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| Sun April 06, 2014 |
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The goggles, they do something
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If you're selling illegal drugs in Nebraska, you better have state-issued drug tax stamps. It doesn't make the drug sales legal, but you can be charged for not having one
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Not news: Attempted mugging in Detroit. News: Victim fights back. FARK: Victim is 72-year-old man with a cane
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Appalachia: "Hey, there's more to offer here than just blind kids playing banjo, and filthy, haggard, sunken-eyed, inbred chain smokers living in abject poverty"
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Photoshop Theme: Unlikely scientific discoveries
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Goose... goose... DUCK
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Two are dead and twenty others have been shot since Friday as Chicago looks to take back its 'murder capital of the U.S.' title after the long and harsh winter
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A hot lesbian starts a business in conservative flyover country, only to be hounded and run out of town. Just kidding... "I never felt so accepted and so helped, from Day 1"
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Five things you should always buy used. Sorry, Pervy McPervyson, but panties aren't on the list
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CBS would like you to know that we are all about to die a screaming bloody death
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A look at why certain regions have developed incorrect dialects that allow them to say words with unstressed syllables, like "Probly"
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The first rule of Church Fight Club is NEVER talk about Church Fight Club
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Two Orlando-area entrepreneurs develop smartphone application that disables the texting function on phones when they are in motion, hoping to put an end to dangerous driving, walking
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| (Some Disappointed Guy) |
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Girl who sued her parents to pay for college finds another way. No, it's not porn
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There have now been three different ships that have picked up signals from the Indian Ocean. However, before everyone gets their hopes up, "What we've got here are fleeting, fleeting acoustic events ... that's all we've got"
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Stop me if you've heard this one: Armed "pro-Russian demonstrators" attempt to seize government buildings in cities in Eastern Ukraine
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79-year-old substitute teacher quits her job rather than delete all her Facebook friends
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Photoshop this wall of bugs
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Armed robbery suspect was wearing white pants, a long plaid coat.. Detectives and fashion police are on the lookout
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"How the NSA sees the world" interactive graphic. Subby's email was just forwarded to the NSA for submitting this
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"I now pronounce you man and wife." And then the hellfire erupted
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Cop pulls gun on children because building a tree house is 'hazardous'. Which is true when you take into account the gun-wielding power trippers who hate childhood
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The most photographed places on earth, besides your mom's bedroom
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Body language can be tricky for the untrained observer to read, despite the widespread belief that it's easy to tell when someone's lying. Are you sure you could spot a liar without knowing if they were elected to Congress or not?
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EU to require electric vehicles to emit noise to alert pedestrians of their presence. Subby wants his car to make that Jetsons's bloop-bloop-bloop- bloop sound
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If it walks like a Rembrandt and talks like a Rembrandt... It's probably a Rembrandt
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No, no it isn't
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20,000 kids began to riot when the Santa Barbara police react to the annual Deltopia party by shooting rubber bullets into the crowd. Well, as you might expect, it pretty much went downhill from there
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"An argument between two men at Chuck E. Cheese escalated into an all-out fist fight, forcing Chuck E. Cheese Cast Members to break away from their normal job and break up the fight." So, Chuck E. Cheese is now Thunderdome
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If you need another reason to avoid eating at Chili's, the company supports the National Autism Association and is donating 10% of all customer checks to the NAA on April 7th. The problem? NAA is notoriously anti-vaccination
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180,000 eggs poached
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More doctors than patients are in favor of legalizing marijuana. And if you thought your waiting room time was long now, just watch
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"Some of our stories are heartbreakingly tragic. But so many are also mind-numbingly strange. In Florida, we do weird the way Kansas does wheat"
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Malaysia and Australia vow not to give up until there is closure on the missing Malaysia Airlines jet. CNN to continue its place as the Crash News Network
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Ivan Hurtado Lopez, who was in the army and even stationed at Fort Hood would like to let everyone to know that he is not and never has been a Fort Hood shooter
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If you plan on transporting fifteen pounds of heroin from California to Oklahoma, then for the love of FSM follow traffic laws so you don't end up like this woman
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50 ways to reuse your garbage. Keep this list handy for the next time when your siblings show up unannounced at your door and throw a surprise intervention to try and convince you that you're a hoarder
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Cornell University student decides to find out the most painful place to get stung by a bee. The answer may surprise you. Fark: The only test subject was himself
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OMG after 14 hours baby is coming out now #inlabor #ouch
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The hazmat team is going to be real busy if they have to be called out every time a suspicious powder in found in a college dorm room
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There is a new front opening in the microbrewery/megabrewery battle
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Photoshop this fighter/mage
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"Guns are a part of our lives" says man who is outraged that pictures he sent to People Magazine of his wife for a beauty contest were rejected because she was holding a gun (with beauty contest pics)
