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| Sun July 06, 2014 |
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Make sure your cell phone/ipad/laptop is fully charged before heading to the airport. Because if it won't turn on, you ain't gettin' on that plane
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99% of Alzheimer's drug trials in past decade have failed; 99% of of Alzheimer's drug trials in past decade have also failed
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Australia found to have the highest proportion of recreational drug users in the world. Well, what would you expect from a population descended from criminals?
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Amateur historians solve 170-year-old mystery by discovering the exact site of a lost Seminole Indian War fort in the Everglades, start new mystery of an article about Florida that doesn't deserve the Florida tag
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Explosive news: Roughly 9/11 emails intercepted by NSA were plain communications, which blows up the idea that...hang on, someone's at my door
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Not news: The sister of a firefighter killed on 9/11 is given a flag that was flown over the World Trade Center ruins. News: The flag is stolen when she hung it up outside. Fark: Then returned 4 days later with a note reading 'I am so sorry'
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Photoshop this spray job
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Air New Zealand will no longer have a video of women in bikinis explaining safety procedures before take off
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Some pipsqueak British politician says discriminating based on height is as bad as racism or homophobia. Well, men of his stature ARE in ... short supply
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Nerds fail to lure girls to enroll in engineering and tech schools with sparkles, pink flowers, pantie raids
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Meet the guy whose face is on the POW flag
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Renowned Indian poet Anwar Jalapuri translated the legendary Bhagavad Gita into Urdu poetry
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Bicycle assaults NYC police officer
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Photoshop this delivery guy on the move
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Have you been delaying the launch of your professional triangle player career because you don't know all of the 17 steps you'll need to follow? Well, today's your lucky day
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Kids raised by same-sex couples are healthier and happier than kids raised by heterosexual couples or single parents
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Not News: Drunk guy uses hotel fire hose. News: Water from hose causes extensive damage with 500 guests evacuated. Fark: Water believed to have sparked fire in electrical room. WTFark: Sci-Fi convention cancelled (subby was there)
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Fear mongering British 'expert' warns against public complacency by alerting everyone to the devilish skills of terrorists able to turn ordinary cellphones into bombs. OMG, your smartphone is ticking
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Grand Canyon National Park, a crowded attraction in the middle of nowhere, could become a crowded attraction in the middle of other crowded attractions
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There is a marijuana shortage, and it seems that Washington and Colorado will learn what drug dealers have known for years: it's dangerous to run out of product, and drug addicts will go to extreme lengths to get their fix
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Work would be so much more bearable if your boss would give you an enclosed, coffin-like work space that allows you to hide from your co-workers all day as you can curl up with your favorite bourbon uninterrupted and watch Star Wars
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"This sport is definitely growing amongst women, back in the early seventies there were women who would do the cross cut events and then we started to get women doing some of the chopping events, and now, it is really growing,"
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Bureau of Land Management rings bell and decides to go second round with Clive Bundy. Militiamen reportedly tightening their tinfoil hats while pledging allegiance to the second amendment
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Attention passengers, everything on the flight is normal, except for the fact that the captain has intentionally locked the co-pilot out of the cockpit
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The Krause family is an American dynasty when it comes to competitive cherry pit-spitting
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Neighbors outraged when house gifted to foster family is sold to rehab facility. Rehab admin reassures neighbors that only 'high net worth' individuals will be housed there, much better than foster kids, right?
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Happy 79th birthday to the Dalai Lama, or as it would be said in his native tongue, "Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga"
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Stranded baby dolphin rescued on Florida beach. Faith in humanity: restored for approximately 1 day
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Three are dead and twenty eight are injured as Chicago seeks to keep their crown for being the most violent city in America
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Photoshop satan himself, disguised as this guy
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ISIS now issuing passports for their new nation, threatens to deploy army against anyone who harms their citizens. Subby considers joining just for the privilege of deploying an army against all those who beat him up in high school
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Sheriff says drink 'em if you got 'em, no worries. Bonus: The cool part of Fark's favorite state
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To curb waste, Japan recommends local governments cull roster of unneeded mascots. "In one case, a single mascot suit cost 1.38 million yen, while in another, a pair that cost 380,000 yen were used for just four events in a year"
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Human leg found in Ohio river. Coroner proclaims, "This will not stand"
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Millennials stink
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All the cool states are doing it, so maybe it's time for Alabama to consider legalizing marijuana
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Live from Juneau, it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents, 2+ hours of music hosted live by a farker, and tonight, a guest host farker. LGT page where you can get the stream
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Purposely fouling the environment just to annoy environmentalists? Dude, you have issues. And one is probably your small penis
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Because the 4th of July festivities don't really kick off until you have to use a stun gun on a woman brandishing a weapon in one hand and a wine bottle in the other after she stabbed a man outside of the liquor store
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Single mom says the government is persecuting her because she's really hot and not because she went on a shopping spree after the government accidentally put about $90,000 in her bank account and wants the money back
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| Sat July 05, 2014 |
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Family living in fear as smoking hot 26-year-old stripper moves into their home, stops paying rent, refuses leave: "The screaming, the spanking, the moaning...that would wake the dead and my 5-year-old"
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Not news: A Culver's restaurant in Wisconsin burns down. News: Instead of firing the staff the owner pays $144,000 out of his own pocket to keep his staff while rebuilding. Fark: And only asked them to use the time to volunteer in the community
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Best way to make a beer run
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Once you've mastered the easy rafting, move on to the rivers with the 737s floating in them
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Beer: full of vitamins, high in fibre, good for your hair, social lubricant...what can it not do?
