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| Sun June 08, 2014 |
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Hodor hodor hodor hodor-hodor hodor hodor hodor
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Police charge twins with DUI in separate incidents within 3 minutes of each other
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The cake is a lie
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"Do you know why I pulled you over?" "I have no idea, officer." "Our laser says you're DUI"
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School bans sunblock, resulting in child getting bad sunburn. They better aloe it now
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Bow tie enthusiast Tucker Carlson defends truck driver who critically injured Tracy Morgan and killed Jimmy Mack. Because sleep driving isn't always reckless, you guys
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What's your "comfort food" of TV shows? Not actual food- the kind of show that you can go back and watch again if nothing else is on
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WTFark host Mike Rylander banned from Virginia beach for secret filming "first post" content
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"Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey" Finale episode 13 discussion thread and drinking game. 9PM Eastern on Fox
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Photoshop this hipster
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Billions of years of the evolution of the universe, viewed in time-lapse of less than 6 minutes
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You're gonna need a bigger boat: Nine-foot great white shark eaten by "mystery sea monster"
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Two Las Vegas Police officers dead in execution style slaying (developing story)
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You are here
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Photoshop what's for dinner
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Man decides to put real life first, sells world's largest collection of video games
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Solar forced global warming? Well, when there are billions and billions of photons...sometimes you get warming
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Ann Druyan recounts her time with husband Carl Sagan, saying that working together "was one of our infinite number of different ways of making love"
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Can the nervous system be hacked? If so, let's just hope it doesn't use OpenSSL
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Capitalism can bring the price down, making it less expensive to purchase a finished product. Oh, and Missouri isn't #1 in meth production. THANKS MEXICO
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Massachusetts clam beds close due to red tide outbreak. Article includes subliminal photo to keep you off shellfish indefinitely
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Government rules cheese can't age on wooden boards - and that Americans can't import cheese from Europe that was aged on wooden boards in methods used for thousands of years
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Iowa's ban on texting while driving hasn't reduced the number of crashes on the state's roads. So, either people are still texting while driving or Iowans really suck at driving. Undoubtedly, it's the latter
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Russian government target Snowden six years ago as a target to convince to defect. This continues the saga of the man who to complain about government abuse went to Russia
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Police on trail of gang breaking into restaurants and clubs bring down ring of pregnant burglars. No word on what they were expecting
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What to do after you win the lottery, but before you've told your boss exactly what you think of them and then moved so far away that your coworkers don't even remember what you looked like
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Minnesota teen spends a year living in a snow cave to raise money for Habitat for Humanity. In related news, you can sleep in a snow cave in Minnesota in August (pics)
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Jamaica considers legalizing it
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Fark ready headline: Burglar in crotchless pants attacks Brisbane sex store worker with toys
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You know Canadian penal system, you may want to do something about all the helicopters flying into your facilities and plucking out inmates
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"Whatever happened to OJ's White Bronco?", asked no one, ever. But here's the answer anyway
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And the most undesirable seat on a plane is seat # ________
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Which US states have the most stress? Suddenly subby realizes why his parents and their friends drive from New Jersey to Maine for vacation every summer
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School aide suspended for giving children dog treats and telling them they were cookies. But on the plus side, the children have much shinier coats, and their breath is much better
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If you can lose an object worth $10 million in your closet for 25 years, you've got too much damn money
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Photoshop these strangely graffitied rooms
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Do-it-yourself funerals have become a popular way to save money, if you don't mind putting up with a little dead weight
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Donut sales will be negatively impacted by the rising price of coffee
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Pro-tip for you aspiring pimps - keep your business cash only. And calling your girls "clowns" isn't the brightest move, either
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According to a new study conducted by the Irish branch of the Romero Institute, children recognize unhealthy foods more than they recognize healthy foods
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"That's when the light bulb went off - maybe I could buy a family." She went home with a brooding male mannequin she named Chauncey, and ginger-pigtailed Mary Margaret (with pictures of the happy family)
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Old and busted: 3 dead, 8 injured in shooting rampage. New hotness: 2 dead, 3 injured retrieving phone from public toilet
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Downton Abbey has resulted in an increased demand for butlers
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It's Saturday night in Juneau, Alaska and that means it's once again time for Livingston Stapler Company Presents. 2 hours of live music hosted by a farker
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Top JFK Conspiracy Theorist suing over his right to peddle assassination cover-up wares in Dealey Plaza. Fark: Where DOES Dallas Police Sgt. Gorka fit in among Black Dog Man, Umbrella Man & Babushka Lady?
