "raise flag of Islam over the White House." Um, guys, you're six years too late
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Photoshop these reservoir checker-outers
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If you can't get laid on one of these beaches there's really no hope for you
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Man leaves $160,000 to care for homeless cats. That's gonna buy a lotta gooshy food on Caturday
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First tropical storm in 22 years makes landfall on Hawaii. Damage to plastic lawn chairs estimated in tenths of cents
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Woman who received money after lying about her and her son both having cancer said it was a misunderstanding and she "jumped to conclusions" but NEVER asked anyone for money. Except when she did
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Clear your desks, chase out the dog, clear your head and slap your mammy: it's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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No state would ever think of serving alcohol at a gun show, right? Texas: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
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Men say "UH," women say "UM," and other small verbal cues that reveal a lot about one's personality
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Own this $3 million land yacht and be the envy of... no one
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GM would like everyone driving a GM vehicle to know that they should probably park it outside from now on so it doesn't catch your house on fire
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Teen Marijuana use drops in Colorado after legalization. "It's something that kids are seeing adults use all over the place. It just doesn't seem as cool to kids anymore"
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Posting a rap to Sound Cloud about murdering someone two days after you murdered them is probably not the best idea, but damn it will give you street cred. (Criminals rapping about crimes trifecta in play)
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Man who goes by the nickname "Grandpa Woodstock" arrested on multiple drug charges. With mugshot that looks exactly as a Grandpa Woodstock should
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What it's like to be a doctor at a Supermax facility. Spoiler alert: It's f*cking terrifying
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It's only right that we let Customs enforce common-sense regulations against traveling with bagpipes, because if we just let pipers travel at their leisure it'll be total Somalia around here - or worse yet, Edinburgh
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One hundred twenty pound snake accused of eating neighborhood cats
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Woman at yoga studio spots her husband going into the happy ending massage parlor across the street. Hilarity ensues
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Father teaches sons lessons about reality of war by a) asking them to read books about the world wars, b) watching war documentaries together with them, c) taking them on a trip to the Israel and Palestine warzone
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Ghost, habanero, and jalapeno gummies are now a reality
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| Fri August 08, 2014 |
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Your waiter wants you to know that your habit of using your cellphone while he's trying to take your order is almost as annoying as the fact that you're a cheapskate who tips under twenty percent
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One of the burglary suspects appears to be very confused about what is happening to him
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Dad doesn't want his daughter dating some guy so he shoots the man dating his daughter and attempts to kill the witness sitting on the porch too. Did I mention the mother helping to cover it up and that mom and dad are cops?
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First giant jellyfish spotted in Adriatic since the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor
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Looks like John Hinckley Jr. may be in for some more courtroom time after Reagan press secretary James Brady's death was ruled a homicide
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Protip: When using your dad's credit card to buy something and then signing the receipt, make sure to use his actual name, not simply sign the word "Dad"
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Which states are the most stoned? Hint: probably not the ones you think (warning: slide show)
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It's all fun and games 'til you get caught using a pen camera to look up girls' skirts at a Publix grocery store
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Not News: Police taser young person. Fark: An 8-year-old girl
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As Ebola spreads in Lagos, President Goodluck Jonathan contemplates shutting down everything, changing name
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Nebraska chicken thief sends KFC $2 and a letter of apology
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The FCC wants YOUR input on the ATT/DirectTV & Comcast/TWC mergers. Stop laughing, they're serious and won't approve the deal unless you OK it. Also, the National Weather Service would like your input on Sunday's scheduled thunderstorm
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From the gaming laboratory at CERN, here is Particle Clicker. It's a game like Cookie Clicker but teaches you about about particle physics. In related news, CERN has a gaming lab
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Round 2: ISIS vehicle convoys vs. laser-guided bombs
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Man tries to reenact Grand Theft Auto: Seattle in real life, with obvious consequences
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Women gets 18 months in jail for being loud neighbor
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Acute psychological stress promotes skin healing, so the next time you get a cut or scratch you may want to visit the politics tab
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Photoshop this modern chariot
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World's oldest eel dies in Swedish well. Sadder: As used here, "eel" and "well" are not euphemisms
