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| Sun August 03, 2014 |
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Not news: Two girls from Kansas hold a bake sale. News: With half the proceeds going to an animal shelter. Fark: And the other half going in to a fund to have a wedding for their dogs. And they do. Bonus: Their babysitter was the minister
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Honey, would you see who's at the front door? OH CRAP
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You like that pasta? Good. How about that yummy cake? Great. Here, try this bread. Like it? Cool. Guess what, they're all made with crickets. Here, use this
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Scientists determine that to look fashionable, you must dress like a hipster
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Photoshop this humble guy
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News: Newton County, Texas Sheriff Eddie Shannon turns himself in after a warrant for his arrest was issued. Fark: After threatening to shoot all the officials at a commissioners court meeting and saying he wouldn't investigate the shootings
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It's all fun and games 'til you get charged with second-degree disorderly conduct and first-degree criminal trespass
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Pro-tip: When breaking into a house, do not make pot-laced brownies at said house
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Woman is shocked, SHOCKED that a limo company that she booked a deal with using a coupon would cancel her ride and take a full paying customer instead
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SeaWorld forced to become "whale truthers" in light of increased public and PETA scrutiny
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The NYPD gets caught on video choking someone to death. Do you A) conduct a thorough internal investigation, B) fire the police officers involved or C) arrest the guy who recorded the whole thing?
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Finally, a landlord who understands you
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The terrorists have discovered eggnog
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The day will come when you find yourself standing naked under the midday sun on a road near Monkey Junction. When that day comes, and it most definitely will, don't spit blood at the police
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The first weekend of August is here, and Chicago only had nineteen people wounded by gunshots and only two dead in gun violence. Looks like gun progress has come to Chiraq
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This just in: Children don't want to eat their vegetables while at school, just like they don't want to eat them at the dinner table
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Photoshop this drill crew
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An Amtrak train leaves New York City at 9AM, headed for Washington DC without its passengers. How long does it take before the conductor is fired?
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Death toll in powerful Chinese earthquake rises to 0.0000109974% of its population
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| (Some Guy) |
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Somebody had British people fill in all of their American stereotypes on maps of the US. Come for MS: "Named by a cat walking across a keyboard", stay for RI: "Tiny; Stoned Students; Not a real place; Not in Rhodes; Not an Island"
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Scottish pioneer creates haggis nachos to transform national food into symbol of both tradition and change. "Scotland is not about old white men in kilts stirring pots to make haggis. My team is multicultural. We use state-of-the-art equipment"
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Jewish visitors arrested at Auschwitz for singing "the song of hope" that Jews in the camps sung to defy the Nazis. Is it 1943 again?
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Toledo water crisis, day two bugaloo: still can't consume city water, but healthy adults can shower provided they have a healthy liver. Whew, that was a close one. LGT water distribution information
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Humpback Whales appear in Monterey Bay, ask passersby if the nuclear wessels are still in Alameda
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this passel o' possums
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Married couple finds photo of themselves playing on the beach as children ... 11 years before they met
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"A man's desire to take ever more impressive selfies and other snaps of himself to post on social media caused his death when he tried to pose with a live gun - and shot himself in the head"
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Ginny Weasley arrested for vandalizing a car with $3,000 worth of mascara damage. Somehow she could afford a little extra mascara for her tear stained cheeks. Surprising for a Weasley
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Duck Hunt
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European gardeners forced to buy collision insurance before they are allowed to use ride-on lawnmowers on their own property
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Video shows mystery beast roaming the streets of Los Angeles suburb: "And I heard about it and I was like...what? And I've been thinking about it...I was afraid to go outside. It looks like a dog, but has pointy ears that lions have...I don't know"
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You can now be buried in a custom-made Jack Daniels bottle (pics)
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The moral of this story is never be nice to anyone, ever
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"Just when police thought they had finally loosened the Mafia's historical stranglehold over Sicily, a new generation of brash mobsters is reclaiming the streets of Palermo - and bragging about it on Facebook" (pics)
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Photoshop this subtle message
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I saw a 150 pound turtle
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Woman who fled to Mexico because she thought she would be "untouchable" there after she took part in the murder of a 14-year-old boy is deported back to California after being caught by police in Tijuana
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My Petting Zoo in Scottsdale, Arizona welcomes an ugly-ass baby Geep (offspring of a female sheep and a goat) named Butterfly
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It's all fun and games 'til you eat your roommate's last Chips Ahoy
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Local government taking too long to repair damaged road? Just rent a farmer's field and build your own toll road
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Free parking is actually quite costly
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A group of 11 black men drove a truck through the front door of KY Fashions and stole dozens of hair extensions before fleeing the scene. Police said to be on the lookout for 11 black men with beautiful hair
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Another reason to lose weight: "The more a man's fattening belly grows outward, 'the more it eats their penis.'" Subby hasn't seen his own penis in five years, but he's got a really confused boner right now
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Here are a list of states that will allow one to practice law without a law degree
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Lose your cellphone in the lake while on a fishing trip with friends? Why not drain the pond to try and recover it?
