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| Sun May 25, 2014 |
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Those TSA full-body scanners designed to protect airports that were pulled out because people were too sensitive? They're now being used in prisons to ensure prisoners aren't possessing contraband
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Man dies after coffee machine fell on top of him. Friends described him as always being good 'til the last drop
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Do you believe that Jesus, Buddha, Krishna and Confucius were all from outer space? Do you follow a man named George King, a cabbie who was told to climb 19 holy mountains by "cosmos intelligence"? Then this is for you (Not safe for work images at bottom of page)
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Ukraine is now Chocolate Nation
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A short but sweet look at miniskirts. It's BBC so it must be cultural
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Ten restaurants Fark foodies love to hate. Deslided for your questionable viewing pleasure
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Going above and beyond at your job is irrelevant and actually impresses no one that matters
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End Mass Incarceration Now
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Photoshop this homework hating kid
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The Kim we wish was ruling North Korea is living it up and thumbing his nose at his little brother as he dodges his assassination attempts
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Pic of Japanese schoolchildren sitting on dirty floor of crowded commuter train causes uproar. "You never know what's going to cause a mini Twitter storm in this day and age"
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Mother Nature Network: "Make your own natural body lotion" FARK: "Thanks, already on it"
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Secondary school staff in England are shocked, SHOCKED that students would write inappropriate things in their yearbook responses and are even driving students to their homes during exams to retrieve the yearbooks to burn them
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Missing kayaker loved the water. Perhaps a little too much
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Success story: Cuban immigrant receives US citizenship. Fark: 50 years after he immigrated, served in the US military, held two state and two federal jobs and voted in every election since 1976
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Photoshop these polite presidents
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Orlando Sentinel links to Breaking News that Six Flags is coming to Florida. Makes it lead story. Fails to read the linked article or the comments. Hey, at least they didn't quote The Onion. (but close)
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| (The Dating Specialist) |
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In this online edition of Cosmo for Men: "10 Playful Teases That Women Secretly Love". Yeah... not so much
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Three dead, one injured in Myrtle Beach SC shooting. Another day, another mass shooting...so it goes. FARK: There were only two homicides there in all of 2013
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Say what you will about the Russians, but all they need for the perfect party is some good friends, cold drinks, and an ice floe
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Let Foo Foo eat cake. (Possibly not safe for work, if your work doesn't like a topless, pixelated Thai princess kissing a poodle while listening to George Michael)
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Man arrested for having a large amount of pot and LSD in his car. "It would have been a heck of a Memorial Day party"
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Somebody left baby raccoons at a health department building in upstate New York. The center said that person should check themselves for rabies and besides that, who wants one of these fine raccoons?
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This Fall: California to allow self-driving cars on the road. This Winter: The Conquest of the Decepticons to be complete
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92-year-old WWII veteran of elite joint American-Canadian paratrooper unit finally deployed, terrifies German tourists at Niagara Falls
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Who wants a propeller from the SS United States?
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You might be a hippie if you try to argue that an invasive species of plant that clogs waterways and squeezes out native plants for nutrients is misunderstand and its self-esteem is being harmed by classifying it as 'invasive'
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In the US, white collar criminals who get caught scamming billions from innocents spend a few years in elegant Federal prisons that are like country clubs. In Iran, those types of criminals get executed
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South Korea: Are you female? Well, park it over there
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Old and busted: Westminster Dog Show. New creepiness: British Tarantula Society Annual Exhibition. "All eight legs should be upright and perfectly poised"
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In general it's considered bad form to remove a 25-foot-tall elaborate burial totem pole from an abandoned village in Alaska and use it as a decoration in the front of your Beverly Hills mansion
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Old school cell phones like Nokias, Ericssons and Motorolas are making a comeback because they fit cleanly in your pocket, their batteries last for a week, and they're not as fragile as an egg or a smart phone
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Photoshop this close encounter of the aquatic kind
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| (Some Hoopy Frood) |
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Today is towel day. Don't Panic if you forgot. There's still time to get to one of the linked celebrations. So long, Douglas, and thanks for all the fish
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| (South Pole Station) |
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MacGyver: stops terrorists with gum and bailing wire. McMurdo: only physician on base performs appendectomy on himself with a mirror and electrical wire. Flight back required extra fuel due to two giant stones on that guy (graphic photo)
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When you ride the slingshot ride that is set up in the parking lot of the Crazy Horse Saloon you almost expect to be stuck up in midair with snapped cables, severe facial injuries and having to be extricated from the ride using a bucket lift
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UK judges: The remains of Richard III? It's time to give it a rest
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Deadly attack shakes Djibouti
