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| Sun April 20, 2014 |
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Easter weekend in Chicago sees 26 wounded and 9 dead
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If you've ever wondered why all babies, across all language and cultural barriers, love to play peekaboo, this is your lucky day
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Remember 10 years ago when you bought your Mazda SUV and the salesman tried to push the rustproofing?
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Eight killed while taking crash course in skydiving
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Florida neighbors upset about new park because: C) People might actually use it
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"Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey" episode 7 discussion thread and drinking game. 9PM Eastern on Fox
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Photoshop this self-professed Hustle Man
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News: climbers rescued from sudden ice storm after being buried for one hour. Bonus: on a 72-degree day in El Paso, TX
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Kidnapped boy uses the ultimate weapon against his abductor: Gospel music
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2014 is the year of the bacial - the butt facial. In other news, there's such a thing as a butt facial
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Malaysia Airlines flight leaving Kuala Lumpur makes emergency landing. On land this time
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Just because you're scared to go back to your country because there's a lot of crime and it's hard to live there, is no reason to enter the U.S. illegally. We hope you can change it when you return
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Guy who drove his truck into a restaurant survives after being hit by train later that night. Lay odds on boat or plane tri-fecta to the right
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Ukraine's army is resorting to bake sales to raise the money it needs to defend its Eastern borders
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Smoke 'em if you got 'em. It's your official 420 Thread
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Photoshop this happy robot
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Protip: If you are thinking there's a possibility the police may be looking for you, and you don't want to to get caught, stay away from them. Or, if for some reason you do want to get caught, just do what this guy did
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A: However much that can fit in his pocket
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Saudi Arabia has confirmed seven new cases of Middle East Respiratory Syndrome, adding up to 36 infections in five days, a sudden increase of a disease that kills about a third of the people infected and has no cure. الجميع الذعر
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Cadbury Eggs vs. Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. Ready, fight
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Hotels and restaurants claim that Colorado's marijuana tourism is a myth, as they have seen no increase in tourism business. Or else the out-of-state stoners blow all their money on weed and have to crash with friends and dealers
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Disney World, you are disappoint
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Miss America defends the actions of a brave, horny teenager who asked her to prom
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Another banker cashes out. He was clearly living on borrowed time. Media shows interest but no statement forthcoming
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Parents are shocked and dismayed after high school students turn an annual music show into a production filled with raunchy jokes more suitable for a gin mill. "It was something like, 'After last night, Uranus was totally destroyed'"
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OK, I returned your dog and TV -- can we have a second date?
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If you thought the American razor industry couldn't get any more ridiculous, you'd be wrong. And it represents what's wrong with American ingenuity
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MoDOT will not be vaporizing speeders with 153 dB sonic blasts. At least not this year
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Fox News executive starts fundraising campaign for families of the victims of missing Flight 370. You bet that's a firing
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The story of the Hurricane does finally end
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Cost of Malaysia Airlines jet search now tops $234 million, not including the anchor salaries at CNN
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So remember that New Years Resolution to get involved with some charity? Today is your lucky day, especially if you like cupcakes
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'In retrospect, I should have put my pants on'. We've all been there County Supervisor, we've all been there
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So, how much do you tip the drunken guy who just mowed your lawn without permission?
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At last, our long national nightmare is over. California farmers will get more water thanks to The Department of Water Resources, the U.S. Bureau of Reclamation and state and federal officials
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Don't you hate it when you're vacationing in Puerto Rico and your child tries Jif peanut butter for the first time and likes it more than the organic peanut butter you get at Whole Foods so you lie to him and say you can only get Jif in Puerto Rico?
