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| Sun July 27, 2014 |
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Father of the year candidate doesn't notice when his 3-year-old son wandered out of the house ending up 10 blocks away at 2:30 in the morning and refused to open the door to police or pick up his son from the police department
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Need braaains
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Breast feeding equipment? In my vending machines? It's more likely than you think
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At least thirteen people shocked to learn that sometimes it really does rain in southern California
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Riders of the Skyhawk ride at Ohio's Cedar Point need a sedative and a new pair of underwear after a cable that swings patrons as high as 124 feet snaps, injuring two
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Blow-by-blow of a home invasion: "As I was dragging him out he went down and then came up and grabbed my nuts. He grabbed them really hard and it was really painful, but I had a lot of adrenalin"
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Actual words in this article, in this actual order: CNN is one of the world's ranking quality news brands
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With all the things kids have to learn today in order to be competitive in a global economy, why are schools still teaching cursive writing?
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Taliban poised to retake southern province of Kandahar, an event that pretty much nullifies everything the US and the west did in Afghanistan for 13 years
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9:30 a.m. - Redneck Baby Contest. 3 p.m. - Cornhole. 10:30 p.m. - Bikini Bullride Contest. 9:30 a.m. Sunday - Church Services. Just another year at the Tilton Redneck Games
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Photoshop these superstars
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Cruise line: Do you want traveler's insurance? Family: No. Cruise line: Are you sure? It's $4,000, no refunds without it. Family: We're sure. Cruise line: OK, here's your tickets. Family, two weeks before cruise: OMG WHY WON'T YOU REFUND OUR MONEY?
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Mexican immigrant with drug-resistant strain of TB goes missing in California. Granted, he's been missing since March, but don't let that get in the way of your terrified outrage
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Naked blue smurfs in Times Square with NOT SAFE FOR WORK pictures of said naked blue smurfs
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Sure our fertilizer plant blew up but hey it's not our fault people died because you have poorly-trained first responders
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Pot appears to slow tumor growth in study. But Denver has more homeless since pot was legalized, so we can ignore the study
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Juggalos are breeding like magnets
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Repeal Prohibition, again
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It's time once again for your updated Weekend Chicago Shooting Tracker, and things were relatively quiet this weekend, with only nineteen people getting shot, though once again a child was the victim of indiscriminate gang violence in Chiraq
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Hurt yourself while breaking into someone's home? Feel free to sue as much as you want. Judge boinks your ex-wife while presiding over your child support case and you want to sue? Denied
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♫ Spider Man, Spider Man, punched a cop and then he ran ♫
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There's an "apocalyptic" collection of abandoned trains rusting away in a North Carolina forest, and this photographer will take you there
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Photoshop Invitational for classic Farkers (5 year members or longer). Submit one of your favorite Photoshop posts from 2009 or earlier
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"No Irish Drunks" sign removed from bar after protest. To be replaced with "No Fat Americans"
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If you were planning a trip abroad, it might be wise to see where you, as an American, would be welcomed and not welcomed. Here's a handy little list
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Man makes bomb threats on plane because cigarettes were cheaper on the plane than back at the airport
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The good news is that you probably don't have celiac disease. The bad news is you're a hypochondriac
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Officials in Sierra Leone confirm they have taken custody of the woman whose family kidnapped her from a hospital and exposed millions to the Ebola virus. The woman died after the faith healer her family sent her to couldn't cure her
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"There are as many atheisms as there are gods"
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Sometimes, when you're riding your motorcycle, you just need to stop and stretch your legs. In the middle of traffic on a busy highway off-ramp is probably not the optimal place to do it, however. Especially if your BAC is 2.5 times the legal limit
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Lack of sleep may lead to increase in risk of false memories, though subby swears the jello-wrestling bout with Scarlett Johansson and Olivia Wilde really happened, pinkie swear
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Photoshop Theme: Terrible breakfast cereals
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Walmart: Our ice cream sandwiches don't melt ... even after sitting out for 12 hours in the sun
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Boston taxi driver refuses to break traffic laws
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If you leave your kid home alone, you get in trouble. If you leave your kid in a locked car, you get in trouble. So sometimes you're forced to take your kid with you when you go out to sell some drugs. "He doesn't know what's going on"
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Best Korea continues fight against the imperial dog of the sea
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Survivor of the USS Indianapolis sinking describes floating in the ocean for days waiting to be rescued and it's even more terrifying than Quint's tale in 'Jaws.' "The body would go under, and then that life vest popped back up"
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Coming up at the top of the hour from Juneau, Alaska, it's once again time for Livingston Stapler Company Presents. 2 hours of live music hosted by a farker
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| Sat July 26, 2014 |
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Thanks to all the botched executions in America recently, the concept of the firing squad has never been more popular
