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| Sun March 30, 2014 |
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Eating Snickers makes you sexist
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Photographer spent over a decade taking pictures of the oldest living things in the world, somehow left out Betty White and Abe Vigoda
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Entire town in Sweden moving two miles East, says "Take THAT Google Earth"
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You're bad for sharing 'Deaf Person Hears for the First Time' videos and you should feel bad too
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Dottie Sandusky is blaming the boys her husband raped. Must be working on a book
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Photoshop theme: Dysphoria
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Good news: Author says lawyers will be obsolete soon. Bad news: Because law will be controlled by bitcoin technology
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Double whammy. Step one: forbid food trucks in order to protect the local restaurant industry. Step two: make the law apply to all trucks so churches cannot feed the homeless
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Checking the leaderboard, Switzerland vaults to first-place for "most likely to have a Polonium-210 incident"
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On this date, a day that will live in infamy, Florida became a U.S. territory
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Criminal masterminds attempt to deposit three billion fake Euros into a Vatican bank
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Crimean Tatars plan to declare autonomous territory in Crimea. Certainly no one would have a problem with this. Heck, barely anyone would even notice, right?
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The same old story: Man raised in family where father smuggles 50 tons of pot worth $6 million over his career, only to spend the fortune on hookers and blow
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Photoshop theme: Euphoria
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Nørway unimpressed with Mønty Pythøn røad signs
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Where is the best place to install new hiking and biking trails? Why, how about right next to a new hide-speed rail line?
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Remember that third grader who wanted to make the woolly mammoth the "State Fossil" of South Carolina? Well her bill has just been blocked by two state senators because Jesus
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"The deputy held the bull's head above water for 45 minutes so the 1,000 pound animal wouldn't drown, and another deputy stood by with a gun to watch out for alligators"
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Did you hear about the guy searching for mushrooms who cut open a dead porcupine looking for rare minerals and found a baby? (Awwww inducing pic included)
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Searchers finally recover mysterious objects in the Indian Ocean, identify them as "fishing equipment and flotsam"
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Skeletons dug up by railway tunnel workers in London are now confirmed to have died of the Black Death. And so it begins
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Deputy shoots man after catching couple having sex in a community pool. To be fair to the deputy, he could see the man was coming right at him
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Locked your keys in your car and don't want to wait hours and pay one of those greedy tow truck drivers to come out and pop your car door open? Why not call 911 and tell them you've locked your baby in the car? I'm sure they'll be happy to help you
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A corruption case that involves a bankrupt southern California city, unethical private eyes, bribed politicos and a rural female hillbilly. Philip Marlowe unavailable for comment
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Senegal's Interior Ministry: Shut. Down. Everything
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♫ Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon her head. Bang, bang, Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that she was dead ♫
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Passengers upset after cruise ship changes itinerary because they had to pick up 41 Cubans floating in the sea
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Typhoid Mary actually has a considerably sympathetic back story if Hollywood ever wanted to make a movie about her. "When, if ever, is it justifiable to sacrifice the liberty of one for the health of many?"
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Nine edible weeds. That's "edible," not "smokable"
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Believe it or not there is a sick and perverted subculture of humans who actually enjoy volunteering their time to helping complete strangers fill out their tax forms for free
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Omaha World-Herald columnist claims to have found the best beer in Nebraska. Chances are, it's just Bud Light
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When transporting 15 kilograms of cocaine in a car that is not registered to you, make sure that the tail light isn't faulty and for the love of FSM don't give them consent to search the vehicle using their drug dog, 'cause it never ends well
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Photoshop this clunker
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Danish identical twins are professional gypsy brewers and hate each other, to the extent of one brother designing high-alcohol extreme beer to troll the other. "It's not a beer I'd drink, but it came out excellent, and it gets crazy high ratings"
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Search teams 'tantalizingly close' to finding the wreckage of missing flight MH370, Bigfoot, Loch Ness Moster
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One state is seeing a battle between feral cats and birds
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Teenagers have grown tired of smoking cigarettes and marijuana, have instead turned to smoking...coffee, of all things
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Small explosive devices found on school playground. And if that wasn't disturbing enough, one of the devices was found inside a toy
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I see your beautiful home-schooled wife and raise you my kinky as hell private educated wife
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Although fewer clowns will make most of us feel safer, they fail to see the funny side
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Man who attached a photograph of his penis to his résumé given the shaft
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Subby went to church youth group to meet girls. What's so wrong with that? Ohh..... (with the saddest of mugshots)
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I don't always fly in a plane, but when I do, I take loads of gorgeous women
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If you are told to stay away from alcohol as part of your probation for DUI charges, you probably shouldn't brag about drinking the night before and somehow passing a random breathalyzer test on Facebook
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| Sat March 29, 2014 |
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Wal-Mart sues VISA over swipe fees. Say what? Wal-Mart swipes VISA cards? Do they sell them on the black market too?