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"Some parts of the European Union have the most ludicrous enthusiasm for recycling they are planning to recycle all all domestic refuse. This is simply insane: it will take more resources to recycle everything than we gain from doing the recycling"
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Fourteen of Britain's most disgusting foods. Click it, if you dare
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Photoshop this eclectic shelving system
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Poll finds average person knows five gay guys and three lesbians, which is helpful if you need help redecorating or to borrow a pickup truck
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If you're a newspaper photographer and you have to work on the Fourth of July, you can always hope the editor will send you to the beach to take pictures of women in red-white-and-blue bikinis
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Study finds adults have trouble identifying stinging bugs, preferring to KILL THEM ALL
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Pope Francis calls for an end to work on Sundays. Unless you're in the restaurant or retail industries, of course
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If the FCC has its way, all of your full length cat videos will be closed captioned for the meowing impaired
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Authorities have found the stolen Iridium-192 inside an abandoned truck
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Russian special forces evacuate from the city of Sloviansk. Looks like the big bad bear may not be as fierce as once thought
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Boca Raton, Florida is becoming the capital of the hair growth industry, which makes sense if you've ever seen the backs of the men on the Boca Raton beaches
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| (BenSwann.com) |
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Albuquerque Police officer's lapel camera has its third malfunction, but this time during a shooting instead of the previous two times where he only beat people up. Coincidence?
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The Mayday PAC, described as the "PAC to end all PACs," has raised $5 million
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Dear Ms. Talley, Remember when we told you that you were the oldest living American at 115 years old? Well, there's been a change
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"A clerk saw the infant in an oversized diaper being fed a cappuccino and felt that something was 'not right,'"
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A civil rights group that advocates on behalf of sex offenders are suing cities in California over ordinances that ban them from places. In other news there are groups that advocate on behalf of sex offenders
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this monitor monitoring
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"Univision needs to stop exploiting women by having them talk about sports in skimpy outfits, have them appear on variety shows in nothing but bikinis, and treat them as people instead of objects." Because FEMINISM
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"Man chases cab driver with pots & pans after trying to buy his girlfriend's cats." You have to click on the story to find out who wanted to buy the cats and who had the pots and pans
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Marijuana should be legalized--but it should also be very, very expensive
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Are you ordering discount prescription drugs? Well, if so, be forewarned that they might not be the drugs you thought they were and could, in fact, kill you. But hey, you saved a few bucks
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While we're still debating the merit of Obamacare, the Canadian government just opened a recreational flying trapeze center in Montreal where anyone can go for free to train like a Cirque du Soleil performer
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That jerk who's been graffiti-ing subways with "DG" since 1985 has electrocuted himself on the third rail
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The arrival of 3-D printers in public libraries puts librarians in a potentially sticky situation when people naturally want to use libraries for the same thing we read about them being banned from libraries for
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"Selfies" officially linked to narcissism and mental illness. Make some popcorn and post this one to your Facebook feed. Watch your millennial relatives try to deny it
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Not news: City bans texting while driving. Fark: City bans texting while biking
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Woman who tried to recreate the classic Coppertone girl pose with her own daughter at the beach is shocked, SHOCKED that Facebook would ban her for 24 hours and remove the photo saying it was considered pornographic
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Not news: $2 million pot farm found in Texas. News: On federal land
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Finish this limerick: There once was a hurricane in Nantucket
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In an emotional interview, embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford says he can't promise his name is going to stay out of Fark headlines
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Mother. Of. God. It's a miracle
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Here's Arizona's version of a hot television reporter trying to do a live shot in the middle of a hurricane
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Good morning, sunshine. It's July 5, 2014. You've survived last night's rousing July 4 celebration, you managed to not burn your house down with fireworks, and you have one hell of a hangover to deal with. Try this
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Photoshop this seaside salvage
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ISIS declares reconquista of Spain
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Latest wedding photo trend is something I am sure every Farker wants to get behind