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The Juneau Police Department is looking for a group of five or six kids, ranging from 7 to 13 years old that made a bomb out of a backpack, two bottles of Axe body spray and a can of Old Spice to set off an explosion behind a middle school
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Man shot several times while filming a rap video because the group couldn't agree as to which one of them was the star
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Coming up at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. 2 hours of amazing music hosted live by a farker
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It's not news when two boxers get into a fight with one another, but it is when it happens at an Italian restaurant over a plate of spaghetti
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In America, most of us love our Jesus but we're also thankful he wasn't born here cause the headline woulda' certainly read, "Woman arrested for leaving newborn baby in trash can of business," and that woulda been awkward
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The Book of Love says that after calling your new girlfriend by your ex-wife's name you should promptly throw her pet raccoon against the nearest wall
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| Sat August 02, 2014 |
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Marion Barry involved in wrong-way crash in DC. Ditch set him up
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Local news station runs story based on cell phone video claiming mom left kids in hot car to get her hair cut. The same video shows the mom begging strangers for help after locking her keys in the car. You'd better believe that's a lawsuit
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Texas firearms instructor successfully executes plan to teach family members peril of being careless with their guns, "accidentally" shoots himself in hand during lesson
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Roof of the world collapses
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Confirmed case of Ebola in Atlanta
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Photoshop these medieval stoners
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Smoking hot 20-year-old model who previously lived as a boy sets sights on Miss World despite death threats: "I'd love to help other confused girls and boys who are scared to be themselves. Nobody should be ashamed to be who they want to be" (w/pics)
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| (Farm Futures) |
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Beef prices won't even start to come down until late 2015 and pork not until at least late this year. Your dog wants steak, but is stuck settling for chicken
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Last week: Naked blue Smurfs in Times Square. This week: Central Park Underpants Run. Slightly Not Safe For Work for those of you unfortunate to have to work on Saturday instead of running around in your underwear
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Worst. Robbery. Ever
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Uptight vegan demands to know how it is possible to "love an adult who eats like a child." Because apparently putting ketchup on hot dogs, ketchup on eggs, only wanting cheese pizza, and eating lettuce only on a salad is "childish"
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Remember that three-story "she cave" closet house? Turns out on the same night the owner happened to forget to arm the security system and even lock the door, burglars arrived and spent 40 minutes stealing $800K - $1M worth of stuff
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Disney Union votes to approve minimum wage for employees
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You know all those research studies that show how divorce screws up kids? Yeah, about that
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Prize-winning goat reported missing from county fair, no information on whether it was to be used for any fraternity rituals
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We've hit peak bacon, people. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Photoshop this hot towel job
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Geraldo Rivera arrested for fatal hit & run in Tampa. Charges for reckless reporting still pending
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Guinness finally working on making a tolerable beer
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Crazy 26 year old who lives with his mom and his gun collection says he is going to kill Obama even if it takes a lifetime. Police say it will take at least until he gets out of jail
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The little league barbecue is later today and I need to make a side dish. I'm feeling uninspired. What is something that the kids will love? I started looking for ideas and no kid wants a tomato and onion salad
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Old and busted: birthday cake. New hotness: $900 birthday cupcake
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| (Some Guy) |
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Caption this clown guy
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Apartment maintenance worker enters your home and digs through your stuff? Seems legit. No crime committed here, Mr. Citizen
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It may be Caturday, but that does not means dogs can get special recognition. This lab that walked 30 miles to get a new home has now been adopted
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300 rats removed from Ohio apartment now up for adoption by rat rescue group. In other news, there are rat rescue groups
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Book him, Dan-O
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Before the Buy Fair Trade Coffee movement, enjoying a morning cup of coffee wasn't so complicated
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Marijuana activist claims responsibility for placing white flags on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. He could have gotten away with it since most people pegged it as the work of the French
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Apartment complex residents find large rattlesnake, proceed to film a PSA on how NOT to handle a rattlesnake
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Cops break into locked car, save a helpless baby... doll
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If you're planning public nakedness in Sweden here are some simple rules to follow. (SFW and deslided for your comfort)
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Mother of five who was mocked for her stretch marks while on a public beach takes a pregnant pause and then responds to her critics
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If you ever get bitten by a brown recluse spider, keep in mind that no matter how bad it hurts at that moment, in 24 hours it's going to hurt a hell of a lot more
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Photoshop this guy who won't take Wu for an answer
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Toledo area FARKers: WATER ADVISORY. Don't drink it, boil it, or even shower in it. Well, the last part is a stretch, but you never know. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Make no bones about it, the "Killing Caves" of the Khmer Rouge is an emotionally powerful tourist destination
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No don't take my bukkit
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Paul the cat scratches one off his bucket list, climbs one of Colorado's 14ers. Hey, I can see Caturday from here
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Hello and welcome back to your late-summer episode of the Fark Weird News Quiz. Remember your answers, so you can do well on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me when it airs
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If you are running for Governor, try not to be caught "getting lost" at 4:30am in an industrial park with a woman not your wife
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It's the question men have asked since the dawn of time: Should I go to the beach or build a swimming pool in my living room?