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The British Dental Journal says there's no best way to brush your teeth
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WWII vet who captured and stomped Hitler's top hat has died. That is all
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Woman discovers that she loves her husband like a brother, in all the wrong ways
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Well that's one way to reduce junk mail I suppose, not a real bright way granted, but it is a way
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Nude Sport Games 2014 held in Malaysia has caused outrage, OUTRAGE and now the police are hunting down the foreign participants for "obscene acts." And no, this is not going to be the next episode of Naked and Afraid
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The casino industry is coming together in a noble, nation-wide effort to teach its patrons that, yes, it's fine to spend your days pissing away money you don't have, but please stop leaving your children locked inside your car while you do
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Homeland Security official finds out that if a mom agrees to let you have sex with her 13-year-old daughter, it's probably an FBI sting
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Canada sending military supplies to Ukraine, say they are pleased that their equipment was finally doing what it was designed for, defending against 1970s-era Soviet Union equipment somewhere in Europe
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No joke, there's a stand-up comic in NYC that's suing the city because she fell on to the subway tracks because she was too busy texting and the train operator didn't stop fast enough
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There's only one state to try and open your second fraudulent Christian day care center
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Justin Bieber thinks Pakistani heroine Malala Yousafzai would make a great belieber
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It's all fun and games 'til you enter a doughnut eating contest at an anti-crime event packed with police who happen to recognize you as being wanted for felony break-ins
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| (Some Guy) |
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Are you brave enough to test your IQ and post the results? Subby got 162, but wasn't really trying
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How ironic misandry is reinventing feminism #MaleTears
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Apparently Sean Hannity is literally quite upset at Stephen Colbert
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Pancreas, gall bladder - they all look the same when you're elbow deep in some patient's guts
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"My first thought was, 'Hey, let's go get some ducks out of a sewer'" (pics)
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FDA rules that "Gluten-Free" products can't have gluten in them. Well, duh. Thanks for that
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Accused child molester beaten to a pulp by victim's dad pleads not guilty. Also, he looks a lot better now
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Dumbass claims Obama loves radical Muslims the same day Obama OKs air strikes on radical Muslims
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Remember, responsible parents don't let children play with loaded diaper bags
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Photoshop this American eagle
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US town of Boring preparing for twinning festival with British town of Dull. It's not expected to be much of a party
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Hi, Ms. Atwood. I know it's your son's wake and all, but we just found out he was gay. In that case, the church is going to go ahead and cancel his funeral
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British police raid pub after pub owner's twin sister mistakenly lights the Grail-shaped beacon
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14 year old creates filtering system to reduce internet trolling. Politics Tab scoffs
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Elementary school bans birthday cakes, cookies, fruits, vegetables, rice, water due to students being allergic to damn near everything under the sun, and whatever's left causes autism, cancer and/or low self-esteem
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Hate Google reading your mail? Get over it
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Sh*t
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Well most people probably would not want this guy flashing them or anybody, either
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Argument over golf rules involving "casual water" leads to a beat down with a 3-wood, a golf course melee, and two dumbasses in jail
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Bargain Booze liquor store charges shopper a fee for checking that she was old enough to buy. "I go there all the time because the booze is so cheap, and I quite often get asked for ID, but I've never noticed being charged before"
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Well I'll be damned, all those e-mails were REAL? US DOJ seizes $480 million from bank accounts around the world belonging to former Nigerian dictator Sani Abacha
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15 year old boy's Mom calls cops because, A) He was caught doing it with a teacher, B) He was selling drugs, or Fark) He watched porn
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McDonald's starts trial delivery service for customers presumably too fat to get out of their houses without cutting out a wall
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"According to reports, 56-year-old Jerald L Hill, who was President of the Windermere Baptist Conference Centre in Missouri, posted messages on Craigslist seeking dogs and other animals to have sex with" (mugshot)
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China's 700 million smartphone users will no longer be able to share funny or outrageous stories about politics without official approval in latest terrifying way life in China is becoming like a Fark link
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Defendant claims it was self defense when he shot up with meth and repeatedly bayoneted a man. Difficulty: Not Florida
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Some mysterious pilot flew his float plane underneath a traffic bridge on the Ottawa River yesterday afternoon, apparently just because he could. Tag is for you, sir (pics, video)