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Dumb: Taking a 1 year-old on a sailboat in an attempt to circumnavigate the globe. Dumber: Taking her even though she was sick before you left. Fark: Spending money rescuing these people
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Not news: man tries to climb on roof of car. News: man tries to climb on roof of MOVING car. Scotland: man tries to climb on roof of moving POLICE car
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Sick of high casualty rates on away missions, Red Shirts threaten civil war
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Tree camera captures a "young Yowie", also known as the Australian Bigfoot, creeping around in the woods at night. Sleep tight Australian farkers (w/creepy video)
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Strawberry chocolate shrimp chips: For when you want sweets plus seafood and/or are pregnant
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"Officers found Nicole Elizabeth Huey, 29, at the wheel with a hamster on her lap... Three officers chased the loose hamster before one could trap it with a container made from an evidence tube. Huey was arrested on an accusation of DUI"
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Coming up live at the top of the hour it's Livingston Stapler Company Presents. Two hours of eclectic music from Juneau, Alaska, hosted by a farker
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| Sat April 05, 2014 |
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The Atlanta Archbishop had a sweet multi-million dollar crib all to himself, until that meddling Pope Francis came on the scene with all his "church for the poor" and "live modestly" crazy-talk
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So I'm guilty, eh? Whatever. Can I get a drink?
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A handy chart to show you how much you should have for retirement by now. For those under 35, 'retirement' is a thing that used to happen at 65, after working at the same job for 35 - 40 years. Now... lunch break is over, back to that fryer
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A rival kindergarten has better enrollment. Do you A) advertise more B) educate better or C) poison students of rival school?
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Muslim parents are worried that Christians are trying to recruit their children through Easter Egg hunt propoganda distributed in schools
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NYC Police: car flips into Queens creek; four killed. Hey, I've got an idea - let's leave the colon out of the headline
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Two hot chicks take selfie during riot. Let's photoshop them
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Capt. Obvious checking in to tell you there is a LOT of booze in the dribble coming off our favorite state
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Drug smugglers forced to alter their methods of bringing in cocaine and marijuana after the mean old cops figured out all their smuggling routes
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Thought to have gone extinct in Libya, the elusive biker has been spotted in the wild after a 30-year absence
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| (Some Sneaky Expat) |
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Problem: Your rather common Russian name unfortunately happens to be "Sergey Ivanov". US online shoe company cancels your order citing Russian sanctions. Solution: Reorder using exactly the same information but with a different name. Sneakersy
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Bad boys bad boys what ya gonna do
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Pope Francis: "No, I am not a Communist. I believe that the poor are the center of the Gospel of Jesus." Of course, that's just what a dirty, sneaky, hippie Commie mole would say
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| (FreeThoughtProject) |
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Student arrested after telling principal he is: a) going to kill him, b) going to punch him, or c) disappointed in him?
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If you have a camera and are near two or more kids, you are a potential child predator
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Lost 1945 color film from Chicago Board of Education discovered and digitized, featuring deep-voiced narrator who promotes the most American of American cities to tourists and families. Holy Cow
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A Massachusetts lawyer was just disciplined for letting a man get custody of his daughter
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Strip Club files lawsuit against San Diego Police Department, asks for punitive damages to be paid in $1 bills
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Photoshop this Hoff on wheels
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Beam Me Up, Bambi: Trail camera captures UFO observing deer in the woods in Jackson, Mississippi (w/pics)
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| (Some Rich Guy) |
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"Welcome to JP Morgan Chase, how may I help you? You'd like to make a deposit? I'm sorry, we don't accept cash. How else may we serve you today?"
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"What is it with airplanes and the "black boxes"? They aren't even black, they're ORANGE"
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Best Korea has a new space agency. The name says it all
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Detroit man pays $1,100 to get his stolen car out of an impound lot, only to have it towed away again 15 minutes later. Even worse, the Creedence was missing
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| (Some Guy) |
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There are two kinds of men in the world: Those who are 6 feet tall or taller, and those who don't matter
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Nine mistakes you're making with scrambled eggs, including adding milk. But it seems orange juice is still okay to add to the mix
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Snitches get riches
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Obama administration seeks to move Marijuana from Schedule 1 classification. Fark: It will require Congressional cooperation
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Japan to begin playing Missile Command with North Korea
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Sensible Chicago Alderman put the brakes on a hippie-backed ban on plastic bags
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Man crashes through ceiling of the Roxy nightclub. Baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me, no more
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Woman accused of defrauding a 93 year-old man out of $1.3 million, though she insists he was fine giving up the money in exchange for her company
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Duke sucks
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Chinese verify range to target, one ping only
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Today is International Pillow Fight Day. Take a pillow to lunch
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Australian groom banned from getting married because he showed up to the wedding drunk. If this happened in the US, there wouldn't be a chapel left in Las Vegas
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HEY there kids, I'm HEROIN BEAR. Ya'll wanna FREEBASE?