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Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture cracks down on the menace of unregulated seed libraries, thus rescuing the state from going full Somalia - too late for Philadishu, however
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French hospital is planning on building a wine bar with the hope it will improve the quality of day-to-day existence of patients both terminal and short term
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It's all fun and games 'til you piss off the the wrong otter
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Bristol waste recycling plant would like to advise their customers that they do not currently have a Soylent Green production facility. It would appear one customer is not aware of this fact
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When you break into a store and tell police you got "locked in the bathroom overnight" its best not to be found surrounded by empty beer bottles, cigarette butts, and open cookie boxes
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| Fri August 01, 2014 |
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Father builds son a Apollo 13 simulator with LED readouts, rumble speaker, and a robot arm deploying satellites; USS Flagg sits in large corner as recovery ship
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Airport ground crew fix helicopter's broken wheel ... as it hovers 8ft above them
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Woman finds IKEA bags stuffed with 80 human skeletons. No word on if she was able to assemble them without having to call the support line
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Parents of the year hire woman as surrogate mother of twins, take healthy girl home but ditch boy that has Down syndrome and congenital heart defect in foreign country
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"The problem with Ebola for the more sensational sections of the media is that it's too good a scare story to pass up"
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The inventor of the cronut inches mankind closer to sugary destruction with 'ice cream sundae in a can'
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Daily running doesn't have any real health benefits
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Tribe emerges from Brazilian jungle for first time ever. Hears about Kardashians, runs back into jungle
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If you're gonna get shot, it's better to be naked, presumably because it makes for a better Fark headline
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Old & busted: Fighting fire with fire. New hotness: Fighting monkeys with monkey impersonators
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Mayor of Calgary criticized for lacking comprehensive peace plan for Middle Eastern conflicts
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Photoshop this bee
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Eric Garner's Death Ruled a Homicide
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Inadvertent photobomb leads to what surely must be the most amusing wedding pictures ever
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Nice going Chip - way to screw it up for the rest of us by becoming the new poster child for those who constantly tell us cats are smarter than dogs
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Conservative Kentucky judge says black defendant wearing Obama t-shirt is "lucky to get out of her courtroom alive"
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Come on, everyone knows it isn't assault if you allow a floor to buffer your shots at a family member
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Ukraine takes more losses in the worst game of Capture the Flag ever
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Cocaine worth $1M goes missing from 'locked and sealed room' at police headquarters in Paris
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LAPD calls shotgun
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British town takes action against seagulls "led into a life of crime" by older birds
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There's "drunk" driving - and then there's "drunk driving a dump truck with the box up - taking out scaffolding on a bridge and causing major structural damage that requires a major highway to be closed down for days/weeks"
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Old-and-busted: 226 year old tiny town in Virginia, with ties to Thomas Jefferson and Marquis de Lafayette. New hotness: Using internet crowdfunding to save itself
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102-year-old man dies. Fark: crashing his ATV
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Men who think outside the box asked to draw vaginas
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Photoshop this tackler and tacklee
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Semi-trailer crash covers interstate 465 in butter. Police looking for any witnesses who may have seen Paula Deen fleeing the scene
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Children fleeing violence in Honduras are being sent to Chicago. They'll feel right at home
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Selfie = photo of myself. Usie = photo of us. Belfie = photo of my butt. Felfie = Fark, I really can't take much more of this
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Indiana man wins $1 million lottery twice in three months, hopes to fulfill lifelong dream of getting out of Indiana
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Are "homosexuals merely commie pawns" in an effort to destroy America? We're just asking
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The current mess in the Middle East just got a bit more confusing as Arab states line up against Hamas
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Ten things to know about the invasive fire ants currently on the march through the American southeast. 1) Get out of their way. 2) See number one
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Obvious: Grand Wizard of KKK chapter calls for the shooting of refugee children coming across the border. Fark: He's asking for black people to ally with the KKK to get this done
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Sharknado 2 lasted longer than the latest cease-fire in Gaza
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1) Cooking dinner; 2) Having sex; 3) Pooping. Which way would you rather die? It's probably going to be one of those, so you might as well go ahead and pick one now
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Winners of the 2014 National Geographic photo contest. Meet your new wallpapers
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Elderly Texas woman refuses to sell her house to a new development, points a shotgun at construction workers, and gets in standoff on her porch with the police. Neighbor: "I knew she was going to be on the news eventually"