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Tornado warning in western Butte County, California. Hide yer cornhole, NorCal
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Americans and others: What, if any, Canadian TV shows do you watch and enjoy?
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Do you really want your grandchildren fighting over who gets your dildo?
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Spec's Liquor Stores gets new prescription glasses, realizes they've been hacked the past 17 months
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Now that we have science, do we truly need philosophy? Well, we do need philosophy majors; otherwise, who would staff our Starbucks, our Buffalo Wild Wings, and our Barnes & Nobles?
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Something known as "Earth Hour" is scheduled for 8:30 PM Central. Is that like a big birthday party where everyone drinks?
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RIP USS Miami, SSN-755, decommissioned today and headed off to the scrap yard. A boat that proudly served in three different conflicts was destroyed by a lazy shipyard worker who wanted to leave work early
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Photoshop this heated ritual
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''Fat has been demonized by our society, and our research shows fat is not always the devil, You can be heavy and amazingly healthy. Fitness is a lot more important than fatness.''
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Do you have face tattoos? Dreadlocks? Can you pull off a homeless gutter punk look or even a rough, tough Latino look? If so this could be your big chance to be an extra on a show that probably won't even make it to television
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Shroom's a helluva drug
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Fracking advocate: being interviewed by The Daily Show's Asif Mandvi "felt like three hours of waterboarding"
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Article poses question: Would 40 days and nights of rain solve California's drought problem? Short answer: NOAH
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Trial for ex-teacher charged with sex abuse delayed. With included "Any sex with her MUST be abuse" mug shot
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New study conducted by the Romero Institute of Chicago proves 911 response times vary depending on how close you live to a police station and whether or not your home is located in the middle of a gang warzone
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So...about that Cartier bracelet you bought from that kiosk at the Boca Raton mall? Turns out it was such a great deal is because it wasn't a real Cartier bracelet. Oh, and that Chanel necklace is a fake too. How stupid are you?
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Is the rack worth the risk?
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Sugar? In MY booze? It's more likely than you think
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School organizes a field trip for students of one particular race, doesn't let students of other races participate. Some people have a problem with this
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Do you keep your bread in the fridge? You're doing it wrong
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Photoshop this puppet
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Three dead following blaze at "vacant" building. That word you use. I don't think it means what you think it means
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The security guard hired to replace the security guard who was sacked for falling asleep was sacked for falling asleep by the person who hires security guards, who has NOT been sacked, but who has resigned
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"We've all dozed off driving a train," says the president of the CTA's union in the wake of last week's derailment at O'Hare
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The splendor of spring in Chicago: The flowers are blooming, the tourists are at the Bean, and the gangbangers have come out of hibernation to shoot each other
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A HS teacher learns the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished
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Rescued an abused dog from freezing cold temperatures? You bet that's an arrestin'
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I wore my pants half down my ass, I asked for 30 days vacation and I texted my girlfriend during the interview. Not sure why I didn't get the job
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♪ Oh, Black Barbie (bam-ba-lam) Whoa, Black Barbie (bam-ba-lam) She's really tough to buy (bam-ba-lam) You know that's no lie (bam-ba-lam) ♫
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Attention, mothers who equate colors with a non-existent anti-feminist agenda: IT IS OKAY FOR YOUR DAUGHTER TO LIKE AND WEAR PINK
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Chicago may have to pay almost $6 million to a bicyclist injured after a tree branch fell on him
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TRUMPeting the vaccination-autism link, Donald Trump says if he were President he would interfere with childhood vaccinations. Did he recently buy a medical degree?