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Fire destroys bloodmobile; blood bank trying to B positive about it
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What's worse than having a stroke? Having a stroke in your bathroom and having to drink toilet water for a week before someone finds you
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Pastor claims gay people are possessed by "fart demons" that can drive pigs to suicide
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Photoshop this aerial piano man
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| (Some Guy) |
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Millennial outdoes granny nanny by renting AirBNB condo for 44 days, never paying his bills, and never leaving while claiming protection under California rental laws. He's scamming Kickstarter, and looks like his greenlights were repeats too
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You may want to sit down for this: MH17 black box findings are consistent with a missile blast
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Man wanted for passing four fake $100 dollar bills at 7-11. In other news, it's possible to spend $400 at 7-11 in one visit
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Today's Cool Russian Dashcam Footage involves a driver calmly jumping out of his fuel truck as it explodes into a fireball
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Tired of having motorcycles stolen, man parks his bike where he can see it - hanging from a winch outside his third-floor apartment. 'It is not much more work than putting three padlocks on the bike, and it's a lot more secure" (pics)
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Millennials give up jobs, family, and all worldly possessions for: a) missionary work b) socialist ideology c) moving to Denver for legal weed and living in homeless shelter
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Buzzfeed editor discovers this one weird trick for getting fired
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It doesn't matter if you're the Queen of Soul, if you order a hamburger at Johnny Rockets to go, you damn well better go
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Photoshop this enthusiastic beachgoer
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Not news: A New York man is suing Starbucks. News: Claiming the staff put heroin and Ambien in his Oprah Chai tea. Fark: six months before they even started serving Oprah Chai tea
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Towing company owner charged with twenty-nine felonies after he towed multiple cars from a parking lot because it was where people attending a homosexual-friendly event parked, and he (allegedly) can't stand gays
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Georgia State Patrol threatens to ticket slow drivers for blocking fast lane
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When you have a voice like Morgan Freeman's, you don't even need to wear a beekeeper's suit to feed the bees living in the beehives in your backyard. You just charm them with your relaxed velvet voice
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For those who bet on "Suspect in home invasion was not pregnant," please step up to collect your prize
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Dear Prudence: Our 7 year-old daughter regularly goes to sleep over at her friend's house. On a routine Google search, I learned the girl's father was a sex offender; he says he was 18 and had a 14 year-old girlfriend. What should I do?
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Sharp knees are still ok with this guy
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After investigating for three years, aviation authorities say helicopter crash was caused by "failure to maintain clearance" near mountains. In related news, flying into a mountain makes you crash
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US evacuates embassy in Tripoli following clashes between rival militias
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Looks like somebody's mommy and daddy didn't show them enough attention
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"Nurse struck by lightning inside her house is saved by her flip flops." Shocking
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Whilst the death penalty for serial killers is of debatable morality, I think we can all agree that thieves who steal the ashes of dead children pretty much deserve a hangin'
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| (Some Mamika) |
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Photoshop this Super-Grandma
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Ok, so now we know why it was abandoned
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Click this link to watch a celebrity cat video that provides a meal for a shelter animal each time someone watches it - up to one million meals. Sounds like a job for Caturday
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The rest of you can mock us for living in Arizona when it's 117 outside all you want, but it's still better than shoveling snow
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Fertility clinic tells white woman she can only choose white semen. She was okay with that until they also said she can only choose from white donors
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Caption this Cafeteria Catholic
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Russia declares McDonald's to be "unsanitary and unhealthy"
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Parents of the year candidates say they 'can't see what the fuss is about' after their 4-year-old daughter and her toddler brother were found playing next to a dumpster near a busy road
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The latest peril from the animal kingdom: GIANT KILLER ANTEATERS
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Tooth Fairy declares bankruptcy
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| Fri July 25, 2014 |
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America's favorite burger chain? Well it's not that one place, or that other place either
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"How shenanigans start on the internet." Article is a bit more in-depth than "Hey, y'all, watch this"
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Newest trend in marriages? Beta testing. Thanks, millennials
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BART's coliseum station closed due to A's signing a new 10-year lease
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Not News: Insurance refuses to buy 6 year old a prosthetic arm. News: Engineering students decide to build him one. FARK: Boy now has new bionic arm. It cost $350.00 to build. And the students just put the design into the public domain - for free
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Here is a list of some of the best New Yorker articles that you have three months to read before they go behind the paywall
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Man searches abandoned house, finds "old mop" and brings it to the local SPCA to get cleaned up
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Turns out International travel insurance isn't all inclusive in case of horrific Mexican ziplining accidents