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Ebola-infected doctor gave his only dose of an experimental treatment to his Ebola-infected coworker
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You've heard about the Human Barbie, now here's the human Ken who spent $50,000 on plastic surgery to look like his favorite toy (w/ creepy pics that will haunt your dreams)
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Trendy hotel's floor-to-ceiling windows reveals patrons on toilet. Where? Come on, you get one guess
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The annual Perseid meteor shower will be its usual bust starting this weekend
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Thieves steal a RV trailer and find out the Texas way that the owner was fast asleep in the back
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Mysterious lake that suddenly appeared in a drought-stricken region of Tunisia last month is being hailed a miracle by locals. Tests now show the lake is radioactive
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American couple calls police the day after they were overcharged for ice cream and water. If only there were a menu with the prices lis...oh wait, there was
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For some reason if you were famous it used to be considered an honor to allow some artist to depict you with overly-exaggerated eyes and lips and hang it up in an exclusive restaurant
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Your silly octagonal red signs can't hold me back - I'm Sovereign
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Woman who went on 98 dates in nine months sums up: "I grew up in Minnesota and we had a state fair. The pigs, the cows, the horses would all be paraded for their blue ribbon. When I date, I feel that I am the pig, the cow or the horse" (pic)
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Ken Ham wants NASA's search for extraterrestrial life defunded so more creationist museums can be built, because Jesus wasn't a Klingon. Well, duh, Klingon Jesus was Kahless The Unforgettable, who slew the tyrant Molor with the first bat'leth
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Man provides logical explanation for why he put needles in packaged meat on at least seven occasions. It was "just for the hell of it." "It was stupidity. I didn't want to hurt nobody"
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Grumpy Cat is building an empire, plans to not fail like the Ottomans or Napoleon did
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Mississippi Supreme Court disciplines judge after she sent three 15-year-olds to a juvenile home to be strip searched, drug tested, and have a three-day stay. Their alleged crime? Walking through a woman's yard (they were later found not guilty)
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Fisherman catches delicious orange and blue lobster. The odds? 1 in 50 million
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John Kerry and Ban Ki-moon successfully negotiate a 120-minute truce in Gaza
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If you lock your child in a car accidentally, you can easily break the windows by hitting the lower left-hand corner with a hard object. They are designed that way. This guy didn't know that, but he did have a baseball bat
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When you are flying over the Atlantic at 35,000ft, please refrain from punching the window so hard it cracks. It freaks out the other passengers
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Commercial airplane passengers could soon be issued parachutes along with their boarding passes. You know, just because
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I've never seen a man with so many chickens in his SUV. I've never seen a man with so many chickens in his SUV. I've never seen a man with so many chickens in his SUV. I've never seen a man with so many chickens in his SUV
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Photoshop this tech-savvy trucker
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Remember when you could borrow a baggie of sugar from your neighbors without everyone in the apartment complex assuming you were buying drugs? "It's sad you can't give people sugar or salt or baking soda because the color is white"
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Old and Busted: Glow-in-the-dark ice cream. New Hotness: Ice cream that changes colors as you eat it
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A breakdown of who's still smoking in the United States. Hmmm... confused and mostly uneducated Millennials with identity issues? *check link* Yup
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Japanese farmer lynches Elmo doll, erects innovative scarecrow that will chase away all crows, all humans under 4
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Unable to wait patiently for ebola to make its way to the US naturally, the CDC decides to import it
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Woman is shocked, SHOCKED that someone would dress in scrubs with a stethoscope around their neck and pretend to be a home health nurse in order to steal and pawn thousands in jewelry
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| Thu July 31, 2014 |
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The London Zoo is being investigated because naked drunken guests have repeatedly tried to enter animal enclosures during lucrative after-hours parties that are putting the animals' welfare in danger
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Beer milkshakes now availble in Philadelphia. John Steinbeck would be proud
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Cop gets job back after claiming boner cream tainted his drug test. Riiiiiiight
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A bridge's weight limit is more of a guideline than a rule. Most of the time
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How to have Cybersex on the Internet. A useful guide from 1997. (Not safe for work)
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Women in China are banding together and showing a strong sense of solidarity. Fark: With selfies of their unshaven armpits
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This broadcast booth is just waiting for you to photoshop something happening
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CIA admits its agents improperly searched Senate computers. Don't worry, though, they'd never illegally monitor ordinary civilians, that would be wrong
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What's the only thing more dangerous than using a cell phone while driving? Using two
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Sideshow Bob arrested for trying to burn down his ex-girlfriend's house
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Sex offender inmate claims he's being punished for watching HBO, says he's not some filthy Lannister