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Not that it will ever be a risk for most of you Farkers, but the average wedding bill just hit a record $30,000
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Caption this disturbing lack of faith
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Heavens to Murgatroyd-- Snagglepuss arrested for Arson. Exit, stage left
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Skeptical about settled science? That's an arrestin'
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Perv learns a truck mud bogging event at a motorcross park is a bad place to be caught molesting one of the audience member's children. "I guess you would say, 'country justice' out here in Elizabeth City." Tag is for what happened next
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If you live in Louisiana and recently filled up with Exxon gasoline, you might want to save your receipt for the upcoming class action suit
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Survey says that one in four car crashes involve cellphones, taking phone surveys while driving
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"Come on, baby needs new shocks": California lawmakers propose 'Play At The Pump' Lottery sales
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Get pulled out of your car at gunpoint by Alcoholic Beverage Control agents who thought you bought beer while underage when you were actually just buying sparkling water? You can bet that's a $40 million dollar lawsuit
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New Michigan law makes it easier for motorists to bring home roadkill, officials say it will probably save a few bucks
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Teacher admits having a sexual relationship with a student after learning how babby formed with the now 16-year-old student. He also does not want to go to jail so he can support her and the babby
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How unruly are the students at a school in Blackpool, England? They've had to call in the Marines. "The military team are working to improve health and wellbeing, as well as attendance and punctuality"
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Photoshop this vampire
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Boulder, Colorado officials are thinking about creating their own fecal DNA database to catch owners who don't pick up their dogs' poop
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Flock of Seagulls has another hit
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Private cat rescue group is stunned when they are given a 3,000 square foot building situated on an acre of land - free of charge - to help even more felines. Sounds like it's time for Caturday
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Pizza parlor offering $2,500 to any duo that can finish its "Big Kahuna" pizza. Subby can barely finish an Extra Value Meal at McDonald's without feeling like a bloated mess
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Series of quakes hit Orange County, CA, including a 5.3
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McDonald's secret weapon to take on Taco Bell's new breakfast menu? Two words: Free Coffee
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LOL
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Grocery store executive who spent his entire career with Publix spends his last day on the job just like he spent his first: Bagging groceries. "It's a personal thing for me"
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He was the last person to make a recorded kill in war with a bow and arrow, captured 50 Nazis wielding only a sword, but probably killed more of his own troops due to playing the bagpipes for them before going into combat
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Las Vegas revenues down 14%, and winnings down 20%. Las Vegas workers unions: "This is a perfect time to strike"
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Cementing itself as a Fark Mecca, Maker's Mark now home to gorgeous Cthulhu installation
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Mother of the year candidate made her children regurgitate food and then eat it again, held her children's heads underwater and pretty much tortured them for 8 years, while Stepfather of the year candidate stood by and did nothing
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Doctor doesn't work quickly enough to make sure a man's airway is unobstructed, leading the man to have permanent brain damage and need long-term medical care. Oh you bet that's a lawsuit
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New findings from the Romero Institute of Relationships reveals even happily married people have affairs
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A 14-year-old student who is possibly smarter than 99% of us has figured out a way to save the U.S. government $400 million a year, just by switching the font they use to print out documents
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| Fri March 28, 2014 |
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You might want to wipe your hands on a restaurant toilet seat after reading the menu to cut down the germ transfer
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With no other crimes requiring their attention, two police officers remove diabetic movie theater audience member, guilty of the crime of bringing in outside fruit to keep his blood glucose levels in check
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Study finds that a full moon really does make people a little crazy. (Your lunacy may vary)
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Little League parents can often be a little overly sensitive concerning their children playing the game, they can also be raving lunatics who terrorize a family for years
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Not news: Woman jailed for stalking. Fark: She is 71 years old and her stalking victim is a Catholic priest. "She stripped naked and danced in front of him on more than one occasion"
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This handy chart will help you compare how bad the pollution is where you live, to the near nuclear winter in Beijing
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Gangs of super buff women are beating the crap out of tourists in Hong Kong
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Former Vietnam POW, Jeremiah Denton, who blinked "TORTURE" dies (with video)
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Remember 35 years ago when we had a partial nuclear meltdown in Pennsylvania? Good times, good times
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File under "Poking with a stick", South Korea seizes North Korean fishing boat. North Korea will probably not respond by not sinking a South Korean navy ship like they didn't do last time
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Adam Carolla records live show with Marc Maron, Jimmy Kimmel and other KROQ folks, is releasing it online "Radiohead Style". All proceeds will be used to make patent trolls squeal like pigs
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Photoshop this glowing moment
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Old and busted: 3D Wolf Blitzer holograms. New WTFness: Trying to rent a 777 to enhance MH370 coverage on CNN
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Three words: Teddy bear sausages
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Not news: Former Bad News Bears child actor has moved on to a new career. News: As a methodist pastor. Fark: And he's doing a 545-mile fundraising bike ride to benefit an LGBT center
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If you want to remain as the family pet, maybe best not repeatedly shout the name of your owner's dead wife at his new partner
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Stool test that involves smelling the patient's droppings is 76% effective at diagnosing bowel disease, 100% effective at creating job that no farking sane person would ever want, ever
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Man finds a real steal on Craigslist. His truck, trailer, tools and wallet to be specific
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Britain's most tattooed man has a few regrets about some of his tattoos so he spends £6,000 on laser removal (but only so he can start again)
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There are over 10 million people in LA, which was obvious to anyone on the 405 this morning
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Why do rich people live in big houses? The answer may not surprise you
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Photoshop this grand entrance
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Clear your desks, remove your pants, and start drinking: It's time for the Fark Weird News Quiz
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"I think I'll go out and get some groceries, maybe buy a Soviet-built tank"
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The owner of LuLu's salon and toy store in Brooklyn would very much much like one of her neighbors who named their wifi "LuLu's Anal Bleaching for Kids" to please change it
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Bank accidentally deposits $31,000 into teen's account. Underachiever teen only managed to spend $25,000 in the ten days before the error was caught
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Google performs study on the work styles of its employees. Coincidentally, so did Fark, but it was largely incoherent and the report was soaked in spilled bourbon
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You know you're screwed when your attorney resigns because he may have to testify against you
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Giant 7ft 2in man gets a 'get out of jail free' card because he's too big for prison beds. That and he might get picked on by small people
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Super cute ballroom dancer gives her first performance since the Boston Marathon - on a bionic leg (vid). Bonus: here comes the science
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Taco Bell president admits he doesn't know what '4/20' means, along with 'Mexican food'
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Wisconsin 'Witch House' being moved.. Residents complain owner turned them into a newt (they got better...)