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For a small fortune you too can travel to an Argentine base on Antarctica where you sip coffee, mail a postcard, and get your passport stamped with a picture of a krill, a kind of small shrimp that is the symbol of the base
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Photoshop this master and his ceremony
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Dumb: Getting caught texting while driving. Dumber: You're an on-duty police officer. Fark: On a motorcycle
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Workers at a Central California ranch could hardly believe their eyes when they spotted a) all their pecan trees were ready to harvest, b) bones dug up by one of the ranch's dogs, or c) a sea lion pup hopping through an orchard
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How do you get overweight people to have more self confidence? Make them stand on a scale that lies to them, of course
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"Maybe there ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue, they's just what people does. Some things folks do is nice and some ain't so nice, and that's all any man's got a right to say." Happy 75th birthday to Grapes Of Wrath
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It's time once again for the annual Peeps Show Diorama contest. Power to the peeple
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2 or 3 people are offended by 4/20 ad featuring Jesus smoking a joint and promoting burger specials in Seattle. Owner says, "Hey, I'm not your moral compass, I'm selling burgers. If you're looking to me for moral direction, you're probably misguided"
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The homeless man who had his coffin-sized shanty inside Manhattan Bridge torn down by the NYPD on Thursday has found himself a new place to sleep at night, and he's lovin' it
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Coming up live at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of music from Juneau, Alaska, hosted by a farker
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You might want to reevaluate your life choices when the SWAT team has to rip off the front part of your home to find you and your neighbors and onlookers cheer when you are arrested
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| Sat April 19, 2014 |
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News: Twins attack carjacker with fists and rubber snake. Fark: They're seven years old
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An Easter miracle? Woman finds the image of Jesus Christ on a decaying tree stump in her front yard
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Let's educate people about child abduction. How should we do that? I know, let's abduct a child
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If you thought Taco Bell's Waffle Taco was obscene, wait 'til you get a load of Del Taco's $4,000 Crunch Ta-Da
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Photoshop this French invasion
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That's it. I'm moving to Arkansas
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"Family flees lions as car catches fire." You just can't make this stuff up
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Convicted murderer Jodi Arias claims to have gotten Hep C in jail because she was infected with the disease when getting a TB shot, all on the orders of Sheriff Joe Arapaio, who himself was following the orders of criminal mastermind Nancy Grace
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Couple married for 70 years, had 8 children and hated spending nights away from each other die just 15 hours apart. Proving once again that true love does exist and you can die of a broken heart. Does anyone ever dust in here anymore?
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Denver Fark Party: 4/19 - 4/20
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Teenager throws public temper-tantrum after not getting into UMich, blames racism on the part of the university and not her below-average GPA and barely mediocre ACT scores for their decision
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A bottle of red.. a bottle of white... it's what the scientists ordered tonight
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Photoshop our friendly neighborhood comrade and his meal
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| (Some Guy) |
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10 most bizarre animal defense mechanisms - who wouldn't want to spray blood from your eyes, or turn themselves inside out so your digestive tract's toxic juices poison your enemies
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Chinese government executes mass arrests of A) pro democracy protesters, B) worker's rights activists, or C) yaoi fangirls
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Huffington Post picks 36 stoner-approved songs for your 4/20 smoke sessions. Bob Marley doesn't make the cut, so you already knew it was Huff-Po
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Student gets three-day in-school suspension for: a) fighting, b) streaking across school property, or c) asking Miss America to the Prom despite being told not to in advance
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The list of 50 things that British people would most like to do before they die includes Shakespeare and morris dancing. Vaunting ambition like this paints a picture of a modern Britain that is to be avoided by all saner nationalities
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'ere, he says he's not dead
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NBC: We don't think Tamerlan Tsarnaev's widow had anything to do with the Boston Marathon bombing, but let's speculate anyway about whether she did
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Cool: Check from IRS lands in your mailbox. Less cool: Check to IRS lands in your mailbox
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It just wouldn't be Easter weekend without photographs of children terrified by the Easter Bunny. Bonus: not a slideshow
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Having solved all other problems, CT seeks to ban day care facilities from giving milk to children over 2
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New law would protect children from identity theft, but adults would still be on their own
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Huge earthquake strikes in a spot most English speakers don't care about
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If you need a giant rabbit and live in Oregon, you are in luck. Wally needs a home
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47 million Cadbury Cream Eggs are produced for this Easter. 46 million to be marked 50% off on Monday (w/video)
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A penny saved is a penny earned ... and 97,400 pennies will pay your college tuition
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People are shocked, SHOCKED that thieves would steal copper wires from street lights along the interstate leaving drivers to depend on this newfangled device called 'headlights'
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Detroit refuses to go down without a fight: Doors salvaged from demolished homes are being turned into seats at bus stops
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Man recovering from a freak lawnmower accident where a nail shiat up in to his chest had previously survived an IED explosion, been shot multiple times and stabbed. So odds are that he's probably gonna recover just fine
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Someone is now selling powdered alcohol so you can now sneak alcohol into places that don't allow alcohol, and don't have a problem with you bringing in unidentified white powdery substances
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Australian pizza is now officially the best in the world. Wait, what?
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Not News: Two elderly women aged 63 and 58 allegedly bilked their 74-year-old neighbor. News: Out of $450,000. Fark: That she had set aside for her pride and joy, a cat named Puddy Cat
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The mother of a 15-year-old girl who went on a crime spree with an older man she met online blames the internet, urges parents to check on what their children are doing online
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Parents are outraged that their high school students would be exposed to the filth contained in the musical 'Rent' that includes but is not limited to a woman mooning the audience. "We sent a letter of concern"
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"He was operated for gall bladder removal, appendicitis and incisional hernia. He had diabetes. We were shocked when gold biscuits came out of his abdomen during the operation."
