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| Sun June 22, 2014 |
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66% of consumers wrongly believe that when food is lableled "natural" it actually means something. "Under federal labeling rules, the word natural means absolutely nothing"
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I see here on your resume you spent 17 years on Mars protecting five human colonies from Martians. Well, thanks for coming in; we'll be in touch
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More and more sharks are gathering off the Atlantic coast and no one knows why
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Judge who sentenced Saddam Hussein to death gets a much shorter trial
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| (Some Neighbro) |
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Neighborlady has been driving around on her mower for the last 40 minutes or so without the mower deck down. Should I go and tell her or continue to putter around in my garage and see how it plays out?
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Photoshop this balloon bouquet. Difficulty...nevermind
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What could be more disgusting than a Ramen Burger? How about Ramen Fries
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Oklahoma City zoo celebrates birth of ugly ass rhino. With aww I hope he grows into that skin pics
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Robbery suspect showing gun to victim: "I bet you don't have one of these." Victim: "You lose"
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Man wants to use drones to "investigate the secretive American fast food industry"
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There are less than 150 snow leopards in American zoos, and now one zoo is asking the internet to name two ugly-ass cubs
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Unruly fracas takes 12 police to arrest 6 drunks at a bar that serves until 4 a.m. It's been a problem for 2 decades, 1 block up from subby's apt. where I'm 1/2 inclined to go a quarter of the time if I don't stay home with an eighth or a fifth
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Photoshop this transparent-headed fish
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Jakarta celebrates its 487th birthday and declares "care-free day." That doesn't mean you can wander around on their lawn
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MH370 pilot practiced landing on remote island strip on his computer and had no social commitments scheduled after the flight
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If you're going to hike up a mountain to stand on snow, best not to try it in flip flops
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Deputy fired after he let his drunk friend use the loudspeaker in his state vehicle to shout obscenities and make rude comments to passersby during a joyride that was idiotic and confusing by even Florida standards
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Didn't we learn ANYTHING from Poltergeist? (Besides never make a Poltergeist III, obviously)
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Mississippi has become the federal government's Fort Knox of marijuana and it is held under security just as tight as gold: "It is a bizarre situation. The DEA is acting like this is 1935 and cannabis is this extremely dangerous substance"
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Mexican drug cartel tries to smuggle marijuana into the U.S in packages painted like watermelons. Brush stroke of genius goes up in smoke
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High school softball coach fired for drinking beer. At a party. Over a year ago
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You know what would make Manhattan greater than it already is? A floating beach built on a reclaimed barge so residents don't have to drive out to any of those poorer boroughs to enjoy a summer beach experience
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Want to increase your property values? Try a nuclear war
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Texas Walgreens joins the growing list of businesses who do not know the law about disabled vets and their service dogs
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Photoshop this Glamourous runner
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So, how are things going in the Islamic rebel held areas of Iraq?
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Pope shines up his ginormous brass balls, excommunicates the whole damn Mob
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"Emails Show Feds Asking Florida Cops to Deceive Judges." Well, color me shocked, SHOCKED, that such a thing could happen in such a fine state
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Cross-stitch is cool again, and you can recreate microbes including cholera, smallpox and gangrene along with more mainstream designs such as The Princess Bride and Star Trek scenes (pics)
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Have you ever said to yourself, "If only there was a way to help a fellow TFette in her battle against cancer"? Well now you can. Hero tag is for the 14 years she has been waging it
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"No-shank" toothbrushes and pens takes all the fun out of being in prison
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Is that 172 baggies of heroin in your underwear, or are you just happy to see me? (w/ milf mugshot goodness)
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Today's random item spilled all over the roadway: Instant mashed potatoes
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What the hell is going on in Cardiff that makes it a hotbed of terrorism?
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The end of the hipster: In 2014 we may have reached "peak beard." Could it be that these flat-white-drinking, flat-cap-wearing douchebags will soon cease to exist?
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Coming up live at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of eclectic music from Juneau, Alaska, hosted by a farker
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| Sat June 21, 2014 |
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Leading scientist thrown out of classical music concert by audience after trying to crowd-surf during "Hallelujah Chorus" for the first time since the 18th Century
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Toaster-car parks behind banana-mobile. This is what passes for news these days in Kalamazoo
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Today on drone camera theater: Watching a $24 million yacht go up in flames
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Not news: A 82-year-old man is cited by police as he flies a kite. News: While naked. Fark: At county fairgrounds with a youth group nearby. Bonus: He was banned and told to stay away but came back the next day
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Hawaii to be the site of Earth's second spaceport dedicated to alien craft. Somebody watched "Lilo and Stitch" waaay too many times
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USF students can now check out drones from the school's library. What could possibly go wrong?