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It's all fun and games at the Swingers party until cops whip out their big 4 inchers and start waving them around
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| Sat June 07, 2014 |
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So, two or three black bears get spotted and suddenly the county decides to offer $180 "bear proof" trash cans to residents
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Man calls in a bomb hoax at a mall so his brother could get off early from his shift at Burger King
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Want to experience all the joy of cow tipping but can't get out of the city?
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Come for the sun and surf, stay for the 363 tons of trash that make this beach the dirtiest in the world
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The student who pepper sprayed and tackled the Seattle university shooter putting a end to his rampage has his Target and Crate and Barrel wedding registries completely fulfilled and his honeymoon paid for by grateful strangers on the internet
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Boy fighting cancer gets to live his dream by working as a garbageman for a day (pics)
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Photoshop some activity into this slow train station
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How to control an invasive species: eat them
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Latest design trend in urban architecture? "Homeless spikes" in the concrete to prevent people sitting or sleeping around buildings (pics)
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| (Redfin) |
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Bill Gates could buy every home in Boston. The Waltons could buy all of Seattle. Which billionaire do you want to buy your city?
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City of Portland braces for filthy, disgusting, sickening naked human bodies. On bicycles. Lots of them
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This is how a badass rolls
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So "Cannabis Entrepreneurs" are now a thing
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A graduating senior who lost both his mother and father notices every student giving the principal $6 when they were called up to collect their diploma and follows suit, not knowing it was going to a good cause. Damn dusty in here
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Industrial park in Eastern Canada on lock-down. Police surround area with weapons drawn. This is not a repeat from Wednesday
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Photoshop this difficult decision
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Toronto Fark Part'Eh, Saturday June 7 at Madison's - Baseball, beer, and no Biebers NOW WITH UPDATED INFO GOODNESS
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Waffle House waitress arrested for trying to get her boyfriend to leave her husband scattered and smothered
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CiCi's Pizza manager who skimmed to cover surgeries after her husband was injured in workplace finds out she was never a legal citizen. Fark: Franchisee fighting for her: "They're dropping her off with no money and no place to live or anything"
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British town shut down by massive spill of ... mashed potatoes? (pics)
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Chicago, a city known for its ability to make every single food perfectly, presents a guide on grilling the perfect steak. A-1 mandatory, of course
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Priests to Vatican: We would like the right to get married. Oh we'll still be celibate, because marriage pretty much dries up sex anyway, amirite? HI YO
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"Critical Mass" bike rides, which feature scores of bicyclists crowding the streets to demand the right to make people late for work and school, might be dangerous
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10 essentials for a more comfortable camping trip. Or, you could just live in your garage for a weekend, brushing bugs out of your teeth and destroying your clothes with your massive pit stains. It's pretty much the same experience just cheaper
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France bombs the Statue of Liberty in NY harbor with one million red rose petals. Thousands in the crowd below mangled with beautiful red affection because of the touching D-Day tribute
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If you really want to impress all the pretentious foodies and drunks in your life, you need to start adding honeysuckle to all your beverages
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I hope you enjoyed National Doughnut Day. It took 25 acres of rainforest and the blood of 3 endangered Sumatran tigers to bring it to America
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300 gallons of orange juice leaks into swamp after truck accident. Yeah, that's one screwed driver
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Man goes on a 10-day hunger strike to protest: A) Poverty in America B) NSA Spying C) Some 'No Parking' signs posted near his home. "This just won't stand in a civilized society"
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Your dog wants steak, Doritos, Cheetos, cereal, pizza, hoagies, potato chips, tacos, cookies & Funyuns
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Seven-year-old boy faces expulsion for telling teacher that he accidentally brought a toy gun to school, has now learned a valuable lesson about never trusting people in power
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Hey kids in Seattle, why don't you go play in the streets? No, seriously. Go play in the streets
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Not news: A woman is picking up her son from summer math camp. News: Teachers forced her son on the bus even though he told them his mom was there. Fark: Then it gets really stupid
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Ian McKellen: "Caption this." Challenge accepted
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In Tarrez, Austria there is a castle that has seven different pools filled with beer. I know where the next Fark Party is going to be
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Photoshop this truckload of octopus
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I Tawt I Taw a Puddy Tat: Caturday's worst bird-catching pet cat, Ruggles, makes numerous attempts to catch a tiny bird, and like a scene from Sylvester and Tweety, fails miserably. Previously he failed to catch a mouse, also caught on film (w/pics)
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| (Some Fan) |
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If you've been praying that Bill Watterson, the legendarily talented and reclusive creator of "Calvin and Hobbes," would someday return to the comic pages, well, he just did. And right under our noses