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Your new global warming term: 'nuisance flooding' from high tides - which has increased 325 percent in the city of Norfolk. Surf's up in your backyard
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You know who's not on American paper dollars? Women. Specifically, Kim Kardashian
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Father of the year candidate takes his son to the zoo and records it for memories as he lets him climb over a safety barrier to pet a tiger. Since this is Fark you know what happened next
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Somehow, the global economy is destroying the demand for electricity. Which is ironic, considering we're all reading this on a computer, tablet, or smartphone powered by said electricity
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Random act of... flamingos
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When your teacher tells you to keep your arms inside the bus, you LISTEN
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Dallas/Fort Worth ranks third on list of top tourism destinations in the U.S. Apparently, tourists are enthralled with Dealey Plaza, the Stockyards, and miles and miles and miles of homogenous urban sprawl
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Time to break out the steak prep to show off the goods. When it's time to do it up, how do you make a steak? Difficulty: Not a strip, T-bone, or ribeye
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News: Rare three-tusked walrus discovered. Alaska: and immediately eaten by locals
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Photoshop this explosive reeinactment
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Toothmarks gave rogue dentist away
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Nursing home resident suing police for taking her hostage during a training exercise and failing to mention it was a training exercise
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The rapist sentenced to 7 to 14 years in prison
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Surprising almost no one, almost every fact the federal government relies upon to argue against legalizing marijuana is completely wrong. What the hell are they smoking?
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Air passenger demands parachute and cigarettes before attacking cabin crew with prosthetic leg. Yes, drink was involved officer
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Man dies after crashing his car into a bee-infested house, David Spade seen running from the scene
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For £330, your ass can be just as pretty as your face (Some images might be Not safe for work)
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Judge tells world's worst pot grower to find a job he's better at than the drug trade: "I think you should seriously consider taking up another occupation because you are not very good at this one"
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Between 2009 and 2011, armed IRS agents fired their guns accidentally more often than they fired their guns on purpose
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Sony selling so many PS4s that if you slipped XBox One sales into the figures, it would look like an accounting error
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In a way, ISIS has solved Iraq's constitutional crisis
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Liberian Official: We can't control the Ebola outbreak so....EVERYBODY PANIC
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♫Aruba, Jamaica oooh I wanna take you, to Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama, Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go, oooh I wanna take you down to Roofie Island♫
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Scientists just can't admit giant ice worms causing unexplained holes in Siberia
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Latest use for drones? Flying contraband items over prison walls
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For the woman in your life who has everything - vibrating Kegel exerciser/game controller
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Oh look - it's a gigantic sky penis (SFW)
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Sketch of man wanted for rape looks a lot like the 'sexy mug shot guy' in jail across the country
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"The internet lost one of its most famous, influential, and important dogs yesterday. RIP Benny the boxer"
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"Activists in South Korea have sent bundles of banned chocolate snacks across the border to the North via a series of helium balloons. Choco Pies are a South Korean chocolate snack filled with marshmallow, somewhat similar to Wagon Wheels"
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The hottest tourism destination is Ukraine, where for £50 a day, you get a tour of the war zone including an armed guard for an escort and your very own body armor
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Have we reached peak burger?
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Man starts sexual relationship with underage girl he met at church. Apparently, God had a problem with it
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$200k for an aborted beer run? I'll take it
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NYCHA is putting homeless families ahead of domestic violence victims on public housing waiting lists. It's probably too soon for another Tick reference, isn't it
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Sex manual returned to library after 54 years ... too late to save patron's marriage
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Your winning lottery numbers are 9, 10, 11, 12 and 13
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When you find yourself trying to coax a barefoot burglar down from a tree, water and electronic cigarettes aren't going to work. You need beer and real cigarettes. This is a rule
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Police chief orders highway department to post illegal speed limit. Again
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Today is National Orgasm Day. Have a good one
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When the only way the cops can describe how drunk you were when they arrested you is "off the Richter scale" because your blood-alcohol level was five times the legal limit, you may have a problem (mugshot)
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We've learned some more about the American suicide bomber. Dude was basically a whiny teenager from a gated community in Florida
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Dear Prudence: I told my mother I was joining a dating website. She was curious and started checking it out. She is now pretending to be a 28 year-old woman and is catfishing a guy. And I'm not getting a single message. What do I do?