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Hilarity is currently ensuing as diamond company drops $20,000 gem from hot air balloon over Britain and says whoever finds it can keep it. "It's probably in a field or up in a tree somewhere," they hint
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From Feb 26 - Marvel's "Guardians Of The Galaxy" is doomed to be a box office failure. Let me educate you as to why
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Water Utilities 10 years ago: "We need to save water. Install high-efficiency toilets and washing machines." Water Utilities now: "You're not buying enough water. Enjoy your new maintenance and infrastructure fees. And a 9 percent increase in rates"
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Fargo has problem with business sign that reads, "Ex wife sale: Duct tape, chainsaw, shovels"
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This just in from the Romero Institute: Hurricanes are disruptive of everyday life
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Africans are dying of Ebola. Kurds are dying of thirst in Iraq's mountains. Putin is about to declare war. Before getting caught up in those distractions, consider this-- a new pizza app is forcing DC residents to enter "VA" as their state
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Bra-stealing ghosts plagued my life after I bought old dressing table
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What excuse did a man give police for the alligator in the bed of his truck and the shotgun in the passengers seat? A) He was going to make a belt. B) He was going to have it stuffed and mounted. Or C) He was hungry
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Slate gets outraged that anyone wanting to become a lawyer and pass the bar exam have to disclose if they have ever had a mental illness, failing to realize anyone who wants to become a lawyer already has a mental illness
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After finding Lollipop man dead in his home for weeks, Lollipop police investigate but admit they're licked
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This is why New York City can't have nice things: Beautiful and bizarrely artistic street signs featuring skulls, spires, coat hangers and other strange icons from the DOT that were placed around Manhattan are being stolen by quasi-satanic hipsters
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Autocorrect: it mate be fudging up your lift
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Cops find steroids after raiding home of a suspiciously muscled man
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Progressive policies are already a smashing success in NYC as squeegee men make their triumphant comeback, to be followed by the Times Square mugger-reintroduction program and occasionally-decent Mets baseball
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Obama launches air strike on Iraq, cementing his record as Nobel Peace Prize winner with the most confirmed kills
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Toddler squeezes through White House fence. Secret Service agents quickly subdued, quoted saying "Who's my little terrorist baby? Yes you ARE. Yes you are"
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Photoshop this drone following Morgan Freeman
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Hands down, this is subby's nomination for Mugshot of the Week: the guy accused of stabbing his son with pliers
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Having frequent nosebleeds? Check to see that you don't have an extra tooth growing in your nose
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Today is National Cat Day, and here are pictures of 24 of them that couldn't care less
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Army Core of Engineers to New Orleans: Sorry our levees broke on you and flooded your city, but we're immune from any legal consequences. Kthxbai
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Ebola won't cause a pandemic like AIDS or H1N1. But that doesn't stop idiots like Donald Trump. Enter: Science Cop
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Move over Bloody Mary with a cheeseburger slider, make room and get ready for the "Chicken Fried Bloody Beast." An epic masterpiece of a Bloody Mary that comes with an entire fried chicken on top of it, courtesy of a Milwaukee bar
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Are you tired of the endless fighting? The dinnertime brawls? The long uncomfortable silences around the home? Finally here is an article that will resolve all of those issues
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Fight between family members at a golf course leaves a hole in one
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Not news: Man has his parents for dinner. Fark: With some fava beans and a nice chianti
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Actual headline: Car crashes into sheriff's department helicopter
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| Thu August 07, 2014 |
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Man illegally tries to fly camera drone over Yellowstone Park's Grand Prismatic Spring, winds up in hot water
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Predictably, since Cannabis legalization, Colorado highway fatalities have soared. Wait...what? They haven't and are near historic lows? I just don't which propaganja to believe anymore
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After it was already used on two patients, the experimental drug designed to fight Ebola is cleared for human usage
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What would make concealed carry and hunting even more dangerous and deadly? How about legalizing silencers
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Obama announces new airstrikes on Iraq in a bid to distract the world from the release of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
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Purse snatcher runs away with your date's purse. Do you A) Run after him B) Leave your date stranded C) Hang out with the thief in his motel room D) All of the above
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Less than 24 hours after leaving jail and saying she'd never do it again, woman arrested at LAX after trying to sneak on board airplane again
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Criminal genius goes shopping with stolen credit card, poses for photo. With stolen credit card
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The woman who may have invented nude selfies has been taking a picture of herself topless every year on her birthday-- since 1974. LGT slideshow of aging topless woman (Not safe for work)