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Man shot when neighbors catch him peeing in their yard. Wait, it was the guy who was peeing who shot the neighbors complaining about him peeing in their yard? Oh, this happened in Florida, never mind
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Cop smells pot. Decides to break into and destroy a pickup, and leaves a note on the windshield
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Protip: A living will does not entitle you to break into your dead ex-husband's house and take his shiat less than 24 hours after he dies
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Just like that hottie at the pool, the Fark Quiz is back and rubbing its bikini-clad boobs in your face. Wait a minute, the hottie at the pool doesn't do that at all. This pool sucks
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Starting in 2016, you'll be able to ride the world's tallest "supercoaster" which will be 570' tall and reach speeds of 65mph. Bad: You'll have to go to Florida to ride it
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Interactive photos show D-Day sites then and now
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Artist forced to remove statue of Spider-Man looking over a playground with a large erection. "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?" says artist
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| Fri June 06, 2014 |
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Large fire burning in New York City skyscraper. This is not a repeat from 1945
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If one of theirs pulls a bottle of maple syrup, you pull a bottle of ketchup. That's the Florida way
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Because you know you want to have sex with your computer but aren't sure how to do it yet, here's a look into the future of sex in the digital age
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When trying to toss your illegal pot away, try not to hit a deputy with it
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♫ Who can chase the burglar? Hold him down for you. Keep him for the cops and take his knife away, too. The garbage man, the garbage man can ♪
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Quite possibly the weirdest looking dog you'll ever see
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the energetic Terry Crews
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Just one more reason why Montana truly is the Last Best Place: residents' faucets are dispensing tap water laced with pure gold
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A nine-day tax amnesty on hurricane supplies has wound up being more a tropical depression as consumers realized they don't need that much bleach in their homes
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Man dies after shooting himself in leg while driving. This would have never happened if the other thigh would have been armed
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Any time you hear the words "sword fight breaks out," you know it's going to be a good story
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Well, they all seem perfectly cromulent to me
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Packers can finally get married
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Sovereign citizen demonstrates knowledge of Constitution, manners, marksmanship. Fortunately 0 for 3
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Remember two days ago, that FBI and FAA warning not to aim "lasers" at police helicopters? Well of course you do. This guy, not so much
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So apparently the CEO of Hobby Lobby is a big fan of "classic film" "Birth of a Nation" because OF COURSE he is
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East SF Bay Area city dealing with wilding attacks. Jon Snow questioned, knows nothing
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Hershey, like most people who are not high, doesn't think "Reefer's Peanut Butter Cups" are funny
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Map shows second most popular religion in each state behind Christianity. Whee, doggy. Check out the south
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Man shoots dog for copulating with his purebred, is informed by police that he just screwed the pooch
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We can neither confirm nor deny that the CIA has joined Twitter
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this mémoire monologue
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Humans riding dinosaurs may have wiped out the Wooly Mammoth
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Coupla fellas found in some suitcases on the side of the road right up there by Milwaukee, doncha know
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From Slate intern to selling a start-up for $25 million in just a few years. Hey, but you got a few greenlights last month, you rock
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Should the cops ever find you standing in the road in the middle of the afternoon only wearing boxers, make sure you give them a better story than this guy did
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D-Day observances would not be complete without remembering "mad bastard" Piper Bill Millin
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89-year-old British veteran goes AWOL from his nursing home in order to attend D-Day commemorations in Normandy
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Managers of the Mall of America are hoping they can entice Chinese tourists to fly all the way to Minnesota to buy a bunch of stuff made in China
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Senate to ease truckers' 70 hour a week work cap to 82 hours. Or, as Senators call 82 hours of work - a pretty good year
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Apparently, Mike Myers hasn't spent the last decade collecting jars of urine in rural Canada
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Sorry, spinach. Apologies, broccoli. With a perfect score of 100, the most complete vegetable for nutrition is ____________
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1300 people lose electricity when dog-training tunnel from women's prison gets caught in power lines. No part of this makes sense
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On the downside, you're going to prison. On the upside, the court formally acknowledged that you have a big penis
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World's smallest country has just 22 residents, a royal family, currency, stamps and even a football team
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EU to banks: You know, douchebags, enough with this whole "you earn interest on our money" bullshiat. From now on, you're going to pay us to hold onto our money. How do you like dem apples?