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"I thought it was a cat, but then as I focused on it, it was clear it was much bigger than a cat. I was like, 'Oh I should take a picture, this is crazy. There's a fox at the White House.' And he was gone."
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Photoshop these beach invaders
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Tennessee may become the first state to make it a crime for a mother to use drugs while pregnant
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Student upset that her professor found out she is a stripper and lowered her grades. Psst, hey prof... you're doing it wrong
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Captain of capsized South Korean ferry who abandoned ship first while nearly 300 went under, is arrested, charged with negligence, violating maritime law and being an asshole
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*poot* Feline surrendered to a shelter *toot* for being excessively flatulent *pfffift* finds a new home. Smells like Caturday
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Will prosecuting parents help solve Philly's problem with chronically truant students? District Attorney: Yes. School District: Not only no, but HELL NO
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The NYPD are searching for a woman who has 12 prior arrests, 7 of which are for attempted and actual kidnapping after she tried to snatch a eight-month-old baby boy out of a stroller the nanny was pushing
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If you ever owned a shortwave radio back during the Cold War, you probably remember those creepy 'Number Stations' where a child or woman's voice would utter random numbers, presumably code for field agents. FARK: They're still on the air
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The average bank or insurance document contains more words than it took for Shakespeare to write Macbeth, and they could all be condensed into 'If anything happens, you're farked. Sign here'
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New Jersey DMV sued for allowing a Baptist, but not an 8theist, vanity plate. Who the hell worships the number eight anyway?
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After female camel who lives on farm with no male camels gives birth, farmer asks nervously, "What are you all looking at me for?"
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German hipsters proclaim stuffed deer heads the next big thing as they listen to obscure Schlager music and drink Andorran IPAs. "In Berlin's main hipster habitat, animal trophies have become nearly as ubiquitous as full beards and skinny jeans"
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Set up a Twitter account making fun of the mayor of Peoria, Illinois? Yeah, enjoy having the cops show up at your workplace and haul you in for interrogation
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| Fri April 18, 2014 |
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Wait, let me get this straight. You're saying that a TV show... about a psychic who talks to spirits connected with convicted murderers...is not particularly accurate? Are you sure about that? Because it looks TOTALLY legit to me
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Horrible, stupid man stops doing awful thing
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People are trotting out of food safety summit
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Good news everybody, 80% of China's land isn't contaminated
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Nearly 100 hate crime killings in the past five years have links to a single website. Yes, it's the one you're thinking of
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| (Brightest Young Things) |
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What happens when a museum of oddities closes? Come for the stuffed unicorn. Stay for the Elephant Man
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Photoshop this man gripping and petting his hairy monkey
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You know it's going to be a very Good Friday when your church starts handing out free gasoline
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Azerbaijan is using the chaos with Russia to bypass them and build a new oil pipeline through Turkey. Wait, wasn't this the plot of a Bond movie?
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So you want to go to Coachella but hate the idea of sharing a freeway with poor people? For a mere $1500 you can fly in comfort with other rich hipsters
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Homophobic mayor of South Carolina town fires lesbian police chief despite her impeccable 20-year work record; apparently he doesn't want to think about how she might go down in the line of duty
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Unhappy ending for two massage workers
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Hey dude far out, but ya know 100 bucks can buy a lot of burritos
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Edward Snowden: "I've decided that I no longer want to live in Russia...Wait Let me rephrase that--I no longer want to RESIDE in Russia"
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Government mole used to find corruption in Chicago real estate dealings arrested for corruption. Always say corruption twice when talking about Chicago
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Are you a resident of North Carolina, Louisiana, Oklahoma, or Kansas? Congratulations, you can get arrested for giving someone a blowjob unless they're dead
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Lodger steals clothes from transgendered woman. She wants her corsets and knickers back- (with pictures)
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A year ago today, a potentially unrelated shooting on MIT helped start a series of events that resulted in a shutdown of Boston. LGT original thread. It's a fascinating read
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Mama's tips for shoplifting beer: Conduct your beer runs on Mondays, steal Budweiser and Bud Light because they are the most popular beers for resale, and invite a friend to come along with you so more beer can be obtained
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Photoshop these windswept women
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Obama's lily livered, weak ass pusillanimous approach to Iran has only emboldened the Mullahs in Tehran to....Wait, what?
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Activists protest slave labor in Alabama. This is not a repeat from 1860
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87-year-long experiment in which nine things have happened has relatively exciting day
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Town Mayor: Guys, our city looks butt-ugly. What's a good way to sound like we care?