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Body found in Merrimack pond, authorities to Monitor situation
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Photoshop this weird ass-asteroid that the European Space Agency wants to harpoon later this year
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Soon-to-fired NJ cop tells man who complains that the officer is violating his rights :"Obama has decimated the friggin' constitution, so I don't give a damn. Because if he doesn't follow the Constitution we don't have to."- ON TAPE
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A couple of our boys will finally be laid to rest after returning home from the war. WWII, that is
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ISIS acquires weapon of mass hydration
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69-year-old Massachusetts man busted for blowing leaves in the nude while several cars slowed down to take pictures. If anyone finds those pics, please don't post here
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The good citizens of Michigan want to to know, no matter how bad Detroit is, they are still better than Florida
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Convenient: stocking up on food and water to be ready for an earthquake and two hurricanes at the same time
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Highlights of today's edition of "Fun with rejected California vanity plates" include PISTOPH, NOT SEE, IH8 DMV
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Texas looking to open Loving Canal by allowing radioactive waste to be dumped in their county
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Do you have a go-to chef/cookbook/website you often turn to as a favorite source for recipes, cooking methods, preparation tips, etc? Share the wealth of knowledge and give your fellow Farkers a new lease on cooking
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Missile strike directly in front of vehicle creates serious skid marks (w/video)
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Ric Romero reports: 1c@n''t-rememberTh1$-p@$word
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A list for you, ladies: The top five reasons you should have sex every night. Oh, wait. With your husband. The top five reasons you should have sex *with your husband* every night. God damnit, forget I said anything (Not safe for work image on article page)
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New Nazca lines appear. THIS MEANS SOMETHING
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Photoshop Challenge: Create the "official" flag of the Planet Earth
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The good news Britain is that your invasion of giant barrel jellyfish hasn't been that bad. The bad news is lethal Portuguese Man-of-War jellyfish are invading because of tropical storm Bertha
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Texas teen faces life in prison for making pot brownies
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In a historic first, two members of the brutal Khmer Rouge regime have been tried for crimes against humanity and sentenced to life imprisonment, which, given the age of the defendants probably means about six months or so
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MOVIE PRODUCER: "I've got it--a heist movie, where the heroes dress up as Indian chiefs with headdresses to steal twenty tons of copper." WRITER: "That's the stupidest idea I've heard, no one's going to believe that could happen"
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Students are given an assignment to bring in their favorite toys and talk about them. Since you're reading this, you have an idea what type of toy was brought and the school's reaction
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Landshark: Special Florida edition
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After her fivd-year-old son was accidentally left on the school bus, mother raises holy hell, calls the sheriff's department, and alerts the media about the incident. But she's still cool with him continuing to take the school bus
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Photoshop this copyright issue
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Here's a slideshow of rejected Washington State vanity plates. Apparently, Washington doesn't like Pork, Poon, Pussycats, or Juggalos
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Russian poll put Putin's popularity level at 87%. Poll on grocery store selections yet to be conducted
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The number you have reached...nine...one...one... is out of service. Please check the number before dialing again
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Cafe faces heat for adding 'minimum wage fee'
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Next time some inbred yokel starts talking to you about the Confederate flag being a symbol of heritage, not hate, ask him why the Germans don't use Nazi swastika flags to honor their dead from World War II
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Electric traffic light turns 100 years old, which is now the same amount of time it takes to make it down 7th Avenue on a Friday afternoon
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Man fined after cemetery antics; yes, alcohol was involved. "He was throwing himself backwards, waving his arms about and going 'wooooooo'. I'm assuming he was pretending to be a ghost"
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Google remove Bomb Gaza game from Play Store because some people had a problem with that
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If you think soccer moms get angry and bring the crazy on wait until you get a load of skater moms
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"The Naked Unicyclist" leaves this world as he came into it, give or take a jeep on a bridge
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World's nicest and/or most naive and/or bravest woman answers door at midnight and allows two strangers to have some water and charge their cell phones. Later learns they were evading authorities after killing a border agent
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Some people think it is cruel to strap iPads on tortoises, but subby still would like to see it
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Hoarder who fed up to 75 cats in his home dies and feeds them one last time
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Well who wouldn't want to campaign nude in New York City?