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Indian minister says rape is "sometimes right." Sounds like someone is talking out of his non-violated ass
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Can you spot the whale in this painting? If not, don't feel bad, it took art lovers 150 years to find it
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Apparently the key to getting financial aid in Kentucky does not involve knowing how to spell the name of the state
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| (Some Guy) |
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Planet-killing asteroid will pass within a million miles of Earth. There's more where that came from
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Virginia officials to Uber and Lyft: You have not paid sufficient bribes ... er, sorry, obtained official permits ... and are therefore no longer allowed to operate within the state
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News: Agents seize over 150 bags of heroin in man's vehicle, along with $1,200 in U.S. currency. Fark: They also find an additional 40 bags of heroin, crack cocaine, and Percocet pills in his bellybutton
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Someone created a Cheeseburger Pop Tart, ostensibly because their arteries were only 95% clogged
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As it turns out, kicking your employees in the testicles is NOT considered "acceptable horseplay"
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Deciding it hasn't been in the headlines much this month, N. Korea takes another American tourist into custody
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The Donald dismisses complaints about his giant new "TRUMP" sign in downtown Chicago. "As time passes, it'll be like the Hollywood sign"
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New Hampshire Supreme Court secures a charter bus to hell
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George R R Martin will kill you for $20,000
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Mississippi sheriff would like you to know that it's completely legal to be "locked in" a courthouse with a bunch of uncounted votes when you happen to work for one of the campaigns
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Active shooter alert issued for Naval Medical Center Portsmouth. UPDATE: Not a shooter, but there wasn't an Active Stabber alert code
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Camp in beautiful Antarctica. Come for the leopard seals, stay for the penguins peeing inside your tent
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Photoshop what's so damn interesting everybody's gotta wake up and look outside
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Man is acquitted for offering a 'pinch of weed' to an undercover officer who was acting like a stressed out stranger at a park. "He didn't accept a dime/they made up this crime/while they were getting paid overtime"
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Complete broadcast day of CBS Radio for June 6 1944
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"The man also pleaded ignorance that it was against the law to burn bags of feces behind police stations"
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If you're a homicide detective, and find yourself using a murder victim's blood to doodle his name on the street at the crime scene, it may be time to find another line of work
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Janitor is called to high school gym to clean up a mess, instead of a pile of vomit he finds a bag of money the students had donated so he could visit his family overseas
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Researchers keenly observe that most people who commit suicide are awake
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While you were sipping on your "Baja Blast" Mountain Dew, this 93-year old paratrooper just recreated his D-Day jump
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There I was in my truck, wondering why that manhole cover was flying through the air, when suddenly it struck me
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Sad: Husband dies in head-on collision. Equally Sad: Wife dies in head-on collision. Fark: They collided into each other
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Not news: Twins are graduating high school. News: Triplets are graduating from high school. Fark: nine sets of twins and one set of triplets are graduating from the same high school
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Stand Down Moncton (w/video)
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| Thu June 05, 2014 |
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Eating sugar is perfectly healthy. This week
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Mother of three arrested for drunk driving had three alcoholic jello shots in her pockets. There's always room for Jell-O
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The worst traffic congestion in North America. According to the author these cities don't have it as bad as Mexico City, which is "outside North America"
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A little lesson in turbulence, and why it's not so scary after all
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Taco Bell corporate office again fires up the Mexican Food Name Combobulator 3000
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Pro-gun activists demonstrate the safety of open carry in stores by forgetting a gun in the toy aisle
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Man in Northern Virginia shoots two teenagers with a BB gun just to watch them... well, uh, bruise up, really
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Researchers discover species that they thought went extinct 124 years ago, do exactly what you'd expect them to
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Some day in the not-so-distant future we will live in a society filled with hypnotic bridges, inflatable concert halls, and skyscrapers that wear sweaters
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Fire Department Captain hears knocking on his door at night and directs the confused person to the birthday party down the street... just kidding, he decides to put a few bullets through the door to exercise his 2nd Amendment rights
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Maureen Dowd calls her marijuana edibles experiment "ill-advised". At least she didn't inhale
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Photoshop Theme: Superheros at work in regular jobs
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Shooting reported at Seattle Pacific University, with at least four people injured. Not this shiat again
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Germany will win the World Cup. A video game said so
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In recent years people are throwing more and more coming out parties, more and more divorce parties, and more and more pet birthday parties, proving one thing: Americans will celebrate anything if it gives them an excuse to eat more cake
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Fark Food Thread: Skewered favorites - it's time to share. What do you put together when it's time to do kebabs, satay, etc? Do you separate the food so it doesn't cook unevenly or have other methods/favorites to pass along?