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A list of drugs that Americans want to legalize includes marijuana, cocaine, and whatever Huey Lewis was referring to in "Sports"
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As the operator of an indoor pot grow-op, is your greatest fear a) nosy neighbors, b) cops, come and try to snatch your crops, or c) gangs of geeks with drones carrying infrared cameras?
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It's now time for your favorite thing on Friday, the Fark Weird News Quiz. Okay, second favorite after the fact that it's Friday. Well, third thing after the fact that it's Friday and you're not wearing pants. I'll come in again
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The coolest shipwreck you'll see today is a Russian destroyer sunk and untouched since WWI
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ICJ: Stop hunting whales. Japan: WHAT'S THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS WHALE HUNTING
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Pimpin' [while eating Wendy's in front of Walgreen's with your junk hanging out] ain't easy
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New UFO Hunters, team includes "former Air Force pilots, NASA spacecraft engineers, NASA rocket propulsion engineers, reporters, former military intelligence officers, teachers, professional photographers, real alien, bigfoot and a psychologist
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Wisconsin becomes the first state to adopt a "no backsies" law for people who adopt children in the state
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"Answers in Genesis" co-founder is SO tired of people who mock "Young earth " creationists by asking how Noah could have fit a Brontosaurus or a T-Rex on the Ark when the answer is OBVIOUS: He took the baby ones, of course, DUH
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It's all fun and games till cockroaches rain down on people trying to enjoy their sushi
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Tip for aides to NV's governor? You might want to run all official proclamations through a spell-checker, or at least not accidentally substitute an "n" for an "l" when praising employees for preserving NV's "cultural" resources
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Apparently the elusive Loch Ness Monster has been spotted again, this time by an iPhone using Apple's satellite map app
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Let's set aside the normal "vaxxer vs. anti-vaxxer" nonsense for a moment and focus on the real issue: The vaccines don't really work as well as you think they do
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Ring of Fire continues its spring earthquake tour with a surprise 7.2 richter-scale visit to Guerrero, Mexico
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Man confuses meth for ecstasy, winds up as another people of Walmart walking through store only wearing black shoes. Bonus: Gets interviewed by TV news
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That's a big ass tour
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If it seems to you that we have twice the bastards these days, you may be right
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State department's new anti-terror strategy... internet trolling
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Ghost Dog strikes again
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If the name of your business is the "Up In Smoke Hippie Store", you really should be expecting something like this
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Michaels craft store confirms credit card breach, which means that hackers the world over now know you shop at Michaels, are laughing
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"I can't stand to see such [bullet hole] go unpunished"
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Man faces legal battlefield due to fallout from hearing the call of duty to suffocate his child so he could play his Xbox, will certainly not be getting a halo where he's going
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If you fail to impress your date on a first date within the first 12 minutes, you might as well go home... 'cause they're gone
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Dead body found during Easter egg hunt. Police waiting to see if it rises again in three days before beginning their investigation
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If you threw a partially used artillery shell in a dumpster in Solvang, California, the police would REALLY like to have a word with you
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Life can be pretty funny. One day you're Miss Hong Kong and then the next thing you know you're selling fish balls to hungry crowds
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"...Enter Shipadick.com, which is exactly what it sounds like: a website that allows you to ship a two-and-a-half-foot cardboard erect penis to anyone in the world"
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Good: City uses reverse-911 call to alert residents road has reopened after accident. Bad: Multiple calls are sent to the entire city at 2:30am. "Now if there is a tsunami, nuclear reactor meltdown or we are under attack from Godzilla, okay CALL ME"
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MIT finds a way to suspend Delta's charter
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Photoshop whatever the heck it is that's going on here
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Dying four-year-old with inoperable brain tumour gets wish fulfilled to have Star Wars themed funeral
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Woman who stabbed her boyfriend to death rolls her eyes and laughs at the victims family. Judge shuts her down by sentencing her to life in prison and adds 'I hope you die in prison'. Tag is for the murderer
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Cop successfully shoots himself trying to kill an aggressive dog, and by aggressive I mean it was filmed playing with kids
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Want to log all the different beers you've ever drank? There's an app for that. What's special on your list?
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10 are missing after an avalanche on Mount Everest. No word yeti on rescue efforts
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Finally a pizza for someone who thought deep dish wasn't deep enough
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Gotta calm those kids down after the Easter egg hunt SOMEhow, right?