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High school students under investigation for spreading nude selfies. Clearly, they do not understand the rules of BIE
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The perfect gift for the man who has everything? A $100 tube of chocolate toothpaste, of course
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Here are 31 beautiful, simple ways to drink coffee. Thanks, I'll take it black
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Why is tea so popular these days?
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Not news: Family trying to enjoy a day at the park calls the police on a homeless man sleeping on a bench. Fark: Homeless man sitting on a bench calls the police on a family laying down in the park
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Has the VA solved their backlog problems? Let's just say you still never want to get sick after you've served our country
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Amsterdam woman tries to live as if it were 1938. She even has a big attic just in case
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Photoshop this truck lifting
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I see your previous jobs included mouse catcher, box inspector and couch shredder? You're hired. You can start on Caturday
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A zip line? Across MY Ohio River? It's more likely than you think
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Wait, I didn't order any raisins on my cronut
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The unluckiest man in the universe learns his hotel room is directly underneath that of Justin Bieber and his entourage
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As god as my witness, I thought turkeys could ride the bus
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Teen sets bags of bird seed on fire to mask shoplifting spree. In other news, bird seed makes a great fire starter
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St Petersburg, FL. The only place you own is water front property, but you don't own the dock you've used and water in front of your place for years. For $7,800 you can really own it now
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Number of alcohol-free bars in Britain soaring. Which is good news for livers, bad news for ugly people
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| Fri April 04, 2014 |
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Summer is approaching. A time for fruit punch and a snack of Oreos. Wait, I've got an idea
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Lawn mower sets new world speed record of 116mph+. YOU MISSED A SPOT
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Blood-soaked chain saw, a legless corpse in the tub and severed limbs in a freezer: Police suspect foul play
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Supermom of the year with eight children takes in dying friend's five children for a total of thirteen mouths to feed
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Note to liquor store clerks: If a customer asks you to hold up cash for a picture, you should be very suspicious
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TechCrunch CEO defends former Mozilla CEO. "My point is this. WE'VE WON. After eons gays can now mostly feel free to be themselves, love whoever, with no stigma." You hear that gays and gals? "MOSTLY" feel free. Yay
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Photographer spends a year in the underworld of Chicago's heroin epidemic, brings back harrowing images of potent Mexican drug that's been sweeping the city
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Irish sheep farmer inadvertently lets goat mate with his ewe, producing thriving geep that runs faster than a sheep and has softer fur than a goat. "He said the new arrival had created a lot of laughter in the pub"
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The rise in Americans who claim no religious affiliation coincides with the rise of the Internet, global warming, and pirates
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COMMUNITY CHEST Bank error in your favor, collect $37,000
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Woman on maternity leave fired for checking and deleting email from home, "which the company considered destruction of company property"
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this castle on a hill
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Bob Costas Disease shuts down 28 schools in American Samoa
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Ten shocking ways WWII could have gone horribly wrong. Or right, if you are a member of the Axis
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The most dangerous amusement park that ever existed is re-opening. And even keeping its original name
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20
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Boring: Car crashes through family's home. Fark: Another car crashes through family's home
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There. Snopes has spoken. Will you farking idiots please stop blathering about the Yellowstone caldera now? Christ
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He was found hiding behind a truck with an illegal goat
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Police chase, Canadian style: "Pull over eh"
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Best double-meaning headline you'll see today: "US, Pakistan view drone strikes from different perspectives"
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... so here's a pic of a pigeon perching on a wild iguana. Thank you, Ecuador
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"Feces, also known as ordure, dung, stool, poo poo and feculence, typically is found in commodes or cow pastures, as opposed to public elevators"
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Six ways texting is ruining dating. Article is explained in GIFs for those of you too busy to read
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Romania: Where even the elderly are spinners
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Weird hoarder, or greatest unsung action hero of his generation? You decide
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Man tells court he couldn't remember stealing a bottle of wine but it sounded like something he would do
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Look space, nobody wants to see your junk on the ISS
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Jesus Christ, it's a spider, get out the car, NOW
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Turns out the best thing to fight cancer is tobacco, so long as you don't set fire to it
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| (Brightest Young Things) |
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If you remember imbibing any of these 10 antique drinks, you were doing it wrong
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KY Senate candidate carves out a niche as the pro-cockfighting candidate, saying, "the Founding Fathers were all many of them very involved in [it]"
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How NPR pwnd the internet on April Fool's Day
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Remember those good old days when we used to have beautiful mountains and rolling hills...of tires? Well thanks to the Government they're now an endangered species with 90% of them gone forever
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An honest brandy that will take the varnish right off of your wooden teeth
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Nez Pierce tribe to US Dept of the Interior: So now that you guys have so many bison in Yellowstone that you "cull" them every year, and seeing as how that used to be our land and hunting bison WAS kinda OUR thing originally...