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I see your Harrier into a house and raise you a Super Hornet into the Pacific
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Spend 25 years walking backwards for world peace? You may just forget how to walk forwards
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It might sound weird to put a GPS device in a teddy bear to catch a thief, but it worked here as it caught somebody who was stealing clothes from a collection bin
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Fark drives 10 times more traffic than Google+, which is kind of like winning a footrace against a box turtle. But we'll take it :)
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Nate Silver will help us locate America's best burrito. We live in amazing times
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Photoshop Challenge: Fill in this blank billboard
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The UK government uses Lego to portray Scots as "shoeless, sun-starved, football-obsessed fish supper addicts, with poor grooming habits and such limited imaginations that their favoured activity at the Edinburgh festival is eating hotdogs"
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On the 70th Anniversary of D-day Red Army veterans smile condescendingly and thank the US for its minor assist in kicking Hitler's ass, gently point out they lost 200x more men at Stalingrad alone than we did during the entire D-day landing
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Spam. Spam, Spam, Spam, doughnut, and Spam
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On the anniversary of Snowden leak, 4 things that changed since then: 2013 became 2014, Kim and Kanye got married, American Idol has a new winner and of course, everyone got TotalFark for a day
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Egg bought for breakfast from supermarket hatches in front of stunned family
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Atheists angered by... uh, well, pretty much anything at this point, I guess
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'Naked bike riders' to wear clothes, in todays 'Missing the Point'
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June 5 is Reset the Net day. A push for greater internet privacy, including from the NSA. Here's their Privacy Pack so you can upgrade
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A HS teacher of 30 yrs. decides to spice up an award ceremony making it an evening of profanity, jokes about a priest having sex with kids, and a box of sex toys. Surprisingly, some parents seemed to have a problem with this
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With Michael Jackson's posthumous hit "Love Never Felt So Good" Paul Anka has now authored 3 songs that became hits after the vocalist died, proving once and for all he's a perfectly coiffed angel of death
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Everyone is getting a subpoena in Philly building collapse case, including that weasel, that Judas, that snake in the grass, Plato
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HTTPS is really just HTTP apparently
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Woman's ticket to Hell upgraded to First Class
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Bulgarian prophet Vanga predicted Crimea's return to Russia. Her next prediction is about the shattering land of underground burrows and man-made mountains
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Law professor: "If money is speech, outlawing prostitution is unconstitutional." Subby wishes to subscribe to professor's newsletter
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Good News: Beer Now Grows on Trees. Bad news: It's non-alcoholic
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New app promises to not only let you track your BAC, but also review your night out on the morning after. "You felt like an 8 last night. You delivered your jokes smoothly and charmed everyone. Well done"
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Principal comes out to students during gay pride celebration. Most Principals would have just gotten their head shaved or wore a funny tie
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Taxi
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A police department for an entire town decides "FARK it, we're done"
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FDA approves new antibiotic for MRSA. Agribusiness to start feeding it to livestock in low doses next month
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Today's Brass Balls story is of this man who scared vandals that were shooting at cars with a BB gun into calling 911 on themselves
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Dumbest Wheel of Fortune answer ever or dumbest Wheel of Fortune answer EVER? "Surf clay where we go?"
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Police are looking for a person who had to climb a ten-foot wall and then cut a hole in the metal fencing to steal $100 and some freezer pops from a pool building. Judging by the smallness of the hole it was either a child or small person
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Vuvuzelas banned from the World Cup? THIS IS AN OUTRABWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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Homosexual men share Gay Gene. Well, I hope they at least use protection
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We've had a meeting and decided that meetings are a complete waste of time
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Colonel Edward Shames of Easy Company is still a badass 70 years later
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OK, kids. I know it's senior prank season and all, but let's review: Pranks that cause damage or require school money be spent to clean up? Not funny. Hiring a four-piece mariachi band to trail your principal in the halls for 2 hours? Very funny
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If this is what a budget "victory" looks like for NASA, no wonder we'll never go to Mars
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Harvard reports they have a book bound in human skin. No word on whether it's a biography of Ed Gein
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Donald Sterling: "I'm getting how much money? Well okay then"
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Possible American at large in Canada
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"Though Hex claimed that Savage and Cox repeatedly interrupted it, multiple students told Golovashkina that Hex was the one doing most of the interrupting." Difficulty: no typos
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Zoo worker dressed in a gorilla suit mistakenly shot with a tranquiliser dart. Andy Serkis takes note
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How do you get a 900 woman out of her bedroom? It takes a village
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The only thing that could make this story absolutely perfect for the cable news nets were if Bergdahl were to be on a plane that went missing while on a flight to Benghazi
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Disgraced Blue Angels commander had an oversized penis painted on an airplane hangar's roof in the team's blue and gold colors - so large that it could be seen by satellites and appeared on Google Maps images
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Photoshop this polling station
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Off-duty officer killed working security at Waffle House when suspect shoots him in the back. Cop's brother returns fire on suspect, critically wounding him. "The only regret I have is that I didn't kill him"
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A Canadian man pulled over for speeding covered with blood who was later arrested for murdering 4 women told the officer he was covered in blood because... C) He had clubbed a deer to death because he is a redneck