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Patsy Byrne, who played Nursie in 'Blackadder,' dies at age 80. This is udderly tragic
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Driver on Virginia toll road learns that it's not only Taco Bells that have issues with $2 bills
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Photoshop Mr. Fluffy McFluffyhat marching along
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Brewpubs finding ways to reuse hundreds of pounds of yeast left over from brewing beer: "We have a very high-quality moonshine. This is the best moonshine you've ever tasted"
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Put away your #2 pencil. Hampshire College becomes the first school to ban the SAT/ACT from their admissions process
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US Park Service decides to start removing trash cans from national parks so that visitors will "take their trash with them" when they leave instead of throwing it away. Your cunning plan, I do not think you thought it all the way through
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Giant flying donuts threaten to destroy Southern city. Subby's money would have been on colossal Moon Pies riding tidal waves of RC Cola, but I'll take it
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That criminal gangster whose mugshot went viral on Facebook because people are stupid? Yeah, he's just as big and violent a criminal affiliated with a dangerous gang as rational people suspected
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Having solved all other problems, New York bans posing for photos while hugging tigers
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Animal shelter owner goosed for getting badgered and driving drunk as a skunk. Her mugshot looks like something the cat dragged in and hopefully she'll stay away from the hair of the dog that bit her
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Mass graves discovered in desert hellhole, known for its religious extremists. Is it: A) Iraq? B) Syria? C) Texas?
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Photoshop this retro cryptographic machine
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Dammit, Otis... don't put the hot air balloon down in the prison parking lot. How am I, Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mind, to escape if you put it down in the parking lot
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"An Australian man who is a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster says police confiscated four of his guns because he posed for his firearm licence photo with a colander on his head" (pic)
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Canadian woman gets 7 days in jail for stealing $2.50 worth of candy? What's that all aboot?
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World's biggest haggis unveiled, and at more than a ton, weighs more than many small cars. That's just offal (pics)
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Slate decides to ruin everyone's summer by making people feel bad about visiting the zoo. "It's terrible for animals; it's a prison for them and causes sociological problems for them"
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Tree-hugging, animal loving activist and member of various pro-animal groups admitted to feeding black bears in his neighborhood, including the one who viciously attacked his neighbor. Sadly, he received no prison time for his idiocy
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"A man is in hospital after flying off the back of a pickup truck with the mattress he was attempting to hold down. Police are reminding people that a human being cannot hold down an untied mattress if it goes airborne" (pics)
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Police arrest 25 people against goodness and normalcy at suspicious, drug-fuelled ceremony
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Let's just pick up this mom-of-the-year story from "drove her 14-year-old daughter and two other girls, to the Cow Flop on Washington Avenue on May 23 for the sole purpose of having a fist-fight with a 12-year-old girl" and take it from there
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Twenty words whose meaning is entirely different in the Midwest. Though let's be honest; the only true word to describe a carbonated, fizzy beverage is indeed "pop." Anything else is just wrong
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Pro-tip: Do not try to rob a convenience store that is owned by a Special Forces veteran. Study it out... next time
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Grumpy, angry, negative people are more efficient at their jobs than happy people because they don't care about your ugly children or planning the next office party
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Marine who wasn't allowed to wear his uniform to graduation....I can't even finish this one
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If you've never wanted to move to Australia, they're enticing visitors with up to $10,000 per person to not stay
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How awesome is Alaska? Every summer in Anchorage RV owners are allowed to park in school parking lots for free in exchange that they look out for vandals
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It's time for a long overdue KC Fark Party, Sat. June 21 @ The Levee near The Plaza
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Photoshop Extreme Challenge: Update Rockwell's "Day In The Life"
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Old and busted hipster pet: Potbellied pigs. New and trendy hipster pet: Miniature roosters
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If you work at a daycare, it's okay to tuck the children in for their naps. Just don't do it with duct tape. "It was something that probably shouldn't have been done"
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Experts say the Church of Scientology and the City of Clearwater should learn to live together happily, like proper clear thetans
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Video footage shows Lil Bub and Grumpy Cat meeting for the first time, just in time for Caturday (Update: Original video has been set to private)
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Long arm of the law recovers double amputees' stolen truck, prosthetics
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Our long national nightmare is finally over after a Illinois man finds his 13 missing cattle... in his neighbor's yard after someone left a gate open. In other news, 13 cattle are worth $25,000
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Article reminded subby that it's time for Florida's long overdue revamp of its state flag to the silhouette of a man bearing down on two pit bulls with nun-chucks as the dogs viciously attack another man
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They found the plane, It's on CNN right now! Wait, wait, never mind...