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Texas gets a new shipment of lethal injection drugs, hurriedly executes man that should have died weeks ago because everyone was getting antsy and really, really needed that execution fix
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the hippie in the green dress
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Felon just out of prison shoots man in the U District. The man is currently in critical condition, with doctors saying it will take time and a little luck for his U District to ever be the same again
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Capture of giant man-eating crocodile will make this year's Lake Victoria Triathlon the most boring in a while
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Time to test your knowledge against the sharpest minds in the world. Or lacking that, against your fellow Farkers. It's the Fark Weird News Quiz. Please consult your doctor before trying any new quiz
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Sheriff Joe Arapaio is finding out the hard way that a US Federal District Court Judge with lifetime tenure on the bench isn't nearly as easy to ignore or intimidate as the local DA or County Council
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Police have finally caught "Bro". No word on whether they had to taze him
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WTFark quickly learning the difficulty of quoting Farkers with unbearably long user names. He's probably posting from El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reyna de Los Angeles de Porciúncula
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"Looks like someone got into..." **puts on sunglasses**..."DOUBLE Dutch..."--YEAAAAAHHHHH
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Here's your daily dose of 'awwwww' as a golden retriever mothers a flock of baby chicks. Either that or the dog has taken up ranching, but it's still damn cute
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The wait is over. George W. Bush's portraits of world leaders, revealed
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Kent State shooter is a student in criminology and justice studies. You're doing it wrong
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I have no idea what you're talking about, so here are a bunch of world leaders transforming into drag queens. (with FABULOUS pics)
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Georgia legislature passes bill allowing firearms to be carried in bars, schools, airports and churches. What could possibly go wrong?
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After getting the predictable hate mail for featuring a gay couple in their "This is wholesome" ad campaign, Honey Maid graham crackers responds with perhaps the sweetest "no, fark YOU" of all time
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McDonald's closing restaurants in the Crimea. That'll certainly teach the Russians to think twice before annexing anywhere else
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For those of you who think Disneyland is too whimsical, you can always visit this theme park located at the bottom of a salt mine in Romania. "Make sure to dress warm"
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Hey Remember when, in olden times despotic rulers would kill thousands of workers just to build frivolous stadiums and other monuments to the ruler's vanity, and by "in olden times" I mean right now, in Qatar, ahead of 2022 World cup?
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Just when you thought firemen couldn't be more heroic, these guys go and solve the age-old mystery: what is the best way to cook cheese on toast?
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| (Some Guy) |
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Who knew that picking up your dog's crap from the sidewalk and conveying it to a garbage can was a situation more fraught with social complexity than a formal dinner party, and that there are five distinct types of poo pickers? Science, that's who
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Headline: 1.5 millionth Corvette recovered from sinkhole. Fark: How deep IS that hole?