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Postal Service wants to remind citizens it won't email them and request credit card data; they would simply send you a form you would have to fill out and return in the enclosed self-addressed stamped envelope
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"I started scraping off the meat, I took a little piece and though 'why not do it?' It's not every day I will have a piece of human flesh which is mine and which it is possible to eat. So I had a little taste and then I thought that's really nice"
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A pope, a rabbi and a Muslim are flying to the Middle East
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Awesome: Last week was the first time an amputee, a Pakistani woman and a Saudi Arabian woman scaled Mount Everest. Don't Wanna Live on This Planet Anymore: Also the first time someone did the Harlem Shake on the summit
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Violin offender arrested for missing G string
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Man is selling a piece of scrap paper with the word 'the' written on it on eBay and the bids have already reached $100. In other news, people will buy pretty much anything for ridiculous amounts of money these days
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Live from Juneau, Alaska, it's once again time for Livingston Stapler Company Presents. 2 hours of music hosted by a farker
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Attacked by a flying deer when exiting a city bus? Well, ain't that a kick in the head
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| Sat May 24, 2014 |
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84-year-old Alzheimer's patient goes wandering. Police find him and...hey, whaddya know, just this once they didn't give him a fatal beatdown or pump him full of lead claiming he was a heavily armed meth dealer. Nice restraint, fellas
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The case for reparations: "In America there is a strange and powerful belief that if you stab a black person 10 times, the bleeding stops and the healing begins the moment the assailant drops the knife"
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Most neighbors wouldn't even bat an eye if they saw a strange car in your driveway let alone follow them and take down their information in a hunch that they just robbed your house, but Maxie Hunter is not one of those neighbors
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It's like the old saying: You can give a kid a healthy school lunch, but you can't make him eat
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Despite what you may have read on the internet, the delays behind the grand opening of the world's tallest water slide have nothing to do with riders going airborne while testing it out
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Patrons of trendy Brooklyn bar pleased that owner has banned yuppie stroller moms who attempted to take over place with their rowdy rugrats. "Kids shouldn't be running around where people are trying to drink and hook up"
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3 more dead bodies removed from UCSB shooter's apartment and 140-page manifesto sent to local TV station. Well, some Nice Guys need A LOT of attention
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Photoshop this armed and un-dangerous man
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"I woke up at 4 AM, with my face caked with blood from my nose" writes the Vice magazine journalist who experimented with snorting homemade alcohol powder
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Hey buddy, want to buy a college campus?
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Ben Bernanke takes six-figure speaking fee from the very banks and hedge funds he was in charge of regulating as Chairman of the Federal Reserve. "Say it ain't so" trifetca in play
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Beer brewers are using unfinished Louisville slugger bats to make their beer, and the proceeds will help military families
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I like my college towns like I like my women. Covered in bees
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A cute cuddly black bear has been invading a Philadelphia suburb, with a helpful photo of what the creature might look like
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It wouldn't be Memorial Day weekend without ... a BEST BBQ JOINT IN THE U.S. THROWDOWN
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Photoshop this peek-a-boo moment
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Just ignore that gaping hole the city left in your building. Move along, nothing to see here
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Wait, so this whole time the NSA has been deliberately sabotaging cryptography standards? Say it ain't so
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Scotland needs a half-million foreign workers to offset low birth rate and aging population, says immigrants will get free language lessons by interpreting racist graffiti sprayed on their cars and houses by angry, drunken, unemployed Scots
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"Fitzgeorge-Parker was a louche, somewhat rackety character who confessed to 'questionable morals'. He also appeared to struggle to distinguish truth from fiction, and at one point was even sued by his own father." Yes, it's another Telegraph obit
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Nobody was shot last night in Chicago (this is huge news for Chicagoans)
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Gozer the Gozerian, good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or the nearest convenient parallel dimension
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And for the world's latest (alleged) hate crime... Jewish Museum shooting in Brussels leaves 3 dead and 1 injured
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And so it begins
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NOPE
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CNN compares 'Game of Thrones' to contemporary America. Spoiler alert: Arya is Miley Cyrus
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Prom cancelled due to a) Bomb Threat, b) Flooding, or c) Two kids with alcohol
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Porn stars say mandatory condom use violates free speech, as long as you count grunting and moaning as free speech
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Caption this couple equipped for suspension
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NASA forced to explain why the promised exciting meteor shower was so boring
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Shootings near UC Santa Barbara at 9 separate crime scenes; 6 people murdered, 7 others hospitalized, 1 with life-threatening injuries. The apparently mentally ill gunman is dead as well
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With the statute of limitations long past, man who bombed the Trans-Alaska Pipeline in 1978 brags about it. Feds happily point out that, although they can't put him in prison for the bombing, they can still charge him with lying to investigators
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whO or what is Behind the nAtional aMmo shortAge?
