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| Sun May 18, 2014 |
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Beer lollipops are many things, the epitome of human innovation, the height of candy science, but unfortunately, alcohol-free
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If you live in Washington, and like Hitler, have I got some good news for you
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"Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey" episode 11 discussion thread and drinking game. 9PM Eastern on Fox
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Photoshop this Batgirl
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*face palm*
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Transgendered teen held in prison for months without charges for the crime of being different. Oh, and for assaulting 11 different people. But activists SWEAR it's about the transgender stuff
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Income inequality isn't necessarily a bad thing
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Emperor responsible for downing of Flight MH370 during Thai Fighter training mission
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College snowflakes now need warning labels on books, because every sentence doesn't comfort them like warm milk and pink fuzzy bunny slippers, and big scary words might send them into traumatic fits
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That's crazy
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The Blaze is shocked -- SHOCKED -- that the 9/11 memorial has a gift shop, because people died there. After all, we don't have gift shops near Gettysburg or Niagara Falls or any other place where people died
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"Where unsold cars go to die" article is BS
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"It must have been hackers," Hooters claims after demeaning images of women appeared on its Facebook page. "They're always coming into our stores with their fancy camera-phones"
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Photoshop this sleepy head
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MERS has made its way to Illinois, where CDC experts warn it may become corrupted
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Dangerous Dogs Act has come into force. Owners can be prosecuted and jailed if anyone feels threatened if your Corgi jumps on them, even in your own home. Law possibly written by H. Ello Kitty
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Rolling Stone decides to get outraged over the juvenile justice system, claiming children are tried in "kangaroo courts" for adult crimes. Rolling Stone should stick to reporting things they know about, like...well. This is awkward
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Voters in liberal paradise overwhelmingly reject minimum wage increase. Where is your cause now?
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For 25 years this cave digger has been carving through New Mexico's sandstone. Still keeps missing left turn at Albuquerque
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New neurons result in erased memories
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"You can't destroy a community like this. My heart goes out to kids with autism. But no one told me they'd be leaving the house"
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Meet the men behind the Ben & Jerry's flavors. Subby is still waiting for Sriracha surprise
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The oil shale boom in the US and Canada might make us independent of OPEC oil but you didn't think that would stop oil companies from using OPEC's artificially high prices did you? Ha ha
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Men are having an increasingly hard time avoiding sex
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20,000 bees attach themselves to a car, hoping to hitch a ride to Pollenesia
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Man steals 5 jackets from store, security chases him, he hops on bike, gets hit by car, car fails to stop, driver charged with hit and run, passenger charged with drug possession, and hit and run victim charged with theft. THE ARISTOCRATS
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Best families in Best Korea can move into apartment complexes even before they're finished, which sometimes doesn't end well
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Rio's new "World Cup" Police look exactly like secret police SWAT eams from Terry Gilliam's Brazil
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Did the supermarket cashier hurt your feelings over a misunderstanding? When the Sun isn't there, we have the Metro
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More people suffer serious head injuries in car accidents than in bike accidents. So why do all the mandatory helmet laws only target bicyclists?
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Photoshop this casual bike ride
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Note to oxy thieves: those pill bottles you stole from the drugstore just might be cleverly disguised GPS devices that lead the NYPD right to your Jeep Compass, and those guys tend to be a little shooty when you draw a gun on them
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'Of course I didn't know what she was talking about, I was still half sleeping. He was just swimming around in circles, He tried to get up here for awhile, [but] I think he was a little intimidated with everybody watching, too
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Hollywood portrays prom night as a magical rite of passage, an evening of romance and passion, the time when a boy blossoms into a young man. But Hollywood glosses over the part about finding your date dead in your hotel bed the next morning
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Man with a gun on his hip is checking out at a Walmart in Phoenix. Since this is Fark, guess what happens next
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Man participating in a heart walk has a heart attack. Is saved by a fast thinking cardiologist and a dose of being in the right place at the right time
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The parking situation in Central London is so bad.... Well I'll just let the pictures do the talking
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Dog alerts family to fire at a exotic animal rescue shelter, allowing the family to get all but 2 of the animals out unharmed. He may not ask for a steak but he certainly does deserve one
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The earth hungering for more opens up in York, Pennsylvania this time and chooses a parked car to snack on
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It's been 10 years since Massachusetts made it legal for everyone to be equally miserable in the holy bonds of matrimony
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An interview with the whacky mastermind of International Masturbation Month. Hopefully they didn't shake hands
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The Ukrainian army abandons a fully armed, functional tank in the middle of a busy street. Curious civilians: Hey, what does this button do?