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Gunman on the loose in Moncton, NB. Two or three officers possibly shot
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Because what America really needs is a dedicated appliance for making ice cream sandwiches
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Marine decides to remodel neighborhood, crashes Harrier in Imperial, California
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Japanese clothing company labels sizes as 'twitch,' 'skinny,' 'fat,' and 'jumbo.' NICE
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Look, dude. I know gym teachers aren't exactly the brightest bulbs on the tree, but if you're gonna record the hot foreign exchange student you're hosting while she's taking a shower, do something more subtle than sticking your iPad under the door
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 474: "Pareidolia". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed June 04, 2014 |
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Flushed with success after their recent coup, Thai military junta to "return happiness" to society via road cleaning, army-band concerts, and free haircuts and desserts for all
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Elderly woman learns the hard way to check the total on her bills, after overpaying $18K to her phone company
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New study shows those who have to deliver bad news for a living--whether they are oncologists, first responders, HR managers, wedding planners, or Chicago Cubs announcers--are more emotionally sapped and stressed than others
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There's sound asleep... and then there's so sound asleep you don't notice the train passing over you
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Say what you will about the tenants of anarchy, but at least it's an ethos
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Toronto police charge man with committing an "indecent act" involving a cucumber at library
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Not news: guy gives a friend a ride from Arizona to Michigan. News: somewhere in Texas, she, um, dies. Fark: he keeps going. For two days. To Michigan
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You apocalyptic "It's the end of the Earth" people need to lighten up, chocolate is going to save the Earth
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Florida man paints house like the American flag to protest city code enforcement, proving exactly why the city has to set codes and enforce them
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I have no idea what you are talking about so here's a hippo having its teeth brushed
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Finally, an adequate explanation of why conservatives are so stupid when it comes to reproductive or gender-based issues: They only have a kindergartner's understanding of sex
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Photoshop this lone hunter
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Woman who "worked at 100 miles per hour" died about the same speed
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| (Some Oreganja) |
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Honors student wrestler kicked out of prom & banned from graduation for being 'high' when he wasn't will get his own prom from radio station to go with his life lesson in Kafka
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You have to feel bad for the Feds, back in the day when they made a major bust they got to announce they captured dangerous guys with names like Scarface. Now they have to say things like "we shut down the Gameover Zeus Botnet"
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Fark-ready headline: Nude neighbor caught pumping his hose in front yard, cops say
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Chester Nez, the last original Navajo code talker, has signed off for the last time
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Tyranny alert: County board tries to infringe on woman's God-given right to cartwheel during meetings
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Not news: Vultures moving into office space on K Street. News: actual vultures
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Some business guy who runs a business says that if the war on drugs were a business that was failing, he'd shut it down
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"Mom, I am so tired of hearing dad play his damn gospel music all day. Can you tell me where the ax is, so I can cut him up?"
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Ever wonder what it would be like to live inside a Michael Bay movie? Footage from a freak, deadly sandstorm that hit Tehran the other day, give you a pretty good idea
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So I bought the Tsarnaev brothers dinner after they blew up a marathon, deleted incriminating evidence from their computer, and lied to investigators. Is that a crime?
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So here are our TV cameras at the beach with their big ole zoomy lenses, in the bushes, filming women in their bikinis, but we're the news, so we good, right?
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Dispute over parking spaces ends with assault with a tasty weapon
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Burt, the hippy dude on 'Burt's Bees' label, was forced out of company after he had an affair with an employee. In 1994. Thank gawd the AP brought us up to date on that crackling hot story
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"Well I guess we got a new pool toy with that alligator in our pool"
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In the U.K., the number of people living 100 years or more has doubled every decade since the 1950's. Most centenarians today die of a common cause. You guessed it: heroin overdose
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Iron Photoshop ingredient: This humble traffic cone
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This man pretended to be a real cop and thought it was fun, until he pulled over a real cop
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OK, you got like almost 800 dead kids buried out back there, but since you're the Catholic church, we'll give you a pass on it. This time
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Protip: If you live with someone, you might want to regularly check their browser history. If you see searches for "Human anatomy," "Human dissection," and "airline schedules," that is a big old red flag, and you should GTFO
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Wait, so hospital workers are *not* allowed to post a patient's name and STD diagnosis on a Facebook group called 'Team No Hoes'?
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Richard Dawkins: Telling children the myth of Santa Claus could damage them. Sounds like he's elf-medicating again
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A single, subtle change in DNA can affect how effectively you use the delete key on your computer keyboard, as opposed to putting white-out all over your screen
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You know how in the movies you can jump off a roof, land on an awning, and bounce safely to the sidewalk? It doesn't work that way in real life
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Finally a television news reporter asks a question we all want answered: Is it legal to break a car window to save a dog trapped in a hot car?
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At the same time three major drug dealers went AWOL just before conviction, a juror did too. Gee, I wonder what tipped off the felons to start running?