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Japan declares new national holiday in latest attempt to prevent Japanese employees from working themselves to death. Seriously
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Because nothing says summer like massive amounts of ground beef sandwiched between glazed donuts
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An artist who can't hear your compliments over the sound of his own smugness just built tiny homeless shelters for homeless people out of trash
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Good news everyone In Georgia, no more pesky questions on your job application if you committed a felony or not
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Police launch hate-crime investigation against church that put up poster saying non-Christians will go to hell when they die, even though it's true
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Kale is one of the most popular boys names in California, although some parents still name the little rascal Alfalfa
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Photoshop McDonald's new Happy Meal mascot
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"You see officer, I wasn't exposing myself. I just got a 'manzilian' which is a Brazilian wax for men and when I put my jeans on it really started to get uncomfortable so I figured I would just drive around in my underwear. Can I go now?"
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Ain't no meow-tain high enough: Adorable rock-climbing cat, Millie, loves scrambling up mountains and boulders in her native Utah, her highest summit consisted of five stages of climbing totaling 1000 feet (w/amazing pics, just in time for Caturday)
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No, I wanted curly FRIES
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Veteran tired of waiting so long to get in to the Boston VA hospital uses the drive-thru
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Fark Weird News Quiz: the last thing you need to complete before you leave the office today, you big slacker
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Texas gun nuts realize that terrorizing children in fast food restaurants with rifles isn't the best way to win public support, tell their members to "immediately cease taking long guns into corporate businesses"
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We have officially come full circle with offensive receipt stories
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Not News: Mexican cartel threatens law enforcement. News: In Texas. Fark: They used a billboard
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If you're a resident of Duluth, Minnesota, you will be able to watch an interrupted thirteen hour video of an Arby's executive slow-roasting a brisket to prove his company's new sandwich is completely legitimate
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TGI Friday's now has a food truck. In other news, TGI Friday's doesn't understand what food trucks are all about
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If you're a judge presiding over a murder trial, it's best not to fall asleep during videotaped testimony. Neither party will like that
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Time for you to vote on the 2014 ATK Rice Krispie Treat competition
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Nanny city-state declares 4-foot-1-inch, 66-pound third-grader overweight. You better believe someone has a problem with this
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| Fri May 23, 2014 |
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Parents accuse high school of indoctrinating their children into a cult, leading to the students becoming secretive, distant, and non-communicative. Or in other words; teenagers
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Your camera phone is making you stupid. Wait, "is making"? That might be the wrong tense
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Just when you thought things were starting to look up for Bosnia, recent flooding has reshuffled up to 120,000 land mines
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Hipsters proclaim food trucks OVER, are now into the appreciation of "art trucks" that stage short plays and exhibit upcycled illustrations from back of rental truck as part of so-called "mobile art movement"
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Drunken idiot dubbed 'Britain's stupidest man' after jumping in front of oncoming express train to get it to stop so he could get a ride home (w/ CCTV footage)
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North and South Korean navies play "I'm not touching you," except with artillery
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Man exposes himself to politics
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18-year-old babysitter gets probation for beating up kids... oh, wait, for beating up their dad who hired her to watch them "for a little while" then didn't come back from the bar 'til after midnight. Better make that tag a double, bartender
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The average Thai citizen was apparently totally cool with a military Junta seizing control of all media outlets, deposing their elected government, and instituting curfews and martial law. But the Junta's taste in music? Now THAT was an outrage
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Photoshop these mismatched ice dancers
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I can haz sea lion cuddle? Awwwwwww
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Having covered all the breaking news in New Hampshire, one news team tackles the hard hitting question: Who makes the best lobster roll? Not a chain restaurant in the bunch
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Before you begin your Memorial day festivities this weekend, why not grab a lawn chair, a couple of cold ones and check out the meteor shower tonight? NASA says it's going to be AWESOME
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You know, you might want to consider losing some weight if you fall on an adult crocodile and he's left throwing up for several hours
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Fashion designer creates t-shirt that gives you instant set of double D's. Also for men
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Your pee isn't sterile after all. It's full of the DNAs
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Professor's phony degree spelled trouble: For starters, "Board" is misspelled "Baord"
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French mayor loses his oui oui
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The Book of Hammer, chapter one, verse one: "And the Lord did say, give that skateboarding kid a beatdown"
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Prosecutor is sorry if any crack hoes were offended by his fully intended comment
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Appropriate communications between sheriff and comptroller: A) How's the 2nd quarter budget review coming? B) I want the payroll numbers stat, C) I think often about touching kissing and licking every inch of your amazing body. BONUS - Nude selfie
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Don't try to storm the beaches of Lake Ballard. Or you'll be greeted by 51 freaky alien-like sculptures scattered around it