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Who would have thought that a violent felon who repeatedly runs from the cops would make a reliable informant? Well, the cops, apparently
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Y'know how that airliner getting shot down last week was going to force Russia to re-assess their aggression in Ukraine and back off? Yeah, today they started shelling Ukraine and giving more weapons to the nuts who shot down the plane last week
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Woman who tested positive for the ebola virus has escaped quarantine and is now loose in a city of one million people. FUEL AIR BOMB
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this leisurely reader
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Pineapple upside-down truck
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Congratulations, Northern Virginia, on finally being named the North American hub of a major disease outbreak
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Nope
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"Hi, yes, we'd like to order a family-sized pizza. Our address? Oh, we live in the rental truck we stole a couple of months ago"
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An absurd Middle East peace plan that might work
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If you're an older lady and you want to make a few nice gestures for the kids in your community, it's probably not a good idea to start anonymously leaving porcelain dolls on the doorsteps of girls to whom they hold an eerie resemblance
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UN Secretary General to Hamas and Israeli forces: "This is wrong. You must stop fighting." Of course both sides lay down their weapons and hug each other
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Profiles of some of the victims of MH17 will make the room dusty
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| (Some Guy) |
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OK, let me mansplain to you wimmins why you need to stay away from that 50 Shades of Grey movie
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Help. I've fallen in the tub and I can't get out. (repeat for 11 days)
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Pope Francis heads down to the cafeteria for lunch with the regular workers. In other news, there's a Vatican cafeteria
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It's probably best to turn off your pump when fleeing from a fire at a gas station
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Perhaps storing your methadone in a baby bottle is not the best idea, Mother of the Year Candidate
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Photoshop this vintage radio
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Bad: having to call your parents to pick you up after a car crash. Worse: having to call your parents to pick you up after a plane crash
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Clear your desks, still your mind, finish the bottle and hide from the boss: it's time for the Fark Quiz. Fortified with vitamins, minerals, and enough booze to kill a Canadian unicorn
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Prosecutors say Brooklyn woman decapitated her neighbor and then scattered her dismembered body parts all over Long Island because the victim was late paying the rent. And you thought YOUR landlord was a dick
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You think you've got problems? Imagine living in Georgetown in an $8 million mansion that doesn't have a garage to hold your four cars, and there's not enough street parking, AND you even have to sometimes *shovel* in the winter
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It takes a lot to top the weird behavior of NYC subway riders, but plucking and eating a live bird definitely puts you in contention
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Alabama man sues hospital for mistakenly amputating his penis. No word on whether he will be changing his name to "Hedwig"
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Things I learned from this article 1) Valdimir Putin has a 29-year old daughter who is mildly hot. 2) she lives in the Netherlands 3) She's lying low right now because people named Putin ain't real popular there just right now
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Eva Peron's limo for sale. Lots of power, stylish exterior, may unexpectedly stop running
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I'll have the large fries, a McDouble and a side of cocaine
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If your wife is a "messy" housekeeper, you should a) volunteer to help share cleaning tasks, b) hire a maid to help clean the house, or c) stab her 84 times and put a pig mask on her face
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Former SFSU accounting professor invites current and former students over to his house for a party; fails to account for blinking red light from camera hidden in a tissue box in bathroom
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News: Russian newspaper prints front-page apology to MH17 victims. Not news: Russian newspaper that has seen four of its journalists murdered since 2001
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Japanese newscaster, who previously admitted to not knowing what PowerPoint was, suggests that residents facing power outages during heatwave use electric fans to stay cool. This guy is like the anti-Romero or something
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Religion of Pieces
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Police are beginning to start the early processes of maybe kind of opening a process in which they possibly consider the notion that there might be a slight chance, maybe, that prosecuting teenagers for sexting is a waste of resources
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Old and busted: Upskirt photos. New hotness: Upskirt panty removal
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Coach driver tries to hold city tourism hostage over £7.80. It's like Speed, but without the driving
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"Sunni militias pinched by Jihadis" Sounds like somebody's butthurt
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There is a lizard sex satellite floating in space, and Russia no longer has it under control
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NASA would like humanity to know that on July 23rd, 2012 a massive solar flare nearly destroyed Earth's entire electrical infrastructure, which would have plunged the world into total chaos. Have a nice day
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One for the "Holy Farking hell" file: "They were going into places like the anal area, the vaginal area, the pubic area of the males," Doris Kennard said. "That's where they would get in"
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You know you're hardcore when you use a blowpipe to sedate cows so you can stuff them in the back seat of your car
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Hello police? We found a witch. May we burn her?