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Old and busted: Energy drink that gives you wings. New hotness: Energy drink that gives you boners
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San Francisco's latest outrage: Condo owners who are constantly renting out their units to a revolving door of tourists. "We've heard of cases where people get off the elevator and ask 'Where's the bellhop?' "
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Stone Brewing continues to prove just how classy they are, raising $100,000 for favorite charities of employee that passed away
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"The animated Easter Bunny clip features over a dozen unbleeped 'f-words;' depictions of dozens of fornicating rabbits; more than a dozen instances of a vulgar slang term for ejaculation; a depiction of a male character eating rabbit feces"
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Today's appropriate t-shirt worn by a criminal is brought to you by a bank robber in Hayward, California and the words 'I have issues'
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Boy sits on wooden bench at school, gets splinter in butt. Does he A) go to the school nurse to have it removed, B) ask to be excused early to go home to have it removed, C) receive over $4,600 when his family sues the school
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Woman arrested for running an unlicensed botox clinic out of her garage
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Eight-year-old girl gets surprise package from Amazon in the mail. Fark: It contains two boxes of condoms and Amazon won't tell her parents who the anonymous sender is, unless they get a a subpoena. Cops: It "might" be considered harassment
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| Thu April 17, 2014 |
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So why don't television lesbians look like real lesbians?
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Scientists pledge to spread their seed around the world
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Go home trees, you're drunk
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Kansas City Highway Shooter suspect in custody
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Gabriel Garcia Marquez begins his first one hundred years of solitude
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High school students get into argument over basketball game, decide to settle things on the court. Just kidding; one stabbed the other and is now charged with attempted murder
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The worst infographic of 2014, brought to you by NBC News. Remember, someone got paid to think this was clever
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Rain or shine, snow or sleet, we deliver your mail. And sometimes we even help catch burglars
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Photoshop this unhappy handbag
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Chinese army invades Indianapolis. EVERYBODY PANIC
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Have you ever played FarmVille for a long time and noticed the chickens act just like Don Knotts and the rabbits look like Natalie Portman?
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Clinton makes major announcement about her plans for the fall
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Things you never want to hear your pilot say: "AACH, THE BEES"
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Putin issues warning about Abyss. If he thinks that's bad, wait until he sees Leviathan
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Apparently the state has learned something in the past 44 years and chose to bury it a big farking hole rather than blowing it up
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Alleged text messages from trapped Korean teenagers are just a bunch of ferry tales
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The real trouble with American health care? Our doctors kinda suck
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Question: What's so special about "Mexican Coke"? Answer: Sugar
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Some parents accept it when told by the school that their kids can't go on the school trip. And some parents get all bitey
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Not news: New dance club opens in New York. Fark: You have to be under 12 to get in
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| (Some Guy) |
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Common Core is teaching fourth graders to have affairs. Or something. Hell, it's on a blog so it's got to be true
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So why was that South Korean ferry that capsized going to Jeje Island? Because of its waterfalls, white sand beaches, theme park dedicated to sex, eroticism
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Looks like Jess the border collie is the culprit of all the tire slashings in England over the last six months
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Fark Food Thread: Holiday meal planning time, so tell us - Do you do something special for Good Friday and Easter? Have go-to recipes for Passover? What recipes will be big wins for family gatherings?
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I love you so much, honey. WHAT? You posed in lingerie? IMMA HIRE ME A HITMAN TO KILL YOU. With "Yeah, I might kill to keep that" pics
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Photoshop this NASA Orion control room
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A look at the design flaw that almost destroyed an NYC skyscraper. No, not thermite
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Pew (pew pew) poll suggests Americans are cautiously excited about future technology, but only 1% of us want a personal jetpack
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Dartmouth president thinks school is being "hijacked by extreme behavior" and "dangerous drinking," in transparent attempt to get more kids to apply
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There are lots of things you can teach a six-year-old. How to ride a Harley Davidson by himself probably shouldn't be one of them
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Retired guard dog that never had puppies of her own adopts a kitten, causes spike in diabetes rates
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Flesh eating baby tarballs. It's not Syfy, it's BP
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Interactive map with all the misspelled street names engraved into SF sidewalks. Come for Hiaght and Lombrd streets, stay for the nexus of the universe at Castro and Castro
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According to TX prosecutors, an inmate with an IQ of 51 who was granted a new trial in 1983 but was mistakenly never retried or released, deliberately hid himself in jail for the next 30 years just so he could claim a "speedy trial" violation
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Portland flushed 38 million gallons of drinking water, thanks to a single dick
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Old and busted: Drug thieves attacking pharmacists. New hotness: Drug thieves attacking old people on their way out from seeing the pharmacists
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Jews told to register with the government. This is not a repeat from the 1930s
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Man fined $525 after not paying for drink refill. Yeah, that seems totally reasonable
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A boy, a claw machine, and a very special guest on this week's WTFark
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Jon-Benet Ramsey? The Zodiac killer? Chandra Levy? The Black Dahlia? Jimmy Hoffa? JFK? RFK? Abraham Lincoln? This man claims to have solved them all
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Video surfaces of Action Park - where fun was a terrifying adventure - and its most infamous ride: the Cannonball Loop
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1960s: Sharks vs. Jets. 1990s: Crips vs. Bloods. 2014: Hippos vs. Crocs
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Nebraska elementary school gives fifth graders nine rules for how to deal with bullies, such as "Treat the bully like they're trying to help you" and "never, ever tell on them"
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This should be easy: Can you spot the gold digger from these photos? Hint: Just look for high maintenance in their eyes
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85,000 hours of British Pathé footage now up on YouTube? Right, there goes the chance you were going to do anything productive for the rest of the week...month...year
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So, what would happen if you were convicted of a crime and told to await instructions on when and where to report to prison, and then those instructions never came?