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You don't have to worry about child trafficking going through the Atlanta airport anymore. They've put up some signs
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Housing authority earns judicial smackdown after revoking crazy old man's section 8 voucher because he didn't answer letters while in jail or the psychiatric ward
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Just another day as a reporter in Florida, just another photobomb by a unicorn in a tutu
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Study shows that even a small nuclear war could destroy the world. No word on tiny nuclear war or infinitesimal thermonuclear exchange
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100 years ago today, a group of radicals planned the murder of Franz Ferdinand. Hipster radicals, obviously, since they hated Franz Ferdinand well before the rest of us ever heard "Take Me Out"
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Ukraine's killer dolphins will never surrender, a former defense minister says
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Man who threatens to secede from county due to perceived unfair restrictions on building in dangerous zones apparently succeeds
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Man arrested after beating his girlfriend and killing her dog. Police believe he was a country music fan that had too much to drink
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High school teacher who reported phone stolen over a year ago learns just how fast a naked selfie from that phone can travel between students on social media. Warning for those of you who haven't clicked yet: Teacher is a hairy dude
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A look at Harry Houdini's most dangerous acts. I would love to see Criss Angel perform the Milk Can Escape or David Copperfield get out of the Chinese Water Torture Cell
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Hit Netherlands naked reality TV dating show picked up by US network, however in-show competitions such as 'Plug The Dike's Hole' expected to lose a lot in translation
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You know you must have had quite a night when you wake up the next morning under a train
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The police don't take it lightly when you threaten violence where the relative you're fighting with works. Especially if he works at a nuclear power plant
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Not news: Jackass gets all road ragey, shoots a woman the bird, cuts her off. Fark: What happens next. With video
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Every culture has at least one joke involving the Polish--whether it involves screen door submarines, spinning to change a light bulb, or being invaded by Russia--but only Americans have jokes about ambulance-chasing sharks
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"He's even seen beavers"
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Anti-anxiety drugs may cause death...which leads to higher anxiety
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Soldier returns home from Afghanistan so he can donate part of his liver to his dying Vietnam vet grandfather. "I don't really see myself as a hero. You do what you do for the ones you love" Okay, who kicked up the dust in here
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Turns out BP was a little low in their estimate of how much oil got dumped into Lake Michigan earlier this week
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Ever had sex in your office? Well, YOU haven't, but research finds the person sitting next to you has. Just not with you
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Jill Biden pranks Joe by hopping out of an overhead compartment on Air Force Two, giving Joe a heart attack. APRIL FOOLS
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UK parks nannies reject circus troupe's request to use inflatable whale in show, since it's too religious. Next up, officials order Pink Floyd's inflatable pig shot down since it's anti-Islamic
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Here are 23 reasons why Florida is the best state in America. The article writer must have forgotten to mention the one million reasons it's a cesspool of depravity and insanity
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Former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders says there's no good reason to keep Transgendered individuals from serving in the military, other than the fact that M2F individuals always seem to cut off the Rifleman's Creed
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A veterinarian loses his wedding ring in the rush of emergency surgery on a dog. What does he do next? A) Write it off as lost, B) Make the dogs owner pay for a new ring or C) Go landfill diving with his wife until he finds it
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Pricipal . Caught sayof OWI, hit-and-run
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Beneath the strings of red paper lanterns and narrow alleyways of San Francisco's Chinatown lies a sinister underworld run by "Shrimp Boy"
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No, Stephen Colbert did not actually make a racist joke about Asians on his show's Twitter account, but let's not let the facts get in the way of a good story
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National Park Service designing a new logo for its 100-year anniversary. You know what to do
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Artist arrested in Paris for walking around naked with live rooster leashed to his penis. "They can't stop me being an artist. Art is my alternative to suicide." (Not safe for work)
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Global movie ticket sales climb to $35.9 billion, including $148 from China from the three people who didn't know where to buy pirated films
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Online news organizations have now created 5,000 new jobs, none of which were for fact checkers
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Westboro Baptist Church, who preach their hate citing the first amendment are planning on picketing a liquor store that put up a sign that reads: Fred Phelps 1929-2014 Champagne 10% off Not a coincidence
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The world's shortest cat officially belongs to Canada. The US concedes defeat in the world's smallest cat race, but vow they will have the fattest cat in the world come hell or high water
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Russia to West: What? We don't have a whole lot of dudes over here...Would you guys like some vodka? We seem to have waaaaaaaay too much. But no, we have like *some* dudes, not a whole lot of dudes
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Ukraine to West: "Uh...They've got a lot of dudes over here"
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Man sees divinity in sliced potato - The Greatest Story Ever Boiled
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Jenga
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Woman who performed a sex act on a uniformed police officer wins £6,600 in damages for the psychological damage it caused