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Mysterious sea creature in Gulf finally identified after 2 years thanks to unusual sex organ. After confirming it wasn't your mom, they found it to be a placental jellyfish usually found in the Antarctic that was checking what warm water feels like
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This tiny Welsh town saved its economy by turning itself into Britain's wacky contest capital. Last weekend was the Man vs. Horse Marathon. The next one? Finger jousting
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| (SLR Lounge) |
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Four reasons you shouldn't take pictures on train tracks. Uh, make that five reasons
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This is what a DDOS attack looks like. Joshua is impressed
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California legislature considering bill aimed at allowing college students to just spit if they're not quite ready to swallow
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"Bloody good show, lads, catching that absconded prisoner from our open jail last . . . blimey, did anyone remember to lock the door this time? Oh, bloody hell, there goes another one"
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| Fri June 20, 2014 |
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You're scared to go to the dentist. Do you: A) be tough and go anyway, B) ask a parent to go with you, or C) fake your own kidnapping?
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Your boss fires you from your job, you burn his truck - it's the Florida way
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Forty American performance cars found in a Canadian barn. No word if a red Barchetta was found
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Three amateurs decide to move alligator off the road, ends exactly like you'd think. Obvious tag trumps dumbass
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Doctors without borders: "Ebola out of control"
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App lets you send dick pics to a doc to see if you've got an STD
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| (Some Guy) |
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So crime. Much thief
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Rush Limbaugh accuses independent bookstore in Washington DC of being "exclusionary, racist, and bigoted" for refusing to carry his children's history book
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"What are you in solitary for?" "I murdered two people. You?" "I'm the State Secretary for Corrections and wanted to check out the accommodations"
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Photoshop this lab equipment doing something very, very important
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Why did the woman help the ducks cross the road? To get convicted for causing the deaths of a motorcyclist and his daughter
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Finally, the pinnacle of your week arrives as you cast aside your normal responsibilities and pit your keen intellect against the most evil, tricky, diabolical questions our quizmasters could conjure. It's Friday. It's the Fark Quiz. You're welcome
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Actual headline: New Jersey best place for brain-dead patients, experts say
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Man allegedly on meth arrested for harassing couple in car he thought was an alien spaceship
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There can be only one (survivor). Bonus: Subby is a semi-regular at said bar
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Millennials hate their jobs, need more trophies
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Southwest Airlines wants to kill their passengers in a fiery wreck because they serve beer on the plane, says columnist that spends way too much time worrying about other people's drinking habits
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Photoshop this nomad festival
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UC Berkley's head epidemiologist on the return of pertussis. The TL:DR? "We're screwed"
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Little girl gets her dad a week-long vacation by appealing to Google's tiny remaining shred of common decency
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Anti-gay rally happening on National Mall RIGHT NOW, Conservatives estimate turnout in the 3-6 million range. Uh, no wait. 3-6 thousand. Uh, hundred? OK, OK dozen
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Britain's tourism minister says wannabe vacationers trapped in the country due to huge passport backlog take "staycations", under the motto "when life gives you lemons, you can always trust the government to come and shove them up your arse"
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I have a plan. You aim a laser at an airliner. I'll turn you in. We'll split the $10,000 reward. Deal?
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Someone is starting an Open Carry Guitar rally. The only way they'll get banned from Chipotle is if someone plays Maroon 5 on it
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If the Redskins logo is too offensive for the government, why did they ok "Dago Swagg," "Boobies Make Me Smile," and "PornHub"?
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Officials at JMU expel three male students who filmed and posted a video of their sexual assault on a female student. But first, here's your diploma
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Family claims exotic spider monkeys are living in rural Virginia county. You'd think other people would notice monkeys with eight legs
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Definitely not a streetlight, there's an 'actual' alien driving this one that was captured by Google Earth Map
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Good news, if you own a car in Los Angeles, you own a home
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Best red light camera video you will see all day of a Clearwater motorcyclist who gets slammed by a car, does a double cartwheel over the car, flips around, gets up and walks away. Tada
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Bender's head causes security scramble and massive delays for Connecticut suburban rail commuters, wants you to come to Foxwoods for BLACKJACK. AND HOOKERS
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "Cross-dressing man commits meth-fueled sexual assault, crime spree"
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New Jersey health and safety experts' advice for safe kids' summertime fun is about one-third common sense and two-thirds pants-wetting nannypanic. Left out: don't go into Camden or Newark, and don't use the governor for shade
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Berkeley to add carbon-shame labels to gasoline pumps. Are you ashamed yet, you horrible, horrible, fossil-fuel-burning, earth-hating monster? SHAME
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Thanks to Iraq, Syria, Afghanistan, South Sudan, Central African Republic, and Kenya, we have 51.2 million people displaced in the world. The highest since the end of WW2
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One million Iraqis have fled from ISIS. Number expected to rise once civilians are counted
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Underage drinkers have terrible taste in beer
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Mission Creep: President Obama got you smiling and nodding in agreement when he said only U.S. Military Advisers were heading to Iraq? Pssst, dirty secret, U.S. Military Advisers have been fighting for years
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Dutch press angry about gay-only village hoax, neglect to remember that Amsterdam already exists
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Tulsa man charged with masturbating in a Walmart. No, not the Tulsa guy from last month, this is a completely different guy. What the hell is going on at that Walmart?