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Pootie Poot and Snowden make their first official TV appearance together to discuss how free Russia is and how terrible the US is
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Mayor who "kind of agreed" with white supremacist that murdered three people in Kansas City finds out his constituents "kind of agree" that he should resign or be impeached
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NJ man re-enacts famous "Samurai Delicatessen" skit
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Not news: The Most Haunted Place In The World. News: It's For Sale. FARK: The core of the island is literally human remains
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Preacher born with no arms or legs spreads anti-bullying message by going on a 10,000 hugs tour. His first idea was reportedly a 10,000 fistbumps tour, but that proved logistically impossible
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This is what happens when you weirdos dress Sir Whiskerlickens von Fluffybutt in people clothes
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Only one lifeboat was deployed from sinking ferry in South Korea. Guess who was aboard
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Suspected US drone strikes are affecting the Yemeni psyche to the point where they think the drones are checking out their women, although if that was the case we'd have drones all over Sweden instead
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WAR. Huh, good God: What is it good for? Absolutely four things, say it again
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Let's play guess that disease (possibly Not safe for work)
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Georgia Supreme Court to rule whether potato guns converted into pipe bombs are consistent with safe work environments
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Old and busted: Seeing Jesus in toast. New hotness: Seeing Jesus from space
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Putin: What? There are no Russian troops in Ukraine. Those that you think are Russian are our cousins, Prussians. Yeah....Prussians. END COMMUNICATION
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In this store, you buy it, you break it
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Unsettling video shows largest gathering of al Qaeda members in years. Summer reunion tour expected to be a blast
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Final, ultimate proof that feminist women really, really have no idea what it is that they want. Oh, and it involves getting naked with other women
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NYC 'Mayor' hauled off to Bellevue for trying to run city, stalk ex-mayor Bloomberg
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Man has car stolen and it is quickly sold to someone else. The victim and the guy that bought the car meet leaving the victim to just give it to the man who bought the car as he needed it more than the victim did.... Wait, what?
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Normally, getting pumped up and doing a lot of reps will not get you kicked out of the gym. Unless they are one-handed reps
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We're not saying that public television in Norway is boring, but their hottest shows around feature a train winding through the countryside, a ship navigating the fjords, and an eight-hour knitting extravaganza
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Twitter gave me PTSD. I am harassed because I am a femnist. I keep going on Twitter and it keeps giving me PTSD. One person even collects my tweets in Storify. I have PTSD now. I am bedridden #PTSD
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Gunman steals Master Key from postal worker, which will allow him to unlock the dungeon treasure and upgrade from red to blue mail
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Zentai. From the culture that brought you tentacle porn (SFW)
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Your camera is racist
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Photoshop this sizzling selfie
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Want to see exactly where your 2013 tax dollars are being spent? The White House is here to help
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Should Iowa's gun law let under age 14 kids fire handguns? Short answer: No. Long answer: Hell no, no way, no how... Just no
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Hmm. 400% increase in antidepressant use since the '80s... huge increase in autism since the '80s... autism begins in early pregnancy.... It's almost like... naw. It has to be vaccines
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Old and busted: Sharknado. New hotness: Jellyfishnado. Ooh, that's gotta sting
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It's Jesus vs. Devil in this week's Mugshot Roundup
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Man describes "pounding sensation" he felt after being bitten by a poisonous snake, admits the experience left him quite rattled
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"What we think happened was the mom had the babies and she put them in a safe spot ... and she left. Then they got boxed up and they got shipped." Don't worry it's got a happy ending
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Out of everything to be afraid of in Florida (alligators, sinkholes, guns, crazy moms), a woman jumped out of a moving truck after seeing a lizard
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Judge does a double take after learning Edward Cocaine was appearing in his courtroom on drug possession charges
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911...If you are still alive press 1
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State university has a $36 million shortfall. How to deal with this? Give the head financial administrator a 40k raise. What the fark, UMaine?