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Photoshop this dirty peeper
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| (Business Insider) |
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Who knew Instagram geo-tagged every selfie you uploaded? OK, apart from this Russian Buk missile technician
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Scientist who helped discover Ebola: "I would sit next to an Ebola sufferer on the subway." Once
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| (Some Southern Guy) |
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Fark y'all
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Not news: Man decides to commit suicide. News: And has the gun in his mouth, ready to pull the trigger when his girlfriend hits him in the head with the butt of another gun. Fark: Making him accidentally pull the trigger shooting her instead
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Republicans are creating difficulty in honoring a pinko Commie librul piece of scum--the Pope
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This is why we cannot smoke nice things
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37 arrests in the last 30 days, 202 arrests since January, a man driving off with a officer hanging off his truck after shoplifting and another man dressed as a woman stealing 18 flat-screen TVs. Welcome to America's most dysfunctional Walmart
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How do you like to grill your steak? a) Cast iron skillet b) charcoal grill c) liquid hot "magma"
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In case you ever wondered what 29 sumo wrestlers crammed into a tiny plane looked like
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Michigan woman gives zoo the middle finger
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Family on a flight from Beijing to Detroit encourage their child to take a dump on his chair instead of in the bathroom
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Five years after giving laptops to school kids, Hoboken scraps the whole thing. Anybody want 10,000 used laptops?
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The summer wouldn't be complete without another person having a barbecue grill brush wire surgically removed from their throat
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 482: "Distant Horizons". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 30, 2014 |
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Every marriage has its speed bumps, such as a drunk husband
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Subby consumes twice as many fruits and vegetables as necessary, unless beer only counts as half a fruit, in which case he's right on target
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How's my driving? Call 1-800-HATCHET
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The top Ebola doctor in Sierra Leone is now bloody useless
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Company that produces "pink slime" beef that was banned from the market after unfavorable media coverage discovers a way to solve all their problems: Sue the bejesus out of every journalist who wrote bad things about them
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Teacher fired from Utah language school because "homophone" promotes a gay agenda and aren't aloud to be taut
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Women finally realize that male strippers are gross
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Woman spots the wedding dress given up for lost during Hurricane Sandy in her dry cleaner's window when the store finally reopens ... in a new location
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Welcome to your Sharknado 2: The Second One discussion thread. You waited a year for some more chainsaws, angry flying sharks and bad menstrual jokes. Tune in to SyFy at 9 ET/8c and you will be richly rewarded
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Photoshop this young bicycle painter
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Abe Lincoln killed in Ford's Theater, Jonathan Strack killed over a Ford Explorer. Coincidence? I think not
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"Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position, also make sure that anything that might be detected by drug-sniffing dogs is flushed down the loo"
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Fomrer Va Gov. Bob McDonnell seems to be resting his legal defense on the theory that his wife was a greedy grasping biatch who shook down those wealthy businessmen all on her own and he didn't know nuthin' about it
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Three, maybe four farkers will remember P.O.P., Pacific Ocean Park, the great amusement park pier in Santa Monica that opened in 58 and closed in 67. But those farkers? They're my homies
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Wildlife "sanctuary" under fire for pimping out animals for parties, including alligators to put in your pool, so that your kids can swim with them. Owner claims nothing wrong with it, or dressing like Hulk Hogan in drag
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Dita Von Teese has debuted a maternity collection. That's pretty hot, girl I'm going to get you pregnant.. er
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To help scientists find a cure for cancer, man pushes a sprout up a mountain with his nose
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Protip: If you plan to rob a bank and escape on foot, be sure you have the physical ability to run more than a couple of blocks
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Online following grows around black-clad woman walking from Georgia to Ohio, with "fans" waiting to listen to her yell about the masons, the pentagon, and Jesus
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So it turns out that Europe has been paying ransom money to Al-Qaeda for years now
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Don't text and drive, you might spill your beer
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Morning in West Virginia: birds chirping, a gentle breeze, and a woman taking her naked guy out for a walk on his leash
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"I love you more than all the world and have no hope of reward on earth or hereafter, so precious as that in your dear arms, in your thrilling lips, in your matchless breasts, signed, Warren G. Hardon
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Cop stops driver to give him a speeding ticket, settles for heart attack instead
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Photoshop this unusual statue
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Scientists discover assholes -- excuse me, "Homo economicus" -- really exist in wealthy Tokyo suburbs
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Lois Lerner criticized GOP as "Crazies," "Assholes" in emails. Is it a scandal if it's true?