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Prisons still experimenting with capital punishment
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Lawyer representing the douche that broke a porn star's foot while throwing her off the roof into a pool responds to her lawsuit in fantastically sarcastic fashion
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Family sues BART after a worker was struck and killed by a train. When contacted for comment BART laughed and said they could eat his shorts
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In response to drug smuggling at Texas fracking sites, Border Patrol sets up "Integrated Frontline Resources Awareness Campaign". That's right, I-FRAC
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Why zero-tolerance rules in school are worse than slavery, Jim Crow laws and lynchings
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10 year old Oklahoma girl held down by female classmate while classmate's 8 year old brother rapes her. That's never OK
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Neighbors witness a blizzard of police activity as armed man robs Dairy Queen
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I need a ruling- cat just stuck his foot in my scotch. Drink it anyway, or drink it anyway and call kitty AA?
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"The mental health system has failed this young boy" Says attorney Dennis Scott, who represented a mentally ill 13-year-old boy who was released without treatment after spending 2 weeks in the ER while the hospital tried to figure out what to do
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The KEEEE-EEEEE seventeen year cicKEEEE-EEEEE KEEEE-EEEE cicadas are back and in KEEEE-EEEEE KEEEE-EEEEE KEEEE-EEEEE full force this year KEEEE-EEEEE KEEEE-EEEEE KEEEE-EEEEE KEEEE-EEEEE GODDAMMIT SHUT UP
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| Sat May 17, 2014 |
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Man arrested for trying to teach his daughter how to swim
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Having a nice day in Manitoba walking side by side with two of your friends? That's a $113 ticket
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A six-foot emu on the loose for weeks finally brought down by police who were able to shoot and kill it, ending the gigantic menace once and for all
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Even if you think that your ex-girlfriend is a pig, that doesn't mean that you can spiral slice her finger down to the bone, while trying to get her to tell you where your stolen drugs are at
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The California Highway Patrol has rolled out their new 'Click-It or Ticket' campaign by doing what? A) Going to schools to teach seat-belt safety. B) Producing a commercial or C) Releasing a hip-hop song to promote safe driving habits
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Take a break from politics, rape, murder, mayhem, outrage and rape to look at the cutest pics of baby animals EVER. Subette wants to nuzzle the snout of the piglets
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50 years since Britain's Brighton Beach Bank Holiday Battles, where the only losers were the bellboys
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Photoshop this pointy wall art light thingee
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You can love or hate the man, but when his dog dies you just have to sympathize
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Fitness blogger who went from hot to uber hottie after losing 70lbs has her before and after photos stolen and used to sell diet pills for the second time this year (with pics)
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It's bad enough that they're snatching up all our money, our real estate, and our production factories. But now the Chinese are taking all the American bourbon
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Alright, we're breaking up. You can have the furniture. I want the car and the embryos
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Photoshop this cargo carrier
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Brooklyn building being rebuilt into haven for swingers. With helpful pic of what that almost certainly will NOT look like. (probably safe for work. probably)
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Today's Fark ready headline: Alligator helps catch suspected car thief in Florida
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Headlines that sound like someone threw a bunch of random words together: "Bitcoin bigwigs begin bailing after ex-Disney star is elected to lead trade group"
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In 1611, astronomer Johannes Kepler interviewed 11 candidates to be his future wife. He would have been much more successful had he'd applied the correct mathematical strategy to solve "The Marriage Problem"
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Here's what a $1 million US-paid-for soccer field in Iraq looks like
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Want to spend the night at a creepy abandoned Wizard of Oz theme park? Well, now you can, for only $165 per night. THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME, THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME (w/pics)
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Guy has heart attack at bar, do you a) call 911, b) perform CPR, or c) steal his wallet and hit on his girlfriend?
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World's biggest dinosaur discovered "will be named describing its magnificence." Chucknorrisaurus has a nice ring to it
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Oh, look: it's AN_T_ER ST_R_ A___T D___ASS _ER_ T__ERA__E ___I_IES
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Experts claim pornography should be considered as dangerous as drugs and alcohol because it causes major illness, hairy palms, and carpal tunnel syndrome
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Welcome back, fun guy. Swiss researcher says he's one study away from proving magic mushrooms can treat depression
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In America you go to a gym if you want to relax in a sauna. In Finland you go to a boat with a trampoline on its roof floating on an icy lake if you want to relax in a sauna
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Take a deep breath, look in the mirror, and honestly ask yourself: 'Would I rather buy a Ferrari or a personal helicopter?'