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Two men. Both illegally carrying guns. Both shoot another human being. Now what?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this volcanic formation
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Not news: Man gets pulled over. News: And calls 911 to report a fake murder happening nearby to try and get out of getting a citation. Fark: Which upgrades a $209 speeding fine to a third-degree felony charge
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River in China mysteriously turns blood-red overnight
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There is a new group calling themselves "Macktivists," which is composed of men who pretend to be feminists so they can hit on feminists in online chatrooms, forums, and Salon.com articles
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Seattleite attempts to understand himself better by analyzing The Onion headlines about Seattle
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Pro-Tip: Don't taunt police on their Facebook page if you have an open warrant out for your arrest
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Come for the awesome collapse of an arched iceberg into the sea. Stay for the resulting wall of water heading toward the small boat that was close to said iceberg
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Owner of youth shelter defends her decision to require parents to pay if they wanted their children back
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"My son has been suspended five times. He's 3 years old." Sounds like you really hit that parenting thing out the park
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Repo man towing your 'prized' Cadillac Escalade? That's a tire iron to the windows, a mess in the driveway and one sore bite mark
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Amazing Pizza Hut meals from around the world people from New York and Chicago could only wish to eat
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Zebra: the other black-and-white meat
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| Thu July 24, 2014 |
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Flying car strikes house in Hop Pole, England. Ginger kid and boy with odd scar on forehead sought for questioning
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Gary Busey's nephew is running an outdoor strip club at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Yep, you read that right
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Police confused after porcelain dolls are being left on the doorsteps of girls they hold an eerie resemblance to
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Think fraternity hazings are bad? Well, they've got nothing on The Ohio State marching band. Just ask band members Squirt, Jizzy, and Tiggles (link may be not safe for work)
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Everything's bigger in TEXAS. Especially the huge swarm of Africanized bees that swarmed and stung you over 1,000 times
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Photoshop this hop, skip and a jump
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Man earns 400 million American Express Reward Points when he purchases a rare Ming Dynasty cup valued at $32 million
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If you thought BuzzFeed was stupid that could be partly because they've been stealing from Yahoo Answers
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Tylenol won't help your lower back pain, but at least it causes deadly liver damage
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Storing men in manholes sounds reasonable at first
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Boy with cancer only asked for birthday cards for his birthday. Win: Receives more than 30,000 of them
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Merging late is better than merging as soon as it is safe. But we still hate you for it
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Good news, fatties: There's a newly discovered virus that you can blame your obesity and diabetes on. And it's even got "ass" in its name
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25 dogs who LOVE Peanut Butter with SFW.jif pics
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Archaeologists discover ancient astronomy lab in northern Peru
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F*ck it, I'm burying myself underground
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Don't you hate it when an 88 year-old woman photobombs your selfie?
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Motorcade blocks woman in labour from reaching hospital. Thanks, Obamacare
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Animal control officials find a stray pitbull on the streets caring for a sick chihuahua, and are looking for a forever home for the two of them together-and an agent to sell the film rights of their story to Pixar (Updated link)
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Is Michelle Obama using the National Science Foundation to deploy robots into Americans' homes to monitor the federal government's dietary and exercise mandates?
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Meanwhile, Russia has started firing artillery into Ukraine
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Crockpots revisited - What new recipes or tweaks have you tried out to make a good family meal without a lot of fuss? Are your classics too good to change? Make sure to share the wealth to the right
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If you are a parent, don't beat up your kid when he does not do his chores. He may call the police on you
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Dude, just take a drop
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Photoshop this lone gunman
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July is rapidly coming to a close and you need an excuse to celebrate the summer. So grab some salt and limes and celebrate National Tequila Day today
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Seriously North Korea, that's what you think a hamburger looks like?