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Putin moves to bolster ties with North Korea because, well, why the fark not? It's not like anyone is still under the impression Russia is one of the good guys or anything
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Elderly man, nicknamed "scooter" dies in his house. His wife leaves his body on the floor, and goes about her life for nine more months, believing he was still alive. "I changed his nickname to 'stinky', then 'sleepy', and then 'bones.'
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...but on the flip side, the American Nightmare is very obtainable
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Once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget the incoherent drunk guy waving a shotgun at you
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The fire hydrant gets its first major makeover in 100 years. Your dog is not impressed
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British weather office warns Brits to be prepared for "freak sunshine" over country this weekend
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Proper training helps reduce pet shootings, though officials concede that is still no justification for a cocker spaniel owning a fully automatic assault rifle
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What went through a man's mind as he walked his bicycle on the train tracks? The bike
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Cops finally investigating sexual assault at Wrigleyville after realizing they probably needed to listen to everyone talking about it on social media
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Florida fire chief knows what it was to be roasted in the depths of the slur that day, I can tell you
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LinkedIn is censoring posts about Tiananmen Square, even outside mainland China; but its damn notification emails are still unbanned
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Well it looks like you can't wear prosthetic legs in the exit row of an airplane, like this war veteran found out
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Artist takes "V for Vendetta" to a new level, creates mask to disappear into anonymity as part of an anti-surveillance project
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It's that time of the year again when Canadian police are forced to remind drivers that moose have the right of way on Canadian highways
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Because Florida isn't weird enough, man declares himself a sovereign state
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News: Comcast promotes high speed internet for gaming. Fark: With a game that isn't played online
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NRA on criticism of Texas Open Carry, "Overzealous staffer, nothing to see here. We're good now, right?"
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ACLU: We can haz ur surveillance records plz? Police: Um, I guess, sure. US Marshals: YOINK
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♫Slender Man, Slender Man, who exactly is Slender Man? Was the basis for stabbings, Slender Man, Slender Man♫
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Listen to the police call where a woman rings up over an ice cream sprinkles argument - "He's put bits on one side and none of the other. He's refusing to give me my money back"
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Dinosaur trafficker gets three months in prison where he will regularly confront the one dinosaur he doesn't want to meet, lickalotofass
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PRO TIP: When pulling out your can of mace to mace and rob people make sure that the nozzle is pointed away from you, or you could end up like these idiots
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Detroit cancels Robocop Day, presumably because reality too closely resembles the depressing, dystopian future presented in the films
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How many times have you looked at your empty Coca-Cola bottle and wished you could convert it into a pepper grinder or a bubble blower? Wish no longer
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Problem: Your nuclear reactor's graphite bricks have decayed over time and are almost breaching the safety limit. Solution: Raise the limit
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How songwriters are screwed in the digital age: "Forty years ago, co-writing a song with Ringo Starr would have bought me a house and a pool. Now, estimating 100,000 plays on Spotify, we guessed we'd split about $80. I was way too optimistic"
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One of the finalists for the one-way Mission to Mars contest is a comedian who really wants to go to Mars but her entire video application is a joke. "I wear my helmet everywhere I go and I expect to wear that helmet in space"
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What are iPad users really doing with their fondleslabs? Watching porn, mostly: "The iPad version of Safari claims a 38.2% share of all the porn site smartphone users globally"
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Washington D.C. unveils its new long-term transportation plan: Walk and bike everywhere, trolley-troll-troll, and tax the bejeesus out of drivers
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Dear Prudence: I caught my teenage daughter using a hand mixer to masturbate. Should I buy a new mixer, or will this one come clean? And should I recommend a whisk instead? Totally swear this isn't a fake letter
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this rather odd bicycle
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Bathrooms are the most expensive rooms in the house, do you really need three?
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Today is the 25th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre. Or as it is known in China, Wednesday
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"Hey girl, how you been? I just broke out of my cell and was gonna go make a phone call but i got a better idea. You're looking good, girl. How about you come back to my cell, drink some toilet wine and i show you how much I've missed seeing you"
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Well it seems if you dress up like a clown and chase people with an ax, there will be problems
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Russian jet flew within 100 feet of the nose of a U.S. Air Force reconnaissance plane. Maverick unimpressed (autoroll video in link)
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A school in Cincinnati is put on lockdown during a kindergarten graduation ceremony because of what? A) A bomb threat being called in, B) A shooter was spotted on campus, or C) A parent started throwing punches while at the ceremony
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About damn time: Oreo creme-stuffed Chips Ahoy cookies are now in store
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General Motors apologizes for sending out recall notices. FARK: To victims' families
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Worker in Memphis told not to drink from the "whites only" water fountain or face a hanging. This is not a repeat from 1956
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Has the end come for the conference call?