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In America all it takes to be a journalist is a cell phone camera and an internet connection. In South Korea you must pass a written exam, spend endless hours at the police station reading incident reports, and endure beratings by senior reporters
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Because who wouldn't want to stand at the top of a 420-foot observation tower surveying the scenic majesty that is known by mere mortals as 'downtown Phoenix'
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In the wake of the botched lethal injection in Oklahoma last month, Utah has a suggestion: Bring back the firing squad
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Photoshop theme: Create a new constellation in the night sky
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A cat in Nashville is recovering from being shot in both front legs and is ready for a peaceful Caturday. But he says he won't truly rest until he finds the man who shot his paw
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"As a child psychologist who has been found in possession of child porn, you can no longer practice. Except on adults. That's cool"
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"Witnesses say three women walked into a Burger King and ordered food, and moments later got into an argument over the freshness of a cinnamon roll. That's when the gun came out"
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Perhaps it was the fireworks. Perhaps it was the booze. Possibly a combination of the two that made Patrick "Wild" Cunningham fire his newly invented torpedo down the High Street
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Texas man charged with smuggling (a) heroin, (b) guns, or (c) dead hummingbirds
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That house you bought nine years ago for 250,000 euro? Well the Jew who built it in 1939 didn't file the proper paperwork with the German government. So it has to be torn down
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Mom who loves her son too much to let him be exposed to raunchy music at McDonald's apparently doesn't love him enough to not feed him McDonald's
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Father is concerned his daughter is being bullied in kindergarten and believes the school isn't doing anything to prevent it. So a restraining order on the 5 year old 'bully' is a perfectly rational response
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If you were driving around New Orleans chucking rabbits out the window, the SPCA would like to have a word with you
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Neosporin: Good for scrapes, burns, gunshot wounds to the head....wait, what?
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| Fri May 16, 2014 |
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Dear Red: if you're reading this, you've gotten through the week. And if you've come this far, maybe you're willing to come a little further. You remember the stories for the Friday Fark Quiz, don't you?
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Okay, now I think the rich are just mocking us: Casino mogul Steve Wynn pays $28 million for an unbelievably ugly statue of Popeye by an artist whose stainless steel rendering of a balloon dog recently sold for $58 million
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Old and busted: Shotgun weddings. New hotness: Ambush weddings
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The best way for men to fight sexism is to wear short shorts
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43 year-old-man breaks into home of 83-year-old woman to profess his love. Who says romance is dead?
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Airliner pilot dives 600 ft avoid colliding with another airliner. Your scary air stories to the right
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Student photo will not be included in yearbook because student was wearing a bow tie. Should have also worn a fez
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Photoshop this meditating mutt
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Drunk and disorderly is no way to go through your work day, Mrs. Elementary School Librarian
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Florida high school coach steals $950 from players' wallets, says he was just preparing his athletes for dealing with an agent
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When craft goes creepy
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Gays have had their chance in the discrimination spotlight. Now it's time to focus on the true victims: Hillbillies in higher education
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Man killed in the middle of doing yoga. Police do not believe the murder was pre-meditated
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Listen drunk guy, the least you can do when stealing a limo with people inside is to offer them something from the bar and ask where they'd like to go
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Man chokes 7-11 cashier before robbing the store in order to demonstrate the awesome power of the Dark Side
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Some brains are just wired for sex, scientists say. See, honey?
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Man plans Supreme Court hunger strike for freedom to post noodz online
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GM decides that maybe some more of that overreaching government regulation isn't so bad at all
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Pamela Anderson: Busty pinup model, home movie porn star, b-list actress, tabloid staple, and philanthropist
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Millennials have realized that the stock market is a sucker's bet designed to enrich Wall Street middlemen and the super-wealthy at the middle class' expense- and that is freaking out this boomer columnist who was hoping to cash in his 401(K) soon
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Obamacare putting yet another clinic out of business
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Vatican urges bishops to consider arguments in favor of married priests, the Eucharist for the divorced, and homosexuality. In other news, Satan puts on ice skates
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Totally sane man sues for the completely reasonable sum of $2 undecillion dollars
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More evidence emerges that, regarding the creation of the universe and so-called "Big Bang," scientists actually have no idea what they're talking about. Hey, but keep on mocking the creationists, smart guys
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The fossil fuel divestment movement is really about creating "a long-lasting antipathy to fossil fuel companies in particular and to capitalism in general among today's college students"
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Woman has her wheelchair stolen, then brought back but with missing screws, a unattached seat and a battery that was tampered with. Gets a surprise when she is given a brand new wheelchair for free. Why is it so dusty in here?