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This orchid looks like... OMG WTF... SHREK is in bloom
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In support of an Oklahoma tag, Pro-gun lawmaker shoots a fellow hunter by accident, says "I'm a safety guy. Gosh, I'm as safety as I can be"
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Here's the essay that got 17-year-old Kwasi Enin into all eight Ivy League schools. It isn't as action-packed as your own Big Bang fanfic attempt, nor does it finish with 'When I woke up, it was all a dream ... or was it?" but it's OK
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Pakistan charges 9-month-old boy with planning murder, threatening police, and interfering in state affairs. Texas lawmakers furiously taking notes
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Yes
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Porn star seeks new career...as a far-right politician in party with neo-Nazi ties. Gets into trouble with her new colleagues when they discover interracial scenes from her in one of her movies
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"So you want the same man I want, huh? Here are some rats for you"
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Should we be in favor of the pro-orgasm movement? Yes yes YES YES OH GOD YES YES YES
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News: Judge jails abusive partner who threatened victim with knife. Fark: Judge tells domestic abuse victim he could "paper the walls" with letters like hers saying she forgave abusive partner
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New York apartments are getting so small - between 90 and 300 sq. ft. - and are being lived in by so many people that psychologists are warning that people are starting to get squirrely (pics)
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The reason your kid always wants the sugary cereals isn't due to commercials or taste; it's due to the fact the cereal box has a life-size face on it with eyes staring at a 9.6 degree angle, which is perfect to make eye contact with children
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Schools considering instituting dress code for parents
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Ohio man driving on a two-lane road charged with OWWI: Operating Wheelchair While Intoxicated
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Couple scheduled to appear on the Maury Povich Show arrested in their hotel room after they began fighting. Producers of the show were extremely upset the two couldn't have waited another hour
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So, ummm....would this be a good time to mention that this week's Fort Hood shooter and the 2009 shooter both bought their guns from the same gun store in Texas? I know, I know, too early. Sorry, it's okay, I'll come back when you're ready
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MUSLIMS GIVEN RIGHT TO CUT CROSSES OFF NEW YORK CHURCH. That, uh, isn't being used as a church anymore. Oh, and that they own. Oh, yeah, and that they're turning into a mosque. A MOSQUE??? OMG
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Good news: The metrosexual is dead. Bad news: Replaced by Victorian dandies
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Worst. Superhero. Ever. Police hunting "mystery pooper" defecating on park slides
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Photoshop this man stepping on a stuck tire
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Caption this royal observer
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Spite Is Good. Spite Works
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How to deal with coworkers who constantly steal your lunch from the fridge (that doesn't involve justified homicide)
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, where the prostitutes will choke you to death if you try to skip on paying
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Pat Robertson: Buying stuff 'by computer' would help usher in the 'Mark of the Beast'. Iron Maiden album sales expected to skyrocket
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Artist makes derelict Detroit houses into his canvases, bringing a small bit of grace to an otherw-- wait, never mind, somebody's setting the houses on fire
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Ceiling rat is watching you masturbate (w/pics)
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Forty percent of mothers say alcohol helps them cope with stress of parenting and OMG DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE
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| Thu April 03, 2014 |
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"Mr. Philips, who was dressed in lingerie, said: 'I know why he chained him to the tree. It's something he does when we go fishing and stuff because the kid has a tendency of going all over the place"
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If you leave 250 bags of heroin in your rental car when you turn it in, just let 'em go, man, they're gone
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WheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeBANGthud
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Daycare center bans 3-year-old girl for talking shiat. ZERO TOLERANCE
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Go home, beer truck. You're drunk
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It's peanut butter jelly time Peanut Butter Jelly Time
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Bad: suffering a heart attack. Worse: being mistakenly pronounced dead at hospital. Way, way worse: waking up in morgue freezer, breaking your nose and freezing to death while struggling unsuccessfully to escape your frozen tomb
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Do not fold this man's laundry the wrong way, he's very particular about how his clothes are washed. He's a well respected man about town
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DEA Chief: Before you legalize pot, please think of all the puppies that will die from eating hash brownies, rather than dying naturally, like, say, being shot during a botched raid
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You get in a minor fender-bender. Do you: C) Shoot and kill the other driver, shoot at his passenger, and shoot at and wound a good Samaritan who stopped to help?
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Hello, I'd like a tow truck. My car is in Lake Houston. Please hurry, I'm breathing from an air pocket. Yes, I have AAA
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Photoshop this dowsing demonstration
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Totes amazeballs, Gawker bans massive derp
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When the 'f' did this become "plus sized"???
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Spring break used to be fun until rich single guys in their 30s and 40s started crashing it. "If you have to fly down to Mexico to find women, you're not that good at picking up women in general"
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3 BDRM, 2 1/2 BTH, new heat pump, fenced yard, only 23 sex offenders next door
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The 11 Best Frozen Pizzas, for when eating good pizza is not an option
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A heartbreaking task all dog owners have to go through is putting your dog to sleep: Why not make a bucket list for them like this nice lady
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Yesterday's headline: "220 skydivers will attempt to set a world record jump in Arizona". Today's headline: "1 skydiver dead in attempt to set world record jump in Arizona"
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An honest look at just how much Wal-Mart would have to raise its prices in order to afford paying its workers a living wage
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Authorities say Fort Hood Shoot showed no signs of Suicidal Tendencies, so they considered him a Minor Threat
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Fark Food Thread: Cooking without heat... it's time to bring out your ceviche recipes. What seafood do you use? Do you have twists to surprise your seafood lovers and give them something different?