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The next threat to the middle class? Machines that will do their jobs better, more efficiently, and without pay
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88% of FoxNews.com readers support the right for people to carry guns in public...oh, sorry.. I meant MSNBC.com readers
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Kenyan journalist who once offered Bill Clinton 40 goats for Chelsea's hand in marriage is trampled to death by an elephant -- JUST LIKE VINCENT FOSTER
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this bicycle chase
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If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never set your expectations too high
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Chris Hanson unlikely to get behind latest American Apparel back-to-school campaign. (Slightly Not safe for work)
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The good news: we can cure Hepatitis-C with only 84 pills. The bad news: each pill is $84,000. The tragedy: that's enough to power Total Fark for 1,400 years
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Oh, you're a Jihadi with Isis? That's cool. I used to Jihad with them, too, back before they got so mainstream. I'm running with a more radical group now, you probably haven't heard of them
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The 10 friendliest cities in America are out, and the South reigns supreme. So long as you're not gay, a minority, anti-war, pro-marijuana legalization, an atheist or even marginally sane when it comes to gun rights, head on down
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There is still one town where children have paper routes, and of course it's in Iowa
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Okay people it's time to confess that one meal you make when you had a shiatty day or you're really drunk or you did really well working out all week, etc. How do you do it up meal wise? Subby likes cheeseburger subs and guacamole
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 483: "Build it and They Will Come". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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CDC raises Ebola outbreak alert to Level One. Everybody panic. No, seriously. EVERYBODY PANIC
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| Wed August 06, 2014 |
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Skeptic group doubts ebola really exists. In their defense, they're skeptics, doubting is kinda their thing
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You know you're a hoarder when it takes 3 years to find all the dead family members in your home
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Train commuters get together and push aside a train to free a passenger who didn't mind the gap
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No Lady, the Lego store at the mall is not there to babysit your little snowflake
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News: Police called when woman found drunk and pantless. Fark: On her first day as a high school teacher. (With hot mug-shot goodness)
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Man buys ALL the pies from a Burger King to spite a bratty kid. "You'll get nothing and like it"
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Old and busted: Planet of The Apes. New Hotness: Planet of the Bears. I, for one, welcome our new bear overlords
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The answer to the burning question about foreskins: to keep or not to keep. Snip it at birth -- the cells can produce 4 acres of human transplant skin and more
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Oh so what, you mean people get disgusted for seeing a huge moth swimming inside their Pepsi drink at the local KFC? Meh
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Vladimir Putin bans the import of all food from the US and all fruits and vegetables from the EU. It's not as if Russia imports 40% of its food to feed its people, right, Vlad? ...Vlad?