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Hoarder who previously had 636 cats confiscated by the humane society, defies court order and you can probably guess the rest from the Florida tag
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Newcastle Beer: We are sick of you rubbing it in our noses. You could have been better had the British won (link changed since the video stopped working on the other one)
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Let's face it, everybuddy wants to be a cat on Caturday
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It's all fun and games 'til you can't use your grill on the 4th of July because you have a 12-foot python trapped in it
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News: Man found curled up in a blood-stained bed with his cousin's naked body hanging nearby. WTFark: He claims it was rough sex gone wrong and is cleared of all charges
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'Stop endangering yourself.' *smack* 'Stop endangering yourself.' *smack* 'Stop endangering yourself.' *smack*
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| Fri July 04, 2014 |
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On this 4th of July as we celebrate our freedom and independence a Gallup survey reveals that Americans are less satisfied with their freedom and that the attitude of the country is down
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Arizona State University offers female students extra credit for not shaving their armpits for a semester. Presumably for French class
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I haven't seen a Tesla this devastated since Edison cheated him out of $50,000
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The US is now the world's biggest oil producer, meaning it may have to invade itself at some point in the future
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Before devouring 61 dogs in 10 minutes Joey Chestnut asked his girlfriend to marry him
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To prove pet food is as nutritious as human food, woman will mange to live on it for a month
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Bank teller claims she was fired on account of saying "Have a blessed day"
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Motivational speaker's $5 million Connecticut mansion burns to the ground. He will now have to live in a van down by the river
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Photoshop this dog wizard
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Zoo builds paraplegic porcupine a wheelchair out of PVC pipe and duct tape. Cheap pricks
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"Runaway marmots are fairly common in the Bay Area"
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"It should be obvious that flying a drone through a July 4th fireworks display is unsafe and illegal." With video from people with drones who obviously didn't get that memo
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Fox News asks, "Are American cars are going extinct?" If you can answer that, you should be able to answer "Is are children learnding?"
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Only the toughest Syrian Jihadi Rebel Leaders can pull it off with a "Hello Kitty" notebook
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Man: "Look, officers, I swear I didn't drive this car to the store to buy corn. I'm drunk and would never do that--my friend here drove me." Dog: "Can you believe this a-hole?"
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Now looka, I say looka here. Put that egghead book down boy and have a sip of this refreshing drink called the Foghorn. Any of this getting through that little old blue bonnet of yours?
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Of all the achievements America has made over the past two hundred-plus years, only one thing would make Thomas Jefferson proud: the advent of craft beer
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Again, donut shops are not good places to attempt to rob
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Staggeringly hot, dresses like a '50s model, bakes some seriously freaky-ass pies - I think we've found Fark's perfect woman
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How Vick's Vapo-Rub ended an epic mongoose war. Again
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these vintage pole dancers
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Brits praise the 8 foods they are glad Americans gave them like they were sliced bread. Link includes Fluffernutter and American Cheese, much like the previous list containing foods they hate
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Disgraced televangelist Benny Hinn's foreclosed palatial church to be auctioned off on Tuesday. Flying Spaghetti Monster UFIA Revival Center up for grabs
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The man police thought was shot died from stabbing injuries and was not shot. One of the two injured men was shot. The second injured man was stabbed like it turned out the dead man was, not shot like it was thought he was
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Police shut down a multi-million dollar theft ring that specialized in stealing expensive: A) electronics; B) cars; C) baby formula
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Consumer rights advocate demands Duke refund $54 million, stop sucking
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Slightly early version of the Fark Weird News Quiz, because face it--if you're at work, you sure as heck aren't working a full day
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Experts: in 10 years, every human on the planet will have internet access
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If you thought the Air Force's worst boondoggle in recent memory, the F-35, couldn't get any more boondogglery, well we've got some bad news for you
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This is what happens on the 4th of July when your social media manager was born after 1986
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Man starts giving homeless panhandlers new signs with catchier messages like "Someone Thinks You're Sexy" and "Keanu Reeves Is My Homeboy" and oddly enough the panhandlers have seen an increase in donations because of them
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So, you bought hundreds of dollars of fireworks. You have the clay tubes...the blowtorch, and the safety glasses. Now, what do you have on your playlist?