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Please note: there are several useful things one can say when running into a convenience store while billowing smoke and flames, but "I'm on fire" is really just stating the obvious
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Hey Brits, your invasion of giant deadly Asian hornets is sooooo yesterday, today it's the invasion of the Asian SUPER ANTS (some not safe for work content on page)
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Oh d-dear, oh d-d-d-dear dear
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The next big thing to come out of Bikini Bottom? Seaweed beer
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If you thought the WBC had a lock on "Most Annoying Christian Group of the Year," hold on... Portland has a late entry
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Looks like the tree-huggers win this round
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There once was a bomb from Nantucket
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TSA is prepared to stop zombies from flying
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Cops seek answers in professor's slaying. Promptly distribute blue books to neighbors and potential witnesses
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When you post a network news report on You Tube, the network will drop a takedown notice to have it removed immediately, but if the network uses one of YOUR videos without permission (or even giving you credit)? Well that's just fine and dandy
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80yo homeowner shoots fleeing intruder-assailant, and then finishes her off. "She says, 'Don't shoot me, I'm pregnant I'm going to have a baby' And I shot her anyway"
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If you run over yourself with your own truck during a road rage incident, you might be from Florida
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Student taking pictures for class project gets her face all over angry mom's shoes
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Even Ukraine's Prime Minister thinks they're farked
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Man consumes 12 "tallboy" Buds, crashes his car, asks witnesses if they thought he was driving under the influence, then responds to officer asking him if he is okay with, "I'm drunk." Breathalyzer gets contact buzz
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City of Boston rams through legislation ewe wouldn't believe, and gives kids a summer job eating poison ivy
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Ukranian MH17 looters go all Nigerian scammer on crash victims' credit cards
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Twinkies find a new way to be relevant: just add weed
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Note to self: Never order a Flaming Lamborghini at the bar
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Woman in sleepy, 60s-era planned community of Reston, VA learns that "supporting an al-Shabaab terror cell" is most *definitely* a violation of HOA covenants
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Best. Jail. In. The. World
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When the government orders you to tear down a giant driftwood tower you built in the woods, you should react like any sane person and declare the land a micronation
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Think the dating scene is hard now? Just wait until you're forced to smell bags of used t-shirts at the bars to find someone you might be compatible with
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"You Dutch? You want to know what happened to the plane? I tell you. It fell out of the sky. Just like that shiat happens"
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Sun-Sentinel's Question of the Day: Should being fat automatically be a get out of jail free card?
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Naked college guys robble robble a restaurant
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One-eyed man claims optician discriminated against him because he refused to give him an eye test at half price
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Problem: Need $150 million for your project because US investors see it as a giant failure in the making. Solution: Allow rich Chinese to buy-in through federal program in exchange for green cards
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If you and your buddy are going to commit a home invasion at a rooming house with two pipes taped together to look like a shotgun, be prepared for the guy sleeping there to recognize your stupidity and fight to defend the $13 he's carrying
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Aberdeen doctors find sex toy in woman ... that had been there for 10 YEARS
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City still working to confiscate man's therapy ducks
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If you're an artist, it's one thing if you manipulate bees to build trippy-looking beehives inside plexiglass. But do you really need to bring a handful of bees to your face so you can purposely be stung during a performance?
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"How many Daily News reporters does it take to not fact check a story?"
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In prison you learn real-life street smarts like how to shank a man, ways to make your own moonshine, and the art of couponing
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News: Dog shot in encounter with cop. Fark: Cop shot in encounter with dog
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Condo association sued for million bucks for being, well, assholes
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The Methodist church may split in the middle because of homosexuality
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Old and Busted: Leaving babies in the car. New Hotness: Leaving your mom locked in the car
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Don't you just hate it when you're so drunk you confuse the cabin door on your flight with the restroom?