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"Ummm... I might have had a stroke but I can hear you talking about my body parts for organ donation"
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Not news: Man wants cremains placed in a jar. Fark: Specifically a Duke's mayonnaise jar
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Photoshop this subway selfie
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Obama offers half a sandwich, and then wants that half sandwich back. This is not a metaphor
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Not using a condom with your sex toys? YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
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Comcast policy chief who claims to have heard no "rational, objectionable voices" to their merger with Time Warner Cable must have his cable out at home, will need to wait for a tech between 12-4pm
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If you're going to rob a pharmacy, you should really pay attention to the customers in the store as you walk past... especially if they're wearing a blue uniform with a shiny badge and carrying a gun
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It's time to reconsider breast exams, or at least BIE (Not safe for workish image in article)
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Officials think they have removed most of the rusty nails from a Cape Cod beach
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I like hamster butts and I cannot lie
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Wingsuited mountain jumper lays claim to title of 'world's fastest woman', longest sustained whistling sound
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France briefs doctors on warning signs of ebola as fears grow that latest outbreak could spread from Africa. Briefly, when a patient complains of flu-like symptoms then starts to bleed from the eyes and liquefy like a bass in a blender, it's ebola
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After seeing what they did to Arizona, UK backs off on threatening badgers further
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All work and no play makes this court stenographer a dull boy
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Factory worker who bought paintings by Gauguin and Bonnard for $20 says auctioneer almost threw them in the trash because nobody wanted them
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"Blondes have more brains" - according to a study from a country that totally wouldn't be biased in the results
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The reason so many relationships are failing is because most women act more like men, claims woman who just wrote a book
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Turns out you really can die from a broken heart
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Increasing number of men pressured to accept realistic standards of female beauty
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Russian opposition figure Gary Kasparov denounces Putin's "aggression" in Crimea, advises Ukraine to immediately adopt Alekhine's Defense, and urges NATO to execute a Blackmar-Diemer Gambit
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Renfield? Rumsfeld? Director of new documentary: "It's a horror movie"
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Bad: Girl has to be rescued by fire crews after getting wedged in a storm sewer trying to retrieve her dropped phone. Worse: it was a Blackberry (pic)
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Winter Haven CVS drugstore now has drive-in snack bar
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Woman 'taken' by large shark in Australia. Crikey
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One in ten children do not realize they live on planet Earth, says research pulled from Uranus
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Man runs into neighbor's burning home with fire extinguisher, succumbs to smoke, is pulled out by his 22-year-old daughter who does chest compressions until he revives and can hand her the hero tag
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Fourth meal interrupted: Drunk driver passes out with half-eaten Taco Bell burrito in his hand. Cops rub him for three minutes to wake him up
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"So, how's life in North Korea?" - "Well, we can't complain"
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If the media reported on the events of Game of Thrones
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Armed Venice separatists try to liberate city with reinforced old digger called "Tanko"
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What better way for Mother Nature to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the Super Outbreak than have a tornado outbreak in the Midwest?
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Masturbating yogi hurls dead animal at cop in national park. Boo-boo?
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I know, I know...you've been worried that the growing acceptance of pot around the nation will lead to police agencies losing the ability to seize property in drug busts, auction it off, and buy themselves vacations and Dodge Vipers. Well, relax
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Call me crazy and you may think this is nuts, but the Fort Hood shooter was being treated for mental health issues
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Combat juggling? You don't have the balls for it
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Starbucks apologizes for Satanic symbols in coffee foam
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How do you make a Peabody? It's like a Cape Codder, but substitute DUI and a probation violation for the lime
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A photo posted to Facebook may have saved a girl's vision. Still no cure for duckface
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Woman featured in viral video writes about hearing for the first time and dealing with losing her sight
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Bill supporting weight gain for epileptic children passes in Illinois
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Veterinarians in one state have noticed an alarming rise in bacterial infections amongst canines that can be spread to humans, urge owners to have their dogs vaccinated, especially since the bacterial infection can be passed sexually
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Army's new tattoo policy means your slacker cousin and his sleeve tat have one less career option
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Megyn Kelly: "Authorities are identifying the shooter. If you are interested you can get his name on other show...Too often it is infamy they seek, and we decline to help"
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The MTA in NYC has their panties in such a twist that they have to discipline an employee just because he ran around on the subway in his underwear on his day off. Who are these pantless people?