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The US highway trust fund is out of money. Enjoy your summer road trip
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Brits lament the eight foods they wish the Americans hadn't given them like they were smallpox-soaked blankets. List includes spray cheese, pop tarts and Hershey bars, so it's not without merit
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If somebody is selling a 1966 Cobra in excellent condition with new tires for only $10,000, it might be a scam
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Just in time for the meat searing, flesh burning BBQ waifing smell of the neighborhood drenched in meat weekend, a few veggie burgers that don't suck and are easy to make
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How long would it take to try 25,000 different beers? Couple takes 35 years to sample each on a case by case basis
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Heavy metal fans need to be careful when headbanging, it could cause your brain to bleed like with this Motorhead fan
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Photoshop this running romance
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Sad: Veteran dies after waiting 30 minutes for an ambulance. Fark: He was in a VA hospital's cafeteria, 500 yards away from the ER. Sad tag grudgingly defers to the Fail tag
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Australian hunk lives with smoking hot identical twin sisters and their mum
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Two ugly-ass snow leopard cubs make their first public appearance at the Akron Zoo
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Stove top bacon vs. oven bacon. And the winner is _______
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Phoenix's Wall of Dust season has officially begun. Bring on the haboobs
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Oh come on, who here hasn't blown 24 men in a Magaluf bar for a free drink?
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Here's a tip, Metro-North conductors: six months after one of your zoned-out engineers got four people killed is a particularly bad time to be cheating on a safety exam
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Chicken is better than beef because CLIMATE CHANGE
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Well if Americans won't provide 79,000 Detroit residents with water then that leaves it up to us Canadians. It's our first step in annexing southeastern Michigan
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Police searching for suspects who siphoned gas from a gas station. Perhaps they should start looking in 1982
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Fake cop patrols lake, seizes booze. Brilliant
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| Thu July 03, 2014 |
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You think you've had a rough winter? Winnipeg finally gave the all clear that their pipes are no longer in danger of freezing
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Poll: Americans are dissatisfied with ...... everything
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Man: I want a new haircut to impress a younger woman. What are all the kids getting these days? Barber: Oh, they're having their hair styled into giant square blocks. *snicker* Man: LET'S DO THIS
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Drunk driver blames accident on Mitch McConnell, Caturday, and a certain Fark mascot
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Casey Anthony is "basically imprisoned," assuming you think of having an apartment, working a 9 to 5 job, being able to eat what you want, and not having to live behind steel bars with gun wielding guards as "prison"
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"Uhh, excuse me...sir? Um, Mr. Naked Guy? You mind not throwing your balls against the side of our business?"
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Town can't afford to hire another police officer, so it dresses up a male Real Doll in a cop uniform and set it in a police cruiser by the side of the road, so people think a cop is tracking their speed
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Photoshop this tiger in the wild
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From the CIA Twitter feed: Remember reports of unusual activity in the skies in the '50s? That was us
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I'm sorry, I can't reply to your post because I'm out doing really fun things. I'll check for green arrows when I'm back on the site and might post a reply later. Toodles
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Fark Food Thread: USA WEEKEND - Show us your holiday cookouts and red/white/blue creations. We've got a whole weekend so you've got plenty of time to get it right. Show us them vittles
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Radioactive room so dangerous that no one has entered since 1976 can be found in A: Russia, B: Japan, C: Washington State
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That independent privacy board that Obama appointed to look into NSA's data collection has concluded everything the agency does is totally legal and effective and they'd really like it if NSA would delete those copies of their search histories now
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"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We're well on our way to lawn-darting into the tarmac since my computer went out, but on the bright side here in the back I'll survive for a few hundredths of a second longer than any of you"
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Photoshop this fashionable singer
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Six out of ten Brits admit to "daredevil" behavior on vacation, risking their life and health by drinking heavily, getting tattooed, bungee jumping and eating a salad once
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Ukraine and Russia agree to hold a three-way. Looks like the separatists are getting screwed
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This July 4th, celebrate Ted Nugent and his superior patriotism, says Ted Nugent
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Things aren't looking so good for you when "staggering amount" and "child porn" are in the same sentence
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Man's testicles removed from his throat after first ride on World's Tallest Waterslide
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The rate by which Americans injure themselves with fireworks has reached the highest level recorded in 10 years. Thanks, Obama
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Passionate kissing is "over" for couples once they've been married for three months, beating subby's over/under bet on 'three days'
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Nanny from hell is in fact meting out justice
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If you've always felt like there's been a void in your life because you could never accurately track the yearly wildebeest migration between Tanzania and Kenya, your suffering is over
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Looking for work? Check out this map to see where the most jobs STEM from