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Photoshop this slightly unusual beach house
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Good: Expanding 911 service to accept text messages. Fark: First 911 text message is from someone illegally texting and driving
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New bill would provide increased care for 194353457 military children with autism
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Divers searching for bodies of people who died in two separate ships that sunk find two of the dead in a loving embrace with their arms wrapped around each other (some pics are not safe for work)
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From the "How could this possibly ever have seemed like a good idea?" desk: Ad agency apologizes for mattress ad that depicted a cartoon version of the shooting of 16-year old Pakistani human rights activist Malia Yousafzai
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Pro tip: Don't drive your camouflaged minivan with 'missiles' on top near the airport
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Bear wanders past baseball game which evidently failed to hold his attention. Park officials hope to trap him by staging soccer game that will bore him to sleep
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Drones aren't nearly as scary when they deliver champagne to you
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Russia may ban Twitter any time, any day, because it's bad
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All that fish oil you're consuming? Well, if you're consuming it because you love, love, love it, then everything's peachy. If you're consuming it for that whole "protect against heart disease" thing, well, then, I've got some bad news for you
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Actually, this sounds like a pretty good use for a personal drone
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Concept artist recreates Statue of Liberty in 250 pieces around NYC. Inspired thief steals a 40-pound piece, leaving behind an inscription reading "Gimme your scrap metal, your wallet, your phone, your shoes, your jewelry yearning to be pawned"
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Most food fads are stupid, but Subby is more than ready to bow down to our upcoming Poutine Overlords
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Hacked road sign warns drivers: "Godzilla Attack - Turn Back"
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...and the latest person to sue a fracking company is a rabbit breeder who says its low-flying helicopters terrorized her animals which led to many bad things with them
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To fully understand why rich people are rich and poor people poor, all you need to do is put Scrooge McDuck and Donald on an island and drop them some corn
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14-year-old German teen who committed 30 crimes in three months is being watched around the clock by a team of private security guards at a cost of $3,000 because he is too young to be sent to youth prison and too dangerous to be left alone
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A reminisce into 1980's anti-authority punk rock, following with the question of "what went wrong?"
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Don't you hate it when the movers hit a power line with their truck and everything you own burns up in a fire so hot it melts the siding off surrounding houses?
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Man learns there's no such thing as an anonymous online death threat after sending one to a prosecutor
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Officer: ''you didn't see any kids drinking did you?' And I said, yeah I did. And he said, 'no you didn't,'' - federal lawsuit against police department allowed to proceed in death of Farkette's friend
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"Dear Prudence: I told everyone that my teacher hurt me and she got fired because of my allegations. Problem was, I was lying and I kinda feel bad about it. Should I say something or am I okay forgetting all about it?"
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Emily Blunt took Tom Cruise to a sex club called "The Box." Hm. Usually he's against going anywhere near the box
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Ever notice the name Faber-Castell on your pencils? Well, he's a rich German Count and his son just landed a super hot Aussie blonde
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One company is by far the largest filer of copyright-infringement lawsuits in the US and it's pretty much who you figured it would be
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Rupert Murdoch is merging the companies that make MasterChef, Big Brother and American Idol to create one single reality-TV production company that will have a vortex of suck so powerful it could swallow light
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News: Denver Police get a tip leading them to men who are dealing heroin and cocaine. Fark: The tip was posted by one of the Mommies on the "Highlands Mommies" website. Finally, someone thought of the Children
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Is country music dead? "There appears to be not even the slightest attempt to "say" anything other than to repeat the tired, overused mantra of redneck party boy in his truck, partying in said truck, hoping to get lucky in the cab of said truck"
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The first reviews of the Godzilla movie are coming in and British critics are called it "a po-faced remake." When the hell did the English stop speaking it?
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This boy is "very, very lucky" that he survived a fall from a third-story window. No charges will be filed, but the boy's brother rumored to be grounded big-time
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The family that gets struck by lightning together stays positive together
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It's hard to have a good dinner party in Australia. Guests have to travel long distances to get there, food can be expensive and just when everything seems perfect, a python starts swallowing a kangaroo in the yard, ruining the whole ambiance
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Sixty years after school segregation was struck down by the Supreme Court, as many as 90 percent of students are in segregated schools, especially the dusky-hued ones in the South. Take that, Brown v Board Of Education
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Gas prices are so outrageous thieves have turned to siphoning gas directly from gas stations
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Family whose son was attacked by their neighbor's vicious pit bull but rescued by his cat will not sue the owners of the dog in a rare moment of common sense
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Photoshop this launching rocket
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SeaWorld employee commits a whale of a crime, stealing cash and credit cards from customers who were already robbed when they bought a ticket
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Russian men shave their beards to prove they are not bearded 'Sausage' from Austria
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"The people of Europe figured this out before electric lighting was available, yet here we are...and those people put freakin' mayonnaise on their fries"
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Chicagoans freaking out because it's May 16th and snow is falling in the west suburbs
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We don't know exactly how Tara the Cat is going to throw out the first ball at a minor league game, but we've seen how she handled that dog and saved the boy, so we know she'll get it done
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It's going to be a mild summer this year with no freak weather disturbances now that the Air Force plans to dismantle HAARP in a couple of months
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Are you a fan of Howard Hughes? Have you ever wanted to live like a recluse on the shores of Lake Tahoe? Do you happen to have $19.5 million just laying around?