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Fred Phelps was excommunicated from Westboro Baptist Church because he committed blasphemy
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Latest evidence that our society is doomed: "With the rise in 'belfies' (where people take photographs of their asses and post them on social media), one New York spa is now offering 'bum facials' to get that rear looking picture perfect"
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A look at what goes into the world's only $5,000 hamburger. About $3,000 worth of ingredients for one
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Speeding tickets can cost you what the fine says, or you can just give the judge some XXX films and lobster bisque
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Photoshop this diligent Secret Service agent
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Portland officials tell residents to boil water to remove its taint
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Two United flights attempt to live up to their name
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Okay, who here has NOT played a prank at their high school? *crickets*
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"Officer, please rescue me--I've locked myself in the women's prison"
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The competition has been fierce, but Daily Banter may well have discovered the biggest asshat in America
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You know you've officially broken your babysitter when she points a knife at you and says, "Have fun and do whatever you want in the house," before leaving
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Virginia county board says that no "pre-Christian" prayers are allowed at its meetings. So you Muslims are golden. Jews... not so much
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Los Angeles dubbed "the staged auto accident capital of the U.S." and it's gotten so bad that insurance companies have made a video showing the four most prevalent scams targeting drivers
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South Carolina police are looking for a man who used a fudge bar to attack an ice cream truck driver, hope that he hasn't yet gained access to a brown mule and fled the state
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Oxford-trained lawyer gives up his six-figure salary to follow his dreams of becoming a human cannonball. Rob Schneider last seen trying to buy the movie rights
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Technician who wore mariachi outfit to work claims CNN fired him 'for being gay'
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BAC of .289 is pretty lightweight for an article around here...unless you're 13 months old
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As Ukraine gets set for the presidential elections on the 25th, other former Soviet states - especially the Balkans and Kazakhstan - wonder whether Putin will come and 'defend' Russian-speaking minorities there as well
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Woman promises to give up her baby to a couple that agree to pay her expenses, then proceeds to: A) keep the baby; B) request more money; C) cut off contact with the couple; or D) all of the above
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Want to know what your cows are eating? Why not fit them with portholes?
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Some parents are hiring 'professional organizers' to pack their children's bags for summer camp proving that some people have too much money
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Before sending anonymous naked pictures of yourself on Facebook, choose the background carefully
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"Give me the money or I'll kill your wife and children in Egypt," police said. When the victim didn't budge, the robber then told him, "I'll cut myself, and you'll go to prison for it"
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A 2012 survey found that three-fourths of the 1,000 people surveyed have used their smartphone while on the toilet prompting the New Zealand Herald to ask 'Texting on the toilet - why not?'
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Why fat fashion models are here to stay, and not just because someone left a box of Dunkin' Donuts at the photo shoot. "'Plus-size' is an unfortunate term. The correct term is 'curve'"
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Lots of people have failed their driving test the first time they took it, but it takes a special kind of stupid to flunk it by savagely beating their instructor halfway through the road test and then stealing his car. Meet that kind of stupid
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Security guard pulls the one-armed bandit's lever with mistaken viral email, hits the jackpot
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Show those neighbors of yours with those cutesy garden gnomes what garden gnoming should be
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It's official: South Carolina believes in mammoths
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Jesus 'would have drunk beer', says priest
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Doing verbal battle at the O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships
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"How could one possibly be anti-Nutella? I honestly cannot wrap my mind around this. I get that there are people who are not obsessed like I am, but you must lead a sad existence, brother"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Restaurant puts up "No Concealed Firearms Allowed" sign in front window. Guess what happens next?
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The world's best job? Panda cuddler. You have until July 15 to apply and job description notes, "Your work has only one mission, spending 365 days with the pandas and sharing in their joys and sorrows"
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What better way to thank a former teacher than to save their life? Beats the hell out of a card (w/video)
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| (Some Guy) |
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Challenge: Fix up this broken-down neighborhood
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LotR true meaning revealed. Well not today. Certainly not in this long-winded article
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Pro-wine scientists double down and say it's also good for your teeth
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Not news: Man trims hedge. FARK: Into a 150 foot dragon
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Unable to find a tornado, man uses stolen backhoe to destroy mobile home
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Fruit flies are smarter than you think. When making the tough decisions in life, they too sit back, light a cigar and have a Scotch whisky before making that decision
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Tennessee bringing ole Sparky out of retirement
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Priorities, priorities. Should I find someone to watch my two and three-year-old sons or just leave them in the car with crushed up pills and drug paraphernalia while I go to the beauty salon to get a Brazilian wax?