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Wikipedia and photographer battle over who owns the copyrights to a monkey selfie. I submitted this because I really like the words "monkey selfie"
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"The owner was in the back seat, wearing nothing but a straw hat and a set of false teeth that had been skillfully attached to his private parts"
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Photoshop this super high-tech sound system
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Spending time with your grandmother when you're a kid is priceless - especially those days when she takes you shoplifting
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Time to recalculate your karma, as it turns out hotels actually want you take those little bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and lotion home with you
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Despite being on trial for the deaths of 32 people in the 2012 Costa Concordia disaster, the ship's captain is invited to give a lecture to university students on best emergency practices
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NC throws down the gauntlet for white rights
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Old and Busted: smuggling cocaine in submarines and speed boats. New Hotness: smuggling cocaine in the Spanish Navy's 86 year old, four-masted sailing ship
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Never mind, you don't need to change all your passwords
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In the US, Monster Crocodile Vs Shark sounds like another B-movie. In Australia, it's just a regular occurrence
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Approaching hurricane means stores are running short on water, bread, Spam... wait, what?
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Seattle City Council writes FDA calling for an end to blood donation ban on gay & bisexual men. Wait. We still do that? Really?
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What gives "Two-Buck Chuck" its unmistakably complex nose and velvety piquancy? Maybe it's the rodent blood
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AOL still has 2.3M members paying $20/mo for 56k dial-up internet. No, this is not a repeat from 1999
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Photoshop this old fashioned train ride
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"I was called uglier names, I was even called Armenian" -Probably not the sort of person who should be in charge of a country bordering Armenia
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Meanwhile in Saudi Arabia, all hell's breaking loose because: A) Saudi government found to embrace terrorism. B) Saudi oil is well past its peak. C) They saw a woman's face on TV
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Here's what happens when an elephant gets an itch and your car is the most convenient thing to scratch it on
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"California wildfires temporarily suspend search for extraterrestrials"
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News: Clearwater Police find pot plants in a car at the scene of a burglary. Fark: Because said pot plants were actually sticking out of the window. With classic, collectable photo
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Al Gore was right: Methane plumes of death spotted in the Arctic threaten to kill us all
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Lady runner runner uses GPS to 'draw run' pictures of penises, dogs and Space Invaders aliens on Nike+ map
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Remember how it was so cold this past winter that people had to huddle together for warmth and couldn't go out to the drugstore? Pittsburgh maternity wards do
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Possible solution may be on the way for an Ebola virus cure after two American aid workers who contracted Ebola in Liberia become human guinea pigs after having been given an experimental serum - because it appears to be working
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News: AZ Secretary of State says that under state law, the name of a state senator who dropped dead while riding his horse over the weekend must stay on the ballot Fark: He was running unopposed
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The New York City Subway is infested with something new for a change
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This computer literally knows when 'literally' isn't literally literal. Literally
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Maybe it's time to give up your life of crime if you've only netted $2 in your last four robberies
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| (The Enlightened Redneck) |
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Good news: some states give "safe points" on your driver's license for not having any infractions. Bad news: cops in other states can't tell the difference between "safe points" and the regular kind
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Don't you hate it when the amusement park you're at closes when you're still on the Ferris wheel and you have to spend the whole goddamn night up there?
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Researchers discover the best way to find out if someone is a narcissist is asking, "Are you a narcissist?"