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Photoshop this bright idea
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Snowden Ukraine ebay manpad H5N1 wild tunnels lead lined shipping containers NSA TOR Taliban fissile airport onion network Flight 800 AK-47 BIEBER yellow cake silk road
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There once was a man from Limerick/ Who stepped out back with an exposed dick/ He looked at two girls in a pool/ Which they thought was not cool/ And now a new lawyer he must pick
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F*ck it, I'm never leaving my apartment
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FAA gives Air Israel green light to clear runway
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If you're going to rob a bank, don't wear a shirt with your first name on it
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Man returns home from a two-day vacation to find a family living there because they fell for a real-estate scam
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Southwest Airlines: Complain about our service on social media? Kiss your reserved seat good-bye until you delete the complaint
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 481: "The Path Less Taken 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 23, 2014 |
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Arizona carries out an execution with a controversial new drug in which the condemned prisoner took nearly 2 hours to die
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"China's censors seem to have banned internet reports about a giant inflatable toad floating in a Beijing park, amid mockery on social media comparing it to ex-president Jiang Zemin" (pic)
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Couple does the time warp, moves back to the 1950s to save what's left of their marriage
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Father and son 'round the world' flight ends in tragedy as their plane goes down after leaving Pago Pago in American Samoa. The son was going for a "youngest pilot" record
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How to get banned from a doughnut shop? Just have your 4-year-old ask a non-pregnant woman if she has a baby in her belly. Yeah, that should do it
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Old Bay. Donut. Fried Chicken. Sandwich
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911, what's your emergency? Yes, this is cat
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Shine your shoes, wash your face, and put on your drinking panties because Hop-Con 2: The w00tstout 2.0 launch festival is finally here tonight at 7PM PST in beautiful San Diego
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Russia's alternative theories about MH17 show they've watched the 1st season of Sherlock. Expect further updates from them as Netflix expands its BBC selection
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It's over a hundred in Phoenix today, so the local news station does the only reasonable thing and anchors the show from a desk made of ice
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Photoshop this napper
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"The blue and gold penis was visible from satellite imagery"
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With today's recall, GM has likely recalled nearly every model in its portfolio since the beginning of the year
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Deep fried Doritos debut at Southern California fairs. The junk food Singularity approaches
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Biggest thing I ever choked as a teenage boy was a chicken
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In 1951, the FBI thought the Soviets might be hiding an atomic bomb somewhere in New York City
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Grab your ketchup, it's National Hot Dog Day
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New dating site matches users through their DNA. Promises to be more accurate than living in Arkansas
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If you're dressed up as a park ranger and kicking dogs while taking pictures of women, the Marin County Sheriff's Office in California would like a word with you
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How solar-equipped donkeys are changing the lives of Turkish shepherds. No Mad-Libs were harmed in the making of this headline
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Photoshop this green planet
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Oregon vandals use donuts and other pastries to deface private property. Police officers from seven western states volunteer to assist with the crime scene
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Canadian mayor dies after being ATTACKED BY WASPS
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You might be a little hyperbolic if you describe the pruning of some trees presenting a road hazard as "murderous"
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Surprisingly the record holder for the Guinness Book of World Records for the most teeth extracted from one person is not British
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The best breakfast sandwich in America is located in Washington, D.C. Finally, a reason to go there
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F*ck it, I'll just walk
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What does a 20 percent chance of rain REALLY mean?
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| (Texas Monthly BBQ) |
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A love of BBQ and caring for your fellow man. Two great things that go great together
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Dr. Sheik Khan, who was leading the fight against the Ebola outbreak in West Africa, has become its latest victim. Also, is that a badass name or what?
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AP: "BREAKING: Dutch military plane carrying bodies from Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 crash lands in Einhoven"
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Now pay attention: Oso disaster had its roots in earlier landslides. Recovery will require three special steps
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Texas city's 'Toilet-To-Tap' program begins. Bear Grylls seen shopping for homes in the area
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Old and busted in New Orleans: Show us your tits. New mantra: Give us your butts
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It took a decision by a government tribunal to make it official, but now it is: pyramid-shaped tea bags are actually better than square or round ones
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Judge refuses to release a 551 pound man from house arrest. His wife was crushed
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When trying to flee from police it would probably be smart to avoid the Law Enforcement Training Academy instead of driving right in to it like this idiot
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Insurance companies insist motorized scooters need to be covered under vehicle policies. Those rascals will do anything to make a buck
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The text is coming from UNDER THE BED
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Geico has this house covered
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Terry Gilliam wanted for questioning
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Writer who can't get laid because the internet ruined sex, decides that internet is also ruining his love of meteorology. Forever alone
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What should you do if you're feeling a bit hot? A) Have a cool drink? B) Switch the air-con on? C) Gouge your eyes out?