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Newlywed who pushed husband off cliff gets 30 years to think about the gravity of her actions
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A lost cellphone leads to a drunk man pulling a gun on his wife, threatening their 2 children, shoving the gun in his wife's mouth and making their 6-year-old son become a man by loading and unloading a Glock pistol several times
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Wealth gap widened by new, improved $1 trillion student loan debt
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If you saw a man wearing a cape running down the street in Des Moines, Iowa yesterday he was not a caped crusader, just a man who was at a barber shop when cops tried to catch him. "He ditched the cape when it didn't help him fly"
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Dallas man dies in home and it took 2 weeks to find him, as he was hidden in all the trash
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Creative resumes are depressing the hell out of the uncreative class
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Two boys rescued by firefighter flew to New York to be on The Today Show to discuss their story. And while the family was in New York, someone broke into their home and stole virtually all their possessions
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Whistleblower who exposed alleged fraud scheme returns to work, admits it's "kind of awkward"
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Florida's largest retirement community is also the fastest-growing metropolitan area in the United States
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"Credible lead" emerges in hunt for MH370
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| Thu March 27, 2014 |
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The government of Denmark would like its citizens to go forth and multiply while on vacation
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Parents, if you're trying to help your children with their homework, stop it. You're not helping
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Apparently busking is now a religion
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Underage drinking on spring break? That's a tasin'
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High school girls fight over a male student. His nickname is Kingdong so you can guess what they were fighting over. Yeah mon
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Protip: If you've just inherited a ton of money from a dead relative, keep it to yourself
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MIT researcher makes beautiful sand castles but fails to realize they need to be at least 3 times bigger than this
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Taco Bell President says that Canada can have the new breakfast menu when they take back Justin Bieber
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Question: Are you destined to be a CEO or a secretary? Answer: Look in your pants
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I'll be damned, evangelical church finally offers Holy Oil cure-all for everything from cancer to strokes to bladder problems. Why yes, for a small fee, why do you ask?
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Parents sue school claiming son got PTSD after being put in detention
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Photoshop this running rodent
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Judge explains to female lawyers why they should dress more conservatively; "I'm a dirty old man and men are pigs"
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Skunk takes justice into its own adorable, reeking hands
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North Korea via Instagram. Come for the festive missile displays and stay for a bottle of Dennis Rodman vodka
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Helen Keller speechless over South Korean "The Diary of Anne Frank" book cover
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Only 1 out of every 68 children in the U.S. is getting vaccinated
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Study shows that kids who smoke weed do better in school than kids who smoke cigarettes. See, mom
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If Captain America were real, he'd cost taxpayers $54 million. Pricey, but it sure beats the $683 billion the U.S. spent on its military in 2010
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Don't you hate it when you are taking your lady out to a $100 a plate dinner, only to look over and see the federal marshal that has been looking for you for 2 years at the table next to you?
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Uh yeah, that's a tugboat towing a ship off the Canary Islands, not a passenger jet crash. You Spanish airport officials need some glasses
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Nearly half of young men say they were coerced into sex; other half want it to be known that they are available for coercion
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Officials: Crispi bacon poses fire risk
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Fark Food Thread: Does your sandwich look like whatever you find in the fridge? Are there precise ingredients that must be used with an exact order for optimal enjoyment? Show us what the proper sandwich looks like
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Staten Island's "IT": The breathless freakout about rogue clowns and how easy it is to get the local media to report just about anything
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Photoshop this Harpy Eagle
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The Swedish hug. An art form, apparently
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Toronto mattress factory fire upgraded to six alarms. That should wake them up
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In a move that no one should have a problem with, Malaysia says there's sealed evidence on MH370 that cannot be made public
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Wrestling match between brothers ends with a stabbing. Authorities say they're not sure yet why this happened, that the match was booked to end with a run in leading to a disqualification
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A while back we sent California thousands of Okies. Now they seem to be returning the favor with thousands of earthquakes. Thanks for that
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Professor, while teaching a class on "the Literature of Vigilante Justice" is attacked by an assailant who announced he was placing the professor "under citizen's arrest" and then pepper-sprayed him. Unclear if the attacker got an "A" or not
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Sorry kiddies, no toys this year. Looks like Santa's gonna be fightin' the Ruskies
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Remember that episode where Sheridan called home to tell Hyacinth he had gotten a tattoo and she was so upset she dropped her Royal Doulton teacup with the hand painted periwinkles?