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OMG killer sponges discovered in California, we're all going to die
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 467: "Muybridge". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 16, 2014 |
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Scientists say there might be an evolutionary reason why you don't want to eat a bright blue chicken. Photographer sets out to see if it's true
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"I have never eaten here but their logo is a PENIS WITH A MOUSTACHE. Five stars"
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Teen with Down Syndrome got accepted to college. Someone filmed it. There must have been something in that envelope, because it got dusty in here
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Brawl begins during city council meeting as councilman is called a Douche Cougar
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Monterey Park Fire Dept. now has an accident response time of -1 second
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Here is the worst-behaving first-grader you will hear about today
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1 in 5 beers sold in America is a Bud Light. But wait, it gets worse. Bud Light Lime outsells just about everything that could be called a craft beer
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Judges don't appreciate yawning in their courtroom - even less if they point it out and you respond with, "I don't care, man. I really don't care"
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Understatement of the Week: "So then I'm driving to work, bleeding all over the place, thinking, this is crazy I have a Chihuahua in the front seat, a great horned owl in the back seat. This is not normal"
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If giving birth in a motel bathtub wasn't Florida enough, this mom gnawed off the umbilical cord with her teeth
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Photoshop this woman with a non-working wringer washer
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Mammogram tech gets a little behind in her work, decides to make stuff up
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Eight beers that you should resume drinking immediately
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Russia's secret weapon against the West could be the palladium bomb
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Best video you will see all day of a news anchor rescuing ducklings from a storm drain. And it isn't even May sweeps yet
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Sleeping in your bed while your friends kill someone? That's a felony
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New study reveals when men become grumpy -- our money was on "whenever they start seriously wondering if Cialis is right for them"
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EPA says U.S. greenhouse gas emissions have fallen 3.4 percent over the course of 2012 after reaching a high in 2007. Thanks, Obama
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I actually took this quiz before it was cool, but I guess you might as well see how much of a music snob you are, too
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You may want to sit down for this, but the US Government is making money hand-over-fist thanks to outrageous student loans taken out by graduate students
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If you've been looking to pick up some rhinoceros dung on the cheap, today may be your lucky day
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LSD is closed due to a suspicious package
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Food crop production in 2014 may be disrupted by El Niño, which as you may know, is Spanish for "The Niño"
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Keystone pipeline opponents carve 80-acre message in field, presumably without consuming fossil fuel
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Caption this pontificating primate
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So you know the Duggars' "Quiverfull" movement? Apparently it's also awesome for grooming underage sex slaves
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Has the world's most elusive graffiti artist been caught on CCTV?
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Now Russia has ghost cars
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No one has experienced the full joy and spiritual meaning of Easter until they've had the Bacon Easter egg
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Photoshop this tectonic diver
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Ex-sheriff says Bundy ranch stand-off is like Rosa Parks Vs The Nazi's. This is only five ounces of the ten tonnes of crazy that came out of this man's mouth
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Wheelchair-bound man accused of murdering wife. All his killings be drive by
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Apparently, the idea of summoning dogs for jury duty hasn't gotten old in Bridgeton, New Jersey
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Woman sticks her daughter's car key into a random Honda, is now a car thief
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Instead of traveling around the world to see renowned cities like Paris, Florence, or London, you could just go to China and check out their knock-off European towns
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Ha Ha. You thought the rat apocalypse that was invading Britain was bad, get ready for the giant Asian killer hornets that have killed six so far
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Rare, unopened bottle of wine made on the orders of Adolf Hitler up for sale. Experts say you should let it age for nein years
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Ways straight people can best help gay people? Try shutting up for one
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City transit department stops free wifi on buses after too many passengers were using it
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Crimeans who were excited about being annexed by Russia a month ago are rapidly discovering that they somehow forgot that Russian is a decaying, corrupt, shiathole of a country run by an unaccountable autocrat and a dysfunctional bureaucracy
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Teenager decides to take a selfie next to an oncoming train. Train conductor decides to give him a reality check with his boot
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With Easter fast approaching, it's time for the annual "How to make your own marshmallow Peeps" Fark thread. Directions to the left, ideas of what to do with them to the right
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Local billionaires think it's wrong that there are people who sleep in cars in Silicon Valley because they are homeless, and want to improve their quality of life
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Catholic priest accidentally gets way too close to a boy; immediately drives away. And still people complain
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You know it was a bad storm when a 751-foot cargo ship washes up on the beach
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This means I can't sit on the cat anymore? Pets will no longer be classed as "chairs" in France
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Dad of the Year proud of his little pumpkin becoming a mum. Wat? So what if she's only twelve and the father is only thirteen
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Russian court confirms: nailing your scrotum to Red Square is not technically a crime
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Putin warns of civil war in Ukraine between the Ukrainian army and the brave freedom fighters of the Russian 45th Airborne Regiment (Warning, auto-play video)
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A texting motorist who slammed into a bicyclist and injured his spine told police she has some regrets ... about the dents in her car. Subby has some regrets as well ... that the driver won't rot in jail for the next 10 to 20 years
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Turns out the Boston hoax bomber is an attention-seeking "performance artist." Well, color me completely unsurprised
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Why are women so doubty?