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Woman pulls Glock on Comcast serviceman after he tries to leave without fixing connection
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Well that's just great: Russian insurgents have planted mines all over the MH17 crash site
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Nanjing real estate agent creates haunted-house database listing local properties that were site of murder, suicide, or unnatural death, with intent of forestalling disputes where buyer did not know they were buying a haunted house
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Watch a cocoa farmer try chocolate for the first time
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Global warming is bad for Alaska's economy because it negatively impacts the state's unique landscape. Global warming is good for Alaska's economy because it extends the summer cruise ship season by two weeks
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If you thought British drivers sucked before, just wait 'til January
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Naked man arrested for masturbating outside an apartment complex. Residents glad the police finally hauled this jerk off
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Man trying to be the next great supervillian robs a gas station wearing plastic bags over his head and arms
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If you ever wanted your own military landing craft the Army is auctioning one off this week. Bidding is up to $45 (with pics of future Fark Party Barge)
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Online dating sites falling victims to sextortionists
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Classics scholar forced to watch Hercules says that the Rock's portrayal is neither historically or mythologically accurate, that at no time did Hercules ask if anyone could smell what he was cookin'
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Space Ghost haunts abandoned New Jersey pharmaceutical companies. No word on grumpy mantis sidekicks
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Liberia closes airports. Disease arrives in Nigeria. Sierra Leone closes airports. Liberia bans public gatherings. Guinea begins handing out face masks. You have 18 DNA points
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Heavy drinking during middle age leads to ... something something
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No one is quite sure how these four elephants wound up addicted to heroin, but it probably started with a gateway drug like pot. Bales of pot
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So tell me again, how many concept meetings did your baby toy company have before deciding that fake prescription bottles filled with candy was a winning idea?
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Red Robin unveils 'Monster' burger, which when combined with a 'Monster' shake and endless fries, comes in at 3540 calories, 69 grams of saturated fat, and 6280 mg of sodium. One of your arteries just closed off from reading this headline
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If you've never heard of Cat island, it's off the coast of Japan, cats outnumber people and every day is Caturday (pics)
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L. Skywalker's passport application rejected. Looks like I'm going nowhere... I'm gonna finish cleaning those 'droids
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FBI had errors in 17 death penalty cases. Ooops
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Apparently using your own property how you see fit is absolutely horrible and should be stopped at all costs. Yes, it's in San Francisco, how did you know?
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Just another day in Michigan - Joggers by the lake, kids in the park, an armed man high on acid at a pizza place wearing only a towel
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Not news: Two women decide to walk across a 80-foot-high railroad bridge. News: When a train comes they both lie down in the middle of the tracks. Fark: And somehow survive but probably needed a change of underwear (with video)
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Sum Ting Wong, We Tu Low have a new friend. Louis Slungpue of the DWP providing expert analysis that a cherry bomb caused the 10m gallon water break at UCLA
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While low-income families desperately waited for assistance, CHA held back millions of dollars in subsidies, all so they could write their name on the moon with a giant laser
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Jesse Ventura wins $1.8 million in defamation suit against Navy SEAL's estate, figures this win will give him the financial security to have time to bleed
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The US military has a new contractor for shipping service member's personal vehicles when they get stationed overseas. Let's look in and see how that's going. "Unequivocally we have not lost any vehicles, they are in the system somewhere"
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Police arrest a 16 year-old boy in the middle of a crime spree, charge him with six felony burglary counts. Way to make a case for year-round schooling, jackass
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Caption this mouthy fella
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If you're going to swap counterfeit money for real money at your job, at least make sure the fakes are good enough that Bojangles employees can't spot them immediately
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I've squatted before and I'll squat again. By the way, thanks for the 40 Grand Kickstart suckers
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Boss of Germany's biggest soccer club can't come to US for club's summer tour because of visa system crash
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Plastic surgeon being sued by a woman whose before picture he used to highlight the unsightly presence of a "cocaine nose"
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Body of an apparent stowaway found in the wheel well of a U.S. Air Force C-130. Allows your crazy uncle to merge his Ebola-spreading and border-crossing rants into one doomsday scenario
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Police officer uses his flashing lights and loudspeaker while a) pursuing bank robbers, b) escorting a pregnant woman to the hospital, or c) going drunkenly through the drive-through at White Castle late at night?