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Most people find work to be less stressful than home life
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Ahh, the Caribbean. Come for the fine beaches and warm surf, stay for the emerging virus whose name means "contorted with pain"
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Thirty-one regional sodas with cult followings
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If you are ever a Chinese baby and you fall out off a second-story window, just go real limp, because maybe people will try to catch you because, hey, free baby
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| Thu May 22, 2014 |
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Boyfriend spends four years in 26 countries to film the most epic lip-syncing marriage proposal ever. Of course she said yes
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To do list: April 29th - break into restaurant, steal vodka. April 30th - break into same restaurant, steal vodka. May 11th - break into same restaurant, steal vodka. May 13th - break into same restaurant, steal vodka. May 16th - hire lawyer
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Pennsylvania cops may soon be able to search your car without a warrant. That's not all though, they may also have the authority to arrest you if you have a secret compartment in your car, even though nothing is in it
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Stanford professor predicts we'll soon be eating the dead. Shhhh. We won't tell him the truth
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Worth it
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Scientists track sharks in Gulf of Mexico to look for another Sharknado. Possibly even a Category 8 Sharkicane
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Photoshop this handyman
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Coast to Coast will need something new to HAARP about
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You should never let your new friend you met in rehab borrow your SUV. Even if you're Rob Ford
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Sweet: Daughter collecting her father's pension from the war. Fark: The Civil war
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What happens when you are disorderly on the train? They kick you off in the middle of goddamn nowhere of course
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Fark Food Thread: Bell peppers are versatile and can be used in many ways. What are some of your favorite concoctions with these colorful veggies? Pics and recipes, you know the drill
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The "You Got A Purty Mouth" rollercoaster and the "Paddle Faster, I Still Hear Banjos" log flume were apparently not enough to keep this theme park open
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Custody battles over a child are always emotional, brutal, soul-destroying ordeals. It's even worse when it's a custody battle over a child's ashes
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Behold, gentlemen, the dizzying future, where we can choose to become scientists, astronauts, or mealworm ranchers
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Experiment shows that sense of taste impacts lifespan, as sweet tastes have positive effects and bitter tastes have negative effects, proving that brewers cramming all those goddamn hops into everything really ARE committing a crime against humanity
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If boredom doesn't kill you a work, your office chair will
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Get over by your fainting couch -- it turns out that teenagers often lie on school questionnaires
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Photoshop this fleeing moment
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Feng Shui: serious business
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Stripper gets arrested, masturbates in cell to the enterta...err...horror of the officers
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Rasmussen determines Russian troops may be preparing to withdraw from the Ukrainian border with a margin of error of +/- 15
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How to turn your moobs into muscle, or if you're a woman, how to look really weird
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Do you actually understand how a toilet flushes? This might explain why your political views are all wrong. Trust me, I'm right
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Isn't it funny how the government sold all of its GM shares right before GM started its massive recalls? I'm sure the SEC will get right on that
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15-year girl who went missing 10 years ago is found alive after escaping from her captor who apparently held her as a sex slave for the last 10 years. Awkward Thanksgiving Alert: Her captor was her mom's former boyfriend
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Florida named the most dangerous state for pedestrians. Confused Southern California residents ask "What's a pedestrian?"
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On May 20, 1899, the first speeding arrest happened - for traveling at 12mph
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Scientist who wrote "The Cooling World" article for Newsweek in 1975 would like to take it all back
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As May Sweeps comes to an end, investigative television news team reveals that some people on Craigslist are offering free rent in exchange for regular sex. "'Go for a roll in the hay,' the man said"
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Ever been so thirsty that you would drink water from a vase? Jimmy Kimmel finds this to be humorous
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Video shows the moment three children are shocked by poorly wired swimming pool. Because Florida (warning: may be disturbing)
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Mattel conducts in-home study to show how girls play with Barbie dolls, claims it's just a toy and not a tool of the patriarchy. "There's less hair / makeup / boyfriends than you'd expect, and more superheroes / gymnasts / veterinarians"
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Man has 60 days to live, fiancée sets out to save his life. It's a love story made for the Internets
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Hospital confirms patient has necrotizing fasciitis but still expect to see less of him over time
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Virginia governor Terry McAuliffe and his wife proposition Bo Derek
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Sandwich delivery guy gets his bike stolen, goes to Craigslist not only to have others help him find it but sarcastically thanked the thief for stealing it
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Researchers discover how the biggest, brightest stars die. I thought it was usually booze or drugs
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After dozens of victims thank EMT for saving their lives in a high school knife attack, EMT is told, "You're nuts. You didn't help anyone. No more work for you"
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Thai fighters take over the government. Death Star construction still behind schedule
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From the "how could this possibly be true"? File: American Red Cross says nearly half of all Americans and two-thirds of African Americans don't know how to swim. FFS people, even DOGS manage to figure this out without much trouble
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It only took 4 days, but the bee trifecta is now complete --- 50,000 bees are removed from a wall in a house
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Not News: Man steals an NYC bread delivery truck. News: Said thief then proceeds to make every single scheduled delivery. Fark: In his underpants
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Chaperone: Slutty McSkankson wasn't booted from her prom because pervert dads were ogling her, but rather because she's a hussy whose skirt *forced* good, God-fearing men to stare at her with their mouths open
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Next up on Putin's "let's see who we can fark with next" list - Finland
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Today's FARK ready headline: Head-bomb man strips naked, then surrenders
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If you're going to crash your car while drunk, might as well crash into a medical school so they can take care of your injuries
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Here's a phrase you don't often hear: 'Four deadly pythons will help you relax'
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Remember how martial law was declared in Thailand a few days ago? Well, that has moved on to their national pastime: coup d'etat
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This guy's wife leaves adorable drawings for him all over the house ... featuring a tiny vulgar unicorn (Some images Not safe for work)
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Japan's Kinki University to finally change its English name after dean gets "tired of the giggles he gets abroad when he tells people where he works"
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House approves bill to streamline the USPS by changing name to USP
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"Si senor. Sometimes the bulls win" (warning: some graphic images)
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JUST IN: England creates a burger even crazier than America
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J. J Abrams announces Star Wars cameo contest. Winner gets to cockpunch Jar Jar Binks
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Bottles of single-malt whiskey set to go on sale expected to fetch prices of $30,000 and up per bottle, even though they have been on a shelf for more than 50 years. Don't people think that customers can read the labels on these bottles?