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Driver arrested for being the only sober person on his bus full of teenagers
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Lawyer: "Judge, you are discriminating against me because I am not wearing pants in the courtroom"
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Old and Busted: Peak Oil. New Hotness: Peak Beard
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"Lots of small, private colleges are in danger of closing and we should celebrate this achievement," claims columnist who is clearly still nursing that Vassar rejection
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We're going to need more dynamite
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Victoria's Secret? Stealing credit card information
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Photoshop these happy schoolchildren
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Erotic: "After taking a midnight swim, she came out soaking wet." Not erotic: "After using the public toilet, she came out soaking wet"
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FBI uncovers Al-Qaeda plot to just sit back and enjoy the collapse of the United States
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I'm sure in 2014 you can get uranium in any corner drugstore, but in 1955 it's a little hard to come by
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News: Teacher Arrested For DUI. Worse News: She blew a .27 two hours after she was pulled over... Fark: ...on her way to school at 7:00 a.m
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Sanjay Gupta on deadly Ebola outbreak in Guinea: "There's a possibility of someone getting on a plane who has been exposed but not developed any symptoms"
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Pro-Tip: Always remove your ID badge before installing a covert video camera in your area school's girls' restroom
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I have a feeling that Johnathan Schmidt will have a tough time getting a fair trial. His guilt is all over his face (with picture)
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This is what the Great Lakes looked like one week ago. And here's why it's a big deal
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Mobile brothel catches fire at German rest stop. In other news, Germany has mobile brothels
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20 pot plants can still get you prison time equal to that of being convicted of killing someone while driving drunk
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Well isn't that convenient to have a paramedic training next to you on a running machine at the gym when you're having a heart attack
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Never, ever lick a policeman right in the eye. They hate that
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Three-year-old boy found inside claw machine. Mother, police spend $10 in quarters to get him out
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Coast Guard calls $300 million cocaine haul the biggest in Coast Guard history
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Police respond to emergency call when heavy breathing is all they can hear, find dog running around yard with phone in its mouth. Too bad they didn't have collar ID
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High school coach facing jail for A) having a sexual relationship with a minor, B) embezzling school funds, or C) shoving a kid who farted in his face
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| Tue April 15, 2014 |
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South Korea hires Costa Concordia Captain
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Pvt. Edward Ambrose died while fighting in the Great War in 1916. His distraught family was unable to look at the belongings found in his leather case. Until now
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If you're going to burglarize a business, it's probably best not to follow them on Instagram
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If your Nigerian "girlfriend" whom you met on the Internet sends you thousands of dollars in hundred-dollar bills, then asks you to wire it all right back to you to "pay medical bills," don't be surprised when the cash turns out to be counterfeit
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News: Principal diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. Spiffy: His students, faculty and staff flooded auditorium stage to shave their heads to show their support. This is how you deal with it
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...but in his defense, it does sound like a pretty damn good deal
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Man drives his car into side of moving train. Yes, alcohol was involved
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Photoshop Challenge: Improve this face
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Teacher fired for asking students to list slang names for genitalia on the left, inevitable thread full of unlikely responses on the right
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Police discover two unattended backpacks near the finish line of the Boston Marathon. This is not a repeat from last year
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Dawwwhhh.... here is a gallery of the cutest spiders you are going to see all day
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Yesterday we mocked a US Airways employee for their X-rated tweet, today we mock US Airways social media manager who calls himself a 'web alchemist' and 'aggressive engineer of perception' on his LinkedIn profile
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Chinese shoe factory workers walk
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India has created a third sex for transgendered people. Fark has created no sex, for any people
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In addition to wearing number 42 today, major league ballplayers might want to futher honor Jackie Robinson by saying "fark you" to the team bus driver
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