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Ric Romero recalls his involvement in the OJ Simpson Bronco chase. That would be a Ford Bronco, which was a motor vehicle made by the Ford Motor Company, not an untrained horse or one that habitually bucks
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And just like that, the Pope is no longer cool
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How embarrassing will it be to think that you're going to be known in prison as the guy who tried to kill someone with grits?
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Photoshop this edged estate
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"On one hand, I felt happy because when your daughter becomes god, having a god in the home is a delightful thing"
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A Texas woman was arrested for what? A) Drinking and driving. B) Picking up six children after swim class. C) Making the children ride home on the hood and trunk of the car so her car interior wouldn't get wet. Or D) All of the above
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Judge orders deployed military member to be in two places at once or lose custody of his daughter. Tag for judge
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Cookies worth $52,000 seized at Newark airport
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After visiting Colorado, British reporter predicts there would be suicides, killings, and toddlers in the hospital if England legalized marijuana
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Dude, if you pay for services from a prostitute and then impersonate a cop to get your money back, you probably won't get it back and the police would like to have a word with you
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Everyone in this Brazilian family has six fingers on each hand, and they are rooting for their home country's soccer team to win their 6th World Cup
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What better way to raise awareness about online exploitation of minors than to replace kids' eyes with screaming mouths? (with OMGKILLITWITHFIRE examples)
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The collapse of Iraq would actually help the oil industry
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How did we get this far without kumquat & beet flavored toothpicks?
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The stench of death will soon hang heavy in Michigan and it's got nothing to do with Detroit
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Former porn star to run for school board... and you've already clicked the link before I can say that the former porn star is a dude
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The good news is that it's now illegal, at least in New York, to tattoo your pet. The bad news: people have been getting their farking pets tattooed
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| Thu June 19, 2014 |
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Scientists find cure to greatest epidemic of our time: baldness
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Supreme Court unanimously rules that public sector whistleblowers are protected under First Amendment rights when they raise flags on matters of public concern, unless they are Snowden
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Teenager who lost half a finger during an illegal rave says he stayed and partied and didn't seek medical attention because the bass had been dropped and it was "hard"
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Mother of the Year candidate brands her children so that she can remember which is which
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Men steal more than 7,000 pennies to buy heroin, demonstrating more cents than brains
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You seem fat and lazy, here's a recipe for making pancakes in a rice cooker
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Obama is the first 3D-printed president
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Anti-tax muppet Grover Norquist wants to rename the Washington Redskins to something even more stupid and offensive
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Mortician forced to store corpse in her car overnight when body is determined to be too fat for the morgue
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Jennifer, the very first Photoshop demo example. Photoshop her again
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Doomsday prepper lured out of hiding with cheeseburger
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Apparently, competitive fishing is serious business, as evidenced by this man who used bleach to kill off $20,000 worth of his competitor's bait fish
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Today's actual news headline: Dancing man detained as truck burns on Bay Bridge
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Police post "sexy" mugshot on Facebook and the Internet loses its shiat
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Good: There is a cure for science denialism. Bad: It involves massive amounts of the population living in iron lungs because of polio. FARK: Will also involve Florida slipping beneath the ocean
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Excuse me Flo, what is the outrage du Jour? It's the outrage of the day. Mmm, that sounds good. I'll have that
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Shoot me once, shame on me. Shoot me twice...yeah, that was me again
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75 government scientists possibly exposed to anthrax. Treatment is expected to prevent megadeth
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Fitness critique of ISIS terrorist workout video. "Lots of good training basics but too much dust and guns in workout area"
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Couple who have spent a month in jail because they refused to sign the ticket they got for driving with an handwritten license plate say they are following "God's law." Odd, I don't remember "thou shalt not stand in line at the DMV" in Leviticus
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The green movement has become a "combination of extreme political ideology and religious fundamentalism rolled into one." says Green Peace founder
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Puppy rescued from terribly dusty incinerator pit
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Ever get so mad you stop the car and tell your Dad to walk home? It works better when you're not both drunk, in a boat, stuck on a rock in the Gulf of Alaska
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| (Some Food Nut) |
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Fark Food Thread: Are sweet potatoes and yams only fall foods or do you work with them all year? Do you treat yams and sweet potatoes as the same thing or make different dishes with each?