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Group refused service at Atlanta restaurant because a member of the party's sleeveless t-shirt violated the "gentleman's dress code" for the establishment. The fact that he was 4-years old did not sway management to make an exception
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Louis Zamperini, WWII hero, Olympian, subject of the book 'Unbroken' and one of the toughest people ever to live passes away at age 97
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Man with 10 inch penis gets surgery to make it bigger. "I wanted a monster" (Not safe for work)
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"We expect sewers to get blocked with fats or baby wipes, but not tennis ball. How on earth people managed to flush quite so many tennis balls I don't know, but this is just one example of amazing things we find blocking the sewers"
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Regarding the impending hurricane, NC Governor warns against putting on 'stupid hat'. Silly pants, ugly tie presumably still ok
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Apparently the borough of Queens has a problem with a therapy pig within its boundaries
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"Growing rates of obesity in pets have led to the emergence of fat farms offering 'pawlates,' 'doga' and 'Barko Polo,' doggie versions of Pilates, yoga and Marco Polo to help slim down man's best friend." Your dog just wants steak
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Don't you hate it when the jet you're in starts flooding at 30,000 feet over the ocean? You might want to stay away from this link, then
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The owners of Timo The Cat would like you to know that after four months, he has figured out how to work a hammock (pics, vid)
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Photographer who submitted Jewish baby pic for Ideal Aryan 1935 magazine cover was indeed the greatest troll of his generation. "I wanted to make the Nazis look ridiculous"
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'Bubbling' Is the new teen trend that no teen anywhere has ever done but will be reported in horrified tones by news outlets across the country
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The World Cup was so popular in America this year that it beat the NBA Finals and the World Series in TV ratings
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Lee Boyd Malvo, the DC sniper, believes that he's learned some important lessons about not using human beings as target practice and would like to be let out of prison now, please
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Transparent salaries are actually great motivators for employees
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It's a little known fact that on the nation's first Fourth of July our Founding Fathers gathered together in celebration and raised in hearty cheer mugs filled with cucumber dill fizz
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Photoshop this disembodied soccer fan
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Hurricane Arthur not expected to threaten Beaufort County
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Hurricane Arthur expected to threaten Beaufort County
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USPS takes 83 years to deliver a letter 150 miles. That sounds about right
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Explosion at General Motors plant injures workers. GM immediately recalls all factories
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Man with only one arm fined for riding his bike with only one brake
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Hawaii's alien spaceport opens for business. Apparently "first contact" is less about warp drive, and more about hippie girls in white dresses
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"You're not a true American until you've cooked your bacon with a machine gun"
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After woman suffers pain for six months, doctors remove fountain pen lodged in her stomach. Hospital calls it a write-off
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Researchers claim a third of women have gone through a sex dry spell lasting at least a year. Subby's got that beat by six years
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Chicken rescued from street outside a branch of KFC 'not in great condition', although not fried or inside a bucket
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"I'm a doctor, can I check your body for ticks?" might work in a bar, but not on a playground
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 478: "You Can't Fight City Hall 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed July 02, 2014 |
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Here's a story you'll never see in the mainstream Western media: Ever since 2004 China has outlawed the construction of new golf courses and is currently bulldozing rogue operations
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Amanda Knox's ex-boyfriend: "That biatch be crazy, yo"
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Two-year investigation to find out how much U.N. officials pay themselves results in discovery that nobody in the U.N. knows how much they're paying themselves. Strongly worded letter to follow
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Reminder to all kitchen staff: Band-Aids belong on your foot, not in your food
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These urban explorers see one infiltration of Neverland Ranch and raise it by a mothballed fleet of warships and two US rocket testing sites
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Ten questions to help you determine if your religious liberty is being threatened. Don't have time to answer 10 questions? Fine, here's the cheat sheet: It's not being threatened
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Sadly, the spatula is not mightier than the sword
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Jockey arrested for driving away from a traffic stop with a sheriff's deputy clinging onto his truck
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The reasons Tibetans can thrive at altitudes that would make the rest of us gasp and reach for an oxygen bottle? Apparently it's because their ancestors did a lot of farking with the now-extinct human species known as "Denisovans"
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Photoshop who should sit next to this fashionable squirrel
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Missouri governor vetoes 72-hour abortion wait. 72-hour Missouri hospital ER wait still in effect
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Serial sex attacker stalks Tulsa. Norman left wondering if it wasn't pretty enough
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How to keep your dog happy during 4th of July when fireworks go off. Your dog wants you to apply the science that comes here
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19-year old smoking big-game hunter is fighting back against critics who are petitioning the social media network to have her page removed
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Introducing the Gay Pride Whopper, featuring a fabulous new multicolored rainbow wrapper and the same old monochromatic greasy taste
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If you see an ad at a truck stop from a doctor who will give you a physical for $65 and she's even willing to pick you up in her Ford Tempo and take you to her home to perform the physical, she might not really be a doctor