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Dog owner interrupts alligator's would-be snack
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Researchers discover that the voices you hear while hallucinating are dependent on your culture. Farkers hear slurred voices wondering where the bottle opener went
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Caption these unlikely neighbors at the San Diego Zoo
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Ukraine shoots down two of its own fighter jets in order to make the rebels look bad
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There is only one way to save Gaza, Israel, and Palestine. And it doesn't involve the words "glass parking lot"
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U.S. officials: Look, we have no "direct link" between Russia and the Russian-built missile fired by Russian-backed rebels in a former Russian-ally, but we're working on it
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Photoshop Theme: When life hands you lemons
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Reporter who rifled through Malaysia Airlines crash victim's luggage says "I crossed the line." Apparently that was never covered in Journalism 101
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Police seek men who stole 144 pairs of lingerie. Gross
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2nd Annual Farks In The Wild at the Buffalo Zoo. July 23, 6pm - SOLD OUT - After Zoo Info
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The latest thing that is considered hazardous and will kill us all: Eight hours of sleep
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Banksy does it and it's considered pricey art. Rodriguez-Cruz does it and is facing felony criminal mischief charges with damage totaling more than $23,000
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I don't know which one is creepier, the couple having sex on the beach in front of several people or the person who recorded them having sex on the beach in front of several people
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Failed robber sues the pizzeria workers he tried to stick up, claiming that he is the real victim
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Days without a sinkhole, 0. Another day in the life of a Floridian
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Monocles across Britain shattered as they fell to the floor and women collapsed onto fainting couches as it was announced the Queen's horse tested positive for morphine
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After a hellish year in a brutal Norwegian prison, Anders Breivik has renounced violence
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| Tue July 22, 2014 |
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China seals off 30,000 people after bubonic plague death, no one tell President Madagascar
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High school track coach and daughter-in-law of Nike founder allegedly just did it with a male student
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"The law says I can breastfeed my baby in public." "Um, but that's a cat." With picture of what a cat anticipating a feeding might look like
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Woman discovered sleeping in a car wearing only her lingerie tries to run over a cop in one of the most Florida stories ever
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The laziest states are probably the states you think they are
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Le pew: Man builds 'biggest fart machine ever,' plans to destroy France with it
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Achievement Unlocked: 45 cows killed by single lightning strike
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"'Arbeit macht frei' lol what odd sign anyway totes having great trip later bye"
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Man steals hammer from Walmart, uses it to steal 22 guns from Fred Meyer
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Up to 75% of Newark police department stops are unconstitutional, so DOJ wants to "monitor" them. Newark PD officers, when asked for comment, were unable to provide any due to ongoing fits of laughter
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Photoshop this Jane of the Jungle
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Gunman barricades himself in adult novelty store. Hopefully this story has a happy ending
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As God as my witness, I thought hot tubs could fly
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Good luck people in the UK, we're all counting on you in your plight against the giant deadly Asian hornets that have just landed with stingers 6mm long
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Sick of the abysmally slow service in restaurants now? Comparisons of surveillance footage taken ten years ago, and now, shows the real reason. (Look in a mirror, you foodie twats)
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Even in Arizona they frown on you firing off your revolver into the hallway ceiling of your hotel at 3 a.m
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Want to buy a Pennsylvania bridge? How about 11 of them?
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It's a "slap in the face" that other cities lure away Detroit's cops by doubling their pay
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Virginia Lottery launches campaign to warn people about lottery-based scams. That aren't, you know, the lottery itself
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Cemeteries would be a lot more cheery if people decorated them to look like a cross between 'It's A Small World' and Nana's bedroom
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News: Man critically injured after being run over by street sweeper. Fark: He was the driver
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Man gets three years in prison for making elderly woman pay $50 for getting her gutters cleaned. No, get your mind out of the gutter
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Don't you hate it when an unexpected guest just drops in and hangs out, stinking up the place?
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Photoshop these silhouetted businesspeople
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United States puts Israel on its "No Fly" list
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Brooklyn surrenders, apparently
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Dude wants to buy my business with the $10,000 he carries in a sock. Seems legit to me
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Egypt steps up for humanity and proves once and for all that John Kerry is not a robot
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A flock of 400 quail, 21 pheasants, 19 partridges, seven chickens, two pigeons and a parrot sounds delicious until you realize they were being kept in one house
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A fight between brothers lead one to the hospital with a cut to his neck and a punctured lung. Police say alcohol, and Florida Stupidity Syndrome, were factors in the fight
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Putin vows to strengthen Russian military to counter NATO and prevent 'external threats' from flying overhead in passenger jets, apparently
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If you release an animal into the wild, make sure it's in a place where it can find prey. Unless, of course it's a boa constrictor and you put it in a playground, that's just not cool
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Two bandits clean out Atlantic City casino; tens of dollars reported stolen
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He's a 90 year old sex advice columnist. Come for the sarcasm. Leave after a happy ending
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Turkish Prime Minister Erdogan says tensions between the US and Turkey over Syria have gotten so bad that he no longer talks to President Obama on the phone, and if Obama keeps it up, he might just find himself "unfriended" on Facebook too
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From the Dept. of Never Open Pictures Ever (NOPE): A giant, pincer-laden flying insect has been discovered in China that is, and I quote, "large enough to cover the face of a human adult"
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Don't you hate it when you buy a house at an auction sight unseen only to discover 79 cats living inside it? Yeah, me too
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12 year old girl who was attacked by friends has been receiving cards with homemade 'purple hearts,' opens one card with an actual Purple Heart Medal
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While there is no cure for ebola, doctors insist they can beat back the disease and prevent some people from bleeding out of every single orifice and dying a dessicated husk of meat and bone
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Dolphin corpses? In MY Virginia?