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And now for Something Completely Different - Owls with Human Legs
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A 29 year-old man was arrested for DUI, his blood alcohol level at three times the legal limit. And he had a 6 year-old girl in the truck with him, and it was unclear if the two were related
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Sure you might want to take home a souvenir from your vacation, but try not to make it a piece of Pompeii
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Sanford is quickly becoming the terrifying epicenter of Stand Your Ground assaults
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A look at what $1 can buy you around the world. In India you'll get an unlimited rice meal and in Italy it's a bottle of cheap wine
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Signs the global warming is real now include the reindeer in Norway going into road tunnels to escape the heat
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Six year olds of unusual size? I don't think they exist
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Proof positive that cannabis is truly a deadly drug: two people dead after smoking it. That's right, TWO people out of an estimated 147 million users worldwide. PANIC to the right
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HOA continues to try and remove a therapy pig from their community, thereby destroying the mental stability of a small child and ripping a family apart because in their minds, not even that is worth bending a rule
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Why can a grizzly bear eat nothing but bacon, sleep all winter, and not get diabetes like we do? Man, life sucks
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According to NATO, Russia is ready to invade Ukraine as soon as it nabs a few more passwords
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If you killed a koala, stuffed a $50 bill in its mouth, and dumped it in the driveway of a police station, the Victoria Police would like to know WHAT IN THE EVER-LIVING F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Or at least an explanation of the message
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USDA to Wal-Mart: "Sooo...just how much *did* you earn from food stamps last year? Wal-Mart to USDA: *crickets*
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Photoshop this young cowboy of yesteryear
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It's come to this: County in Arizona will stop hiring smokers and begin testing all employees for nicotine in their blood
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Omaha has the #1 zoo in the world. Assuming you can navigate the gang-infested streets
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Sad: Your mom dies. Sadder: Something about her just doesn't look right at the funeral. FARK: The funeral home buried the wrong woman next to your father
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Digital paintings show how 20 years of decay after the fall of humankind might affect some iconic buildings
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Will someone buy this woman a ticket to Hawaii already?
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Wife blames Jon Stewart for her 87-year-old nudist husband running for sheriff in Washington state
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Someone decides to put up a road sign to honor a 59-year-old nun who was killed in a hit-and-run in the Hamptons. And as usual someone has a problem with this
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Today's Fark ready police quote: "On a sliding scale we think we may be looking at an idiot rather than an international terrorist"
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Nearly half of US terror suspects are just pissed off folks who are not associated with any terror group
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| Tue August 05, 2014 |
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A government website intended to make federal spending more transparent is very good at its job; $619 billion dollars has turned 'transparent'
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Always wanted to buy the island the Magna Carta was signed on? Well if you have a measly £3,950,000 lying around, now you can
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Man charged with vehicular homicide. Difficulty: golf cart
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Director of County Animal Shelter is spending too much time with dogs, iguanas, and booze: "At that point, they said, Thomas stood up showing his teeth and growling as he attempted to leave the room"
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Wisconsin State Fair attempts to enlarge scope of fair food, unveils chicken and waffle cone composed of Cajun fried chicken, bleu cheese coleslaw, beer-candied bacon, homemade rosemary cornmeal waffle cone, and maple syrup
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Roommates unsuccessfully try to carve a tattoo off your arm so they set it on fire? I'm not saying it's Juggalos, but
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Kentucky State University President donates $90,000 of own salary to lowest paid employees
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Change all your passwords now
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Egypt to build new Suez Canal parallel to old one. Old one to be moved to museum
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Meet the bare-chested Russian Master Of Ducks
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Glenn Greenwald publishes classified materials stolen from the US government. This IS a repeat
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TV show inspires guy to make a pipe bomb, but he forgets he left it at his ex-wife's house and she's clearing the shed. Uh-oh spaghetti-os
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Photoshop this speaker speaking
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Not news: Man maced in the face. Fark: Man maced in the face
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If there's anything that will scare a bear off you when it's mauling you it's a Justin Bieber ringtone. Definitely frightening
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"Large garrison of Wehrmacht troops headed by rail to Dusseldorf. Expected to arr......." *FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP* "...arrive in station in two days"
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Humans discover, accidentally kill, previously unknown species of dolphin
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At least six people have been tested for Ebola just in New York City. And CNN's Sanjay Gupta says they are not being kept in isolation: "This isn't the kind of thing that they worry about spreading to other patients in the hospital"
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The City of Seattle is trying to confuse its residents about rates for the three available parking spots in the city
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Cool: Archeology museum excavates 6,500 year old skeleton. Fark: from a closet full of forgotten junk in the museum
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Not News: Bar sued for discrimination for not letting a gay guy in. Fark: A gay bar
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If you thought you couldn't afford to live in New York City, wait until you see how much it costs to die there
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