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One guy - two girlfriends = enormous banner on the bridge over the highway that says "You're Dumped"
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What do you do when you inherit something that you don't want? Difficulty: Dragons. Several thousand of them, to be specific
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Happy 35th birthday to the Sony Walkman
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GQ had a reporter embedded at the Bundy Ranch and the "revolution" was just as derpy as you imagined it to be
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"You mean you ate bug poop bee vomit honey?" my husband asked incredulously. "Yes, yes I did," I replied, "And, it was delicious"
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Douchenozzle 'heir' to 'half of Manhattan' not who he says he is, he's just some punk ass NYC student from Jersey
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Death Metal, done Darwin style
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Eleven things you didn't know you could eat
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Father of the year leaves loaded gun with his 11 year old daughter so she can protect herself while he goes out to get "In God I Trust" tattooed on his head
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Photoshop these silent partners
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"Artist's" messy bed "strewn with cigarette butts, discarded condoms and empty booze bottles" sells for $4.4 million. In related news, Farkers are going to sleep on gold mines
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Rob Ford makes first public appearance since rehab. No word on whether he saw his shadow and we can expect six more weeks of coked up behavior
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Three-year-old girl says she saw Jesus after nearly drowning in pool. Jesus too busy appearing on toast to comment
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Not News: Woman finds class ring. FARK: After 60 years and it was discovered in a dried-up lake
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Six months after legalizing recreational marijuana, let's take a peek at the dystopian hellscape Colorado has become
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The Pentagon wants to play live-action minecraft...with silly string?
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Man attacked with bird feeder in Pennsylvania after "refusing to party"
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Hey there, New Zealand. It's me, Malaysia. Could you could do me a solid and drop an attempted rape case against one of my diplomats? And if you could also make sure all records surrounding it are sealed as well, that would be great
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I see your Hobby Lobby and raise you Maurice's BBQ who refused to serve African-Americans due to 'religious beliefs'
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Elderly woman injured by exploding laptop. Firefighters say she could have avoided injury by using Windows 8, since she'd still be waiting for it to boot up
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Daily News' review of NYC's Tavern on the Green sets a new gold standard for evisceration by sarcasm. What's this guy's Fark handle anyway?
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In an attempt to calm everything down, China forbids Muslims from partaking in Ramadan fasting and celebrations. Yep, that should work
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Manatees may come off the endangered species list, because anything known as the sea cow has to be okay
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IRS: "kidnapped by Somali pirates? That's no excuse for a late tax return; WHERE'S MY MONEY?"
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"911 what's your emergency?" "I saw a woman get carjacked" "Sir, did the suspect have a gun?" "No, he threw her out of her car and stole it" "That's a robbery" "Can you send a cop now?" "Let's further debate the meaning of robbery vs. carjacking"
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Reno PD offering amnesty for people who turn in A) Guns, B) Drugs, or C) Fireworks?
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So where do you get the name 'Curtis?'
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You can keep my safe, and you can keep the cash inside my safe. But can I have back that unique bottle of bourbon called Pappy Van Winkle that was also inside the safe?
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Norway finally legalizes Segways despite terrifying top speeds of 12 miles mph
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Getting arrested for causing a disturbance at a McDonald's is commonplace; trying to bite the arresting cop in the crotch twice means you're still really hungry
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Randall Flagg sits by a Wisconsin roadside and patiently drums his fingers on the asphalt
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Loyal deputies destroy their outgoing sheriff's hard drive with hammers so the new guy can't access any old files
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Facebook may have broken the law and violated APA ethical guidelines when it tested on humans. Bonus: Fark mention
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'OMG, I just f***ed my boss' State lawmaker reads girl's crude text on live TV
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High School bans yoga pants and leggings. Male students afraid they may actually be able to pay attention and learn something now
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19-year old smoking big-game hunter sparks controversy by putting her kills from an African safari hunt on Facebook. Like, like, and more like here
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Man with balls of steel jumps into world's largest sinkhole with no gear, still no word on how many corvettes he found down there (w/amazing video)
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Terrifying squirrel sets record for largest tail ever. That's not the terrifying part, though. The fact it has developed a taste for blood is the real story here
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48 people stuck for four hours on Sea World ride, which should nicely prepare them for the trip home on the 405
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You can rest easier at night knowing the The New York Police Department is cracking down on one of the worst crimes in New York. Yep, pole-dancing on the subway
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We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. -Aesop
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The squirrels of Berkeley, California will get to live another day. But the City Council has warned that if you show them your nuts, they will gas them
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To the surprise of.......well, no one really ..... DNA analysis of alleged Bigfoot hair from several museums shows that the hair comes from bears, wolves, and other furry animals
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Is it lime to Jill off auto corrupt?