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Burglar tries to break into restaurant through rooftop vent, ends up exhausted
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Pregnant woman upset her mother-in-law bribed a sonogram technician to find out the sex of her future grandchild. You know, as far as fake questions written to Dear Prudence go, this one is pretty solid
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Today's Fark-ready headline courtesy of Captain Obvious
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Iconic and unseen war photos from Vietnam. Misuse of "iconic AND unseen" from Mother Jones
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Ukrainian officials implicate Yanokovich in having elite police snipers kill protestors
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Want to ask that special someone to your high school's prom in a special attention-grabbing way? This high school will make you think twice about that
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This plus-size woman is strutting down Hollywood Boulevard in a bikini to tell the world that big girls are beautiful and it is not wrong to have curves
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73-year-old sets fire to neighbor's house because lesbians live there and he didn't think they were hot enough
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Family finds 200-year-old gravestone while renovating living room
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Photoshop this stroll down the street
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College students determine Noah's Ark could have carried 70,000 animals and still floated
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How does your country rate on the Social Progress Index? Nope, not there. Look further down the list. Further... well at least you aren't Chad
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Neither skunk nor reefer nor herb nor baggies of nugs stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds whether you wanted it or not
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In South Korea, gamers who are in college are finally being recognized as student athletes
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Left-handed people have better sex? That ain't right
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Vandal arrested for vandalizing vandalism
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Elderly man finds beauty in caring for his stroke-damaged wife, composes over 1,000 tanka poems in her honor
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Cell phone radiation which was bad for you, then not really bad for you, is now making your penis soft
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Girl straddles dead shark washed up on beach. Slammed on internet for 'disrespecting' dead animal
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The pangolin: a relatively unknown (to Western world) mammal that looks like a dragon that nobody will ever hear of again. Why? Because it's "delicious"
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Canada considers raising legal drinking age - for guys
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 465: "These Foolish Games 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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| Wed April 02, 2014 |
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If you want to donate your old sofa to a charity shop, that's great, but make sure your cat is not still in it
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7.8 earthquake reported near Iquique, Chile. No this is not a repeat. Tsunami warnings in effect
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If those new fine leather golf gloves that you just bought were made in China, the reason why they're so soft and supple is that they're made from the testicles of stolen dogs
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That's some fine Gangnam Style charity dancing, policeman. Oh and you're fired
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"Abysmally terrible idea: Driving a 2-ton dump truck on melting ice when it's 40-degrees and raining"
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A look at what stared the most devastating war of the 21st Century: The Fast Food Breakfast Wars
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Protip: If you're only 20 years old and have already had two heart attacks and three strokes, you might want to cut back on the bodybuilding and steroids
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Kent State campus on lockdown after reports of gunfire. This is not a repeat from 1970
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A hundred mile ultramarathon in the backcountry? In the frigid Alaskan interior in winter? On a unicycle? What could possibly go wrong? (Surprisingly, nothing)
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Malaysian officials say we may never understand what happened to Flight 370, proving it really is a lot like Lost
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Woman accused of maneuvering her fellow airline passenger into his upright and locked position
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Canadians now putting used fryer grease on gravel roads as a dust suppressant. Bonus: entire provinces now smell like french fries
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Guard sees body on the pavement, figures it's an April Fools gag and tosses it in a dumpster. Joke's on him. It was a real body
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Photoshop these dirty Italian peeping tomettes
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"Labiaplasty" is a thing, apparently (Not safe for work image in article)
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Headline: MARIJUANA DEATH in Colorado. Article: Dumbass fell off a balcony while stoned
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Whoever climbed a ladder to take the 120-pound chime from a church steeple in Kingman, Arizona really has some brass bells
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A waitress who draws a smiley-face on a customer's check will get a better tip. But a waiter who does the same thing, it turns out, will just be thought of as kind of creepy
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It's one thing to block the way of a charter bus that shuttles employees to their high paying tech jobs, but do you also have to vomit all over the windshield?