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"Ladies and gentlemen, if you look out the left side of the aircraft you'll see... uh, better yet, just look out the right side"
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San Francisco casting call held for documentary film exploring public trends ... wait, did I say public? No, no. pubic, yeah, pubic trends. Pubes
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Millennials don't always suck: Roommates buy lumpy couch from Salvation Army, find $40K stuffed inside, locate original owner...and give money back
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Schools are allowed to charge you for your children's records, but the price has to be "small enough that it doesn't prevent a parent from obtaining the record." Which explains why this guy was charged $10,000
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It's all fun and games 'til you get buried alive in a shallow grave by your landscaper
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This 34-year-old woman passed herself off as a 15 year-old sophomore to attend an East Texas high school. And it wasn't a high school for the blind
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| Thu May 15, 2014 |
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Egypt would like you to know that Communism and Tom & Jerry were invented by the ancient Egyptians and that they also built all the pyramids 200 years before the dates of the oldest ones
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One, ONE in-flight groping. Two, TWO in-flight gropings. Three, THREE in-flight gropings. AH-AH-AH
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Actual headline: FL woman who has been in the news for living "off the grid" believed singing George Michael's "Faith" would help her dog
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The people of Walmart continue to show their metal. This time it's a homeless woman 'shopping' with a crowbar and beating the hell out of a 4-year-old girl
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Chipotle to put original short stories and essays by literary luminaries such as George Saunder, Toni Morrison, and Jonathan Safron Foer on their drink cups, chip bags, and sandwich wrappers so people can have something to read while eating
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Judge orders pig to be removed from Slaughter's house
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What happens when a drone gets sucked into a jet engine? Well, remember that video of a brick being thrown into a washing machine?
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Study says short men are longer where it counts
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Beekeeper tries to introduce a couple of new queen bees to the hives in her backyard. Since this is Fark, you can guess how that plan went
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Old and busted: swords to ploughshares. New hotness: microchips to lettuce
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Photoshop Theme: High School graduation gone wrong
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Mt. Rainier is now the most seismically active volcano in the lower 48. Suck it St. Helens (LGT plot of earthquakes showing all the activity under the mountain)
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No beer is worth killing over, especially not a Natural Ice
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"I pulled you over because you went through a stoplight. Can I see your license?" "It's in my wallet, the one that says bad motherfarker." "I have to let you go now"
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Jealous losers say rich people are jerks, and by jealous losers I mean psychologists
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How to tell if you're a dad at a rock concert: 1) Are you a dad at a rock concert?
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Dear Parents, Your daughter, Pistol, is in violation of our school's No Tolerance Policy. She is expelled forever. Next time pick a normal name, like Vanellope or Burklee
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Shiat just got real: Stone Brewing evacuated
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Data show that God hates Bike to Work Day
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TSA posting warning signs to travelers about MERS next to the machines that will give you cancer so they can look at you naked. Enjoy your delayed flight
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On-duty air marshal protects and serves... and takes upskirt photos
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Man gives himself a tattoo by letting a thousand bedbugs feed on his arm
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Fark Food Thread: Memorial Day is coming up fast and it's already grilling time. Do you go fancy or keep it cheap and easy? Help your fellow Farkers gear up for grill season and start off with a bang
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Joran van der Sloot taking a stab at marriage; says he's found the woman that's been missing all his life. Tag is for the bride to be
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Photoshop Theme: High School graduation gone right
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Headline that clearly fell through a wormhole from an alternate reality: "Creationist Ken Ham: Atheists love 'pagan' Pat Robertson for making Christians looks silly"
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Japan loosening reins on military? European politician annexing large portions of neighbor? Why does this feel familliar?
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Custody battle over large herd of cattle results in horribly pun-filled article
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See the violence inherent in the system
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One might be led to believe that ferries aren't the safest form of public transportation
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Meet the first woman to practice law in Pakistan's conservative Swat Valley. But do it quickly
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10 year old boy finds 10 thousand in cash in hotel room and does the right thing by turning it in to police, and learns a valuable lesson early in life
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So, what really happens on your computer when you download free stuff from the Internet? (Spoiler: it's not good.)
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In the least shocking news of the day, it turns out that WV mine that was the scene of an accident Tuesday that killed two, had a long history of safety violations and MSHA was one step away from seeking a court order to shut it down completely
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Gay marriage is legal in Arkansas. But clerks will be fined for issuing licenses
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Turns out that Hillbilly Heroin is not Oxycontin. Hillbilly Heroin is Heroin
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Well the convicted sex offender who was hired to frisk passengers at Manchester airport has finally been sacked, but what about the brain dead people that hired him in the first place?