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Hey everyone - there's gonna be traffic this weekend. This article is a repeat from every year and every holiday
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Revenge pron is getting so out of hand in the UK that they are thinking about bringing in laws to try and stop it
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Knife-wielding homeless man arrested outside Good Morning America for trying to break in and kill Michael Strahan
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Photoshop these kids playing with the solar system
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Stupid: Stores with Halloween decorations in July. Shut up and take my money: Stores with Halloween Pumpkin beer in July
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Subby is guilty of 2, 3, 4, 5, 9, 11, and 18
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On this day, when Canadians celebrate the birth of our country, let's all take a moment, and see how dumb American's really are
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Highlights from the "Men's rights conference" in Detroit: One speaker postulated that women are responsible for all domestic violence because, having all the power in relationships, they could simply choose not to marry violent men
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NASA's OCO-2 is set to launch at 5:56 a.m. ET (launch attempt #2). Link goes to live feed
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Police bring stabbing victim back to life, promptly arrest his girlfriend. So, win win
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GM: Hell, why are we only killing our customers when we can kill our workers, too?
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Missionary group is providing foreign aid to Haitians. They decide to bring: A) Food, B) Medical supplies, C) SEVERAL SUITCASES FULL OF "GENTLY-USED" BRAS
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Woman who has undergone 36 plastic surgeries to achieve exaggerated dimensions claims, "I'm looking for the perfect body"
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Man changes his name to Han Solo, now can't get a passport... or a date
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The greatest news anyone under the age of 50 will hear all year
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Today in "What Could Possibly Go Wrong": City council unanimously approves liquor license for gun range
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You know what's depressing? Having to go to the hospital to get treated for depression. You know what's even more depressing? Getting strangled by another patient while you're being treated
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Thanks to all of you overachieving, overly competitive high school students who purposely took classes to pad your GPA: You and your hot-headed parents are causing more and more schools to get rid of class valedictorians and salutatorians
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Ukraine orders Russia to return its combat dolphins. Wait, what?
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Adm. Michelle Howard becomes the first female four-star admiral in the US Navy
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This just in: clearing clogged grass from a running lawnmower is a bad idea
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Atlantic City, NJ is finally realizing that even crack dealers limit themselves to one per corner, and maybe, just maybe it's possible they have too many casinos for one small town
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Laid-off mother of 5 wins $500,000 in supermarket contest: "I don't win things"
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Photoshop this worker making an adjustment
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What's worse than having somebody in your study group not pull his own weight when it comes to a class project? Having somebody in your study group willing to stab another guy in your study group for not pulling his own weight
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Man attempts to recreate the Exxon Valdez incident using his pool, a storm drain, and a not-quite-empty oil vacuum truck
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The Lawrence, Indiana Police Department just acquired 48,000lb, 12-foot-high, mine-resistant ambush protected vehicle designed for the military to use in combat zones, but they promise they will only use it during a mass shooting or a bomb threat
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What your grocery store shelves will look like when we kill off all the world's bee populations
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Besides safely carting your drunk ass home, have we really figured out what it is we want driverless cars to do?
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Argument over women's rights ends in the most Florida way possible, with a rabbit being punched
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It took Triceratops a million years to get its horn. Don't wait that long; ask your doctor about Cialis
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Happy Canada Day you crazy, Canuckistani Farkers. For those of you who have no idea what a Canada Day is, here's a handy primer from Mental Floss
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A Pew opinion poll says there needs to be more suicide bombings in countries that have lots of suicide bombings to lower the number of suicide bombings. Wait, what?
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GOP consultant headed to prison for stealing $750,000 of former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg's money. Unclear if he merely rifled through one of Mayor Bloomberg's love seats to obtain the cash or a whole sectional
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I don't know why people are freaking out. I mean, it's not like he'll hit anything
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Good news ladies, the so-called "cannibal cop" is available to have dinner with you after his conviction was overturned by a federal judge
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Fark's favorite state gives birth to bouncing baby Arthur, who will tour the eastern coast for the 4th of July holiday
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Photoshop this unusual gathering platform
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Cold case investigators identify Nancy Grace's 40 year old bones
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Rolf Harris convicted of having young girls tie his kangaroo down
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From the Scientific Institute of Well Duhhhh, new study shows that if you keep eating the same amount of calories from the same sources, just adding fruits and veggies on top will not help you lose weight
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"Howard Stern's penis" is now legal in New York City
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News: Man calls 911 twice to report location of fleeing criminal. Genius: Caller WAS the criminal, actually heading the other way
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Oh, bother
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As if poisoning children with Visine isn't frightening enough, this mugshot certainly is
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Welcome to St. Louis traffic court. If you bring your kids in, you'll be arrested. If you have somebody watch your kids outside, you'll be arrested. Would you like to plead guilty or guilty?