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Pssst.. let's look into the life of an NYU college student by going through the HUGE pile of luxurious garbage they leave behind when classes are out
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How many times have I told you to wash up after weekly cross burning?
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Sick worker at Red Robin in Missouri has exposed thousands to Hepatitis A
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Fox News anchor Gregg Jarrett arrested at airport bar after refusing to cooperate with police. Boy his beard does not match his hair
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Gee, who could have thought an online romance that blossomed on Vine could have descended into a frothing mess of insanity and hatred?
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Photoshop this impression
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Hidden elevator leads police to a batcave full of child pornography. Now those short green pants make sense
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Cute teen eats nothing but chicken escalopes, suffers no health complications: "Just the thought of putting other foods in my mouth and not liking the taste makes me feel anxious" (w/pics)
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Old and busted: Organic food. New hotness: Biodynamic food
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Do you have bushy eyebrows? You're sex-obsessed
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Socialist healthcare is all well and good until your stomach bursts into flames during surgery
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Xinjiangkaboom (Warning: Graphic images)
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| (Some Guy) |
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You're a top NFL draft prospect. How do you blow off steam in the tense days before the draft? Do you: C) Hang out with the handicapped Little League players you've mentored since your sophomore year in high school
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Man killed his girlfriend's mother's boyfriend and shot her 7-year-old son because he got the wrong Burger King order. He then planned to kill his girlfriend's brother and turn the gun on himself, but he couldn't have it his way
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Buy "fair trade" coffee? How dare you, you monster. Oppressing poor people in foreign countries with lower wages and poorer working conditions for bad coffee
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Good news: Americans are eating more and more vegetables. Bad news: they're drowning in salt and fat
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 472: "One is Still the Loneliest Number". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 21, 2014 |
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Can't afford trip to Washington, DC to see the White House? Here's your chance to take interactive tour where Obama rules America with dictorial proclamations, unconstitutional orders
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Protip: If you're a substitute teacher, don't ask fourth graders for booty call advice
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Hotel sues anonymous Internet user for $74,500 over TripAdvisor review that included "the owner smokes weed" & "Jen at the front desk had phone sex with someone"
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Man admits to taking a laser pointer and shining it inside the cockpit of a landing airplane because "he just wanted to see what would happen"
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"Advantame and spice and everything nice," just doesn't have the same ring to it
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The speed bumps in your parking lot might be working a little too well if they cause a car to come to a complete stop before ripping off the gas line
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Newspaper reporter allergic to newspaper ink
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Acknowledging the higher quality food and absolute supremacy of their pizza, the James Beard awards ceremony will move from New York to Chicago
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Most Canadian story ever: Man finds baby moose, takes it to Tim Hortons
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Mario Batali pens cocktail recipe for the New York Times that calls for Havana Club rum, which just happens to be contraband in the U.S
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Seventh DUI conviction? ✓ A police pursuit that resulted in you wrecking your Ferrari when you crashed into a house and parked car? ✓ Judge: That's a year of work release. You better believe some people have a problem with that
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People who don't go to college may have more sex, but those who do are kinkier
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Bad: Your car is stolen. Good: It is recovered shortly after. FARK: The thief drove so well it helped to bring down the insurance costs
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Photoshop this pallet pair
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Dude fuels up on alcohol, goes to his parents' house, beats them up and takes off with their money and their car. He comes back to the scene and picks a fight with firefighters, one of them being a mixed martial arts fighter. Oops
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From the state that brought you Hiccup Girl, Florida is proud to present ... Burp Guy
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If you take a taxi in London, it is frowned upon to leave your baby behind in lieu of a tip
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School that banned Honors Night decides not to become national laughingstock
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You mean rain on my wedding day isn't ironic?