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One in four Germans deemed anti-Semitic. That's a high concentration
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I am shocked, SHOCKED, that in Australia even the people in charge of the schools are foul-mouthed
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The US government has a plan to battle the zombie apocalypse, whether they are brain-eating zombies, chicken zombies, or vegetarian zombies
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Not news: Man stabs wife repeatedly. Florida: Immediately after their marriage counseling session
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FCC: You know how we said we'd reconsider this net neutrality paid priority thing? We lied
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How Twitter has turned into the world's largest and most accurate seismometer, because the only thing that people tweet more about than what they are having for lunch are earthquakes
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Corrupt politicians, bad doctors and child molesters flood Google with requests to take down information about themselves in wake of European court ruling
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Military turns down 80% of its applicants. Congress expresses surprise that one out of five can pass the physical
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Killer's lawyer doesn't want media to report that his illegal immigrant client had state funded health care, according to media report
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Flappy Bird creator realizes that he misses getting $50k/day in revenues
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Man discovers the hard way that making threatening tweets to U.S. House Speaker John Boehner about wanting to kill his wife is a lot funnier when you're drunk
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Couple given double cheeseburgers laced with marijuana at McDonald's, return to ask for more fries
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Lack of women in states such as Kansas and Nebraska turning flyover states into world's largest open-air sausagefest
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Teen charged with bong attack, murdering a plate of cookies, really harshing everyone's mellow, man
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Castle Wolfenstein is a documentary
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US military prepares to invade Los Angeles
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If you know the difference between club soda, seltzer water, and tonic water, congratulations: You're an alcoholic
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Here's what America would look like if melting polar ice raised sea levels by just 12 feet. Hope tens of millions of you own a good pair of water wings
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Photoshop this abandonment
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"You were conceived on an IKEA bed"
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"Marijuana is not a boon for Florida agriculture," says Florida's Agriculture Commissioner. "There won't be fields of it growing in the state or pot shops on every corner next to gymnastics studios and tae kwon do studios where our kids are"
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When real life resembles a comic book: Vladimir Putin's mortal nemesis is a handsome and rugged expert on bats
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Can't pay child support to your four children? That's no unprotected sex for you for the duration of your probation.... Unless you can come up with $100,000 in overdue support
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Increase your prowess in the sack using this one offal trick
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An age old problem: Should men shave their faces up or down?
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Millennials aren't actually as narcissistic as everyone thought. Somebody give them a trophy
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All I said to my wife was "That Mugshot Roundup was good enough for Jehovah"
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"Hey, hold my beer and shoot me so we can try out this old bullet proof ves- *BANG*"
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Hrmmm, well I guess it's time to head down to the high-school gym and have my vagina inspected
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Everyone's favorite mad scientist celeb chef Alton Brown shows you how to make a grilled cheese sandwich... in case you've been making it wrong all these years
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"Mutant super-rats tried to eat my baby" isn't an 'over the top' headline at all
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It's typical for a child to ask his parents to check under the bed for monsters, but not for sex offenders
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First-grade class talent show performance of 'YMCA' cancelled for being 'racist'
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If you're going to have an affair with a coworker, 1. Make sure the phone you use for your sexy text messages isn't linked to your wife's iPad, 2. Don't be having your affair while you're on duty as a sheriff's deputy
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 471: "Look to the Skies 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed May 14, 2014 |
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Move to Alaska and experience the breathtaking views, the abundant seafood, the bears eating your Chihuahua in your backyard
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A Missouri reporter picked up a pile of human poop on TV with her bare hands
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Eleven ways you can travel like Jack Bauer before RUNNING OUT OF TIME
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Well, it's been 2 whole days since the Washington Monument's grand re-opening after 3 years of reconstruction following the earthquake, so you know what it's time for, right? ELEVATOR BREAKDOWN, WOO-HOO
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I'm calling bullcrap. I've been licking dog faces and letting dogs lick my face since forever. The black blood seeping from my ears is unrelated
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Mild-mannered dentist moonlights as pro wrestler and MMA fighter, donates all his winnings to purchase polio vaccines for children in developing countries
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63-year-old Michigan hipster was into child pornography when it was still underground
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Not news: Cops pull girl over for driving erratically down Route 66. News: Girl was 8 years old and grabbed wheel because mom had passed out behind the wheel
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Having a bad day: Loosing your keys and then finding that your car with $4,000 worth of camera gear was stolen overnight. Having a Fark day: The thieves post to your Facebook page (as yourself) taunting you with pictures of your stolen stuff
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Challenge: create the perfect view through the window
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Powerful undead lord seeks to increase his armies
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He wanted to raise £10,000 for the Teenage Cancer Trust. Instead he's raised over £3.2 million. R.I.P. Stephen Sutton, aged 19
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Lemme see your Thin Mint permit, cutiepie
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Meh: Navy weapons facility threatened by San Diego wildfire. Shiat just got real: Legoland evacuated
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Welcome to Fark 101. Today's lesson "The Five Steps of Inebriation"
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Do you like bananas? Not for long, you won't
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Harvard's Kennedy School of Government will require mandatory "power and privilege" training for students, because how else are they to relate to the peons of the world?