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Back in the day a woman could slap the sh*t out of a cheeky pincher. Today not so much, you get convicted of assault and fined
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Total cost of Michelle Obama's first week in China was more than the annual budget of several third world nations
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Anchorage Daily News asks, "Are we ready for the Great Alaska Earthquake of 2014?". Well, ARE you?
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Seven historical regions that can be annexed from Russia
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Your mother's question was supposed the be rhetorical: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you do it, too?
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SELF editor discovers that people don't really take kindly to mocking a cancer patient running a marathon in her tutu
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Police arrest firefighter who was too busy treating patient to move fire truck (this is not a repeat from last month)
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We apologise again for the fault in the security. The security guard hired to replace the security guard who was sacked for falling asleep has been sacked for falling asleep by the people who hire security guards, who have NOT been sacked
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"He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue." That, except with rhinoceroses
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Cats rarely infect people with tuberculosis
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Good news: You can get a 3D-printed skull when a bullet fired from a 3D-printed gun pierces your original boring one
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If that last cheese you ate tasted like ass, there's a very good reason (pics)
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Obama hits a new low in those who don't have an opinion of him. 59% hate him. 41% love him. 0% have no opinion
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New study claims that a quarter of the people in Mississippi can't afford food, which, when you think about it, is a bit of a self-correcting problem
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New report shows that 1 out of 10 Secret Service agents were aware of "security concerns" due to colleague's excess drinking. The other nine preferred chewing Trident
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Being the daughter of Uzbekistan's president and speaking out against his regime? That's a beatin' and house arrest
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Oh cool, Forbes has compiled a list of 50 great current world leaders. Yup the Deli Lama. Hmm Pope Francis. Bill Clinton, ok. Wait uhm, Derek Jeter?
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For being such an emotionless and logical observer of earthlings, Mr. Spock sure had plenty of time to party with Jimi Hendrix, play the drums with Adam West, give advice to troubled teens, and hang with the Muppets
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Faced with homeopathic this and chiropractic that, here's a word everyone needs in their vocabulary: "quackademic medicine"
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And the states with America's most racially-segregated schools are...New York, Illinois, Michigan and California, and none of Fark's usual whipping-boy Southern states come close. Y'all put that in your NPR tote bag and smoke it, yankees
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Volunteer sex assistants serve needs of disabled in Spain. "In 50 percent of cases there is no intercourse. Many users just want to see or caress a naked body. That is an amazing experience"
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They came for 15 percent more of the death row inmates and I said nothing since I wasn't a death row inmate
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Wham Bam Thank You BLAM Gunman fires at prostitute, robs all her money after they had sex: "We are in the process of having DNA evidence analyzed that we collected at the scene" ewww
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First they subject us to Celine Dion. Then they double down with Justin Bieber. Now those dastardly Canadians are after that most American of all things: our precious peanut butter. When do we start bombing?