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The Viking Ship Museum in Roskilde sells something truly useful in its gift shop... genuine Viking ships
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| Tue June 03, 2014 |
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Just what is Queen Elizabeth's new Diamond Jubilee coach made out of? A little of Sir Isaac Newton's apple tree, a little of Lord Nelson's ship, a little of Henry the VII's warship the Mary Rose and a whole lot of history
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OK Mr. Clint Eastwood wannabe, maybe posting a sign with the image of a gun to deter speeders on your block is not the way to get them to slow down
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If you have a third grade education, good news: you can get into a college. Well, a for-profit college, anyway
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Stop texting your girlfriend for hours in the dark, kid, you'll pop your retina out
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The Secret Service wants to be able to detect sarcasm when combing social media. Pro tip: Just have your agents spend a few days on Fark and they'll be well schooled, for free
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Photoshop this sleepy rickshaw driver
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| (Some Guy) |
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Fark: Pastor is in a tizzy because those harlots are coming to church flashing knee all willy nilly. Super Duper Fark: The comment section
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Photographer catches bear cubs giving each other the best handshake of mutual respect since Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage formed the Megapowers
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Runaway turtle home after four-day, half-mile odyssey. "He's fine, he looks grumpy still, kind of like everything is an inconvenience for him"
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Where did the commander of the Navy's Blue Angels allow his pilots to keep their porn stash? In the cockpit, of course
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In two years, we could have "3 person babies," which are created from two chicks and one dude, but not in the sexy way, as God intended
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Scientists in Germany regrow Van Gogh's ear...just a few years too late
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♪♫Go granny, go granny, go granny go.♪♫ It's this week's Mugshot Round Up
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Owner finds spider in headlight of his car. What kind of spider, you ask? THE KIND YOU KILL BY T-BONING A TANKER TRUCK FULL OF GASOLINE
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Critics slam racy pop music that is destroying the country's morals. This is a repeat from 1909
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Okay, sure, fracking injects unknown, possibly carcinogenic chemicals into our water table, and yes it sometimes cause flames to shoot out of of your faucet and the odd earthquake or ten, but it's helping America beat The Hun, so it's all good
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Pavlof Volcano. Now why does that name ring a bell?
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Police confiscate $138k because it "smells like pot," release owner without charges. Department next planning to confiscate all currency in United States due to trace amounts of cocaine
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Hey, sorry your little girl disappeared without a trace in our resort town seven years ago. But would mind awfully not looking for her body for a few more months? It really bums out the tourists. Kthnxby
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Photoshop this soccer stud
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The dickbag Sandy Hook sign-stealing truther has been caught. Surprise: He has documented mental issues
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Hungarian Prime Minister wants to know if this whole "annexing parts of Ukraine that just happen to have enclaves of people who speak your language" is a private Russain party or can anyone play?
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Man hit and killed while take a swig of his beer in the middle of the street. At least he died doing what he loved
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Police investigate theft of $9000 worth of Lego - so, that's like 5 big sets, right?
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MRA group: "Thanks to those feminists making violent threats against us and the hotel, we have to raise more money for security at our conference." Hotel: "Uh, we never received any threats"
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Noble ways to die: covering grenade to save platoon. Not so much: overturned septic truck
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Apple says its users are so stupid, they accidentally bought Android devices
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Woman can't finalize divorce because her husband is in witness protection for fraud
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A South Carolina woman learns the meaning of the 8th commandment at Walmart
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Now where is that key? I had it just a minute ago. It was sitting with my glasses and wallet just before the 911 call came in
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Cool: 93- year old man planning on Sky Diving. Interesting: into Normandy France Badass: just like he did 70 years ago when he had a screaming eagle sewed onto his shoulder
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Taking a cue from the Kasem family, a Texas family starts assaulting each other with a catfish
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So it turns out Jenny McCarthy's own body gave her son autism. Well that's awkward
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Remember kids, don't create and then take hundreds of drugs or you might only live to be an 88-year-old hugely respected scientist
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Gold rides longest losing streak in seven months. Suck it, gold bugs
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New report suggests that Earth is on the verge of another great extinction; most at risk of vanishing forever are people who can properly use their turn signals and distinguish "their" from "they're" from "there"
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Harry Caray spent 288 consecutive days in bars in 1972 and documented all of his drinks, proving that Cubs fandom does drive you to alcoholism. Holy cow
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No sharp knees or bags of antlers here: Plus-sized models recreate the SI swimsuit calendar. Pics to the left, studmen to the right
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If it bothers you that your classmates voted you as the guy most likely to be a drama king, don't prove their point by running off and telling your story to the media
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