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If you thought that taking an alcohol induced nap at the drive-thru only happens at McDonald's, well apparently DUI doesn't discriminate when it comes to fast food
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Teen stowaway who survived a 5-hour flight in airplane wheel well: "It wasn't scary"
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A suit made of mentos: $100. The dunk tank full of diet coke $200. The dumb look on the guy's face: priceless
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Help this fabulous little moth feel like a queen
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Wedding bands suck, and wedding DJs are just as bad. So what's the alternative? It's more obvious than you think
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Men who were videotaped doing a cannonball into a pair of manatees get probation
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In 2006, the CIA hatched a cunning plan to convince the children of Pakistan that Osama Bin Laden was actually a Dark Lord of the Sith. Or something
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Ebola continues to spread in West Africa, which has not yet SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING.
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Investigative reporter discovers if you fight your red light camera ticket in the city's special red light camera court you might not get a fair trial, even though the city attorney spends several seconds considering your case
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If an elderly, overweight woman on oxygen armed with a back scratcher can foil your robbery attempt, you're probably in the wrong line of business
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The seedy underbelly of Florida's retirement communities: "Every night is Saturday night in The Villages. And who's going to get pregnant?"
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Latest story on the endless search for Flight MH370 isn't why you should click the link to the left. No, the photo of the supercool Ocean Shield ship is why. It's the must-have ocean-going vessel for the supervillian on your Christmas gift list
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You'd better stock up on microbeads while you can
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Police decide to alleviate some boredom by doing a sex sting, manage to snare 23 people, though only five were women
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From the Department of Making Shiat Up to Meet a Deadline: On average, Americans spent about twice as many hours sleeping in 2013 as they did working
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Maybe leaving a female teacher in a room filled with sex offenders, no guards, and a radio set to a frequency no one else was on was a bad idea
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A sample of entries in the National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest 2014. And yeah, there are some seriously awesome pictures here
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Fish market robbed of "rare, collectible treasures." Which is code for "stuffed fish"
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Ever wonder what it's like to work in the complaint office at the FCC? Behold the Derpocalypse
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It's good to put up signs to let your customers know where you are, but "Drugs This Way" signs are the exception to this rule
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The worst mistakes people make while dating includes sending too many kisses in a text, talking on the phone during dinner or a movie and thinking that this time dating is going to turn out better than the last dozen miserable failures
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Apparently when paying off a debt, Star Wars figurines are not considered legal tender
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"A Macon man was treated at Coliseum Northside hospital Thursday after he accidentally shot himself in the penis"
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Why a liberal arts education isn't just for losers who wouldn't last 15 minutes in a STEM program
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Man placed under house arrest for stealing bras in Bra. Cool story, bra
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| (Some Guy) |
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Yo, a new smartphone app which simply allows users to send each other the word "Yo" called "the most ridiculous venture to ever receive $1 million in funding." Yo
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Hey, remember George Zimmerman, the trigger-happy, racist neighborhood watch captain that shot and killed an African American kid who was eating Skittles and wearing a hoodie? Well, today is the first day of his trial against NBC
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Good news, everyone: the ranks of the super-rich are growing. That wealth is sure to start trickling down any time now
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Conservationists push to triple America's grizzly bear population. What could possibly go horribly, terrifyingly, limb-rendingly wrong?
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The only reason most Americans haven't jumped on the solar panel bandwagon is because most solar panels look like crap. So now Elon Musk is making designer solar panels
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So what type of idiot thought it would be a good idea to place a total of $100 billion in liens on homes of federal court officials? [clicks link] Oh...yeah, duh
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Successful people pick lame superpowers. Yes, even more lame than Aquaman
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Researchers plan to raise extinct passenger pigeons from dead using DNA to find out of they really do taste as good as rumoured
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People are shocked, SHOCKED that a bus driver who claimed his Bible stopped two bullets from hitting him during a supposed 'hate attack', lied and actually shot and stabbed himself before making up the story
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Photoshop this British cheesy chase
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Kids caught trading ADD meds for Cheez-Its is most ADD thing ever
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New riot control drones will shoot pepper spray, and blinding lasers into your eyes. You have 30 seconds to comply
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'Flowers for Algernon' author's IQ drops to zero
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Gallant calmly discusses the late rent with his roommate. Goofus sets his roommate on fire and flees town
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So not only are fish-eating spiders a thing but they're everywhere, too
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Remember the soldier that had his dog, Baxter, sold by his girlfriend while he was deployed? The family that bought Baxter have agreed to return him to his rightful owner
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A stray cat snuck into Leningrad's Zoo in search of food, and ended up finding a new home and a new best friend
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Cops: No more bull than we deal with most days
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Gas prices up: Meh. Cable TV prices up: Yawn. In-N-Out raises price of Double-Doubles: SHIAT JUST GOT REAL
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 476: "Crotchfruit and Snowflakes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 18, 2014 |
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Not a slideshow of adorable guinea pigs, this is not an experiment in human behavior
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Is that a gun up your ass or are you just...HEY
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'Security concern' is cited as reason flight to Las Vegas was re-screened, and by 'security concern,' they mean 'TSA screener fell asleep.'