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Loving couple finds home for their 22-year-old autistic twin boys (in their basement with no furniture or electricity)
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Are you stuck with a miserably hellish 2-hour commute to work? Well, you can kick your feet and whine about it, like most people, or grab some bootstraps and build yourself your own helipad, like this CEO. See, the rich really are smarter than you
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Boy Scout takes picture of US border patrol agent. Agent threatens Scout; points loaded pistol at another Scout's head. Boy Scouts spokesperson is OK with this: "A great lesson in civics for that young man and that troop"
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Not news: Woman decides to go to the mall. News: While drunk and with the 5-year-old boy she is watching. Fark: She yells at paramedics, told the officer she was just "looking for her car," stumbled in to the road with the boy and spit at an officer
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More and more food companies are removing all GMO ingredients from their products, but they're doing it very quietly, with no publicity. Why? Sshhhhh....we don't want to wake the Monsanto
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Teen mother dropped out, then went on to earn two Master's degrees and became a school principal, now serves as role model for disadvantaged Brooklyn kids by trying to smuggle heroin into a maximum-security prison
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Robbers hit illegal poker ring run by lawyer and her husband out of the same building as her law office...I don't know who to root for here
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Make way for ducklings. Also, stay off the median during your daring rescue, or it's a hundred bucks
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A rather laborious thing to go through just to save the bride's wedding day, ya think? (Some Not safe for work images on article page)
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Scientists studying the garbage patch in the Pacific Ocean discover an island emerging from all the floating plastic complete with beaches, a rocky coastline, an underwater mountains, reefs, and a Club Med opening in 2016
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Can you teach a baby to hold its breath by dunking it? YouTube says yes. Spectators say "hello, 911, a man is trying to drown a baby"
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Ron Paul out-Ron Paul's Ron Paul. RON PAUL
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Odd news: man assaults bar patrons with hatchet. Fark: Man's name is Shelby Mustang GT500 Miller ("Mustang GT500" is my middle name)
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For some reason men lose interest as soon as this woman takes them to her bedroom to see her kitty
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There are a number of natural ways to deal with a spider infestation in your home, including vinegar, chestnuts, or a homemade spider rifle
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So a forensic expert says falling from 33,000 feet out of an airplane that was just hit by a missile doesn't really hurt that much. Good to know
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During an altercation with a Macy's loss prevention employee, woman's shirt and bra came off and she flees the mall topless. Don't you just love those 50% off days?
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Take all the unwanted items in the garage to the landfill. Make sure you don't mix up the mannequins from the dead bodies
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It was lupus
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Johns Hopkins pays $190 million settlement because a camera penis not part of standard gynecological exam
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D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh D'oh
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Driver mistakenly thinks car is alight because Adele's 'Fire' was playing on the radio. Yes, really
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Domo arigato, Typhoon Matmo. DOMO domo (DOMO domo)
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Two bumbling brothers straight out of a Cohen movie try to rob a guy one of the brothers had known since the eighth grade out of a $13,000 jackpot he recently won in Las Vegas. With Cohen-esque results
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Lawyer claims it's impossible to get revenge porn off the internet
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Houston multi-millionaire shows that he's just a normal, everyday guy who does normal, everyday things by urinating on the counter at a drug store after an argument with store employees
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Australian Senator tells breakfast radio interview she needs a rich man with a big package. Radio hosts promptly find her a toy boy live on air. Stay classy, Palmer United
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Holey shiat
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| (Some Guy) |
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Drew's friends who own Seacrets in Ocean City Maryland kindly ask if you would vote for their bar as best bar ever in Region 3. Bonus: it kind of is
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The advantages of being a small man is being squashed by giant women. Apparently
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The one-stop-shopping experience at Kroger is better than ever. Now you can pick up dinner, your medications, and pictures of your hoohah at the same time
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Creationist leader Ken Ham says all aliens will go to hell, but aliens can survive molten lead which means they'll be just fine in hell which means the Queen will take out Satan which in turn will lead to illegal aliens in heaven. Thanks Obama
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