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SCOTUS rules against 40 year old NorCal Oyster Farm: "Remember that private beach in California granted to some Indian Immigrant VC under the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo? Well you forgot the check in your cute letter to Senator Feinstein, so GTFO"
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So apparently, Russia has infected computers controlling our power grid with a Stuxnet-type of virus, and can shut things down at their whim. That's nice
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Ever wonder why your two year old won't stop talking, can't sit still, won't go to sleep, and constantly scratches herself? It's not science, it's grandma down from Oregon with her meth infused tea
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100 years ago today, the US Navy finally figured out what to do with a drunken sailor. They took away his alcohol
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KY ruled legal for use in KY
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Finally, science confirms what we have always believed: cows are emotionally complex
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Remember when that man chewed that homeless guy's face off in Miami? Well, now you can buy the drug he was on at the time in nightclubs
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Delta Airline employee embezzles $22 Million, or about one day's worth of checked bag fees
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CNN takes a break from its 24/7 hunt for Flight 370 to devote time to hard-hitting investigative journalism, asking the probing questions no other media outlet is brave enough to tackle: "Does Oscar Pistorius scream like a girl?"
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Florida attorney fighting hard to legalize weed in the state, while rich guy from Vegas and Governor Skeletor fight against it, thus ensuring the perpetuity of the Florida tag
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Former Tinder executive suing the company for sexual harassment
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"Hey, didn't we just leave this party?" ask U.S. troops being deployed to Iraq by Obama
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Common Core Language Comprehension Test: Mark Wahlberg went to jail and then starred in a ___ movie. Shia LaBeouf starred in a ___ movie and then went to jail
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Finally, you can put that lipstick away, they have bred a cat that can't jump up on your kitchen counters
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The Soviet future that never was: concept vehicles that may be found in Proletariat Batman's Redcave
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Newest excuse from work: You caught a case of the stress
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Atlanta is motherfarkin' sick and tired of all these motherfarkin' snakes in its motherfarkin' city. So...I know...why don't they release more snakes?
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"Mexican Butthurt now boarding Gate 13"
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France surrenders to Titan's Penis. Ohh myyyy
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Photoshop this volcanic escape
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Wilford Brimley is selling his 276 acre ranch in Montana for $1.25M. DIABEETUS
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When adopting your last pet, did you choose a light colored one over a black one? According to this study, you're a damned dirty racist
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Ben Franklin was even more awesome than you thought
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Latin is making a comeback in schools everywhere
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Jealous of ISIS taking over Iraq and the Israelis bombing Gaza getting all of the headlines, Ukraine ends cease fire agreement with pro-Russian rebels
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Your weekly 'These Foods Are Gonna Kill you' list, making one wonder just what, by now, is actually safe to eat. Like bacon? Too bad for you
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| Mon June 30, 2014 |
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DiGiorno launches "Design A Pizza" Web app, immediately regrets it
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Old and busted: DUI checkpoints. New hotness: Mandatory bloodletting during traffic stops
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Exotic Dunkin' Donuts from around the world that you won't see in America
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Toronto's Pride parade couldn't have ended on a more fabulous note
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Don't look so surprised: it's time for another Mugshot Roundup
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Remember when NOAA said that July 2012 was the hottest month ever recorded in the US? Yeah, about that
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Don't throw a lit cigarette out of a moving car
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Photoshop this trench-coated young man
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Just a tip to impressionable teens: if a cop takes you to a place with "a bed, food, personal lubricant, {and porn} videos" that might actually be "his apartment" rather than "a police substation" despite what he tells you
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Four-year-old boy who has leukemia is given a wish from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Asks Make-A-Wish to bring toys to other sick kids instead
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Murphy the police horse, who had to lose 200 lbs. to make the squad, has collared his first suspect
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Do you swim in the ocean? If so, you probably won't after reading this about the coming jellyfish apocalypse
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Autistic seven-year-old's service dog not allowed in drive-thru animal park for totally logical reason, so naturally his mother is outraged
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Israeli military searchers think they have found their missing teenagers
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Meet Kim-Jong Sexy Beast, the Swedish man who might have the longest name in the world
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You are on the run for embezzling money from a power company you worked for in Canada. Do you A: Turn yourself in B: Keep running C: Go to work for a similar company in Utah and do the same thing
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Photoshop this wave rider
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Highland Games professional athletes say they do it not for the vast wealth they get for participating, but for their love of wearing kilts
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Finland's schools are trying to combat attention deficit disorder by trying a radical experiment where kids are given unstructured "free play" time periodically throughout the school day. Or as we used to call that, "recess"
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NBC successfully stands its ground against George Zimmerman
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