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Good: picking up a friend who was just released from jail. Bad: taking your friend's place because you drove there drunk and with an already suspended license
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Cereal: It's not what's for breakfast anymore
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Photoshop this "firenado"
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Burma's making a bid to permanently quash the Western stereotype of the peaceful, tolerant Buddhist
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As number of people who die on the highways drop, the number of people available to be killed in household accidents rises, and so the balance of nature is maintained
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These are the states full of people that can't shut the &%@# up about CrossFit
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Actual headline: "Autopsy: University of Arizona killed in fall while climbing tower on dormitory roof was drunk." RIP University of Arizona
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"American Spring" organizers expect 10 million protesters to descend upon Washington DC this Friday. Approximately 10 million. Like, really really approximate
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Media critic doesn't want to be married anymore so he files for divorce. Neglects to tell his soon to be ex-wife who finds out during a interview. 'Well, this is the first time I've heard of it'
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Woman charged with robbing a pharmacy, with "Who me?" mugshot goodness
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British nutritionists urge British residents to stop eating British food if they want to live
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Man's best friend; dog. Boy's best friend; cat
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WHO: MERS not sers, no1curs
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Man admits stealing underwear from circus, tells court he was almost certain he had Step 2 figured out
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FBI agent who shot and killed the dude in Florida with connections to the alleged Boston Marathon Bombers? Yeah, he has a "troubled history." Really? A Boston FBI agent has a troubled history? This is my shocked face :-|
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Game of Thrones author George RR Martin writes all his books on a 30-year-old computer which can't connect to the internet. Presumably so he doesn't accidentally read a spoiler online
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Flouting international labor laws, children forced to work on North China tobacco farms, routinely poisoned from contact with pesticides and nicotine ... wait, no, not North China. I meant North *Carolina* tobacco farms
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If you recently dug up a coffin in a Colebrook, N.H. cemetery and broke into it. The police would like to know, "WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
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Three pet goats shot execution style on farm. George W. Bush now searching for new reading material
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I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
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Again, it must be said, if you drink wine laced with LSD, YOU CANNOT FLY
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Cool: you can now get that mansion you've wanted your entire life, and it will cost you less than $1,000. Not cool: you have to live in Detroit (pics)
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So, besides English and Spanish, what's the next most commonly spoken language in your state?
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Today's dumbest bank robber... A) Used a bread knife; B) Wore socks over his shoes; C) Targeted the branch where he had an account; D) Gave the bank his full name and address 30 minutes earlier; E) All of the above (mugshot goodness included)
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Just when you thought traffic in Chinese cities could not possibly get any worse, someone throws an enormous ostrich into the middle of it
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Man goes to Thailand for year to train as a boxer, loses so much weight that he gets black-flagged at airport by immigration officers who didn't believe he was the same person (pics so you can judge for yourself)
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The graduation ceremonies really blow at Arizona State
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California mulls giving inmates condoms, taking all the fun and danger out of prison rape
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If you notice some mushrooms growing in cow poop while you're getting wedding photos taken with your fiance, don't take them home to eat later. Unless you don't mind feeling like you're flying for two hours
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If you're going to run a high-end vehicle chop shop, it's probably best not to taunt the cops with a set of 'S2OLUN' vanity plates on your Audi. Or you can be an idiot. Like this guy, for example
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Behold the Holy Traffic Cone. You cannot touch the Holy Traffic Cone. Leave Holy Traffic Cone alone
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Elderly woman's Depends® mistaken for a bomb, prompting shopping center evacuation. After questioning, suspect released on her own incontinence
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"It makes me crazy when people without gluten allergies choose to eliminate such things from their diet. If you're lucky enough to be able to eat a muffin and not find yourself in gastrointestinal hell, you should probably just eat the damned muffin"
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Panda Dogs eats, poops and d'awws
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New driving laws in Spain impose fines of nearly $1,000 for drivers caught going one kilometre above speed limit. Sheriff's departments in every small town in America intrigued by this idea, would like to know more
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The Vikings are back after a 1,000 year hiatus, and Sweden just became the coolest country in the world in which to live. Meet the new Viking king
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The crazy person who rammed a truck into Baltimore's ABC affiliate live-tweeted the whole thing
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Roller discos are making a comeback, claims person full of 70s nostalgia and false hope
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Aqua may not have been the greatest of bands, but no one could've guessed that they were prophetic
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Naked, stoned chick does impromptu dance on 11th floor air conditioning unit in China. This is why drugs are bad, mmm'kay? (Not safe for work)
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Police pinch "Mystery Pooper"