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Your attention span is shrin
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Thanks Obama, for interrupting our 'Price Is Right' show for your speech about the Veterans Affairs scandal
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Man caught stealing ice cream reacts by A) brandishing a firearm B) running away C) messing his pants and threatening store workers with his hepatitis
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6'3", overweight ginger pushes cute friend out of the way of a drunk driver, gets hit instead."He's going to be my best friend for the rest of my life." Welcome to the friendzone, buddy
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"So that's when it kind of sparked in my head - 'Why don't underwear come with pockets?'"
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21 tonne steam engine falls off lorry loader. That's "Train falls off a truck" in English
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Man hired to kill nuisance wildlife fired for killing nuisance alligator on beach
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Obama finally offers military response to Bush v. Gore: US troops deployed to Chad
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First, they came for my bacon and I said...whoa, whoa, whoa let's not be so hasty
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When robbing a place, make sure you don't leave your cellphone behind. The police will use it as evidence and like it even more if your face is the screensaver for it
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The assistant state attorney probably thought he was just calling 'em as he sees 'em in his Mother's Day Facebook post to 'crack hoes.'
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Do you live in A) Washington D.C., B) the VA counties of Fairfax, Loudoun, or Arlington, or C) Montgomery County, MD? Well, you've probably been exposed to the measles
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So... We have no idea where the M-16 rifle went, maybe it was just misplaced. There's no need to panic and I'm sure it will turn up here at the department and we'll all have a good laugh over it. I mean rifles don't just grow legs and walk away
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Say yes to the Forever Alone dress
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Today's vehicular based lasagna disaster is brought to you by Gaffney, South Carolina
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Protip: if you kidnap a hooker, tie her up and stash her in your closet over a fee dispute, make sure the number she gives you so you can call and demand money for her safe return is the one for her pimp and not, say, a cop she works as a CI for
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Never get between a momma bear and her cub, even you B.C. highway, even you
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Photoshop this bold birdman
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30% chance of a sharknadoes in Washington DC today (with official National Weather Service pic)
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I left entire unopened bag of frozen chicken thighs on the table last night. They are completely thawed but still cool to the touch. Cook them immediately or throw them out? Creative alternate suggestions welcome
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| (Some Guy) |
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Planningmoon? Here's a guide to the latest wedding buzz terms
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Remember that whole "if pot is medicine then do insurance companies have to pay for it?" question? Well, in New Mexico at least, the answer to it is "Yes, yes they do"
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Who's worse at math, students in southern US states or students in third world countries? Hah, trick question, they all suck
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A cop, a rabbi, and a Boy Scout leader walk into police custody after being busted as part of a 71-person kiddie porn bust
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Rob Ford's broad support suddenly becomes clear
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There's rich and then there's "I'm so rich, I forgot that I owned a $100,000 yacht for two years" rich
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It just goes to show you when you put on an inflatable sumo suit and launch yourself at your colleague always beware that you are your worst enemy
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EBay user info stolen: A++++ Security, would hack again
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Researchers discover what everyone else is doing instead of researching
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Grade inflation has now become "grade hyperinflation" as Valedictorian at a FL high school graduates with a 10.3 GPA, hope all you kids with your piddly 4.0's like saying "you want fries with that"?