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Ohio boy goes wandering around old abandoned home, finds a mummified corpse hanging inside a hidden closet. Well, there goes his sense of adventure
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Baseball game in Alaska delayed by little used rule 1.11a - "Bear on the outfield wall"
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Student plagiarizes yearbook message. Wait, it was actually the principal, and he congratulates the wrong school when original text is left in message
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It's okay to reserve your table at a McDonald's as you step away for a moment by dropping a napkin onto it. But don't you dare put down a packet of tissues, a surgical mask, stethoscopes, or berets
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Shiat, we just had an inmate execution trifecta and didn't even get a chance to put it in play first
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Rob Ford's Escalade was arrested for being drunk and having open liquor in vehicle
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Man puts up sign warning drivers of DUI checkpoint ahead and telling them to "turn now." Police: "Your sign is interfering with our right to randomly stop innocent drivers, and we're going to take it from you"
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Do you know how many fortnights you will spend in gaol if you run somebody over while driving without a license?
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Family Research Council says that gay sex is way more sinful than incest. Suck it, sibs
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Photoshop this loner
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Signs you are dehydrated. "You are out of beer" surprisingly missing (dry slideshow)
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"No, I do not want fries with that. Also, I'd like to run over your water meter, your shrubs and your menu board, and then try to bite all of you"
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Iraqi army finds its balls, beat off militants. First they were coming, now they're going
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An unusually poignant photo gallery of the aging motels of Barstow, California will bring back memories of the kind of places your dad always made you stay when you took family vacations
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If you're running late for your flight, don't pull a fire alarm at the airport to stop your plane from leaving without you. Or you can be like this idiot. Your call
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Jon Stewart doesn't always crush Donald Trump for being an insufferable blowhard, but when he does it's satisfying as hell
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"We really never expected all of this, to be honest, but God does blessings every day, That's the reason that little kitten just showed up here - because God knew we would do whatever we needed to do to make sure that kitten was safe"
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Georgia man discovers baby on highway. Skid marks reportedly everywhere
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It's nice to know your hard earned tax dollars are paying for cops to film themselves lip-synching Katy Perry songs and uploading them to the internet. "See...we really are no different from anyone else"
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In North Carolina it is now legal to make a possum be your prank monkey
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Residents of Georgia urged to be patient with Canada geese as hundreds of thousands of the squawking, crapping shiatbags invade the state for their annual June-July molt, during which time they can't fly and can't be shot
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America's most cherished right is Freedom of Religion. Wait - you're not an evangelical Christian? Get the fark out of here
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Eight ways to make your morning more pleasant and productive. This list can't be right because it says nothing about drinking a bloody mary to take the edge off of the previous night's activities
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Archaeologists unearth ancient plague so deadly it has the potential to end human existence. Now they want to mess around with it for giggles
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Although described by his father as "indoorsy," 23-year-old manages to survived for days in the woods. Fark: He can't remember much after 'hanging out with some friends'
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85-year-old grandma is evicted from her apartment. By maggots. That were eating a guy next door who had been dead for two weeks. Bonus: This is subby's grandmother
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Woman graduates high school at 111-years-old. Hopefully won't go streaking to celebrate
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Woman gives birth to twins six weeks apart, blames "incompetent cervix"
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Didn't think there was a European Ninja Festival? Think again
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Cuba confims the first six cases of patients sickened by the Chikungunya virus. The reaction from public health officals worldwide was "Wait, that can't possibly be a real thing can it? I mean, c'mon 'Chikungunya'? Really?"
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Stephen Colbert was every USA soccer fan last night and it was perfect
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Chicago is being plagued by murder memorials, and there are so many it's getting hard to navigate the sidewalks and streets on the South Side. Perhaps those memorials should be made illegal, solving the problem entirely
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If your power went out last night near Seattle, this guy might be shockingly responsible. Also crispy
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If you are one of the first thousand who can listen to an eccentric Chinese billionaire sing his own rendition of We Are The World, then you can get a free meal at a top New York restaurant
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Photoshop these hardcore players
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A local news reporter doing a story about increased crime in Oakland gets her purse stolen from the news truck while she was on the air. Bonus: They were parked in front of the police station
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Chaos in Iraq is worrying everyone except oil companies and the people who owns their stocks. They're rolling around in piles of money and snorting coke of hookers' asses
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Fitness instructor's $8,000 over-sized breasts explode. It happens sometimes. Boobies just blow up. Natural causes (Not safe for work photo of aftermath)
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Man wearing zebra print hat, Superman tank top and Duck Dynasty beard saves some kayaker from angry beaver
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Twelve-year-old kid says something you don't like while you are sitting near him at a restaurant? That's a choking, chasing and another choking. Bonus: Mother was drunk and refused to cooperate
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If you've been shooting birds with blow gun darts in Virginia Beach: A: It's a federal crime and B: What the Fark is wrong with you?