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Florida kayaker goes on two hour tour... courtesy of a hammerhead shark, lives to tell about it. Fark bonus: Video included
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American Airlines worker not smart enough to realize deaf people can read, leaves a note on a receipt on deaf couples lost luggage that read "Please text. Deaf and dumb"
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If you really want to find out if your SO still loves you, yawn and see if they yawn back
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Ever wanted to own a historic brick house that was built in the 1920s? Well if you can get it moved by mid-May it could be all yours
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The man who created Teddy Ruxpin has died. No word on whether there are plans to give him an animatronic mouth and eyes and stick a cassette player in his back
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A list of some of the most obscure spring fruits and veggies to help you sound like a true foodie. Come for the Manoa lettuce, stay for the watercress
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Shortly before he was executed, a Missouri man who raped and killed a teenage girl in 1989 tried to ease the tension his family felt by making funny faces at his daughters before the drugs took him out
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Columnist jealous of how good his dog's insurance plan is, ability to lick his own balls
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PBS reporter lost his arm in Japan last month, but all he's concerned about is getting the word out on how disastrous the situation at Fukushima is
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Sailor killed in shooting at Virginia base placed his body in front of a fellow sailor who'd been disarmed by the gunman and went down exchanging fire
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Orange County is seeing a huge surge in measles, with more than twice the cases of any other California county. If only there was some way to prevent kids from catching the disease, like an injectable vaccine or something
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Lives were ruined. People died. And now that war is over. I still can't believe we won
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Some times it pays to have a common name. Other times, well, it sucks to be you
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Just .02 percent of published research papers reject global climate change, which is like half. Study it out
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Woman attacks DJ at her 30th birthday party because she hated his song selection. Hey, you can only hear "Strokin'" so many times before something has to be done about it
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The 10 most awesome vending machines that you didn't think could exist, including one that will give you mashed potatoes for money (not a slideshow)
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If you were counting on a hot, steaming bowl of bat soup to get you through until dinner, your plans just changed
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Mom outraged as the former school security assistant who slept with her 15-year-old son freely walks out of court after guilty verdict. Fark: For the second time in a week
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Terrorists caught: 0. TSA agents caught and fired for stealing from passengers: 400
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Although it might be the most effective solution, shooting the neighbor's dog that always poops in your yard is not necessarily the best solution. "Poor Betsy"
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It's the 70th anniversary of "The Great Escape" and survivor Paul Royle reminisces. "The movie I disliked intensely because there were no motorbikes ... and the Americans weren't there"
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Biggest threat to Japanese whaling is not declining numbers of the stock, pressure from Greenpeace or western outrage about annual bloody slaughter: it's that fewer and fewer Japanese want to eat whale
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Animals may have a sense of humor. Which would explain why sloths always seem to be aware of a joke the rest of us aren't in on
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Creationist 'Noah' film warns God may end the world again to wipe out gays and atheists, apparently completely forgetting the Biblical explanation for the rainbow. Which now makes perfect sense as a gay symbol
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An artist finds that The Force can not only defeat the Galactic Empire, it can also improve lousy thrift store paintings. Jedi Elvis painted on velvet not listed
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Royal Australian Mint relasing triangular $5 coin which will be handy for pyramid schemes
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Only in Japan: Railway company builds a series of rooftop gardens on train stations where commuters can create their own tiny gardens and tend to them while they wait for their train to arrive
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Putin wants all Russians to be like Steven Seagal, unaware that Russia is already a bloated shell of its glory years
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News: Before being shot to death by home-invaders, mom begged them not to hurt her daughter. Fark: The daughter who paid $10,000 to have her parents killed
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The media "shield" law is basically the government licensing who is and who is not a member of the media. Sleep well citizen
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Another FARK ready headline: "Protesters Use Sex Dolls to Rally Against Spain's Anti-Abortion Law"
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Thai satellite finds MH 370 debris. Wait, Thailand has a satellite?
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X?
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Vice mayor of a small town in Arizona makes a pro-Fred Phelps post on Facebook. `We need more Fred Phelps in this world. May you rest in peace sir.'' How many times must the cannon balls fly, before Arizona gets its own Fark tag?
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Photoshop this man in the television
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The freaky clown hanging around Staten Island has turned out to be a publicity stunt. Where it hunts people down and kills them
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Idaho and Wyoming raise speed limits to 80 miles per hour, which is still around 10 below what people are actually driving
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Smoking hot 23-year-old who received £5,000 taxpayer funded boob-job because she was bullied for being flat-chested, then sued for £10,000 because her boobs were too big, is now a call girl, three-months pregnant, has no idea who the father is
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Taco Bell trolls McDonald's with new commercials featuring men actually named Ronald McDonald saying how much they like the new taco breakfast menu
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Old and busted: DUI. New hotness: BFUI
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Movie theater owners finally realize that it's asinine to charge $10 or more for tickets when consumers have home theaters and their own cheap snacks
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Feeling confused and irritable? Can't sleep? Blame the cellphone towers
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One thing the Afghanistan Taliban didn't blow up when they blew up the two sixth-century Buddhas in 2001--the people of the caves
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Nebraska dog dials 911 on owner's smartphone, says Timmy is trapped at the old well
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Remember that UVA student who had her car swarmed by cops because she bought some water, and in her panic she grazed a couple of cops as she fled but the charges were dropped? Yeah, that's a payday that was just too tempting to give up
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When you see hibernating ground squirrels do you think, (a) God's creations are adorable, (b) evolution is clever, or (c) I bet I could juggle them and they wouldn't wake up?
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Hmm. A guy with three testicles. Kind of rolls off your tongue, doesn't it?
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 464: "Middle of the Night 2". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme
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What happens in Albuquerque 22 times in four years? No, not the NCAA tournament. No, not an award winning television show. Yup, police fatally shoot citizens
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Modern photographer explores desolate ghost town that once was host of the 2014 Winter Olympics
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The economy is overrun with student debt and our universities are clogged with people who are not collegiate material. Solution: Make college mandatory for everyone
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Norwegian teen gets McDonald's receipt tattooed across his whole forearm. Da da da da dumb. I'm loving it
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Sad: Venue where you originally had your prom booked suddenly goes out of business. Cool: The Dallas Cowboys say "Hey, why don't you have your prom at AT&T Stadium?"