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"If Americans in prison, on parole or on probation counted as a city of their own, they would form the largest city in the United States after New York and they exceed the populations of Los Angeles and Chicago combined"
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Drew, in the interest of open-book management, we demand to see the Fark booze and blow expenditures for the past quarter
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"Mommy, this lite bright Uncle Luis brought me doesn't work and is leaking some white powder out of the bottom, just like the DVD player he brought me for my birthday this year." "You better enjoy them Gabriela, he wont be sending you any more"
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What's worse than being told your chemotherapy isn't working? Being told your chemotherapy isn't working and your house is on fire
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Leduc RCMP looking for missing family member with reputation as something of an ass
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Man drowns after being pepper-sprayed by police, who must have used a lot more than the recommended amount
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They said I was daft to put a bell in a tower, but I did it all the same. It burned down. I put it on the lawn. It was stolen. I welded the bell to a metal stand, attached it to a concrete pad buried under the ground. That, too was stolen
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Cleric convicted on all of 11 terror charges; red wizard needs food badly
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Today is 'Draw A Picture of the Prophet Mohammed Day' in Toronto, so grab your scimitar and your Semtex and get there early to beat the crowds
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If you live in Texas don't request a personalized license plate that reads, "Rump," "Hitman," or "Bite Me"
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Here's a story with a little bit of everything from a 18-year-old escort who goes by the name 'Chocolate Bunny', a meeting at a Econo Lodge that ended up with her client shot dead to the 'Bunny' using her actual info to check in to the motel
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#OMIGAWD #youwantmetoactuallywork #THISSUCKS #mybossissuchaloser #LIKETOTALLY #iquit #KTHXBYE
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University of Chicago neurologist arrested for public indecency. The nerve
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Some people create holy pieces of art to express themselves and their religions, then there's this forked-tongued guy
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If anyone could invent a marijuana breathalyzer test, they could make millions by selling it to states that have legalized the narcotic and, as a bonus, save lives by preventing people from driving while dangerously high
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Small mistakes can be costly sometimes. In France the engineers at a railway network forgot to go and measure the actual distance between lines and platforms, and it will cost 50 million euros ($68 million) to fix the problem
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MMA fighters go 2-0 against nightclub bouncer
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Hours after hitting pregnant elk with his Volvo, Swede finds ugly-ass newborn elk on back seat. Bonus quote: "I was completely covered in glass and the elk's innards" (pic)
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Company unveils robot comic that possesses more self-awareness than Dane Cook
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The biggest conflict currently rocking Washington, D. C. involves A) Republicans B) Democrats C) Trash cans
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"The truth is something we discern after a long, vigorous process" and "threats of inserting fingers in the anus" are things you hear when locker room horseplay turns into a police matter
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Old school journalist angered by AP and Reuters 500 word limits for articles, bemoans state of journalism in the age of the 140 character li
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Two New York City fourth-graders, age 9 and 12, were arrested Tuesday after allegedly putting poison in a teacher's water bottle. A 12 year old fourth grader? Good job parents. Good job
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Meet the pensioner who has been dubbed 'The Most British Man Ever.' And your life looks pretty pathetic compared to what he's done with his
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Town in North Carolina wants to end graffiti that says words like "booger" because it's snot funny
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The best mugshots of an intoxicated mom charged with child endangerment you will ever see
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"Killingly man accused of killing wife." The kill was most killish in a most killingly way
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Hottest vacation destination in eastern Europe is Budapest, where tourists pay to be locked in basements with random collections of stuff to see if they can MacGyver their way out before they run out of time
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Flying somewhere? Well just so you know, deadly germs can live in aircraft cabins for a week. Have a nice flight
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Bulletproof backpack can't stop round from an AR-15, but backpack full of school books can
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Woman gets 2nd DUI in one month. *yawn* Fark: With a BAC of .404
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Ahh, Spring. The sun is out, the birds are singing, and naked guys are diving through the sunroof of your car to attack you
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Former CTA train operator who dozed off while driving and crashed into an escalator at O'Hare two months ago fell asleep on the job a year ago but only missed a stop or two instead of causing millions in damages
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Photoshop this sky view in Hong Kong
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Christians start religious Pinterest site, 1981 years after Pontius Pilate's offline version
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Six Iranians aren't, after being caught dancing to song 'Happy' by religious police and forced to apologize for it on state TV
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US Marine Core soldiers are basically a bunch of commies
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Man found drug dealers in neighborhood too much to Handel, so he finally baroque down and began blasting classical music from his balcony to drive them away. He hopes they're Haydn it so much they won't come Bach
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House Apatzingan: The. Limes. Must. Flow
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"This is a photo of Arielle Lipsen (a good friend of mine) who was thrown to the ground and hit with the butt of a DEA agent's rifle. She is now wrongfully being charged with assaulting a federal agent during a DEA raid"
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What's better than having a celebrity respond to your invitation to the prom? Getting invited to wash America's Most Biatchin' Firebird in the White House driveway with Uncle Joe
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Being a cop is really hard work, and sometimes you just have to relieve some of that tension in a Starbucks bathroom
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Don't wash your jeans, says A) tree hugging hippie environmentalist terrorists B)... Oh Fark it - the CEO of Levi's
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| (HSH.com) |
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How much salary do you need to earn to afford the principal, interest, taxes and insurance payments on a median-priced home in your metro area? Click the link to find out. And also, why homes are so cheap in Cleveland?
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For those of you who don't believe that evil exists in the world, imagine this: An all-you-can-eat bacon festival that you pay $125 to attend ... and all you can get is a couple of strips
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Could a 5th grade teacher have discovered the key to preventing the next Columbine?
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You want to feed the homeless? That's great thank -- wait, not in that park. How dare you
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Must be time to dust off the old Threat Level Color Chart
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Not news: 16-year-old is arrested for robbery. News: After his mom drove him to the police station and turned him in. FARK: Grandma also shows up and the two furious women take turns yelling at the him
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Niger pleas for aid after two car bombs kill 100, injure dozens more
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In today's overturned truck news we have... BEES
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