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Therapist arrestedafter reportof sexualassault
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What's worse than having an abandoned house next door? Having bees make a colony in the abandoned house. What's worse than that? You can't track down the owner, so there's nothing you can legally do to get rid of the bees
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You might want to sit down for this, but it kinda looks like twitter hashtags aren't really doing much to stop sexual assault
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El Paso police officer caught on video shooting a handcuffed prisoner, and to nobody's surprise, gets away with it
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A fake distress call to the Coast Guard is an ineffective - and expensive - way to get back at your ex-boyfriend
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Hank Williams III blasts Tom Hiddleston's casting as Hank Williams, says "only an American should play my granddaddy." How shocking; he's a racist
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Leave it to advertising executives to try and improve the lives of Colombian peasants by giving them their own off-grid refrigerators designed to keep their Coca-Colas cold
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Remember that 1953 movie, "Invaders From Mars"? Yeah, well about that
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Why video games are meant to be played at your house with friends and not online with strangers. For you hardcore gamers, 'friends' are complicated NPCs with whom you can interact over long periods of time, engaging in barter and missions
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How come ISIS has swept across northern Iraq with such ease? It could be down to the insane levels of corruption in Iraq, from the top down, and its ineffective parliament. Iraq was a failed state way before the ISIS rampage
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How come discovering a crazy, naked woman hiding in your closet always seems to end so much better in an adult movie?
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Maine Goths fly kites. Like anyone cares
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Naked sunbather causes massive traffic accident in Austria after drivers become fixated on her amazing, amazing ass. " "I thought I was suffering sunstroke when I saw it," explains one driver (SFW pic of said ass)
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Yes, Mr. Jones, about the potential sale of your $2 million oceanfront home - it was built on public park land. Surprise
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A Hispanic man named José Padilla who owns a taco shop stands his ground to defend his restaurant, and is promptly shot 10 times. LAPD are looking for "three black men who are driving a vehicle." C'mon, which of you guys wrote this article
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Canada to test rarely used criminal code provision that bans pedobear memes
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Man gives everyone on the plane a flower to give to his girlfriend who's waiting inside the terminal at the airport. They pour out of the plane one-by-one and give her a flower each, then he comes out and gets on his knee and proposes. Ta Da
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"Three amateurs appear destined to become 'world's dumbest criminal' candidates after deciding that holding up a gun shop with a fake firearm was a great idea"
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Having learned nothing from every Dracula movie ever made, researchers want to dig up Vlad the Impaler's tomb in Naples, Italy
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Canada is still pissed-off at Iran, and of all the countries you don't want pissed-off at you, it's Canada
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Man threatened CVS with hydrogen bombs demanding prepaid money cards
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Oh Noes, the FDA is coming for our salt with the sole intention of making all the food we eat blander. Hide it, hoard it
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The opposite of clickbait: Yes, your parents ARE having sex
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Bear and cubs steal kids' lunch boxes from day camp. Yogi and Boo Boo described as bears of interest and wanted for questioning
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Slate: Here's how to improve education - make it harder to become a teacher. First of all, students entering teacher-education programs MUST be slightly above average, and there needs to be more bureaucratic hoop-jumping for credentials
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The most discriminatory law in the United States is the Family Cap, which used to put a limit on how big a non-white family could be but today puts a cap on how big a family on government assistance can be. Naturally, people have a problem with it
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Gang banger Jesus is gonna bust a cap in yo ass
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A closer look at the very special breed of suburbanite who spends $160 a month to rent chickens
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The seven signs you're in a cult. I was going to make a joke, but the punch line was too long
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Frenchman found guilty of ordering kidnapping of the guy who murdered his daughter. Thirty years ago. Liam Neeson nods in approval
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Chinese media warns citizens not to eat uninspected dog meat during annual summer solstice feasts. With photo of what uninspected dog meat might look like, so be warned
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1km-tall skyscraper set for construction in China - looks like Disney World on steroids
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An annual poll of scientists asking what are the most misused scientific terms by the public includes "proof," "theory," "learned versus innate" and "ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny"
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Japan's parliament passes law which bans possession of child pornography but the 'Why Bother?' law excludes sexually explicit comics, animation, adults who look like kids, and computer graphics
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Photoshop this moonlight sky
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Not news: A 72-year-old bay area man runs in the Dipsea race for the 44th consecutive year. News: And manages to finish. Fark: Despite having a heart attack
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Guards at amusement park tell family that they cannot bring their knives into the park. Father and his four kids decide the rules don't apply to them, and proceed to beat up responding officers. Have fun in jail, dumbasses
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And you thought being made to wear matching family sweaters was bad
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National Zoo to suddenly close their invertebrate exhibit in a spineless move
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Only two things come from Texas, steers and HBO shows about Texas politics. I don't see any horns on you, boy
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Unemployed Millennial with student debt? Logging industry is always hiring. Just ask Dexter
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Turns out, everyone has rhythm. But that doesn't mean they won't dance like Elaine Benes in The Little Kicks
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Nigerian World Cup viewing center rocked by explosion. "Many" casualties reported
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Till Death Do Us Part' used to have something to do with marriage and a partner, these days in America it now has to do with you and your job
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It's important to be able to distinguish an opossum from a porcupine - especially if you intend on slapping it
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Today's non-story news story: Roller coaster briefly stops while going up a lift hill
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| Tue June 17, 2014 |
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News: People are shocked, SHOCKED that a doctor would mislead them by promoting medications that would help people lose weight, but didn't. Fark: This 'doctor' is Dr. Oz
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Former realtor charged with several counts of fraud and one count of proving the old adage "The more someone talks about God during a business deal, the tighter you need to hold on to your wallet"
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Ugly-ass cheetah cub rejected by mother becomes best friends with puppy. The cuteness here will leak out of your monitor and make a puddle of wonderful on your desk
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This is a story about a love affair between a tacky pink plastic flamingo and the lemurs at the San Francisco Zoo
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A tiny portion of Detroit is making a comeback, featuring bars, boutiques, and a distillery. Why yes, hipsters are involved, why do you ask?