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I'm a lesbian marrying a man. I'm not a heterosexual. I am not a bisexual. I am still a lesbian. A pregnant lesbian. And marrying the man I fell in love with. Stop oppressing me. Seriously. You're doing it again
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We interrupt Gaza, the US border, Syria, Ukraine, Iraq, and Afghanistan to bring you North Korea
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this camel caravan
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Only in 'Merica could an attempt to serve an eviction notice lead to an intense standoff with the SWAT team
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Toys 'R' Us sells a girl doll that pees, no one cares, it's all part of the plan. Sell an anatomically correct boy doll with a penis, and everyone loses their minds (possibly not safe for work product image in article)
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Hobby Lobby fires pregnant employee who requested time off so she could give birth
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What's the deal with the ship found under the 9/11 ruins? HERE COMES THE SCIENCE
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It's all fun and games 'til you get so drunk that eating potato chips off the floor of a train seems like a good idea
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Topless ✔ Drunk in public ✔ Pants around ankles ✔ Yelling slurred words at police ✔ 'Wanna party with me?' mugshot ✔ Yep, just another normal day in Fark's favorite state
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Insurance Company: "Sorry 16 year old kid with cancer, but we're not paying for your dentures because you can live without teeth. Next"
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Vegan's ILVTOFU vanity plate rejected because nobody reading that would believe that someone loves tofu
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"The Crying Game" meets "Fight Club"
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Old and busted: Online diploma mills. New hotness: Online service animal certification mills, so that you can take your pet with you anywhere, and due to regulations, nobody is allowed to question the validity
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| Tue July 29, 2014 |
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Don't you just hate it when a tornado rips through your place and dumps all the stuff you stole from your neighbors onto your front lawn where they can see it
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When tipping at a restaurant, tipping 15 percent or 20 percent is just fine, But a $43,239.92 tip on an $8 meal is a little excessive
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Agoraphobics on disability because they can't leave the house shouldn't post photos of their beach vacations to Goa
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With the U.S. prison population up by 430 percent from 1978 and 2009, isn't it time we start to weed out the stoners from the prisons?
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Last surviving Enola Gay crewman touches the face of God
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Jumped on trampoline, bruised penis
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Never go full George Costanza
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It gets annoying after a while when the Prince of Darkness keeps sending you text messages just because you performed a failed exorcism on a teenage girl
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New Jersey shows that wedding brawls aren't just for Florida anymore
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop Tennis Match: Tunnel Edition. Ready... set... go
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Here's mud in your eye
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It's all perfectly logical, see: coal was given to Alabama by God, thus any attempts to regulate it is a violation of God's will, say Alabama public officials
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Private lenders: Sorry your kid died, but we want our student loan money. Oh, and here's 0% interest to make it all better
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Photoshop these brave divers
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Birds sunbathe to spread vital oils across their bodies and to help to drive out any parasites that may be feeding on their plumage. Just like the cast of Jersey Shore
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New letters show that, despite outward appearances, Lincoln was actually every bit as nervous a public speaker as Obama without his teleprompter
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More than 40 percent of all British people would refuse to travel if they didn't have a smuggled jar of Marmite with them
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Stone Brewing Co is selling future W00tstout production to raise money for its Berlin Germany expansion. Almost sold out looks like. Bonus Drew in the thread talking about beer
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| (Some Guy) |
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Having kids is a challenge-- they're picky eaters, daycare is expensive, and what's a mom to do with them when she's trying to get to the threesome at her apartment building's public hot tub?
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June, 2014 was the hottest month ever recorded on Planet Earth. This is all Al Gore's fault
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Q: What happens when a beer snob is forced to drink fruit beer? A: He discovers he's not as much of a beer snob as he thought. Not as much of a man, either
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George Zimmerman now working night security, because of course he is and also Florida
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Refund from local car dealership forces woman to count her pennies
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| (Some Guy) |
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Scary: Woman kidnapped by her ex. Sad: Will be set free if she can get $25,000. Fark: And give the money to the police for bail
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Experiment with OKCupid profiles confirms that you can be a really beautiful person inside but that doesn't matter because nobody can see it in your profile picture and so nobody cares
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"La Fin Du Topless Sur La Plage?"
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Concealed carry permit holder shoots at fleeing bank robber, forcing legitimate cop to take cover and cease pursuit
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Massive hole found in the US border, and it's not our immigration policy
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The only thing spreading faster than Ebola in Africa are the conspiracy theories about why Ebola is a CIA-manufactured weapon to reduce the population of Africa
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The only thing classier than getting married in a Superman costume while your bride wears a Wonder Woman costume are the wedding photos from your special day
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| (Some Guy) |
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Man who lost his hand to fireworks says he will stay upbeat and keep grabbing life by the throat, though not with both hands as before
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Clowns involved in one-car auto accident. Dozens injured
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We get it. You're trying to prove some kind of point about the Second Amendment by going into an airport carrying a rifle just to buy some coffee. But could you watch where you're pointing that thing?
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Pootie Poot says Obama is making him feel bad and he may just take his polonium and go home
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