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If you're a school board president involved in a contentious meeting and saying disparaging things about the opposition, including calling a parent "chubby wubby," make sure your microphone isn't on
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Photoshop this tea party
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It takes guts to wear a bathing suit that shows off your organs
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Selling your son's wrecked Honda Civic for a penny to teach him a lesson about driving dangerously? Whatever it costs cheapo dad, it's worth it for your son
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Average Americans think they're smarter than the average American
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Justin Beiber reportedly under investigation by LAPD for armed robbery. Unknown if LA County Jail has a protective unit for pretty Canadian teen idols who think they're "street"
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Six months after Colorado legalized marijuana, revenue is up and crime is down across the board
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One U.S. Supreme Court justice referred to Netflix as "Netflick." Another seemed not to know that HBO is a cable channel. A third appeared to think most software coding could be tossed off in a mere weekend
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Australia pleaded with the NSA to help them spy on Australian citizens
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According to San Diego Fire officials, there's a fire in your pants. Ain't that the truth
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Pitbull attacks graduation ceremony. Scratch that, University allows service Pit bull to walk in stead of recently deceased owner. Man is it getting dusty in here
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Federal judge rules that Idaho's ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. Idaho's governor, whose name coincidentally happens to be "Butch," vows appeal, while Idaho's entire openly gay population both celebrate ruling
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| Tue May 13, 2014 |
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As God as my witness I thought my cousin could fly
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Mysterious radiation leak caused by (a) rusty containers, (b) tsunami, (c) using wrong brand of kitty litter
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Transformer explodes in Turkish coal mine killing 151, over 200 still missing. Authorities say there may be more than meets the eye
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Six-year-old with mad yo-yo skills puts the amateur "walk the dog" and "around the world" to shame
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Here is another headline about a study that is debunked in the article at a record pace of the second sentence
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Woman calls 911 after getting marinara sauce instead of pizza sauce on her flatizza. That's not a euphemism
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What's so unusual about finding a fetus in a mummy? Isn't that where all babby are formed?
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I'm sorry but my dog did not like the room, my girlfriend's snoring kept me awake and you served me left chicken legs when I specifically ordered right legs therefore I must lodge a complaint
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Homeowner arrested after police trespass into his fenced in yard and shoot his 10 month old puppy
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Japanese author specializes in collecting odd examples of WWII domestic propaganda, such as pics of school principals working naked to show their toughness and patriotism. "Most readers enjoy them. Many have said, 'Oh, this is just like North Korea'"
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Nova Scotia wants to ban eating and driving. Officer Overreaction: "You may as well be chewing on a gun. All that melted cheese and sausage or bacon? It's game over for concentration"
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Landscape architecture student designs a city built for people with autism and it comes off resembling Seattle or Austin
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R.I.P., Herb Lotman, father of the Chicken McNugget
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New overwhelming DNA evidence will not get this rapist to prison for brutal 1991 rape. Because Florida. That and the statute of limitations on the case has passed
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There's drunk, and then there's "waking up in a 2 year old's bedroom" drunk
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Photoshop this suit-wearing hipster into a more appropriate environment
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Thousands of homes ordered to evacuate Bernardo wildfire in California (Developing) (lgt live stream)
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a bunny eating raspberries
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Hipster chefs really need to stop calling their non-pho dishes "pho"
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Wheeeeeee
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Note to all criminals. CCTV cameras aren't the best item to steal... for reasons which should be obvious
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FBI uses autistic hacker as cooperating witness to nail members of Anonymous. They also decided not to prosecute after the man's constant invocation of one Judge Wapner
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"What's that officer? You want me to drive down to the station? Well, I'm pretty wasted, but okay"
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Mark Zuckerberg's $100 million gift elevates Newark's failing schools to a model of educational excellence. Just kidding, they pissed all the money away
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Applebee's has officially created the worst social media app EVER
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Remember that Peoria mayor that launched an abuse-of-power witch hunt over a fake Twitter account? Well, he wishes you wouldn't
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Two women decide to swap places after a sheriff pulls them over for suspicion of drunk driving. It seemed like a great idea since both women were drunk and the cop got two for the price of one
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Dousing yourself in Axe will not help you get a girl pregnant
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Can a stopped watch be half right twice a day? Pat Robertson denies young earth creationism
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Guess who just set the record for highest grossing crowdfunding series
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Two high school students give the world a lesson in tenacity and ingenuity by designing and 3D printing a functionally improved ketchup cap. In return they will receive a lesson in intellectual property theft as Big Condiment will likely steal it
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