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Homeopathy product recalled over fears it may contain actual medicine
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In hindsight, he probably shouldn't have shipped his weed to his ex-girlfriend's house ... and shown up with drugs, an open bottle of booze with a toddler in tow to pick it up
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Silly you, clowns ride tricycles, not naked grown men under the influence of cocaine
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Boomers don't pay millennials enough to buy houses. Boomers upset millennials not buying houses
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In MN the potholes are so bad they are fighting back by eating pothole repair trucks. (MN pothole trifecta in play)
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"Give children nine cookies each to help fight obesity," says doctor who really likes cookies
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Iron Photoshop Ingredient: the humble eraser
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Nine-alarm fire in Boston's Back Bay area. Firefighters injured. Stay safe, farkers
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Not to alarm anyone, but Russia has annexed Ukraine's killer dolphin squad
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Woman arrested for freaking out and assaulting old guy because she says that he C: Cut the line at Lowes mulch sale. w/vid
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Today's random animals photobomb live TV news reporting is brought to you by a pair of goats in Tampa
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Not to be outdone by Putin, Kim Jong Un tells military to plan on annexing South Korea next year
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No matter how bad your job is, at least you don't have to dangle from a harness and clean the underside of a glass sidewalk jutting out over the Grand Canyon
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Penn State was going to honor Joe Paterno after his death, but changed their minds. Definitely not because of that whole child sex abuse scandal cover-up thing
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Photoshop Fluffy, the Destroyer of Worlds
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New Asian nightclub in LA promises a "happy ending." Racism is just a bonus
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This story has it all - stolen liquor, fake diplomats, bouncy castles and trailer parks
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State lawmaker outraged to learn that schools are cutting back on science classes, introduces legislation to mandate that it be taught a minimum number of hours. Did subby say science? He meant a far more important subject: cursive writing
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Lots of people say penis size doesn't matter. Except if you're a PR guru. Who is on trial for sexual assault. And everyone says it is tiny. And the jury has to be sent out for laughing so much
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Not news: Cops do welfare check on a lady to only find her watching TV in her pajamas. News: She had been dead for over 6 months
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Drive a car in Los Angeles? If so, you're currently under investigation by the LAPD for a crime you may or may not commit
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Old and busted: Religious pharmacists refusing to fill contraception prescriptions. New hotness: Religious notary refusing to notarize documents for an atheist
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Ex-teacher sues Catholic school that fired her for getting pregnant while unmarried, despite famous precedent
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For once Des Moines gets mentioned in the Onion in a complimentary fashion
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Some cops pose as girls to collect sex offenders, some to collect teen boys' selfies
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You other brothers can't deny 19 very real struggles of women with big butts
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News: Thousands of Pepsi Max cans recalled in Sweden. Fark: Because they contained five percent alcohol
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Bling Bishop says "Lighten, up, Francis"
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If you get them as a kid you don't get them as an adult, if you get them as an adult, you don't get kids
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The intersection of Men's Rights and My Little Pony, otherwise known as: the spend all day on FARK arguing thread
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Evangelicals didn't used to care much about abortion and contraception. Then Jerry Falwell came on the scene
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Way to go, forkhead
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3 Secret Service agents sent home from Obama's European trip after a night of heavy drinking. Unclear if their parents were also called, and whether they are facing Saturday detention when they get back
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Teacher posts condolences after student commits suicide. Just kidding, his FB rant calling the kid a "bully who made life hell for others" gets an entire community outraged. What a Cox
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Marinating meat in beer may reduce levels of carcinogens
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Because the English language has all of the cool cuss words
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16-inch Viking rat found in Swedish kitchen. "The cat was terrified for a week," says home-owner
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Hitting snooze could make you fat, diabetic and dead. Why? Because science
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Doctors in Spain have given everyone a great new excuse for their sore wrists
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This article titled: '7 Things you should never do in bed (and 2 you definitely should)' is significantly less interesting than you'd think
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"So how was your walk to college today?" "Some kids attacked us with bricks"
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"Parents have the constitutional right to parent their children. I am not an uneducated woman" says woman to lawmakers intent on restricting immunization 'opt outs'. Right to choose vs herd immunity in CO. This will be a rational debate
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Remains of an ancient caveman found in Arizona. Head count being conducted at the state capitol to see who's missing
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How do you punish a police officer who wrongly tasered a partially-sighted 63 year-old stroke victim?... Get him to say sorry of course
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