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Dallas area 7-11 stores offer preview of what will soon be Colorado's number one selling item: Doritos Loaded, which are textured triangles filled with warm, melted cheese. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY
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Potential major advance in modern dentistry coming out of the UK
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Detroit man attempts to throw over a prison yard fence a football filled with narcotics and cell phones. The pass was incomplete
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If you're going to throw a party where you reveal the gender of your unborn child to all your family and friends, you should do it like they do it in the South and fire off shotgun shells loaded with glitter and confetti
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"The suspect also ate several hot dogs and rice cakes before departing"
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If you find out that you bought a dog that was given away without a soldier's knowledge while he was deployed, should you: a) give it back to him, b) sell it back to him, or c) ignore his pleas and keep it?
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If you rob five banks in one day and end up with less than $450 for your efforts, perhaps you should consider a different line of work
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The CEO of Exxon-Mobil isn't going to let a little thing like patriotism or a direct request from the United States government stop him from travelling to Moscow and doing business deals with people the US has imposed sanctions on
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Photoshop this trendy conference room
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Latest in marijuana slang? 'Don't pull a Maureen Dowd"
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Judge says there is no constitutional right to cold beer
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The FBI has a hilariously outdated glossary of internet slang words. ROFL
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Chicken pot pie nuggets
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Michael Bay to revise Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for accuracy; turtle power
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"I'm not staggering, I have back problems." says mother of the year candidate with two teens in the car and an award winning booking photo
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"Sorry, Mom. I'll go to class now"
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Denver police frisk suspect four times, apparently decide that anything smaller than a breadbox can't really be very important
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Before you start tossing water balloons off the sixth floor of a parking garage and some cyclists below you, first make sure they're not really undercover cops
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Best Korea develops cruise missile, which experts say could pose a significant threat to large patches of the ocean
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Nest Labs overpriced smoke detector is back on the market, and will no longer set your house on fire
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72% of Texans think "You want fries with that?" is an acceptable career path, up from 56% in 2010. This explains a lot
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Choose your state and answer seven questions about your political ideology to find out which city you should live in if you ever move out of your mom's basement
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If Greenpeace had invested in oil, they wouldn't have lost $5.2 million
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Thirteen sentences that never end well
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Dunkin Donuts to expand California, church shooting leaves one holey, and an alternate universe where we can't implicitly trust strippers: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 6/8 - 6/14
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From the you have got to be kidding me files: Fox News Praises George W. Bush's Ability To Anticipate Problems In Iraq
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Photoshop theme: Political election attack ad posters using movie footage
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After your seventh DUI, you should know that shots of whiskey won't stop the breathalyzer from seeing how many beers you drank
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Nuns distracted by neighboring strip club
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Everybody's favourite sitcom about a bumbling buffoon's wacky hijinks at City Hall returns June 30
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During NBA Finals Game 5, fans in the arena used more then 182GB of bandwidth, including 394,000 social media posts. Did anybody actually WATCH the game?
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Independent Iceland turns 70 today; still can't explain Björk's appeal
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Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri Al-Maliki whose name is apparently Arabic for "Not Helping" defies Obama's calls to reach out to Sunnis and form a more inclusive government, tells the US to make it snappy with the air strikes and troops to save his ass
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| (Some Guy) |
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Retail electronics sector in Britain enjoying a 30 percent increase in business as soccer fans upgrade their TVs to watch England lose in high-def
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