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Photographer captures evidence of 11 year old child-bride's wedding ceremony
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Neil deGrasse Tyson will speak at Omaha Pastafarians conference. No word yet on whether he will wear the required pirate regalia
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"He called me to come and look, and I said, 'Bubba that looks like a baby chupacabra'"
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Active shooting situation at Fort Hood. Again. Link goes to live stream
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Earthquakes prompt fears over the Ring of Fire, causing people to I'm not even going to finish this thought because you're singing the Johnny Cash song in your head
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Vladimir Putin divorces his wife of 30 years so he can spend more time with his horse or doing judo or his gymnast friend who is incredibly flexible according to the article
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Group says burning biomass for energy is as bad as coal, which, if you think about it, is just really old biomass
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Millennials are sexual vultures. Please, carrion
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Don't look now, but Russia has moved all the troops and armor they need to invade the Ukraine right to the border
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Way to go Turkey, wage war on the Internet and then escalate it by trying to ban the most powerful force on the web: Cats
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Leaving the toilet seat up will not only get you in trouble with your wife, it may also help convict you of murder
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Comcast apologizes for their crappiest advertising campaign ever
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In a story made for Fark, student arrested for breaking into a building while drunk, eating half a box of Hot Pockets, and passing out while eating Drumsticks. Bonus: Blew a .106 the next morning
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World War II deaths = 60,000,007
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Spring is the time of rejuvenation: The sun comes out, the trees start to bud, and the snow begins to melt, uncovering all the hypodermic needles on the streets and sidewalks
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Dog escapes Texas, only to find itself in Ohio four days later
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Entry-level jobs are a great way to teach young adults about responsibility, following instructions, the joy of earning a paycheck, and how to fend off horny older men trying to have sex with you
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Hey everyone, it's now healthy to eat bacon and eggs and potatoes and whole-milk yogurt for breakfast while washing it down with a jug of coffee
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Woman thinks she has a stomach ache, actually has a baby
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Bad photoshop in a news article of the day: Wolves
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Photoshop what happens next
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Man steals subwoofer off front porch. Anyone with information is asked to tweet cops
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News: Man, 83, fights off three attackers. Fark: Has his car stolen the next day
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Italian factory worker spends $20 on two nice painting he sees at an unclaimed property auction, ends up hanging previously stolen Gauguin and Bonnard masterpieces, collectively worth about $30 million on his kitchen wall for 40 years
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400 female inmates escape during Chile earthquake. If there isn't a movie about this, there should be... giggity
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You and your 16-year-old bud are on vacation in Florida. Do you: A) go to Disney World, B) hit the malls, or C) stop by a Chinese massage parlor for a quick one only to get busted by the vice cops?
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Twenty years ago, it was mathematically possible to work your way through college with a minimum-wage job. Now? Not so much
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If anyone can tell the difference between good cocaine and bad cocaine, it's a Fox News anchor
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Not news: City tractor at construction site left with keys in it; News: Man finds said tractor and takes it on a joy ride through downtown; Fark: And picks up two women for the ride
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"Authorities have not given any clue as to why the man was riding a bike with a dining room chair strapped to his back"
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The giant squid are marching.... er, squidding, on Tokyo
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Great news: there is a new drug on the market that cures 95% of Hepatitis C patients, saving them from liver transplants or liver cancer. Not-so-great news: it costs $1,000 a day and has to be taken for 12 weeks
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Ukrainian police investigation of far-right-winger killed in shootout with Ukrainian police has determined Ukrainian police were not at fault. No, he shot himself. Twice
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London: France's sixth-biggest city
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Men who smoke regularly before age 11 have fatter sons. And a few other issues I would think
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Jailed 27-year-old murderer becomes Britain's youngest grandfather ever. Mississippi and West Virginia say "heck, we got hundreds like that"
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A Sahara dust storm prompts serious health warning for asthmatics, which raises the question: WHY THE HELL ARE THERE ASTHMATICS WALKING IN THE DESERT?
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"We have gone from a really catastrophic water situation to just a very bad one"
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Telling employee she can have your business if she gets 100,000 likes on Facebook = funny. Watching numbers race towards the target, not so much
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Police investigate story of woman in distress find man with goats in car. Man released after it was determined their relationship was consensual
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World's oldest weather report discovered, immediately proceeded by the world's oldest complaint about the weather report
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Part 2 of The Boy with the McDonald's Tattoo
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You would feel much more creative at work and wouldn't have the need to troll Fark all day if only your boss asked more unusual questions or took you out skydiving
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China experiences "breakup boom" with 10,000 divorces a day. Phrase of the day in fortune cookies is now "conscious uncoupling"
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Meh: Woman writes books about her childhood. Fark: Using the files kept by the Romanian secret police on her and her family
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Flight 370's passengers have all been officially cleared of any hijacking attempt. I'm sure they're relieved
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Driver: You can't arrest me for speeding, daddy is a Border Patrol agent. Officer: Challenge accepted
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You are now entering Anus. Please drive carefully
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Middle School evacuated due to unusual odor. Lunch Lady Doris facing charges
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The latest tourism hotspot? Somalialand. No, really - it's much less explosion-y than it used to be
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